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58. Trad Wife Yourself
61 Plays1 year ago
This week Kate has a couple of bones to pick with Gemma, some stories from people who realised they were dealing with a monster and a trad wife AITA...
Get involved by emailing us at TalkShitToUs@gmail.com or DM us @TSYBPOD !!
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Transcript
Technical Troubles and Personal Updates
00:00:14
Speaker
Looks like we far we've got my baby. They said, I said, you are delayed. No, just kidding. You're good. Yay. I've had some technical issues. So annoying. So annoying. We only know just enough to be dangerous.
00:00:39
Speaker
AKA, kind of fix the problem. What we do is we turn it off and on again. Just, okay, control, delete, restart, click. Seems to work. Yeah, did it did, okay. How are you doing? You lazy bum. You lazy unemployed bum. Just got tinnitus in one ear, which is fun. Oh, oh no. Well, it's from the war. Yeah, all those explosives have just really damaged my eardrums.
00:01:05
Speaker
Well, sorry to hear that. Um, yeah, just been bumming around, you know? Um, I haven't actually, I've actually been quite busy sorting stuff out. Um, potential new job for this podcast gig.
Introducing the Podcast and Personal Plans
00:01:25
Speaker
Um, and I've been doing, um, a chaperone course so I can chaperone children.
00:01:32
Speaker
at dances where you say, leave enough room for Jesus.
00:01:38
Speaker
Yes, you know, living my best life, man. Excellent. Speaking of working. Yes, except for right now, because I wanted to chat with you a little bit for our podcast, which is what everyone is listening to right now. What is it called? Talking shit with a yank and a Brit. If you haven't already worked it out, I'm the Brit. And I'm Kate the yank. Yay. Hi. Oh, we're both drinking tea.
00:02:08
Speaker
Well, no, you know I'm drinking coffee. Same difference. I don't waste my time with tea. Why? Tea's so good. Because I want it, I need it to taste bitter so that I never forget how awful life is. Matches your inner core. Yep, yep, yep, yep. Yup, yup. Yeah, not a lot going on, just busy with work and trying to get stuff ready because I'm going to be going out of town. Moving to England.
00:02:37
Speaker
Yes, I'm moving to England and also going out of town. England is out of town,
Notting Hill Carnival and Cultural Insights
00:02:44
Speaker
to be fair. so it's That's true. That's true. um That is a longer term process, of course, but more immediately, I am going to be taking a girl's trip with my gals to Maine. Road trip. Road trip? We're flying, but yeah, sure. i'm I'm flying the plane, so it's kind of like it's an it's an air trip.
00:03:07
Speaker
air trip ye like god um But yeah, it'll be fun. I'm looking forward to it. Yeah, that'd be good. um I have a couple of bones to pick with you though. Oh, shit. Have I done something wrong?
00:03:22
Speaker
Yes, but I'm willing to forgive you depending on how this conversation goes. I feel like, okay, I'm nervous now. I've got anxiety. You remember last time we talked about the state fair and then what a fair is in England versus the carnival. I specifically said, yeah, we'd call that a carnival and you're like, for us, carnivals are street parties. Well, I just learned recently about the Notting Hill Carnival. And I don't know why you didn't fucking tell me about this. In fact, I just was looking at an article that was published on the 19th of August about explaining Notting Hill Carnival to Americans. So I'm going to go ahead and need you to do that. To be honest, I just thought you knew about Notting Hill Carnival. I didn't know they had a carnival. I know Notting Hill is like a place and a movie. Well, it's nothing like the movie.
00:04:16
Speaker
I mean, based on this article that referenced um the streets being filled with pee, I gathered that. Oh, yum. To be honest, I've never been. I've just seen stuff about it online, um but it looks like a bright riot. Not a bad riot, like a good time riot. What do they call them? um
00:04:41
Speaker
That is when we get to start recording. My brain just goes, you don't know any words anymore. I'm lucky. You're going to sound like a dummy. Yep. Describe what you're thinking and I'll try to help you come up with a word. Like moving vehicles with shit on top and these people in outfits. Oh, parades. Floats. Parades. Floats, yeah. Floats. They have floats and it's very like... I think you can just say hippie. Woo woo.
00:05:10
Speaker
No, it's not. It's like celebrating Black culture. Oh, oh okay. Oh, okay. I didn't know that. Actually, so now that I look at my little page I have up here, which is an article from vice dot.com, it does say that it is the annual street festival where one of the richest yet most divided districts in Europe dissolves into a feral Open Air House Party honoring the seismic influence of Afro-Caribbean culture on London, which sounds yeah fun as hell. Yeah, it looks fucking good. Everyone gets proper dressed up to the nines, sequins and bikinis and big headdresses and music blaring everywhere. Looks like a good old time.
00:05:54
Speaker
Um, so can we make it like a bucket list thing to go sometime.
Gigs and Unforeseen Cancellations
00:05:58
Speaker
Yeah. so Okay, cool. Defo. Uh, I, so this article though, it starts off with Americans, no matter how many MCs fashion, Einstein's or textivants we send your way, you insist on stereotyping us all as either evil wizards or pig chasing medieval oafs with accents like manufacturing malfunctioning car stereos. Thanks to a hundred years of cultural imperias.
