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Holding Space for the Storm: Navigating Anxiety with Grace
64 Plays24 days ago
In this jam-packed episode, we dive into the truth about anxiety—the kind that helps, the kind that hurts, and how to tell the difference. Spoiler alert: feeling anxious doesn’t mean you’re broken, dramatic, or weak. It means you’re human.
We’ll unpack:
- Why anxiety is a biological feature, not a personal failure
- How to recognize unhealthy anxiety before it takes over
- When to seek help (and how to know it’s not “too small” to matter)
- How to embrace healthy anxiety as a tool, not a threat
- Real-world coping strategies that don’t involve running away to Bali (unless that’s in your budget, in which case, please take me)
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction of Hosts and Podcast
00:00:04
Speaker
Welcome to Exhausted Sparrows Unite. I am your host, k Krista Jones, with my beautiful co-host, Chantel Schaefer.
Understanding Anxiety Symptoms
00:00:14
Speaker
And we are talking about something that I am feeling so deeply today. You know that low hum in your chest, the racing thoughts that you're having, that sudden, why in the world am I sweating in the grocery store moment?
00:00:30
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. We're talking about anxiety, something that today I'm trying to swallow down as I get through this podcast. It's not just something that you're dealing with. It's something that we need to understand, right?
When is Anxiety a Problem?
00:00:43
Speaker
We're going to pull it apart today, kind of like a tangled up necklace. We're going to normalize it. We're going to define it. We're going to kind of talk about when it is a problem and we're going to embrace when it's not because guess what? Sometimes it's not a problem at all. It's just something normal. It's not here to destroy us.
00:01:00
Speaker
It is signal for something.
Listening to Anxiety as a Signal
00:01:03
Speaker
So the question is, are you listening to it or are you just trying to shut it up as Krista Jones is doing right now?
00:01:16
Speaker
Hello everyone and welcome. Hi, Chantel Schaefer. Good morning, Krista Jones. What a great day to be recording this podcast as a million things are going on here at work.
00:01:29
Speaker
And Chantel goes, which one do you want to do today? Because we've got like so many great ones like that. I'm like, gosh, I just don't know. And she's like, what what are we going to do? And I'm like, let's pull in anxiety right out of the good old hat and let's just do that.
Easing the Emotional Burden of Anxiety
00:01:44
Speaker
It is a deep, heavy subject. It is. But you know what else? um We need to lighten the load of how deeply we feel about it and how Twitterpated we get over it. you really like that word. I think Twitterpated is from Winnie the Pooh.
00:02:03
Speaker
ah I think so. I think that's where I got the word. And then it was like, I'm never going to stop using the word Twitter painted. I just, I like the word. We get all twisted and we get all emotional and we talk about in every podcast, almost everything that we actually do an episode on is somewhere buried in our podcast and themes to the podcast.
00:02:25
Speaker
And then we have all these, you know, great ideas and things that we want to do. And, um, We just kind of pull the hat and we do them. And a lot of people are like, well, don't you research that for like four weeks and 18 hours? and No, because it's really an authentic thing. I want to have like just a normal conversation about whatever is going on that day. And today I'm like, it's anxiety and we are going to do it.
00:02:48
Speaker
um Because, you know, there's ah there's a lot going on here.
Sparrow's Nest and Anxiety Relief
00:02:52
Speaker
ah We are Sparrow's Nest, a charity here in the Hudson Valley. We feed families. and individuals that are going through cancer diagnoses, which um talk about having some anxiety, talk about a diagnosis that can really change your world and throw you this curveball.
00:03:09
Speaker
So we work with families and individuals that are sick. We make them homemade meals every single week. We don't repeat a recipe at all for a full year, um which, you know, is a lot of fun to do.
00:03:24
Speaker
And we're feeding, you know, we're well on our way to 500 people a week here in the Hudson Valley, small little area, about four to five counties um in New York. And if you are listening to us in Australia, in Italy, and like all these cool places that we see that you're tuning in, ah welcome. We're just this little bitty community here.
00:03:42
Speaker
Started the podcast because we are exhausted. ah We're tired. And i did a post, and this is really why the podcast started, I did a post about a year ago and, um, it was not one of my normal posts.
Origin of the Podcast
00:03:57
Speaker
And I said, Hey guys, send me some prayers. I, uh, packed the phone in, in, in my daughter's lunch today. you know, I forgot three meetings and, uh, Were your keys in the refrigerator? keys were in the refrigerator. I think that's really, honestly, I think that's what was. think it was of your keys in the refrigerator. Yeah.
