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Nervous System Regulation & Shifting Your Money Mindset w/ Mary Hyatt
153 Plays1 year ago
Want to make 2024 the year you become your most abundant self? Tune in to hear holistic life & business coach, hypnotic guided meditation teacher and my dear friend Mary Hyatt discuss the topics of money, money mindset, how we hold on to those limiting beliefs in our bodies.
We chat:
- How does fear of money show up in our body? And how do we move through it?
- The one practice that changed Mary’s life
- A short & simple exercise to tune into your body
- How limiting beliefs impact your body
- What it looks like to make our bodies feel safe to receive
- How to prime your body to receive more money
MAKE THAT MONEY HONEY
ENROLL TODAY: https://www.tiffanynapper.com/mtmh
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Transcript
Introduction to 'This or More' Podcast
00:00:00
Speaker
trying to test us, challenge accepted. We will deliver. Welcome to This or More, a wild entrepreneurial podcast adventure for bold and brave creatives like you. I'm Tiffany Napper, your host, holistic business coach, corporate music industry dropout, a seasoned five-time multi-six figure entrepreneur, yoga instructor, and your go-to gal for heart-to-heart coffee chats.
00:00:25
Speaker
On this show, we're not just here to share stories. We're here to ignite a fire within you and make you realize that the reality you envision is just the tip of the iceberg. You're wildly capable of achieving that reality and so much more. So my friends, grab your cup of inspiration, settle in, and let's dive into another inspiring episode of This or More.
00:00:48
Speaker
Hi Mary, I am so thrilled to have you on the podcast with me today. I am so excited to be here and honestly cannot wait to dive into this topic. It's going to be, do you see? I already know it. Me too. Me too. So you and I met because I attended one of your workshops. Gosh, it could have been 2022 for all I know. I don't remember. Yeah, it was 2022. You're right.
00:01:13
Speaker
Yeah. And I attended one of your workshops actually because one of my clients was going, she was coming to Nashville to attend and told me that she wanted to see me while she was here. And I was like, well, what are you coming for? And she told me, and I was like, well, that sounds fun. I'll go with you. And then I got there and I met you and I was like, Oh, we're going to be friends. And I love that. I love when that happens where you like instantly connect with somebody and you're like, all right, you're my people. We're going to, this is good. So then we had some dinners and,
00:01:42
Speaker
The rest is history, but I'm excited to bring you on officially and introduce you to even more of my friends and audience.
Introducing Mary, the Mindset Coach
00:01:48
Speaker
And we're going to dive really deep into the topic of money and our money mindset and how we hold on to some of those limiting beliefs in our bodies specifically, because that is something you're so, so, so well versed in. So you are a holistic life and business mindset coach.
00:02:05
Speaker
and a hypnotic guided meditation teacher amongst so many other really cool things. I would love for you to just introduce yourself. Tell everyone a little bit about who you are and the incredible work that you do. Yeah, so I love all things holistic, body, somatic, whether that's breath work, meditation, yoga, but infuse that into my coaching process with my one-on-one clients.
00:02:33
Speaker
And I work specifically with high achieving female entrepreneurs, like everybody here listening, that is really committed to creating an amazing life, but is coming up against their limiting beliefs, their core wounds. And what I love about my approach and why I geek out about this work is because I've had to do it myself.
00:02:58
Speaker
And I think it's really common that what we end up teaching is because we've had some version of a need for the very thing that we now teach. It's like, I'll speak for myself. My wounding, my trauma has really ended up becoming my medicine for others. So I have dealt with really intensive
00:03:24
Speaker
hatred for my body, very, very strong nervous system, dysregulation, extreme anxiety and panic attacks, all kind of from trauma. And so I had to go on a long journey of figuring out how to heal myself.
Mary's Healing Journey and Coaching Approach
00:03:40
Speaker
And so now I get to help clients do the same and really get to the core, get to the root of what is causing this misalignment in their lives. So yeah, it's a fun, deep, rewarding job that I get to do. Yeah.
00:03:54
Speaker
And I couldn't agree more. Absolutely everything I teach is the same. It's because I've been there done that, right? I mean, I hope that that's how every teacher approaches things. Like we don't have a math teacher who's teaching us math and never learned math, right? So it's the same, but it is so rewarding when you get to the other side of it and you feel like now you have the lessons and the tools to teach someone else and help them cross that bridge as well. And I can't wait. We're going to dive a little bit into,
00:04:23
Speaker
some of your money mindset limiting beliefs that you've healed and I'll share some of mine as well. But, but specifically what I love about your approach is that you do such deep work about this, you know, our nervous system regulation and the body and not, we don't have to go too far down this path, but your, your
00:04:42
Speaker
journey and your story is really remarkable and it's really impactful and I think it gives people a really good understanding of when you say you've been there, done that, really understand what that looks like. So can you take us back? It's a beautiful story that you did share in that workshop, but can you just take us back to that moment when you realized I'm really unhealthy and I'm really unhappy and this is how this is playing out in my life?
00:05:09
Speaker
Yes. Yes. And I think it is helpful to hear this because it helps us all not feel so alone. Like, Oh my gosh, she gets it. And that's part of our healing journey is knowing that we're not alone. So if we were to rewind the clock about, Oh my gosh, at this point, it's probably been about 15 years. Um, you would have met a very different version of me, one that was in her twenties, one that was newly married.
00:05:37
Speaker
And to make it a brief story, I ended up unknowingly walking into a marriage where my ex-husband now, but his nephew was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer at the age of two. And I and my ex-husband became the primary caretakers of our nephew.
