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SCROTES STRIKE BACK! Grab Bag: Good Dads Raise Disrespectful Daughters
15 Plays3 years ago
The Queens finally get around to answering some questions from the males subscribed to our Patreon. You're welcome.
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Transcript
Episode Introduction and Feedback Approach
00:00:06
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:00:13
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:00:14
Speaker
So today's another Patreon grab bag episode, scrotation edition.
00:00:18
Speaker
Is this a scrote strike back episode?
00:00:21
Speaker
All scrotes all the time.
00:00:22
Speaker
We put them in the back of the line because, quite frankly, they can wait.
00:00:25
Speaker
Yeah, like we respond to feedback from women with greater urgency than feedback to men.
00:00:30
Speaker
We're like, a guy will complain to us and we're like, yeah, we can wait like six months before we have to respond to this.
00:00:36
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:00:37
Speaker
So, you know, if you've been waiting a while for us to answer your question.
00:00:41
Speaker
Six months tied around.
00:00:42
Speaker
Some of these are questions that we got in our scrote strike back here like six months ago.
00:00:46
Speaker
I'm not going to apologize for how long it took to us.
00:00:48
Speaker
Hey, it's five.
00:00:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:50
Speaker
Maybe like five.
00:00:51
Speaker
Five months.
00:00:52
Speaker
But we're here now.
00:00:53
Speaker
And if they have a problem, we don't care.
00:00:56
Speaker
Yeah.
Relationship Dynamics and Escalation
00:00:57
Speaker
So first up is a question from Weesh.
00:01:00
Speaker
When it comes to deepening the relationship, what it says is whose job is it to ask if the other person, if they are ready for more for all manner of physical and emotional things from can I hold your hand to can we talk about being exclusive?
00:01:12
Speaker
Is it fine for either person to ask from the handbook FAQ?
00:01:15
Speaker
It seems like you're expecting the male to ask, but I don't know if that's male impatience or a female dating strategy to wait for them.
00:01:22
Speaker
In my relationships, I've been inclined to try and figure out if it's time for me to ask, but several women have said things like, you should call me on all days we don't meet up.
00:01:30
Speaker
In this case, I had been moving too slowly or let's talk about getting engaged.
00:01:34
Speaker
My opinion is that she asked this a little quickly since we'd only been dating about five months.
00:01:38
Speaker
So let's answer the first part of the question before we get to the second part of the question.
00:01:41
Speaker
There's a second part of the question here.
00:01:43
Speaker
I think if you're in a relationship and the woman wants to get married faster than the man wants to get married, I don't think that's a relationship that works.
00:01:51
Speaker
Like, I think the man should know from a very early time that he wants to marry the woman.
00:01:57
Speaker
When I meet like older couples that are like happily married, most of the time,
00:02:01
Speaker
you never hear like, oh, you know, she bullied me into marrying her, right?
00:02:04
Speaker
It's always like, I knew from the first moment that she was going to be my wife someday.
00:02:09
Speaker
And I just had to prove myself to her and blah, blah, blah.
00:02:11
Speaker
You know, like the man knows from a very early time that she's his soulmate and he works for that.
00:02:16
Speaker
Whereas if she has to force him to marry you, like if she has to force the man to marry her, it's not going to be a happy marriage.
00:02:22
Speaker
So don't waste your time.
00:02:23
Speaker
Even if she has to force the conversation, because I think even in this day and age, you know, Lilith gave the example of older couples who were happily married, but even the younger couples I know who were happily married, when the woman was constantly bringing up marriage and almost like badgering the guy into marrying them, like those relationships are quite terrible, whereas the high value relationships that I know, even amongst people in their 30s or early 30s, it's like the man always knew.
00:02:50
Speaker
The man's more into her than she is into him.
00:02:53
Speaker
Yeah, and they knew, like, pretty much instantly that they were going to get married.
00:02:57
Speaker
They may not, I mean, like, a high-value man wouldn't say that on, like, the second date, yeah, we're going to get married, but they know, and they'll be working towards that constantly in the background.
00:03:07
Speaker
Yeah, so I want to say straight out the gates, if you're with a woman and she wants to get married and you're so-so about it, don't waste your time, honestly.
00:03:14
Speaker
Agree.
00:03:15
Speaker
It's because you know.
00:03:16
Speaker
I think it's just one of those things that you're either feeling it or you're not.
00:03:20
Speaker
You can't convince somebody into wanting a marriage with them.
00:03:23
Speaker
It's almost like trying to convince people into finding you attractive.
00:03:26
Speaker
It never works.
00:03:27
Speaker
This is why I just bear off to just walk away.
00:03:30
Speaker
I think this goes for most of the relationship as well.
00:03:32
Speaker
I mean, his first question was, whose job is it to ask if the other person is ready for more?
00:03:38
Speaker
Because he referenced things like holding hands or talking about being exclusive.
00:03:42
Speaker
And in general, we recommend that the man initiate these conversations because when women tend to initiate these conversations, that means that they're way more invested than the man is, in which case they're more likely to be exploited by that man than not.
00:03:57
Speaker
Because if a man's not sure, it's not to say that, you know, sunshine and rainbows should be falling out of your ass in his eyes, like maybe the first time you feel like he should still be making movement toward some kind of exclusivity.
00:04:10
Speaker
He should be making movement towards talking to you about like sexual contact and what's comfortable for you, because that shows a person who's thoughtful and concerned about how you feel about it, as well as a person who's invested in how you feel about it.
Physical and Emotional Intimacy in Relationships
00:04:23
Speaker
If a woman pushes a man to this, it's easy for him to just lie about whatever he wants in order to get sex.
00:04:28
Speaker
Like the incentive for men to lie in order to get sex and physical contact is really high, more so than vice versa.
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:36
Speaker
So here's the second part of his question.
00:04:38
Speaker
Also, the discussions in the FDS sphere don't seem to concern themselves much with specific milestones between want to go on a date and quote sex.
00:04:46
Speaker
Y'all talk about not rushing to sex, but I don't see a ton about the healthy path to getting closer and especially not for the woman who will not want sex until marriage, which has been true for everyone whom that line has come up with me so far.
00:04:57
Speaker
Every woman you've been with wanted to wait till marriage.
00:05:00
Speaker
Interesting.
00:05:01
Speaker
I mean, maybe he lives in a conservative part of the world or quite a religious part of the world.
00:05:05
Speaker
I don't know.
00:05:05
Speaker
Was part of a religious community.
00:05:07
Speaker
So is he asking us how to go from date to sex without marriage?
00:05:11
Speaker
Is that what he's asking us?
00:05:12
Speaker
Because we're not going to answer that question.
00:05:14
Speaker
That's not a question we're going to answer.
00:05:16
Speaker
Like, what is he asking for?
00:05:18
Speaker
He's like, what is the healthy path from going on a date to getting to sex?