00:04:15
Speaker
And I think, um you know, it was a lighthearted post, like just to let you know, like every single thing that could go wrong today did. And I had so many people that were so concerned.
00:04:26
Speaker
I thought, well, that's dangerous because you think that my life is so together and my life is just like your life. And all of these things that I just admitted to you aren't even big deals.
00:04:38
Speaker
Like we need to laugh and joke about them and we need to move on and... You know, obviously the people who I missed the meeting, you know, they may not have been laughing, but I'm human. and um And then I'm like like, we need to do something about this. We need to let people see that in the middle of all this, because we have a really great following here.
00:04:57
Speaker
We want people to see like we don't have it together. So that's kind of where we are today. And today the the subject is anxiety. and We have a million things here. And that's exactly what happened today here.
00:05:08
Speaker
I have um this cute um group of fourth, fifth graders that are going to be coming in. They had to reschedule. So their reschedule happened to be today. I totally forgot then that KeyBank is coming in to do their whole day of volunteering because I was in the Bahamas when this went down.
00:05:25
Speaker
All good problems, first world problems. And, um you know, I've got to go get eggs and I got to figure out a pickleball tournament. So and then Chantel is like, we didn't record yet. And I was like, fantastic.
00:05:39
Speaker
So here we are. And in the middle of all of this, my youngest suffers from anxiety. um ah Really two of my three children suffer from anxiety. My youngest, debilitating anxiety.
00:05:52
Speaker
So today i walked it out in a way that I kind of left the house and I was like, oh, You know, like, you know, as a mom, you try everything. So that's kind of what we're talking about today. We're talking about if you have it.
00:06:06
Speaker
We're even talking about how do you walk it out with somebody in your life that you love that has it.
Insights from Experts on Anxiety
00:06:11
Speaker
You know, I listened to this amazing podcast. um You know, Mel, I think Mel Robinson is her name.
00:06:17
Speaker
Robbins. Not Gibbons. Yeah. Not Gibson. She's Mel Robbins. She had on also um this amazing professor from Harvard. His name is Dr. David Rosemarie. And he also had some great things to say.
00:06:30
Speaker
So I'm just wrapping it all together in ah just what I know from experience, what I've listened to from these amazing professors and therapists that just happened to bless me in my life. And And kind of here we go. So let's start Chantel because that was six minutes of just not even taking a breath.
00:06:50
Speaker
Let's start about talking how, and you I hope that when you hear this, you're going to breathe a little bit of a sigh of relief, how anxiety means you're actually normal. You are not broken.
00:07:02
Speaker
Yeah, and I mean, we start dealing with anxiety as ah as children, and it's an important part of childhood. I read a book um by Jonathan Haidt called The Anxious Generation, and it's about how social media is increasing anxiety and depression in children.
00:07:17
Speaker
And i picked up this quote um about... things like anxiety. And it says, just as the immune system must be exposed to germs and trees must be exposed to wind, children require exposure to setbacks, failures, shocks, and stumbles in order to develop strength and self-reliance. And that's the same thing with anxiety.
00:07:38
Speaker
It builds us stronger. It makes us think. It makes us problem solve. And it shows us that there is something that we care about. That's why we're
Anxiety and Caring Deeply
00:07:51
Speaker
getting anxious. We're getting anxious for our first date. We're getting anxious to get a project done at work.
00:07:55
Speaker
All of that is because we care, right? Lack of that is void of emotion. And you know, you raise a good point. You you talk about this starts as children. And Dr. Rosemary had said something um in his podcast that I was like, oh my gosh, he's right.
00:08:10
Speaker
When you come out of the womb as a baby, you are screaming and you are crying because you are in ah situation that you are unfamiliar with. And that is a good sign that you come out screaming and crying, he said.
00:08:26
Speaker
And he said, what if the baby comes out and the baby is silent? The first reaction for us is we think something is wrong. because you're not reacting to this new environment the way you're supposed to. You're supposed to be anxious. You don't know what in the heck is going on. You need a moment to process it.
00:08:45
Speaker
So you're right. Anxiety starts the moment you were born. He said that and I thought, wow. And then I thought, you're right. That is a normal reaction. And if you don't have that reaction, if you are void of all of that motion, we are immediately saying, is my baby okay? Mm-hmm.
00:09:00
Speaker
Like how powerful is that? It's very powerful. And it's it's a lot to think about and process because I don't think I didn't think about that. I didn't think about babies coming out of the womb and being I
Anxiety's Role in Performance
00:09:12
Speaker
mean, I think about like, yeah, we were nice and warm and cozy and now you're in these bright lights and it's cold. You're screaming. But like that is your first introduction to anxiety. 100%. There's forceps. There's, there's people staring at you.
