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69. XXX Walking Dead (Burning Angel Horror PornParody)
12 Plays7 months ago
The horror ‘adult snuggles’ episode we’ve teased (pun!) for a year or two. In this very special episode of Streamin’ Demons (definitely NOT a repurposed Doctor is IN…), Doctor Payne (watch for his new animated series coming in September, kiddies!) and JM Brannyk sat down –during COVID lockdown– and watch the best horror ‘adult snuggles’ every–Burning Angel’s Walking Dead parody. Join them as they describe horror ‘adult snuggles’ the best they can using (almost) all PG 13 language. Will Brannyk use their F bomb too early? Will Payne remember how to use a pronoun? Will LiquidIV finally drop us as […]
Transcript
Introduction and Guest Preview
00:00:00
Speaker
Everyone Jim Phoenix here and well, we got a surprise for you for the streaming demons. It's none other than terror read No, wait, that's next week. Damn. What do we got this week son? No, you can't be serious. We actually we did. Oh boy Good evening
Horror Porn Commentary
00:00:23
Speaker
For this treatment demons, we had none other than done Dr. Payne and J.M. Brannock watching pornos strike that watching horror porn together and then bringing you their commentary about their favorite pornographic horror films or horror graphic porno films. I don't know. I'm not listening to this one.
00:00:50
Speaker
Good luck, y'all. And as Brennan would say, hi, Mom. All this and more on the last streaming demons. Hit it.
00:01:41
Speaker
I love music. Yeah, I know that joke doesn't get old and neither does not having theme music. Everyone else has theme music, including the number one podcast.
Podcast Success and Humorous Claims
00:01:51
Speaker
Anything I'm on.
00:01:53
Speaker
My name is, you know my name, Dr. Payne, the cha-cha champion, the throw down victorious champion, the combo box master, the master of the bowel movement, Bloody Mary's, if that ever comes out. And of course, my own podcast, The Doctor Is In. And with me today is who?
00:02:21
Speaker
J.M. Brannock. J.M. Brannock. Is that your real name, J.M. Brannock? Yeah. J.M. Brannock. Excited to be here since the last time I saved their podcast. What was your podcast? Combo Fox. Combo Fox. Boxer Rocks. Boxer Rocks. That podcast, number one podcast now. Rocks your box.
00:02:47
Speaker
Rocks in my box is nothing we can do. As long as it goes beep bop poo box, I like to go to a lot box. Yeah, take that. What's the J.M. stand for? Who cares? I don't care about this. Tonight without any further ado or waiting or any of that crap,
Zombie Porn Parody Discussion
00:03:12
Speaker
So we're getting back into what we should have talked about last time, something important of matter, porno. Not just any porn, but not butt porn either. Well, there's some butt porn in this, but zombie porn. We're talking about the living dead, the walking rat, and of course, as the Brannock likes to say, chlamydia. That was a rumor. I don't like to say that, but okay.
00:03:40
Speaker
Hey, if you admit you have the problem, that's step one, is admitting you have that problem, Brannock. I'm very proud of you. I don't have to admit anything. We're still working that step one then, that's fine. We'll work on that later. But for this podcast, we're gonna focus on Burning Angels production with Joanna Angel and Tommy Pistol and a whole bunch of other things.
00:04:06
Speaker
Walking dead parody. Bam. Perfect. Hard core. We're talking about hardcore porn. It's not soft core. No, it's straight out. It's not your grandmother's. You leave my safety. Grandma pain out of this. Grandma Chachowski.
00:04:31
Speaker
That was my granny. She's in granny porn. She was the blue iris before blue iris. Shut up, Baba Booey, y'all. So did you watch the entire movie? I needs to know. I watched most of it, I would say.
00:04:49
Speaker
Okay, so you always have this thing where you're like... Yes, I have a thing. Yeah, you have a thing where you're like, oh, here's a video that's hard to find. You're going to be watching it with us. And this was one of those videos. So I tried my best to find as much of a complete idea as I could with what I had on the internet available to me.
00:05:17
Speaker
It's really hard to find a burning angel video. They only have a website burningangel.com. But follow the videos there. It's really difficult to find a burning angel video. But not complete. And I couldn't download it. Who the hell downloads porn? Well, apparently I do. Well, at least for this. I didn't want to pay for the DVD because
00:05:47
Speaker
This was a hit it and quit it for me, so.
00:05:51
Speaker
I didn't want to pay for the DVD. Although I'm going to say, production value wise, it's very good. And I'm going to probably check out some of her other stuff. This one wasn't my cup of tea. Production value right there. Burning Angels known for one thing, besides currently Burning Angels, production value. They do real zombie effects. They do real scripting. And the actors can actually, for the most part,
00:06:20
Speaker
act. Yeah, there was actually a couple of scenes where I laughed out loud. Like that was, it was supposed to be laugh out loud. Not, not ironically. Right. You're not doing the cringe fest. Now for some of these scenes, I do have the actors and actresses here. So if you say a scene, I can say, Oh, you mean Joanna Angel, Cleo Valentine, Jesse Lee, Skin Diamond, Eric Bell Raphael, Tommy Pistol.
Zombie Plot Analysis and Humor
00:06:45
Speaker
although my boy small hands, not in this one, we'll talk about later, as you and Papa Shango say, we'll put a pin in it. And she never put pins in anything, by the way. It hurts, it's a voodoo thing. Well, sometimes you do put pins and things, and I will get into that too. Let's put a pin into that pin. I will put a pin in your pin. Pins and pins. Pins and pins. Put a pin in your hat box. That's what I'm gonna do in your box hat.
00:07:14
Speaker
box. Okay. Fair enough. First, what do you want to do? I have the burning angel.com website up and the very first video I see.
00:07:27
Speaker
from this great, great set of the walking dead parody, triple X naughty, naughty, naughty parody is a guy allegedly getting a blowjob. Can we see that on the TV? Is this? Say it now. By the way, kids, don't listen to this one. That hasn't been a tip yet. Don't listen to this one. And also we're supposed to keep this PG-13 somehow.
00:07:53
Speaker
OK, so let's do a list. Instead of saying blowjob, we'll say what? Hummer. I'm thinking. Leave the beaver. A sweet kiss. A sweet kiss on the head. On the rooster. Rooster kiss. Rooster kiss. I like that rooster kissing and a clam kiss because there is some clam kissing. There is some clam kissing. And then there's some rooster spraying on rooster.
00:08:23
Speaker
Chicken breasts. There's some rooster spraying on chicken breasts. The speed goes all over. But there's no roosters with roosters, which I want to put a pin on that too. No rooster on rooster action. Sorry, this is the point. And a lot of the chickens are undead chickens. Yeah. Because actually, that's an integral plot point. That is an integral plot point. It really is. Let me set the world for you.
00:08:51
Speaker
Ever wonder what it'd like to be to wake up in a zombie infested world with zombies all over? But let's say that the zombies aren't just walkers, but they're blowers instead. Oh, sorry. They're kissers. They're chicken kissers instead.
00:09:08
Speaker
Yeah. And you can't kill this. How do you kill a zombie in this world? Don't shoot it in the head. Sort of. You guess you could. You could because that's that was the one scene where it could have been rooster on rooster, but they instead chose to kill him with a gun.
00:09:29
Speaker
Which makes you think, you know what, even in that post-populical world, where dad's riding for the grave wanting some chicken cock that a girl will do, it's still too many guys. It's still too many damn guys. You have to kill the dead guys for a bam, gone. That's all we're saying. One of the roosters was kind of into it. He was fine with it, but the lorry was not fine with that.
