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028 - Vulnerability Muscle Live
78 Plays9 months ago
Thank you for joining us as we concluded the second season of Vulnerability Muscle with an incredible in-person podcast celebration event! This powerful evening was filled with insightful discussions, heartfelt stories, and transformative moments that touched on some of the most important aspects of mental health today.
🎙️ In this special event, Reggie D. Ford was joined by a dynamic panel of guests, including Johnanthon Davis, Quez Cantrell, Bre'Onna Coleman, Trevor Jones, and Maryam Abdallah. Together, they explored the strength in vulnerability and how it can help us heal and grow. From the challenges of grief and depression to the complexities of co-parenting and overcoming trauma, this event was a deep dive into the realities that many of us face but often shy away from discussing.
🌟 Throughout the evening, we worked together to break down the stigma surrounding mental health, offering practical strategies, personal experiences, and a community of support to empower each other.
✨ Whether you were able to attend in person or are catching up now, this event is your chance to connect with a community dedicated to authenticity, resilience, and the power of being real. If you're on your own journey of self-discovery, this conversation will inspire you to embrace your true self and turn vulnerability into your greatest asset. Don't miss out on the conversation—watch, learn, and grow with us! Like, share, and subscribe to stay updated on future episodes and events.
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Connect with Reggie:
Instagram - https://instagram.com/reggiedford
Facebook - https://facebook.com/reggiedford
LinkedIn - https://linkedin.com/in/reggiedford
Twitter - https://twitter.com/reggiedford
YouTube - https://youtube.com/@reggiedford
Website - https://reggiedford.com
Book - https://amzn.to/48VsCSQ
Podcast - https://reggiedford.com/vulnerabilitymuscle
Podcast’s Instagram - https://instagram.com/vulnerabilitymuscle
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Connect with panelists:
Maryam - https://iamwellconsulting.com/
Trevor - https://www.villagekulture.org/
Quez - https://www.quezcan.com/
Bonna - https://purposelit.com/
Johnathon- https://www.supadata.net/cards/Black_Men_Vent_Too_LLC_Johnathon_Davis_34890.asp
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Transcript
Living Through Grief and Healing
00:00:00
Speaker
Up to those moments, I don't even think I had known myself outside of grief. I think I've been been grieving for as long as I can remember. I just didn't know what it was. I used to go through that whole 11 and a half months almost feeling like my son was tainted because everybody's touching but me. I can honestly tell you that I am physically here
00:00:25
Speaker
hear me well. I'm physically here because he stepped in at a point in my life where I questioned it. i have attempted suicide But I also felt like no one understood the pain that I was going through because of the guy that told me he loved me, he would do anything for me, could not give up a bottle.
Vulnerability and Connection
00:00:43
Speaker
Standing ovation, man, for my guy, Reggie. Come on, man. Come on, y'all. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on, man. Come on, man. Soap this moment in, baby. Soap this moment in, baby. Come on. Come on, man. Reggie Ford, you that dude, man. You that dude, man. You that dude, man.
00:01:03
Speaker
This is going to be maybe an emotional night. Maybe it's hopeful and liberating. Maybe it's something that you've never experienced before in your life. But I really want to wanna introduce myself and and vulnerability muscle. So my name is Reggie D. Ford, if y'all don't know. Nashville native grew up out east. And all of my life has been here. And my life has been a a roller coaster of amazing things and some some bad things and just what life is.
00:01:33
Speaker
And one thing that I have found in my life recently is that vulnerability has allowed me to see things and see life in a totally different way and liberated me from a lot of the the pain that I lived with and suffered with through a big part of my life.
00:01:51
Speaker
Because, in my eyes, vulnerability is the opposite of of the shame that we carry. The shame that we carry behind our stories, the shame that we carry behind the things that have happened to us, the things that we didn't have any control over. But when we're able to be vulnerable and take control over that story and that narrative and really tell it from our perspective without the shame, without the judgment, without the criticism, then we get to own that and rewrite our narrative.
00:02:17
Speaker
And so vulnerability muscle, redefining vulnerability as a strength to help us connect, to help us heal, foster self-love, and really have a good time. So ah with that, i want to I want to first come up with a couple of agreements, because um I want to hear from you all as well, but also from these beautiful, lovely panelists who are going to share parts of their story.
00:02:42
Speaker
And first agreement, these are things that I live by, but the agreement of love. right Everything that is shared is shared from a place of love and received from a place of love. And that means hearing somebody's story and not jumping to judgment, not jumping to criticism, just receiving it and having space for their humanity.
00:03:06
Speaker
One thing about the podcast is I like to say that it humanizes the headlines. Or you see headlines of convicted this, or this person did this big thing, bad thing, whatever it may be, but who is the human behind that? We got a whole bunch of humans up here, so sharing and receiving with love. Can we agree to that? We can agree to that.
Humanizing Headlines with Personal Stories
00:03:27
Speaker
OK, cool. The other one is Grace.
00:03:30
Speaker
Grace, grace for ourselves, grace for others. Because again, we are human, and humans, they were flawed. We are flawed, and we make mistakes, and we and we have setbacks and failures, and we can judge ourselves, and we can judge others based off of those things. but To know that we are human in that that is a part of the human experience Can we have grace for others and ourselves in that and so with the story shared? Let's let's have grace for those folks and with the things that you have on your mind That make you feel that shadow that has been inside you for a really long time. Can you have grace for yourself? as those things come up Can we agree to grace?
00:04:18
Speaker
And lastly, let's have some fun. Let's have some fun. Yeah. And so I want to open it up with ah an exercise. Before I introduce these folks, like they can't wait. They like little hyenas trying to get out of here. live They can't wait. But I want to open it up with a question to you all. And I want some some feedback, some some comments if you have it. and You always have the ability to pass and not share anything. And also you're not confined to this room. If you ever need to get up and get out, ah you can do that as well. But the question is, where in your life have you been vulnerable? Where have you seen it been a struggle to be vulnerable?
00:04:58
Speaker
Because I think vulnerability from what I've gathered over the years in interviewing people and talking to people is that vulnerability carries a stigma, that it's a weakness, that it's it's hard to do. But where in your life have you seen that struggle or that challenge and what do you what do you feel around that? Anybody got any comments about that?
Defining Vulnerability and Personal Impact
00:05:20
Speaker
I'll talk. Go ahead. Mic check, mic check. um ah Do you want me to do introductions? You want to do introductions? Listen with them. Hold up. Let me do this. Let me just get three people. What does vulnerability mean to you? It could be one word. It could be a whole phrase. What does vulnerability mean to you? Honesty. Honesty. I like that.
00:05:45
Speaker
Intimacy and connection, Daniel. Transparency. Transparency.
00:05:52
Speaker
Open Ain't nobody say a week. I like this group. Okay. Well, let's go. Let's go Well, look we gonna get into it I'm gonna I'm gonna open it up to some introductions and we're gonna start wherever y'all want to start Trevor wants to start but ah I want to open it up with What have you been impacted by in your life to lead you up to this point? And what do you see your impact in the world? So introduce yourself with that question in mind. I We're going to get right into it. Can you all hear me? OK. I am Bana. I am the founder and CEO of Purpose Lit. I started this journey being vulnerable. When I first started Purpose Lit, I was coming off of a depressional state, I guess. That's the word I could use.
00:06:43
Speaker
um I have attempted suicide and when I was 13 I had all these feelings and I didn't know how to express them and as a 13 year old ah child of six I was confused and I felt like lack of attention and I felt like I needed something that I was not getting. And so I thought that by my non-existence, it would make me feel better, right? So in that moment, I obviously didn't do it, right? Because I'm here.
00:07:23
Speaker
Thank you. So with that, from 13 until I was about 24, I was up and down, depression, up and down, anxiety, up and down, confusion, um lack of confidence, just all of the things. All right, you can name something, and it was probably that. And um I started thinking of my purpose And I couldn't figure out what it was. I started a nonprofit. And within that nonprofit, it failed, or it was not successful, whatever. um And so one night, I did not feel worthy. So I decided to contemplate with the most high on whether or not I had purpose.
00:08:12
Speaker
and And I'm sorry I'm long winded. But after um after figuring out what I thought was my purpose, I still didn't feel fulfilled. And with that, I prayed. um I don't know. I was meditating. I wouldn't necessarily call it a prayer. But I asked God, if I do not have purpose, don't wake me up.
00:08:38
Speaker
And the next day I woke up, and I was so pissed. I was so pissed because that was like, you got to show me that you got purpose, right? So um I had been working on Purpose Lit, and that's my mental health brand. And of course, we can talk about it more. But um when I realized like, oh, shh, can I cut this?
00:09:03
Speaker
Oh shit, I actually asked God if I didn't have purpose, don't wake me up and here I am. It was the end of the day. And I was like, oh shit, I actually woke up. That means I got purpose.
Redefining Success and Finding Purpose
00:09:14
Speaker
It was like such a weird, like epiphany. And so um I had been working on Purposely for like a couple of months and I went straight into my journal and I got started with Purposely. So Purposely is literally the impact of a post suicide attempt.
00:09:30
Speaker
so So powerful. yeah Let's go. Y'all give it up for Bonnie.
00:09:38
Speaker
I want to address a couple of things that Bonnie said. One, just thank you for the vulnerability and sharing that. And I was not expecting you to go there this early, but you did that. so And there's strength in that. and But she talked about success and how that first nonprofit endeavor was was not a success.
00:09:55
Speaker
And that is something that I have struggled with for a really long time, of what does success look like. Because from the outside looking in, me and my journey and my story has been the the vision of success for a whole lot of people. But I found myself, not too many years ago, miserable and not wanting to get out of bed, not wanting to do the things that I was doing, not caring about life.
00:10:19
Speaker
And if getting all the accomplishments and doing all the things and being praised for all those things was considered success, then I didn't want that definition of success. So challenging success, that's something that I've been been doing a lot recently, is how do we challenge success to make it work for us and what we want, what our values are. That's one thing that you brought up. And then another piece of it is purpose.
00:10:44
Speaker
And I got to talk about purpose because if you don't know, I wrote a book called persever or the Perseverance Through Severe Dysfunction, PTSD. And in it, I coined the process of perseverance from pain to passion, passion to purpose, purpose to power, power to peace.
00:11:03
Speaker
And to get to that piece, right we go through that process and it starts with pain. ah You heard the pain that came from a part of her journey of not feeling like she needed to be here anymore. Like, non-existence was better than being here.
