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Scrotation Management : The Benefits of Multi-Dating
50 Plays4 years ago
The Queens build a case for the importance and overall funness of multi-dating in following FDS. They also reveal the best tips to find men to add to your scrotation roster, as well as how to recognize and cutoff LV behavior.
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Transcript
Introduction & Support
00:00:00
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:01
Speaker
It's your host, Ro.
00:00:02
Speaker
Do you like female dating strategy?
00:00:04
Speaker
Would you like to see us expand on a lot of different platforms?
00:00:07
Speaker
Then please sign up for our Patreon.
00:00:08
Speaker
We are currently targeting a $10,000 per month goal, which would allow us to work full time on female dating strategy content in order to expand on different platforms and upgrade our media presence.
00:00:20
Speaker
As a special thank you to our current Patreon subscribers, we will be increasing our upload rate for our bonus content to be weekly on Fridays, as well as offering a special discount for paid annual memberships.
00:00:33
Speaker
So please check out our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:00:37
Speaker
That's patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:00:40
Speaker
Thank you.
What is Rotational Dating?
00:00:41
Speaker
Let's start the show.
00:00:48
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:49
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the Bean is female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:54
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:00:55
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:00:56
Speaker
And this is Lilla.
00:00:57
Speaker
And today we're going to talk about managing a dating rotation, a.k.a.
00:01:01
Speaker
Scrotation.
00:01:02
Speaker
Scrotation.
00:01:05
Speaker
So this is one of the more controversial ideas that we talk about on FDS.
00:01:10
Speaker
And it's controversial to both men and to women.
00:01:13
Speaker
For men, it's easy to understand because they think that if women are dating multiple men at once, then they assume that you must be sleeping with all of them.
00:01:21
Speaker
And then that leads into, you know, patriarchal ideals about, you know, female sexuality and purity and so on.
00:01:30
Speaker
But with FDS, we tell people that you can have a dating rotation and that doesn't mean that you're having sex with all of them or any of them even.
00:01:39
Speaker
What is the purpose of a dating rotation?
00:01:41
Speaker
It's basically to not get too hung up on one guy pretty much.
00:01:45
Speaker
Yeah, not get hung up on one guy and not to get into a place where you feel desperate and lonely because then you will act out of a place of insecurity instead of a place of security.
00:01:58
Speaker
Yeah, and a lot of women on the subreddit say that they don't want to do a dating rotation, that they agree with everything with FDS, but that's the one thing that they don't want to do.
00:02:08
Speaker
And we're going to address some of those FAQs, common complaints in this episode.
00:02:15
Speaker
But I guess first of all, let's talk about like, what are some benefits of the of the dating rotation before we get into the objection handling?
00:02:22
Speaker
I think for me one of the biggest benefits is because I tend to get invested very quickly into relationships and I think since I've started this rotational dating I've been able to maintain a really good amount of distance from especially men so for example I'm not checking my phone for when they've you know if they've like text me back in a reasonable time sometimes I
00:02:48
Speaker
I can even forget to text them back occasionally.
00:02:51
Speaker
And it just gives you that perspective as well.
00:02:53
Speaker
I mean, when you are, it's almost like a job interview, right?
00:02:57
Speaker
So when, because I've been involved in recruitment before, it's so much easier to see who the top candidate is
00:03:05
Speaker
compared against other candidates because they'll do something that essentially sets them head and shoulders above the rest of them.
00:03:12
Speaker
You know, so it's almost like that.
00:03:16
Speaker
And I just feel it's if you're only seeing the one person, you know, like Ro touched on before, it's easy to get into that scarcity mindset, especially
00:03:27
Speaker
If we sort of agree that, you know, like high value man is rare, I mean, we say rare, but, you know, there's like 7 billion people on the planet.
00:03:35
Speaker
There are a good number of them, even though they're rare at the same time.
00:03:39
Speaker
It stops you getting into that scarcity mindset as well.
00:03:42
Speaker
And also it's fun.
00:03:45
Speaker
It's fun.
00:03:47
Speaker
It's fun.
00:03:47
Speaker
I like the attention.
00:03:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's exactly it.
00:03:50
Speaker
It's fun.
00:03:51
Speaker
If you're doing it right, it's fun.
00:03:52
Speaker
You have to really, you have to be ruthless about your boundaries.
00:03:55
Speaker
And that's why we're so quick to say you need to cut people off because the more you engage with low value men, the more it brings down your energy.
00:04:05
Speaker
And, you know, part of the rotational dating process
00:04:08
Speaker
benefit is that you start to flex that boundary muscle right learning how to say no learning when your energy is being imposed upon by some scrotie type energy because sometimes you just know right you just you can feel when the energy shifts in a conversation and you're like you know i'm not feeling this and if you are you know doing it right you start to know okay i need to end this conversation i need to end this interaction either now or or possibly permanently
00:04:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:36
Speaker
And the other thing about a dating rotation, it makes it much easier to see red flags when they do occur.
00:04:43
Speaker
When you're only seeing one person at a time and you're feeling more invested in that person, it's too easy to look past red flags or rationalize them because you want to keep seeing that person because you don't have anyone else in your rotation.
00:04:56
Speaker
There's no one else on the bench.
00:04:59
Speaker
But when you have more than one guy in your rotation, you...
00:05:05
Speaker
tend to, I don't want to say devalue men, but you don't idealize him.
00:05:11
Speaker
You're less likely to idealize him.
00:05:14
Speaker
And it makes it much easier to walk away at the first sign of disrespect.
00:05:17
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:05:18
Speaker
Like you'll take them off the pedestal.
00:05:19
Speaker
And a lot of women say, oh, you know, I can do all of these things while still dating one person at a time.
00:05:26
Speaker
Like, I just have to be careful about not idealizing them.
00:05:29
Speaker
I just have to do this and this and this and so on.
00:05:32
Speaker
And I almost...
00:05:36
Speaker
I don't understand that because you can't just will yourself to having a different attitude.
00:05:42
Speaker
Like the way that you act when you're dating more than one person at a time and the way that you act when you only have one person in your roster, it literally does affect your attitude and your perception.
00:05:52
Speaker
I think it's unrealistic to say like I can just will myself to have a different perspective.
00:05:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:57
Speaker
Plus, I mean, you just you won't see your full buffet of options, right?
00:06:01
Speaker
If you if you're only dealing with one or two guys, you won't really know what's available
Navigating Dating Experiences
00:06:06
Speaker
out there.
00:06:06
Speaker
And there's there's certain things that, you know, I experienced with one man that I'm like, Oh, okay, from now on, I need this in my relationship.
00:06:14
Speaker
that i may not have known if i had just like been focused on one guy you might have even known that there's guys that will do things that you might might not that you might like but you've never explored your options fully so you don't know it yet it's you know the purpose of rotational dating is also to just kind of understand what things you need and every every guy is going to bring something different to the table even low value men they might have one or two areas where they where you
00:06:38
Speaker
They kind of shine, but like they're just sucky overall.
00:06:40
Speaker
And that's how you get sucked in, right?
00:06:41
Speaker
It's not like they're all the way horrible.
00:06:44
Speaker
There's usually something about them that does attract you to them, but the drawbacks are too large.
00:06:49
Speaker
So I think if you start to understand, okay, what kinds of things do I actually like and what kinds of things are deal breakers?
00:06:55
Speaker
And I think FDS has done its best to try to create a map of what deal breakers should be.
00:07:00
Speaker
Then you can really get closer and closer into understanding the type of guy that's going to make you happy.
00:07:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:07
Speaker
And another objection that's that's related to what you just said there, Ro, is I you know, there's so few high value men out there and I really struggle to meet even one guy who meets all of my standards.
00:07:19
Speaker
And so I don't think they cannot imagine, you know, the possibility of having more than one guy who meets their standards in their dating rotation.
00:07:30
Speaker
And I'm going to be real with you, like when you're in a when you're doing a dating rotation, not all of them are going to be high value men.
00:07:36
Speaker
Even if they seem high value at first, you never know down the line they could be they could turn out to be low value.
00:07:42
Speaker
And that's the point of vetting of incorporating these guys in your dating rotation is they're not all going to be perfect.
00:07:50
Speaker
But sometimes, you know,
00:07:52
Speaker
Sometimes you got to get a bunch of quarters in order to get a dollar, right?
00:07:56
Speaker
In order to have all of your needs met, you just got to get more than one guy.
00:07:59
Speaker
Like sometimes you'll have one guy who meets your need in one area, but you don't see him as husband material for whatever reason, but you enjoy spending time with him right here, right now.
00:08:09
Speaker
you know, why not like go on a few dates and have fun and do fun activities and try new restaurants and so on, right?
00:08:14
Speaker
Like, yeah, just because you don't see this person as your future husband doesn't mean that you can't enjoy each other's company right here, right now.
00:08:24
Speaker
Right.
00:08:24
Speaker
And that's why you're again, your cutoff game has to be ruthless, because if you cease to have fun, don't go out with them.
00:08:28
Speaker
Don't waste your time.
00:08:29
Speaker
That drains you, right?
00:08:30
Speaker
Exactly.
00:08:31
Speaker
I can't tell you how many times I've wasted time.
00:08:33
Speaker
And I'm like, why did I do this?
00:08:34
Speaker
Why did I drive across town?
00:08:36
Speaker
Why, you know, why did I entertain this for much longer than I needed to?
00:08:40
Speaker
You know, if you start to get fiercely protective of your time and energy, then it should, it should be all happy fun times, right?
00:08:48
Speaker
It shouldn't be like a big drain and a big depressing thing to take on.
00:08:52
Speaker
Exactly.
00:08:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:52
Speaker
I think a lot of women imagine a dating rotation and they picture all of their bad past dating experiences and they think, oh,
00:09:01
Speaker
What if I just had instead of one guy treating me like shit, I have like five guys treating me like shit?