00:09:56
Speaker
Okay, we're getting ahead of ourselves. We are getting ahead of ourselves and about ahead. Ah, you want to talk about the scene where Rick Grimes wakes up in a hospital bed or actually on the floor. Yeah. And he's the only one there. And it's spooky. He's scary. He's got Phoenix fucking a, which I believe really is their stage name. And she's a zombie.
00:10:26
Speaker
Well, she's redhead and she's a redhead too. It doesn't matter. Redhead. Yeah, it does. No, better. Did you see the beaver shot? Is there a beaver shot in this? I looked and I looked and I couldn't find one. The entire place, there's no beavers, just hens. I'm just kidding. There's big browns all over the place. Big browns going to self tan.
00:10:53
Speaker
Yep, going to South Tan all over
Quality of Zombie Makeup and Acting
00:10:55
Speaker
that place. All over here. Yeah, okay, so the first scene, yeah, the zombie comes after him, and the first inclination of her is to gently kiss him.
00:11:07
Speaker
Of course, gently kiss him on the rooster. On the rooster. And his first, and I laughed so hard at this line, because his first lines are, what are you doing? I'm married. Which is true. That's what I said, too. I was like, hey, zombie woman, what are you doing? I'm married. You can't do that. But is it cheating if she's dead?
00:11:33
Speaker
Well, here's the thing. That's not the first, like, uh, you're a rotting corpse, obviously. It's, I'm married. Have you ever done last call in LA? A rotting corpse is slightly higher than what most people go home with at last call. Well, again, he's not at last call. He's sober. He's waking up. He's getting his bearings. I get it.
00:11:57
Speaker
He's not date reaped yet. Although, is this consensual? No, it's not consensual. He says no many times. No, stop, stop, stop. Stop kissing my rooster. Yes. No more rooster kisses for you. No more hen pecks. No, the hen pecks come later. Are we really doing a PG version of a portal?
00:12:23
Speaker
I think we are. Okay kids, come back. You can listen to it again. You can come back to this. You're gonna be so confused. You're gonna be so confused. Honestly, the kids probably know more than we do. You'll be in your own monster squad after this, don't worry. So they probably are like, what are you guys talking about? Go play zombie killer. You'll see what happens. Yeah. So yeah, so that happens. And that's when we find out what happens to zombies. What does happen to zombies?
00:12:53
Speaker
Well, see, the rooster spittle throw up. The rooster? The rooster juices. The rooster juices go blab, blab, blab in the zombies. Spread all over into the zombie. And that's how we find out that zombies are allergic, like deadly allergic to rooster juice.
00:13:21
Speaker
Rooster juice, it's just like Jesus juice, but better. So here with Michael Jackson, proud sponsor of, wait a minute, isn't he dead too? Oh my God, is that how he died? Did Michael Jackson die for too much Rooster juice? Is that what you're saying? I just think it sounds like a Japanese drink, Rooster juice, kind of like Pocari sweat.
00:13:44
Speaker
Mix enough cock and anything, you'll be fine. Cock a doodle do, of course. So the cock a doodle do it all over their zombie-ness. And he immediately recognizes that this is what killed her. So if that's the cure or the killing of a zombie, I think the human race is basically to be saved by 13-year-old boys. That's it. Anything above after that age or like, ah, fuck it, one and done. We're good. Maybe.
00:14:14
Speaker
I'd say 13 to 17. Not that I'm condoning it. I'm just saying. We don't condone masturbation. It's just safe sex. What's masturbation on the show? We don't condone flogging your Molly. Well, that's a bad we don't want it. We don't want to affiliate with the band. We don't want to. We don't want to dropkick your Murphy.
00:14:42
Speaker
We don't want to, I'm trying to think of like the most unsexy band title. And I can't think of any. The finals. I was thinking Love and Spoonful, but that actually is something sexual. So I can't even do that. So yeah.
00:15:06
Speaker
You wanna play the gaga? That's kinda sex though, although there's some gaga-ing here that goes on. Apparently zombies do have gag reflexes. How weird. You're dead, but shit still works somewhere. Well, you have to imagine it, because the gag reflex is in the brain, and the brain is still somewhat active in zombies. So that could be a thing, possibly.
00:15:34
Speaker
We need Nip Busters. Nip Busters, if you're listening, we want to see if a zombie has a gag reflex. But that's easy enough, right? It's easy enough. Just go find a zombie. I'm not going. I'm not touching that. So we do have this great scene. And I want to say, so far, it really is Walking Dead. Yeah.
00:15:56
Speaker
It's the casting matches, except for what's his face. Glenn's kind of white, but that's fine. Yeah, there was some pushback on that. Glenn was played by a white actor instead of an Asian actor. It is a porno for Christ's sakes. Come on, let's go with stereotypes. Think about it. Asian guys, pornos, how many Asian guys you find in pornos? You know why?
00:16:24
Speaker
They usually would be directors. They're not in front of the camera. They're camera shy. That's why. That's what we heard. I'm not going to say anything. Better. It's not often. But. Let's say anything. John Cuzak. Great movie. Great guy. Yeah, John Cuzak should have played the role. That's what I'm saying. You put him in Asian face. Now, I have a question. Is this zombie face? Is that what they're doing?
00:16:50
Speaker
Are they all acting in zombie face? Is this gonna haunt them years from now when COVID kills everyone and resurrects them again? So the next scene, he goes to his house and there's sad music. That's not sad. That's still not sad. That's my sad one. It's still the same song and still not sad.
00:17:19
Speaker
B-B-B-B-Bops. Oh, that's R2-D2. B-B-B-B-B-B-Bops. Oh, that's R2-D2. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-Bops. Oh, that's R2-D2. B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B
00:17:47
Speaker
emptiness filler and he smells it and thinks of his wife. And it's a touching scene. It was riveting. I can feel them. It was just like that man. Wasn't that nice? Isn't that something that is romantic? That's Mother's Day right there.
00:18:08
Speaker
Get your mother the gifts that really keeps on giving by emptying this filler, some nine volt batteries and lock on her door. It's all nine volt batteries. What the fuck, dude? Car batteries. What do you use? I don't know. Triple A. Triple A. You use a car place to give you a jumpstart. Get some gas. Nine volt batteries. Just put in some, some
00:18:34
Speaker
All the batteries you can find lying around your goddamn house, just throw them in. Mother single-handedly kept Radio Shack Battery Club into business for years. That's all I'm saying. Oh, I'm sure. I'm sure they did. It wasn't Timmy's fucking calculator. That's all I know.
00:18:51
Speaker
And the husbands are like, what is this for? And they're like, the toothbrush thing. Why don't we have a bill for $900 at Radio Shack for batteries? What the hell? The remote. It's the remote. He's dying. Over and over and over again. And over and over. I'm going to take this to my head. So he smells the emptiness filler, which also is the name of
00:19:17
Speaker
Nothing at all, yeah, probably. A band. Hot topic, yeah, no, it's something like that. And then he continues to reminisce, right? He longs for his wife. Yes, he longs for his wife. But I don't know, I think, the next part. All I know is that they get to wherever they're at, the next part. The next part, for what I remember, does he reunite with Carl?
00:19:47
Speaker
Oh, okay. Well, the next part, um, it shows Lori and Carl and Shane and Andrea and Sophia. Carl, I gotta know, do you have it in you to F that girl and kill her with your rooster seed? That's a direct quote paraphrase, I guess now. Yeah.
00:20:14
Speaker
Well, I mean, that's Slater. Oh, that's Slater? I thought they'd make Carl kill a zombie. Kill one of those blowers, Carl, kill them. Yeah, like way at the end, because they don't know yet. They don't know yet. So they're just taking a guess that might kill them. Like, Carl, go for it, buddy. First, they're in the tent.