00:05:23
Speaker
But that's going to vary between individual women.
00:05:26
Speaker
And even if we did know the blueprint answer, there is no way we would let scrotes know that.
00:05:32
Speaker
Like, it's just like when women say, like, I'm not going to have sex until I'm in a relationship.
00:05:36
Speaker
You've sort of given the guy an exam and told him the answer, which is really silly.
00:05:41
Speaker
A woman will have sex with you when she's ready to, and that is it.
00:05:45
Speaker
So I think this is a religious thing because he says, especially makes emotional lines like, are we boyfriend and girlfriend?
00:05:50
Speaker
And shall we be exclusive blurry when comparing to physical lines?
00:05:53
Speaker
Like, can I kiss you?
00:05:54
Speaker
One woman I dated didn't want to kiss until we were engaged and one wanted to wait to kiss until we were married, which was fine by me.
00:06:00
Speaker
But my experience seems atypical would like a strategy for feeling out how to fit between.
00:06:05
Speaker
I can't tell if this guy is excited about me and whoa, this guy is moving too fast for most women.
00:06:10
Speaker
So it seems like he's trying to figure out like, how does he communicate that he finds a woman attractive and wants to have sex with her in a way that's not going to come on too strong and make her uncomfortable.
00:06:20
Speaker
But also like if he's not coming on strong enough that the woman thinks he doesn't have interest.
00:06:25
Speaker
I mean, it's tough because it sounds to me like, again, he's living in a very conservative culture because at least where I'm from, which is like West Coast.
00:06:35
Speaker
West side.
00:06:36
Speaker
West side for life.
00:06:37
Speaker
The guys pretty much want to have sex on the first date.
00:06:40
Speaker
And like, it's not that uncommon for women to go along with that.
00:06:43
Speaker
West Canada, born and raised.
00:06:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:46
Speaker
You know, it's way more laid back when it comes to sex, right?
00:06:49
Speaker
Straight out the maple forest.
00:06:51
Speaker
Straight out the maple forest.
00:06:54
Speaker
was I trying to teach this girl how to ask for sex in a way that's not weird yeah like I don't know how to answer that question I don't even want to answer that question I guess like the simple answer is like you should have a conversation with her and get to know like her boundaries and respect those boundaries if a woman says that she doesn't want to kiss until she's engaged with you then honestly like queen good for her I feel
00:07:16
Speaker
I support that.
00:07:17
Speaker
Like, what do you want me to tell you?
00:07:18
Speaker
Like how to negotiate her out of her boundaries?
00:07:20
Speaker
Because we're not going to answer that question.
00:07:23
Speaker
It seems like he's worried about like how to find where her boundaries are or like where the boundaries are for most women and what's typical.
00:07:29
Speaker
Your experience, sir, this guy's name is Weesh, is atypical.
00:07:33
Speaker
Yeah, most women do not want to wait till marriage.
00:07:35
Speaker
And quite frankly, not to offend the religious folks, but I don't recommend you wait till marriage because then you're...
00:07:41
Speaker
Yeah, you are buying a product you haven't tested that you have to have for the rest of your life.
00:07:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:45
Speaker
And that's what we're saying to women, by the way, right?
00:07:48
Speaker
Like, honestly, though, if a woman does want to wait till marriage to have sex, again, like, I'm not going to argue with her standards.
00:07:53
Speaker
But like, I would advise women to test the product, the product in this case being men.
00:07:58
Speaker
And like I said, because I was part of Christian culture, there's so many women who went that route and regret it.
00:08:03
Speaker
I mean, not that they regret necessarily not sleeping around, but because they had a lack of experience and insight, they didn't understand what it was going to take to maintain a sexual relationship and what it like their sexual boundaries and what was going to be healthy for them in their marriage.
00:08:16
Speaker
I mean, probably the most infamous cases like Jessica Simpson and Nick Lachey, like she was a virgin.
00:08:20
Speaker
They got married, they got married and they were divorced like less than two to three years.
00:08:23
Speaker
years later.
00:08:23
Speaker
And then she allegedly like, yeah, went crazy after that.
00:08:26
Speaker
Because like, once you understand, you know, who you are as a sexual being, it may be different from your partner, the partner that you married.
00:08:31
Speaker
So I think it's somewhat better to kind of start discovering that before you make a commitment.
00:08:36
Speaker
But okay, so yeah, to answer this guy's question, yes, your experience is very, very atypical.
00:08:40
Speaker
And so if you're dealing with women who are quite religious, then you definitely have to explicitly talk to them,
00:08:47
Speaker
about like how your sexual boundaries are going to proceed and respect.
00:08:51
Speaker
I think at that point, you just have to ask them because it's not a typical thing, in which case they're going to communicate where their comfort level is.
00:08:58
Speaker
If they want to wait to kiss until you're engaged or wait to kiss or wait to have sex and you get married, then that's what it is.
00:09:04
Speaker
And then you just have to tell them very honestly, like I'm attracted to you.
00:09:07
Speaker
I like you.
00:09:07
Speaker
Like show your willingness to wait for them to
00:09:11
Speaker
feel comfortable with your proceeding with sex with whatever boundaries that they've set.
00:09:16
Speaker
So I think why it's awkward is because of the fact that the boundaries are about between like talking to someone and then getting to marriage are going to be really, really long.
00:09:24
Speaker
So then like if you start touching someone and you just want to hold their hand, like you're not going to stop a lot and you have to do that for a long period of time before you're ready for marriage.
00:09:31
Speaker
But I do also think it is possible to be intimate without sex.
00:09:38
Speaker
Because also, sex doesn't necessarily... It should equal intimacy, in my view of sex.
00:09:44
Speaker
But it doesn't always... It isn't always an intimate thing as well.
00:09:48
Speaker
So you kind of have to think about the in-between stages and doing things together...
00:09:52
Speaker
Because intimacy isn't always physical and I would argue, at least for me, the greatest amounts of intimacy that I've experienced have actually been like emotional and like mental as well.
00:10:04
Speaker
So just really getting to know them and doing things together, getting to know each other, just having a good time can also be a substitute for that intimacy that you're not obtaining through sexual activity, if that makes sense.
00:10:17
Speaker
Yeah, you would still have to have these conversations even if you were having sex right away.
00:10:20
Speaker
So there's nothing necessarily awkward about this.
00:10:22
Speaker
The only thing that makes it awkward is like having to start and stop a lot because they have boundaries that are a little bit higher than most.
00:10:28
Speaker
But like other than this, like you just have the conversation, just ask them and be like, hey, like I like you, see if she floats back, see if she acquiesces.
00:10:34
Speaker
I don't think we necessarily have a problem with
00:10:36
Speaker
I don't think any woman has a problem with a man who they've agreed to go on a date with and continue to see expressing their interest in a respectful manner.