00:11:18
Speaker
But she turned that pain into passion to do something about it. Passion is an energy. It is emotion. It is ignited to do something to prevent that pain for yourself and for others and turning that into purpose. The why behind what you do, why you do it, why you get out of bed, why you want to help somebody else.
00:11:38
Speaker
Power is when you stand up and you know that you got everything that it is that you need to be in the spot that you're in. And when you put all those things together, you go through that process, you find peace. And it's a journey, right? Life is a journey. It's ups and downs. You'll find it for a second and you pull back and it's like, whoo, I'm in that pain again. But you understand the process and you understand that you go through that and you will come out on the side of peace. You just got to be committed to it. So trust the process.
00:12:09
Speaker
Hello, everyone. Can you hear me? All right. So my name is Trevor Jones. I am founder of Village Culture. And when you talk about purpose, you know, I think it it it goes into so many different aspects of life. um For me, I pray for years on years, 30 plus years, asking God what my purpose was on this earth.
00:12:32
Speaker
Um, you know, it was crazy because I would go through my day to day, um, corporate guy, I'm a leader, I had staff, but I hated doing what I was doing. I was effective at it, I succeeded at it, but I knew that wasn't the end game. So over time, I was frustrated and I got to the point where I stopped praying. I said, you know what God, apparently this is what you want me to do in life. And as I stopped and it was around the time, it was COVID, around COVID. So I'm sitting in my office and and most people like to talk, right? People like to talk, but there was no one to talk to. So I had to sit in my office and listen.
00:13:12
Speaker
And during this time is when God started talking to me. And when I looked at things that I did in life and things that meant so much to me, it was haircuts and it was the gym. It stopped immediately, right? But it made me think. And I was so emotional for, I would probably say, two or three weeks straight.
00:13:34
Speaker
I didn't know why. I just knew something was going on in my in my body, something was going on with me, a dark space. And God started talking and said haircuts, haircuts. And I started thinking, like man, everything I did in life centered around a haircut. My confidence wasn't always big, but I know once I got out of that chair, I always felt better.
00:14:02
Speaker
I was not the happy kid all the time. I wasn't the one that always talked. But in the barbershop, I had a place. So as I listen, I'm like, you know what? I could pay for haircuts. I could pay a couple of hundred dollars a month for haircuts, take care of some kids no one has to know. But it was around the same time I met with my mentor, and he was like, hey, Trey, what's going on? I was like, I got to get back. He said, what do you want to do? And I said, I'm going to start paying for haircuts. He was like, I love your idea, but there's too many kids that need help. You should look at doing a nonprofit. And I'm like, ah, it's going to fail, right?
00:14:37
Speaker
um But I sit back and I and i swear it took 30 seconds, but to me it was probably three hours where I was thinking, and that's where the rubber met the road. So that was one week, the next week I'm on the phone with his lawyer, which eventually became my lawyer, and we started Village Culture.
Mental Health and Inner Healing
00:14:56
Speaker
He had one ask, do it the right way.
00:14:59
Speaker
So by him telling me that, I made sure I got a ah ah PR person and we got the ball rolling. Now, what separates Villas culture from pretty much everything you've seen is we bring a child on service twice a month. And I have barbers that pay for the haircut.
00:15:16
Speaker
But during that time, most importantly, is when we have conversations. We let them know they can be a Reggie Ford, a guy that speaks French, that has all kinds of certificates, um but also a best-selling author.
00:15:30
Speaker
But somebody believed in him, his French teacher. She's here now. Somebody believed in Trevor. But I want them to understand as well, I believe in them. So if they dream big, if they dream outside of their environment, they can be whatever they want to be. I ran from it 30 years. I was prophesied that I would be a pat a pastor, a minister when I was seven. And it pushed me back from church because I'm looking at the pastors. The pastor and his wife were the only ones that had things in church.
00:15:58
Speaker
Why would I want to be a leader if this is what a leader does? But God had a different plan. So I'm talking to a lady. She's like, ah I love what you're doing, but you know you're doing a ministry. And I'm like, oh my gosh. But to understand what my purpose and what my why was, God knew it was going to take me time to accept that and also work through that. So thank you, Reggie, for the platform. um I don't like speaking in front of people, but at the end of the day, this is my why.
00:16:32
Speaker
We got a couple seats right here if y'all want to come sit down. It's like three, four, there's one right there. No, you're good. Come on in. You're good. You're good. I think two more, too. We got two more. They're not together, but that's OK. Don't nobody bite. Marmee, you want to get it? Yes. Good afternoon or good evening, everybody.
00:16:54
Speaker
So my name is Mariam Abdullah and I am the Chief Wellness Officer for I Am Well Consulting. And so I'm a mental health therapist by day. And then I'm an advocate, an adjunct professor, a mother, a daughter, a wife, a friend, neighborhood therapist.
00:17:13
Speaker
by night. So I'm doing a lot. And so I would say, so I've been in this space for 20 plus years. And so I will try to sum up what kind of pushed me into mental health therapy. So I have a private practice that I started three years ago around pandemic time.
00:17:34
Speaker
um But I would say overall when I first got into the field I was eager and happy to save the world or at least that's what I thought. I had a lot of energy. I wanted to do things for everybody. I've always had a helping spirit and wanted to help and I thought I was doing a good job until I don't know maybe five years in when I was burnt out already so directly after college now I'm in a profession that I love and still find purpose in but I'm burned out in doing the work and a lot of it had to do with
00:18:09
Speaker
working with families, giving them services, helping them find jobs, um helping them go back to school, helping them find housing. I mean, just all the resources that ah that are available, helping them get those. But then I will see them come back around, because I worked with the child welfare system, and then I worked at juvenile court, and then I done work with young adult offenders.
00:18:35
Speaker
And I've met the same people and then their children and then sometimes their children in this lineage of the work that I'm doing. And so I stopped and asked myself, why, because we're giving them all these services, why am I seeing the same people over and over? And that's when I decided that it was better to work from the inside out.
00:18:55
Speaker
instead of just plopping all these things into somebody's lap and expecting them to then do something, do better, do something different with it, and their mindset had not changed. And so to help people start changing their mindset and healing, because that's really what it's about, if you can do that first, then you'll be able to take all these wonderful resources and do something different. And so I love the song by Kendrick the Family Soul.
00:19:24
Speaker
I want all my people around me living good, eating good. I want that. I want that for myself and I want that for my brothers and sisters. And so I do this work to help people really get into the root of what's happening so that they can be well and we can all be well because I can't just, if I'm living good, but then I look around and other people aren't, it doesn't feel that great to me. And so I want me to be living good. you you everybody in here so that our communities can heal and so that we can make a bigger impact than just you get yours and and you're on your way. And so that's how I Am Well Consulting was created in that thread.
Exploring Vulnerability Through Music & Creativity
00:20:06
Speaker
And so working from the inside out. be Beautiful, beautiful. On a show of hands, how many folks in here have ever gone to therapy?
00:20:22
Speaker
Again, it's all love. Remember love, grace, and fun. There's no judgment in that. I just wanted to show you in case you ever had a misconception or a thought about therapy that a lot of people that you interact with on a daily basis who you may think have it all together, who you may think is still batshit crazy, but we going to therapy, we getting work for ourselves, y'all. We doing it.
00:20:44
Speaker
but Let's get into it. Let's get into it. All right. Good evening, everybody. I need to get loose. I like icebreakers. Let's do some group participation real quick. Everybody raise one hand. I'm going somewhere with you. yeah Raise it a little high. Now ask yourself why you didn't do your best the first time I asked you. You can put your hands down. Now that I'm loose, now that I'm loose. My name is Jonathan Davis. I'm a 28-year-old Nashville native out east of home.
00:21:19
Speaker
For me, Chadwell element Elementary School, Graymont Middle School, East Nashville Magnet, AS degree at Nashville State Community College, BS degree at Cumberland University, across the frat, on the bowling team at Cumberland University, $8,000 scholarship just to bowl.
00:21:34
Speaker
um So there's that. I don't know how to bowl for fun. So there's that. With that being said, um to talk about purpose and talk about naturally what my brand is all about. It's not just me. Father, can you raise your hand, please, sir? That's my pops. If you can't tell, that's my guy. That's my guy. That is my guy. And I can't forget my mother. Mother, can you raise your hand, please?
00:22:01
Speaker
That's bob but that my That's my momma. I love y'all. With that, Jonathan Davis, myself, and my dad, we both have the brand known as Black Men Vent 2. With that brand, we started in the summer of 2022. Started in the summer of 2022. 2022 in the summer was also the time that my child was born, so I am a proud Not yet. Wait a minute. I'm a proud father of a two-year-old baby boy.
00:22:35
Speaker
oh
00:22:38
Speaker
Black Men Ventu began with a group, a men's group, that my dad orchestrated at our home. My dad and mom have a patio house, and we would bring different men in, young boys from from oldest to youngest. And my mom would curate a conversation by dropping different topics in a hat. And we would sit in a circle setting, and each pulled from the hat what we wanted to discuss to be vulnerable.
00:23:07
Speaker
COVID happened. So you don't need to be around nobody when that's going on. My dad and I, my mom and my younger brother, I also have a younger brother as well.
00:23:18
Speaker
We all met up in the driveway. um And this was post COVID, kind of middle of COVID, post COVID, if you will. And the discussion was, how can we bring that group back, but in a setting or in a place or in a theme that is not intimate, if that makes sense? What way can we still get the stories out of the men that were in the circle, but not be as close, due to the circumstances we were in, in 2022. A podcast was birthed from that idea in the driveway. That podcast being Black Men Ventu. The beautiful thing about our podcast, just to throw out a couple of analytics, y'all, this is not me bragging. This is God. This has nothing to do with me or nothing to do with my dad. But you can brag. Much respect, much respect.
00:24:05
Speaker
We have been heard one time in 47 countries. Not just cities, not just states. Internationally known on the microphone. Yeah! International known on the microphone. We have over 15,500 streams in the course of three years. We've interviewed big names like Judge Joe Brown. His name is is pretty viral for most reasons more than not right now.
00:24:31
Speaker
But Katino Mobley, if you guys are basketball fans, come on now. Mayor Fred O'Connell, the coolest dude ever. That's his mom. Wow. Oh, wow. And then, wow. yeah Wow.
00:24:49
Speaker
We'll talk, we'll talk, we'll talk, we'll talk. The coolest dude ever, Fred, it was great. um To get into it, Black Mid-Ventu, again, we are a father and son platform.
Mental Health Struggles in Black Men
00:25:00
Speaker
We're the only black father and son platform in the state of Tennessee.
