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Why You Should Be High Maintenance
58 Plays2 years ago
Strat-ah-geee. Some reasoning on why being a high maintenance woman is the best way to be.
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Transcript
Introduction to Female Dating Strategy (FDS) Mini-Series
00:00:05
Speaker
What's up queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet on rope.
00:00:11
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:12
Speaker
And this week we are back with another FDS Strategy mini-series where we'll be talking about why all women should be high maintenance if you want to date men.
Why Be High Maintenance?
00:00:23
Speaker
I just feel like being high maintenance for women has just got such a bad rep.
00:00:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's the only way to be.
00:00:29
Speaker
There's just no other way to be dealing with men and expect to be treated well.
00:00:34
Speaker
Exactly.
00:00:34
Speaker
And especially when like your average man is high maintenance, like a man will say, you know, like, oh, I just want my wife to just be a nice girl and to just, and to like me.
00:00:46
Speaker
The average man is extremely high maintenance.
00:00:48
Speaker
They just don't recognize it because of the fact that women are groomed from birth to accommodate them.
00:00:53
Speaker
So they don't realize that a lot of their behavior is high maintenance.
00:00:56
Speaker
And a lot of it comes down to, they can do things just because they can and make everybody else around them accommodate them.
00:01:03
Speaker
Exactly.
50-50 Relationships: A Flawed Concept?
00:01:04
Speaker
And just off the back of that as well, like even the very structure of heterosexual relationships means that women often have to risk and sacrifice more.
00:01:14
Speaker
So, for example, you know, when you go out on a date, for example, statistically, the woman is more likely to come to some kind of physical relationship.
00:01:22
Speaker
or any other kind of harm than the man in that situation.
00:01:25
Speaker
If we're talking about, you know, moving in, if talking about marriage, if we're talking about having kids, again, it is women who are disproportionately bearing the brunt of this.
00:01:34
Speaker
And one of the big, big fuck-ups of liberal feminism is pushing this whole equality angle, because what equality fails to account for is these differences, you know, within heterosexual relationships, especially
00:01:50
Speaker
especially when they disadvantage women.
Demanding More: A Path to Fairness
00:01:52
Speaker
And this is why FDS has and always will continue to be against 50-50 because 50-50 for a woman is never truly 50-50.
00:02:01
Speaker
It's more like 80-20.
00:02:03
Speaker
And a lot of women who start off relationships splitting everything down the middle, eventually they all come to realize that they're being hard done by it.
00:02:12
Speaker
Whether it's that, you know, I pay half the bills, but I'm still doing all the housework or he never pulls his weight.
00:02:17
Speaker
Eventually they have that reckoning.
00:02:19
Speaker
And by being high maintenance, in quotation, I don't like saying high maintenance, but by demanding more from your relationships with men, you can avoid making that mistake.
00:02:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:30
Speaker
I mean, we've said it a million times, you can't go 50-50 on childbirth.
00:02:34
Speaker
And your fertility has a finite window as a woman in a way that men doesn't.
00:02:39
Speaker
So you have to be a lot more ruthless with your time and energy.
Overcoming Discomfort in Prioritizing Women's Needs
00:02:43
Speaker
Because once again, childbearing is probably going to fall on you.
00:02:46
Speaker
And even if you are child-free and choose to be child-free, you're still at a disadvantage when dealing with men because of
00:02:52
Speaker
the overall risks that men come with as opposed to the general benefits that women come with.
00:02:58
Speaker
Like men don't really have any inherent type of value when it comes to dealing with you.
00:03:01
Speaker
So be high maintenance, ladies, and we're going to tell you why.
00:03:04
Speaker
Exactly.
00:03:05
Speaker
And I remember that was a fantastic quote on the FBS subreddit that I've just internalized to the depths of my soul and still try to is that, you know, when you think, you know, women, because we're so conditioned to be relentlessly giving to men,
00:03:18
Speaker
you know, we often feel like, you know, what is in our best interest and what is truly fair is unfair towards the man, if that makes sense.
00:03:27
Speaker
So because we are so used to accommodating these men, oftentimes, you know, 50-50 feels fair and seems fair, but it's actually
Embracing High Maintenance as a Positive Trait
00:03:36
Speaker
not.
00:03:36
Speaker
And I guess...
00:03:38
Speaker
I mean, in my experience, there's been, you know, some like level of discomfort when in relationships and not just romantic relationships, but relationships in general, where I've considered my own interests and acted upon them.
00:03:50
Speaker
And it feels uncomfortable because I'm thinking, well, this isn't fair to the other person.
00:03:54
Speaker
But actually, when you're dealing with men, if you get to that point, that is actually when you're being fair in quotation marks is almost when you feel like you're almost taking advantage of them.
00:04:03
Speaker
I'm not sure if I'm explaining this in the best way, but it's almost like you sort of have to push past that discomfort, you know, when it comes to actually centering on putting your needs first as a woman, because that is when it will truly be fair for you.
00:04:15
Speaker
I almost want to retitle this episode and say that none of the things that we're saying are actually high maintenance.
00:04:21
Speaker
They're just things that you need that I think are basic things, but we're calling them high maintenance only because that's how it's referred to.
00:04:26
Speaker
But honestly, this culture needs to change the standards to meet us here.
00:04:30
Speaker
None of what we're going to say is going to be outrageous in the way that men are going to pretend it is.
Raising Standards for All Women
00:04:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:36
Speaker
And women need to be comfortable with being called high maintenance.
