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How to Fall In Love with Your Inner Babe with Jacq Gould
94 Plays6 months ago
From model to successful business owner, in this episode Jacq Gould shares her story coming home to herself and her mission to inspire women to find your inner babe.
We chat:
- Who is "your inner babe?"
- The growing pains that come from going from a small business to a mid-size business
- One key phrase that will help you any time you get caught in a negative thought loop
- Burnout & how to protect yourself during heavy seasons
- How to navigate comparison online
- Key lessons around the art of quitting or pivoting
- Jacq’s favorite way to cultivate self-love
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Transcript
Introduction to 'This or More'
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome to This or More, a wild entrepreneurial podcast adventure for bold and brave creatives like you. I'm Tiffany Napper, your host, holistic business coach, corporate music industry dropout, a seasoned five-time multi-six figure entrepreneur, yoga instructor, and your go-to gal for heart-to-heart coffee chats. On this show, we're not just here to share stories. We're here to ignite a fire within you and make you realize that the reality you envision is just the tip of the iceberg. You're wildly capable of achieving that reality and so much more. So my friends, grab your cup of inspiration, settle in, and let's dive into another inspiring episode of This or More.
Jacqueline Gold's Journey Begins
00:00:45
Speaker
Hi there, I'm joined today by Jacqueline Gold, or as most of us know her as, Jack. She's a self-connection specialist and founder of Your Inner Babe, and she is igniting raw, real, powerful conversations about self-love and self-worth. She's on a mission to transform the way women of all ages feel about themselves from the inside out. I'm so excited to dive into what it really looks like to come home to yourself and to overcome the self-doubt that we all experience at times. This is a juicy conversation. So without further ado, welcome to the show. Oh my God, thank you for having me. I'm so excited to be here.
00:01:23
Speaker
I know. I'm so excited as well. I was remembering you were a guest coach inside my Up Leveler Society membership years ago. I want to say probably 2021, which is crazy. What is time? Literally, I think about that all the time. i'm like it I just blinked. We were talking about July at this point. like It's just crazy. it's It's wild. I my joke this morning, I had a breakfast um date with a client. And my joke was her with her because we're recording this in mid June. And my joke with her was that I went to go get dressed. And I don't know what I was thinking, obviously, just like a total lapse in judgment. But I went to go get dressed. And I was like, Oh, I'll wear this cute little like leather skirt that I never wear. And then I was like, Tiffany, it is June.
00:02:10
Speaker
leathers may be not the best option. That's a bad idea. But I just was a reality check out in my mind. I thought surely it's still spring right? yeah it's not in No. oh Definitely June. Definitely too hot for leather. Definitely too high. I'm so glad I noticed it before I left the house. That would have been great. I mean, listen, people would have been like, wow, good for her. She's brave. Yeah. She really went there. She's brave. Yeah. Well, speaking of time, I want to go back in time a little bit. I want to talk about the foundation and the in the beginnings of you starting your inner bay, which was in 2017. But before we even go there,
00:02:47
Speaker
What I love so much about your company is kind of what it stands for. So will you tell everybody like, let's start with who is your inner babe? I love that question. So your inner babe, wow. You, your intro was so beautiful and it's, it's thinking about time and thinking about when I came in to your course back in the day, like so much has changed. Um, but your inner babe is, is a community. It's a space where you can. where you were guaranteed to continue to feel seen and continue to feel supported. You're no longer feeling alone and feeling and feeling isolated and feeling like you're in this or on this journey by yourself. um For me, I battled an eating disorder all throughout my younger years, high school, college, hit my rock bottom when I was a junior, and I ended up going to an outpatient program, got amazing clinical help, and I would leave that therapeutic setting, and I just still felt
00:03:42
Speaker
like alone. I felt there wasn't that person or that space, that system that could really hold me accountable and help me get to this this place that I knew I was deserving of being at. And so when I started Your Honor Babe, I set out on this mission to reach as many women as I could to really heal your relationship with you, but in a container that you feel safe doing so. um And so I do that like in groups because your inner babe is seen a lot of the time through the lens of other people's healing. And you know it's just a really unique, I think, to be able to come to something and and think you're the only one moving through what you're moving through, but then realizing, oh, no, no, I'm not. I'm so not alone.
00:04:29
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not at all. Yeah. And I think, and we're going to dive into this a little bit, but I think if I had to sum up, like what I've seen you create is really just this trust that like you are your own inner babe, obviously, and, and, and cultivating the, not just trust and self-confidence, obviously, but really deeply at the core of it. I think it's getting down to like, how do I really fall in love with myself? Yeah. And. I think at the, so you asked me what is your inner babe? And I didn't even really answer that. Your inner babe is yourself, right? Your true essence, your most authentic you, you at your purest, most unstoried version. yeah And I believe that confidence is rooted in self-trust.
00:05:15
Speaker
I think that the more trusting we are of who we are, the more confident we are in that person. And um our inner babe is is the version of us who we trust wholeheartedly, no questions asked, the the part of us that we know we can rely on and hang on. And um I think that comes from making promises and keeping those promises, and they could be really small. And they start really small, right? Yeah. And the more you trust, the more confidence you have, the more it's easy to access that love, that self-love. Right. Right.
From Modeling to Empowerment
00:05:49
Speaker
Yeah. And then, of course, the actions start to become bolder and easier a little bit as well. Totally. I love all of that. Yeah. Talk to me about, so let's go back to 2017, and what was happening in your life when you were like, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to start this company, and it's going to be called Your Inner Babe, and it's going to be based on my own journey. What prompted all of that?
