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04. Love, Purpose, and Human Design: Navigating Relationships
49 Plays2 years ago
Welcome my friend!
This episode is a juicy one, I open up about what love means to me and how it's shown up in my life. I talk about the contrast of two 7 year relationships I've been in-- one that became toxic and one that was healthy from the beginning. I answer the two questions that used to plague me--
What if my partner isn't spiritual? and
What if I'm scared that my partner won't support my purpose?
I share a very vulnerable story about my Saturn return and the most challenging breakup of my life.
I break down different aspects of Jorge and my human designs and share real life examples of how these play out in our relationship and what we've done to learn to support and accept what we each need to thrive.
Connect with me on Instagram @iamellisamae
Work with me, book a reading: linktr.ee/byellisamccoy
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Transcript
Introduction to Spirituality and Personal Growth
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friend. Welcome to the It's Happening For Me podcast. If you're obsessed with all things spirituality, personal growth and development, and living as your highest self, you are in the right place. I am your host, Alyssa, and I spent the majority of my teenage years and young 20s living totally out of climate. As I started to question my patterns and behaviors and actually got to know myself at the soul level, I realized that everything was happening for me.
Alyssa's Mission and Human Design
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, as a spiritual life coach and human design guide, I am here to share my voice, personal stories, human design wisdom, and learn from incredible individuals living their purpose. Join me each week as we walk the spiral path of purpose together. I cannot wait to dive in.
00:00:51
Speaker
Hello, my babes. Welcome back to another episode of It's Happening For Me podcast. I'm so happy you're here, and this week's episode is going to be so juicy. So we are going to be diving into human design and how it can really help us and affect us in our relationships. And first, I'm going to answer some really crucial questions that
00:01:19
Speaker
I always wondered about when I was first starting my spiritual journey and my soul purpose journey. And those two important questions are, number one, what if my partner isn't spiritual?
00:01:34
Speaker
Like, what do I do if I'm having this massive awakening? I'm awakened to all of these new interests and my partner just isn't here for
Navigating Relationships with Non-Spiritual Partners
00:01:45
Speaker
it. What am I supposed to do? So I will talk about that. I know that when I first went through that process, I was thinking,
00:01:54
Speaker
Am I supposed to be with somebody who's also very spiritual? Wouldn't that make sense? But then as I grew more on my path, I realized a lot of things about that that I'm excited to share with you. I think it might give you a lot of clarity and hopefully release any stress or pressure that you're putting on yourself. The second question I'm going to be answering is, what if my partner does not support my purpose?
00:02:21
Speaker
my vision or these big changes that I want to make in my life. Hopefully again, this will give you some clarity and just give you some guidance on how to navigate these situations because they absolutely come up when we're on this path. I'm also going to be giving you some really fun stories. I don't know why I'm using the word fun, but some really vulnerable stories about
00:02:49
Speaker
how mine and George's designs interact with each other and some challenges that we've had in our relationship and how understanding our designs has helped us both be more accepting towards each other, more understanding. I talk about a very vulnerable
00:03:07
Speaker
story that I had around my Saturn return and a huge breakup that we went through and big, big lessons that I learned around my alcohol free journey and I'm tying it all in with my design. And so it's, I feel like this is fascinating and I would definitely get excited for this episode.
00:03:30
Speaker
I'm also going to start off with just giving you some backstory about what love means to me. And it's all going to tie in really good. And so I hope you love it. I hope that you're here for it. And let's get into it.
00:03:46
Speaker
So ever since I can remember the young me, I was always seeking love.
Journey of Self-Fulfillment and Spiritual Awakening
00:03:52
Speaker
Love was so important to me. I remember I was probably five or six years old in the car driving back to Denver from visiting my grandparents in Nebraska. And so it's like a six hour drive. And we did the drive often for like all the holidays, summer. We really went and visited them as a family as much as we could.
00:04:14
Speaker
And so I remember one night driving back and it was very dark outside, very late. I was just looking out at the stars and I felt kind of lost or alone. Like I felt kind of lonely. And I remember thinking to myself, I saw my parents in the front sitting next to each other. And I remember thinking to myself, Oh my gosh, when I'm older and I'm in love,
00:04:39
Speaker
then nothing else matters. When I have my person, I'll move anywhere with them. I don't care what I'm doing for work. I don't care what happens as long as I have my love of my life with me. And that really was the theme my whole life. Like I've always just wanted to be in partnership. And I was in a very long-term relationship
00:05:09
Speaker
with my high school sweetheart. We started dating when I was 15. I believe we were together for seven years. And in the beginning, it was super sweet, like a very sweet, innocent, new, young love. And then it just, as time went on, got very toxic. I think it has a lot to do with like the dynamics of drinking and partying all the time. And
00:05:40
Speaker
Yeah, it just became super, super toxic on both ends. Then from there I was single until I met George and this was my first very healthy relationship and we've been together for seven years. So I've just been in two very long term relationships, one that was very toxic towards like that last part of it and then one that's been very healthy since the beginning. And so,
00:06:07
Speaker
I think it's been really cool just to see the total.
00:06:11
Speaker
opposite dynamics of the relationships and what growth it took for me to be able to get to that point. In between those two, I just was very lonely. I felt like this is when I was going to school, working, just going out a lot and partying a lot, which I was having a lot of fun. But also, it was like this hole inside of my heart and inside of my stomach that I felt all of the time. It felt like a gaping hole.
00:06:41
Speaker
I always just wanted a boyfriend so bad. Like I just wanted someone to choose me. I remember just thinking to myself like, why doesn't anyone just choose me? I want to be chosen so bad. That just caused me to want to go out all the time to try to like meet people. I tried dating apps and it just wasn't
00:07:06
Speaker
successful and I remember just always again being in this place of very like needy like I need someone to complete me like I feel empty inside and that was a really sad feeling that was a very sad time to put all of my worth and expectations onto somebody else and the need for them to fill that
00:07:34
Speaker
I really believe that once I had my spiritual awakening, that's when I really realized that like, oh, I don't need anyone to film me. I am capable of having a connection with spirit, God, source, universe, the cosmos, whatever you like to call it and connect to.
00:07:58
Speaker
when I had that connection and that connection with myself, I think that's when the hole really went away. But before that, it was like a gaping hole. I actually read this really beautiful thing, explained that feeling that I was feeling when I was kind of like in between those two relationships. And I want to read this short little snippet to you because
00:08:22
Speaker
Maybe you might recognize this in your past self or your current self, and it was just like goosebumps when I read it. So basically, a book called Awakening from the Daydream, it's Reimagining the Buddha's Wheel of Life by David Nickturn. So in 2021, I took my mindfulness meditation teacher training at Dharma Moon, and David Nickturn was the main teacher.
00:08:49
Speaker
So he's a senior teacher in a lineage of Buddhism. I can't remember, or not that I can't remember, I don't know how to say the name properly, so I'm really going to butcher this, but he's a senior teacher in the lineage of Chogyam Trangpa Rinpoche. I'm sorry that I butchered that so bad. But basically, he's this amazing musical producer. He also produced Lana Del Rey's
00:09:15
Speaker
albums in the very beginning which I was like no idea until I was already in the teacher training and then it just like came up but he's just an incredible human being and so he wrote this book and I just want to read this to you really fast.
Exploring Buddhism and the Hungry Ghost Realm
00:09:27
Speaker
So traditionally Buddhist cultures have treated the wheel of life as a representation of a real cosmology wherein the six realms are actual objective destinies into which one might be born.
00:09:39
Speaker
So these are the six realms, the god realm, the jealous god realm, the human realm, the animal realm, the hungry ghost realm, and the hell realm. In this view, the six realms represent six different kinds of environment, physical body, and mental state that we might occupy based on karma from past lives.
00:10:00
Speaker
Now, he also explains that we are the co-creators of these environments based on past and present thoughts and actions based on our karma. So we can actually kind of go in and out of these different realms like all of the time. And that's why meditation is so beautiful and so necessary because when we sit down to meditate, especially if we have a very consistent practice,
00:10:27
Speaker
we are bringing the mind back to a one pointed state. So like whether that's the breath, whatever it is that you're focusing on. And we're allowing the mind to just kind of like do its thing and then settle. And we're not getting caught in these stories that the mind likes to get caught in and looped in. And that is what creates these feelings. Feelings can, if we feel it long enough, can create
00:10:54
Speaker
an actual state that we're living in. So meditation is super amazing, but anyways.
00:11:00
Speaker
So there's those six realms that we're kind of constantly going in and out of. Maybe you don't go into the hell realm anymore. Or maybe you don't go into the hungry ghost realm anymore once you get to a certain point. But then maybe something on your spiral journey will bring you back to that realm. And there's no judgment. It's not like you're a bad person if you're in these realms. No, it's just an awareness tool to be aware of where are you in all aspects of your life and where is your mind
00:11:29
Speaker
going based on your thoughts and actions. So I want to read to you what the hungry ghost realm is about because this is exactly how I felt in that time period of my life. So traditional imagery of the ghost realm. So in the traditional imagery, hungry ghosts are beings who, due to their accumulation of negative karma,
00:11:51
Speaker
are stuck in a place where they crave voraciously, but can never ever get satisfaction. They are portrayed as starving wraiths with tiny mouths, thin necks, and very large bellies, all of which symbolizes their insatiable hunger. The hungry ghost realm can be seen as a metaphor for an addictive personality. In this mindset, we are ceasingly plagued by hunger and thirst, but can never take in enough of what we crave to satisfy our desire.
00:12:19
Speaker
And so if you've ever felt like that, let me know. So the mindset, the mindset of this realm, okay, the mindset of the hungry ghost realm is all of our minds have visited the hungry ghost realm. We have all tasted this kind of insatiability in one area of our lives or another. Have you ever been lonely, stressed out, or anxious and reached for a drink?
00:12:42
Speaker
a snack, some affirmation of worth, while at the same time feeling that whatever you grab cannot possibly fill the hole. If this is a yes, then you have visited the hungry ghost realm. When we are in the mindset of the hungry ghost, we experience constant craving and are never satisfied. We desperately seek food, drink, recognition, love, and so on. The experience of contentment is always just beyond our grasp and slips away as we reach for it.
