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53. tell all about my experience with Anxiety (from toxic relationships, to jobs I hated, social anxiety to coping with alcohol) + 15 tips/changes you can make TODAY to feel better
16 Plays3 months ago
Hello babes! In this episode I share all about my life experiences with anxiety, how it affected me as a child, during school, college, and how I used alcohol to cope with it.
I share about toxic relationships, poor life style habits, and how it affected my JOBS, my RELATIONSHIPS, my HEALTH and so much more.
I also share about my life now, after many years of personal growth and development work, healing, self-love and inner work. The difference of quality of life is INSANE, today I don't suffer from anxiety, I easily fall and stay asleep, I am happy and content in my career, building my business, in my healthiest and fulfilling relationship, sober, a dog momma and am living my Purpose, expressing myself and prioritizing my health and radiance.
You can absolutely get there as well, and I hope sharing some of the darker and lowest parts of my journey show you it's possible for you to make changes and create a life you love.
I share 15 questions/tips/practices you can use TODAY to shift your life and heal your anxiety.
***(I'm not a medical professional and this is not medical advice, always seek out professional help if your mental health is suffering)
Let's connect: Ellisa, Soul Purpose Coach | Gene Keys | Akashic Records (@iamellisamae) • Instagram photos and videos
Book a reading: @byellisamccoy (stan.store)
DM or email me "free akashic hypnosis" to [email protected] and I'll send you my free Akashic Hypnosis Meditation.
XX,
Ellisa
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Transcript
Introduction and Alyssa's Journey
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friend. Welcome to the It's Happening For Me podcast. If you are obsessed with all things spirituality, personal growth and development, and living as your highest self, you are in the right place. I am your host, Alyssa, and I spent the majority of my teenage years and young 20s living totally out of climate. As I started to question my patterns and behaviors and actually got to know myself at the soul level, I realized that everything was happening for me.
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, as a spiritual life coach and human design guide, I am here to share my voice, personal stories, human design wisdom, and learn from incredible individuals living their purpose. Join me each week as we walk the spiral path of purpose together. I cannot wait to dive in.
00:00:55
Speaker
Hello, hello, my friend. Welcome back to the It's Happening for Me podcast. I am so excited that you are here listening today wherever you are in space and time. I am just recording. It is Sunday for me and I slept in today, woke up, took Peanut on a walk, did a little house cleaning, actually like a pretty big, like deep cleaning, which feels so good.
00:01:24
Speaker
And now like the space just feels so energetically good and I'm so excited to record this episode for you guys.
Episode Focus: Anxiety and Its Management
00:01:32
Speaker
So today I'm going to be talking all about my personal experience with anxiety. I want to really share with you guys how I have experienced it throughout the years and what I have done and the tools that I have now to really help me like manage it and have it under control. And I think this is going to be so helpful because it is so crazy, you guys. like This always happens whenever... Okay, so I put out my um
00:02:04
Speaker
hypnosis, Akashic meditation. I think it was like two weeks ago. That is a new free offering that I have. So if you haven't received that yet and you would love to get it, go ahead and send me a DM on Instagram or an email. I'll put all the links in the show notes um so that you can get this free, beautiful hypnosis meditation um that really connects you to your higher self and helps you get on track with your purpose. It helps you focus on one thing that you need to do every day to move the needle forward and really just have a relaxing, like deep, really good quality of sleep. So I put that out two weeks ago. I have also been just reconnecting with like old coworkers, old besties that I've had from the past, um really connecting with clients, also talking to friends, peers. And it is so crazy because every single person, like there's always a through line,
00:02:53
Speaker
Every person that i that I've been speaking to recently has been experiencing anxiety in some form or another. Any time that I do Akashic Records readings, say I have like five readings in a two-week period, there's usually always themes that are very similar. like People are coming to me with the same themes, and it happens to me right now anxiety. but And also just like having trouble sleeping, having trouble being able to relax enough to be able to be in a state where you can receive a meditation and feel relaxed enough to listen to it and fall asleep and sleep good. And so I was like, this is for a purpose. Like this is obviously happening for a reason. And I meant to share with you guys my journey with anxiety. And so um I think it'll just be super helpful. And I want to share with you the things that I have done over the years to really help me
00:03:46
Speaker
just feel better because there is nothing worse than feeling anxious and like being stuck in those looping thoughts, feeling the actual physical feelings of like dread, terror, doom. um you know I really experienced it physically of like irregular heartbeat, like my heart beating out of my chest, especially when I used to have panic attacks.
00:04:07
Speaker
And it is such an uncomfortable feeling. I've also experienced it in relationships and just worrying so much, like incessantly worrying about like what the other person's doing. And just in every part of my life, it has shown up in different ways. And as we really heal and evolve, you're going to notice that once you've kind of healed it, it's going to probably come up again in a different form.
00:04:29
Speaker
and so Yeah, I just find it like really fascinating because there's so many different ways anxiety can present itself, um even in like my friends and family, like it's been coming up. So let's just dive right into it, girl. I wrote some notes down to guide me today.
Childhood and Social Anxiety
00:04:46
Speaker
So, okay you guys, in my opinion, if you have watched also, if you haven't watched Inside Out 2, it is such a good movie and they introduce anxiety in the second one and that is such a good way to really see like how it's not us like it's not us that is feeling anxious like it's not our inner self it's not our
00:05:10
Speaker
you know, soul, it is really just a part of us. It is really just a part of us that is kind of like taking over control of our body and of our mind. And there's a way that we can actually take back control and not allow anxiety to really rule our life. So if you haven't seen Inside Out, I highly recommend watching the second one. um Because yeah, it does a great job of talking about anxiety. But okay, so for me, I have always kind of been like an anxious person.
00:05:38
Speaker
And I think some of us experience it more than others. Of course, so many factors come into play like our life experiences, trauma, just like growing up, the household that we grew up in. um But in general, I've always been someone who has just like worried like more than others and felt anxious. And and My earliest memories are ah really back in like kindergarten. It's so funny when I was little in kindergarten, first grade, second grade, any time that we were about to have like a really fun day at school, like a really big event. like I remember this perfectly in kindergarten. We all dressed up for this like Halloween parade and we were wearing our costumes and we were going to go on this parade through the school and like go trick or treating to all the different classrooms. and
00:06:24
Speaker
get candy and it was like so exciting and I was i loved Halloween. and I would get so excited that it would kind of turn into like anxiety and I would make myself sick. like I would end up throwing up. and like i I remember so clearly having to go to the nurse's office because I was like throwing up and I felt so nauseous, so sick, and my mom had to come pick me up. and It's like, what the heck? like This is literally out of nowhere. like I wasn't sick. I didn't have the flu. It's just that I got so excited.
00:06:53
Speaker
And that's really how we can view anxiety is like it's just another side of the coin of excitement. And so it's really just this like excess energy inside of ourselves where we're like anticipating something that's going to happen. Maybe we're like really excited and like I obviously couldn't wait to like show everyone my costume and like go get candy.
00:07:10
Speaker
But I was just so worked up and like so overly excited. like This energy was just like, it didn't have anywhere to go. And so for me, it manifested as like getting really nauseous, throwing up. like A lot of times when people have anxiety or like panic attacks, like they throw up, they dry heave. And so that happened to me. This also happened to me all of the times that my parents would drop me off to meet my grandparents. like So for the summers, I lived in Colorado. My grandparents lived in Nebraska.
00:07:38
Speaker
And it's like one state over. And so we would do this like three hour drive to go to like lunch to meet my grandparents. And then my parents would leave us and like my grandparents would take us home with them for like a week or two during the summer. And I was so anxious because I was just like future tripping, really like already projecting like worst case scenario, thinking about how much I was going to miss my parents. I didn't want to leave them. I would get so worked up, you guys, that I would not eat any of my food like at the lunch, I would already be crying, uncontrolled crying and just like embarrassed. like I didn't want to show that I was crying. It's not like I wanted to show my grandparents that, like oh, I don't want to come with you. like It's not like I didn't like them. I didn't love them. I just genuinely was so anxious of like leaving my mom and dad and going with them.
00:08:27
Speaker
and for a long period of time to me like one to two weeks at that time was a long period that I was just so distraught and so um I remember going to the bathroom and just dry heaving like throwing up I had nothing to throw up because I wasn't eating and it was just like so sad and then I remember my mom having to like be like, come on, we're like we need to go back out to the lunch. And I was like, no, like I don't want to. And I can remember like holding onto the dryer, you know where you like dry your hands off after you wash them. I remember like holding onto them because like I didn't want to leave the bathroom. I did not want to go back out there because that meant I was like two seconds closer to having to get in the car with my grandparents and like leave my parents. And I remember my mom like prying my hands off of the dryer and like pulling me out of the bathroom to like go back to the lunch table. And I was just like a mess, like distraught. And I was probably like,
00:09:17
Speaker
I don't know how old I was, maybe like five, six, seven, eight, even up to like nine years old, maybe acting like that. And, um, I remember then going into the parking lot and then like trying to put me in my grandparents car and again, just like dry heaving, like throwing up nothing on the side of the car because I was so upset and I did not want to leave my parents. And I was just like, so anxious, like just overwhelmed with this energy inside of me that had nowhere to go. And I was just so consumed.
00:09:47
Speaker
And that happened until they started um scheduling it to where like my cousins would go at the same time as us. So then I like began really to get really excited to hang out with my cousins and not just be with my grandparents. I was like, oh my God, like I get to be with my cousins. like This is going to be so fun. And so that anxiety turned into excitement.
