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The Power of Connection: How to Build a Thriving Community Around Your Business with Laylee Emadi
89 Plays18 days ago
Have you ever felt lonely or unsupported in your entrepreneurial journey?
You’re not alone. (Pun intended.)
It’s a common feeling. But building connections isn’t just good for your soul—it’s good for your business, too. A key differentiator between business owners who thrive and those who barely survive or worse -- close up shop -- is the strength of their network and community.
Today I’m joined by Laylee Emadi, founder of The Creative Educator Conference, to talk about why community is EVERYTHING for creative entrepreneurs.
Through her coaching programs, podcast, and sold-out conferences, Laylee is a powerhouse when it comes to creating spaces where entrepreneurs feel connected, supported, and seen.
But as we’ll uncover today, even she isn’t immune to feelings of loneliness. I can’t wait to unpack this topic and so much more with her today. Laylee, welcome to the show!
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Transcript
Introduction: Loneliness in Entrepreneurship
00:00:00
Speaker
We can confuse I feel lonely with I'm not cut out for this. Clearly, I'm not good enough. Clearly, I'm not strong enough. Clearly, I'm not fill in the blank enough to be good at being an entrepreneur. And some people need peers to be able to speak into those fears and against those fears and and to remind them and revalidate that people No, you are capable of doing this. like You are somebody who is able to do such a thing.
00:00:27
Speaker
Welcome to This or More, a wild entrepreneurial podcast adventure for bold and brave creatives like you. I'm Tiffany Knapper, your host, holistic business coach, corporate music industry dropout, a seasoned five-time multi-six-figure entrepreneur, yoga instructor, and your go-to gal for heart-to-heart coffee chats.
00:00:47
Speaker
On this show, we're not just here to share stories. We're here to ignite a fire within you and make you realize that the reality you envision is just the tip of the iceberg. You're wildly capable of achieving that reality and so much more. So my friends, grab your cup of inspiration, settle in, and let's dive into another inspiring episode of This or More.
Connecting and Community Building
00:01:09
Speaker
Have you ever felt lonely or unsupported in your entrepreneurial journey? You're not alone, pun intended. It's a very common feeling, but building connections isn't just good for your soul, it's actually really good for your business as well.
00:01:23
Speaker
So a key differentiator between business owners who thrive and those who barely survive or worse, close up shop, is the strength of their network and community. Today, I'm joined by Laili Amati, founder of the Creative Educator Conference, to talk about why community is everything for creative entrepreneurs like you and me.
00:01:43
Speaker
Through her coaching programs, podcasts, and sold-out conferences, Laili is a powerhouse when it comes to creating spaces where entrepreneurs feel connected, supported, and seen. But as we'll uncover today, even she isn't immune to those feelings of loneliness, and I cannot wait to unpack this topic and so much more with her today. Laili, welcome to the show.
00:02:02
Speaker
Thank you so much. I'm so excited to be here. Yes. It's going to be a great, vulnerable, open conversation about the importance of community because this is something that obviously you have put a stake in. You believe matters quite a bit and you've built business entities around this, like branches of your business are around community. So I want to start with your own experience and just tell us what role has community played in shaping your career from both maybe even when you were a teacher to jumping into entrepreneurship?
00:02:33
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I cannot, I feel like I could talk about community and the importance until I go blue in the face. i I think that for me, it is something that has followed me in my life in ways that I didn't even recognize. And I think that is like something that so many people can relate to is you don't notice the importance of something until you've kind of moved past it. So like you mentioned, I was a teacher and anybody who's been in the education sphere understands that like you cannot survive something like teaching ah without your fellow teachers, educators, administrators, you know, ah like anybody in your community, the the help of the students and the parents like in itself is
00:03:19
Speaker
the community there is so important. um And then even when I look back on my childhood as an immigrant family and the importance that our families around us, we found other immigrant families from our home country who are now, we call them our family. Like people think we're cousins, we're not related. We just grew up in this tight knit community.
The Role of Safe Spaces in Entrepreneurship
00:03:42
Speaker
And I don't think until maybe a couple of years ago, I realized that that's really like what had set the importance of community in place for me into now, like you mentioned, entrepreneurship and understanding now, you know, 11, 12 years into my business, when people ask, how did you become successful in these facets of your of your industry and of your business? I realized that the success only came when I was able to
00:04:11
Speaker
create and really put myself into communities within the industry. And so I think i think that's – like when it comes down to it, the importance of community is that it is something that feeds your soul, feeds your brain, feeds your wallet. Like it's – It is the lifeblood of kind of everything that I do.
00:04:35
Speaker
And I sound really insane and intense and like dramatic when I talk about it, but it's because I don't think I even realized like how important it was. I just thought like when I first started even dipping my toe into getting into community in the creative entrepreneurial industry, I just thought it was lonely.
00:04:51
Speaker
Right. So anyway, that's like a summary of of the parties. No, that's great. I love what you just mentioned though there at the end, especially like we can confuse loneliness with, and and this is a small tangent, but let's go there.
00:05:05
Speaker
We can confuse I feel lonely with I'm not cut out for this. Clearly, I'm not good enough. Clearly, I'm not strong enough. Clearly, I'm not fill in the blank enough. to be good at being an entrepreneur.