00:06:20
Speaker
imperialism, us Brits grew up with an intimate understanding of the American national psyche. So it's a shame that your perception of us in our country appears to be based on the bad guys from Ace Ventura films. And then it introduces, it's not even your New Orleans Mardi Gras or famous hot dotting competition that can lay a finger on the Notting Hill Carnival. And then so it kind of breaks it down into categories, sound systems, but then one category is toilets.
00:06:49
Speaker
I can't mention that would be a problem. Dubious punch, hot sauce, drugs, booze, sigs, and half a million stressed out people crammed into a few square miles on a hottest weekend of the year, as well as being a vital celebration of multicultural unity, et cetera, et cetera. Carnival is also a machine precision engineered to send you repeatedly sprinting for the Johns.
00:07:14
Speaker
Yeah, just Google Notting Hill Carnival and look at the pictures. It looks fucking mad. Well, the pictures on this article are something else too, but it looks fun and I just don't know why you didn't introduce me to it last time because maybe, just maybe I would have flown over. but It's this weekend, so you've still got time. Can't see Girls Weekend. Come over. Done. I'm already going to be at the airport. 10am. So, perfect. Actually, when this airs, it would have been last weekend, but at the time of recording,
00:07:47
Speaker
I still could make it, is what you're saying. You still could make it, yeah. For sure. Are you available? No.
Bizarre Stories and Hilarious Encounters
00:07:56
Speaker
Cancel all your plans. I will actually, yeah. Why not? We've had our gig canceled tomorrow because it's raining.
00:08:10
Speaker
Forever? I was like, well, let's play indoors. They were like, no, the football's on. Why the fuck have you booked a band then? Football is an institution akin to the likes of... There's no one even good playing. The Pope? Who's playing? I'll be the judge of that. I'm bright and I'm playing at half twelve. We were going to play at two. We'll just go in afterwards. But no, apparently they want to play all the games that day. Ridiculous. Why book a band? Stupid.
00:08:45
Speaker
that is That is stupid, I'm sorry. Do you want to shame the venue publicly? No, that's a no. I do, but I won't. Fair enough. I'm annoyed because we've got loads of people coming down for this gig. We've got a friend who's over from New Zealand who was coming. Who? Silas' friend, Jake. Well, I think you just go in the parking lot and play anyway.
00:09:12
Speaker
Yeah, and then Jammer had loads of people coming, our drummer, and they'd all, like, change their work shifts and book time off work to come. It's just ridiculous. It really pissed me off, actually. I'm really quite annoyed about it. House show?
00:09:29
Speaker
Can you find another venue? Like, put ah put a show on at your house? I suppose we could do. My stepbrother's band is currently trying to set up a tour where they perform at homes.
00:09:42
Speaker
Really? Yeah, the kickback. Just a little tutu for them. That's quite cool. Yeah. I love that idea. Yeah, maybe we should just have a party in the garden. Otherwise, can you find another venue last minute? We did try, but I don't know. There's apparently travelers in Brighton at the moment that are trashing pubs, so the pubs are closing early or something. I don't know.
00:10:07
Speaker
God, it's as if Brighton's the only city you could perform in. I know. But it is annoying because it's bank holiday weekend. I was just going to ask. And we had loads of offers from people wanting us to play. We've turned them down because we've had this gig in the diary for ages, and then they've just cancelled the day before. As you can probably tell, I'm rather riled up about it. Call them up and say, we're available, folks. Oh, that sucks. I'm sorry.
00:10:34
Speaker
but we got another one on Sunday. Okay. That's good. Well, the other bone I wanted to pick with you is- Oh yeah, all the boners. Exactly. I have a big boner right now for you.
Political Discontent and International Affairs
00:10:49
Speaker
Why didn't you tell me about the runaway horses galloping through central London blazing a path of mayhem and injuries in April of this year?
00:10:56
Speaker
I don't know why I didn't bring that up because I see stuff and immediately forget it, which is not great for someone who should be writing down content for a podcast. But yeah, there were some escaped horses. It was really sad. They had like blood all over them. Well, this picture, one of them has blood all over it and it's like horrifying, but also like if it weren't for the blood, I'd be like, oh, look, they're having a great time. They're just running around London. Here, I'm going to send you the article.
00:11:23
Speaker
So you can see the picture. But yeah, it seems like there are military horses, which would explain the blood. um
00:11:30
Speaker
Got loose. You shoot in them. I assume it's not the horse's blood. I hope so. Got loose in central London early Wednesday. This article came out on April 24, 2024 galloping through rush hour crowds, smashing into vehicles, and injuring several people. So I'm guessing it's you know civilian blood, which take no prisoner's horse. I can go for it.
00:11:53
Speaker
it They became loose during a routine exercise this morning. It doesn't sound that routine if you accidentally let a couple escape.
00:12:03
Speaker
um but yeah that i mean This is important news to me and I just feel like you need to keep me up to date on any animal related or fun street party related news that goes on over there. Sorry. ah From now on,
00:12:22
Speaker
I will do that. um and I've just been looking because I believe they got re-homed and they're now free.
00:12:33
Speaker
Oh, well, because it's yeah they've gotten the taste of blood and freedom, so they can't go back to being military horses.
00:12:42
Speaker
Yeah, they got um like it put in like a rescue center, I think. Now they just gallop around fields and are happy. I may be wrong about that. I think that's probably what you know the government wants you to think. Probably, yeah. Big brothers watching.