00:20:37
Speaker
you know, like Shane's in the tent with, with Lori and they're just like, no,
Adult Content Humor and Relationships
00:20:43
Speaker
no. And then he's like, um, Rick's dead. Remember? And she's like, Oh yeah. Okay. And so they start, um, to win kissing and fun things. And Carl keeps popping in and being a rooster stop.
00:21:00
Speaker
He is just like the real show. I swear, it's like you're really watching The Walking Dead. It was a real show instead of it's like made for Hollywood jazz. Like no one has sex. Except for Lori. She's a little bit more likable in this. Which one's Lori again? I can't remember. She's the one that's the wife. Oh, right. The one that Carl's got to pop in the face later on.
00:21:28
Speaker
I guess that meant something different. Yeah. So Sophia and Carl are in a tent and see, I didn't see this part, but I think she has Lori's new emptiness filler or something. There's a lot of emptiness in the post of popular war and it should be filled. It has to be called rabbits. So she has a rabbit. Yeah.
00:21:57
Speaker
that she likes to pet and hold because rabbits get very scared. And when they get cold, they shake a lot. So sometimes she has to put it places so it gets warm. Right.
00:22:11
Speaker
Today's PG-13 day in the pop and porn world, can't wait. Yup, yup. It's kind of fun. No reason for it. It's like an exercise. No reason for it because obviously you can't watch this shit unless you're 18 and above or whatever the legal age is in your part of the woods. Well, I mean, I mean like they ask you, yes.
00:22:35
Speaker
They ask you, you want to see titties? Yes, I do. Basically. Can't we build it? Yes, we can. We're all young ones, right? Right. I don't remember any of that. So they do a bunch of sex scenes. I have to admit, I didn't get to see this scene.
00:22:54
Speaker
Sorry, I went from my Carl killing someone to an Orgy, to Terro and two girls, to Michonne and another girl, and then a big behind the scenes thing. Okay, so after that with Carl and Sophie in the tent, Andrea comes back and she's mad because everybody's
00:23:20
Speaker
gently caressing one another and snuggling in an adult fashion. And it's funny. I actually laughed out loud at this part because she says that she hates roosters and men with roosters and walking dead roosters.
00:23:35
Speaker
Something like that. And she's like, I'm so sick of them. And she carries, I think she said she carries a bag full of walking dead roosters just to get some pleasure for herself.
00:23:52
Speaker
It's crazy. It does put a new turn on to eat a bag of dicks, because she really could. She could. She could. I can do this. Hold on. Let me get the bag out. Which ones do you want me to eat? Yeah, I will show you, motherfucker. I mean, did I already say my F word once? I think I did. Yeah, sorry. You used it up. Yeah, I used it. OK, OK. I've used it. All right.
00:24:19
Speaker
to use that bag of jacks up. Yeah, sorry. They're all shriveled up. Do you think it's Rick or Morris? Do you think there's like, stay hard?
00:24:29
Speaker
Think rigor size in on dicks. No, they're gonna, they're okay. So if they're all together, they're going to rot quickly. Yeah. And then they're going to be this just like a gaggle, a gag. Oh, yes. I got it. I don't think you get it funny. I don't think you get it. Yeah, I do. I really do. It's for gooses. I can't go to geese's. But for dicks, you gag all.
00:24:58
Speaker
or gay gal, depending who Al is. And it might be big gay Al from South Park. And I hear, I like zombies, no gay reflex. That's all I hear. I like zombies, no gay reflex. So yeah, I think the bag of dicks would just be like this big mush at the end of the day. I mean, maybe not the day, but like a couple of days. Mythbusters, we need you again. Yep, yep, Mythbusters.
00:25:29
Speaker
We've been out of retirement for this one. Fuck finding Einstein particles. We want to see a bag of dicks and we want to see zombies of no gang reflexes. Or my world future is just blown. I can't deal with this future anymore. We're going to start a list. This is the start of our list. We have two so far. These are the things we need you to do. We will give you like, I'll chip in five bucks. I think it's worth it. That pays for at least 13 EV hookers.
00:25:57
Speaker
Oh, sorry. He's not here to defend themselves. Sorry, Papashenko. Much love. Respect. Here we go. By the way, Carlos played by Wolf Hudson. And of course, Sofia is Sierra Cure. If anyone's paying attention and really wants to look them up, they're on the burningangel.com website. I thought Sofia did a good job.
00:26:27
Speaker
That is one of the greatest things about Burning Angel. You can throw a dart and say, that person did a good job. They really do have talent. Yeah, I thought the guy who did Shane, and I can't remember her name, I did look it up. But the one who played Michonne too. Cleo Valentine, I believe. No.
00:26:54
Speaker
I mean, let me look at the stuff. Diamond. Diamond skin was the show. I thought so. No way. I thought it was for real. I thought I looked at it because I looked at the people that I actually liked. But I have a terrible memory. I cannot remember anybody's names.
00:27:24
Speaker
So. Really? Well. It really shows. It does. It shows a bit. Yeah. It does. I think you're right. Because it's Cleo Valentine is how we say white. And Michonne traditionally is not. Now we have to give it up to Burning Angel, by the way. They could have completely whitewashed this and didn't. Well, I mean, they half did.
00:27:53
Speaker
Well, the guys, who cares? There was only one or two guys in this whole damn movie anyways. There's like three of them, four of them, there's four of them. Sorry, I didn't count the cocks in this movie. Apparently you did. I do, I do. I count both sides. Both sides when? Both sides, well, one side one a little more than the other. Darryl Dixon.
00:28:17
Speaker
Um, okay. Yeah, that's right. We didn't. Oh, we didn't get to him yet, but okay. So anyway, um, Andrea fucked up. Andrea messed up and, um, you know, and honestly, I don't even know how to bleep. Yeah. I don't know how to fucking bleep.
00:28:47
Speaker
I don't, obviously I don't know how to bleep either. Um, okay. So Andrea, she screws up and she left the doors open. So a whole bunch of zombies come in. So they have to, um, basically get out. And I don't know if that's when they learned their lesson or not then, but basically after that is when we get to Daryl. Daryl, that poor bastard.
00:29:17
Speaker
And he is a sociopath. I know that's not the correct terminology anymore, but he is. He is. Just like, Michelle is diamond skin, by the way. Oh, I was right. She did a scene of Cleo Valentine, that's why. Okay, okay. I was right. Andrea, which is Andrea. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because remember, Andrea very subtly said that she hates all dicks.
00:29:46
Speaker
Not very subtly, it was very put out there. I don't know a being would be subtle. Very subtly, there was like a five minute rant about it. So we get to Darryl and Darryl is like. Owen Gray. I don't know, he's like his brother. Say his name again. Owen Gray. Owen Gray, okay. And I'm sure he's a great guy. But he plays Darryl off very much like, what was his brother's name, Merle?
00:30:15
Speaker
Earl, I can't remember the first season. Earl. Earl. Earl. Earl. I thank his brother's name as Mary Poppins. That's all I have to remember.
00:30:29
Speaker
You know what? You are right. You are right. Mary Poppins, y'all. Anyway, he is just kind of a jerk. And then he goes into a camper and he finds two lady zombies. And he cuddles with the two lady zombies. Freddie Lynn and Jesse Lee.
00:30:51
Speaker
And they do a good job from what I saw. I didn't get to see too much with that one, but he also finds out that that's how they die. They die horribly. They die hard with a vengeance. And when I mean hard, I mean really difficultly. Now, this is when we find out that zombies have a gang reflex as well.
00:31:21
Speaker
Yes. Yes. I have to point out, I watch the behind the scenes and that zombie makeup, I cannot stress this enough. It's not just people play acting like I'm terrible. I keep my crossbow band, you're dead. None of that. It's real acting. It's real script. And the makeup and the wardrobe and the locations are spot on.
