Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Casual Sex, Part 1: Don‘t Do It (But if You Do, Sit On His Face) + Real Estate Stalker
65 Plays4 years ago
The queens discuss the merit of casual sexual relationships - a highly controversial topic among FDS followers and practicioners - as well as Do's and don'ts and vetting strategies to maximize the potential experience. Part 2 of this episode will be on the patreon on Friday, Dec 3rd 2021: www.patreon.com/thefemaledatingstrategy
Follow us!
Weekly Bonus Content on Patreon: https://ww.patreon.com/TheFemaleDatingStrategy
Website:https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/home
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-Female-Dating-Strategy-109118567480771
Recommended
Transcript
FDS Patreon and Community Perks
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, Queens, are you ready to level up?
00:00:02
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find weekly bonus content and FDS commentary on all the latest pop culture relationship and dating news.
00:00:15
Speaker
If you just want to listen to the extra bonus content, we have the Lurker Mode tier on our Patreon.
00:00:20
Speaker
If you want merchandise, access to the private FDS Patreon Discord, which also includes a monthly book club with FDS and feminist themed books, as well as FDS merchandise, t-shirts, mugs, and the opportunity to discuss topics with the FDS Podcast Queens live.
00:00:37
Speaker
as well as submit stories for our Rose to Scope, Queen, and Nasus discussions on the podcast itself.
00:00:44
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:00:50
Speaker
Part two of this week's episode will be on the Patreon.
00:00:53
Speaker
So check us out at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
Roast a Scroat & Rosie's Abusive Relationship
00:01:00
Speaker
Here's a little segment we like to call Roast a Scroat, where our Patreon users send in a tale of woe from the scrotes of their dating past.
00:01:10
Speaker
And we roast them.
00:01:11
Speaker
Yeah, we drag their balls through shattered glass.
00:01:15
Speaker
So today our Roast a Scroat is submitted from...
00:01:19
Speaker
a user named Rosie.
00:01:22
Speaker
So my ex and I were in a relationship for 2.5 years.
00:01:26
Speaker
He is really negative value.
00:01:28
Speaker
I'm sad I put up with so much, but grateful that I don't have to have to anymore following FDS principles, getting sober and getting therapy.
00:01:35
Speaker
Some of the shit he did included giving me the silent treatment.
00:01:37
Speaker
If I did or said something he didn't like, I calmly asked him so many times to please just be direct with me.
00:01:43
Speaker
If he's upset about something and explained how much it hurt me when he froze me out for days on end.
00:01:48
Speaker
He was also disgusted by my period.
00:01:50
Speaker
Oh, what a...
00:01:52
Speaker
About the period or the silent treatment.
00:01:54
Speaker
Because I had an ex who was a narcissist who did that shit.
00:01:58
Speaker
I called it emotionally punishing, where if I did something you didn't like, you would just, like, ice me out for days.
Understanding Emotional Abuse: Silent Treatment & Misogyny
00:02:04
Speaker
Which, again, this is actually an abuse tactic that, again, red flag.
00:02:10
Speaker
Because, or it's a red flag of emotional abuse, I should say.
00:02:14
Speaker
Because it's not so much about just voicing their view that they don't want you to do that one thing.
00:02:23
Speaker
Except they're not voicing it.
00:02:24
Speaker
They're keeping it to themselves, but whatever.
00:02:26
Speaker
It's more about like trying to condition you or mentally condition you to walk on eggshells and to be really in a state of like constantly trying to please you.
00:02:34
Speaker
So that's like a red flag.
00:02:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:37
Speaker
I feel like if you just need space, then just if you're just like not in the kind of mood to engage, then you just state that to that person.
00:02:43
Speaker
And I feel like that makes a huge difference from I'm just going to be
00:02:48
Speaker
pissed off for days with no type of resolution in sight but I won't say what's wrong and I won't talk it out yeah and just on the period note as well I just don't get men who just find it gross like I really don't like women don't go around waving their bloody pads in their face either so I don't understand what their problem is
00:03:11
Speaker
And it's a red flag.
00:03:12
Speaker
It's a, it's a, it's, you know, especially if he's grossed out by a bodily process you cannot control that happens monthly.
00:03:19
Speaker
If he's grossed out by that, it's a red flag and you need to run.
00:03:22
Speaker
So to continue, one time I bled in the bed we were sharing and he looked revolted and said he just found it disgusting.
00:03:28
Speaker
He made the joke several times that his partner giving birth would be like watching your favorite pub burn down.
00:03:33
Speaker
What?
00:03:34
Speaker
What?
00:03:37
Speaker
What?
00:03:38
Speaker
Damn.
00:03:39
Speaker
Fuck this guy.
00:03:40
Speaker
Men are always mad at us for using our vaginas for what they're actually for rather than like, again, this goes back to an earlier episode where we talk about how low value men always see everything that you're doing with your body.
00:03:52
Speaker
Everything your body does other than be available for sex for them is a problem.
00:03:58
Speaker
Or like a personal attack on them.
00:04:01
Speaker
A personal attack on them.
00:04:02
Speaker
This is a tenant of misogyny.
00:04:05
Speaker
Where women's bodily functions are constantly othered and made to feel like we're wrong for having bodily functions that have been around since, I don't know, millennia?
Men's Misconceptions of Women's Bodies
00:04:16
Speaker
Millions of years?
00:04:17
Speaker
Since before we were in humans.
00:04:19
Speaker
Yeah, so they need to get the fuck over it.
00:04:22
Speaker
Yeah, hold on.
00:04:25
Speaker
We've been at this.
00:04:26
Speaker
How long has humanity been at this shit?
00:04:27
Speaker
Eight million years and they're still confused?
00:04:29
Speaker
Like a million years at least, yeah.
00:04:31
Speaker
Yeah, so...
00:04:34
Speaker
Yeah, when did homo sapien sapiens become a thing?
00:04:38
Speaker
Like, hold on, let me Google this.
00:04:39
Speaker
Yeah, let's Google this shit.
00:04:40
Speaker
Let's talk about how long men have been fucking scrotes, that they're still confused about women's bodily functions.
00:04:48
Speaker
300,000 years ago.
00:04:49
Speaker
That's like homo sapiens, but our ancestors have been around.
00:04:53
Speaker
Yeah, humanity has been around for millions of years, right?
00:04:57
Speaker
Not in our current form, but some kind of spinoff or predecessor.
00:05:01
Speaker
And what I find even more amusing is that men will be like, oh, periods are gross, or like a wet pussy is gross, but then they'll expect us to swallow their nasty, bleach-tasting cum.
00:05:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:15
Speaker
And they're all about squirting, which is squirting is a lot of times mixed with piss.
00:05:19
Speaker
It's piss.
00:05:21
Speaker
Or anal, and that's full of fecal matter.
00:05:23
Speaker
So... Yeah, men grossed out by periods, but not grossed out by anal.
00:05:28
Speaker
Like, what the fuck is wrong with you?
00:05:29
Speaker
But also with that as well, like, if there is, like, fecal matter, they'll be grossed out by that.
00:05:34
Speaker
It's just like, if you're going up someone's ass, why are you shocked when shit comes out?
00:05:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:41
Speaker
This is a thing.
00:05:42
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:05:42
Speaker
So a friend of mine was telling me about how, a friend of mine was telling me how her boyfriend pressured her to try anal.
00:05:48
Speaker
Like, so he was like begging her for like six months for it.
00:05:51
Speaker
Finally, she decides to try it.
00:05:52
Speaker
Six months.
00:05:54
Speaker
Yeah, so finally she just caves and allows him to badger her into it, and she does it, and then he's like, as soon as he does it, he pulls out, there's a little bit of poop on his dick, and he's like, so angry at her for daring to have poop inside
Toxic Relationships: Abuse & Stalking
00:06:10
Speaker
of her butthole.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:14
Speaker
And the same guy was also grossed out by periods in childbirth.
00:06:18
Speaker
So what the fuck is up with men's priorities?
00:06:22
Speaker
Porn.
00:06:23
Speaker
That's the problem.
00:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, porn.
00:06:24
Speaker
They don't know.
00:06:25
Speaker
I mean, these people that direct porn will say behind the scenes, people's assholes collapse and they're straight up shitting.
00:06:33
Speaker
You just don't see it.
00:06:34
Speaker
Yeah, they just cut that out.
00:06:35
Speaker
They edit that out.
00:06:36
Speaker
They cut it.
00:06:37
Speaker
So, he would raise his voice and tell me to calm down if we had an argument and would laugh when I told him this is quite sexist and insulting and I didn't like it.
00:06:45
Speaker
Grote.
00:06:46
Speaker
Yeah, he's just grote.
00:06:47
Speaker
Grote.
00:06:48
Speaker
Unsurprisingly, the sex wasn't great.
00:06:50
Speaker
No.
00:06:52
Speaker
No, I'm shocked.
00:06:53
Speaker
Color me shocked.
00:06:56
Speaker
It was like masturbating on a human for me.
00:06:58
Speaker
Like I had to do all of the work.
00:07:00
Speaker
He'd often say, come for me, baby, when we were fucking.
00:07:03
Speaker
And I now realize this is straight out of porn.
00:07:05
Speaker
Gross.
00:07:05
Speaker
Yeah, this man has a porn level understanding of women's bodily functions.
00:07:10
Speaker
There's just so many men like this.
00:07:12
Speaker
It's so weird to me how men who watch porn literally do think that they can make a woman come just from verbally commanding her to come.
00:07:20
Speaker
I command you to come.
00:07:22
Speaker
Can you imagine?
00:07:25
Speaker
I actually did have an ex who, um, who thought that it was emasculating if I couldn't come during sex.
00:07:32
Speaker
Like if he didn't make me come, he thought that that made him less of a man.
00:07:34
Speaker
I like to encourage that energy, to be honest.
00:07:37
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:07:38
Speaker
He had that energy, but he would only do penetration.
00:07:42
Speaker
Like, if I tried to explain that I need, like, clit stimulation to cum, he would just seem like, ah, that's too much hassle.
00:07:49
Speaker
And then during sex one time, he straight up, like, yelled at me to cum.
00:07:53
Speaker
Like, as if that's going to make me have an orgasm.
00:07:56
Speaker
CUM!
00:07:57
Speaker
Yeah, like he actually yelled in my fucking, we're having sex missionary style.
00:08:01
Speaker
He fucking yelled in my face to have an orgasm.
00:08:04
Speaker
I was like, what the fuck?
00:08:06
Speaker
For some reason, I just got this image of like Big Frida.
00:08:10
Speaker
You've ever heard of Big Frida where she just, she's like the bounce house star.
00:08:14
Speaker
She had like an opening line on Beyonce's formation track where she's like, I did not come to play with you hoes.
00:08:22
Speaker
I feel like men approach sexuality with women like they can just command us.
00:08:28
Speaker
Like, I did not come to play with you hoes.
00:08:30
Speaker
I command you to come.
00:08:31
Speaker
And it's just like, it doesn't fucking work that way.
00:08:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:35
Speaker
I don't know.
00:08:36
Speaker
After two years together, we moved in together with his friend.
00:08:40
Speaker
I had some doubts about moving in, but was going through some shit and just ended up going with the flow and doing it.
00:08:46
Speaker
When we moved in together, things got way worse.
00:08:49
Speaker
Yeah, because now he looks at you like his move in mommy make bang maid.
00:08:54
Speaker
First of all, never move in with a guy and his friend because they're going to expect you to be like the maid and the cook.
00:09:00
Speaker
And they'll gang up on you.
00:09:02
Speaker
Yeah, and they'll gang up on you and bully you into doing that.
00:09:05
Speaker
He started calling me the brick with eyes as a joke.
00:09:09
Speaker
Quote, the brick with eyes is a nickname of a very unattractive Australian footballer.
00:09:15
Speaker
I played along with it for some reason, but it really hurt me.
00:09:18
Speaker
Yeah, that seems hurtful.
00:09:21
Speaker
What dick?
00:09:21
Speaker
Fuck that guy.
00:09:22
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:09:23
Speaker
We were drunk and high on Ket one night lying on the couch.
00:09:27
Speaker
I'm assuming this is ketamine.
00:09:28
Speaker
And he had sex with my friend in front of me without a condom.
00:09:32
Speaker
What?
00:09:34
Speaker
What?
00:09:34
Speaker
And then blamed me for it because I was lying on the couch in my underwear.
00:09:37
Speaker
What?
00:09:38
Speaker
I don't follow.