00:10:45
Speaker
The creepy like coming on too strong and pushy thing is when you start to like push her physical boundaries and she hasn't given you any indication that she's open to that or she's explicitly told you not to.
00:10:56
Speaker
So if you go in for a kiss after she's already said, oh, I don't want to kiss till I'm engaged, then yeah, then you're going to come across like a creep.
00:11:03
Speaker
Even if this was like a typical woman who, you know, wants to have sex, you know, within maybe the first couple of weeks or months of a relation of initiating a relationship, like you start with small types of touch, right?
00:11:13
Speaker
And then you start to see if that person reciprocates, like this is where communication comes in and your ability to respect women's boundaries, both like physical, verbal and nonverbal.
00:11:23
Speaker
If you like go to hold her hand, she pushes and she like, you know, yanks it away, then that's probably an indication that she's not really interested in anything physical beyond that.
00:11:30
Speaker
that's kind of a low investment.
00:11:32
Speaker
That's not going to make her feel like you're attacking her.
00:11:35
Speaker
Also, in terms of like giving compliments and stuff, like you can verbally communicate interest, even like interest in her physically without coming
Protecting Girls and Teaching Resilience
00:11:42
Speaker
across like creepy or like you can compliment someone's appearance in a way that's not like sexually objectifying, right?
00:11:48
Speaker
You can say, oh, your eyes are so beautiful.
00:11:50
Speaker
Oh, you look great today.
00:11:51
Speaker
Oh, this outfit looks fantastic on you or something like, oh, your hair looks great, whatever, right?
00:11:55
Speaker
Like those are compliments that
00:11:57
Speaker
When women give me compliments like that, for example, I'm like usually like positive about it.
00:12:01
Speaker
And sometimes when men give me compliments like that, as long as it's not like a leering kind of creepy way, then I don't have a problem with that either.
00:12:07
Speaker
Right.
00:12:07
Speaker
Like you can, you know, if you were to say like, oh, I love your tits or something, send nudes, then she's probably going to have a problem with that.
00:12:14
Speaker
Right.
00:12:14
Speaker
So you can compliment someone physically in a respectful way.
00:12:17
Speaker
And it's a good way of communicating that you're interested.
00:12:20
Speaker
Yes.
00:12:20
Speaker
So to answer your question, verbal communication, just talk to her, ask her, that would happen if you had sex or not.
00:12:26
Speaker
And then nonverbal communication, small acts of getting close, like just grab, you know, if you want to hold her hand, et cetera, and then respect her boundaries if she sets them physically.
00:12:36
Speaker
All right.
00:12:36
Speaker
Next up on the docket is a scrote strike back question from infamous cheater.
00:12:40
Speaker
Didn't ask about the name.
00:12:43
Speaker
Infamous cheater.
00:12:44
Speaker
Okay.
00:12:44
Speaker
Right out the gates.
00:12:45
Speaker
Great start.
00:12:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:47
Speaker
Great start.
00:12:48
Speaker
Just really priming us to be sympathetic to you and answer your question, honestly.
00:12:52
Speaker
So hello, Rowe, R-O-U-E-X-K, Lilith and Savannah.
00:13:01
Speaker
Nice try.
00:13:01
Speaker
I have enjoyed your podcast.
00:13:03
Speaker
I find it entertaining and it's very refreshing to hear women talk so candidly and brutally honest the way you do.
00:13:09
Speaker
I have a few questions but find myself too busy to ask.
00:13:11
Speaker
But this one popped into my head today and I wanted to send it out ASAP as it's important to me.
00:13:16
Speaker
What was the date that he sent this out?
00:13:18
Speaker
The date?
00:13:19
Speaker
This was like July 28th is somewhere around that time is when I copied over somewhere around the end of July.
00:13:26
Speaker
So a month ago.
00:13:27
Speaker
Okay, so we're only getting to it two months late now.
00:13:30
Speaker
It's currently, date of this recording is August 28th.
00:13:32
Speaker
Okay.
00:13:33
Speaker
Oh wait, no, July.
00:13:34
Speaker
Okay, so one month actually.
00:13:35
Speaker
I thought you said June, yeah.
00:13:36
Speaker
So only one month delay.
00:13:37
Speaker
That's actually not so bad.
00:13:39
Speaker
Yeah, you're welcome, sir.
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:40
Speaker
Yeah, you're welcome.
00:13:41
Speaker
You're welcome for getting back to you in a timely manner.
00:13:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:44
Speaker
So I have a daughter that's about to be 12 and like any low-value male, I was cruising Reddit.
00:13:48
Speaker
At least you know, at least you're self-aware.
00:13:51
Speaker
All right.
00:13:51
Speaker
So I'm kind of all right.
00:13:52
Speaker
Self-aware wolves.
00:13:53
Speaker
I'm middling right now.
00:13:55
Speaker
Infamous cheater to a low value male who cruises Reddit.
00:13:58
Speaker
When I stumbled upon an Ask Woman thread, I'm assuming he went to our Ask Women.
00:14:03
Speaker
When I stumbled onto an Ask Women thread about how they deal with hitting adulthood and being sexualized.
00:14:09
Speaker
All the comments, however, were anecdotes about being sexualized long before adulthood and some even before they were even 10.
00:14:16
Speaker
So fucking gross exclamation point.
00:14:18
Speaker
This raised my concerns for what is possibly already happening to her.
00:14:21
Speaker
She's a very small, thin girl.
00:14:22
Speaker
She's at that age where she will be left at her own more and more.
00:14:26
Speaker
And I live in a city where a decade ago, a mass murderer of women was convicted and sentenced.
00:14:30
Speaker
And occasionally a young woman still goes missing.
00:14:33
Speaker
So to finalize my questions, what do you wish you knew at this age?
00:14:37
Speaker
What else can I do to protect her?
00:14:38
Speaker
What's the best way to broach the subject?
00:14:40
Speaker
And would asking of this be better coming from a woman?
00:14:44
Speaker
What was the question in the Ask Women thread?
00:14:46
Speaker
The Ask Women thread was, how do women deal with hitting adulthood and being sexualized?
00:14:50
Speaker
And the comments underneath that thread were saying, ha ha.
00:14:53
Speaker
Like you think we get sexualized when we hit adulthood?
00:14:55
Speaker
That happens way before then.
00:14:57
Speaker
Okay.
00:14:58
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:58
Speaker
So he was surprised to read that.
00:14:59
Speaker
And he says he has a daughter that's about 12.
00:15:01
Speaker
And he wants to know, what do we wish we knew at that age?
00:15:05
Speaker
What else can he do to protect her?
00:15:07
Speaker
What's the best way to broach the subject?
00:15:10
Speaker
And would this subject be better broached coming from a woman than him?
00:15:14
Speaker
Okay, this is like four questions in one.
00:15:17
Speaker
I sense boundary busting here, but continue.