00:10:07
Speaker
And then I was able to start like projecting and thinking about the future of like really excited, kind of like best case scenario. Like, Oh my God, like we're going to go swimming every day and we're going to play like Monopoly and like play cops and robbers with like Monopoly money. And the boys and girls are going to like fight against who gets to stay at the farm and who has to like, no one wants to stay in town. Like we all want to stay at the farm and we're going to play like.
00:10:30
Speaker
video games you know like we would play James Bond I don't know I just it really changed it from being anxious and being worried about like the worst case scenario like this is gonna be so boring I'm gonna miss my family to being like oh my god I get to hang all my cousins and so it was a different it was just the other side of anxiety is excitement and so I still had all this energy but it was like really channeling it into excitement um and then Yeah, so that was kind of like my earliest days. And then when I can remember in middle school and high school, specifically middle schools, like when it really started, um I had social anxiety. So I would hate, okay, you guys hated when the teacher was like, okay, guys, like we're going to break off into groups. So go ahead and like group yourself up, you know, like
00:11:15
Speaker
go with like three to five people so that we can do the assignment. Like I hated that. I, even though I had friends, even though I like new people in my class, I hated going into like group work and I just dreaded it. And then I would just feel so anxious. And then when it got to high school, worse, like I hated it. And then college, literally you guys, if I like went to the first day of college, you know how they kind of just like go over the syllabus and like,
00:11:44
Speaker
tell you like what's expected of you and like what the the assignments are going to be like. Any time that a class was like, oh, this is going to be like huge group work. 60% to 70% of this is going to be like group work. Your group assignment is going to be due at the end of this class. I remember literally walking out like to go to the bathroom and never going back, like literally dropping those classes when I first started college.
00:12:05
Speaker
Because I was like, there's no way that I'm going to be doing group work like 60 to 70% of the time when I don't know anybody here. I hate like, I just hate it. It's like, so uncomfortable if you have social anxiety. And so then I got like really smart and started like researching and doing like, you know how you can like look at rate my professor before you start before you pick your classes, like I would literally read it and make sure that there was no like big group work or group assignments. And that's how I would like pick my professors because I just wanted to be by myself. Like I was like, you cannot force me to do group work. I even remember um having to take public speaking three times. I got three, I got two W's like withdrawals before I finally was like, okay, Lissa, like you have to just do this. Like wait, there's no way getting around this.
00:12:53
Speaker
because I was so nervous to do public speaking, which is like, that makes sense. That's like the number one thing that that people statistically are afraid of is like public speaking. um So if you already have like an anxious person that also has social anxiety and then you make them go into a public speaking class, it's so uncomfortable.
00:13:11
Speaker
And this is before I like knew I had any like tools or like before I was into self-development and growth. like It was just before all of that. And so I just literally had no tools. And I was just like suffering so bad. like How am I going to do this? And so what's so crazy, you guys, is I don't know how I learned this or if it just like intuitively happened, but I would start tapping the middle of my forehead.
00:13:35
Speaker
just tapping it right before it was going to go on. Because I guess somewhere I learned that if you tap the middle of your forehead, it kind of like brings you into your body, which is so funny because now like one of like the best tools that I use that I personally am obsessed with is EFT tapping, which we'll get into when I talk about some tools. um But I just thought that was so funny. So yeah, I've experienced this in every part of my life from when I was younger to when I was in middle school, high school, college, like it's affected me to where like I dropped classes. And then you guys where it got really really bad for me was when my life also like my habits my like lifestyle got pretty chaotic and this is what I really want to talk about it's like
00:14:20
Speaker
We can do all of the tools. like We can have these tools in our tool belt to like help us get through in the moment of having anxiety. But if we're not also really, really, really being honest with ourselves and like evaluating our life, evaluating the people that we hang out with, the situations that we accept ourselves to be in, um the like work-life balance that we create for ourselves. Like if we're not really, really looking at our big life stressors and taking accountability and responsibility and saying like, you know what, I'm so unhappy. This is causing me a lot of anxiety. I'm going to change something. Like I'm going to take, you know, I'm going to take the steps that are uncomfortable to create massive change in my life. It can even be a little changes. Then the anxiety is still going to be there, you know, especially if it's like lifestyle things that are causing us an anxiety. So let me explain.
00:15:13
Speaker
So I think I was like, the ultimate height of my anxiety was definitely in college.
College Life and Anxiety Triggers
00:15:23
Speaker
Okay, so I had graduated high school. I think this was maybe like the first, actually I think this was actually in high school. So I remember going to a trade show with my boyfriend, it was like it was like a trade show for um skating and like surfing. um I was dating like a skater, a skater boy for like seven years. But I went to this trade show that we went to every year and um I remember I didn't eat anything that day and they were giving out all of these free like monsters, like energy drinks. And I was like, oh yes, like heck yeah.
00:15:55
Speaker
So I was drinking monster after monster and then we would go outside and smoke cigarettes because this isn't a part of my life where like I love smoking cigarettes. So we'd smoke cigarettes, drink monsters on top of monsters and not really eat anything. And that's the first time that I've ever experienced like a full on like panic attack. Like I thought I was having a heart attack and dying when I went home that day. And so my mom took me to the hospital and I got checked out and they're like, hey, like everything's perfect.
00:16:24
Speaker
you know like You're not having a heart attack. Your heart is fine. That EKG is fine. um And then I remember the nurse like asking me like about my life stressors you know and about like my lifestyle. Like, oh, like do you drink alcohol? Do you smoke cigarettes? Do you drink energy drinks? And then she was like, I really recommend seeing somebody, you know like seeing a counselor. And I was like, why is she like recommending me to see a counselor or like a therapist?
00:16:49
Speaker
And she's like, yeah, like life can be really stressful. Like I really recommend just like talking to somebody, you know? And I was like, I had no idea why she was bringing this up because I legitimately thought that I was suffering from like a physical heart attack that day. And I was so shocked that nothing was actually wrong with my heart because it felt like, you know, heart palpitations, heart beating out of my chest, could not breathe, could not calm myself down. Painful, right? Like crawling out of my skin.
00:17:17
Speaker
um it's It's horrible. And I'm sure you can relate if you've experienced like panic attacks. And so I was just like, why is she talking to me about my lifestyle? like This is so weird. So anyways, she gave me she did give me some anxiety medication that I had for like emergencies, which I think ah really calmed me down for the moment. um But it wasn't really helpful because I was still living a lifestyle that was stressful and that was like anxiety inducing. so
00:17:51
Speaker
Fast forward, I was going to college. I was working two jobs, three jobs. I was working three jobs. I was working at JCPenney's during the day. um And then like every other day I was working at the zoo, San Diego Zoo. And then at nights I was working at Live Nation um as an usher for the concerts. So I would work like I would work with the tickets, you know like receiving tickets, um like showing people their seat. And then I would also work in like catering, which was really fun. That was like the funnest part, because I actually got to be like in the backstage like with the artists like working in catering. So I was doing that.
00:18:27
Speaker
while. So i I never had a day off. I never had time off. And I was also going to school. And then on top of that, I was going out every night, drinking, partying. um So I was hung over every single day that I woke up and I went to school and I went to work and I went to the zoo. I was hung over as fuck. I was so depleted. My electrolytes were so depleted. I was so dehydrated, um just so much in pain. And for any of you that suffer from anxiety. I'm sure you've realized that alcohol, it exacerbates. Is that a word? Exacerbates. Exaggerates. I forget the word, but it like makes the anxiety 100 times worse. like i thought and I thought alcohol made me feel better because
00:19:14
Speaker
at the time when you're drinking, it for sure helps with social anxiety. Like it removed my social anxiety. It removed any of my like inhibitions or like, you know, looping thoughts of like worrying about what other people were thinking about me. I felt like in a time that it made me more fun. It made me more friendly, more outgoing.
00:19:30
Speaker
and made me more talkative. It made me more like just having the best time ever. So in the moment, it stopped the anxiety. But during and afterwards, it actually creates way more anxiety in the body. And so it affects your sleeping, right? Like so I wasn't sleeping properly. I was never actually getting a good night's rest because you just kind of like toss and turn. um It's really hard to sleep when you're drinking alcohol regularly. um I was dehydrated, depleted, wasn't eating good foods to like nourish my body. And so I was just depleted as hell and so busy, so busy, like literally no free time in my schedule. I had no time alone for myself, no time to take care of myself. I was just going, going, constantly going from one job to the next, to the school, to drinking.
00:20:18
Speaker
And so I started getting anxiety every single day. I would have to pull over on the road from driving because I was having a panic attack. I would go to work at JCPenney's and I remember so clearly like going to the break room to get water and like sitting down for a second and just walking through the halls to go back to the floor, created so much anxiety and panic that I would literally have to leave work early. I was like, I don't know what's wrong with me. Like I can't be here. And then I remember the last time that I ever worked at but for Live Nation, I forget what concert it was for. But I was just walking through the crowd of people, anxious, like crawling out of my body, couldn't breathe. Just you know that feeling where like for me, I shake my hands, which I think intuitively is like trying to help get the excess energy out. Because like that's the thing. Anxiety is just energy. And it just wants to get out of our body. It needs to express ourselves. So like shamanic shaking, where you like
00:21:14
Speaker
or jumping up and down shaking your arms can like really help get some of the anxiety out. So I remember like shaking my hands, like trying to get out. This is before I was aware of like breath work or like how to like regulate my breath. And so I was just like crawling out of my skin. Like I need to get out of here. I need to get out of here. I told my boss like, I can't be here anymore. Something's happening to me. I don't know what's wrong with me. Like I have to go home and she's like, okay.
