Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
54. Air Con Whore
55 Plays1 year ago
This week it's all about curly Kate, Trumps near miss, a nightmare fuel and how to tell friend you hate their partner.
Send your hair curling tips to @TSYBPOD or TalkShitToUs@gmail.com
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Weather Chit-chat
00:00:13
Speaker
Hi. Hi. How are you? I'm fine. How are you? I'm all right. I'm quite warm. Me too. I guess I have air conditioning though, so I shouldn't bitch too much. Yeah. Bloody air-corn whore. Yep. Whoring all the air-corn over there.
00:00:34
Speaker
Yeah, welcome everyone to talking shit with a whore and a Brit. I'm the whore. And I'm the bitch.
British Weather and Hair Adventures
00:00:49
Speaker
well bottom line is we both are experiencing sunny warm temperatures right now so it's very very odd it feels weird yeah it's been very so we talk about the weather a lot and this is what British people do yeah but it's um been weird like sort of kind of mild here So you just don't know what the fuck to wear. Like wearing a jumper feels like too much, but not wearing a jumper doesn't feel like enough. And then it pisses it down every five seconds. So I'm like, well, I need a coat or umbrella as well. And randomly today it's beautiful and sunny. so We've had so many storms. I feel like it's rained and thundered almost every single day for the past couple of weeks, which is why we're still having flooding issues and
00:01:42
Speaker
like in like I guess I slept like the dead last night, which I don't normally do because I guess we had a really bad storm and I did not wake up for it. um But it's still really warm and humid and muggy out right now, so I suspect we'll have another. I hope we do to break it, but yeah, it's been, you know, it was mild at first and then just lots of rain and now it's kind of hitting the hot, humid, gross, someone's breathing on you, making your newfound curl journey a frizzy mess. oh got the humidity the humidae
00:02:14
Speaker
um yeah is a mess It was about time for me to decide that I should appreciate my natural hair texture and and try to lean into it. turns out everyone i Have very, very, very curly hair, very curly hair. You've already just realized. Raises questions about why I needed to get perms when I was younger because it looked exactly the same as it did when I got perms. So here I am trying to figure this out and it's hard. It is hard because like there's so many things you can do to just fuck up your curls. So I feel for everyone who's been living like this. Yeah. Yeah. So. But imagine if you nail it in this humidity.
00:02:55
Speaker
Imagine what a breeze it's gonna be in the winter. Oh man, I will be unstoppable.
Airport Story and Hair Humor
00:03:04
Speaker
Um, yeah, I picked up Sean from the airport yesterday because he was out of town and he was looking at my hair and he almost like reached his finger out to touch it and was like, don't touch it. What is wrong with you? It's made to be appreciated, not touched. Kay? Yeah. Yep. But that's the weather. That's the update on my hair. I wish you well on your hair journey. Thank you. I hope it brings you.
00:03:35
Speaker
ah what i something some presence as yeah present A new way for me to hold my wallet just right in my hair. yeah you Just hold numerous objects in there. like Oh, oh, you need a tampon. Hold on. Here you go. My hair is not full of secrets, but it is my purse.
00:03:57
Speaker
Love it. Well, I love that for you. I love to see it. Love to hear it. Thanks. You're the only one who can appreciate it
Trump Assassination Attempt Discussion
00:04:04
Speaker
right now. but yeah I can tell you listeners, it looks good. dumb I didn't do well today. I was in a hurry. If anyone has any curl tips out there, please share because as of right now, I've been watching YouTube videos on Reddit, reading other things about how to do it. And it's just like, it's so much. And I just would like to know what works for people because
00:04:29
Speaker
yeah surely there must be an easy solution i think it does depend on your hair because of course like your hair might not like a particular product or it might not like being plopped and it might not like being diffused yeah it's dumb well you'll find your groove with it we'll see we'll see we will see i'll see yeah you know what else we'll see What? Whether the world's ending. I think get it' sometime soon, I think we'll learn. and Yeah. Well, as we record this, we've, um, I woke up to the news today that, uh, Trump has had an assassination attempt. Okay, little ear. Crazy, right? Just like a tiny little, little wound on his ear.
00:05:24
Speaker
Yeah, but someone died right in two people. Yeah. Seriously injured. So I've only done a little bit of follow up on it since it's happened. But when I heard yesterday, my immediate thought was, was this, was this staged? Which I hate, I hate that I thought that, but I was also just like, it just, there's, there would be so many benefits, if execut excuse me, I shouldn't use that word, if if carried out correctly, that would fully benefit Trump and fully ruin kind of any democratic effort. and so that and I just like wouldn't put past the man, but then I was also like, I don't know if I think he would be willing to be like, yeah, I'm willing to potentially get
00:06:15
Speaker
Shot somewhere as long as just my ear and I don't die I just don't think that that's probably who he is as a person But I do think there's enough extremist groups out there who because of all the rhetoric that's been going on would maybe try to do something and knowing you know like, oh, we won't hurt our candidate. But if if this is done well, it will support it'll benefit him and and ruin the Democratic parties and Biden shot. And so I think that's probably what happened. is that's i mean I don't know if you've heard about... right I hate that I'm even entering this kind of conspiracy theory belief, but like it's just... I don't know if you've heard about project 2025.