00:09:06
Speaker
The key is, is that you only include guys in your dating rotation if you enjoy your time with them.
00:09:12
Speaker
If they make you feel like shit, then you cut them off.
00:09:15
Speaker
You cut them off, like obviously.
00:09:19
Speaker
But yeah, like say there's a guy like...
00:09:22
Speaker
One guy I had in my dating rotation, he was a lot of fun, but he was one of those van lifer guys, right?
00:09:28
Speaker
So he didn't like have a house or anything.
00:09:29
Speaker
He lived in a van.
00:09:30
Speaker
But I got to say, he was a really good travel buddy.
00:09:33
Speaker
We did a lot of fun activities.
00:09:34
Speaker
He lived in a van down by the river, like literally.
00:09:38
Speaker
I mean, he didn't always park it by the river, but like Saturday Night Live.
00:09:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:41
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:09:43
Speaker
Yeah, so I had him in my dating rotation.
00:09:45
Speaker
We saw each other for a few months.
00:09:46
Speaker
And I knew right then and there, like, this guy is not husband material.
00:09:49
Speaker
Like, he's not.
00:09:50
Speaker
He's also just got that, like, nomadic lifestyle that's not a good fit for long-term relationship material.
00:09:59
Speaker
But you know what?
00:10:00
Speaker
Right here, right now, like, it's summertime.
00:10:04
Speaker
You know, it's fun.
00:10:05
Speaker
Like, why not?
00:10:06
Speaker
You go to the beach.
00:10:07
Speaker
You do different activities together.
00:10:10
Speaker
Why not?
00:10:10
Speaker
It's a pleasurable experience.
00:10:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:14
Speaker
Sorry.
00:10:17
Speaker
So the first, your first point was the benefit and then your second point was.
00:10:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:21
Speaker
So we were talking about the benefits of rotational dating and I didn't want to talk about some, like, I think I've already addressed some of the common objections, which is, you know, how do I manage dating rotation when most men are trash?
00:10:33
Speaker
Here's the thing though.
00:10:36
Speaker
With rotational dating, men are always going to be on their best behavior in the first three months.
00:10:41
Speaker
And so even if there's a possibility that he's not going to be as awesome as he was up front, like even if in the future he stopped being that much fun, I say like, why not enjoy those first three months when the guy's on their best behavior, right?
00:10:55
Speaker
Right.
00:10:56
Speaker
Even if he turns out to be low value later on, just exploit their desire to be on their best behavior in those first three months.
00:11:04
Speaker
Yeah, because I see on the subreddit a lot women saying, you know, oh, he could turn out to be low value in the future.
00:11:11
Speaker
So there's no point in seeing him or whenever we have a post in the handbook that's called establishing queen energy from day one.
00:11:19
Speaker
And that post was really a game changer for me and for my approach to dating.
00:11:25
Speaker
And a lot of people almost like critique that post or the idea behind that post, which is if you have to put on this whole front and act a certain way and do all this stuff in order to get a guy to treat you well, when he wouldn't be treating you well if you weren't doing these things, then you don't need a man like that in your life.
00:11:45
Speaker
And it's partially true in the sense that, yeah, you don't want to like marry and have kids with someone like that, where the guy is only good so long as you're putting on this like, you know, ruthless alpha bad bitch demeanor, right?
00:11:58
Speaker
So yeah, he's not husband material, but that's the sort of guy where if you establish queen energy from day one, he knows that he has to work hard to impress you.
00:12:06
Speaker
He's only going to do that for three months.
00:12:07
Speaker
So you may as well enjoy that first three months.
00:12:09
Speaker
And then as soon as he drops the act, that's when you move on.
00:12:13
Speaker
Right.
00:12:13
Speaker
And then, you know, you thank him for the free dinners and then you can go on to Reddit and rage about meeting a girl from free dinner strategy.
Online Dating & Social Strategies
00:12:23
Speaker
It's not even about the free dinners.
00:12:25
Speaker
It's just if the person I'm just kidding, if he's on his best behavior and he's because guys, when they're on their best behavior, they're
00:12:33
Speaker
Guys can be a lot of fun to be around when they're on their best behavior, but not so much when they're not on their best behavior.
00:12:40
Speaker
So may as well enjoy his like desire to impress you.
00:12:43
Speaker
Why not?
00:12:44
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:12:45
Speaker
I see that another, I just want to back up a little bit and explain like my sort of philosophy on like the impermanence of dating or the impermanence of relationships, which is that I see a lot of women saying things like,
00:13:00
Speaker
There's no point in dating men.
00:13:01
Speaker
Like 99% of men are trash.
00:13:03
Speaker
You know, he's just going to leave, you know, we're going to get married, have kids together.
00:13:06
Speaker
He's just going to leave me for his secretary, half his age and so on.
00:13:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:10
Speaker
And while those fears are definitely well-founded and valid, I do just want to say that there is value in, I don't know.
00:13:21
Speaker
My personal opinion is like, even if that man might leave me 10 years from now, so long as your memories with them in the present, you know, during those 10 years are good.
00:13:30
Speaker
then who cares if it's going to end one day?
00:13:32
Speaker
Like, I pretty much don't care if a relationship is going to end someday.
00:13:37
Speaker
But all relationships end, either through death or separation.
00:13:41
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:13:41
Speaker
All relationships end someday through... You're either going to break up or one of you is going to die.
00:13:46
Speaker
Like, all relationships end.
00:13:47
Speaker
And so I ask women out there to look inside of yourself and ask yourself, are my expectations of a forever relationship?
00:13:55
Speaker
Is that serving me?
00:13:56
Speaker
Right?
00:13:57
Speaker
I find too often women go into relationships looking for their soulmate.
00:14:02
Speaker
And if they can't find their soulmate, they think there's no point in dating at all.
00:14:06
Speaker
But it's like, who cares if the relationship ends 10 years from now, if the time that you spend together right now is good.
00:14:13
Speaker
Then again, that brings us back to the current has to be
00:14:17
Speaker
good right you have you have to actually be enjoying your time with that person and so if you're getting married and you don't actually like this person or you don't enjoy spending time with them then yeah like if you break up one day it's gonna suck that much harder because you wasted all this time for nothing right yeah you're not like booed up with one guy and then feel like you invested all this time in a guy that didn't work out
00:14:38
Speaker
In my personal opinion, I don't really care if we're going to break up someday.
00:14:42
Speaker
I'm not really interested in having kids, so that's not really a factor for me.
00:14:47
Speaker
For me, I'm just really about enjoying my present with this person.
00:14:51
Speaker
And the thing is, you have to actually enjoy your time with this person.
00:14:54
Speaker
That's why you have to cut them off with the first sign of disrespect.
00:14:58
Speaker
But you know what?
00:14:58
Speaker
Even if he leaves you in 10 years for his secretary, who cares?
00:15:03
Speaker
If the time that you enjoyed with that person was good...
00:15:06
Speaker
Who cares if it's going to, if they're going to break up with you one day, like all relationships end one way or another, either through death or through separation.
00:15:13
Speaker
That's it.
00:15:14
Speaker
So the next common question we get is how do you find enough men to fill up your scrotation?
00:15:21
Speaker
Because like you said before, there's a lot of men who are low value and, you know,
00:15:26
Speaker
there's a lot of men that are just like flat out a waste of time.
00:15:29
Speaker
How do you find enough men to fill up your scrotation?
00:15:32
Speaker
Where do you meet men?
00:15:34
Speaker
This is where I'm going to mount a defense of online dating.
00:15:38
Speaker
I know online dating is a controversial topic on the subreddit.
00:15:43
Speaker
A lot of women swear off it, say, you know, it's like low value and, you know, yes, the criticisms are valid.
00:15:49
Speaker
I think with online dating, you know,
00:15:52
Speaker
you know, the shit rises to the top.
00:15:53
Speaker
It's really easy to see all the low-value men at the top, which is a blessing and a curse.
00:15:58
Speaker
But anyway, in terms of the rotational dating, I think online dating, because of the sheer number of men on there and the fact that women are...
00:16:10
Speaker
the minority on these apps if you are looking to practice say you know your um you know your dating skills or to meet more men then online dating is a godsend or even you know not even necessarily online dating but online events such as you know meetup for example or um or something like that but just getting online can be a godsend and
00:16:35
Speaker
to if you're looking to meet more men.
00:16:37
Speaker
I think people who dismiss online dating can sometimes forget that not every woman lives in a city or lives in a place where there's hobbies where there are a lot of men.
00:16:48
Speaker
So online dating can be a really, really good way to connect.
00:16:51
Speaker
The only caveat I would say is if you do meet a guy on an online dating app is to do the pre-screening call before you meet and to meet as soon as possible.
00:17:03
Speaker
So don't have
00:17:05
Speaker
um a relationship on tinder for six months like don't be talking to him on tinder for six months like try and meet up to do the pre-screen and to meet up as soon as possible but this is where i think online dating can be a useful tool um for women just to come across more men um ultimately if we if we accept that finding a high value man is rare then um
00:17:31
Speaker
you know, the more men we meet, the more likely we are to come across one.
00:17:35
Speaker
It doesn't make sense to me that the people who say, oh, you know, you know, you know, high value men are so rare, but then they're dating one man a year.
00:17:44
Speaker
I was like, you'll never meet one.
00:17:46
Speaker
And, and the only way to meet a high value man is to put yourself out there.
00:17:52
Speaker
in the dating world.
00:17:53
Speaker
That's not to say that every man is going to be high value, but there is something to be said about numbers.
00:18:01
Speaker
Just the more men you meet, the more likely it is your
00:18:04
Speaker
the more likely it is you'll come across one.
00:18:06
Speaker
It's just mathematics.
00:18:08
Speaker
Yeah, I used to use online dating a lot more pre-FDS.
00:18:12
Speaker
I mean, because I joined FDS around the same time that the pandemic hit.
