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49. Lay Thine Eyes Upon This Bidet
51 Plays1 year ago
We're back with a poo heavy episode (be warned!) with vacation tales, a listener story and a butt based AITA.
Get in touch at @TSYBPOD or email TalkShitToUs@gmail.com
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Transcript
Reunion & Podcast Return
00:00:13
Speaker
Hi, I'm Kate. What's your name? My name's Gemma. Wow. Nice to meet you Gemma. It feels like I've known you for a long time though. It does. It feels like I haven't seen you in a long time. Cause you haven't, and but we're back with Talking Shit and a yank and a Brit. Hi everyone. Good to be back. Hello everyone. Thanks for tuning in again. If you are, if you're not, then fuck off.
Vacation Break & Flight Jokes
00:00:42
Speaker
We haven't died. We haven't joined a cult. We haven't.
00:00:49
Speaker
disappeared into the ether. If you listened to our last little update episode on the podcast platform near you, you would recall that we were taking a little break because Gemma wanted to go on vacation and I needed to just Keep living my born ass life.
00:01:09
Speaker
Well, should I tell you about this vacation in inverted commas? Yes. I mean, I feel like you've been back for how long now. I got a little bit of a preview, but specifically was waiting for this moment to hear all about it.
Travel to Corfu & Airport Antics
00:01:26
Speaker
Wow. Buckling. That's my seatbelt. Good, thank you. Click. Okay, so it's, you know, it started well. We had an early flight, got to the airport, absolutely fine. Had to wait around for a few hours as you do. And I think you've experienced Gatwick before yeah in London. ah You have to get there, you know, approximately six hours before your flight, but they don't tell you the gate until they're about to close the gate.
00:01:55
Speaker
And then you have to run 10 miles to the gate to get there. And answer questions three from a troll. Yes. about You don't need a passport, you just got to answer these riddles. yeah
00:02:10
Speaker
And luck a little leprechaun but luckily, you and Alan were equipped, you studied. Gatwick posts a little like, here's here's the possible topics for today. Yeah, so we studied that. We, thank God, answered the questions right. We're on the flight. The flight went fine. What airline again? EasyJet, mate. SleezyJet, basically. SleezyJet. Got it. Okay. See, I got there. It was beautiful. Everything was fine. I had a bit of a dicky belly.
00:02:44
Speaker
I think sometimes that happens when I fly. I think it's like the anticipation and the anxiousness of flying makes me have a bit of a... Well, you're doing something very unnatural that God does not want us to be doing. Some reason to be a little bit anxious. You're about to willingly step into a tin can and go to 30,000 feet. so With literally
Arrival & Hotel Relaxation
00:03:03
Speaker
just a little click over your lap, you'll be fine. You'll be all right. Don't worry. If something does go wrong, pop your little jacket on, and the oxygen's gonna come down from the ceiling and you'll be absolutely fine. Don't worry. Then they go, and if you hear, brace, brace, then you must brace. Thankfully, you've never heard that on a flyer yet. No, thank God. So you arrived in Greece, right? We arrived in Corfu.
00:03:33
Speaker
which is a little island off the Greek coast. It's fine. Our transfer was there. I had to run to the toilet. because I urgently and needed a poo. And that really pissed off our driver because he had another job, apparently. Okay. Traveled to the hotel, arrived, looked lovely, you
Exploring Corfu & Food Worries
00:03:53
Speaker
know. um Everything's sort of all white and they were very nice. Let us put our, we couldn't check in till that afternoon, but then said we could put our bags there and go by the pool and lunch was about to di start and blah, blah. So it's good, first few days, lovely.
00:04:11
Speaker
went out for some dinner on on the beach, we were like five minutes from the beach, very nice. um And it's gorgeous the island like it's all hilly and green and lush. It's like you're in a rainforest It's how big is very nice. Could you like not very big? Okay, like so you could walk from one side to the other maybe in a matter of hours Well, you could but because it's so hilly it's like winding mountain roads, so Maybe not a couple hours, but no flat. Yes. It was an hour from the airport and
00:04:41
Speaker
which was west of us, but I mean if it was flat roads that would probably take you 15 minutes. So yeah, you know, we chilled out, we had a lovely day out in Corfu Town which is gorgeous, it's like proper, mom moma you know, yeah authentic like you know, cobble streets and old European town vibes. There were lots of cats. Had a lovely day out there. um But we kept hearing around the pool, there were other British people there, and they kept saying that, like, loads of people were getting ill at the hotel. oh no
00:05:20
Speaker
So we were cautious of this because it was an all-inclusive hotel. So I was avoiding the meat anyway because I was like, I'm not getting food poisoning again. um But not just meat can give you food poisoning, right? Well, all right. We didn't know that. OK, OK. So I was eating a lot of salad. and Apparently that's one of the worst things. ah Oh, I wish I'd talked to you and you'd said something to me because I'd be like, I'm pretty sure we have lots of equal ivory calls for like lettuce, spinach, all that shit. I wish you had told me that. Probably
Food Poisoning Saga
00:05:56
Speaker
the meat would have been fine because that shit's cooked to the point to kill all that bacteria. Well, yeah. Well, this is the thing, like the food was like meh, meh. And even if like, like so lunch started, I think it was like half 12 and even if you went in bang on half 12,
00:06:14
Speaker
The food was like lukewarm. Do you know what I mean? It never came out hot. Was it like a buffet? Like a big buffet. And you could see them, like they bring out the food like half an hour before they were actually allowed to go in there. So it's just sitting there getting gross. So anyway, I think it might've been the Wednesday. Well, hold on back up a second. So you're like, I'm going to avoid the meat. And Alan's like, I'm a man. I'll be fine. He's like, I'll be all right. So he's like, bring on the meat. Yeah. Which in Greece is going to be lamb, chicken, beef, pretty much. Yeah. Fish. There's quite a lot of pork. and Yeah. I don't think either of us ate the fish because it always looked rank.