00:05:59
Speaker
And because his dad was in the military and wasn't able to be there to take care of him and their mom had two other kids and was about an hour away from the hospital that was just down the street from where we lived. So we walked through two years with this sweet little boy that was something that I was not prepared for as a 21 year old, newly married, clueless, didn't have a lot of life experience and was already prone to a lot of anxiety.
00:06:25
Speaker
Um thrown into a role that I had no tools or skill set to cope with or to manage and Sadly my nephew lost his life at four years old And I I mean I I had no idea how to handle that I had been in therapy ever since I was like 13 years old, but I didn't understand How to complete that stress cycle how to manage that level of grief how to manage um
00:06:55
Speaker
being in a relationship and not feeling connected with my partner to know how to process that together and move through it together. And it was very isolating. And so I coped in the best way that I knew, which was drinking, eating. And through that process, I developed endometriosis on immune disorder.
00:07:16
Speaker
And started taking a lot of pain medication. That was at the time where they prescribed it like candy. And so I was on that every month. I was on all kinds of medications to manage my symptoms and gained about 80 pounds, was having panic attacks on the reg ended up getting on anti-anxiety, anti-depression medicine. That just kind of zoned me out, made me like a zombie. Yeah.
00:07:44
Speaker
was at this point where I wanted nothing to do with my body. Because inside of my body was all of this trauma, all of this sadness, all of this anger, confusion. And so I thought unconsciously, let me disassociate from all this pain that I'm experiencing, the discomfort that I'm feeling. And I thought that was working. It was like, OK, I'm not feeling this pain. I was numbing and checking out. And yet eventually that caught up to me.
00:08:13
Speaker
And I had to really face my own demons, whether it was from wanting to take my own life, to cheating on my husband three times, to becoming very addicted to the medication I was on, and hating my body so bad that I wanted to end my life. So I had a moment, a wake up call,
00:08:37
Speaker
where I had to make that crucial decision of, am I going to fight for the light? Or am I, you know, gonna just be done, give up completely? And thank God, my future self said, no girl, like we, there is a life to live. There is something more out there for you. There's more to life than this. Keep fighting. And
00:09:03
Speaker
I'm just so grateful for my future self who had that insight, that intuition and wisdom to know that there was a life worth living. And I went to work. I went to Mary's self-discovery school and I started reading every book I could grab my hands on. I started seeing different types of counselors, but the thing that made the biggest difference for me was walking into a yoga studio
00:09:32
Speaker
at a very large in a very large body before it was acceptable or welcomed to have plus size women in the yoga studio. This was like pre body positivity. And I decided after that that
Exploring the Role of Yoga in Healing
00:09:46
Speaker
this was this was the thing that I needed and ended up going to
00:09:51
Speaker
yoga teacher training at the heaviest that I had ever been, the sickest that I had ever been and committed myself to this incredible journey and was able to, through the process of somatic work, using yoga, using breath work, using movement, using sound, using a lot of emotional metabolizing that I was able to heal my body. And I am always on this journey. I mean, this is, you know,
00:10:19
Speaker
It never ends. But the trauma that I had dealt with, I was able to really move through and move it out to my body. And now I get to teach this stuff. So that's a short version of a lifelong journey. Yeah. And it's so remarkable, the work that you did. And we'll dive a little deeper because I don't want to gloss over how much effort is required to get yourself out of that.
00:10:47
Speaker
you know, that whole, if you will, is a way we often refer to that, right? And I, you know, this is probably why you and I, I quickly was like, you're my people, because I also use yoga teacher training to heal myself overcoming pretty severe burnout and workaholic nature, my workaholic nature and tendencies.
00:11:06
Speaker
And so, you know, really getting, and I talk a lot, I talk to a lot of people. In fact, I just had lunch two days ago with someone who was like, yoga changed my life and yoga saved me. And we say this and I don't ever want it to sound flippant or like there aren't other ways, but truly like yoga is so powerful because it does require us to slow down and it does require us to really heal our body and really become aware of everything going on internally and externally with the body.
00:11:34
Speaker
I love, I love that for both you and I, yoga was really like the path forward. Absolutely. And it's, it's really powerful. Like you said, it's not the only modality, but I think the reason that it works is because when we're talking about healing, what the body is holding that frozen tension inside, there are certain ways that we can do that to help find an internal sense of safety and regulate our nervous systems. And I mentioned those briefly a second ago, but that's breath.
00:12:04
Speaker
movement, sound, and through tears. And so yoga really creates the perfect environment to attune to the body, giving you that, that pause between something happening really hard in your life and before you respond, like that pause between the stimulus and the response and notice like, Oh, I'm breathing.
00:12:28
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, this is what's going in my body. I'm feeling pain here. And that awareness of what's going on and then moving through it, through breath movement, sound and tears is, I mean, so incredibly powerful. So whether it's yoga, whether it's another modality like the class or Koya, or, you know, there's so many different modalities. Yoga though is
00:12:52
Speaker
It's hard to beat. Okay. This is a great, uh, I think this sets us up to, to dive in. Let's dive in a little bit into the, we're going to talk about nervous system emulation. We're going to talk about money mindset, but first I really want to get clear for anyone listening. If you've never ever been asked to feel something in your body, I want you to explain what that means because I remember to be honest, not that many years ago when I was sitting in a,
00:13:19
Speaker
kind of a very specific type of therapy, so not talk therapy. And she would ask me, where do I feel it in my body? And at first I was like, well, I don't know, you know? And so for anyone listening, can you kind of explain what that means when we talk about, when you talk about feeling something in your body, noticing something in your body? Yeah, absolutely. So
00:13:45
Speaker
It really is not complicated. We can kind of come up with a little bit of challenge in that we're just not practiced in it. We've never been taught how to feel our bodies. And so we have to take the stance, number one, of gentleness.