00:06:09
Speaker
So in 2017, I was modeling. um Well, actually in 2016, I was modeling. And um I had moved at that time from New York City to Chicago. I was an acting major in college. I actually thought that Broadway was gonna be my, I think it was my dream. and And when I got to college, like I said, I hit a rock bottom when I was a junior in college. But what was happening was I was so disconnected from who I was. I had so little confidence in who I was. that I just didn't believe in myself at all to be able to actualize my dream. I didn't feel worthy of making any of that happen. So I didn't even let myself try. And um I ended up graduating, obviously getting healthy. And when I graduated at that point, I wanted nothing to do with performing. I let it kind of get beat out of me. But I got scouted to model after trying on like a couple other career paths for size. And I had known what it was like to hate myself for as long as I did. And I finally just
00:07:04
Speaker
didn't right i was I was moving in the trajectory of self-connection and love and trust. And so I decided I'm going to model if I can inspire one girl a day to feel confident just as she is, right to feel comfortable in her skin. And I set out to do that via Instagram. I was like, I'm going to start this platform. And at the time, all these models that I really looked up to had hashtags, like everyone was hashtagging something and it was like their hashtag. And I one day just thought of like, find your inner babe. And I was like, okay, that's going to be my hashtag. Find your inner babe. I don't know why it just came to me. um
00:07:42
Speaker
And so in 2016, we moved from New York city to Chicago. My now husband got a job opportunity. And when I got here, I just had this like identity crisis. Cause now I'm in Chicago, but I was like, who am I without New York city? Like who is Jack without this huge part of me that like I had done so much healing there. And I left set one day and I went to go visit my Grammy who is like my person. And she looked at me across the table and she was like, what is going on? Like, you just look. And I was like, yeah, i I feel it. I'm super disconnected again. I feel totally lost. I feel like what I set out to do, I'm just not doing it. Like, it's it's not happening. And she was like, okay, okay, what did you want to do? And I was like, I wanted to reach women. I really wanted to reach women. And she was like, great, why? And I was like,
00:08:35
Speaker
oh I wanted to become the i want to become the person that I needed. I want to bridge this gap you know that i that I feel exists in the mental health space. I want to help women really shift the attitude of their own mind, the way that they think and feel about that sound themselves, heal the relationship they have with themselves. And she was like, you got to do that. like She stopped me mid-sentence, and I just got chills again. She was like, your whole demeanor just changed, Jack. like You just lit up. And I was like, okay. And I went home that night and I researched certification programs. And the reason I didn't even call myself a coach anymore is because I'm, I'm, I have six certifications at this point. It's like, I feel like so many people could just be a coach. It's like, I really feel like I go beyond that. And, and like I said, my mission is to help everyone else become their own self connection specialist. But I researched programs. I started the first one the next day and I just never looked back and.
00:09:31
Speaker
As I have evolved and as I have grown, it's just become more evident to me every single day that if the gap was going to be filled, it was going to be because of something I created. you know When I really needed it, no PhD, no MD could help me. like There wasn't anything in a textbook. It was like I needed to become the textbook. I needed to create it. and so That's what I've done with YAB. I feel like it's it's we've created a a new world of self-connection and created the ability or or created a space where people feel safe enough to find it for themselves.
00:10:06
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, which is such a, such a beautiful thing. And here we are fast forward. I saw recently you posted about how you feel like you're going through a little bit of an up level with your business and moving from small business to mid-sized business. So talk to me a little bit about what, what is, what is transpiring right now that feels like that is an evolution and maybe also like what feels the most challenging about this, this part of it. Yeah.
Evolving as a Leader
00:10:33
Speaker
I could go on for how much time do we have? No. I mean, I'm so, so grateful, truly. um I feel like, I remember when I first started YAB, somebody told me, or maybe multiple people told me it was like going to take five years. I give it five years. And I remember thinking to myself, like, no, no, i like I'm going to do it before that.
00:10:50
Speaker
um And I did. I mean, every year something, you know I learned something or something grew or something happened on the timeline it was supposed to and and every step of the way was a forward step. But ah really I mean, I hit five years and I feel like that's when it really started to expand and it really locked in. And I think a lot of that is a testament to like, me, right? And I don't, not that I am taking the credit for the work that everyone's doing, no, just my trust in what it's, what it was going to turn into and my trust to be able to stand up in front of people and deliver the message I know I'm supposed to deliver. But, um you know, groups now for me that I struggle to fill once upon a time, they sell out, you know, were sold out through October.
00:11:38
Speaker
um I run retreats now that sell out really fast. And it's not even about the sellout. It's more about the fact that the right people are finding the community. yeah And I don't have to try as hard to to convince somebody why they belong. It's like people are feeling that sense of belonging. yeah um But the challenging part is now not that, right? where That was once the challenge, was getting the word out there. The challenging part is now the evolution of me as a boss. Because now I'm managing and like people. It's not just me wearing every hat. It's yeah multiple people on a team with emotions and feelings and different communication styles. and
00:12:20
Speaker
um you know I'm big in astrology and I love human design, so like we're all different. right and We all speak different, learn different, move different, receive information different. It's like that part is hard because Jack as a person is such, i'm i I care so deeply about people and my heart is so big and it's something I love about myself. but it makes it difficult at time for me to be a boss and to be a leader. yeah And my husband likes to say to me, like, sometimes you have to shift from founder to CEO. Like, you know, the founder just cares about everyone and everything. And then sometimes the CEO, I mean, and the CEO can just have the conversation and move on. And sometimes you just have to have a conversation and move on. And yeah that is the most challenging part is juggling um boundaries and
00:13:09
Speaker
um Just like wearing the boss hat is really difficult for me at times. So yeah I would say that's it. Yeah. And I would say it's so it's difficult for everyone. And I was just on a call with one of my clients and and that's what we're focusing on right now is her leadership skills. um Because, you know, there does come a point if you're for doing things right. ah Hopefully there comes a point where you step out of the trenches really and truly and look at what the longevity of the business without you needing to be in the nitty gritty.