00:07:02
Speaker
um
00:07:05
Speaker
But yeah. And then there's going to be rice, lettuce, tomatoes, feta, olives, pretty much, right? Yeah. And bread. They always had a, um, like meat for spaghetti bolognese and pasta. Just sitting there. Want to eat what I eat at home all the time. Yeah. But I kind of wish I did. Maybe it would have been okay. Should've just stuck to the chips. Um, so yeah. Um, I think it was on the the shoes the other Wednesday night. We decided to go out for dinner down at the seafront.
00:07:40
Speaker
and there are a few restaurants down there. And i so I was feeling a bit weird, like, I didn't feel sick or anything, I just felt like a bit off and my belly felt weird and I was like super bloated, like, but like at the top, you know? yeah It feels a bit weird, but like, oh, maybe I'm just, I've got a load of, you know, wind need to fart a few times. It'd be all right. Yep. Ended up eating a massive dinner, had their moussaka, which I really wanted to try because it's, yeah.
00:08:12
Speaker
native to there. um And some proper Greek Halloumi, which was very nice. I bet. Was it on fire? They didn't do the fire kind? No, that's too bad.
00:08:26
Speaker
um and Yeah. So by the end of the meal, I was just feeling a bit dodged. So I was like, can we go back to the hotel? Like, I'm going to go back to the room. We went back to the room. I then proceeded to need to vomit, basically. I'm sorry. I went to the bathroom and just projectile vomited. Oh no, and moussaka too. Everything. I know. It just fucking went boom out of me, like Like exercise style. God. Felt a bit better after that, but then
00:09:07
Speaker
Tommy's still feeling a bit weird, so I went to the toilet and just... Well. irrigated your colon. Yeah. I'll say it this way. Alan thought I was having a wee, but it went on for a long time. You peed out your butt. I peed out my butt. Yeah. Sorry to be gross, everyone, but it happens to the best of us. I came out and he was like, was that a wee? I was like, oh no. I was like, I don't want to talk about it. I would not go in there for a while. Okay. Um,
00:09:43
Speaker
And so then, from then on, sort of proceeded to ship water for like 24 hours, I think it was. And not only that, I shat my pants twice. No. How many days did you have left? I had no control. Well, of course. Literally. It just is leaking out. Yeah, i we're in bed and I woke up and just immediately shat.
00:10:16
Speaker
it's like it There's nothing I could do about it in voluntary shitting. I feel like this is goingnna be this is the thing that you're like, and then I knew that he was the one because he gently changed my diaper. It was like, it's fine. Well, the problem is is he was asleep and I didn't want to wake him up. So I just sort of like had to cover it. Threw it out the middle. I told him in the morning and he was like, oh, okay, cool. And I was like, oh, you do love me.
00:10:58
Speaker
Oh boy. So yeah, that I sort of started feeling a bit better after like 24 hours. And then the day after that, Alan then got food poisoning and was vomiting and shitting for about four days. Like still was pretty ill when we left. um So the entire time where you just like in your hotel room, one of you was shitting your brains out and vomiting and the other was like, Pretty much, yeah, from like Wednesday onwards. Tuesday or Wednesday onwards. That sucks. Yeah. So what do you think you got it from? I don't know. I mean, mine was obviously more gastro related because after I threw up that one time, I wasn't sick again. It was just the... I mean, it's yeah it's the same thing. I mean, it's just sometimes you get lucky and it only comes out a one and sometimes you aren't lucky and you're riding the double-headed dragon, as they say.
00:11:53
Speaker
Yeah. she So yeah, that was that was sort of the end of the holiday. I mean, we had like a boat trip planned to go to this like private island and private beach and we couldn't do that. we can Well, we didn't do anything really. I mean, obviously Alan sort of stayed in the hotel room for the last few days and I just stayed by the pool and would check up on him. ah I mean, you know. got a bit of a tan, lost a bit of weight. Can't complain. What everyone's dream is on vacation, right? And then on the way back as well, we had a really late flight. And by this point, we just wanted to fucking go home. We were like, I'm done. Like, I just, it's been terrible. I just want to go. And obviously,
00:12:36
Speaker
when booking it, I was like, we'll get a really early flight out there and a really late one back to make the most of the holiday. yeah And so our flight wasn't until like half 11 at night. And then we got to the airport and it was delayed by like an hour or an hour and a half. And I was like, no, I just want to leave. Yeah. So in hindsight, remember, kids, when you're leaving, you want to leave with minimal amount of having to wait around at the airport and have no place to go. So you time it with when you have to check out of wherever you're at in your flight. Yes. I even ended up paying for a late checkout at the hotel because I was like, yeah, you're going to want that extra time. Alan's still puking. Oh, you did it after.
Vacation Reflections
00:13:22
Speaker
OK.