00:21:35
Speaker
And so then it started becoming situational anxiety. So anytime I would try to drive to that job, I would have a panic attack. And so I can no longer work there. So I, from that day on, I never worked there again. I never went back there. My boyfriend still worked there. And so I would have to sometimes go and pick him up and like, driving to go pick him up along that street triggered the situational anxiety. And I would just start panicking. And so it was so sad, you guys. It was so sad. And like I did not know what to do. I literally did not know what to do. And I did not know what was happening to me. like I thought my body was like breaking down.
00:22:09
Speaker
and So yeah, so it would affect my driving, it affected my work, I had to quit a job, um I had to constantly go home from another job, it affected my relationships, I was not sleeping properly. And then it like also made me drink more because I thought that the alcohol really did like make me feel better and like kind of take the edge off. But then as soon as I was like sober in the morning, it would like I would feel like kind of like I don't know if it's necessarily like with jawl withdrawals from the alcohol, but I mean i guess kind of because I was so hungover when you're shaking, kind of like your hands are shaking in your and your irregular heartbeat. I feel like even right now, it's giving me like anxiety talking about it. But anyways, irregular heartbeat, um completely dry mouth.
00:22:56
Speaker
like
00:22:58
Speaker
yeah For me, it was very physical, very, very physical at this time in my life. okay so very physical. And then also it was looping thoughts of feeling like I embarrassed myself the night before, like, Oh my God, because I would often black out. So it was like, Oh my God, like what did I do? Did I hurt somebody's feelings? Um, how do I, how did I embarrass myself this time? And honestly, it was a lot of like creating stories that were like way worse than whatever I actually did.
Relationships and Personal Growth
00:23:23
Speaker
It was very few times where my friends, don't get me wrong. I've definitely had times where my friends were like upset with me or told me like, Oh my God, Alyssa, like you did this. Like that was so embarrassing. or
00:23:31
Speaker
that was so rude or you're you act like a completely different person like i definitely had that but it was often also more times of me just like sitting there and like looping thoughts of like embarrassment shame guilt like what did i do i'm so embarrassed constantly losing my phone i lost my phone all the time i had to buy a new phone um like losing my id um Yeah, just like losing things, overspending, right? Like when I would drink, I would get so excited to like want to buy drinks for everybody. So like I would overspend, I would spend way more money than um that I had. I remember even one time I had this one, I think I had like a Wells Fargo debit card. It was debit and it had no I had no money. But for some reason, anytime I used it, it let me
00:24:23
Speaker
Like it approved the transaction and just gave me a ah overdraft fee. So anytime that I would be drunk and like blacked out, I would use that card to like buy food, even though I didn't have money on there. So I got in so much debt from just like buying food and more alcohol on this card and just acquiring more and more overdraft fees. I don't know how it let me like keep using, I don't know how that card like let me keep using it, but yeah, that was just like, that was horrible. So like kind of getting in debt with that card.
00:24:50
Speaker
Um, and yeah, and so my lifestyle was not great, right? Like on paper, you guys, I was going to school. I was going to college. I was working. I was working three jobs. I had a relationship. I had a boyfriend and I had a social life. I was partying. I had friends. I was going out. I was going to branches. I was going to beer, like breweries, like beer hopping, going to concerts. Like it wasn't like I was,
00:25:20
Speaker
This is the thing, I used to really romanticize alcohol and romanticize my life and my romanticize my um dysfunction to where like I didn't think there was a problem because and I was very sheltered in my life growing up and so I never really saw what it looks like for someone to be an alcoholic. um I always saw an alcoholic with someone who was homeless on the side of the street with a brown but paper bag drinking out of there where he like completely lost his family, completely lost his house.
00:25:49
Speaker
He had nothing, you know, I just that's what I envisioned like an alcoholic being. And so I was like, oh, like nothing's wrong with me. I'm functioning properly. Like I have a car. I have jobs. I'm making money. um I'm going to school. I'm moving forward in my life. You know, while in the meantime, I was suffering so bad. I had so much anxiety. I was so like unwell, so sick, sick all of the time. So hungover all of the time.
00:26:19
Speaker
um
00:26:22
Speaker
like not great friendships, not great relationships, not because my friends weren't great but just because like I mean all we did was party together and then I was always embarrassed of like what happened the next night and like that's literally how we bonded was like going out right and then my relationship was very toxic, cheating, um emotional abuse, verbal abuse, physical abuse like and it was all acceptable because I just didn't do the work yet to really figure out who I am, to figure out my boundaries, to figure out my worth, to figure out my self-love, and to really raise the standards of my life in every area of my life. And that is why it's crazy because my life is just like,
00:27:05
Speaker
so different now. it's it's It's literally like, I don't even remember who that person is. And so it's, it's very interesting, actually. And I enjoy doing this episode because I'm able to like really tap back into like, who was I during that time? What was my life like? And it allows me to see how like, so many people are like quietly suffering. Like so many people don't realize that They're not living their best lives. They're not reaching their highest potential. They don't feel good. Like, yeah, you might have a social life. You might have friends. You might be dating. You might have a good job. You might be going to school, right? And doing all of the things that society tells us to do.
00:27:46
Speaker
But if you're living for the weekends, if you're living to party, if you're living, even if you don't drink, if you're just accepting relationships and situationships that cause you to have a lot of stress and anxiety and to worry about things, then
00:28:04
Speaker
Yeah, then you're not living to your highest potential and something has to change. like Something has to change and your body is giving you all of the signals through anxiety. Anxiety is telling you something is not right. I am worrying about things for a reason. My my body is expressing that I am so out of alignment because I'm going against my higher self. I'm not in tune with my intuition. I'm ignoring my intuition. I'm allowing people to treat me like shit and I'm turning a blind eye. I'm ignoring what's right in front of me. I, for example, like I knew, this is so sad you guys, but my boyfriend at the time was such a, really a piece of shit. Like I just, honestly, I was a piece of shit too.
00:28:52
Speaker
But my boyfriend at the time was, we were both living at my mom's house. He was using my car to go sell weed all of the time. He was never there. So like, I never had my car. He would go out with his friends. He would go to bars, go to parties, go see other girls, like literally like go see other girls. And I was aware of this because at that time, I think we'd been together for like seven years. And at this time we're like, Oh, we're not really together. Like we're, I don't even know what it was that we were saying, like we were so off and on. So I guess it was probably a time when we were off, but nonetheless, it's still like very disrespectful. But he would use my car and I would just like be at home stressing out about like, Oh my God, is he going to come back in time? Cause like, I need to go to work. I need him to take me to my work in my own car. He used my cell phone. He literally had my cell phone, you guys, he had my cell phone to literally like sell weed to people.
00:29:45
Speaker
to like do whatever he's doing with his friends. And the way we communicate was through email. Like I would email and and like, you guys, this is so crazy. Just remembering this. Like it's not funny, but it is kind of funny of of how dark and how low I was at one point in my life. So I can completely relate to anything that any, I just want to say this. If you are putting up with something that you're so embarrassed and so ashamed of because you're like,
00:30:12
Speaker
I don't know why I'm putting up with this, but I just am. And like, I feel so much anxiety in my life. It's just like, it looks manageable, but really on the inside, it's not. Girl, I have been there because I'm telling you what I used to put up with is insane. So I would literally use my personal Yahoo email account and like write an email to myself on that Yahoo. And then on my phone, my cell phone, he would get the email coming through and then respond to me through my own email. So it was like, if I go back and read the emails, it's like Alyssa to Alyssa, but it's like him responding to my email.
00:30:42
Speaker
through the email because he didn't have anything of his own. He was literally using my car, my phone, my email to communicate with me. I had to email myself to get ahold of my boyfriend who had my car because I wanted him to come home and stop hanging out with this one girl.
00:30:57
Speaker
XYZ girl instead coming out with me or at least come home in the morning to take me to work. Isn't that crazy? But it's like we up with we put up with so much because we just don't know, right? like We just don't know. And that was definitely like a younger version of me that just I had no idea at all about self-love, self-respect, self-worth because no one teaches us these things, you guys. And I honestly don't regret any of it because I i really think that it shows me the contrast and I hope that it gives hope and trust. and
00:31:32
Speaker
um
00:31:35
Speaker
and really like a divine belief that like you can completely change your life. like you're Wherever you're at right now, if you feel like you're in a low point, for whatever reason it is, you can completely change your life and have relationships that are so genuine, so trustworthy, where your partner openly communicates with you. He's so loving, he's so thoughtful.
00:31:54
Speaker
um
00:31:57
Speaker
And you can have the full package, right? like When I watch a lot of these like dating shows or listen to like a lot of like reality TV or
00:32:07
Speaker
podcasts are outside of like personal growth and development. I hear a lot of women kind of talking shit about men of like, oh, like, it's this idea of like, if you want a good guy, you're gonna have to have a nice guy. And nice guys aren't hot. Nice guys are you're settling for the nice guy, who you're not attracted to because you just want to, like, for once be like taken care of or like respected.
00:32:31
Speaker
We're like, girl, there's hot guys out there, hot guys as fuck, hot guys that are very in their masculine, hot guys that will allow you to be in your feminine because you feel so safe with them that are good guys, that are not fuckboys, that will take care of you, that are also looking for a woman to have a life with. 100%, there are those guys out there, and I never thought that was possible like until I met my partner. I never thought that was possible.
00:32:56
Speaker
And now being on the other side of like reality, living a completely different reality and seeing other people who are also in very very successful, healthy relationships with people they're attracted to that take care of them, that it's healthy, it's mutually beneficial. like It's so possible. it's just Sometimes we're so stuck in this like low vibrational reality that we don't think it's possible. Okay, but 100% it's possible. Okay, anyways.
