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Savage Worlds - The Phony Express 3.10: Don't Call Me Sheila (Ryn's Trip)
56 Plays3 months ago
Today, we find out what Ryn was up to while the boys were navigating the scenery of Vanta Black's "sets."
Ryn goes on a "Trip" of sorts after helping out in the medical center. During her "ride" she meets Stephano the giant skeleton (or skelektion because Adrian had a typo) and Rim Dundrig, an "Aussie" Dwarf land pirate from Sinner's Canyon mine. We jump back and forth between the eyes of Ryn and her hallucinations (to escape reality) and what Rim sees. It was also honestly just fun to have a really out-of-the-box episode of Phony Express. Enjoy!
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Transcript
Introduction and Recap
00:00:19
Speaker
Yes, yes.
00:00:25
Speaker
um Anyway, good morning, good afternoon and good evening, ladies, gentlemen, non binary folks of universes known and unknown. This is role players and welcome back to the Phoney Express episode 10. We've got Justin, we've got Adrian and Cass's back, back, back, back again. So um we let's recap what happened. um Not in the last episode, but in the episode before that. I'm just the rain parts so after separating from bella ah her mom mom's like i got some shit to do girl and she's like i'm gonna go to get both balls but like actual balls not drugs mom and she's like okay whatever you say um and so rins like also vacation home vacation home and addams like i don't know what you're talking about
00:01:10
Speaker
but then she went to do dad with her friends brave and duchess and ravy the raven and when they arrived there they saw people were still kind of rebuilding the brothel or putting the fires out and everything of the brothel she encountered sheriff jeff who was like what the fuck why do you look different and she's like i don't know dog i changed my clothes or whatever and he's like i don't care and so ah Brave was like oh i want to go help and sheriff just like okay did you go watch the kids at the church so. Brave was like alright dog i'm gonna go do that so he ran off to the to the.
00:01:42
Speaker
to the church to go help the kids and protect them while they were rebuilding the or putting out all the fires and everything.
Wren's Hallucinations Begin
00:01:47
Speaker
And Sheriff Jeff pointed to a big line over at the infirmary where he said, oh, hey, Wren, we got back from the explosion at Sinner's Canyon Mine. Most of the people were dead. We have a couple of people that survived the blast. We brought them back here. Many of them were in bad shape and probably need to get something amputated. And Wren's like, yeah, dog, I'll help you with that. And so he says, all right, fine, whatever. I don't care. um And so Rin was skipping jollily, lily, jollily. Is there an advert version of jolly? I don't know if there is. Joyfully. Joyfully. She was skipping jolly-liciously.
00:02:26
Speaker
I like it. Put it on a t-shirt. I like, you know what? Yeah. Write it down. Write it down. Write it down. Everybody write it down. Jollylicious. All right. Before I forget. OK. So anyway. so Um, she skips jolly deliciously towards the infirmary where she is seeking to help with amputations and maybe talk to some of the people from sinners. Can you mind that we're recovered from there? Um, and, uh, yeah. And, you know, do you really need to know what happened to cutter and Maverick? Because spoiler alert, they're probably not going to be in this episode, but that doesn't mean that you won't hear from Justin and Adrian and we will discuss what they will be doing here.
00:03:01
Speaker
in a moment. So Cass, I'm sorry, you're not Cass, you're Rin. Rin, you, last we saw you, you were heading off towards the infirmary with a long line of people waiting behind to go and help out at the infirmary. What do you do? So Rin is going to happily go and help the infirmary and she, you know, with all of the Punkenstein training that she's gotten, you know, with all of the replacing parts and everything, she just like, she's so good at helping out with like fixing everything. She just like comes out of there.
00:03:40
Speaker
you know, just all covered in blood, you know, still just just just like, you know, she's fine though, because she just helped a bunch of people and she feels good. So after that, you know, she goes to check her messages to see if she maybe got a message from Punkenstein or Bella. You, you're checking your messages. Yes. She's checking her messages. Do you see one from anybody in there? No. So she's like, well, OK. Yeah. I'm too tired for this shit. So she looks over and well, she she looks down and opens up just like the top button of her her blouse and there's like a knob and there's like four different settings on this knob and
00:04:39
Speaker
She switches it over to one that says D O P E. Oh, good. And she kind of stands there with her hands on her hips for a minute and you'll see like a smoke just kind of and come out of the side of her like headphones that she has over her ears that just kind of uh Metz from both sides and she looks around and next thing you know she sees a giant skeleton collection.
00:05:19
Speaker
gallic so sp imagine that A skeleton collection. And it's still like in the infirmary. And then you look outside like the window and just through the window. know It's like a skeleton waving. Hi, it's me, Stefano. It's a me, Stefano. OK, so you see you see a one armed skeleton, a big one armed skeleton waving at you as you turn your dial. um What else do you see? oh Actually, you know what? Do you want to see the other guy, too? Because I don't know what this dude looks like.
00:05:52
Speaker
Um, not yet. I would think that he would hear. Okay. So she's going to talk to this skeleton person who in my mind, I see just a nine foot, one armed skeleton made of other skeletons.
New Characters and Misunderstandings
00:06:11
Speaker
So it's like a bunch of little skeletons making one big skeleton. And big skeleton. You say you're a big skeleton? Yes. Yes, you very much are. I'm an American big boy skeleton.
00:06:35
Speaker
So she got me at a cemetery right around the corner. that where you Is that where you quote unquote live? Yes. Right. Right. What's up, Stefano? Hi, long time no see. How have you been? You know, I was off for a while and then, you know, now I'm i'm actually good. You know, I was like helping people just now. It was awesome. Did you, did you happen to see me in there? That was jollylicious. It was jollylicious. How have you been?
00:07:07
Speaker
I've been fine. I've been trying to find my boat, but I didn't find it. It was kind of really unfortunate. You can't find your boat? No. Like last time when I was like like boating, I kind of lost my arm and my boat and now I can really find them. Oh no, we got to help you find another arm or something. I mean, it's it's fine, really. I can just use one arm. Who really needs two arms? Well, what if like we could you know like make one for you or something? I mean, if we really want to do that, I guess that's fine. Cool.
00:07:52
Speaker
So you said you said that you're looking for your boat. Is that what I heard you say? My boat. What's my boat? Have you seen? My boat is missing. My boat is missing.
00:08:07
Speaker
All right, so you guys are standing in the middle of do dad at while you're out there covered in blood from your work inside the infirmary. You're talking to a giant skeleton with one arm and he says he's missing a boat and he's missing his arm. Where do you guys go? Well, I feel like that's about the time that we hear Justin's character going, who are you talking to?
00:08:31
Speaker
There's a fucking you talking to. Do you want to tell us, do you want to tell us what your character looks like? um You turn around and you see ah as a short dwarven man, i'm stout of body, ah probably like a reddish beard um and sort of like a nice hat that has like ah the one side of the was the brim is like been up straight up and down kind of like. And the other side has a little normal curve to it that normal kind of hats have of that style. And he's wearing a little jacket, coat, wherever you want to say. um And that's pretty much him. He's got two axes on his hips and a shotgun on his back. He's saying his two axes on his hip kind of have we have nostalgic feelings.
00:09:19
Speaker
ah About another certain character that used to have axes on his hips. Yes. It got shot in the first episode. Exactly.
00:09:29
Speaker
So you hear a guy go, what am I doing? Who are you talking to? You don't see him? ah No, there's nobody else around. Oh, I think he's kind of stupid. Are you sure? What do you say? You say I'm stupid. You you heard that, right? Yeah, you kind of muttered under your breath something there and it was kind of rude, I think. You did it in a weird kind of voice too. but do you know How do you not see them? I don't know. I feel like you come from the mine too. I don't really recognize you. Did you get bonked on the head up there? Nope. All right. Right behind you.
00:10:11
Speaker
like but All right, whatever Sheila listen, uh, I got a mate. I got a mate in there. He's been bashed up pretty good I'm trying to go and see if he's doing all right That lady doctor in there is helping him and her little half They both have links to doctor in town. I can't remember the doctor honest in Christ can't remember. Let's just say they both are. Yes, they were and that little ah High-pitched voice haven't hit he had a high point your voice, right? And she was normal. He did. Yeah, and I pitched voice having feller was making my ears kind of bleed So I had to get out of there for a while
00:10:43
Speaker
Oh, well, uh, do you want to go help us find a boat? My friend is just seeing their boat. Oh, that's kind of cool. i Yeah. You know, um, I don't know if you know this, but us folks up there in the mine, we used to, we all kind of like to think of ourselves as pirates. Um, and someone was actually, you know, was out on the, but on the seas once or twice. I was on it once, uh, kind of threw up a little bit. Didn't really like it, but you know, I could try it again. You know how to drive a boat? Oh, no, I don't know. I know how to be on one, though. I know how to be on a boat. Kind of stand. Yeah, you got to spread your legs a little. Don't worry about it. I can teach you how to boat. I'm the boat master. That would be awesome. Then we could like go on his so many adventures and go on boat rides all the time. Exactly. Yeah.
00:11:37
Speaker
listen If you're gonna be talking at two different volumes all the time you got to like speak up a little bit I can't hear half the things you're saying You're like muttering under your breath. Oh, you think oh you say you could teach me to be a boat or what? I don't know whatever you got a boat that you're saying um No, we're looking for a boat. All right. Do you not see my friend? Let's just say Yes.
00:12:05
Speaker
This town kind of sucks. I heard there was a whore house here, but it got burned down, they said, right before we got here. That's kind of unfortunate. um What's a whore house? It's a house where the whores live. That wasn't a true accent there, but it's all right. It's a place.
00:12:24
Speaker
its There's a lot of boaters there, is that what you said? Also, too fucking right, but not right now, they're not. I also heard all the ladies, they got stolen away in the night or the day, I guess, they got taken away. Even the place wasn't burned down, you couldn't even have fun in there anyway. Well, okay. You mean Rin's house? That's what? I don't know who the fuck that is. I just got here. It's the driest town I've ever been in. Ren, Ren, when as you say that and you look across the street to where matching carpets should be, you see something even more spectacular there. What do you think that Ren would imagine a matching carpets has turned into? So I would see like the whole place had turned into like a beautiful marble
00:13:22
Speaker
like Gothic type, like not really a castle, but like it looks like one of those, um, like you see on the corner of all of the little tiny homestead towns all of the time now. So it's like, like the, got the marble, but like three stories, the huge, beautiful, like architecture, sure um, even some gargoyles maybe. and It's like a downsized version of the Osborne's house. I don't know. but I don't know. um so I just see something that you would see like on the the French Quarter in and Louisiana, in New Orleans, you know, some big, beautiful building that has like like the raw iron gates and big gargoyles and stuff like that. And a big
00:14:19
Speaker
like garden in the middle that has like the fountains and shit. OK, when you as you see that. um You look to ah you look to I don't know if this guy ever introduced himself. I didn't say. my Oh, by the way, Sheila, my name's Rym, Rym Dundrigg. Rym, that's kind of close to my name. My name is Ryn. Oh, that's going to be kind of unfortunate, but all right. That's all I guess. Didn't think of that when I was coming up with my personality.
00:14:50
Speaker
Just a funny play on a character I used to be. Uh, you tell his outfit is now different that matches more of like the adventuring decor of someone who's about to go into like a gothic mansion. What? Like he still has his his axes and his guns unless Justin wants to interpret that differently. But like his total outfit changes when you look at him. What is he wearing now? So now he's wearing ah like a black suit, just like a nice black, uh, like
00:15:25
Speaker
suit tuxedo suit with a okay a black tie that goes down in the middle and he's got his hair all slicked back all like dapper Dan um and a trench coat like off like hanging off his shoulder kind of like a cape gotcha okay and what is uh what do you see Stefano is Stefano wearing anything as a big skeleton So yes, because he's still a huge skeleton, but he's got like a tiny little like top hat, like it's um off to the side of his like forehead. It's like all his skew. He gives him an unnatural appeal. Yeah.