00:13:24
Speaker
Yeah, so that was my wonderful first abroad holiday in five years. and I wondered why you were so silent. I didn't expect to actually hear from you that much, but I was like check like, I don't want to interrupt and be like, tell me how it's going. But I haven't even gotten a picture really other than the first one she sent me. And then um when I kind of had a safe assumption that you were back and was like, are you alive? And you're like, no, I'll tell you about it on the podcast. and Oh, no. Oh, shit. And it didn't occur to me. Like maybe you guys got sick. I was like, someone got like someone tried to abduct you or like caught on fire or like, I don't like it rain. I don't know.
00:14:10
Speaker
um But I can't imagine anything worse when having food poisoning, A, not being in my own house, and B, having to get on a plane. I remember once when I was flying home and maybe had food poisoning, but basically like, and for the most part, it kind of like all of the worst had passed, but I was like, What's going to happen when you're on your plane is you're going to need to go to the bathroom and you're not going to be able to because line seatbelt signs on and you're going to shit your pants on the plane. So really horrible. Yeah.
00:14:46
Speaker
That's too bad. Nothing is as well. It's like usually I take about literally 50 pairs of pants. Yeah, and you didn't this time. I didn't this time. I was quite conservative with my pants ah and I shat in two of them. and It was in a hotel, not like an Airbnb that maybe had a washer. No, I had to use the shower. Oh God.
00:15:11
Speaker
That's horrible. That's like for the, I think for the ages of Worst vacations I've heard.
00:15:19
Speaker
I mean, you hear about like going to, I don't know, not trying to but stereotype here, but going to like East, an Asian country or something. And yeah, cause you have like deli belly. Yeah. Or anywhere where it's like, you're not used to the food, the water. And then I can't, I think it was someone that we mutually know who lives in England where a couple went and it's like, but they're staying on a beach and like a hut and like, there's a bucket and someone's not doing well. And they're just, I got, I gotta, I'm taking the bucket for a while.
00:15:52
Speaker
Oh, dear. Oh, I'm sorry. You guys need to have a do-over. Yeah. By the end, we were just like, why didn't we go to Wales?
00:16:05
Speaker
but Well, I'm still jealous because I want to go to Greece one day, but that's about where the jealousy ends is just that you've been there. as The rest I don't know, I would not want that. so No, I wouldn't wish that upon anyone. Yikes. It just sucks because you guys heard other people were getting sick and so it's not, it's like, okay, something about this hotel is fucking something up here and it's just like, there's nothing you can do. Like in America, you're supposed to, or at least in Minnesota, you're supposed to like report when you believe you have food poisoning and where you got it from so that it can be investigated, you know?
00:16:37
Speaker
Yeah, that's it. And I have complained to the hotel or the holiday company who then referred it to the hotel. They said you need to get a pathogen test to prove it was food poisoning. And we need to see the incident report of when you reported it to the hotel. And I mean, we told two different receptionists and they never offered yeah to give us an incident report. So I just wrote back and was like, well, this is it. I wrote back and was like, can't do that. NHS is overrun. I can't just go and get a pathogen test and I'm better now. So it's pointless.
Dating Disasters & Red Flags
00:17:09
Speaker
um And we weren't offered an incident report despite telling a few of the staff members at the hotel. However, if you would like to go to room 233, you could probably check the mattress where my shit stains are when I shat myself during the night. And literally everyone else who was there during this timeframe who either heard of or was sick. Yeah. Done. They must have had a few complaints. I bet they did. Don't know. Oh well. Never mind. And welcome back. Thank you. Was your dog glad to see you? Yes, she was really happy to see me. Excellent. And that was nice. Excellent. She's currently asleep next to me. Aww. Yeah. Hi Jess. Please move around, look at the little sheep.
00:17:56
Speaker
No. It's dead to the world. You're not dead, are you? No, she's breathing. Good. Well, have you been up to anything? um
00:18:09
Speaker
No. Okay. We'll move on. Been occasionally playing video games, trying to go to the gym, enjoying the nice weather sorta and working and being like otherwise lame. So there's that. Cool. Well, I like it when you're lame. so Makes you feel better about yourself. I got it.
00:18:37
Speaker
Yep, I am trying to even think if I have even remotely anything interesting to tell you. oh
00:18:49
Speaker
um Well, one of the video games I played was called Little Kitty Big City and that was pretty fun.
00:19:01
Speaker
You're a little kitty, isn't it? A little kitty in a big city just wreaking havoc all over the city trying to get home.
00:19:11
Speaker
Well, that sounds fun. It was pretty fun. Shout out to Taylor for letting me know it exists. Thanks for the wreck. yeahp and i mean as far it's you know It's fully summer here and so hot and we have you our patio shit set up. I've been enjoying being outside. I have a trip planned at the end of the month. I'm going to go visit Lauren. ah So that's exciting and really that's about it though. Well at least you've got some nice weather because I was just very average here. Sort of sunny in the morning and then it just gets cloudy and chill. Is it at least kind of like warm? Not really. Oh that's too bad. It is when the sun comes out. Yeah. You know and you can feel the sun warmth on your face. Very nice. But no it's not very warm at all.
00:20:04
Speaker
Well, come over here if you want to sweat while you're sitting inside in air conditioning. Oh, okay. Yeah, that sounds nice. Yeah.
00:20:14
Speaker
um It's pride month too, I guess. And I'm sad I'm going to be missing the pride festivities this month because I will be in Maine when it happens. Usually it's like kind of always really close to my birthday, but I think this year is odd and also my birthday's in the middle of the week. So it's like the last yeah I was expecting it to be the weekend before my birthday. It is not. so but my yeah That's annoying. It is. I wish that the celebration that has nothing to do with me, nor is it catered to me, would cater to me a little bit more. h How fucking dare they? I know. Thanks guys and gels.