00:09:24
Speaker
There's a bright light now that, you know, like, think about that. Think about how anxious that is. So even for a baby, that is a normal reaction for a baby. So why can't that be a normal reaction for an adult? And of course, you know, normal is, you know, you're nervous before child.
00:09:39
Speaker
date or test or a project or a flight. And, you know, of course there is disorders with that. Of course you can take that to a different level. It's not what we're talking about right now. Right.
00:09:50
Speaker
um And, and, and there is a difference. Like a disorder is when it's kind of disproportionate, right? um You are stuck, you are frozen, you are um using drugs and alcohol and food and depression and you know, leads to all those things. That's not what
Controlling Anxiety Before Disorder
00:10:06
Speaker
we're talking about. We're talking about normal anxiety. And here's the thing, most of us with any anxiety can either develop it into a disorder or can keep it at a normal level.
00:10:18
Speaker
So how great is that, that you get to control that? How amazing is that? Anxiety actually can of enhance performances, right? At moderate levels.
00:10:29
Speaker
Being a little anxious makes you sometimes do a better job. You're looking at anything and everything, right? It sharpens your focus because you're anxious and yet you you don't want to miss anything. You're you're more alert, right?
00:10:43
Speaker
You're motivated because you want to be prepared so that you you you get it all good. You know, speaking in public for the first time, right? You're anxious. So if you're anxious, you're going to prepare, you're going to rehearse.
00:10:55
Speaker
That's great. You don't want to go out there like Krista Jones and just start speaking because you don't know what is going to come out of your mouth. That's not normal. You usually do really good job because I don't have any anxiety in that area, right?
00:11:10
Speaker
There are going to be areas that I am not anxious in at all. And there are areas that you're not going to be anxious in at all. I mean, we start talking about computers and tech stuff and all of this stuff. And Chantel's like, Krista, I got it.
00:11:25
Speaker
Like, you know, we have to show something on a screen to somebody. And she's like, and you've lost me. I have spiraled into my bed with my covers over my head because that's not me, but that's you.
00:11:37
Speaker
Yeah. And public speaking for me is a, mm-mm, mm-mm. Because I have this immense fear of saying something stupid. Which you never would. And you, though, last week on our podcast said, you know, as an empath, you're like, I am in the back of the room. And it was so funny. We had a ah huge event.
00:11:56
Speaker
ah We called it our superhero rock and run. And I don't even know, 650, 700, 800 people all over the place in the middle of torrential downpour. And it's so funny how many people came up to me when we were in the rock portion of things and they said, look, Chantel is in the corner.
00:12:12
Speaker
That's me. They noticed it, right? Like you were back were great. I was better with the social piece at Superhero. Oh, did amazing. But will tell you that I crashed so hard afterwards because it takes all of my energy to be that person. Yes, that's your anxiousness. It sure is. And you were in the back and you were talking to people and I was very proud of You were still in the back, but you were social butterfly in the back.
00:12:35
Speaker
But you know what? That was your comfort place. And I was able to look at you back there at one point. I was like, she is comfortable. Like that is, and that's what you do, right? So we all have anxiety in areas that, you know, other people won't. We're all made uniquely. And that's wonderful.
00:12:54
Speaker
It is, right? That is, you know, but, but, but that's what it is. Feeling anxiety doesn't mean that something's wrong with you, right? Like that's kind of the takeaway with all of this. There's nothing wrong with you at all.
00:13:06
Speaker
More than 80% of us say that we have anxiety multiple times throughout the week. Right? I can see that.
00:13:17
Speaker
Almost every day, there's a little something that I get anxious with. And we're going to talk about, you know, so what do you do with all of that, right? Reframing it and all of this great stuff. But it means that your nervous system is functioning, right? so not only mentally.
00:13:33
Speaker
are you over preparing really alert like oh my gosh thinking about it too much but you know there's there's like this physical right like your hands are sweaty right your stomach hurts I can't you said palms are sweaty I'm thinking of that Eminem song palms are spaghetti mom spaghetti like I can't I don't know all the words to that one but I do like that song But it's um it's, and it's normal.
00:14:00
Speaker
and And I think that that has to be the takeaway here, right? What matters is how often you're feeling it, how intense it is, and how quickly can you get yourself out of it. There is a song by Zach.