00:13:41
Speaker
It doesn't work if you don't know how to be a really great leader. So, correct. I mean, it sounds like you're on the right track and I always, cause I always say, let's find out a little bit more about them. What's their human design? What's their Enneagram? What's their, you know, what's your love language? We do love languages even with my clients. Cause I'm like, I love that. You might think that you're rewarding someone by like calling them out in a team meeting when in reality they hate that and they would rather a little one-on-one lunch with you, you know? Um, but all of that matters, you know, just about like, I think it's just about, yeah It's a personal development situation. so you know like oh Absolutely.
00:14:15
Speaker
um now yeah i mean there's just I think I thought that because I can lead a room full of 500 people, no problem, or I could get up in front of this and that, and I'm a natural leader, it's a different kind of leading. right it's a very and So it's really challenging me, but in a good way, right? And I think in the last couple months, I've had to have those tough conversations. And we go back to what I just said, confidence is rooted in self trust. You say you're going to do something, make the promise, keep the promise, and then you trust yourself more. And then you have more confidence in yourself in all these different buckets of who you are.
00:14:52
Speaker
I have had to make promises to myself to do things, to act to show up in a certain way. I've kept those promises. And so now I trust myself even that much more to be able to continue to do it. But and yeah, it's just so it's a wild ride. It's a wild ride. Yeah, it is. And I think that's why most of us are drawn to entrepreneurship because typically those of us who find ourselves as entrepreneurs really kind of enjoy the fact that no two days look alike and no two seasons may look alike as well.
00:15:25
Speaker
But I will say it's such a testament to you for the sense of like, let's go back to that five year mark and hitting that five year mark and programs that sell out with ease now and being in the flow a little bit more. And obviously that's because you stuck it out and because you didn't you know you didn't lose sight of the vision. And I think it's easy these days for people to just like think they're going to be a business owner and jump into entrepreneurship and then kind of flail about for years and then wonder why it doesn't click for them eventually. And it's like, well, did you hold true to the vision? Were you clear on the vision? And obviously, there's pivoting that happens along the way as we read the room, so to speak, but to the degree of knowing what your ultimate goal and mission is in life and sticking with that, I think that's really, really important and a testament to what you've done. Well, thank you. And
00:16:08
Speaker
you know I said, when I was performing, I didn't feel worthy of those dreams, right of actualizing those. And so I didn't even let myself try. And when I set out to start YIB, I told myself I was never going to let that happen again. you know So um it doesn't mean I don't... I haven't questioned myself along the way. Does it doesn't mean that I haven't felt imposter syndrome? Does it mean I still don't have to you know work with myself to make sure that I'm going towards the end goal, right? But I will never give up because I know for a fact that this is something so real. And um i I think it boils down to I walk my own walk, right? like
00:16:52
Speaker
the relationship you have with you is, it reflects everything in your whole life. It sets the foundation of your reality. And I really pride myself on working on that relationship with myself every single day. and So I do actually feel worthy of making this dream real um and not just for me. At the end of the day too, it really, it doesn't really have anything to do with me anymore. It's about the people that are supposed to be reached and I can't get that. I won't. Yeah. Yeah. Now is the perfect time to hydrate or take a quick sip of your latte while I tell you about a tool that can help you on your journey. Is this your season of slowing down or is this your time to double down on making bank? Let's find out. My secret for knowing how to thrive as a business owner right now is simpler than you think.
00:17:41
Speaker
First, take a quick quiz to find out what CEO club you're in based on your personality and your current business status. Then I'll show you what you can do today to thrive in that club. Go to tiffanynapper dot.com forward slash quiz to take the quiz today. Welcome back. It's your host and coach Tiffany. Let's continue.
Themes of Self-Love and Worthiness
00:18:00
Speaker
So let's talk a little bit about what I think, you know, i've I've heard you phrase it this way and I really love it, this journey of coming home to oneself, right? Like when you're teaching rooms filled with women about, you know, self-love and worthiness, what are some of the themes that you see come up over and over again? I think there's a lot of things that can contribute to disconnecting from yourself, right? um
00:18:27
Speaker
I'm a big believer that our life is kind of mapped out for us before we're born by these like array of destination points, if you want to call them that. We're going to hit fated people fated moments of opportunity. What we're also going to do too though is hit fated moments of disconnection. It's inevitable. No amount of work that we do on ourselves, it's going to happen. Because it's never about that moment. It's about what you do for yourself and how you show up, how you come back home is what is ultimately going to shape the way and pave the way that you move forward. And I think what happens though is people get really caught up in the pain. We elongate our pain because we think.
00:19:06
Speaker
we've done something wrong, or we've messed it up somehow, or you know we can convince ourselves at times that like maybe it's not even possible for me. you know like Maybe really it it won't actually happen. And I think at the root of all of that are these myths of I'm not enough, or I'm not actually worthy, or I don't deserve it, or you know, I'm broken or whatever it is, right? Everybody has their story and everybody has their negative narrative. And in the room, you know, it's a lot similar, more similar than you think. Like, if we had just did a workshop in l LA and
00:19:44
Speaker
um I, the second I got up and I started to, to run the workshop, I like felt like an overwhelming amount of energy. And I just like stopped for a second. And I was like, who in here is going through a breakup? Cause like, I can feel, I pick up on energy and I just felt like this overwhelming amount of heartbreak and like six people raise their hand. And I was like, yeah, I feel it like, and someone's feeling like a ton of shame because of that breakup. And like six people kept their hands up. You know, it's like, we're so similar. yeah
00:20:15
Speaker
you know We're all so similar, it's collective. And um so I think at the end of the day, like what what is what's common is is everything. you know like it's hard to say It's hard to tell you like what do I see because it's like everything is similar, but a lot of the time it's rooted in a core limiting belief of something, whether it's like I'm not enough or I don't deserve it or um you know i I don't actually think I can be happy or whatever it is. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to bring up social media because I don't know how we get totally. Yeah. So in this day and age, when, you know, speaking of limiting beliefs and, and, and things that kind of create like that, I'm a bit of a negative mindset. I call them toxic dragons, right? But these limiting blows and we have to tell our dragons, you know, that's our job is make it a, make it into our new BFF. But.