00:33:25
Speaker
And also you if also, you might be somebody who relates to that. like maybe you're living your Maybe your life is like completely different now, and you're thinking back about like your young 20s or your your young 30s or a teenage years. And you're like, yeah, like it's crazy how things really can shift when we do the inner work and the inner like personal self-love work.
00:33:49
Speaker
Okay, but anyways, I'm like kind of getting off topic. But yeah, so my boyfriend would literally had my car, my phone, like my email. And that is when I was had the most anxiety and stress ever in my life. um I was still drinking like all of the time to try to cope with it.
00:34:05
Speaker
And then I would do weird things of like trying to get back at him or like trying to see other people because if he's dating other people, then I can date other people too. And then just creating a lot of stress in my life. And like we're living in my mom's house. And so again, that's another stress. Um, I've also lived with my mom, with my now partner. And like, even though we're in a healthy relationship, that was also stressful too. So it's like, it's stressful when you're living with in-laws. It just is, it just add adds a new, layer another layer.
00:34:34
Speaker
Um, and so yeah, it's just like my life was again on paper. It looked manageable at that time. I was still going to school. I was working a job. I had friends.
00:34:46
Speaker
But I also had all of this toxicity around me that was just creating so much anxiety. And so I really want to share this because you can try to use the tools I'm going to share with you and in a little bit, um and they will help. like I'm sure they will help. But if you're still living in situations that cause you deep stress, like living with a partner who you know is like actively cheating on you,
00:35:10
Speaker
or if you're actively cheating on them and you're just like ah you know afraid to end it because maybe financially it's beneficial for you to stay with them. Maybe you have kids and you don't really want to separate the family um because no one's perfect. right like like You can be cheated on or you can be cheating on somebody.
00:35:32
Speaker
ad That's okay. like I don't want to shame you at all. like It just is what it is. It just is where you are in your life. like I have been there. I have been cheated on. I've also cheated on my partner. So I like don't cast any like shade on that.
00:35:46
Speaker
um Obviously, it's not good. It's not not that it's like good versus bad, but it's just like it doesn't create what you want. It doesn't create a loving harmonious relationship, which is I'm sure what you're seeking. And so, you know, knowing now, like who I am now, I would leave the relationship before cheating. And if I was ever cheated on, I 100% would leave the situation.
00:36:09
Speaker
Because one boundary that I have for myself right now, one standard that I have is that I do not accept cheating in my relationships. And so even though I love my partner so much and I really see a future with him and we've been together for eight years, the moment that I find out that he is cheating on me, I am out. like i like The moment that it's confirmed,
00:36:31
Speaker
There's no talking about it. There's no questions. That is just something that I am not here for. it That is something that is a standard of mine, which is personal. It doesn't have to be for you. And that is also a standard of his. And so I know that if I cheat on him, he will leave me like no questions. And he knows that if he does, I will leave him. And so it's just a matter of respect that we have for each other. And then there's no worrying, there's no like looking over my shoulder, looking over his shoulder. It's just like, that is the expectation. And so if you start showing me weird behavior and give me a reason to like be suspicious, until then I'm going to fully trust you and I'm going to fully trust your judgment and I'm not worrying about it because I'm still a whole person without you and I don't need you.
Sobriety and Career Alignment
00:37:13
Speaker
I love you and we make our lives better together, but I don't need you. I am whole without you. And that is a standard that
00:37:22
Speaker
I love that I have for myself because I did not used to have that. And it left me living a life full of anxiety, full of fear, for full of sadness, full of heartache. And it doesn't have to be like that, you guys. It really does not have to be like that. So yes. So I, that was when I was living my most like anxious life. So I ended up moving. Okay. So I ended up moving.
00:37:50
Speaker
Which for me, I know not everybody can do this. Not everybody can just like get up and move, but I honestly didn't even have money. I just, I had applied to a four year. I got into Bakersfield, um, Kelsey Bakersfield. So I moved about five hours away from all of my friends and family. I went to a place that I knew nobody and I completely like started over. I completely started over. I had no money. Um, I got financial aid, like loans through financial aid. And so I lived in the dorms.
00:38:17
Speaker
I was 25, living in the dorms. so I already felt old as hell. I mean, now I know that 25 is like not old, but to me back then it felt really old, especially if I was going to be with like baby 18-year-olds. I lived in the dorms. I ate at the like school cafeteria on my meal plan and I had zero money. so like I didn't have gas. I didn't go anywhere. I just literally went to school, went to class.
00:38:38
Speaker
and completely broke away from the relationships that I needed to get away from, from the patterns that I needed to heal from. And so I really do believe that there is so much power in changing our environments. And so maybe you can't leave to another city. And and again, I will actually, you can, I will actually question that you can do anything you want. So there's actually nothing holding you back except yourself. So I highly recommend
00:39:08
Speaker
what worked for me, again, this might not work for you, but what worked for me was really like leaving the environment and completely starting fresh. I will say that all of my patterns still followed me there. So it's not like it's like, it's not like you can just like run away. But if you have like soul ties, or if you have ties with people that have just like no matter what you do, it's so hard to get away from them. Moving is such a great way to like, put distance between you guys, physical distance. So I moved And then I, of course, still have the same patterns that still came up. And so I still like did struggle. I still had anxiety. I still um would like I remember dropping a class even at this university. I remember dropping a class because I was like, I'm not doing this. Like um I'm not doing this group work.
00:39:57
Speaker
And then I had a whole other level of like destruction kind of come in because then I started drinking again, but I started drinking going to class. So I started drinking because I was like, oh, like, wait, I'm just going to rely on alcohol again because it makes me feel confident. It makes me feel like I can do group work. And so I would start drinking before class to allow myself the courage and the comfortability to do group work, which if I look back now, it's just like pretty crazy. But I mean, they also had like,
00:40:26
Speaker
they have a bar on campus where they serve beer. So it's not like really unheard of. It's pretty normalized. and like But I don't know if people were actually drinking before class. I'm pretty sure normal people weren't. So I did that and quickly i like escalated back to, like oh my god, I'm using alcohol too much. So I do also want to make a point that like just because you move or put distance between yourself and like people, your own patterns will come up until you recognize them and deal with them. and so Then I met George, my partner now. He didn't drink. we He was an RA in my building. um He actually like let me into the building one night when I was like super drunk. That's how we met.
00:41:03
Speaker
and so we just yeah started seeing each other and anytime that I would go down to his room and like hang out with him I was so nervous that I would literally like take some shots or like chug some wine like I did that probably for like the first five times that we ever hung out because I was just like so nervous and so uncomfortable like at this time I had like never had sex sober it was always intoxicated only with my previous boyfriend like two boyfriends I think I ever had sex sober. But yeah, anyone else always, always, always intoxicated. So I was, you know, still using my old patterns. And then it came to a point where he was like, Hey,
00:41:42
Speaker
like, I like you, you know, like, I want to take this to the next level. I do want you to be my girlfriend. But there's just some standards that I have. One of them is that I don't want to date somebody who drinks like I'm not a party person. Don't get me wrong, like he still went to parties and was like friends with like the basketball team and like he liked to party. But he didn't drink. He didn't use drugs. He is just someone who would dance and like have fun. So he's he likes to have fun. um But he just never used like any substances. And so I was like,
00:42:10
Speaker
Oh my God, that's perfect because I've been wanting to stop drinking. I've been praying to God to show me somebody who's like really fun. And that can like show me what life is like. That life can be fun without alcohol. And so that's what really like, I really call him like my angel from Los Angeles because he's from Los Angeles because he really did like kickstart my journey of learning that, Oh, you can have fun without alcohol. Like you you can actually learn who you are without alcohol. And so then I went on this very long journey of not drinking for many years and then drinking again, having some like really big
00:42:46
Speaker
things come up and like things I need to heal, which I do a whole episode on if you want to learn about that. um I talk about like my sobriety journey over eight years, and then I also talk about, I think in one of the beginning episodes, like how alcohol really affected my life like from growing up until now.
00:43:02
Speaker
so so Without alcohol, this is a whole new version of myself that I had to learn about anxiety. and so I actually started like really learning how to be okay in so so social situations without alcohol. so like In school, I started learning how to just like make friends and like really like ask questions to people and like have an open heart and like really learn that, like oh, nobody's actually looking at me. And like everybody else, whenever they say, OK, guys, get into group work, everybody else is probably a little like awkward as well. like Nobody loves that message. And so once I like learned that and started taking pressure off of myself, I was like, oh, OK, I guess this isn't so bad.
00:43:43
Speaker
And then I started doing yoga. That is where I had like my first spiritual like ah awakening and experience was like in a yoga class that I had. It was like a very restorative, mellow, gentle, beautiful yoga. Um, where I really like recognize myself for once, like outside of myself. I was like, Oh, I'm not actually Alyssa. It was like an out of body experience. I was like, I'm not actually Alyssa. I am the soul experiencing myself. And it was like super beautiful.
00:44:11
Speaker
And from there, that's where I started getting into like spirituality and like my spiritual awakening. And that's where I started learning about personal growth and development and like really learning of like, Oh, I've just had anxiety this whole time because up until now I still didn't realize that it was just anxiety. Like I just thought something was wrong with me. And I just thought that like I hated the way that I moved through the world. I just thought that I hated myself. I just thought that I wasn't confident. And that's why I used alcohol and all of these situations. I just thought that I was like weird or something was wrong with me. And I was like, Oh, I just literally have been living with anxiety.