00:16:14
Speaker
And then and a bow tie. All right, so he's wearing a bow tie and it's in a tiny little top hat. Yeah. And he's got Cuffly like the cuffs, just the cuffs from like a tuxedo shirt with like the cuff links. Yes. yeah please yeah Yeah. I imagine his hat is like that little tiny hat to like the mayor from the Powerpuff Girls wears. It's like a tiny little thing. like It's like Girls. Yeah, it's tiny, tiny. Yeah. So you see that and then you just hear adventure awaits, just kind of from nowhere. No one said it, but that's just what you hear. She takes off running towards the front door. That's a sexy-looking 12th if I ever saw one. Say that again, Adrian. That's a sexy-looking 12th if I ever saw one. And then I tried to like go down and play with his hair. You tried to play with his hair? Yes.
00:17:10
Speaker
Remy, Remy, he tries to play with her hair. You look like you're kind of conflicted with what you're trying to do here. Well, you get off my beard and you look like you're trying to go to that burn building. What are you doing? You're talking to, you're talking to you, Sheila. Rin. No, she doesn't hear you. She's running away. You're right here. Tickle in my beer. Now you're late. Do I really want to go? I mean, she's kind of cute. She's young too, but hey, I'm a dwarf who cares. I'm a dwarf who cares. I look down the street at nobody. Get in early and they'll put you working. He's a creep. There you go. T-shirt idea, i atoruing I'm a dwarf who cares. I'm a dwarf who cares. It's a good T-shirt idea.
00:18:00
Speaker
ah Yeah, ah so ah rim you see now you see Rin running off towards ah matching carpets. ah Rin you run towards this beautiful Gothic building. um There's a large metal fence in front of it like a big old metal gate. It looks like it's unlocked. And you can see um you can see somebody kind of standing underneath kind of like the the the the heavy awning ah before it reaches the doors like who do you see standing under there?
00:18:32
Speaker
Chase's wife. Chase's wife is standing under the awning. as you guys walk And she's got like a really tight leopard dress on. And she's got the wristbands that have the leopard, like like leopard wrist band. I can't remember what they were, what they used to call them back. The leperousa bands, yes. whatever anyways. shit And then like the slits in the dress are all the way up to like the the really high on her thigh and you'll see like you'll see her wrestling outfit underneath the dress. She has like metal studs under there and shit and just like a full on onesie. Yeah. With the guard. What's the what's the name on the ah
00:19:28
Speaker
Adrian, what's the name on the building? It says like, it's the something estate. What is the name of the estate? The bone estate. The bone a estate? yes because everyone gets go you so you see you see yeah the but Yeah, exactly. It's perfect for matching carpets. it's the If they rebuild it, they should totally rename it the bonus stage. So you see, you see this, this depiction of Chase's wife. She goes, welcome to the panda state. What's your business? We're looking for a boat. Do you have a boat here? You want my fucking boat? Yeah.
00:20:10
Speaker
What? Why? Because we want to go on adventures. Wait, what? You want to go on boats? Yeah, we want to go on boat adventures. All right. I don't get paid enough to give a shit if you want to walk into a burning building. I mean, bonus state. Go for it. Yeah, let's go. Do you want to come with us? I mean, I suppose I got nothing better to do. Yes, we also been still in the infirmary on account. I gave him 16 backbreakers last weekend. Whoa, that's awesome. can i Have your autograph. Yeah, but I signed it really weird. Like what do you need a really big piece of paper? Okay.
00:20:58
Speaker
We'll get, we'll get it. Oh, I know where to get it. Come with me. She takes off running the other direction towards the, um, but it was the bakery. They had the bakery. Oh fuck. What was that? Oh, shit. What was that bakery called? I don't remember at all what that bakery was called. but That wasn't the one because we had like we had sugar, sugar, honey, honey. I can't remember what the other thing was. Was that during the flea market or was that a different bakery they went to? I honestly Christ can't remember now. I don't remember. No, it was. ah Listeners, tell us what that bakery is called if you remember. It was when we were ready for the birthday party.
00:21:44
Speaker
Oh, right. You're going to get a cake. Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? It says something different now when you run over to the bakery. What is it, Justin? What does the bakery say when you guys approach it? What what do you guys see on the on the sign? The bonery. I love the bonery. All right. You go in and you see you see ah like an orcish looking fellow in there. um ah What is he wearing, Justin? What does what does this orc wearing inside of the the bonery? He's behind a thing. His bare orcish arms are out from the sides of a apron. A very nice white apron. And you can't see what else is going on. But spoiler alert.
00:22:34
Speaker
He's naked besides the apron. Oh, no. Nice. As you walk in, he goes, oh, oh, what can I do for you? We're looking for a big piece of paper. Um, I mean, you don't want any of my baked goodables? The fuck you just say to me. Oh, yeah. My baked goodables. What do you have? Oh, anything your heart could desire. And then some. And here's the good news. Every baked good of all comes with a whole roll of paper. Un foie de papier, as they say in France. Sweet. What do you want? I'll take as many muffins as you want to give me. All right. And then he starts just pushing like a button on his cash register. And then you just see like at your feet, just like a mountain of muffins starts to stack itself like ding, ding, ding, ding,
00:23:31
Speaker
It's like it's a muffin button.
00:23:36
Speaker
You're sweet, dude. I know. And you guys, his voice kind of gets muffled as you just like start to get surrounded by muffins. You have like a little fort of muffins inside of the bakery. She just grabs like the herb, like both arms grab a whole armful and she just takes a bite and walks out. Mm hmm. I also think you take a excellent ah rim. Do you do anything in there? Do you say anything? He probably just watches them go from the front of that burning building, which who would who who would I have actually seen them talking to at the front of the burning of of the oh, and I guess I it was this is put out now the the burn up.
00:24:18
Speaker
ah You in the moment, and you just saw you saw Chase's wife and a couple of others that are just like picking up rubble and moving it like now that the fire is out. um Or at least it's kind of smoky. You just see Chase's wife is just like lifting up boards and stuff. And like as she picks one up like Ren just walks in on her own. And like, you see, ah you see Chase's wife is just like, all right, whatever you want to walk into a bed of beauty.
Wren's Fantastical Visions
00:24:44
Speaker
They just kind of let her go. And then I watched them run over across her her run across the street to the bakery. Yeah, but like holding holding with like she clearly stole like a bunch of big goods from the bakery and ran out with it. She didn't favor anything. um He kind of looks up and down the street and there's like he he he he looks down towards the half built church where Brave was helping his ears. He hears him yelling.
00:25:11
Speaker
No piss in this church. And he looks towards the infirmary where his his his friends are being helped. And he hears someone going, ah, ah, ah. And he looks over at Rincon out of the thing, just dropping muffins and shit as she runs. And he's like, and before she gets over, he's like, what the bloody hell is this town going on about? And you get back, he's like, What a bully are you doing, Sheila? God, you're going crazy. My name's not Sheila. No, you're at your're a Sheila, all right.
00:25:53
Speaker
And a crazy one to boot. What's up? What are you doing? First, you're talking about boats. Now you're talking about over yeah this This town's gone crazier than I thought. Sinus Canyon it was crazy. This place is wild. Oh, anybody knows what they're doing. Awesome. What are you talking about? Look at all these fun places that we could go to. Look. Stefano, look over there. She points and she sees like a huge oasis of like trees and like a big, huge lake. And there's like a bunch of like crazy, weird animals like everywhere.
00:26:32
Speaker
Check it out, there might be your bow over there. yeah well i let's look My name's Rim, not Stefano. Told you many times. Told you once. My name's Stefano, I don't really care about your name. What are you saying? You said your name was Rin. No, my name's Stefano. Somehow two different voices come out of Rin's robotic mouth. You're like a ventriloquist or something. Well, I don't know how you're doing this shit. It's really driving me bananas, but what are you looking at over there? Why are you looking at the the corral where the horses are at?
00:27:08
Speaker
what's You want a horse now? There might be the boat over there. I don't think there's a boat. All right. it with a whisper and after you're done talking, I think you're done and you whisper something else driving me crazy. I don't think they got boats at delivery stable. But if you think on him that's definitely boats over there. Yeah, we're going to go look for boats because that's an oasis over there. There's a lake. Look at that lake over there. She runs over and she jumps into the water trough. We said, water just splashes everywhere. You're right. Get out of there. Well, that's what I found.
00:27:47
Speaker
ah yeah Like, ah Rim, you hear somebody from across, you go, hey, that's not for swimming. Get out of there. ah But then, like, Rin, you hear, ah, yes, you found the secret oasis buried within is my treasure of gold. If you find any, you shall keep it. She dies. I also put my head inside.
00:28:12
Speaker
I roll a notice roll to see if you can find any treasure in there. Three for Stefano. Right now I can't see anything. You can't see anything. Go ahead. Roll a notice roll. Four. That's a four. You find something in there. It feels like a coin. It's like a bit from a horse. Yeah, it's just like a horse bite. Yeah, that's all it is. Either that or it's a horse tooth that you find in there from like an old rotten horse.
00:28:50
Speaker
That's a great story with that. You can maybe go and like buy a boat. Oh, we could buy a boat. You know, my dad has so much money. I wonder if my dad has a boat. That's a great idea. Maybe you should check. i was but My guy's about to turn away. He's like, hold on a second. You say your dad has a lot of money.
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah, oh he's like the greatest inventor in all of doodad and maybe even the world but I haven't been in all over the world so I don't really know but like you know like he he made me and he made my mom and he also made other me's and me's that are like younger and me's that are like older and then like my dad he like makes all sorts of cool things like he made this one bird and And it has like one wing that is like all robotic and then goes, whap, whap, whap. And then you're not even going to believe what else my dad did. He made these huge devices that go. po Oh, that's really. ah first i sorry So he's he's he's rich and there's there's older versions of you.
00:30:05
Speaker
Exactly. I'm not that much of a creep. She says it's like she's like sopping wet, like just like as she like crawls out just like her fucking body's like it's like a puddle developing underneath her and she's like talking to you. You think he might he might know where this boat you say, huh? We might, yeah. Oh, where's where's your house at then? It's she like puts her finger to her lips and she kind of looks around and She's still in fucking woohoo mode and she looks towards. I can help you with that, Ren. Oh, OK. I put my I put my finger in the water, put it up in the air and I can feel the air. You think it's this way?
00:30:55
Speaker
You think it's that way? And as you see him put his finger in the water and lift his finger in the air, Rem sees you doing that with like your other hand, which is like kind of mirroring like the head movements of of. of Stefano. And then as you put your finger in the air, Stefano, you see like this magical pink wind like blows the moisture from your hand, from your finger off into a direction. It's like a pink willow of the wisp. Now just driving out. See, it always works. We got to follow that. OK.
00:31:34
Speaker
um Do you you follow? Do you follow the willow of the wisp? hu All right. So, uh, Rem, you see Rin run off, uh, towards the East side of town, um, exiting. What do you do? I followed stupid things for money. out anything actually Well, I dare say I followed stupid points for money in the past. I may as well see if this pans out to anything. All right, let's go. All right. So I'm going to give you a choice. Uh, Roll a spirit roll, but before you do, I want to see like as like the longer Rin is in this loopy mode, the weirder shit is going to get. So from your own acting perspective, Justin, do you want to roll a spirit roll? And if you fail, you get weirder or if you succeed, you get weirder, at least like what Rin sees of you. I guess if I succeed, I get weirder.
00:32:31
Speaker
All right. So go ahead and roll a spirit roll to see if you succeed while you really succeed.
00:32:38
Speaker
two just likeking Right. I'm coming. So like the more the despite your protests or even if you kind of go along with it, Rin just continues to see like you're more engaged in the adventure. You're even fucking like oh more over the top action adventure guy. Despite like any protest um so I do like the dichotomy every once in a while Justin gives us a glimpse of what he's actually saying like what's actually going on um so um So yeah, so as you run off towards the will of the wisp ah you see um ah Like some ah
00:33:13
Speaker
large carriages drawn by really big, white, beautiful horses and fair maidens. And you hear liars playing and you hear flutes playing. And it's just very majestic and mythical and magical here. And as you look to your right and you see Stefano standing alongside you, what is he wearing now? He's wearing all cowboy garb, but like the super like old rustic, like Uh, like all covered in dust, kind of like, uh, okay. So it kind of looks like Sharon Stone's outfit. Ironically, but I've loved her outfit in ah the quick in the dead. Um, but do you know like i mean, do you mean Sharon bones outfit? Yep. Um, ah what do you see as you see rim catching up from behind you? What is he wearing as you enter this like fantastical land?