00:13:02
Speaker
Crazy. I mean, imagine just you know going to work and there's like a bunch of horses running and not a traffic in London. I'd just be like, okay, just another day. I'd be like, have we stepped back in time? Have we entered a portal? Yep. um That's it. I forgive you because I appreciate your responses and moving forward, here you will do better and I i will hold you to that. This is a note to myself. Do better. Do better.
00:13:32
Speaker
ah Speaking of doing better, I do want to just touch upon something that pissed me off recently. The Democratic National Convention was over the last few days, yesterday it was the last day. and Our governor, Wals, we've talked about, he had his speech on Wednesday.
00:13:52
Speaker
yeah and he you know I think I'm i'm feeling a and nice type of way about him. probably misguidedly so if I did a little digging maybe I wouldn't but his speech was good and like the shots of him and his family has got two kids um and he's married. Those were so sweet because they were so emotional and like proud and his son Gus like was just observably emotional and it was really touching. And then of course the internet shit all over him because he was crying and emotional. And it's like, okay, regardless of whether or not he's got any sort of, you know, neurodivergency or needs or whatever, because that is a factor. But regardless, like who fucking be nice to kids and also who cares if someone's emotional and demonstrate. You're allowed to be emotional. Yeah. Especially if you're a boy. Yes.
00:14:48
Speaker
So that really, really upset me. But it was when I saw it, I was just like, oh, that was my favorite part. So cute. um i Yeah, I was going to ask you about these conventions, actually, because like who the fuck goes to them? I think that this one was an outlier. Okay, so again, I'm going to explain this poorly and probably at least partially incorrectly.
00:15:17
Speaker
The Republican National Convention and the Democratic National Convention are the conventions that basically firmly like kind of identify a candidate to run for president. right right For many years, I think particularly this year, there was already a presumptive nominee candidate. Trump, for example, and then they had their national convention in Wisconsin a couple of weeks ago, and apparently like because everyone is in the closet in the Republican National Party, Grindr,
00:15:45
Speaker
broke. um Same with Kamala. She was the presumptive nominee, but we still had it. Basically, the delegates from each state get picked to go and submit a vote to make this person the candidate. Oh, so it's like officiating it.
00:16:04
Speaker
Yes, and I think in years past when there's a couple of different possibilities, they go and make their case and different people from different states vote who they want, then whoever has the most becomes the candidate. It was kind of, I mean, there was no one else really trying, but also it was just kind of a formality, I think, for both people. But they also really tried to make it a spectacle this year and I think they were successful. I wasn't gonna watch it. You watched it? I did watch some.
00:16:31
Speaker
um I was very upset and disheartened about the lack of representation for what's going on in Palestine and that the delegates who were uncommitted and basically protesting or wanting a ceasefire in Palestine were locked out of the convention, even though they legitimately should have been involved in there. and Also, they probably should have had someone speak about it. um and that and It was just, nope. The only reason I knew what was happening is because they were posting on X and But if you for all you knew watching it, you wouldn't know that there was like a lot of shit going on out outside of the arena. And so I think that that's pretty fucked up and I have a lot of feelings about it that I don't know how to reconcile right now. um Well, I know how to reconcile them, but I just like I'm feeling torn because it feels like there's really, I don't really have a choice either way. I mean, so.
00:17:24
Speaker
but there are a lot of people who are
True Crime Fascination and Creepy Encounters
00:17:26
Speaker
in the uncommitted movement who are like, well, we just won't vote then, or maybe we'll vote for Trump to send a message, which I get. And that's the problem with our two-party system. yeah um But it just, it was, I'm sorry, like I, I'm opposed to killing babies and innocent people and genocide. I am, I, that might be. It's a weird view to have, but you know, I support it. Yeah. I was going to say that might be like an unpopular opinion and I, I get the whole,
00:17:55
Speaker
like saying this publicly, I realized could ah result in some you know people feeling a type of way about it. i i just general like I'm not taking a position on the land issue and the conflict that's been going on generation in generations over with Israel and Palestine, but I do think it's wrong. It's reprehensible. It's disgusting that all these children and and people who are just trying to live are are being blown up and murdered. I have a problem with that. Yeah, fucking damn right. It's absolutely horrendous.
00:18:34
Speaker
um I'm just surprised that like, well, I'm not surprised. I think if it was a white country, then something would have been done. Having said that Ukraine, you know, that's still happening. I mean, there's lots of lots of conversations and mention of Ukraine at the DNC, but also technically Israel and Palestine. I mean, people don't consider them this way, but like arguably are considered white. Yeah, yeah it's fucking ridiculous. um Yeah, something needs to be fucking done, doesn't it? um I mean, I read that America is supplying a lot of weapons. oh Oh, no. A lot of what's happening right now is a direct result of the current
00:19:14
Speaker
administration, the fact that they haven't- Great. ... tried to- Yeah, I know. That's not good. That is one of the reasons why I was already struggling with when Biden, because it was first and foremost cognitive ability and age and stuff capacity aside. I have a lot of really strong negative feelings about some of the things that Biden and his administration have done during his presidency that made it real hard.
00:19:43
Speaker
you know Kamala's part of that, so. Yeah. Well, hopefully things will change with a... So I'm back to feeling very pessimistic. You've done a U-turn again. Yep. Yep. Okay. Well. That's my soapbox. Let's move to Finland. Yep. Oh, wow. Well, I guess kind of related.