00:05:16
Speaker
And so what would you say in regards that, what what do you feel like you've learned as the differentiator between, I'm not just lonely, actually what I need is, you know, to focus on building this community, a community around me.
Addressing Loneliness and Imposter Syndrome
00:05:29
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think that, like you said, i it is such a close tie. And I think that it's interesting because for some people, I don't think that feeling leaves, but I think once you start to kind of seek out other people to be able to speak into those, some people are great at um at being able to tell themselves like, no, I can do this. I've got this. I'm capable.
00:05:51
Speaker
Some people need a coach and some people need peers to be able to speak into those fears and against those fears and, and to remind them and revalidate that, no, you are capable of doing this. Like you are somebody who is able to do such a thing.
00:06:09
Speaker
And I also think when it comes to really finding those spaces to feel safe in, you do start to understand that there is nothing that is different between you and somebody who is kind of where you quote unquote want to be. Once you meet those people, you're like, oh, they're also human beings with the exact same fears and the exact same hangups that I have.
00:06:31
Speaker
And yet they're doing it. So why not me? You know? And so I think that there's a couple of things that feed into, into those, that crossover between loneliness, between feeling imposter syndrome and feeling lonely essentially. Yeah.
00:06:46
Speaker
Yeah, exactly. And I think we know this because we've been in this sphere for a long time. But if someone's listening and you're newer on your entrepreneurial journey, I just hope you understand that there is a difference between someone who makes you feel seen and supported because they're on the same boat with you.
00:07:01
Speaker
They're an entrepreneur too. They understand the the the definition of, I'm going to use air quotes, loneliness that we're talking about versus, oh, you're you are lonely, right? Like you can be lonely. You can go to a coffee shop and have an introduction with someone or a conversation with someone And not quote unquote be alone anymore. And that is so different from finding a safe space of people, peers, as you mentioned, mentors, whomever, who truly are in the trenches with you to use Brene Brown as our little inspo, right? Like they're in the trenches with you so they get it. And and that's what I think I want to dive into today with you is this conversation around building not just community, but intentional, authentic community.
00:07:38
Speaker
where you truly can thrive on a new level because you no longer feel small,
Strengthening Community Through Engagement
00:07:44
Speaker
right? You no longer longer feel that like, doesn't mean you won't have feelings of loneliness ever again in life, let's be honest, but you you have the people around you that you can reach out your hand to and say, hey,
00:07:55
Speaker
I need a leg up today or I need a hand or I need a pat on the back today. And, you know, they're around there for you. So as we mentioned at the top end of this, you have launched and hosted a huge conference for creative educators, the Creative Educator Conference.
00:08:09
Speaker
And that is obviously an in-person event. It's a very big, literal way to bring people together. So is there any sort of behind the scenes moment where you can share with us where you saw the power of community truly in action?
00:08:23
Speaker
Yeah. Oh my gosh. There's so many. Wow. um Let me try to think of, honestly, the first thing that comes to mind, i think, is there are groups of people who have come to the conference, which, as you mentioned, it is a larger, so I, you know, I've done retreats similarly to you, um but probably on a smaller scale, even than you have that are, you know, really, really, really small numbers. So it's it's not hard to like stay in touch with those people. And then of course the conference that's over a hundred people and you think like over a hundred people in a room, like, yeah, that sounds fun to like immerse myself in for a few days.
00:08:57
Speaker
But then I have every year and and in particular, I'm thinking of ah of ah one group that they – stay together all year after the conference. You know what I mean? And it's it's one of those things where that's where I see the true output of the effort that they made to immerse themselves ah into, like you said, authentic relationship building, community,
00:09:21
Speaker
beyond the few days that they're together with me. So they're learning, their the the introductions have been made, but now they're taking it that step beyond and they're incorporating true relationship building and true community afterwards by setting, you know, weekly dates on Zoom and check-ins on Voxer and they have a group chat. And like, that's the ongoing process.
00:09:45
Speaker
importance, I think. And that's that's what sets it apart. And so that would be probably the biggest example that I can think of beyond like the actual fun and crazy immersion of those those three days together.
00:09:57
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. I love that. And think that's such an important
Forming Meaningful Connections and Masterminds
00:10:01
Speaker
nugget. I always talk about, I was in a mastermind in 2021. So this is 2025 of this recording, that's four years ago. And I, there were a couple of women in that mastermind of about 25 that I just really connected with five of us to be exact.
00:10:15
Speaker
And so we became what we, I named us the traveling blazers and we've had events together and we have a monthly zoom and I fly or go out for a wedding or a baby shower, right? Like we've really become friends, but that,
00:10:28
Speaker
takes intention, right? That doesn't just happen just because I bought a conference ticket or put myself in this mastermind. That requires going the next step and saying, I'm going to really cultivate these relationships.
00:10:40
Speaker
I'm going to really make sure that this stands the test of time and this isn't just a blip on the radar. And, and, um and yeah, and I think for some people that's easier said than done. Look, if you're listening, just know that I'm an introvert and yet I'm able to do this.