00:06:57
Speaker
No. So what I know about this is Project 2025 is this like effort, ideology organization that's
Flying Anxiety and Turbulence Tales
00:07:07
Speaker
trying to, with a Trump administration, further these really antiquated or extreme ideals, um some of which that aren't constitutional, some are confusing, like and no fault divorce, which I bet if I looked into it, I would see why they're arguing for that, but i and was ah was like that's just a weird one. But you know like send all the non-natural born citizens out of the country, revoke citizenship, you know um get rid of federal legislation that benefits schools and protects youths and you know sexual identity, um get rid of
00:07:43
Speaker
All of the things that I consider humanitarian in nature really go back to this kind of um white supremacist, Christian nationalist, traditionalist lifestyle. Trump says he has nothing to do with it. um I think that if that's true, he certainly inspired it. And I think some of his previous administration and campaign people are now working for this group. and They said something not too long ago about, you know if Trump wins, this he's going to enact these things and further these beliefs, and there's like a 12-point, 15-point list of things that they want to pursue. and It's like, oh, this doesn't have to get bloody unless the Democrats and liberals want it too. My suspicion is, is like oh, they fired for shots. It's a war now.
00:08:30
Speaker
like just a way to start something or make him look good, which it I think some of the pictures I've seen of Trump after getting shot and like basically doing a Heil sign. yep like But two two other people behind him I think got injured and then also the gunman has been killed and it's just very confusing how it went down and now there's some information about how this person might be registered Republican and which, and could support what I was just saying, but that also could be some, you know, maybe to make the Republicans look bad. I don't know. I don't know. There's like, I, you can't believe anything anymore either. So that's the problem, isn't it? You can't believe anything you fucking read.
Toxic Tampons and Health Risks
00:09:14
Speaker
Well, yeah, I, I mean, this is secondhand knowledge from me, but I was told by some, from someone who was on Twitter.
00:09:25
Speaker
I don't have Twitter anymore, but they saw videos of like just before it happened, the secret service like ushering people out the way. So I think Twitter has gone a bit. Like, oh, it was an inside job with, yeah, the Biden administration. Well, it was planned and, you know, it was a staged event. And i yeah, I don't know. He, you know, he's obviously having an adrenaline rush, but like, as soon as he gets up, there's this video of him just being like, fuck, fuck. He just looked really weird. I was just like, why are you yelling fuck, man? I mean, I suppose if I got shot in the air, I probably would too. Yeah, probably. But it's just like this tiny little wound.
00:10:08
Speaker
And the way they all like jumped on him. yeah I said to Alan, I was like, are they blatantly just like poured a bit of ketchup on his ear? Just like, shh, just stay down for a bit. Yeah. It's just bonkers. And I'm just, i I'm scared to see what the fallout of this might be. People were criticizing Biden for not immediately issuing a statement. And it was because he was trying to call and see if he was okay, because that's the appropriate reaction condemning gun violence is the appropriate reaction. And of course, like that's not good enough. and I remember all of the things that happened previously, like when the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi's husband got attacked in his home with a hammer and Trump made comments about it. It was so insensitive to the effect of like he had to come in, should have hit it harder, maybe you shouldn't be whatever, you know and like not compassionate at all. Whereas I think the right move is, are you okay? No one should have an assassination attempt on their life.
00:11:01
Speaker
yeah
00:11:04
Speaker
Well, fuck. We'll see what happens, I guess. Help me. How's your new government doing? but he i think it's I think it's going all right. really He's got a good cabinet. Loads of women. Oh, nice. um yeah Time will tell. h but It's hard to feel hopeful about anything these days.
00:11:31
Speaker
Well, you know, there is always the option of just, you're in America as well. You've got loads of land options. Just go and get a little cabin, live off the grid. Genuinely. Become one of those preppers. Just get loads of canned food, just start growing your own veg. You can get a donkey, some chicken. Put them in here though. yeah you could you know You can still get them shipped in. All the products. yeah You can't let but might be all cream so let it run wild, girl. Yeah, that's true. I can, again, tie rope, trap things with my hair, whatever. yeah yeah It's a natural source of rope. so Yeah, you're right. Like fishnets. Oh, you've got endless possibilities. So this was the right decision is what I'm hearing. Yeah, well done. Great, great and good.
00:12:25
Speaker
Or go to Canada. I don't know if they're going
Plastic Usage and Environmental Concerns
00:12:29
Speaker
to accept us. You're pretty close anyway. yeah I could see why they'd be like, no, thank you. No, thank you. thank you no We don't need any of that drama.