00:34:09
Speaker
He looks like, uh, he doesn't look like a person anymore. So he well he he kind of looks like one of the rakeshons that we have in Savage World. He looks like a cat man. Yeah, he looks like a cat man and he's like yeah more normal. and A normal sized cat man. um He is like a dwarf size cat man and he's walking ah as a dwarf um and he's like a bangle tiger. A bangle tiger rakushan. As you guys enter. Okay perfect. As you enter you hear, as you see the will of the whisk kind of zigging and zagging between
00:34:54
Speaker
all of these carriages and stuff, you see like a beautiful stone road that leads off into the distance. um And you see ah a couple of nights garbed in like shining armor, and they hop off their horses and they walk up to you and they say, Harkenwelmet, fair maiden, where must you be going at this time of day? I'm going home. Who might you be? Oh, you're going home, Arst thou? And who might yours, uh, companions, be herest? Why do you talk so weird, Siddy Guy?
00:35:34
Speaker
For a brief moment, like the facade drops and you're like, the fuck are you talking about, Rin? But then like it cuts back and they just say like, I set to Iced Amst, oust the guards of this Ariast. Who are your friends? I think those guys are trying to sell us something we got to leave. Got to leave? Yeah, I kind of have a bad feeling about those people. Rim, you catch up as you see Rin talking to this kind of like partially disgruntled person, but there's two people standing there in Rin world wearing armor. What do you do?
00:36:12
Speaker
Well, what do I see in reality? What do you think? Oh, in reality, in actual reality, what do you see? You just see like a couple of people that like are pulled over on the side of the road, like to change like their tire on their wagon. Like they're repairing the tire because like they got like a bust in it or something hitting a pothole and they're just fixing it. And if rent's just like screaming at them, I'm going home. I'm going home. And then she's like, why do you talk to me? I had to go home. Why do you talk so weird?
00:36:42
Speaker
Oh, Ren, why don't you calm the fuck down, eh? I'm weird about a minute, eh?
00:36:52
Speaker
And he's like saying if they're like his kitty cat mouth, he's like a little Bengal tiger. Why don't we all go find where your dad is and get a bowl of milk for each of us, eh?
00:37:04
Speaker
A little sauce and a cream might do me good if we just calm down, stop yelling at these poor, nightly folk here, just trying to fix their horses or whatever they're doing. well I agree with the twarf. Mirka's fire just like my body.
00:37:22
Speaker
And you hear, dost thou hearst me? I simply am tried to tell you. our Our wagon is fucked up. Leave us alone and use thou shouldst be careful in the woods ahead. Ours there are dangerous there. Don't worry. I have got guards. She got me. ah See this nine foot skeleton collection? This guy is in insanely strong. Yeah. And then I tried to lift his wagon. You just see Rin just like putting your hands on it.
00:38:00
Speaker
you know
00:38:03
Speaker
Stefano, go ahead and roll a ah strength roll. um That's a six. Six. Look at Ryn is like starting to like lift the wheels up. He's like, and you just hear, uh, Rim, you hear like in the real world for a minute, you hear like, you're like, no, we already had it lifted. What are you doing? No, it's good. Oh, we're just, wow. Now the wheels falling off. Oh, come on, Ryn. We just need the, Oh, Oh no. Oh no. I'm going to have a, I'm going to have a heart attack. I'm going to have a, I can't. And then just like.
00:38:35
Speaker
So, Rem, that's what you see in the rural world. What does Rem say in Fantasyland? Nah, don't go blowing ah your your chest out of your head there, mate. Come on, come down. She's just trying to help us all. She's just a little bit guffed up in the brain is all. She took a hit on the head. Yes, Dothstow thinks that she enhanced my horse. Yeah, Ren, why don't you let go of the fellow's horse? It doesn't like being molested like that. They don't be touching it in weird ways and whatnot, lifting it up as it is. And while we get on, can we leave these poor people alone? go to get being What are you talking about? Look, it's almost on. Yeah, I think, well you right. But either way,
00:39:26
Speaker
we got We really got to get going to that boat. They're fine. He says so himself. Yeah. Right. Yeah. She takes off running. Take off running. Stefano, you let go of the wagon um as it as it drops. ah And you just ah rim, you just hear like, oh, no, the other wheel cracked when she dropped it. Oh. Oh. then like his wife's just like like fanning him with like her paper fan. Just like oh dear. It'll be okay We're not too far out of do dad now well um ah How criminal do we say like people at sinners Canyon where they were like we said they were like laying parents But we never really did there's a bunch of dumbasses more than anything
00:40:05
Speaker
and mostly a bunch of bunch of weirdos and freaks but like yeah that mean they used to be pirates and then they like kind of took up the whole land pirate thing so like you would know if you're from there that there was a time before they just really settled into just getting fucked up in their mind all day that like their land pirating was just like stealing from wagons and carriages and shit that would pass close enough by that they could be a little less lazy to go get it so like they're definitely not the best people in the world So once they're rinsed a little bit further away, i so I just kind of hang back and I i um sort of just play with my ah
00:40:40
Speaker
one of my axes on my hip, and I go, I dare say you won't need these horses now that your wagon is so irrevocably destroyed. And I kicked the wheel a little bit further away from the thing. Once I say we do a fair trade on the road, um and perhaps I'll bring it back once I help this poor young girl to her home. Let's say ye. a You see the guy passes out completely. He's just like overwhelmed by what he's had to go through today. And then his wife is like fanning him and he's on the ground. She goes, just take it and go.
00:41:15
Speaker
Thank you kindly. shit I'll go ahead and bear back a letter. Yes. And as you as you ride away and you you hear the horses coming up from behind you and you turn around and you see a woman like waving her hand very kind of gracefully like the queen. She's like, so long, heroes. I pray we dost thoust to see thoust against thoust. But really, you just see a lady just like, You fucking assholes, that's where I'm covering your shirt. I'm yelling back like, you better oh i thought I dare say you should forget what you've seen here today, my lady. Oh, to Roy, my but mal lady, thank you for your generous offer to our question.
00:42:02
Speaker
It's actually a land dolphin. What'd you say? The horse is a land dolphin. You think you're, I'm sorry, the horse is a land dolphin. that's i Sheila, I brought you an extra land dolphin off those nice people back here. Kind enough to offer them up to us on our noble quest to find your dad. I just see like a dolphin kind of like the sun kissed guy and instead it's got like a big pink bow on top of its head and like eyelashes and like ah has legs and just comes running up with like a saddle on top.
00:42:44
Speaker
Uh, yeah. Yes. That's what you see. All right. I told you I was going to get weird. So she jumps on. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like rim, you just see like, Rin is like, like trying to like surf on the top of this fucking horse is supposed to like sitting on it. Are you one of them trick riders from the circuses? That's pretty cool. Yeah. I'm pretty good, huh? Look at me. I can ride this dolphin like nobody's business. Yeah, I like it. I don't think you should get down from what you're doing at all in real life. youre um I think you should probably get down from where you are. okay Yeah, stay right up there like that. That's great. You're probably going to break your head if you don't get down from there. I like try to push the dolphin, but the dolphin is like too fast and we just run after it.
00:43:39
Speaker
Yeah, you just run after the dummy. Wait for me. I'm also part of this team. You see like as you're riding your little floppy here land dolphin on the ground, you see like your giant skeletal friend is like running like wait for me. Hurry up. You're like nine feet. How are you running so slow? And then I start running on all three. You start running on all three? Yeah.
00:44:07
Speaker
yeah Okay. So you start running all, you know what? Roll a, roll an athletics role for Stefano. to see if he catches up on all threes. That's a five. That's a five motivated by by your friend. ah You just like use the power of your super strong arm to just like run your way up there. ah But ah rim you just see like Ren is like all of a sudden like off her horse like running and like pushing the ass of the horse running like I'm going to catch up. I'm almost there.
00:44:43
Speaker
Wait for me, guys! Wait for me, guys! I told her she was going to fall off. yeah and you're Right here, skeleton man! Get on the horse! Come on!
00:45:03
Speaker
um As you guys get further east of Doo Dad and you follow this long cobblestone road out towards Ghost Alley, you start to see Stefano, you in particular, are very aware that you are approaching Bonetown, one of the boniest, scariest towns in all of Montana.
Arrival at Bonetown
00:45:25
Speaker
Oh no, not Bonetown.
00:45:30
Speaker
And as you approach bone town, you see that all the houses bones, all the people bones, but the mayor is covered in his muscle. He's the mayor of muscle and he's just a guy made of muscles and blood. And he's standing at the entrance with all the other bone people and they stand there and they say brought there. You could not go any further. i um What do you do? Before we continue on, we have like two things we can do now. Either we punch the guy or we like try to like go a wide way around him. Because I can't stand this guy. I will throw up if he likes anything.
00:46:18
Speaker
scaleleton saying I will throw up is all the funniest guys I will straight-up just throw up okay i will fucking never her he throws up shit peleton yeah he just those are like little people but about i'm i'm like Like, where are you keeping those? You don't have any organs. Why not see those in you? You know what I just imagine just now? Do you remember like the SpongeBob episode where he like eats his own arms? So you're just throwing up arms? Yeah, so it's like vomiting arms.
00:46:53
Speaker
Uh, Rim, as you, you see like, Rin is like talking to her own hand at one point and she's like, she's like flapping her hand up and down. She's like, I will straight throw up if, if I have to be around this guy very much longer. Um, but, but what you see is there are like straight up fucking bandits. There's probably like a half a dozen of them, like a real big muscled up jacked guy. He's got like two big swords on his two big, like cutlasses hanging off of his, his belt. And he has a pistol. and uh he's sitting there yelling at them he's like just give over what you have and we'll let you leave um that's not what these guys see but what do you say rim as you see them encountering this um i pull alongside rin and i say um now listen here you bone-in bloody sons of bitches
00:47:47
Speaker
We're on a fucking quest, all right? You're getting in the fucking way of that quest, and I'm not going to give you shite, all right? And what comes out in real life? um How many are there? There's six of them. There's a half a dozen, including the big guy. ah That's a lot. Yep, yeah it's a What comes out in real life? I only have a four persuasion, but...
00:48:19
Speaker
I will fuck it. um I realize you've got us a bit outnumbered, but I do say I've got two axes here and a quick couple of hands to throw and use frontmost leadership position. ah You will surely take one square in the chest and die very quickly. um Maybe your friends will kill us, but you'll be dead. Do you really want that to happen? Good role persuasion. See if you can or intimidation. I guess you don't want to make that's why I thought that's why I threatened his life instead Okay, I've been better in that a five a five. He like you see he kind of like swallows a little bit All right, look at you. So we're all really hungry. Okay, my god. My guns not even loaded Wish room to the side You use that's like in my wishness skeletons beside him, right? I Yeah, they're all skeletons. And you just see like a big dude made of like muscle and blood. And like he just said, as you hear him like, Oh, you hear the big muscle man say something just like, like, Oh, what do you think the muscle man says? What do you like when you see that, like that rim is like yelling at him?
00:49:32
Speaker
The muscle man is like very hostile towards us because he's against bone people. And that's why the other bone people are like his slaves. Gotcha. And he also wants to enslave me. So in real life, in real life, he's like, oh, man, because I was not even loaded. I'm just trying to eat. But then what you hear is like, I'm just a captor of the bone people and you belong in my town so I can decide to eat you if I choose. Because I hate bones, but I hate bone people more. I answer to that. You, we are all bone people. We need to like rise up together against suppression. We need to like fight against the meaty people. And then I try to fight them to like fight the meaty guy. All right. Roll persuasion. Cause out loud it's just Rin doing like an epic speech. the this All right. So you say that to them, Rin, what, what do you think, like, so you're yelling out loud, like,
00:50:28
Speaker
the things that like that you imagine Stefano are saying. um But like, how would you like, how would you continue that speech asren as Ren as Stefano is like, we all need to rise together against this guy. You're not invited it to my birthday safe if you don't let us pass. OK. You see all the bone people go, oh, but I haven't been to a birthday in a long time. Oh, man. Oh. And they'll be ice cream and cake. Whoa, I don't even know what ice cream is.