00:10:52
Speaker
So there's really no excuses. Has there ever been a time in your journey? And I'm sure the answer is yes, but maybe give us an insight on a time in your journey where you did feel really disconnected or you felt really unsupported as an entrepreneur.
00:11:08
Speaker
um I mean, yes, all the time. um i'm Yeah, I'm happy to share some examples because I have a million of them. I feel like even somebody like myself who my entire business now is basically community. That is my business. I am a community builder.
00:11:25
Speaker
I am a coach. I am somebody who brings people together in these events, whether it be in person or virtually. um That's what I eat, sleep, and breathe when it comes to my business and my work.
00:11:38
Speaker
But I still, time and time again, when when I'm backed up against a wall, I still come up against the feelings of being unsupported or being feeling very much alone or feeling very much like I i need extra support in this moment beyond – um ah a mentor or beyond a significant other or a family member or a friend. I need my my community and and being able to seek that out. I remember in particular, um i think it was three years ago now,
00:12:13
Speaker
the first round of the conference, I had, i mean, it was such a risk. If anybody does in-person events, they know that they're high risk, let alone something that is a larger scale where you're putting in a lot of energy and finances on the front end and hoping that you're going to make it back and not be in the red at the end of the day. Like my goal for the first one was like, I just need to break even so I don't go into debt for this, but I'm so excited to bring people together that it's going to be worth it. And I just was so drained. I was so filled up at the end when it came to providing that for my people.
00:12:52
Speaker
But I was so drained by like, I don't know if I can emotionally go through that again. so I created a pure mastermind similarly to you with your, by the way, i love traveling blazers. Like how fun is that? That's such a fun. I love that. I'm obsessed.
00:13:07
Speaker
I'm like, do you take applications? But really, i i feel i felt at the time like i need I need what I created for other people. Now I need it for myself. Right. And i don't I have a coach. I'm not in the market for a new mastermind that I paid to show up at. I'm going to try to make a peer mastermind. And so what I did was I actually reached out to some of the speakers from my first conference. And I was like, do you guys want to do like a peer group and just check in with one another?
00:13:34
Speaker
Because I was feeling so just like exhausted that I was like, I have to do this event again because it was incredibly impactful for the attendees and it was incredibly well received and everybody had such a great time that I have to do it again.
00:13:48
Speaker
ah sure Like I can't live with myself if I just like take this away from my community. But will I survive? Yeah. I don't know. and And with their help, I did survive and it's great. of world all you know like wouldn't Wouldn't it be great to like put a bow on it? like It's still something I work through. but But I created that space for myself. And I think that that's something that I hadn't really done successfully in the past is creating the space for myself alongside peers and like either one, taking myself out of the driver's seat or two, done it in a way that, like you said, is is like you're traveling blazers. Like it is peer to peer 100% versus something that I pay to be a part
Overcoming Imposter Syndrome Through Peer Support
00:14:30
Speaker
of. And I think there is a season for each of those things to have importance. Yeah.
00:14:34
Speaker
Yeah, 1,000%. And they can overlap for sure. Yeah. But yeah, i think I think one thing that gets in the way of people probably doing what you were brave enough to do is imposter syndrome, right?
00:14:45
Speaker
So you had to put put any fears or doubts aside and just be like, no, I'm valuable. I bring something to the table and I'm going to reach out to these people and ask them to be part of this support group. That's a beautiful example of navigating that period.
00:15:01
Speaker
um I love that. For sure. And I think there's really no, there's really nothing that we go through in life that we don't benefit from having people close by that we can actually pull the curtain back and tell them what we're going through.
00:15:16
Speaker
So when you were talking, I thought about, something that comes up again and kind of some of my peer to peer groups because you and I've been in this industry a lot longer. We're not not newbies anymore, right?
00:15:26
Speaker
So some people might look at us and think, oh my gosh, I want to get to where Laylee is or I want to get to where Tiffany is. And what happens as we evolve on this journey is we start to become, we start to kind of find ourselves in smaller and smaller spaces where we feel like the people around us are also where we are. And that's just math.
00:15:45
Speaker
statistically speaking it's like 80 something percent of women owned businesses never reach six figures in revenue you know the math around how many last between beyond one year three years five years is also dismal right so that's just mathematical speaking that's not ego but what happens is you get to this point where you're like uh-oh i'm not sure i can be as vulnerable as i want to be with my community i do need a safe space So finding and cultivating that peer to peer support with people that are maybe are ah on or around the same point in their journey with you is so important. And if you marry that with being in a community where people may be one step ahead of you, now we're really, you know, cooking, right?
00:16:26
Speaker
yeah So I love that. Speaking of vulnerability and community, is there ever an instance where you've been really vulnerable with your community and and maybe as a result, you've seen the community get stronger?
00:16:38
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. I mean, I keep coming back to that first year of posting the conference. I think that vulnerability within your community, especially if you are a community builder and a community leader, is is necessary. i think that At the end of the day, it's kind of what I had mentioned at the beginning where once you start sitting down with people, no matter where they're where they're at in terms of like level of success or um level of experience, you start to realize like human beings are human beings, like period. So we're all going to have things that that are important to share that vulnerable side of.