00:04:40
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it.
00:04:41
Speaker
You know, there is an element of, I guess, like, you know, stigma and shame attached to it, but that is there by design.
00:04:47
Speaker
Like if a man says, you know, you're high maintenance in a derogatory way, just know that he's a scrote and just move on.
00:04:54
Speaker
I think it's a great vetting strategy because like I said, like men are high maintenance as well, and they don't apologize for it.
00:05:00
Speaker
So neither should you.
00:05:01
Speaker
So the first reason why all women should be high maintenance is that women having high standards across the board will raise the standard for other women by default.
00:05:12
Speaker
It breaks my heart to see women literally almost like every time I log onto the internet or every time I speak to, you know, one of my girlfriends, like the bar for men just seems to be getting lower and lower.
Social Media and Collective Empowerment
00:05:23
Speaker
And this is where women, we sort of need to have a better sense of class consciousness because if women
00:05:29
Speaker
you know, we accept, you know, behavior from a man, it doesn't just impact us as an individual, you know, that also sets the standard for other women in the sense that, you know, if that particular relationship doesn't work out until they move on to the next woman and say, you know, well, my ex is okay with it, or just in general, like tolerating, you know, subpar, bare minimum behavior in a relationship, it lowers the bar for women all over the place because it helps to normalize that particular low value behavior.
00:05:58
Speaker
Yeah, I can't stress this enough.
00:05:59
Speaker
And one of the things that is really encouraging is seeing how much I think Gen Z has embraced this.
00:06:07
Speaker
And a lot of it has to do with social media and women being able to talk to each other and push back when men try to lowball women on certain types of standards.
00:06:14
Speaker
So I really do love that there's so many content creators and high maintenance girls out here trying to raise the bar.
00:06:22
Speaker
Because I always think of the fact that
00:06:24
Speaker
Sometimes it can be a little frustrating because you feel like, okay, things aren't moving fast enough or some of the older women who we've talked to, you know, they experienced some types of sexism that I am very fortunate that I have not experienced.
00:06:37
Speaker
And there are some types of sexism that the generation behind me won't have to experience because each generation of women took our licks and then fought back.
00:06:45
Speaker
So when I see the bars being raised and women demanding more, it just makes me happy.
00:06:50
Speaker
It makes me feel like, okay, progress is being made.
00:06:53
Speaker
And if you're not a pick me, you can't be anything but happy about that.
00:06:56
Speaker
Like don't be bitter and, oh, girls don't deserve this.
00:07:00
Speaker
Or like they're so high maintenance.
00:07:01
Speaker
Like we a lot of times make fun of the pick me sport.
00:07:03
Speaker
Because there's women who are like this, who are young or of all ages, quite frankly.
00:07:07
Speaker
But ultimately them raising the bar is only going to have a trickle
The Power of Women Organizing
00:07:11
Speaker
down effect.
00:07:11
Speaker
This is a time where I really do feel like women raising the bar are
00:07:15
Speaker
has a trickle down effect to even the like, I'll call them the lowliest pick me, but like the most pathetic pick me, right?
00:07:20
Speaker
Like you can get educated today as a woman, you can walk freely in public as a woman, you can expect to get paid near your male co workers today, despite all of the kicking and screaming from pick me's of generation past who said, women don't deserve any of that stuff.
00:07:36
Speaker
So this is kind of the heartening thing about what we do.
00:07:40
Speaker
And what a lot of women of FDS does is that more so than any other type of civil liberty or any type of progressive fight, this really does have trickle down effects and like visible ones.
00:07:51
Speaker
Exactly.
00:07:52
Speaker
And another thing to note as well is that women truly set the standards for men.
00:07:57
Speaker
If this wasn't true, then, you know, men wouldn't have, you know, weaponized every single person
00:08:03
Speaker
tactic they can think of from religion to politics to society to the workplace in order to keep women in place in or in our supposed rightful place so they know that women as a collective we have power and this is also why men try to create this hierarchy within women for example the madonna hall complex you know where the good women in quotation marks they get virtual head pats from men even though the same men saying they want that kind of woman they end up going for the opposite
00:08:32
Speaker
It's all like, when you look at how afraid men are of, you know, women organising, of women talking, of, you know, women demanding better for themselves, not just for men, you know, but from life in general and see how scared they get, you sort of understand how
00:08:47
Speaker
The patriarchy is just a carefully constructed con to rob women of our power because men know that we are the more valuable sex, basically.
Thriving Without Men
00:08:57
Speaker
And most women can be just fine without a man as we're seeing more and more women are almost turning to voluntary celibacy as opposed to being part of men nowadays.
00:09:08
Speaker
But men don't do as well on their own.
00:09:10
Speaker
They don't.
00:09:11
Speaker
They're real sad and angry right now, which, you know, it doesn't benefit either of us for them to be like that.
00:09:17
Speaker
So as much as we hate on Scroats, it's like it's for your own good, right?
00:09:22
Speaker
There's some of them that refuse to evolve and we can't do anything about that.
00:09:25
Speaker
But, you know, they want to stay at Pokemon level one, then that's a choice.
00:09:29
Speaker
But then it's like, you know, but if like women as a collective, if we raised our standards and we even held the line for other women as well, then these undesirable scrotes, they have a choice.
00:09:42
Speaker
They can either do better or they can die alone and mad.
00:09:46
Speaker
And that's a choice that they can make.
