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Ep. 262 – The Book of Mormon: The Charge of the Lamanite Brigade
297 Plays13 days ago
This week we’re dipping back into the book of Mormon for the first time in a while! We got a little bored with the Book of Alma, so we’re moving on to the Book of Helaman, where a real Game of Thrones situation unfolds recounting the power struggle for the Judgement Seat (which is an actual chair, btw). Take studious notes and enjoy the show!
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Transcript
Nephite Leadership Crisis
00:00:00
Speaker
And now behold, it came to pass in the commencement of the 40th year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi, there began to be a serious difficulty among the people of the Nephites.
00:00:13
Speaker
For behold, Paharan had died and gone the way of all the earth. Therefore, there began to be a serious contention concerning who should have the judgment seat among the brethren who were the sons of Paharan. It's just like when a cartel boss gets killed in Mexico.
00:00:30
Speaker
Yeah, dude. Mexican power and El Mencho is dead. this is way This is the Mormon version of Mexican War Streets. Yeah, time for the good and faithful to, you know, skin each other alive. It shows you that despite this story being 100% false, the spirit behind it is true.
00:00:51
Speaker
It taps into those like universal human struggles that we're all familiar with. That's why this has stood this test of time. By mean 150
Snowstorm Chaos and Solutions
00:01:01
Speaker
years. yeah
00:01:23
Speaker
Hey, everybody, welcome to another episode of Growing Up Christian. I'm Sam. I'm Casey. And I am currently buried under two feet of snow. um I had February vacation last week. And that has extended into this week. I was supposed to go back to school on Monday.
00:01:42
Speaker
And that's when the snowstorm came in. And then Monday night, they canceled school the next day because nobody was able to like deal with all the snow yet. um you know For schools, it's like sidewalks need to be clear. the like The roads were a mess. My friends who live in Rhode Island, who live in Providence, it was like the biggest snowstorm they've ever got. I think they got like 36 inches of snow.
00:02:05
Speaker
And o they just shut down everything. They stopped plowing. They wrote cars were like abandoned in the street and shit like fucking they got cooked over there.
Unpredictable Weather and Dog Antics
00:02:16
Speaker
It's more or less the exact same effect is like a massive cartel uprising. Yeah, less explosions for sure. But ah and then we're supposed to i was like, all right, maybe that's it. We're finally in the clear. I'm looking in the forecast, looking. We're into the you know high 30s, low 40s next week, feeling good about it. And then i don't know, whatever predictive, ah whatever predictive software is being used.
00:02:43
Speaker
you know how they can be with weather, right? They can be like, you're going to get a huge storm and then you get three inches of snow. And there's only so much you can do when predicting the weather, but weather patterns can change fairly quickly.
00:02:54
Speaker
But the one that's been the most reliable is predicting we might get another like, 15 to 20 inches of snow next week, which please God, no, I can't.
00:03:04
Speaker
I sent you the video from my backyard this morning because my dogs have nowhere to run around. It's just this snow is up to my, you know, 75 pound dog's shoulders. Um,
00:03:17
Speaker
I would have to make a whole elaborate tunnel system for my small dog to get through it. And today I spent like an hour and a half. I like to snow blowing lists like triple figure eight look like this, like, like racetrack type thing from the front of my yard to the back of my yard. Like it looked like a flat Bob, Bob sled course. Yeah, it's so I could ah let my dog go like run around and stuff. And um he was kind of confused by it at first, but it was funny. He like once he like realized what was going on, you know, when dogs just get the zoomies and they lose control. Yeah. Yeah.
00:03:55
Speaker
He starts like running laps around this thing. My small dog's trying to keep up and I'm just chasing him around. He's loving it, but he's running towards me one way I'm going towards him. And I think he's going to break and and go the opposite direction of me when we meet at the intersection. And he just barrels his ass straight into me. And,
00:04:15
Speaker
flips me over his back into like the little snowbank and ah then he jumps over on me and starts like licking my face and shit. He's having a great time. It was nice. I feel felt good that he was able like actually get some like real exercise in after the past few days.
00:04:30
Speaker
Nice. Yeah. This guy that worked that what I worked for when I was in high school, he had a German or ah a St. Bernard and they were like playing a game like that around like their pool, you know, like their above ground pool.
00:04:44
Speaker
And that St. Bernard like came around the edge and smashed into him and like he fell and broke his arm. That's awful. I thought you were going to say he like barreled through the pool.
00:04:55
Speaker
No, that would have been funny though. Classic America's Funniest Home Videos. Back in the 90s, we loved watching above ground pools break. Yes, we did. i still enjoy it. It's still funny. It's the universe's pastime. There's always that guy who's like, I should jump into it with the giant floaty from the roof of something, and it just smashes the side of it.
00:05:19
Speaker
Yeah, there's like so there's certain lessons that humankind like never learns. like You can't dance on a table. Yeah. I don't know how many videos that I've seen in my lifetime of people like flipping a table that they're trying to dance on or something like that, but it's a lot.
00:05:34
Speaker
Yeah. Nobody ever learns. No, it's everyone. They want the laugh. They don't, ah they haven't watched enough. Maybe those people haven't watched enough TV. Um, it's When I bought my house, i was I was worried. I was like having the in-ground pool. I was like, oh, this is going to probably up my homeowner's insurance a good bit. And it didn't really touch it. And they were, but when I talked to them about it, they're like, yeah, if you had an above-ground pool, it would do more, it would affect it more. Because when those things go, it's just hell for the entire neighborhood if it's small, you know? Yeah.
Dog Surgery and Recovery
00:06:08
Speaker
Yeah, and I feel like... um statistically speaking like toddlers are probably 40 times more likely to drown in an ah above ground pool just because of the type of people who have them yeah yeah dude my dog is still recovering from her surgery And we're like, we're like, oh, we're on week four now since she had it done. Okay. So she got her bandages off a couple weeks ago. And like now it's just kind of letting everything heal, trying to keep her from going nuts until like the bones and stuff heal up. But she...
00:06:46
Speaker
It's like her greatest joys in life are one eating turds and two immediately licking like an open wound. And it's super annoying. And so like we've had the good thing. ah Good thing. She doesn't have an anal fissure. Yeah. Right. like if we wouldn Let's not add one more thing to the pile, please. She'd be snout deep in her own asshole.
00:07:07
Speaker
So she ah she's had the cone on like since the surgery ended. And then I was in the vet to get some more medicine for her like like on Wednesday of last week. And I said, hey, when it when is it OK to take the cone off? You know, I mean, she's healing up pretty well. And she the girl goes, oh, well, she doesn't have like sutures. So like it's probably fine to take it off her now. and i'm like oh okay, cool. So I get home, I take it off Saturday by Saturday.
00:07:34
Speaker
um she comes inside from, I took her out, you know, cause I got to keep her on the leash to keep her from like over exerting herself, you know? So I take her out, walk her around the yard, let her do her thing. She comes inside and, and she's sitting on the, on the rug and I'm looking at it and I'm like, Oh my God, what is wrong with her leg?
00:07:52
Speaker
yeah And it wasn't the broken leg. It's the one that they put the preemptive screw in. So like, it's not like the one where we're we're healing broken bones or anything, but there is a screw in it. And, uh, it's just like, she was licking herself on the other side and I looked at her leg and it was just like bulging out on the, like on the edge.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I'm like, oh my God, what is that? Like, is her, is her leg dislocated? Like, what is that? And so I run and I'm like, April, April, come, come look at this. Just come look at her leg. Like there's something wrong with it.
00:08:25
Speaker
And so like, by the time I come out, it's like a, it's like uh,
00:08:32
Speaker
I don't even know what the word is for it. Like ah a boil. I don't know. like, like yeah, like a cyst or something. Yeah. So by the time April comes out, it had popped and it's just it's pouring like two tablespoons of tapioca all over the rug.
00:08:48
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, that's disgusting. And it just keeps going. Like it just keeps filling up and then it'll pop and like, oh, and I talked to the vet and I'm like, Hey, do I need to take her to the emergency room? Like, what do you think? And he's like, uh, he goes this, you know, joints sometimes do that, you know, keep her from licking it and then we'll get you some antibiotics. So it's not like it's a big deal, but it's just like, Oh so oh my God, can you not smear turd into your open wounds, please? Thank you.
00:09:19
Speaker
Just try not to do anything gross for a couple of minutes. it's dude Do you have to put the cone back on? Yeah, I put the cone back on. The cones are so annoying, du because dogs don't really even get them. Like they they come up to you for attention and they'll just smash a cone into your crotch when they try to put their head on your lap. and Oh, 100 percent. Just like whacking it on everything, like walking through the house, knocking stuff over. It's so stupid. She's starting to feel good enough now, too, that she wants to really like I mean, she's a bird dog. She's got a lot of energy and she really wants to dance around and stuff. And it's like, oh, oh, oh, oh.
00:09:55
Speaker
Yeah. No, man. Well, we got a good few stories to get into tonight.
John Paul Miller's Legal Troubles
00:10:00
Speaker
So um the first one, Casey, I was excited. I found an update on our our boy, a John Paul Miller, um John Paul Miller of Myrtle Beach. We talked about him. It was over a year ago. You know how the wheels of justice turn slowly and all, but very slowly.
00:10:22
Speaker
Sometimes I might say not at all. yeah Yeah, I mean, in a lot of cases, we're not even yeah it's at a complete standstill right now. And these are federal charges, and we know how those go, too. um We're lucky that this man's not in any real position of political power, otherwise absolutely would not be turning at all. Something would stuck in those We're not talking about the the good Reverend Lutnik or anything. Yeah, something, maybe the Epstein files would be caught in those gears, preventing it from all the missing all the missing files that have been scrubbed from the internet.
00:10:54
Speaker
um But he was accused, well, there was some suspicion suspicion that he may have killed his ex-wife, ah Micah Miller.
00:11:05
Speaker
um He was a really, like, shitty dude. um it His ex-wife, quote-unquote, died by suicide. There's some...
00:11:18
Speaker
There's a healthy level of skepticism in the community, ah her community, especially around that because they don't believe that she was suicidal. But, you know, he had his ex-girlfriend. um He when she was with him, it was he was alleged to be very abusive. She eventually left him.
00:11:37
Speaker
You know, I think he was cheating on her during that time with the person that he ended up with shortly after or right around the time that his ex-wife died. But yeah, it was like an immediate, if I remember correctly.