00:21:11
Speaker
when we When we're on social media these days, and who isn't, you know and the comparisonitis happens, and we all start to compare ourselves. at you know I know it plays a part in our mental health. I know it plays a part, and not saying that it like creates depression, but I am going to say that I think it's an unusual reality for us to see so much of curated things that we didn't used to be privy to seeing on such a regular basis. I think it would be silly to ignore that fact of our lives these days. so
00:21:44
Speaker
when we talk about like comparison, you know, getting falling into this comparison trap. and And how do we, how do we, how do you suggest that we navigate that? Especially as women who, you know, sometimes we're a little sensitive or sometimes we have big feelings around something related to looks or aesthetics. Like what what are some of your tips, I guess, for people who find themselves like really getting, you know, going down the comparison trap because of Instagram and TikTok? Yeah. I mean, first off, it's so human and so easy and everybody does it, right? a Comparison is is part of being human. right um But I think what we do, again, just like we can get attached to that pain and we elongate it, I think we can kind of get stuck in this loop of, oh, i i you know I'm not an i'm not
00:22:35
Speaker
they're better than me, or you know because they have it, I can't have it, or because they're doing it, well, I should just give up because they're already doing it. it's like Instead of looking at it from that lens of like glass half empty, I'm not enough, I'm never gonna be there, I can't ever get there, shifting the lens that you see it through, the attitude of your mind towards yourself, right and looking at it as like if they can, so can I. right like Not even I can, I am. like I am this as well or I can do it too. And um the best thing or the quickest way I would say to get out of a comparison trap is audit the way that you're speaking to yourself. Notice it. The second you get into it, notice how how kind you're being, right? And I'm using air quotes because it's like you're not being kind. It's not productive, right? And change that immediately because you can.
00:23:33
Speaker
You can, you it's your talk track. You have the power to shift it. You have the power to disrupt it. And and for a lot of it, when I first started on my you know journey to coming home, right? um I would and noticed like how how mean I was to myself and how frequent that was and then how much I was comparing myself to other people because I was not my biggest self supporter. I was so mean. It's like if you think about it, before I even get into that, if you think about it, if you you and your best friend, if you were just sitting on your best friend all the time,
00:24:09
Speaker
She wouldn't really want to be around you. I don't think you'd have a strong relationship. It wouldn't really work. She'd be like, I need to distance myself from you. like you're not This energy is not it. It's the same thing for you. like If you're constantly mean and you're constantly putting yourself down, you're going to get further and further away from yourself. It's going to be harder for you to see that you can also have these things too. You can also make your dreams come true. So when I started to notice how mean I was, I used the disruptor that I still use. Drop it. I say drop it. And the visual that I always have and share is like a dog with a ball in its mouth. Like when you're like, drop it, drop it. And I would walk down New York city, like the roads in New York city, and I would literally, I'll allow it to drop it, Jack, drop it. And like, I looked crazy, but I didn't care. yeah And I would say it constantly. And now, I mean, it's neuroscience, right? The more you shift the impulse, eventually it's going to be different. Your response to things is going to be different. So yeah, it takes effort.
00:25:11
Speaker
it's It's going to take some action, but if you do it, you're going to make a change and your change is going to feel so much better than just settling in the nasty. yeah you know yeah Yeah. I think that's what's so important about all of our limiting beliefs that we find ourselves, um, you know, starting to notice what where we say awareness is step one within what and the pattern interruptors, the disruptors, and knowing that like that's going to take time. If you've been subconsciously telling yourself something, uh, for a long time, you don't just wake up one day and believe the opposite to be true. So no being patient with yourself is probably so important. Significant actually, you know, and
00:25:56
Speaker
if you think about it, when you're going through a breakup and you you know you you cannot stop thinking about this person, like you're obsessing over it, you're romanticizing this person, you you cannot stop thinking about how much you miss this person, how amazing they are and you know the future that you thought you were gonna have together. If you think about it, how much time you spent lovingly speaking to yourself about this person, talking to your friends about this person, right? Your mind, believed you, right? So now that this person is gone, it doesn't mean that that belief about this person is gone. Your mind is still thinking that this person is who you actualize in your mind. It's the same thing about how you speak to yourself about yourself. We just don't realize it's the same thing until we're crying about somebody who's not in our life anymore, right? right But your mind is so smart. It really believes what you tell it. yeah So pay attention to the way that you speak to yourself about yourself because your mind is going to believe you.
00:26:51
Speaker
yeah It just will. And if you're going to put in all this time and effort talking about somebody else and building up somebody else in your mind, imagine if you did it for yourself. yeah Imagine if you took that same energy back, you'd put in that same amount of time, like you would literally think you were the greatest gift and that would be beautiful. Yeah. And that would be real. That would be true. A lot would change. That would be real. Exactly. That would be amazing. That would be amazing. I've had a lot of conversations recently, and personally as well. I'm evaluating some of this cropping back up in my own life too, but I do think it's a bit of a ... We're seeing a bit of a ... I don't want to call it a trend, but I
00:27:28
Speaker
commonality amongst a bunch of high achieving women in the last year, six months, three months of feeling like the burnout where the B word burnout is creeping back up into the world, into their lives. And obviously, I spend a lot of time with high achieving women who run multi six, seven figure businesses. And so um there is a higher chance that they would you know experience burnout statistically speaking, that's that's proven fact But what would you say like to the to the women who you encounter who you know maybe are feeling a little bit out of sorts because they have been putting so much pressure on themselves and
00:28:06
Speaker
What they feel now is, oh my gosh, I can't step away from this complicated web I've woven and I'm kind of stuck here. And I don't really know how to get out of this, you know, situation that I've created that's also now making me feel unhappy and unfulfilled. Do you have any suggestions or advice that you give for women who kind of are stuck feeling like I've created this thing and I don't know how to get, I don't know how to get, take my life back basically. like Yeah, like I'm exhausted by everything I've put out. Yeah. um I mean, if we're being totally transparent, like I've gotten myself there at times, you know and not because I resent YIB or because it's not it, what it is it. But
Managing Burnout and Embracing Self-Care
00:28:47
Speaker
it can be exhausting, especially when you burn yourself to the ground and you stop listening. but Because your body's going to give you signals, your mind's going to give you signals. and and
00:28:56
Speaker
You just know, but it's listening is is the part that we forget to do. um But what I have told many people to do and what I've told myself to do and still tell myself to do is to recognize that the slowdown is actually part of the rise. right like You will never get to where you want to be if you don't allow yourself to also slow down. and to take care of yourself first. evil You might get there, but you won't be able to sustain it, or you might never feel fulfilled once you're there. It will never feel as satiating as you fulfilling that like wholeness for you. And so I think what happens is we run ourselves into the ground because we're searching outside of ourselves to feel whole. We're searching outside of ourselves to feel worthy and to prove that we deserve to be where we are.