00:09:40
Speaker
So he had sex with her friend while high on ketamine.
00:09:44
Speaker
And then he blamed her for him having sex with her friend because she was lying on the couch in her underwear.
00:09:51
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:09:53
Speaker
I don't.
00:09:53
Speaker
Yeah, I don't.
00:09:54
Speaker
I'm not getting this scrote logic.
00:09:55
Speaker
I'm not tying these two things together.
00:09:57
Speaker
I'm wondering if her friend was even like conscious.
00:10:01
Speaker
So did he just rape her friend right in front of her?
00:10:04
Speaker
Like, was she unconscious and he raped her?
00:10:06
Speaker
Because that would be rape.
00:10:08
Speaker
Like, that's weird.
00:10:10
Speaker
The silent treatment escalated at the end and he ignored me for nine whole days while we were living together.
00:10:15
Speaker
He acted totally normal to our housemate while acting as though I wasn't in the room.
00:10:19
Speaker
This was after I'd asked him if he was smoking weed in the shed and he went off at me for, quote, judging his choices.
00:10:25
Speaker
Well... We don't.
00:10:28
Speaker
I don't understand.
00:10:29
Speaker
What else can we judge you by other than your choices, though?
00:10:34
Speaker
That's like the most ethical thing to judge about someone is the choices that they've made.
00:10:40
Speaker
Once again, men are mad when we judge them by the way they think, act, smell, do, look, be, breathe.
00:10:49
Speaker
They're saying basically don't judge us.
00:10:52
Speaker
To exercise judgment is the privilege of he who has more power.
00:10:57
Speaker
He doesn't want his subordinate sex object to be wielding that kind of power, the power of judgment.
00:11:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:03
Speaker
I thought this guy hated me and I finally got the courage to end things.
00:11:06
Speaker
When we broke up, he acted like he didn't give a shit and like I was being so overly emotional.
00:11:11
Speaker
But after I moved out, he started stalking me.
00:11:13
Speaker
I asked him several times to leave me alone so I could grieve their relationship.
00:11:16
Speaker
I mean, isn't that always the way?
00:11:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:18
Speaker
They hate you, but then if you leave, they're despondent because it just means that they're shit.
00:11:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:23
Speaker
And they know they're shit.
00:11:24
Speaker
They're trying to project that they're shit onto you so they don't have to deal with the fact that they're shit.
00:11:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:29
Speaker
It always happens.
00:11:29
Speaker
Why is it that guys who stalk you after a breakup never treated you that well during the relationship anyways?
00:11:38
Speaker
You know?
00:11:38
Speaker
It's like, you weren't that into me while we were together, but now that we're not together, now you're obsessed with me?
00:11:43
Speaker
Like, fuck off.
00:11:44
Speaker
Anyways.
00:11:45
Speaker
Because they're massively insecure, and I think, again, it's just them projecting abuse.
00:11:50
Speaker
So then when you leave them, they're stuck with themselves.
00:11:52
Speaker
And so they have to make sure that you...
00:11:57
Speaker
or they have to make sure they keep that projection going, that even if you leave, they can still project their negative qualities onto you.
00:12:06
Speaker
Or he was just straight up, he sounds like someone who was either actively abusive or ramping up to be more abusive.
00:12:14
Speaker
And so often if you break up with an abuser, yeah, they will respond by trying to stalk you because they see you breaking up with them as a loss of control.
00:12:21
Speaker
Yeah, it's about control.
00:12:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:23
Speaker
And their supply as well.
00:12:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:25
Speaker
Narc supply, control, godlike delusions, delusions of grandeur.
00:12:30
Speaker
He repeatedly told me I am, quote, just like my father, who he knows was sexually abusive towards me.
00:12:37
Speaker
He harassed my friends when I wouldn't talk to him, found out where I live.
00:12:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:40
Speaker
So he drove past my house and text me to tell me what area my place was, even though it was nowhere near where he lived and we were in lockdown.
00:12:49
Speaker
He wrote an email pretending to be our real estate agent to get my attention and then said, quote, now that I've got your attention and went off on how horrible I am.
00:12:59
Speaker
He kept depositing money in our joint bank account to get my attention and rang me threatening to harm himself, blaming me for not being there for him and not trying to be mates with him.
00:13:09
Speaker
We've been broken up six months.
00:13:11
Speaker
I specifically said I never wanted to be friends.
00:13:12
Speaker
So this is like a doozy.
00:13:14
Speaker
This guy's a psycho.
00:13:15
Speaker
This guy's insane.
00:13:16
Speaker
It's always harder to roast these guys because these guys are scary.
00:13:20
Speaker
There's the stupid scrotes that are just pitiable and easy to drag through the mud.
00:13:25
Speaker
But then you have these crazy psychotic type scrotes where you're just like... There's really nothing funny about them to even want to roast because this kind of behavior gets women... Killed.
00:13:34
Speaker
Killed, yeah.
00:13:35
Speaker
Murdered, honestly killed, yeah.
00:13:37
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:13:39
Speaker
So, first, the first scrote behavior is...
00:13:43
Speaker
telling her she's just like her father yeah that's something that he clearly said because he knew it would be hurtful it probably isn't even true that's the thing like shitty people like that will say statements like that that they know not to be true just because it's like they're thinking themselves like what can i say to them that would inflict maximum emotional damage
00:14:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's not true.
00:14:06
Speaker
You're right.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:07
Speaker
And telling a rape victim or, you know, a victim of childhood sexual abuse that they're just like their abuser is, I cannot think of anything more cruel and horrifying to say.
00:14:18
Speaker
So he was just saying that to be a dick.
00:14:20
Speaker
Yeah, he's getting scorched earth.
00:14:22
Speaker
That's what happens with these guys.
00:14:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:24
Speaker
Yeah, this definitely seems like a narc rage where you inflicted some kind of narcissistic injury.
00:14:30
Speaker
So now they're just going to do absolutely everything in their power they think will emotionally destroy you.
00:14:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:38
Speaker
So harassing your friends.
00:14:39
Speaker
Hopefully your friends are some ride or dies and told this guy to fuck off.
00:14:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:46
Speaker
And if they didn't, then I would also look at your friendships because this guy's insane.
00:14:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:52
Speaker
So then he goes out of his way to find out where she lives, drove past her house, and then like was intimidating her by letting her know that he knows where she lives.
00:15:02
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:15:04
Speaker
This is another red flag of potentially getting murdered, actually.
00:15:07
Speaker
Because this is, like, stalking behavior is actually very, almost always precedes these types of murders where a woman is murdered by a man that she knows.
00:15:19
Speaker
Even a man that she doesn't know.
00:15:21
Speaker
Like, men who murder very often engage in stalking behaviors before murdering them.
00:15:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:28
Speaker
And then the pretending to be a real estate agent to force her to pay attention to him.
00:15:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:34
Speaker
And you have a joint bank account.
00:15:36
Speaker
So I'm always of the opinion, never have a joint bank account unless you are married.
00:15:40
Speaker
So this is partially why, because now it's very, very hard to extricate your finances.
00:15:45
Speaker
I just wouldn't, I wouldn't have a joint bank account.
00:15:48
Speaker
Even upon marriage as well, if you have a joint bank account, there was a case in the UK where a woman was fleeing an abusive man.
00:15:56
Speaker
They had a joint bank account and she went to change her address.
00:16:00
Speaker
And because of the nature of the account, he was unable to find out where she lived because it changed on his profile as well.
00:16:09
Speaker
So he then went round to her place and just beat the shit out of her.
00:16:12
Speaker
So after that, they actually had to change the process on how you change your address.
00:16:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:17
Speaker
to stop that from happening.
00:16:19
Speaker
So that's also something to be aware of as well.
00:16:21
Speaker
It's not even just about your finances, it's about your personal safety.
00:16:25
Speaker
If the relationship goes left, then they could be able to find you.
00:16:30
Speaker
And also from a financial perspective as well, if...
00:16:33
Speaker
they overdraw the account.
00:16:36
Speaker
Like you're still in the UK and they've got something called joint and severally liable, which means that you're both responsible for the debt.
00:16:44
Speaker
So even if he runs up the debt, you can't close that account until it's paid off.
00:16:49
Speaker
So I used to see women having to pay off hundreds of pounds of debt they didn't run up just to get
Financial Risks in Relationships
00:16:55
Speaker
the account closed down.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:57
Speaker
And as long as it's open, they can keep running up debt.
00:17:00
Speaker
They can keep running up debt.
00:17:01
Speaker
And also, it's also going to affect your credit rating.
00:17:04
Speaker
So I wouldn't even recommend having a joint account even when married.
00:17:06
Speaker
Like, my parents have been married for nearly 40 years, and they've always had separate accounts.
00:17:11
Speaker
Yeah, and then he threatened to harm himself.
00:17:14
Speaker
Another abuser tactic.
00:17:15
Speaker
Yeah, another abuser tactic.
00:17:17
Speaker
They're normally still alive.
00:17:18
Speaker
If you check on them, they're still alive.
00:17:22
Speaker
I mean, that's true.
00:17:23
Speaker
It's a tactic, right?
00:17:25
Speaker
There's no follow through there because it's bullshit.
00:17:27
Speaker
It's just a way... It's emotional manipulation.
00:17:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:31
Speaker
So the last throwaway line after all of...
00:17:35
Speaker
this paragraph is that she says she's a lawyer she says i'm a lawyer and he was working a minimum wage job and i think he hated that i gone to university sis let's level with each other it's all makes sense now like he's clearly trying to bring her down 10 pegs because he's intimidated by her
00:17:55
Speaker
This is why in FDS, you always advise, do not date down.
00:17:59
Speaker
These men will never thank you for it and they will drag you down to their level or try to anyway, because they know that you're better than them.
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:07
Speaker
Were you bankrolling this guy?
00:18:08
Speaker
So maybe he was like also scared of not being able to support himself.
00:18:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:14
Speaker
She wraps up by saying, anyway, thanks for everything you do, because I don't want to go through that shit again.
00:18:18
Speaker
We hope you never do either.
00:18:21
Speaker
Yeah, I hope no woman has to go through that.
00:18:23
Speaker
Unfortunately, a lot of women do suffer through that.
00:18:25
Speaker
But our goal here at FDS is to...
00:18:28
Speaker
educate women as much as we can so that no one has to suffer through that.
00:18:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:32
Speaker
And in her defense, she does say she wasn't sober this entire time.
00:18:34
Speaker
So I'm going to, we're going to chalk that up to like drug induced.
00:18:37
Speaker
She's leveled up since then.
00:18:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:39
Speaker
So that's our Roaster Scro.
00:18:41
Speaker
If you would like to submit your very own Roaster Scro or listen to our bonus content or hang out with us on our discord, then go to our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:18:52
Speaker
Let's start the show.
00:18:58
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:19:00
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:19:04
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:19:05
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:19:06
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:19:07
Speaker
And before we move on to our main topic, I'd just like to announce that we now have a book club.
FDS Book Club & Casual Sex Controversies
00:19:12
Speaker
It's hosted on our Patreon Discord server.
00:19:15
Speaker
The December reading is Right Wing Women by Andrea Dworkin, which I'm really excited about, given our soon-to-be-launched new podcast,
00:19:22
Speaker
female political strategy.
00:19:23
Speaker
We'll be meeting every Saturday at 2.30pm Pacific Standard Time, and this Saturday, December 4th, we're discussing chapters 1 and 2.
00:19:30
Speaker
You can sign up by going to www.patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy and selecting either the level up or queen shit tiers.
00:19:39
Speaker
I'm really looking forward to discussing it with you queens and on to the show.
00:19:43
Speaker
All right, so today's topic, the joys and pitfalls of casual sex.
00:19:47
Speaker
Because this is controversial.
00:19:49
Speaker
Even on the mod team.
00:19:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:51
Speaker
On the mod team, on FDS, casual sex, whether or not to have it, if there are circumstances where it can be beneficial, et cetera, et cetera.
00:19:59
Speaker
That's really, really, really controversial among the users as well as the mod team.
00:20:05
Speaker
I mean, I don't even think that it's just controversial on FDS.
00:20:08
Speaker
I think even with dating coaches like Natalie Lu, she's very much, she doesn't come down on either side.
00:20:15
Speaker
She just tries to present the pros and cons.
00:20:18
Speaker
So it seems like it's a controversial topic in general, not just with FDS.
00:20:22
Speaker
There's some mods that go hardcore about anti-casual sex, though, because I know there were people that were complaining they got banned off the subreddit.