00:11:48
Speaker
And and before she died, he he was harassing her big time, right? Like slashing tires and all sorts of stuff like this guy's a real sicko.
00:11:59
Speaker
So that's what he was indicted on. um John Paul Miller, 46 in Marital Beach, appeared before federal court in Florence on Monday for an arraignment. During the hearing, John Paul pleaded not guilty to his federal charges of cyber-stalking and making false statements to federal investigators.
00:12:17
Speaker
John Paul faces up to five years in prison for cyber-stalking and up to two years for making false statements. John Paul waived his right to a speedy trial, which is fairly normal as far as I understand it,
00:12:29
Speaker
um I think people waive their right to a speedy trial when um they want to give their defense attorneys more time to like deal with the case. um It doesn't necessarily mean anything. um Prosecutors aren't always, you know, there's discovery and all, but no one's particularly forthcoming or there is as unforthcoming as they have to be in that system. So,
00:12:59
Speaker
ah I think the times that people don't really want to waive their right to a speedy trial is if they're going to be denied bail because then they could spend like up to a year in prison while they wait for their shit to get sorted out. Oh, right. Yeah. So he seems to have ah he was released yep on $100,000 unsecured bond.
00:13:18
Speaker
As part of his bond conditions, he must wear an ankle monitor and he may not leave South Carolina. He also may have no contact with potential witnesses or anyone in Micah Miller's family.
00:13:29
Speaker
Which is very difficult for him because he's a complete nut job. Yep. I could see him reaching out and violating the terms of that agreement. That would be pretty cool to add some more charges on to.
00:13:40
Speaker
um John Paul is accused of sending unwanted and harassing communications to Micah, his then wife. One second. I have the craziest tickle in my throat. And every time I take a breath, I feel like it's like that first time you take a drag off a cigarette or a joint and you're trying to look cool by not coughing.
00:14:02
Speaker
It was a good wind up to the cough. Yeah, you saw that. that was nice. Real deep breath to try to force it all out of my lungs. um This was from November of 2022. So this is a bit ago that we talked about this.
00:14:15
Speaker
um Oh, that's when he did this. We talked about it in 24 because she died in April of 24. Yeah, there was it was pretty viral, like the videos about it. There was a number of different creators that like put out some pretty heavy hitting like Instagram videos and stuff talking about the case and and really throwing shade at this guy. And yeah, I don't know. It is very suspicious circumstances, but who knows if they can actually like pin the murder to him.
00:14:45
Speaker
And I don't think they're not even trying to. um They're just getting him on the on the harassing charges. So ah the indictment states of the harassing behavior included posting a nude photo of Micah online without her consent, causing tracking devices to be placed on her vehicle.
00:15:04
Speaker
And in one instance, contacting her more than 50 times in a single day. The indictment also alleges he interfered with Micah's finances and her daily activities and on one occasion damaged her vehicle's tires.
00:15:18
Speaker
Authorities said that John Paul told them he hired a private investigator to protect Micah from purchasing firearms, but they allege he actually hired the investigator to cyberstalk her over ah an alleged adultery.
00:15:33
Speaker
There's another cool guy in this story. Yeah. Like, if you're taking money to cyber stock someone, like, what is wrong with you? Right. You're not a real private investigator. You're probably probably not doing the job quite right.
00:15:48
Speaker
You own a Punisher t-shirt for sure. Yeah. and Also, yeah accused of lying ah to investigators. Now, fun fact, ah it sounds like I believe this is true because if he's being hit for lying to a federal agent, you I do not believe it's a crime to lie to cops, but it is a crime to lie to federal agents.
00:16:11
Speaker
m Now, if you're, you know, under you could like if you lie to cops, they might try to get a charge of impeding an investigation.
00:16:22
Speaker
Um, don't know if that's true. ah Okay. Maybe not. I watch a lot of crime drama and I feel like that's the thing that's come up. It's definitely assumed that everyone lies to cops because why not? It's also assumed that cops lie to everybody else. So let's just call it what is. That's true.
00:16:42
Speaker
Um, the case was investigated by the FBI's Columbia field office, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, um Kevin Moore, agent in charge of the FBI's Columbia field office, called Miller's allegations, alleged actions, predatory.
00:16:56
Speaker
Obviously... wrong statement. This guy needs... I don't know. I know we're all supposed to be very progressive and against capital punishment, but like I kind of feel like this guy should just... We should just...
00:17:10
Speaker
We should just put him in a big pot of oil or something like that. Just be done with him. Like we don't need him around. i think he's still I can't tell if he's still pastoring or not. John Paul and his church were the target of protests surrounding allegations that he had a hand in Micah's death by suicide in April. um Authorities ruled it a suicide. He was not charged with their death. um John Paul's attorney said he looks forward to having his day in court. I don't know why you look forward to that. Like, that's something you say. Obviously, that's what your attorney says on your behalf. So you don't look guilty. But I don't think he's going to spend five years in prison. But I'm certain that this guy is going to get a guilty verdict. Like, du your, your, your, like, public defender attorney is like,
00:17:54
Speaker
Yeah, he's really dreading his day in court. He's fairly nervous about it, as anybody human would be, especially, you know, he did get a public defender. No, this guy, you know, he's using ah embezzled church funds to get the only the best of the best.
00:18:09
Speaker
For sure. And, you know, I think if we've learned anything from this podcast, it's that there's almost no chance that he hung up his his spurs in terms of preaching. Like, he's still...
00:18:21
Speaker
He's still presiding over a group of rubes that keep him afloat. Oh yeah. Yeah. These people never just go away. Um, have except for, um, you know, who is stepping down for, for the purpose of restoration is, uh, that, that pastor whose son, uh, what did he do? He went all nuts, uh, after he like found his parents sex tapes and stuff like that. Uh,
00:18:48
Speaker
oh Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. What that story again? God, I can't remember. That was recent, too, that we that. the kid was absolutely unhinged. was in Indianapolis or something like that. Oh, yeah, he had, like, a shit ton of, like, child sex abuse material.
00:19:04
Speaker
Yeah. Like, yeah really heinous shit. Like, really nasty stuff, and then he had a bunch of videos and stuff of his parents having sex. Yeah, so I guess that pastor is stepping down.
00:19:15
Speaker
um and Maybe he just can't take the heat. But maybe it's just weird looking all your parishioners in the eyes not knowing which ones saw you fuck your wife. That's weird. He's like, I'm in a new season of life.
00:19:28
Speaker
i'm gonna I'm stepping down so I can really pursue my passion of abuse full time.
00:19:36
Speaker
He's getting into the new market of Christian pornography. Dude, i don' I don't know. you know You try not to be just like a total like ah you know black-eyed nihilist about everything, but...
00:19:48
Speaker
Like 2026 makes that tough. I don't think I trust anyone who gives anyone else like direction. Yeah. I think I'm done with that. Like if you, if you have come to a point in your life where you feel it's time for you to share your vast knowledge with everyone else. Like I'm going to, I have a real hard time trusting almost anybody. Obviously there's a whole list of people I do, but like, God, it's just,
00:20:14
Speaker
I don't know. It's like at some point you just start looking around and you're like, oh, I think everybody's kind of gross. It seems like it's so funny. I was talking to my mom last weekend and and she like kind of this even came up with her with, um you know, lifelong, not lifelong, but.
00:20:31
Speaker
since early 20s right evangelical um always you know has general like as most people involved in church do at that general level of trust for their leadership and we were talking about a friend of mine whose ex-husband is a pastor and how much of a a dickhead he's been and ah you know a lot of narcissistic tendencies there and I don't open – I don't try – I wasn't to like – mean, it was my kid's basketball game for one, so I wasn't really going to open any can of worms or anything. But she – I don't remember what she said, but it was like something along the lines of like, yeah, um it's like like sometimes people who feel like –
00:21:13
Speaker
they need to tell everybody else what to do, you know, end up in those positions. and Like we kind of just briefly exchanged about it i was like, yeah, it kind of, you know, that it does. It, it, it pulls in people of a certain, a certain personality type. Same with like it that similar to like cops, politicians. It's I need to be the one to tell everyone else to live their life. But I was, I thought it was interesting that my mom brought that up with me. Yeah.
00:21:37
Speaker
Cause usually I'm the one that's like, just sees everything in a and negative light. Like my mom's doesn't look at the world as negatively, but i don't know, maybe some recent circumstances are causing her to, um, re some of the benefits of the doubt that she gives. i don't know. We didn't get into it. I don't know if there's anything particular, um,
00:21:59
Speaker
That was on her mind. But um but another fun story, fun, not the right term. We forget to use the correct terms here sometimes. But ah a former American Idol contestant named Caleb Flynn is charged with murder, staging crime scene and in his wife's death in Ohio.
Caleb Flynn's Arrest and Investigation
00:22:19
Speaker
Now, another fun story. This guy was on American Idol back in 2013, think is what it said. um And he's been i don't I guess he hasn't been doing much since he lost. i don't know how close he got. i did I forgot to look up like where he placed in this, um but he's 40, 39 years old.
00:22:43
Speaker
And he was arrested Thursday, February 19th at his home and booked whatever. He pleaded not guilty on Friday to charges of murder, assault and tampering with evidence.
00:22:56
Speaker
I just want to take care of my daughters. I'm not at risk. He told Judge Samuel Huffman in a video of his arraignment from jail. The judge set his bond at two million dollars. which is they said it to, and if is the bond set at 2 million or is the, so what you pay is what? 10%. Is that what you pay? You pay 10% that?
00:23:17
Speaker
I don't know exactly. don't know what the difference between bail and bond is. And if you don't show, then you lose all of it. You have to like pay it all back. for Yeah.
00:23:27
Speaker
So more or less like if you don't show up, you're you're like whoever co-signed that like bond with you is like going to be crushed by debt for the rest of their life. It's debt sentence.
00:23:43
Speaker
um So not 13 years ago, season 12 of American Idol, which was, oh, that was in 2013. Wow, crazy that it was that else that was 13 years ago. um I can't believe they were at season 12 back in 2013. That's wild um that people weren't sick of it yet.
00:24:03
Speaker
um Caleb Flynn appears in season 12 of American Idol in an interview posted to the show's YouTube channel back in 2013. He described himself as a music pastor. The thing that makes me unique, he says, I absolutely love the Lord.