00:20:15
Speaker
I found this article which is basically loads of people sharing their interactions with people they had that made them realise that that person was really dangerous.
00:20:27
Speaker
o um I thought we could share them with the group and share our feelings on what we think.
00:20:39
Speaker
This is now becoming a support group for encounters of the dangerous kind. Yeah. Okay. I'm Kay and I'm at Dead Bundy. He was very charming and good looking. Except I don't know if that's actually true. I think that that was kind of a...
00:20:57
Speaker
something that was really exaggerated by media and stuff just because of the time. And he was a white man who wasn't like a troll. Yeah. But he didn't look like a typical yeah serial killer. He just looked like a normal guy. Okay.
00:21:12
Speaker
okay So first one is I 20 female was dating this dude for a few months and we were getting on really well. Then we both ended up having to move for our jobs around the same time. He wanted to try long distance. So we did.
00:21:30
Speaker
um
00:21:33
Speaker
Um... The end. Sorry, someone's texting me. It's just ruined my flow.
00:21:38
Speaker
ah Yeah, he sounds real dangerous. Gallon, get out. Get out of that one. Um, okay. We called most days and watched movies together during our time off. The time zone messed it up a little bit, but it wasn't too bad. Out the blue, one day he just said he didn't want to be together. I'm like, wow. Okay. A little blindsided, but sure. So I just started going about normal life again and hanging out with friends. Um, the normal post relationship stuff.
00:22:06
Speaker
after about a month, he begs, like absolutely begs to get back together. It's hot. um It was movie type stuff, sending flowers to me at work, sending handwritten cards almost daily across thousands of miles, and even buying me a ticket to fly out to see him. So I'm like, okay, whatever, I'll go, see what he has to say.
00:22:32
Speaker
In the worst case scenario, I'll just fly home. So I got a ticket for two days after because I just figured I could head out if he were being a dick. He picked me up from the airport and acted acted basically how I used to. He told me he missed me, regretted it as soon as it happened, and it was the biggest mistake of his life, the usual. We've all had that.
00:22:53
Speaker
Every day. Every day. um So we stayed with his family because he's like, oh, please don't get a hotel. I feel really bad about the whole month. Just stay with us. And I thought, hey, a free room. So everything was completely fine for the first few days. And I then got this alert on my phone. It was a hurricane warning saying that they were pushing my flight to four days later. I'm like, crap, I need to get back to work. I only took three three days off.
00:23:22
Speaker
When he got back to the house from work, I told him about it and he was like, oh, I know, we already started boarding out the windows. I was a little freaked out, but not too much because I guess that's normal for big hurricanes. Yes. So the next morning he shook me, woke me up and told me to go into the living room. I was like, OK. When I do, it's him.
00:23:46
Speaker
his two brothers, his sister, his mum and his dad. People I have only met in this one instance and he has a binder. They sit me down and each of them reads a passage from the binder of why we shouldn't be together and why I need to move on.
00:24:05
Speaker
and he broke up with me in his parents' house in front of his siblings in the middle of a hurricane power outage. Then because of the hurricane, I was stuck there for four more days with them. Probably not the most psychopathic person I've met, but this story still is so strange to me that I had to share it.
00:24:26
Speaker
WTF. I'm... I feel like I know the word gobsmacked, but never felt it applied, but I am right now. Has your girl been smacked? Yeah. like he to He initiated trying to get back together with her. Yeah. and so like did Was this planned? like I'm going to initiate and then bring her out so I can do... like What the fuck?
00:24:54
Speaker
like Was he telling his family that she was like obsessed with him and flew out there to see him and beg for him back? like how How did that even come around? I know. and like Help me read from this binder. I thought you were going to say they were reading passages from the Bible. and That would be equally as weird. Yeah. Ugh. That sucks. I would have been like, um Then I just go sit in my room and the room until I can leave. Thanks. Yeah. Cheers. I'm going to lock myself in the bathroom for the next four days. Maybe I would have actually maybe tried to get a hotel. Yeah. I guess if there is like an actual hurricane on, you don't really want to go outside, do you? Well.
00:25:40
Speaker
Yeah, I'm sure she probably would, unless it was like literally the eye of the hurricane at that moment. and like Did he wait until the hurricane started to like initiate this? That's what I thought. like He intentionally invited her out to right when he knew a hurricane was coming and to keep her there, but then I was completely 180 when it was like they all sat down and read passages about why that she should move on. I was like, I thought it was going to be like trapped here and you have to get married or we're going to convert you to basically some weird TikTok dance cult religion. We've converted our basement. You live there now. Yep. You're going to be our maid. um Anyway. fit Okay. Here's another one. I was casually dating a guy.
00:26:31
Speaker
Hold on. Oh, take a sippy sip.
00:26:38
Speaker
I was casually dating a guy for roughly five months. This weirds me out a bit. Like casually dating for five months. Five months is quite a long period of time. Yeah. And this is where I guess I don't I have my lack of experience in just like kind of the dating world and whether that is like, do you see other people or is it just like nothing super serious? but Yeah, I suppose they could have both agreed that like, we're just bumpin' uglies. Yeah, I guess that that could be just a euphemism. I was fucking a guy for five months. yeah um Okay, I was casually dating a guy for roughly five months. I moved into a new apartment and I'd sent pictures of the interior before I moved.