00:09:48
Speaker
As it used to be, because I'm sure back in the hunter-gatherer days, you know, the humans that were able to procreate, they were the ones who were able to hunt food and to survive,
Choosing Singleness Over Low Standards
00:09:58
Speaker
right?
00:09:58
Speaker
Survive of the fittest.
00:09:59
Speaker
It's been turned on its head, thanks to patriarchy, but I feel like, almost like the ship...
00:10:05
Speaker
haha reference to last week's episode on the Titanic is sort of you know writing itself and that women are recognizing that we do have more power than we think and ultimately being single because being single is not the same as being alone you know they're not the same thing is better than being partnered with somebody who doesn't even you know meet your basic standards
00:10:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:27
Speaker
And even the pick me's, I just find they also eventually have this awakening that they've accepted way, way less than they should have done.
00:10:34
Speaker
And they now regret it, but we'll come on to that later on.
00:10:38
Speaker
It's embarrassing.
00:10:39
Speaker
That's why I think sometimes what happens when you accept less, like you just don't want to feel, you don't want to admit it to yourself because you can feel stupid or you can really start to feel the sting of...
00:10:49
Speaker
exploitation.
00:10:50
Speaker
And I've definitely been that way, not in like a hater way, but in a way where I almost don't want to like admit it to myself because it hurts so bad.
00:10:56
Speaker
Like the ways you gave up your power and you didn't know.
00:10:59
Speaker
And, you know, as much as we sometimes, you know, roast the pick me's on FDS, but I also think
00:11:04
Speaker
feel there is power in you know women talking about our experiences of you know not honoring our standards with men because not only does it serve as a warning to other women but you will also find a community in sharing your stories and you'll find that okay yeah you've worn the clown outfit yourself but you'll find that hundreds of women have done the same thing and again it's just that I guess that power of community amongst women that we're all in this together that we all face the same problems
00:11:33
Speaker
can be really helpful, even though it can be shameful.
00:11:36
Speaker
Because on the one hand, I understand feeling the shame, but on the other hand, keeping quiet about it only then serves to benefit the Scrotes, you know, which is why, I guess, communities and spaces like FDS, where we openly discuss these issues and we openly, you know, talk about our L's, men don't like that because they can't control the narrative.
00:11:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:57
Speaker
Straight up.
00:11:58
Speaker
Sometimes one person just needs to break the dam by taking their
Investment and Relationship Value
00:12:02
Speaker
L in public.
00:12:02
Speaker
You don't necessarily have to all out yourselves at once.
00:12:05
Speaker
But I like the anonymity of female dating strategy because it allows women to be more honest without having to publicly out themselves and to say face publicly.
00:12:15
Speaker
On to the next reason why all women should be high maintenance is that people tend to value what they have had to invest in and men are no exception.
00:12:24
Speaker
Again, this flies in the face of what men will say.
00:12:28
Speaker
So men will act like they like it when a woman's
00:12:33
Speaker
easily accessible when she goes 50 50 yada yada yada but in reality oftentimes especially if the guy feels like you are out of his league because men to some degree even though again they might not you know verbalize it but they know when they're punching like if you look at you know for example
00:12:53
Speaker
You know, sugar daddies, for example, you know, when they're looking for a sugar baby, they understand that even though they have all the money and the wealth, they understand that they are not the desirable partner in that relationship and that they're punching in more ways than one.
00:13:06
Speaker
When women don't have standards, men feel like there's something wrong with you.
00:13:13
Speaker
Yeah, that's the sad part about it.
00:13:16
Speaker
Even though they may not say that.
00:13:17
Speaker
And the thing is, they will encourage women to lower their standards, but they don't respect women who do lower their standards.
00:13:23
Speaker
They just don't respect them.
00:13:25
Speaker
And especially if a woman is compromising and doing things for the man that he wouldn't do himself or tolerating behavior that he wouldn't put up with himself.
00:13:34
Speaker
That's the hardest thing.
00:13:35
Speaker
And because so much of the advice before has been about like, oh, you just have to communicate or you have to compromise.
00:13:41
Speaker
It never like, you almost never hear about like non-negotiable standards.
00:13:45
Speaker
That's been like our biggest point of all of the rants we've done against LibFem media is that like there's no bar too low enough for LibFem not to justify like crawling under it, right?
00:13:55
Speaker
Like, oh, my husband cheats on me every night and I'm at home, like, stressed out, taking care of my kids.
00:14:01
Speaker
And they'll be like, have you tried moisturizing?
00:14:03
Speaker
Like, they're really mentally ill at this point.
00:14:05
Speaker
I don't know what else to say.
00:14:06
Speaker
Have you tried... The worst is Reddit.
00:14:09
Speaker
It's like, sit him down and talk to him.
00:14:11
Speaker
I'm like...
00:14:13
Speaker
These guys know what they're doing is wrong.
00:14:15
Speaker
They're just hoping that the woman has very little self-esteem and she either won't challenge and she'll stay whilst in the meantime, continuing to have no respect for her.
00:14:24
Speaker
And, you know, this is where it all starts.
00:14:28
Speaker
And I feel like, again, this is why having high standards and setting your boundaries as women is so important from the beginning, because, you know, generally speaking, as, you know, people get more comfortable, the behaviour...
00:14:41
Speaker
that it will either remain the same or it will tend to get worse.
00:14:44
Speaker
And for a lot of women who start out with this 50-50, I'm just gonna, you know, go with the flow and, you know, be easy and open or whatever, they tend to find that the treatment gets worse over time as the man takes them for granted.