00:17:15
Speaker
And for me, I have never been the kind of person to, and and never been the kind of leader or business owner to ever lead from a place of I'm 100% the expert and 100% of the things. I wasn't like that as a high school teacher.
00:17:31
Speaker
i In fact, when i was I was a coach, I was a dance coach and end high school teacher for many years. And I would constantly tell the kids, like I would explain to them the why behind the action that I would take. So As a coach, I was a really tough coach, actually. It's funny because i like now I think about the girls that, um like my little troublemakers that probably to this day are like, oh, Miss Amati, she was the worst. like she was the worst you know But I was a tough coach, but I would always tell them the why. And it would always come from a place of transparency and honesty. And I think whether you're a kid or an adult, you're going to appreciate that.
00:18:10
Speaker
yeah So the example I think of when it comes to the adults I work with, like think they ah the educators, the entrepreneurs is at the first conference. I was, I got on the stage and my introduction was, I have no idea what I'm doing.
00:18:23
Speaker
This is the first time I'm doing this. um i I don't know what, like you have to know that I'm up here. i was flat out. Like I was like, didn't, haven't checked the budget sheet. I don't know if I'm making any money off of that. I need you to know this. Like, I don't know if this is going to go well.
00:18:40
Speaker
i Now I remember on the first day I got on the stage and I was like, after last night, we had like a welcome party, happy hour actually. And it's like, now I feel good. Like I know it's going to go well because I've met you. And now that I've met all of you and I know who's in this room, like it's going to be great, but I need you to know that logistically, I don't know what I'm doing. I'm doing the best I can financially because you guys probably think like all the speakers are making bank and I'm making bank. Like we're not, I'm just going to tell you like,
00:19:08
Speaker
This is the first run. i am new at this and that's okay because you may see me in a different light. but I'm not, we're all in this together. And I think that opening the door to letting people see my, the things I was afraid of and the things that I was struggling with and the things that I was unsure about, everyone just treated it with so much more one grace to, they took ownership of like, no, we've got you. Like, we're going to give you the honest feedback. And I told them, was like I was I was like, I want honest feedback, like yeah give it to me straight. And they did, but they also,
00:19:44
Speaker
were kind and they also were encouraging and they were encouraging me the way that I was encouraging them. And like, that could only happen with honesty and transparency. That could only happen with vulnerability.
00:19:56
Speaker
If I had gotten up there and put on my, you know, like my tough girl act, like, yeah, I know exactly what I'm doing. Like I have been in this business for so long. It would never have had the same effect.
00:20:07
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. You created that symbiotic relationship and you made them feel invested in like they care about the success of the conference. And when more than just you cares about the success of the conference, guess what happens, right? Exactly.
00:20:19
Speaker
yeah
Building Community at In-Person Events
00:20:20
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. And even even with the speakers, I mean, we've had, I've been lucky enough to have incredible high level educators take this stage and be in the audience, which is a very hard thing to do. Like it's hard to get educators to invest in themselves and come as attendees.
00:20:37
Speaker
There's a lot of ego there sometimes. There's a lot, you know, there's a lot to overcome with that. And to get people on the stage that are at the level that they're at, typically we as speakers are charging so much. But imagine me like a few years ago in my first round where I was like, i don't even know if I'm going to break even, like yeah you be vulnerable and transparent with them in that and say, this is my mission.
00:20:59
Speaker
This is the money I don't have. Like, do you think they would have ever met me like where I was at and like accepted this like paltry sum if I hadn't told them the truth, you know?
00:21:10
Speaker
Yeah. yeah No, that's beautiful. Yeah. Vulnerability is always going to strengthen those relationships. Yeah. Nine times. Probably I would say 10 times out 10, but I don't want to be proven wrong. So let's go nine times out of 10. I love it.
00:21:23
Speaker
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Speaker
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Speaker
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00:22:09
Speaker
Well, okay. So in person, obviously we know there's a lot of opportunity there to build community and to strengthen
Online Connections and Misconceptions
00:22:15
Speaker
relationships. But we also know in this day and age, a lot of relationships, dynamics, community building happens on the internet. It happens online. It opens on Instagram and Facebook and and these sort of places.
00:22:28
Speaker
So you have any tips on how to build meaningful relationships with your audience at a time when so much of our life happens online? Yeah. Yeah, I mean, honestly, the majority of – in the beginning having – having my company was done online. And even now, I mean, I have a membership that is fully virtual.
00:22:51
Speaker
um You know, I like to call the conference like our our little like family reunion or whatever, but it's it's still like, it's still online. And it is hard. It is really hard, especially when it comes to social media, building strong relationships on there.
00:23:04
Speaker
I would say one, when you are trying to build your community, I would focus on quality over quantity, um quality relationships with three people is going to get you so much farther than a surface level relationship with 300 or 3000 or however many.
00:23:24
Speaker
i think that it is really, really easy to confuse ah high number with a high rate of success ah in an age where social media is fully, what is your audience size? What is your follower count?
00:23:41
Speaker
And i whether it is, it is something that frustrates me into oblivion or makes me really thankful. I've never had a huge following. I've never had a huge audience. And yet my entire job is community building. And I don't struggle with that as being my my job. You know what I mean? And I still have a small yet very close knit and very dedicated and very invested audience and and community online that I can go to my 6,000 or 5,000, don't even remember how many people I have and tell them what I'm doing and they care.
