Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Stop Signs vs Roundabouts | A Comedy Podcast
330 Plays1 year ago
Have you ever sat down and really thought about how much better the world would be if we replaced stop signs with roundabouts? No, of course, you haven't. That would be insane. But John did. So join us as he leads the classic debate about what method of managing small intersections is best. https://bio.site/historydefeatsitself
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and McDonald's Confessions
00:00:00
Speaker
What's your McDonald's order? Not breakfast. Okay. I mean, well, cause you're going to make fun of me. I'm going to have to tell you, but I can't look at you cause it's embarrassing. Yeah. Oh wow. This is good. Let me hear it. I, I would eat a McGrib and a quarter pound of cheese.
00:00:21
Speaker
The same sitting? If I have to. And then as many nuggets as possible. So I would do a Happy Meal with two hamburgers, fries. You can only get one hamburger and a Happy Meal. I'll do a Happy Meal with an extra hamburger. And an extra order of fries. Because I really just want the toy, you know?
Meet the Hosts of 'History Defeats Itself'
00:00:49
Speaker
History Defeats Itself is a comedy podcast. Kevin, John, and Greg are not experts, historians, or even all that smart. I hate everybody on this podcast the same. Hello and welcome to History Defeats Itself, the comedy podcast that wonders why we never learn from our history. My name is Kevin Rosenkrist, and as always, I am joined by two men who I love.
00:01:19
Speaker
with every fiber of my being, John Banks and Greg Mitchell, how are you? Well, I would never leave you. Okay. I would never let you down. Okay. Yep. I'd never run around or desert you.
00:01:37
Speaker
Well, you kind of screwed up that first line, so you threw me off. I did. I'm dead. Greg, you want to take a stab at this or no? Yeah, I've been spending my time thinking about all the different fibers and Kevin's being, and just really wondering how close we are. Apparently...
00:01:54
Speaker
We're simp optical.
Guessing Game: Christy's Husband's Name
00:01:56
Speaker
I don't even know what that means. Fibers of my being. What does that mean? You're not the first person to say it. So obviously it's fine. No, I know. I didn't come up with it. I decide. Yeah, apparently. No one's accusing you of plagiarizing. No, Greg, I am not trying to take credit for this. It's weird. Why are you pushing this on me? I have a poster right behind me that says every five of my being. And then it says Dash Kevin Roseng there. Oh, actually, it says Dash Michael Scott Dash Kevin Croz and Chris.
00:02:23
Speaker
I guess just like dark green vegetables you're being is fibrous. You're good for pooping. It's amazing how many times people tell me that. Wow, Kevin, you're really good for pooping. I'm not really, I don't like you or dislike you, but I will say this about Kevin.
00:02:41
Speaker
He is good for pooping. It's good for the digestive system. Hey, before we get too deep into this, I wanted to give a quick shout out to my friend, Christy, and mostly because she listens to our show kind of off and on, but her husband listens all the time. And I'm not going to mention his name right now because he gave me shit for not giving him a shout out earlier. So I'm going to continue that and not shadow them out right now. But hey, Christy, how's it going?
00:03:08
Speaker
I also try to guess his name. I would like to give a shout out to Christie as well. Hey, Christie, I would like to get give a shout out to to the the man, Christie, the Christie's husband. Yeah, that's that one. Do you want to play a little game called Guess His Name? I mean, I sure I know his name. I think John knows it. So he doesn't get to go. Is it Bill? Yes. God damn it.
00:03:35
Speaker
I'll give you a hint, Kevin. It's not John. Yeah. Greg. Is it Greg? Yep. It's Greg. Okay. There's only two male names I know. Greg is polyamorous now. I am? He's a polygamist. Christy, you heard her here first. We have no choice but to consummate. Sorry, Christy's husband who shall remain unnamed. Sorry, Bill.
00:04:04
Speaker
and Jen while we're at
Location Check-ins and Brewery Banter
00:04:06
Speaker
it. I so apologize to her. Yeah, probably, probably a good idea. You should do that. First thing in the morning, every morning when you wake up, you should look at that woman and you say, Hey, Jen, I'm sorry. That's how I like to start my day. I just basically have a tattoo on my forehead.
00:04:25
Speaker
It was totally wasn't you totally me 100 percent me. I blew it, Jen. Yep. So, John, John, you're the way. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you at right now? We've talked about it before, but tell the audience where you're at
Traffic Light Strategies and Pet Peeves
00:04:36
Speaker
and your big road. And Oregon. So have you gone there? Don't known a lot for their breweries. Have you have you partaken in the in the fine ales of Bend Oregon? Not, you know, Kevin, you're an alcoholic. Yeah, it definitely like to take this time already. Listen, I think that that is very unfair.
00:04:56
Speaker
I'm not sure how many beers I have left in my cooler, but I may need to hit a pause real quick so I can run downstairs. So if you're a city, every city we mentioned just so happens to have a lot of breweries. What other cities have I said that about? Every city we've ever mentioned ever. Really? Every city we've ever talked about. And is very well known for its beer. Very well known. And the alcoholic community. And it's also known for its bend in the river.
00:05:23
Speaker
No, I did not know that I only knew about the beer as long as it takes you to the breweries. He's fine with it. OK, Mr. Mr. High and mighty here decides to quit drinking for 24 hours and all of a sudden it's like he's got to pick on everybody else. But I drank the entire weekend through. I feel that if you're a true historian, you know that Kevin is an alcoholic. Greg is a hypochondriac and I'm a pothead. I feel like if you're if you really listen, then you know that about it. But I'm a pothead too.