00:51:00
Speaker
and the don have What's a bounce house? um oh man And then and then rim you just see one of the other guys is like, he's like, oh, ma'am, my stuff's not even loaded. ah You see one of his friends just comes up from behind him and and just stabs him through the chest like with a big ass fucking knife. And he's like, because he's just like gargles like. um bla let me And then, like, as he's dropping to his knees, you guys see the big muscle man. It's just getting, like, repeatedly just stabbed with pointy bones um from the other bone. Yes. Oh, it's in control. Sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink, sink. Yay, you can all come to my birthday. Yay! And then, Rem, you see a bunch of people just covered in, like, that dude's blood as it's squirting out from him and everything. And they all go, what's ice cream? Are we getting some?
00:51:52
Speaker
just Well, I think we solve this situation keenly. ah yeah exactly You guys want to come with us? We're going to have so much fun. You're all invited to my boat. that's yeah To my boat. You got to go find his boat. And you see one of the skeletal people goes. Alas, as much as we would like to come to the birthday party for cake and ice cream, we are stuck here in these lands cursed. The only way for us to be freed is if you take out the evil pirate on the evil high seas over in the evil woods where there's also an ocean. It's a very strange land over there where but it's a nexus that forms. If you can defeat the evil pirate there, our curse will be lifted and we shall be able to enjoy the cake and ice cream with yeas.
00:52:41
Speaker
shit But anyway you what what what room here is is we don't know what the fuck you're talking about. ah We would love some food if you have some, although, you know, we're kind of like lost in the midst of ghost alley. We don't know where we're going. We think that we're seeing ghosts. And we sometimes we hear there's a mansion somewhere on here might have food. You might want to check that way. But we got lost.
Confronting the Pirate Curse
00:53:05
Speaker
You know, like I think here is about a pirate. Hmm. But all you guys hear is about a great pirate captain off into the woods. Yeah, I think this pirate can probably is like a really big ship. We probably should like go and stab him. We should just go stab that guy. We should just go kill him. It's fine. What are you muttering about a pirate over there? I think what? Well, we got to we got to find the ship.
00:53:35
Speaker
for my friend and there's like a pirate ship over there on the lake in the forest. So it's fine. We're going to go get it. Maybe we could. And she looks around and sees. I totally forgot we had Dutchess with us. So she looks over and sees Dutchess and she's a beautiful unicorn. And Dutchess takes off running. That just takes off running towards where? ah Towards the the ocean in the forest. All right. She she runs off towards the ocean and the forest of the ocean the forest see um So um You guys right off ah now Rim since you there's there's the real you that knows what's going on in real life And you just saw a guy get stabbed in front of you, and they're like what the fuck you talking about We're lost in the in the mist. What do we do?
00:54:31
Speaker
Is there anything you do as a as a resident of sinners Canyon mine? That might be something more in character with what room would do ah I say fellows um if you'd like head on down to do dad They're doing some humanitarian efforts for some people I know and just go in there and say hey we need help. They'll probably help you there. Oh Really? I mean, okay Well, dang, thank you, sir. I, I feel kind of bad for stabbing old Pete here, but it was a bit abrupt. I was surprised, but, uh, I don't know that, that, that lady you're with is real, real scary and convincing. And before we knew it, we just felt compelled to start stabbing. Yes. I think the young woman is a bit off of her marbles, but, um, um, um, uh, you know, as a kind man that I am, I'm trying to help her on her way to find her father, you see.
00:55:22
Speaker
Right. Well, that's very nice of you, Mr. You know, ah which way is this doodad you speak of? ah Right back down the trail this way, we just came straight from there. Oh, well, much applied, sir. Yeah, we're going to get cooking. and Should we bring Pete with us or? And someone's like, no, no, it's too fucking heavy. I ain't take take his swords, though. And they take his blades and they take his gun and they start walking off in the direction that you said they should go. Bon voyage. I don't know what that means. I don't speak Spanish. It's gnomish for have a good time.
00:55:58
Speaker
ah All right. And you hop back up on your horse. OK, you follow. um So, Stefano, you talked your way out of this situation. Rin, you also talked your way out of this situation. You're following the Unicorn Duchess towards um the where the where the those the forest meets the sea. um And ah before you know it, you see a massive ah ship Form from the ocean all of a sudden you meet you just walk up to the shore. There's a big um Massive ship with a bunch of little cannons all over it and you see gasps and skeleton um and you see that there is a Big old a big old pirate man. Actually, you know, I take it back. It's a pirate lady There's a pirate lady on that ship
00:56:53
Speaker
Um, and, uh, she kind of, she's like swashing around on her, on her ship, kind of doing donuts in the water and everything. Not paying you any mind. ah ah Occasionally shooting out cannonballs off to the side, uh, just for fun. What do you do? honour lady I'm here to take your ship.
00:57:14
Speaker
and ah two She gives you like the biggest middle finger ever and then just keeps firing your cannons. Fire it again! And they just fire off the budget. It was! You know what that means, Ren? What? We need to like ah activate our plan if somebody doesn't do the things that we want them to do. which that Yes. What's the plan? The plan is we go up to them and then we stab them with our bones. Okay. Um, problem. Yes. I don't have any bones to stab her with. That's totally fine. I have enough bones for both of us. Okay. Okay.
00:58:09
Speaker
Yeah. So as you guys say that you see unicorn duchess comes running back with a rainbow following her and then she does a really sick backflip. And then as she lands, she's a giant ship. in the water um adjacent to the other pirate ship that's doing donuts in the sea. um And you see the the ah the gangway drops down for you guys to run up onto the ship. The ship is white with rainbow sails.
00:58:44
Speaker
Absolutely. i didnt you say sot have something like that And it has a horn hanging off the front where like the what what the fuck do they call that thing that they decorate the front with? I'm asking you. Yeah. Yeah. There's a brow at the front. Yeah. But there's like name a name like the thing he is, I don't remember. There's a name with the long times we played Sea of Thieves. Yeah. But that thing, there's like ah there's like a big fucking unicorn horn sticking out where they would be like a mermaid lady or something. Yeah. um um ah Justin, what do you think? Rimsies is like they're hopping onto a ah pirate ship to fight another pirate ship out in the fucking woods. He definitely just sees the dog jump in the water.
00:59:25
Speaker
um And I guess there's just like a little a little old lady fishing in the in the lake with a little boat Yeah, she's ah yeah like there's like a little lake they're like a little kind of hidden lake out there in the mist and it's like an old lady sitting on like a little rowboat like fishing from her boat and fucking Dutch is just like splashes in in the pond um And then ah so I'm guessing that room would just jump in the water if she's going to fight a fire it. Like, I don't know what else you'd be doing. um I'd see her probably just grabbing like a random piece of wood off of the site. So, you know, there's always like big logs of wood on the side of lakes and whatever. So she's just like, ah yeah, just some driftwood and then like sit on it. And obviously it's not going to do anything. So she's like, she's still sitting on it.
01:00:20
Speaker
and And she's submerged in the water and she's all like swimming through the ah lake as she's trying to battle this. um She's like dog paddling on this log. like Yeah. um yeahp So so, yeah, so. um Stefano, Stefano, you ah you're on the pirate ship. You see this other lady pirate and she's like, yeah, you are the enemy. I am the good one. There's something menacing. I am Captain Stefano. You will not frighten me because I'm a master boater.
01:01:01
Speaker
So my best mate, Rin and I will take you down. Yeah, whatever you say, it sounds like you're dumb and your friend is dumb. OK, Ryn, here's the thing also, we all go full front into a ship. Let's go. Ryn, do you have a boating skill? You plan on a boating skill? ah Probably not. rolling on skilled role and then Stefano you also roll. I feel like it'd be a funny little conflict to see how you guys both do for boats. I have an eight. I rolled zeros. Ren rolled two zeros and he rolled an eight and a seven. And so, so at first, like You're starting to do full steam ahead the wrong direction and you're just like, like, bri did did it it did did it it did did it it and then just like you see Stefano runs and he like turns to sales in the correct direction and then like whips the steering wheel around and the fucking boat just turns running and goes full speed. You see like the unicorn horn is like facing towards the ship and you hear the lady goes,
01:02:03
Speaker
Don't you dare! This boat is my prized possession! I will shoot you! Fire glitter Fire Alright, roll a shooting roll for glitter cannons. Okay. Uh, just to kind of- Oh, I don't have shooting. Rich, other windows, though. Uh, alright, well, roll a shooting roll for glitter cannons anyway. Or, whatever. see I guess I'd be another unskilled if you don't know. Five. five. Roll your damage. Roll to three d10s for damage. For your your and rear glitter cannon against this twenty one. one what
01:02:51
Speaker
Oh, you hear like the letting go as like you just get like you just put a bunch of tiny little flecks of glitter all over the place. And she's like, I hate everything about this. Oh, I hate glitter. It's going to take you out of my boat. And she's like screaming. ah Rim, what do you see happening from your perspective in this little lake as they are jumping in the water pedaling towards this woman? Um, and she like gets over there and she just throws like dirt or sand at the lady. She's like taking like clumps of mud, just like, and she just hears, she's like, why are you doing this? Oh, you're scaring the fish. Why, why are you doing this to me? I'm just trying to have a peaceful breakfast. I just, and rim just on the horse, uh, at this edge of the late little lake. And he's like, uh,
01:03:49
Speaker
I'm beginning to think there might not be any money at the end of this after all. What are you doing there, you land rats? Come on on our boat. say like ri yes
01:04:03
Speaker
Sorry, my land dolphin's not rated for the ocean. I'll wait here and try and flee by land. you You hear the woman in the boat telling you a rim. She's like, are you just going to let them do this? For God's sake, stop him. I'm unarmed. Please. It's just mud. Calm down.
01:04:26
Speaker
hit Can I roll the sinker boat? Sure, you can roll a sinker boat. What does that look like? What are you trying to do to sinker boat? So she dives down into the water and grabs like a really large rock. And she's like, here's a gem cannon. The gem cannon. And a giant ruby flies out. OK, go for it. Yeah, roll roll another. you know Why don't you and. um Stefano, both roles shooting role or, you know, or a boating plus shooting, you know, whatever you feel like you would be doing. Whatever works. And a five, a five. Yeah. you You get close enough to her and you get this rock and just like fucking just like hook shot that shit like right over top of her boat. um ah You like you beam her in the fucking head like she like rolls off her boat and ah capsizes her capsizes the rowboat that she's on. um
01:05:22
Speaker
And then, like, as you fire the as you fire the fire, the gem cannon, you hear the pirate, she says, she says, oh, that's it. I'm going to defend myself. Wait, why are you fighting? Is that a ruby? Oh, that's nice. Don't you throw that at me? Don't you throw that at me? I swear to God, little girl, don't you throw that at me? um Then you hear, don't you hurt my butt? And then you just shoot like a fucking huge asshole as like as like Stefano like wheels the We'll yeah. Wheels spins the this the side of the ah of the ship around to the right place and you fire the the gem cannon. This massive ruby comes out, shatters through both sides of the of the ship. And then you see the boat weirdly just tips up the whole entire pirate ship just tips upside down instead of sinking properly. I don't know. Yeah, it just goes. It just goes. you You see like an HP meter just drain and it just goes and goes like a fish belly up um and then just like a little water.
01:06:20
Speaker
Rym, you see a woman get capsized on her boat as Rym is climbing or swimming all the way out there and then chucking up just a big fucking rock right at her dome and then capsizing the boat. ah What do you do as she comes up and she's like splashing. Hey, oh, oh, my God. Hey, this is how it ends. Help me.
01:06:40
Speaker
can't you swim negative good buddy negative please why would you be on a boat if you couldn't swim because the boat can swim i can't that seems foolish one of an accident that you're all by yourself um but i can't really have this conversation right now broed but what do you do um ah Aye, Sheila, why don't you be a sporting ah victor there and help that stinking old bilge rat out of the water? Maybe we can beat some coins out of her or something.
01:07:12
Speaker
I am serious. My name is not Sheila. I know that's not really the line. but Yeah. and Don't call me Shirley. Don't call me Shirley. Don't call me Shayla. Don't call me Shayla. It was too close. I had to. yeah So, so do you, do you heed his words? Um, she goes, well, I capsized the boat anyway. I won. So all right, I'm coming. So you take your boat over and you pull the the pirate captain out of the water. No, I leave her there. Oh, you leave her there. You just swim back.