00:21:00
Speaker
Right, well, I think we um we mentioned this on our last full episode. We've actually had a little listener write in to tell us a little story. We've been saving it for this moment. We have been sitting on it, saving it. And I have not read it. Well done. So it's going to be a really fun experience for me, I think. Yeah, this should be good. Okay. So hello, ladies. Hey. I've been exploring the world of online dating for a while now. We all know the hardships of online dating, the ghosting, dating politics, everyone's favorite. Oh, and everyone's favorite story, the unsolicited dick pic. So you can imagine my delight when I found myself chatting to a lovely like-minded guy that knew how to hold a conversation beyond what are you looking for and do you want a shag?
00:21:59
Speaker
Do you want to see my penis? I'll send you a picture. as So things were going well, paragraphs were being exchanged and this continued for about two weeks. He asked if we could chat on the phone and after some initial hesitation, I decided to put on my brave girl pants and chat with this guy on the phone. That is brave. Phone calls are awkward. i hate phones Even with people I know. Yeah. I mean, I think it's kind of like specific, more specific to our generation, but no, just send me a text. Yeah. For millennials, fuck off. Okay. It was pretty evident that we were both nervous, but conversation flowed. And for a second, I thought we might be onto a good one here. whoo Then came out the poor of red flags.
00:22:47
Speaker
No. Okay, let's hear him. So this dude goes in strong with his anti-vaxx fuse and a very bold, wasn't Covid, just basically a cold anyway. Okay. Bear in mind I sit very firmly in the vulnerable category so I'm sure you know which side of the fence I sit on. Sure do. I managed to brush over this one with a very understanding mindset that it's each their own on things like this.
00:23:14
Speaker
So we continue and I'm quickly learning he is a pro at bringing the conversation back round to him and his interests all the while not really giving a shit about any of mine. We spent a fair amount of this hour long conversation talking about his new employee that isn't learning anything only for me to establish that's because he isn't being taught anything by this guy. And somehow this is still the fault of the new untrained employee.
00:23:41
Speaker
But the final straw for me is when he tells me about putting his kitten in timeout.
00:23:52
Speaker
Okay, so i'm this is a phone call still. Yeah. And he's running the gamut of anti-vax, anti-COVID to shit-talking his new employee in a way that is very clear that he's a bad boss to then moving to how I discipline my kitten. Yeah. Oh my God. Okay. So he tells me about putting his kitten in timeout because he's, in quotes, being an absolute dickhead. That's the best part about kittens, though. Yeah, that's it. So she goes and says, in actual fact, it turns out the kitten was just doing kitten shit like playing. Yeah.
00:24:33
Speaker
How does time out with a kitten work? I hear you ask. Well, it works because he puts the kitten up on a shelf so high that it can't jump down without fear of broken legs.
00:24:45
Speaker
But it's still gonna try because they're so dumb. So I just basically put it on a tower. It's like putting a toddler on a roof. Yeah, now you stay up there.
00:25:01
Speaker
bellland what a dick yeah um clearly I don't hide my disgust well and when asked if he was being a knob I couldn't help but highlight that he is likely to be that is like sorry it's likely to be ineffective and slash its animal abuse so Safe to say I made my excuses to leave the conversation and swiftly ended this the following day, much to his disgust. How do I even find these men? Any help or advice for my tragic dating life would be much appreciated. Love your work always.
TV Show Discussions
00:25:34
Speaker
ah Well, I will say like the... that was like the appropriate vetting process. Yes.
00:25:44
Speaker
Imagine if like she'd been stuck in an actual room with this guy. Yeah. Like, Oh, I'm going to go on a date to your house. Like what people do and I'm no shame there, but like then that's even harder to extricate yourself from. And I mean, phone call just ah leaves kind of a nice separation still. So yeah, I think you did everything right. And unfortunately you can't really know until you know, you know, that's it. At least you dodged that bullet, you know, I feel bad for that kitten. So do I, shall we report it? Yeah. I guess I also want to know, like, well, you could start, how do you discipline your. Yeah. Okay. So next day, this will be your opening line. How do you discipline your pets?
00:26:28
Speaker
or just like thoughts on disciplining pets. Yeah. Does it make sense? If so, under what circumstances? Because right, I suppose you have a dog chewing something, chewing a shoe. You you take corrective measures so the dog doesn't chew the shoe anymore. Whether we want to call that disciplinary direction, fine. Right? But you could find out, yeah, my kitten is being a kitten, but it annoys me. And so I like to stick it in the toilet and flush. That'll teach it. That's going to be a no. I just give it quite more to balding and then it's fine. Yeah, that'll be a no. Versus if I give my kitten lots of enrichment activities and toys to play with so that it doesn't play with things it shouldn't and it feels entertained.
00:27:11
Speaker
It does astound me how many people get kittens and puppies and like... Don't know what to do. Get pissed off that they act like kittens and some puppies. Yeah. What did you expect? I expected this one to be special and smart and to know better. I thought it would be born fully trained, actually. In that I wouldn't have to do anything. It wouldn't destroy my house, which they do, unfortunately, sometimes. I mean, he can't even teach his employee how to be an employee, so... It's no wonder his kitten is so naughty. Yeah, exactly. Maybe COVID fucked with your brain, mate. Most certainly did, I think. And probably some other things in your life, considering you have those viewpoints. But um feel your pain, dear listener. But I will say, like it sounds like you've got kind of the appropriate process in place so that you're not
00:28:06
Speaker
having to like physically escape scenarios or put yourself at risk because you know you're opening yourself up to someone without knowing them that well. Keep doing what you're doing and you can. yeah I guess take each of us each time as a lesson and learn from it. But I do think putting something in your profile about animal discipline might be helpful. I don't know. And keep going. There's someone out there for you. haven't met them yet you just have met you yet dead update
00:28:38
Speaker
Thanks for the write-in. Send us more if you got more, if you know about that kitten or... Yeah, if you could. That'd be good. And just give us an update on your love life, you know?