00:27:27
Speaker
He went on a trip to Scotland and got upset that I wasn't answering FaceTime in the middle of the night. okay I decided I wasn't interested in pursuing anything further because of his persistent pestering and insecurities. I had moved in and was working on unpacking when suddenly I got a knock at the door.
00:27:47
Speaker
He found where I was living with just a picture of the hardwood floors and some windows. I don't have the location for my photos turned on, so there's no way he could have found it from something simple. He saw absolutely nothing creepy about it and proceeded to push the door and beg me to let him inside. I promptly shut and locked the door, then made sure he heard my shotgun cock. He left and I haven't heard from him since, thankfully.
00:28:16
Speaker
I wonder if the pictures she sent were from like a listing and he just did a reverse image search. Yeah, probably. That makes sense, doesn't it? Weird, yeah. Oh, creep, that is creepy. Oh, this one's good. So I was chatting with a guy in a pub. He seemed like a normal nice dude and we got on really well. At some point in the conversation, he casually mentions that he's not long out of jail for torturing a guy. Hot.
00:28:46
Speaker
And in brackets, he never said torturing. He said what it was that he did to him. yeah Oh, Yeah. He's like, yeah, I just got out of jail for pulling a guy's fingernails out, waterboarding him, and then basically drawing drawing and quartering him. But I didn't kill him. No biggie. Yeah, I didn't kill him. So I don't know why they sent me to prison. ah He slipped in the conversation so casually as if he was just telling me about running to the shop for a pint of milk. Never saw it coming.
00:29:13
Speaker
i asked around another day I asked around another day and confirmed he wasn't full of shit. so and He was a torturer. Okay, but what if but if she asked around and people were like, oh yeah, Tommy says that. It's not true. He just likes to make himself sound tough. Would that be worse? Yeah, I don't know actually.
00:29:39
Speaker
Or would she be like, oh, okay, he just lies about torturing someone and going to jails for it. He just likes making things up like that. So now I want to date him. Yeah, that's just as weird, isn't it? One story, don't torture people. Don't lie about torturing people. ah Both is weird. And if you meet someone who does either red flag run away, run fast away. Yeah, exactly. Okay, I'll do one more.
00:30:05
Speaker
um I was walking my dog down a main road on leash and a lady was walking her dog off leash. Already annoyed. Her dog stopped on the road causing cars to stop. She had no control of it. Her dog lunged for my dog and I asked her to put her dog on the leash. She said that she would stop on my dog's head and let her dog kill mine. I knew it wasn't even worth arguing with her so I carried on my walk.
00:30:34
Speaker
She then set her house on fire two weeks later with her children inside. Luckily they were okay, but yeah, madness. ah Sorry, yes, I made a statement. Yes, she's currently in prison, was released after the arson and then re-arrested for further crimes and her children are aged four to seven. The dog is also okay. Happy ending, but yeah, what the fuck? And I think, you know, that just goes to show that people who are cruel to animals are a red flag.
00:31:03
Speaker
h massive red flag. I kind of want you to do another. Okay I've got one. One more. I went on a date and she casually dropped how she killed her brother's hamster with perfume as a kid because she was mad at him like it was just some quirky little story to laugh about. Needless to say I started looking for an exit strategy at that point.
00:31:25
Speaker
I feel like this is a really well balanced. We have a couple guys, a couple girls, but what the fuck? The women are the ones who are trying to kill animals and their kids. i What's wrong with these bitches? Okay. Fuck. Yeah. oh honestly I just want to do this one as well. Okay. I kind of, I'll read it and then I'll say. So um this one, it was an Uber driver. My wife and I took an Uber down to the bars one weekend.
00:31:53
Speaker
Once he picked us up, I could tell easily that he was on something. While we were crossing a bridge on the interstate, about halfway to our destination, he said, isn't it crazy that I could swerve off the road and just kill us all right now? Oh my God.
00:32:12
Speaker
Yeah, man. So crazy. Crazier if you don't do it though. But, ah you know, we've all had intrusive thoughts where you're like, man, I could just slam into that car. Yeah, absolutely. Yep. Oh boy. You know, you don't vocalize that when you're an Uber driver. No, don't say out loud. No, I'm just going to fuck up your ratings.
00:32:37
Speaker
Exactly. The guy said that he reported him to Uber so that no one would ever get in a car with him again, which is fair. Not only did he say that, which is scary, but he was clearly on something. I wonder if he was like gurning. Which is why I died and like spat it. Or just literally shooting up heroin in the front seat. Needle turn against the- Crack pipe, you know. Oh boy. moved I mean, you know, it is, I guess with taxi drivers,
00:33:07
Speaker
that ah it's always been kind of been true. But I guess that's like what the company so you maybe feel safe for the duper is too. I was just gonna say it is mad that we like basically order cars to come to our house and we get in with complete strangers and all of that but there's been so many instances of you know, girls getting attacked and stuff or Like I've read stories where it's like my Uber driver is going the opposite direction and not, risk like I'm saying, and they're just ignoring me and you know, I've been in this car for an hour now. yeah Oh yeah. That's why like, I like the features that have been made where you can send someone your location and when you're supposed to arrive and stuff, but that doesn't like ah help me now.