00:14:58
Speaker
Yeah, because the type of man who nags your standards and tries to repeatedly lowball you, they don't really have an off switch, right?
00:15:06
Speaker
It's just like capitalism.
Exploitation in Relationships and Capitalism
00:15:08
Speaker
If they think they can get away with that type of exploitation, they won't stop it.
00:15:12
Speaker
And in so many ways, I've talked about this with Savannah offline and in our career series too, if you've been following it on the Patreon.
00:15:18
Speaker
But in so many ways, the way that shitty employers behave is the same way that a shitty man behaves.
00:15:25
Speaker
Yes.
00:15:26
Speaker
And it makes sense because basically men invented capitalism.
00:15:29
Speaker
It completely makes sense.
00:15:31
Speaker
Right.
00:15:32
Speaker
So for them, this is all logical, right?
00:15:34
Speaker
I can't even remember like the sting of realizing how many men who feel like, oh, if they can get away from something that's horrible, it's they feel like it's your fault, right?
00:15:43
Speaker
They don't feel like I'm a terrible person for doing it.
00:15:45
Speaker
They feel like you're a terrible person for letting me get away with it.
00:15:47
Speaker
And I'm like, that is so fucked, but also good to know.
00:15:51
Speaker
That's true.
00:15:52
Speaker
And it's just, it also puts like women, and I don't want to say as well, like this, you know, if a guy isn't investing in you, that means that you don't have value.
00:16:01
Speaker
That's, that isn't at all what I'm saying because ultimately FDS, even, you know, if a guy is high value, then even if the relationship doesn't work out or you're just seeing each other, he will still treat you with respect.
00:16:13
Speaker
It's entirely on them.
00:16:15
Speaker
But having high standards and boundaries in the beginning will weed out the guys who are out to lowball you over time.
00:16:21
Speaker
Because I've noticed now, and I've said this to my sister, like, it just seems like men are expecting more from women and wanting to give less.
00:16:29
Speaker
I mean, that's always the case.
00:16:31
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:16:31
Speaker
It's not like it's a new thing with men.
00:16:33
Speaker
That is all they do.
00:16:35
Speaker
And, you know, it's tough not to be radicalized all of the time.
00:16:38
Speaker
And quite frankly, I just embrace the seething hatred from time to time because we talk to women like Maya, where like,
00:16:45
Speaker
they basically engineered that entire society to have all of the rights and make sure women have none of the rights.
00:16:50
Speaker
And there's like this conceit that I think the West has that, oh, it can't happen here.
00:16:55
Speaker
And I'm like, we are one economic collapse away from it being somewhat like this, right?
00:17:00
Speaker
Like I know there's been dystopian TV shows like The Handmaid's Tale that waxes poetic about it, but like we've also had versions of this in America.
00:17:08
Speaker
It's just a little bit less
00:17:10
Speaker
people tend to other people from colonized countries or Muslim countries as if like, oh, they're sort of uniquely backwards, but that's not in any way, shape or form true, especially from a country that had things like chattel slavery for a very long time and also exploited a lot of people in Latin America and exploited a lot of people in Africa.
00:17:29
Speaker
Men are very much the same.
00:17:31
Speaker
They might've just outsourced some of that sexual exploitation to countries where it was the women had no power, right?
00:17:38
Speaker
But it doesn't mean that like,
00:17:39
Speaker
magically, like, because we're in the West, that, like, we're not in danger of that happening when that's been a thing that's been very common in America.
00:17:47
Speaker
I mean, that's why half the world hates the British.
The Importance of Boundaries
00:17:50
Speaker
You know, that's because a lot of them just went around the world, like, raping women, not even, like, subtle about it, really.
00:17:57
Speaker
So, you know, it doesn't take much for men to justify and compartmentalize that type of behavior.
00:18:02
Speaker
So...
00:18:03
Speaker
And I also want to add as well that it's not, investing isn't only in like a monetary sense as well.
00:18:10
Speaker
It's also about investing in, you know, you emotionally, investing in you physically.
00:18:17
Speaker
So for example, is he reciprocal during, you know, sex, for example, is he affectionate in a way that makes you feel comfortable?
00:18:25
Speaker
It's all those things as well.
00:18:27
Speaker
Like when we talk about
00:18:28
Speaker
investment in somebody, people wrongly assume FDS is only talking about money.
00:18:32
Speaker
That's only one side of it.
00:18:34
Speaker
It's also about basically does he invest in you as a person?
00:18:38
Speaker
And again, we see this a lot from the LibFems, especially when they accept things like
00:18:44
Speaker
a guy who watches porn in the relationship and then they all of a sudden find out that he's actually a porn addict and it completely wrecks their life.
00:18:52
Speaker
Again, this is where it starts.
00:18:54
Speaker
Is that, is he investing in you as a person?
00:18:57
Speaker
Is he respecting your boundaries as well?
00:19:00
Speaker
You know, this is where it starts.
00:19:01
Speaker
And just like Ro said,
00:19:03
Speaker
There's another great quote is that if you are naturally somebody who is giving, which I think a lot of women are because you've been socialized to be giving, overly giving, especially to men, you need to have boundaries because the people who are taking from you won't have any.
00:19:18
Speaker
They'll just keep taking.
00:19:21
Speaker
Which segues nicely onto my next point.
00:19:24
Speaker
So number three is the reward in quotation marks for having low standards is that you end up with a man who gives you even less than what you were willing to settle for.