00:29:43
Speaker
right take a step back for a second, right? And realize that like worthiness, self-worth doesn't give a shit about what car you drive, about how much money you make, about the person you're dating, about the house you live in, about how many awards you have, none of it. Self-worth is this never ending feeling of wholeness that is coming and and pouring out from here. So you got to focus on that because that is what's going to fuel the rest of it.
00:30:14
Speaker
And if you have this feeling of of wholeness, you're not gonna feel wrapped up in this. You're not gonna be doing the stuff that doesn't fuel you. You're not gonna let yourself get into situations or you know burn yourself to the ground because you know you're worthy of of way more than that. yeah So um my advice is slow down. Recognize that the slow down is part of it. And also within the slow down, take it back to you, like let yourself give yourself some time and and recognize too that you are, you create everything. You literally create it all. So if you want it to succeed,
00:30:58
Speaker
please turn to yourself first. Like please give yourself, but it's the oxygen mask analogy. I mean, it's like silver plate, but it's literally the truth. You cannot do what you want to do to the extent that you want to do it. If you are not helping yourself first. Yeah. Yeah, it's so true. And I mean, obviously I've i've been pretty transparent um on the podcast and on Instagram lately about my my struggles this year coming back. I hosted a retreat in March and I kind of came back off that retreat and I was like, oh, I think I've got nothing left to give. I think I just put it all out on the beach in Mexico and I'm feeling pretty depleted. And I don't know that I've really fully recovered if I'm being honest. I had canceled my mastermind this year.
00:31:40
Speaker
You know, I've just really been like trying to carve out that space to fill my cup. And my mom had this good analogy lately where she was talking about with work we do when we're so pouring into other women. And, um and you know, even with as as a business coach, there's a lot of personal development that I do as well. And so it's constantly pouring into the other people and helping them, you know, grow and rise up and evolve. And it can be quite draining. My mom was like, it's a little bit like being a hospice nurse every day. And like, you come home and there's no one to take care of you, right? And I was like, oh, that's a good analogy. That feels fitting for me right now. But I mean, I preach for people to slow down. I teach this to my people and then, you know,
00:32:23
Speaker
the Another old adage that's tried out that's played out but true is this the shoe cobbler with the holes in the shoes, right? Totally. Yeah. and i mean I relate very much. I ran ah a retreat in what month is it even? like My brain's like, what? It's it's June. so I ran a retreat in April. um and It's funny, like when it's not funny actually, but when I came home, i was the first retreat we ran, I had 25 people there. This retreat, there were 40. And I felt the difference of energy, like big time. I'm the only one who runs any part of it, right? I have a team of people who run behind the scenes, but I am yeah the only one who's running it. And so I felt it the whole time.
00:33:09
Speaker
And um I came home and I was on actually empty. I'm also, I have a two and a half year old. So it's like, I came home and it wasn't like I was, you go lay in bed. It was like, mommy play with me. And I was like, yeah, yeah. Like, so I, Monday I woke up and I was like, Oh my God, like I'm actually a zero. And going into the retreat, I didn't plan for that. right My whole week was insane. I had three podcast interviews that that week coming out of it. My days were packed. like Everything was crazy. i was I had three groups and my assistant was like, I hit i finally broke and was just like, I can't do it. and and We need to reschedule things. like i'm I'm not okay.
00:33:54
Speaker
And she was like, I i knew that this was going to happen. you know And I should have listened to my gut. I can predict your burnout at this point. And I was like, it's not your job right to to save me. It's my job to not let myself get here. um But it's also my job now to own it and be brave enough to ask for help. yeah And I think that's what matters most too, right? Like we're human, we're going to make mistakes. And that's what I go back to. It's all part of it. It's all learning. Like I had to do that to learn like, okay, in October when we run the retreat, I can't do really anything other than i what I absolutely have to do for an entire week when I come back from that retreat. yeah
00:34:33
Speaker
like yeah everything else can wait. okay it's i need to Jack needs to build herself back up so that Jack can continue to do what Jack needs to do. And um I think it goes back to that worth conversation, right? like We attach our worth to what we achieve and what we you know what we've accomplished. So we don't want to slow down because we're like, what if what if like we lose the momentum or like what if you know people and are depending on us? And it's like, no, no, no, no. Like that's a drop it moment, right? Like that's an old story. That's a drop it. Because at the end of the day, like that slowdown is, it has to be a part of it if we want to keep going. It just, there's, it's actually not negotiable.
00:35:17
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I had practice this morning with my, um, my event planner who I now bring with me on my retreats. And I'm so grateful for her, but she saw me like, she just saw me get to, I think I was negative by the last day. yeah And she was just like, we've got to just, we got to create a buffer. And we were talking about it. and I was like, honestly, I think the buffer is that. We stay an extra day and I don't travel home on the same day as everyone else because I just don't think I have it in me to even have like nicety conversation, you know, on the way to the airport. And, um, you know, and anyway, it's just, it it is just a learning process of, and it same for me. This was my largest group of women to hold space for. And I realized like, yeah oh, this is a lot, you know?