00:25:04
Speaker
the only podcasting platform in the state of Tennessee. Up till today, you talk about purpose. And the purpose was from a group setting to make sure that we bring any and every black man onto our platform to come vent about things that they've went through in regards to mental health, depression, anxiety, grief, ADHD, ADD. We talk about diagnose anything, anything. Because when we talk about the word venting,
00:25:32
Speaker
When you think about it, Vincent has no ceiling. Vincent has no ceiling. We welcome any story and every story. We've had men to cry. We done cried too. We done had men to throw some stuff. It's been a thing. We welcome it though, right? That was part of the purpose. And then the other purpose came in for me personally, with my son. Let me be the first person to say, his mother is a great mother.
00:26:00
Speaker
His mother is a great woman. With that, my son was born on 6-15-2022. He's a true 6-1-5 baby. He was born June the 15th of 2022. Being vulnerable. Six months into my child's mother being pregnant, we were together and I cheated. Right? Steven Wonder can see that was wrong. Right?
00:26:28
Speaker
With that, I don't fault her, excuse me, the action was wrong, but the behavior that came from the action is my reason and my purpose for where black men been to came from. My son is two. I went my first three months with him and after that went to 11 and a half months without him.
00:26:52
Speaker
We just got a visitation plan in place in September of last year. So I'm just now approaching a year of truly being with my son. Imagine being in a place like church or just in a community setting where people know that you have a child and they'll ask you, how your son doing?
00:27:10
Speaker
what How was his first birthday? How was Christmas? Did you get him anything? Yeah, yeah, yeah, ma'am. I got him something. Oh, he's doing great. Oh, he's doing, I don't know. I don't know. I haven't seen him. If I do see him, it's via social media. Me being a national native, I used to get DM requests of people sending me, hey, you know your son is here. I know. That shit hurt. Not today. Not today. That shit hurt. You can do it today. It's OK.
00:27:41
Speaker
We got you.
00:27:44
Speaker
I love that damn boy. oh I love that boy. And it is still today that me and his mom are just trying to find some type of balance, some type of balance. I tell my mom and dad all the time because as I've went through this pain, they've went through it too. It's hard to to talk to my mom and my dad about things that they've never dealt with just because they've been married for 29, 30 years now.
00:28:15
Speaker
Let's give it up for that. And finished, shut up, I promise. Keep going, keep going. My son, 11 and a half months, let's talk about them 11 and a half months. We were still podcasting, I was still working, still doing things in the community, going to community events, poker face, right? I don't have my baby.
00:28:39
Speaker
so I ain't been right since last September, but God. You know what I'm saying? But God, ever since the first time that I was able to see him after 11 and a half months, I used to go through that whole 11 and a half months almost feeling like my son was tainted because everybody's touching but me.
Finding Purpose in Personal Pain
00:29:06
Speaker
I've seen him on social media. Shout out to my boy Daniel. We were at an event. And my child's mother, who is in the mental health world, if you will, brought my son to the event. And this was month five out of 11 and a half. The funny thing about that, kids know energy. I work at a middle school. Kids know good energy. They know bad energy, right?
00:29:32
Speaker
My son locked eyes on me, and I locked eyes on him, and we couldn't stop looking at each other. We could not stop looking at each other. Now, naturally, I didn't want to go to his mother in that in that fashion, because I hadn't wanted to be respectful. Going through these 11 and a half months, I have cried. I have attempted suicide. But we're still getting episodes out. I'm still servicing the community, even when I'm hurt. And sometimes, you got to keep playing in the game, even when you bleed.
00:30:04
Speaker
That's my purpose behind black men too.
00:30:18
Speaker
That's ah a powerful, powerful testimony right there. and And Jonathan is one of, like, all of these people up here are up here for a reason, because you see, we we have vulnerable folks who don't see the shame in that vulnerability, they see the power in it. And that power has connected us all. That power has brought us together to have conversations like this behind closed doors where there are no cameras, where there are no lights,
00:30:46
Speaker
to where we can sit down and hug each other and hold each other and hold space for each other during those times. And I just want to say to you that I love you. And I love that you are here. And I love that you are building a relationship with your son. And I know how much you love him. And I know that you're gonna provide a life for him that is gonna be so glorious and so beautiful. Don't be sorry. No, you hear that? You hear that support and that love?
00:31:16
Speaker
is strengthen that. My auntie in the audience right there, she said those tears. What'd you say, auntie? Tears are a release vow for the heart. Release vow for the heart. So you let that out. It needs to come out. I love you, bro. I love all y'all. Quiz, you got it. How y'all doing tonight?
00:31:39
Speaker
Ooh, I don't know how to follow all this up. No, you good, boy. Hey, that's the way to kick it off. but So I'm Quiz Cantrell. The name might sound familiar. Cantrell's Barbecue right down here. Grew up right here in this area.
00:31:56
Speaker
um I'm an out-ease baby, just like you know a couple of these people that I mentioned up here. Lived in every neighborhood, Inglewood, originally from James Casey. So South Fate, if y'all know about South Fate.
00:32:08
Speaker
Grew up in Inglewood mostly. That's where me and Reggie connect. um Lived right. That's why it's kind of weird to be here because I literally grew up on Edwin Street too so I done walked this and rode bikes and stole bikes and Just being honest, do you know what I'm saying? we was We was just out here, you know what I mean? But um I am an independent recording artist, so I make music, I love it, and I enjoy it, and it's one of the most vulnerable things that I've ever done. um I know people who know me from growing up are probably shocked that I'm doing this.
00:32:43
Speaker
you know I don't even know if Reggie probably know what I sounded like growing up. I was around, but you probably wouldn't know. I'm also a motivational speaker, which Reggie has helped push me into that you know and helped me find my voice, and a mental health advocate. And I got into those things. I would say around 13, I made a decision that I got to save my family.
00:33:06
Speaker
13 years old. ah My dad at the time had been in prison for about four years. He left when I was nine, so that nine is very significant to me. um Even at the time, my older brother, he was 15, very involved in the streets. He's done ah two stints in prison, ah the penitentiary and federal, so he's pretty much missed a lot of his adult life. So I've taken part in helping raise his kids. My younger brother, who was 10 months younger than me, so we're Irish twins, as they say,
00:33:40
Speaker
And man, we couldn't have been any more different, night and day. He was light skinned, I'm dark skinned, he was skinny, I'm fat, or was a little bigger than this. I mean, I'm still, you know.
00:33:55
Speaker
Just being honest, I'm a big dude, you know what I'm saying? And yeah, he was into the streets, and I wasn't. I was cool playing my video games and listening to music all day. And growing up, I just saw, I don't know what it was, at 13, I just saw that I'm going to have to do something to save my family. So even before that, I was still kind of ripping and running like they were. Like I said, we stealing bikes and painting them at the house and reselling them. We had a whole little business going.
00:34:25
Speaker
You know, I'm just being honest, vulnerability, right? Honestly, somebody say honesty. So, being honest. But I grew up in, you know, my family, not just my my brothers and my father, but extended family, uncles, cousins were very involved in the streets. So I saw then that if just something just wasn't for me, I don't think I had the heart to be in the streets for real.
00:34:49
Speaker
You know what I mean? Or my heart would have got broke so early in the streets that I would have became what I saw. And I always said, I'm going to be a lawyer, because they're going to need that. But then I realized I'm going to be working for free a lot.
00:35:08
Speaker
So I don't think I'm going to make a living when everybody's going to come to me and say, hey, man, we you know just help me out this time, cuz. Man, I just saved that last time, cuz.
00:35:19
Speaker
But, um so yeah, i um I would say I felt, I went to college, got my degree in computer science, Austin Peay State University. Thank you very much. You know, go girls. Let's go pee, is what they say. Let's go pee. And from there I left and I went to, got I got a job at Deloitte, which is where me and Reggie, we really ran back into each other. And it was like, man, this is kind of,
00:35:45
Speaker
It feels like it's meant to be. It's something here. So from that point to now, we've been building. We've been building, and having private conversations. I don't think I got a friend that knows as much about me as Reggie, for real. 2013, I was about to graduate from college. And my dad, he went he got out of prison when I was a freshman in high school, went back to prison when I was a freshman in college.
00:36:11
Speaker
came back my fourth year of college, was was out for a year, then he passed away the following year, heart attack. And man, from there, you know, I felt compelled to speak like even at his funeral. So I wrote something and I got up and spoke. And I think that was the first time that everybody, like, I don't know what it was, but ah I don't remember what I said. I folded the note up, put it in the casket with him. So I don't even have that anymore. But um Everybody, I had a few people come up to me and say, man, there's something about the way that you use your words and your voice. you know And you got to do something with that. And I didn't, I i started writing raps when I was 13. So a lot happened when I was 13. And that stuck with me. that And then also, you know my granddad came up to me and says, grandson, you got the word. and you
00:37:03
Speaker
and you here to do something. And that felt, I think I ran from it when he said that. That was overwhelming, like the word. Now I'm 23, I'm out here trying to turn up, you know what I'm saying? I ain't trying to be in the pool pit, that just didn't feel like me. ah So I ran from it, I ran from that calling. Six years later, 2019, my younger brother was murdered. And like I said, Irish twins.
00:37:34
Speaker
And I think you know that was the moment that I said, I don't know what I'm supposed to do with my words, but at the moment at the time, I had been writing music for probably about a year. When I came home from college, I was making websites for artists, so I was already fully ingrained in the music industry in Nashville. Even before that, I was on street teams as a teenager, so I had done every part of music, and I knew that I had a gift to write music. I knew I had a gift with words, but I needed something to pull me out of myself.
00:38:08
Speaker
And I had shared you know some music with my brother, and I just remember his face. He just looking at me like, bro, you the one, man. You been the one this whole time. You the one. i came but like It was one of them moments, but it was just shocking. And that's one of the last memories I got of him, too.
00:38:25
Speaker
so So it was more, I felt, compelled. like Man, I really done lost two of the most important people to me.
Healing Through Shared Experiences
00:38:35
Speaker
and i don't really I didn't really care too much after that. I didn't care to stand in front of people if my music was terrible. you know If nobody liked it, I didn't care. I just felt like this this hunger inside of me to so just let it out. And I always done that when I got in the booth and then when I got on stage. And then that became like, wow, um I love this. I love doing this. um And since then, I've been releasing music since two I dropped my first Project 9 in 2020. And it was received well.