00:18:17
Speaker
And so I haven't really been that active with online dating.
00:18:22
Speaker
The people that I've been on dates with are people that I know from friends or from friends of family, just because I find it's easier to vet those people.
00:18:32
Speaker
That way I know that they're not like, you know, you can get a sense if I can hear from my friends and family if they're the sort of person who wears a mask or if they're good about, you know, trying to reduce their risk of getting coronavirus.
00:18:46
Speaker
Whereas with online dating, you have no idea what that person is like outside of that date, right?
00:18:53
Speaker
But yeah, online dating is not, I don't think it's the worst.
00:18:58
Speaker
You know, a lot of people say, oh, it's a playground for predators and so on.
00:19:02
Speaker
I've met some pretty good guys on online dating in the past, actually.
00:19:05
Speaker
This is all pre-FDS, right?
00:19:07
Speaker
So my standards are different now.
00:19:10
Speaker
But the way that I managed online dating...
00:19:14
Speaker
before FDS was I'm almost embarrassed to tell this story because it's going to make me sound like a monster.
00:19:21
Speaker
But basically, I would set my location to Alberta and then I would meet guys who worked in the oil fields.
00:19:28
Speaker
This is a very specific dating strategy that's very like Western Canada specific.
00:19:33
Speaker
So I don't think this will have broad appeal.
00:19:37
Speaker
But the reason why I did is because guys who work in the oil fields
00:19:41
Speaker
they're young but they also have money and so if you want to date a guy who has money but isn't an old man that's like a good option yeah i've heard of people doing that there's people that um put different zip codes in their tinder so they can get a different uh type of man yeah like radius of guys yeah absolutely
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah, that's what I would do.
00:20:05
Speaker
Yeah, I would literally, like, because I used to travel a lot, pre-FDS days as well.
00:20:11
Speaker
So I would literally set to a different country and the guys would be like so confused.
00:20:15
Speaker
They'll be like, you're in the UK, why have we matched?
00:20:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:20
Speaker
But it was great.
00:20:20
Speaker
Like, I suppose you can sort of almost manipulate, I guess, the sort of guys that come up in a way.
00:20:28
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:20:29
Speaker
Like, you're located, you know, if you're in a university city, you're more likely to meet guys who are like young and broke.
00:20:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:20:36
Speaker
I lived in a university city and I didn't really like the other guys that were in my age group or in my city.
00:20:42
Speaker
Right.
00:20:44
Speaker
Now, here's the thing.
00:20:45
Speaker
When I floated this idea in the FTS discord, a lot of women were horrified at this idea because they were like, you know, a lot of these guys, they tend to be conservative or they tend to not have the same educational background as me.
00:20:58
Speaker
We don't see the same things like politically.
00:21:00
Speaker
They're usually chauvinistic and so on.
00:21:03
Speaker
And while that is partially true, I have to say that my experience is dating, you know, working class guys.
00:21:10
Speaker
A lot of them were conservative.
00:21:14
Speaker
They were generally pretty wholesome in general.
00:21:17
Speaker
In my personal experience, I can't speak to everyone, but these guys, they were so starved of female affection that they would have no qualms about driving like 16 hours to have a date with me.
00:21:31
Speaker
And I love that.
00:21:31
Speaker
Like, I love that.
00:21:33
Speaker
And so what would happen is they would...
00:21:36
Speaker
basically drive through the night to have a date with me and at the end of the night and oh and here's the other thing a lot of women were concerned that um oh if he's driven that far then he might try to pressure me for sex and while that did happen there were a few guys where after the date they'd be like oh you're gonna come back to my hotel room and i said like no you know it's like i had a great time but you know i don't you know don't want to have sex on the first day some of them did get
00:22:03
Speaker
sort of aggy with me like, you know, oh, I drove 16 hours and I spent all this money and you're just going to like make me waste it, blah, blah, blah.
00:22:10
Speaker
And see, here's the thing.
00:22:11
Speaker
That's when you say no.
00:22:14
Speaker
and then leave.
00:22:15
Speaker
And then you know never to talk to that guy again, right?
00:22:18
Speaker
So if you are afraid of being pressured into having sex on the first date, you know, just that's on you.
00:22:24
Speaker
That's a boundary setting issue.
00:22:26
Speaker
So yeah, but more often than not, surprisingly, the guys would just be like, oh, that's okay.
00:22:31
Speaker
I had a really great time.
00:22:32
Speaker
I hope I get to see you again.
00:22:33
Speaker
Like they're so cute and so wholesome, right?
00:22:35
Speaker
Like they were just so excited to see me.
00:22:38
Speaker
They're just so excited to have a date with a woman.
00:22:40
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, high value versus low value isn't really about income.
00:22:44
Speaker
It's really about their character.
00:22:46
Speaker
And that, I mean, as someone who's dated across income spectrums and education spectrums, who dated working class guys as well as like highly educated guys, it's really a crapshoot.
00:22:57
Speaker
And...
00:22:59
Speaker
There are pros and cons to dating either your type A white-collar workers or blue-collar workers.
00:23:09
Speaker
That's not unusual is what I'm saying.
00:23:11
Speaker
I can co-sign.
00:23:12
Speaker
I've experienced that as well.
00:23:14
Speaker
Exactly.
00:23:15
Speaker
Yeah, there are some really great, decent guys who are...
00:23:18
Speaker
working class.
00:23:19
Speaker
That doesn't mean they're poor because these guys working on the oil fields, they were making like six figures.
00:23:24
Speaker
Um, but they were just, you know, they had a high school education and I was in university and, um,
00:23:31
Speaker
I actually found I had a good time.
00:23:32
Speaker
We would go out on dates and stuff and, you know, some women are like, oh, we'd have nothing in common.
00:23:36
Speaker
We'd have nothing to talk about.
00:23:38
Speaker
You find things to talk about.
00:23:39
Speaker
If you have good enough people skills and especially if they have a good character and they already have that like baseline of respect and like decency, you know, there's no reason why you can't enjoy one another's company.
00:23:50
Speaker
Right.
00:23:50
Speaker
And also, I mean, I'm also low key kind of like a redneck, even though I live in the city.
00:23:55
Speaker
So I mean...
00:23:56
Speaker
We'd like go out sometimes like I dated one guy and we'd go out and like rip around on our dirt bikes and stuff.
00:24:00
Speaker
And so that was like, that was fun.
00:24:02
Speaker
Like we, we did have some things in common.
00:24:04
Speaker
So this might not work for everyone, but it worked for me personally.
00:24:07
Speaker
And the reason why I liked this as a dating strategy is because they were only in town for like one or two weeks every month or every six weeks.
Effective Multi-Dating Practices
00:24:15
Speaker
And so that's how I managed to date like six guys at once, right?
00:24:19
Speaker
Like you would just manage your time.
00:24:21
Speaker
Work.
00:24:21
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:24:22
Speaker
You would, I'd have like six long, long distance boyfriends and they'd only be in town, like not all at the same time, obviously.
00:24:30
Speaker
But every week I had a different boyfriend and they'd come down and we'd go on dates and they'd spend a bunch of money on me and we'd have an awesome time.
00:24:37
Speaker
And you know what?
00:24:37
Speaker
Like they enjoyed it.
00:24:38
Speaker
They were having a good time.
00:24:40
Speaker
They weren't feeling hard done by.
00:24:42
Speaker
And I ended up all of this came to an end when I ended up actually having a relationship with one of them.
00:24:49
Speaker
But he was only in town for like two weeks, every six weeks.
00:24:52
Speaker
So he'd be like two weeks off, six weeks on.
00:24:55
Speaker
And he paid for an apartment for us to live in for us to share.
00:24:58
Speaker
But it was mostly me just living there by myself most of the time, which I loved.
00:25:02
Speaker
And then when he was in town, you know, we'd, you know, he had somewhere to stay that was not a hostel.
00:25:08
Speaker
and not his shitty parents' house.
00:25:10
Speaker
And we had a good time, right?
00:25:12
Speaker
So that's how I've managed a dating rotation in the past.
00:25:14
Speaker
That was a positive online dating experience because I would not have been able to meet these guys were it not for online dating.
00:25:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:21
Speaker
It's just a tool.
00:25:22
Speaker
Exactly.
00:25:23
Speaker
It's a tool in your arsenal.
00:25:25
Speaker
I wouldn't say, and I always, you know, I've said on the Discord as well, I think a hybrid approach is the most optimal if you can stand it.
00:25:34
Speaker
Because I know online dating can be really, it can be really difficult for women, especially if they've just been going through...
00:25:41
Speaker
what's essentially the garbage but I do think some online dating apps are better than others yes I was gonna say that like I've mentioned tinder but tinder I would say is probably the worst of the pack yeah um I've had success on on other sites such as hinge even before I was fds I actually had good success on reddit of all places can you imagine what
00:26:05
Speaker
On Reddit, yeah.
00:26:06
Speaker
When I was like, I think this is when I was about 18 and I just started using Reddit.
00:26:12
Speaker
I actually had decent success on Reddit.
00:26:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:16
Speaker
I had some good success on OKCupid.
00:26:18
Speaker
That seemed to be.
00:26:19
Speaker
Yes, that as well.
00:26:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's how I met all of these guys I met on OKCupid.
00:26:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:24
Speaker
But Tinder is just.
00:26:26
Speaker
Because Tinder doesn't allow you to filter enough.
00:26:28
Speaker
Like it's just whoever.
00:26:29
Speaker
Right.
00:26:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:30
Speaker
And I know they have their algorithm or whatever, but it doesn't make sense to me.
00:26:34
Speaker
And it's just too many men just like looking for poly or clearly looking to cheat or just, yeah, it's just like blatantly.
00:26:43
Speaker
Plus I like OkCupid's questions because then that helps to get to know their attitude a lot better.
00:26:49
Speaker
Yes.