00:36:00
Speaker
Totally. And i like I love being with my clients. I love, I mean, the retreats are like everything to me. And this last one, I didn't eat any meal with anybody. I like removed myself from and every time there was any meal, I removed myself. And the first time I felt so guilty, I was like, Oh my God, is this okay? Like, you know, is this an end? Yeah, it's like it's like i I couldn't. right i If I was going to do what I needed to do and what they needed me to do, I had to like create space for myself. I had to take time for myself. I had to be able to like clear my mind. and and yeah So I totally, I think that's beautiful. like To be able to recognize and say, like okay, this didn't work. like Let's figure out what will. Let's figure out what what what will because these women need you you know and you need you first though and and that's the only way it's going to work.
00:36:52
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Ah, such good insight. And I think, you know, I'm sure even if you don't host retreats and you're listening, I'm sure there's something in your life where you feel like you give, give, give. And then eventually you get to a wall and you're like, okay, I've got nothing left to give. And sometimes it's just being a mother and like having children who need you or 24 seven. And sometimes it's hosting retreats, right? But um understanding our energetic thresholds is so important. you've shared I don't remember ah if this was recently, but it resonated with me when you were talking about it. and I've been reading a book lately called Mastering the Art of Quitting. so You shared something about how one of the hardest lessons you learned was about was really around the idea of letting go and knowing that sometimes it's okay to let go. and This is another
Adapting to Change for Growth
00:37:35
Speaker
conversation that I think is coming up a lot lately because there's a lot of
00:37:38
Speaker
I'm going to use the word shame around this concept of Q-U-I-T, like quitting, or sometimes maybe that's even just like walking away from something that no longer serves us, or you know your language was around the concept of letting go. But will you tell me a little bit about why what like what you notice around this concept of like letting go? why was that so We'll start there. Why was that such a hard thing for you? Yeah. I think, um like I said, I invest like my whole self in everything that I do. and I think there's a I have a little bit of, and mean not to like casually use the word trauma, but like I think I have a little bit of trauma around walking away from performing um and not even letting myself try. so Now, when it comes to YIB,
00:38:25
Speaker
everything that I do, even if it's a person, right even if it's someone that works with me or a client or anybody. like I give 110. And I think what happens is we convince ourselves that if we change our mind, you know, we we're quitting, right? Like to just use that word, like we're we're giving up. And especially for me, like if I say I'm going to do something or like I create something and then it just like doesn't feel aligned.
00:39:01
Speaker
I would, at times throughout my career, not listen to what didn't feel aligned and just push through and do it. And ultimately what that would do is, it it first off, probably wouldn't perform to the level that I am able to, but it would I would quicker lead to burnout. right i i And I think those are big big things that disconnect us from ourselves. It's like the more we don't listen, the easier and faster we disconnect. So it's actually just shifting the way you're seeing letting go. If it's a person, if it's a thing, it's okay to change your mind. It's okay to choose again. There's no right or wrong move and you can't mess it up. And so looking at it too, like you didn't mess up the first time. It wasn't the wrong choice. It just was a choice you made and now you're going to make another one. And looking at it, it's all forward. It's all part of it.
00:39:52
Speaker
You had to make this choice. You had to involve this person in order to have the conversation or to come to terms within yourself to move forward, to grow, to evolve. like We are meant to evolve. And if we're as invested in our businesses the way that I am and you are, and I'm sure your listeners are, like if you're evolving, your business is gonna evolve. So that means your offerings are gonna evolve. That means things are gonna change and it's okay. It's okay to let go of something that no longer serving you or someone that is no longer serving you, if anything, those things are blocking you from what is. right So just let yourself let go.
00:40:30
Speaker
and work through the aftermath of what comes up for you when you do. It's uncomfy so it's not It's not certain, but through the discomfort and through the uncertainty is the game every single time. Every single time is the reward if you allow yourself to continue to move through. Yeah. 100%. And I think there's, it's so interesting that the word quit or quitting has such an immediate negative connotation, um, in society and, you know, the way we, we kind of the, the narrative that has been framed around it. But, um, I do love the term letting go a little bit better, but I think, you know, all of it, whether, whatever word you use, pivot, quit, let go. I don't really care what word you use, right? Like just, I think there's so much self quit. Yeah.
00:41:19
Speaker
yeah Let it go. It's okay. Let it go. Yeah. Yeah. Whether like you said, person business idea, any, anything that feels like if you've evaluated the information at hand and it no longer feels good or looks good permission to move on. Right. You know. You know, we know it's just whether or not we listen. That's always what it boils down to. We always know. But we like to outsource. We like to you know pretend we don't feel what we feel. And at the end of the day, that's just pushing you further from yourself and pushing you further from what you want. It doesn't mean you're never going to get to where you want to get to. You will. But it's lower than if you listen.
00:42:02
Speaker
The long way around. If you just listened and you trusted. Yeah, the long way. Yeah. Totally. Yeah. Yeah.
The Power of Journaling
00:42:08
Speaker
And I mean, I know that's a lot of what you do is really just coming back to what does it look like to teach someone how to start trusting themselves and listening to themselves and loving themselves. And I know one of the modalities that you're a big believer in and me as well is journaling. And, you know, pen to paper, like let your thoughts flow, let it all out, put it on paper. What do you love so much about journaling? and how has that like but Is that still one of your favorite modalities? Are there other modalities that have kind of like trumped it in your in your world these days?