00:15:19
Speaker
He says here, he says, just a quick note, my wife has no stories like these and says many of them are fake.
00:15:25
Speaker
That's why I ask you ladies.
00:15:26
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, no, that's, I mean, I don't know why your wife doesn't have these stories, but the rest of us do, or a large portion of us do.
00:15:33
Speaker
I'm kind of shocked he was surprised to hear the experiences of women.
00:15:36
Speaker
Like, do you not go outside?
00:15:39
Speaker
I think he was surprised at how young it was.
00:15:42
Speaker
But why are they surprised?
00:15:43
Speaker
Like, why are they surprised that men ogle like young women and girls?
00:15:47
Speaker
Like, again, step outside.
00:15:50
Speaker
It happens all the time.
00:15:51
Speaker
But also there's literally been studies where they asked women, what was the age that you first started getting like sexual attention from men?
00:15:57
Speaker
Like the graph like peaked around like 11 or 12, right?
00:16:00
Speaker
There were girls, yeah, getting hit on as young as nine, right?
00:16:03
Speaker
So that was my experience too.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yeah, I was getting sexual harassment when I was like 9, 10, 11, 12 years old.
00:16:08
Speaker
Same.
00:16:08
Speaker
And I was super unfortunate as well because I physically developed really early.
00:16:12
Speaker
So I went like through PBE from like eight onwards.
00:16:15
Speaker
So it was pretty horrendous.
00:16:17
Speaker
What do we wish we knew when we were 10, 11, and 12?
00:16:20
Speaker
I'm guessing he might not know because I'm sure that when he's out with his daughter, the predators hide.
00:16:25
Speaker
So it might not be something that I'm like, when I think of all the times I was harassed, it's because that's around the age where girls start to be more independent.
00:16:33
Speaker
So like going to the mall or the park with your friends by yourself or to school, et cetera.
00:16:38
Speaker
So then because you're starting to venture out in the world without your parents, that's when predators are on high alert and try to snatch you up.
00:16:45
Speaker
I'm trying to think, what do I wish I would have known at the time?
00:16:48
Speaker
I'll be honest, like, I actually don't think it's a good thing to teach girls about the depths of male depravity too young, because that can be really traumatizing.
00:16:57
Speaker
And I would want young girls to have as much time where, like, the mental weight of being aware of misogyny and aware of male sexual predators and stuff, I'd want
00:17:07
Speaker
young girls to have as much time to live their lives like feeling safe and free and not mentally weighed down by that knowledge you know what I mean like as I feel like kids very young they don't have the resilience and like maturity and like coping mechanisms and so on that adults do so I'd actually want to like you want to give her opportunities independent but also you know don't like do too much like stranger danger fear mongerings you know my mom did these really fucked up things where she would like
00:17:36
Speaker
take articles out of the newspaper about like rapists or like robbers and stuff and would like, oh, you know, in our neighborhood or whatever.
00:17:44
Speaker
So my dad had this thing where he would kept forgetting to lock the door.
00:17:47
Speaker
And so the way that my mom would like try to scare my dad into, you know, remembering to lock the door by taking newspaper articles of like, oh, there's like a serial killer in our neighborhood.
00:17:57
Speaker
You know, there's a
00:17:58
Speaker
cat burglar, rapist, whatever, pedophile, kidnapper, whatever, right, in our neighborhood.
00:18:02
Speaker
But me and my sister would see this stuff and we're like 8, 9, 10, 11 years old.
00:18:06
Speaker
And that scared the shit out of us to like learn about these things at such a young age.
00:18:10
Speaker
And yes, it did scare my dad into locking the door at night, you know, but at what cost, right?
00:18:14
Speaker
At the cost of our innocence.
00:18:16
Speaker
I wish he didn't do that.
00:18:18
Speaker
See, I somewhat disagree.
00:18:19
Speaker
I think there are ways to make children aware of the facts of life, so to speak, without traumatising them.
00:18:26
Speaker
And it's important that we do that because if you don't, you know, tell your kids the truth, they will get the information from the media, from their friends, from pornography.
00:18:35
Speaker
Basically, you know, sources that don't have their best...
00:18:38
Speaker
Or from the pedophiles themselves, for that matter.
00:18:41
Speaker
Or from the pedos themselves, exactly.
00:18:43
Speaker
And we also need to not underestimate the mental capacity of children.
00:18:47
Speaker
Like, children know what's up.
00:18:48
Speaker
This is why, you know, children bully, for example.
00:18:51
Speaker
They know that bullying behavior is shitty.
00:18:53
Speaker
That's why they do it to certain children, not to others, right?
00:18:56
Speaker
They have that awareness that this behavior is going to make someone feel shit.
00:18:59
Speaker
That's why I'll do it to somebody who's not going to fight back, for example.
00:19:03
Speaker
It's also why in the child's
00:19:05
Speaker
And practitioners who work within, you know, child sexual abuse, there's a campaign going on about referring to parts of the female body as they are.
00:19:13
Speaker
So instead of, you know, calling your vagina my flower, just teaching children that it's a vagina.
00:19:19
Speaker
So if a child is being touched inappropriately, they'll know that because they're being touched on their vagina, which is inappropriate, for example.
00:19:26
Speaker
So I think there is a way to spread the message to children without traumatising them, but we have to tell them early on because unfortunately even young children, especially if we look at what they're being exposed to in the media, they're also not immune to things like racism.
00:19:41
Speaker
to homophobia and to misogyny as well.
00:19:44
Speaker
Like the number of my colleagues and my friends who have children who say like their eight-year-old is being, you know, racially abused or they've been attacked for their sexuality or the fact they've come out as gay at like eight and by other children is horrendous.
00:19:57
Speaker
So children know what these things are.
00:19:59
Speaker
You know, they know what discrimination is.
00:20:01
Speaker
So there's no reason why, especially young girls, they can't know about the true nature of men.
00:20:06
Speaker
In a way that doesn't traumatise them, obviously.
00:20:08
Speaker
So obviously, I don't agree with showing children videos of other children being raped, which was actually the norm up until a few years ago in the UK, where in training for these sorts of things, children would be shown traumatising material.
00:20:22
Speaker
That's inappropriate.
00:20:23
Speaker
But we can tell children about that in a child-friendly way whilst making them aware, and also in a way that keeps them safe as well.
00:20:31
Speaker
But it's important to be aware, I think.
00:20:33
Speaker
I'm going to agree with Savannah because especially depending on the environment, you absolutely have to tell them about the reality of men as soon as they have the capacity to understand it.
00:20:44
Speaker
In bits and pieces to not confuse them, but especially if you're like a latchkey kid or something like that, like you got to know about stranger danger.
00:20:51
Speaker
So for me, the way it was talked to me is like my parents are very candid.
00:20:54
Speaker
Like there's these things called pedophiles.
00:20:56
Speaker
They're older men.