00:26:49
Speaker
Whereas like Tinder, you can literally leave everything blank, right?
00:26:53
Speaker
That just tells you nothing.
00:26:54
Speaker
It's just such a waste of time.
00:26:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:55
Speaker
So I guess, I guess we are saying maybe drop Tinder.
00:27:00
Speaker
Fuck Tinder.
00:27:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:02
Speaker
Yeah, Tinder, I would swear there.
00:27:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:05
Speaker
Guys on Tinder seem to have this attitude, like, if you're on Tinder, that means you have to fuck me on the first date.
00:27:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:12
Speaker
Like, that's their sort of attitude, whereas on OkCupid, it's not a given that it's a hookup app.
00:27:18
Speaker
Like, people are using that with the understanding that they're looking... Or at least some guys will use it to try to hook up, but at least you have the...
00:27:28
Speaker
you know, legitimacy to be like, no, I'm looking for a relationship.
00:27:32
Speaker
They can't just be like, well, why are you on Tinder?
00:27:33
Speaker
Right?
00:27:34
Speaker
Well, Tinder was the first, not the best.
00:27:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:27:38
Speaker
So yeah, finding, so we talked about finding your scrotation online, but what about real life?
00:27:43
Speaker
So I would say for me, I'm a person that like, obviously the pandemic kind of clipped my wings on this, but I actually do like to go out and be social.
00:27:52
Speaker
I would do a lot of like local social events and I'm a pretty,
00:27:56
Speaker
like outgoing extroverted person.
00:27:58
Speaker
So I don't know if this would be the best strategy for people who are more introverted, but for people who are like, who are people people and like to go out and talk to people, I have found like going to events where there's likely to be a lot of men of like, you know, if you're trying to date by either social class, obviously like paid events are going to be a way to weed out guys that are maybe...
00:28:23
Speaker
not doing as well.
00:28:24
Speaker
I don't even know if I want to say it that way.
00:28:27
Speaker
No, that's fair enough.
00:28:29
Speaker
That's fair enough.
00:28:31
Speaker
I also found when I was a student, public lectures were quite a good place to meet people and men as well.
00:28:38
Speaker
Yeah, they still do.
00:28:39
Speaker
There's actually quite a few...
00:28:41
Speaker
There's like a lot of people that do these live talks and they're usually from different authors that have a book out.
00:28:50
Speaker
You can go to those type of events and you'll find people that have a similar interest in any particular author or artist or whatever that you are interested in.
00:29:00
Speaker
Book tours are pretty good.
00:29:03
Speaker
Festivals, gaming nights, festivals.
00:29:06
Speaker
Um, I tried to do some of the meetup, like dating stuff and it's always full of weirdos.
00:29:11
Speaker
Have you ever done meetup?
00:29:13
Speaker
No.
00:29:13
Speaker
I don't know if that's a US thing.
00:29:15
Speaker
So there's, there's a, um, like a social meeting app called meetup.com.
00:29:21
Speaker
I found meetup to be like, not, not bad dudes, but just like very socially awkward guys.
00:29:29
Speaker
So I probably would skip that if you're looking to meet people in real life, but they, they used to have like these, um,
00:29:36
Speaker
these uh like meetups for singles or bar crawls and everything and i didn't particularly like those um but there's also like sports leagues like amateur sports leagues um like there's soccer beach volleyball um and don't worry if you're not that good at athletics like there's there's always like the people that shine but there's a ton of other people that just come to drink afterwards
00:29:59
Speaker
So I think it's just a matter of getting out there, getting active, being active in your community and like practicing your flirting tips.
00:30:07
Speaker
Right.
00:30:07
Speaker
So I know we should do another episode about like flirting specifically, but I think, you know, practicing your people skills, learning to, you know, bridge conversations, you know, if you can find these different niche areas to meet guys, then you can build discrimination that way.
00:30:26
Speaker
I've met a couple of guys at the gym actually.
00:30:29
Speaker
Yeah, I have as well.
00:30:30
Speaker
Here's the thing though, is like meeting men at the gym can be fraught with awkwardness.
00:30:35
Speaker
And I don't like the guys that just like come up and hit on like every girl.
00:30:40
Speaker
What I've done, the two, I've only met two guys at the gym and both in both cases, it's because I go to the gym at the same time every single day.
00:30:47
Speaker
And so I tend to see the same other people because they also go at the same time every day.
00:30:52
Speaker
And so if I see the same guy, we tend to like, if I like him,
00:30:56
Speaker
We'll kind of like look at each other, make eye contact, you know, maybe I'll like go over there and oh, how many sets do you have left?
00:31:02
Speaker
Like, oh, OK, like, you know, that kind of thing.
00:31:05
Speaker
Eventually, you know, we get to talking and they ask about my program and I talk about it and they ask about them and so on.
00:31:11
Speaker
And so it's back and forth and then we exchange numbers like right.
00:31:13
Speaker
So it's about like the repeated.
00:31:17
Speaker
You don't want to just cold approach, right?
00:31:18
Speaker
Like you want to have it be someone you see regularly.
00:31:21
Speaker
And then if you kind of look at each other and there's some maybe mutual attraction there, then you go for it kind of thing.
00:31:27
Speaker
But I would never respond to a guy who was just cold approaching every girl at the gym.
00:31:31
Speaker
Yeah, those guys are creepy.
00:31:32
Speaker
But yeah, if you build familiarity, if you go to the same spots all the time.
00:31:38
Speaker
if you go to the same gym at the same time every day because you usually meet other people who are also like that and that's how you make friends is you just it's just repeat interactions another underrated place uh car shows and sneakers sneaker heads really yeah um car shows you can meet guys a lot of those guys you'll meet guys all over the spectrum they're single guys as well as like you know families but um and i actually like cars that i like to go there um if you're into any type of uh like alternative sports like x games
00:32:08
Speaker
yeah that's also a really great place to meet guys another good place um and i think a place that will likely increase your chances of coming across a high value man it's not a guarantee but it's through volunteering yeah that too um especially for something like a social justice cause or um like a listening like volunteer service i i found at uni it tended to attract people who
00:32:36
Speaker
genuinely cared and who would work really, really hard because your volunteers are not paid.
00:32:40
Speaker
So there's no incentive to actually do a lot.
00:32:44
Speaker
For the intrinsic value, yeah, of doing it.
00:32:47
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:32:48
Speaker
But like the guys who worked really, really hard and really, really cared about their cause, they were always high value men.
00:32:55
Speaker
With that, there's a lot of charity runs.
00:32:57
Speaker
Yes.
00:32:58
Speaker
Like 5Ks and marathons.
00:33:00
Speaker
If you're lucky, there will also be athletic types.
00:33:02
Speaker
So they'll be running for a charity.
00:33:04
Speaker
And so you can meet up doing one of the training sessions if you want to run for one of the, like all the charities have usually have some kind of sponsor team.
00:33:11
Speaker
You can sign up to train with their sponsor team and you'll, you can meet guys who are, you know, I'm running for the American Red Cross and, you know, during training, you'll make friends that way.
00:33:22
Speaker
Definitely.
00:33:23
Speaker
That is a good strategy.
00:33:25
Speaker
And I've met guys, you know, working, volunteering for the SPCA and stuff.
00:33:31
Speaker
Like, I don't know if any of you have ever, like, fostered dogs, but you can meet people from volunteering for animal shelters.
00:33:38
Speaker
However, I will say, beware of the, like, self-righteous, like, liberal virtue signaling guy.
00:33:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:47
Speaker
Because those guys do tend to also get drawn to these causes and they will actually go to these causes specifically to like pick up women, right?
00:33:55
Speaker
A lot of them are like, they're like, basically like soft boys, right?
00:33:58
Speaker
Like fuck boys, but they appeal to your emotions instead of your body.
00:34:03
Speaker
So yeah, you can meet high value men there, but also be aware of that specific type of guy who's pretending to be high value.
00:34:08
Speaker
The smug, porn sick, soft boy, like you said.
00:34:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:11
Speaker
Smug, porn sick, liberal, virtue signaling soft boy.
00:34:15
Speaker
And on the flip side of that, there's also like the uber conservative guys.
00:34:19
Speaker
So you'll find those a lot of times at like the Christian charities.
00:34:22
Speaker
So if you do a Christian charity run, be careful of those guys because those are the guys are like, oh, those poor backwards brown countries don't know what they're doing in life.
00:34:30
Speaker
You know, they have this very condescending...
00:34:34
Speaker
attitude towards people who are like different it's like benevolent racism and benevolent sexism and it can be kind of icky to be around yes benevolent racism oh man i can rant for hours about those like charity like mission mission trips and stuff yeah yeah yeah but that's that's the topic for another video or another podcast yeah
00:34:57
Speaker
But yeah, anyways.
00:34:58
Speaker
So now that we talked about where to find your scrotation, let's talk about some techniques to screen out all the bad guys since we're on the subject.
00:35:08
Speaker
I mean, the thing is, is once you've browsed FDS enough, you'll know what are the bad things to look for.
00:35:14
Speaker
It's just a matter of having the, being committed to the idea of letting go and just cutting them loose as soon as you notice a red flag.
00:35:22
Speaker
Having the guts to follow through on.
00:35:24
Speaker
Having the labia to follow through on your actions.
00:35:27
Speaker
Having to leave.
00:35:29
Speaker
Big ovary energy, yeah.
00:35:31
Speaker
Big ovary energy.
00:35:32
Speaker
You gotta like, you just gotta do it, sis.
00:35:34
Speaker
Like, I know it sucks and sometimes you see, you meet a guy, you know, and I know that feeling.
00:35:39
Speaker
You meet a guy and he ticks all of your boxes and he's like 99% perfect, but then there's just that one thing about him that's just slightly off and it's going on, you know, in the back of your mind you're like, oh, I don't know, but then you're rationalizing it.