Romantic and Surreal Moments
01:07:53
Speaker
yep Um, I jump the water, I guess you jump in the water to save her. Um, as you jump in the water, uh, you guys see heroically, um, that, uh, that rim just jumps into this salt water, this dangerous sea with, with wreckage all around it. merrily getting hit by your boat as he gallantly swims like a dolphin over towards this this drowning woman and pulls her out of the water. um ah Rim, can you please roll an athletics roll for me? I sure as poop poo can.
01:08:35
Speaker
He looks like Eric from the Little Mermaid right now on my brain. Yes. its smell Okay. Okay. Well, athletics. Let's go. A nine or yeah. Like a fucking bullet. Like Michael fucking Phelps. You just swim through the water. um and you pull her out and as you pull this poor woman who was just fishing out of ah out of the water and she's like gasping for air you notice that she has a very shiny necklace around her neck re um and I say you forget what the hell you saw here today all right
01:09:11
Speaker
and back yeah and also this I also say, you forget what you saw here today, all right? but And she's like, but and you could take the stupid necklace. I don't even want this. All I want to do is fish. At least I still got my fortune buried back at the, I mean, that's all I had. That was my own position. Please don't take my necklace.
01:09:39
Speaker
Why didn't you just fish off the shore if you can't swim? Duh. She takes off running. She takes off running and you hear you you hear the woman say, I'll never tell you where my pirate's booty is. And I'm. Don't care, big hair. ah When I'm like, I say, if this whole thing with this girl isn't paying out to any money, I'll be back. Oh, are you it's like starts playing with her hair a little bit because are you like, are you seeing anyone or? Maybe I don't know. We'll see. but half an hour Oh, well, I live at one shack lane here in the woods. Come find me. Oh, I will. I hop on a horse and I ride back after them. All right. You ride back after them. um You guys approach. Yes, go ahead, Stefano. So I think we had a great day today when we found my boat, we defeated a pirate captain, but
01:10:38
Speaker
I think we had enough adventures for today, right? No way. There's so many more adventures to have. Like what? Well, we could go see if we can find all the lost socks in the lost sock land or we could go to the teddy bear land. Or I know for a fact that if there, if we go over this way, she points to her, right? There's like, Forest over there that has the coolest animals and people in
01:11:11
Speaker
She's pointing towards the Picket Dilly for us. You guys really wandered out that way. You'd have to go far back west to get to Picket Dilly Woods. I was going to say, I stop maybe 10 yards away from them. I hear her saying all this shit, and I'm like, hmm. I just turn around and go back to the lady in the lake.
01:11:35
Speaker
You turn you turn and go back to the lady in the lake. ah Meanwhile, you guys are having this discussion about whether you should have this adventure or not. Ren, where do you where are you guys really right now? Because you guys made your way pretty far east. Are you anywhere near Punkenstein's place or have you gone elsewhere? Oh, no, we're like right outside the gate of Punkenstein's house. You're right outside the gate of Punkenstein's house. um You see that there is um just a trail of candy that leads up this big winding shiny gold path up towards this immaculate castle um with ah with just like these really pretty lights that are kind of like making arrows that point up that way. um As you're talking to Stefano, that's what you see.
01:12:22
Speaker
Oh man, my dad knew it was my birthday today. Yes. She takes off running as she's picking each piece of candy up on the way. Happy birthday. And I like ah pick a bone for myself and and I give it to her. You give her one of your bones? Yes. Sweet. I'm going to take this to Chase's wife and get it autographed. Right. Perfect. So you make your way up the Up the driveway of of the mansion, ah you see this very well-dressed turtle tortoise standing about like five feet tall, wearing a really pretty suit. um His shell kind of sticks out the back of it a little bit. And he says, I say to what do I have the pleasure of misread? Are you here for business or pleasure? My birthday. Oh, so both.
01:13:21
Speaker
Yeah, like like because she just says birthday.
01:13:30
Speaker
Yes, both. Birthday is business and pleasure, depending on who you're asking. Right. there No idea. And he looks up at Stefano and he goes, long time no see big guy. Yeah, it's it's been a little while that I've been here. Yes, that's why I said long time no see big guy. Maybe next time you should, like, come see me instead. Instead, like, being all dismissive and stuff. Well, now. Anyways, are you coming in? Yes. Let's have some pleasure. You head in for some pleasure.
01:14:09
Speaker
Uh,
01:14:12
Speaker
while you do that, um, cutter or I'm sorry, you're not cutter rim. You ride your way back. I ate a fuck is kinda, uh, you ride your way back towards the lady that was at the lake through ghost alleys woods. Um, do you go straight to where you found her? Yeah. You go there and she goes, Oh, back, but back so soon. I was just, and you see, she's like hanging like parts of her dress over the water and like ringing it out. She's like, Oh, I was just freshening up. What do you do?
01:14:45
Speaker
Ah, well, you see, I was following that young lady and it seems that she might be a little bit more crazy than I thought. And I spied her at the entrance to an old dilapidated old mansion, which maybe there was some, maybe some old finery in there that could be so could be stolen. But I figured, yeah I know what that is. i'll go I can go back a bit. If you prove to be unfortuitous. but um li Where's your booty? The treasures you've mentioned? I'm not gonna miss them. I'm not gonna miss the words. I just want to know what the treasure is. And that's it. Oh, well, it's back at my shacket. One shack lane. If you want to follow me, we can go there. Yes, indeed, yes. Yeah, you don't want to go up to Punkenstein's resident anyway. There's a lot of weird creatures up there. I heard once that he tried to make a turtle's neck really long.
01:15:36
Speaker
um Oh, is that where that place was? Oh, I've heard words. I've heard things about him. yeah Yes. And he's got, he's got a lot of, I mean, no doubt the man's got money. I wouldn't doubt if he's just ain't making his own money, but it's just so scary to go up in there. I wouldn't even try. I'd imagine he's got some sort of. uh residue or something on his money that would either kill you or do you have some sort of little button that can track you so i would yeah i'm not going to go i'm not going to mess with any of that oh yes uh take me to your goodies ma'am and i pull my shotgun off my back for and respectfully respectfully take me
01:16:15
Speaker
um So she walks you ah probably about a quarter of a mile further into the woods until you see her shack. It's the only shack out there. um And it's near like a bunch of like shallow graves um that she dug ah to the side of her home. Just, oh, right this way, mister. I assure you that there are riches for the ah plenty for the both of us. ah Either you've got ah many dead family members or you've been been quite a busy lady. Well, if I may be truthful, I killed with all these men. Well, I see they have put hands. You've stolen from them your treasures. Well, on account of, you know, they tried to steal from me and, you know, I, you know, I'm quite, uh, I'm quite crafty and, uh, it looks like I got the upper hand and some other treasures are all mine as well. Ironically, they came for treasure and then gave me theirs. Hmm.
01:17:12
Speaker
Oh, I just realized again I gave myself two hindrances that are going to counteract right now. i I forgot I was suspicious. I never used that at all this whole time. But I'm also stubborn. You're also stubborn, you say? Well, I dare say I've got a shotgun on you, my lady. So maybe just hand over what he's stolen from them. Uh, and I'm still on top of the horse, by the way, too. Uh, and I'll just, uh, we'll call it a draw or and not a draw, but I'm going to get the stuff, but just get it. And, um, we'll say, you know, you've, you've tried your best this time around, but if you've, you've been spoiled on this one. Well, I'm not going to lie. If you make, if I go in there to get the treasure, I'm probably just going to barricade myself in. So you might want to just go in there and get it your damn self.
01:17:53
Speaker
Why don't we go together? You go ahead of me. I'll have the shotgun, uh, have half of a pace back behind you here. Um, and we'll, uh, see what's going on in there ourselves. Well, I can assure you, I got several booby traps in there. And if you let me go in first, you will not make it out of here alive. And the only reason I'm telling you is kind of on account of, you know, I may jump your bones before you die and possibly after.
01:18:16
Speaker
come yeah
01:18:20
Speaker
I haven't used that phrase since high school.
01:18:27
Speaker
Hmm. Well, I jumped your boat.
Bonnie and Clyde Scheme
01:18:29
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So why don't you just go in there and get it or or may I just propose we can get like a little Bonnie and Clyde situation going except that we don't die. And what would you be meaning by that? We go around all the time and steal all the time.
01:18:54
Speaker
You look like you know how to handle some booty mister it is it is quite Yes, yes, I am I am a land pirate is after all no I could tell but So no hard feelings after for all the scuffle oh No, I'm more upset at that that quirky girl that done tipped over my boat Yes Maybe we could, after all, rob that place. I hear that they've all been captured. as There's no one even there, except for that that girl and the dog and her imaginary friend, I believe she has. She was talking to it all the time. Oh, is that a fact? Well, I mean, I might be inclined to go and do a little bit of thievery if you are, Mr. Although I do pray tell I need to get out of these sopping wet clothes and then something better for horseback riding.
01:19:42
Speaker
Indeed you do. I dismount. but Why don't we have you do that ah disrobing over here ah several steps away from your house and we'll see what happens with that and then you can go in and get changed and then we'll go on our way to that place and burgle the joint. She explodes out of her dress right away.
01:20:07
Speaker
And like a so like a little like an old timey diver, I jump out of my clothes. with my hands
01:20:19
Speaker
so I like that how of all the ridiculous shit that we're saying is happening in Ren's Braid, this little straight up happens in real life. Yeah, I love it. don't Don't doubt the strength of a man when he's horned up. All right, so we got back to Punkenstein's house where um ah Stefano and Ryn are entering the house with a dressed up turtle or a tortoise. um And ah you see ah as well, what do you see when you walk in Ryn? Tell me what what you imagine you're starting to see. So I would see all of the people that are in like the original season of dude like ah Phony Express.
01:21:09
Speaker
And so I would see like Sheffi and Sucky and all those guys. And then of course I would see Mutt & Chops and Chase's wife all at this huge birthday party look with ah balloons everywhere. And there's like a petting zoo and the dogs that are running around. Oh yeah. Yeah. Wow. Wow. Wow. There you are. Also, Osram is there from the first episode. Yeah. Osram is there. um Somehow she knows about him because of Rinn's memories from the one day. And then like all the Piccadilly Forest people are there.
01:21:58
Speaker
ah ah Whatever his name was, the what does the cake come up, boys? As you hear Mothman yelling in the background. Where's the peanut butter cake? I heard there's going to be peanut butter. And then I like to come up on a stage and I start dancing like spooky scary skeletons. Roll role performance.
01:22:26
Speaker
That's a two. I roll a penny. You use a penny. Go for it. That's a three. It's not a penny.
01:22:35
Speaker
about eleven eleven And like you hear you hear out loud, like for anybody who's like actually there, you would hear like, I use a Benny. I use another penny. And like Rin is just like standing up on like a box somewhere, just dancing or a table, just like shaking her butt and doing her a little weird, awkward white girl dances and like. Arms over head. Yeah. Arms over head. Raise it up the roof. She's like, this roof needs to be higher. Raise it. Raise it. Raise it.
01:23:04
Speaker
um And so yes the funny you put on an amazing show and people just start checking coins that you and and flowers at your feet and everybody loves you. um And then ah you hear. ah You see sheffi comes up to you rent and says hello really enjoying your party. Yeah sheffi this is the greatest. um She's got her arms over her head just waving like she just don't care. h
01:23:35
Speaker
And she said, uh, Sheffi says, well, yes, of course, anything for you, although this is the first time we've ever gotten to party at your house. I know, right? Isn't this great? Yes. Do you, do you think that your big bony friend would enjoy a big old ball of goulash? Yeah. ah He see chef goes up and starts like just throwing goulash at him while he's dancing. yeah Oh Yeah shower me with that stuff. Oh Yeah shower me with that stuff um And then Rin you um
01:24:16
Speaker
You start to kind of like you start to come down just like a little bit like you still kind of see everything going on but things just kind of starting to like chill a little bit and like your happy birthday Ren sign starts to say more like where's dad on it like you see more of like because you notice that like everybody is here for your birthday but your dad. Mm hmm. Frankenstein is nowhere to be seen. As you see, Stefano's getting like a little shorter as he's dancing, like he's losing bone. I'm shrinking. What are you doing? Help! Where are you going? I'm losing bone mass.