00:42:39
Speaker
So I love that you just asked me if it's still my favorite modality because it goes back to like what we just talked about. It's like you when I first started YIV, like journaling was iffy. And it still is. It's still a huge part of me and a huge, I mean, I i write every single day. but Like if just to kind of snowball off of the first conversation, like breathwork was a big part of my business for a while. It was a big part of me and like, it's not anymore. You know, and I have no shame in being like, I don't really facilitate breathwork anymore. It's just like, doesn't feel aligned to me anymore. I work way better and more connected to visualization. Like, because I've now felt and fallen in love with meditation and um visualizing with myself and, and
00:43:25
Speaker
I feel like the tools that I have clients use are usually a reflection of like what I am using always. But journaling has, from the start, just transformed my relationship with myself because it's given me a space to discover things within me that I didn't even know were there. right It's given me a chance to unravel things, and beliefs that I have about myself, about the world, about people. i mean you know that I don't even think I would have had the confidence to dive into if I didn't take the pen to paper.
00:44:03
Speaker
yeah um And now, just I've been working within the last year on really re-strengthening my intuition. I've always been really connected and I've always been able to channel messages, but I got really disconnected from that because i it scared me. And I convinced myself that I was wrong or weird or it was a mistake or you there's no way. and There is a way and um and it and I do. I do definitely receive messages and writing is a big way of how I bring in those messages. So it's it's huge for me, ah huge. And the reason I encourage people to do it is because you have no idea what is sitting in your mind unless you take the time to find out.
00:44:52
Speaker
you know And it doesn't have to be three hours. it could Not that I do it for three hours either. That would sound miserable. But like you know it can be five minutes, three minutes. yeah That's it. yeah And just see. Just let yourself uncover what's um's sitting at the top of your mind. Isn't it so, I find it so fascinating. I mean, I've, I've loved writing since I was a little girl. That's why I have a journalism degree. You know, I always knew it was gonna, I've just always loved writing. That's just been a natural creative outlet for me, but isn't it so fascinating how when we sit down and I don't know about you, but like when I sit down to write my journal, the things that live there or that come out of that pin that I'm like, where did that even come from? I just find it so fascinating that unlocks things that
00:45:36
Speaker
We've been maybe secretly harboring and didn't even know it. Absolutely. There's so many ways to express with writing, so many like prompted, unprompted, feeling focused, you know anything. There's so many ways you could do it. There's no right or wrong way. there's There's no way to mess it up. It's like you make it yours and it can really help. Yeah, totally. Yeah, it's such a game changer. And I hear people who say, Oh, I don't know. I wouldn't know what to say, or I wouldn't know what to write. And I'm like, man, I just start with how I'm feeling. and i'm thinking Honestly, for me, it's a lot of times it's just, it it is my opportunity to reframe any negative or limiting beliefs. Like I'm, I'm feeling this way. So I write the opposite. Like what does it look like to write the opposite out and, you know, put a narrative around that. And for me, I probably do the most reframing in my journal. I love that.
00:46:30
Speaker
The Connection Journal that I created, the YB Connection Journal, it's a feeling-focused journal. So it prompts you to put your hands on your heart and to ask yourself how you're feeling and let that be just the the the thing that that starts it, right? And I get the same question. well what have i How do I know what to say? I i always say, like literally, just start by saying, it's sunny outside or it's raining outside, or I couldn't sleep last night. like Literally anything. I ate Cheerios for breakfast. Who knows? like it doesn't Just trust, right? like Yeah. I got this journal Jack told me to start writing. i yeah It doesn't matter if you put the pen to paper, like eventually what is meant to come out will come out. It just will. And if that's reframing a narrative, that's a beautiful thing to do in a journal. I love that. Yeah.
00:47:15
Speaker
What would, what, ah like, do you have any favorite mantras that like kind of come back over and over to you, uh, that have really made like a lasting impact on your life quotes, mantras, affirmations, any of it? So it's funny. Um, well, going back to drop it, like it's something I still use all the time, but now I, like before I get up in front of anyone, um, ever, I am big on mirror work. Like I always get in front of the mirror. And um I just have a full blown conversation with myself. And a lot of the time, like what comes out first is like, you're amazing. Like you're great. You've got this. Like you're safe. You know, stuff like that. um And I think it's because
00:48:02
Speaker
I have this and I'm working through this right now. I've realized more and more that I have this attachment to ah like this old attachment to what it means to audition because of like performing for so long. And so I'm no longer auditioning. But at times like I will feel like that that pattern or that feeling or those fear-based thoughts will come up for me and I feel them. And so like I'll get in front of the mirror and I'll be like, you're not auditioning, it's done. like there's no youre you know and So that's not really an affirmation. It's not really like anything specific, but it's just talking from me to me. And it's like if we backtrack to what it means to be in a relationship. Relationship itself is a skill.
00:48:47
Speaker
right And it's a skill that you can learn, but a relationship with yourself, we're never taught how to be in that relationship. From the second that we're born, we're taught how to be in a relationship or be in relationship with other people. So be that siblings, if you have them, your parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, if you get older, friends in school, teachers, coworkers, the list goes on, but we're just supposed to innately know how to be in that community that relationship with ourselves and communicate with ourselves. um And so we have to learn those skills. yeah And part of what sustains a healthy relationship is communication. And so talking to myself helps me sustain my relationship with myself because it's just ah it's allowing me to get out what needs to be said. It's allowing me to hear what needs to be heard.
00:49:38
Speaker
Yeah. Just like giving your best friend a pep talk, right? It's the same thing. It's the same thing. I think I would almost take it a step further, Jacques, and say like, I'm not sure we're ever taught that it's how to create a relationship with ourselves. Oh, no, we're not. That's what I'm saying is we're literally not taught. We're just supposed to innately know. Yeah. We don't. But the the beautiful thing is that you can learn. Just like you can learn how to become a tennis pro if that was the skill you wanted to master. like You can learn how to be in a relationship with yourself. That's what I do. right is You can learn those skills, you can practice that skill, and you can become a master at what it means to be in ah a healthy relationship with you. But it's one that takes practice and effort and consistency.