00:14:00
Speaker
because it's not something that you might instantly feel like you're good at or that you can get to. Sometimes it takes a while to wake up the body again. So I always say, let's start with gentleness. And then we want to take the role of the observer. So we want to sort of take ourselves outside of ourselves and observe the conversation that our body is having, which is different than language, than words, than vocabulary. So our thoughts
00:14:30
Speaker
are a certain kind of language, right? There's words, there's sentences, there's grammar, there's all of that. The body's language is a little bit more nebulous. It is sensation based. And if you've ever been to therapy,
00:14:46
Speaker
you kind of know that one of the first things that your therapist usually helps you with is identifying your emotions. And she may, he may offer you a list of like, here's your emotional vocabulary. And it goes beyond just, I feel sad or mad or anxious, right? It's like, oh my God, there's so many ways to describe my emotional state. Same goes for the body. So the language of the body is sensation-based and that can be texture,
00:15:13
Speaker
It can be size. It can be frequency or vibration. It can be pain. It can be weight. It could be temperature. It could be pace. So is it OK if I just walk us through a really quick process of this? Because I feel like it's better to do it than talk about it. So if you're listening and if you're not driving, take a moment to close your eyes
00:15:41
Speaker
And let's just take a deep breath together in through the nose, nice and slow. And then exhale through the mouth with a nice big sigh. Inhale through the nose. Exhale with a sigh. One more breath like this and nice and slow through the nose.
00:16:09
Speaker
And then nice, slow exhale through the mouth. And then allowing yourself to find a place of stillness. So just quieting the mind and dropping below the shoulders into the body. And just take a moment to observe your body.
00:16:39
Speaker
You might notice some external sensations like your clothes resting against your skin. You might notice where your legs meet the chair or your back is supported by the chair. Maybe your feet are touching the ground. So just notice that. There's nothing to do other than witness and observe.
00:17:08
Speaker
without any judgment, without any need for making it good or bad, or just noticing what is, how your body is right here, right now. And then moving from the external sensations, let's gently move into our internal sensations. For a moment, just noticing what you feel inside as a sensation. See if you can pick up on just one thing
00:17:39
Speaker
It could be even as simple as your heart beating. It could be tightness in your shoulders. It could be a weight on your shoulders, fluttering or vibration in the belly. And again, just observing.
00:18:02
Speaker
Nothing to do here, nothing to fix, nothing to change, just acknowledging what you feel from the inside out. And just kind of name it, like, oh, there's a tightness in my heart, or I feel a lump in my throat, or it feels like an elephant is on my shoulders, or my jaw is tight. Just name it, just notice it.
00:18:32
Speaker
And then take in a deep breath into the nose. And exhale through the mouth once again. You can slowly come back, gently fluttering the eyelids open. So simple, just easy awareness of noticing the sensation that is present within our
Body Awareness and Mind-Body Alignment
00:18:58
Speaker
bodies. That is a source of communication.
00:19:04
Speaker
We rarely tune into and yet is full of wisdom. It is its own language with its own intuition, its own wisdom that's so helpful when we start paying attention to it more. Yeah. So good and so powerful.
00:19:23
Speaker
you know, especially maybe, you know, I can only speak to the world I'm familiar with and I live in, but here in the United States of America, just don't know that this is something that we are taught attention to.
00:19:37
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, when I get on the call with my one-on-one clients, every session begins with one of these exercises. We slow down and we get into the heart. We get into the body first before we start strategizing with the mind or creating a plan or setting goals or making these declarations. It's like, let's feel into our bodies.
00:20:00
Speaker
and start to process what it is that we want, what we want to create in our businesses and our lives from the body first, and then the mind second, which is very opposite than what our Western culture teaches. In fact, the body is completely disregarded most of the time. It's all mind, but the mind is tricky. The mind is full of old programs,
00:20:24
Speaker
stories, fears, limiting beliefs, traumas. It is not a great, reliable source, and we can get trapped in that looping so quickly over analyzing all that kind of stuff that can put you on the sidelines and make you want to give up and feel like
00:20:44
Speaker
you're a worthless piece of you know what, you know, but the body isn't in that conversation. And so it's a much more reliable source of guidance than our mind. So body first, mind second is how I like to describe it. I love that. And as we know, and if you're listening, and you've never heard this before, do a little Google search on it and do some reading on it. But as we know, our mind believes what we tell it.
00:21:12
Speaker
And we don't always come to the table with the best or as you mentioned, most accurate information, right? So what I love that we're gonna dive into a little bit more is now we're gonna talk about how do we take the limiting beliefs in our mind and the things we're telling ourselves and the language of our body and the knowledge and the wisdom as you so eloquently put it that our body holds. And then we merge these together to come up with
00:21:40
Speaker
not only a more true narrative, but something that really propels us forward in a better way, right? So I'm personally on a mission to help 10,000 creative women make six figures with their businesses in the next three years. It's a staggering statistic, like 88% of women never even reach six figures. And I just think it shouldn't be that way. And I believe in the power that comes when more women have more money in their hands, because I know how much good we can do, right?
00:22:08
Speaker
But I know that in order to get there, it's not just about strategies. It's not just about being good at what you do. It's also about summary programming that needs to take place. And we've got to give ourselves the tools, mind, body and soul tools on how to welcome in more abundance. So that being said, let's chat a little bit about
00:22:28
Speaker
how some of those limiting beliefs, stress, anxiety around money play a part in our body and then how we can work through some of that. So maybe give us an example. What's a limiting belief you've experienced or you've witnessed someone and then how did they hold onto that in their body maybe, or how did we move through that by acknowledging their body? Yeah. Can I back up before I answer that real quick? Because I think what an important piece to this is
00:22:54
Speaker
When we talk about the body, we're talking about our nervous system.