Strange News & Politics
00:28:49
Speaker
We want to hear all about it. Yeah. We love to hear it, baby. We love to hear it, baby.
00:28:58
Speaker
All right. Um, I asked you about this the other day. Have you seen Dancing with the Devil yet? And I know I said, I haven't seen it, but i so I've seen it, you know, and then that was the end of the conversation.
00:29:11
Speaker
that Yeah. So I have seen it on Netflix as a thing, but I, and I maybe even watched a little bit of like the trailer looks freaky. Um, why have you watched it? Yeah. is And I think you'll love it. Really? Yeah. It looks so scary. It's not really scary. Creepy? It's culty. Okay. Okay. And it's also like, like you're on, you're a TikToker, aren't you? You're on TikTok. I have, I have seen TikToks and I have the app, but I do not TikTok myself. If that makes sense. Yes. You're a viewer. Yes. Yes. So you would have seen these videos where it's like these people dancing.
00:30:00
Speaker
And it's like always the same like guy and girl. I haven't seen those. Sorry, listeners, I'm just showing her a little video. um Anyway, so it's like... Not super essentially impressive dance moves. They're pretty basic. No, I mean, some of them are good, but it's essentially like a dance cult. Oh. Yeah. ah its It starts from like the perspective of one of the girls in it. Like with her family and her sister and how she's like disappeared into this like it's like a Yeah, and it's happening like right now It's yeah get into it. You'll love it. Okay noted. Thank you Yeah, all right the insane true story behind Netflix is dancing for the devil. Okay Yeah
00:30:52
Speaker
I wonder if I'm thinking of something else that's creepy that maybe has something to do with devilhood. Maybe. ah There's something about like a, I'll figure it out if it's different than that. This doesn't seem creepy. Just seems kind of sad and interesting. Yeah. And it is like, there's, there's heartbreaking moments in it as well, but it's also like, fuck you too. Surprise, surprise. The guy running it. course. Um, I did watch something recently. That was pretty good. Naked attraction. Yes. Always. That's every day. Um, maybe it's no, it's not that. Okay.
00:31:38
Speaker
um It's called Under the Bridge, and it's okay Hulu, which I don't think you guys have here, but I think you can get Hulu stuff on a different streaming service. Yeah, possibly. um But it's about these kids in Canada who basically just like murder a girl. And it's based on true story and it's just like really horrible. Like this girl really really wanted to fit in and these kids all like were, it's in the nineties and like they all thought they were rough gangsters and like, it's just sad because like it's true. And it's based on a book by
00:32:17
Speaker
a journalist who either is from there and went or went back to like report on it. and so The ne the hu Hulu series is like kind of fictionalized, but overall based on her book and what happened. She's really sad. and like one of the two like A bunch of kids were convicted, but two were actually convicted for murder. One was ah like a-year-old boy who really didn't know her, but was just time there at the time and kind of was like, bad upbringing drunk and just was kind of like, yeah, whatever, I'll get in on this. They all basically attacked her and beat her up. But then this one girl and then this guy ah eventually like went back. And so the girl was one who was like, I think, primarily responsible for her death. And she's still in prison because she is horrible. And yeah she think I think she's gotten let out on parole a few times and is back and has managed to have like two kids while she was out on parole and stuff. But she can't even like
00:33:12
Speaker
She still was denying it up until recently Whereas the boy ended up doing a bunch of restorative stuff in prison and even the parents of this girl For gave him an advocated for his release. Yeah, so there was kind of like that right spot but I just like this girl was such a piece of work and Just like just a major yeah and even like the actress who played her and Like I couldn't differentiate between her and the actual human that she was portraying. And I was just like, horrible. It's just so hard to watch. So I recommend that. I mean, it was, it's, it's a difficult tough, like kind of dark drama. Yeah, but it was, it was interesting.
00:33:59
Speaker
I'll check it out. Do it. And I'll check out the devil. Yeah, for sure. Yeah.
00:34:09
Speaker
So I saw this um headline the other day. There's not really much more information. And to be honest, I've not done any further research or looked into it any further. I just thought it was interesting. as a standard for us So a baby girl has been abandoned in London, who is full sibling to two previously abandoned babies oh who have since been adopted, which means
00:34:38
Speaker
It's the same mum and dad that are having these kids and then abandoning them for unknown reasons. Well, they don't want the kids. They don't want the kids. Well, yeah. yeah We can deduce probably make that assumption. Where are they leaving these kids? I don't know, London. um But yeah, it's just a really weird scenario. And like everyone was commenting on it saying the fact that it's the mother and the father being the same. They could understand if it was the mother who maybe be getting pregnant via different men, you know, could be in a bad situation, but it's the same parents. So a lot of people are saying like it's reminiscent of like a Joseph Fritzl scenario.