00:24:20
Speaker
Yeah. Versus I have peers and friends who have hundreds of thousands in their audience and they're like, I can't even get 20 people to care. Yeah. Like, There's a reason, you know? And so I would say, i would say when it comes down to it focusing on the one versus the many, i think is the number one piece of advice I can give it to anybody who is wanting to grow a community, focus on each relationship individually yeah and come at it from a place of giving because understanding that you will eventually receive something from it. Like if that's, if that's what's driving you, I want you to like reframe your mindset around it and understand that to give
00:24:58
Speaker
you will get eventually. Yeah. It might not look the way that you think it's going to look. Yeah. But you will in some way down the line, like there's just no way that you won't. So, so coming at it from what can I give to this one?
00:25:13
Speaker
Yeah. In order to make their lives better, in order to make, make both of our lives better. Right. Yeah.
The Impact of Personal Attention in Communities
00:25:20
Speaker
Yeah, it should be a mutually beneficial relationship at the end of the day, just like your friendships within your relationships, right?
00:25:26
Speaker
So you made such a good point about, you know, not having to have this huge audience to have an impact. And I'm just curious, can you pinpoint anything that you've done over the years?
00:25:37
Speaker
Is there anything that you do to nurture the relationship that in between the things that you do. So let's say, let's just use your conference as an example. Okay, so like I came to your conference last year and now you're getting ready to have the conference again.
00:25:50
Speaker
Is there anything that you think you do really well in between that time that nurtures that community, makes them feel seen and supported? Yeah, absolutely. I stalk the crap out of them. I literally, I told them every, every time I'm like, I know that there's ah like a hundred people in this room, but I know each of you by name.
00:26:06
Speaker
I know exactly what you're doing. i you know, I could, there is no introduction necessary. In fact, every year attendees will come and be like, hi, I'm, you know, like Susie Q. And I'm like, girl, Susie, I know you like, how's X, Y, and Z. And it is not, it is not from a place of like research. It's truly that, in fact, like behind me is a list of the names of the people who come to the conference. Like I, I truly believe that there is an importance in understanding who is in your space, whether it is virtual or in person.
00:26:39
Speaker
And what I do in between is I continue to stay apprised to what they're doing. I continue to interact with them and to check in on them. And of course, that's impossible to do for every single person, especially as experience grows. And now i have had you know hundreds ah of students. that like I think I might be over 1,000 at this point in terms of like yeah actual people I work with. And so of course, like it's impossible for me to show up in every single inbox every single day.
00:27:09
Speaker
But I'm still, i they'll still see me. You know what I mean? Like, it's not like, oh, I invested in Laylee and then she disappeared. I'm still going to be there to encourage you. You can still always, my people know that if they DM me a question, they're getting an answer.
00:27:25
Speaker
If they email me, they're getting an answer. um It might take a hot minute now, but they're going to get it. You know what I mean? And so I think that i think that creating an environment and a relationship that's based on trust that you're not going anywhere.
00:27:42
Speaker
And like you said, making them understand that they feel seen because I actually see them. and Yep. What would you say to any introverts listening who are hearing you say focus on quality, you know, less relationships, but even that, or, you know, stalk them, get to know them, but like even that feels challenging to them.
Networking Tips for Introverts
00:28:03
Speaker
Even that kind of paralyzes them. I mean, I would say I understand because I am also an introvert. I remember the very first foray I took into ah attending something for myself.
00:28:15
Speaker
I was a couple years into business. I went to a conference and I spent every night in my hotel room alone. I did not want to go to any of the optional things. I was terrified and yeah felt upset.
00:28:29
Speaker
full-on imposter syndrome and full-on just like crippling fear. But from that conference, I still made like a handful of friends and those friends are now volunteers at my conference.
00:28:42
Speaker
Wow. Like those same people are the people – in what somebody else would call my quote unquote inner circle. Like I wouldn't necessarily use those words, but other people have. And they're like, how did you get that? How did you get that? And i'm like, I went somewhere where I was petrified and I barely showed up, barely showed up, but I showed up a little.
00:29:00
Speaker
Yeah. I showed up to the, ah to the level that I was able to. So my advice to any introvert listening is I would say, how far can you push yourself? Push yourself just that, that distance.
00:29:13
Speaker
Yeah. Just as far as you possibly can. And that to you might look like buying a ticket and getting on a plane and going to the like scheduled events and turning to your neighbor and saying, hello.
00:29:25
Speaker
You know what I'm saying? Like that might be as far as you can go. Yeah. Yeah. um And if you can go further, go further. Yeah. Yeah, it reminds me of a couple months ago, I got on a plane and went to an event in New York where I knew no one. i knew some people from the internet, right? Like I knew Instagram people, but I didn't know anyone. And um and I definitely, you know, felt those imposter syndrome ah feelings come up that I don't, I haven't felt in a while. And that's why I went. I was like, I need to put myself in a room with women that I really admire. Yeah.