00:05:52
Speaker
I mean, we all have different vices. I feel like if you have to pick a vice that defines you. I would be booze. I've used cannabis before once or twice. Two, three times. Yeah, I do three. All right. It's John's turn. I took me for a second. Took me a second there. I couldn't remember whose turn it was. It is definitely not my turn. It is John's turn to lead the crew tonight. So, John, please take her away.
00:06:18
Speaker
Well, so I feel like the last three episodes were a little bit more heady and us just talking. So tonight I do not think our show can ever be described as Eddie, but go on. I don't think so either.
00:06:31
Speaker
Wait, what is that thing when it's annoying you? Cerebral? Cerebral. Have either one of you... Well, yeah, so I decided I was going to do something a little lighter tonight, so let's start with this question. Okay. When you two see a traffic light,
00:06:50
Speaker
changing from green to yellow, do you a stop B accelerate so you can make the light or C close your eyes and hope for the best. Well, in the close your eyes scenario, are my just coasting? Like what am I? Which one? Okay. Really? Your body's doing your body. I don't know. Your eyes are closed. How do you know what your body's doing? I got a feeling, but, um,
00:07:15
Speaker
I think it depends. I think it depends on how close I am. Do I know how long the yellows are? Like, you know, the yellows out here are much longer than back in Chicago. So cars next to the light. Is there a cop? Yeah. Am I in a rush? Is Elwood screaming in the back seat? Hmm. I see. So if you think you have time to make it and you're by yourself, are you going to stop or are you going to floor it?
00:07:43
Speaker
Oh, if I have, think I have time to make it, I'm always going to go no matter who's in the car. I was going to accelerate. Correct. I mean, I don't even know. Like, yeah, maybe a little bit. I mean, I'm not, I'm not accusing you.
Main Topic Introduction: Stop Signs vs. Roundabouts
00:07:56
Speaker
Seriously, dude. What the fuck? You're leading the witness, John.
00:08:02
Speaker
I declare a mistrial. I've been taking law classes at night and now's my time to give it a shot. What about you, Gregi?
00:08:20
Speaker
Like Kevin, there are a lot of variables that play into it, but I am actually upset that it is a question at all, because people that fucking stop when there's plenty of time to fucking go and make it really piss me off. As a matter of fact, I have a whole fucking thing about traffic, especially in the morning when you're driving around town. I mean, fucking go. There's no reason to stop ever. If I can see the light,
00:08:49
Speaker
If I'm close enough where I can see it even from a mile back, I'm gonna There's no way you can see a mile away I'm like if you can see 30 feet you Well, I have a question for you guys in in LA. We see 30 feet. Are you more than 30? And you can't I'm making fun of you cuz you're old. Oh, right. Good point In LA are the yellows?
00:09:16
Speaker
Long, are they short? Because here's the thing. The reason I ask is because when I lived in Chicago, the yellows were ridiculously short. But when you when you were when I when I was in the suburbs of Chicago, they were way longer. So how I hear exactly the same thing. Yeah. Well, because in a city in a city, you're they're trying to line up everything. So they. Yeah. No, I get that. But you can still line it up and have the yellows be a little bit so you don't have to slam on your brakes. And people have to be able to make those left turns to.
00:09:44
Speaker
Like you can't make a left turn in an L.A. intersection without going through a red light. Yeah. Yeah. You have to. And what's funny is it and everybody in L.A. knows it's always it's like four cars are going to run that red light because they've been fucking waiting there for 30 minutes to make that left turn. When you. So let me ask you when the. Would you guys pull into the intersection if you're trying to make a left? Yes. Yes. You know what's weird here in Colorado? A lot of people don't do that. I don't understand. I don't understand it.
00:10:13
Speaker
Yeah. I don't know why. I mean, I've never seen that before anywhere else I've driven except here. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's altitude sickness or something. Well, gentlemen.
00:10:24
Speaker
I have this. I want to tell you something. I want to tell you something else that pisses me off. Okay. Is that what the episode is about? What pisses Kevin and Greg off? Because this is going to be a great episode for us. I fucking hate it when people are, are walking around during like rush hours and they just, you know, they're walking that dog. They're usually senior citizens and they got to push the fucking cross button to go like across the main streets. So, you know, you got to slow someone, you got to slow everyone down by like 30 seconds.
00:10:53
Speaker
And the light never would change at all if that person didn't fucking push the button. I see. But they were pushing the button because they wanted to cross. Yeah, fuck them cross during rush hour. Fucking idiot. So they got to time their walks based on your driving schedule. No, just during rush hours. Like you could do whatever you want until like six in the morning. I would say from like 6 p.m. to 6 a.m. have at it. But besides that, get the fuck off the side of the road. Stop walking, fuckers.
00:11:22
Speaker
I think you might be like bigoted against elderly people. No. Nope. They don't have to be old. Even if they're, if they're young, they pissed me off even more. And if they're on a bike, they pissed me off even more anyway, because you never needed to push the button to begin with. You could have just gone when the light turned red. It only takes it three seconds to get across the fucking intersection. Man. I really, I'm really glad Greg's been able to get some stuff out of the chest. This was going to be the light episode. Thanks.
00:11:48
Speaker
Thanks, Greg. Yeah, the traffic light episode. Greg's face is very red. He's very upset. Kind of. So let me tell you why before I tell you the topic. The reason I picked this topic tonight is so when we were in Queen Anne, which is like a suburb of Seattle, we were on we were in this little this old neighborhood and there were no stop signs at four way crossings.
00:12:11
Speaker
None. And there were a couple of places they had to put in roundabouts. So tonight, gentlemen, our topic is going to be stop sign versus roundabout.