00:20:28
Speaker
Yeah, I'm one of them.
00:20:29
Speaker
Yeah, that like if you're on the subreddit and you're promoting casual sex, then you're going to get banned.
00:20:34
Speaker
And there's other mods that are sort of nuanced about it.
00:20:37
Speaker
Didn't we just, we just got dragged by Tracy Clark Flurry because she was saying that we were making fun of her for having casual sex.
00:20:43
Speaker
It's not just because she was having casual sex.
00:20:45
Speaker
It's because you were saying do the patriarchy to me, sis.
00:20:47
Speaker
Yeah, because she was saying stupid shit.
00:20:49
Speaker
And she was having bad sex as well.
00:20:51
Speaker
And this is something we'll touch on the episode is that if you are going to engage in it, it needs to be to your benefit.
00:20:56
Speaker
But we'll come to that.
00:20:57
Speaker
She flat out admits like, oh, I never orgasmed at all during all the casual sex I was having.
00:21:01
Speaker
And I'm like, yeah, what are you doing then?
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah, what's the point?
00:21:05
Speaker
Just trying to like prove something to other people that no one cares about but you?
00:21:08
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:21:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:10
Speaker
The devil's in the details and the nuance is what makes or breaks the casual sex argument.
00:21:15
Speaker
I learned some things from people on the subreddit just from reading their stories and why I personally could never come hard line on the idea that like, oh, you should never ever have casual sex because there are some times where for some women it makes sense, especially women who are older and divorced and have kids and aren't necessarily looking to bring sex.
00:21:35
Speaker
a man into the fold in like a full capacity.
00:21:38
Speaker
So let's say you're divorced or something and you're like, I'm not trying to get married yet again.
00:21:42
Speaker
I don't necessarily need a full-time boyfriend, but I want to have some kind of companionship in the meantime.
00:21:48
Speaker
And then like on top of that, they're older.
00:21:51
Speaker
They have the, you know, at that point, if you're in your forties and fifties, like you probably have your boundaries worked out.
00:21:56
Speaker
They're a lot better at discerning situations about whether it's going to be good for them or bad for them than not.
00:22:01
Speaker
Most women, some women stay dumb their whole life, but
00:22:05
Speaker
They go outside to the day they die, but like... Anyway.
00:22:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:11
Speaker
But also, and I think at that age, they would have been able to become detached from men just due to life experiences with men as well.
00:22:17
Speaker
I've also read some stories from single mothers who say that casual relationships just work better for them because a serious relationship, they either don't want to introduce their child to their relationships for whatever reason, or they're just too busy to have a serious relationship, but they're still horny.
00:22:34
Speaker
So they have a side piece, basically.
00:22:36
Speaker
And honestly, good for them.
00:22:37
Speaker
I've met some women in their 40s and 50s who date like total savages like they're still reeling in men well into their 40s and 50s.
00:22:45
Speaker
One of my friends, her mom is divorced and she's like married my high school sweetheart, you know, had kids, blah, blah, blah.
00:22:50
Speaker
After the divorce, I had the best sex of my life.
00:22:52
Speaker
And so I was like, queen, I like that.
00:22:56
Speaker
But yeah, but again, she's in her 50s.
00:22:57
Speaker
She's got her boundaries set out.
00:22:59
Speaker
She's very good at like nexting guys, being able to size a man up and knowing when to kick him out.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah, she says like, I'm in my 50s now and I've never been hornier, right?
00:23:08
Speaker
And so I'm like, you know what?
00:23:10
Speaker
Good for you.
00:23:10
Speaker
I'm happy for you.
00:23:11
Speaker
Go for it.
00:23:12
Speaker
Go for it.
00:23:13
Speaker
You survived on this planet for 50 years.
00:23:15
Speaker
You deserve to... Get your back blown out, sis.
00:23:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:19
Speaker
Get the O's.
00:23:20
Speaker
And you know what?
00:23:21
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:23:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:23:22
Speaker
So her husband looks like, or ex-husband now, just looks like a fucking beanbag.
00:23:26
Speaker
So I'm like, you know what?
00:23:27
Speaker
Like after so many years of suffering under this man, you know, when she's so beautiful and he's so not, I'm like, girl, you deserve it.
00:23:35
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:23:36
Speaker
So that's a scenario where I could see it.
00:23:39
Speaker
Being potentially beneficial for women to engage in casual sex.
00:23:44
Speaker
But like, I want to put some boundaries around it because like at that point... Have some caveats.
00:23:49
Speaker
Yeah, have some caveats.
00:23:49
Speaker
So your last fuck has made its way off a cliff.
00:23:52
Speaker
Being more able to assert your boundaries, understanding enough about men at that point to start to...
00:23:58
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's what it is.
00:23:59
Speaker
Like putting men in their proper place in your life, like vastly devaluing men.
00:24:03
Speaker
That's a good strategy.
00:24:04
Speaker
Devalue men.
00:24:05
Speaker
This is why men don't want you to listen to older women because by the time they're that age, they know.
00:24:09
Speaker
They have good advice.
00:24:10
Speaker
They have amazing advice.
00:24:12
Speaker
And they don't, I mean, except for the pick means that like, again, go outside their whole fucking life.
00:24:16
Speaker
But like the ones that like get divorced and start to understand, you know, the, how dating market is.
00:24:22
Speaker
Who go to therapy and learn.
00:24:24
Speaker
Go to therapy.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:26
Speaker
They're based and they're cool to be around.
00:24:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:27
Speaker
Learn from your elders, ladies.
00:24:29
Speaker
Listen to your elders, your queen elders, the empresses.
00:24:31
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:24:33
Speaker
But I feel like for women outside of that scenario, for the most part, casual sex relationships aren't beneficial.
00:24:41
Speaker
And I think we can go through some of the reasons why.
00:24:44
Speaker
A big reason is that, first of all, most men, we talk about this all the time, most men need a lot of help when it comes to sex, either because they're porn sick or just like straight inexperienced.
00:24:53
Speaker
So it's very hard to find a partner who is going to just give you a good sexual experience off rips.
00:24:59
Speaker
And then you have to a lot of times do a lot more vetting to get them to the place where they would actually be a great sexual partner.
00:25:05
Speaker
And then by that time, you either like them enough to want to hang out all the time and then possibly be in a relationship or you just realize it's not even worth the effort and want to bounce.
00:25:14
Speaker
It's almost akin to like playing the lottery where you might win $250 million, but the chances are just really, really low.
00:25:22
Speaker
Yeah, if it's hard enough to find a good relationship partner, then it's going to be hard to find a good sexual partner, since straight men, by and large, are not great at sex.
00:25:29
Speaker
And if you want to protect your feelings as well, especially when you're younger, at least you sort of have to date down.
00:25:36
Speaker
You have to look for somebody who you can't fall in love with, in which case you'll have to compromise on some of your standards, which can be contradictory to your goals if you want to level up as a woman, depending on what you have to compromise on.
00:25:49
Speaker
Like I've seen women on the subreddit say, this guy blew my back out really well, but he had super poor hygiene and he slept on a mattress on the floor.
00:25:58
Speaker
Like, if that trade-off is worth it, if the potential O's are worth it for you, then that's up to you.
00:26:04
Speaker
But it's just, you sort of have to select somebody who is substandard to make it work, because otherwise you will just end up catching feelings for the person.
00:26:13
Speaker
And then the whole point of a casual relationship just goes out the window.
00:26:17
Speaker
And then the other thing, too, is for the under 50 set is pregnancy.
00:26:21
Speaker
That's another aspect that I didn't bring up about the over 50 set.
00:26:24
Speaker
They don't have to worry about getting pregnant.
00:26:26
Speaker
Whereas for all of the rest of us, that's always in the back of your mind.
00:26:30
Speaker
Actually, that's not true.
00:26:31
Speaker
Some women can get pregnant in their 40s and 50s, actually.
00:26:34
Speaker
So that's I don't want to spread misinformation.
00:26:36
Speaker
Still use birth control.
00:26:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:38
Speaker
Still use birth control.
00:26:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:39
Speaker
To be fair, my mom's best friend got pregnant at 55.
00:26:42
Speaker
What?
00:26:42
Speaker
So...
00:26:45
Speaker
All right, so you know what?
00:26:46
Speaker
Ignore what I said.
00:26:47
Speaker
She went straight to the abortion clinic and I do not blame her at all.
00:26:50
Speaker
Imagine having a kid at 55 like that.
00:26:53
Speaker
Apparently this is a thing where women right before menopause, it's like the body just has a one last ditch effort to try to make a baby and just there's a surge of hormones and that's why right before menopause, that's why some women just get super horny.
00:27:04
Speaker
It's just the body's way of being like, make a baby!
00:27:07
Speaker
This is your last chance.
00:27:08
Speaker
Last dance.
00:27:10
Speaker
Last dance.
00:27:11
Speaker
Choo-choo, the factory's running out.
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah, no.
00:27:13
Speaker
Final call.
00:27:14
Speaker
The bar's closing.
00:27:16
Speaker
Tonight!
00:27:17
Speaker
Yeah!
00:27:19
Speaker
So, um, what were we saying?
00:27:21
Speaker
Okay, Savannah story time.
00:27:23
Speaker
In terms of experience, though, I mean, I did, I would say I had like one, I won the lottery once with a guy who was actually a male sex worker.
00:27:32
Speaker
I didn't know this at the time, so we matched.
00:27:34
Speaker
So you didn't pay him, right?
00:27:35
Speaker
No, no, not at all.
00:27:36
Speaker
Okay, good.
00:27:37
Speaker
Because he, because he told me after the fact that sometimes I guess he just looks a woman off the clock because she can, I guess.
00:27:44
Speaker
And also, you know, in that line of work, you don't tend to sleep with people you're physically attracted to.
00:27:50
Speaker
So, yeah, that was how I found him.
00:27:53
Speaker
I was swiping.
00:27:54
Speaker
And it was just such a really good experience.
00:27:57
Speaker
Like when, you know, we got in the room, he was like, oh, do you want a massage?
00:28:01
Speaker
And I was like, and that was my first indicator.
00:28:04
Speaker
I thought, this is a bit weird.
00:28:06
Speaker
He came to police.
00:28:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:11
Speaker
I didn't know people were offered massages before so I was like, yeah, sure.
00:28:15
Speaker
And he gave me a really, really, really good massage.
00:28:19
Speaker
Like, sensual massage.
00:28:20
Speaker
Damn!
00:28:21
Speaker
That should have really been like the first, like, okay, this guy's not a normal male specimen.
00:28:25
Speaker
He's something different.
00:28:27
Speaker
Isn't that sad?
00:28:28
Speaker
Isn't that sad you have to hire a professional to get decent sex?
00:28:31
Speaker
Or that he has to be a professional?
00:28:33
Speaker
But I didn't pay.
00:28:34
Speaker
He has to be professional, but I didn't pay.
00:28:36
Speaker
Like he was just on Tinder looking for, I guess, somebody he was actually attracted to.
00:28:41
Speaker
And that was how we met.
00:28:42
Speaker
And then, yeah, so he gave me a massage.
00:28:45
Speaker
It was really, and he was really, really, he was really, really skilled.
00:28:48
Speaker
And then it was the afterglow conversation.
00:28:51
Speaker
I was like, so what do you do?
00:28:52
Speaker
And he was like, oh, I'm a sex worker.
00:28:53
Speaker
And I was like,
00:28:56
Speaker
I hope you use protection.
00:28:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:58
Speaker
So he was actually really big on that stuff because I guess in that line of work, like protection is standard.
00:29:02
Speaker
Like he wouldn't.
00:29:03
Speaker
But that was actually a really positive experience.
00:29:05
Speaker
But that was really, really rare, I think, because I don't know.
00:29:09
Speaker
Most men are not.
00:29:10
Speaker
And the things like physicals.
00:29:11
Speaker
Physically, he was super hot.
00:29:13
Speaker
He had that like lean physique because he did Brazilian jiu-jitsu, really in shape.
00:29:17
Speaker
And he knew his way around a woman's body.
00:29:19
Speaker
So that was my lottery win.
00:29:21
Speaker
So like in order to have good casual sex, it would have to be with a man who is literally a sex worker because he's the only guy putting in the actual work into building his skill.
00:29:34
Speaker
And for me, it worked out well because there was no way I would develop feelings for him because, I mean, his line of work would be incompatible.