00:29:57
Speaker
that are doing what I've done, or maybe they're beyond me and it's going to feel uncomfortable. And I've also will, as a caveat, say I've spent many, many years now embracing discomfort and stretching into discomfort. And that is a skill in and of itself.
00:30:11
Speaker
And we can talk about that in another episode. But um still, when I got there, i remember that first night there was a cocktail party know and I was like, if all I do, and I tell my clients this all the time, if they're ever struggling with us, it's like, if all you do is walk away and you know three people's names,
00:30:26
Speaker
yeah You've done your job tonight. You can go to bed. You can go crawl in your bed, tuck your little introvert self in, pat yourself on the back, and you did it. And I think so sometimes for me, what helps me is to lower, not lower the expectations by any means, but like We can go into a room and that's filled with 100 people and be like, oh my God, if I don't meet everyone, I've failed. And that's not true. That's a narrative we've made up, right?
00:30:48
Speaker
So give yourself something like you said. What is the thing that you're going to say? I'm going to do this. And when I do this, I've done my job. And you can feel great about yourself. Because guess what? Then the next day, you're going to show up feeling confident and bold because you did what you set out to do.
00:31:03
Speaker
um So I always suggest to like set a little limit for yourself of like, what's my goal for tonight? What's my goal for tomorrow? And it can be as simple as I walked away and I i know three people's names.
00:31:15
Speaker
And um yeah, and and it's wild. what I mean, literally, I just flew to Miami to be with those girls again. I'm in the middle of potentially launching a new business with one of the gals.
00:31:26
Speaker
I mean, I'm writing a book with a bunch of those gals. It's insane how many doors opened up when you do get yourself into a situation where you might feel a little uncomfortable at first. Absolutely. And I love what you said about setting that expectation for yourself or that like challenge that you'll meet three people because what inevitably and beautifully happens in community is that you will know those three person those three people's names and those three people will now know your name and they will introduce you to three more people each. Like it is a ripple effect that happens whether you want it to or not.
00:31:57
Speaker
Exactly. And the pressure is so much more alleviated and it's taken off of you. And then just, like I said, beautifully put into somebody else's hands. And you're like, wow, how did I even get this incredible group of people? Like what a gift.
00:32:12
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah.
Handling Criticism in Community Building
00:32:14
Speaker
Okay. Let's swing the pendulum the other way because we've talked about all the pros and benefits and and you know great things that come from building a community. But let's say you've built a thriving community. Is there one thing like that's a hard truth about building a community that you feel like no one really talks about?
00:32:30
Speaker
Yes. A dirty little secret about building communities? Yes, absolutely. um Not everyone is going to love you and not everyone is going to like you and not everyone is going to be the right fit for your community and it's going to hurt.
00:32:46
Speaker
yeah If you are anything like me, i am a very sensitive, somewhat introverted. ah i struggle with self-confidence and I have my whole life. I'm much better now as like a very – like an elderly lady i'm I'm a lot better than I was when I was younger, but we all still have that inner child in ourselves.
00:33:06
Speaker
And I am a people pleaser and nothing hurts me more then than that, than somebody feeling – either like they weren't welcomed enough or they weren't happy enough with what you've done to either one, even try it out, even try to to join your community, or they just kind of hate you for no reason. And and that does happen with growth. And I think that – That's really hard.
00:33:37
Speaker
i mean, i even this round, it's funny, I don't deal with it that often. I'm very lucky in that. Like, knock on wood, please. Like, Lord, keep that away from me. yeah But does happen. i This last time I launched ah the conference, i were a huge tenant of my business is diversity and inclusivity. It's a huge part of what I do. Like I mentioned at the beginning of this this conference this conversation, I am an immigrant.
00:34:03
Speaker
I have an immigrant immigrant family. I did not fit in. And I think that is another reason why community is so important to me to create places where people do fit in. And everybody is welcome at every event I do. Mm-hmm.
00:34:17
Speaker
And i I got an email challenging my diversity from the aspect of a man saying, where are the men? First of all, the audacity, right? Like now i'm i'm I'm over the initial shock of the email to where I'm like the audacity of a man. And by the way, there are men on my speaker lineup. It's just, it's fine. Whatever. Yeah.
00:34:39
Speaker
Whatever. you know, a cis white man emailing me griping about, i thought i thought inclusivity and diversity was important to you. Where are the men? And I was devastated. i was like, maybe I did something wrong because that's my first instinct is to put myself into somebody else's shoes and say, did this person really feel excluded? That's awful. And then I looked at my website and there are two white men in my, I mean, one is a gay man, one is a straight man. Like I really work hard to make sure there's representation across the board. And I was like,
00:35:09
Speaker
By the way, the the email came to me not even when the full lineup was full. Like the website hadn't even gone live yet. It was like going live that night. So clearly that email had been written in advance.
00:35:21
Speaker
It was one of those things where I was like, okay, this is just a hater. This is just somebody who was ready, who was ready to attack me because I don't align with what they want. Yeah. But it hurt. I mean, it did hurt. Now it's kind of funny.
00:35:32
Speaker
Now it's a funny anecdote. But that's that's the dirty secret. that's That's the hard part of community is that you will come up against some hatred. And I think that somebody who loves really hard – will have a hard time with that.