Understanding Limiting Beliefs about Money
00:22:58
Speaker
And our nervous system is like a giant tuning fork that has its own magnetic field, its own resonance. And we've heard through law of attraction or things like this that we can attract the frequency that we're putting out.
00:23:16
Speaker
So the universe doesn't care if our goal looks really good on paper. Like hearing you say your goal of impacting all of these women, that sounds so amazing and so powerful and so beautiful. And like, you know, hello, like that's an incredible goal. And it's like, how does that feel within your body?
00:23:41
Speaker
Because the universe is picking up on our nervous system, not what's written on paper, right? So if there's conflict between the two, like if I say, I want to earn six figures this year, or I want to bring on X amount of clients that pay me
00:23:57
Speaker
XB, whatever it is. And you're like, okay, that sounds like a great goal to have. And your body has a physiological response that is not expansive, not magnetic, not allowing opening, let it all come in. And instead it contracts and it tightens.
00:24:20
Speaker
and the shoulders slump. It's like how magnetic, how attracting, how welcoming do you think that your body or physiology is to bringing in more money? Right. Not very. Not very. You know, it's like, I want this. I want this. I want this. Don't give it to me. Don't give it to me. And that's because our nervous system, all it cares about is safety.
00:24:47
Speaker
It wants to feel safe. And most people do not feel safe around having more money. In fact, it's actually really threatening. And this is where our limiting beliefs come in. Yeah. So for me, back in the day, before I was making the money that I'm making now and starting on this journey, I had a real deep seated belief that if I were to make money,
00:25:16
Speaker
it would somehow take away from somebody else being able to make money. Like then there was this finite amount of money available on this planet and it's like a pie. And if I were to take some out, it would leave others without.
00:25:32
Speaker
And I'm an Enneagram too. I love loving on people. And I'm like, I don't like this setup. Other people need it more than me. And I kind of went through this whole, felt really noble, this whole conversation around privilege, around not needing as much. I'm fine without. I drove an old car. I had an old phone. I never upgraded anything. Because I just thought, it's fine. I'm fine with less.
00:26:01
Speaker
I'm fine with the old model. Like it's cool. Like I'm easy, you know? Right. Like try to be symbolic. Yeah. 100%. And there was, you know, some pride around that, but underneath it was fear. Yeah.
00:26:16
Speaker
Underneath it was, I'm not comfortable with that sum. I'm not comfortable holding that much power. Money and power and sex are very, in religion, are very intertwined. Yes, they are. So if you find yourself coming up against some limiting beliefs around money, chances are it's tied to your higher power.
00:26:41
Speaker
to your position in power, especially for women in their patriarchal society and to sex. So it's convoluted and it's interesting, but ultimately it wasn't safe for me to make money. So I started acting and choosing behaviors and orchestrating my life around not needing much.
00:27:05
Speaker
The results of my life was that I didn't make very much money. I drove an old beat up car. I had an old phone that didn't really work and my bank account had a lot of debt. So we have to start looking at like, okay, what's below this? What's the resistance that's coming up in relationship to me saying on paper, I want more?
00:27:30
Speaker
and really getting into some of that, the underbelly of those limiting beliefs. I'll pause there and we can. Yeah, no, it's great because I, you know, yeah, this is why I think this conversation is so important for us to have because I've shared my story. If you haven't listened, go back and listen to more Cheetos, please. That's the title of the episode.
00:27:51
Speaker
But I shared my story of limiting belief around money that I really got serious about looking square in the eyes and deciding I no longer wanted it to be my story around 2016, 2017. And mine was that money was hard to make because I witnessed my parents kind of struggle. And the only time I ever heard my mom and dad argue would be after mom had taken us back to school shopping. And my dad, I could hear my mom and dad kind of arguing and bickering in the bedroom
00:28:21
Speaker
probably about how much money my mom spent, right? We didn't come from a lot of money. And so I think I took that on as, oh no, money is finite. There's not enough of it. It's going to be hard to make. You've got to be very frugal. You've got it. And my dad was very frugal.
00:28:38
Speaker
And and it's admirable to a degree right and then it holds you back So I think this is why it's so important for us all to hear that It doesn't really matter where you come from how you grew up what your beliefs were But what you experienced as a young child is going to have a very large impact on how you approach money and abundance and wealth
00:28:58
Speaker
and whether you think it's a good or a bad feeling or a good or a bad thing. And so just recognizing that we all have our own limiting beliefs around money because we're all human. And then how do we process it and what does it look like to move through that? Yeah. And I just think that, like what you did identifying your money legacy.
00:29:20
Speaker
your, and I don't mean like what you're going to leave. I just mean like what you came from, how your father looked at money, how your mother looked at money, how did their parents, you know, we, we are in the age group where our grandparents were depression.
00:29:35
Speaker
And so there was a sense of lack. That's in our DNA. That has been passed down. The study of epigenetics shows that we carry those experiences in our DNA that our ancestors have had. So it may not even be real life in this life.
00:29:53
Speaker
It's like our own personal firsthand experience, but it's what we've witnessed. It's the culture we grew up around. I know that, again, religion can play a big part in this. People with a lot of money are bad. They're power hungry. They're self-centered. There can be a lot of that. Certainly issues around women and money. One of the processes that I take my clients through, I'm sure you do a version of this as well,
00:30:19
Speaker
is looking at what is that legacy? Like what was my dad's definition of success? What was my mom's definition of success? What were the roles that they played? How much money were they comfortable making? Did they have debt? How did they feel about debt? Did they tithe? Was there an altruistic part to their finances? And so we can start to make up the picture as we go sort of exploring
00:30:47
Speaker
what part is ours with swimmer lineage and go, ooh, yeah, that hits. I know that because it tightens in my body. I know that because I start getting a little panicky. I'm seeing that play out in my own life in this way. Every time I think about looking at my numbers,
00:31:08
Speaker
I avoid like I had a client yesterday and she, she was like, I need to get a hold on my finances this year and really know what my money is doing. And she's been able to be very successful without knowing her numbers. That was me. It's gotten to the point where that is, it's not going to fly anymore, but she's like an ostrich with her head in the sand. She's like, I don't want to look at my bank account. I avoided it all costs because she's afraid it's worse.