00:44:44
Speaker
And so once my big life, like my big life stressors, like work themselves out, right? Like I was no longer partying. I was no longer hanging out with people, drinking. I wasn't drinking at all myself. um I was in a very healthy, thriving relationship with someone who was very communicative, someone who was very um empathetic. He's a Pisces, so he's very in tune with his emotions. He's actually like way more emotional than me, which is like really cool cause I'm like a triple like earth signs, Capricorn, very serious. He's really shown me how to like have fun with life and like be silly and playful and like tune into my emotions. And like he's helped me really open myself up and like have deep conversations because like growing up, our family didn't really talk about our feelings or things. Like we really didn't, which is I think what also kept the anxiety like so, like
00:45:35
Speaker
in my body because I would just loop. I would like spiral, loop, not talk about my thoughts. And I would just like create these stories in my head and like run with them. And he showed me very early on, like hey, like what's going on? like Why are you worrying? Why are you so insecure? like I was very jealous in the beginning because I was jealous in all of my past relationships. And so he, through talking and communicating with me, really brought out these fake stories that I had in my mind of where, like oh, just because I've been cheated or che on in the past, I assumed he was also going to cheat on me.
00:46:05
Speaker
I assumed that when he was going to play friends with play basketball with his friends, that really meant that he's going to go hang out with girls because that's happened to me in the past. Through talking with me, pulling this information out of me, not keeping it bottled up in my head where my wheels are spinning, I'm telling him, okay, fine, go have fun. Where I'm in the back end trying to research stuff and like figure out what he's actually doing and like having anxiety and like so worried. He's like, hey.
00:46:31
Speaker
like Why are you acting weird? What's going on? Talk to me. Tell me what's going on. Actually having a partner who brings out all of these worries and insecurities that you're having and like allowing you to like speak them out freely and not judge you and then like give you the reassurance that you need of like, Hey, I understand you're acting were really weird right now. I really am just going with my friends to play basketball. You really don't have anything to worry about.
00:46:58
Speaker
I'm fully honest with you. I'm in this relationship with you. I don't, I'm not going to cheat on you. You know, and just like really giving you that reassurance instead of someone who's like very defensive or someone who doesn't communicate a lot, someone who isn't self-aware and emotionally intelligent to know that something's off with you. So they allow you to just like stay off, go do their own thing.
00:47:20
Speaker
and then your defensiveness creates a fight and then you guys are fighting all the time. It's like just being in a relationship with someone who is so open and so emotionally aware and mature is life changing. And so that really started my huge change in my life of like not having anxiety anymore because anytime that I do start worrying, I can just express myself and then I stop those looping thoughts, which is what I want to get to. Anxiety really is future tripping, worrying about the future, creating potentially false stories in our mind, like worst case scenarios, and then going down the rabbit hole of like unraveling it when it's like, wait, nothing even happened yet. Okay? Nothing even happened yet. And this really happens before we have proof of something. This can really just happen when we get into new relationships, we can self sabotage them because we're projecting our old
00:48:13
Speaker
people's stuff onto this relationship where this person has never done anything to show us that we should be worried. And if you are in a relationship now with someone who is confirmed, cheating, lying, being deceitful, then you guys, that is where you have to make the big life decision of like, I'm not going to stay in this anymore. If I really want to have a peace of mind, if I really want to have a shot at life of being happy and being in a committed relationship, it might be time.
00:48:42
Speaker
to let that old shit relationship go. like I'm going to be honest, and I know how hard it can be. It literally took me moving five hours away to break off a seven year cycle of being with someone of like who would constantly apologize afterwards and we would try to make it better, but it's like someone is showing your you their true colors.
00:49:02
Speaker
Like straight up, they're showing you their true colors. They're showing who you are. They're showing you the patterns and the cycles that they're stuck in. I'm not saying that someone can't change and evolve and like want to actually do better, but it's probably going to take you leaving them to lose the best person they've ever had to create that shift and be like, Oh my God, I need to change my life. And you might not get them back. Like you might be the person that had to be that break in their cycle, that karmic break that they need.
00:49:31
Speaker
to completely change your life. And now maybe in the next relationship, there'll be a better person. Maybe not who knows, but that's not your that's not up to you. And that's not your
00:49:42
Speaker
That's not your um job to worry about that. It's really your job to worry about yourself and to get in tune with your higher self, with your intuition. Start believing the nudges that you feel and to start really allowing yourself to be open. And you can have a relationship with somebody who is So hot who you're so attracted to like I said who's so in their masculine or whatever it is that you like in someone and who is so Honest and open and emotionally intelligent like guys are like that and they're also looking for women who are the same who are also open who are willing to
00:50:17
Speaker
tell them the things that are on their heart who are willing to be vulnerable and share with them, why are they feeling a certain way? And there is a way to have open communication with both parties who are honest and want a monogamous, serious relationship. So I know I love how I just like tied this really into like relationships. And I didn't say that at the beginning, but yeah, I think like the majority of my anxiety has come from relationships, um which I think I just speaking to a lot of you guys in the past couple of weeks, I know this is is the same for you.
00:50:48
Speaker
So, yeah, so once I, um yeah, so once I was in a solid relationship, okay, cool. Of course, things still come up now, which I'm going to get into in my tools in a second, that I can like use anytime that I feel anxious, but it really just really changing that getting into a job that I love the next thing that the next step in my life and facing my life where I had a lot of anxiety was when I was in a very misaligned career. So I was managing a quick loop.
00:51:17
Speaker
And I was responsible for about 10 to 15 team members. um We were doing 65 to 70 oil changes a day, working in Bakersfield in the heat, super hot, 100 and something degrees out outside, wearing full PPE in the middle of the pandemic. I was so stressed out. I was so misaligned in my job. I was working so many hours. I was having reoccurring health issues. So I was having reoccurring UTIs.
00:51:46
Speaker
um reoccurring yeast infections, reoccurring like eczema breakouts on my hand. My hands were literally raw for my eczema breakouts. Acne, I was underweight, migraines, constant migraines daily. Anxiety, horrible anxiety. I was also drinking a lot of energy drinks, which I'm going to get into in a second. um And I just wasn't eating properly. like I wasn't properly eating nutritious foods.
00:52:12
Speaker
and so I had a great relationship. I had already graduated college. I was creating a career. you know Everything on paper looked great. right like I was successful, had my own place, making a lot of money, had a lot of career growth opportunities.
00:52:26
Speaker
But like I wasn't drinking, I was sober, you know so i i I was feeling peaceful in my life. I had a great relationship, but I was so misaligned in my job that I was so anxious. Every day I would go home and cry to my mom and boyfriend about how I wanted to leave, how I hated my job, I hated my life. um And I just didn't understand because I worked really hard to get there. like i worked It only took me two years, but I got promoted to that really high up position.
00:52:52
Speaker
And as a Capricorn and as um a Life's Work 54, which is like aspiration and like really climbing the ladder and like being recognized by others, like it was a dream. Like I like to have high responsibility roles where like I'm a leader. That's something that's like really valuable to me. And it made me feel like I was like winning at life, but the actual work itself was so misaligned. I didn't enjoy like being outdoors, doing oil changes, even though that part of it was fun.
00:53:21
Speaker
I didn't like managing the team. like Managing a team of people, it was extremely stressful. um Especially the line of work that I'm in, it's a different freaking breed. It is just different. it's Male-dominated industry, it's like the wild, wild west. like it's just I can't explain to you, but the culture is just like very, like nothing I've ever experienced before. It's the opposite of corporate. It's the fucking it's just crazy.
00:53:51
Speaker
So and I also just want to put a little side note that honestly, it also was a real blessing and beauty. And I felt like it was almost like they were my kids, like a lot of the people I mentored. um And I feel like I did change a lot of people's lives and that I was told that I was the best boss I ever had.
00:54:08
Speaker
It was just me really internalizing my own and anxiety and stress and like pressure on myself to like outperform everything, to like have the best numbers, to grow the best team. like I was successful at it. like Don't get me wrong, I was doing a really good job and like they really liked me.
00:54:23
Speaker
not that like being liked is important, but as a line four, like having those relationships is very important for health, but it was just not aligned. It was not what I wanted to do. I am somebody who needs to be in my own personal space, which is why like manifesting the job that I have now as a recruiter, where I get to be in my own space. I'm a contributor, like a support role. So like I have my own office. I have my own bubble. I have my own energy as a line to hermit. I need to be alone in my own energy and like do my own thing.
00:54:51
Speaker
Even though I am interacting with people all the time because I'm a recruiter and like I do the hiring process, it's very different than being in charge of 10 to 15 people at all times. At all times of the day, they're asking you every single question. it's like overwhelming and then dealing with the customers. It was just like, it just wasn't aligned. You know what I mean? And now I'm in a job where it's very less stress. I found my own rhythms, my own ways to get my work done. And then when I clock out at the end of the day, I get to work on my business. I get to work on my soul business. I get to do readings. I get to do human design, jinkies, Akashic Records. I get a channel. I get to meditate. I have spaciousness, you guys. Spaciousness. I can breathe. I am not
00:55:36
Speaker
like under anxiety, like working in the service centers. It's like, okay, get the car in and out in 15 minutes or less. So much pressure, time pressure. um It's a very fast pace. It's very high stakes where now I'm just like, Zen.
00:55:52
Speaker
literal Zen. My office is a Zen goddess retreat. like I'm like, I'm just going to get up now and go take a walk around the building. I'm going to go get my water. I'm going to eat my lunch. It's a berry chill, which to me is important, where some people will thrive under the more high pressure stakes. It's all about finding what's aligned to you.