00:24:18
Speaker
So unique. Oh. I love my wife more than anything. She is very, very, very pretty, he said. I'm just a normal person who absolutely loves to sing more than anything in the world.
00:24:30
Speaker
Well, look at that. I know you think that you are anything but a normal person. Yeah. If you're if you're showing up to be on American Idol, you're not a normal person. It doesn't make you a bad person, but you're not normal.
00:24:44
Speaker
No.
00:24:47
Speaker
Also, what a weird thing to say is like my wife is very, very, very, very very pretty. I love her more than anything. She is very, very, very pretty. Okay. All right.
00:24:58
Speaker
So, suspicion number one is he murdered her because he no longer found her attractive. Yeah, quite it's a possibility. Ashley Flynn as a was a 37-year-old middle school volleyball coach and a former teacher, was found dead Monday after officers received a report of a burglary and a shooting at a Tip City home.
00:25:23
Speaker
ah Her husband and two children were inside the home when the officers arrived. So this is when it's really fucking dark. He had his kids in the house with his dead wife. Yeah.
00:25:36
Speaker
I don't know. It doesn't say how old his kids are. i'm a little surprised. I know they're not going to release too much information. but Probably not somewhat old, right? mean You can you probably look up on Facebook. They were married in 2013 when he was on the show, which was probably recorded 2012. Right. Yeah.
00:25:52
Speaker
right yeah so you know, at least around my kid's age, which is crazy to think, um, or probably a little older, but, Um, in the 911 call released by authorities, a frantic Caleb Flynn tells a dispatcher someone broke into his home and killed his wife.
00:26:11
Speaker
He says she was shot multiple times in the head and doesn't know whether the intruder was still there. They said like in the house. Yeah, there's blood quote. There's blood everywhere. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. He says.
00:26:25
Speaker
His attorney, Patrick Mulligan, said in a statement on Saturday that he and Flynn were disappointed and concerned about the short timeline and seeming rush to judgment in this case.
00:26:36
Speaker
The police arrested Flynn on Thursday when the government runs out of leads or can't develop leads and looks at a surviving spouse in a case such as these. The chance of wrongful conviction increases.
00:26:48
Speaker
the defense attorney says. No. What we know is that in weird situations like this, it is almost always a spouse. It's roaming band of brigands. They busted in, they tore up the place, they shot my wife, and off they rode.
00:27:03
Speaker
Yeah. With... It doesn't say what time the call came in. That would be notable for sure. Like is it 3 a.m.? Talker. We've got two quotes from him and both of them. He repeats the same word over and over and over again. That's true.
00:27:17
Speaker
That is kind of like become, you know, watching a lot of like public freak out videos and stuff. That seems to be like the tell sign for like a ah person being a low IQ moron is they use the same word over and over and over again.
00:27:35
Speaker
A real Nick Shirley type. Yeah. Don't touch me, bro. Don't touch me, bro. Don't touch me, bro. Don't touch me. They'll say it 50 times and you're just like, I don't, I don't understand. Or they're like yelling at someone and trying to insult them and they'll just repeat the same insult over and over again, like a mantra into the person's face.
00:27:54
Speaker
It drives me crazy. Yeah. Yeah, I can see that. ah well And then you can see when people's, um their reasoning ability goes, like if they're getting into a fight, everyone kind of just goes full Neanderthal.
00:28:07
Speaker
Like no one's like, by the time you're at that point, no one's trying to like figure out how to navigate their way out of that situation without beating the fuck out of somebody. Yeah. um Well, this sounds ah sounds awful.
00:28:21
Speaker
Yeah, this one's pretty rough. The cops are pretty confident that they're on the right track. Um, it says the, the investigation does not move fast. Rather, it has progressed at a pace dictated by a thorough and deliberate investigative process.
00:28:37
Speaker
So there's a statement about the, the, the wife and how much of a loss it is to the community, the school, um, tragic. I mean, I can't imagine being the kids at that school, having her be a coach, fucking shameful shit. Uh,
00:28:53
Speaker
Is there a chance the husband didn't do it? No. I don't know. No. Probably not. He's the only one there with his kids. Like the kids though?
00:29:03
Speaker
Like the kids are going to be like the kids would have heard a couple of shots in the house. They would have seen the brigands. The brigands? What's a brigand?
00:29:15
Speaker
ah It's like ah like a burgland rascal that also is prone to sexual assault and murder. Oh, okay. They're more of an old-timey thing.
00:29:26
Speaker
Kind of like bike days. They just broke in to rob the place. Like, was anything stolen? Like, if you're like, say, broke in to rob the place and they shot someone in that, they broke into a home that people were occupying to rob things and they just shot someone and then left. Like, it's a... It makes me think this wasn't the most premeditated murder, if it was, in fact, a murder.
00:29:49
Speaker
You know? Probably not. Yeah, it's probably... It sounds like Our boy freaked out. I think if you really like if you're in this situation and you're trying to get out of it, like the the the route you want to take with your cover story is like something that like Fox News can run with. You know you need to blame you need to like say, hey, it was ah it was a trans-accelerationist furry and they carved 764 in the wall before they shot my wife. Yeah. I threw an order of nine angles and blood on my couch, and then they took off.
00:30:22
Speaker
They said they had to go post on Discord about it. yeah Incidentally, i they left me ah their Discord channel name. They actually are pretty proud of their work, and they want you guys to do a thorough investigation into all the people involved so they can have their claim to fame. They want to go down as very infamous.
00:30:42
Speaker
Yeah, they had ah they had a Roblox helmet on to disguise themselves. All I really saw was a glimpse of their like you know foxtail butt plug. I would have caught them, but I was wearing those cool new Lego Crocs, and it really inhibited my mobility.
00:31:01
Speaker
He's dressed like MGK. um And then one more story I just want to get into quickly because this this is another guy we we talked about, another follow-up. Carl Lentz,
00:31:17
Speaker
former pastor to Justin Bieber in Come Gutter Extraordinaire, has recently...
Carl Lentz's Redemption and Advice
00:31:23
Speaker
made his ah reappearance or I thought he only recently made a reappearance. He made a new statement recently, but it turns out he's had a pretty, he's been pretty active in the podcast circuit, which is definitely cool. Good sign. Um,
00:31:39
Speaker
After your fall from grace, he looks a little bit less douchey now. I think he thought he should clean up his image a little bit. But special announcement. He is.
00:31:50
Speaker
ah Here we go. One second. Let me get my set up here. Get over here. All right. Got a little audio clip from our boy Carl and his wife. Big announcement, big announcement to y'all.
00:32:03
Speaker
Losey, over to you. Yeah, we wrote a book. It's called Overcoming Infidelity. conversations to help heal the hurt. Yeah, and I'm really excited about it personally because know it's going to help a lot of people, and it wasn't easy to write, but we're really excited for it. Worth it. And we know it's going to meet people right where they're at, help navigate a very, very hard season with a little bit more hope. So it comes out in October. We'll keep you posted on it, but the pre-order is available today. We're go to make sure that link is on there, but we are very, very excited and confident that this is going to meet people right where they're at So we love you. Check it out. we'll keep you posted from Tulsa.
00:32:43
Speaker
Right where they're at. Right where they where they're at, dude. You know, thank God for Carl. I mean, this country's in shambles right now. we need a hero. And that hero is Carl and his wife. And I think this humiliation ritual for his wife is probably exactly what a lot of couples need to rescue their marriage.
00:33:03
Speaker
There is hardly anything worse than a pastor trying to rehab their career in such a shameless way. capitalize on my on my affair that I had yeah and his wife family bag is like I mean I don't want to speak for her um that's not a good look but I do feel like you've allowed somebody a lifestyle um that they're comfortable with perhaps like what are you gonna do like I don't know what she i don't I'm assuming because this is how these dynamics usually work with pastors is they make a lot of money
00:33:38
Speaker
And they use the whole like evangelical, like, I want you to stay home with the kids. I want you to be the mom. I want you to... And so then they like put they they go like they're trapped. So then once like what's everything like washes up for them, it it there's so much collateral damage that it's like...
00:33:57
Speaker
You want, I mean, some of it's, some of it's probably, what's the word looking for? um and It's like ah unconscious. Like I am okay with this subconscious. Thank you. We are going to move forward. I think I want to build a new life with this guy. Like, I don't know, whatever. Like he's also a narcissist who knows what he said, but I'm sure that together about your infidelity and talking about how hard it was.
00:34:22
Speaker
And I think what made me go like, get kind of feel even weirder about it as I started going through his podcast it clips on his Instagram and thinking at when I saw some of the questions he was fielding I felt like it was like directed towards him and his personal experience but it it seems more like it's not he takes listener questions and then gives them really good advice on how to navigate it And I think some of this advice, he without addressing it as personal experience, must come from some of that. Because couple of clips here, you'll questions are going to sound a bit on the nose. Does he feel like he did cocaine, even though he's never done it? I don't know if he feels like he did cocaine, but cocaine.
00:35:09
Speaker
All right, here we go. Nope, not quite. Every time I click on it, it freezes. One sec. Late, my wife came out wanting to know who I was talking to. I told her she didn't want to see it and deleted the messages, but did tell her who it was. She immediately told me she wanted a divorce. I started seeing a therapist once a week and have been pouring all my love out on her and she has been well receiving it. Well, last night, my wife somehow restored the messages on my phone while I was asleep and blew up, which is reasonable, but she's stuck on the divorce thing again.
00:35:37
Speaker
And I have had no contact with this woman for two weeks. Is she overreacting? When you are in the seat of the betrayer, words like overreacting, they don't get to come out of your mouth. You overreact them. You broke the vows. First of all, two weeks is approximately enough time to watch a show on Netflix, not repair anything. So overreaction, absolutely not. If the deleted messages were seen again, you can make this work for you by saying, okay, now it's out.
00:36:02
Speaker
So what more do you need to know? Bring out the text messages. What else do you need to know? And Let her then decide how she would succeed. Your job is to, for a while, work on yourself and let her dictate the way this road is going to go for a little bit. Me and Laura are big proponents of being fully honest right away.
00:36:17
Speaker
Oh, did you hear that? You are, a Wow, look at that. When did you become a big proponent of that? When you were outed publicly for doing the same for doing the same thing that you're responding to? I also love the classic, like... you Oh, all the he it's such like lawyer spin shit. It's like ah you're just a fucking spin doctor at that point. Make it work for you. You can make it work for you. All right. No, this is fine. We can make this work to our advantage. It's so classic. You know, babe, I know this feels like a like a travesty, but honestly, the way I see it, this is an opportunity.