00:14:15
Speaker
Gosh, I can never remember his last name. It is a Christian song, but it is called Fear is a Liar. You know, and I remember being in church one week years ago,
00:14:26
Speaker
Around the time that the charity was starting, like I'm talking 10, 12 years ago, and I remember that ah my pastor at
Fear's Role in Escalating Anxiety
00:14:33
Speaker
Valley Christian, um Pastor Greg, was talking about anxiety.
00:14:38
Speaker
And what he was saying is when you get anxious... A lot of us then start that what if, and we go from, we have to do this event. It is going to rain.
00:14:50
Speaker
There's going to be a tornado. Somebody is going to fall on the course and hurt themselves. Nobody is going to now go to the event. Everybody is going to hate us. The charity is now going to sink because nobody is going to give us a donation again because we're reckless.
00:15:04
Speaker
Like what he said is fear is a liar. You have wasted so much time now. What you've now done, instead of just saying, anxiety is and normal, calling it what it is, I'm anxious.
00:15:17
Speaker
This is a big day for me. I'm anxious. You have now, right, your endorphins are now going and you are feeding your anxiety and you're spending hours losing sleep over things that are probably not going to even happen.
00:15:34
Speaker
And when he said that, I sat back and I thought almost every single time that I spiral, it's never anywhere as bad as my spiral. It's not.
00:15:46
Speaker
So I don't know if you've seen it. um The movie Inside Out, they did a second one. No, but you talk I've seen the first one and you talk about how much you loved it in the second one. the second one, they introduce anxiety.
00:15:58
Speaker
Oh. And like she's this twitchy little character, but she she takes over the board and she's like, if we don't make the team, then we're not going to have any friends and then we're not going to have anybody to sit with. And she's going and going and going and she turns into this tornado and then the girl is hyperventilating and she's panicking.
00:16:16
Speaker
and And that's what it is. It's this spiral and it just creates this mess inside of you. Right. And I think it was kindness and sadness took her by the hand and told her like, it's going to be okay. it It is, it is such a beautiful way to explain it to children. And as an adult, it hit me. Sure.
00:16:37
Speaker
yeah Even for us sometimes seeing something that is put that simple, like with childlike, you know, ideas, like for me, sometimes that resonates with me more than, you know,
00:16:49
Speaker
listening to a neurosurgeon who's written 17 books and talking about my brain and how am i I'm
Educational Depictions of Anxiety
00:16:56
Speaker
stimulating. like that that The simplicity of that is, I'm going to go see the movie You really should. Is it in the movie theaters? No, it's on Disney+. plus Not sure if you have Disney+. I think I do.
00:17:06
Speaker
But um it's just a nice way that they've normalized that anxiety is a part of you. Yeah. And also saying like, cut it off before it debilitates you.
00:17:16
Speaker
And I think that's what, you know, when is it too much, right? Like that is the deeper discussion. Like, um I don't want people to think that we're just saying cut it off and you're good and
Treating Anxiety Disorders
00:17:26
Speaker
you're done. We understand, you know, because I've lived, it actually put me in a depression in my twenties.
00:17:31
Speaker
You know, I understand how it can really, you know, suck the the life out of you. And anxiety disorders are are the most common um disorders of mental illness in the United States, but but but bye they're also highly treatable, right? The issue is that most people don't seek medical help because they feel stupid and silly and like, I should be able to control this. You know, when we're dealing with my youngest, my husband sometimes gets frustrated and I'll say to him,
00:18:03
Speaker
this is not a big deal for you and me. But the fact that A, B, and C happened for her has debilitated her. Like we have to breathe life into these feelings and say to her, we understand that you are feeling this way, right?
00:18:20
Speaker
You want to validate those feelings. You don't want the person to feel stupid because you want the person to be able to get help and get out of it. And when is it too much? You you know I think I realized it was too much when um i had this fear of of ah plans, going out with friends. like I was canceling everything. I was isolating myself. like I couldn't even like go for a walk. um I was engaged at and and at another point in my life.
00:18:46
Speaker
We moved up here from um the Chicago, St. Louis area. um He moved up here with me and then he left me So I was living with my parents at the age of 23 when I had been independent since 17.
00:19:01
Speaker
I had no friends. I didn't know anyone. I was working at a local radio station and um I had no friends. I was just, i was so anxious. And so I couldn't even like go for a walk.
00:19:13
Speaker
I didn't get out. I didn't want to go to work. Like I was in bed. um i was avoiding everything. I was a avoiding text and emails and errands. And like, that is when it is getting too much for you, I think.