Animal Cruelty and Social Issues
00:33:47
Speaker
No, I'm still going to get murdered. Please still know where to find your body.
00:33:52
Speaker
That's true. Yeah. You still have my exact location. but yeah but ah Well, aside from what I've already shared about just like kind of horrible dating experiences and relationships, I don't think I've met anyone dangerous, but I did have to sit next to in court a man who murdered his child's mother while the young child was in the backseat.
00:34:22
Speaker
And we terminated his parental rights, obviously, and I like had to had to sit next to my court. That sucked. Grim. Yeah. I just watched the new thing on Netflix about the Lacey Peterson case. Did they touch upon the fact that like now there's reason to think he might not have done it?
00:34:44
Speaker
really na I mean, he's claimed his innocence the whole time. DNA evidence that recently came out, but I don't remember seeing the result of that. Apparently there is another documentary from his perspective on, is it Paramount or something like that?
00:35:04
Speaker
Which I haven't watched yet. But I mean, from watching that documentary, it's fucking obvious he did it, quite frankly. like i think I can't see any and any evidence, apart from the fact that there wasn't any physical evidence to tie him to it. But all the circu circumstantial evidence just screams volumes. The affair and the money and stuff, yeah.
00:35:28
Speaker
Yeah. And just like he bought a boat on the day he told his mistress that his wife had gone. who And then her body washed up fucking like a hundred meters from where he said he went fishing that day. He'd never been fishing before. He had like a tarp in the back of his car. And yeah, just loads of shit. It's just like, yeah, mate you did it. Come on. Well, supposedly the Innocence Project is working on his case, which is a nonprofit that basically takes cases and looks into exonerate. Before DNA evidence was a thing, all those people who are wrongfully convicted, they've done a lot of that. like I think and don't think the Innocence Project is necessarily doing like the making a murder, guys, but there are people obviously working on that too and maybe it started there. I feel like if they're actually looking into his case, then- Then there must be something then.
00:36:21
Speaker
or they think it's worth investigating. I mean, I think they've probably had instances where they do investigate and then either confirms it or they can't make any, like it's not conclusive enough. But yeah, you know, I guess there's usually, even if there's like, it's kind of like, if it walks like a duck, it smells like a duck. And there is a reason why they say it's typically the husband, but I don't know.
00:36:46
Speaker
Yeah it's uh it looked pretty straight to be but you never know stranger things have happened. We are happy to acknowledge if we're wrong if that happens but but there were like things as well like I particularly enjoy not enjoy but I like watching how they react
00:37:10
Speaker
And he at no point looked like a grieving husband whose wife had gone missing. He did TV interviews to try and clear his name in the media because the media were accusing him before he even got arrested and stuff. Yeah. Um, and you know, psychopaths or sociopaths have this thing called like micro expressions. So they'll be telling us, you know, it could be a really sad story. He's talking about his missing wife and just, you'll just see him slightly smile.
00:37:38
Speaker
And it's just that tiny little micro expression that indicates that they know they're getting away with it or think they're getting away with it. And he did that a lot. um And obviously that's not hard evidence and I'm no expert, but I think I'm quite good at reading people. And that's what I got from him. He didn't seem that fucking upset to me. Yeah, it can't just be about that because I think there's also plenty of research and but like ah anecdotes that show when the opposite was true, people judged based on like the kind of weird sounding 911 phone call or someone's interview with the police where ultimately they didn't do it or something like that because I think i don't necessarily know how I would react if i something horrible happened to me and I had to make a call.
Tradwife Trend and Relationship Dynamics
00:38:24
Speaker
like Would I be hysterical? Would I be too hysterical? Would I be not hysterical enough? Would I be
00:38:30
Speaker
like basically in a state of shock, you know? So I think I agree with you that they're like, that is always, people look at that and they're like, what the fuck? You don't seem like you're worried about your missing wife, pregnant wife. But also because people, when they experience trauma, do things so differently. it's It just can't be based on that, I guess. No, it's not a science. Yeah. Well, it is a science, but it's not. But there is something to be said about our intuition. i it One of the things that in the TED talk that I went to that I talked about last time was kind of using, it's called the two-eyed method, which is um rooted in ah Native American kind of spiritualism and culture, where it's like you have your one eye, which is kind of looking towards data, scientific scientific evidence, evidence-based information, and then the other eye is kind of relying on intuition, gut, experience, things that you can't articulate in the same way as you can science, but like you just
00:39:29
Speaker
know it and there was something like the person talked about nurses who could identify someone was coding before it happened, even if they couldn't articulate how they knew and that was just based on their experience, intuition, gut.
00:39:42
Speaker
yeah and yeah Interesting. Yep. There's a lot to be said about her gut feelings and intuition. who It's usually always right. Except for the girl who needed the blow jab wig. Except for her. She ignored all her intuition that way. Or just was like, oh, that's weird. Oh, well. Oh, well. How should we do an, am I the asshole?
00:40:12
Speaker
Yeah. So I'm assuming you've heard of the Trudwife thing that's trending on Twitter and TikTok and stuff now. I have, but explain to me like I'm five anyway.