00:12:44
Speaker
Well, I hope it calms the fuck down soon.
Navigating Friendships and Relationships
00:12:48
Speaker
It's getting a bit much, isn't it really? It's so much. It's so much.
00:12:55
Speaker
Just come over, Rick. Come on. Okay. On my way. I'm going to hang up now because I'm going to get over there. Okay. When is your flight booked? Now I'm running late and again. Have you heard about this thing of these guys in quotes, raw dogging flights? Like raw dogging life. Well, yeah, I mean, it sounds like a sexual thing to me when I first read it. But basically what they're doing is they're refusing to use any in-flight entertainment, listen listen to anything, do anything on their phone. They literally just sit there for the whole flight and watch the flight map. And it's like this new craze that guys are doing. It's called raw dogging. Only guys? Apparently so, yeah. The only thing I've seen is about guys.
00:13:41
Speaker
Why? No, thank you. No, thank you. I don't understand it. Read a book. m but i mean ah some I think like some psychologists have come out and said, actually, it's like quite a good thing because it's they're basically unwittingly doing a form of meditation. No, I'm sure. I'm sure it really helps clear your brain and you're not like immediately distracted by all these different forms of media and stuff for like just things that can grab your attention. If it were like an hour flight, I could probably do it, but definitely not for an hour flight. Nope. I think you should try next time you come over. ah what i had all du the shit out of that flight Would it count if I had pharmaceuticals that knocked me out? I don't know.
00:14:30
Speaker
Okay, look that up for me because that will be my that will be my path if it's allowed.
00:14:37
Speaker
to literally just go into a coma. Yeah, just Xanax yeah yourself right up. Yeah, why not? Yeah, all right. We'll give that a go. Sean was telling me on his way home, we like I said, we had a lot of thunderstorms and stuff. And so I think when they're a landing, there's a lot of turbulence. And apparently it was so bad that someone in the back of the plane was like, we're going down.
Reddit Story: Secrets and Sexuality
00:14:58
Speaker
No way. If I were on that flight, I would have pissed myself. Yeah, literally. Yes. Actual touch goth. I was like... Fucking person. And he had wifi, so he was texting me as it was happening. And I was just like, oh, like thinking about if I were on there, I would be i would be dying. But I was like, it'll be okay. You're fine. Just turbulence. Turbulence is the scariest thing, isn't it?
00:15:26
Speaker
h I remember when I went to St Lucia, um that was the worst turbulence I've ever had. There's something to do with, I don't know, the atmosphere as you come into the Caribbean and, fuck me, I mean, they warned us, but it was, I was like, we are going down. This is the end of my life. And it happened on the way home as well. It was just, yeah, fucking. I have a friend who's a flight attendant and he was telling me that you know it feels really scary, and but I can't remember if he's like, there's not really ever been in an instance where turbulence has caused a plane to go down. I don't know if that's exactly what he said or if that's true, but he also had said, like you know you know, it's time to be concerned when the flight attendants
00:16:14
Speaker
are like praying in their seats, right? yeah but So I always look at them and I'm like, do the, I mean, yeah, they're sitting there and they're not looking like they have a great time, but they look like it's kind of just, this is what happens. Yeah. Yeah. Just when it drops. Yeah. I think that's what happened to make that person yell, which I like, I understand, but also, sir, keep it to yourself.
00:16:39
Speaker
I don't need your anxiety on top of mine, okay, sir? Yeah, yeah. This way I hate flying, though. Well, you know, you maybe you could go to boat. I have a boat. I built one with my hair. Your hair, Raft. I had so much gel in it, it's waterproof. I'm not sure that would make it across the Atlantic. I'll figure it out. it's I'll make friends with some dolphins. They can pull me. Oh, that'd be cute. in Yeah. Yeah.
00:17:17
Speaker
Not only are you excellent at accents, but also dolphin. Apparently so. I feel like I've ever done that before. that Perfect. came out ah Speaking of nightmare fuel of flights that in turbulence and fallen out of the sky, I think you said you had some nightmare fuel for me. Yeah, I've got some nightmare fuel for you. Love it. na man how are
00:17:43
Speaker
No, I couldn't do it. It sounded like a raised baby. ha
00:17:51
Speaker
Okay, so, came across this article and um turns out... the tampons have been found to contain arsenic and lead. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I saw a TikTok of a guy who's just like, what the fuck is wrong with this country? Tampons have arsenic and lead. And I was like, i yeah, I know. All right. So a study found that toxic materials in tampons Sorry, there is toxic materials in tampons for several brands. So that's great. It's not just the one brand. now It's several brands. So the article reads, but and this is on it's on Huff Post and Buzzfeed as well, if anyone wants to read it themselves. So when it comes to health and exposure concerns, tampons are particularly concerning as the skin of the vagina has a higher potential for chemical absorption than skin everywhere else on the body.