00:39:06
Speaker
very well to my surprise, um a six-song EP. it tells me Me telling my experience of being black in Nashville, right, and ah and growing up in the environment that isn't that doesn't cater to us, doesn't recognize us, um so many times doesn't do justice for us. And one thing that I realized is I was telling everybody's story by telling my own story. And I didn't realize that at first. So it was a little selfish. I'm like, man, you know what? I'm in pain, and I want to speak. And my brother actually said that like two weeks ago, my older brother. He said, man. said bro when y'allu the languages is exact where He said, bro, when you when you when you tell your story, he's speaking for 10,000 niggas from out east, bro. So many of us who grew up here went through the same things. And we never would have known if you didn't tell your story.
00:40:01
Speaker
So me telling my truth has opened up my world. It's allowed me to use my voice. It's allowed me to build community. I've met everybody up here through doing what I do and a few people in the crowd through doing what I do.
00:40:13
Speaker
and boy and That's my truth, man. you know I'm still trying to save my family. I'm still trying to save my family. I still work in corporate America, but this is this is what I love doing. you know I'm super nervous. I don't know if y'all can tell. I'm so nervous right now. You're not worried about that. Man, I might be worried about it.
00:40:33
Speaker
but Yeah, that's my truth, man. And that's kind of how I got into this, is just you know pain. you know pain Pain compelled me to speak and use my voice. And it's opened up a world for me that I didn't recognize you know that I could be a part of. yeah Thank you, brother.
00:41:01
Speaker
Quest talked about growing up out East and then college and then reconnecting at Deloitte. And I feel that we've been on a very similar journey pretty much all our lives in in the parallels between us being the one, the chosen one of the family, of the whomever.
00:41:23
Speaker
going off, going corporate, doing doing all those things, and then unit uniting in this moment where we were trying to find who we were, and discovering that we were on that same journey together. We've we've been united since, what year was that, man? 2013, 14, 15? Something like that. And it's been one of the most healing relationships of my entire life. To have a brothel.
00:41:55
Speaker
have a brother that I connect with like him is unlike anybody else. It's like, thank you.
00:42:07
Speaker
Like his his little brother that he talked about who passed away. Growing up, we were in the same class. We were best friends, both athletes, doing all that. And then to lose a really good friend, that we went two different paths, just like him and Quest. I felt a piece of me was lost. But when I got back united with my brother, it was like, OK, we got a bigger purpose. Not just for us, but for, like he said, them 10,000 niggas from out of Eastwood out here doing it.
00:42:37
Speaker
and And that nine I wear, y'all might see me with a picture with that nine on my hat. It's so significant to me because it represents a bond that I had with that man right there. And so I just wanted to shout to you out, bro. I love you to death. Thank you, bro.
00:42:52
Speaker
Speak a little deeper on that. I lost a brother, and I gained so many more. you know One thing that happened was the support. I didn't realize how much support I had until I lost my brother.
00:43:04
Speaker
you know Reggie, Daniel. you know I had so many people that I connected with, that i but that they got God provides. me You know what I'm saying? God really does provide in the name of Jesus. and um you know Losing my brother, that was the hardest thing, and then I gained 10 more younger brothers. you know what i mean Now I get to mentor to them and they look up to me and it feels that void in me um to be able to help somebody through my pain. you know so i got I got a story about your brother. and so low It's a good one. Well, because you never know so never know. My brother, I got a younger brother who had his run-ins with the law and all that. in
00:43:50
Speaker
He ended up in jail, and he calls me from jail one day, and he's like, hey, you'll never guess who went here. I was like, who? He's like, Cantrell. And I'm like, oh, for real? He's like, he want to talk to you. So Marcus get on the phone, and he's like, what up, Reg? How you doing? I'm like, I'm chilling, bro. He's like, hey, I just want you to know we got your brother. He good.
00:44:14
Speaker
And that was your brother, man. Your brother was a protector. Your brother was a lover. He did not want to fight. I have another story. This was, what, fifth grade? I'm in Miss Washington class, and and all I hear is commotion coming down the hallway, and your brother backpedaled.
00:44:32
Speaker
He's back-pelling it. And he's like, I don't want to hit you. I don't want to hit you. I'm not going to talk about who it was. But he's like, I don't want to hit you. You're going to tell me after this. I got to know who it is. I know who it is. The dude swung at Marcus. Marcus is quick as lightning. He back up. Do, do, do, do, do. And I'm like, oh my god.
00:44:52
Speaker
It was a little radio right there. The radio was knocked over. The dude was on the ground. And Marcus was just like, I told you, I didn't want to hit you. That was him, man. That was him. He didn't want to hurt you. He knew the power that he had. But he would. But he would. And he could.
00:45:06
Speaker
so Man, thank you for letting us laugh. I think that's something that's beautiful, right? We talked about fun, too, right? A place where we can hold space for the tears and the laughter at the same time, because that's part of the human experience. We don't go around walking around like you are all the time down and sad. like thats That's not the whole experience.
00:45:26
Speaker
There are times of joy, too. And it's it's important to recognize that we can hold space for both in that life exists in that gray area, right? And we try to make things so binary at times to where, like, man, I had a terrible day. No, like the first 10 minutes of your day were terrible, and then you turned the rest of your day terrible, right?
Balancing Joy and Grief
00:45:45
Speaker
You had 10 minutes that were bad, right? Or I had a great day, right?
00:45:49
Speaker
There were some bad parts of that great day, but you choose to focus on what those are. We can hold space and honor all of those experiences, the good and the bad. And that could be in a day, that could be in a year, that could be in our entire lives. And so when you think about the the the experiences that you have, right the memories that you have connected to different people, to different places, like how can you honor both? How can you honor the good and the bad?
00:46:15
Speaker
And so you brought up loss. And I think that's a ah big topic that I want to talk about, because I think loss, vulnerability, the grief, the shame, all of that that comes along with that is big. And I recently, this past weekend, I did a ah grief, I was a camp counselor for a grief camp.
00:46:33
Speaker
ah local grief camp with some kids and it was one of the best experiences of my life. Like to see these kids who have lost significant people in their lives be able to smile and run around but then also you know two minutes later we're doing a grief circle and then we're going back out and we're doing a zip line, we're going back in and we're doing something that's surrounding their grief And these are some of the most creative, most and like compassionate young people that I have ever witnessed. And it was so beautiful to see them in in how they were handling their grief. what That was so fresh for a lot of them.
00:47:10
Speaker
But I want to just open this up to the panel with with grief. I know some stories, and I know we've lost some people, or some things, right some people, some things, some concepts, some parts of ourselves, right and how that grief has affected you, and and and speak to maybe the experience if you feel comfortable.
00:47:32
Speaker
I'll open it up. And you know, for me, it was my father passed away when I was eight. And my my dad passed from cirrhosis of the liver. Eight years old was the last year I cried for 30 years. um Because my thought was if I cry, I'm weak. But I also felt like no one understood the pain that I was going through because of the guy that told me he loved me, he would do anything for me, could not give up a bottle. So it took me years to understand it's a disease. On top of that, my oldest brother, he's a ah person that I truly look up to.
00:48:14
Speaker
And he fell down that same path where he was an alcoholic and he fell in love with the bottle and he couldn't get off the bottle. But he eventually made his mind up and said he was done with the bottle and he got help. And and now he's two and a half years in sober.
00:48:34
Speaker
Yeah, amen. So for me, you know understanding the why, it it's all starting to connect. right I wish I would have had my father, but it made me a stronger person now that I'm a father. And I tell people all the time, I'm learning with my son. My son is five years old, and I swear by the time he's 13, he's probably going to be smarter than me. I'll never tell him that.
00:48:58
Speaker
um But, you know, it's one of the most challenging but one of the most rewarding things in life because you're able to mold an individual that truly looks up to you. So, you know, me dealing with my father and now I talk about it. At first I would never talk about, you know, how I felt when my father passed away and, you know, how long it took me because it affected everything I did in life, school, relationships, everything.
00:49:27
Speaker
But now that I'm able to vent, now that I'm able to be a man, that man is able to cry, I may cry at a commercial, watching huggies or tissue. But at the end of the day, I'm still a stronger man.
00:49:46
Speaker
That's beautiful, man. Thank you. Thank you. I love i love Trevor is a humble guy. like He really is, because the way that he has shown up for me, like like when sharing the story of losing his father. and he So the the the men up here have been ah on the podcast. They have an episode. There are a couple other folks out here who've been on the podcast. Jerome Moore in the audience. My auntie, she's been on the podcast.
00:50:12
Speaker
then it's Bermuda, it's been on the podcast. Raise your hand if I miss somebody else, anybody else been on the podcast? And Pops, of course, yes. and ah so like but But you shared the story and one thing that I don't think I've shared with you and and we we we meet on a regular basis is that I don't have a i don't have a relationship with my father.
00:50:33
Speaker
i don't And I want to. you know I love my dad, but you know there are certain things. Life happens and different people go different ways. and ah But in the time that I've known you, you've stepped up like a father, man. And that's one of the things.
00:50:56
Speaker
That means more than you know, man. it It really does because I look up to this guy, right? I know a lot of people, but this is the one guy that I look at and I smile every time. I wish he was my son. Matter of fact, and I'm not too much you know younger than your father. I could be your dad, but at the end of the day, he makes me feel like um He makes me see happiness, right? Because he's that one person that can hit any lane, right? Most people can't hit any lane, right? He can be a corporate guy. He can be um a badminton guy that is very competitive, but at the end of the day, he can be the person that you can rely on. I kind of offended him when I first met him. I wasn't gonna say that, but since he puts it out there, I went to, I was invited to a graduation for some troubled teens.
00:51:44
Speaker
And Reggie was in the audience, and i I got up, and I said, man, congratulations. You just graduated? He's like, no, no, no, no, no. What are you talking about, man? He said, no, I'm one of i'm one of the the people that and they invited me to the ceremony. Oh, really? OK, I'm sorry. for the event
00:52:08
Speaker
But then he he hits me with the dagger. He said, oh, take my book. And I'm like, oh my gosh, this guy has a book too. um But it it was great because it gave me the opportunity to extend and say, hey, Reggie, I want to take you to dinner. And that's how the relationship started. so Oh, man, that's my guy right there. Thank you, bro. I want to keep it there, though. So with with grief, right we often like deal with grief, and we all deal with it differently. Some people, you see them go back to work the very next day. Some people, they they are never the same. right and And I honestly think that none of us are ever the same. We just learn to a adapt with the new newness of whatever our new reality is.
00:52:54
Speaker
And so, Quiz, I'm looking at you. What has your grief process been like in losing two significant people in your life in such close proximity with each other? But then, like how did you deal with that?