00:29:40
Speaker
So yeah, that worked quite well.
00:29:41
Speaker
So positive experiences for me with casual sex have always been when I had a predetermined expiration date, like I was moving, I was on vacation, something where you're like, OK, I'm going to get this dick from this date to this date and that's it.
00:29:58
Speaker
Right.
00:29:58
Speaker
So you go in knowing it's not going to last.
00:30:00
Speaker
You go in knowing you're going to leave.
00:30:03
Speaker
You go in knowing you don't have any opportunity to quote unquote catch feelings.
00:30:07
Speaker
And then it allows you to kind of stay in the moment.
00:30:10
Speaker
I've tried that before where even when I have a predetermined expiration date, like there's this guy, he was a foreign exchange student and I knew he was leaving in three months.
00:30:19
Speaker
And so we kind of talked and we're like, okay, yeah, we don't want to like develop feelings and end up pining for each other, you know, once you leave.
00:30:25
Speaker
So we had sort of a casual sex relationship.
00:30:28
Speaker
And then by the time he had to leave, we actually ended up liking each other.
00:30:31
Speaker
We ended up actually sort of not like a long distance relationship, but we did end up texting for like a year after that and sort of pining after each other for like a year.
00:30:39
Speaker
And I tried to visit him in his country and shit.
00:30:41
Speaker
So I'm like, no, that doesn't work for me because I know I catch feelings.
00:30:45
Speaker
I'm just the kind of person where I know that when I have sex with someone, I mean...
00:30:49
Speaker
I don't have sex with someone unless I really like them.
00:30:51
Speaker
And often having sex with someone makes me really like them.
00:30:54
Speaker
So they kind of go hand in hand to me.
00:30:56
Speaker
So I find when it has the built in expiration date, that's almost worse because then you have to catch the feelings and you no longer have access to that person.
00:31:05
Speaker
So yeah, but that's just me.
00:31:06
Speaker
That's interesting.
00:31:08
Speaker
So for me, emotionally, however I already feel about that man gets amplified by the sex.
00:31:15
Speaker
We discussed post-net clarity in a few episodes back.
00:31:18
Speaker
I know, Savannah, you don't believe it's real.
00:31:19
Speaker
But for me, what would end up happening is if I realized I didn't like the guy or sort of like disgusted about something about the guy, I felt like disgusted with myself.
00:31:28
Speaker
Right.
00:31:28
Speaker
So then it's almost like whatever feelings I have for that man ends up being how I felt internally.
00:31:34
Speaker
Other times where I was sort of indifferent about the guy after we had sex, I was still sort of indifferent.
00:31:39
Speaker
I didn't really feel, it didn't really push me either way.
00:31:43
Speaker
And then other times where I was already into the guy, then I started doing like that future, like that thing where you start projecting the future, like we're in love and we're going to have 17 kids.
00:31:52
Speaker
We're going to buy a house with a white picket fence and have a golden retriever and
00:31:55
Speaker
Yeah, your brain starts to like your your hormonal brain starts to like hijack everything else.
00:32:00
Speaker
And then it just gets it gets amplified.
00:32:03
Speaker
See, I do that with every guy I fuck, even if they're trash.
00:32:06
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:32:06
Speaker
Like, I know that my hormones will trick me into being stupid.
00:32:10
Speaker
And so I have to be smarter than my stupid part of my brain.
00:32:13
Speaker
Mine just takes whatever is already there and then just amplifies it.
00:32:15
Speaker
There's no worse feeling to me than waking up next to a dude or at least rolling over next to a dude and being like, yeah, this is rock bottom for me.
00:32:24
Speaker
I think it's time for me to get my shit together.
00:32:26
Speaker
Yeah, see, I don't know if like my brain, I think I just have this weird coping mechanism where even if I'm disgusted with a guy, my brain will try to shut out the negative things about him and only think about the positive things about him.
00:32:38
Speaker
Like I'll just black out on his flaws and go like goo goo gaga about...
00:32:42
Speaker
Shit that's really like bare minimum.
00:32:43
Speaker
Like he could be just a mediocre guy and I'd be like, wow.
00:32:46
Speaker
Like, so I start to like idealize him.
00:32:48
Speaker
And again, I think it's just hormonal.
00:32:50
Speaker
That's just kind of how I be.
00:32:52
Speaker
And so I'd say the lesson here is when you're thinking about casual sex, know thyself.
00:32:57
Speaker
If you know the kind of person that you are, if you get attached after sex, then maybe.
00:33:01
Speaker
And the other thing is like guys are so much nicer when you haven't fucked them yet.
00:33:05
Speaker
That's the other thing I've noticed is like, I've noticed that once I fuck a guy, I lose all of my leverage.
00:33:09
Speaker
And so just because I am the sort of person where I like to feel like I'm in control of situations and like, I'm not having had one over on me.
00:33:17
Speaker
I just, I just delay sex with guys as long as possible, just like for, as a matter of like self-preservation.
00:33:23
Speaker
But yeah, but that's just me.
00:33:24
Speaker
And it's also the build up as well.
00:33:26
Speaker
Even if it's not a casual situation, I think sometimes the tease and anticipation can be really fun and add a different sort of space to the relationship before you just go
Challenges for Young Women in Casual Relationships
00:33:37
Speaker
all in.
00:33:37
Speaker
But yeah, just off the back of your comments about knowing yourself that Lilith just made, I think that is really, really important.
00:33:43
Speaker
And this is why I tend to think that I don't mean to sound ageist here, but if you're below the age of 25, I would avoid casual relationships.
00:33:52
Speaker
I think below the age of 25, like when you're just starting out with men, when you're getting to know men, when you're in that, everyone has their pick me phase.
00:34:00
Speaker
I would avoid casual relationships as much as possible because, and this is not to sound condescending, this is just generally just from my own life experience and of others as well, but you generally haven't developed the ability to set
00:34:11
Speaker
boundaries.
00:34:12
Speaker
You don't always know how you'll react to having sex with a really hot guy or a guy that you're talking to.
00:34:18
Speaker
And it's just generally the prefrontal cortex also hasn't developed until the age of 25 as well.
00:34:23
Speaker
So your decision making can be slightly askew.
00:34:26
Speaker
Yeah, and all the men there are shit at that age because under 25 especially, it's all about men trying to get cool social points, trying to get clout off your back, literally off your back.
00:34:38
Speaker
So if you start having casual sex with guys, then they'll start to talk about it, brag about it with their friends, especially in an insular environment like high school or college, and it's just all bad for you.
00:34:50
Speaker
Or even if you're new at a company, if you're an intern or a first year at a company, dead ass.
00:34:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:56
Speaker
Like ladies, like if you're under 25, all of those social situations and environments you're going to be in, generally, it's not going to work out for you.
00:35:04
Speaker
It's going to be all bad.
00:35:07
Speaker
It's all bad.
00:35:08
Speaker
It will give men the social points.
00:35:09
Speaker
It'll give men the social clout.
00:35:11
Speaker
Men will have leverage over you, so to speak, because they'll know like, you know, you suck their dick or whatever.
00:35:17
Speaker
And I can even remember being that age and like guys trying to send subliminals on like Facebook and shit.
00:35:24
Speaker
What do you mean by sending subliminals?
00:35:26
Speaker
They'll say stuff like passive aggressive comments that may be directed towards you, but not you.
00:35:34
Speaker
They'll be like, oh, I hope these girls aren't tripping out here or something like that.
00:35:38
Speaker
They might say something that's cryptic yet
00:35:41
Speaker
clearly trying to dig at you a little bit, you know, on Twitter, on Instagram, on Facebook, whatever.
00:35:45
Speaker
Like they're trying to increase their social clout off your back.
00:35:48
Speaker
Right.
00:35:49
Speaker
So my saving grace at that age was that I really, truly thought I was going to wait till I got married to have sex.
00:35:56
Speaker
So I was actually a late virgin, but not from dude's lack of trying and not from me, like trying to stop them that hard, but like...
00:36:04
Speaker
Not from dudes lack of trying.
00:36:06
Speaker
And I straight up used to just go to clubs in like my body glitter and tube top and booty shorts and just make out with cute guys.
00:36:13
Speaker
And then if they tried to have sex with me, I'd be like, first of all, I'm a Christian.
00:36:17
Speaker
This tube top is a godly tube top.
00:36:21
Speaker
Godly.
00:36:23
Speaker
Going to a rave partying hard and being like, first of all, I'm a Christian woman.
00:36:26
Speaker
How dare you sin on me?
00:36:28
Speaker
I just had the image, right, of, you know, like the frog with the cross on the Discord.
00:36:33
Speaker
You just whipping that out and just being like that.
00:36:35
Speaker
Then they're like, oh yeah, you wanna fuck?
00:36:40
Speaker
That's basically what I used to do, especially in high school and like early college before I could like really go to the clubs and stuff.
00:36:46
Speaker
So I would just like, so they used to have these teen clubs around where I grew up where, do you guys have teen clubs?
00:36:50
Speaker
What's that?
00:36:51
Speaker
Like youth group?
00:36:52
Speaker
No clubs, like legit a club, a dance club where they'd rent it out.
00:36:56
Speaker
They had usually 18 and under clubs and then, or like 16 and up clubs or 18 and up clubs and they wouldn't serve alcohol or they'd serve alcohol with a wristband.
00:37:03
Speaker
So they used to have these clubs where you could go when you were a teenager and it was just a club.
00:37:08
Speaker
Oh, interesting.
00:37:09
Speaker
Me and my friends used to go there.
00:37:10
Speaker
I was the queen of getting my pussy ate and bouncing because in my head, I was like, well, that doesn't count.
00:37:18
Speaker
Jesus won't be mad at me for like having some guy kiss my vagina, right?
00:37:22
Speaker
So that was a very important developmental stage for me in like detaching myself from men because I feel like two things happened where I learned how to set my sexual boundaries because I would just tell, I would just straight up be like, actually, I'm a virgin.
00:37:35
Speaker
I would just wait till we got like kind of involved.
00:37:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:38
Speaker
And then actually I was a virgin and I'm going to wait till I get married.
00:37:41
Speaker
And then sometimes guys would feel motivated to like give me head because they want it.
00:37:46
Speaker
They thought if they gave me head, like I'd want to fuck them.
00:37:48
Speaker
But I was really good at just like pulling the plug because I'm like, oh no, Jesus will be mad at me.
00:37:52
Speaker
So now I just like, so I would.
00:37:55
Speaker
That's brilliant.
00:37:56
Speaker
But then I think they would get pissed because I wouldn't reciprocate because I didn't suck their dick either.
00:38:01
Speaker
And then they would throw subliminals at me and then like start like all over social media and then start like rumors and shit to like just basically get the other upper hand.
00:38:10
Speaker
My whole thing is like they were casual encounters, but I still had to deal with all the drama and the bullshit of men starting shit because they like either they got their feelings hurt or they thought like they were going to, I don't know what they thought, but they thought wrong.
00:38:21
Speaker
And then also it was good practice setting my boundaries.
00:38:24
Speaker
But at the same time, I didn't really take any quote unquote risk because I wasn't having sex with them.
00:38:29
Speaker
That being said, I was choked out pretty bad by some guy once that like shook me and I didn't know what
00:38:36
Speaker
I was like, at this point, I didn't watch porn.
00:38:38
Speaker
I didn't do any of that kind of thing.
00:38:40
Speaker
So I didn't know that was like a thing.
00:38:42
Speaker
So I just thought a guy attacked me.
00:38:44
Speaker
Right.
00:38:45
Speaker
And then like, he started watching porn after that.
00:38:47
Speaker
We were making out, this guy just starts choking the shit on me.
00:38:50
Speaker
Like, why are you choking me?
00:38:51
Speaker
And he's like, oh, well, girls like this.
00:38:53
Speaker
I'm like, the fuck are you talking about?
00:38:54
Speaker
Because I'd never heard of this.
00:38:55
Speaker
So.
00:38:56
Speaker
The downside of this is that you still can put yourself in risky situations, even if you're not like having actual sex with these guys.
00:39:03
Speaker
But I do think, you know, like if you kind of employ the vetting strategies we've talked before, you can start to weed out the guys that are going to be shitty and not respect your boundaries.
00:39:10
Speaker
And I think that time in my life was beneficial because I learned how to like set hard no's.
00:39:15
Speaker
So even if you have to make up some shit about Jesus, like just like, just like,
00:39:19
Speaker
Start setting boundaries.
00:39:21
Speaker
I used to do this thing.