00:31:45
Speaker
It's like they just crashed a Walking Dead scene, took their makeup artists and paid some zombies to fuck. I'm sorry, is that mine? Fuck, how many times did I say that? Yeah, that was yours. No, you didn't. That was your first. Congratulations. That was my first, like, pop my chair. Congratulations. How many minutes in and you already did it. Good job. I did it like a million times. A million more F's given.
00:32:12
Speaker
All right, so that's my big hello to them. Because this is absolutely, and it is zombie on zombie on guy action too. So what do you
Research on Gore Porn vs. Zombie Parodies
00:32:28
Speaker
think about this? Why the women are zombies? What does that mean to you socially? Yeah, and that was an interesting thing too, because I'll go to kind of a pin
00:32:41
Speaker
I did do some research after this, um, with like some other gore porn, because that was kind of like the thought behind this. Cause you asked what kind of porn do you want to do? That is true. I said this or pure Tapu.
00:33:01
Speaker
you're like this or this or that. And I said, I'll do the gore. That's fine. He said it was parody or this and that. And I'm like, I'll do great. And so I did look into some of it, like on some sites and there was other zombie ones, like zombie is a pretty big, you know, genre. And that is interesting because when it comes to zombie females, it's usually butterface situations, you know,
00:33:29
Speaker
They put a bag on it and she's still hot. When it comes to males, it's usually actually like 3D animation, and they are all kinds of screwed up. They're missing lots of pieces and real, real gross. But in these situations, uh, sometimes it kind of works.
00:33:57
Speaker
or like just missing pieces of their face, missing pieces of their rooster thing that hangs under that.
00:34:12
Speaker
I forgot what that anatomy and rooster talk is called, but you know, like it's very grotesque, like very grotesque, but this is like, Oh, she's real nice. Just put her bag over her face. She's, she's good. Uh, well, not to break this up, but much like PBS on there, God willing suit.
00:34:34
Speaker
Much like PBS on their telethons were like, Hey, you like Dr. Who? Me too. For $25,000, you two could have this TARDIS mug. It disappears in a dishwasher and always disappears because that just burns it in. All right. So for those who didn't know, we taped this episode during the pandemic. No vaccines were out yet. And
00:35:01
Speaker
Pain was still learning pronouns. It's actually kind of weird to see him struggle, but good for him. And we didn't have sponsors yet. And we do now, we do now.
00:35:17
Speaker
And I'm going to actually oblige to add sponsorships to like the podcast. So here we go. I tried to talk him out of this. I tried to say, Hey, uh, liquid IV. Um, are you guys sure this is about the porno one? And like pointing to like some dude behind the desk keeps pointing to a contract. So here we go. The best I can. Hey, has your rooster ever fallen off?
00:35:47
Speaker
Maybe you need to put a bag over it. To get over all of these rooster zombie appendage fallings, bag the girl with the, you need to mix a little bit of liquid IV with your vodka. That's it.
00:36:06
Speaker
I don't know, man. Probably don't mix it with vodka or do. I don't know. I don't give a shit. So if you, if you're in a situation where if you're having zombie sex and you're dehydrated, I always go with a multiplier of sugar free or free sugar. Why pay for sugar? Wouldn't be sugar free. And if you really want to do it, go to liquidiv.com and enter promo code.
00:36:35
Speaker
Once again, that is promo code. And you too can have like 28% off of your rooster juice. I think rooster juice is a new flavor. Check it out. It's a bit salty. All right, back to our show.
00:37:04
Speaker
Wow, that is, A, a joke in a comedy where the girl's possession turns like, oh, baby, puts a bag on and keeps going at it. But B, one of the girls here, one of the women in the behind the scenes says, I didn't like the way I looked as a zombie. I think I looked ugly. And I like looking ugly. Really? Yeah. So the actress was self-conscious of the butterface effect the zombie makeup had.
00:37:31
Speaker
That's interesting. That's really interesting. Even though again, their bodies are beautiful, but it's just, you know, I don't know. It's like that one step like, Oh, we can't have her body look gross. Cause then he would never want to adult snuggle her. You know, I just tell you like the, the, the way a guy sees a girl,
00:37:55
Speaker
It's kind of like, well, it's the fat chick. You'll do it as long as no one else knows. No one else knows. I never met you, never met you. I'm still doing it, but I never met you tomorrow, that's all I'm ever saying. So you think some zombies walking around with, hey, call me guys, like, hey, I never saw you before. You're still alive, right? You're still like, undead?
00:38:19
Speaker
She was like, will you let me buy you? And he's like, maybe tomorrow. I don't know. My friends are coming over. I'll give you some capper. It's on the curb. I'll over you. Just go inside for me. Thanks for coming over. Yeah. Thanks for coming over. It was real fun.
00:38:40
Speaker
Yeah, you've never been a ghost before because that's what I'm doing. You're a zombie, I'm a ghost. There we go. That's how it goes. It's a horror movie now. I was dead the whole time. Whoo. Close the door. Click. You can tell J.M. Brandt has a lot of dates that went that way. Takes this spell, throws it in the toilet.
Behind-the-Scenes Insights
00:39:03
Speaker
I don't know why, we're going to flush it.
00:39:08
Speaker
Wait, phones flush? Oh, they don't. You almost had me break a phone that way. That sucks. Don't do what she said. Wait, hold on. Mythbusters, your third one. Do phones flush or do they combust in the toilet? Oh, no. Well, no, a crocogator comes up and eats it. A crocogator? They've got them solved. The hell is a crocogator? The hell is that? Half crocogator and half alligator comes above. You just said half crocogator and half alligator.
00:39:39
Speaker
Yes, I did. Yup, I'm a scientist. A scientist, you're a 98-year-old dinosaur. Very little prey. If you're a doctor, I can be a doctor. We got Papa Shango. Dr. Rock-a-gators. Dr. Cock-a-dayers. Papa Rock-a-datter. All right, if that is even a real thing. So we've gone on too far about how to ditch a zombie woman.
00:40:07
Speaker
Yes, but that's what's going on in this basically. But yeah, so that's really interesting about the behind the scenes where she was self-conscious about looking too ugly as a zombie, even though the whole thing behind the zombie is supposed to be rotting flesh. It's rotting flesh. It's rotting flesh. And once a guy roosters all over them, the guy loses interest and the zombie woman doesn't exist anymore.
00:40:37
Speaker
Oh, and it's like kind of a joke because he kind of laughs about it like, oh, huh. Rooster juice makes them die. Huh? Like, it's it's very non-consequential. Consequential. It meets the feminist test. This movie does. The Bechtel test. It meets the butthole test? The hell is a butthole test?
00:41:05
Speaker
You better explain the butthole test mix. That's what I wasn't going for. I think you hear what you want to hear. I think you hear what you want to hear. Yeah, I'm doing great, thanks. But it makes the test, doesn't it? Does it not make the test? Well, I didn't watch the whole movie. What's the test? What's the test?
00:41:35
Speaker
Well, they do talk about men. Well, they're like, Michelle. Yeah. They talk. Yes. Because, okay. So let me, let me get to that. Cause she says very specifically.
00:41:50
Speaker
Well, you're going, oh, you're going to have a schedule because that's when Sophia leaves. She's gone. And that's when, um, the whole big confrontation with, uh, Lori and Shane and, uh, the orgy, right? Yeah. The zombie orgy. And I just want to point out, we're selling this podcast to, uh, Billy Graham, Oral Roberts.
00:42:19
Speaker
If this doesn't kill your boner, we don't know what the hell is. Just doing this, make him watch porn, it's like pain, but not me. Well, no, it's not the zombie one yet. This is the one where it's Lori and Shane and Rick, because Lori and Shane are snuggling. And that's when Rick finally sees them together.