00:19:26
Speaker
And then I think the other thing is when you so start self-medicating, um which was
Pitfalls of Self-Medicating Anxiety
00:19:31
Speaker
something I would do with food. um Though many people do it with drugs and alcohol.
00:19:37
Speaker
You, you know, those feelings of anxiety. And let's talk about that. All of those things are only going to make you more comfortable. anxious. So it's interesting you say that. So I'm going to protect this person's privacy, but somebody very close to me um was self-medicating with alcohol.
00:19:55
Speaker
And it became it became a very big problem. um And when we finally were able to address it and, and you know, but we we were like 12, 13 years sober now.
00:20:06
Speaker
um Congratulations. i love you. um She said to me, i was treating what I thought was anxiety with alcohol. And she goes, I have never felt less anxious in my life since I stopped picking up a bottle.
00:20:20
Speaker
Well, alcohol's a depressant, right? Drugs, most drugs are a depressant. But your brain is in such a place that you think you're helping. Well, and also, right, you're you're trying to numb yourself.
00:20:32
Speaker
You don't want to feel things. You just want to be happy, go lucky. yeah You know, eating for me is something like that, eating my feelings, right? But at the end of the day, when you gain that weight,
00:20:43
Speaker
I'm more depressed. I'm more anxious. It was a quote from a movie. I eat because I'm unhappy and I'm unhappy because I eat. What movie was that from? You're so good with your movies.
00:20:56
Speaker
It was from an Austin Powers movie. Okay. I mean, I didn't know he can go that deep, but all right. Yep. That's hilarious. That was a quote in the movie. And I was like, wow, i I've been there.
00:21:06
Speaker
Yeah. And it's a cycle. It is a cycle, yeah
Manifestations of Anxiety
00:21:10
Speaker
right? The kicker is that a lot of times too, um you know, people don't seek help because anxiety doesn't mean panic.
00:21:21
Speaker
Some people think, well, I'm not in a panic state. i don't I don't have anxiety, right? But anxiety can be ah perfectionism. It can be over planning. It could be irritable. It could be procrastinating.
00:21:37
Speaker
That's k Krista Jones. Yeah. When I get, you know, when I'm like, I shut down, I'm like done. Like today we overbooked. So like, I think I cried to you on the phone last night. I went to Sam's club, grabbed some carrots and then like shut down. My husband's like, what what's wrong? I'm like, I'm just shutting down.
00:21:56
Speaker
You have to. shuting but But when you're in that high of a state of anxiety, it's that fight or flight. And it's it's this constant moving of your, i don't know it's your parasympathetic nervous system is constantly going and it's pumping your body full of adrenaline.
00:22:12
Speaker
yes And then you crash. Yes. Because you have, I think you might've said it on one of our episodes. don't know if you said it or I said it, but you have like 46 tabs open.
00:22:24
Speaker
Yep. Right. So your mind is just, you're just on overload. And so you're just then shutting it all down too can be a sign. And you know, of course, um You need to get help, you know, 100%. And you should.
00:22:39
Speaker
And there's nothing wrong with that. um More than 80% of people that are over the age of 21 have at one point gotten help from a therapist. Sometimes you need medication. Sometimes you need a therapist. Sometimes...
00:22:53
Speaker
You need a social group where you can find friends and then go for walks and go bowling and join volleyball leagues and, you know, do all of these things. But the worst thing you can do is isolate.
00:23:04
Speaker
And COVID has made a huge difference in our lives. COVID, I mean, man, if anything like that ever happens again, I hope that they have learned their lesson because isolating us really has led to us, our children.
00:23:18
Speaker
It has led to so many mental disorders because of it. That isolation has broken our children. yeah It really has. And social media hasn't helped with that either. You're right.
00:23:29
Speaker
because they're lacking so much of that social interaction. It's like that that quote, like they're not out there skinning their knees, falling down. They're sitting on on on a tablet and you know they're not experiencing those stresses and that anxiety that those yeah childhood experiences get. And you're a computer, you're what, a computer warrior? I don't know what they call it, where, compete keyboard warrior, you're behind a computer.
00:23:52
Speaker
And so you don't really know how to socialize. You're able to be big and tough, you know, like conflict, all of that, like face-to-face interactions. um You know, and a lot of people, we worked through the pandemic because our um recipients...
00:24:07
Speaker
are the ones that had compromised immune systems. We had to get them food. Their families couldn't even go to a grocery store. So we worked the whole thing. But I thought how lucky we were because for people that were home, I heard so many of my friends say, I am so anxious to go back to work.