00:18:54
Speaker
However, researchers believe that despite this, tampons are still woefully understudied. And in fact, a new study has revealed that millions of tampons actually contain toxic materials such as arsenic and lead. Yay. ah Lead author Jenny A. Shearston, a postdoctoral scholar at the UC Berkeley School of Public Health, said that despite this large potential for public health concern, very little research has been done to measure the chemicals in tampons. Why? yeah um
00:19:25
Speaker
It's not like we're putting them, you know, inside our bodies or anything. ah To our knowledge, this is the first paper to measure metals in tampons. Concerningly, we found concentrations of all metals we tested for, including toxic metals like arsenic and lead. So of course, this is alarming, but the health implications of it are far more frightening. Strap in. um Berkeley Public Health said that metals have been found to increase the risk of dementia, infertility, diabetes and cancer. They can damage the liver, kidneys and brain, as well as the cardiovascular, nervous and endocrine systems. In addition, metals can harm maternal health and fetal development.
00:20:12
Speaker
So co-author Catherine Schilling, assistant professor at Columbia University, Melman School of Public Health said, although toxic metals are ubiquitous and we are exposed to low levels at any given time, our study clearly shows that metals are also present in menstrual products and that women might be at higher risk for exposure using these products. So for now we don't know if these metals are contributing to negative health effects but research researchers have stated that further studies will test how much of these metals can leach out of the tampons and be absorbed by the body as well as measuring other chemicals.
00:20:52
Speaker
She just went on to say, I really hope the manufacturers are required to test their products for metals, especially toxic metals. It would be exciting to see the public call for this or to ask for better labeling on tampons and other menstrual products. So this is my public call. Yep. Right here. For us to stand together.
00:21:17
Speaker
and ask for all the problems. Let me raise my hand too. It's crazy to me that we had like only recently within the last year were studies done on like tampons actually not being as absorbent, not actually being tested on blood, but blue water. and and ah I'm now wondering, you know we talk about
Listener Hair Tips and Episode Reflection
00:21:48
Speaker
I think we talked previously about toxic shock syndrome. from you know that Now I actually wonder if that's just because of the toxic metals. Because if you if you leave it in too long and your tampon is fully absorbed and can't absorb anymore, it stands to reason that that would probably make the metals leach out and into our systems. No fucking shit that people get toxic shock syndrome.
00:22:09
Speaker
Rock and roll. I think you've just solved the mystery of that. Well done. Not a doctor, but very smart. To get an honorary degree from Berkeley and Columbia. that's my That's my hypothesis. Whoever wants to test that, those who can do those sorts of things, please do, because i it just you know it's kind of like a sponge. great it has to It eventually can't absorb any more water, and so then the stuff's going to leak out of it. Yeah. so man yeah I'm glad that I've made the switch to a cup, but even this most recent round of period, I still used a tampon a time or two. So cool. And also explains my dementia and my diabetes and my cancer and my infertility. now Now I have all the answers. This explains a whole lot. It's fucking mad that like this is the first study. How many years have women been using tampons?
00:23:04
Speaker
I'll refer us back to the, I think it was the Mother's Day episode where we talked about when tampons were invented. so But no one cares about women. and Please could someone just look into that and just put some regulations on the excessive amounts of Arsenic and lead in tampons, that would be quite nice. Remember, they were invented by men, so yeah that's why. They're like, oh, I want to probably help with their hysteria. We calm them down a little bit if we poison them slowly through their vaginas. Yep. You know what? I'm just gonna lean into it. Maybe it'll give me a superpower. Yeah. I'm arsenic woman.
00:23:51
Speaker
my bones are made of lead. But you know, like there's so many things like lead paint that's not used anymore. and Now we have unleaded gasoline because that was I mean, if you want to know what maybe some of the prevalence of like cognitive issues in certain generations, they were exposed to lead paint and let it gasoline with lead in it. that would explain them over there but we had to stop using lead on roofs because I think they do occasionally but you there's stricter regulations around it now and you have to wear gloves and masks because the roofers were dying ye from lead poisoning. Or going mad. Going mad, yeah.
00:24:31
Speaker
Yep. I mean, if it wasn't arsenic and lead in tampons, there's going to be something else. There was a study recently that tested, well, I'll just paraphrase because I can't remember everything, but let's say they tested a hundred men's testicles and semen. and all 100 have microplastics in it. And that also yeah contributes to infertility and like people are talking about lower birth rates. Well, let's you know it's probably not just because people are like, maybe I don't want to have a kid. It's because we can't. Yeah. Because the amount of plastic we're ingesting. yep Yeah. Yeah. Something needs to be done about plastic, I think. Go back to class. Let's go back to class. It's prettier. It's recyclable.
00:25:18
Speaker
who Yeah, slightly heavier, but that's fine. You know, give everyone a certain amount. And if they aren't returning it and they want to purchase more, it's going to cost more. It's going to be more expensive because I think that's the issue of the cost, right? But make it so people don't want to spend the money and they will take care of their glass bottles. Yeah. Make plastic more expensive. Give me a glass tampon. I don't know. I'm just trying to problem solve here. Okay.