00:36:54
Speaker
This is an opportunity for us to just level the playing field. Start fresh. Start with a fresh, clean slate. you know Just really start over and focus on, I just want to focus on pouring my love out on you. you know i don't want to be I don't want to dwell in the past when i was cheating on you two weeks ago. yeah i want to pour my love out on you.
00:37:13
Speaker
Why are you being such a jerk about this? It's been two whole weeks. There's a couple others. We don't have to play him because it's probably redundant. But, um you know, that same woman asking, my husband looks at other girls and I on Instagram.
00:37:29
Speaker
Is that cheating? My husband is this one, you know, is fair. But I'd be curious to know. Lentz's, I'm sure I could actually predict Lentz's response, but it was, ah my husband's porn addiction killed our sex life.
00:37:45
Speaker
How do I get him to want me? So these are the kinds of questions he's fielding as a professional pastor who, like, why are you seeking this guy's advice? Because he got caught and got through it. Like, now he's just going to do this whole, we got through it. That's why I am the authority. Everything is a fucking way to leverage authority for these people.
00:38:04
Speaker
That's all it is. How do I make my latest misstep look like a good opportunity to leverage authority over other people continuously? It's gross. It is gross. Yeah, it's a...
00:38:17
Speaker
And it's so in character. Like who, I just, dude, who at this point, like if you've lived on this planet for, I'm i'm going on 39 years. I've been down here 39 years.
00:38:29
Speaker
And like, I don't know how you can live this long and want to hear this crap from a guy like Carl Lentz. Like at this point, I've heard so many sales pitches that,
00:38:41
Speaker
from from lunatics and grifters and psychopaths. And like, i just don't know. And yourself as you practice in the mirror before a big one. Yeah, I mean, that's different. But yes.
00:38:52
Speaker
Who wants this from him? You can do this. You're a strong boy. i get that like there's an element of like, oh, people love a ah comeback story or they want to hear about somebody conquering something or whatever. But like, dude,
00:39:06
Speaker
Should you really be here giving a marriage advice if like you were part of it? You know, like you had a very public like cheating scandal where, you know, I don't I mean, i remember watching that documentary about that whole thing.
00:39:22
Speaker
And like it really just felt like he was picking chicks at random, like anybody that he could hit on at the gym. He was after, you know. Yeah. Like it wasn't like, oh, this was I got too close to my secretary and we, you know, we made a mistake and had ah a fling or something. It was like he was just hitting on chicks at the gym and like secretly meeting up with them.
00:39:46
Speaker
That lady was she was a kind of a piece of work, too, if I remember that shit. Yeah. Yeah. Very pumped. I mean, like you couldn't have picked a worse person to have a secret affair with than this lady like she was going to make a book tour out of this thing. Watching these people try to rehab their career by jumping straight to a book is like watching somebody speed run Mario 64. When you watch these speed run videos, it's like, how do you avoid every possible thing you possibly are you are supposed to do in a game to beat it in 48 seconds flat? How do you jump over the lava and spikes? you How do you jump yeah you jump walk what
00:40:26
Speaker
jump the wall on Rainbow Road? That's all this shit is. And then when you hit the ledge, you go, whoa. yeah It's in. I know somebody.
00:40:38
Speaker
I learned this about them later in life. But um a guy from a church that I attended, and this is a guy I stayed friends with. He has since passed due to a terrible, you know, ah sad, very sad situation, medical situation, not something like.
00:40:55
Speaker
sudden but anyway uh know this family knew this guy well um and they were really open not like flaunting it everywhere but they weren't hidden about the fact that when he was um younger he had affair um maybe one or two whatever um you know I don't know if he came clean or got caught. I don't know the full story, but they worked on it.
00:41:23
Speaker
ah They decided to try to stay together. They worked on it for a good up for. i mean, again, this is a years long thing, like probably a decade or so later, you know, maybe more after all that.
00:41:37
Speaker
They started they they were one of the ways in which they were open about their story. It was to help people it in their church community who are we're dealing with that.
00:41:50
Speaker
And that's a person I trust. That's a person I would have trusted to be like, here's a deal. um Because they did the work and he put in the time and they they legitimately sorted through it and repaired their relationship. Like, this dude got caught last year and they are already they've already fast-tracked a book.
00:42:10
Speaker
theyre They're already taking money from people to tell them how to overcome. that Clearly the best way to overcome it is none of Lentz's advice. It's getting a sick book deal. It's getting lots of money. Money ah will solve all your problems. Yeah.
00:42:25
Speaker
You just inject a little cashed and she loves you again, you know? Oh my God. Birkin bag away from being fixed. it's so It's too much. I really like...
00:42:39
Speaker
I'm definitely like altering my perspective on a lot of things by spending so much time in this like black hole of nefarious Christian shit, you know?
00:42:51
Speaker
Yeah. Like we talk about, but the the scouring Reddit, just looking like pay trying to pay attention to stuff like this. And there's plenty of pages that do it like that every time, like a Christian does something really stupid. It's like, it's out there now. Like you can't hide from it.
00:43:07
Speaker
It's, I don't know. The regular ones are probably the fine ones for the most part. But like the more money, it's just it's the same thing. It's the same thing we talk about with politicians at this point. Like the more money you throw at the at at a quote unquote public servant, just forget it. Don't take advice from somebody who's like net worth is 10 times what yours is. Just don't. Let's stop doing that.
00:43:32
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's probably a good policy. So ah it's been ah it has been a while. It's been a while. Our friends at the ah the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints have had some kind of negative headlines lately. So we've given them a little bit of space.
00:43:52
Speaker
Yeah, lots of, you know, weird CIA ties and Mormon blood and whatnot, you know, all that. dude that I've missed all this. ah supposedly i think it was what Epstein was paying someone for Mormon blood for whatever.
00:44:10
Speaker
And apparently like the, ah the CIA likes to recruit Mormon youth for their programs and stuff. Oh, wow. Okay. Probably cause they're just so, so smart and worldly and clever. Yeah.
Book of Helaman and Historic Parallels
00:44:27
Speaker
and So we thought it might be fun to jump back into the Book of of book of Mormon. And I'm bored with the one that we were on. So we're skipping. We're skipping the rest of the Book of Alma.
00:44:39
Speaker
And we're jumping to the Book of Hellaman. Hellaman? Yep, Hellaman. It's Mormon mayonnaise. Yeah, you beat me to it. This is fun because this is kind of a... this is You know, we just finished last night, April and finished A Night of the Seven Kingdoms, which rules, by the way. It's awesome.
00:45:00
Speaker
and This is a real Game of Thrones type story here. There's a lot of twists and turns, lot of characters, a lot of murder. So does it's fun. It does, like with...
00:45:12
Speaker
The Christian Bible, at the start of the book, does it give you a little synopsis? Yes. Nice. Okay, so it says, the book of Let's that. That'll help. An account of the Nephites, their wars and contentions, and their dissensions, and also the prophecies of many holy prophets, before the coming of Christ, according to the records of Helaman, who is the son of Helaman, and also according to the records of his sons, even down to the coming of Christ. And also, many of the Lamanites are converted,
00:45:41
Speaker
an account of their conversion, an account of their righteousness of the Lamanites and the wickedness and abominations of the Nephites. So we got a little role reversal here. Okay.
00:45:51
Speaker
According to the record of Helaman and his sons, even down to the coming of Christ, which is called the book of Helaman and so forth. That's literally what it says. yeah Great synopsis is, and this is all before the coming of Christ. Okay. Yes. so So like this book, the chapter one that we're about to jump into, it says about 52 to 50 BC.
00:46:16
Speaker
Okay. so we're creeping up on the our Lord and Savior. Getting close to the big day. Yeah. How long after his like ah birth or death or whatever was he supposed to go to like Indiana and talk to these people?
00:46:29
Speaker
i think it i want I think it was right after. I think because um i they believe that he died and rose again. So I think they believe the risen Christ then appeared in the United States.
00:46:41
Speaker
Gotcha. Okay. And as I'm reading this, just imagine that I'm Lord Peter Mendelsohn standing there in my tighty-whities. I can do that. And now behold, it came to pass in the commencement of the 40th year of the reign of the judges over the people of Nephi, there began to be a serious difficulty among the people of the Nephites.
00:47:03
Speaker
For behold, Paharan had died and gone the way of all the earth. Therefore, there began to be a serious contention concerning who should have the judgment seat among the brethren who were the sons of Paharan. It's just like when a cartel boss gets killed in Mexico.
00:47:20
Speaker
Yeah, dude. Mexican power and El Mencho is dead. this is way This is the Mormon version of Mexican War Streets. Yeah, time for the good and faithful to, you know, skin each other alive. It shows you that despite this story being 100% false, the spirit behind it is true.
00:47:42
Speaker
It taps into those like universal human struggles that we're all familiar with. That's why this has stood this test of time, you know. By time, I mean 150 years.
00:47:55
Speaker
Solid case for counting as decent literature. It touches on the human experience. It could have used a better editor. Had we, you know, had they had a, had they had their publishing company at this time, things might've looked a little different for it, but you know, that came later.
00:48:15
Speaker
Now, these are the names of who, who did contend for the judgment seat. Oh, and one thing I noticed while reading this um judgment seat, it seems to be an actual chair.
00:48:28
Speaker
Oh, it's like, that's the, it's specifically mentioned. Like, this is like the, uh, you know, the, the iron throne, like the judgment seats, like a big, i don't just keep imagining a big toilet.
00:48:40
Speaker
they like They, they, they travel, it travels around with, it's like, a It's like it's an actual ph it's not so much like the role, but it's the actual chair. And I thought of it as a mantle. Joseph Smith clearly saw it as a piece of furniture. Yeah.
00:49:02
Speaker
I'm going to start calling my toilet the fudgement seat. yeah Wink. You can't see it, but I'm winking. Yeah. ah Who did also cause the people to contend.
00:49:15
Speaker
Okay, here's their names. They are Pajaran, Panchi, and Pacumeni. Okay. The three Ps. Don't make this less believable with weird name alliteration. That is the Bible doesn't even do that. They make up they give you real names.
00:49:33
Speaker
you You know what makes the story of Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego believable? That the names don't all start with the same letter. I mean, if that's it. I mean, otherwise the you go, this is obviously made up.