00:40:30
Speaker
So it's basically women wanting to return to the traditional gender roles and be a stay-at-home wife, have her husband provide everything for her and, you know, live in, and but they also want to live in like luxury and have a really lovely time. I know you say stay-at-home wife and not stay-at-home mom, which in which case then If I could be a kept woman, I would totally be. Honestly, it's a bad thing. I wouldn't be probably traditional, but if I could do whatever the hell I wanted and not have to work and not have to worry about money, yeah, for whatever. You do have to clean the house, make sure food's on the table at the end of the day. Okay. No, that's not for me. Okay. I could get takeout and hire a cleaner. Okay, so here's this woman's story of... Tradwifed him.
00:41:25
Speaker
Sort of, yeah. So, she says, I'm a woman in my late 50s, married to my husband, who's in his early 60s. We've been married for 30-odd years, and I have fulfilled the role of, in quotes, traditional wife for much of our marriage. I left paid work soon into our marriage. My husband is very successful in his business and we live comfortably. All our children are adults now.
00:41:52
Speaker
My husband built his business from the ground up and I was instrumental to the early success of it, um which so as old as time which set it to what it is today. And we were having lunch with our children when my son mentioned that his wife didn't want to be a tradwife.
00:42:12
Speaker
um and do what I did to raise the kids. She raised concerns about how vulnerable a position it is and that she doesn't want to depend solely on him for money. He wanted me to talk to her and convince her by telling her how it worked out for me.
00:42:28
Speaker
I said I understood where she was coming from and being a housewife is incredibly risky and vulnerable especially if he leaves her and she's been out of the labour force for a while. He countered that it had worked for his father and me because I trusted him as my husband to provide for me and why couldn't his wife do the same? I told him that I have a meticulous record of all contributions that I have ever made to the family business recently digitised with the help of my daughter, so that if the worst ever was to happen, I wouldn't be relying on the mercy of a man to feed myself. I told him that I have made many contingency plans over the years to minimise the risk of being a housewife and compensate for my lack of pension and benefits that I'd had had I not left the labour force.
00:43:14
Speaker
This angered my son and husband and both said that it showed lack of trust and my husband especially feels like I've had one foot out the door our entire marriage and that my little escape plan included plans to shaft him of his business. I told him that the fact that he refers to it as his business rather than ours is precisely why I kept those records and why I won't be telling my daughter-in-law to do what she doesn't want to do. Am I the asshole?
00:43:42
Speaker
no Okay, this first and foremost um ah reminds me of a fact pattern that I use in a training I teach where a stay-at-home mom and a dad are divorcing and the dad has a business that she helped you know keep running for free, like did a lot of stuff for her and feels entitled to you know some of some something from it because of that. And the husband is very resistant to that. I mean, we have something called alimony or spousal support here. And um the fact that, first and foremost, the son saying that and being like, I was waiting for her to be like, well, your father and I's relationship is
00:44:26
Speaker
like, different than yours. And she's different than me. And I don't know. Like, I
Financial Independence in Marriage
00:44:30
Speaker
don't know. She probably has her reasons and whatever it is. they're Like, if it's legitimate, you guys need to have a conversation about it. It might not be about lack of trust or something like that. But the fact that this smart woman did that, this mother, um and the way her son and husband reacted is, to me, this, like,
00:44:51
Speaker
for it like to basically make it seem like it's lack of trust, trying to shaft one foot. out like That is this really subtle form of course of controlling gaslighting that is all too common and really I think kind of continues to uphold the patriarchy. in Really, he should be her husband should be kind of glad even if they're not on the precipice of divorce because that would mean he wouldn't need to have to pay her alimony or at least there could be an agreed upon amount that if she hadn't done that, like it could end up being a lot more. And the fact that she kind of was making sure for whatever reason, you know what if he died before her? And since he owns his own business, like
00:45:38
Speaker
It's not like he has a pension necessarily that she would automatically get because he works for a government or as a police officer. And so like that is actually just smart and probably what a lot of attorneys Whether they represent a husband or a wife in that scenario would recommend people do. Even if divorce, like no one is thinking about it in terms of like, Oh, you're going to get divorced. So just be prepared. But there's a reason why we have retirement plans and make wills for the worst case scenario. Exactly. She's just protecting herself. ah No, not the asshole. I think that's so ridiculous that she would even have to ask that question.
00:46:17
Speaker
So this person replied, I mean, it's pretty much that across the board. You know what I mean? Good. um This person said, not the asshole. That's legal savviness right there. um What do men obtain from getting their wives to throw their financial security into the wind? Barring separation and divorce, what happens to the wife if the husband unexpectedly dies?
00:46:40
Speaker
Does she throw herself in a fire, end up living on the streets because her husband provided and now there is no provider and she has no savings, no plan? What is this modern obsession with tradwives? In society where it takes two salaries to care for a family. The son is an asshole for not respecting his fiancee slash wife's wishes. What if she wanted him to be the house husband? What gives him the right to demand of her what she won't give?
00:47:03
Speaker
Husband is an asshole for not understanding that protecting yourself from very possible hardships that have very practical ramifications has nothing to do with not trusting him. It has to do with self preservation.
00:47:17
Speaker
Amen. i just i It does just feel like the whole intention is to just limit their wives' opportunities to leave them, like make it harder.