00:39:22
Speaker
This was pre-FDS, where if a guy didn't want to wear a condom, I would say that I'm pro-life.
00:39:28
Speaker
And so I'm so glad that you want to have a baby with me because if I ever got pregnant, I definitely keep it.
00:39:32
Speaker
And nothing would make them want to wear a condom more than that.
00:39:35
Speaker
They would hood themselves on the quickness.
00:39:37
Speaker
Also, I mean, if I was looking for a casual sex partner, I would also avoid men who are like 26-year-old virgins because I know for a fact they probably got their sex ed through porn, so they would make lousy-ass partners.
00:39:51
Speaker
And I also tended to go for, I mean, this is a bit of an age gap, but generally men over 30 or like late 20s, 30s, like men my own age were just like, they just got their sex ed from Reddit porn and that was just a no.
00:40:06
Speaker
It had to be somebody you had like real life experience with,
00:40:10
Speaker
you know, being with a woman.
00:40:11
Speaker
And they're often really easy to weed out as well because these porn fried men who grew up on porn, you notice that they don't know how to talk to a woman.
00:40:18
Speaker
Like they're very awkward or they talk about sex quickly and the way they talk about sex is very awkward.
00:40:25
Speaker
It's not, it doesn't really flow.
00:40:27
Speaker
What's your favorite sex position?
00:40:28
Speaker
It's stilted.
00:40:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:29
Speaker
Like, and they'll just ask, you know, what are your kinks before they even know what your name is.
00:40:34
Speaker
And they have that creep energy where they just like their entire brain, you can tell it's just on a spiral of porn.
00:40:39
Speaker
I can't even explain it, but you know what I'm talking about, right?
00:40:41
Speaker
Like, you can feel that creepy porn energy.
00:40:44
Speaker
I mean, the sex worker was a true Casanova, to be fair.
00:40:48
Speaker
And it made sense when he told me he was a sex worker.
00:40:51
Speaker
I was like, yeah, I get it now.
00:40:53
Speaker
I get it.
00:40:54
Speaker
What was the first red flag?
00:40:55
Speaker
That he was too good at sex.
00:40:58
Speaker
No, the first red flag was that he offered me a massage beforehand.
00:41:02
Speaker
He was like, do you want a back massage?
00:41:03
Speaker
I was like, oh, okay.
00:41:05
Speaker
Isn't that sad that we think it's a red flag if a man treats you too well?
00:41:10
Speaker
That's the state of men.
00:41:11
Speaker
I know.
00:41:12
Speaker
Isn't that sad?
00:41:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:14
Speaker
And it was such a good massage as well.
00:41:17
Speaker
Obviously, it got a bit sensual.
00:41:19
Speaker
Who are you and who do you work for?
00:41:23
Speaker
But he was really, really good.
00:41:24
Speaker
And then he was really clean and respectful.
00:41:26
Speaker
But yeah, the bar is like literally in hell that if a guy is somewhat competent in bed, I'm just going to be like, are you a sex worker?
00:41:33
Speaker
I'll just be Googling his image.
00:41:36
Speaker
No, reverse image search his profile picture.
00:41:38
Speaker
See if it comes up on any escort services.
00:41:41
Speaker
His number, his number is the main thing because some of them like keep their face out just because this guy keeps his face out.
00:41:47
Speaker
Like he doesn't on his adverts.
00:41:49
Speaker
He doesn't show his face, but his number was there.
00:41:51
Speaker
Yeah, because men see a casual sexual encounter as primarily for them, and they've explicitly stated that they don't consider it to be mutual unless they like you or you're their girlfriend.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's the main reason why I'm against casual sex.
00:42:04
Speaker
If I'm being totally honest, I've never had an orgasm from a casual sex or one-night-stand encounter.
00:42:11
Speaker
Even the three month foreign exchange student, like ongoing relationship guy, even though I generally enjoyed having sex with him, I still had to be the one to get myself off.
00:42:20
Speaker
So I'm basically just masturbating.
00:42:21
Speaker
And then there's a guy there.
00:42:23
Speaker
So it's like, what's the point?
00:42:24
Speaker
Yeah, true.
00:42:25
Speaker
What's the point?
00:42:25
Speaker
Like, I may as well just masturbate.
00:42:27
Speaker
He's not really providing anything except he's just like a real life, like blow up sex doll.
00:42:32
Speaker
Almost.
00:42:33
Speaker
I don't get much from that.
00:42:34
Speaker
I've had relationships like that, sis.
00:42:36
Speaker
Not even to be funny, but like not even just casual sex where just the sex starts to drop off because men get lazy.
00:42:42
Speaker
They just get sexually lazy.
00:42:43
Speaker
So it's really tough to guard against that in a relationship, but it's doubly tough when it's a friends with benefits and you don't have any type of leverage or so to speak for it.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah, you can't be like, oh, so this makes me feel like you really don't care about me.
00:42:55
Speaker
And they're like, yeah, I don't care about you because this is a casual sex relationship.
00:42:58
Speaker
Right.
00:42:59
Speaker
Exactly.
00:43:00
Speaker
Men on the internet and even in real life in some cases have explicitly said that they don't eat pussy unless they're in a relationship or that they don't care about a woman's orgasm unless they actually are in love with her.
00:43:13
Speaker
Just the way that men are.
00:43:14
Speaker
Again, like casual sex wouldn't be a bad thing if men were more ethical participants, but unfortunately they're not.
00:43:20
Speaker
So we have to be realistic.
00:43:22
Speaker
And overwhelmingly not.
00:43:23
Speaker
They're overwhelmingly not.
00:43:24
Speaker
Not by like a little bit of a margin, like overwhelmingly they are not good at this and they're not motivated to be good at this.
00:43:30
Speaker
And also just female socialization.
00:43:32
Speaker
Like women, and that's the other thing, is I feel like a lot of my casual sexual encounters were at least partially influenced by, you know, what Natalie Liu said about, oh, if I put out, then he'll like me or, you know, feel like he has to have a relationship with me or something like that.
00:43:48
Speaker
Or just like being people-pleasing and putting other people's needs before my own.
00:43:52
Speaker
I don't know.
00:43:53
Speaker
I feel like until you've gotten to the point where you've really challenged that part of your female socialization, again, casual sex, I feel like, is one of those things that gets better with age.
00:44:00
Speaker
Because when you're young and you haven't unlearned that socialization, it can make it so that your sexual experiences are not as good.
00:44:06
Speaker
If you feel bad once during a casual sexual encounter, don't do it again.
00:44:09
Speaker
That's the other thing.
00:44:10
Speaker
I would actually feel bad after casual sex most of the time, except for ongoing three-month relationship guy.
00:44:16
Speaker
He was okay.
00:44:16
Speaker
But the other ones, I would feel like disgust with myself or sad, but still liking the guy.
00:44:21
Speaker
So it was very like a weird dynamic.
00:44:23
Speaker
So yeah, I generally feel bad during or after.
00:44:26
Speaker
So I have to avoid it.
00:44:27
Speaker
And just like anything, you really need to ask yourself, and this is something that Natsu Lu mentioned, which is a really, really good test or question you can ask yourself before you do anything like casual sex or even like have sex for the first time with a guy that you want to get into a relationship with, is ask yourself, you know, if I stop talking to this guy tomorrow, if we have sex today and we stop talking tomorrow, am I going to be okay?
00:44:50
Speaker
If the answer is no, then you're not ready to have sex with them because the sex decision should be independent of what happens to the relationship in some respect if it's truly a decision that you're making in that moment.
00:45:03
Speaker
Because if you would feel bad if you stop talking to tomorrow, then either subconsciously or consciously, you're hoping that that sex will get you to a certain outcome.
00:45:13
Speaker
And as many women have found out the hard way, it doesn't work that way.
00:45:16
Speaker
It's a question that I think is also part of sex politics.
00:45:18
Speaker
positivity people have confused being sex positive with having sex quickly and that's not it sex positivity is about having sex on your terms in a way that's enjoyable to you so knowing your conditions for sex and being 100% comfortable in your decision to have sex or to not have sex
00:45:36
Speaker
I'll confess it's never worked for me to be able to like future gauge how I feel about a guy.
00:45:42
Speaker
Meaning if I'm okay, if a guy never talks to me after that, it never worked for me, I think, because I, I don't know.
00:45:49
Speaker
I found it hard to understand how I was going to feel about a guy until after I had sex.
00:45:53
Speaker
And the only way I figured out how I was going to feel is I started to pay attention in the moment to how sexually attracted I was to the guy and whether I thought the sex was going to be good because I don't know that I regret sex that was actually
00:46:06
Speaker
good.
00:46:07
Speaker
So even if it didn't work out, even if I got a little bit emotionally attached, like the sex was actually good.
00:46:12
Speaker
How I figured it out or how I started to delineate between whether or not I thought I should have sex with a guy is like, am I 100% confident if I have sex with this guy, it'll be worth my time.
00:46:21
Speaker
Right.
00:46:22
Speaker
I don't want to like, I don't want 90% confidence.
00:46:24
Speaker
I want 100% confidence.
00:46:26
Speaker
And like a lot of the vetting strategies we talked about in that, in the sex, in the sex strategy episode we did, it was like paying attention to all the little things about him to start to get a picture of what he was going to be like sexually so that I knew how to interact with him when we did have sex.
00:46:42
Speaker
But that is, that's vetting, right?
00:46:43
Speaker
That means you can't just jump in bed with the guy you just met.
00:46:46
Speaker
I think, again, it just comes back to knowing yourself, though.
00:46:48
Speaker
If you have enough self-awareness to know that that is how you operate, that's also something to consider as well.
00:46:54
Speaker
But again, it just, yeah, you just have to know yourself.
00:46:58
Speaker
I regret all the sex I had with, like, terrible, ugly men or men who were bad at sex.
00:47:03
Speaker
I regret every single piece of that.
00:47:05
Speaker
I can't think of a more depressing state of affairs than just realizing he fucked a guy and he actually literally repulses you, either emotionally, physically, or sexually.
00:47:16
Speaker
I think that's quite sad as well, especially if it was a casual encounter.
00:47:21
Speaker
Women are going into it at a disadvantage, quite a massive disadvantage.
00:47:25
Speaker
We're less likely to orgasm.
00:47:26
Speaker
The risks are a lot higher.
00:47:29
Speaker
And so when you then go into such a situation with somebody that repulses you, it's just...
00:47:34
Speaker
Yeah, it's a double L. Like, no offense, bro.
00:47:37
Speaker
But it's a double L. No, no, it is.
00:47:39
Speaker
No, I'll take that.
00:47:40
Speaker
I'll hold on to that.
00:47:41
Speaker
It's a double L. It's the worst feeling in the world.
00:47:43
Speaker
I want to circle back to your point about Natalie Luz.
00:47:46
Speaker
If he stopped talking to you tomorrow, would you feel bad about it?
00:47:49
Speaker
That's the other thing is, like, 100% of the time, if I fuck a guy and he never talks to me again after that, 100% of the time, that will, like, trigger my abandonment issues.
00:47:58
Speaker
Even if I don't even like him that much, like, just the fact that he would, like, have sex with me and then bounce...
00:48:03
Speaker
would just make me feel rejected or sad or used, exploited or whatever, right?
00:48:09
Speaker
So that would always just make me feel bad.
00:48:11
Speaker
Looking back, now that you've brought that up, it made me realize that I think at the time I was sort of projecting my humanity onto men because at the time I knew that I got clasped.
00:48:22
Speaker
closer to men through sex.
00:48:23
Speaker
Like, sex made me feel more connected.
00:48:25
Speaker
And so I thought that it was the same for men.
00:48:27
Speaker
I didn't realize, you know, it sounds stupid and naive now, right?
00:48:31
Speaker
But when you're like 20, it's like, you don't know any better or, you know, you haven't realized the true depths of men's sexual depravity.
00:48:37
Speaker
And their selfishness as well.
00:48:38
Speaker
Like, just how selfish they are.
00:48:40
Speaker
Maybe this is like, just a difference in our experiences because I've only had maybe one, maybe two guys ghost me and the sex was so bad that I was like, fine.
00:48:49
Speaker
So I didn't really give a shit.
00:48:50
Speaker
And I feel
00:48:52
Speaker
The trash took itself out.
00:48:54
Speaker
Right, exactly.
00:48:54
Speaker
So I'm like, this is going to save me an awkward conversation to realize like that they're bad at this.