00:49:46
Speaker
Pajaran's a real psychopath in that he names one of his sons after himself and then names his other kids P-words. He's a real George Foreman type nutjob. George Foreman.
00:49:57
Speaker
He's got like eight kids named George. Nice. I think he has a daughter named George. That was like one of those georgia stories that my grandpa would tell me when he was still alive is how he met George Foreman on a cruise ship.
00:50:10
Speaker
No way. Yep.
00:50:15
Speaker
ah Now these are not all the sons of Paharan, for he had many, but these are they who did contend for the judgment seat. Therefore, they did cause three divisions among the people.
00:50:26
Speaker
Nevertheless, it came to pass that Paharan was appointed by the voice of the people to be chief judge and a governor over the people of Nephi. And it came to pass that Pacumeni, when he saw that he could not obtain the judgment seat, he did unite with the voice of the people, which is odd because the voice of the people is who put Paharan on the judgment seat, but apparently Pacumeni conspired with a segment of the voice, or maybe he converted the people.
00:50:54
Speaker
But behold, Ponchi and that part of the people that were desirous that he should be their governor was exceedingly wroth. Therefore, he was about to flatter away those people to rise up in rebellion against their brethren.
00:51:07
Speaker
I've never heard flatter used in that context. He was about to flatter away those people to rise up in rebellion against the brethren. Flattery. It's always flattery, dude The never-ending biblical problem. Just...
00:51:24
Speaker
Riotous flattery. You know, nobody would be as good at taking down this Pacumeni than you guys. You guys are just the coolest. I don't know. Some sort of flattery. And it came to pass as he was about to do this, behold, he was taken and was tried according to the voice of the people and condemned unto death, for he had raised up in rebellion and sought to destroy the liberty of the people.
00:51:48
Speaker
So basically, he kind of hatched a plot to overthrow his yeah his brother, and before he could even put it into action, he was caught and killed.
00:51:58
Speaker
God, we could use some more of that. That's cold, dude. Can you imagine having your brother killed? Can anybody who would have your sibling killed be a good ruler?
00:52:09
Speaker
e Probably not. It's... I feel like we essentially like, yeah, we don't we don't actually merc people now. But, you know, think of the way Elon treats his kids. It's not much better. It's not much better than murdering a sibling.
00:52:28
Speaker
No, he's ditching him on Christmas to go have sex with Russian prostitutes on an island. Well, at least he was trying to. Yeah, he couldn't get into the party.
00:52:38
Speaker
Please, Daddy Epstein, please let me in. I'll be cool. I'll be in, I promise. it's He's like, um he's McLovin in that scenario. They just need him for the fake ID or something. like they like They keep him around for a useful purpose, but he's a total nerd that's not going to get any.
00:52:54
Speaker
Yeah, he's like, guys, I can bring my i can bring my acoustic guitar. I can bring my acoustic guitar. Ghislaine, get rid of this guy. but Guys, want to hear a funny joke? No.
00:53:08
Speaker
No, shut the fuck up, Elon. Yeah, please don't. Please be quiet. I watched a video the other night. It's an older one of that interview Elon did where he just fumbled the ball the whole time, but with like a mainstream media organization. I forget which one it was. um And he was talking about buying Twitter and it, oh, it's like a collective, it's like a hive mind. It's like a collective consciousness. Yeah. And then the guy goes, interesting. So why is that important to you? And he's like, why is that important to you? Huh?
00:53:41
Speaker
Yeah. Well, you know, and then he stops and he stares into the distance for like 30 straight seconds only to come back with no actual formulated sentence where he's like, well, i mean, you know, the human body's like all these like neurons. and he's like,
00:53:59
Speaker
who Why is that important to me? ah He just can't figure it out. It's so embarrassing. Greatest mind of a generation. We should give him all of our resources. He's a genius. Yeah.
00:54:13
Speaker
Now when those people who were desirous that he should be their governor saw that he was condemned unto death, therefore they were angry, and behold, they sent forth one, Kishkumen, even to the judgment seat of Paharan, and murdered Paharan as he sat upon the judgment seat.
00:54:30
Speaker
Damn, that was easy. Stuck the fella right in the chair. The brother couldn't figure out, couldn't, like, the brother got caught, and they put him to death immediately, but then the people who were mad about that happening sent someone in, and he just got in there and did the job.
00:54:45
Speaker
Like, that was so easy. Dude, blood is hard to get out of wicker, too. Yeah, and do you think it's wicker? I think it's probably wicker, yeah. That's why nobody gets to sit on it for very long, because you get bed sores.
00:54:57
Speaker
yeah had The mark of the the the the ruler or the judger, whatever, is that their back always has cool lines on it. They got big abscesses full of tapioca. It's just permanent. it's You have to sit on it without a shirt on.
00:55:15
Speaker
Good sir, come lance the custard out of my boils. Yeah.
00:55:21
Speaker
And he was pursued by the servants of Paharan. But behold, so speedy was the flight of Kishkumen that no man could overtake him. So he's an ah he's a clever assassin and he's very fast. I could just see him like doing a Naruto run with the bloody knife still in his hand.
00:55:41
Speaker
And he went unto those that sent him, and they all entered into a covenant, yea, swearing by their everlasting maker that they would tell no man that Kishkemen had murdered Paharan.
00:55:53
Speaker
Therefore, Kishkemen was not known among the people of Nephi, for he was in disguise at the time that he murdered Paharan. Now, we know that from a previous story in the Book of Eli, or in the Book of Mormon, they ah the man disguised himself by, a well, we we're you know a little editorializing, but he cut the face off of a guy and wore it as his own leather face style.
00:56:17
Speaker
Oh, yeah, that's right. Could that be what happened here? Or do you think he had like ah you know dark rimmed glasses and a mustache combo? He used a shadow, shadow clone jutsu as he ran out doing the Naruto run.
00:56:33
Speaker
yeah He's in a ghillie suit that looks like a haystack and he just like pulls up his little skirt and drops out. It stops every time people look at him, has to close his eyes so you don't see the eyeballs blinking. Yeah.
00:56:49
Speaker
he's He's in a two-man horse costume, and he just stuck a knife out the side and chapped him. Who let a horse in here? a Evening pony? oh
00:57:03
Speaker
ah Therefore, ah blah blah, blah, blah, blah. And now behold, Paciomeni was appointed according to the voice of the people to be a chief judge and a governor over the people to reign in the stead of his brother, Paharan. And it was according to his right.
00:57:19
Speaker
And all this was done in the 40th year of the reign of the judges. And it had it had an end. And it had an end. Okay. All right. So they're trying to line this up with the book of Judges. That's helpful, at least for the first time. We have like a helpful biblical timeline that this is supposed. It's so crazy, dude, that you know what's so fun? you can One of the like markers that this was written when it was is this was before.
00:57:44
Speaker
Like this was back when the Bible was the only historical evidence for the judges or that time period. This guy's writing this book like this is perfect. Nobody will ever be able to prove this wrong.
00:57:56
Speaker
And then like 30 years later, it was like, no, the whole thing's horseshit.
00:58:02
Speaker
This wouldn't even line up with judges, though, right? Because, I mean, 50 B.C. is the judges were before that, weren't they? They were like way back when. I really don't have a good idea of when anything happened in the Bible. I know that the, ah you know, the stuff with the boat was near the start.
00:58:20
Speaker
ah Yeah, good question. um You're right. I forgot it was. That is also crazy to say it was 50 BC, but then then he's lining up with the time of the judges. I guess maybe this is their own judge. This is American judges.
00:58:34
Speaker
more of the the judgment seat judges. Everybody has their own judgment seat. Yeah. Yeah. cause Like St. Joseph, Missouri judges. um Yeah. Because 50 BC was like for the, between like two and 300 years BC is like the, the, like the post post biblical time. It's like, a yeah, there was a gap in there. Right.
00:59:01
Speaker
Yeah. 1200 to 1020 BC might have been. So this guy like, yeah, Joseph Smith, man, this guy's got no fucking clue.
00:59:12
Speaker
That's hard to believe. i know. He's done so much to convince us otherwise.
Nephite-Lamanite Conflicts
00:59:17
Speaker
And it came to pass in the 41st year of the reign of the judges that the Lamanites had gathered together an innumerable army of men, which they are always doing, dude. They're always they do the the evil Lamanites, dirty, disgusting Lamanites with no right to the land, right? They should be ousted, driven into the sea. They're always putting together these huge armies out of nowhere.
00:59:40
Speaker
They just have factories where they just make babies. They're just brewing Uruk-hai. two They're raising up the next generation of warriors constantly. Yeah, it's I guess that's all they do. They're just like ah American Spartans.
00:59:55
Speaker
Like if there was if there was a tribe of Spartans in Arkansas. yeah What's their sales pitch? How do they get people to how do they recruit people? Um, I don't know.
01:00:07
Speaker
i can't even think of something witty. ah So they gathered together an innumerable army of men and armed them with swords and with scimitars and with bows and with arrows and with headplates and with breastplates and with all manner of shields of every kind.
01:00:25
Speaker
I like that they're also great with like at forging. Yeah. They've somehow imported that knowledge. Like yeah metallurgy is great very advanced here. How many, uh, how many like metal swords do archaeologists find in the U S there's gotta to be a lot, right? I mean, cause there's a lot of laminites.
01:00:46
Speaker
Yeah. And arrows and shields. It's crazy. I can't think of one, ah you know, like steel helm that's ever been found in like, you know, Western Tennessee.
01:01:02
Speaker
It's kind of like the, you know, the the a gap in the fossil record, I guess. Right. I mean, it's true. If, ah you know, I also, you know, like when you think of the millions of rock layers, right. And how, it you know, some scientists want you to believe that we've quote unquote found all these transitional species. Right. But obviously that's not true. We haven't. Yeah, no way.
01:01:28
Speaker
So I guess it's kind of like that, ah but the opposite. Yep. You know, it's just God plays funny games with like the fossil record, you know, tricks us into thinking there was dinosaurs and whatnot.
01:01:41
Speaker
Well, there were definitely dinosaurs. Don't get, come on. What kind of, what kind of Christian? my God. but You probably believe in space too, don't you? Yeah, I definitely believe. Yep.
01:01:52
Speaker
Okay. You, You're the sort of knuckle-dragger that thinks that that birds are are organic creatures and not government surveillance drones. Was space questioned as an idea when you were a child? I need to know this now.