01:25:01
Speaker
And then like you see Mutt and Chop Joe is sitting at the stage as your dancing goes, I'm ah gaining bone mass, if you know what I mean. but And I go up to him and I punch him. He says, ah thank you. i I needed that. Thank you so much. ah Where's your dad? Who's your daddy? I was my daddy. And where does he does he do?
01:25:35
Speaker
um So ah so as you see, everything is starting to come down and you see that ah you see that Stefano is starting to shrink. um We cut once more back to cut. ah Fuck, I keep on calling cutter to Remy and this unnamed Jezebel that you're with because I don't know if you got her name, but you guys are outside the shack covered up in her dress. Yeah.
01:26:00
Speaker
You're outside the shack covered up in her dress, like kind of sitting next to each other on a stump. What do you do? Smoker cigarette. Shit. Roll for smoking. Roll figure. Oh, wow. Oh, shit. Did you suck this up all the way? One big puzzle. That was 14. Yeah. Well, ah you just take one big drag and it just disappears up to the filter. ah Sorry, I was going to offer you this, but I appear to have sucked it dry. just It's okay. Just blow it into my mouth. Just blow it into my mouth.
01:26:34
Speaker
you i'm So what do you do? um Well, shall we go and see if we can rob that the teenage girl of a family's wealth?
Sheila Joins the Heist
01:26:48
Speaker
I would say so. And as a token of my gratitude, ah she just like reaches a fist like into the one of the shallow graves and just pulls out like a pocket watch, like a really shiny silver pocket watch, and just hands it to you. Very good. I don't know if you noticed the whole time we were ah making it, I had one hand on one of my axes because I wasn't sure if you're going to try and kill me, but this this little nice watch here in the and the and the ripping good orgasm you gave me is doing a lot to inform my trust in you.
01:27:16
Speaker
And I don't know if you noticed, but I also had my hand on that same axe that whole time. um I must say I did actually notice. And it was quite nice. Yeah. It made me feel closer to you, baby. I was also very worried you were going to try and take it off me and kill me with it. So also it enhanced, and if you believe it, it enhanced the pleasure. is insane It was insane. It had crossed my mind, mister. Mine as well, mine as well. But I really don't want to find your treasure you mentioned as well. But hopefully we can share it in love and not in debt. I'm Sheila by the way. Oh, that's a lovely name. yeah probably Here we go Sheila. Yeah, what do I call you? Let us rerobe. Oh, my name is Rim. You may call me Rimmy.
01:28:02
Speaker
Remy, all right, Remy and Sheila. I like the sound of that, or Sheila and Remy. Which one's that? Remy, Sheila? We'll figure it out. Yes. and ah Normally when I go and pull a ah crime job, like this, I say, ah, about to pull a rim job. We're now doing a new name for it with um you being involved. Well, no, we we can still go give people rim jobs. I like that. Why not? Why change a good thing? Right. I mean, we just did some just now. So I mean, there's a that's right. We're all practice. Let's go. um And then she puts on like a pair of like chaps and like a really nice kind of button up shirt and a cool sick cowgirl hat. um My God, you're lucky I'm on a cool down right now. She's got like a big she's got like a beautiful big blue scarf that hangs off way too fucking far off her neck, like the blows in the wind as you guys ride on your horse.
01:28:49
Speaker
um Uh, so you guys are heading up towards pumpkin science house. Yes. All right. So you had up there as like, let's just say like, By the time that you wrapped up your business and then you get out there, it probably takes a few more minutes to get over there. Punkenstein's house is just right up the road. So you guys are arriving at the bottom of the hill as you kind of hear kind of like a commotion going on up in the mansion. um So as you're making your way up that long driveway ring, you see, you know, um you see Stefano slaps Mutton Chop Joe in the face real quick.
01:29:24
Speaker
uh as he gets a little bit shorter he's about like six skeletons shorter now so it's probably like five or six feet great measurement system yeah yeah you know americans use anything but the metric system um i mean the driveway is at least 35 skeletons long um it that think that should be a thing
01:29:46
Speaker
How many femurs would you say it is in length? That's about 50 femurs high. It's like when we used to use dim as measurement. That's true. yeah We did use dim measurements. differents um So you start to see you're coming down a little bit from like the what you've put into yourself from turning up your dial. It's kind of like an egg timer where like eventually the dial starts to kind of like move its way back down towards like start um And so like it's moved down about a notch and a half since like you started this kind of like drug induced adventure. um And so yeah, you see it. Stefano is getting shorter. You see the daddy sign all of a sudden all your guests are like, Where's your dad? Where's your dad at? Where is pumpkin Stein?
01:30:28
Speaker
um You see, um you see ah ah Sheriff Jeff is there and he blows off off from his head again. well And he says, he says, God damn it. He didn't know I thought his dad would be in there. yeah ah fish
01:30:48
Speaker
they Do you know? what ah she Do you know where my boat is?
Chaos and Battles Inside the Mansion
01:30:55
Speaker
Yes. She goes to the kitchen. Every time Quinn starts in this like truck-induced state, like as the fine work always comes to her like, hey, do you know what do you know where my boat is? He just like resets. He's like, where's my boat? yeah That's so fucking funny. yeah So you said you're going to the kitchen? Yeah. What are you doing in the kitchen? She's going to look for snacks.
01:31:21
Speaker
And you look for snacks, roll a notice, roll for snacks. If you find anything, are there snacks available? And if so, what? You got five. What do you find? You find a couple of your favorite snackies in there. ah She finds some ding dongs in her house. Ding dongs and ho-hos. What if we're ding dongs and ho-hos invented? I don't know. Yeah. You find ding dongs and ho-hos. And then you hear Chefie call out, if you go in the kitchen, I just made some ding dongs and ho-hos. Guess what they're made out of. You'll never guess what I made the ding dongs out of.
01:32:03
Speaker
Probably goulash. Don't even get me started on the ho-hos. I live in a brothel.
01:32:15
Speaker
um So ah you find your ding-dongs in your ho-hos. Stefano, what are you doing out there as you get, you're a little shorter now. You finish your dance. People throw a bunch of coins and dollars up on the stage. There you go. You run around looking for a bone to add to a body again. You frantically run around, ah roll a notice roll. I roll a critical fail. A critical fail. So running phone you're running around looking for your bones, but in real life you see, we see like on like fucking
01:32:50
Speaker
with Punkenstein's weird surveillance system. We see Rin bursting between the, like, she's playing like 15 different roles at once. She's running into the kitchen and then running back out, oh, Rin, there's big dogs and ha ha ha. And then she's running over my bones, my bones, my bones. And then she's like running back and forth and she sits in a chair and she's like, ah, yeah, I got a big bone or whatever, ha ha ha. You know, and then she's like running back and forth. And then she's like, and then she's like going, pew pew, god damn it. You know, I'm doing like all that stuff um that we heard in character. I ran. Would you do your best Sheriff Jeff? God damn it impression. God damn it. Oh, that's good. Oh, that's really good. Dang, that's awesome.
01:33:32
Speaker
um
01:33:35
Speaker
I've been practicing. I love it. I think it's great. Adrian, can you can you do can you do a sheriff, Jeff? Go. Damn me. um
01:33:49
Speaker
it kind of Like you said go damn it so a lot is ah Justin you want to give us a sheriff Jeff just for funsies. I dare say god damn it i love
01:34:04
Speaker
So so you just say like we see in the surveillance footage of just like Rin just running back and forth just like embodying all these people that she has gotten data downloaded into her about. um And she's just like exploring all of these different personalities. um And ah ah rim, as you and Sheila are coming up the driveway, you hop off your horses, you as you peer into The into the mansion doors you just see this woman that you that you've been riding with you see rain running back and forth just take making a bunch of voices which is not totally new to you cuz she's been doing it all day but now she's just gone full fucking ventriloquist on everything.
01:34:45
Speaker
Hmm. I was worried as we wrote up that I heard all those voices. I thought perhaps I was misled thinking that there would be no one here, but it appears as that crazy young girl, she's running about. Uh, we may be able to just walk straight in and pilfered as we please. I mean, she did tip over my boat. Should we just shoot her? Uh, no, she's just a bit, uh, you've heard the stories of Punkenstein. He's, he's probably done something odd with her brain, like put a slug in there or something. Right. We should put a slug in her right now, just to put her out of her misery. and and and No, we we shouldn't do that. It's not, it's not, to know you don't have a violent one, aren't you? She called me a pirate. Well, yeah I believe she, but i perhaps she's, uh, fucked up on something.
01:35:37
Speaker
I mean, potentially, I mean, that girl's crazy. She swam out, threw a rock at my dang head, tipped over my boat. I damn near drowned had you not heroically came in to save me. And then running off, making a bunch of kooky voices as she runs up towards here. Girls clearly insane. We just put her out of her misery before she hurt somebody. Well, you see, the reason I saved you is because I've got something of a compass in me that says I shouldn't just kill people, let them die. You know, I'm going to rob you, but I won't kill you. I'll threaten your life. But I mean, if I have to go through it, I will to prove the point. But um you see, I mean, yeah I appreciate you. You'll bring a new sort of dynamic here where you'll be willing to maybe more easily go and do this the ah visceral parts of the job. But some I feel it will be much easier for us to just walk in there, take what we need, leave a bee and go on a merry little way.
01:36:26
Speaker
All right, fine. I mean, if you say that that's what you want to do. Yes. And if it needs done, you can crack her on the head. do You know, whatever tomorrow I need done, now or I won't begrudge you it. But we can i be <unk>s consider it a bit of a game. So we can avoid her creating. If when she does see us, we'll just say we're a house plant or something. All right. Well, look, if she if she gets too violent and and she starts coming after us and she like lifts up her shirt a little bit to reveal that she has like ah you see like a little bit of midriff as she lifts up her shirt and she has like a she has like a golden pistol tucked in her in her chaps. Oh, you know, you know, when I glimpse that tummy head of yours, I can't control myself.
01:37:07
Speaker
bo I'm sorry. right thing isn't its you can you can you can You can pluck it or floss with it later, baby, but right now we've got to take care of business. Well, now that I'm fully erect, let's get in there. God, I love stealing.
01:37:31
Speaker
well This whole thing took a turn, man. Yeah, it did. So um so why don't you roll a sneak roll for the both of you? um You know what? Oh, you know what? To be fair, I'll roll one for her to just for funsies that she has. Wow. I got a 15 because and if all it she rolled a three for herself. So you guys are she is a wild card. OK. Um, so she, um, she sneaked. I was going to say, you don't kill that many guys and steal all their shit when they try to rob you and you have some kind of skills. Um, so, um, so yeah, you roll a 15, she rolls a three. So as you're sneaking in, what do you do as like, as you, as you make your way in there, as you see Rin just running back and forth doing voices. Uh, he just very lightly turns the knob.
01:38:25
Speaker
judges The door open just barely slips through and doesn't really like crawlers He just walked kind of like slowly and quietly into like a he sees a resentment of one room He walks kind of just like calmly into another room in the opposite direction Ren what are some of the voices that he hears as he's like sneaking past you? Oh, he's going to hear like everyone like. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Why did you call me pecker wrecker? Oh, my God. Why? um So you hear that in your bones, bones, my bones as you as you walk past. um Where are you heading towards rim? Um.
01:39:11
Speaker
Anyway, I was going to look or see if anything looks like I can I can grab it. Any little boxes, perhaps, or, you know, I'm going to maybe also look for the stairs. I mean, I'm sure there may be the main entryway. I don't know. But yeah, I mean, there is a there is a stairway that kind of loops up and over where they are towards the right side of the room and then kind of goes up and around. um You do see there are like some really fancy clocks in here. um He does have like a bunch of like little um ah mechanical mechanical devices, like ah adorning like different um like ah mantles and such around the room. Are are there any sacks anywhere? I didn't bring anything to pilfer with that wasn't prepared or to my lady. Was she prepared? Oh, your lady is always prepared for stealing. Oh, good. I got a sack. Then ah she has a pillowcase. I'm going to start slipping things into the sack because I can fit into the sack. So as you as you're doing that here,
01:40:04
Speaker
And she's like, it's like, ah, dang, I dropped a bullet. And then when I bent over to pick up the bullet, I knocked over this face. Shit. Why were you playing with bullets? Because I forgot to load my golden gun. Um, so, uh, as you guys are doing that, so, uh, rim, you're still technically kind of hidden. Like you could probably dip like behind something cause you're in stealth mode to begin with, but, uh, Ren and, um, Stefano, you see a woman who is holding onto a very shiny golden bullet, um, and surrounded by a bunch of broken glass on the floor.