00:13:12
Speaker
The hungry ghost realm is wherever we find ourselves unconsciously reaching for or consciously scrambling after that one thing that will make us whole. It does not even exist solely in our actions. Often, even if we're not acting on our addiction, we're thinking about acting on it. Anybody who has even mildly dependent relationship with something, whether that's caffeine,
00:13:34
Speaker
nicotine, food, another person understands that sometimes our cravings seem beyond our control. It's as if even absent of our minds, our bodies are saying, I actually need this.
00:13:49
Speaker
What defines this realm, however, is the repetitive, obsessive, relentless, and urgent quality of our neediness. When we crave like this, there's a blinding urgency that comes over us that will not be denied. But we are not talking only about illegal drugs or more socially acceptable counterparts. Our craving can be for any little thing.
00:14:10
Speaker
In this mindset, nothing will ever suffice. We will never have enough love, enough money, the right things, or the right lifestyle to make us happy. You might think that we could recognize our empty cravings by all of the disappointment they cause. But in the hungry ghost mindset, our cravings distort our perceptions such that we are blind to the fact that indulgence will not satisfy us. If we eat, drink, or smoke too much, for example, we might wake up sick.
00:14:39
Speaker
But the next time the opportunity to be imbibed presents itself, we develop amnesia. We rationalize the sickness with just bad luck or bad judgment. This time will be better. Not even pain or sickness deters our desire.
00:14:55
Speaker
As with all of the other realms, the hungry ghost mindset affects us regardless of our physical circumstances. Even in a luxurious, seemingly God-realm type of environment, we could still experience tremendous craving and dissatisfaction. Given any everyday situation, a meal with family or friends,
00:15:14
Speaker
something we're doing for work, or how we spend an evening alone. Someone in a hungry ghost mindset is never satisfied with what they have. And no matter how far they pursue the object of their desire, they are never happy with what they get. In those hungry ghost moments, nothing will satisfy us.
00:15:33
Speaker
The problem. The problem with acting like a hungry ghost is that the constant anxiety we feel over dissatisfaction leaves no room for proper appreciation or for the development of perspective. The hungry ghost mindset upsets our clarity. Like all of the other states, it recurs relentlessly. Perhaps more than any other realm, our psychology powerfully reinforces our habits of cravings with feelings of emptiness.
00:15:59
Speaker
This vast and deep feeling of emptiness, a void that inspires panic and dread drives our craving. Additionally, our neediness can be somaticized as an addiction, so we actually feel like our body is dragging us deeper and deeper into the realm experience. Ironically, there is no solid, reliable, or satisfying essence within the objects of our craving. Even if we get what we want, it doesn't have the power to satisfy us completely.
00:16:28
Speaker
So we panic and chase after the next object, thinking it will bring the magic here for our emptiness and longing. Oh my gosh. Isn't that crazy? When I read that, I was like, Oh my God, I've never felt more seen, especially in that time of my life where I was like, Oh my God, I just want to be chosen. I just want a boyfriend and I just want to be happy. It's like,
00:16:55
Speaker
going out, food, drinks, friends, shopping, Netflix, like whatever it is that I was trying to fill the void with, it's like nothing worked. And then also if you think about it from a state of like a law of attraction, when you're literally at such a low frequency and you're so needy, it's repelling everything that you want. So that is not an attractive person. A needy person is not attractive. And so that's why we can get stuck in these cycles.
00:17:26
Speaker
And then I really love this book because it goes on to explain the opportunity of each realm and then it gives you a practice. So there's a practice associated with each realm that kind of helps you get out of it and ascend to the next one. So the practice for this one is cultivating generosity. So if you think about it, if you were stuck in that neediness that like, oh, nothing can satisfy me. If you turn to generosity and there's several kinds of acts of generosity that it describes here,
00:17:55
Speaker
that's what's going to help you shift out of it. So this book is freaking amazing. Again, it's called Awakening from the Daydream from David Nickturn. He is an incredible person and this is such
Shared Values vs. Shared Interests in Relationships
00:18:05
Speaker
a good book. So that's how I felt in that realm.
00:18:10
Speaker
Once I transitioned into having the relationship with George, which was very healthy, there were so many different boundaries and different things in place that created such a great relationship. So the first question that I want to answer is, what if my partner isn't spiritual?
00:18:29
Speaker
I think this question is actually a little bit irrelevant because what is spirituality? What is it that we that are all here listening to this podcast that we all love, that we all resonate? What is it? Is spirituality the tools that we use? Is it the connection that we have to ourselves?
00:18:50
Speaker
to something greater than us? Is it the exercises that we do? Is it meditation, yoga, nutrition? Is it connecting to the goddesses? What is it? And so I think as humans, we try to conceptualize it into all of these boxes like I just explained. And so if you're asking, okay, well, my partner really
00:19:18
Speaker
My partner isn't really into meditation. They're not into yoga. They're not into crystals. They're not into oracle cards. They don't really get astrology. They're not really into human design. They don't really believe in higher power or trust in the universe. They don't really have a connection to their ancestors. They're not into Akashic records. If you think of it like that and you're judging it from that,
00:19:45
Speaker
that lens, it's really dumb to care if your partner is spiritual or not because that is just
00:19:53
Speaker
Everything I just listed was like a group of interests. It's like saying my partner, George likes playing video games. It's like if he was like, oh, I don't know if I should break up with my partner because she's not into video games. She doesn't play video games. She doesn't show interest in like learning about them. She never tries to play them. It's like, it's just kind of stupid in my opinion to put that on someone else.
00:20:19
Speaker
Now, when we think about spirituality from the lens of having a connection to self, having a connection to a higher power, having connection to growth and development, and bettering yourself, being a better person, when you think about it from that lens, then yeah, that could be really important. But it's also very judgmental to judge anyone's process of connecting to themselves or connecting to a higher power. Because
00:20:47
Speaker
That connection can look different for everyone. Someone can be a very spiritual person and not know any of these topics that we're interested in, but when they go on their walks or when they work out at the gym, they feel a connection to something bigger than them. Maybe they wouldn't call it God or they wouldn't call it these terms that we call it, but they feel enlivened and connected to something bigger than them. Or they have a mission that is bigger than them. It's outside of them.
00:21:17
Speaker
But they wouldn't necessarily use the same terms that we use. So I think in that terms. We can't really be judgmental or put someone in a box and.
00:21:27
Speaker
think that, well, they're not really spiritual because they don't share the same interests as me. That wouldn't be coming from a loving place. That wouldn't be coming from a truthful place. And if you think about God, source, the creator, everyone is spiritual because we're all souls. We're all souls living in a human body. And not all of us came here in this lifetime to awaken to certain ideas like that.
00:21:55
Speaker
But that doesn't mean that you're not still spiritual because you're literally a soul. So that question I think is just irrelevant. And that question is coming, if you're asking that question, because I used to ask myself this question, it's coming from a place of judgment and it's coming from a place of caring what other people think. Like, oh, well, my partner
00:22:17
Speaker
isn't going to ceremonies with me. My partner isn't curious about breath work like that person's partner is. And so maybe I'm missing out and I should seek someone else who's into those things.
00:22:31
Speaker
So I think that's coming from a place of judgment and a place of really caring what other people think because do you really want them to also be into these things for their benefit or is it just for your benefit? Because if you really think about that person and you really loved them and you held the utmost respect for them and you wanted them to be living in their truth, then you would also have to be respecting
00:23:00
Speaker
their timeline and giving them the dignity of their own journey. Because I think when we get on the spiritual path, we get really excited. We get super excited because all of a sudden we are awakening to these deeper natural laws and these deeper spiritual truths. And we want to share it with everybody because we just want everybody to feel as good as we feel.
00:23:27
Speaker
It is not our responsibility to awaken them to these things. Everybody's on their own path. They have their own timeline. And so it's not going to resonate with them if their soul isn't ready to experience that. You see what I'm saying? It would be
00:23:42
Speaker
it just wouldn't do anything for them. That's why they might not be interested in the things that you're trying to get them interested in because their soul just isn't there yet. And who knows if it ever will be in this lifetime, but that's not for us to judge. What we can do is continue to just be really excited about the things that we're passionate about.
00:23:59
Speaker
and show up as a very loving and understanding person. And us just showing how our life is changing and how we feel so much better is the best teacher and it is the best like embodiment and example. And you'll see that your partner will probably start catching on to certain things and want to do them.
00:24:18
Speaker
Okay, so for one example, one example is I have been taking magnesium for a while, like maybe two years now. My magnesium makes me sleep really great. It is supportive for working out, like it supports muscle aches, and there's just so many benefits of magnesium. And I tried to get George to take magnesium when I first started taking it.
00:24:41
Speaker
And he just had no interest. I could tell him all the benefits. Why? No interest. But then when he started having some sleep issues, I think he heard about magnesium on a different podcast. And then he reached out to start exploring it and saw that I had been taking it and was like, oh yeah, that's the supplement that you take. And then he started taking it and saw the benefits for himself. And now he takes it all the time and he sleeps really good. If he doesn't take it, he doesn't sleep that well.
00:25:11
Speaker
me trying to force him to like, hey, you should take the supplement. Hey, you should take the supplement. Like it makes you sleep really good. If they're not ready for it yet, it's just going to be kind of annoying. But once they come to that conclusion that, hey, maybe I should try this for myself, then it could be the best thing for them ever. So it's just like, I don't know if that's a great example, but it's little examples like that. Another great example. So my mom invited me to this really beautiful sound healing at the beach from one of her really beautiful friends.
00:25:38
Speaker
and I had the most transformative experience. I activated my heart and throat chakra and the whole time I saw green and blue colors in every single texture you can imagine in every single shade of blue and green. It was the most beautiful, incredible experience I've had. The sound is very important to me, to my soul. And so I told George about it and was like super excited.