01:02:09
Speaker
No, no, that's stuff I've heard as an adult. There's lots of people that think space isn't real now. Dude, it's the firmament. People are actually going back to that?
01:02:20
Speaker
Yeah, I actually watched a video of somebody explaining it the other day, using the term loosely. But they had like an AI video of someone like blasting through space and then hitting like a wall of water. And all of a sudden they were like in the ocean.
01:02:38
Speaker
I really think we should allow free trips to space for people like this. Yeah, not just Katy Perry. Yeah, we always give it to the the the filthy rich. Well, she probably paid for it, but... It's like that flat earther dude that somebody chartered him a flight to the North Pole so that he would shut up.
01:02:56
Speaker
Yeah. And he was really like, i was I can't believe I was wrong. Like, why do you think we put up for this? Like... we wouldn't have paid to do this if we knew you were right. Like you were, yeah put me in a plane and we're going to fly West until we see, uh, the big scary head making a blowing face.
01:03:19
Speaker
It's on every old fashioned map. um Okay, so and so the Nephites are all gathered together, and they're getting unruly. they're all They've got shields of every kind.
01:03:31
Speaker
And they came down against that, again, that they might pitch battle against the Nephites. And they were led by a man whose name was, this is and this is a really tough name to figure out how to pronounce.
01:03:44
Speaker
It's Coriantumr. Coriantumr. The Rum Tum Tumer. The original Rum Tum Tumer? Rum Tum Tumer. That's what I'm just... I'm just going to go with that. So Corey M. Turner is now the Rum Tum Tumer.
01:03:56
Speaker
And he was a descendant of Zarahemla, which is confusing because Zarahemla is also a city mentioned in here. So it's just all over. It's just the recurring names and places named after people and people named after places. It's very annoying. That was a moment...
01:04:14
Speaker
Joseph Smith started getting in his head a little bit and he started thinking, people are going to think that I've been too creative with the name set. So let me do a quick reduction and we're going to, we're going to reuse a name because that, you know, in the Bible, a lot of names were reused over time.
01:04:32
Speaker
So he was like, I should probably switch things up so people don't realize that I'm making all of this up. Yeah. Yeah, it's also you kind of wonder, like, if he's if he's in a dark room, you know, reading the stone tablets in a hat, and another guy is, like, dictating for him or or writing notes as he goes, like, how many of these did he was he, like...
01:04:55
Speaker
And then henceforth, beempance from and he's like, what was that again? He's like, buring for van ma and he just kind of he writes down Coriamt to me.
01:05:07
Speaker
Yeah, like close enough. This is all nonsense anyways. Right. hes the The scribe is hearing all these names for the first time. He's like, i don no spell. No. Who's checking for spelling?
01:05:21
Speaker
And he was a dissenter from among the Nephites, and he was a large and mighty man. So this guy is actually a Nephite that had just dissented from the the the tribe and is now like leading a pack of Lamanites, the bad boys.
01:05:36
Speaker
Okay. Good for him. Okay. Therefore, the king of the Lamanites, whose name was Tubioth. They change kings a lot. yeah there's Yeah, there's no rhyme or reason to it.
01:05:49
Speaker
who is the son of ammoron supposing that rum tum tummer mighty van could stand against the nephites with his strength and also with his great wisdom insomuch that by sending him forth he should gain power over the nephites Therefore he did stir them up to anger, and he did gather together his armies, and he did appoint Rumtumtumr to be their leader.
01:06:14
Speaker
It did cause that they should march down to the land of Zarahemla to battle against the Nephites. So whipped them into a frenzy and sent the Rumtumtumr after the good guys.
01:06:27
Speaker
Man, I guess it's ah the Rum Tum Tugger. That's from Cats. thought i had that I had to double check that. It's the Rum Tum Tugger, which why you would call one of them the Tugger is you can understand why I thought it was something different.
01:06:42
Speaker
Could be the the bum bum plugger.
01:06:47
Speaker
He's definitely a new fight. Sounds like a musical I'd go see.
01:06:55
Speaker
That sounds like one my parents would go to accidentally in Las Vegas and then be like, the whole thing oh it was kind of fun except for all the gay stuff. Yeah. And it came to pass that because of so much contention and so much difficulty in the government that they had not kept sufficient guards in the land of Zarahemla, for they had supposed that the Lamanites durst not come unto the heart of their lands to attack that great... Fred durst?
01:07:23
Speaker
Yeah. Exactly. Does it actually say the government... It does. Yes. Like it was a, god there was a King. They don't a King. It's the kingdom. It's a, it's not a, what the fuck is this guy do? It's not a government per se. They, they durst into the heart of the city. He slipped on that one. He's like, he, he said it. They didn't know. He said it probably went back later and read It and was like, oh fuck. They're going to know.
01:07:53
Speaker
We got swords and scimitars. We got bows with the marrows. They durst not come. Okay. I thought you were trying to, I thought you were trying to, uh, Hamilton, the book of Mormon is what I thought you were doing.
01:08:08
Speaker
Kind of. Can we get Fred Durst to write like a white Hamilton? Yeah. That would be good. That's like a real, uh, dude, uh, turning point should, should fund that.
01:08:23
Speaker
that I'm surprised they haven't done their alternative their alternative Hamilton. Dude, we write I can't think of anything more entertaining. That would grow legs for sure. It would.
01:08:35
Speaker
We do it all Caucasian and we call it Washington. it would and it would It would make a ton of money from people who actually pay to hate watch it. Yeah.
01:08:46
Speaker
It's like when ah when the Daily Wire did that, like knockoff family guy show that was just like total garbage. And it's like, I don't know that it were like people who just wanted to rip on it.
01:08:59
Speaker
Because conservatives don't know how to do art. Well, if politics like is the lens by like partisan, you know, like surface level partisan politics is the lens by which you view absolutely everything in your life. Like there's no way you can be funny.
01:09:18
Speaker
There's yeah absolutely no way. Just ask Tony Hinchcliffe. Yeah, have right. Yeah. But it came to pass that the rum tum tumer did march forth at the head of his numerous host and came upon the inhabitants of the city and their march was with such exceedingly great speed that that there was no time for the Nephites to gather together their armies.
01:09:41
Speaker
So fast. It's just them with like the swirly sonic legs. but The whole army has swirly sonic legs and they had no time to put up a spike wall and knock all their rings out, you know?
01:09:57
Speaker
Therefore, Tum Tummer did cut down the watch by the entrance of the city and did march forth with his whole army into the city. And they did slay everyone who did oppose them in so much that they did take possession of the whole city.
01:10:12
Speaker
Good for them. That was quick. ah There's been a lot of battles in the Book of Mormon that are over that quickly. It's like they just move in and they win.
01:10:23
Speaker
they like They weren't ready for it. It's like you would think after all the battles and all the violence and all the fighting, they'd be a little bit more ready for stuff. they're never on They're never on guard.
01:10:34
Speaker
I mean, moving a giant like a giant army is not a quick or quiet thing. So you would imagine somebody would have alerted them and they could have gathered some sort of city guard or something like that.
01:10:47
Speaker
They got no spies. They got no outposts. they They're just like chilling. It's also like how many In like valley. In ancient combat, like how many times did somebody just waltz right into the middle of a city? Like I feel like every city was like a siege battle basically.
01:11:06
Speaker
But not if you're the Rum Tum Tummer. He's just too speedy. He's so speedy. And it came to pass that Pakyameni, who was the chief judge, did flee before Rum Tum Tumor, even to the walls of the city.
01:11:21
Speaker
And it came to pass that Rum Tum Tumor did smite him against the wall. Even all these cities have such big walls. Where is the evidence for the big walls that don't exist anymore?
01:11:32
Speaker
Yeah, did did they just pole vault over the walls with their exceeding speediness? They ran up the side of the wall with their speediness. They just swirly Sonic like their way over the wall. They've inverted out.
01:11:46
Speaker
But Pac-Man, he's just too slow, too fat and dumb. He couldn't run up the wall. And so they smote him against it. Pac-Man still, too he's he's too busy thinking he can go on one side of the city and go through the door and end up on the other side to beat a ghost.
01:12:06
Speaker
What do you think smite him against the wall means? ah Fuck him. They fucked him against the wall. That's how you show that you defeated someone else's king. You just get him up against the city wall. You just ran a train on him against the wall. You let the entire army run a train on him. And you make all the civilians watch. can tell there was nothing left but a bloody spear with some distended butt cheeks on it. It's just a butt that's been blood glued to the wall.
01:12:41
Speaker
It's just...
01:12:53
Speaker
so funny
01:13:00
Speaker
Oh, what a great visual. Dude, we should make a quick look out of this. I wish we knew how to animate things. um If anyone knows how to do animation and wants to make a fun visual, an R-rated visual of this this battle, let us know.
01:13:19
Speaker
So the Rum Tum Tumer did smite him against the wall in so much that he died. Yeah. And thus ended the days of Pacumeny, which is all three ah of the P words that started the story like, you know, 30 paragraphs ago. All of them are now dead.
01:13:37
Speaker
Now is, excuse me, sorry, couldn't mute for that one. Came up on me. Touch off guard. Too speedy. Yeah. ah I, I lost my train of thought too. I got too, too upset about my lack of professionalism. Steeding my speedy loogie.
01:13:56
Speaker
Fuck, i really did forget what was going to God damn it. I feel like the Lord is is testing me. God, this cough. I feel like he, I mean, we know that the Lord gives his toughest battles to his strongest soldiers, but I failed this time.
01:14:12
Speaker
It's okay. Just to, you know, you just got to learn from your mistakes and repent. Oh, I know what was going to say. It is. He introduces three characters. And in one chapter, all three of them find a way to get themselves killed.
01:14:27
Speaker
And then we just move on. Like, there's no purpose to the lineage in story that we get. It's just like, it's just like arbitrary history that's meaningless. Yeah.
01:14:39
Speaker
Yeah, it's like most modern movies where it's like, and then this happened, and then this happened, and then this happened. and It's like, is there a theme? Is there a direction? Are we going somewhere? Or is this just like a series of events?
01:14:53
Speaker
Just a lot of preface to get not so much out of it. And now when Rum Tum Tummer saw that he was in possession of the city of Zarahemla and saw that the Nephites had fled before them and were slain and were taken and were cast into prison and that he had obtained possession. That's five different things. Which one was it?