00:35:53
Speaker
Don't.
00:35:53
Speaker
Don't fucking rationalize it.
00:35:55
Speaker
It doesn't get better.
00:35:56
Speaker
Yeah, if your gut is telling you no, it won't get better.
00:35:59
Speaker
If anything, it'll get worse.
00:36:00
Speaker
It doesn't get better.
00:36:01
Speaker
It doesn't get better.
00:36:02
Speaker
I've seen this happen to myself, to my friends, where they have that one, almost Achilles heel in the beginning.
00:36:09
Speaker
Oh, you know, it isn't that bad, they tell themselves, or I've told myself, and it gets worse.
00:36:16
Speaker
People don't tend to improve in relationships over time, especially men.
00:36:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:23
Speaker
you sort of have to set that standard at the beginning and learn to trust your intuition.
00:36:27
Speaker
And it's tough because women are socialized to give people the benefit of the doubt.
00:36:31
Speaker
Yes, even when they don't deserve it or haven't earned it.
00:36:34
Speaker
Yeah, and be forgiving and so on.
00:36:36
Speaker
And so don't do that.
00:36:38
Speaker
You really have to.
00:36:39
Speaker
And that's actually another benefit of the scrotation is it...
00:36:43
Speaker
Multi dating, I find, has helped me undo a lot of that socialization.
00:36:48
Speaker
When you get in the habit of saying no to guys, it's like a muscle, right?
00:36:51
Speaker
The more you do it, the easier it becomes.
00:36:54
Speaker
But if you're not used to saying no to men, or if you're not used to cutting men off, the first time you have to do it, it's going to be harder.
00:37:00
Speaker
But the more you do it, the easier it gets.
00:37:02
Speaker
The way no just flies out of my fucking mouth now.
00:37:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:07
Speaker
I don't even think about it.
00:37:08
Speaker
It just chucks itself across my lips.
00:37:10
Speaker
That's how good I am at this point.
00:37:13
Speaker
Yeah, like the first few times I struggled with the whole, you know, dropping guy at the first sign of disrespect because I used to be the sort of person who wanted to rationalize all of a guy's imperfections.
00:37:23
Speaker
And I would be like, well, I'm not perfect either.
00:37:25
Speaker
And so blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:37:26
Speaker
I should give him a chance.
00:37:28
Speaker
And so it's tough the first few times, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
00:37:31
Speaker
And now it's just, I don't even think about it.
00:37:33
Speaker
I don't even feel bad.
00:37:34
Speaker
Just go for it.
00:37:35
Speaker
And another thing too with the pre-screening is you can do a lot of the work, at least for the guys you meet online, by doing the pre-screen.
Setting Boundaries & Managing Dates
00:37:43
Speaker
That's in the FDS handbook where you talk to them on the phone and do some kind of FaceTime, either Skype or iPhone FaceTime, Google Chats, whatever, to get an idea of like – there's certain things that don't translate well.
00:38:05
Speaker
through text that you'll pick up from talking to them face to face.
00:38:10
Speaker
So by talking to them on FaceTime, you can start to notice their mannerisms.
00:38:14
Speaker
You can make sure they look like their picture, you know, look at any tells that might indicate that they're lying, you know, or if, you know, if they can't even be bothered to make sure their background doesn't look disgusting when they FaceTime you.
00:38:26
Speaker
True.
00:38:27
Speaker
That's actually so true.
00:38:28
Speaker
You can tell more from their background.
00:38:30
Speaker
Not more, but you can tell a lot just from their background.
00:38:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:33
Speaker
It's been interesting to watch some of these journalists.
00:38:35
Speaker
This is kind of a side note, but if you've been watching like journalists do a lot of their shows from home, some of them don't bother to clean up their backgrounds.
00:38:42
Speaker
And it's just like, aren't you embarrassed?
00:38:44
Speaker
right now embarrassing very embarrassing is that like a regional accent like what is that from oh it's a meme oh yeah yeah i heard it from like that one tiktok oh i think i know the one you're talking about she's a british girl called um called i think it was like nella rose and she was like are you not embarrassed embarrassing yeah she's like british yeah as an aside
00:39:13
Speaker
Yeah, but also, so yeah, you can do all that, but also like you'll start to see, okay, is there a spark here?
00:39:18
Speaker
Is there a vibe?
00:39:19
Speaker
Is this person boring?
00:39:20
Speaker
Is this person distracted?
00:39:22
Speaker
And then after that, you can decide if you want to go on a full date.
00:39:26
Speaker
And also you can set your boundary, which is like, I expect to be taken on a date.
00:39:30
Speaker
Like we already did our little coffee chat, quote unquote, meetup by doing the Skype thing.
00:39:34
Speaker
So there's no reason to, you know, like try to cheap out the next time we meet in person.
00:39:41
Speaker
And I'd also say the pre-vetting call, don't make it too long.
00:39:45
Speaker
Like don't spend two, three hours talking to them.
00:39:48
Speaker
Yes.
00:39:48
Speaker
Just like schedule it in.
00:39:51
Speaker
Because I always like to say like from a work standpoint, always keep like meetings as short as possible because people tend to default to one hour.
00:40:00
Speaker
oh yes but more often than not you don't need you know it's not going to take an hour so 30 minutes like max you should be able to get a feel of them and that's that but don't spend ages talking to them because some men they'll then see that as the date and then when you ask them or you know when you expect them sorry not even ask them to take you out somewhere nicer they'll just keep you know like
00:40:24
Speaker
low-balling you as well deflecting a lot of guys do that on purpose to create false intimacy yes and so i've met so i've talked to so many of my girlfriends where they're saying like oh my god i talked to this guy for like four hours until like two in the morning and i'm like don't do that don't do that
00:40:43
Speaker
First of all, like, don't stay up past your bedtime.
00:40:45
Speaker
If you normally go to bed at 10 and you talk to a guy at 930 and 10 o'clock rolls around, you go, hey, I work tomorrow.
00:40:52
Speaker
You know, I got to hang up.
00:40:54
Speaker
And if he acts like a little bitch about it, next him.
00:40:57
Speaker
Anyways, most of the time, if he's a good man, he'll respect that.
00:41:00
Speaker
Exactly.
00:41:00
Speaker
So that also, that's your first boundary setting, right?
00:41:03
Speaker
Yeah, it's a matter of boundary setting.
00:41:05
Speaker
That's the first time you set a boundary.
00:41:07
Speaker
Watch how he reacts.
00:41:08
Speaker
Exactly.
00:41:08
Speaker
So that goes to our next point that I think Savannah already touched on is that some people don't like rotational dating because they're like, oh, it's so much time.
00:41:15
Speaker
You know, I'm busy.
00:41:16
Speaker
I have a busy schedule.
00:41:18
Speaker
Again, if you're ruthless with your time and energy, you should be able to pencil it in.
00:41:22
Speaker
And by keeping your date short, especially your screening dates really, really short, you can really get in.
00:41:27
Speaker
I don't know, like, I mean, five, six guys a week if you want to.
00:41:31
Speaker
100%.
00:41:31
Speaker
So what I currently do at the moment is Outlook calendar or Gmail calendar, they get two hours max a week.
00:41:39
Speaker
The ones I like more get longer, the ones I like less get shorter.
00:41:43
Speaker
And that's how I play it.
00:41:45
Speaker
So I'm on different days as well.
00:41:47
Speaker
It's not like two hours in one go, but an hour maybe later.
00:41:50
Speaker
Tuesday, an hour, like Wednesday.
00:41:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's how you can play it.
00:41:56
Speaker
It doesn't have to be.
00:41:57
Speaker
I think when people think of rotational dating, you have to be spending your entire evenings with men.
00:42:03
Speaker
Don't do that.
00:42:04
Speaker
You can, yeah, you can schedule.
00:42:07
Speaker
I mean, a date can still be high effort without it taking the whole evening.
00:42:14
Speaker
And yeah, and I think that also makes you more...
00:42:18
Speaker
it makes them value your time more if they know that you don't have time for them all the time as well.
00:42:25
Speaker
They come correct.
00:42:26
Speaker
Like the guy who gets the most time, he's never been late.
00:42:30
Speaker
For example, if I say, you know, 12 PM and we're in different time zones as well, he's an hour ahead.
00:42:36
Speaker
But if I say 12 PM UK time, because it's on my time, he's there literally at 12 PM.
00:42:41
Speaker
He's literally never been a minute late.
00:42:43
Speaker
And if he is running late, he'll say, I'm going to be 10 minutes late, like 30 minutes before.
00:42:48
Speaker
So they respect your time more as well if you play it that way.
00:42:52
Speaker
Yeah, and that's why the coffee date thing is such a scam too, because especially when it's wintertime, like I don't want to drive across town.
00:42:57
Speaker
Yeah, fuck that.
00:42:58
Speaker
Think about like having to dig your car out and then of the snow and then drive across town to have coffee with somebody.
00:43:04
Speaker
Like I'm not doing that shit.
00:43:06
Speaker
And I don't even drink coffee as well.
00:43:09
Speaker
So this is why coffee dates and drink dates.
00:43:11
Speaker
I don't drink and I don't drink coffee.
00:43:12
Speaker
Right.
00:43:13
Speaker
So having the pre-screen Skype date allows you to like sit in the comfort of your own home.
00:43:21
Speaker
Cut them off when you're realizing the date's not going anywhere and only leave your house for when a guy has demonstrated that he can, one, show you good time, plan a fun date, and also that he's interesting enough and engaging enough for you to want to spend an evening with him.
00:43:38
Speaker
Yes, exactly.
00:43:39
Speaker
The other thing about a pre-vetting call is that it sets the standards for how you expect to be treated.
00:43:43
Speaker
I think I mentioned, you know, establishing queen energy from day one.
00:43:47
Speaker
Day one is the vetting call.
00:43:48
Speaker
Facts.