00:26:05
Speaker
and wanted to see if he wanted to go to it, but he had no interest. That just did not sound fun to him. And so I was like, okay, yeah, like I'm not going to force that. But now that he again has been having some sleep issues, he has started listening to really beautiful meditative and like binaural beats to go to sleep. And it's been really helping his sleep. We just got invited for another sound healing next Tuesday,
00:26:31
Speaker
on the beach. And so I was like, hey, you know how those binaural beats have really been helping you sleep? There's a sound healing next Tuesday on the beach. I think you might really love this experience since you see how much those sounds have been helping you sleep. And he was like, yeah, I think I would really love it. So now he's going to go to that with me. And it's like,
00:26:55
Speaker
Before he had absolutely no interest. Me trying to like force it on him or like being upset with him that he didn't want to go. I could have internalized it and personalized it of like, Oh, he doesn't want to spend time with me. He doesn't care about my interests. He's not willing to make an effort. We're really, it just, he didn't want to do it. You know, he didn't see the benefit in it. Why should he go and do something that he doesn't want to do just to make me happy?
00:27:21
Speaker
That's not following your design. That's not following his sacral response. But now, when it came back around, when his soul was ready to be open to this type of experience, that's probably going to be super activating for him. He was ready and wanted to. And his sacral response was, yeah, I want to go to that. I think that that could really help me. And so don't give up on your partner.
00:27:43
Speaker
Don't give up on them if they're not open to certain things yet. Don't take it personally. Try not to be resentful. And just think about, okay, if they're trying to get me to do something that they're really interested in, but I don't want to do it. And when I force myself to do it, I'm just mad the whole time anyways. It's like...
00:28:03
Speaker
Think about that in their shoes and just accept it like, hey, they don't want to they don't want to do this with me. That's fine. There's other things that we can do together that we both like to do that can strengthen our relationship. The other really good book I want to recommend is. Oh, my gosh, what is it called? OK, so the other super good book that I want to recommend is The State of Affairs, Rethinking Infidelity by Esther Perel.
00:28:32
Speaker
Okay, what this book is all about is she's an iconic couples therapist.
00:28:39
Speaker
she looks at relationships through the lens of infidelity. Because of what I got from this book, the biggest takeaway that I took was that in old times, we were living in tribes. And in the tribe, everyone had a different role. And we were living in community with all of these different people that played so many different roles in our life. So it wasn't like our partner was the only person that we were living with. And we were getting
00:29:10
Speaker
all of our needs met by them. It's like we were getting all of our needs met by everyone in the tribe. We were able to commune and talk to the other women. We were able to get our needs met by teaching the little kids things and
00:29:27
Speaker
talking to the medicine woman and all of these different people filled roles in our life where now we're only living most of us with our partner and kids if we have kids and we're expecting our partner to fill all of those roles when that's not what they're here for. So the best thing you can do for your relationship is stop expecting your partner to be everything. Like stop expecting them to be your best friend, stop expecting them to be your therapist. Of course,
00:29:55
Speaker
Yes, you want to have a great relationship and someone who shares similar interests with you. But my point is don't rely on them to be the only person giving you all of those needs met because that's not really evolutionarily how we were designed to have our needs met. And once I realized this and I stopped getting like let down every time George didn't want to hear me talk about astrology or human design,
00:30:21
Speaker
or every time that he was just like, I don't care. Instead, I found a community of like-minded people who love this shit and I could just voice note them or message them or talk to them about it and they also got really lit up by it. My life became so much better and now I just talked to him about things that we have in common instead of getting upset because I feel not seen, I feel not heard, I feel invalidated. I feel like he thinks that I might be a little stupid because he doesn't understand.
00:30:50
Speaker
maybe he doesn't believe in astrology. And so it just really stopped, literally stopped so many small arguments we would have because I wasn't relying on him to fill that need for me. That's what I would say there is if your partner isn't spiritual, first of all, if it comes down to like a similar interest thing, find a community of people who are also interested in the stuff you're interested in, and you can get your needs met that way.
00:31:14
Speaker
What is very important in my personal opinion is do you guys share similar values? How does this person treat you? Do they treat you with respect and kindness? Do you feel safe with them? Is it an open and safe place to express yourself? Do you guys have really great communication? Do you guys prioritize each other? Do you have
00:31:41
Speaker
like I said, similar values. Those are all things that is way more important in a relationship than the kind of generalized question of, is my partner spiritual? If they're not, should I leave them? No, I personally don't think that's a thing. And also, everyone is on their own path. And so you have to give them the dignity of
00:32:05
Speaker
changing because they might grow to become very spiritual in the terms of what we're calling it in the terms of this podcast episode. You never know, become very spiritual one day, have a spiritual awakening and start to have similar
Respecting Individual Spiritual Paths
00:32:21
Speaker
interests as you. It could very well happen. And so I'm just trying to say that I don't think it would be necessary or fair to leave someone or not give someone a chance if they didn't
00:32:34
Speaker
have the exact same views on life as you in terms of spirituality. Now, with that being said, we all have different things that are very important to us. So maybe that is very important to you. Maybe you're really seeking a partner who is very conscious, woke, I don't know, like does plant medicine. And I'm just thinking of a generalized image that I see. My partner's very spiritual. It's just a very generalized image that I see.
00:33:02
Speaker
To me, that is not super attractive. I don't know why it's just, it's not that attractive. I don't know why it's not that attractive. I haven't really thought about that, but just not a deal breaker to me. And when I realized where I was questioning this, it's because I was thinking about how everyone else really wanted partners that were like that, or they were like questioning like, is this a good partnership because they're not super spiritual.
00:33:28
Speaker
then I started questioning my own partnership. I was like, oh, wait, are we supposed to have a really spiritual partner if we're on this journey? And I don't think that's necessarily true. Again, I'm talking about spirituality in terms of interest. What I will say that I love in my partner is he has a lot of water in him. And so he's a lot of water element. And he's very intuitive.
00:33:55
Speaker
he's a Pisces and I like to tell him that he is psychic and he is getting his psychic abilities on lock. I just tell him that like every day like, Oh, it's because you're my psychic Pisces. And he is really good at reading people. He can read into situations like
00:34:12
Speaker
very spot on. He's very intuitive, very connected to his heart. He grew up with a lot of sisters. He was very close to his mom growing up. And so he's a very, he has a very nurturing side to him, where he's also very masculine. And so I love the very strong masculine energy that he has.
00:34:33
Speaker
combined with his ability to be very communicative, very thoughtful, very intuitive, very sensitive. I think it really balances me out because I have a lot of earth in my chart and like pretty much almost no. I think I might have one planet that's a water sign, but I don't have a lot of water in my chart. And I think I might only have one or two fire signs. So he
00:35:00
Speaker
is very emotional and sensitive. And I feel like that really balances me out because I'm very grounded and being a non-emotional type, I have had trouble connecting to my emotions. And so I feel like it's been very nurturing for me. So those are more of the things that I look for is like, is this person, does he have the qualities that I like in a partner more than judging them based off their spiritual
00:35:30
Speaker
interest because I feel like he's on a path of discovering what is there. He's always questioning that. What's the point of this? What is there out there? And so I know that he is very introspective and thinks about those things, even though we don't have completely similar interests. He's not a spiritual person.
00:35:49
Speaker
He doesn't get astrology, he does not get human design, but he's still supportive of me and supports that. I'm very interested in it. Does he have interest in hearing all about it? Not really, but I definitely still tell him about himself all the time. He's used to it now, and so he can really break anyone down and get them used to it.
00:36:10
Speaker
if you just talk about it all of the time and come from like a really fun way. And I know that he likes it because he knows he's a manifesting generator. He knows I'm always like, Oh, that's your manager. And like, Oh, you love holding so many things at one time.
00:36:23
Speaker
You are always on the go. Oh, this is because you have this. I'm always breaking it down for him and he does like that, especially if it's coming from an empowering place. I would never use it against him or make him feel negative about himself at all or weaponize it. Again, I think that
00:36:42
Speaker
I don't know why anyone would use these tools to weaponize them against anyone, but if you've ever been in the Facebook groups, it's kind of crazy. There's a lot of negativity around people's human designs, how they perceive certain things in their chart, how they perceive certain things as super negative. I don't see it at all like that. Of course, I recognize that there's challenges in our designs.
00:37:09
Speaker
it's all a gift. It's all there for us to work through the shadow aspects of ourselves so that we can get the gift. And so again, I would always just use it to build him up. So I hope that was helpful. If you feel like your partner is not spiritual, you're questioning like, Oh my gosh, is this right person for me? Would my soulmate be spiritual? Really ask yourself deeper questions. Who
00:37:35
Speaker
what part of you is craving that? Is it because you think that's what you're supposed to have? Is that what you think society or the spiritual community makes you feel like you need? Are you trying to rush someone else's timeline? Do you not trust that this is a very loving person and
00:37:53
Speaker
they could very well have a spiritual awakening or even if they don't, like, is that a deal breaker for you? And if it is, then you know, the right move would be if that was a deal breaker for you, then instead of staying unhappy in a relationship,
00:38:10
Speaker
it would be time to move on and then have that as one of your standards when you're dating out there. And then the other side of this too is if you're in an unhealthy relationship with someone who's not spiritual or a toxic relationship, then girl, you already know the answer to that would be to move the heck on. There's no reason to stay in a toxic or unhealthy relationship. And, or even if it's not toxic or unhealthy,
00:38:39
Speaker
but your partner makes you feel bad for being spiritual or they think like it's stupid. They try to convince you not to go down that path. Maybe they're very religious and they think it's like demonic. Like I've had experiences of that. Then that might be something to question. Like if this is really important to you and the value that you have on your relationship to yourself and your connection to a higher power to whatever it is that you believe in, if that,
00:39:10
Speaker
is unacceptable to your partner and you guys can't have shared values, then that would be something to look at, especially if you have kids together or if you want to have kids together in the future, because I can see that as being a problem that would probably come up, especially if they're very set in their ways. That's the only time I would really look at that.