00:20:57
Speaker
They want to have sex with children.
00:20:59
Speaker
They're going to try to touch you.
00:21:00
Speaker
They try to do inappropriate things.
00:21:01
Speaker
Now, the toxic part of the conversation is that they attributed some of that to this to me and the way I was dressed, etc, etc.
00:21:08
Speaker
And that's the part where I think you have to cut all of that old programming that used to be standard with girls about teaching them like to internalize the shame of men's predatory behavior.
00:21:18
Speaker
So what I wish I knew at that age is that like the way that men talk to you is not your fault.
00:21:23
Speaker
because like, oh, just had to like pull back some tears there.
00:21:26
Speaker
But like, what's really painful is like when that's happening to you and like your parents, they shamed you so much for your physical appearance and like the reaction to that.
00:21:36
Speaker
Like you don't feel comfortable talking to them when it's happening to you, like when predatory men are around you and you have to tell them in a way that externalizes it.
00:21:44
Speaker
Teach your daughters to be disrespectful as fuck to men they don't know.
00:21:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:48
Speaker
Yes.
00:21:49
Speaker
Seriously.
00:21:50
Speaker
No, seriously.
00:21:50
Speaker
Like the saving grace for me is that I had a shitty relationship with my father.
00:21:53
Speaker
So I got very comfortable with disrespecting adult men.
00:21:56
Speaker
Right.
00:21:59
Speaker
And I feel like compared to some of my other friends who are a lot more naive because they, maybe because they had their fathers in their lives.
00:22:07
Speaker
Ironically, their dads weren't like a complete and total fuck up.
00:22:10
Speaker
So they just assume most men aren't complete and total fuck up.
00:22:14
Speaker
Yeah, to be fair, that's what happened to me.
00:22:16
Speaker
Like, my dad spoiled me in that regard.
00:22:19
Speaker
Like, I thought all men thought the same as he did, that they were equitable, that they gave a shit about their kids and their wife.
00:22:29
Speaker
See, I think kids should be aware of like both types of adults, right?
00:22:33
Speaker
Like I think kids should have like positive male role models in their life that are like, for me, my grandfather, my dad's dad was like, I've talked about him before is like what I consider like high value man, really respectful to women, you know, talked about like, you know, knowledgeable in a lot of areas love, you know, teaching me about like nature and having, you know, encouraging people.
00:22:51
Speaker
education in myself and my sister and so on, right?
00:22:54
Speaker
So it's good to have good men like that as like a positive influence of like, that's the standard of what you can expect a good man to be like.
00:23:01
Speaker
I hate to say it, but like having fuck up adult men in your life to like point at and like disrespect, that's an example of a bad man and the sort of man that we should, you know, shame and ignore and avoid, right?
00:23:12
Speaker
I mean, for me personally, I'm going to start on my niece as soon as possible.
00:23:15
Speaker
Like, she's going to know what a scrote is the minute she can start talking.
00:23:17
Speaker
Because then if she can verbalise it, then that's better for her.
00:23:21
Speaker
So I'm just going to, like... I'm going to start on her as soon as she's, like, able to communicate.
00:23:25
Speaker
Because ultimately, if we try to...
00:23:29
Speaker
I guess to sugarcoat the reality, what is going to happen is that these women will find out eventually and it will usually be a very long and very painful lesson, especially when they are older.
00:23:39
Speaker
And those behaviour patterns are a lot more difficult to break.
00:23:42
Speaker
So children there, because I'm currently doing an Emmy in psychology and there's a lot of talk around the personality and when...
00:23:48
Speaker
it's set and how it's formed.
00:23:49
Speaker
And even though, you know, psychologists, they can't agree on when the end, the end personality is formed because it changes throughout the lifetime so much, but they emphasize the importance of development of the development years and how patterns are set and how behavioral patterns are set as well.
00:24:05
Speaker
I mean, I was speaking to one of my lecturers who, she had a difficult child and she was saying that she read a research study.
00:24:11
Speaker
I'll have to ask her where it's from and see if I could drop it in the show notes.
00:24:14
Speaker
That said that if, you know, something like misogyny is not, I guess, like taken out of a young boy by the time he's 13, he'll have those belief patterns for the rest of his life.
00:24:23
Speaker
So if you think about it from the time a child starts becoming more independent around the age of eight to 13, that's a window of five years.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's not very long.
00:24:31
Speaker
And so if we do the flip side, you know, I guess like for young girls, and if we don't teach them about misogyny by the time they are 13, it's, according to the research, it's, you know, likely that they will at least carry some disordered form of thinking around misogyny and their place in the world, I mean, to the rest of their, of their late teens and early adulthood.
00:24:51
Speaker
And by that point, it's very, very difficult to unlearn those behavioral patterns.
00:24:55
Speaker
This is why you see like, you know, pick me to go outside as well.
00:24:59
Speaker
You've just never learned their lesson.
00:25:01
Speaker
I do think that women have a greater window of learning than boys.
00:25:04
Speaker
I feel like, yeah, boys, if they haven't learned how to act right by the time they're 13, yeah, like it's game over, game over.
00:25:12
Speaker
I don't want to say game over, but it's much, much, much more difficult.
00:25:16
Speaker
And change has to come from within.
00:25:18
Speaker
Like after a certain age, it's like they have to be the ones to take the initiative to change.
00:25:22
Speaker
It's not externally, it's much more difficult to make them change, right?
00:25:25
Speaker
I find women, we've gotten up until I think like 25 or so.
00:25:29
Speaker
Like there are some women who've gone, you know, late teens, early 20s being pick me's and stuff.
00:25:34
Speaker
And then around the age of 23, 24, 25, something happens in the brain.
00:25:38
Speaker
And you like suddenly learn from all of your terrible experiences with men and you're like,
00:25:42
Speaker
fuck men, you know?
00:25:43
Speaker
And so I think women have a greater window of opportunity to learn male depravity.
00:25:47
Speaker
But I guess I agree with both of your perspectives.
00:25:50
Speaker
I think what my concern is, I would want girls to be taught a sort of like mental resiliency before learning the full extent of male depravity.
00:25:58
Speaker
So there are other ways that you can like instruct girls in the way of mental resiliency.
00:26:03
Speaker
Number one being sports, obviously, I've talked about that before, like, you know,
00:26:07
Speaker
teaching girls to really love their bodies in a way for what they can do and not for how they look and stuff.
00:26:12
Speaker
And also, you know, learning like teamwork and, you know, just building their confidence and stuff.
00:26:15
Speaker
Right.
00:26:16
Speaker
And just really appreciating their bodies for what they can do and for the strength that they have.
00:26:20
Speaker
That's one.
00:26:21
Speaker
And the other one is like teaching girls that it's okay to disrespect shitty men from a young age.
00:26:26
Speaker
That's a great idea, bro.
00:26:27
Speaker
We should actually normalize that completely.