00:43:49
Speaker
So on to our next subject.
00:43:51
Speaker
So let's say you do meet a decent handful of guys and you start dating them, meaning like going out regularly on dates.
00:43:59
Speaker
How do you de-escalate the situation if they're trying to monopolize more of your time or trying to push for sex?
00:44:08
Speaker
Yeah, that's a good question.
00:44:09
Speaker
And it's one of those things that's going to depend on... It's sort of hard to describe when you're not in the situation.
00:44:18
Speaker
When you're in the situation, it really depends on, like, how... First of all, how pushy is he being?
00:44:23
Speaker
If he's being very pushy, like, very disrespectful, that's when you just basically... You just walk out.
00:44:28
Speaker
You don't even care about trying to be polite.
00:44:32
Speaker
You just say, like... There have been times, actually, where if a guy was being really inappropriate, I just ask him to pull over and I just leave.
00:44:39
Speaker
I'll just pull just like oh could you just pull over here real quick oh yeah okay just like open the door walk away get a taxi home yeah um don't let that guy know where you live definitely but in the moment I don't know there's there's a certain way of communicating where you you just say like oh you at first you'll try to be like indirect like
00:44:59
Speaker
oh, not tonight, or, you know, I had a great time looking forward to seeing you again, something like that.
00:45:05
Speaker
And if he's a decent man, he'll usually get the message.
00:45:07
Speaker
Like, you won't have to say directly, like, I don't fuck on the first date or second date or third date or whatever.
00:45:13
Speaker
A lot of times the guy will just respect that.
00:45:15
Speaker
But if he's not respecting that, like, then that's when you know to move on.
00:45:19
Speaker
How I've played this in the past that I think has been work is I just, like, straight up tell them I like to take things slow and I like a slow escalation.
00:45:29
Speaker
So it kind of sets expectations in the beginning because at some point they'll try to steer the conversation towards sex.
00:45:34
Speaker
Like if you're starting to hang out a lot, you know, you start to ramp up the flirting and you start to ramp up like the, maybe the touching.
00:45:43
Speaker
And then just, I just kind of tell them, you know, I date a lot on here and I don't, you know, I don't know you that well.
00:45:48
Speaker
So I like to make sure that,
00:45:51
Speaker
You know, when I have sex with someone, it means something like it means something to me.
00:45:55
Speaker
So I like to make out or I'll just tell them like, I just like to take things slow.
00:46:01
Speaker
I won't, you know, I just want to kiss or I just want to see how you I just want to see how, you know, you kiss or something like that, like something playful, but also like sets a boundary of what I'm willing to do.
00:46:12
Speaker
Yeah, and if they're a pushy asshole, then they just go.
00:46:15
Speaker
Guys who are pushy for sex and not giving you your boundary, that's a red flag.
00:46:20
Speaker
And that's when you cut those guys off.
00:46:22
Speaker
Because they're not going to, they're probably not even going to be good in bed.
00:46:24
Speaker
They're honestly going to be shitty in bed.
00:46:26
Speaker
Yeah, that's so true.
00:46:26
Speaker
The guys who are the most pushy for sex are usually the worst.
00:46:29
Speaker
Garbage!
00:46:31
Speaker
Garbage and sex.
00:46:34
Speaker
100%.
00:46:34
Speaker
100%.
00:46:35
Speaker
Facts!
00:46:36
Speaker
They got to strong-arm women into it because they know that, like, there's no repeat customers.
00:46:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:41
Speaker
There's no repeat customers.
00:46:42
Speaker
It's one and done.
00:46:43
Speaker
No.
00:46:44
Speaker
That's why they go for the high pressure sales tactics.
00:46:46
Speaker
It's like the same way that a pyramid scheme or a scam works, right?
00:46:50
Speaker
They do the high pressure sales tactics.
00:46:52
Speaker
They want to close the first conversation they have with you because they know that they don't have any repeat customers.
00:46:57
Speaker
Their dick is dry as the Sahara.
00:46:59
Speaker
Yeah, it is really just a matter of like having boundaries and sticking to it.
00:47:02
Speaker
And if a guy isn't respecting your boundaries, that's when you walk.
00:47:05
Speaker
It's really simple.
00:47:06
Speaker
Like, you'll know in the moment.
00:47:09
Speaker
And that's why we say like a lot of women will say like, oh, but what if I don't know in the moment?
00:47:12
Speaker
Or what if I've been in this situation and I've, you know, and I've succumbed to the pressure and so on.
00:47:18
Speaker
Like, the more practice you get saying no, the easier it gets.
00:47:22
Speaker
Yeah, and there's different techniques.
00:47:23
Speaker
I mean, there's the in the moment technique, but there's also like, if you're on the phone and you're flirting, or you're at dinner and you're flirting, like you can tell them prior to you being in the car alone or wherever you are going to be alone, or if you go to his house, which we'll touch on house dates in the next segment.
00:47:41
Speaker
But
00:47:42
Speaker
It's good to bridge that conversation in a place that's more neutral.
00:47:47
Speaker
So, you know, if you're starting to turn up the heat because you like this guy and you want to make it sexual, but just not necessarily right away, then you can be sexy with him, but just state your boundary while you're being sexy with him.
00:48:00
Speaker
Yeah, and that's the thing.
00:48:01
Speaker
When you're stating boundaries, it doesn't have to be like this serious, like dour thing, right?
00:48:06
Speaker
You don't have to be like angrily stating your boundaries, right?
00:48:10
Speaker
There's a certain way of communicating it where it's like playful and still sexy.
00:48:14
Speaker
And that's what I meant earlier when I said like being kind of indirect.
00:48:19
Speaker
Like you don't want to just be like, I don't know.
00:48:22
Speaker
If you are too direct, it'll just come across like socially awkward.
00:48:26
Speaker
There's a certain way and it depends on the guy and on the situation, but there's a certain way of,
00:48:31
Speaker
you know, try to be witty with it, you know?
00:48:32
Speaker
You gotta have both in your tool set because some guys do need that and those guys are low value men.
00:48:37
Speaker
Some guys you gotta straight out be like, you, I don't want to be touched.
00:48:40
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:48:40
Speaker
Like, yeah, but that's what I mean.
00:48:41
Speaker
Like if they don't under, if they don't get the indirect, that's when, or if they're just like bulldozing past your polite attempts, that's when you know, like, okay, fuck this guy and then you move on, right?
00:48:55
Speaker
But if he's a good man, he'll usually get it when you're being playful about it.
00:48:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:59
Speaker
If you're being flirty and setting a boundary, a lot of shitty guys will take that as an invitation to test your boundaries and push.
00:49:05
Speaker
This is what I'm saying.
00:49:06
Speaker
Like, yeah, cut them off.
00:49:07
Speaker
Like if you're play, if you are playful about setting a boundary and the guy pushes you, that's how you know that he doesn't respect boundaries.
00:49:13
Speaker
Like he will see that as a signal to try harder.
00:49:15
Speaker
Yeah, there we go.
00:49:17
Speaker
Whereas if you're playful and friendly about it, in my personal experience, at least like the truly good men will take that at face value and then be like, okay, and like maybe next time kind of thing, right?
00:49:27
Speaker
Exactly.
00:49:27
Speaker
So if he doesn't respect your boundary or if he tries to push more when you're being playful, that is an immediate red flag.
00:49:34
Speaker
And that is, first of all, I guarantee you that sucks will be trash.
00:49:38
Speaker
Like, I can't believe.
00:49:41
Speaker
I can almost bet you, like, those guys who are pushy, the sex is going to be trash.
00:49:46
Speaker
So that is a deal breaker.
00:49:49
Speaker
That's one of our red flags, I think, on the handbook, that guys who are pushy for sex, like, even when you're setting a soft boundary, especially if you're setting a hard... If you set a hard boundary, he's a fucking rapist.
00:50:00
Speaker
Like, run.
00:50:00
Speaker
But a soft boundary... He may not be a full-on rapist, but he could be, like, a coercive rapist, you know?
00:50:07
Speaker
Like, where...
00:50:09
Speaker
He'll just badger a woman into sex and then she just gives in kind of thing because... And that's the energy he's going to take into sex for the rest of your relationship.
00:50:16
Speaker
And that like... And that's going to be a nightmare life.
00:50:19
Speaker
Ugh.
00:50:19
Speaker
That like weird badgering.
00:50:21
Speaker
Like, because it's not seductive either, right?
00:50:24
Speaker
Because think about that.
00:50:25
Speaker
Like, is he trying to seduce you?
00:50:26
Speaker
Is he just trying to like attack you?
00:50:28
Speaker
It's just so, it makes me feel like a cornered rat when men do stuff like that.
00:50:32
Speaker
It doesn't make me feel like sexually attracted to them.
00:50:35
Speaker
It makes me feel threatened.
00:50:36
Speaker
Yeah, it immediately sets me in fight or flight mode.
00:50:39
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:50:40
Speaker
It kills the mood when a guy's being pushy.
00:50:43
Speaker
You know, you go from like fun, flirty, sexy to like, oh God, am I going to get like fucking sexually assaulted right now?
00:50:49
Speaker
Right?
00:50:49
Speaker
Like you immediately kills the mood.
00:50:51
Speaker
So yeah, move on from guys like that for sure.
00:50:53
Speaker
And with that, sometimes we get some confusion about
00:50:57
Speaker
multi-dating where some women think that if you're dating multiple guys you have to be sleeping with multiple guys and friends with benefits is quite a bit different from multi-dating yeah
00:51:07
Speaker
Definitely.
00:51:08
Speaker
The difference between friends with benefits and multi-dating is, first of all, friends with benefits, it's almost more emphasis on the benefits and not the friends.
00:51:20
Speaker
Whereas with casual dating, it's almost like you're actually getting to know the person, not necessarily as a friend, but like as a sexy friend.
00:51:27
Speaker
I don't know.