00:39:32
Speaker
And so yeah, so just remember that we all have our own journeys. We're all on our
Challenges When Partners Don't Support Your Purpose
00:39:37
Speaker
own paths. There's nothing wrong with having a partner that is not spiritual. It doesn't make you any less on your path. It doesn't hinder you in any way. If you guys have similar values, that's literally all that matters. If you're with a great person who respects you and you guys are constantly evolving and growing, then
00:39:54
Speaker
Hey, and if you ever feel like you're outgrowing that partner and they're just staying the same and they're not growing or evolving, that's something you can look at. Okay, so next, what to do if my partner does not
00:40:07
Speaker
support my purpose or my life's vision. So let's say that you're in a long-term relationship and you had a spiritual awakening. Now you're realizing all of the things and you are growing and evolving. And you also maybe want to shift certain things in your life. Maybe you want to stop
00:40:31
Speaker
drinking alcohol, or maybe you want to shift careers, or maybe you don't really resonate with the core group of friends that you guys have together. And you're just kind of feeling like it's kind of like low vibe, low frequency, just a lot of like gossip or negativity. And you're really looking to expand your horizons and
00:40:54
Speaker
Find friends with beautiful goddesses who are high vibe and are into all of the cosmic things that you're into. Maybe your partner isn't supportive of it. I would first look into why are they not supportive. If they're not supportive, and a lot of times it's because again, like I said in the beginning, when we go through changes and we're in these like long-term relationships, that person knows you as the person that you've been for however long you've been together.
00:41:21
Speaker
And change is scary. And when you start changing, it can feel threatening. It can feel threatening like, wait, you're changing. What does this mean for our relationship? What does this mean for the container that we have? Does this mean that you're going to leave me? Does this mean that you're going to force me to change too? Does this mean that
00:41:44
Speaker
you're falling out of love with me. Like all of these fears can come up for the other person. And so that's why it's super important to be very compassionate and understanding that they have these fears. And so it might seem like they're just against your growth, but really it's because they're coming from a wounded place of not knowing what's going to happen. And so the best thing that you can do in this situation is just be very compassionate and have a lot of communication, a lot of open communication and let them know like, Hey,
00:42:13
Speaker
Great example, if you want to stop drinking alcohol and that was maybe something that you guys did all the time together. Like you went out to dinners together, you had wine nights, but you're starting to realize that it's affecting your health. It's affecting your frequency. You don't want to really drink anymore or you want to start drinking less. And they are like, I don't like this new you. You can just explain to them like, Hey, it makes me not drinking.
00:42:34
Speaker
makes me a much better partner. It makes me much more fun and vibrant because I have more energy and I'm excited to try new experiences with you and I want to change up our regular date nights and try something new and you know really come from like a loving place that can really give them a lot of comfort and peace. Say it's like
00:43:01
Speaker
you kind of are bored of hanging out with the same group of core friends. Like you don't really vibe with the vibes that you guys had and you just are feeling really alone. And so you want to stop going.
00:43:13
Speaker
you know you can have the conversation of I just don't feel like I resonate with these people anymore. I would be really excited if we can spend time alone together or let's try something new or maybe you meet a really cool friend at yoga and you guys set up like a double date, cook dinner together or something. I don't know you know I'm just trying to make up these like random scenarios but
00:43:36
Speaker
Maybe that could be something really fun, like if you're the one initiating it and just making it seem like very fun, you're being very communicative, you're not forcing them to also change, you know, you're accepting them where they're at, then I think that a healthy relationship that would be very reasonable.
00:43:53
Speaker
let's say that you are discovering that you want to shift careers or you want to maybe step into a business. Maybe you want to create your own business from your spiritual gifts and your partner doesn't seem that supportive. Well, again, having deep conversations of why are they not supportive and they might not even realize why either. So if you guys are both supporting the household and you guys are both bringing in money,
00:44:20
Speaker
It can be very scary for them to think that, oh, you're just going to quit your job and start this business. My brain doesn't have proof yet that it's possible. So I'm going to project all of my insecurities and my limiting beliefs and my doubts onto you because I've never seen it done before. I don't see how you're going to do it.
00:44:42
Speaker
they might be coming from that place of just projecting their own fears and securities onto you. Not necessarily because they're against you living your best life and having your ultimate freedom and joy and happiness. It's coming more of a place that they haven't seen it done before. The other side of this is that when we're given a vision, when we're given a
00:45:04
Speaker
a beautiful belief in our heart for how we want to create something like if you want to create a business that was given to you from God on purpose because you're the only one.
00:45:14
Speaker
that can carry out that vision. That is why it is part of your purpose. It's part of your soul's purpose. And so you can't expect anybody else in the world to believe in that more than you or to accept it until they see it actually happening. Do you know what I mean? Because it's already so crazy.
00:45:38
Speaker
and big and new and beautiful, but it was planted on your heart for a reason because you are the only person that has what it takes, that has the courage, that has the determination, that has the love, the truth, the heart, the secret sauce to carry this out and create this beautiful new creation into life, to birth this into life.
00:46:06
Speaker
It's okay that they don't understand it, that they don't believe in it. And all you can really do is control your response to that. So just being understanding of them not understanding it. And don't let their insecurities or their projections of fear stop you from creating this new beautiful thing that you want to create because
00:46:30
Speaker
It's kind of hard when you're in a relationship and you're not single and you're doing these big changes because not only do you have to overcome your own limiting beliefs and self-doubt and fears, you also have to override the most important person in your life's fears. And it's like we trust these people with our life because they are our significant other. They're the loves of our lives. And so their opinions are very important to us.
00:46:54
Speaker
that's where we have to have discernment and understand that they just don't see it yet because it wasn't given to them. God didn't give them that vision. And so, hey, I understand that they want to protect me. They want to keep me safe. They don't want me to fail. They want me to be secure. And this new thing is very scary. And it's none of those things. It's a risk. It is
00:47:19
Speaker
not guaranteed. I would say in those situations, that's where it's very, very helpful to have a coach or to have an unbiased person that's not directly related to your life, someone that's not related to your finances or your wellbeing so that they can help guide you through that. Because
00:47:36
Speaker
I would honestly say not even a friend, not even a parent, I would say a coach because you're going to come up against all of these limiting beliefs and fears and things that are holding you back. Even if it's not related to wanting to start your own business, maybe it's like you want to do a career jump or you want to try a new hobby or just something, anything that's on your heart that's scary because change is scary. It could even be like a fitness journey. Anything.
00:48:04
Speaker
it's so important to have a coach in your corner because they can help you walk through these fears and change those limiting beliefs and self-doubt and build you back up all the times that you feel like quitting or giving up. Because purpose, our purpose and these
00:48:25
Speaker
endeavors that we want to create, we're all highly creative people. If we're connected to our soul self, we're extremely creative beings, and we want to create things. And there's so much fear around bringing that into the world because of the judgment of other people. It's very important to have a coach help you get through these fears. And I've
00:48:47
Speaker
always had coaches. I've always been a part of programs, whether it was big group programs, individual coaches, I've always had help. Like I even have my business coach right now that I'm in a year-long container with. I will always have a coach because I kind of have done it without them. They literally, it's just incredible. It's incredible how they literally lift you up and
00:49:10
Speaker
snap you out of it whenever you feel like not taking action or moving forward because you're so scared. Because purpose is scary. If you think about it, everything really good or anything that's worth having is hard. It's hard work. And so why do the majority of people live a very unhappy life and then end up dying and regretting their life is because they took the easy way out. They stayed inside their comfort zone. They stayed in a job that they hated. They stayed in a failed marriage that they hated.
00:49:41
Speaker
didn't create new friends with similar interests and they were just miserable. And we see that all the time. So again, if your partner does not fully support your vision or support where you're going on your spiritual path, have no fear. Come at them with total compassion, total understanding, be super communicative. And if they really love you and it's a healthy relationship, they will be understanding. And if they're not,
00:50:11
Speaker
and it's not a healthy and thriving relationship and you've tried your best to communicate and they just don't value your needs and wants and what's important for you, then you know what to do. It's so funny how we can really, really care what people think about us.
00:50:31
Speaker
I remember when I first started wanting to get into the coaching world or was really interested in human design or I was, I first started with Ayurveda. I was very, very enthralled with Ayurveda. I loved learning about the dosas and I just loved the system of it and the science of it. Like it just made so much sense to me, like the mind-body connection, the food connection, all of it. And I remember I wanted to go become a Ayurvedic counselor.
00:51:01
Speaker
And I think it was like a three year program. I just remember Georgia's like, that doesn't make sense. No one knows what Ayurveda is. Why don't you just do something that's more mainstream? Nobody knows what that is. And.
00:51:14
Speaker
I just remember being like, Oh, like, yeah, you're right. And just feeling so defeated. And I didn't pursue that. It wasn't because of him. I just didn't pursue it because other things came up that I was more interested in later. And it just wasn't the right timing. It was not divine timing to start a program. And so I didn't pursue it. But I just remember like now where I'm at in my life. And he's like,
00:51:42
Speaker
No, I don't get human design. What is that? And everything that I do now, he just calls Ayurveda. He's like, he's like, oh, you're doing your Ayurveda stuff? And it's like, yeah, I'm doing my Ayurveda stuff. He's so was like, no one's, no one, I'm sorry, but like, I don't think anyone understands what human design is. And then I'll show him. Yes, they do. These are successful people who are successful human design coaches,
00:52:06
Speaker
who are successful human design guides and she's like wow you're right and i'm in a place where i'm so embodied and so
00:52:16
Speaker
invested in human design and the things that I'm interested in, there is nothing that he could say. There's nothing that anyone could say that could shake me or move me to my core. And they're more accepting. He's more accepting. He's like, oh, she's very confident in this. Like, oh, I guess you're right. You know what I'm saying? So when we're not that confident in these new interests or these things that we want to pursue and we allow the opinions of the people closest to us, like really rock us and shake us off our course,
00:52:44
Speaker
That's where it's going to manifest more. But when you're very convicted and strong and, oh, this is just what I'm doing. They're like, Oh, cool. They might not understand it. They might not get it, but they'll be supportive because they see how confident and excited you are about it and they want to support you.