00:25:49
Speaker
Should be an inventor. I mean, sort of this I just, we have so we have so many ideas and we're solving so many problems on this podcast that not all of them are good, but at least we're trying. You're a problem solver. Put that on your CV. I should, I should, I will.
00:26:10
Speaker
Well, so in other bummer news about the world, you know, we' slowly killing yourselves by just having a period and Yeah. Good times. Good times. Good talk. Bye. Well, you know, I have a question for you that also isn't super uplifting, but I'm curious what your thoughts are about this. Okay. I'm curious. Where are you at in saying something to, if you had a friend who is dating something, say dating something dating i dating something or someone?
00:26:49
Speaker
rubber. That you didn't like or let's say you hated and just kind of there were a lot of things you didn't like, you didn't enjoy being around them. Where are you at on saying something to your friend about that? Oh, it's a tricky one this, isn't it? um I mean, I have had it before and and done it before and it didn't end well. You want to say more? So, yeah, like when I was much, much younger.
00:27:28
Speaker
like early 20s. I had a friend who ah really didn't like their boyfriend and I also witnessed him cheating on her at a club and so told her about it because I was like one don't like him to hear his proof that he's a twat. And unfortunately it resulted in us falling out as friends and they didn't believe me at the time and it kind of ruined the friendship for a while and we're absolutely fine now and after years it was fine but
00:28:14
Speaker
It doesn't always go the way you anticipate it to go because love is blind. um And there's always that, you know, friends always say like, oh, you know, in hindsight, I wish you told me or why didn't you say anything? Exactly. Yeah. It's like, well, that's why. Yeah. I mean, it's kind of a twofold thing. I think the conversation about if you had proof of a friend's partner cheating or otherwise doing something really problematic, like do you say anything? And I think
00:28:53
Speaker
We always kind of look, reflect and be like, what I want to know. Yeah. But then I also think there's the shoot the messenger type of response. I've had that too. um And get basically got blamed. It was much easier to like cut me out versus yeah and and the relationship and address it even when it was pretty significant. um I do think there's ways. you can approach it and you don't have to come guns blazing and be like, by the way, I fucking hate your partner. ah You could just point out maybe some behaviors that you've noticed that aren't cool or things like that.
00:29:37
Speaker
wow you are so smart because the article that I was reading that made me want to talk to you about this said you know there's a time and a place there's certain concerns to share some to keep to yourself and to really kind of point out behavior not the person rather than you know like ah you know He's a bit of a twat. You would say something like, well, I just noticed that whenever we're together, he you know he he makes fun of you a lot and it seems like it makes you feel bad or he says a lot of rude things to me and it makes me feel bad you know rather than you know he's just a prick. Yeah, exactly. Which will just make them defensive and isn't going to help anything.
00:30:21
Speaker
Another tip is to be prepared for pushback too because naturally, you know if they're with them, they want to feel defensive because like I think a part of it too was like, oh how does it reflect on me that I'm with this person? you know or yeah something like that and that's where i think it's you gotta be careful but also it's just like like i get it i can see why you like them i just noticed this and it like i'm wondering if you ever brought it up or i want you to know it makes me feel bad and particularly if it's something that's kind of directed towards you the article also says sandbox by the way.
00:30:54
Speaker
set boundaries when you need to. So if it starts becoming a, you know, an issue and the person's like, well, talk to him about it, or, you know, like you're too sensitive, then you maybe just start like, you know, I don't think I'm going to hang out with you and him or her together. You know, I love you and I want to be your friend, but it's really hard for me. And that way it's kind of more about like, I'm going to set this boundary. You can continue to date them. So. And I guess it it kind of depends on your friendship with them as well and how open generally you are. Um, cause you know, certainly in in my friendship group, there's some friends that I definitely feel I would be close enough to, to open a conversation about all around my views. But then there's others where I would feel like it almost wouldn't be my place to say. Um, especially if it's between the two of them. But I mean, it's like,
00:31:51
Speaker
you know I've been meaning to talk to you about Alan. ah He was like really mean to me. This time I saw you guys. Just kidding. But it's it's when it's not really anything to do with you except for just your concern for your friend. I know that's even harder. And if you are friends with them, but you don't feel like you have that kind of relationship, that's different. But I feel like you would be happy to tell me all the things that you hate about Nige.
00:32:19
Speaker
like Or till night all the things you hate about me probably to my face
00:32:24
Speaker
I'm just going to sit you right down and just tell you all the things I hate about you. but being sonoing That'll be our next episode. yeah Can you just come up with a list of things you hate about me for me to fix? Because I love feedback. If anything, that is a strength of mine, my willingness to hear all the horrible things I'm doing. That's so great of you. Well done. Thank you. That's a thing I love about you. Thank you. I just thought it was interesting though because I've had at least two experiences where I've had to... I i said something um about someone's partner and one resulted in the friendship being over and I'm also and learned later that I'm not the only one, that it came up again, this kind of continued and same behavior and then they got cut off and it's just kind of... It's really sad. That's really sad. Yes.