01:15:15
Speaker
They were slain, they were taken, and they were cast into prison, and that he had obtained the possession of the strongest hold in all the land. His heart took courage, insomuch that he was about to go forth against all the land.
01:15:28
Speaker
The strongest hold in all the land, so strong that they could walk in with a fucking minute-man army and overtake it in seconds. Yeah. And now he did not tarry in the land of Zarahemla, but he did march forth with a large army, even towards the city of Bountiful.
01:15:47
Speaker
That is a city, apparently. What a stupid name for a city. it's now ah It's now at the seat of modern-day Terre Haute, Indiana. Okay. it was actually nicer and in this timeline.
01:15:59
Speaker
This is before Dollar General ruined the whole town.
Critique of Modern Retail and Tactics
01:16:02
Speaker
yeah i hate dollar general dude i hate that place i do you think you guys even have those yeah yeah we do we have few we have dollar tree dollar general there's another dollar store i forget what it's called but it's dollar general the black and yellow sign yeah the ugliest branding of all time yeah it's very sad It sucks. lot like I hate it every time I have to go into it. And like they own all of these small towns, like all of these tiny little towns in like Western Kansas or Southeast Kansas. Like that's the only store they have a dollar general now. And that's it.
01:16:43
Speaker
There's only like one or two employees ever in one. When I go like, it's a, it almost feels like it feels like what a store would feel like if you were in like a zombie apocalypse. Yeah.
01:16:54
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. it's like ah It's like going into a supermarket in like nineteen eighty s Russia. like no one's The shelves are always like weirdly scattered. like nobody's like Nobody's organizing them or facing product.
01:17:10
Speaker
um the The person who's ringing you out, you always have to kind of like wait at the line. Maybe this is just mine, but you like have to wait up at the front for 30 seconds before the person cutting up cardboard boxes sees you. and They're like, oh oh, let me do that job too. and like It's just always it's always weird one.
01:17:29
Speaker
hot dog buns with a big discontinued stamp across the front of them. Discontinued hot dog buns. And nothing's really cheaper there. That's what's annoying. they just No, it's expensive.
01:17:40
Speaker
it's just pri It's just another way to like terrorize poor people. Like, oh, let's get rid of all the grocery stores, pop these up in food deserts, and then shrink all the bottles so everybody thinks they're getting a good deal on something when they pay 60% more for it based on the actual quantity you're getting.
01:18:01
Speaker
Yep. It sucks. I hate it. And supposing that their greatest strength was in the center of the land, therefore he did march forth, giving them no time to assemble themselves together. March 4th?
01:18:15
Speaker
save it were in small bodies. And in this manner, they did fall upon them and cut them down to the earth. So he's basically just doing like blitzkrieg, you know, Mongol charge through the center of the land.
01:18:30
Speaker
Yeah. But behold, this march of Rumtumtumur through the center of the land gave Moroniha great advantage over them, notwithstanding the greatness of the number of the Nephites who were slain.
01:18:43
Speaker
Which Moroni, huh? Is that just a new character being introduced? Yes. That name has not appeared anywhere else that I'm aware of. Maybe it did in the last book. I don't know. I feel like we're in a separate section of time than the last book. So yeah, they don't, they don't explain who that is or anything.
01:19:01
Speaker
Uh, so for some reason, him being able to just charge straight through into the heart of the land and take all of them captive or kill them or whatever, gives Moroniha an advantage over him.
01:19:14
Speaker
I'm not sure what the what the logic is there. "'For behold, Moroniha had supposed that the Lamanites durst not come into the center of the land, but that they would attack the cities roundabout in the borders as they had hitherto done. Therefore, Moroniha had caused that their strong armies should maintain those parts roundabout by the borders.' So he' wow he positioned his troops in the outskirts town. So he let them destroy the center of the country and plunge themselves farther and farther into the center while he withheld his troops to the edges.
01:19:53
Speaker
Sucks to live in the center, I guess. ah But behold, the Lamanites were not frightened according to his desire, but they had come into the center of the land and had taken the capital city, which was the city of Zarahemla, and were marching through the most capital parts of the land, slaying the people with a great slaughter, both men, women, and children, taking possession of many cities and of many strongholds.
01:20:20
Speaker
Nice work. gave unto battle. He head them. had discovered this He. immediately sent forth lehi with an army round about to head them before they should come to the land bountiful ah but this he did thus he did and he did head them before they came to the land bountiful and gave unto them battle he gave unto them battle he had them if in so much that they began to retreat back towards the land of Zarahemla.
01:20:49
Speaker
And it came to pass that Moroniha did head them in their retreat and did give unto them battle in so much that it became an exceedingly bloody battle. Yea, many were slain, and among the number who were slain, Rum Tum Tummer was also found.
01:21:07
Speaker
Ah, bummer. i thought he was really good Nobody makes it more than like a few chapters in this book. They all die. Yeah, he was my favorite character so far. I like Moroniha's strategy of just giving the opposing army head until they were all dead, though.
01:21:26
Speaker
Bloody head. Just a lot of teeth he reused. a so i guess basically uh he let them plunge themselves into the center of the land and kill everybody along the way women children everything and then for some reason he and lehi both had really strong armies so lehi hit him from the front moroni hit him from the back and rum tum tumer was smeared smeared bloody butt cheeks the wall of bountiful or whatever his butt cheeks were blood glued to the wall ah
01:22:02
Speaker
um What a beautiful story. I feel like we really just learn less and less about what the point of this book is every time we dive into it. Yeah, like there's just no there's no central theme. Like what's what's the lesson that we glean from this?
01:22:18
Speaker
Like at least like the Bible makes sense because it's – different authors telling different stories for different reasons this is one author telling a bunch of different stories for seemingly no purpose at all yeah and so to close this chapter out it says uh and now behold the lamanites could not retreat either way neither on the north nor on the south nor on the east nor on the west which is all four directions by the way For they were surrounded on every hand by the Nephites. And thus had Rumtumtumur pledged the Lamanites into the midst of the Nephites, insomuch that they were in the power of the Nephites, and he himself was slain. And the Lamanites did yield themselves into the hands of the Nephites.
01:23:02
Speaker
But don't worry, Moroniha is bound to make a, ah you know, he's not going to let pass past grievances, you know, dictate his behavior. He says, "...and it came to pass that Moroniha took possession of the city of Zarahemla again and caused that the Lamanites who had been taken prisoners should depart out of the land in peace." and thus ended the 41st year of the reign of the judges.
01:23:30
Speaker
So he basically, like, they kill ah they kill Rum Tum Tumer, and then he just lets everybody else go. Dude, this is a different reign of judges. This is what's so pathetic, as we've established by going through this book before, is it's just like a like a copy and paste of parts of the Bible that they do like a ah marginal edit on. Like, this this is his own judge's story.
01:23:55
Speaker
Yeah, he just did like a word search for Philistines and replaced it with Lamanites. Essentially, yeah. I mean, this is this is such it's such nonsense.
01:24:08
Speaker
It is kind of funny that like he's making this up as he goes, and he didn't think it was wise to put in more than two people groups in the entire country. There's just the Lamanites and the Nephites. That's it. I mean, it is...
01:24:21
Speaker
It was a different time back then, you know? people were People were more devoted to their their groups at the time at that time. Yeah, imagine if we had such that level of social cohesion.
01:24:33
Speaker
I mean, were these people Native Americans? I think they argue that Native Americans are Lamanites. Okay, okay. I don't know what supposedly happened to the Nephites.
01:24:43
Speaker
I was going to say, maybe we we have to get to the end of the whole book. maybe Maybe they've turned wicked and God let them all turn into bloody butt cheeks.
01:24:54
Speaker
That's all that's left. it's Just a pair of cheeks. Oh, yes. So another amazing chapter of the Book of Mormon.
Military Recruiting Satire
01:25:06
Speaker
And riveting, you know, what we've learned is that sometimes you kill people and sometimes you get killed by people. There are four directions, north, south, east and west.
01:25:18
Speaker
And, you know, if you are thinking of arming yourself, there are all manner of shields to choose from. Yeah, that sums it up. That ends in speedy sonic legs. You know, you can get your ah what do they call it?
01:25:33
Speaker
ah When soldiers can like stay in your house, like a standing army. Yeah, but it's like a soldier coming through can stay in your house or oh not barracks. What's the word I'm looking for?
01:25:46
Speaker
you know, it's like the national guard. It's like, I'm not the, arm the army reserves. It's just like a bunch of people who are like, I do this on the weekends. And they're like, we actually need you right now. And they're like, all right, cool.
01:25:58
Speaker
And we're going to walk real fast into the heart of a king. You think when they walk through the city and they're met with no resistance, nobody thought maybe it's a bad idea to go straight to the middle where you can't, where you're just stuck afterwards.
01:26:12
Speaker
They're like, wow, we're really good at their retreat or anything. They really, yeah, They really pulled the bottom of the barrel. it's like it's ah all those It's like a bunch of Jan Sixers, you know? they're like They got in, they're like, we did it, and they didn't think about what was next.
01:26:25
Speaker
I can't make myself poop, I'm too nervous.
01:26:31
Speaker
I really wanted to take a dump on Chuck Schumer's stuff, but i I wasn't prepared.
01:26:38
Speaker
Yeah, you know it is, it's like... ah Yeah, you wonder how many of those Lamanite troops, I mean, were just there by happenstance, like... ah you know, rum, tum, tum, tum, tum tum tum
01:26:57
Speaker
you've pounded into ob libyian they lowered the recruiting requirements it's like minnesota getting invaded by ice they're like we won and they're like shit what do we do next also i haven't been getting paid also i don't have health insurance yeah Yeah, what did that what do you think they changed about the ice recruiting like standards? Do you think like ah they changed like the minimum ear height?
01:27:23
Speaker
like the the the They expanded the minimum eye offset? They increased the maximum forehead requirement.
01:27:37
Speaker
was just a bunch of troops that look like the Piltdown Man.
01:27:42
Speaker
A transitional species. i the Dude, I did just hear what the minimum like um fitness requirements were, and it's it's insane.
01:27:54
Speaker
um You have to maintain like a waddle speed of 2.5 miles per hour. it it's there's no joke to be made because yes it it the the the requirement is the joke it's 15 push-ups 32 sit-ups in a 1.5 mile run in under 14 minutes pretty good i also known as think i could just do those going for a walk ah if you If you Google map something and then you it's and it's like a mile and a half away and you just change it to walking, it's going to be about 15 minutes.