00:24:23
Speaker
Two years later, my boss is making me go back to work. Well, yeah. Yeah. Two years afterwards, how anxious is that for you to have to get back in the workforce? Think about that. And we're adults. Think about now children having to go back to school. All of this anxiety, you know, it is a real thing.
00:24:39
Speaker
And we need to
Anxiety and Accountability
00:24:40
Speaker
talk about that. Like we, when is anxiety actually helpful for us? It is helpful. There is a sweet spot. where anxiety helps us be accountable, right?
00:24:52
Speaker
Got to be able to get out of bed. it shows us that we're showing up and preparing for things that we need, right? Pointing us to things that really matter to us. All of that is great.
00:25:03
Speaker
If you're anxious, you know, with your job and your health and your family, okay. That's because those things deeply matter to you, but we need to channel it not eliminate it, right? So we also have to have like boundaries on our anxiety. Yeah.
00:25:21
Speaker
Give yourself some time two have a pity party, to talk about what could go wrong. But then i I kind of feel like then you've got to pull yourself out of it.
00:25:34
Speaker
You have to reframe it. We've done podcasts before episodes. I say the wrong word all the time here. where there's one, it's really like reframing your thinking, your stinking thinking. And that's really what we got to do.
00:25:47
Speaker
We have to sit in it and we have to identify it and we have to be okay going, of course, I'm anxious with this. I should be anxious with this. I i love my job. i want to do the best that I can.
00:25:58
Speaker
Why am I anxious? Right? Like then you got to kind of analyze all of this. Like, okay, I'm anxious because of this, but is that really going to happen? Yeah. That's not really going to happen. Okay. It's probably not going to happen next.
00:26:10
Speaker
All right. But what if this happens? All right. So if this happens, there's a couple of plans, right? So preparing for it, get yourself in a place where it doesn't completely stop you. Yeah. it's ah it's good to put things into perspective.
00:26:24
Speaker
You know, maybe that thing is going to happen. Okay. Is it the end of the world? What's the worst thing out of that? Exactly. Right. So what if it does pour on you in the middle of 5K, which is exactly what happened?
00:26:35
Speaker
I was a little salty with Krista Jones on Saturday. Sure was. But tell you, the community showed up. Sure did. and and And showed me why we were there. Sure did. So Saturday, last Saturday for us, which, you know, don't know when you're going to listen to this episode, but for us, it was May 31st of 2025.
00:26:54
Speaker
We did this big event at a beautiful orchards, Barton Orchards, that is locally to us. And we had about 850, 900 people registered run. Probably another hundred-ish coming out for the rock part, about a thousand people.
00:27:09
Speaker
And we kept looking at the weather. And Wednesday i was like, um maybe we should cancel. And then I just felt, no, you do this for cancer patients. You want to talk about a curveball? Cancer is a curveball.
00:27:21
Speaker
ah You know, running in the rain is not. So I'm like, you're right. You're right. Okay. All right. It's on. And then really that morning, everything shifted. We thought we had a pretty good, you know, place of only a 20%, but man, like midnight that night, it was like 85%, 90%, 100%. And I actually went,
00:27:40
Speaker
and i actually went live that morning because a lot had happened. Barton Orchards lost an employee the night before, literally putting up lights for our event.
00:27:53
Speaker
He passed away from a heart attack. We had a volunteer that we know and love, a family that's going through a really bad crisis. And I was like, oh my gosh. And so you know what I did? I went live and I talked about all my fears.
00:28:06
Speaker
I said, all of this is going on and I am so anxious. And I said, but in the middle of it all, this is first world problems, right? The fact that I have got a nor'easter in the middle of this, come, run, don't run, do a lap, don't do any.
00:28:22
Speaker
Let's think about people that have a diagnosis. That's the anxiety. This is I'm going to run in the white rain and I am going to get wet as can be. And ooh, these poor people were wet.
00:28:33
Speaker
And it was chilly. And I said, come run, don't run, but just be with us. Don't stay home and stay isolated. Just come out. And we feel 600 people probably ran. Yeah, they showed up.
00:28:48
Speaker
Out of like 850. Yeah. 900. And then a couple hundred showed up and said, I'm sorry, I'm a baby. I'm just going to rock. So we probably had 800 people out of the thousand we were expecting because i said, I'm just going to identify my fears and then I'm going to take them and I'm going to one by one go.
00:29:07
Speaker
i don't have cancer. That's an anxiety type diagnosis, right? And I'm healthy. I'm going to get wet. I'm going to be a little bit cold. What does that mean?
00:29:19
Speaker
I need a change clothes. I'm going to need a half hour to get warm again so I'm not blue. I'm going to be mad at Krista Jones for a little bit. But then going to be okay. I was only spicy until like 8 o'clock.