00:19:36
Speaker
I mean, if the bar is on the keel of the Titanic, again, if we track, you know, capitalism where exploitation has no end, it will just keep becoming more and more extreme and depraved in the capitalism context.
00:19:51
Speaker
The same also applies for relationships as well.
00:19:54
Speaker
And this is how women can be with, in a relationship with a man and they come out with the most egregious stories that
00:20:01
Speaker
You know, purely because it wasn't necessarily like the relationship was like that from the beginning.
00:20:06
Speaker
It's often not.
00:20:07
Speaker
But over time, their boundaries and standards and their maintenance, so to speak, has been eroded to the point where their partner thinks that they can do anything and they would be able to get away with it.
00:20:17
Speaker
And this is the thing.
00:20:18
Speaker
When you settle, you always, always, always, always even end up with even less than what you were planning to settle for.
00:20:24
Speaker
Always.
00:20:25
Speaker
There's no way you can settle and compromise your boundaries and come out on top.
00:20:29
Speaker
There's no way.
00:20:31
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's the hardest lesson to learn because there's always like an assumption of good faith.
00:20:37
Speaker
And I think most women operate that way and we're conditioned
Assumptions of Good Faith and Exploitation
00:20:41
Speaker
that way, right?
00:20:41
Speaker
It's a rude awakening when someone doesn't reciprocate and you're just like, hey, wait a minute, what the heck?
00:20:47
Speaker
And it's just totally because once again, men are not necessarily socialized to accommodate women or see what they do to women as exploitation.
00:20:55
Speaker
They just expect it.
00:20:56
Speaker
So of course they don't feel bad.
00:20:57
Speaker
They feel like this is the way things are.
00:21:00
Speaker
And this is how they can give the illusion that they're not asking for a lot at the same time.
00:21:05
Speaker
Like they'll say, I just want a stress-free life.
00:21:08
Speaker
I'm drama free.
00:21:09
Speaker
You know, I'm easygoing.
00:21:10
Speaker
I just want a woman who's easygoing.
00:21:12
Speaker
Basically, they just want a woman who would just basically not stick up for themselves.
00:21:16
Speaker
That's what that's a euphemism for as well.
00:21:19
Speaker
And again, it also goes back to respect as well.
00:21:23
Speaker
It can even more so for men, but it can be very challenging to respect somebody when it's clear that they don't have respect for themselves.
00:21:34
Speaker
I know it's not the right approach per se, but ultimately it almost means, you know, that your words and actions become almost meaningless.
00:21:44
Speaker
if every time they bust your boundaries, you'll still stick around.
00:21:48
Speaker
It just renders your words and actions meaningless.
00:21:49
Speaker
And this is why in FDFs, we've always said, like, don't bother paragraphing men.
00:21:53
Speaker
Don't bother explaining
Respect and Self-Respect Dynamics
00:21:55
Speaker
to them.
00:21:55
Speaker
You know, men respond best to actions and consequences.
00:21:59
Speaker
That is how they learn or don't learn.
00:22:01
Speaker
But even still, like if you follow through on something, you know, whether that is a boundary you've set and you've put in a consequence, if you then follow through, that will at least demonstrate to the man that you are serious about what you're saying.
00:22:15
Speaker
Because there's no point having boundaries and standards if there's no consequences for breaking them.
00:22:20
Speaker
Society punishes women for having these boundaries.
00:22:22
Speaker
So in a lot of ways, it's just we have to set up the infrastructure so that when men try to punish women for having standards that they get the double back, snap back, rack around and the ones like hit with it instead of us.
00:22:33
Speaker
Because quite frankly, it's not the easiest to stand alone.
00:22:36
Speaker
And a lot of times women who have boundaries are made examples of there's just so many like frothing at the mouth, like friendless, loveless men that have nothing to do all day but antagonize women.
00:22:46
Speaker
That's a hard battle to win on your own.
00:22:48
Speaker
It does take collective action.
00:22:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:51
Speaker
And to some degree as well, you know, because I find that it's easy to have boundaries and standards when you're not that invested in the guys.
00:22:59
Speaker
When you're first starting to date, if you're, you know, in the early stages of the relationship, it's a lot more challenging the further entrenched that you get as well.
00:23:09
Speaker
So again, I think what's helped me is also in a way, I guess, it's not so much
00:23:15
Speaker
you know, leaning into my emotions, but really thinking about, okay, like how is this relationship?
00:23:20
Speaker
How is this guy making me feel?
00:23:22
Speaker
Because women feel a certain way when their boundaries are being trampled on.
00:23:26
Speaker
Hence why, like we always said at FDS, if you feel the need to go to Reddit or the internet and ask, is this behavior normal?
00:23:33
Speaker
Or to Google your partner's behavior,
00:23:35
Speaker
Even the biggest pick me at that point, they will know that something is wrong because if everything was okay, you wouldn't feel the need to do that.
Choosing Partners: Future Fatherhood Considerations
00:23:42
Speaker
And so it's about tapping into how that relationship makes you feel and not necessarily looking at, you know, well, he meant it this way.
00:23:50
Speaker
He meant it that way because intent doesn't negate impact.
00:23:54
Speaker
And it's important, especially for women to recognize that so that you don't get bamboozled by somebody who will bust your boundaries and be like, oh, sorry, I didn't mean it.
00:24:02
Speaker
Or so I didn't mean it that way.