Influence of Human Design on Relationship Dynamics
00:53:01
Speaker
And so that just gives them reassurance of like, Oh, she knows what she's doing. Like she fricking gets it. So yes. Okay. So now I want to talk about
00:53:14
Speaker
human design and what are some placements in my chart and George's chart where we've had either like challenges or where have it where has it benefited us and there is a thing that you can do in human design called connection charts where you run
00:53:32
Speaker
two charts together and it kind of overlaps the charts and so you can see where you guys create definition in the centers, where you guys create channels and that's one thing to do. That's not what I'm talking about right now and when you do that you can kind of see like compatibility and there's different things you can see about when you're with someone where does your energy connect and what are you what energy are you now creating because you guys are together because remember
00:54:01
Speaker
our bodies are energy. We're made up of energy. Our auras, this field around us is always communicating with the other person that we're around. And our energies are kind of combining and they're creating a new energy. So for example,
00:54:20
Speaker
Let's say I have my head and my Ajna undefined. I don't produce consistent energy here. It's undefined. It's open. I take in and amplify the thoughts and the inspiration and the ideas of other people and the data processing of other people and the certainty of other people. Same with George. George's head and Ajna are undefined, so he doesn't create consistent energy here. Now, when we're together,
00:54:48
Speaker
The gates that we have activated in these centers create a channel. And when we're together, we have a defined head and we have a defined Ajna. Okay. And so this energy, when we're together, will make us feel like we're operating as someone who has this defined. But this energy is only possible when we're together and our auras are connecting and our energies are connecting. If that makes sense.
00:55:17
Speaker
So what I'm going to talk about though is some different cool little aspects of our designs that have like really showed up over the years. We've been together for seven years. I've known about human design for about two years and I've been experimenting. And just recently I've really been like looking into it and reflecting on like, wow, this is why this is happening. This is what happens.
00:55:39
Speaker
Okay, so let's get into it. George is a manifesting generator. I am a generator. We both have our sacral defined. So this means that we both have access, consistent access to this life force energy. You can think of the sacral as like the sun. It's like the sun energy. We have this beautiful energy that lights us up when we are lit up and we can just work, work, work.
00:56:06
Speaker
Now, he's a manifesting generator. Okay, so that's a combination of a generator and a manifester. I'm just a pure generator. So the difference is a generator is someone who does more of like a step by step process. I'm really good at focusing on one thing
00:56:23
Speaker
of achieving mastery and George as a manifesting generator is really meant to be multi-passionate, multi-faceted. He does really well at holding multiple things and having multiple projects going on that he's lit up about at the same time.
00:56:43
Speaker
Okay, so I function really well, kind of focusing my energy on one thing. He focuses really well at focusing his energy on multiple things that he's lit up about. If it's something that he doesn't want to do or his sacral is not inspired by it, then it's going to deplete his energy. Now he, the way that he kind of goes about things is manifesting generators. They're very quick. They like to skip steps. They have that kind of like, manifesto initiation where
00:57:11
Speaker
They like to skip steps. And then sometimes they'll get frustrated and go back and, you know, figure things out again. I am the type of person that likes to read a manual. So if I got like a piece of furniture from IKEA and I need to figure out how to put it together, I would like read the step-by-step process because I like taking my time. I like
00:57:32
Speaker
Like I do shit very slow. Like when I, when I do clean the house, like it takes me the whole day because I like to start here, like at the desk and then maybe I like to start doing laundry and then, oh, now I need to go clean the dishes. And like everything looks like a mess kind of until I put it back together. And it's a step-by-step process. I like to do things the same way and I like to take my time with it. He,
00:57:55
Speaker
cleans very quickly. Like he'll just boom, boom, boom, boom, put everything together. So one thing where we've kind of struggled in our relationship is that he's so fast moving.
00:58:05
Speaker
that when he decides he's ready to go somewhere, he's ready to go. Like his shoes are on, he's out the door, walking to the car, and now he's waiting on me. And now I have to put my shoes on, get my keys. And he, for a long time, always kind of felt like a resentment or just like an annoyance by me because he feels like I'm very slow. And I've actually just really recently had this realization and I've told him like, it's not that I'm slow, it's that I'm literally a generator. You're 20 steps ahead of me.
00:58:34
Speaker
like you've already figured out 30 steps ahead of me and I'm still looking for my keys and so you're just very fast you know it's all that I'm very slow it's just that you're super fast I can't always keep up with you and so explaining that to him has you know given him a little more like oh okay like you're not just annoying or purposely taking your time it's just that we're designed differently so that has kind of helped us
00:58:57
Speaker
with that. Another thing is he's very good at multitasking so he can drive and like tell me a story and pick music and you know be great at that. When I'm driving
00:59:09
Speaker
And I'm trying to tell a story. Somehow I start driving like 30 miles below the speed limit. And he's like, why are you driving so slow? And I was like, oh my God, I don't know. It's because I'm trying to tell a story. And he knows I cannot tell a story and drive at the same time. And so sometimes he has to tell me, just focus on driving. Well, tell me the story later. Or it's just really funny. And it's something that I
00:59:35
Speaker
used to beat myself up about like, God, like, why can't I multitask? Like, there's no way that I can drive fast and safely tell a story, pick the music and like do all of these things at one time. No, I needed to concentrate my energy. And that's just how I am. It's like,
00:59:52
Speaker
I, it's like those people who need to like turn down the music to see, you know, like when you're arriving somewhere, or like you're looking for the address, you turn down the music to see the address on the side of the building. You know what I mean? It's like that. So I just thought that was super funny. Okay, another thing. So as a manifesting generator, manifestors, the manifestors side of them,
01:00:13
Speaker
They crave freedom. So manifestors and manifesting generators like freedom. They want to do what they want to do. They're going at their own pace. They don't want to have to tell people what they're doing. But this is why it's so important that they inform. Part of their manifesting generators are supposed to respond and inform what they're doing. And this isn't to ask for permission from anyone in their life.
01:00:41
Speaker
when you're informing someone of what you're doing, it's giving them the benefit of being in your world and understanding what you're doing. Because manifestors and manifesting generators can move so fast that they forget to tell people what they're doing. And then in relationships, I'm so confused. I don't even know what you're doing or where you're going. And so when you inform
01:01:05
Speaker
the people in your life of what you're doing it just leads to less resentment less fights and everybody's aware of what's going on.
01:01:14
Speaker
So an example of this would be they don't like answering questions. Like they just want to do what they want to do. It's not, I don't think it's like a really, um, it's not necessarily easy or natural to inform people of what you're doing for manifestors, manifesting generators, but it's just something that you can do to ease, like I said, tension or issues that could arise. This is a great example. Let's say that, let's say that George asked me to
01:01:44
Speaker
buy milk." And I was like, okay, cool. Yeah, I'll buy milk when I get home from work. I get off work at five. Let's say if I go to the store, I'll get home around six with milk. Let's say that he's moving so fast in his day that it's like 12 o'clock at noon time. He's like, I can't wait for her to get milk. I'm just going to go pick it up myself. He comes back home. He makes the dish that he wanted to make that he needed the milk for.
01:02:08
Speaker
And then he moves on to the next thing and he's so busy in his day that he never tells me that he wants to buy milk. And then I come home later. I sat in traffic for an hour for my commute. I stopped at the store, brought the milk home, and then he's like, oh, I already got it. And I'm like, what did you tell me that you picked up the milk? And he's like, oh, I forgot.
01:02:31
Speaker
And so then I'm irritated and frustrated because that's the last thing I wanted to do was go to the store. I wanted to come home and shower and like chill, but I was doing this for him and he already did it and didn't tell me. So do you see where like little resentments or things like that can come up? And it's not because they're doing it on purpose. It's just that they're moving so fast. They sometimes forget to tell people what they did or like the updates and so it can cause issues. So informing is just like a really cool thing that you can do to like keep people in the loop.
01:03:01
Speaker
But with that being said, they don't like to answer a million questions. And it's funny because when we were living with my mom and Georgia would come home, we would ask him so many questions or say if he was leaving somewhere, we'd be like, oh, where are you going? Or like, what are you doing? And he would get so irritated because he's like, dude, like, I just want to go. I don't want to answer to you. He feels like almost like it's like I'm answering to you where I'm going because like they really crave that freedom.
01:03:29
Speaker
And we're just coming from a place of just being genuinely curious, like, oh, what are you going to do? Where are you going to go? And they just want to move. Like, they're very quick and they just want to freaking go. So that can cause annoyance or frustration, anger. The not-self theme of manifestors is anger and of manifesting generators, it's anger and frustration. So it causes that, like, irritation, that, like, dude, leave me alone. I just want to go.
01:03:55
Speaker
So understanding that about him allows me to just let him do his thing. Let him move at the speed of light that he wants to move at instead of getting upset by it. It's, oh, like I understand it. That's just literally what he wants to do. Also recognizing anger and frustration when he's in that state, it can let me know like, oh, maybe, maybe his boundaries
01:04:21
Speaker
Like maybe I'm crossing his boundaries or maybe I'm not upholding my side of the boundaries. It really helps me to see, Oh, he's frustrated. He's angry. Instead of taking it personally or internalizing it, I can see it from more of like an objective place. Even though this isn't always easy to do in the moment, of course we're all human. And so of course it's easy to react back to somebody who reacts to you and anchor or frustration.
01:04:51
Speaker
It's very easy to snap back at them, which obviously I do sometimes, but it has really helped me to know that both of us experience frustration. And so if I can see where he's coming from, it helps me just be in a more objective place and gives a pause into being like, okay, this is why he's angry or this is why he's frustrated.
01:05:21
Speaker
So the next really cool thing that I've noticed is George has a channel, the 3420 channel, which is really like knowing in the now. The 3420, from my experience of him is like, he's not going to know what he needs or what's good for him or what the next step is until it's in the now. It is responding to what's going on right now.
01:05:50
Speaker
So this connection is from the sacral to the throat center. And so it's all about moving, manifestation, action-taking connected to the sacral. And for so long, I had such a problem with him not being able to make long-term plans. It really pissed me off because I was like,
01:06:15
Speaker
In my mind, I'm like, why can't we make these long-term plans? Let me give you an example. So we both graduated college at the same time.