00:29:31
Speaker
Gosh, that's a lot of spiciness though if you started at 5 a.m. Oh, I wasn't awake at 5 a.m. You hid it well. You hid it well. Listen, I put on my game face. You did good. And then people started showing up and I... I forgave you. you Thank you.
00:29:45
Speaker
And then I went down the slip and slide. And then everything was fine. And then you were really wet. And I was like, look at her. joy Joyful, being joyful. So, all right, let's talk about the tools then.
Tools and Methods for Anxiety Management
00:29:56
Speaker
Let's talk about the things that we need in order for us to pull ourself out of it.
00:30:02
Speaker
So i heard um from a therapist friend, her 5-4-3-2-1 rule. Have you ever heard of this? I have not.
00:30:12
Speaker
Okay. So when she gets anxious and she feels absolutely crazy, she does this 5-4-3-2-1 method.
00:30:24
Speaker
And I thought it was it was really good. So what she does is when she's spiraling out of control, she is she focuses on five things that she can see in front of her.
00:30:37
Speaker
She focuses on five different things, right? So you are in the middle of our superhero event and it is pouring raining. And that's kind of what I did this weekend. I focused on the child that was gleefully laughing.
00:30:51
Speaker
i focused Chantel that was going down the slip and slide, doing the best hollow body Superman hold I've ever seen in my life. I focused on, you know, the the man that was, you know, eating the donuts and like his child was trying to take away from it.
00:31:08
Speaker
I focused on the fact that the employees at Barton Orchard all showed up in solidarity for somebody that they lost the night before. You know, I focused on the beauty of the day, even in the middle of that, right? So five things. What can you focus on? What can you look at to get yourself out of your head?
00:31:25
Speaker
What do you feel? Four things that you feel other than anxiety, joy, joy to see all these people that came out, happiness, happiness that they still had something great to do. Like what four things can you feel out of this? Three, what do you hear?
00:31:42
Speaker
Other than the negative, what things do you hear about this? This is an amazing event. Thank you for not canceling the event. You know, you guys fed my family, right?
00:31:55
Speaker
Two things that you can smell. Don't be snarky because I can't smell since COVID four years ago. But a lot of people would smell- i could smell bacon. It provides- Happiness and bacon is happiness. Bacon is happiness.
00:32:08
Speaker
Bacon is love. And apple cider donuts. That's what I could smell. Two things that you can smell because smelling completely derails anxiety. That's good to know. And taste something that you can either chew come Right?
00:32:28
Speaker
You're refocusing. Taste. Get yourself some ice cream. Or bacon. Or bacon. Unless you're a vegetarian and then you can have fake bacon. But I don't recommend that.
00:32:39
Speaker
That stuff is gross. It's not good for you. I mean, you may say bacon isn't. Fake bacon. i don't know that that's good either. I this video where they were making bacon out of mushrooms. That might be interesting. I might eat that. And like people were saying that like they really thought it was bacon. Yeah.
00:32:55
Speaker
So I like, got um but I want to find it. I want to try it. Joy around a meal, joy around something that you like put it right. So that's what she does. She uses her senses.
00:33:06
Speaker
And I was like, this is amazing. So I'm like, I'm stealing that. She's like, it's not mine. I go, great. I'm taking it. Um, but it's really powerful to get you out of taking anxiety and having it into a full-blown panic attack, which we know can be the result of something like this.
00:33:22
Speaker
So we're here to help you not do that. And if you are a parent listening to this, 54321 is really a great tool for you to use with children. And then things like rewiring these patterns, right? So instead of saying something like, oh my gosh, I'm goingnna fail,
00:33:41
Speaker
rewire your wording. It's all about your wording, right? We have a friend right now that is dealing with a loved one that um has to be in hospital for some things that are going on mentally.
00:34:00
Speaker
And instead of saying things like, you know, you hear psych ward and you hear all these things. Like I said to her, I said, can you say, yeah, you're in a mental wellness portion of the wing, right? So instead of things like I'll fail, can you say, all right, even if this is hard, I can handle it.
00:34:17
Speaker
Because really what does failing look like? Failing looks like not trying it to me. You're not failing if you're trying it, right? Maybe journaling, things that after it's over, you can say, well, this is what I did. And this is kind of where I started spiraling.
00:34:33
Speaker
So you can identify it. And next time you can go, all right, I got to redo something here because this is where it went to hell a handbasket for me. And then breath work is really important.