00:24:04
Speaker
So the next one is more geared towards women who want children, but it's generally good advice anyway, even if you don't, if you want to get a pet or whatever, but just directly speaking to women who want to get married and have children is that being high maintenance and vetting your partner from a high maintenance lens will not only pay dividends for yourself, but also for your children, because you are not only vetting for your future husband, you're also vetting the future father of your children.
00:24:33
Speaker
And if you lower your standards in choice of partner, you will find that your children will have a subpar father for a parent and that will negatively impact them.
00:24:43
Speaker
If you don't believe me, please head over to the Breaking Mums subreddit and filter by Manran because that is the end stage.
00:24:53
Speaker
Written birth control.
00:24:55
Speaker
oh my god it's like that's already is just this okay and it's hard because you don't want to make fun of them too much actually i'm a little bit bitter they auto banned fdsers from it but at the same time it's like man i'm not even making fun of them i'm just really sad for them it's not even like funny it's just really really sad and i feel really sad for the children involved in those relationship dynamics
00:25:20
Speaker
But the thing is, I think Breaking Mom is like known, it's not even just FDS, it's known across Reddit as being just a shit show in terms of relationships and parenting.
00:25:30
Speaker
Because you really, really see like the end game of, you know, what happens if you think, if you shack up with a guy and think his, you know, laziness is cute and endearing when you're single and how that just doesn't translate to when you're married with kids and
00:25:45
Speaker
It's the saddest part is, yeah, generally, once they've had children, the men just get even worse than what they were when they were dating, right?
00:25:52
Speaker
Like if all of their worst tendencies get amplified.
00:25:56
Speaker
And so when you hear a woman that's like, oh, I had three kids, but like we never got married and he's been dodging the conversation.
00:26:01
Speaker
I think he's cheating on me and he barely spends time with me and my children anymore.
00:26:05
Speaker
And it's like, well, yeah, it's because there are so many steps in there where he made it clear he wasn't committed to you and you stuck around anyways.
Protection Through High Standards
00:26:13
Speaker
Right.
00:26:13
Speaker
It's really tough because how do you explain to women like that, that like from the beginning, they set themselves up for failure and it's almost impossible to get it back.
00:26:20
Speaker
Like you just got to leave.
00:26:22
Speaker
You got to take your three kids and go, which is not an easy thing, right?
00:26:24
Speaker
Especially if she's economically dependent.
00:26:27
Speaker
So I feel like the upfront high maintenance standards is to prevent you from getting so far into a bad situation that it's even more painful to leave and or you can't leave.
00:26:38
Speaker
And make no mistake, when men know that you're cornered and that you can't leave, they will escalate their scrope behavior as well as abuse.
00:26:44
Speaker
In fact, that abusers love to escalate after women's had their children.
00:26:49
Speaker
Like they've done so many studies on this.
00:26:50
Speaker
So
00:26:51
Speaker
It's just like, it's just to protect yourself in the inevitable event that you have children and it will not even maybe it will almost assuredly fall on you.
00:27:01
Speaker
Most of it, you have to actively vet men to have that kind of quality.
00:27:05
Speaker
And even then they're just not socialized in the way that women are.
00:27:09
Speaker
And if you have biological children versus like, you know, even over adoption, like there's going to be some kind of biological headstart you have just for the fact that you've carried the child.
00:27:17
Speaker
So it's just like that.
00:27:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:20
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like a lot of the women on that subreddit, they were in tunnel vision when they were vetting their partner, because I think vetting your partner as a partner and vetting them to be a father are two totally different things.
00:27:38
Speaker
And women can maybe do the first one, but not the second one.
00:27:43
Speaker
And, you know, if you want kids, that is going to be doubly important because kids add further strain to a relationship.
00:27:50
Speaker
So if the relationship isn't strong or if you're not getting what you need from a relationship, a kid is not going to change
Inequalities in Child-Rearing Responsibilities
00:27:57
Speaker
that.
00:27:57
Speaker
It will make it worse.
00:27:58
Speaker
Because again, you know, men are very, very good at shifting the blame for giving birth straight onto women as well.
00:28:06
Speaker
And you don't want a situation where, you know, like Vero said, you are stuck, you know, raising children in a situation that you can't leave because you didn't have high enough standards or because you tried to do 50-50.
00:28:19
Speaker
not realising that childbirth and child rearing is generally not 50-50.
00:28:25
Speaker
And literally, there have been cases where men will literally nickel and dime women during pregnancy as well.
00:28:31
Speaker
Like, you know, the baby is inside your stomach, so you're paying all the medical bills, or I'm not paying for the diapers because it's your baby.
00:28:38
Speaker
Trash, trash behavior.
00:28:40
Speaker
I cannot believe that.
00:28:42
Speaker
I mean, I do believe it because we've heard of it.
00:28:45
Speaker
And some of us have experienced this where men act like the children are the women's children and not 50% theirs.
00:28:51
Speaker
That suddenly like, it's not about the couple as a team tackling parenthood.
00:28:56
Speaker
It's like, well, these are these kids and like, I don't want to contribute.
00:28:59
Speaker
And it's just like, I don't know, they're just horrible.
00:29:01
Speaker
But it's also something that's common enough that it's not unheard of.
00:29:05
Speaker
But even things like, even before you get to the baby stage, how many men will say something like, oh, we can go halves on the morning after pill, or we can go halves on abortion, like, the load is 50-50.
00:29:16
Speaker
Yeah, they can go fuck themselves.
00:29:19
Speaker
It's not 50-50, like, it's still, the woman is disproportionately bearing the brunt of it.