00:35:29
Speaker
Oh, well, I was just going to say, do we know if these children have any sort of like genetic issues that could mean that mom and dad are related in some way and shouldn't be having kids? m Yeah, maybe. I don't know. I didn't say, as I said, I did not look into it further. I just saw the headline, started reading the comments and got lost down a little rabbit hole. Seth, I mean, on one hand, like I'm glad that they're obviously doing something to make sure that their kids are found when they don't feel like they can be the ones responsible, you know? And I know there's, I don't know how it is in England, but like you're
00:36:08
Speaker
Maybe not here. Once upon a time here, I think you could go leave your kid at a fire station. Yeah. Yeah. Something like that. Or like at a church. Or hospital. Yeah. Yeah. And your kid would be taken care of, and I think it's a better option than just like, well, I'm going to put you in a dumpster. Sometimes happens too. But I would be very curious after, I mean, three is, It's just like, there's other things you can do, right? have them um Like carry the pregnancy full term and, you know, like there's birth control even.
00:36:48
Speaker
So yeah do you think they're trying to identify the parents at all? They must be, mustn't they? There must be an investigation into it. We have worked 24 seven in each of these three cases to identify the parents so far and without success. Baby Elsa was found wearing a large dark coat with a light colored scarf or hood around her neck and had a rock. Aw, she had a little backpack. Aw. Aw. And she was an infant and they left her, she was discovered by a dog walker in Newinboro on January 18th.
00:37:21
Speaker
Aw. So sad. I mean like the, not the best scenario, but the, Like the best scenario is that it's a couple with like really bad mental health issues. Yeah. That can't look after, or it's some poor woman that's being held captive by a wanker. Yeah. And so the dad is like ditching them or someone else is ditching them to help cover. Oh God. Well, I hope, I hope that's like, it's the best case scenario, which is just. two people who really didn't feel like there were other options but wanted to make sure their kid was safe and did it kind of poorly but it worked out. I guess I don't know.
00:38:05
Speaker
She's found in a shopping bag. In a shopping bag? Yeah. Oh man, it just gets worse. Sorry, I shouldn't have brought this up. No, I guess when I'm thinking shopping bag, it could be one of those reusable ones that they- Oh yeah, it probably is. I initially just thought a plastic bag. A little plastic bag, yeah. They put her in a coat and also a little backpack, so it feels like they wanted to at least. The intention was for this kid to be found, I think. Yeah.
00:38:37
Speaker
God, where I hope they go on to live a good life. yeah
00:38:43
Speaker
Damn, man. So sad. ah So sad. Um, did you hear that, you know, former president Trump got convicted? I did. Yeah. Several felonies. Isn't that interesting? Has he gone into prison yet? No, he probably. Lock him up. Lock him up. My God. I saw so many like i just old videos of him in like 2016 yelling about Hillary going to jail and shouldn't be able to read and for president. And it's just like, oh yeah, like changing your tune. Now I bet though.
00:39:14
Speaker
Are there not rules to stop someone with a criminal conviction being president? now You think that would be a thing, would you not? You would think so, but ah and there isn't actually, as far as I know, like if you can't be president, if you have a you know a felony or whatever. um And there's probably reasons why, because I suppose There's felonies like wrongful. I don't know. We won't go down that rabbit hole. But I think the idea would be like, well, constituents aren't going to pick a person who has that kind of
Am I the Asshole: Hygiene Debate
00:39:51
Speaker
history. And that's what I think why people don't run for office is because it's like, no, because they're going to use my past, whatever against me. So and I don't really want to go through that. And so but unfortunately, in this case, it's I don't think that's going to be a ah barrier for him.
00:40:07
Speaker
No, people don't seem to really care, do they? No, not at all. In fact, they're probably like, yeah, I like him more now. Yeah, probably. I love that he's got 34 felony convictions. He's got so much street cred. Yep. He's just like Martha Stewart. Everyone loves her.
00:40:28
Speaker
Oh, God. Yeah, just like every day, it just something new and worse. And it's just like, oh, well, I guess if we thought yesterday was okay, today is going to be okay. Today is fine too. Yeah, why are we moving to Finland? um Well, i'm I'm still working on my application, but it should be done soon. What about you? Cool, cool, cool, cool. Yeah, mine's just gone through the postal service. Oh, okay, I better get mine in the mail then. ah Well? Well. Should we ah do a You know you are, baby. We'll work on that. We're just a little rusty. I thought it was quite tuneful, actually. I mean, you tell me Miss Expert Songstress.
00:41:27
Speaker
All right. I enjoyed this one. I hope you do too. I'm sure it will. You know me well. Okay. Am I the arsehole for not warning my wife about my arse rag? Say that one more time for me. Am I the arsehole for not warning my wife about my arse rag? Alright, let's go! Let's dive in! Okay, context. My wife is weird about butt stuff. I'm not talking sexual butt stuff. That's obviously personal, but up to the individual. I mean her unwillingness to acknowledge that anything comes out of butts or that people even have buttholes. I think it's very clear by even this episode in particular that you and I were absolutely refuse to talk about or acknowledge anything comes out of our buttholes. I will not talk about that. It's way off limits.
00:42:23
Speaker
Okay, so I've, you know, people like her exist in the world. I think even once upon a time, I was probably one of those people. oh At least when it comes to like, I don't want my boyfriend to hear me go to the bathroom. I think a women are a bit like that. Okay, so when we bought our house, I wanted to install a bidet. A bidet. A bidet. We call them bidets, but I know you say bidet. Really? Well, it's French. I know. You guys love French. You're so close to the French. So I wanted to install a bidet, but my wife was against it. I told her that she doesn't have to use it, but she said just seeing it would gross her out. I will instantly vomit if I lay thine eyes upon this bidet.