00:33:14
Speaker
Yep, because I think the person also probably doesn't feel like they have an option because they have kids and all of that this person and and it's very sad. The other time, I think I was perhaps a little sensitive and and in hyper aware of things that were and just it was a matter of getting to know the person better. and Yeah. ah Thankfully, you know, raising it to my friend I didn't end the friendship but i I think I approached it poorly and I also think that um it was a bit subjective, you know, like it was knowing you know XYZ, but really, it was my
00:33:54
Speaker
sensitivity on a thing rather than this person's personality characteristic and getting to know the person better ended up, I grew to love the person. Well, there you go. Don't fucking jump to conclusions. Yeah. nice and Bottom line. But also, like you know there's if you're concerned about someone's safety, if you suspect abuse, there's lots of resources out there on how to approach it and it might backfire and you know I think the only thing you can do is continue to be there for your friend too, even if they set boundaries with you, because probably one day, like you said with your friendship, you guys are friends again and you know probably they'll even say, you're right. I just couldn't hear it at the time and I'm sorry. you know That's it. um and It also depends on the dynamic of the relationship. As you say, if if they are in an abusive situation or being emotionally manipulated, then they are not going to want to hear it.
00:34:49
Speaker
Or do anything about it. And sometimes it's just the easier route. you know like yeah It's easier to believe the person that I'm entangled with in this way versus the friend who maybe is looking out for me. But like if I were to believe them, the things that I'd have to do in response are really difficult. It's I think just like when you're thinking about ending a relationship, sometimes people drag their feet because it's hard to do. Yep, and often in those times you don't do anything about it or leave until you are
00:35:22
Speaker
At breaking point, I'll push to do it. yeah Sorry, I've got a dog just jumping at the door, don't you? Let me in. I have thoughts on this particular topic. which I want to tell you about Jess or Eric. I think it must be Eric, because I think Keith's just got home. Well, I think Eric has lots of good points, and I've always appreciated his insights. so Yes, he's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. He's just very excited. My name is Eric. i know sure My Eric. My dad makes chase.
00:36:00
Speaker
The trees but cheese The cheese tax. Yep. It's a real thing. Gotta pay the cheese tax. You do gotta pay the cheese tax. And the ham tax and the chicken tax. And... The treat tax. The treat tax. The walk tax. Animals are expensive. So many taxes. They are. Are you demanding as well?
00:36:24
Speaker
ah Would you like to hear an am I the asshole? You know I would, baby. Ow! I was listening to um Michael Jackson's album the other day. I can never remember. Dangerous. The one that's all like gold with his face on it. It was the first album I ever bought actually. And I went through it and was like, oh my God, there's some bangers on here. But the thing I was most dismounted about is just how high that motherfucking can get.
00:36:57
Speaker
Yeah. Like even his fucking hard to do as a woman. Yeah. Like his falsetto sounded good. It wasn't like, uh, I can sing this high, but it doesn't sound pretty sort of thing. Yeah. It's just damn good. Yep. Quite some talent there. Oh, RIP. That's so funny. That was your first album. Cause I feel like it depends. Like I want to say the first one that I intentionally bought or got. outside of like Disney soundtracks was probably Paula Cole. Who's that? Where have all the cowboys gone? Her. Great. Yeah.
00:37:38
Speaker
Yeah. Explains a lot about you. I mean, i don't really yeah I don't think I, I think it was that one song, my friends were buying it. I remember when we got it, my parents looked at it and they're like, I mean, she's on a swing naked. You can't have the CD. And I was like, why? Why though? It also might've been TLC. That's where I can't remember for sure. So one makes me very cool. The other makes me questionable.
00:38:06
Speaker
But, you know, it balanced you out. Yeah, for sure. That's why I contain multitudes.
00:38:14
Speaker
Okay. Sorry. We digress. Yep. Moving on. I like the asshole for not telling my wife that I lost my virginity to a man. Okay. Let me just buckle my seat belt up for this one. My safety helmet. Let's go. Get in. Me? 45-year-old male and my wife, female, 41, are in the process of separating. Nothing too dramatic, just the usual... eric i I can't say the word, irreconcilable differences.
00:38:52
Speaker
Namely, money, social behaviour and what we want to do with the rest of our lives. She's happy with the house and her work and I want to experience more of the world before I get too old. um Sex isn't one of the reasons for separating, even though it has been sporadic over the last few years, putting it mildly. I've been reaching out to a lot of my old social peers for support during this time, as as has she, um and I've reconnected with the man I lost my virginity to at 16. He was 19 at the time. We met up for drinks a couple of nights ago in town and had a really good evening at the end of which we said we should hook up once the separation was moving forward.