00:47:37
Speaker
Like Tradwife isn't, or at least from the male perspective, at least these two men's perspectives isn't about like, this is our partnership. This is what I do. This is what you do. We're equal contributors. We both have important jobs. Like, you know, I will make sure that we'll treat it like a job. Like this would be truly the way to go is treat it like an equal job where she also has an account that automatically filters money from his paycheck into hers, puts it into a retirement like that. Cause then it's treated like a job.
00:48:07
Speaker
You know, and that's what they say it's supposed to be. And so like the fact that they can't do it just like seem like, no, we do this because I want to make sure that you stay with me forever and you're at my mercy, which is controlling. Yeah.
00:48:23
Speaker
Exactly. a Loads of people were sharing their cautionary tales as well. um This person put, I'm a woman. I trusted my ex. I raised our children as a stay-at-home mother. After 25 years of struggling under financial control, we divorced. My library skills are outdated. My work history is no longer relevant and I'm financially struggling.
00:48:43
Speaker
I had the house, the retirement account, the cars, and now I've got nothing. OP, you're not the asshole, you're savvy. To document, document, document. Your son needs to get his head out of the sand and support his wife in her career.
00:48:56
Speaker
and The fact that her daughter helped her digitize things and kind of organize things to keep it updated and modern and like accessible tells me that we've got two kids who are fault, like who basically idolize or are lying with their gent... Oh, balloons. That hasn't happened in a while.
00:49:15
Speaker
idolize or align with their same gendered parent and our patriarchy son, feminist daughter. And so I just think that's interesting too. And I think all the more reason why like how you role model as a parent is really important. That's it. And I think these young idolizers of being a tradwife, I think, are probably quite naive to... Well, it's like when I said, oh, I don't have to do anything. Yeah. Like, that's it. Like, that's what you're thinking. Oh, great. I don't have to work. I can just stay at home and make some dinner. You're not thinking of the long term. Like, a lot of relationships don't work these days. And what the fuck are you going to do if you don't have an agreement in writing that he's going to give you a certain amount of money if you do divorce? You're fucked.
00:50:01
Speaker
like In fact, it'd be really smart for anybody who's considering that sort of arrangement that there actually be a prenup where basically all the arrangement is highlighted and it's enforceable upon divorce. you know yeah like It doesn't have to be a prenup about like if you cheat or don't bear me a son, like you don't get this. It's just this is the arrangement. This is what this will look like. This person commits to this. This person commits to this. and you know Upon separation, this is how assets will be divided and how kind of what each person will take away from the partnership, assuming the contract is followed, ye which makes it really less romantic and sexy. But hey, like when you get divorced, the romance and sexiness is is gone anyways. oh Exactly. So no, we are agreed, not the
Closing Reflections and Future Plans
00:50:48
Speaker
asshole. I think you did the right thing there. And um someone else made the point of as well, like if he's so upset
00:50:59
Speaker
Where is it? could take a do My life. My wife. How did I get the balloons to go? I was just like wildly gesticulating as I do. And then I was like, party. Party. Give it a thumbs up. Great. Celebrate. Fireworks. How is this happening? I don't know. Celebrate. Celebrate.
00:51:27
Speaker
ah pa lacking no i So this person said not the asshole. They've never had to think about life this way. So they have no idea what really goes on. Why aren't you co-owner of the business? yeah He really thinks that you were part of it, then why wouldn't have he had made that happen? Well, he doesn't, obviously. yeah He said it was my business. You're trying to screw me. You have one foot out the door. But she chose to stay as well.
00:51:57
Speaker
Like she could leave. It doesn't sound like she necessarily wants to, but she also just knew like that was a possibility among other things that she would, what are you looking at? so There's a magpie and a J having a fight outside. Oh, what do you think they're fighting about? and The apples on the tree. Fair enough.
00:52:16
Speaker
well sorry abstracted by nature kind of best I saw a weird ass woodpecker the other day. I didn't know what it was. And someone was like, that's a woodpecker. And I'm like, woodpeckers look like that. What color was it? I'll show you. It had like a red head of hair. And then it was kind of like cow spotted.
00:52:37
Speaker
Ooh. That's the red-headed spot. It definitely looked like a punk rocker. and Look, it's got like a red mohawk and then like nice shaved black for feathers down its back of its neck and then it's as big as like a fucking pheasant. It's big, isn't it? Yeah. Wow. yeah I was like, everyone come look at this bird! It's huge. Yes.
00:53:02
Speaker
but I thought it, yes, we commented on it being Road Runner-esque. Anyway. Anyway. I gotta to get back to work. and Okay, you do that. um I am not gonna work.
00:53:19
Speaker
Perfect. I hope if you throw a house show. I'm tradwifing, but without the husband. You're tradwifing yourself. Yeah. Love that for you. um I hope you have a house show or do something fun with the people coming down and I hope the show on Sunday goes well. If you want to to toot that or plug that show, go ahead. We're playing at the, it will be too late. It's already happened. when Oh, wait. Is it the one in Cudfield? Yes.
00:53:49
Speaker
Have fun in Cuckfield. I did have fun. It was great. I did have fun in Maine. Thanks. I did have fun in Maine. But because of that folks might either have a late or skip an episode next. Wait, no, I won't. Cause this is what it is. So nevermind. Yeah. I'm so confused. Time is weird. It's a conception that we've made up. Yeah, it is. It's a social construct. Okay. All right. Well, it's good to see you.
00:54:17
Speaker
And you, take care. Bye. Then, ta-ra. Ta-ta.