00:12:22
Speaker
Oh, shit. When you
Roundabouts: History, Function, and Safety
00:12:25
Speaker
said it was going to be light, I wasn't expecting this light. That's pretty fucking light. I like it. So stop sign bad roundabout. Good. You're welcome. But now I don't know if I agree with that. Well, but but I'm going to back that shit up. I'm going to back this. All right. Here's the roundabout. Here's the thing with the roundabouts. People don't know how to do them.
00:12:48
Speaker
Are you ordering another drink? It's because we don't have enough roundabouts for people to get used to them and know what they're doing. It's very true. You guys are going to come off so stupid. No, because I agree with you. Do you guys know that reference? Big Ben, no? Big what? Yeah, vacation. European vacation. European vacation, thank you. Big bad? Big Ben. Oh, God, John. Fucking stupid.
00:13:16
Speaker
No, there's a difference between not being able to hear and being stupid. Now, again, not arguing. I'm not stupid. I blame you for I blame your lack of hearing from stupidity. Greg, stop texting. I was texting my wife to get me a cocktail. I was texting my wife to get me a cocktail. Is that OK? It's part of the show. Oh, now he's in. Now all of a sudden, I'm the alcohol. I'm going to die it until you guys.
00:13:40
Speaker
Well, this fucking topic obviously needs alcohol. And then I'm going to have a vodka and tonic. I mean, I've got a vodka. I ordered a vodka diet seven up. Let's see if Postmates brings Postmates. Instead of putting this olive in this martini, I'm just going to use grape grapes in my martinis. Greg. Oh, man. I think that I think that roundabouts are way more effective for flow of traffic.
00:14:09
Speaker
People do need to use them properly because they don't signal. If they signaled, then that would help because it makes you yield longer than it should. I feel like by the end of this episode. You guys are going to be roundabout guys. I'm a roundabout guy. I fucking started that way. I don't mind the roundabouts myself. The problem is the fact that a lot of people don't know what the hell to do when they're in a roundabout like Chevy Chase, like Chevy Chase.
00:14:36
Speaker
but they do learn, right? It's a new thing. Like I would imagine they're going to, but not yet. Like, have you ever seen like the news? I think we've talked about that. The news clips are like people in Texas in the eighties when they were starting to make it illegal to drink and drive, like literally with an open container and people note to note to self, do episode on yield signs. Sorry. Well, we're going to get into the yield sign because of the stop sign. So it's just going to be redundant.
00:15:02
Speaker
Note to self, wait till the episode's over before you pick a topic. Switch to no U-turn time. Wait a second. You can't make a U-turn, because it's always in a U-turn. See?
00:15:20
Speaker
It's an oat. No, that's not correct. Two u's make a zero? You're right. But one u makes a u-turn. Right. But if you're in a circle, you're constantly going. Oh, you think it's a traffic circle. Right. Where's that drink I ordered? Postmates is kind of slipping. I mean, they used to be much better. It's going to be $50 for this drink. It better be good.
00:15:46
Speaker
All right. So a roundabout also, you have any more information, John, or we're done. Yeah, that's it. That's it. A roundabout also known as a rotary arch. I'm going to have to get my drink to go circle is a this are abortions, right? And you guys are so sensitive about abortions. Speaking about a roundabout. Oh,
00:16:15
Speaker
I don't get it. I don't think I can get there. Just, yeah. You got to try. You know, you got to try. Also known as a rotary or traffic circle is a type of circular intersection or junction in which road traffic is permitted to flow in one direction. I'm really glad we're getting the definition all the way. And a priority is simply given to traffic already in the junction.
00:16:40
Speaker
We know what a fucking roundabout is. I'm pretty anxious for the for the stop sign definition myself. I mean, a stop sign is a sign that makes you stop. But it doesn't. It's not a sign that makes that claimactic, actually. Where's that drink? I'm drinking. It's delicious. Is that.
00:16:59
Speaker
Alright, so it is thought that a one-way circle intersection was invented by a French architect, Eugene... Jean von Claude-Jean Roundabout.
00:17:13
Speaker
Jean Valjean roundabout. First cousin to the king. Eugene Hernard in 1877, during the same time period, the American architect William Eno was also proposing his plan for small circles to alleviate traffic congestion in New York City, which I guess I didn't know there was traffic in 1877, but I guess horses.
00:17:39
Speaker
Of course, that's what it would be. I mean, it kind of have to be, yeah. Horse and steam engine, boat, maybe, maybe people boat. Yeah, boats. Sure, boats. That would be slow. Slow moving. And engineers use the term modern roundabout to refer to junctions installed after 1960 that incorporate various design rules to increase safety.
Advantages of Roundabouts Over Stop Signs
00:18:02
Speaker
such as, Oh, we're going to get there. It's a slow, it's a slow, it's a slow, slow burn. I want to know how to make roundabouts more safe than they already are. If you or slower, if you just, uh, sweat slower, right? About like, like a random was pretty slow, right? Yeah. I kind of get the topic of roundabouts. I see. Sorry.
00:18:25
Speaker
I used to be like, here's the thing. I feel really bad the way you said it was so sad. Four years ago, I was a confident man and who I was. And then I started doing this podcast with you fucking assholes. And now every night I cry myself to sleep because I don't even know myself anymore. It is funny. It is. It is funny how much this podcast can crush our our individual confidence because I feel the same way. I'm like, look at the camera like, oh, they hate this episode. Oh, this is bad.
00:18:55
Speaker
I like roundabouts. Good job, John. Keep going, pal. I don't need your word thing I can't think of. Support? Yeah, that's the word. Trust me, you need my fucking support. You're not my dad. He's not even talking about the podcast anymore. Maybe I should order a burrito, too.