00:31:37
Speaker
then she knows and it's going to say something about her. She has a story running that she's bad with money and that if it's bad, if it's worse than she thought, it will be her fault.
00:31:51
Speaker
Yeah. And the failure will be on her, right? So we kind of have to follow that thread, but identifying that legacy, identifying our money story is a good place to start to see like, what is running? What's the story running inside of me and my nervous system that's different than my best goals, my amazingly written out, you know, smarter goals. It's like, no, what's the story going on in the body as opposed to our desires and our wants?
00:32:17
Speaker
1000% yeah, and so what we're trying to get to eventually obviously is a place where This all syncs up right the mind and the body it all it's all telling the same story We're moving in lockstep together. So One of the things that I did and I've shared a lot about this was there were actual physical things that I started doing on a regular repeat basis You start to kind of trick myself into believing that money was easy and that I was good with that
00:32:48
Speaker
And so one of these things was deciding that money was like Cheetos, right? Cheetos, you walk into a gas station, you see Cheetos, you go to Target, you see Cheetos, they're everywhere. And it was just such a, not just neutral, but also kind of silly thing to compare money to. It's just an energetic thing, just like money, right? So that was something that I did to really like disarm myself from the seriousness that I was approaching money
00:33:16
Speaker
the way in which I was approaching money. But what I love and what is really like even deeper here we're chatting about is how our previous stories, DNA, real lived experiences with our parents or our caretakers or significant others or whatever, really does impact our ability to receive and our capacity to receive. So I would love to, let's walk through that because it's so important that what we're doing obviously is we're
00:33:45
Speaker
kind of getting to this point where we're trying to tell our body that it's safe to receive more, it's safe to want more, and it's safe to receive more, right? Yeah. So when we're thinking about this, and I love, one time I heard someone say it this way, and she was like, it's good things don't always feel good. That was it. Good things don't always feel good. In the beginning, right, if we're comfortable with something different,
00:34:08
Speaker
and different feels scary in our body or different feels unsafe in our body. Good things don't always feel good. So when we're talking about expanding our capacity to receive and making it feel good, making good things feel good, do you have any questions that we could kind of sit and ask ourselves to say, what does it look like to make our bodies feel safe again in receiving?
00:34:32
Speaker
Two things are coming to mind. The first is in order to create more expansion in the body, we have to emotionally energetically detox first or emotionally metabolize some of what is coming up in resistance. So that's kind of like a precursor to that in a way, because if I say like, I want to make six figures this year, I'm going to make six figures doing XYZ.
00:34:59
Speaker
And we can go, okay, what does that feel like in my body? Like I'm gonna really slow down with this process and check in like, okay, it sounds good up here, but how does my body receiving that? And if you feel that kind of resistance, that tightening, that clenching, that holding, that bracing, that like, oh no, nausea, like, okay, it sounds good, but that actually scares me. What that's showing us is that we're outside, too far outside of our
00:35:29
Speaker
They call it the window of tolerance or this conversation we can say our comfort zone. And getting outside of your comfort zone is good, but not too far out. If we're too far out and it creates a fight-flight response or a freeze, a shut down response, then we know that we've exited what we can kind of hold.
00:35:53
Speaker
We're outside of our capacity to manage that discomfort. And we've entered into this place where we go into survival mode, right? The sympathetic nervous system kicks on and fight, flight, freeze, or fight, fight, flight, or freeze, or fawn. And so what's really important to notice is if we're in that
Somatic Techniques for Financial Growth
00:36:13
Speaker
yellow, orange, red zone,
00:36:16
Speaker
not in our safety green zone, then we've got to address that activation inside of our bodies to create space so that we can feel safer as we exit that comfort zone a little bit. And this is where somatic practices, this is where embodiment work comes into play, the breath, the movement, the sound,
00:36:40
Speaker
or crying and actually complete the emotional stress cycle and move it out of our bodies. Because what we want to do typically is we go, here's my goal. I'm feeling discomfort in my body. It's starting to rise. And I'll do anything to hurry up and bury that. Stuff it. Numb it out. So I'll distract myself. I'll start.
00:37:03
Speaker
hyper controlling. I will start eating. I will start getting on social media. I have all these ways to manage the discomfort. If we don't manage that, we can never get through to the relief part where we have more agency to then
00:37:17
Speaker
look at the world like Cheetos, seeing all these opportunities, really being able to make choices that align with that new belief. So we have to emotionally discharge first before we can go, now, how do I make this feel safe within my body, this new belief that I have? How do I create safety around it? So the first piece is eliminating that frozen tension in our body, creating space, and then actively working on how can I feel safe inside of my body?
00:37:46
Speaker
when I think about making six figures. So that could be thinking six figures, thinking myself making it, and then using our body, this is a little somatic technique, and swaying, side to side, left to right. And that creates a bilateral movement and regulates our nervous system. So when I think about, I can think about my goal, and this is gonna create a sense of safety. I could also start breathing really deeply as I do this.
00:38:15
Speaker
Using sound as I exhale, like we did earlier. And then finding a still point and going, where can I find stability in my body? That's a good question to ask yourself. Where can I find stability in my body right now? Right now, yeah.