00:43:15
Speaker
um I mentioned not feeling clean from just wiping with paper, and she didn't understand. Not everyone has a naturally hairless arsehole. Barely requires wiping. She asked if I could find an alternative. I said I could use wet wipes, but they're not flushable. None of them are, by the way. Yeah, so a garbage can. Yeah, so they'd have to go in the trash. She didn't like the idea of poopy things in the trash can and told me to figure something else out. I guess I'll just take a shower every time I shit.
00:43:47
Speaker
Some people do that, you know? Yes, and fine, but like holy water bill. Yeah, fucking hell. Um, so she didn't like the idea of poopy things in the trash can and told me to figure something else out that she didn't have to know about. So, so onto my arse rack. I took an old towel, tore it up and installed a discreet hook behind the toilet to hang the rag. It's completely hidden. And the way our bathroom is set up, we only have one. The sink is right next to the toilet. So I'm able to wet the rag, clean up, wash it in the sink and hang it back up. I swap it out a couple of times a week. Gross, maybe. But I figured that's my business since my wife did not want to hear about my butthole cleaning habits.
00:44:39
Speaker
Okay. Recently, my wife and I were showering together and she forgot to bring in a washcloth for herself.
00:44:50
Speaker
No. Sorry. I don't use one. I use a sisal pouch with bar soap. Hold on. How's that spelled? S-I-S-A-L.
00:45:10
Speaker
I need to know what this is. Yeah, me too. Oh, clever. It's like a little loofah that you put over it. Oh, that is clever. Yeah, it makes it makes yourself a loofah. Nice. It's just like a little bag. You pop the soap in. Lovely jubbly. Great idea. I'm going to get one.
00:45:31
Speaker
Where was I? Sizzle pouch.
00:45:37
Speaker
<unk>ch ceilpouchch oh yeah okay um I offered to hop out and grab her a washcloth, but she said, no, don't worry. I'll just use yours and reach for my ass rag. I thought you couldn't see it, sir. Very good point, Catherine. Well done. um I said, you don't want to use that. She asked me why. I said, just trust me. And she kept pushing. So I came clean about my arse rack. She was horrified, started dry heaving and kicking kicking me out of the shower. Apparently she'd been using it as a washcloth for years, whenever she forgot us, which is often.
00:46:23
Speaker
Oh my God. And I've got like face,
00:46:31
Speaker
armpits, boobs, toe, okay, yep, her own butt. Oh man. Okay. So apparently she'd been using it as a washcloth for years whenever she forgot hers, which is often. What I don't get is how she thought it was my washcloth because A, it's hidden behind the freaking toilet and B, she knows I don't use a washcloth. We got into an argument from my perspective, it was obvious that my arse rag wasn't a washcloth. All bets are off when you use someone else's shit without asking and her butthole hair up is interfering with my personal hygiene. From her perspective, I violated a clear boundary she set years ago and I'm just an overall gross person. I did apologise, but I was upset and my apology wasn't really sincere.
00:47:16
Speaker
I'm sleeping on the couch right now to try and give her some space, but I'd like to know if I owe her a more sincere apology over this arse rag fiasco rather. I'm really not sure, and her reaction has me thinking that maybe I am disgusting and that I'm lacking but perspective to see it. I also don't think her butt hole aversion is normal, and it's the main reason I ended up resorting to the arse rag solution in the first place and not telling her about it. I the arsehole. um and No. ah you You have an asshole that might need some special attention. I just i can't get over the fact that like he went to great measures to hide this thing behind the toilet and thought that like it was not visible. and she
00:48:04
Speaker
found it and was like this rosh cloth in this unusual space is not for my face, not sauce at all. And I'm gonna use it. I jet like That, in and of itself, blows my fucking mind. And if she's so disgusted by that sort of thing, I am surprised that she'd be willing to use someone else's hot sauce. Yeah. Especially one that's hanging behind the toilet. Right. It's bizarre. It makes no sense. No.
00:48:36
Speaker
And like I'm sorry if I found that washcloth. My first question would be, babe, why is there a washcloth hanging hidden behind the toilet? yeah Oh, that's my butt rag. Okay. But like I do think there is something... like He's not disgusting. He's trying very hard to like, take care of his hygiene. And not be disgusting. Yeah. And she basically is like, you can't do anything that normal people who also want to take care of their bathroom needs do. And it resorted to this really kind of bizarre workaround.
00:49:14
Speaker
um that ultimately then led her to be in this mess. n like okay but days are I've seen the ones that you can put on your toilet. They're not super cute. Fine. I get that she maybe is wanting to draw the line there, but like the toilet wipes, fine. git ah Get a trash bin in your bathroom that has a lid on it so you don't have to see it then. But because to me that's like me and make him clean it out. Yeah. Like that makes the most sense to me. And it's also like, gal, you can't really, I don't think you can kind of like dictate people's bathroom needs. No, I agree. They could have also got one of those fancy Japanese toilets where everything's like installed and you can shove perfume up your ass and cleans you and dries you and plays music while you poop.
00:50:05
Speaker
I suspect that they maybe would have gone that route if if money wasn't a factor or I've seen those before. They're really big. The way they described their bathroom, it makes me think of one of the ones in our house where it's like toilet is really right next to the sink. It's kind of a small one and then the shower's right across from yeah that it. That makes me wonder if even like It would be difficult to put a bath a toilet like that in in the bathroom. Have I had enough space for a bidet? Well, because the bidet is really just an attachment that goes under the seat. Somehow you hook it up into your tank so that it can squirt water out. it's just It goes along the toilet rather than a separate unit.