00:26:29
Speaker
I'm dead serious.
00:26:30
Speaker
And that's why it's so important for like, you know, as a father to like never be the person that's overly disciplinarian with her because you cannot teach your daughter that a man can put his hands on her, but also that he has a right to control her.
00:26:43
Speaker
And that's the
00:26:44
Speaker
tough thing as a father because I see a lot of these like super conservative dads that are like, oh, I'm going to sit on my porch with a shotgun and be like the patriarch and scare away all the wolves, so to speak, or the predatory men.
00:26:53
Speaker
But that is like the exact wrong way to do it.
00:26:56
Speaker
Because first of all, you'd have to teach your daughter how to recognize it for herself because you won't be around her 24 seven.
00:27:01
Speaker
Like, and quite frankly, you have to instill her with a certain level of independence in the way that she deals with men and has confidence in setting her boundaries and getting away from predatory men when you're not there.
00:27:11
Speaker
And that comes with teaching her to be comfortable disrespecting the fuck out of adult men all of the time.
00:27:18
Speaker
Every single girl from the time she's a toddler or can speak should be learning how to curse at and throw rocks at and disrespect men.
00:27:26
Speaker
it should just be deeply ingrained and like reflexive almost teach girls audacity teach girls audacity right that's the thing girls don't have enough audacity like male audacity is celebrated from a young age and girls are taught like like you know oh that's unladylike oh you know they're constantly punished for having audacity young girl audacity should be celebrated honestly
00:27:49
Speaker
Yeah, all the girls that I know that had trouble, like that had boyfriends that were way older or were more susceptible to be preyed upon because the type of girls I would have gone off with a guy because he gave like a good story.
00:28:01
Speaker
And I've had, unfortunately, very naive friends that way.
00:28:04
Speaker
Not to
00:28:04
Speaker
Something as simple as like, oh, come look at the candy in the back of my truck or something like that.
00:28:08
Speaker
But like, you know, things that were clearly a guy that was trying to hit on us and take us to a second location.
00:28:13
Speaker
The thing that happens is like, for whatever reason in their household, either because their father or somebody in their family was a boundary pushing creep or because he never taught them that they had the right to say no or stand up for themselves.
00:28:25
Speaker
They didn't know how to do that with men outside of the home either.
00:28:28
Speaker
So you have to like teach your daughter self-efficacy and teach her that she doesn't have to respect anyone's opinions, but her own, especially not boys or men.
00:28:38
Speaker
Like if she gets in trouble at school for like, say a guy's like harassing her.
00:28:41
Speaker
This happened actually to me all the time as a kid.
00:28:43
Speaker
For all my parents' flaws, one thing they really, really did right is that I got in trouble at school often.
00:28:48
Speaker
I had conflicts with boys from a very young age.
00:28:51
Speaker
No, really?
00:28:52
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:28:53
Speaker
Yeah, this has like been going on since I was really young.
00:28:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:56
Speaker
So one of the things my parents did right is that when I got in trouble at school and a boy was like harassing me or whatever, and I like punched him in the face or like, because I was, you know, up until around the age 12, I was bigger than all of the other boys in my class.
00:29:08
Speaker
Like I grew really fast and then just stopped at the age of 12.
00:29:11
Speaker
But up until then, yeah, I was just physically larger than them.
00:29:13
Speaker
So I could like, if guys were bothering me, yeah, I physically put them in their place.
00:29:17
Speaker
And sometimes I got in trouble at school.
00:29:19
Speaker
My parents were always like, yeah, pick me home, you know, at lunch or whatever happened.
00:29:23
Speaker
And instead of like admonishing me, they'd be like, good job, Lilith.
00:29:26
Speaker
Like, good on you for defending yourself.
00:29:28
Speaker
Like, they'd be proud of me.
00:29:30
Speaker
So that's not a thing.
00:29:31
Speaker
It's like when your daughter defends herself, don't discourage that, like encourage that, be proud of her, even if they kind of did it for fucked up reasons.
00:29:38
Speaker
I still think that was a good call.
00:29:40
Speaker
Exactly.
00:29:41
Speaker
So the next question he had was, what's the best way to broach the subject?
00:29:44
Speaker
And would it be better coming from a woman?
00:29:46
Speaker
Find a really stupid looking dude and just get your daughter real comfortable with disrespecting them.
00:29:51
Speaker
I'm not kidding.
00:29:51
Speaker
That's fine.
00:29:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker
Like who is the male like family fuck up?
00:29:56
Speaker
Like every family's got one, like, you know, some creepy uncle, like every family has one guy.
00:30:01
Speaker
That's like the fuck up that everyone else just dunks on.
00:30:04
Speaker
Like get, you know, include her on that, honestly.
00:30:06
Speaker
Cause he's probably going to go in on her anyways.
00:30:08
Speaker
Like the last ditch effort of completely useless men who have lost all respect of the people around them is to try to dominate and bully the young girls in the family.
00:30:17
Speaker
So you got to get her like reflexively knowing how to stand up for that stuff.
00:30:21
Speaker
I
00:30:21
Speaker
And let's face it, those are the type of guys that are often the pedophiles and creeps hanging out like outside the mall and shit.
00:30:26
Speaker
You already know, you already probably have a fuck up cousin or fuck up uncle or fuck up brother.
00:30:31
Speaker
And that's the exact type of person hanging out at the mall after school, trying to get like teenage girls to talk to him and stuff.
00:30:37
Speaker
So if you have some character like that, be frank about what he's like.
00:30:42
Speaker
Encourage your daughter's ability to speak when he's, speak on men when they're fucking up.
00:30:47
Speaker
And be disgusted with them.
00:30:49
Speaker
Yes.
00:30:49
Speaker
And also just talk about stranger danger, right?
00:30:51
Speaker
Whenever they start to go out, wanting to go out with their friends, et cetera, and wanting to assert independence, like have the stranger danger talk.
00:30:58
Speaker
You should start having that from the time they're small children, but like, especially at the time when they're starting to go out without you, then have the stranger danger talk.
00:31:05
Speaker
And also in addition to the stranger danger talk as well, you need to also talk about the inappropriate attention that they can get from people that you know, so your friends and family as well.
00:31:16
Speaker
That's even more uncomfortable because a lot of parents like to think that
00:31:21
Speaker
every child is abused by a stranger outside the home when actually statistically speaking your child is a lot more likely to be subjected to abuse inside the home so by somebody that they know than by a stranger on the street as well so you need to also have that conversation and make sure that they feel comfortable coming to you to talk about it if
00:31:40
Speaker
they do have something inappropriate to report because from my experience working in the field many women not many women but many children even they don't feel comfortable you know saying that you know daddy's friend is being inappropriate with me because they're worried about what their dad will think if they were to report that incident or whether they will be blamed or not believed as well as to have a frank discussion around I guess the strangers and the weirdos inside the home as well so your family or friends extended family because the
00:32:09
Speaker
they are more likely to be predatory towards your daughter than people outside the home as well.