00:29:24
Speaker
And I actually think that's a good, you know, vetting strategy.
00:29:26
Speaker
I'm not saying you should all have unprotected sex.
00:29:29
Speaker
just to prove a point.
00:29:31
Speaker
But if they're saying shit like we can go 50-50 on birth control or 50-50 on an abortion if it happens, that guy is a scrote because a responsible man will recognise that the risks and the outcomes fall entirely on the women in those situations and they will pay for all of it as well.
00:29:49
Speaker
The morning after pill and the abortion and if you need time off, they should also cover that as well, in my opinion, if you need to take time off work, that they should pay for those missed days of work.
00:29:57
Speaker
And also men do this thinking they're being fair when they fucking well know that paying for the morning after pill or paying for an abortion is a lot cheaper than paying 18 years of child support.
00:30:09
Speaker
So these guys know, like they know.
00:30:11
Speaker
Bing, bing, bing.
00:30:12
Speaker
That's the first thing you say when you hear it.
00:30:14
Speaker
Like, oh, you want to pay for the morning after pill or do you want to pay for child support?
00:30:17
Speaker
Because either way, let's dance.
00:30:20
Speaker
Exactly.
00:30:21
Speaker
So these men know, like they know they're being cheapskates.
00:30:25
Speaker
So it's
Risks in Relationships and Clear Standards
00:30:26
Speaker
just, yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
So you don't want to end up in a situation where you are bearing the brunt of all the birth control or the child rearing because, you know, you laid down with a guy and you were happy to do 50-50.
00:30:38
Speaker
When it comes to women's bodies, women, especially something involving your body, whether that is sex or whether that is, you know, having kids for a man, you need to come from a place where you internalize that this
00:30:50
Speaker
will disproportionately fall on you.
00:30:52
Speaker
Even the risks of sex, consensual sex, as they say, it's not equal.
00:30:57
Speaker
Women risk pregnancy.
00:30:58
Speaker
We're more likely to pick up STDs and STIs from men.
00:31:02
Speaker
There's the risk of violence and rape that men just don't face in the same way.
00:31:08
Speaker
They like to pretend that, technically speaking, men can get raped too, but your average man is not walking into a sexual encounter with a woman afraid that she's going to jump on his dick without permission.
00:31:20
Speaker
If anything, it's the opposite.
00:31:21
Speaker
They're afraid they're not going to get any.
00:31:23
Speaker
Yeah, if that's one takeaway from this episode, I would say to women, when it comes to your body, don't treat it 50-50 because it's not.
00:31:29
Speaker
You know, your body is 100-100 and he should be paying for 100% of it when it comes to stuff to do with your body.
00:31:36
Speaker
So the last point for this episode is really, I think it ends on a positive note, actually.
00:31:41
Speaker
We get a lot of questions into FDS about how can we enjoy dating, especially when, you know, men are full of scrotes and, you know, dating is a bit of a shit show at the moment.
00:31:51
Speaker
And this is where having high standards and being high maintenance is actually very, very useful because it will actually make your relationships and interactions a lot more enjoyable with men because, you know, whether it, you know, lasts a month or 10 years or whatever in terms of the relationship or interaction, if you are holding true to your standards and boundaries, the relationship will be more equitable and enjoyable for you than if you lowered your standards just to stay in the relationship.
00:32:20
Speaker
And it's also how you can date men from a position of abundance and how the dating experience can be a lot less stressful because you know the parameters within which you operate.
00:32:33
Speaker
One of the things that makes dating stressful for a lot of women is that we don't know what our bottom line is or we go into relationships not having a bottom line.
00:32:42
Speaker
Bottom line meaning if this boundary or standards is crossed or is not met, I'm going to bail.
00:32:48
Speaker
Like most women don't have that.
00:32:50
Speaker
you know, when they enter a relationship.
00:32:51
Speaker
This is why they are asking Reddit if, you know, their partner, you know, jerking off to, you know, deep fakes of their mom is acceptable, for example.
00:33:00
Speaker
Yes, that was a real story.
00:33:02
Speaker
Gross.
00:33:03
Speaker
And you know, I can already hear this grope justification in my mind, like, oh, it's not even real, you know, it's just a deep fake.
00:33:09
Speaker
You know, it's not even really her.
00:33:10
Speaker
It's not really her, you know, it doesn't really count, you know, it's just a fantasy.
00:33:14
Speaker
That's your mom.
00:33:16
Speaker
That's your mother-in-law.
00:33:17
Speaker
That's how creepers actually talk.
00:33:20
Speaker
They do.
00:33:21
Speaker
My accents are accurate, goddammit.
00:33:24
Speaker
Except for the British one that I can no longer do.
00:33:26
Speaker
The British one I can no longer... See?
00:33:29
Speaker
I can't do it.
00:33:29
Speaker
The British one that I can no longer do because I've become earblind from talking to Savannah.
00:33:37
Speaker
What the hell is that, right?
00:33:39
Speaker
I know, I can't do it anymore.
00:33:41
Speaker
I don't know what happened.
00:33:42
Speaker
I really think it is.
00:33:43
Speaker
Like my brain is adjusted to your voice and now I can't hear the accent.
Recognizing Worth and Sticking to Standards
00:33:47
Speaker
That honestly sounds like an Australian trying to fail into a British accent.
00:33:55
Speaker
So you just have to know what your bottom line is.
00:33:57
Speaker
And this is how you make dating enjoyable and stress-free.