01:28:35
Speaker
Yeah, and if you have hammer toes, you're allowed to just like like grab your ankles and do a downhill course, you know? Just roll your way through. Yeah, 32 sit-ups in one minute or less. 15 push-ups in one minute or less. 15? Yeah.
01:28:51
Speaker
yeah That's crazy, dude. ah Well, let me let let me clear. but To be fair, some reports are indicating that it's 22 pushups in one minute.
01:29:02
Speaker
Wow. Boy, yeah, we're really ah best of the best for sure. So, yeah, you know, like I think I think that was similar to what the Laminites, whatever, whoever they are.
01:29:15
Speaker
Whatever the ites. It's providing career opportunities for people whose natural occupations were basically outsourced to power tools.
01:29:27
Speaker
like The guys who used to make a living like breaking rocks with a big sledgehammer... Yeah. I mean, it's also ah pretty beneficial minimum requirement for people who've spent the past 30 years in their mom's basement saying racial slurs on Roblox. You know, they though it's a great career opportunity for like, look, I don't want to. I don't want to.
01:29:54
Speaker
i don't want to Like those people suck, but I can't help but feel a little bit for the parents whose kids finally went out and got a job.
01:30:06
Speaker
You know, those parents are do it like they're they have their basements back. Yeah, you have no choice. you can finally have Dad can finally have, like, his, he can finally turn his basement into that that man cave he's always wanted. And their son got a job. I mean, there's, you can celebrate a little bit for the good that's come out of it.
01:30:29
Speaker
Dude, you know, I could think of so many great recruiting strategies for ice. Like, I feel like they could hire me to to just think it like if all you did was just set up next to the funnel cake stand at the state fair, you know, and and give people a coupon for a free elephant ear, like you probably would triple your recruiting numbers. Especially if Stained is playing that night.
01:30:51
Speaker
yeah Or the guy the guy what's the the guy from Stained. He's now solo country music artist. He does like patriotic country music. oh good Oh, really? That guy just doing that?
01:31:04
Speaker
Yeah, of course. um Honestly, just like ah I'm surprised ice hasn't partnered with Kid Rock yet to like put on a world tour or like ah a full U.S. s tour. That's for sure.
01:31:17
Speaker
And bring bringing ice recruitment there. You get free Kid Rock merch. It's like ah it's like a collab between ice and Kid Rock for merch. Yeah.
01:31:28
Speaker
Yeah. You can, uh, you can sign up for a credit card at the buckle and also like do your ice application while you're at it. And sometimes when you register to vote now, they also hand you an ice application.
ICE Practices and Political Commentary
01:31:41
Speaker
It's like selective. If you're registering Republican, they're like, here's an ice application.
01:31:46
Speaker
Yeah. I, okay. So I, I don't think I told this story on the podcast. This is recent, but, um, Kind of like, ah you know, one of those were like a national story all of a sudden is like touches somebody, you know, in a little way. So like my my friend runs a business in Minneapolis and he has a it's a small company, but one of his employees is a is a Latino guy.
01:32:12
Speaker
He's walking down out of his apartment to go to work and ice nabs him in the hall. He's an American citizen. They nab him in the hall of his apartment, take him offside and interrogate him for like three hours, trying to get him to like give up the names of people he knew that were here illegally.
01:32:29
Speaker
Jesus Christ. Yeah. It's wild. He was like very shook up after the fact, understandably so. But it's just like I can't I can't believe this is can't believe this is happening.
01:32:41
Speaker
I feel like if if you just replace like undocumented immigrants with like ah people who are unvaccinated, like there's this whole segment of ICE supporting Americans would just be up and are they'd be storming the Capitol again too Yeah, absolutely. Absolutely.
01:32:58
Speaker
They have because there's no introspection. There's no I mean, even when you look at like Trump's latest scams, right? Oh, ne the watch. He's got the he's hawking the watches again. Like, I mean, the Board of Peace, he he gave the Board of Peace 10.000.
01:33:13
Speaker
ten 10 billion dollars whatever it is 10 million dollars excuse me and like it's just a slush fund with his name on it if if biden ever was like hey i'm putting 10 million dollars into this cool new board that i'm running that only i'm in charge of and only i can touch the money every single republican would have crashed the fuck out yeah they can't they they are the party of zero introspection. They can't do it. I don't know why they can't do it, but they can't do it. I don't know. like
01:33:46
Speaker
How much do we have to see for it to set in? like Do you actually have to see like a bill from like Jared Kushner's construction company for like like constructing a Dick's Last Resort on the on the beach in Gaza?
01:33:59
Speaker
like Is that the point at which everybody freaks out? Probably not. They're fine. I think a lot of them are still fine with Gaza. I think a lot of them aren't... Even if you only ever watch Newsmax, if that's all you ever watch, there should still be cracks in the surface because watching a bunch of idiots try to run cover for an idiot.
01:34:20
Speaker
Eventually, if you're a thinking person, you should say, why does this sound so stupid? Yeah, especially because if you watch it every day. you can see them 180 on things as Trump does. And you go, that's weird. Weren't they saying the opposite three and a half weeks ago?
01:34:38
Speaker
And now the Trump wouldn't do that. Trump knows what he's doing. He's playing. And then Trump does a wild card fucking thing. And then they're like, well, he, this was his plan the whole time. And we, Oh, Trump's so cool guy. And you're like, you still buy it.
01:34:51
Speaker
If you like, you're smarter than that in your real life every single day. if it, if this was your real life, you, And like you were, you, if if this was your boss, if that was your boss, you would, after a week and a half, be like, holy shit, my boss is the biggest, dumbest fucking idiot on the planet.
01:35:10
Speaker
Like you can't watch a person be that unhinged, that inconsistent. And if you had a coworker who, no matter how inconsistent your boss was, just was talking about how fucking awesome they are. You'd be like, obviously you're looking for a raise or a promotion and you're just a like,
01:35:26
Speaker
You're just a dumb bitch who doesn't like have any actual scruples. You're just doing this to get ahead. It's like, that is our government as a whole. And if you ever watch that in real life, and I know a lot of these, I know a lot of Republicans I know have watched dumb shit like that in real life with bosses and how fast they're able to parse through it.
01:35:46
Speaker
And then you just, you just check your brain at the, you at fucking Newsmax, you chuck your brain at the door of politics. It's like, what are you doing? You're smarter than that. And that's what makes me so fucking disappointed in people is like, I can be empathetic because I know how hard it is to like upend your life in your belief system by admitting you're wrong.
01:36:08
Speaker
But what he and it you kind of already have because everybody else as who isn't in your immediate circle or in your group think has already lost their their respect for you or their like belief that you can like, that you can analyze a situation like, take, take take Massey for example, and I'll get off my soapbox. Like I'm not Republican. i never will be. i don't care. Well,
01:36:34
Speaker
I don't care about their politics. I think they're wrong and regressive and unhelpful. And the only point of that party is to prevent progress from happening and to give it to just whatever. I don't know. Everything is just always, well, this is how we used to do it. Like, I don't, there's nothing about it that's meaningful or important. It's just, it's just guardrails from trying to do something new. That's all it ever is. It's all it ever will be.
01:36:57
Speaker
But Thomas Massey, be like that. You can be a fucking Republican and actually do the right thing and actually have a fucking stand. Like even I can, I'm happy to disagree with Massey because I, at least I know he's a principled person and not a fucking fraud.
01:37:12
Speaker
Yeah. like Cool, man. You just ask that people have like values rather than just like allegiance. That's that's all it is. It's like, you know, if if if you we're still like if Republicans were still singing like the song of like, oh, you know, small government and fiscal responsibility and this and that, you know, like that.
01:37:32
Speaker
seems like an ideal at this point. you know Just advocate for something consistently instead of just like, trust the process. Okay, i trust the process.
01:37:42
Speaker
But I think like the some cost fallacy is gonna fall apart when a bunch of Americans start dying in this war with Iran. Yeah. I think that's where the bottom falls. I mean, his numbers are already like in the toilet. So I don't know. I, I, I think even his like base segment is going to have a very hard time rationalizing like,
01:38:05
Speaker
going to war with Iran, because this is a really bad idea. It's such a bad idea. We used up 25% of our interceptor missile reserves in the 12 days that we were at war with Iran last summer. like We are not prepared for this, and...
01:38:27
Speaker
it's It's just so clearly like coercive you know ah tactics from Israel that are that are driving the whole thing. like Nobody in our government seems to have any agency when it comes to stuff that Israel wants.
01:38:40
Speaker
No, they don't. It's nuts. ah I'm hoping that someone tries to stand their ground and we find out why, because the first video that we see that Israel leaks is going to be disgusting and horrific. Yeah.
01:38:55
Speaker
And then all the people who thought about turning their back on them are going to be like, I'm going to have to think twice about that. Old D blowing Bubba. I hope. I'll watch it. That's the first. that's i would watch it. You would be so hard.
01:39:10
Speaker
i but for, but not because it was not because it was pornograph pornographic, but because I'm watching, I'm watching people so fate sealed in front of my eyes that have been deserving of it for so long. That is what gets me hard to have sex. Who cares about that? The only thing I can get hard to is politicians eating shit.
01:39:32
Speaker
That's it. I can't have sex unless there's like a breaking news story where a politician gets arrested and then we have to rail right there in front of the TV. That's the only thing I, that's it.
01:39:45
Speaker
Hurry, hurry before it goes down. I can only finish as I watch them taken away in handcuffs. And if I miss my mark, I have to go another several weeks it's or more. We know how unoften politicians are getting arrested. Can you imagine what I'm going through now? It's not easy. Yeah, it's a struggle.
01:40:05
Speaker
It's a
01:40:08
Speaker
I need it. That's why I need everything. that like Dude, if the if if if Trump gets impeached, and then after that which won't happen until after the midterms because he's got too many sycophants up his ass. But we do that.
01:40:19
Speaker
Boom. Huge blue wave. Boom. Tons of arrests. I am going to be going nuts in my living room. Yeah. i have to send my kids for sleepovers at Grammys a lot. You should you should bottle that or put it in pill form. Call it red chew.
01:40:39
Speaker
All folks. Well, thank you for ah for listening. We hope you learned a lot from ah the Book of Mormon and the story of Rum Tum Tummer. And we will see you next time.