00:32:15
Speaker
Exactly.
00:32:15
Speaker
And I don't think this matters if it's coming from a man or a woman.
00:32:18
Speaker
If anything, it's better coming from a man because you can probably teach her how to disrespect men in ways we can't think of, right?
00:32:24
Speaker
Because you are a man.
00:32:25
Speaker
So be creative.
00:32:27
Speaker
Maybe do a vision board of all the ways you can disrespect a man.
00:32:30
Speaker
A vision board?
00:32:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:33
Speaker
Do a vision board and like a cloud map of the best ways to tell men to fuck off.
00:32:41
Speaker
If he does this, then do this.
00:32:42
Speaker
If that happens, then this.
00:32:44
Speaker
Exactly.
00:32:44
Speaker
So all of the, like, okay, draw out like a caricature of a man, almost like a hangman, and then circle all the weak spots, like maybe circle a scalp and say you can insult a scalp.
00:32:54
Speaker
Show like where it's...
00:32:57
Speaker
in his neck be like it only takes six seconds of pressure there to cut off blood flow to the brain just saying put her in martial arts put her in like self-defense courses brazilian you just did something like that teach her to defend herself
00:33:12
Speaker
Teach her to think on her feet, which martial arts can do, but also like a good game of the dozens can also do.
00:33:18
Speaker
Situational awareness and yeah, being able to think on your feet and react in real time.
00:33:22
Speaker
A lot of women and girls in those situations, they go into freeze mode.
00:33:26
Speaker
And so there has to be some kind of teaching her to react in a way that's going to protect herself, either flight or fight.
00:33:33
Speaker
Those are actually the preferable things because a lot of times the predators rely on women going into freeze mode to attack them.
00:33:39
Speaker
So yeah, get a real comfortable insulting and disrespecting.
00:33:45
Speaker
Thus saith FDS.
00:33:47
Speaker
Thus saith the Lord, aka Ro.
00:33:50
Speaker
And here endeth the lesson.
Navigating Dating and Flirting Respectfully
00:33:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:33:53
Speaker
So another scrotes strike back question from M day greetings, FCS.
00:33:59
Speaker
I've been listening to your podcast and I've been enjoying it quite a bit.
00:34:02
Speaker
I particularly liked the talks about how pornography is problematic for that reason, your guest, Dr. Gail Dines was a great addition to the show.
00:34:09
Speaker
I never liked pornography because so much of it is violent.
00:34:11
Speaker
We love Gail Dines too.
00:34:13
Speaker
So even the regular scenes involving a guy, Jack hammering a girl in the rear end and a loud moaning is so disturbing to me.
00:34:18
Speaker
I'm a romantic at heart.
00:34:20
Speaker
I want to cuddle and kiss and full embrace when I meet a woman to get close with.
00:34:23
Speaker
When I date, however, I conceal any sexual interest I have in the woman.
00:34:27
Speaker
I don't get flirty on the first date.
00:34:28
Speaker
I don't touch her arm and I never kissed on a first date.
00:34:31
Speaker
I do this to avoid coming off as a creep and advancing too quickly.
00:34:34
Speaker
I put my best foot forward by being friendly first and seeing if we have any good conversation.
00:34:39
Speaker
Is this the right strategy I should employ or does the lack of flirting and touch ruin the woman's interest in me as a dating prospect?
00:34:46
Speaker
It's very similar to the first question we had.
00:34:48
Speaker
Seems like a lot of men are unsure how to proceed because of wanting to show interest but not creep a girl out.
00:34:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:54
Speaker
I will say that a lot of the guys that I've been physical with, like we had, you know, a sort of sexual chemistry long before any physical touching took place.
00:35:03
Speaker
And that can be kind of hard to gauge, I guess, especially for the kind of guy that's like any woman who smiles at me, I'm in love with her kind of thing.
00:35:10
Speaker
You know, he continues here and says, if the latter is true, meaning does the lack of flirting and make a woman seem that I'm not interested in ruin me as a dating prospect,
00:35:20
Speaker
The latter is true.
00:35:21
Speaker
Does pick me culture have any influence on women judging men as dating prospects based on how sexually evocative they are on the first couple of dates?
00:35:28
Speaker
Lastly, if I didn't feel any initial connection on the first date, should I still try and arrange a second date if there are no red flags and the woman didn't seem repulsed by me?
00:35:36
Speaker
So once again, guys are always going to like fit in a lot of questions here.
00:35:41
Speaker
So yeah, so he's basically just asking, okay, how do I initiate physical contact with a woman without, so she knows I'm interested, but doesn't creep her out.
00:35:50
Speaker
Do men who are more forward sexually on the first couple of dates, are they more successful?
00:35:55
Speaker
Is it pick-me culture that makes women more susceptible to guys doing that?
00:35:59
Speaker
And then lastly, should I arrange a second date if there weren't any red flags and the woman didn't seem repulsed?
00:36:04
Speaker
So to answer your last question before we get into the media other one, like if you didn't feel the initial connection on the first date, I would still go for a second date if there's no red flags and she didn't say she was repulsed by you.
00:36:14
Speaker
Like, cause the worst thing she could do is say no.
00:36:15
Speaker
And then you'll know or ghost you.
00:36:17
Speaker
So I think if you still like her and you still want to pursue it and she hasn't like rejected you, then I think it's fine to ask again.
00:36:23
Speaker
Again, I sort of feel like, you know, though, if somebody's into you or not.
00:36:28
Speaker
I assume men are very stupid.
00:36:30
Speaker
Like just assume he's very clueless.
00:36:32
Speaker
I feel like women know when a man is interested in her, but men are very bad at telling if a woman is into them.
00:36:39
Speaker
Because again, the men, they're interested.
00:36:41
Speaker
In fact, wasn't there also a study on this also where men think that attractive women are more into them?
00:36:47
Speaker
Like they're attracted to the attractive women and they just assume that the attractive woman feels that way about him.
00:36:53
Speaker
Like they project their own attraction onto other women.
00:36:56
Speaker
Yeah, no, that's exactly what I was like.
00:36:57
Speaker
They have no clue how to gauge women's interest.
00:36:59
Speaker
So I think why we keep getting this question is because they really don't get it.
00:37:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:03
Speaker
And they tend to confuse like the sort of normal sort of politeness that women have to strangers or, you know, just regular friendliness.
00:37:11
Speaker
They tend to confuse that with sexual interest.
00:37:14
Speaker
I would say that like a woman smiling at you and being friendly is very different.
00:37:18
Speaker
You know, when a woman is into you, it's like, I don't know, at least I feel like I make it obvious.
00:37:22
Speaker
Like I'm like,
00:37:23
Speaker
looking at him more.