00:50:44
Speaker
I've never seen a bidet like that. We have like a separate. Yeah. Well, that's usually what they are. They're like a separate little little baby toilet, right? Yeah. No, but you can get ones that you can like attach to your current toilet and it's just like a little device that kind of comes out from under the lid. Clever. Yeah. Clever. Yeah. I mean, you know, how was he meant to warn her about something that she specifically wasn't allowed to talk about? Yep. so I don't ah don't think you're the asshole, sir. No, 100% not. I think you were just trying to clean your asshole. Yes, and she she is the asshole and maybe got a little bit of what's coming to her because... Come as a bitch. There's no world where I would be like, what is this? Oh, no matter. I'm just going to use it to clean myself. Yeah. That is so bizarre. Yeah, I don't understand. and like
00:51:40
Speaker
Why wouldn't she just use a sizzle bag with the soap in it? Yeah. And also, like, if you have your own washcloth, why are you taking it in and out of the bathroom? Just leave it in the fucking bathroom. Yeah. like It doesn't sound a little bit like they have, like, little shower caddies that they take their stuff in. Yeah. and do Oh, they live in a dorm. That's the truth. We've got to the bottom of it. Yep. Oh, no. What do the comments say? I'm very curious. um
00:52:07
Speaker
not the asshole, they're sort of giving him suggestions.
00:52:16
Speaker
Someone's saying, yeah, you should get up a bidet, it's much more hygienic. This woman has suggested that bidets are very good for when you have a period. So convince your wife to agree because of menstruation needs? Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Um, Hold on, I'm one of those really long comment things where it's just loads of people talking crap. Oh, like the thread, yeah. Yeah. Someone said, okay, here's the issue with this issue she has. Can she wipe her own arse? If she can, then her aversion is purely control of others. A bidet would allow her not to have to wipe her own arse as it's way more hygienic, not to mention you can get the tushy
00:53:04
Speaker
the Tushy Electric, which also does front and back and heats the water and dries you. Oh, wow. Exciting. um You respected her boundaries by finding a solution and didn't tell her, which is what she asked. She violated your boundaries by using your hygiene item, i.e. butt rag, even if even if it was for your face, which I agree. Why would you hide it behind a toilet? She chose to use it, which is cross-contamination, not to mention if she uses makeup, she's now leaving product on your hygiene item. Stand your ground, set the terms you followed. ah Sorry, she set the terms you followed. you chose She chose to ignore your boundaries and use your item without your permission. She's only got herself to blame. She also needs to go to counselling for her, projecting her,
00:53:57
Speaker
issues onto others. Seriously, this isn't unhealthy and screams control versus actual aversion.
00:54:06
Speaker
nail yes ma yeah Nailed it. Nailed it. Yep. I disagree. I did enjoy that one. Also just like... It just really kind of had a little story in my head, I imagined as you told me about it. I thought about the cutting up the towels and the little hook, with like a little command strip hook behind the toilet and he just had his little thing and he hung it. He's on the toilet reaching around for it and then like washing it and then...
00:54:40
Speaker
ah Which is like that's a kind of some extreme shit there, too. I would be really annoyed if that's what I had to do. Yeah, I'd be like, out I'll empty the garbage. I will make sure there's a lid on it. I will put it in the little thing so you don't have to look at it. It'll be we can have a separate garbage that you can use and I'll have a little closed bucket for my wet wipes. I'm also assuming she puts her bloody period products and yeah and the tour in the trash. so but not here but his That's Who wipes? I don't know. This is someone who I'm guessing some of the stems from probably how she was brought up to, but yeah it is that person had a point. like Does she not wipe her own butt? Yeah, you do, guys. I've got news for you. I mean, I'd hope so anyway.
00:55:29
Speaker
I pay someone to do mine. Oh, do you? Yeah. You've got one of those ass cleaners. Yeah. Yep. Very nice. His name's Roger. I was gonna say Roger. Because that is the most natural name for a buttwiper.
Episode Conclusion & Listener Engagement
00:55:49
Speaker
Of course. Duh. It's the first choice. Yeah, that's in fact when you, I think, put a little listing out for it's in need of Roger a buttwiper. Oh, fucking brilliant. Well, there you have it. Not the arsehole. Nope. She needs to lighten up. Yep. Well, it felt good getting back into the swing of things. How about for you? It did. Yes. I've rather enjoyed our chat, although it was bum heavy, which I'm very sorry about this. Bum heavy and yes, poop heavy. Yeah. Well. That's life. It is. Happens. See, we didn't slag off men that much. Oh. Funny thing, we slacked off women. Yeah.
00:56:36
Speaker
Well, it was good to see you, and you we will be back again. Back once again for the renegade master, evil, damage, power to other people. What? No, seriously, what? What? But until next time, you can find us on all of our usual haunts, which is Instagram, Twitter slash X, TikTok, the other things. with T-S-Y-B pod at T-S-Y-B pod or send in your send in your poo horror stories or your horror horrible dates or other weird shit that's happened to you. Talk shit to us at gmail dot com. What? What? What?
00:57:19
Speaker
Web star. And on that note, I bid you farewell. And peace be with you. Peace be with you. Au revoir. Goodbye. Adios. Goodbye. We out. Bye!