00:48:59
Speaker
And I feel like they knew they were bad.
00:49:01
Speaker
See, that's, that would make it worse for me because again, it's almost like about my ego, right?
00:49:05
Speaker
It's like if the guy was shitty or ugly, even if the guy stopped talking to me and he was bad at sex or he was ugly, that almost makes it worse because I'd be like, I fucked this fucking guy.
00:49:15
Speaker
And he was like, and he was, I gave an ugly guy a chance and he didn't even text me back.
00:49:20
Speaker
How dare he?
00:49:21
Speaker
Right.
00:49:21
Speaker
Like it almost seemed more offensive.
00:49:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:23
Speaker
And then
00:49:24
Speaker
The thing is, I think they could feel my contempt at the end of the sex.
00:49:27
Speaker
I think that's what happened.
00:49:28
Speaker
Like, so it wasn't even, it was like, Hey, I talked to you around.
00:49:31
Speaker
So it was like one of those really fake goodbyes, you know, when you're fake goodbying people and you're like, I'm never fucking talking to this dude again.
00:49:37
Speaker
So the other guys I had sex with where it was like, okay, even if I was like, or okay or good, or I was actually really into them and maybe it didn't blossom to relationship.
00:49:47
Speaker
It's different, right?
00:49:48
Speaker
Like I would still be emotionally attached, but I didn't feel like, um,
00:49:52
Speaker
I didn't feel like disgusted with myself in the same way.
00:49:54
Speaker
Like when the sex is bad.
00:49:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:56
Speaker
Sure.
00:49:57
Speaker
If I have sex with a guy who doesn't meet my standards and then he bounces after, I'd be like, how dare you?
00:50:03
Speaker
I graced you with my presence and you're not even going to appreciate that.
00:50:07
Speaker
Like, so yeah, that's another reason why for me, casual sex is a hard no, because I just like,
00:50:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:50:12
Speaker
I'm, I guess what most people would call like demisexual nowadays.
00:50:15
Speaker
I think demisexuality is a bullshit concept.
00:50:17
Speaker
I think that's just called being a normal person, only wanting to have sex with people that you feel a connection with or whatever, or feeling connected to the people that you have sex with.
00:50:25
Speaker
So yeah, just circles back to like, know thyself.
00:50:27
Speaker
I think you've got to be careful as well if you're one of those women, because I'm that sort of person where it's either I go all in or I just detach or become the ice queen.
Emotional Health & Casual Sex Risks
00:50:38
Speaker
And whilst that is good, but in some scenarios, that can mean that I'm quite emotionally unavailable.
00:50:45
Speaker
And again, this was brought up in the Natalie Lu episode when she said that you have to make sure that the universe will test you to see if you truly want what you want.
00:50:56
Speaker
So the times when I thought I was open to a relationship and I was also open to these casual encounters, I actually wasn't as emotionally available as I thought.
00:51:05
Speaker
I was.
00:51:06
Speaker
But when I became more serious about finding a relationship and like leveling up and stuff like that, the prospects of like casual sex just didn't appeal to me as much.
00:51:16
Speaker
So you just have to be careful there.
00:51:18
Speaker
Plus, I think, like I said, you can have a lot of casual encounters that aren't sex.
00:51:22
Speaker
And I actually think we need to bring back second base.
00:51:25
Speaker
Like first and second base are really, really important for gauging.
00:51:28
Speaker
What second base?
00:51:29
Speaker
I don't know what that is.
00:51:30
Speaker
I don't know what it means.
00:51:30
Speaker
First base is like kissing.
00:51:31
Speaker
Second base is like dry humping, isn't it?
00:51:33
Speaker
Oh.
00:51:34
Speaker
I think.
00:51:35
Speaker
No, isn't it fingering and like, like touching?
00:51:38
Speaker
No, I thought that was like third base.
00:51:39
Speaker
Third base is like under the close.
00:51:41
Speaker
Like I think second base is over the close.
00:51:42
Speaker
Third base is under the close.
00:51:44
Speaker
It's like if you're like grabbing titties.
00:51:45
Speaker
Okay, right.
00:51:47
Speaker
Playing with each other's genitals.
00:51:49
Speaker
Genitals is so clinical, right?
00:51:50
Speaker
That sounds so sexy.
00:51:51
Speaker
Playing with each other's genitals.
00:51:53
Speaker
Genitals.
00:51:55
Speaker
Manipulating each other's genitals in a sexual manner.
00:52:00
Speaker
Very clinical, yeah.
00:52:01
Speaker
So I'm a big fan of like first and second base as doing recon about whether or not I want to fuck this guy.
00:52:06
Speaker
Because like I said earlier, how I feel about the sexual encounter is almost 100% centered around how I feel about the guy's sexual skill and how much I'm going to enjoy it.
00:52:15
Speaker
So that's why I'm a big fan.
00:52:16
Speaker
I actually think you should have a lot more casual encounters as far as just making out and kissing and like have sex only be for...
00:52:24
Speaker
guys you really, really, really want to fuck.
00:52:26
Speaker
Because I think that'll actually start to weed men out.
00:52:29
Speaker
But that means, and also during that time you're doing the regular FDS vetting.
00:52:33
Speaker
So you'll end up with a good sexual partner, a guy who can listen to you, a guy who at least has like all the markers of a high value man, like at least in the short term.
00:52:43
Speaker
At least externally.
00:52:44
Speaker
At least externally, but also short term, right?
00:52:47
Speaker
Like if you're not looking to do a long-term relationship,
00:52:49
Speaker
short term.
00:52:50
Speaker
So then, you know, you're going to enjoy the sexual encounter and then have like a hard expiration date so you don't get attached.
00:52:55
Speaker
So if he's not into it, then that's actually true, actually, because I once kissed the guy and it felt like he was a dog trying to lick my face.
00:53:04
Speaker
I used to bolt it out of there.
00:53:06
Speaker
My one caveat about what you said there, Ro, is like, yes, like, we need to bring back first and second base.
00:53:11
Speaker
However, you have to go into that.
00:53:13
Speaker
First of all, having, like, vetted the guy to make sure he's not, like, a date rapist.
00:53:17
Speaker
Because a lot of guys, if you do first or second base with them, they'll go into, like, high-pressure sales mode trying to close, seal the deal and go all the way to make a home run.
00:53:26
Speaker
And true.
00:53:26
Speaker
So there's that.
00:53:27
Speaker
Like, you have to make sure he's not sexually predatory.
00:53:29
Speaker
And I've been in situations like that where I'm making out with a guy or I'm touching.
00:53:32
Speaker
I'll try to pull back and he'll try to, you know...
00:53:35
Speaker
I think you tell them.
00:53:36
Speaker
I think you tell them straight up up front, like especially if you're casually dating, like just tell them like, hey, I date.
00:53:41
Speaker
So I can't fuck every guy I'm going on a date with.
00:53:44
Speaker
But even there have been times where I'll tell a guy like, I don't want to have sex tonight, but I'll kiss you kind of thing.
00:53:48
Speaker
And they think, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:53:49
Speaker
Like I can.
00:53:50
Speaker
They think they can.
00:53:50
Speaker
persuade you or they can convince you or even just like force you.
00:53:53
Speaker
Right.
00:53:53
Speaker
So, you know, and that's happened to me.
00:53:54
Speaker
So there's that.
00:53:55
Speaker
And then secondly, you have to be really strong in your boundaries because a lot of guys will try to use emotional manipulation.
00:54:01
Speaker
Like, Oh, like, I'm just so horny for you, babe.
00:54:03
Speaker
Like, don't give me blue balls, like that kind of stuff.
00:54:05
Speaker
They won't physically force you, but if you're not super strong in your boundaries, being people pleasing to men.
00:54:11
Speaker
And I found myself in situations where we're making out and I didn't want to have sex that night, but I kind of like feel bad or whatever reason I, in my head, I'm like, I ended up having sex when I didn't really want to.
00:54:20
Speaker
and kind of just like going along with it.
00:54:22
Speaker
And I always regret that after the fact.
00:54:24
Speaker
So you need Jesus.
00:54:25
Speaker
That's what you need.
00:54:26
Speaker
You need Jesus.
00:54:27
Speaker
I wish my parents raised me with Jesus in my life.
00:54:29
Speaker
Like, you need Jesus to tell you.
00:54:32
Speaker
My mom was raised Christian, but she was very traumatized by the church.
00:54:36
Speaker
So she didn't really want us to be raised in that kind of environment.
00:54:39
Speaker
You need Jesus.
00:54:40
Speaker
I should have just lied.
00:54:40
Speaker
I should have been like, that's the thing.
00:54:42
Speaker
I would do the whole, oh, no, I'm actually pro-life.
00:54:45
Speaker
And I would lie about it.
00:54:46
Speaker
I should have just lied and said I believed in God when I didn't.
00:54:49
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I think it's perfectly OK to lie if you have to.
00:54:53
Speaker
A no should be enough.
00:54:54
Speaker
But if you have to lie and for whatever reason, the guy's not respecting your no.
00:54:58
Speaker
Yeah, then totally lie and get yourself out of that situation or just like straight up fight his ass.
00:55:02
Speaker
And block and delete.
00:55:03
Speaker
To further like maybe secure your safety.
00:55:06
Speaker
Maybe if you're doing the kissing, making out thing, like do it in a car or someplace where you're not in his home.
00:55:11
Speaker
And then it's like you're cornered.
00:55:13
Speaker
Yes.
00:55:13
Speaker
Because that's, I know we talked about that on the Dave Portnoy episode too, about when you go to a guy's home, you are like, you're cornered then, right?
00:55:20
Speaker
You want to try to do it in a place where it's somewhat neutral.
00:55:24
Speaker
And in fact, I'm a big fan of like the car makeout as well before, you know.
00:55:28
Speaker
Because the thing is, you're either feeling it or you're not.
00:55:30
Speaker
You'll kiss each other.
00:55:31
Speaker
And I've had this happen where you start kissing and then you're like, I'm not feeling this.
00:55:34
Speaker
And so then it's really easy to back out and be like, okay, well, I got to go home.
00:55:39
Speaker
Rather than if you're at his home and you have to get your purse, he has to drive you back.
00:55:43
Speaker
Or if you drove yourself, you have to leave and find an excuse to leave.
00:55:46
Speaker
Maybe start kissing in the car, making out in the car.
00:55:49
Speaker
And then by the time you go home with him, you're sure you want to go home.
00:55:52
Speaker
Just a good old fashioned backseat necking.
00:55:56
Speaker
Go to the drive-in, what our parents and grandparents used to do.
00:55:59
Speaker
Yeah, but all that stuff, like, I know it seems old fashioned, but now we're kind of discovering is that it actually, in some respects, had a good purpose, right?
00:56:07
Speaker
It actually does kind of help you vet men for their overall sexual skill before you're in a place where it gets harder and harder to say no, and they're going to start to try to pressure you.
00:56:17
Speaker
So I think once you go to a man's house...
00:56:19
Speaker
You know, I actually would even maybe say the first time you have sex, don't even go to his house.
00:56:23
Speaker
Maybe have sex at your house.
00:56:24
Speaker
Then you can just kick him out if he acts crazy.
00:56:27
Speaker
I don't know.
00:56:27
Speaker
I'm scared of that because I don't want guys to know where I live.
00:56:29
Speaker
True.
00:56:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:56:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:30
Speaker
Actually, the only thing too, if you want to go to his house because you want to see how he lives and make sure he doesn't live gross.
00:56:34
Speaker
Because I hate that.
00:56:35
Speaker
Like you have one image of a guy and then you see the way his place looks and you're like, oh no.
00:56:39
Speaker
So I feel like at some point you have to go to his place.
00:56:42
Speaker
So maybe the strategy here is like go to his place sometime like during the day, maybe like not after a date, but find like a casual reason to drop by his place before you have sex.
00:56:51
Speaker
To circle back to what you said about Dave Portnoy, for me, the whole Dave Portnoy debacle is just more proof to me why casual sex is not advisable for women.
00:57:01
Speaker
First of all, I want to say like when I was a teenager, it's different from being a teenager now, right?
00:57:06
Speaker
Because now casual sex...
00:57:09
Speaker
involves like fucking rape fantasies now apparently so that's the other thing is like if you're gonna do casual sex make sure it's not like bdsm casual sex and this is one thing i never understood vanilla vanilla only vanilla only like this is one thing i didn't like about the bdsm community is they'd be like oh do you want to have a scene together and you barely know this person and they want to like whip you and shit and so it's like it's just weird i think that if you're
00:57:33
Speaker
are going to do BDSM, it's not advisable.