00:38:37
Speaker
You might still feel nauseous, you might still feel anxious, but where can I find a little point? It can be as small as your pinky nail or a tiny little spot, like where is one point of stability? And notice what the sensation of stability feels like in the body. And we start pairing.
00:38:54
Speaker
our desired outcome, our goals that we're setting financially with stability. We're linking those up together. We're like marrying them. We're rewiring a new physical sensation to the thought, you know, it's safe to make six figures this year or whatever it may be. So emotionally discharged first and then link up physiological safety to this new goal belief around money.
00:39:24
Speaker
Yeah, that's so good. Now is the perfect time to hydrate or take a quick sip of your latte while I tell you about a tool that can help you on your journey.
Stepping Outside Comfort Zones
00:39:34
Speaker
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00:39:42
Speaker
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00:39:59
Speaker
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00:40:23
Speaker
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00:40:48
Speaker
M-T-M-H. Gain more confidence, more leads, and more money with my resources, support, and 30-day action plan. Let's make that money, honey. Welcome back. I'm so glad you're still here with us. It's your host and coach Tiffany. Let's continue.
00:41:05
Speaker
You know, I chat a lot about the stair a lot, the stair-step approach of setting goals, right? Because of what you're just saying right there. I don't know that I fully knew all of the nuances behind it. Maybe I learned it long ago and I forgot some of those details, but you know, if it, if you set a goal and I say, I'm going to make a million dollars this year and I haven't even hit six figures yet, my body is probably going to have a hard time getting behind that idea. And when your body and your mind can't get behind it, that,
00:41:35
Speaker
plays out in the actions that you take, right? Subconsciously or consciously. So I love what you're saying is like, don't get too far outside of the comfort zone. Be careful. Notice if you're maybe in that red zone, but yellow is good, right? Like we want to get a little uncomfortable. Yeah. Well, yeah. Cause that's, that's how we expand, right? Like if we are totally in green and I say the goal is not to be in green all the time. The goal is flexibility.
00:42:04
Speaker
being able to move from green into yellow, even to orange, come back to green. A little bit more into the yellow, come back to green, right? We're titrating into different expansive frequencies and then coming back to where it feels safe, not just throwing yourselves in the deep end and going like, ah, this is so far from where I am. Like there's no way. And all the alarm bells start kicking up. It's like, no, like what is that? Just enough outside, but then I go, okay.
00:42:32
Speaker
I can do that. Let's do that. And then that becomes, like you said, the stair step of building on that. And then, oh my gosh, you know, fast forward two years down the road, here you are at that original goal that you wanted. Right. Yeah, it's beautiful. So this is, this, these are great tips. If you're listening on, you know, what it looks like to truly start to expand your capacity to receive and sink that, that ability, that literal ability for you to receive, to sync that up with your, with
00:43:02
Speaker
the thoughts in your head of wanting to receive more. Well, and I would even say like pretty much all the time, we're going to have some feelings around money. And so where we think, okay, let's start with this big thing called money. Sometimes we only have to go like jump into that. We can start somewhere that's easier. So if I want to build my capacity to receive more money, to be more magnetic, to more abundance,
00:43:29
Speaker
I can practice the emotion, the physical sensations, the frequency of receiving, not even tied to money. So one way that I would say is to look at your life and ask yourself, is there some place that's just easy for me to receive?
00:43:46
Speaker
Like, I don't know. I mean, it could be something as simple as like, I have no problem with people bringing me my groceries on Instacart. I have no feelings of guilt towards that. I love it. I'm so grateful. It's awesome. Yeah. Awesome. Focus on one thing where you go, it's easy for me to receive here and notice how that feels within the body.
00:44:04
Speaker
We're starting to build this somatic blueprint for ourselves to really go, oh, this is what receiving feels like, looks like, the resonance of receiving. Okay. Because it has actually nothing to do with money, nothing to do with success, nothing to do with the car, nothing to do with the love of our life, nothing to do with anything that we say we want. It's about holding the resonance.
00:44:27
Speaker
of receptivity. And so when we can become like our nervous systems become that tuning fork of receptivity, oh my gosh, limitless possibilities. We're like game on, let's go. So I can practice that without even attaching it to a dollar amount, without even attaching it to a more fixed income, but just focusing on how does receiving feel in my body? I'm going to start with an area that feels easy.
00:44:52
Speaker
I'm going to practice that emotion, that feeling inside. I would practice a meditation or practice anything that I do on a regular basis. I want to practice getting into the embodiment, the full physiological embodiment of receptivity. I want to walk around in that energy. I want to meet my friends in that energy. I want to meet life in that energy. I want to be a
00:45:16
Speaker
beacon of receptivity and just fully embody that. I've been doing this exercise around being in my power and it's like, okay, what does being in my power feel like in my body? Yeah. Can I walk around? I don't even have to say hi to anybody, connect with anybody. I just want to practice walking being in my power.
00:45:38
Speaker
Yeah. And it's amazing. Just like, okay, I'm becoming that tuning fork. Like that sends out an energetic, energetic signal. So if it feels overwhelming to start with all your limiting beliefs, all the things around money, start with where do I feel receptive now? And how can I build on that feeling and sensation? I love that strategy and that approach. And I think, yeah, if you're listening, like just find one thing in your life where
00:46:05
Speaker
you are able to receive and with no guilt, with no, you know, and ideally an area where like, even if it's like, I love it when a stranger like locks eyes and smiles with me, right? And how does that make me feel? And then if I can notice how it makes me feel. So now I can kind of, what I'm, what I really want to do is I want to be able to summon that feeling on command, right? Like I want to feel that. And then I'll walk around in my world and I kind of habit stack that feeling with everything else that I'm doing.