00:19:16
Speaker
I mean, I mean, if it's taken this long, you may as well add to it. This might be a cocktail slash burrito order. Are they making them in the bar now? Or is, you know, is the, is the, is the restaurant pink? Is pink dot still a thing? You should have done a pink dot. Oh, pink dot. Is that, is that a thing, Rick? I don't, I mean, it's in Hollywood. There might be one left like blockbuster video. Yeah. It's in bend Oregon. There's a pink dot in bend Oregon. Um, so far I haven't gotten a response from bend Oregon. I don't think they're gonna, from my postmates order.
00:19:46
Speaker
Can you see if it's been viewed? No. She's probably hanging out with your granddaughter. Or some dude. Yeah. Well, Bill. Bill's over here. The shredded up 24 year old who cleans the pool. Bill is not a shredded up 24 year old. Yeah, that would be William. But he's super handsome and has great hair. Bill does? Yeah. Just like me.
00:20:16
Speaker
Mm hmm. No, I said he's handsome, has nice hair bangs. It's all I got right now. Thinning. The rest of it's just completely gone right here. You can't see it past the past. The headphones is completely gone. That's actually why it actually doesn't have any hair. He just glued some doll hair onto his his headphones. So I take the headphones off and the whole piece comes up. Yeah. Well, that podcast is over.
00:20:45
Speaker
Honey, I'm going to have her in two more weeks. Kevin's second job is air traffic controller. Cause he let her, the guy on the ground. Cause he liked the only jobs he'll do is things where he wears headphones. We're after where headphones. Yep. Hey, do airports have random bots? Um, I think the whole airport's kind of a roundabout. Oh, I can see that.
00:21:05
Speaker
Kind of, um, is there more information? No, no, that was it. That was, that was, that is, that is the conclusion. Um, compared to stop signs, traffic signals and earlier forms of roundabouts, the tight circle of a roundabout forces drivers to slow down. And the most severe types of intersection crashes, right angle, left turn head on collisions are unlikely. So it greatly, greatly reduces your chances of having an accident.
00:21:34
Speaker
Well, can I tell you something that really annoys me now? Good. One thing that's very difficult is, is there's sometimes when you're honest and there's some streets like this where I live where.
00:21:47
Speaker
They alternate sort of like you're going down a street and you have a stop stop sign every few streets. So not every street do you have to stop. And it's the same way going the other direction. So like sometimes it's not always four way stops. Do you know what I'm saying? So sometimes there's two ways and they alternate directions. So I mean, I take the same way of home every day. So I'm fine. But like when people don't know if they don't drive that way a lot, they don't realize it. Sometimes they just fucking go because they think it's a four way stop.
00:22:17
Speaker
Right. Right. Does that make sense? Well, they don't just go. You mean they don't realize that it's not a four way stop. Right. So they stop and then they and I'm driving up and then they just go. What they should do is they should just kind of put the stop signs on just two of the corners, but not the ones that are across from each other, the ones that are right next to each other. So that way it'd be more interesting. That's for sure. Have an accident every time. It's good for insurance. Be fun.
00:22:46
Speaker
I think they should just have, I don't know, people with baseball bats who randomly hit your car. Because, you know, keep you on your toes, right?
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah. I don't, I don't know. Okay. So, oh, that was, so yeah. So the one thing that that's actually like the perfect thing for like a, like a roundabout, right? Because then you don't like, because nobody stops, so you don't question. So, um, variations on the basic concepts include integrations with tram or train lines, two-way flow, higher speeds, and many others.
00:23:20
Speaker
So like basically, so when you're when you're going towards a traffic, I mean, when you're going towards a roundabout, you like have to slow down because if you don't slow down, you know, you're going to flip your car. So you're automatically have to slow down. So you go down to it or you'll hit. I mean, I don't know if I'm generally going fast enough on a street that would have a roundabout. It's not like they have roundabouts on like majors interstates. They do when I interstates, but they do have them on highways. Yeah, but you still have to go pretty slow.
00:23:47
Speaker
Yeah, you kind of have to go slow to lead up to it. Yeah. Plus the best part of a roundabout is seeing that sweet sign that shows a roundabout's coming. That's true. Or like my favorite part about a roundabout is when you're in the roundabout and you're looking at another person around about and you both you're like you're you're having that moment together and then you go your separate ways. So you're like strangers in the night.
00:24:06
Speaker
I usually chase them. The fucker probably cut me off. I like to flip people off in roundabouts. I just drive around screaming. Even if they were just fine, I just like to, you know. It'd be cool if there's like no laws in a roundabout. And as soon as you get out of the roundabout, it's like the rules apply, it's like the purge.
00:24:29
Speaker
What, what happens in the roundabout stays in the roundabout kind of thing. Yeah. So as long as you're turning left, you can beat the fucking share of somebody. No consequences. Hmm. So I think that would, I think I'm trying to make this episode. I'm actually thinking about the logistics of that and I'm, I'm kind of on board. I think it's going to kind of cancel out the whole point of the roundabout though. Like I feel like the safety aspect and if you have a lawless land within the roundabout, safety is out the window.
00:24:56
Speaker
That's true. Be a shitty place to run out of gas. That would be. All right. For pedestrians, traffic exiting the... Fucking pedestrians. They do fuck up everything. Especially during rush hour, which apparently is from 6 a.m. to 6 p.m. Rush hour is like, I misspoke.
00:25:21
Speaker
I guess I'm okay with like from 10 o'clock until two o'clock. So really, I think from 6 to 10 a.m. and then from like 3 to 5 30. So this is 2 to 5 30. 2 to 5 30. Maybe in L.A., it's like 4. Get the fuck out of the roads. Traffic starts at 4 o'clock in L.A.