00:57:35
Speaker
But if you are, it should only be with someone that you really know and trust and ideally in a committed relationship with.
00:57:40
Speaker
Because when you engage in casual sex, first of all, like there's so many predatory scrotes out there who use BDSM as a guise for basically wanting to rape women and not face any consequences for it.
00:57:51
Speaker
And also the practices that the BDSM community advocates for
00:57:56
Speaker
actually disempowers women.
00:57:58
Speaker
I'll give you an example.
00:57:59
Speaker
I want to point out the difference in the training that LibFem Media gives women and what porn gives men.
00:58:04
Speaker
Because LibFem Media, I was raised with this whole idea of like, well, you have to like talk about your kinks beforehand and, you know, negotiate your boundaries and safe words and this and that.
00:58:14
Speaker
In porn, when a guy is doing a BDSM scene on a woman in porn, there's no conversation about boundaries or anything like that.
00:58:21
Speaker
There's like
00:58:22
Speaker
I think a couple of porn companies that do interview the woman before and they put that in the video, but the majority of the time, it's just like straight into like hard pounding, hitting the woman, choking, slapping, all this like fucked up shit, right?
00:58:34
Speaker
So the training that boys get and the training that girls get is very different.
00:58:38
Speaker
And so by the time I finally, after getting all this like Cosmo and fucking Teen Vogue media advice and actually going out there and having sex with guys and them just springing shit on me when I'm not expecting it, it was just not the experience that I was expecting.
00:58:51
Speaker
But the fucked up
00:58:51
Speaker
thing is like if you talk to a guy about your rape fantasies and if that conversation happens through text that guy can then use that against you if he actually rapes you in the future that's the thing that actually pisses me off about the BDSM community they tell you oh talk about your boundaries and your kinks and everything beforehand and then have sex
00:59:12
Speaker
When you do that, you're actually putting yourself in a situation where you're more vulnerable to being raped and the guy not facing any consequences for it.
00:59:20
Speaker
Because we saw that with Dave Portnoy.
00:59:21
Speaker
Everyone's saying, oh, she said she had a rape fantasy.
00:59:24
Speaker
Oh, she wanted to have rough sex.
00:59:25
Speaker
Therefore, it was consensual.
00:59:26
Speaker
This has actually happened to me before where I...
00:59:29
Speaker
had been in a relationship with a guy.
00:59:30
Speaker
We were in a relationship for several months.
00:59:32
Speaker
During that time, we'd obviously sexted and like exchanged nudes and stuff like that.
00:59:36
Speaker
A few months after we break up, he says, oh, I just want to talk and I have, I want to return some of your things.
00:59:41
Speaker
And so I was like, okay, you can come over, return some of my things.
00:59:43
Speaker
So he comes over and then he wanted to have sex.
00:59:46
Speaker
I didn't want to.
00:59:47
Speaker
I tried to get him to leave.
00:59:48
Speaker
He didn't leave.
00:59:49
Speaker
He ends up raping me.
00:59:51
Speaker
And when I, I actually reported this to the police.
00:59:54
Speaker
And when the police followed up with me,
00:59:58
Speaker
They had the police officer had a bunch of screenshots of sex that I had sent him when we were in a relationship, including things like stuff about rape fantasies, consensual non-consent.
01:00:07
Speaker
And so the police was like, did you write these?
01:00:09
Speaker
And as soon as I said, yes, I wrote those.
01:00:11
Speaker
His eyes just totally glazed over and checked out.
01:00:14
Speaker
And he, you know, they ended up not proceeding with charges.
01:00:17
Speaker
It really just came down to those text messages.
01:00:19
Speaker
Right.
01:00:19
Speaker
Again, you see the same thing, exact same thing playing out with Dave Portnoy, where if you've ever exchanged a text message with a guy talking about your rape fantasies, it puts you in a vulnerable situation where the guy could rape you for real.
01:00:31
Speaker
And you have no legal recourse at all.
01:00:34
Speaker
And again, BDSM people, they'll say, oh, you can withdraw consent at any time and like safe words.
01:00:39
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:39
Speaker
How do you enforce that legally?
01:00:41
Speaker
Because these guys have figured out that there's not shit you can do if you do withdraw consent.
01:00:45
Speaker
That's the thing, especially predators.
01:00:47
Speaker
That's why I just point blank don't trust any man who's attracted to that as a dynamic period is because they get off on violating boundaries.
01:00:55
Speaker
They get off on the abuse.
01:00:57
Speaker
And that's just not indicative of a person who, first of all, respects women at all, but also indicative of an abusive person.
01:01:03
Speaker
And even if they kill you as well, you've got also the rough sex defense.
01:01:07
Speaker
So a man can literally kill you and get a lesser sentence, if sentence at all, if they find out that you're into kink.
01:01:15
Speaker
It's happened a lot in the UK.
01:01:17
Speaker
They're currently trying to outlaw it.
01:01:18
Speaker
But many men have used the whole, well, she consented to it as if people can consent to being killed as a way to get off kink.
01:01:26
Speaker
a murder charge, essentially.
01:01:28
Speaker
Or it'll go from murder to being manslaughter, right?
01:01:30
Speaker
To manslaughter, yeah.
01:01:32
Speaker
So ladies, to sum this up, 100% under no circumstances, under no circumstances did you have rougher violent sex.
01:01:40
Speaker
Text a guy about rougher violent sex with a sexual partner.
01:01:44
Speaker
Like, especially not casual sex.
01:01:47
Speaker
Definitely 100%, a thousand percent never try to have BDSM sex with a casual sexual partner.
01:01:54
Speaker
It will only end up bad for you.
01:01:55
Speaker
But not even that.
01:01:56
Speaker
Even if you try to have normal sex, he'll just spring it on you, right?
01:02:00
Speaker
Because like we said in the Dave Portnoy episode, this is sex now.
01:02:03
Speaker
Yeah, that's part of the problem is that like a lot of this BDSM stuff has started to infiltrate mainstream.
01:02:09
Speaker
But I think, again, you'll have a much better case if you're like, I thought we're going to have consensual sex and this guy choked and slapped me out of fucking nowhere because that's just assault.
01:02:18
Speaker
And these porn sick BDSM gentlemen, they always give off tells as well.
01:02:23
Speaker
So if he starts talking about kinks or, and these men just tell on themselves as well.
01:02:27
Speaker
They're so shameless.
01:02:28
Speaker
They'll be like, hey, how are you?
01:02:30
Speaker
Oh, by the way, I've got a rape fantasy tee hee hee sort of thing.
01:02:34
Speaker
If they give any indication that they're into violent sex of any sort, just block and delete.
01:02:39
Speaker
Because they will give off tells long before you get to the bedroom.
01:02:42
Speaker
You just have to suss them out.
01:02:44
Speaker
Yeah, so this is, again, why I'm against casual sex, just like categorically, because there's too many of these predator types in the pool.
01:02:50
Speaker
There's too many of these predatory scrouts out there.
01:02:52
Speaker
Most guys are porn sick, especially if they're under the age of like 30 these days, because the normal heterosexual sex script is...
01:03:00
Speaker
degrading, violent, humiliating to women, I think there's too much of a risk that the guy's going to spring that on you during the casual sex, whether you've discussed it beforehand or not.
01:03:10
Speaker
And so I strongly advise women to avoid it just because of the culture around sex right now is just too toxic.
01:03:16
Speaker
I think that's a great point.
01:03:17
Speaker
I'm a millennial and I would say it wasn't, I encountered porn sick men for sure.
01:03:23
Speaker
And I also got choked out when I was like, what the fuck, when that happened?
01:03:27
Speaker
And I think you're right is that there's just, there's too many variables when it comes to casual sex and like what the average man uses casual sex and how much that might be abusive, disgusting, terrible for you, that the likelihood of you finding a casual sex partner that'll make it worth your while is so...
01:03:44
Speaker
And the only way to increase the likelihood that you'll have a good casual sex partner is to do all of the vetting you would do for a boyfriend.
01:03:51
Speaker
Right?
01:03:53
Speaker
And I think you made this point, Savannah, if you want to make it here, about how even in the BDSM community, the men who are in relationships, the good doms tend to already be in relationships.
01:04:02
Speaker
Yeah, so even in that sort of scenario, people who had one-off casual encounters, it almost always ended badly.
01:04:09
Speaker
And because the community is just, you know, full of complete dickheads, they would also blame the sub for saying you should have said no, or, you know, you should have negotiated, even though the Dom could clearly see you were intoxicated.
01:04:19
Speaker
So it was just somewhat toxic crap.
01:04:21
Speaker
But yeah, in my experience in the scene, the good sub
01:04:26
Speaker
in quotation marks like dominance who seem to know what they're doing or have a better grasp of consent issues because the bile's in fucking hell or who are actually good in bed they were not into casual encounters you just wouldn't really see them and they wouldn't be interested in like the poly shit as well which is another reason
01:04:44
Speaker
Well, I think poly's a scam.
01:04:46
Speaker
If you're happy with your primary partner, you won't feel the need to go looking for somebody else, especially in something like BDSM that is very emotionally and can be quite emotionally and physically taxing for both parties.
01:04:59
Speaker
I mean, so yeah, the casual sex, well, that's a really good point actually Rose actually touched on.
01:05:04
Speaker
The people looking for casual sex are probably the people that have been left on the shelf.
01:05:08
Speaker
Like the sex worker is a rare, rare, rare occurrence.
01:05:12
Speaker
And again, he's not on it all the time.
01:05:14
Speaker
He was probably on it for quite a small window of time to probably scratch an itch or I don't know.
01:05:19
Speaker
But he'll be hard to find because he's one in maybe a hundred thousand who actually know what they're doing.
01:05:25
Speaker
If you look at even, you know, things like BDSM Personals, and I used to browse that, you'd see the same people looking for an encounter.
01:05:33
Speaker
They'd be on it for years.
Selecting Safe Casual Partners
01:05:34
Speaker
You'd literally click on their history and it would be, say it was, I think it was around 2018.
01:05:39
Speaker
And they'd been posting since like 2014.
01:05:41
Speaker
So it's like, it's the same people who've just been left on the shelf that nobody really wants.
01:05:46
Speaker
Again, factory rejects.
01:05:48
Speaker
The luxury cars don't remain on the forecourt for very long.
01:05:51
Speaker
They get driven home.
01:05:52
Speaker
That's so true.
01:05:53
Speaker
So basically, I mean, to sum that up, the men who are actually good at sex tend to get selected out of the pool because women want to be in relationships with them.
01:06:02
Speaker
And they end up pursuing relationships with women because they invest in sexually pleasing women, right?
01:06:07
Speaker
So they get locked down.
01:06:08
Speaker
The ones who are still on the market, there's something wrong with them.
01:06:11
Speaker
They don't want to keep them around.
01:06:12
Speaker
That's just 100% what happens.
01:06:14
Speaker
The only women who would deal with them on level are probably sex workers, women who are actually getting paid.
01:06:20
Speaker
So that's what a lot of these guys who are in these quote-unquote casual encounters, a lot of them are also likely to be hiring prostitutes.
01:06:27
Speaker
So...
01:06:28
Speaker
Yeah, so I think that's a good point.
01:06:30
Speaker
It's almost like you wouldn't want to be part of the pool of casual sex partners because the men who are in that pool are being selected against by other guys who women want to stay and be around in relationships with.
01:06:42
Speaker
There's actually not that many hot guys who are amazing in bed who also don't have girlfriends.
01:06:48
Speaker
That, to me, is like a red pill fantasy where they think about these alpha guys that are just knocking down tons of chicks.
01:06:54
Speaker
There's a reason they don't have any repeat customers, okay?
01:06:56
Speaker
It's because they're not good.
01:06:58
Speaker
If they're good with women in and out of the bedroom, they're probably not looking for something casual, to be honest.
01:07:03
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like the kind of men who specifically looks for a casual relationship to me is automatically low value.
01:07:09
Speaker
That's why we say at FDS, you want a guy who's marriage minded.
01:07:12
Speaker
Even if you yourself are not marriage minded, like I don't really want to get married or anything like that.
01:07:16
Speaker
But I only date guys who want to get married because those are the only guys who are decent.
01:07:21
Speaker
Men who don't want to get married are trash.