00:46:35
Speaker
And before you know it, you just feel that way without really having to think about it. And that's what all of this is about. So I love the practice of if it feels too hard or a little bit too much in your red zone to start with money, then start with something that does feel easy and just tap into the body. Just get that feeling ingrained in you so that you can carry it around and be that. I love that. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. So good.
00:47:05
Speaker
Okay, we're covering so much and it's such a it's a topic that I think we could just like probably talk about for a long long time Yeah, but if someone is listening and let's say they're you know, they're they're finding this is something I come across a lot So I'm curious what your thoughts are hearing and maybe you've heard of the term upper limit and I wonder if it's a little bit of that But if you if you're if someone's listening and I like well, I I get money, but then the moment I get it it's gone again
00:47:34
Speaker
Like I can't seem to hold on to money. Is there anything that we could share with them? A thought, a feeling, a practice that might help them work through if they're noticing that happening a lot in their lives?
Exploring Personal Money Stories
00:47:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:50
Speaker
This is where I would say to slow down, to get curious. And I love the energy of curiosity because it takes away this feeling of like, oh, we're bad. We're just like, we're bad with money or we get it, we lose it. Or, oh my God, I make all this money and I'm living paycheck to paycheck still, like what is going on? And we can bring that shame to ourselves and feel like, man, I must just be awful at this.
00:48:16
Speaker
And that's not helpful. That keeps us stuck in disempowering beliefs about ourselves, judgments about ourselves. So if we can shift into curiosity.
00:48:27
Speaker
And just be like, this is so interesting that every time I seem to get money, I end up blowing it. I end up spending it, or I end up giving it away. Or like there's many ways to spend your money. And so starting off with, let's just get clear on what the pattern is first and foremost. Like when I get money, when it comes in, here's what I do. I want to observe my behaviors, my patterns without judgment.
00:48:53
Speaker
without feeling like I've got to assign meaning to it or hurry up and fix it. All I want to do is get curious and almost like if somebody else were to look into my life and see it from a bird's eye view, see it from a little bit more perspective and I can go like, oh yeah, every time you do this thing or every time you date somebody, here's your pattern of money. You start spending it. This is, hello, my story.
00:49:18
Speaker
You start spending on them. You start buying them things. You want to make them feel comfortable. I'm like an overgiver. I can be too generous to a fault. And so I've had to do a lot of work around that. And I want to get curious about that. I want to see what is the patterning and look at, OK, what is, if that's the action, if that's my behavior, then what is driving that need to spend what is coming in? There is below the surface a core belief
00:49:45
Speaker
a thought around that having more money, having money just sit in my bank account and not spending it. There's some discomfort around seeing money in my bank account, having it there, having the responsibility of it, holding on to it. So we want to see if this were a behavior that stemmed from some sort of unconscious fear, part of me that was trying to help me feel safer,
00:50:11
Speaker
protective part that was helping me kind of like in a roundabout dysfunctional way, maybe. What could that be? What's below the surface? And again, we're just trying to excavate. We're trying to be curious. And so I think it actually is pretty clear pretty quickly. Most times when you slow down, it's like, Oh, this is what that's about. Okay. Yeah. That came from XYZ, whatever. So good. Yeah. I think,
00:50:40
Speaker
what I've noticed time and time again is sometimes and just some basic if you're listening and you know just if that if this helps you I'm just going to throw a few out that may or may not be relevant to you but common things that I've heard commonly is the root of it becomes I don't I don't feel I don't feel confident that I can handle more money I won't know what to do with this money I don't trust myself with having more money that comes up a lot and I think
00:51:09
Speaker
especially because I primarily work with women and as women in our generation, we haven't always been responsible for the money. And so there comes this like, again, if we go into our DNA, right? This attachment of an idea to the fact that we're not capable and it's just not true, but we have to unlearn that. So there could be a myriad of things going on. Yeah. And I'll kind of throw in another one. I think it's huge is
00:51:35
Speaker
like not feeling safe having that money because it may require other people to become dependent upon us and we don't have that responsibility. People will start coming out of the woodwork asking us for money. As women, it can feel unsafe to have a dynamic in a relationship where we make more than our partners. And culturally that may not be acceptable for how we were raised.
00:52:01
Speaker
our parents could judge us. It's like, in some ways it makes us, uh, could make us too visible and that visibility maybe feels really vulnerable again, not safe. And so there's a lot around, again, this link between being a woman and having power, having money and, and, and elements of that, just not feeling safe at all. 1000%. Yeah. Gosh, there's so, yeah. One of my favorite exercises that I started doing and that I now do with some of my clients is we
00:52:30
Speaker
We pretend like you already have that much money in your bank account, whatever that number is, 500,000, 600,000, a million, whatever it is. And then we spend it. Line by line. We spend it. Where's it going to go? And what's beautiful about that is typically with the woman, it's like, I want to pay my parents mortgage off. There's always all these beautiful altruistic things that come up. But part of that usually is like,
00:52:54
Speaker
and I'm going to give some money to a financial advisor. I'm going to invest this for my future savings, for my children, for my wealth, for their school, whatever. But when we sit down and we actually spend it, it disempowers the money a little bit and it puts the power back into your hands to realize, oh wait, I actually do know what I would do if I had that much money. And I know I would be really smart with it and I would be really generous with it and it would be beautiful. Yeah, and it's like the beautiful thing about
00:53:23
Speaker
admitting that we are human is that we don't have to know at all. I have plenty of times where I'm like, when I got divorced, my husband was the person who took care of our finances, did a terrible job, we were in tons of debt, and I was made to believe that I was stupid with money. He didn't want me around it. In reality, he wasn't great at managing it, so he didn't want me in his business. Turns out, I'm phenomenal at managing money, but I had to learn.