00:56:14
Speaker
but from changing my career now, that anxiety is gone. And so now really I'm very balanced. Like I don't have anxiety in my relationship, although yes, things come up, but I have tools of how to deal with them. I'm very relaxed in my, oh, 55, 55 on the clock, very relaxed in my career.
00:56:31
Speaker
I feel very appreciated by all of my coworkers and my boss. I feel very happy. So there's no stressors there. um I'm living in my own apartment. So outside of my mom's house where that was causing a lot of stress, but now it's like so fun when we hang out together because it's just much easier to not live with your parents and to be in your own space. And so when you do hang out with each other, it's so fun. So I love hanging out with my mom and spending time with her on the weekends.
00:56:56
Speaker
i feel so happy and building my business. And just every part of my life, I had made huge changes that weren't easy to get to a point to where like I've set up my life to be no anxiety. like There is no big life stressors. Yes, things are still going to happen day to day. That is anxiety inducing. But with my tools, I can take it on. And I literally, you guys live a stress-free life, like not even lying. And it was not always like that.
00:57:28
Speaker
my life used to be, I just explained it to you. My life was a fricking mess. My life was a hot mess. And that was all honestly my own doing. And when I took responsibility for that, and it's not too, and I don't want to be like harsh or like be mean or be rude, but it really is like, if you are so unhappy in your job, in your relationship, in your career, where you live, in the environment, um and you're not taking care of yourself, you're not taking care of your body, you're not giving your time yourself time to be alone,
00:57:58
Speaker
you have to make those changes or else the anxiety is going to get worse. Like it's not going to go away because it's your higher self. It's your internal guidance system telling you something is off.
Techniques to Reduce Anxiety
00:58:09
Speaker
We need to create changes.
00:58:13
Speaker
And it took me like 10 years. It took me like 10 years to do all of these changes. It wasn't like it all happened overnight. Different changes, different seasons you're gonna work on. You're gonna work on your career in some stages. You're gonna work on your environment in some stages. You're gonna work on your relationship in some stages. You're gonna work on your health in some phases and stages. So don't put pressure on yourself to like make massive changes all at once. But it is just having awareness and knowing that you have the power in your hands to create a life that you absolutely love.
00:58:43
Speaker
that is stress free, that is anxiety free, and you can just have a fucking peace of mind, which is like all that I wish for anybody. Like I just want you to have a peace of mind because it is so beautiful. So let's get into the habits that I want to ask you. So I'm going to ask you 15 things I have 15 things that I want to talk about. So we already talked about the big life changes. Like, again, if you feel like a big life stressor and career slash purpose, school relationships, environment, work life, um health,
00:59:21
Speaker
finances, then you know where the work is that you need to do you know to start making changes so that you can feel better, get some peace of mind. But these other next things are going to be kind of more like small little tools, small little lifestyle hacks that you can really look at to create more peace, to create more calm, to create more just like spaciousness in your life to really step out of this anxiety. Like anxiety is just all about go, go, go, go, go, go. And like, oh my God, like something's wrong with me. And like, oh my God, like I need to fix this. And like, wow, it's like stress, stress, worrying about the future, having so much energy, not knowing where to put it, having it bottled up, worrying about things that haven't happened yet, expecting the worst case scenario, right? We can change all of that. So number one, and some of these are like super simple.
01:00:11
Speaker
And you don't have to change any of these. like Don't come for me. if If some of these, you're like, girl, I'm not doing that. That's fine. These are just suggestions that I've done that have really changed my life. Okay. Number one, I want to ask you, do you drink caffeine? Okay. If you're an anxious girly, I want you to think about yourself when I ask these questions. Do you drink caffeine?
01:00:30
Speaker
When I was working in the service center, you guys, I was drinking a Starbucks in the morning. I was getting a coffee, iced coffee with like hella caramel and like vanilla in it. So like a lot of sugar, a lot of caffeine. And then I would go out through throughout my day and I would get energy drinks. And at first I was drinking like bad energy drinks. And then I started drinking ones that I thought were like more healthy from like sprouts, but they're still literally just pumping me full of caffeine.
01:00:54
Speaker
And I didn't realize that I was so anxious because of these things. Like I was literally on edge. I was moving a million miles a minute. um Some of you might even be like caffeine resistant now because you're drinking so much, but I was definitely still like scattered, loopy. um heart palpitations, like going a million miles a minute. my I'm a very quick thinker, very vata mind, if you know about the doshas in Ayurveda. So i'm very vata mind, very like, I talk so fast, I'm all over the place. When I add caffeine to that, it's like insane. And I did actually drink a coffee this morning. So that's maybe why I'm talking very fast.
01:01:30
Speaker
um But yeah, caffeine is not bad. It is not good or bad, but use it to your advantage. If you have like what I do, cause I knew that I needed to clean this morning, like deep clean my apartment and do a podcast. So I was like, Hey, I'm going to drink a coffee. I was actually caffeine free for a couple months. Um, and I just started drinking caffeine again every now and then, but like my daily, like a Americano in the morning is decaf. Like I won't drink decaf like on a normal day to day because I just, it affects me so deeply like caffeine.
01:02:02
Speaker
I'm so sensitive to caffeine. It's like insane. So really think, are you drinking caffeine? And if you're someone who's very anxious, you're having trouble sleeping at night, okay, having trouble falling asleep, um you're all over the place. Maybe you're feeling physical symptoms of like, can't breathe good, feeling like the heart palpitations. Try to cut out caffeine for like a week and just see, do you feel different? Because you might feel different. You really might. Number two.
01:02:32
Speaker
Do you drink alcohol? So alcohol is tricky because like I said, it makes you think that it's taking away the anxiety. So a lot of people drink for anxiousness. Like, Oh my God, I had such a long day. I just need to get like a drink. Oh my God. Let me just get a drink.
01:02:50
Speaker
but it's actually depleting you. It's causing dehydration. It's fucking up your electrolytes and it is actually inducing more anxiety and it's creating insomnia. So like you're not, you're not actually going into um the, like our brain has different brainwaves and there's a certain brainwave your brain needs to get in into in order to be into like a sleep, like deep sleep, restorative sleep. When you drink, your brainwaves aren't able to get to that state. And so you're actually never really falling asleep.
01:03:19
Speaker
And so you're not getting that deep restorative sleep. So you're never actually sleeping at night properly. And that's going to cause you so many health issues. That's going to cause more anxiety. And alcohol is like a number one sleep disruptor. So if you drink often, maybe see like, okay, can I go on like a little two week can I go like two weeks without drinking and see if my sleep improves and see if my anxiety improves, right? This is all just about experimentation, experimenting. um And then eventually, like, this is the thing you guys, once you go long enough without drinking, like if you actually did like a month without drinking, and you saw how much better you felt, and how much less anxiety do you had, you probably wouldn't drink anymore, especially if you're not somebody who has like an issue with drinking, like
01:04:02
Speaker
If you just drink to have fun with your friends and let loose every now and then, like you might realize that it actually makes me feel way fucking worse. Like if I was to have one drink right now, I would get massive heartburn and like I would, I couldn't, I couldn't. So look at your drinking. um Number three, but do you drink enough water? Okay. Do you drink enough water? So I had been on the whole like,
01:04:30
Speaker
drinking, trying to drink like 85 to like 100 ounces of water a day. um Like whenever I'm on my health journey. But I have been like reading a lot about people saying that that's actually like just a made up shit. Like just drink. I don't know. I think it's like eight glasses. Is it eight glasses of water a day? I don't know. the The thing is most people don't drink enough water. And if you ask yourself, you might not even drink any water. So make sure that you're hydrating. Drink enough water. That's really going to help you. Number four.
01:05:00
Speaker
are your main relationships causing you big stress in your life? So if you look at the people that you hang out the most with, right? Like whether it's your partner, your best friend, your mom, your kids, um whoever it is, right? I actually won't say kids because you can't really like you can't really do anything about that. But if the people that you hang out the most with What are they talking to you about? Are they negative? Are they talking to you about complaining, gossip? um Are they mean to you? Are they critical of you? Are they always questioning your judgment? Are they always putting you down? Are they always
01:05:41
Speaker
making you feel bad about yourself? are they Or are they someone who's exciting and fun and like lighthearted? They make you laugh a lot. They make you think a lot. They help you be a better person. They challenge you. They are good influences on you. they're You like where they are in their life. They're inspiring. You aspire to be like them. like Do you aspire to be like the people that you hang out with the most with? Or are you like, girl, they're kind of bringing my vibe down?
01:06:08
Speaker
Because that can cause a lot of stress in your life, especially if it's your significant other. If it's someone who is constantly um making you question yourself, making you, if if they're gaslighting you, making you feel like you're crazy, questioning your intuition. um If they're not helping, if they're not creating like an equality in the relationship, like where you're both contributing, if you feel depleted anytime you're around them, if you feel like they're sucking the energy out of you, they're so negative, um they're taking, taking, and taking and not giving anything to you.
01:06:36
Speaker
those are things to look at because we are who we spend the most time with. And so if you want to feel better, you need to surround yourself with people who are positive, who believe in you, who push you, who make you feel like you're the best version of yourself, who are fun and make you laugh and like not always bringing like the world's like cruelest shit to you. We don't need people bringing us negativity and like talking about like the news or like talking about politics. like All of that is just like low vibration, like really it is. and So really like consider relationships. Number five, do you have alone time for yourself? And if not, can you create like a sufficient amount of time to be alone with yourself? So
01:07:23
Speaker
If you're listening to this, I know for sure you're an empath. I know you're highly sensitive. I know that you may be a hermit. You may be a line two. You might be someone who needs alone time. And when I was in like the biggest anxiety part like of my life, I hated being alone. like I couldn't be alone. I couldn't be alone with my thoughts. I couldn't be alone with like the feelings that I had because then it brought up these like yucky feelings that I like wasn't comfortable with.