01:07:23
Speaker
And even like, just to circle back briefly, even men who, I've spoken to men who have a lot of casual sex, even they've said that sex with somebody that you know and love and care about is always superior to sex with a random.
01:07:38
Speaker
One of the guys I spoke to even compared like sex, like it's just a sport, you know,
01:07:43
Speaker
if you're with somebody and you have that sexual tension and the familiarity, it's just so much better.
01:07:49
Speaker
So even the people who are in the casual sex world, 99% of them are not enjoying it.
01:07:55
Speaker
So one last reason to explore about casual sex and like the huge downsides of it is the likelihood of encountering men who don't take care of their sexual health and who can expose you to STDs.
01:08:09
Speaker
So that's always the caveat, I think, when you're in a relationship that's not monogamous.
01:08:15
Speaker
And also if you do any type of casual encounter where you haven't vetted the guy, you haven't gone to get tested for STDs, is that you do expose yourself to that risk.
01:08:24
Speaker
And there are certain STDs like HPV that are undetectable in men, but can still spread to women and give you cervical cancer in
01:08:32
Speaker
There are some vaccines against certain strains of HPV, but there are other strains of HPV that you can't get vaccinated against that are still undetectable in men, but could cause cervical cancer as well as genital warts in women.
01:08:45
Speaker
And there's also herpes.
01:08:47
Speaker
And there's also several types of STDs that you can just get from skin-on-skin contact and even wearing a condom may not necessarily prevent it.
01:08:54
Speaker
So the big ugly thing that hangs over every sexual encounter with a person you haven't properly vetted is whether or not this person is going to expose you to STDs.
01:09:03
Speaker
Let's be real.
01:09:03
Speaker
This again goes back to the quality of the casual sex pool.
01:09:07
Speaker
Like men who are into casual sex are going to be very casual about their sexual health.
01:09:13
Speaker
It's not something they're considering.
01:09:16
Speaker
I severely doubt anybody is talking about when was the last time you were tested and even STD tests.
01:09:21
Speaker
Let's be real.
01:09:22
Speaker
It's only valid on the day you take...
01:09:24
Speaker
the sample.
01:09:25
Speaker
If you then go out and have unprotected sex an hour later, yeah, your test might come back clean, but you could have picked up something in that time anyway.
01:09:34
Speaker
So even STD tests can be an indicator, but it's still not a guarantee that somebody doesn't have anything.
01:09:40
Speaker
And
01:09:41
Speaker
in chats and stuff you know i've heard men say really really quite horrendous things when it comes to women's sexual health especially things like like when they do anal and they go like ass to mouth they'll say ew oh yeah like hepatitis is not a big deal like you can get the vaccine for or they just don't give a shit if you get hepatitis they just don't care so there's that as well
01:10:04
Speaker
You need to think about the pool of men you're looking for, men who are going to be into the casual sex scene.
01:10:09
Speaker
And these are not men who, A, care about their own health.
01:10:12
Speaker
And if they don't care about their own health, they're not going to care about your health.
01:10:15
Speaker
Just to give you an idea of what we're talking about, I remember talking to this one guy who was telling me that he wasn't looking for anything serious.
01:10:22
Speaker
He's only looking for casual sexual relationships and that he never uses condoms, only does bareback, and that he's never had an STD test.
01:10:30
Speaker
And I told him to his face that he was disgusting.
01:10:33
Speaker
And he was like, so offended.
01:10:34
Speaker
He was like, oh my God, that's so offensive and hurtful to me that you would call me disgusting.
01:10:38
Speaker
It's also accurate.
01:10:39
Speaker
It's also accurate, right?
01:10:40
Speaker
That's community dick.
01:10:42
Speaker
Yeah.
01:10:42
Speaker
That's community dick, right?
01:10:44
Speaker
These are the kinds of guys that are out there looking for casual sex, okay?
01:10:47
Speaker
They have dirty dicks and you shouldn't touch them with a 10 foot pole.
01:10:50
Speaker
Say no to community dick.
01:10:51
Speaker
And the thing is, the guys who are community dick, they're not better in bed.
01:10:55
Speaker
I mean, I didn't fuck this guy because that guy was gross, but I'm imagining just how fucking low effort he was when it came to just taking care of his own sexual health.
01:11:05
Speaker
I'm assuming he's not going to be a great lover either.
01:11:07
Speaker
So it's...
01:11:07
Speaker
All risk and no reward.
01:11:09
Speaker
And the other thing is you don't want to reinforce poor behavior in men like that by validating their worldview and behavior by having sex with them.
01:11:17
Speaker
Because if you have sex with them, then they think, well, the thing I'm doing is wrong.
01:11:21
Speaker
They look at it as a win and they look at it like, okay, I don't have to change my behavior.
01:11:25
Speaker
I don't have to care about using condoms because women will have sex with me anyways.
01:11:30
Speaker
And woe to those women.
01:11:32
Speaker
Let's be real.
01:11:33
Speaker
Casual sex is a very different game for men than for women.
01:11:36
Speaker
Casual sex for men is like all reward.
01:11:39
Speaker
And I mean, the risks are there, but they just seem to not care.
01:11:42
Speaker
Yeah, they don't give a shit about the risk.
01:11:43
Speaker
They don't give a shit the risk.
01:11:44
Speaker
They just take it on the chin.
01:11:46
Speaker
But for women, the risks are much higher, not just in terms of STDs, but also the social stigma.
01:11:51
Speaker
Like Ro said earlier in the episode, you're literally like risking your own social status to benefit a man's social status.
01:11:58
Speaker
He's winning social points off your back.
01:11:59
Speaker
And you probably won't even orgasm at that.
01:12:02
Speaker
It'll probably be shit.
01:12:03
Speaker
So you're going to have bad sex with a guy who could expose you to STDs.
01:12:07
Speaker
And he's going to probably talk about your encounter and hype himself up and try to make you look bad.
01:12:13
Speaker
So it's just like everything about it is just mostly negative.
01:12:18
Speaker
And to the extent that you can have positive sexual encounters with men, you basically have to vet them the same you would as a boyfriend.
01:12:25
Speaker
Exactly.
01:12:26
Speaker
So there's just no difference in the way you would have to vet them.
01:12:29
Speaker
So then it just becomes a question of like, if you're going to engage with a guy and you don't have any type of sense that he's taking care of his sexual health, that he's respectful of you, that he's actually good, that he's actually good in bed, you're always going to just take a massive amount of risk for a really, really low reward.
01:12:48
Speaker
In the words of Lizzo, the juice is not worth the squeeze.
01:12:51
Speaker
It's not.
01:12:52
Speaker
So overall, casual sex is a bad idea.
01:12:55
Speaker
There may be some specific circumstances to which you may enjoy it, but you have to bet those guys like a boyfriend.
01:13:01
Speaker
And if they're going to be friends with benefits, they need to be your actual friend.
01:13:04
Speaker
Like I would also ask these guys, if you can't ask him to loan you a couple hundred bucks or come fix your car
FDS Stance on Casual Sex & Final Thoughts
01:13:10
Speaker
if it breaks down, that guy's not your friend.
01:13:12
Speaker
And I straight up would not be around him.
01:13:14
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:15
Speaker
I wouldn't have him as a sexual partner.
01:13:17
Speaker
Yeah.
01:13:17
Speaker
If you wouldn't be friends with him, if you weren't fucking him, then he's not a friends with benefits.
01:13:21
Speaker
It's just benefits, no friends.
01:13:22
Speaker
And not even for women.
01:13:23
Speaker
There's no benefits.
01:13:24
Speaker
The benefit is all for the man.
01:13:25
Speaker
Right.
01:13:26
Speaker
I've seen a lot of women.
01:13:27
Speaker
They're having sex with these guys and they're afraid to ask them for anything.
01:13:31
Speaker
And I'm like, but why?
01:13:32
Speaker
You're literally giving him your whole body and exposing yourself to all this risk.
01:13:36
Speaker
And you can't ask him to bring you a bowl of chicken soup when you're sick.
01:13:40
Speaker
I mean, that's what I'm saying.
01:13:41
Speaker
It's all downside then.
01:13:43
Speaker
Mediocre dick.
01:13:44
Speaker
And for what?
01:13:45
Speaker
All risk, no reward.
01:13:46
Speaker
Why would you do that?
01:13:47
Speaker
And that's why casual sex in general has started to fall out of favor because men are shitty.
01:13:51
Speaker
They just come with all the entitlement and none of the benefits.
01:13:56
Speaker
So although it was pretty controversial on the subreddit, we mostly come down on the side that it's just not worth it in 90% of the cases.
01:14:04
Speaker
So to wrap things up, there's specific scenarios where we think casual sex can work for some women, generally women who are grounded enough to be emotionally detached from the sexual encounter.
01:14:15
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with you if you're not a person who can emotionally detach from a sexual encounter.
01:14:20
Speaker
And for the most part, a lot of women would fall into that category.
01:14:23
Speaker
And there's also women who, like myself, are maybe flexible depending on the situation.
01:14:28
Speaker
So parsing out for yourself under what scenario you can be okay with a casual sexual encounter.
01:14:34
Speaker
And there's always a risk of that, you know, you could be exposed to STDs.
01:14:38
Speaker
If you're going to do some kind of friends with benefits relationship, obviously there's got to be some kind of exclusivity there.
01:14:43
Speaker
But then like Savannah said earlier, if you're exclusive and you're still not wanting to be in a relationship, probably you're slumming it.
01:14:50
Speaker
Right.
01:14:50
Speaker
Like probably there's something wrong with this guy you don't really want to have sex with.
01:14:53
Speaker
Also consider like the opportunity cost that you're costing yourself where you're sexually investing in this one relationship with a guy and you're not outdating other guys and finding new guys to like potentially have a relationship with or fuck with.
01:15:04
Speaker
So casual sex for a long-term relationship or long-term friends of benefits is like, I think across the board, we agree is a terrible idea.
01:15:11
Speaker
Short-term relation, short-term sexual encounters, meaning like three, four months.
01:15:15
Speaker
Yeah.
01:15:16
Speaker
STD tests, vetting strategies, vet them like you would vet a boyfriend, determine what kind of triggers you have to being emotionally attached with a guy or not, and, you know, strap up and have fun and make sure it's on your terms.
01:15:27
Speaker
And use my strategy if you're not sure, just like have guys go down on you till you start figuring it out.
01:15:33
Speaker
I kick them out.
01:15:33
Speaker
Like you don't have to fuck these guys.
01:15:35
Speaker
Yeet them.
01:15:36
Speaker
Yeah, straight up or leave.
01:15:37
Speaker
Like just leave.
01:15:38
Speaker
I would just leave.
01:15:38
Speaker
Like I would just, I would literally like, I would literally step off their face and just put my like skirt on and just bounce.
01:15:45
Speaker
But that should be the rule for any, like make sure you get yours first.
01:15:48
Speaker
Make sure you get your orgasm first.
01:15:51
Speaker
It's a great bedding strategy too, because the guy is not going to go down and he's probably not going to be good in bed.
01:15:55
Speaker
Yeah, true.
01:15:55
Speaker
Making out with guys, make sure you're in a place where you don't feel like you're going to be pressured.
01:16:00
Speaker
So try to make out in the car, something like that.
01:16:03
Speaker
Something where you don't feel like you're in his house, you're going to get cornered.
01:16:06
Speaker
So these are all like a lot of caveats around casual sex to make it a successful encounter.
01:16:11
Speaker
Probably it's not going to be worth your time in like 90% of cases.
01:16:15
Speaker
That's why we, as a general rule at FDS, advocate against it.
01:16:18
Speaker
But for the small portion of you who aren't going to listen to us, then we gave you some guidelines to follow.
01:16:23
Speaker
Don't do it, but if you do it, be safe.
01:16:25
Speaker
And put yourself first.
01:16:27
Speaker
Join us for part two of this discussion on casual sex, where we debunk some of the male lies that they try to spin in order to get us to engage in casual sex and some appropriate FDS responses to that.
01:16:39
Speaker
That will be on our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
01:16:43
Speaker
So that's our show.
01:16:44
Speaker
If you want to follow us and hear some more of our musing, we're all on Twitter.
01:16:48
Speaker
You can look at our main handle at fem.strat on Twitter.
01:16:51
Speaker
We're also on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
01:16:54
Speaker
If you want to check us out there.
01:16:55
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:16:57
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, y'all need Jesus.
01:17:01
Speaker
Die mad.
01:17:03
Speaker
See you next week, guys.
01:17:03
Speaker
See you next week.