00:42:47
Speaker
And he's like, what the hell are you doing? And he's like, oh, Sophia's gone and we're looking for her. And Rick has a great line of, you're trying to find a teenager in my wife's ass. I mean, Fanny. And they're really angry at each other. And of course, an orgy wins. An orgy always solves the problem. Right.
00:43:13
Speaker
Here, you come here and you snuggle me here. And then you, Shane, come here and snuggle me over here. And they seem pretty okay. And then Shane goes crazy and Lori kills him. But again, he could have been, again, like that was, cause he, they did a double tap.
00:43:42
Speaker
but Rick was prepared to give him his rooster juice. Cause he like is starting to undo his pants and where he's like, uh, F no, we're not doing that. And I just wanted to point that out. It's kind of like heteronormative. Heteronormative in the undead world, some rooster juice happening. That's just amazing.
00:44:08
Speaker
Yeah, it was sad. I was sad with that missed opportunity, because I'm like, that could have been a fun opportunity, but it was a missed opportunity. Or even like when they were together, because that could have been like a sexual tension between Shane and Rick, you know, because they've been partners for so long. Yeah, they sure have been partners for so long. Right. Up that mountain.
00:44:38
Speaker
You know which part I'm talking about. What's wrong with you? That everything's broke back. Thinking of broke back. I am sorry. I was late today. I want to apologize to my co-host. What's her face or what's their face? What's his face? Who cares?
00:45:01
Speaker
I had my back broken by the Bloody Marys by carrying that damn podcast for five hours yesterday. Holy shit, Nuggets. If that one goes to number one, y'all owe me a title beyond all realms of possibility. Giantest asshole ever.
00:45:21
Speaker
which is actually the next scene, the giant asshole ever, which I believe is what Rick was trying to avoid by having, what's the other guy's name, Shane, not get injected. Now, don't you think, think about it, if rooster shootings, pop, pop, pop, pop, peel, peel, peel, if you rooster vomit or cock vomit, whatever you wanna call it.
00:45:48
Speaker
Roosterboop. Riverbed. If that cures zombieism, wouldn't that be like the injection to give everyone to make sure they don't become zombies? Right. Let me just inoculate yourself.
00:46:02
Speaker
If Donald Trump, my president of all presidents, thank you, I salute you, sir. I salute you, sir. He who has the greatest military leader we've ever had as a president, by the way, Donald J. Trump. It's just funny because on my podcast, you were really bitching about him, but go on. Damn imposters. That must have been some editing from Yukami Pinkos.
00:46:27
Speaker
I would never bash like President Donald J. Trump, comrade, oh did I say that too loud? Brother in arms, brother in arms, Donald Trump. If he said tomorrow, COVID is cured by having sex with a bunch of hookers, it's on. Although he didn't really have sex with a bunch of hookers, what was it? He only has sex with people like porn stars, Playboy models and
00:46:57
Speaker
Maybe his wife wants, I'm not sure. I think he keeps it in the family though, because just like royalty, royalty have to keep it in the family. I'm passing on this joke. There's no joke about cold hands. I'm gonna just slip my little pass sign, my little key of passing.
00:47:20
Speaker
As they slipped that little pass sign, they admit defeat, which is gonna be a preview of the throw down when Papa Shango and Dr. Payne take on a dinosaur, which is the name of my sex tape. Sometimes the best thing in how to win the game is just by not playing. Which is exactly what my mom used to say every time I was playing by myself. She'd say, you stop. Oh wait, we're talking about what now?
00:47:50
Speaker
Are we talking about Megadeth beer? Megadeth beer. Which I think I hear you drinking in the background. I am not drinking Megadeth beer because they are great sponsors. They have Saison 13 beer and Toula Moon beer. And it is the best beer you could ever buy. Megadeth beer. And it's not by you, you suck.
00:48:21
Speaker
I don't need it. I'm still drinking my wine. Okay, so. You know what? You don't need beer. We'll put a spigot in that instead of a pin, and we'll come back to that later. Y'all need something harder than beer later on. I do have some rum, but I'm running low on it. Okay, so this is when we realized that Karl has a fever and. Or a flamethrower of cringles.
00:48:51
Speaker
Andrea says, I'll go to the hospital. And that's when we get Lori saying, who am I to deny my son of having intimate moments with zombies? It's a father-son thing, just like
00:49:12
Speaker
It's an everybody on zombie thing. It's not a father's son, it's everybody. Except for ladies, unfortunately, I guess female clam juice doesn't affect them. Well, think about it. What does a female clam juice ever do? They can't produce babies. That's a baby shorter than going, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew, pew.
00:49:39
Speaker
Is that what it is? Is that what it is? It's a little swimmers. The little swimmers killed the zombies because of their life. Yeah. Michael Phelps killed zombies. That's where you go. Little swimmers. OK, so that's the the whole. OK, you know, whatever. I'll buy it. I'll buy it to buy him. Your honor, they said I kill zombies. No, he'll take it. I think he would like that.
00:50:09
Speaker
I don't know if you'll take it or right. I like it. So that's when she goes to the hospital and where she meets Michonne, who is played by, I forgot her name.
Feminist Test in Zombie Scenes
00:50:22
Speaker
You forgot her name already. Diamond Skin. Thank you. Diamond Skin. And she was great too. And they have a good moment together. And I wrote it down because I thought it was like the funniest line in the whole damn thing.
00:50:40
Speaker
Oh, and that's when Michonne tells her about the CDC and like, oh, we should go to the CDC because they're doing stuff there and et cetera, et cetera, that could help us. And they're about to go and she says, one more thing. I hate zombie rooster and I'm going to eat your box. I'm going to eat your box human.
00:51:05
Speaker
But I get it now. Box human. So you're named after like your like vagina human. No, it's just a human that comes in a box. Well, you're looking most you're looking too far into something that makes no sense. Half the planet comes in a box. Yeah, eventually, eventually, or you're looking into something that makes no sense.
00:51:32
Speaker
Which is fine. I mean, that's how you want to spend your day. This scene, in my opinion, actually meets the feminist, as you said, butthole test, which I don't think is right, by the way, the feminist butthole test. Yeah, that's going to be a tweet, I'm sure, from HauntedMTL coming from me. This might be the feminist butthole test.
00:51:59
Speaker
And the scene, by the way, the scene on burningangel.com, that's A-N-G-E-L dot com, is I hate zombie dick. Oh, that's funny. That is what the scene is called. Okay. Yeah, so it's talking about, you know, the male. So it's the absence of the male.
00:52:24
Speaker
But it was a good scene. Unfortunately, I didn't get to see too much of it. Just kind of short clips of it.
00:52:31
Speaker
But they had good chemistry, and I actually really liked these two actresses, and they were really funny. And they had, like I said, they had good timing and good chemistry off of each other. Yeah, this is the first time I've seen Skin Diamond, but I have seen Cleo a lot. And they, like I said, Burning Angel, there's no duds.
00:52:56
Speaker
There really are no like, oh my God, why are you here? It's somewhat like, oh my God, why aren't you in full screen movies like doing feature films? Right. I wish we had more movies, full screen movies that had hardcore sex scenes in them. Don't we all? Don't we all? Except for Puritans over there in, where are you from, Michigan? No, we need to go lower to the Bible Belt.
00:53:25
Speaker
Bible about, what is that? Wisconsin? No, lower. We're more like the classical Bible bra. Bible bra. I've seen one of those before. I stole that joke. I did steal that joke. I'm sorry. We're going to beat that out. Who's the joke from?
00:53:44
Speaker
That joke is from, oh, it's from a podcast that is now defunct. That was an atheist podcast. Oh, oh, is it combo box? No. Is it Bloody Mary's? No, it wasn't one of ours. Is it Bonesaw or that thing with you and Nicole? Is it the one that courts, where did I do?