01:07:46
Speaker
It put me into a state of like looping thoughts. I was always wondering, like oh where's my partner? like What is he doing? Is he like cheating on me? What are my friends doing? Oh my god, I feel like I'm missing out. like So I would even like go out when I was sick and like I wouldn't give my time myself time to rest. I would never spend alone time with myself to like look at my thoughts because it was so uncomfortable.
01:08:06
Speaker
So if this is you and you don't spend a lot of time alone with yourself, it is going to be uncomfortable when you first start meditating. It probably is going to be uncomfortable if you try to lay down and do a meditation hypnosis or, you know, try to listen to like something soothing.
01:08:23
Speaker
Like it might not be comfortable because you haven't done it yet. And you're really avoiding the yucky feelings, these like anxious feelings, these thoughts that you like don't want to look at. You're constantly distracting yourself. You're avoiding it. So like, yeah, it's not going to be comfortable the first times that you do it.
01:08:39
Speaker
but You need to learn how to be with yourself. You need to learn what your own energy is. You need to learn how to be in silence because that is when your intuition can speak to you. That is when you can start connecting to source. That is when you can start having like things drop in. That is where you can start having these realizations about your life.
01:08:57
Speaker
like your higher self is always trying to talk to you. She's always trying to give you guidance. Like the universe is always trying to show you signs. If you're seeing angel numbers, if you're seeing spirit animals, butterflies, um, whatever like signs mean to you.
01:09:13
Speaker
your higher self and God is trying to talk to you. And if you're always with other people, if you're always listening to something, if you can't be, if you're always listening to music because you're so afraid of silence, you're not going to hear the things that are coming through. And like, you're probably subconsciously doing this on purpose if you're not aware of it, because it's, you're scared, right? Which is understandable. It's, it is scary to have this, like be in doing something new that you're just not used to. I remember and the height of my anxiety in college I was before I like had the good yoga experience. I took this like class and this teacher was this yoga teacher was telling us like you know learn how to be in silence learn how to go on walks and on hikes without listening to a podcast or music or talking learn how to go and just listen to nature
01:09:59
Speaker
learn how to come home and like don't just turn on the TV or turn on the music just be in silence and see what comes through and I was like no fucking way like it's it was terrifying to me I was like there's no way I'm just gonna sit in silence first of all it sounds so boring that sounds so dreadful why the fuck would I do that I love music I love like listening to the TV, watching TV, why would I sit in silence? And it's just funny because I was like so closed off to it. But now it's like, oh my God, like if I don't get that silence, if I don't get that alone time and like, don't get me wrong. I love podcasts. I love music. I love watching reality TV.
01:10:42
Speaker
But I also make sure that I give myself that alone time because that is when my ideas come through. That is when I connect to my higher self. That is when I get so tuned into what my energy is, especially as someone who does like energy work. I need to know what my energy is so that when I'm interacting with you and I'm picking up on something, I know that that's not mine. I know that that's yours. And that's what makes me so good at realizing when somebody is in having anxiety or somebody is feeling something in their body,
01:11:07
Speaker
It's because I'm so used to being in my own space and so ah hyper aware of like what my body feelings are and what my thoughts are and where my mind tends to go and the stories that I make up about myself. And like seeing that and being able to see that, that has been life changing. Because when you're able to be like in your own space and just like observe your thoughts, there's so many different types of meditation, which I'm going to get into. And I think a lot of people are very resistant to meditation. I used to be too.
01:11:37
Speaker
You need to be able to know what the fuck your thoughts are because otherwise you're just going to believe them. Ooh, 1111 on the clock. You are not your thoughts. Your thoughts are not real. like Most of the things you're thinking are fucking lies. like They're complete lies. They're rooted in fear. they're worried They're rooted in lack. They're rooted in scarcity. They're rooted in unworthiness. They're rooted in self-sabotage. They're rooted in keeping you small. They're rooted in your heart being closed and being defensive towards others and seeing the worst in others and being distrustful in life and not trusting life, not trusting the universe, not trusting others, they're rooted in complete shit. And if you don't take time to just stop and like observe them and see them instead of believing them, you are going to be the thought and be lost in it. But what meditation is so cool
01:12:27
Speaker
the certain meditation I call mindfulness, I don't call it, but it is, I'm certified in mindfulness meditation, which is a Buddhist practice of keeping your eyes open. So like your eyes are open at like a downward gaze, you're in the seated position. It's a very specific seated position. And for 20 minutes, you just sit and you focus on your breath. And anytime a thought comes up, you see the thought, you recognize that you're thinking it, you just label it as thinking. So like, oh, thinking, that's a thought and let it go.
01:12:57
Speaker
return back to the breath, which can be paying attention to the way that your chest rises and falls with the breath, paying attention to the way that the air feels on your nose as you breathe in through your nose.
01:13:19
Speaker
And then anytime you notice that you're thinking a thought like, Oh my God, I need to hurry up and get the fuck up. I still need to like, edit this podcast and then I still need to take out the trash. Oh, I'm thinking you labeled as thinking and you let it go. Once you do that enough times.
01:13:35
Speaker
you're going to notice that your mind is crazy. Like you're not just going to come to a place where you're like, Oh, I'm meditating. I have no thoughts. That's not the point of meditation. The point of meditation is being aware of what the fuck crazy thoughts you're thinking, because the more longer you sit there, the more you're going to see where your thoughts tend to go. Are they self destructive? Are they negative? Are they like, What are they? like I've really noticed what mine are. Mine are a fear of like oh people hating me or nobody wants to hear what I have to say. um My voice is stupid. What I have to share is stupid. like I can't even have thoughts right now. like oh this The way that I'm recording this podcast episode is so shit. like Nobody's going to want to listen to this. I'm talking way too fast. I'm all over the place. Does this even make sense? Why am I even sharing about anxiety? I'm not a doctor. I'm not a licensed therapist that can help with anxiety.
01:14:24
Speaker
What is the point? No one's going to relate to this. And those are all just the shit thoughts that I have. But if I didn't have a solid meditation practice, I would believe those thoughts. I would stop recording this and I would delete it. And I would never put it out there because I would believe those lies, those dumb ass lie thoughts that are not true. But we all have them. And so sitting with yourself and start to get aware of like, what am I thinking? Why am I thinking this? And just realizing that, oh, this is just a dumb ass lie.
01:14:53
Speaker
okay so that was a lot but that was ah about like do you have alone time you need to create alone time for yourself um number six right leading us right into there do you meditate do you have a meditation practice and if you don't find one so I'm not going to lie, you guys, meditation is really hard at the beginning. And that's why most people don't do it. Like you've probably had a bad experience with it. Maybe you've tried it. Maybe you tell yourself the lie of like, I'm not a good meditator. I don't know how to do it. So I'm just not going to do it. All of that is a lies. Like meditation is so easy. There's literally nothing you need to do. There's no way you can mess it up. There's no way you can do it wrong. Okay. And there's a lot of different types of meditation.
01:15:31
Speaker
So if you're somebody who has anxiety, a lot of anxiety, and maybe you're someone who hasn't spent a long time with yourself, you haven't been in silence, I would start with doing some sort of like mindfulness meditation that can be cooking, that can be doing an activity where you're like painting. You can like mindfully paint something. um You can do walking meditations where you're like moving, right? There's so many different types of meditation. Just literally Google it, try to find one that sounds interesting. If you actually like want my help, this is something that I definitely help my clients with, especially my one-to-one mentorship clients.
01:16:08
Speaker
where I'm going to teach you mindfulness meditation. like This is 2000 years old, rooted in Buddhism. It is where you strengthen the clarity and strength of your mind. okay We're strengthening and getting clarity of the mind, and we are learning how to master the mind and to separate ourselves from our thoughts, realize that we're not our thoughts. We're not we're actually something else. We are like the seed of at the seat of the soul. We're not our thoughts itself. And this starts helping you in every part of your life. You start to gain resiliency, you start to gain strength of your mind, and you start to have a lot of clarity around who you are and who you are not, because you're not your thoughts. And it is a beautiful practice. um I also have my like mindfulness meditation, Akashic Records um meditation that I did, which is like a sleepy one. So you put that on, you just listen to it right before you go to sleep to get into like a trance-like state.
01:17:05
Speaker
um I've been getting a lot of feedback and I actually realized that, yeah, that is hard for people who already have a lot of anxiety, that have issues sleeping, that have a hard time shutting off their mind at night. um Something that you can really do that I suggest for everyone but before any type of like seated meditation or like even that hypnosis that I suggest right before you go to sleep, do a physical practice.
01:17:29
Speaker
like We need to move our bodies, okay? Like anxiety is stored up energy. That's all it is. it's and It's energy inside of us that needs to be released. You need to move your body. So lifting weights, going for a run, going for a walk, um shamanic shaking.
01:17:48
Speaker
jumping jacks, whatever it is that you need to do to like release energy is going to help you so much. And then go into a meditation practice. right For people who have very overactive minds, a great tip is to like go do your workout at the gym or at home. And then as soon as you're done, go right into your meditation. Because you're going to you're already in your body, like you're so in your body and you're out of your mind, they're going to be able to sink into it. And it's going to be much easier. As where if you just had a really stressful day, you found out some really horrible news,
01:18:18
Speaker
You're really anxious and then you try to just sit down, do a meditation. It's going to be so hard. Or if you try to do it in the morning and you're someone like me who is like a worrier or I know that I have a lot of shit that I need to do. I'm very like, like goal oriented, like want to get stuff done, very Capricorn. I'm not going to meditate in the morning because I'm going to sit there and worry about all the things I need to do for the rest of the day.