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah. I know I do. In the beginning especially. I mean, not to say that it gets easier or better over time, but as we were mentioning before we hit record on this podcast, we were talking about the first time we've ever had a podcast that didn't actually record. And it's the same with this. Like the first time you get the hater, the first time someone tells you that they're not happy with you is always going to be the hardest.
00:36:05
Speaker
Once you get through it and you realize you survived, right, you get you get a little your skin gets a little thicker and and you just you're just a little bit more resilient about it all. You know how to recover and you know how to um you know how to handle things with a little bit more grace probably.
00:36:20
Speaker
yeah But yeah, that is in hindsight a little funny. It is so funny now. I'm like, i just, the word audacity just keeps. Yeah, it's very audacious. Do you not have enough, sir?
00:36:33
Speaker
Okay. It's very audacious. We won't, that's ah again, another podcast for another day because we could go on a tangent about that. But yeah. Hope he's happy. Hope he feels seen and supported wherever he finds himself today.
00:36:47
Speaker
So, you know, we know, you and I know this to be
Long-Term ROI of Community Building
00:36:50
Speaker
true. Like but community building isn't about, as you said earlier, if I get 10,000 followers, then I'm going to make x amount of money. Like it's not so black and white, but There is definitely an ah ROI attached to building a community.
00:37:07
Speaker
I've been an entrepreneur for 14 years. i can tell you firsthand that relationships are rocket ships. And if you don't have people who see you, know you, want to be your friend, it's going to be a lot harder to do whatever it is you're trying to do, whether it is launch a program, sell a membership, get a one-on-one client, sell a book, what whatever it is. Like if you don't have people who you've been connecting with in some capacity, your climb is going to take you a little bit longer.
00:37:38
Speaker
So while it's hard to say there's a direct ah ROI, there is a very tangible ah ROI attached to your community. So what would you say to someone who says, i don't have time to focus on my community.
00:37:49
Speaker
That's not what matters to me right now. It's not, you know, I've got to work on something that may be more feel, feel more directly related to their bottom line. oh I mean, i would say i would say a couple of things. One, I think from a coaching standpoint, you probably, I mean, that maybe feel this way too, where I would probably ask the question of, well, are the things that you've been focusing on if they haven't been community-based, are they paying off in the way that you think that that they should or that you thought that they would?
00:38:20
Speaker
And if not, maybe it's time to try something new. um And if it is, if everything is going exactly how you want it to go, then yeah, keep going with that. Sure. But I would, I would guess that probably there's something that you would want to move forward in a different way.
00:38:36
Speaker
and then I would say, well, let's take a look at, you know, is, is this a right next step for you to to switch it up, to change it up and see how it's showing up might, could be the thing that, that sets, you know, that catalyst in motion. Mm-hmm.
00:38:52
Speaker
I would also say at the end of the day, it's it's kind of what I said about it feeds like your soul, it feeds your life and it feeds your business. Are all three of those things being fed?
00:39:03
Speaker
You know, like, do you feel at the end of the day when you're sitting down to work Like the things that that feed that direct ah ROI, like is that enough for you or do you need more?
00:39:14
Speaker
Or do you feel resentful? Or do you feel stuck? Or do you feel, like we had said before, like that almost like visceral loneliness of like, I need another human being to talk to about this, right to hold my hand, to cry with, to talk with, to laugh with.
00:39:31
Speaker
Are you getting all of those needs fulfilled? Because it is a need. the That has to be met in order, I think, in my personal humble opinion, those needs need to be met in order to have a business that has longevity to it. Mm-hmm.
00:39:47
Speaker
Otherwise, the things that you're doing – and everything has its season. There are years that i stay home more than I leave, and there are years that I leave more than I stay home. Mm-hmm. But if you're in if you're just constantly doing the same thing year after year after year and never showing up in a different way and never broadening your horizons to different people and different perspectives and different ideas, because those are all the things that come from meeting new humans.
00:40:14
Speaker
Right. you're going to end up feeling stuck. And if you are, then that's that's where I would challenge you to kind of think outside the box a little bit. If you're not, like you're not i'm not. I'm never going to be the person that's like, you must show up 100%. But I'm like, I know it's worked for me and I know it hasn't.
00:40:30
Speaker
And it never works for me to to ignore the need to show up. Yeah. And I think there's probably plenty of tangible like ah um business owner examples of people who maybe, you know, swung the pendulum too far towards the ROI, only doing the black and white bottom line ROI, not building community, not creating peer-to-peer safe spaces, not doing all that. And guess what happens?
00:40:54
Speaker
We see these people who build massive empires and then they walk away. And we we're left scratching our heads. I can think of a couple of examples off the top of my head right now. I'm left scratching, man. I'm like, I've been watching you build your empire for years.
00:41:06
Speaker
I'm confused. Why did you just walk away from this moneymaker? And I would be willing to bet it's because they didn't pour enough time and energy into community and you know friendships and relationships and the things that kind of help us balance that so that we have the longevity that you're, you know, referring to.
00:41:23
Speaker
So I do believe just like you that, um, you, you know, you can't ignore one for the other and, and for long periods of time and, so and create something that's super sustainable and going to last the test of time.