00:54:09
Speaker
I'm waiting for you to do court court and whatever the fuck, whatever the hell you're going to do. You should probably replay what you just said here ahead of it. Yeah, I should, but I have already. I am not going to do court court. I don't care what you say because we're in a hot lesbian kitty action party. I'm sorry, court court. I'm sorry.
00:54:38
Speaker
She's such a sweet girl. She really is. She sat through three bullies with me and Lars. She's such a sweet girl, sort of bring her up and I hate zombie dick. She is such a sweet, sweet soul and we tortured her.
00:54:58
Speaker
Anyway, um, so this was really good. Also, um, diamond skin no longer does, um, videos, skin diamond. Okay. Yes. Okay. Whatever skin diamond. I like diamond skin. It sounds like a superhero. Anyway.
00:55:22
Speaker
She no longer does adult movies anymore. She is, I believe in a music career now. So I would go and check her out and try to support her. Don't worry. I'll check her out a lot. There's been a lot of things raising to support. Yeah, there is a lot. I see what you did there. Uh huh.
00:55:49
Speaker
moving right along from the decaying scene. Moving right along. Did Karl pop one in his mom yet? Karl Poppa, okay. Doesn't Karl kill his mom? No. Is it Sofia his mom? What? No. I do not watch the show. I thought Sofia was Karl's mom. No, Sofia's a little girl.
00:56:17
Speaker
That makes more sense. I'm like, why is his mom a little girl? Sophia is like his childhood friend. Well, his mom's a childhood friend too, right? He doesn't hate his mom. Well, no. I mean, they're not friends. She's his mom. You're not friends with your mother. I'm friends with your mother.
00:56:43
Speaker
They get overwhelmed by zombies, and that's when Glenn comes in and saves them. White Glenn is the best Glenn. Glenn Beck. We'll call him Glenn Beck because he's so damn white in this film. I don't think he would appreciate it. Well, I don't know the actor. I don't know. Glenn Beck comes and saves the day. Whoa, whoa. Literally.
00:57:06
Speaker
Anyway, um, that's when we find out that Sophia has turned into a zombie and Carl has to, you know, help one of his mom. He's got to put one in his mom. You keep saying she's his mom and she is not his mom. She's not a good friend. She's dead. Oh, wait. Sophia is the childhood friend. Yes.
00:57:34
Speaker
This film makes much more sense now. I got worried for a bit. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. There's no incest in this. Just there's a bunch of wincest. After that, they go to the CDC, which has like pong noises.
00:58:01
Speaker
Which is also the sad music. And as a PSA to all you parents out there, if your void filler starts making that noise, return it to the store immediately, it will start on fire. And your void will be voided, I guess. That's because you put a car battery on it.
00:58:28
Speaker
You don't wanna call triple A. You're like, no, triple A. Call triple A. My rabbit's dying. Anyway, they won't come out. I've tried. They won't. It's real crappy. Call a pizza guy and hear the same thing. Pizza guy will finally do something. Go deliver that pizza baby, yeah. And I will say, I don't have any money to pay with.
00:59:05
Speaker
God, I tried. So sad. So sad. OK, so that's when zombies pour in again. I forget what happens at the CDC. I forget. That's a zombie orgy. Well, yes, that's what leads into it. But they start fighting them first because Carl hits zombies, a zombie with two hammers.
00:59:15
Speaker
And he'll say, then I'm going to take back your pizza and then he'll leave and I'll be sad. That's the most realistic point.
00:59:31
Speaker
And it was kind of fun, I'll admit. And he was like, I did it, Dad. He was like, good job, son. And it was kind of a funny moment. I liked that moment. It is a good moment. It's a lovely moment. And there's got like Glenn holding Machete backwards. Glenn, your Machete is backwards. I'm just telling you, buddy. It's not going to help. It's just going to do some dual damage. It's just going to piss them off a lot more than you think it is.
00:59:59
Speaker
You can tell Glenn's Asian because he's wearing a purple shirt. That's how they make Glenn Asian. No, Glenn Beck. Sorry, Glenn Beck. So we've seen that Glenn Beck is so great with Machete. He kills with backwards. He's like, he's not holding that blade, like being on the death of the hand or something like that.
01:00:21
Speaker
Yeah, no. He's got a shotgun. Big boys got a shotgun. We see Joanna Angel was popping a lock in and we see Cleo Valentine and go bap, bap, bap, bap, bap. And poor Carl's got two fucking hammers. Yeah, but he makes do. He makes do. He makes do and he pops a couple zombies in the face. Yeah. But there are too many zombies and they run out of bullets.
01:00:46
Speaker
normal bullets. Oh no. So what do they have to do to save the day? I'm guessing Lark and Love. That's what they have to do to save the day. Lark and Love. There's a lot of love that goes into those zombies. A lot of love. And that's kind of where it ends.
01:01:07
Speaker
Which you know what? That's how the walking dead should end. One big God zombie gang bang. You say zombie gang bang five times in all vast. Uh, no thank you. I think so. Yeah, I don't have it in me, but they do, but, uh, but yeah, that's, that's kinda where we end up everywhere. So, um,
01:01:37
Speaker
So, I guess, what are your thoughts on this? This is your pick. This is my pick, absolutely. Actually, my thoughts are always burningangel.com, Joanna Angel, the best production value. Hands, that's it.
01:01:58
Speaker
Not even just for porno, just like the best production value in a film industry that's like below Warner Brothers or some shit. Like the production value, the smartness and the acting is all top notch. And you have a pretty
01:02:17
Speaker
Besides Glenn Beck, you have a pretty honest recreation of The Walking Dead. And wouldn't we want Glenn Beck to really go off that way and not the way he pops it in the face like last time in the real world? Nope.
01:02:36
Speaker
So I liked it. I think it gives you a touch of what burning angel does best, which is parody porn and yet still gives you a bit of the gore. I know you wanted more gore because originally I was like parody. That's a small hands and don't want an angel doing nightmare before Christmas. That's my parody or nightmare before triple X mess, I guess. So what did you think about the gore of this?
01:03:10
Speaker
I, yeah. So when you said Gore, I was thinking, I guess more along the lines of like, like the guinea pig, like the guinea pig, like videos. A guinea pig video. What the hell is that? I think that's what they're called where it's like these vignettes. Is this a butthole test coming up? If we get Richard Gere out here, I swear to God.
01:03:32
Speaker
I thought it was lacking.
01:03:40
Speaker
I knew I was gonna make that joke. I knew it. I knew it. I'm like, I'm gonna say. Is that bingo? I'm gonna have to, I'm gonna have to endure it. But I think that's what they're called. No, either not endure it, you have to outdoor it unless you're down on Trump. And my captain, my captain, you can have the biggest mega rally ever endorsed. Thank you, COVID.
01:04:03
Speaker
So, so like I thought there was going to be something like that to where it was very graphic and very like carrying your face. So it's all in their face. That's how they killed them. It was very in their face, but it's very playful. It's a very playful, not serious, um, just romp. It's a romp.
01:04:30
Speaker
You know, there's nothing really icky about it. There's nothing really goopy about it. Have you seen their faces? The makeup is very good, but you still know, oh, okay. That's like zombie makeup. You know, like this is okay. This is what's going on. This is like two hammers into the skull. Okay. That's, that's obviously like goopy makeup.
01:04:57
Speaker
Um, and not something that's like more visceral. I thought it was going to be a lot more visceral. So yeah, when you showed me this, I was like, but this is parody. Like, what is this? Um, so taking out my, my pin and pins, um, I did do some little itty-bitty research into some gore. That involves hamsters and gerbils, apparently from Japan.