00:34:44
Speaker
Jennifer Green, who was on our board of directors, clinical therapist, amazing, is really, really big into the whole mind wellness portion of things.
00:34:59
Speaker
Like doing this inhale for four seconds, hold it for four seconds, exhale for four seconds, hold that. Because even you, I know that you worked a lot with that kind of therapy too.
00:35:11
Speaker
That is just making you stop and meditate in the middle of a moment where, you know, you got to release all this clutter, Right? Yeah, it's about grounding yourself.
00:35:23
Speaker
And body movements. Your body producing cortisol really in the moment when your you know dopamine and all of this stuff is kicking in, move.
00:35:36
Speaker
Take a walk. Walk away from the situation, right? Walk away and breathe and walk. That's endorphins. That will help you. Endorphins are a very positive neurotransmitter, right?
00:35:48
Speaker
Walk, run, walk and scream. And you can do your five things while you walk. Absolutely. Five things you see in nature. What do you smell? I don't suggest tasting things along your route, but...
00:36:01
Speaker
Well, maybe you bring your donut with you. There you go. Walk with your donut. Or your bacon. Or your bacon. I know that you love your bacon. And limit. There's things you've got to limit in the middle of this, right?
Limiting Anxiety Triggers
00:36:11
Speaker
We had a situation at Superhero. I walk in and we're oh my gosh, and we're behind and blah, blah, blah.
00:36:15
Speaker
And I don't know if you noticed, Chantel, but literally I listened and then I turned and I completely walked away. It was too much for me. had to just decompress. And that could mean social media.
00:36:28
Speaker
That could mean caffeine. Stop. Anything that is going to trigger you to overstimulate you, right? That jacks up your cortisol. Get away from it. The person that is completely spiraling out of control, you can be like, I get it.
00:36:41
Speaker
And it is okay. But if you are also a person that that can fall on you after you come walk away, Just walk, not completely from the person. Give yourself five minutes so you can digest the situation. Because, you know, if your anxiety is going to spike every time you're around certain people, every time you open up social media, right, um then maybe the anxiety isn't the problem.
00:37:03
Speaker
Maybe your algorithm is. Maybe it's what you're doing. Stop what you're doing. You're causing sometimes your own anxiety. ah hundred percent 100%. If you're anxious, don't get on Facebook in the middle of the night because your brain is now stimulated. You're going to not be able to sleep for another hour. Get off. Why are you doing that?
00:37:21
Speaker
Figure it out. Identify it. Move on. What'd you think? ah I think I just picked up a whole lot of skills. I actually, I'm going to use them. One of my daughters tends to be more anxious and I'm going to use some of these things with her.
00:37:35
Speaker
Yeah. And you're not going to walk it out right every time. My daughter today, I walked it out horribly. I have been trying everything with her. And then today i was like, I can't coddle her anymore. And yelled at her, you know, because I also, you know, felt my gosh, like, stop.
00:37:51
Speaker
I need you to see like, you know, you can do this. You can, you know, and so listen, we're not going to get it right sometimes ever. Listen, we're going to get it right and wrong. As parents, we're going to get right it wrong when we're facing it.
00:38:05
Speaker
But here's the bottom line. Anxiety is not a flaw. It's feature, I guess you could say. It's here to warn us, to wake us up, to protect us, sometimes to even push you. It's like a flight or fight, right? You know, we need that.
00:38:19
Speaker
Cavemen had that. We need that. You know, if you are keeping yourself from living because of it, That's the problem. You don't need to white knuckle through it. You need to see it. You need to identify it. You need to embrace it.
00:38:33
Speaker
And then you move on. And if you can't do that, then there's hope because there is hope. There's nothing wrong with you.
Encouragement and Seeking Help
00:38:40
Speaker
There's also real trained, compassionate human beings that'll walk you through it if it is a little much right now, because 80% of us, if not more need it. The 20% that say they don't,
00:38:50
Speaker
They might be bearing it. You're not weak for needing help. You're courageous if you choose it. And guess what? If nobody has told you this today, you are doing a dang good job just holding yourself together. So this is what Chantel and I say.
00:39:05
Speaker
You need to be kind to yourself and you need to be kind to others. I'm Krista Jones. I hope that today you found something for yourself, found something for people you love so that you guys can all figure out how to normalize most pieces of anxiety together.
00:39:26
Speaker
And until we see you next time, we want you to look us up at sparrowsnishcharity.org. We want you to talk about this and we want you to make this a common discussion.
00:39:36
Speaker
This is something you shouldn't be embarrassed of. Until next time, take care of yourself. We love you.