01:06:23
Speaker
We both graduated from Cal State Bakersfield and both of our families were from different cities. So my family lived in San Diego and Colorado and his family lived in Los Angeles. And my mom wanted to help me create a graduation party. We got an Airbnb in Bakersfield. We were, you know, planning it a couple months ahead. We were getting all of like the food ready, the reservation. We were going to make it a really fun celebration for my family and his family to come together.
01:06:51
Speaker
And so I kept telling him, tell your family about the party. Give them the insight so they know what the DL is. Like they know what's going on. They know the 411. And he was, yeah, okay. Like I'll do it once closer to the time. I don't know. And I'm like, what do you not know about this? Come tell you, this is the Airbnb. This is what our plans are. Make sure you tell them so that they know what's up, what to expect. And so
01:07:18
Speaker
What I didn't realize is that you can't really force a 3420 to do something really far ahead of time because it's just, I don't know, like they can change their mind or they're just, I attribute this to his, to this channel, but it could be other things too. But anyways, he ended up not telling them until I think like the day before the graduation. So when they came, they spent one night at our small tiny apartment that we were sharing with roommates.
01:07:47
Speaker
And so they just stayed for the graduation, most all of them, and then went home the same day because they didn't give them any information or the proper planning of like, hey, we have an Airbnb. You guys are welcome to stay. Bring your sleeping clothes. Plan to take the next day off of work. And so they had literally no heads up. They didn't even know that we were having a party after party here or this huge celebration. And so we ended up all just going to brunch after the graduation. We had a huge brunch.
01:08:17
Speaker
breakfast. And then most of his whole family went back home to LA and then his mom and sister stayed with us at the Airbnb for the celebration. And so I was like, so irritated because I was like, Oh my God, like if you would have told them ahead of time, they would have brought in all their stuff, they would have been prepared, they would have taken in the celebration with us. And it's like, like examples like this happen all the time. And it's very hard to plan future
01:08:48
Speaker
plans with him. And so how I've overcome this is I've just kind of taken it on to myself to plan the trip or get the things going. We went to a really beautiful trip to Mexico
01:09:04
Speaker
last year or the year before. And so I know now that it's not going to really do any good to try to like sit down and brainstorm with him to make plans like months in advance. I just kind of like take the reins. And then when we get really close to the date, I'm like, Oh, like this is happening.
01:09:20
Speaker
this weekend, this is happening next weekend, not for a big vacation, but I'm talking like if I was invited to go somewhere or if there's like a Padres game or like a dinner or something that we got invited to, I'll tell him like the day before or the weekend before. Usually that doesn't, usually like a week in advance does not help, but just telling him like the day before he's like, oh, okay, cool. And then he can respond in that moment. Cause remember that's connected to a state girl. He can respond in the moment if that's something he wants to do or not.
01:09:48
Speaker
So that's what I'm saying. The reason why it doesn't work to plan out so far ahead is because that's too far. The knowing is in the now in that channel. And that is one of his main channels. And so he doesn't know if in two months he's going to want to do this, this, or this. You know what I mean? He has to be able to feel into it in the moment. And so me really understanding that about my partner and honoring that, I allow myself to just bring things up to him
01:10:13
Speaker
the day before or as they come and he can do an honest response of if he wants to participate or not. And then I don't hold any resentments against him if he doesn't want to go. If that's something he's down for, that's something else I've really learned while being in a partnership with someone who has the state girl defined.
01:10:32
Speaker
Like it's not worth it to force, if your partner has their sacral defined, it is not worth it to force them to do things they don't want to do. Like for example, say if like you want to go on a double date or you want to go to like a dinner with your parents or your family and they don't want to go.
01:10:51
Speaker
It's so much better to just be like, oh, just stay home and I'll go enjoy my family than forcing them to go. Because when you do anything that your state girl doesn't want to do, it feels like hell. It feels like a, oh my God. It feels so boring. It feels so dreadful. It feels like you're pulling teeth.
01:11:13
Speaker
And where I think we get caught up as a society is we think, but you should want to go hang out with the in-laws. You should want to go hang out with my friends and do a double date. You should want to do this. You should, should, should. No, nobody should want to do anything. Oh, why? Because it looks good. It looks good that you hang out with your in-laws. If you don't want to go, maybe you had a really long week at work.
01:11:35
Speaker
Maybe you want to watch something like a fight on the TV that's out that weekend. Maybe you have something else going on that you would rather do, but if you instead force yourself to do the plans that you don't really want to do, especially with that sacral, it's going to feel like shit. You're going to be in a low vibe energy the whole night. Our auras as generators are open and enveloping. So we literally envelop the other person, the other auras that were around,
01:12:05
Speaker
with our energy. And that can be positive or negative. So if you're in a bad mood, you are enveloping the energy of everyone around you with that low vibe. Like, I don't want to be here. This is like, I'm dreading this. I have to do this yucky energy. And it just doesn't feel good for anyone, literally. If you let go of the shoulds and you let go of any need to
01:12:32
Speaker
prove yourself to your in-laws or to friends, whoever it is, your relatives, whoever it is that you think that you need to constantly show up, go as a couple and do these things together. If you give into that, it just makes the whole time worse where you could let them just stay home or go do whatever they want to do and go have a really great time with your parents or your friends or your families.
01:12:57
Speaker
And everyone wants to be there. Everyone's excited to be there. The vibes of the group is going to be freaking on point because everybody wants to be there. Also releasing the stories of like, why don't you want to come? Why don't you want to spend time with my family? There doesn't need to be any stories attached to that because the sacral response is not connected to the mind. It is a gut feeling. It is just a yes or a no.
01:13:21
Speaker
And there's no explanation needed. Maybe I just don't want to fucking go. That's it. And so that has been really, really helpful for us in our relationship. And continuing to have a good time with people in your life is just
01:13:36
Speaker
honoring their sacral. If they don't want to go somewhere, don't force them to go. And same with you. If you don't want to go somewhere, don't go. Don't ruin the mood. And it's not like you're ruining the mood on purpose. This is energy. This is energy. Our body is emitting energy. You can go and pretend to smile and be in a good mood. But if you don't want to be there, if your sacral is turned off and you're like, I don't fucking want to be here, your energy speaks louder than any words that you say, any fake smile that you have.
01:14:06
Speaker
and everyone can feel it. We are energetic beings so listen to your state girl and do yourself that favor. Do the group the favor of just only go somewhere if you want to and if you want to have a good time. That's my little rant on that because honestly my life has been improved a thousand times from really listening to that. So the next kind of cool thing that I've noticed is when
01:14:32
Speaker
Okay, so earlier on in our relationship, George is a managing and manifesting generators are meant to try many things. They're meant to experiment, they're meant to experiment and then let go when things no longer serve them. So George has been through many different jobs. And as a generator, as like I have a Capricorn Stellium, I have a Taurus Moon, I'm very earthy, very grounded, very loyal,
01:15:01
Speaker
almost to a fault. When I'm with a company, I'm with them for a long time. I'm not talking about in my younger and mature days where I used to leave jobs because I would just ghost them. I'm talking about now in my adult life. I'm a very loyal, long-term person. So I've been with the same company, like I said, for seven years and I didn't understand why he kept quitting jobs, leaving jobs, so often jumping to the next one.
01:15:29
Speaker
I just looked at it as, that looks so unstable. Again, coming from a place of shoulds, coming from a place of what is society going to think of you? What are my parents going to think of you? What will your future employers think of you to see all of these different jobs with
01:15:46
Speaker
such a short timeframe. It really bothered me. And again, this is all coming from the idea of what would everyone else think. Okay, this is before I knew about human design. This is before I was really deep into my spiritual journey. This was coming from a very 3D judgmental place of, oh my God, this is embarrassing.
01:16:06
Speaker
And I really thought something was wrong with him. Why can't you hold a jog? I don't understand what is wrong with you. And it was very judgmental and very mean.
01:16:17
Speaker
I really thought something was wrong with him. This is why I love human design so much because he was on point with his design. Manifesting generators, if you don't like where you're at and you realize, I don't want to do this anymore, the best thing you can do for your energy is to quit and move on.
01:16:37
Speaker
Really letting go of things that no longer serve you is what you're here to do So little did I know he was actually honoring the shit out of his design and he was trying to think he didn't like this job He's not gonna suffer for one more second. He's gonna quit that day without notifying anyone without notifying his girlfriend
01:16:54
Speaker
and he's going to find a new one without a plan because that's just what a manifesting generator is supposed to do. And so having this awareness now, oh my God, I feel so judgmental. I feel like, wow, I was not supportive AF of his journey. And now he's an entrepreneur and he loves what he does and he's the most successful he's ever been. If he wouldn't have gone through all of those jobs to realize what he didn't like,
01:17:23
Speaker
he would have never arrived at the place that he's at now. And I definitely could have been more supportive. Now, I'm not saying that I was super not supportive. I really was concerned. I was concerned like, what's wrong with you? I feel like something's wrong with you because I was judging him based on a perception, based off conditioning of what I thought a quote unquote good, quote unquote normal,
01:17:49
Speaker
job seeker looked like. Like I thought that both of my parents have, like I said, been in the same companies for years, their careers. The only reason my dad has changed companies is because it gets bought out by other companies. My mom has been with the same company since we moved to California. However, many years ago, this is what I, this is what I saw growing up was that, oh, stability equals
01:18:19
Speaker
correctness, trustworthiness, reliability, determination, you stick it out, you're loyal to your company. And those are all just icky conditionings that I had that were not honoring his design and that are actually holding me back in my own freaking journey, you know, because I'm more of the
01:18:40
Speaker
type of person that's like oh I might hold on a little too long because I'm conditioned with all of these false narratives around what it means to be successful or to be a worker. It's so fascinating to understand your design and to understand your partner's design because there might be some patterns that they're doing where you are coming from a conditioned place and you think that what they're doing is wrong or
01:19:06
Speaker
not successful. And really, they might just be doing what's aligned for them. Or you can learn about your partner's design and see where they're living in a conditioned way so that you can help them step more fully into their true selves. So that's just why I freaking love human design.