00:25:41
Speaker
It just stay on your side of the street. Don't cross. Wait, cross. It's not a roundabout. It's not any better. Like your dog doesn't want to go back across the street. There's nothing there. Then you never should have gone cross to begin with. All right. Yeah, I guess I get that. I mean, you really need to go fucking go to see a different house that looks exactly the same, but it's across the street. Fucking stupid.
00:26:09
Speaker
fucking meathead. Some asshole retired shop teachers got to piss everybody off. They want to keep fucking crossing traffic for this whole thing. Some liberal arts history high school teacher walking his dog because he's at lunch because he gets a lunch and I don't get a lunch.
00:26:30
Speaker
Why does he get the biggest dog to work? I don't bring bring my dog to work And if you're gonna if you're gonna be a fucking pedestrian crossing the street You better have a funny looking body so I can watch you the whole way Do weird things like move your body in an uncoordinated manner Okay, I want to see that You better not have a six-pack. I'm gonna stare you too, but I'll be jealous It's a different kind of staring. Yeah, it is a different kind of staring. I
00:26:56
Speaker
I really feel like we're tapping into a lot of insecurities. Both are anger based. Yeah, no, it's definitely this was a trigger. This is a trigger episode for Greg. I really thought I apologize, Greg. I thought who the fuck would be angry about roundabouts. That's not divisive. It's a circle. How can it be? Well, it gets tricky. It's tricky, John. That's why they so they have the saying. Don't talk about religion, politics and roundabouts. They do. Yeah, that is true. That's true.
00:27:26
Speaker
So it's safer for production. I don't mind religion or politics. I don't think my fucking, I don't think my drink's coming. I don't think your drink's coming either. You know what really pissed me off though is Moses when he parted the fucking sea and then he walked across. What an asshole. You know those fishes have to get to work.
00:27:41
Speaker
He's a fuck. Where's he going? Where's he even going? Where was he going? He was escaping the fucking Egyptians. He was they were trying to get a fucking boat. I mean, that would have been a lot easier. It's like God. Honestly, like that would have been made a lot more sense if if God had just given him a nice big boat instead of the whole part of the sea of God. So God could have been like, Noah, here's a jet boat for a thousand people. And you go or he could have been like
00:28:07
Speaker
God and fucking killed all the fucking people that were following him. That's true. Could do that. Or even just, Hey, why don't I just teleport you guys over this whole water structure here? Or here's an interesting thought. Why don't you just not have enemies? Like, why does anyone have to kill anybody? Why don't you pop down and say, Hey guys, I'm God, I created everything. Here's some miracles. Everybody stop. Get on board. I will swipe the,
00:28:33
Speaker
And I got my smiting pants on. I've got, I have, I'm in a smiting mood because I just went through a roundabout and fucking pissed me off.
Cocktail Break and Traffic Humor
00:28:41
Speaker
And fucking Judas pressed the cross button. Judas was walking across the street. It's fucking 4pm. Obviously you don't do that at 4pm. Like a goddamn dog. He had a dog. So you have to slow down into roundabouts. So it's safe for pedestrian. He doesn't even clean the map out of that dog.
00:29:02
Speaker
Doesn't bring plastic bags, nothing. Wait, God, does it bring plastic bags? Whoever's walking the fucking. Oh, man, I didn't I didn't know you were this hurt, Greg. Now, you know, John. OK, what else? The pedestrians, the roundabout rather than having to look in four directions are really well, three directions. You only have to look in one direction unless somebody went around like my favorite, like my favorite band.
00:29:34
Speaker
That's if you're in sync with the round.
00:29:39
Speaker
Bernie, make sure that those roundabouts are on the back streets because those are those are really complicated. Well, when I was, especially when you're a new kid on the block, when I was a boy, there were stop signs. But when I was a man to when I to a man, boys, I don't know. I'm trying to fit in the boys to men thing. What is he fucking saying? Oh, he's trying to go boys to men. You know, that that didn't work. No, it didn't. Greg, everyone knows that you don't point it out. Good point.
00:30:07
Speaker
fucking, you're just redundant. Um, also they allow you within the normal. Wait, am I, am I redundant with myself or am I redundant on the podcast? Yes. That's not how you answer. When both of them are. Yes. Um, I don't think my drink's coming. No, you gotta get, if that's not coming, the burritos for sure. Not coming. Did you request the burrito too?
00:30:37
Speaker
You know?
00:30:39
Speaker
I shouldn't have to be employed. Every cocktail comes with an applied 20 minutes ago. He's like, great. I'm eating this great because I must lose weight. And I was like, well, there's a burrito. You know what? I could eat some chili cheese fries too. Do we just have a tub of Crisco? Could you bring that up? I want to eat that shit. Does it is large still a thing? Like, can we get some lard up in here? A little lard and sugar mixed together.
00:31:10
Speaker
That sounds disgusting. I'll take one. Also, there's natural u-turns within the flow of traffic, which often are not possible at other forms. Oh, see, see, I got a cocktail coming. Here comes my cocktail. Thanks, honey. Thanks. Hey, this is like, this is like Silence of the Lambs. Hi. Hi. This is actual bourbon moonshine that my neighbor made.
Roundabout Efficiency and Trivia
00:31:34
Speaker
No way. We get to watch Kevin die. Oh, we're going to watch him both die. Oh no, she didn't drink it.
00:31:41
Speaker
Cheers. I'm waiting for my cocktail. Is that smooth? Nope, that is not smooth. Ooh, look at her face. Yeah. Bye. Bye. So that was like silence. That was like silence of the lambs. Like when, when the FBI goes to the wrong house.