00:41:38
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. So let's give people as they're listening and we're wrapping up this conversation about how important it is to build a community, maybe just two, two very bite-sized actionable things that they could go out and do today to strengthen their community or build a community if they're feeling like, oh no, I haven't, I don't really have one.
Final Tips and Connecting with Laili
00:41:59
Speaker
Yeah, I would say, okay, action step one, I would say find three to five people online, whatever platform you use. I mean, I feel like we all use Instagram, let's be real.
00:42:10
Speaker
You know, find three people and send them a message. And if you don't know them, introduce yourself. And I would say introduce yourself, send a voice memo or a video. Mm-hmm. you know, and, to and, and maybe tell them why you want to connect.
00:42:21
Speaker
So that's, let's make it like really clear right now. This is your action step. So find the person you've been watching, you've been stalking, you feel like we would be best friends. And I'd be like, Hey, I just saw the thing that you just posted. i loved it. It resonated so deeply. I'd love to get to know you better. Do you want to get on a connection call? Or like, we, I just wanted to meet you. I just want to introduce myself.
00:42:39
Speaker
However you want to do it. Um, that makes it easy for them, like a low lift for them to respond or to enjoy you and to, to stalk you back. So at three to five of those three to five, I guarantee one will answer. Yep.
00:42:53
Speaker
Maybe not all of them. We all busy people. I get it. So that's action step one. And then action step two is I would say research something in real life that you can show up to, whether it's a local community group or a local person, maybe like maybe you connect like action step one and action step two is if one of those people is local, be like, hey, you want to grab some coffee? Like, like this is not like a mentor. Like, i don't want to pick your brain kind of thing. It's like you want to get some coffee and get to know each other.
00:43:19
Speaker
yeah Like, I feel x y and Z. I would love to have some coffee and see, you know, and just like hang out with somebody who gets it. Yeah. And literally you can, what, what Laila is saying right now, like the language he's using, it can be that casual because I know if you know, if you're like me, we get a lot of spam messages on Instagram. You can sniff that out a mile away.
00:43:39
Speaker
So the more down to earth, relatable, regular person you can speak to them, like, Hey, I saw you're in Nashville. I'm in Nashville. So I'm going to use that as an example. I saw you're in Nashville. I'm in Nashville. You're an entrepreneur. I'm an entrepreneur.
00:43:49
Speaker
I'm always looking to make more friends who are entrepreneurs. Can I treat you to a cup of coffee? You want to meet me at honest down the road? You know, whatever. But then they're like, oh, she's not trying to sell me on something. She's not trying to pick my brain. Literally, this is just a fellow peer who wants to get to know me. Yeah, let's go get coffee. I need caffeine, right? yeah Yeah. like And maybe they'll say no. Like maybe they won't answer you. And maybe they'll say no, but you did – It's almost like when i I work with a lot of speakers and I'm like, get used to the no, it's like you're pitching yourself, right? But it's you're pitching yourself a friendship, which can be hard. I get that.
00:44:23
Speaker
Which is why I also said if maybe if you're not there yet and you're like not ready to take that risk or feel that rejection, there are networking groups in every city, whether they are niche specific to you or not. Maybe it's not niche specific. Maybe it's more like brick and mortar. Maybe it's whatever it is.
00:44:39
Speaker
There are groups and there are places that you can go show up and have a cup of coffee with a group of people. Like, I believe that you can do that. And if you can't do that, you are welcome to my conference. You know what i mean? Like find something national. It doesn't matter. But if you want to start small, start local.
00:44:52
Speaker
I love that. Thank you for that. That's an excellent tip. Excellent tip. Okay. If you are feeling inspired and you're ready to strengthen your community and you want to learn from the number one community builder, um tell everybody how we can find you, Laylee.
00:45:06
Speaker
I hang out a lot on Instagram, which is at Lely underscore Imadi. um You can also find me at my website, LelyImadi.com or the Creative Educator Conference. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. Put yourself in a room, even if it feels uncomfortable.
00:45:18
Speaker
Trust me, it's always worth it. And I'm going leave you with one finale little tip, okay? If you're going to put yourself in the room and you're still feeling very nervous, my biggest and best suggestion to you is invest or rent One kind of sparkly, shiny, memorable piece of clothing. This could be a blazer. This could be a dress. This could be a necklace. Something that you feel like expresses your personality even better if it's on brand with your color palette of whatever your brand is because, you know, I'm always going to be a branding guru.
00:45:49
Speaker
And wear that the first night because it will give people a reason to come up and say something to you, which takes the the load off of you having to strike up the conversation. And then, of course, you can always flip that the other way around. There will always inevitably be someone in the room wearing the sparkliest something or another, and you can go up to them and be like, oh, my gosh, I love your dress.
00:46:07
Speaker
And guess what? That's one of your three people that you have to meet for the night. so I love it. It's so good. Yes. so Okay. Thank you so much, Lailie, for being here with us and just pulling back the curtain a little bit and letting everyone know um how important community is and how to do it with intention and integrity because Lord knows there's people out there who aren't and we want to be on the right side. For sure. Thank you so much. This was so fun. Awesome. Okay. I'll see you soon.