00:53:50
Speaker
So one of the things that I had to do was hire some people that could help me understand like, Oh my gosh, I, I don't know how to pay my taxes. I don't know how to pay my XYZ bills. Like I felt so clueless and thank God there are other people that could teach me. I could learn like learning how to feel confident around your finances is a learnable skill.
00:54:19
Speaker
And so what I love about that is like, Oh, I can admit that like, I don't know somebody else does. I can find the right people to help me feel more confident. And then as a by-product, now I feel insanely confident. Right. And that's the best feeling in the world. Right. And that's so funny because it's like, it's that whole thing where we say the best way to
00:54:42
Speaker
get confident or is to take the
Neutrality and Empowerment in Handling Money
00:54:46
Speaker
action. The competence doesn't come first. You have to do the thing. It's the same way with money. There's this synergetic thing where we want the money to feel neutral. And I want you to feel empowered to learn how to handle your money. And when you are more empowered and you know how to handle your money, money will become more neutral. The things go hand in hand that one doesn't come first and then the next follows.
00:55:12
Speaker
Yeah. I love, I love that point of neutrality. It's like, to me, there's so much liberation in that because
00:55:21
Speaker
It gives me this openness to money is going to flow in and it's going to flow out. And it's energy. And it needs to be like a current. It needs to move. It needs to move into my bank account. It needs to move out of my bank account. I want that river to be ever flowing and not stagnant and not stuck. And the way to surrender into that is that place of neutrality is being like, it's not good or bad. Money is just energy. Like we don't even operate.
00:55:49
Speaker
on a gold standard anymore. Like money literally is a number on a screen. I know. It literally is. I mean, really and truly think about this for a second. Somebody prints it on a machine and then it circulates into our world. Like that whole money doesn't grow on trees thing is actually not true. Money is paper. And then we circulate it amongst one another. It's that simple.
00:56:17
Speaker
Yeah, it's it's like, when I kind of got into that, I'd be like, Oh my gosh, all my stuff is around my own attachments, my own fears, my own anxieties, my own stories, my own legacy with money, like, none of it's really real. Now, it might feel real in my body. And I need to address that, right? I need to move through that. But if I can tell my mind, like this is
00:56:44
Speaker
This is not real. I get to attach whatever I want to it. I get to believe whatever I want to it. There is limitless ways I can relate to money. How do I want to relate? What do I want my relationship to money to feel like in my body? When I think about it?
00:57:00
Speaker
When I talk about it, when I think about bringing on new clients, bringing new customers, how do I want that to feel within my body? I want that to light me up. I want that to feel expansive, energetic, magnetic. It's like, OK, great. Now I can have a point that I'm working towards that I can practice using my body to get myself there. And then it's like, wow, what an incredible relationship. I can give. I can receive.
00:57:29
Speaker
I can enjoy it. I can find pleasure with it, but it was never about the money in the first place. No, no. And, and I think that's just such a beautiful, we'll probably land here because I hope I feel it in my soul as we're, as Mary and I talk about it, I hope
Concluding Thoughts on Money Relationships
00:57:45
Speaker
you're hearing from two women who at one point in time had not healthy relationships with money. And now I love money and I love talking about money.
00:57:57
Speaker
And I love being that mirror for you, where you can look at a woman who has no qualms about talking about wanting more money and wanting you to have more money. And it really and truly feels good in my body. It feels like, you know, pleasurable for me to think and talk about money. And I think that's when you start to really feel the power and the energy of what this can be.
00:58:23
Speaker
Yes. And I say all the time, like when people are like, Oh wow, that's really expensive. Or like, Oh, that's a lot of money for XYZ. I always say it was a good thing. I'm rich. Like I just like, I proclaim that like over and over again, it's like become a joke in my family. Like, well, Mary would say it's a good thing. She's rich, you know? And it's like, I was saying that before I was on paper, rich. Um, cause I was like, that's an energy. That's a frequency. That is a vibration. That is a tuning fork of like.
00:58:53
Speaker
Yes. I love money and money loves me. Yeah. Yeah. And if you see something out in the world, I mean, this is another just super easy exercise and I did it before I bought my, my car. Um, but I would see the vehicle that I wanted and I'd be like, that's for me. That's for me. Not like, Oh man, I'm so jealous. Oh man. That person, I wonder what that, no, I'd be like, that's for me. And so if there's anything in the world, our relationship,
00:59:18
Speaker
a paycheck, a car, a house, anything that you see and you feel in your body, you're like, oh, I want that. I have a desire for that. What if you shift it to saying, that's for me, knowing that it's for you and it will be yours and just see, it's not always going to feel good at first and it's not going to feel real at first. And you're like, I'm tricking myself. That's what I want you to do. I want you to trick yourself so well that eventually you fully buy into it and it's yours. Love that so much. So good.
00:59:48
Speaker
Yes. Good. Good. Good. Awesome. Okay. Well, as I mentioned, I feel like we can talk about this topic forever and ever. I believe in it. I think it's such a powerful and important discussion for us to be having. So thank you for coming on and sharing.
01:00:01
Speaker
So generously some of your modalities and your practices and just your insight on this topic. I really appreciate it. Thank you so much for having me. I love this conversation and feel just honored to get to talk about this so we can, as women, like move into our power, move into abundance, move into more magnetism. It's like, this is collective work. So thank you for having me be a part of it. Yeah, absolutely. Okay. Tell everybody, where can we find you so they can follow along?
01:00:29
Speaker
Yeah. So just go to my website. You'll find all of my resources there, maryhiatt.com. I'm super active on Instagram. You can always reach out and connect to me, but that's the best place to inquire about my coaching, to look at my group programs, maryhiatt.com. Love it. And we'll put it all in the show notes down below. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Let's grab dinner soon. Let's do it. Okay. Awesome.