00:50:23
Speaker
and part of the action that I take and part of the effort that I do is I talk to myself in the mirror. It works. I love that. I mean yeah ah what and know we're we're kind of we've touched on so many good things and I hope those listening are taking some
Client Transformations and Self-Relationship
00:50:40
Speaker
little nuggets away. but if you had to just and This might be a really hard one for you to answer, but if you had to say, maybe two or or three of the biggest benefits or you know beautiful kind of unfoldings you've been able to witness personally and you know by being the guide to so many others on their journeys home to themselves like what would you say are some of the um top kind of like takeaways or um not not really takeaways but like what are the things that you you see people be able to experience as a result of learning how to be begin relationships with themselves.
00:51:16
Speaker
One of the ones that pops into my mind almost immediately is I have a client who calls herself a recovering jealous girl. And like when she first started working with me, female friendships were like not really a thing, right? She didn't have many that she could sustain. And it was all rooted in this like envy, right? like she couldn't Going back to comparison, it was like it was hard for her to be in these relationships with other women because she was constantly just comparing herself to them. She wasn't seeing it as like, oh, they're doing it, I could do it too. right that The worth was negative and the self-esteem was negative and the connection was non-existent. And through healing her relationship with herself,
00:52:00
Speaker
The no longer was jealous. It's like instantly that like went away. It was like, oh wait, I have nothing to be jealous of. I could do it too. What you're doing is amazing. Teach me, right? Or like, let me ask the question so I can learn and I can explore. And I'll never forget. She told me that she, I mean, she was in a relationship and she like spent all her time with her significant other. And then I remember her saying like, and My boyfriend, like he he always he's like, can we like schedule a date because you're just constantly with your friends now. It's like she went from the recovering, jealous the jealous girl to the hype girl. And it was just amazing. And it was all rooted in the fact that she healed her own relationship with herself. yeah um And all all of a sudden she just started attracting all these other female friendships. And it was like her life felt so much more full because she was full first.
00:52:50
Speaker
um so Yeah, and I think like that is so relatable. I think at some point in all of our lives, we've felt envy or jealousy and like again, human things to feel, but it only becomes toxic when we feel like we can't have it too, right when we feel empty within ourselves. and so We continue to heal and we continue to see that like we are just as worthy of everything and anything. like those Those relationships don't suffer, that jealousy doesn't grow, that envy doesn't stick. yeah and But a lot of it is is just watching somebody go from... you know So i I have people in Reconnected, which is the signature eight-week program that I run at YAB.
00:53:35
Speaker
Before they even start group, they do this inventory where they rate themselves on a scale of one to 10, various different categories. One of them being self-worth, one of them being confidence, one of them being self-esteem. One being, I have no confidence, I have no self-worth. 10 being like, I'm killing it. I'm amazing, right? yeah um And a lot of women come in with numbers at like two, three. And then by the end, we redo it. And they're nines, tens. And they don't even know, they don't even remember answering at one and two. And it's just eight weeks of prioritizing, peeling the relationship with themselves. And there's nothing that brings tears to my eyes more than that because we only have one life. You know, like our life, it's our only life and it's a life we deserve to be living. And I mean, it makes me really emotional. It's like people
00:54:30
Speaker
People don't realize how worthy they are and how capable they are. And the second you decide i'm gonna I'm gonna let myself discover it, and you do, it's like nothing, there's nothing better to see. That shift in somebody, oh my God. yeah Yeah, and just there's something so beautiful about watching someone we use this term a lot and and maybe for some people they might it might feel kind of vague and they don't so I'll give some clarity, but I call it taking up more space in life really just means to me like
00:55:04
Speaker
and There's a confidence about you that you know that you belong and that you have something that's worthy of other, you know, like you have something of value to provide to this world, whether that be joy, you know, it doesn't, I'm not saying like valuable, like you teach someone, it could just be that your presence makes the world, the world a little brighter, right? But there's something so remarkable about being able to witness someone's evolution on that. Scale and that's that's a lot of what you're getting to do and that what what you gift people with on a on a daily basis You're in her babe It's it is such a gift to be able to help somebody see themselves, right? Yeah, I I think one of the gifts that I have I'm so grateful that I have is I see people's higher selves and I think I see them sometimes before they can see them and I
00:55:54
Speaker
The day that that that somebody starts to be able to see themselves is like, oh my God. yeah like you did you know You did it. You can see what I've seen. There's nothing like it, truly.
00:56:12
Speaker
Well, I'm so grateful you're, you've dedicated so, you know, yourself to this journey. I think it's such an important one. And, uh, will you tell everybody where they can find you and how they can access all of the, uh, your inner babe resources and programs? Absolutely. So you can always DM me at Jack Gould on Instagram. I will always respond. I love to talk to you guys in DM. um You could follow on Your Under Babe at Your Under Babe on Instagram as well. and But everything is on the website, yourunderbabe.com. Everything about ReConnected is on the site. Everything about the retreats are on the site. um I run or take 15-minute free sessions for anybody who is interested in doing ReConnected or learning a bit more about that. and So you can always sign up for that. i would It's over Zoom, so we can connect face-to-face.
00:57:02
Speaker
difference between just like chatting be a DM sometimes. So any anything you want, I'm here, but just like I said, it's it's really brave to ask for help and you're not meant to do it alone. You're not meant to do it alone. I mean, I have a keynote presentation with stickers called help is not a four letter word um because it's another one, just like quit. It's one of those words that we like gave some a negative con, somebody gave negative connotation to way back in the day and it's time to re reframe that whole thing. So. Absolutely. Yeah. I think asking for help is like the most powerful thing you can do. Couldn't agree more.
00:57:42
Speaker
Well, it was so, so good to have you and catch up and um I'll drop all of your links in the show notes. People can come find you and hopefully attend one of your upcoming retreats because they looked really magical. Well, thank you so much for having me. This was wonderful. I'm really just happy to talk about it and to connect with you and, you know, it's always good. Thank you. Thank you for joining us on today's episode of This or More. Make sure to subscribe, rate, and leave a review, and then share this episode with a fellow entrepreneur who is ready to expand their current reality and take up more space. Until next time, remember, no matter what level of success you've achieved to date, you're wildly capable of this or more.