00:39:30
Speaker
The next day, my wife confronts me asking why I hadn't told her that I'd lost my virginity to a man. I asked her what she was talking about and it turned out that one of her work colleagues was in the same pub the previous night and had overheard us talking. My wife was and still is furious that I hadn't said anything about this for the 18 years that we'd been together and says that I've deceived her and now she believes this is the reason why I instigated us going our separate ways. She's now telling everyone I'm a closet homosexual and have been all of this time. Am I the asshole?
00:40:10
Speaker
It's so funny that you picked this one for today because I was just within the last week reading maybe it was a Twitter thread or something about how it's recently become a thing that a bunch of young men arent are now talking or like there's like like people, men losing, oh, I'm just hanging out with my homies. This is what we did, but it wasn't gay, but it's like they were hooking up and like like not talking about it in that way. I guess I'm not explaining it well, but that was basically the theme of what I was reading. right yeah
00:40:47
Speaker
um um what You know, my inclination is no, you're not an asshole because you didn't disclose that the person like the gender of the person you lost your virginity to. I would think that... Why does it matter, ultimately? I guess to me it only matters if you like it impacts your kind of i guess or orientation or gender identity. I do think being honest about those things with your partner is good because then you can like if there's needs or expectations that need to be set and it feels like you're you're you're missing out on those things, like it's good to be honest.
00:41:24
Speaker
I suppose also um there are risks that could be associated with it just because but I think there's correlation between high like exposure to, you know, HIV and AIDS, unfortunately, with um
00:41:39
Speaker
male on male, I guess is what I'll say. I don't think that's the right term, but um it's kind of escaping me. But I also think things have improved since the AIDS epidemic because a lot of it was like on the down low and not using protection and not and not a lot of conversation about it, but there are those risks. right um And so being transparent, but I also think like if this person was, you were 16 when it happened and that has not been, like yeah you haven't engaged in same-sex intercourse since then. I don't think it matters um unless your partner directly asked, hey, what did you lose your virginity to a male or a female? And then you lied, then that is a problem. And it's unfortunate that she is associating this with the end of your your marriage because ah she think you know because she she didn't know, but also
00:42:25
Speaker
You know, she could have asked, I guess, but it it sounds like it wasn't something that, like this person, whether he's bisexual or it was just like a one-time thing, it didn't impact the marriage in any way. Just some extra points that he's also put. He said the age of consent in the UK is 16. I think a lot of people are kicking off. Oh, about the age difference? Sure. um And he also said my wife and I never discussed sexual history, it may sound impossible to believe but it's true, she was just never that interested in having that conversation and sex wasn't ever hugely important to her as much as cuddling etc.
00:43:07
Speaker
Yeah, I was going to say, I mean, I'm sure they maybe had like, probably talked about previous partners a little bit, but if they never were like, tell me about all, how many people, what's your body count? What are the genders of your body count? And some people don't want to know that information either. yeah My guess is if she asked, this person probably would have been honest, but she didn't. so Exactly. She sounds a little bit like a prude. um
00:43:36
Speaker
But yeah, I don't think he's the asshole at all. I don't think it really has a ah bearing on things other than the points you mentioned. She didn't want to know about your your previous sexual history, so it hasn't come up. And also, like, what a bitch for the person sitting in that pub overhearing and then going straight to your wife to tell her. Get out of the life. Yeah. I'm curious to know while the sudden this, even though she's not right, the fact that she now thinks that their marriage is ending because he's a homosexual, like why that matters all of the sudden, because if he had come to her and said, I actually am gay and I don't want to live in this. I don't want to live in the closet anymore. I want to be able to freely explore that part of me. I want a divorce. Would she be like, Oh, okay.
00:44:34
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, often she's like walking around outing him now. But it feels like, yeah, it feels like an attention thing. Yeah. Oh, it's not my problem. We broke up. He's gay. That's why. It's a little fucked up. Actually, I think she's an asshole a little bit. Yeah. I do too. Conclusion. She's the asshole. What did the comments say? um
00:45:00
Speaker
Top one says, well, the good news is, what's she gonna do? Leave you? Fair. um
00:45:15
Speaker
There's people like asking a lot of questions. So like saying, who did she think you lost your identity to? But he obviously hadn't added the extra her bit. um
00:45:33
Speaker
Someone i said, O.P. would be the asshole if his wife had no idea he was ever with or into men. Everything else aside, you lied to her for the entirety of your manner marriage. And even if you say it isn't, this probably played at least some part in your lackluster sex life and probably the divorce as well. um But that person has been called out for being. No, I don't. Sorry, some other comments called them out. yeah just saying like this is extremely biphobic and bisexual people can have fulfilling relationships with women and men regardless of gender right there's nothing to say that it played a part in their sex life or their divorce perpetuating the stereotype that bisexual people can can't be fulfilled by a relationship with one gender it's incredibly harmful um of course i would would expect opie to have discussed his sexuality with his wife of 18 years however it would be very weird if this was ever brought up
00:46:33
Speaker
um And he also commented... Where is it? He said, I've been around homophobia enough while playing sports, football. I'm not using the s-word. Soccer, I assume. um And I know that saying anything about any sexual contact at all would get me ostracized from almost all of my social groups, including sections of my family. um Even though I may have deceived, in quotes, deceived everyone, um would it be right to have lost my whole life just because of who I was attracted to at one point in my life?