00:51:28
Speaker
How do you describe it?
00:51:29
Speaker
It's like you actually want to spend time with that person because of that person, as opposed to friends with benefits.
00:51:34
Speaker
You're just a free hooker, pretty much.
00:51:38
Speaker
free low-cost discount rack prostitute yeah free prostitute fp and this is not to drag any like this is not to drag like any woman that's ever been a friend with benefits but that's just the way that men treat it right yeah like when guys approach friends with benefits they think basically are treating you like a masturbatory tool that's exactly it like the men friends with benefits a lot of times the guy doesn't even care about your pleasure i mean i wouldn't know but from what i've heard
00:52:03
Speaker
From what I've heard about other ones talking about friends with benefits, like it sounds like he usually doesn't he's coming there to for his nut and doesn't really care about you that much.
00:52:14
Speaker
Whereas with casual dating, you are actually getting to know one another as people.
00:52:18
Speaker
And at least in theory, if you're doing it right, should get to know and actually
00:52:22
Speaker
care about one another as a person and care about the other person's pleasure when you do eventually have sex.
00:52:27
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:52:29
Speaker
I think, and the other thing too is like, we can do a whole other episode on friends with benefits and why it's a bad idea.
00:52:35
Speaker
But, you know, in order for you to stay emotionally detached from a guy you have sex with, there's got to be something you don't like about him, probably low value.
00:52:45
Speaker
behaviors, right?
00:52:46
Speaker
Like, so having a man around who's not adding to your life in a material way.
00:52:51
Speaker
I mean, it's like Dick is, first of all, Dick is a one and a low value.
00:52:54
Speaker
Vibrators are also very effective.
00:52:56
Speaker
It's almost, it's almost hard for me to believe that the value of having a friends with benefits in your life versus like what we propose as a multi-dating strategy is
00:53:06
Speaker
that the friends with benefits would actually take away from your multi-dating strategy because you would be spending too much time investing even in that low investment relationship.
00:53:16
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:53:17
Speaker
And you still bear all the risks, the physical risks associated to it.
00:53:22
Speaker
For example, STIs, pregnancy, pregnancy,
00:53:25
Speaker
And all that for somebody who has to sort of be low value because you wouldn't want to be friends with benefits with a man who's high value.
00:53:33
Speaker
You'd want him to be your boyfriend.
00:53:35
Speaker
So you have to sort of, yeah, you have to settle for somebody who,
00:53:40
Speaker
And again, the risk of orgasms or the risk of, you know, not having an orgasm is exponentially high.
00:53:46
Speaker
Because even guys have said, like, they won't, like, for example, on, like, Reddit and stuff, they'll say, you know, I don't go down on a girl unless she's my girlfriend.
00:53:54
Speaker
But of course, they'll expect blowjobs from their friends with benefits.
00:53:57
Speaker
But anyway, that's the other side.
00:53:59
Speaker
Yeah, it seems almost like friends with benefits seems to be something that women will settle for when they want that guy to be their boyfriend, but the guy is like a commitment phobe or something.
00:54:10
Speaker
And so, yeah, I don't, I don't, I don't get that.
00:54:15
Speaker
It just sounds like a recipe for heartbreak, you know?
00:54:17
Speaker
And so if you are casual dating, on the other hand, you're meeting this person.
00:54:24
Speaker
The energy is different.
00:54:24
Speaker
When you're casual dating the other person, it's like they're trying to prove themselves.
00:54:28
Speaker
It's like they want you to commit to them.
00:54:30
Speaker
They want you to like them.
00:54:32
Speaker
They're putting effort into impressing you.
00:54:34
Speaker
With friends with benefits, they're not putting effort into impressing you.
00:54:36
Speaker
They're just there to get their dick wet.
00:54:39
Speaker
Like they're just pulling up.
00:54:41
Speaker
I don't know.
00:54:42
Speaker
Another thing, I've heard some people do friends with benefits, like, with an ex.
00:54:46
Speaker
Like, is that a thing where, you know, you break up, but you still want to fuck them sometimes?
00:54:50
Speaker
Yeah, I've been, I've been guilty of that, like prolonging relationships, just out of like habit, after you break up.
00:54:58
Speaker
And sometimes it's just because I like need shit.
00:55:00
Speaker
Like, I know I've asked an ex to help me move.
00:55:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:03
Speaker
and still having sex during that time.
00:55:06
Speaker
I don't know.
00:55:08
Speaker
Oh yeah, that's the other benefit of a dating rotation.
00:55:11
Speaker
Some guys, if I know that they're not husband material, I put them in the manual labor category.
00:55:17
Speaker
And so if I ever need help with landscaping or with moving and stuff like that, more often than not, they'll pull up and be like, yes, I get to prove I'm a big, strong, manly man, pick up heavy things, that kind of shit.
00:55:29
Speaker
And they'll like...
00:55:31
Speaker
they'll ego lift my moving boxes.
00:55:33
Speaker
I don't know.
00:55:34
Speaker
Now I hear you.
00:55:35
Speaker
They're still useful to me.
00:55:37
Speaker
That's adding some value.
00:55:39
Speaker
So win-win.
00:55:40
Speaker
Yeah, they're adding value.
00:55:41
Speaker
They might not be husband-terial, but they're adding value to my life.
00:55:43
Speaker
So that's why I keep around.
00:55:45
Speaker
I don't know.
00:55:46
Speaker
The more I talk about multi-dating, more I sound like a monster.
00:55:48
Speaker
No, why?
00:55:50
Speaker
I don't know.
00:55:50
Speaker
No, you don't.
00:55:51
Speaker
People are going to listen to this and think I'm a sociopath.
00:55:53
Speaker
I mean, to me, there's nothing wrong with that.
00:55:55
Speaker
Like, that's the benefit of doing this strategy.
00:55:57
Speaker
Like, I don't particularly care that men are mad about that.
00:56:00
Speaker
Yeah, like you have one guy who does manual labor, one guy who takes you to cool restaurants, one guy you do adventure stuff with, one guy who does manual labor for you.
00:56:09
Speaker
Like, there's a different guy for each function in your life, right?
00:56:13
Speaker
Like, that's how I approach casual dating.
00:56:17
Speaker
Another thing is like with casual dating, we say on FDS, the man has to be marriage minded.
00:56:22
Speaker
And the reason for that is if the guy is approaching casual dating in a casual way, the woman almost always is going to be left unsatisfied because he's just going to put in less effort.
00:56:32
Speaker
The man needs to be marriage minded, even if you as the woman are not marriage minded, like I'm not marriage minded.
00:56:38
Speaker
I'm not in a rush to get married and have kids.
00:56:39
Speaker
I'm not really into the whole idea of having kids, but dating guys where they want to get married and have kids tends to be a much more beneficial relationship to me.
00:56:49
Speaker
Yeah, because I mean, they're they're working on their relationship skills, right?
00:56:53
Speaker
That's the guy who's actually worked on how to relate to women versus just the other guys who, again, see online dating as a catalog of free prostitutes.
00:57:03
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:57:04
Speaker
Like guys who approach dating in a casual way.
00:57:07
Speaker
That's exactly they see women as a catalog of free prostitutes, guys who approach dating, where they're looking for a relationship, they are going to put more effort into trying to impress you.
00:57:17
Speaker
All right.
00:57:18
Speaker
So let's say you start to zero in on one guy or one or two guys that you're liking.
00:57:25
Speaker
You've been hanging out for a while.
00:57:26
Speaker
Things are starting to escalate to a more sexual level and you want to do a house
Evaluating Relationships & Power Dynamics
00:57:31
Speaker
date.
00:57:31
Speaker
We don't recommend doing any house dates before you've really gotten to the place where you're seriously considering having sex with this guy because once you do a house date, they're going to
00:57:39
Speaker
you're they'll start pressuring for all your interactions to be house days because they'll start to kind of turn up the uh at least the crappy guys will turn up the uh sexual escalation to 11 and uh start pressuring you to do the netflix and chill and then when you're in his house that's when you start to get the real psycho energy come out like i don't know if you guys saw that tiktok that was posted fds a while ago about this guy
00:58:01
Speaker
who was literally screaming at the girl in the background like why did you come over here if you want to have sex you know you'll have to deal with that kind of psychotic energy if you haven't done all the steps that we recommended before so let's say you are ready to go to his house maybe not have sex yet and actually we recommend not having sex the first time you visit his house because what are you doing on that first time judging him
00:58:23
Speaker
Checking out, yeah, vetting him, making sure he doesn't live like a fucking slob.
00:58:28
Speaker
And you also want to make sure that he's not like a mattress surfer as well.
00:58:32
Speaker
You don't want a mattress surfer.
00:58:33
Speaker
Yeah, a guy with a bed frame.
00:58:35
Speaker
I'm really sad that this is a thing that we have to state.
00:58:38
Speaker
I'm actually kind of depressed because why do we have to tell them that you need a bed frame?
00:58:44
Speaker
So let me let me explain actually for people listening.
00:58:47
Speaker
It's because mattresses collect a lot of moisture.
00:58:50
Speaker
So you need a bed frame to allow for air circulation.
00:58:54
Speaker
If you have your mattress directly on the floor, it'll collect mold and mildew.
00:58:57
Speaker
And me because I have asthma.
00:58:59
Speaker
So I'm actually very sensitive to these things.
00:59:01
Speaker
That's why I need to have a bed frame that's pretty high off the ground.
00:59:04
Speaker
And like with fans and stuff to allow air circulation.
00:59:07
Speaker
I'm very sensitive to mold.
00:59:09
Speaker
So yeah, that's why I don't fuck guys who don't have bed frames.
00:59:11
Speaker
A considerate man would never make you fuck in a bed without a bed frame.
00:59:15
Speaker
No.
00:59:16
Speaker
And that shit's gonna move, right?
00:59:18
Speaker
Like, that's the other thing.