Principles, Accountability, and Alcohol-Free Commitment
01:19:23
Speaker
Okay, another example. And then this will be the last one. This is the last example, but I thought this one is like really crazy. So George and I both have Gate 49, which is a gate of principles.
01:19:35
Speaker
This energy can be very black and white. It is the principles in relationships. And so it's like this view that there's a certain way that you're supposed to act. And if you break these boundaries, if you break these principles, then it's over. And that's that. And it's very, like I said, a black and white
01:20:00
Speaker
kind of energy, but it really values boundaries and it values being on the same page and it values these strong principles. And this is also nicknamed the divorce gate, which is kind of petty. But anyways, I think it's really cool that we both have this.
01:20:17
Speaker
how this has played out in our designs or in our relationship. So when we got together, this was the first relationship or person, a really person I've ever had in my life who has held me accountable for my actions. So when we first started dating this, like I was still drinking and I was still kind of like in my drinking days. And this is when I was like really praying to God all the time, like, God, like, please just help me have one sober friend, like one cool person to
01:20:46
Speaker
help teach me that life came really fun. And there's a whole other life to this lifestyle. I'm just so over this. I want something new. And that's when I met him. But when I met him, the first night that I ever met him, I was drunk AF. And it's so funny because this is so divinely guided because
01:21:05
Speaker
There's no way that we would have met or started talking at all if I wasn't still drinking because this is the time where I was very insecure. I used alcohol as a super crutch. And it's so funny because the first night we ever met, I was actually locked. My friend came to visit me from San Diego.
01:21:29
Speaker
one of my best friends and we went out drinking that night and then we came back to the dorms and we were logged out of the dorms and so we were like sitting outside of the dorm like asking everyone like do you have a key like no one was coming this was like maybe like 2 a.m or like I don't know what time it was and then George came from the office and came to like right next to us to open the door and we're like oh my god like thank god you can open the door for us
01:21:55
Speaker
And it's just so funny how life works. So I started talking to him and I was like, Oh my God, do you want to hang out? And then we ended up hanging out and then we ended up hooking up that night. And then from there, I didn't see him again for like, probably a week.
01:22:12
Speaker
because I think I ended up going back to San Diego to go to the dentist or something. So like I left Bakersfield for like a week and then he, in that week, I think he was always looking for me, but he can never find me. And then when I came back, he finally found me and he was like, oh my God, like where have you been? Like we should hang out. So then we started hanging out. When we started hanging out,
01:22:32
Speaker
This was the time where I had always used alcohol for every interaction I ever had. It was just a part of my life. And so I remember being so nervous that before I would go to his room, he would fight me over to his dorm super late at night. And I would be like, oh my God, I'm so nervous. I'm going to take some shots. And so I would take some shots just to get the courage to go hang out with him.
01:22:59
Speaker
because I was so nervous. I was like, Oh my God, this is scary. And so that's kind of how our relationship started. And it was kind of just like hooking up. It was it was nothing serious. But then when we started dating,
01:23:12
Speaker
when he asked me to be his girlfriend, one of the things that he like required was like, I don't want a girlfriend who drinks, who parties, that is not a part of my lifestyle at all. He doesn't drink, he never drink. And so he was like, yeah, that's just like, I mean, if you wanna do that, totally respect it, but that's not what I'm looking for. And so I was like, oh my God, like, this is like my answer from God. This is finally like the person who is like holding me accountable. It was like, I had to commit to not drinking.
01:23:39
Speaker
if I wanted to be in a relationship with him, which is literally all that I wanted. And so I was like, oh my God, okay, cool. The foundations of our relationship were built off of this principle that we don't drink. We're not a couple that drinks. The boundaries were like, I'm never going to go with my friends and drink. I'm not going to go to bars. I'm not going to go to clubs. I'm just not a drinker anymore. That was literally a principle.
01:24:05
Speaker
And we had very strong boundaries in the relationship. And so I think it was like our third year, maybe our third or fourth year of dating. And I ended up going to Las Vegas for a workshop. So every year they take all of the managers to Las Vegas to do a conference. And so it's a three-day conference. And so on the very last day, I ended up drinking with the whole company.
01:24:35
Speaker
I honestly don't know why I did it. I was already sober for three years and I was just so nervous. So much social anxiety and just super peer pressured. It was like, oh, the whole highest people of the company were celebrating. Oh, it's just a fun celebration.
01:24:56
Speaker
I did and it was very detrimental. And when I came back the next day and told George, he did a breaking up with me and he literally left, got his like five friends to come back to our apartment and moved all of his stuff out the same day and literally broke up with me. We're together for three years up to that point.
01:25:14
Speaker
I was so devastated, but I also understood why. I was literally the only person in my life who understood why because I have the Gate 49 as well. Our whole relationship was built off of this principle of we don't drink, we're not a drinking couple. And so it was extremely hurtful, extremely
01:25:37
Speaker
He felt extremely betrayed, extremely hurt. And this principle gate, it's black and white. You're either following the principles and guidelines that we agree on, or if you cross this boundary, it's done. Cut off. That's it. No questions asked. I don't give a shit. That's it. That's really the strength of this 49 gate.
01:26:00
Speaker
And I had it, I have that gate. And so I understood it. I was like, I know, I get it. I can't believe I did that. Oh my fucking God, like I'm blowing up my life. And so
01:26:11
Speaker
no one in my life understood it. There has to be other reasons. He must be cheating on you, or he must like somebody else, or he must have been wanting to get out of this for a long time, and this is just the perfect excuse, but this is also not even the perfect excuse because it's so stupid. They're like, okay, so you had a few drinks. Who the fuck cares? Everyone drinks in our society. That does not do anything to him. What does that have to do with your relationship? And so no one understood it.
01:26:40
Speaker
And we're the only people that understood it. So that whole year, we stayed broken up for a whole year. I was now living by myself, super depressed. That was the hardest time of my life. That was my Saturn return. I was 29 years old.
01:26:56
Speaker
Through myself into spiritual like all my spiritual tools. I started doing Kundalini yoga and this is when I really turned inward for the whole year like I didn't have any friends like there in Bakersfield like because I had just graduated college and was super
01:27:14
Speaker
super invested in my career. So I was always constantly working. It's not like I had time for anything, but I didn't date anybody. I never talked to any guys. And I never had, I never knew that we're going to get back together. Obviously we're back together now, but I just, and I never drank again.
01:27:29
Speaker
So that's how I knew that my soul evolved this lesson. That was the last lesson I needed with alcohol to know that I am not someone who can tolerate alcohol. Alcohol blows up every part of my life. I lost everything. Remember in the beginning when I told you that the most important thing to me is love, and love is all I've ever wanted. I was so long in that yucky,
01:27:56
Speaker
Hungry ghost realm and then i had my spiritual awakening and then i had this beautiful partnership with the most healthy like loving intuitive masculine person that i've ever met in my life.
01:28:09
Speaker
And I totally ruined it just from drinking a few drinks. And it was like, that was like the devil. Not that alcohol is the devil, but that is like, wow, that was an intense lesson that I needed to learn.
01:28:27
Speaker
but I needed this person, I needed this soul with this Gate 49 to have such strong boundaries and such strong principles and hold steadfast in that to throw away a really healthy, great relationship, a three-year relationship because I broke that foundational principle. And I'm very grateful because since experiencing that, like I don't drink, you know, and it's not something that I want to do.
01:28:56
Speaker
And okay, there is a little more part of this story that I want to fill you in on. I feel like this is still relevant because I think it's really going back to like the Gate 49 principle. But okay, so the whole year I
01:29:10
Speaker
turned to self development and my spiritual path. And I learned so much about myself. That was the hardest year of my life. I cried more than I've ever cried in my life. I felt the most lonely, but I also felt the most strong because I realized that I can feel like this gaping hole inside of me. And
01:29:29
Speaker
I just turned to Spirit, to Source, to all of the tools that I knew would help me, and I didn't return to this other lifestyle. And so that's where I needed that to happen for my soul's evolvement and my soul's growth. Now, this is the crazy part. So we ended up getting back together a year later, and he moves back in, and then that trip comes up again. And I go to Las Vegas, and the same thing happens, you guys.
01:29:59
Speaker
the same thing. I drank again and I told him and this is the craziest part. So it was the first night that I got there. I was so nervous. I was so nervous because it's with all the higher executives. I'm a 2-4 profile so I have like that like
01:30:17
Speaker
introverted part of me and extroverted part of me, but I'm an introverted heart. I don't like these huge gatherings where I don't know a lot of people. It's very hard for me. And at this time in my journey, I hadn't done any work around being alcohol free.
01:30:33
Speaker
So from that point of having the three years of being alcohol free up until we had broken up the first time, I didn't do any work around the drinking. I didn't do any introspective work around why did I used to drink so much? I had none of these realizations that
01:30:50
Speaker
I was using it as a crutch and it gave me this false sense of confidence and I didn't connect any of those dots. It was just like, oh, this is what I need to do to be in this beautiful, loving relationship. This is a foundational principle I need to have. Cool, let's do it. Easy, not a problem. I never questioned that and I was never put in a position to where
01:31:12
Speaker
the relationship with alcohol was tested. And so that first big, huge event that we ended up breaking up from, I was super devastated. And I thought, okay, I'm never drinking again. I hate alcohol. I freaking hate alcohol. But again, I wasn't doing any of the deeper work of why did I do that? What is the self-sabotage mechanism? What is going on? So we ended up getting back together.
01:31:35
Speaker
A year later, I go to this trip again. I repeat the same freaking cycle. And I think, okay, when I get home, he's going to have everything packed and we're going to break up again. And this is literally like, I lost a love of my life. I hate my life. My life is completely ruined. Like, I don't know what's wrong with me. And I was extremely sad for the next two days, but I had to stay there at this freaking conference. It was like the worst shit of my life.