00:53:08
Speaker
um Honestly, man, ah I don't think I'm up to those moments. I don't even think I had known myself outside of grief. I think I've been ah been grieving for as long as I can remember. I just didn't know what it was. you know I think that's why I was so quiet and in my shell growing up because I've been losing people for as long as I can remember. i know so much in Nashville, so I've lost a lot of people. Those are the two significant ones, but they aren't the only ones that hurt. um I would say my grief with my brother was probably the worst. um I was working at Deloitte, and I remember the day like it was yesterday. It was 2019, July 8th.
00:53:53
Speaker
the MLB All-Star Game was on. So I was sitting there about to watch the All-Star Game and just got a call from my mom and yelling, screaming.
Navigating Grief in Different Contexts
00:54:04
Speaker
I remember running out the door and something they ah that moment always sticks with me because my daughter's mom, she always says, you know, you ran out the house that day and you never came back. And that that hit me because it made me kind of look at myself in the mirror like, bro, who am I now? You know what I'm saying? I can't live off who I was yesterday. Who am I now?
00:54:26
Speaker
um And then I meant working in a corporate setting, very competitive market called eDiscovery. And um the work is endless. There's always something to do. So me taking time off of work was an issue, even for that. And I remember, you know, I was probably out about a week and I went in to have a meeting with you know, my manager and her manager and understandably so I'm breaking down in there kind of letting them know the issue because this isn't something that I think that they are familiar with, right? My brother was murdered.
00:55:03
Speaker
um And it hit the news, and the story was incorrect on the news. They said my brother tried to rob a person, but he was actually set up ah by somebody that he was in the car with. So I got all these things going on. And I remember sitting in that meeting, and I'm asking him, how long can I take? And I didn't really, I don't know how long I need, because, I mean, um grief the grief brain is different. you Really, it doesn't connect the dots. Sometimes the words don't connect.
00:55:33
Speaker
The memories, you know, you lose a lot when you grief when you go through grief and My manager she was understanding but her manager was more like when can we get you back because it's a strain on the team I'm literally sitting there in tears and that I said that day I never want to deal with this again And I've been trying to get out of corporate ever since then, so that's what led me into this this point, you know, into speaking and doing music and selling merch. So if you want to cop some merch for me, quizKN.com. Shameless plug, but we still got to eat.
00:56:08
Speaker
ha But yeah, um I don't think I really met myself until I accepted that I was grieving. And that was four years ago, so I'm four years old today, you know.
00:56:22
Speaker
um And it's been ah it's been a strenuous four years. My my family is so disconnected. My household is...
00:56:33
Speaker
not where it should be. And as a man, that makes me feel a certain type of way. So I was struggling between how do I still show up and how do I still be there for myself and allow myself to get through this. And man, it's been a struggle, dog. I can't lie. It's been a struggle. um I've had trouble executing on anything. I've had trouble showing up for people. And I was Mr. Dependable before that.
00:56:58
Speaker
right So I've dropped the ball on so many things, even with with ah Reggie talking about the camp that he done this weekend. I was supposed to be a part of that. And I just, I don't know, it's just something like I dropped the ball a lot. So trying to accept that I may need help right with all of my goals and the things that I'm going through. um But accepting that I'm grieving.
00:57:22
Speaker
and
00:57:25
Speaker
Walking in there and getting to know myself a lot better outside of that, you know, because like I said, I've lost a tremendous amount of people, so I don't know myself outside of grief. So that's kind of the plight that I'm in right now is just getting to know myself and what do I like, you know what I mean? And a lot of that has been going back through the memories, like I love writing music growing up.
00:57:45
Speaker
I love sports, so I still go to the batting cage now. you know I ain't played on a team in years, but I still go hit the ball. And my daughter, I have an eight-year-old daughter. She loves softball. So that's something that we do together. And she seeing her grow up has kind of reminded me that I used to be that. And when we play together, it's I'm the most childish father that there is. I don't think there's a father that's more immature than I am. And sometimes she loses sight of that I'm her father.
00:58:14
Speaker
So I have to parent her and say, hey, it's usually just a look.
00:58:22
Speaker
And then she get the look. And then we you know I ain't got to say too much. I got a perfect kid. and um you know She never been in trouble. I never had to whoop her. One time I did, and that's the worst experience of my life. That was probably more traumatic than losing people, honestly. I swear, man, I cried like a baby when I whooped her that day. Because she looked at me like, who are you?
00:58:45
Speaker
I'm your father. But yeah, um I hope they answered the question. i You spoke, you said some really beautiful things and i think I think a lot of, can anybody relate to some of the things that he said? Yeah, for sure, for sure.
00:59:02
Speaker
ah I want to go to Mario. As you work with people around different mental health things that they are dealing with, when it comes to grief, what is some of your advice that you give to folks in in processing and dealing with the grief that they've experienced?
00:59:20
Speaker
Yeah, I would say number one um is to know that it's individualized. So as you said, I've maybe been in grief for a long time. I came out of grief. I find some joy. I go back. I figure out what's happening. I may go our way back through. There's six stages, seven, depending on who you ask of grief. And so it's not linear.
00:59:45
Speaker
So you each stage takes us really sitting in that stage. That's the number one thing. And so a lot of us, probably most of us want to heal. So we just want to get to the other side and feel better. And so each stage, we typically are going to spend just a little bit, oh, I feel angry today. I don't need to do that. Push it away. Oh, I feel sad today. I need to go to work.
01:00:08
Speaker
Let me shove that somewhere else. Oh, I feel frustrated about this. It's not fair, but I have to take care of my child. Let me put it away. But every time you suppress that emotion and push it down deep, deeper, it's it's going to come back and it's just going to come back even heavier.
01:00:26
Speaker
It's going to show up in a work meeting. It's going to show up when you're trying to parent your child and have a good time. It's going to show up when you're in the grocery store in the middle of the aisle and something reminds you of that person or that loss. And so it really is taking the time to sit in the grief.
01:00:44
Speaker
and cry and release and be angry and throw stuff and whatever is your release whatever says this does not feel good it shouldn't grief does not feel good but you have to be able to sit in that space and then as you are sitting in that space and asking each of those stages what are you coming to tell me what do I need to take from this what is this sadness telling me And then once you get it, then you can move on to the next stage, and then the next stage. But just know that you might fall back to a ah one of the stages you felt like you already went through. So it again, it's not linear. it's not individual um It is individualized. So every person shows up differently. I lost my mom 22 years ago. So as a young adult,
01:01:32
Speaker
And 22 years later, if something happens or I have a memory or my daughter does something and I sound like my mom, I'm going to get sad. But then I'm going to find the joy in that memory and be thankful for remembering that. And oh, I received that from her. And so it's about the balance. So really sitting in that grief and then saying, OK, what can I take from this grief? And when you're able to have the grief and find the joy,
01:02:01
Speaker
you've moved into some healing. Thank you. Thank you. You said ah said something I want to want to touch on um is that there is something that you can find from it. there's some hot There may be something positive from it. And it may not feel like it in the moment when you're dealing with the hard thing that is going on. But there there are lessons that we learn from loss. There are lessons that we learn if if we lose a person. There is a memory that we can hold on to, that we can grow and gain from.
01:02:32
Speaker
And I think when wind grieving, to try to find both. right And we did an exercise. I'm fresh out out of this camp. right We did an exercise where we took a piece of a piece of paper, a big old piece of paper. all All the kids had a piece of paper. And they wrote in pencil all the negative things associated with their grief, or all the hard, heavy feelings that came with that grief. right Sadness, anger, lost, confused, frustrated.
01:03:02
Speaker
And we wrote that in pencil. And then the next exercise was to grab a Sharpie and talk about some of the things that came that were positive that came with that loss. Relief. And that person that I know who was living that life and they were struggling, they're no longer doing that. Hope. There's hope in the things that they told me, showed me, showed me how to breathe, showed me how to persevere, showed me how to do so many of things. And when I look out in the,
01:03:32
Speaker
And I see that bird, it's a reminder of the good things, right? Or I look up into the clouds and they form in something. I know they talking to me, right? like theres some There are some beautiful things in grief as well. And so again, like one of the things that has been the the best thing for my mental health is to recognize that two things can exist at the same time.
Dual Emotions and Growth
01:03:52
Speaker
Two things, even opposites, can exist at the same time. I could not want to be around you, but I could also want to be smothered in your love at the same time. right So two truths can exist at the same time, in grief, in life, and in mental health, in all of it. And so, yeah, I just wanted to say that. But for I got one more question I want to ask, and I want to hear from y'all too. But then I want to turn it over. So y'all be ready to talk.
01:04:20
Speaker
Y'all be ready to talk. and I hope that you feel that this is a safe space. right They don't open up like this for everybody. right it's it's It's a space that is created to be safe so that you can share those things and to know that the things that are said in here are are meant for this type of environment and they're not going to be used to stab you in the back.
01:04:41
Speaker
That's one of the hardest things about vulnerability is to share yourself with your soul with somebody and for them to turn that around and use it against you at a later point. And so when we do speak and the things that you hear appear, that is not the intent. That is not what we're doing. We're not going out there and using it to say, oh, blah, blah, blah, no. It's the whole space. Extend love and grace, right? And so I want to ask this question to y'all too.
01:05:09
Speaker
Bug, you been i mean Jonathan, you've been youve been ready to to do this. You've been texting me, and and I love your enthusiasm. It's a question that you want me to ask you. I don't know that question, but you do. What is that question, and can you answer it? That's a real good interview question, y'all. I don't got to do nothing. That boy's good. Due to so much that goes on in my life, what was the question? Because I don't know.
01:05:35
Speaker
You're coming up with it. It's something that was burning that you want to share with these folks right now. It's something that's on your heart. It may be it may have happened today. It may have been something that you just haven't shared on Black Movement 2 podcast. It may be something that you shared on the podcast with me. And let me say something. There was a moment on that podcast that touched my heart.
01:05:54
Speaker
youtube like i For whatever reason I felt like I wanted to see your interaction and your your conversation with your dad of what that relationship meant to you. And you spoke to him and said some extremely loving words and he spoke back to you some words that brought me to tears.
01:06:10
Speaker
And I don't know if I said this on the podcast or afterwards, but that was healing for me to see a strong bond between um a father and a son and the beautiful words that they share with each other. If y'all haven't seen it, like check that episode out and watch that moment, because it's one of the most beautiful things you'll see in your life. So I just wanted to say that. But you're coming up with this question, bud.
01:06:38
Speaker
and yeah podcast. I can talk. So I guess to to come up with a question is about this. How about this co parenting? Yeah, co parenting is heavy for you.