00:32:10
Speaker
That was like my postmates went to the wrong fucking house. I tell you what, Greg, only one of us did not have a drink delivered by our significant other. Oh, yeah, you're a loser, Greg. Well, I got nothing to say. Oh, my God. I tried. So why you're so angry? I get it. I get it. Damn it. She might be feeding the dogs right now, too. That means the dogs are going to get a cocktail before I do.
00:32:40
Speaker
See if I got a response or if I got left on red, man. No response. Jesus Christ, it's been 20 minutes. What the fuck are you doing? So how shitty is that? I'm not shitty. How strong? How strong is that? It's not shitty. It is very strong.
00:33:06
Speaker
It's just basically like ever. Did he just pressure wash? Did he just pressure wash his fence and then the runoff he put in a mason jar? I don't know. I was. I didn't ask a lot of questions. You're drinking at a barbecue over the weekend and things got saucy. Like key party saucy or just I got a little drunk and talked too much about my kid saucy.
00:33:32
Speaker
I know I did. I did pretty good on the drunkenness part. I did pretty good to go. I think a lot of La Croix and even some non-alcoholic beers. That seems pointless. I thought it was La Croix, La Croix.
00:33:47
Speaker
All right, John, is there more information? How much time you need? So when entering vehicles only need to give way, they do not always perform a full stop. We know how roundabouts work. Are you just going to keep talking about how roundabouts work? As a result, by keeping a part of their momentum, the engine will produce. That's a yes. Work to regain. Oh, wait, did I skip something? Oh yeah, I did.
00:34:11
Speaker
Oh, good lord. You guys don't shut the fuck up. Everybody knows about how a roundabout works. Do they? Yeah, they do. I think they do. I think they do. No, these are like benefits. I think I'm freaking out from that moonshine. It's the episode.
00:34:34
Speaker
So, so modern roundabouts were first standardized in the UK in 1966 and were found to be a significant improvement over previous traffic circles and routes since the modern roundabouts have become commonplace throughout the world. And so basically what they did was they made them a lot smaller because before roundabouts were too big and so you could have too much speed, too much momentum. So then you lose the safety benefits.
00:35:00
Speaker
from having a large roundabout versus small roundabout. Craig is making me laugh. What's happening, Gregory? This episode's so stupid. Hey, listen, I was just I didn't want to I wanted to do something light and I was just like, oh, they don't have stop signs. I mean, why don't you just do fucking toilet paper, dude? Whatever seat belts. I need seat belts. We made John and I made seat belts fun.
00:35:30
Speaker
Dude, seatbelts is fantastic. We've all done horrible episodes. You're focusing on the wrong thing. I'm enjoying it. Focus on my beard and my lack of light. All right. Modern roundabouts. I think I'm dying.
00:35:55
Speaker
As much smaller than older traffic circles, also known as road rotaries, are required vehicles to negotiate. If there's a quiz, don't worry. It's the first time John's slow down. And they also they're really good for pollution. And could you imagine if they put speed bumps on a roundabout? That would really bust it out. You have speed bumps. Are you still eating grapes?
00:36:22
Speaker
I gotta do something, man. You've had a lot of grapes. Your stomach's gonna be weird. My stomach is weird. I hope you get great diarrhea. That's what I hope.
00:36:36
Speaker
Oh, so that's me different than the regular diarrhea. Yeah. I don't know. When my son eats too many grapes, it gets weird. I'll report back. Okay. Please do. It's like poop covered. It could be your next topic. Greg defeated himself. So do you guys want to know about roundabouts?
00:37:01
Speaker
We never did. How much more is there? It's just 17 more pages. I want an equal part roundabout and stop sign. It's not much of a fight. Ooh, put stop signs in the roundabout. Things will get real weird.
00:37:18
Speaker
Then again, I think it's going to cause more wrecks. Uh, the first modern roundabout in the United States were constructed in Nevada in 1990. And since then many more built all the blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Um, in the United States, according to the city website, Carmel, Indiana has the most roundabouts of any city in the U S totaling 138. That's not what I would have guessed. What would you have guessed?
00:37:53
Speaker
They replaced their four first stop signs with roundabouts in 1996, but the benefits of expanding this figure are
00:38:01
Speaker
are they are you are you hoping they're gonna ferment your stomach and then you can throw it up and then you can drink it
00:38:21
Speaker
We're making your own wine. For those of you who don't watch the video podcast, Craig is just crushing grapes. And it's been going on for some time. And I'm starting to worry about him. I'm trying to fucking, I'm trying to end this podcast by passing out on ODing on grapes.
00:38:45
Speaker
I mean, it would get our numbers up. It'll look like it wasn't a choice. Hopefully that get our numbers up. Are you going to die or just pass out? Oh, I mean, honestly, if we'll have a sign on the show, probably be really good for ratings. Greg. I mean, come on, you're older than that. We've had more life. We're still young and spry. We want to live, experience things. Yeah. We got more to, we got more to live for. I don't mind going first.
00:39:13
Speaker
Um in the state of indiana they have installed 256 rounds about and this has reduced accidents delay fuel consumption air pollution and construction costs overall indiana indiana has seen a 90 reduction in fatalities 70 fewer injuries and a 30 to 40 fall in the number of accidents involving pedestrians And they also
00:39:37
Speaker
And a hundred and twenty thousand percent increase on men who don't want to be in the same room with women who are not their wives. What? Wow, that's wordy, but it made sense. It's like Pence joke. I don't get it. I don't get it. If they call their wives mother. You don't you don't know about Mike Pence. Mike Pence won't be in a room with a woman who's not his wife. Yeah. Sorry. I have to explain every fucking joke to you. OK. Well, that's what it's like when you're a Mennonite and you have a fucking Mennonite beard.