01:05:25
Speaker
No, that involves pins. Um, like one of the pins, um, one of them involved hammers. Um, yeah, there were, and those were real ones. There were a lot of animated ones that I found that were, you know, like the crushing kind, but they were animated. So they were really very,
01:05:55
Speaker
very rudimentary. Um, some were less rudimentary, like pretty well done, but still really kind of bizarre. Like there's this one series where they're giant women who torture very, very small women. I think I saw that the photographs, right? You showed some photographs. See, yeah, I posted the photographs cause I thought Evie was asking for pictures of it. So I'm like sure I'll send you a picture. I don't think anyone was asking pictures of that.
01:06:26
Speaker
I'll share it. Misread that room. Yeah, I misread that room. I misread the room a lot that way where I'm like, oh, people want to share this experience with me. Cool. Cool, cool, cool. And then that is not the that is not the human way. That's the box human way, but not the human way. That is so. Although I have to say they are kind of sexy.
01:06:54
Speaker
They're bizarre. They're very bizarre. Their teeth and their faces are very bizarre. So anyway, so I was looking up all these things too to try to like kind of gauge like where am I at? Because this is not
01:07:11
Speaker
This is not what I'm into. Um, you know, and so I was trying to figure out like, where does this really gauge in the core? And it gauges pretty low. Um, there are a lot of zombie, uh, things out there. Like I said before, usually if it is the females are very attractive from neck down and face up it's zombie makeup.
01:07:40
Speaker
The guys are hideously grotesque and rotting everywhere.
01:07:49
Speaker
So that's kind of interesting. But again, looking at these zombie things too, the production of Burning Angel just blows everything out of the water, everything out. And like I said, this isn't my thing, but just kind of peeking around on the website, there is a lot that they do offer. So if this isn't really your thing,
01:08:13
Speaker
It's a lot of like kind of tongue-in-cheek kind of fun kind of stuff. There's nothing that's too serious. There's one about the devil. I was looking into that. With Xander. Yeah, that was devil one. They've got the entire Tiki. What was her Tiki one? Evil Tiki babes. They have the entire series of that.
01:08:39
Speaker
And, I mean, it's very playful. It's a very playful, you know, series. But at the same time, it's kind of, in a way, a relief to somebody who doesn't watch gore porn because it is not that, I mean, it's playful. It's very- It's evil dead, and they do have an evil dead one.
01:09:02
Speaker
by the way. Okay. Yeah, right. It's more evil dead than it is like taking a high heel and crushing the skull of a small animal. You know, um, I watched Gore porn. Um, it is not, um, it is not.
01:09:28
Speaker
So yeah, actually, if you watch Don't F with Cats on Netflix, that was kind of part of how they started piecing together a serial killer. Well, somebody who started killing people through these types of videos who would torture animals and put it under these kind of videos.
01:09:54
Speaker
Um, but there's there are a lot of the only animals that need to be tortured are you limp tarts. That's it as my president trump Stomps on all of you the way he stomps on gravity deeming Sentient piles of garbage we are Um, thanks for the most part yep you buy Still better than you
01:10:26
Speaker
except for maybe small hands. And I'm gonna bring it back to small hands because he is one of my, and this is honestly true, favorite male porn stars, small hands. Nothing against you, Tommy pistol, love you buddy. But small hands, who's small hands? He's not in this film.
01:10:51
Speaker
Oh, OK. Yeah, he's missing from this film, but he is part of Burning Angels Stable. And he has this film of very adult Wednesday Addams with Holly Hendrix. Oh, yeah. And it is priceless. He does parody perfectly. He did the Jack and Sally with John Angel. He does parody perfectly. He's just spot on in everything he does.
01:11:17
Speaker
And he has his own whiskey, which is my pin to take out the beer. When you're not drinking mega death beer, you should drink Doom whiskey. That's his and Joanna's whiskey. It is allegedly 100 proof whiskey. And I love
01:11:39
Speaker
Never tasted it, they won't give me a bottle. So if you guys are listening, give Dr. Payne a bottle of your whiskey, and he'll give you the best review ever, just like he does for your slaw. Great slaw, great whiskey. He will take your rooster juice. Oh, for a hundred proof. You could call it rooster juice whiskey. I would still drink it, it's a hundred proof, but we all know. No, no. Prove exchange for the,
01:12:08
Speaker
Oh, exchange. I'm not a zombie. I don't need to be killed. I don't need to be killed. No, you do. You do. Um, no, it was the production value is very good. The actors are very good. Um, it was a fun route. Cats are killed or killed either. So that's pretty good. Apparently cats were killed. Yeah, nothing. And that's the thing is nothing was really, I mean, if,
01:12:38
Speaker
If you're nervous about things like that, that is not in there whatsoever. It's everybody seemed to have a pretty good time, except for that one girl, apparently, who thought she looked ugly, and I feel bad for her. Well, it's not so much she didn't have a good time. She also said I looked like a badass zombie, though. Oh, good. Yeah, she did. I don't know which one she was, but they both did. They always do. It's always a class act. Now, if you were giving it,
01:13:07
Speaker
What are we doing, Cthulhu's? Cthulhu's, yeah. Okay. One out of five Cthulhu's, not just for gore porn, but in general horror porn, maybe horror parody, whatever. What would you give it? Oh, that's hard because I get it. Grazing. It's not really my cup of tea. Like I was more into like the satanic cheerleader thing.
01:13:36
Speaker
I was like, I could, I could see that I could, I might buy that. Um, they do have the video, the satanic Sheila one was daughter. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I was like, I was looking at it. Um,
01:13:51
Speaker
So that's a little bit hard for me because it's, it's kind of taste, but like if we're doing this high art camp, I would give it high ratings in like production. I'd give it high ratings in like acting and things like that. I think that's the first part. I'm trying to remember all the five freaking things we do.
01:14:15
Speaker
cultural relevancy. I would say actually it's very culturally relevant. It's a good parody. It follows pretty well, especially the characters themselves, but also kind of putting a little new spin on it. I was disappointed that it was
01:14:34
Speaker
There were no roosters with roosters. Well, there were hens with hens. I don't think rooster rooster action happens in the catalog. I could be wrong. I don't look for it. I know. I know. But, you know, part of part of you wants that. Like, well, part of me wants that just because it's like, you know, for everybody then, you know. But for all.
01:15:03
Speaker
Rooster. Rooster all over. Right. Rooster juice everywhere. On everybody's throats. That should be our whiskey. Rooster juice everywhere. Pour some rooster juice down her throat. Kill some zombies. Maybe some COVID. Disappoint your mom at the same time. It's all good.
01:15:23
Speaker
for this rooster juice. Not that this disappoints her mom doing porn, we're saying that we're saying drinking our rooster juice will probably disappoint your mom because it takes triple A batteries and she needs them. Probably. Our bottle takes triple A batteries. She'll come down and she'll be like, I need batteries for the remote. Damn it. Mommy needs a little time. I would give it maybe
01:15:53
Speaker
3.75. All right. That's fair. That's fair. Yeah. Uh, for me, because maybe this, again, this is not mine. Like, oh my God, zombie porn. Let me a bit get my rooster juice flowing, but it is well done. It is always a pleasure, but my boy,
01:16:21
Speaker
Sorry, small hands not in it. I can only go four out of five. Small hands would be like a 10 out of 12 or 13 out of two. I don't know how math works. Fuck it. Numbers are hard. So four out of five, it does everything a parody should do. It is well thought of. It has a more believable structure than the actual thing is parroting, by the way.
01:16:46
Speaker
It has the tension, the drama, the makeup effects. They didn't skip out. It's not whatever bull crap parody you see on TV. This is well done. Well worth the production value. And I can't say enough about burningangel.com. Did you know if you really like parodies like this, they even have killer cleavage from outer space. Think about it, killer clowns, same fonts and everything.