01:40:42
Speaker
And you recognize it as the pirate that Rims saved. She's back for revenge. She's coming to steal her ship. And I'm behind one of those changing screens. Get her! punch her in the face. You're trying to punch her in the face? All right, roll ah role fighting for Stefano. That's a five. You're not a real man. Yeah. Let me see. What is her Perry? Perry is that passes. ah No, no, I'm looking at the wrong one. Hang on. Sorry. ah So you're good like what ah describe what your attack looks like. I take my right arm. That's my only arm. And then.
01:41:27
Speaker
I take some bones from myself and put them into my fist like Wolverine claws. OK. And then I go and punch her. All right. So you roll the five. She has a parry of six. So you do like your little Wolverine bone claws and you just swing at her. And then you see she like pulls out like this big ass golden cutlass and stops your arms and she goes not to die, bitch. And then she is going to try to fight you back. ah She rolls a six to hit you. Is that past your parry? That's past her parry for five.
01:42:03
Speaker
This is your Perry. Okey a dokey. So let's roll that Durmidge. She rolls a seven to hurt you. Does that hurt you? I mean, I have a couple of five. So yeah. All right. So, uh, Rim, you see as like, you see Rind runs across the room and like starts going like, beep, beep, beep, beep. And she just picks up like some random like cutlery and stuff and shoves it between her fingers like Wolverine claws. And then just like, and then just like swings it at, uh, at Sheila and Sheila kind of blocks it with her golden gun and she's trying to load it. And she goes, not today, little bitch. Uh, and then just like smacks her across the face and you see Rind just kind of like reels for a little bit. Um,
01:42:48
Speaker
That's what's happening at the moment when you just see stephon or stephano get fucking smacked by a giant golden cut list as he kind of reels backwards what do you do. Oh, she is going to, she's going to do like a, like a front flip and then she's going to take her legs and wrap it around the pirate's head, like the her neck and try to wrestle her to the ground. Cause she has been watching Chase's wife. andly She'd be so proud. Yeah. Like she was watching their wrestling matches and she is a fan. So she's going to do that.
01:43:27
Speaker
So you're going to try to do like a poison Rana. So do ah do an athletics role to see if you can jump up on her and and do this sick, flippy thing. six Well, that's a six. You leap up gracefully and you get your your legs, or your knees up on her head. ah You know what? We'll count that as like just passing Perry for like an attack. So go ahead and roll like, I don't know, your strength for your damage to see how much you do is you chuck her across the fucking floor. Six again. Six again, you throw her across the floor. um Ordinarily, that wouldn't pass her toughness, but because of where she lands as you chuck her, she gets bumped in the head and you see she gets shaken a little bit. And she goes, r ah, I got hurt. All right. Just give me a second to collect myself. um But then what she's really saying out loud is like, like, Remy, where the hell are you? I'm getting my ass beat over here. Come on now. I'm going to shoot her. I swear to God. Good job. wendy you can do this
01:44:25
Speaker
So, Remy, Remy, what do you do? Remy, that's you, not not Ren, the girl around Justin's parents. I forgot. That's why I kept saying Remy and you weren't answering. I was like, I think he's thinking, waiting for kind of to be talked to. um What just happened again? Ren jumped up. Ren got punched in the face as Stefano when she tried to attack. And then as a recovery move, she jumped up and did like a head scissors maneuver and wrapped her legs around ah Sheila and then chucked her across the floor. And then Sheila yelled out, are you going to help me or what? Yeah, I was waiting for my chains coming down. That's all I thought. I just got away from my chains. I ran out. And while she's looking at Sheila, I'm going to try and punch Rin in the back of the head. Oh, shit. All right. Well, you you are stealth. Rin doesn't know you're there. So that would give you technically the drop on her. Yeah.
01:45:19
Speaker
ah So that would be fighting your mom being a beater in another. time good So what happens when I have to drop? I just roll. So you roll. You roll. You're fighting ordinarily, but you get a plus four automatically to the attack and plus four to the damage as well. Holy hell. So that's an eight on the wild man. It's an eight on the wild die. Does that pass your um does that pass teen Rins Perry? Yeah. It passes the period. OK, so then you would do your damage plus four. So what's what's fist damage strength? ah Usually it's just strength. That's how I do it unless you have like a training in it. I don't.
01:45:55
Speaker
Oh, how damn. 18 total. I onlyt want to knock her out. I want to kill her. Eight teams of damage. I think Ryn has like 10 toughness or something. So you do one, two, three. So you shake her and wound her twice ah as you just brain her in the back of the fucking head. Like you're just punching her in the back of the head. Yeah. So, Ren, you just get rattled by just somebody out of nowhere. Stefano, you um you feel just like a sharp, just like heavy blow to the back of your of your body and then like your head rolls off on the ground somewhere.
Rin's Escape and Safe Room
01:46:35
Speaker
I know.
01:46:37
Speaker
Yeah, ah Rin, as you're fighting this woman, you see ah Rim comes out of nowhere and just decks Stefano in the back of the body and his head starts rolling on the ground. And you both feel a little woozy. I tried to like pick up Rin and carry her to safety. Okay, and got to pick up Rin and carry her to safety. Drola, athletics roll, I guess. see if you can carry her that's a four that's enough to be able to pick her up and run uh give me one more to see if you can get away from these guys before they start putting uh putting the works on you some more wow 16 like rim you get absolutely rattled in real life as like as rim just nicks up behind you and just fucking smacks you good
01:47:21
Speaker
Um, but then just like you feel like kind of like a sobering effect from that, even though you're hurt and like your programming's all sorts of messed up. What you see is all kind of scattered and blurry, but then like an instinct just takes over you and you just like start to fucking just bolt like an inhuman speed up the, um, up the stairs to a place that you know is safer. But in Rinland, as you're still kind of powering down from all that, just the skeleton, he's a little bit smaller than you now, but somehow he finds the strength of a giant and he picks you up over his head with one arm and just starts running you up the stairs to safety. And he's also missing his head now. He's also missing his head, so it's... Yeah, I feel like Punkenstein had a safety measure. Like, if she ever got hurt, like, she had some sort of, like, ah safety device... Yeah, like a preservation.
01:48:12
Speaker
Yeah, that like just makes her automatically float back to her like closet to charge and repair. Sure. So like you're just bolting back towards where your your stasis pod was, where you were charging um as you bolt ah rim. You see Ren just after you just clock her real good days for a moment, then just sprints um ah up the stairs as you hear. I got you. I got you.
01:48:47
Speaker
um I pause and look at Sheila say, are you all right? Yeah, I guess I'm fine. It took you long enough. Dang. Sorry. is Hey, these things happen in like, it takes a minute to describe it in the game, but it's like five seconds in in real time. I was reacting. Well, five seconds can feel like forever when you have a crazy girl wrapping her legs around your face and then throwing you across the room. Well, I'm sorry. Anyway, I'm going to go after her. You're going to go after her? Why? I thought you were just here to steal stuff. She's gone now. Well, she's going to go upstairs again. you' You've heard the talk of Puckett's done. He's all kind of a boom is explosions, bad things. She's probably going to have something to vaporize or something up there and get her. And you want to go towards the things that go boom for you. And it's like, OK, I'll be down here, sweetie, just right in the kitchen. It's a cutlery she almost tried to kill you with.
01:49:41
Speaker
it And you hear us say, oh, a spork. I heard about these. ki um And so you spin up the stairs, Rin, you're running. ah But in your mind, at least for right now, you're being carried by a much smaller headless skeleton. What do you do? um um She's going to try to make it to her cabinet stasis thingy as fast as she possibly can. All right, roll a ah roll a an athletics or an agility roll to see if you can get there quickly, unless there's something else you'd rather do to get you there faster. um Nope, I just feel like Frankenstein would have some sort of like. ah Oh, do I need to unshake? Oh, yeah, you need to unshake first before you roll. ah Eight. OK, now you're free. but You can also Benjamin that, though you do start with Benjamins. Yeah, I do. You do. Whoops.
01:50:36
Speaker
So you can reroll that if you like with the reroll, but I will reroll it. You also have two wounds as in hindering your roles a little bit there. Okay. Had to fix that. Okay. Uh, athletics. One more time. Either one. fuck three yeah a three I'm gonna roll another Benjamin. Go for it. and it godam it ah Stefano, do you want to help? In real life, Rin is like running as fast as she can, and then just like like her program her her programming just shuts off for a second, needs to reboot, and she's like on the ground, just like wakes back up. um What do you do to in this moment? like You're a spirit guide to help Rin.
01:51:23
Speaker
I want to say everything is fine. I'll bring it to safety, but in reality I don't have a hat, so I'll just say nothing. Yeah, you just like you like you you sign it with one hand. Yeah. it's Morse code on the on the ground. try should I still talk. I mean, you're a figment. You're a figment of our imagination. You can still talk. No, you know, you're just talking out what you're talking out. What are you doing in some way? you're Well, how about this? You're made of a bunch of other skeletons. So you have other skulls in your body that you can talk.
01:51:54
Speaker
yes There's a lot of like little voices. You got this. that look there are So what do you do? I try to like, uh, like continue to carry her like to like a stay spot. All right. Roll a strength roll. drink for all. Yeah. ah Now that's a 10 like the spirit the spirit of Rin as like physically she is like all out of sorts. Her her internal preservation power is just like on fucking overload to keep her safe and just this skeleton just picks her up and just fucking sprints towards upstairs into the safe room slamming the um
01:52:38
Speaker
slamming the door behind, ah putting you gently in your ah plug pod as you start to feel your body start to get powered up and electrical surging as electrical sources surging through you, synaptic power going on every which way inside of your electronic brain. um like What does that feel like? The system is called the Stefano protocol. Yeah, the Stefano protocol is what's keeping you alive yeah that for her arcane protection. Ah, that's good. I like that. Stefano Stefano protocol. That's really good. You got to write that down. So don't forget that. I'm putting it right here. Stefano Stefano protocol, you bitch. All right. So who are you going to Stefano protocol? but um So so ah you run upstairs, you get plugged in. um ah What does that feel like for Rin once ah she gets put back in her pod?
01:53:38
Speaker
It just feels like an electrical charge where she where you hear like that. Excellent. i see And you you hear you hear your punkenstein's voice said you're hitting us. All right. Charging begins. Give yourself approximately 15 minutes or if you would like to go into stasis forever, please flip over to side B. And by that, I mean lay face down. yeah yeah what What do you do? and She sets an alarm for 15 minutes. All right. It's here. 1459. 1458. 1457.
01:54:19
Speaker
um um So as you're on charge, Stefano is standing over you, watching over you. You see like this kind of a Hologram of like ah of a skeleton that's a little bit shorter now standing over you without a hand and like a bodyguard Yeah, he stands there like a bodyguard Rim rim you run upstairs after when you hear a quick fall and then all of a sudden just like a quick You're like a door slam farther upstairs. What do you do? I? Go to where I heard the door slam
01:54:50
Speaker
You do that and you see there's like a giant metal door ah that is where you could probably assume because there's like some dust that's kicked up around the area that shut very quickly behind her when she ran from you. What do you do? Holy
Defeat by Mechanical Defenses
01:55:03
Speaker
cannoli. This is a very secure door. I try and I try and open it. It doesn't budge. Says please enter the password. ba um What is was it about to say? or just Is there like a little thing I speak into or what is there a little keypad? It is like a little talky box. It's right on the center of the door. As a player, I know where the fucking private thing is. but yeah I repeat, if you are not my blood or somebody I've created, the only way in is for a password. So say it, bitch. Can I can i roll something to see if I can think of what Frankenstein might
01:55:42
Speaker
I mean, you could I don't want to say no, but there's very little chance that you would like just come up with it. um But like you could try to maybe. um I don't know, see if you've heard anything, perhaps. No, it's because I. What? It's just kind of an empty hallway here, like a green light shining down over top of the door with like the metal door and the talking box. You hear, I'm waiting. Ren.