01:32:02
Speaker
And so then when I come home, like I'm like, okay, like he's probably not going to be there or whatever. Like maybe his bags are packed. When I came home, he opened the door and on the kitchen table was like,
01:32:16
Speaker
every type of bottle of liquor you could think of and like every, like so many different beers. So like bottles and beers on the kitchen table. And I was like, what is going on? And then he sat me down and he read me a letter that he wrote me. And the letter was something like, something like, Alyssa, I
01:32:40
Speaker
feel like I am denying a part of you that is so important to you, which is drinking. Obviously it's something that is so important to you because you do it like every opportunity you get when I'm not around you and maybe I'm just being very controlling and
01:32:57
Speaker
the way that I grew up around alcohol and the relationship that I saw people in my life have with it and the alcoholism and the fear that I have around it. Maybe I'm projecting that onto you and maybe it's unfair that I'm controlling you and I love you so much. And I just want you to be your highest fullest self. And if this is a huge part of your life and it's something that you really love and want to do.
01:33:17
Speaker
then I support you. I just ask that you are honest with me and open and just drink with me in front of me and make it a part of your life instead of trying to hide it and only showing the side of you to other people. And like he was like crying when he was reading this to me and it was so sad and so healing. I was like, Oh my God. And I think in that moment, my heart broke open.
01:33:44
Speaker
Oh my God, I love you. I love myself. I don't need this. I don't need the alcohol. And so from that moment,
01:33:54
Speaker
is when I never drink again from that moment until now and it hasn't even been an issue. It hasn't been hard for me. It's nothing that I think about. It unlocked something in me to have that acceptance of I just love you and I just want you to be who you are and I accept all parts of you. It was oh my god because this was the first person that ever
01:34:17
Speaker
express that he likes me better when I'm sober. Because when I was very young and I started drinking, I had one of my friends tell me like, yeah, Alyssa, we all like you so much better. The drunk you. The drunk Alyssa is so awesome. And so I took that at 15 years old and I held onto that for so many years and just thought that I was so much more funny and confident and expressed and outgoing and
01:34:41
Speaker
cool when I drank and to have see someone witness me and love me so much for me being my authentic self sober and to see my heart and be like I love you so much who you are as a person for your soul and I actually like you better than when you're this like fake version of yourself that's you know altered or whatever but I accept you however you want to present yourself to me I was like oh my gosh so
01:35:09
Speaker
Yeah, it was just crazy. It was such a hard opening experience. And so again, those two times were during my Saturn return and that was the biggest lesson I ever had to go through was with alcohol. And then from that point, I've done a lot of self-reflection of why do I use alcohol? What is it that I'm getting from it? And I think that's the biggest question that people can ask themselves is what am I benefiting from it?
01:35:36
Speaker
Because you can, you might not have any problems from drinking alcohol. You might not get hungover. You might not drink too much. You might not say silly or stupid things when you drink. But what are you getting from it? And whatever you can see what you're getting from it,
01:35:54
Speaker
you might see that, hey, I can actually get these in another way. And again, if you enjoy wine or going out for drinks with your friends, that's totally fine. This is not any judgment towards people who drink alcohol, but this is more geared towards people who have been questioning their relationship with alcohol and maybe have been using it for coping mechanisms or
01:36:14
Speaker
to get that confidence or to feel cool or to feel sexy or to feel sophisticated or classy, whatever it is. If you're seeking something from it, that is a great question to ask. So just circling back, yeah, both of us having that gate 49. If I didn't have that, I don't think I would have understood what he did. And I think I would have
01:36:33
Speaker
Made up the stories or believed everyone in my life who told me like oh, this is just an out like he just wanted to break up with you anyway So this was just a dumb but like I guess reason for him to do that I would have believed that false narrative But because I have gate 49 and I also have that strong principles of like our very strong foundations of safety in our relationship I understood it and that's what my soul needed to evolve through and grow through and so that was a huge lesson in life and
01:37:00
Speaker
I'm really the biggest heartbreak I've ever had. And then the biggest heart, like mending. Because after that, I was just healed, truly healed. Seen, seen for who I was, appreciated for who I was, accepted. And even the negative parts of me, I'm like, oh, if you want to drink, then I accept that part of you too. And it was, wow, like you accept me in any way. And so human design is so beautiful because we can really
01:37:28
Speaker
see each other for who they are and understand the motives behind some of the things they do that we would have never been able to understand. If I didn't know that we had that Gate 49 principles, I knew that we both had this understanding and this shared value of life. I understood, hey, we both value this. I get it. And no one else got it. But I didn't know how to put words to it or to explain it. And now I can explain, hey, we both have Gate 49 principles. It makes sense.
Understanding and Supporting Partner's Growth
01:37:59
Speaker
And yeah, okay. I just want to share one more. Oh my gosh. I feel like this episode is getting so long, but I'm so excited to tell you one last one. Okay. So this is another one. I have had this thing where
01:38:14
Speaker
I like to answer questions impulsively. If George asks a question or like a hypothetical question or a question he's curious about, I'll give a logical answer. And it's almost like an impulse, but a lot of the times it's wrong. And I say it with such certainty that it seems like I'm lying. So an example would be, hey, let's go get ice cream. I wonder what time Cold Stone closes. Oh, it closes at nine.
01:38:40
Speaker
Okay, let's go get it. And so this is like a real story. So then we went to Coldstone to get ice cream. We drove all the way there and it was closed. And he's like, I thought you said it closed at nine. I'm like, Oh yeah, I thought it did. And he's like, okay, you thought it did. You knew it did. And so the, I have gate four. Okay. Gate four is the gate of answers. Gate four is in the Ashna. I have an undefined Ashna. And so I'm not meant to have certainty, but this gate can show up as being certain.
01:39:09
Speaker
So this gate is all about giving logical answers that aren't necessarily true, but it is just like a reflex that we have. And so this gate, if you have this gate, we love to, and we just do, we impulsively answer things that seem logical. Okay, so again, it's not rooted in truth, it's rooted in logic. And also,
01:39:36
Speaker
We used to get in a lot of little fights because I would give him answers to things that I was so certain, seemingly certain about, that I logically was answering, but I didn't really know the real truth behind it. I just thought I knew because it made sense to me. And then it seems like I was lying.
01:39:52
Speaker
if that makes sense. Because I'm like, Oh, I know. But then it's like, you said you know, but you didn't know because that's not the truth. And it's like, Oh, well, I thought I knew because I was going based off of this. Another way I can try to explain this is like, it's like a reflex, like you just answer something immediately with the first logical answer that comes to your mind. But it's important to remember that it might not be true. So do your fact check first.
01:40:15
Speaker
Because it can really come across as a know-it-all like if you've ever been called a know-it-all you might have gate four like oh my god This is me like to a tee like I always just Certainly answer things and then a lot of times I am wrong my family will Google me and be like okay Let's check on Google, and I'm like oh oopsies
01:40:31
Speaker
So one thing that I've learned to do is to just if I don't know genuinely, I'll be like, I don't know. And that was one of the hardest things for me to practice is to be like, I don't know, because I think I know or I think a logical answer.
01:40:46
Speaker
That makes sense. I just want to say it, but I'll often first say, I don't know. And then I'll check something or I'll be like, I don't know, but I think this because this makes logical sense. And so that just sets me up to get in less arguments or to not really seem like such a know-it-all, which really helps in relationships because nobody likes to date a know-it-all or to be in a relationship with a know-it-all.
01:41:08
Speaker
So yeah, so those are some ways that I really like to look at our designs and see how it's helped us. So if you're in a relationship, getting to know your own design, getting to know your centers, your not self themes, getting to know your type, feeling really good with how you're meant to make decisions, respond to things can be very beneficial.
01:41:28
Speaker
I know a lot of times if someone in a relationship has an emotional authority and then someone else has a different authority, like maybe a sacral, sometimes that can be a little challenging because the person with the emotional authority needs more time to process their decisions. They need to sleep on it. They need to put spaciousness in there. They're not meant to make decisions immediately in the moment. And so if they're in a relationship with somebody who has a sacral response, has that gut instant response, there can be some
01:41:58
Speaker
probably just some confusion or maybe some compromise of the person who has emotional authority. Maybe they're not giving themselves enough time and they're compromising with their partner too fast. And so just learning really what your authority is and how you're meant to make decisions so that you can start operating from that place. And then once your partner understands that about you, they'll be a little more accepting. Oh, hey, you need time to figure things out.
01:42:23
Speaker
or you'll understand why they make decisions so fast. So it's just super complex and really interesting and it can really help us in our relationships to just understand ourselves. So that was that. That was very fun for me to share with you. This was very long. I hope that you enjoyed it. I hope that you got something from it.
01:42:45
Speaker
If you have been wondering if your partner is the right one for you, if they're your soulmate, just because they're not spiritual, but everything else is good in their relationship, I would say don't freaking worry about it. Let them be on their timeline. Be a great example of how these tools and modalities have been helping you and just throw little things in there all the time and they'll start coming around. And if they don't, hey, find friends who
01:43:12
Speaker
have the same interests as you and take the pressure off of them to be that person in your life because they don't have to have the same interests as you to have a healthy and thriving relationship. And if you didn't know what to do, if your partner wasn't supporting your purpose or big changes that you're making in your life,
01:43:28
Speaker
I hope you have a little more clarity now on how to just give them passion and be communicative with them and give them space and reassurance that even though you're changing and you're growing and evolving, it's not going to change the relationship and connection that you guys have. In fact, it'll make it even better because you're bettering yourself. You're becoming a more loving, wise, understanding human being, which can only benefit the relationship.
01:43:52
Speaker
And I hope you learned a little bit about human design can support you and your relationship and just being more understanding with your partner, supporting them and understanding some of their behaviors and patterns and knowing that we're all designed differently, but we're all designed perfectly. And we can coexist in such a beautiful way when we have more accepting and
01:44:15
Speaker
openness towards each other and just empower each other to be our best selves. So thank you so much. This was so much fun and I cannot wait to see you guys in the next episode.
01:44:26
Speaker
so much for being here and listening to beauty. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review and share the episode with a friend who you know will love it. We can connect further on Instagram at I am Alyssa May. So come say hello, leave a comment of your favorite takeaway on my most recent post and I cannot wait to connect. Thank you so much and I will see you next time.