01:06:57
Speaker
And you you better than most people that I know speak to the good and the bad of it. And you honor your co-parent. But speak to the challenges that you've experienced and what you would have hoped to see out of that experience. oh Me and my dad, we did a whole series on the title, co-parenting conspiracies. There are some conspiracies to co-parenting.
01:07:27
Speaker
I will say it again. My child's mother is a great mother. My child's mother, she's a great woman. Co-parenting is hard when it's a book titled, How to Hug a Porky Pan. No matter what I do,
01:07:51
Speaker
My best prayers have been prayed to the man above. I've talked to a few panelists that's here to to vent about my situation. How do you hug a porcupine? Because no matter how you try to get around them, you're going to get stuck, right? The co-parenting journey, I'm still in it, naturally.
01:08:18
Speaker
And I think just speaking on co-parenting and grief,
01:08:27
Speaker
going through that 11 and a half months, I felt like I lost my child. And it was one of those things where if the co-parenting situation was mutual, I would not have felt that way.
01:08:44
Speaker
The grief came in for me when I'm going into public places or public areas. You know what used to really grind my gears the most during that 11 and a half months? And I felt a sense of loss. Go to the mall or to the park or the church and see a black man walking with his black baby. I felt Happiness, because I love it, right? My dad's been in my life all of my life, but then I had a sense of anger, because why that ain't me, right? Co one of the conspiracies is that it works for everybody. Oftentimes it doesn't.
01:09:32
Speaker
You get into these situations where you conceive a child and you think that the love or the the infatuation, whatever was in that moment, is gonna carry into being able to parent this child. That wasn't the case for me. Now again, Stephen wanted to see that I was wrong when I stepped out on my child's mother while she was seven months pregnant. The action does not warrant the behavior. I'll argue that with anybody.
01:10:03
Speaker
The beautiful thing about grief,
01:10:08
Speaker
you got to feel it to heal it. You got to feel it to heal it. Them 11 and a half months, I was feeling it. I'm snapping on everybody. i Like you said, you get into certain places where you you just you're not yourself, right?
01:10:26
Speaker
But to wrap things up, one special movie that helped me understand how to deal with grief and the emotions that come with it, Inside Out. Go check that movie out. It's a sequel. Go check that movie out.
01:10:44
Speaker
It was so interesting, and for those of you that have seen it, to see how happiness and sadness were always together. There was a duality, right? They were always together. Because as you mentioned, thought about mom, a little sadness in there. She was right here by your shoulder. But then happiness came right back around like a joy. Joy came right around like, hey, you know, sadness. Let's go over here. You know, I'm here.
01:11:11
Speaker
That movie helped me to deal with grief, dealing with the 11 months loss of my son of my me not having my son. i still like ah I still feel like even today, I'm picking back up time. Even when people want to be like, want to tell me, when you're going to bring Zach over, they're going to spend some time with me. I ain't had my own time yet. I ain't had my own time yet.
01:11:33
Speaker
Shoot. But co-parenting and grief, um you know, for me personally, they went hand in hand because even with my child's mother, there was a love that was there. And as I move more into this journey, I just want to find that love back, that platonic love, so that we can do the best behind this young king that we raised.
Transformation Through Personal Loss
01:11:58
Speaker
I know, look, I can look at all y'all in the eye. I was wrong. I was wrong. realro Real Real wrong. But I wait for that moment that God will present that moment for me and her to sit down and have that talk.
01:12:14
Speaker
I'm waiting for that moment, because it's not a moment for me or a moment even for her. It's a moment for my baby boy. For us to have that conversation, that's going to be the best moment for him once he sees that we're on one unit. And God will just take the risk. Beautiful. That's beautiful. So people relate to that too? Yes. Yeah.
01:12:39
Speaker
Yeah, I can I can relate all too well on every single topic from the conversation you have in the conversation you share or the story you share. So I'll start by picking up to say co parenting is It is what it is, you know, all of the things that you said. I cannot move forward without sharing that I have a beautiful two-year-old son. So thank you. The whole time he was talking, I'm like, nope, nope, nope. Don't even don't, because I'm such an empath. So immediately, I'm going to feel exactly what he's feeling, even though I'm the woman. i'm I'm a different, you know, it's a different perspective, right? um And so I'll be quick with that. but
01:13:25
Speaker
me and my son's dad are obviously not together because look how I'm prefacing that. um We actually separated a year after my son was born and a lot of that stemmed from him losing his father.
01:13:41
Speaker
And I didn't realize it but his father was more so the reason we were holding on because his dad was a pastor and he spoke to marriage a lot. And um after his dad passed away, we never talked about marriage again.
01:13:58
Speaker
And so um for me, as a woman at the age of 28 who said, I'm not having kids unless it's with my husband. And at 28, I thought that you know this is my moment. He's a God-fearing man. We're going to get married. We're going to do the right thing. He's going to make me an honest woman. and um And yeah, I was quickly met with loss and grief because not only was I grieving his father's loss, he was.
01:14:26
Speaker
um as well, and that followed the loss of our relationship. And as a new mom, 29 years old, with a one year old, I lost myself, right? We don't, a lot of women speak to that, but you know I'll speak to that in this vulnerable space.
01:14:45
Speaker
um I lost myself at 29 years old when you know um I'm saying 29, but I was 20 I Don't know maybe 29 when I gave birth to my son, but 29 is when I remit myself So the loss of who I was before I had my son I don't even know who that version of myself is anymore um So I think I'm about four years old three years old myself, so um'm I'm learning myself all over again, all in all, with creating Purpose Lit at the same time. I'm a completely different person, but because of the loss of my old self, birth, the new version of who I am today, and um I just had to piggyback off of that because that loss was the one that I had not expected, right?
01:15:33
Speaker
um And so, looking at my son today, he is my joy. He is literally the reason why I'm still here. um So, you know, when you have a kid, that's probably the most vulnerable you're gonna ever be. And if you're a parent, you know, if you're a parent, make some noise, because I know we got a lot of parents in there. Yeah.
01:15:55
Speaker
so That's a whole nother level of vulnerability, right? um But yeah, I just had to speak to the fact that I have a son, but I'm gonna i'm gonna pivot because I'm gonna say two things. The first thing is, Reggie is so good at what he did what he does, I don't even think nobody realizes.
01:16:14
Speaker
He literally let everyone speak about loss and grief before me because I'm freshly in a agg grieving period and so I appreciate that um because i I was able to take from what a lot of people said in their journey um and also The second thing is your body has a way of reacting to so certain things. And I'm pretty sure there's a science to it, but I don't know it, so I'm not about to try to speak to it. But um the entire time from the moment he said the question about grief, I've been shaking.
01:16:47
Speaker
And um not to say don't start looking now, but oh my body was literally trembling at the thought of grief. And I couldn't even imagine sitting here talking right now without tears because my body was reacting to it, right?
01:17:02
Speaker
And I definitely I feel so obligated at this point to speak because the loss that I just recently experienced has been so transformative because it encompasses so much more than a physical loss.
01:17:19
Speaker
And I don't think a lot of people talk about that. But um June 20th, I lost a really dear friend. And it sucks because you know a lot of people lose family members. And it's hard because it's your family, right? But this dear friend of mine was someone who was my family in the spiritual realm. And so you don't get bereavement for that, right? You got to just check it up and go back to work and keep moving, right? Like a lot of us have to do with so many other things. um But losing him
01:18:00
Speaker
in the spiritual room and I'm just going to say his transition because he's still here spiritually and I am going to speak to that because his spiritual presence has been the reason why I can speak to it so well. um He was my soul brother. I could he i literally had to never had to explain myself around him.
01:18:20
Speaker
And it felt so comfortable and I can flourish. I can be creative. I can be feminine. I can be all of these things. And it was strictly platonic. He he wanted nothing from me. And I wanted nothing from him, but we could just exist and be in that space.
01:18:35
Speaker
And it just felt so good to have someone in my life that I could share that space with. And he was not a woman, right? Because if you're a woman, you know it's so hard to share space with the men. And it'd be completely platonic. So his transition has been so heavy on me lately. And I'm so grateful for the space that he he held and still holds in my life every single time. And this is still, what is today? August 22nd of 2024.
01:19:05
Speaker
every time I'm struggling or I'm feeling like I'm you know thinking of him or whatever, he sends me a sign every single time. I've not had one moment to this day where I've not thought of him or felt some sort of pull on his heart and he has not spoken to me in the spiritual realm.
01:19:22
Speaker
So that fulfills me and it makes me be able to grieve, I guess, I don't know, whatever. After he passed, I was numb. um I was completely numb. Didn't know what day it was, didn't know what time it was. I had to go to work and I was literally a zombie for for maybe a month. We had his service a month after he passed. And to experience grieving for a whole month before even celebrating the loss,
01:19:53
Speaker
I don't even know what I was doing for the whole month. I tell people all the time, I i was just...
01:20:01
Speaker
I don't know, still to this day, right? um But he was my creative soul brother and he was an artist, songwriter. The list goes on. But me and him sparred a lot in the creative realm because he was an artist and I i write music and I've not publicly spoken about that, but um I'm a songwriter. I've been writing songs since I was 14.
01:20:25
Speaker
um poetry poetry as well. And we went back and forth on whether or not I should share my creative gift, as you would call it, to the world. And I've been holding it back for four years, and this year I shared a song with him. And he was like, if you don't go work on the album, I'm so sick of it.
01:20:47
Speaker
Of course, jokingly, you know I can go back and forth in the spiritual realm with him, because I have been writing music. And so that's been how I've been grieving, because although he can't physically hear or you know help me with my music, he's there spiritually with me. And so that's been, honestly, the only light that I've found throughout you know this grieving process. Because like I said, any time that I've thought of him, he's come through in the spiritual realm. And so that's been my my anchor um throughout this.
01:21:15
Speaker
um So I'm very grateful for that space, and I'll wrap up. But while I was losing him in the spiritual room, I was also physically losing my apartment. And so I was being misplaced from my apartment and also not having that anchor or that friend or that you know spiritual counterpart that I could depend on in that space. And although I was losing you know all of these materialistic things. I did gain a sense of clarity on where I was supposed to be. and And there's a lot of gray area. I'm sorry. I can't go into that. But while losing all of these things and you know just going through the motions and and being vulnerable right now, um I was able to detach from a lot of things that may not
01:22:10
Speaker
have made sense to a lot of people, but I gained my strength, I gained my independence, and honestly, I have gained my sanity over the last month while, you know, experiencing all of these things.