01:17:16
Speaker
I have a lot of parodies, a lot of horror parodies. The Dawn of the Dead. Get it? The Craft, Triple X, Evil Head. And if maybe, maybe horror is not your thing, maybe like Christmas, how the Grinch gave Christmas. I don't even want to know what that's about.
01:17:38
Speaker
And I think they have just like regular ones, too, like goth girlfriend type ones, too, don't they? They they do. And again, we're not paid. We really are not being paid. Yeah, we're not. This is just some random shit. We're talking as people who doing a podcast as a fan. I couldn't even get a free DVD, but I watched as much as I could. Three cheers for Satan. That's a Satan one. Hold on. Oh, OK. OK. Yeah, yeah.
01:18:09
Speaker
Well, did they? Oh, here we go. POV punks. Girls, girls, girls. Bathroom. Fuck me in the bathroom. Oh, shit. Oh, that's your second one. I can say shit. Is that a bad word? No, you said gently snuggle. Oh, sorry. I didn't mean shit. I'm like, what the hell? I can't say shit now. It's a bodily function. Shit. My girls say shit.
01:18:34
Speaker
Here's another punk, they have a punk one, never mind the dicks. Never mind, here's the birdie angel, like the buzz, you know, this is a sex crystal one. So they have a whole bunch of things just for you. There's something I can't name because, yeah. Try to name them. Try to name a couple. I think I used to follow my... I know, just try to weave around it. And I'll try to...
01:19:01
Speaker
Here we go. Okay. One racial group loves black. Oh, damn it. I already messed up. Black lives matter. Yeah. One racial group loves black lives matter. And it's usually a 201 situation on this. So they really love black lives matter. And let me see this one. Let's see if I can get, oh, here we go. Okay. A teen.
01:19:33
Speaker
How would I say this, 18? All right, so it's a thing that you eat at the store. It's not a cheesecake, not a yogurt, but it's some sort of pie. Hot dog. Not a hot dog. Not a hot dog. I think you can say that. I think you can say, I think you can say- Horrors get double-banged. Banana cream pie. Oh, I thought it was a big tit of horrors get double-banged.
01:20:02
Speaker
I was reading the wrong one, damn it. Yeah, Team Cream Pie. Now here's the one that makes me go, hmm, my first time volume four. How many times can this really be your first time? After a while I was like, yeah, it's my first time. I'm just completely taking anal. Why not? Who cares? I'm trying to make sure that it's not. There's that surgery. There's that surgery you can do. Every time's your first time. That's all it is.
01:20:32
Speaker
And she wipes her mind every time, too. Ooh, that's a that's a good that's a good sci-fi. Like they wipe her mind every time. So she always thinks it's her first time. Isn't that an actual sci-fi film, though? Or a TV show, something about Russian doll or black box or some shit like that? No, like. Which is also a movie on the black box, by the way.
01:21:03
Speaker
So now you've lost my train of thought and just died on the rails. We can do this one. I got one more movie title for you to guess and that's it. They even have this one.
01:21:22
Speaker
Like, all right, okay, so kind of like a dam. So think of dams, and they're taking things, they're taking roosters. Dams taking roosters. Gorgeous. Gorgeous taking roosters? No. How about, did you ever see, what's that show?
TV Show References and Humorous Twists
01:21:45
Speaker
Dick Van. Actually, you know what? That TV show's got like at least two of those words in it.
01:21:54
Speaker
Yes, it does. I get it. Now I get it. And for free, you can add... Mary Tyler Moore. Dick Van Dykes for free. That's us. Our gift to you guys. Make it happen. What? I want production value. I want producer credit. Dick? Or Van Dick Dykes? I don't know. Mary Tyler Moore. Mary Tyler Moore, more like it.
01:22:22
Speaker
Damn right. We should just do that the entire time is just find the porno names for things. That is what I'm doing for Art Camp, by the way. Okay. Non sequiturs, just porno name for things the entire time. That's it. No, you should watch the movie. It's actually a pretty fun movie. All right. All
Masks, Politics, and Pandemic Jokes
01:22:45
Speaker
right. Before we get into a new movie, first,
01:22:49
Speaker
As we wrap up, the doctor is in, which will be another, a number one. That's actually a movie. The doctor's in your asshole. Big titty horse get double-threaded, penetrated by a doctor in your asshole. How'd you know? Volume five. They keep coming back. Where's one through four? One through four went straight to tape. This actually went to theatrical release.
01:23:16
Speaker
Oh, nice. I'm on my tattoo six, which I watched come on my tattoo six and I was so disappointed. That guy, the plane, the plane, not in it at all. Herbie Sanchez, whatever his name is, God rest his soul, not in it at all. Matter of fact, he wasn't in it, it wasn't in her, nothing. It's about people of tattoos apparently. I picked the wrong time to stop condoms.
01:23:47
Speaker
What? Nothing. Ah. Stock condoms. Isn't it like a race car? Brum, brum, brum, burning rubber, get it? Ha, ha, ha. All right, J.M. Brannock, do you have anything to plug besides your piehole? I have to plug. Your pieholes. Still wear your goddamn masks, people. That's right, unless you're at my president's
01:24:18
Speaker
Get together, gathering, which should have been today, but we let some people have a holiday today. Thank you. You're welcome. Happy Juneteenth. You're welcome. Donald Trump, the president of all people, made June 13th, or Juneteenth, or whatever it was. We are recording on Juneteenth, so happy Juneteenth, everybody. Happy Donald Trump Day, who made Juneteenth famous. Please. You're welcome.
01:24:46
Speaker
You can burn him down. Don't burn me down. Burn it all down. Yeah, well, sure. Anarchy for all. Oh, no, no. Moms of Ironarchy is the video.
01:24:59
Speaker
But yeah, happy Juneteenth to everybody. And what was I saying? Oh, where are your masks? Still going out. It's still coronavirus. We still technically don't have a cure. We've got damn masks. I'm pretty sure we do have a cure. Thank you very much. After you take the Clorox and then you inject that light up your asshole, if you can get small hands and
01:25:29
Speaker
Tommy gone over here and they just go pew, pew, pew on you. No more zombie COVID. Every time you say small hands, I always think of like puppet master, like puppet master your hands.
Random Humor and Upcoming Shows
01:25:43
Speaker
Which is weird because that puppet master made me think about the video or assuming those pictures you said, it looks like puppet master five.
01:25:52
Speaker
those little pictures, but we ain't going there. So you're gonna say- I cannot put it on the website, people. I'm sorry, I can't link it. You're just gonna have to take my word for it. That's kind of weird. Or not. If you're into it, sure. Things that we can't, I'm gonna go edit all this and all the things we can say as we five minutes of just like, and that's our show. Thanks for coming. It's phrasing.
01:26:19
Speaker
I know who you effed last Halloween. So if that's what you want to plug, yeah, no upcoming shows you want to plug maybe with yours truly. Please pain. Yeah, pass his along. I guess we have two coming up with him because he's
01:26:36
Speaker
We have two. What? Just like, yeah. I carry so much in your pockets. You forget what you're in. The doctor's in. But I don't fucking know what it is. It doesn't matter. Unlike Shane, it doesn't matter what the doctor's in as long as I'm giving my injections to save the world. Yeah. That's why it matters. Your rooster juice.
01:27:04
Speaker
Yep, that's all I got, really, for now. Then I'm going to plug something completely important near and dear to me. And that is, of course, Vox's mom. I'm going to plug her later on. Thanks, everyone.
Humorous Sign-Off
01:27:23
Speaker
It's been a pleasure for you, of course. And then I'm going to switch her out and say bye for ha ha ha.
01:27:34
Speaker
Later. Number one.