00:59:19
Speaker
It's gonna slide around on the floor.
00:59:22
Speaker
Like, you're going to have his bed frame moving across the hardwood floor?
00:59:25
Speaker
Yeah, with the kind of, like, low rent.
00:59:27
Speaker
Yeah, you're a queen, not a trafficked Romanian hooker, okay?
00:59:33
Speaker
Oh, God, yeah.
00:59:35
Speaker
I've actually only ever had sex once.
00:59:37
Speaker
I've only ever had sex once on a mattress on the floor, and that's what it felt like, is I felt like a cheap hooker.
00:59:43
Speaker
And you want to know my clown shit story?
00:59:44
Speaker
I didn't have sex on...
00:59:46
Speaker
on a mattress but like I had he had a bed and everything but he literally bragged to me he was like I really want to downsize my apartment and I was like why and he was like well I just feel like I could get rid of some of my stuff and save space and then he was talking about taking his bed frame out and I'm like if I had come over and you didn't have a bed frame I wouldn't hooked up with you he's like I bet I could have convinced a lot of women to have sex on the floor on the bed on a bed frame list
01:00:11
Speaker
bed on a frameless bed and i should have seen that right there's like testing my boundaries and like this guy was like even though he had a bed frame he was mentally still a frameless man he was mentally a frameless man like he was mentally frameless so that's a red flag some of these guys out here have bed frames but like inside they're they're mentally in their minds and hearts frameless they're mentally frameless that's the thing
01:00:37
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:38
Speaker
That's a thing now.
01:00:39
Speaker
Okay.
01:00:39
Speaker
So that was a red flag.
01:00:41
Speaker
That was a red flag that I ignored in a relationship that I eventually ended.
01:00:45
Speaker
I would literally rather fuck in the forest than fuck on a mattress on the floor.
01:00:50
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:51
Speaker
I'd rather have forest sex than that.
01:00:53
Speaker
yeah same at least you see the night sky yeah i'd rather have sex in a tent while camping than on a mattress on the floor it's just a totally different thing i any any man that would even ask that of you is low value even if he has a bed frame if he even gets an attitude about you like saying i would never fuck on a frameless bed dump his ass trust me i know this from experience
01:01:16
Speaker
remember a while back there's there's a bunch of guys posting pictures of their bed frames and they were like well at least now i can date someone from fds like it's become a meme where i only fuck guys with bed frames and wash your pillows and the guys have internalized that and they're like oh shit suddenly why do we have to tell you these things imagine after this episode gets posted like sales of bed frames go shoot through the roof
01:01:42
Speaker
I swear to God, if you sell bed frames and you want to advertise on our show, we will read your shit.
01:01:49
Speaker
Let us know.
01:01:50
Speaker
Maybe we'll get like, I don't know, a sponsorship from like a bed company.
01:01:55
Speaker
I'm going to send an email to Helix Mattresses and be like, yeah, I've got an episode for you.
01:02:01
Speaker
Shaming men until basic household care.
01:02:04
Speaker
Basically, you go to a guy's house.
01:02:06
Speaker
to judge him to see how does he live because a man's home is a reflection of his soul
01:02:16
Speaker
It's messy.
01:02:16
Speaker
If it's dirty, his soul is messy and dirty.
01:02:20
Speaker
And the other thing is, it will be the cleanest it will ever be on the first date.
01:02:25
Speaker
If you go there and it's dirty, it's not like he's going to suddenly start giving a shit after you've been dating him a while.
01:02:30
Speaker
Like, it's never going to get better than that.
01:02:32
Speaker
So, oh, here's another thing.
01:02:34
Speaker
Check the toilet.
01:02:35
Speaker
See, if he really, really cares about you, he will wipe the dust and stuff around the bottom of the toilet.
01:02:41
Speaker
If he doesn't do that, he doesn't care about you.
01:02:43
Speaker
And there won't be any skid marks.
01:02:45
Speaker
Yeah, there won't be any freaking brown skid marks on the toilet seat.
01:02:48
Speaker
And there'll be extra toilet paper rolls and there'll be a little trash can for you to throw out your tampons.
01:02:52
Speaker
Yeah, if he cares about you, he'll do these things.
01:02:55
Speaker
And here's the thing, like Gail Dimes mentioned, you know, you got to find a guy that's, you know, mostly good and then you got to sort of train him up.
01:03:04
Speaker
If he doesn't currently have a trash can and you ask him to get a trash can and if he does it, that's a good sign.
01:03:10
Speaker
But if you want a trash can and he makes a big fuss out of it, that's a deal breaker.
01:03:16
Speaker
Swipe left.
01:03:17
Speaker
I mean, again, in college, I don't know how these guys make it to adulthood and don't know that women have periods or maybe they just don't have sisters and they've never been around women that had periods.
01:03:27
Speaker
But I had a guy make a big deal that I left a pad rolled up in the bottom of
01:03:32
Speaker
of his trash can in the bathroom.
01:03:35
Speaker
And he was like, well, I put my shaving in there.
01:03:37
Speaker
And I'm like, okay, it's trash.
01:03:40
Speaker
So take the bag out and then like throw the whole thing in the dumpster.
01:03:44
Speaker
But they were like really, really upset that like when they, when I guess his roommate, like this is back in college when his roommate like took out the trash, he could see the pad at like the bottom
01:03:54
Speaker
of the trash bag and it was a clear trash bag i'm like okay so just throw it out like what are you freaking out about i don't know yeah that's a low maturity like if a guy gets grossed out by periods and stuff like imagine what it's going to be like to be in a relationship with him like once a month every week like for one full week every month he's just gonna be like ew like and grossed out by you like no that's not long-term relationship material
01:04:17
Speaker
Right.
01:04:18
Speaker
And so to cap off this episode, a final, I guess, point in favour of multi-dating is the concept of you're single until you're married.
01:04:30
Speaker
This is a concept that is spoken about on the subreddit, but essentially it is
01:04:36
Speaker
It centres around the idea that if a man really wants to make you exclusive to only him, he should marry you because that is the highest form of commitment.
01:04:49
Speaker
And whether you believe in marriage from a religious standpoint or not...
01:04:55
Speaker
That is a fair argument because marriage gives you all sorts of legal protections that cohabiting doesn't.
01:05:01
Speaker
But anyway, this has been, and actually my aunt, like story time, she actually had three boyfriends for several years.
01:05:12
Speaker
And they all knew about each other.
01:05:14
Speaker
So she multi-dated quite intimately for several years.
01:05:18
Speaker
And she used to tell me to, you know, always have... I remember when she told me actually the first time, I looked at her like she was crazy because I was like, how can you have all that time for, you know, for three boyfriends?
01:05:31
Speaker
But she did anyway.
01:05:32
Speaker
And she was only sleeping with one of them as well.
01:05:35
Speaker
And that was the one that eventually...
01:05:37
Speaker
came to be her husband.
01:05:39
Speaker
But yeah, she multi-dated until she got married to the one that she wanted.
01:05:47
Speaker
And the funny thing was, they all seemed to eat out of her hand as well.
01:05:52
Speaker
Queen.
01:05:52
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing.
01:05:53
Speaker
When you multi-date, your attitude changes and men will eat out of your hand.
01:05:57
Speaker
It is like magic.
01:05:59
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I aspire to be like her.
01:06:02
Speaker
They still took her out on dates.
01:06:04
Speaker
They still, like, it wasn't, they didn't treat her any less than a girlfriend.
01:06:10
Speaker
And I guarantee, I think she was like their only girlfriend, but she had three of them on the go who all knew about each other.
01:06:19
Speaker
Oh, they all knew about each other.
01:06:20
Speaker
Nice.
01:06:21
Speaker
So yeah, more power to you.
01:06:23
Speaker
It's an alpha move there.
01:06:24
Speaker
Yeah, they knew about each other.
01:06:26
Speaker
Your aunt is an alpha bitch.
01:06:28
Speaker
I love that.
01:06:29
Speaker
I mean that in the most loving way.
01:06:30
Speaker
Sorry.
01:06:33
Speaker
Mad respect.
01:06:34
Speaker
Thanks.
01:06:34
Speaker
But I wanted to say one last thing about the idea that a lot of women seem to have that you can get the same benefits from multi-dating by just acting as though you're multi-dating when you're not actually multi-dating.
01:06:46
Speaker
And I said earlier, you can't just will yourself to have a different perspective.
01:06:50
Speaker
And the main reason for that is because whether we like it or not, or whether we agree with it or not, in dating, whoever is the less interested party has the more power.
01:07:01
Speaker
And women enter the dating world already at a disadvantage because women are socialized since we're very young to think that marriage and marriage
01:07:09
Speaker
having kids and so on is the most important thing.
01:07:10
Speaker
So women are socialized to be more invested in relationships than men.
01:07:14
Speaker
And men are taught that relationships aren't that important for them and that all they need to do is get laid.
01:07:19
Speaker
That's what we're socialized to believe.
01:07:21
Speaker
So because women are already at a disadvantage in the dating world, because we're told to be more invested,
01:07:27
Speaker
that gives us less power, the way to counteract that socialization is to essentially multi-date.
01:07:33
Speaker
That's the fix for that sort of part of our socialization and will help you be less invested in these relationships and help you reclaim that power.
01:07:41
Speaker
Good deal.
Conclusion & Engagement
01:07:42
Speaker
All right.
01:07:42
Speaker
So that's our show.
01:07:43
Speaker
Please check out our Twitter at femdatstrat as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy and submit your roast to scrote in your nasa so we can read it on the air as well as our website, the female dating strategy.com.
01:07:57
Speaker
Thanks for listening, Queens.
01:07:59
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, get a fucking bed frame.
01:08:03
Speaker
Dime bad.
01:08:07
Speaker
See you next week.
01:08:08
Speaker
Bye guys.
01:08:08
Speaker
Bye.