01:22:23
Speaker
um
01:22:27
Speaker
Yeah, so um I'm saying that out loud because it's probably the first time I've actually felt it and sat with it. And it may be too premature for me to be sitting here and speaking, but I don't think anything happens by chance. So I really appreciate Reggie for being that mirror in my life to allow me to be vulnerable because I think vulnerable vulnerability is a strength. I know it is. I don't think it is. I know it is.
01:22:53
Speaker
um So I'm going to just wrap that up because I will ramble because of the the grief. But um I appreciate every single person that is looking me in my face right now as I share this story because a lot of things, people that are in my life probably don't even know. um But I'm still picking myself back
Gratitude and Vulnerability
01:23:10
Speaker
up. So this grief is is really heavy. And it's turning me into a completely different person. but i'm meeting myself all over again every day. um But yeah, I just, I had to share that because like I said, he allowed everybody to speak and then I'm like, dang, I'm the one that's actually like feeling it right now in this moment. And so I really appreciate that. And I also appreciate every single one of you for allowing me to be so vulnerable and share that because ah it's been very dark around here. So I really appreciate you all for just holding space and
01:23:50
Speaker
can we can we Can we place your feet on the ground? Feet up, feet. Feet on the ground.
01:23:59
Speaker
man
01:24:02
Speaker
And first, if you feel comfortable to close your eyes, and I want you to think about some of the emotions that may have come up in some of the sharing today. And I want you to give yourself some grace for any judgment judgments that you may have passed on yourself or on someone up here who has spoken.
01:24:30
Speaker
I want you to recognize some of those who aren't here that you may be grieving yourself.
01:24:39
Speaker
And I want you to picture yourself as a little child, as happy as you can be, running through a field, playing your favorite sport, playing with your best friend, riding a bike, wind blowing through your face, through your hair.
01:24:58
Speaker
And I want you to give that little person a hug. The biggest hug that you've ever given anyone in your entire life. And I want you to take a deep inhale.
01:25:12
Speaker
And a deep back exhale.
01:25:17
Speaker
And keep breathing like that, slow and steady, making the exhales a little bit longer than the inhales. Recognize that this is heavy. Life is heavy. The things that we go through are heavy, but we don't have to carry it alone.
01:25:32
Speaker
The people up here share what they share, not out of, this is not them showing up every single day sharing their vulnerabilities, crying in front of folks, but they feel a sense of comfort because they know in this we're connected, that we are together. And I got them and they got me. And they felt that with y'all, that was that's how they were able to get there. And y'all provided that space. And I want you to provide that space through life.
01:25:57
Speaker
for yourselves, for the other people around you, so that they feel safe to show up and be their full self. Because that's what saves us, y'all, is the community, the community that we build, the community that we form.
01:26:16
Speaker
that reprograms our brains that were in those situations where our environment and our community was the thing that was hurting us. No, but now we got a new community. We heard Soul Brother. I got soul parents and soul brothers and soul sisters. I got soul family members. I got chosen family members because those are the folks who I feel safe and comfortable around doing this type of stuff with. Find those people in your life.
01:26:42
Speaker
Find those people that can wrap their arms around that little child that you hugged because they deserve it. You deserve it. You deserve all the best that life has to offer. You are a beautiful human just as you are. Despite the accomplishments, despite the achievements, in spite of all the mistakes that you may have made, setbacks and the flaws, you are beautiful and and great just as you are. You are imperfect and that imperfection is beauty.
01:27:13
Speaker
We need your uniqueness. We need you just as you are. Would you take a deep inhale through your nose and I want you to hold it at the top. I want you to let all of that love swirl around inside your lungs and then let it go as you spread that out to the rest of the room.
Community and Connection
01:27:33
Speaker
And then you can open your eyes.
01:27:37
Speaker
Now I want to open it up to y'all. I want to open it up to y'all. I was going to do a little bit where y'all were talking to each other, but I think we're running out of time. But for anybody who may have a question, a comment, or if something resonated with y'all, if you have something that you want to share that's on your heart, anybody got something like that, raise your hand or just let it happen.
01:28:00
Speaker
I'll stand up.
01:28:10
Speaker
dan I'm Dennis. This is my brother, Reggie. Hello, ah people. Thank you so much. I know the striking resemblance, right right? But one of the things that we both have in common, which for me, and before I get to that, I think we all have one thing in common, right? We all know this guy. And I can honestly tell you that I am physically here
01:28:35
Speaker
Hear me well. I'm physically here because he stepped in at a point in my life where I questioned it.
01:28:46
Speaker
my
01:28:51
Speaker
My... Because of him, I... Thank you. Because of him, I get to see my beautiful wife again every day. And I get to talk to our children every night, and I get to see them every morning.
01:29:11
Speaker
um Now, obviously, I don't want to, I mean, how long do you know me by now? That's the thing, by the way. Let me make the connection here. It's interesting because I've heard most of these stories, and you share a lot in common. In fact, you guys were on the same side of the the city at some point. And what's interesting is that one of the things that we shared in common growing up is what we never knew existed up until we reconnected when he launched his book. We both went to NBA. And again, for me, it was interesting it's interesting to hear because he pretty much had to become somebody completely different from just between zip codes, right?
01:29:48
Speaker
And for me, my story is in a way similar, but I had to do it internationally. um And a lot of you guys talked about physical reactions, right? The stress that you feel. In fact, I'm probably that that to its core. Any time I feel uncomfortable, I feel like I want to react physically. And it wasn't up until I started reading this book why I began even to care about understanding why I was like that. um Most of the childhood that I remember here, you know going from a thorough country, I wasn't born and raised in Ecuador, by the way.
01:30:25
Speaker
And I came from nothing. Literally, don know what you see in TVs for the people that are sending money to help people down there, that's what my neighborhood was like for the longest time. Now, this is where it gets tricky. I remember always being happy and peaceful, though. Despite my circumstances, I just always remember being happy and peaceful.
01:30:44
Speaker
When I was placed here, I grew up in the Belmont area. You take somebody like me and my family and the way we look at that time in the early 90s, it wasn't welcoming. And then the next news I got is when I asked my mom, um we used to used to travel quite a bit when I was, I think, six years old. um But I always knew that I would go back to Ecuador. It wasn't until I was 11 years old, right when the NBA started, it was about to start seventh grade when I realized we weren't going back.
01:31:13
Speaker
So I say all that because a lot of the triggers that we have physically, for me, that's when I realized it started then. My therapist, thanks to Reggie, by the way, who connected me with a wonderful therapist, um helped me realize that I have extreme separation anxiety that triggers that is triggered because of what happened to me around that phase.
01:31:29
Speaker
And it makes just so much sense. So I know you asked, obviously, for me to share something about me, right, I guess. And right and so I can honestly tell you that I resonate with every single person in here. And the only thing I will say is that I am mad because you didn't introduce me to John early enough. You and I have something very much in common, and I would like to connect with you. you know So for me.
01:31:58
Speaker
I'm just very grateful that Reggie was part of my life. In fact, that you know one of the things that I do remember, Ms. O'Connell, by the way, was our French teacher. ah Shout out now.
01:32:10
Speaker
But one of the things that even she said after all this time, last time I saw you, I must have been 18 years old in French class. And the first thing that you saw or you said right there in front of Sharaya was, I remember him being kind. And I remember, this is going to mess me up right now, because I remember along the way, you know i I distinctly remember having to, and I talk about this in the in the podcast that I'm on. I talk about feeling like I was a chameleon. I constantly had to morph into whatever I needed to be at MBA, into whatever I needed to be after school sports, into whatever my family needed to be. At some point, you end up losing yourself. And much like you all in the panel, I didn't i never really got to know myself until I left Vandy too, by the way. I never really got to know myself until
01:32:56
Speaker
I became a father. I um ah had to become a partner, a reliable partner. Probably my biggest growth has this been because of the trauma that I had when I was that young. But again, things happen for a reason. And people come and go for reasons, for seasons. I don't know the exact quote there. It's leaving me. But you guys know it. Don't look at me like that.
01:33:24
Speaker
but Reggie is that person, and that is that one person. I mean, I could go for maybe three months without talking to you, but like we'll pick up a phone and it'll it'll just be like, he never left me. And it's just been an incredible journey that I think we all need to be truly grateful for the work that he does, because I know that he doesn't give himself probably the credit that he truly deserves, but I literally owe you a big one, probably in my life, because you were there when nobody else was.
01:34:02
Speaker
I'm gonna let them have their moment, but what's so funny, what's so funny about that is, um and I know I said dates for a specific reason, but when I lost my soul brother, it was in June of 20th this year. I met Reggie in April of this year-ish.
01:34:25
Speaker
He spoke on my panel in May. And I had no idea that that and that next month I was going to lose somebody as close as I did. And he has not left me since I've met him. And he has filled that space. Not to say he has replaced him, because I'm going to be very clear. That man, that sole brother of mine is irreplaceable. But this man right here, the shoes that he filled,
01:34:50
Speaker
that weight that he holds, you just heard that man speak about him. He has filled a space in my life and it's a platonic spiritual connection that I can't even explain, but I had no idea that gaining him in that season after I lost someone or not even knowing that I was going to lose someone, I didn't know how impactful that would be. So for him to speak on my panel in May of this year and I'm here three, four months later, speaking on his panel. Like, I mean, I don't know if y'all felt that, but that is impactful. And I already know that that was divinity.
01:35:31
Speaker
Alignment and it was very intentional by most high and so I'm gonna publicly give you your flowers, but he already know this this man Standing ovation man for my guy Reggie. Come on man. Come on y'all. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on Come on. Come on. Come on, man. Come on man. Soak this moment in baby. Soak this moment in baby. Come on. Come on, man, Reggie Ford You that dude, man. You that dude, man You that dude, man that't do
01:36:02
Speaker
You're that dude, bro. You're that guy, man. Living in purpose.
01:36:09
Speaker
That wasn't what we was supposed to be doing. um You deserve it, though, cuz. You deserve it. You deserve it. More than that. Your blessings still on the way for the work you un done done. I don't think you realize how many lives you've saved. you know I say cuz to him. ah you know The neighborhood we grew up in was kind of mixed gang wise. So he was a lot closer to the blue side. I was a lot closer to the red side. And I didn't get to grow up saying cuz.
01:36:42
Speaker
You know what I mean? So I call it, man, cuz all the time we ain't related, but we might as well be brothers. Like I told you, I gained a brother when I lost my brother, and he's been there ever since, you know what I mean? So he is that dude. Yeah, cuz, yeah. Yeah, feel it. Feel it. Feel it. Thank you, cuz. He probably didn't know what he was doing when he asked us that question. He tried to get us, right? Yeah, he didn't know what he was doing.