00:34:00
Speaker
And I would say to any woman is that you have to go into also knowing that you deserve good treatment.
00:34:09
Speaker
And I know that sounds strange, but from personal experience, especially if you've
00:34:13
Speaker
been in relationships where you weren't treated as well it can be a real shock to the system you know when a guy finally comes correct we touched on this in our career series where I was talking about how I been through really really scrotie employers and my new employer is treating me really really well and honestly I'm not used to it I'm still really skeptical and I'm like okay what's the catch what's the catch
00:34:38
Speaker
And it is possible to vet a man while still enjoying the good treatment whilst it lasts as well, as opposed to constantly waiting for the shoe to drop.
00:34:48
Speaker
Because then if you're constantly waiting for the shoe to drop all the time, it stops from being present and actually assessing what's in front of you, if that makes sense.
00:34:57
Speaker
And also it's...
00:34:59
Speaker
okay to enjoy a good relationship and good treatment whilst it lasts.
00:35:03
Speaker
Like if we're going to be realistic, every relationship that you have, you know, with anyone, including men is either going to end in separation or death.
00:35:12
Speaker
So it will end at some point.
00:35:14
Speaker
So you just have to go into it, you know, knowing that you deserve the good treatment and enjoying it whilst it lasts and jumping ship if it turns out to not be what you want.
00:35:25
Speaker
And that's how you make dating stress-free and simple as well.
00:35:29
Speaker
There we go.
00:35:30
Speaker
Because from experience, it's always, and you know, from my own personal experience and from experience observations, it always seems to be the people with little to no standards are struggling the most in their relationships.
00:35:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:41
Speaker
And there's a reason why that is, because when you don't go into a relationship knowing what your standards and boundaries are and being able to stick to them, you then become subjected to the whims of your male partner, which, as we've discussed before, that leaves you in a very, very vulnerable position.
00:36:00
Speaker
And let's be clear, all of society is invested in making women seem unreasonable for reasonable boundaries.
00:36:05
Speaker
And that's part of the reason why so many women go into relationships not knowing what their limits are or where the boundaries should go.
00:36:11
Speaker
I mean, I can just think of myself when I started dating, asking like a million questions to like my girlfriends or older women about like certain things
Women's Power in Relationships
00:36:20
Speaker
that...
00:36:20
Speaker
What happened in my relationship and trying to figure out like, is this okay?
00:36:23
Speaker
Is this normal?
00:36:24
Speaker
And getting like a wide range of responses and how most of them, especially from older women, were just like, oh, this is just how men are, right?
00:36:32
Speaker
And so like, it's actually kind of depressing because I'm like, well, what am I supposed to do?
00:36:35
Speaker
Spend the next like, whatever, 60 years on this planet, however I'm blessed to live, just being...
00:36:40
Speaker
basically having a man around that I feel like is actively toxic to me.
00:36:44
Speaker
Because like so much of it is about getting man, but then you're in that relationship and you're just constantly unhappy.
00:36:49
Speaker
And then men are always acting like, oh, women are so unhappy and so impossible to please when it's like, no, the things you want are completely and totally rational and are completely justified as any human being.
00:37:00
Speaker
But everyone and their mama has been for a long time justifying going without it because they didn't have any power.
00:37:06
Speaker
So now that we know that like a lot of things we don't get is because we weren't allowed to have power, we can fight for power and therefore exert influence to get the things that we need and more importantly, the things that we want.
Conclusion and Social Media Engagement
00:37:19
Speaker
And that's the tea for this episode.
00:37:21
Speaker
Let us know what you think.
00:37:23
Speaker
And we'll be back with part two of this episode as to why you should be high maintenance if you want to date men.
00:37:30
Speaker
Yep, it, it, it, yep.
00:37:31
Speaker
So check us out on Twitter at FemDentShot.
00:37:33
Speaker
Check us out on the website, www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com forward slash the form.
00:37:37
Speaker
Check us out on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy for bonus content.
00:37:43
Speaker
And we've been having some tech issues lately.
00:37:46
Speaker
Oh, Zencast has been a nightmare.
00:37:49
Speaker
Yeah, we've had massive tech issues to the point where we haven't been able to record.
00:37:52
Speaker
So much apologies for some of the things that have been late.
00:37:56
Speaker
It's just that we literally could not get our freaking recording software to work.
00:38:01
Speaker
It's those shitty cables in the Atlantic.
00:38:04
Speaker
That's what it is.
00:38:05
Speaker
At the bottom of the Atlantic.
00:38:06
Speaker
That's the cables.
00:38:07
Speaker
That's what it is.
00:38:08
Speaker
Like we've had a couple of guests even we've had to reschedule because we just couldn't get like, we couldn't get the audio to work.
00:38:14
Speaker
So like our last couple of guests can attest to it because we had them here to do interviews with us and we had to reschedule and or cancel it and or like spend an hour trying to get ourselves hooked up.
00:38:24
Speaker
It's just a mess.
00:38:25
Speaker
So our apologies.
00:38:26
Speaker
Things have just fallen a little bit behind.
00:38:28
Speaker
So yeah, we're not sure how to fix it,
00:38:31
Speaker
on it.
00:38:32
Speaker
But yeah, so there's that.
00:38:33
Speaker
Follow us on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:38:36
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:38:38
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, I have the vagina.
00:38:41
Speaker
I make the rules.
00:38:42
Speaker
Die mad.
00:38:44
Speaker
See y'all next week.