00:40:07
Speaker
You don't get much. That's why he's talking about next week he's going to do fucking horse and buggies. Man, you're an idiot. It's called a horse and wagon. Dumb fuck. What's a buggy? Tonight we're going to talk about how to put up a barn.
00:40:24
Speaker
First of all, it's not called put up a bar. 10 of your closest friends are raising with God damn it. It's like I'm talking. Sorry. Sorry. It's a bargain election. You use these little blue pills. That shouldn't be a hammer away. Use these little pills and they will make it all be just fine, but only for a short amount of time. And if that if that structure stays up for more than four hours, you need to consult a carpenter.
00:40:55
Speaker
What's funny? Nothing says nothing says that was a stupid joke more than when Greg
Traffic Sign Anecdotes and Host Banter
00:41:06
Speaker
goes. That's funny. I hear laughing is a little too on the nose, man. Should I?
00:41:22
Speaker
Is there more? I mean, I just I don't see the point. I don't see something at this point. You know what? You two don't want to learn about roundabouts. After how many times in private conversation have you guys been like, I wonder about roundabouts. But no, today you're just being six. You're right. I start off supporting you. John, I'm going to be honest with you.
00:41:49
Speaker
You kind of, you kind of deserve the shit you can do. All right. All right. Well, it was this or canals. So why does it have to be any sort of way that things travel? Like why did we have a theme? I didn't know if there was a theme. That's his passion. That's his passion project.
00:42:15
Speaker
Well, you know what you know what this is this is Opus No, no, no, no, let's talk About why why you guys are gonna replace me
00:42:30
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no, I just I want it. I want it. I want to get to the nitty gritty here. I don't think I don't think we're I don't think we're ever going to nitty gritty other than roundabout save lives. That's that's. Is there a climax to this? That's it. I just get to you. Oh, save life. What? I didn't climax at all. It had a 90 percent reduction in fatalities. That is impressive. That is impressive. I think you're minimizing. But.
00:42:57
Speaker
90 90 percent so but that is to assume that that the majority of traffic accidents in indiana happen at stop signs no it's talking about no no it's it's stop sign versus it's but you're saying that there was a reduction because they replaced stop signs roundabout so there's a 90% reduction right so they replaced the stop signs with the roundabouts so far i'm with you
00:43:22
Speaker
So, so why did they have so many fatalities at stop signs? People run stop signs all the time. Have you ever run a stop sign? Gotcha. So it's not, it's not, it's not a 90% decrease in all traffic accidents. No, it's a 90% increase in. So basically what happens is like, if you miss a stop sign, you're going 60 miles an hour. Somebody runs, you keep on them versus if you're in roundabout and you're going 20 miles an hour and you have an accident, it's not going to be fatal.
00:43:49
Speaker
Oh, I totally understand that, but I feel like the majority of car accidents do not happen from run stop signs, or maybe I'm wrong. Especially fatalities. What do you think they happen from? Freeways. Yeah, freeways. High speeds. Highways. Trying to follow this episode. Drunk driving.
00:44:12
Speaker
Driving into buildings. You know, I was really excited about driving into buildings when you're drunk. Do you know that statistically you're, you're, you're no more likely to have a wreck being drunk than you are being sober. Oh, finally. Now we finally get some good information. John, you should have led with that. Can you get the laws changed? No, I can't. I can't even, I can't even get podcasts about round bouts with two fucking idiots. So how am I going to change the law?
00:44:42
Speaker
That's our fault. Yeah. No, I know. I thought I was clear in what my statement. Yeah. John, I don't want you to be mad. I want you, I would like, I would very much like to hear more about roundabouts. I don't want to talk about roundabouts anymore. No, I do. I do so much.
00:45:00
Speaker
I don't I don't care about you so much. I just want to know if there's more. There's so much more information. I just. Yeah, really more. Seriously, I've got like another 10 pages on fucking roundabouts. You do not have 10 pages. There's no. How big is it? Is there like three words per page? Listen, let's not get into how we fucking write. OK, like.
00:45:26
Speaker
I said what I said. Let's not get into font size, Kevin. I don't have good vision. Oh, I don't even know. Oh, so I mean, so in the U.S., we have 73 roundabouts for every one million citizens and most other countries have a lot more. That is a very important correlation. I was just trying to get. No.
00:45:53
Speaker
Well, I guess that's just round about trivia. That's fine. All right. I like it. I said some stupid shit about seat belts, man. For sure I did. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. No, no, I'm not going to read that. Let's see. Greg's dick. Kevin can't suck my dick. All right. Studies have answered that. Well, keep drinking that whiskey. Yeah. No, if I if I finish this, everyone's going to get the dick sucked.
00:46:23
Speaker
Tonight at the... What do you think your neighbor made it? Oh, he's standing outside the window right now. His pants off. He's cutting a hole in my window that's dick sized. Wait a minute. Is that a glory hole right through my siding?
00:46:46
Speaker
Studies of intersections in the United States converted from traffic signals to stop signs or stop signs to roundabouts have found reductions in injury crashes of 72 to 80% and reductions in all crashes of 35 to 47%. That makes sense because I think a stop sign is going to grab retention better.
00:47:05
Speaker
Wait, what? It's saying the opposite of that. I'm trying to back you up. Trying to think. Okay. Okay. Contradict me. Contradict my support. Nope. It's fine. I'm just, I'm just trying to understand your support because it's wrong. But aren't stop lights the best of the three? You do when you come to a yellow light. You speed up.
00:47:29
Speaker
Yeah, you get home faster. Not always. You get home faster. Actually, John, you don't understand what a rush I'm in. I got to go and walk my dog after 6 p.m. Yeah, I got to get home as fast as I can so that I can be miserable taking care of my child. OK, that is not all right. I love my child. I love my child.