01:37:13
Speaker
No, if you said you wanted to say something. Let's go ahead and pay a bit. You can raise your hand. I didn't try. My question is in regards to race and giving yourself less than the most difficult part about that might be giving yourself a way to allow for giving yourself for the expectations you're placing on the people or even, you know, this is the beginning that you can't. So isn't the difficult part even boundaries
01:37:56
Speaker
What's been the the the biggest thing in forgiving yourself and having grace for the things that you've experienced that were out of your control, or maybe have been in your control, but what was one of those challenges and the things you did to to forgive yourself and show yourself grace? That is so heavy. We're supposed to be rapping that.
01:38:16
Speaker
Sound like we got to do a round, too. I guess I'll be honest. I think so. You got it. True. Go ahead. I'll go ahead, sir. Go again. I'll follow. I'll piggyback off. I was about to say, i'm I'm in the same boat. I don't think I figured it out. You know? ah Man, I just had a day yesterday, probably one of them days where I'm looking at myself and like,
01:38:34
Speaker
just not feeling myself, right? Not feeling in the last four years. like My life is completely different. And ah like I said, my daughter, she askeds she always asked, Daddy, how was your day? And I'm very honest with her. I said, I started off a little bad. Why was it bad? I was a little sad. She said, what, you missed your brother?
01:38:54
Speaker
and i was like She's so honest, but she knows, because she you know she experienced my my brother. And it was one of the moments where something that would have crushed me four years ago, I laughed. I busted out laughing. You know what I mean? And I said, nah, boo, that wasn't what it was. I just went having one of my best days when I looked in the mirror. you know She gave me a hug. So I don't know if that, but I haven't figured it out, man. I'm still trying to figure that out. You know what I mean?
01:39:21
Speaker
I think for me, it's it's that's a very good question. um and And I don't think there's a right answer for it. But I think one of the things I can say is every experience is a good experience. right Good or bad, you can always learn from that experience. The only thing you can't control is waking up. right So once you're able to wake up, you can kind of dictate how that's going to be. You can have a worse day, but as long as you know the day the day after that, you remembered what you did and how you can make it better the next day.
01:39:55
Speaker
um That's how I learned to forgive myself, right? And also, um I learned from my son. At two years old, he was asking me a lot of questions. I guess I can look up now. He was asking me a lot of questions. And I think he saw my expression that I was pretty much tired of the questions. And his response back to me was, daddy is just a conversation.
01:40:20
Speaker
at two. and And that's one of the things I use quite a bit now because nothing in this world happens but without a conversation. We're sitting in front of you lovely people. You're sitting in front of this great guy because of a conversation. So if we can always remember to change the world, if you have a conversation, it's definitely possible.
Life's Journey and Closing Reflections
01:40:49
Speaker
got to say so I know we got to wrap up, but I'm glad that you asked that question because as you can hear, it's it's a very well-needed question. um But I also just looked at a really good friend of mine and i and it made me think of an answer.
01:41:05
Speaker
Everything is perspective. There is no right, there is no wrong. We can look at the same exact thing and still see two totally different things, right? um So showing ourselves grace in situations when There is no right or wrong. It's just all about just showing grace All right, so in that when we forgive ourselves, it's for us And when we forgive other people it's for us everything is perspective right and most times forgiveness is solely for all the time and Forgiveness is for yourself. Grace is for yourself and also for the other person or or thing or whatever that is that you're needing to for forgive and it's just all about perspective and it's all about learning how to show up in spaces and places when you may not
01:42:03
Speaker
understand why or how to right and so I think one of the most important things of forgiveness and grace is just understanding perspective and just being okay with the ebbs and flow because no matter what however way you look at it there's no right or there's no wrong So if you did do something that you need to forgive yourself from, it's a learning moment, right? We all hear that. Oh, it's just a loss is not a loss. It's a learning moment or opportunity for growth, right? So perspective. And I'm going to be real quick. That's a beautiful answer. You did the best that you could with what you knew and what you had at that time.
01:42:44
Speaker
And you're a human. And the fact that you're a human allows you to give yourself that grace because you you were either doing what you learned and what you knew with the environment, the education of learning, the modeling that you had in front of you, or you were trying to survive.
01:43:03
Speaker
And we try to survive a lot of times. And that doesn't always look like a fight against somebody or whatever. it it It looks like emotion a lot of times. And whatever that was, it was trying to protect you and keep you alive. And you were human. And so heal those parts that were needing to be kept alive. Heal those parts that you feel may be wounded and learn to love and forgive yourself because you deserve it.
01:43:32
Speaker
And life, life is a book, right? No one wants a straight black and white book. Life is color. So understand life and your life is color. That makes you unique. So just like Reddy said, everything you do, is absorb it and learn from it. All right, real quick, can y'all shout out y'all socials or how people can connect with y'all?
01:43:56
Speaker
Yeah, um so I am Bona. I have my personal page is Love Bona Bay, so L-O-V-E-B-O-N-N-A, B-A-E. My brand Purpose Lits page is purpose.lit, and then also my website is purposelit.com.
01:44:19
Speaker
Mine is village culture with a K of course, social media saying village culture, website is the same, Facebook is the same as well. And one thing I did not say earlier, so we bring a child on twice a month until they graduate high school. um So all of this right here is something that we're going to absorb and we're going to also give to the kids. So please follow us, please donate, we need you.
01:44:49
Speaker
So my name is Mariam and my mental health practice is I Am Well Consulting. And so it's Iamwellconsulting.com. I am well consulting on all social media platforms.
01:45:03
Speaker
Oh, you can find us on Google. Search your black men, B-E-N-T-T-O-O. I got cards. I got a digital card. Whatever you need on a serious note, come tap in with me or my dad, who's in the audience as well. Let me preface this. Because our name is Black Men Vents 2 does not mean we discredit any of the race, origin, ethnicity, or anything in between. We've had black men. we've had Black women, we've had white men. We'll accept anybody that's willing to tell their story. How many countries? 47. 47. 47 countries. 45. 47.
01:45:45
Speaker
All right, and I am Quiz Cantrell. The easiest way to find me is through my website, QuizCan, Q-U-E-Z-C-A-N dot.com, and that's got a link to everything. if you if Even if you search Google Quiz Cantrell, you'll see my my ah Instagram, which is Motivated Quiz, but I ah hate saying it out loud because it's spelled weird. So if you see M-O-E underscore,
01:46:08
Speaker
Tivaded quiz, then that's me. But ah man, I got to change that, man. it I get tired of doing that. I swear I do. But I love the name. It's got so much meaning to me. You know what I mean? But ah don't say don't change it. All right. said Y'all said it.
01:46:28
Speaker
way Man, I like that. I gotta stop shrinking no longer in my thinking. Thank you. Shrinking no longer. yeah yeah But yeah, quizcan dot.com, got a link to everything, some merch, all the music. you know I think that if you're from here or if you've seen the change here, you would I tell the story of Nashville from our perspective. And i don' I don't know any person that knows the story of Nashville being black, that has listened to my music, that doesn't say that it resonates. you know So I think that if you love music, good music, if you don't mind a little cussing here and there, you're gonna love me. You will, you will. And I can be found everywhere, Reggie D Ford, reggie d for Instagram, socials, dot com, all that. so ah But I wanna say, I wanna give a huge shout out, one to y'all. Y'all give it up for y'all cells to stand out here and doing this. with
01:47:23
Speaker
But again, y'all could have been anywhere tonight, and y'all chose to be here. So for that, I'm truly grateful. I want to shout out All People Coffee for this beautiful space that we're in.
01:47:37
Speaker
And then Soul Creative Collective, ah they are some, y'all come up here. Y'all come up here.
01:47:49
Speaker
These are the masterminds behind curating so many safe spaces for us to express ourselves. And I just want them to to announce what they do and who they are. Yeah, we can y'a hear me. Well, okay, cool. My name is Sinclair. I'm the founder of Soul Creative Collective.
01:48:08
Speaker
the sir My name is Jonathan Wynn and I'm the co-founder so creative collective. Yes, and we are a 501 T three creative nonprofit here in town we've been around for about two years we were created right here in this very coffee shop. um we We provide safe spaces for BIPOC creatives.
01:48:26
Speaker
um by the means of collaboration, access, and education. ah So we've been here for about five months doing a residency at the shop, and this is our very last event. So give it up for y'all. This has been great. I was back there fighting back tears. So um yeah, so raise we see a lot of new faces. Raise your hand. This is your very first sold event.
01:48:51
Speaker
Wow, welcome. You're a part of the family now. um You can find us on social media by scanning the QR code right over there. We really appreciate you all coming out tonight. Thank you so much for the collaboration partnership tonight. That was amazing. ah We hope you all have been fed. We hope you feel safe, welcome, valued, heard, all the things. We would love for you all to connect with all you know all the people in here tonight, but we do have to close down the shop.
01:49:16
Speaker
ah home so Yeah, you know do do do as you will with that information. Thank you so much last thing Because Reggie's that's my big brother, you know mentor and everything I want to say I appreciate my dog over here doing this event Supporting us as a startup nonprofit to man. That's a really big thing I just want to say the first time I met Reggie I met Reggie I was graduating from Vanderbilt went into the NFL You know I'm saying I was just leaving college. I didn't really know
01:49:49
Speaker
how my direction was, who was gonna be important people in my life, but, you know, we met on, me and Reggie met on business, but he eventually became like my big brother, somebody I could look up to, somebody I can get advice from, somebody who can help me stay on the right right road. Even when I transitioned from the NFL to what I'm doing right now, he was one of the most important people in my life that helped me to make that transition, so I just wanna make sure everybody gives love to Reggie.
01:50:19
Speaker
Thank you all. Y'all take care. Thank you for joining us for another powerful episode of Vulnerability Muscle. I hope you found inspiration and valuable insights that resonate with you. If you're enjoying this journey of self-discovery and empowerment, there are a few ways you can support the podcast. First, make sure to hit that subscribe button so that you never miss an episode. If you've been moved by our conversations and the mission of redefining vulnerability, please consider leaving a review. Your feedback not only motivates us,
01:50:47
Speaker
but also helps others discover the podcast. Share your thoughts on YouTube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you tune in. And don't forget to spread the word. Follow us on Instagram at Vulnerability Muscle for updates. And you can connect with me personally at Reggie D Ford on all platforms. Visit VulnerabilityMuscle.com for additional resources and upcoming episodes. And remember, embracing vulnerability is strength.
01:51:13
Speaker
Thanks for being a part of the journey. Until next time, stay empowered, stay vulnerable, and keep flexing that vulnerability muscle.