00:47:15
Speaker
Um, yeah, it's kind of like, I mean, people, you know, we talk about the closet and stuff, but sometimes people just are also like, I don't think I need to publicly announce my sexuality. Straight people don't have to do that. I don't have to be like, I'm straight and I'm attracted to men. So like do it. But then it sounds like there would have been a good reason for this person not to do that, even if they weren't like actively trying to hold themselves out one way or another, but And it also, again, sounds like it was, this was like the first exploration of any sort of sexual identity. And then after that, ended up with women. I don't know. Yeah. Well, just like people can like whoever they like. Yeah. And there's plenty of people in the world that.
00:48:04
Speaker
Gender isn't even an issue. They like the, what is it, demisexual, is it? Where you fall in, you're attracted to the- Pansexual? Pansexual? I don't know. You should probably look that up and get it correct, but you're attracted to the person and the personality and the soul rather than the genitals.
00:48:24
Speaker
Demisexual is a person who only feels sexually attracted to someone after creating an emotional bond. So your irrespective of gender, pansexual is not limited in their sexual attraction to in regards to biological sex, gender identity, or expression. So I think you know but one is like it doesn't matter. The other one's like, as long as I have an emotional bond. Yeah. um yeah Great. Great. Everyone just like let people, this goes back to, I think, things we've been kind of talking shit about this, honor just like let people be themselves and don't worry about what they're doing in the bedroom. If it's none of your business, like if it doesn't impact you, you don't really get a say. Yeah. So. Grow up. Grow up. That's why people's sex and worry about your own. Yeah.
00:49:15
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Not the asshole, not the asshole. Enjoy your freedom, baby. Yeah. Get that dick. Or whatever, you know? Or whatever. A jine, willies, whatever you fancy. Whoa. Another good episode, I think, for the books. I'm just gonna go ahead and do her own horn.
00:49:46
Speaker
baby And if you've got any um advice for Kate in her hair curling journey, could you please send us a DM at tsybpod or email us at talkshiptous at gmail.com. Um, um, give some tips and stuff. And also if you could give me tips on my straight hair and how to make it more curly, that would be great. Um, I mean, I can tell you what I've learned so far. I was going to get this product that I keep seeing called like Merwave or something.
00:50:20
Speaker
And they claim that like if you have wavy hair when you let it dry naturally, then actually you've got curly hair. You're just not using the right products. That's exactly what kind of led me here was because if I let my hair air dry, it's not stick straight and it gets Pretty frizzy and I was like I just have shit hair But I learned actually know that's a sign that you have actually their wavy or curly hair and it requires a specific kind of method of styling and products in order for it to look good and I was like well, let's just see what I can do with this because I've been letting my hair air dry for a while because I just think it's better and I was like I wonder how curly my hair can actually get turns out Shirley Temple level. Yeah, it is currently yeah, and that is If I do it right, I can have really nice smooth looking hair, which is not something I ever thought I could have even in efforts to like straighten. and i i mean I think that's the issue is that I've spent so many years straightening and fighting my hair that I have to actually like let it become healthier because I've just i think kind of of've just kind of it tormented it. yeah
00:51:26
Speaker
yeah so You know, fingers crossed that I can get, look nice. Like, what did you say, slash? yeah and She hopes that I can grow it out and be like slash the guitarist. That is not my hair goal. or like in special Sure. you
00:51:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:47
Speaker
yeah I just want to see what I can do. I'm probably going to not end up liking it, but it is funny that I would spend time blow drying it, straightening it only to then curl it. Yeah, that does seem a little bit backwards, doesn't it? Yeah. Well, I'm looking forward to see where this journey takes you. Thanks. And if you find that you might have a little bit of a wave, let me know and I'll tell you what I know and you can borrow the tips we hear from the listeners as well. Fantastic. I look forward to it. but Great. New hair, new us. Oh, new pod. The curly hair pod. I think there are a couple podcasts about curly hair, so we might be reinventing. everything
00:52:29
Speaker
It's true. There's not one about Kate and Gemma talk and shit, except for this one. There is this one. This is our niche. Yep. All right. Well, thank you for listening, everybody. If you could also, wherever you're listening to your podcasts, or like follow like whatever it is and what you're listening to. Smash that like button. Give us a little review as well. Um, cause it helps us get out there. Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep. Curly hair. I regret even saying anything to you about this now.
00:53:09
Speaker
my curly-haired friend this is me with my curly hair All right. It was good to see you and you have a lovely weekend. You too. Bye!