00:47:56
Speaker
You said it twice, so that really I. Here's the thing. I have never noticed that you loved your child until this moment. I've always. Me too. Yeah, no, he loves his kids, but now. Who doesn't love their kids now? It's like, I don't know what's good. Greg and I, we have a private meeting. Are you having another intervention for me? It's getting very tiresome. Last one didn't go so well. We just got hammered at my intervention. It was fun, though.
00:48:27
Speaker
Yeah, it was a good time. Well, we had to see where your bar was. I did want to show you the new bar. So across the US, people are killed every day by drivers running red lights, according to the American Automobile Association, which says most of the victims are passengers and other vehicles are pedestrians. But we can't just replace red lights completely.
00:48:55
Speaker
Excuse me. I think we did. I get it. It's less about you and more about my drinking problem. I wonder if those I wonder if those red light fatalities happen like after the lights have been red for a while or just most of them are done by the first wreck I ever had in my life. I was going.
00:49:15
Speaker
like 60 down this little road. And there was a, I saw the light changing and I floored it and I made the light. I like, I like, I went through while it was changing red, but this other lady, she was driving and expecting it to change. And she came through and hit me. So that was her fault. Um, you were going 60 in a, what? No, no, no, no, no. Like a school zone. So
00:49:41
Speaker
And fairness, he couldn't see because of all the backpacks that hit his windshield. Yes. Oh, well, and you gave me shit about my comment before. When I see a sign that says drive like your kids live here, I think they make a lot of assumptions about how I feel about my imaginary kids. They are just they've been disappointed to me. Yeah, they're not imaginary, John. You just don't take care of them. Right. From from the three year old to the 30 year old, they're all disappointments.
00:50:11
Speaker
All 65 of them. By the way, I did eat too much. I told you that was going to be a problem for you. Yeah, it is. Let's see. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Crossing in a multi-lane roundabout can be more difficult for pedestrians than crossing at a single lane.
00:50:37
Speaker
Sorry, but the great thing, the great thing is really, really funny. Are you eating car bags? Nope, but I want to. You do want to. I don't want to. Are there more grapes? Did you eat them all? No, there's more. Oh, okay. Um, so it actually helps speed up traffic.
00:51:00
Speaker
a study of that. I could see that I can definitely see as nothing shows those things down the four way stop. Well, even the way stops are the worst. Basically with a with a roundabout. So even traffic let's have stop go. Right. And so then you open, you know, so a bunch of people go and then you stop again with the roundabouts. It's the flow is constantly moving. So it actually increases the flow of traffic anywhere from 30 to 50 percent.
00:51:23
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now you're interested, aren't you? Now that I'm in, I take back all of my jokes. Talk about lanes merging. They don't merge, Greg. They don't merge lanes. Just stay in their lane. They don't merge. They do.
00:51:42
Speaker
No, actually they can. Anyway, you know, as much facts, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. It's all about roundabouts. Good news. Good news. Give it a stop signs. Last call. So, John, you're clearly a roundabout over stops. No, I think we should have no stop signs or roundabouts. I think it should be four way stops with no stop signs and everyone just go with their own risk level.
00:52:08
Speaker
Pat's stupid. You know what I think, John, I think there would be more roundabouts if intersections were bigger and they were probably a lot more expensive to engineer than just a regular four-way stuff. So I just want to say something. I get it. As you were talking.
00:52:25
Speaker
I was so bored so I could see how you two have been bored through this whole thing. So, you know what? I apologize. The first time that Greg tried to be serious about this episode, you were like, this is so boring. I apologize. That's on you, buddy. That I did this to you and the listeners. What listeners? I don't know. I laughed harder this episode than I had a long time. So.
Conclusion and Comedic Farewells
00:52:51
Speaker
Here's the last call.
00:52:54
Speaker
Wait, you didn't do any kind of research on the cost of turning regular intersections into roundabouts? Oh, I didn't. Somewhere buried in all my notes, but I didn't get to it. Okay. Okay. Well, here's the thing. So because of the maintenance costs, I do remember that. So because of the maintenance costs of stop signs, traffic lights, things like that, you have to replace them. Roundabouts, you don't have to do anything to for about 25 years where traffic lights and stop signs, you have to do something on an average every two years.
00:53:19
Speaker
So yeah, but with the stop signs, like the maintenance cost is pretty low, right? But but got to get going. S T O P. Where's my paint? Some idiot knocks a stop sign down or a kid steals it to put in his bedroom or something like that. I can steal the roundabout sign, too. I mean, they can steal the roundabout. They can't steal the roundabout. No, but they can steal the sign. Yeah, but.
00:53:44
Speaker
The sign isn't the key component to the roundabout. The sign is the component to the stop sign. But it's the key component to the theft. Wait. So wait, seal those. Is this sign the key part or is the post that holds the sign the key part? Which one's more important? Hey, Kevin, hit that button. Oh, but I am this stupid.
00:54:12
Speaker
Sorry, it took so long. It's very anticlimactic. It was worth the wait. We have stuck on the repetitive will of history for thousands of years, but maybe just maybe the roundabout will be. John really like circles forward for humanity. It seems local, state and national governments around the world are understanding that people don't like to stop. So you round the world, make them cheers. Cheers. Cheers, everybody. You want to hold up a grape or are you good? No.
00:54:42
Speaker
I guess I'm done consuming things. Oh, that's that. All right. Anything else? I mean, this is it for me with the two of you who are like, I'm starting a new life. And I'm going to you know what? I've come into your houses and poop on your lawns.
00:55:03
Speaker
And I mean you just may what I mean, I'll put it out there for you 24 hours So clean that off your ground. Yeah, great to be doing a lot of pooping That's that's his punishment. Good night, everybody