01:56:16
Speaker
He makes a million of them. You must love love it. Was that your guess? No, I run away. And as as you so as you say no and you start to run away, a fucking big ass like out of the floor rises like a Gatling gun on like a like a ah ah big old fucking metal pod, a metal stand and just hear it go. Um, and then just like bullets start raining down that fucking hallway after you. Is there a rug? Is there a rug? Sure. We can say there's a rug. I want to, I want to dive on the rug and like slide across the the polished floors and into the stairs. Okay. Roll it. Roll an agility roll or athletics. Either one. Uh, 10.
01:57:03
Speaker
That's a 10. You dive on the rug, it's like bullets like rain above your head. Just like shredding the wall in front of you. The the rug slides over towards the staircase, hitting the wall in front of you as the machine gun's just going nuts right above your head. Roll. You're going to roll down the stairs. What the hell's going on up there? Jayce is crashed. Because what's your camera going to get out of here? This place is a death trap. Um, so you, uh, you roll down the stairs, roll a out rolling agility roll to see if you can present yourself from breaking a bone or hurting yourself. Five. You get bruised, but you don't get battered or broken as you hit the bottom. I still have my, I still have my sack of clocks and various things I took from them. You know what? Roll a roll a general, um,
01:57:53
Speaker
but What would that be? You know what? Let's just have that be a bigger role to see if like in that chaos you were able to hold on to it while you were running. Yeah, seven a seven. Yeah, it comes clanking down behind you. Dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, dink, And you hear hear ye hear ye dumbass intruders you think you're the first people to try to rob me fools nincompoops rapscallions And then you say like from the floor rises like um like two like two little girls that are probably like eight years old and they got like buzz saws for hands and shit and
01:58:48
Speaker
<unk> it And then you see you see another little girl that's got like a little octopus unicorn hat on comes like walking down the stairs after you. Her eyes are been bright red. ah Finn, what do you say? You better get out of here. My daddy's gonna beat your ass. I just said ass. I have to go wash my mouth out with soap. I'll be right back. And then you see like you say like out of the wall comes like a little metallic arm with like ah like a bar of like zest soap in it and just rubs it on Finn's face.
01:59:23
Speaker
a
01:59:27
Speaker
and you hear out of that a voice box in the ceiling now honey i told you don't use those pal ears your mom's voice um and then so you see like two eight-year-old girls with buzz saws for hands and you see another one up on the staircase with soap in her mouth what do you do and you hear like you hear she was like oh i did not think this through this is not good I hope you loaded your gun, my love. Throwing axe. Throwing axe. You're just going to start throwing axe. All right, roll an athletics roll. You know, just make it a shoot. Yeah, we're not making athletics. You're throwing an axe. We'll call a fighting. Three. The one is fine. Three. Three. ah All right. One axe misses completely as like the yeah as one of the little girls with the buzzsaw just like cuts the handle of the fucking axe like in pieces. Shit. You rolled three again. Yep.
02:00:22
Speaker
Same thing, you throw it at the other one. Your fucking axes are just like... And they're good. It's just like the metal. It's just like the metal axe part, like laying somewhere on the ground now. And you hear punkin sign off my back. You're a punk and signs voice one more time. Well, I mean, you should probably start figuring out what your last words are. I mean, previously I've heard like, oh, God, no, Jesus Christ. No, I don't want to die. That's my favorite, by the way. Like, why did you come in here? um I've also heard like, I have a wife and kids. So, you know, pick your favorite number coded to use later.
02:00:55
Speaker
Shotgun. but ah So who are you shotgunning? The two little girls again. All right, go ahead and roll. I assume they're closest to me. Shading four, three, fuck. Rory, damage on one of them. ah Double barrel, 12 gauge, 11. 11, ye knock the one down, she goes, ow. As like as she falls over and then she like sits back up and like part of her skin is missing and you could just see like the robotic terminator parts underneath her face. Finn, what would you do in this situation? And you know what? Smoses, you can control one of the ah one of the little turbo fins that are. ah So ah Finn, what would you do um with real Finn? She would cause havoc.
02:01:48
Speaker
And she would send her very muscly looking unicorns that have bloodshot eyes and blood coming out of their mouths. Coming at metal rim and Sheila and she said, get them guys. OK, roll. What do you roll for that? Is that just your spirit? ah It is weird science, I believe. OK, I roll your way for science, science, science. I got an eight. That's an eight. What does an eight do ah for what you're trying to do? ah I guess it always chaos and mischief as an area effect and it um will all the unicorns will be going at Rim and Sheila trying to drive them out of the door.
02:02:42
Speaker
All right. Um, so first of all, uh, uh, rim, you have to make a strength roll at minus two. Okay. Okay. Then we'll just minus it off when I wrote it there. I got a three year. All right. And then we're going to roll for these guys. Oh, hello, Doug. Oh, you want to talk. All right. Strength. then I roll strength or spirit. I think I clicked wrong with strength. Uh, so, uh, well that's out of minus two. So that's a, that's a a three. So you guys both get slammed against, uh, the door as like this energy in this big, what do you say? Like a big bulking unicorn with bloodshot eyes comes running at them. Uh, so roll two D fours of damage, uh, for, um,
02:03:32
Speaker
for them slamming ups or is it 2D6? Well, 2D6 feet. um So roll your damage. that as you It's okay. You can roll. That's okay, guys. There's a doggy barking because the mailman's dead, but we're still playing. It's okay. um So go ahead and roll your roll two D4s of damage against these guys as they get slammed against ah the front door.
02:03:57
Speaker
Hit it. Well, wow. You ate two times. That means you. rather there's a kid So roll two more floors. OK, seven. Well, one more day for because you based on another one. Oh, my goodness. Remember, ladies and gentlemen, so you did eight fifteen. No, you did. Yeah. Eight fifteen, sixteen damage to these guys as they get fucking thrown against the door. um What kind of damage can you take, Rim? I have a seven in toughness. And they did 16 damage. So that's a shake and then plus four is 11 and that's a wound and then plus four again on top of that's 15. That's a wound. So you shake it and wounded twice as you get just fucking blasted against um against the front door.
02:04:49
Speaker
as it shut behind you. um And that the same thing happens to Sheila. She also takes a a shake and two wounds as you guys just get fucking just hurled against ah the walls. And before you can recover, one of the little buzzsaw Finns gets to take a turn. So Adrian Finn, what would you like to do? I would like to run up to them and chainsaw their stomachs. Oh, Jesus. And you see you see um ah the um the. ah
02:05:24
Speaker
ah the spirit of Stefano running alongside this this little fin buzzsaw girl like said him good swinging her. I see it. I i see it. I see it. um So Stefano, you can do a fighting role. However, these little fins, because they are fighting bots, not magic bots, have a D10.
02:05:56
Speaker
for their fighting rules. Okay, so roll two d10s. Well, you would roll one d10. And then oh you're you're attacking twice. I forgot. Yeah, yeah. And they are trained with the little doubly handy things. They are close combat creatures. So they do not have any penalties to attack him twice. um So, yeah, they are trained in hand to hand combat. Oh, no, wait, I don't totally and like that. um yeah That's not how you do it. Just just roll a fighting roll.
02:06:32
Speaker
All right, so there's an eight for one and then roll the other one because this other role was confusing. Roll one more for fun.
02:06:41
Speaker
and one so free That's a three. So, uh, you do not hit the, uh, you do not hit, you know what, who, who would do you want to, it's your attack. So who do you want to use the 10 and who do you want to use the three again or the eight? I want to hit Sheila and not hit Sheila. Um, Okey dokey. Uh, if that's really what you want to do, who, who am I to stop you? Um, so, um, Go ahead and roll a strength plus one d8, whatever. Well, you know what? It would just be ah whatever's theirs. is It'd be it a d10 plus a d8 would be the damage for that roll. A d10 plus one d8. Yep, that is correct. um Yeah, because you're just bringing down this big ass fucking saw on top of this woman. Probably eviscerating her if you do enough damage. That's... Five nine's of damage, nine's of damage. That is more than enough to cut through and give her her third and final wound as you dig.
Rin's Recovery and Finale
02:07:45
Speaker
The little fan digs that fucking saw deep into the back of Sheila as she's struggling to to get to her feet after being hurled by Finn against the door. um She's reaching out towards you rim. She's like, I don't know. Can you say it was her stomach? It's never her back.
02:08:01
Speaker
Sure. but You know what? was like You know what? She rolls over. She's like, save me. realed No, not your treasure trail. they It was there was the the true treasure you led me to all along. Was that sound bad? She reaches out to you. It's like just like this buzzsaw gets buried into her treasure trove. um And then she she that's that's what's grosser. in The trail is just stomach or hairy. Her hair, her hair, tummy hair. All right. Into her navel um as she is no more as you see this tiny little fin butt just covered in goop.
02:08:37
Speaker
um You have defeated the pirate Finn. Great job. What do you do, um, uh, uh, rim now that you are at, you just witnessed this person get eviscerated in front of you quite literally. I got to lean back. So it's not so loud. I turned to the buzzsaw. I go, blood I put my, my knife out of my, my but other point where I have a knife and I just stab it into the thing. and so You're just trying to stab it into the into the into the little bot with the buzzsaw? Let's do it. I have done shake, don't I first? You have to un-shake first before you can do anything. I fail. You wrote a crack. I'm spreading it myself for my knife. I can't find it. yeah
02:09:25
Speaker
Finn, you are are up as you see this man just like having a panic attack up against the door as he's trying to fight one of your twins. What do you do? She is going to, hmm, what does she have? This was supposed to be the fun episode. exactly She's going to um create a a sort of, um so she has entangle and she is going to um use her glitter glue bomb to
02:10:04
Speaker
um Keep him in place so that her dad can turn him into her new friend it like and just Justin's typing in the chat. Just fucking kill me, please So you're trying to cast to do a tanglement spell to hold him there until Frankenstein can work on him and So you can get a brother but or or a cousin or ah or something? I don't know. They gave me a rim jaw, but now I'm here. Half dwarf, half machine. All right. Does he have to roll anything for you to use this? Can I as a player just let us succeed? Because I want to see a rim jaw come to life. If you think narratively that would happen, then we'll just have like, so so what does it look like when you entangle him?
02:10:59
Speaker
So she's going to grab a glitter glue bomb off of her belt and she's going to toss it at Rim and keep him exactly where he's supposed to be. And if she has to do a couple of, she's going to throw like three or four of them. And then she's going to go up to his face when he's like trapped on the floor. And she's going to go, look, my daddy is going to be back anytime soon and you are going to be in so much trouble because you are a bad, bad person. but
02:11:29
Speaker
i have good newses for you it's goingnna save you and turn you into something better but so as my profusing that have rin fin and rimnow yeah um And so as you start to scream, ah the other two fan bots like point their hands towards you and then just start firing like a bunch of like glitter bombs and goop like all over you until like all of a sudden you just can't. It's just like you're being engulfed in like a cocoon of spider webs.
02:12:11
Speaker
um And so as that's happening down below, um after you can no longer hear the screams of of of Rim as he is engulfed in glitter bomb goo, you hear five, four, three, two, one, almost one, point five. All right, you can wake up now, Rim. And then your alarm goes off and he goes beep, beep, beep, beep. She hits the snooze for 15 minutes. All right. 15, 15, 14, 14, 15, 57.
02:12:52
Speaker
um And then and then as you see Stefano slowly fade away, what does Stefano say while um he now knows that Rin is safe and um that Stefano protocol is no longer needed? It's been Rio Ren, and see you the next time. Now, like, wave at her. You wave as she as she sets the snooze alarm and goes back to sleep. um And you fade away. And then um as we zoom out on the chaos happening ah inside Punkenstein's castle, you hear,
02:13:31
Speaker
um All right. Time to end the episode. Goodbye. And then the episode's over. Good job, guys. Yeah. Bring it up. Nobody. We're going to roll for how many bennies you get. They're going to find out next time on Roll Players how many Benjamins you got for such a chaotic episode.
02:14:34
Speaker
well does it look good already
02:14:57
Speaker
Does it look good already?