00:37:24
Speaker
I'm like making an effort to like be in his line of sight more.
00:37:28
Speaker
I don't know, giving him an attitude maybe like in a flirty kind of way, you know?
00:37:34
Speaker
You're an extrovert too.
00:37:35
Speaker
So I feel like with us who are extroverts, so depends on the woman.
00:37:38
Speaker
For those of us who are more extroverted, we're more likely to flirt back with you in ways that are more obvious.
00:37:44
Speaker
But there's a lot of women for whom that's not true.
00:37:46
Speaker
They're way more subtle.
00:37:48
Speaker
And I think that's why some guys are kind of confused about whether or not the date's going well and whether or not the woman's interested.
00:37:55
Speaker
Yeah, that's like me, to be fair.
00:37:57
Speaker
I mean, I'm like that if I don't know.
00:37:59
Speaker
Like, I'll hedge my bets if I'm not sure about the guy.
00:38:01
Speaker
If I'm into him, then I'm a little bit more assertive about it.
00:38:04
Speaker
But if I'm not, then I'm kind of noncommittal about his flirtations.
00:38:08
Speaker
Like we said, told the last guy, like, I think you try to flirt.
00:38:11
Speaker
Like there's so many ways you can flirt with a woman or try to like talk to a woman that's not sexually objectifying where all the red pill guys fuck up and all these guys that try to do all the negging and evocative things.
00:38:21
Speaker
It's like they start in on something that makes a woman feel on the defensive rather than like you're getting to know her.
00:38:27
Speaker
I mean, what I really like as well and what works with introverts, well, I speak for myself as a semi-introvert in recovery, is also the face is highly expressive as well.
00:38:36
Speaker
So some guys have flirted with me just by giving me a cheeky smile or a certain look.
00:38:41
Speaker
And that also works as well as a signal.
00:38:45
Speaker
So yeah, use the face too.
00:38:47
Speaker
I don't think there's anything wrong with letting a woman know that you're finding her interesting.
00:38:52
Speaker
I do think you should flirt if you are interested in her.
00:38:55
Speaker
I think you're taking the idea that you don't want to creep a woman out, that you shouldn't ever express any sexual interest.
00:39:00
Speaker
But the issue is like the way that men express sexual interest typically turns women off because it's predatory and it's porn sick.
00:39:07
Speaker
So you're already doing pretty good because you understand why porn is a problem.
00:39:12
Speaker
So now you're trying to figure out how to flirt with girls without it being like,
00:39:15
Speaker
not in a way that makes her feel gross and objectified, which comes down to you looking at that specific person.
00:39:21
Speaker
This is why lines don't work or when like these guys try to give you, you know, like lines to feed women, because when you flirt with someone, it's specific to them.
00:39:29
Speaker
And a person doesn't want to feel like you're saying something to get in their pants or try to a specific formula of things to say means you have to actually understand that person, notice that person and then compliment them on something genuine that you like about them.
00:39:41
Speaker
So just think about when you're on a date with a woman, what do you like about her?
00:39:44
Speaker
And don't say her boobs and don't say anything related to her body that makes her feel objectified.
00:39:50
Speaker
But talk about something about her personality.
00:39:52
Speaker
Talk about the way she makes you feel.
00:39:54
Speaker
Talk about something other than just like the physical sexual attraction.
00:39:57
Speaker
And that is also flirting.
00:39:59
Speaker
Like flirting isn't just like, oh, I want to bang you from behind or whatever type of dumb pornographic dialogue.
00:40:05
Speaker
Flirting is also telling a girl, what's your favorite sex position?
00:40:09
Speaker
That's not flirting.
00:40:10
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:40:11
Speaker
That's what guys think.
00:40:11
Speaker
And that's why they're always messing.
00:40:12
Speaker
But like just saying a girl like, hey, I really feel like whenever I'm around you, I feel like I'm laughing a little harder, you know, like something like that.
00:40:22
Speaker
Like you make me laugh a little bit harder.
00:40:23
Speaker
This is, you know, something that makes her feel like you're engaging on her and you're flirting with her.
00:40:28
Speaker
You're having experience together and it's not pornographic.
00:40:31
Speaker
Just notice what you like about her.
00:40:32
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:33
Speaker
So then the second question, does pick me culture have any influence on women judging men as dating prospect based on how sexually evocative they are in the first couple of dates?
00:40:41
Speaker
I think he's asking like, do women judge men as better dates if they're more sexually forward on the first couple of dates?
00:40:48
Speaker
I don't know.
00:40:49
Speaker
I don't know if it just comes down to like a man, like having some kind of confidence.
00:40:54
Speaker
I mean, a lot of times these guys who are successful, like they just hit on everything and then they wear down women's defensive, but I don't really necessarily think that that's like a good thing.
00:41:04
Speaker
Uh, yeah.
00:41:04
Speaker
So that's, that's the answer to your question.
00:41:06
Speaker
That's it.
00:41:06
Speaker
That's all you get.
00:41:07
Speaker
That's all you get.
00:41:08
Speaker
Thanks for your money.
00:41:09
Speaker
Bye.
Podcast Promotion and Community Engagement
00:41:14
Speaker
All right.
00:41:15
Speaker
So thanks, Grotes.
00:41:16
Speaker
Go forth and be better in the world.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:19
Speaker
Don't be shitty.
00:41:20
Speaker
Stop being shitty.
00:41:21
Speaker
Don't be shitty.
00:41:22
Speaker
Actually, you know what?
00:41:23
Speaker
The guys who sent us a question, at least they're listening to our podcast.
00:41:27
Speaker
At least they're, you know, they're trying giving us money.
00:41:30
Speaker
They're trying, you know, this is stuff in the right direction.
00:41:33
Speaker
So I'm willing to give them a cookie for that.
00:41:35
Speaker
Good boy.
00:41:37
Speaker
All right.
00:41:38
Speaker
So that's our show.
00:41:39
Speaker
Check us out on our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:41:43
Speaker
Discuss this episode in the forum.
00:41:45
Speaker
Also follow us on Twitter at fem.strat and on our Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:41:52
Speaker
And if you want to submit your own roast to scrote or scrote strike back or queen shit story to be read aloud on the podcast like we did on this episode, go to our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
00:42:04
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:42:06
Speaker
And for all these groats out there, sign up for our Patreon so you can level up your dating life.
00:42:11
Speaker
And get your questions half answered.
00:42:12
Speaker
Get your questions half answered.
00:42:15
Speaker
Great sales pitch.
00:42:16
Speaker
Based on how we're feeling that day.
00:42:18
Speaker
If we decide to come around to it.
00:42:21
Speaker
If we decide to grace you.
00:42:22
Speaker
With our attention.
00:42:24
Speaker
With our attention that day.
00:42:25
Speaker
So sign up, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:42:28
Speaker
See y'all next week.
00:42:30
Speaker
you