01:18:40
Speaker
So I personally meditate at night. I have a beautiful, very long nighttime routine practice that I do that includes meditation. And it's my way to wind down. I know I have nothing that I need to do except go to sleep later, you know, next. And so there's no stress. I allow myself to be in my own energy. I also meditate in the middle of the day, especially on like days like this on the weekends.
01:19:02
Speaker
I love to take a nap, wake up, do a meditation. um So you'll find your groove. like You'll find your way. just don't I just don't want you to like write it off or tell yourself that you're bad at meditating, that you don't know how to do it, that it's too hard. It doesn't feel comfortable.
Meditation Practices for Anxiety
01:19:17
Speaker
That's the thing. like Especially the mindfulness meditation that I teach.
01:19:23
Speaker
It does not feel comfortable, but you can do it. There's this thing that we call hot boredom where it's like, you're so bored and your mind is so active active. That's going to tell you all the things you need to do to like get up off your, like your cushion and go do the dishes, go walk your dog, get your kids. Oh my God, make dinner. Cause it's so uncomfortable just being with ourselves. Like it really is if you're not used to it. And so there's that hot boredom. That's just like, Oh my God, like I need to get out of here. It's like dread. It can feel trapped. You can feel like, Oh,
01:19:51
Speaker
But if you stick through that, OK, if you stick through that, sit for the 20 minutes, it dissipates. Like it goes away and then you sink into like what's called like a cold boredom. And you're just like, oh, I'm just here. I don't urgently need to get up and go do something anymore. It just is what it is. And that takes practice. That takes time.
01:20:13
Speaker
um A lot of people say start with like five minutes, start with 10 minutes, which ya totally you can do that. um when i teach like in an actual like When I teach in an actual setting of like mindfulness meditation, I do assign 20 minutes like for my people because I believe you can do it. I believe in you. like I don't know. I think sometimes people, we're way more capable of things than we think we are. And I think sometimes people,
01:20:44
Speaker
in a, in a helping way, want to set people up for success. So they're like, Oh, like start with five minutes, start with 10, but you can do 20. Like I really, really believe in you. I really believe in you. You can. It's all about getting out of your comfort zone and sitting through the discomfort. And I'm sorry. And I don't mean like, bitch, by me like, bitch, you can do 20. Do you what I mean? I hope that wasn't offensive, but you
Therapy and Grounding Practices
01:21:11
Speaker
know what I mean? Okay.
01:21:13
Speaker
Number seven, therapy. So if you're somebody who really struggles with anxiety, have you seen a therapist? Like, do you go to regular therapy? A licensed therapist who's here to help with mental um with our mental health, right? Sometimes people need anxiety medication. Sometimes people need talk therapy. there's There's different ways that a therapist can help you so incredibly with anxiety. So highly recommend therapy if you haven't done therapy yet.
01:21:43
Speaker
Number eight is grounding and being in nature and getting barefoot. So I highly recommend walking in nature if you can, if you're somewhere that has like a park, if you're somewhere, if you're in the city trying to get out somewhere that yeah like maybe a park or somewhere like around trees, grass, um get your feet onto the sand, get your feet onto the dirt, get your feet onto the grass, ground yourself. Okay, even if it's just for five minutes.
01:22:07
Speaker
Um, I, this might sound crazy, but I love touching and hugging trees. I freaking love it. I will go and just put my hand on a tree, close my eyes and just allow it to talk to me. Like take a few breaths. Feel, you can feel it's aura in your hand. You can feel the energy of the tree.
01:22:27
Speaker
and see what comes to you. It might want to tell you something. Like 100%, I'm not making this up. It might want to tell you something. I've learned so much from trees. I love hugging trees. I love being in their energy. um Nature is so important to me. So 100%, I always walk in nature. Number nine,
01:22:43
Speaker
stop procrastinating or try to plan ahead if you're someone who really has a lot of anxiety around like being late all the time or not getting your stuff done. okay I used to be someone who was chronically late. Ooh, 122, 22 on the clock. I used to be chronically late to everything that I did.
01:22:59
Speaker
And I used to wake up at the very last minute. I still press snooze. I told you guys on this last episode, but I still like have like five to 10 snoozes that I press on purpose on my alarm. But I used to snooze so bad that I would be like so late to work. um I would be rushing. I would forget stuff. I would be scattered. um I would like like not take Peanut out to go pee pee because like I was so late and then I would rely on George to do it, which is like not good because like he sleeps in later.
01:23:25
Speaker
and then I would still like go get coffee or like be even later. So I'm like, Oh, fuck it. I'm really late. So I'm going to be even later and just like create stress for no reason. So it's like, if you are someone who waits the last minute, if you're chronically late, if you are procrastinating all the time, create structure to where you wake up a little bit earlier to get to where you have to go plan ahead. And I know that's like hard for some of us with our designs, but it is possible for everybody. And it really has helped me because Then when you're like frenetic and like in that weird state, it kind of like creates anxiety for the rest of the day. Number 10, say, do you say yes to things that you actually want to say no to? That's a great question. Are you saying yes to a lot of things in your life that you actually want to say no to?
01:24:11
Speaker
whether that's taking on a new project at work, whether that that you don't actually have to do, but you're just like, okay, I'll do it. But like, then you're like, fuck, why did I say that? Or are you like on like boards and like, I don't know, an expert on like a board that you're like, why am I even doing this? I actually hate showing up to this. Did you volunteer to like be a coach on like your son's soccer team? You're like, wait, actually you fucking hate this. Why am I doing this? Are you saying yes to having lunch with your old friend? You're like, wait, why did I say that? I actually like don't want to do that. Um,
01:24:38
Speaker
Where are you saying yes to things that you actually don't want to do because that is causing more anxiety? And then the anxiety of thinking of like, how am I going to get out of this? Because and then like trying to create like a lie or a story and then like you're like, oh my God, ah whatever, I'll just go. And then like it's like you don't want to do these things. So ah really looking at where are you saying yes when you actually want to say no, start practicing your sacred no. Number 11, self-sabotage. So.
Self-Sabotage and Intuition
01:25:02
Speaker
Where in your life are you self-sabotaging? Because this is just creating more anxiety. So when we self-sabotage, we are at like a limit of like, oh my God, I'm about to reach this like new level of success. Fuck, that's scary. I'm going to and like subconsciously self-sabotage and like do something to like fuck it up. Whether that's like in a relationship, school, a job, it can be in finances, it can be anything.
01:25:30
Speaker
so The way to look at that is to look at, and then that creates a lot of anxiety. So anywhere that you're self-sabotaging, look at what is the belief that I have? Like what am I scared of getting? Am I scared of success? Am I scared of the responsibility that's going to come with this? So I'm self-sabotaging. Am I scared of like, is my body so not used to like feeling peace and feeling love that I'm going to sabotage this really good relationship? Like what is it? Like start doing more self-reflective work to see why are you self-sabotaging? And then there's ways you can work with those limiting beliefs.
01:26:04
Speaker
And we're almost done, you guys. Number 12. This one's huge. Are you ignoring your intuition? Are you ignoring your intuition? Is your intuition telling you, girl, stop seeing that guy. Girl, get out of this relationship. Girl, quit this job. Girl, stop spending money on that. Girl, get up and start moving and like and We need to move your body. You need to work out. like Where is it that your intuition is telling you subtly that you need to do X, Y, and Z to feel better? But your mind is making up excuses for other people. Your mind is saying, no, no, no, no. We can start tomorrow. No, no, no, no. I'll give him another chance. none No, no, no, no. Maybe I just like don't really have like all of the right information. It's like, where are you?
01:26:52
Speaker
ignoring your intuition who is coming through louder and louder and louder. And that is what is causing anxiety. Every time that we ignore ourselves, that we ignore that inner voice, that we ignore our higher self trying to speak to us and align us, it is going to create even more issues, more accidents, more anxiety, more problems until we take the action and set ourselves back on course.
01:27:18
Speaker
So that is like that is if you're ignoring what your intuition is telling you, it is going to get louder and louder and worse and worse things are going to start happening. Like health issues, accidents, injuries, people are going to leave. like It's going to get bad. So really, really, really turn into your intuition.
01:27:36
Speaker
Number 13, boundaries. Okay, girl, where are you not honoring your boundaries and how can you honor them more? so really think about like When you think about boundaries, it's it's really just sell like ah a way to like have standards. like What are the standards for your life? When you honor those standards, everyone else honors them because you say what goes in your life. You say what's acceptable. You say what So how someone can and can't treat you. You say what you do and don't take on at work. You say, um, within, you know, obviously like within your job, like description. I'm not saying like, don't listen to your boss and like, don't do the work that he's deciding. You're like, obviously not. But you know what I mean? Like, I know a lot of us are overachievers. We say like, Oh, I can do that. We volunteer for shit that we don't want to volunteer for. We're taking on way too much. We're not delegating. We're not holding other people accountable. We're doing work for our
01:28:30
Speaker
subordinates, we're doing things that they need to be doing, but we can just do it much faster. And so we're like, okay, I'm just going to do it better than you, faster than you. So like, whatever. But then we're resentful because they're not doing their job. We're doing it for them. Right. We are, um,
01:28:47
Speaker
accepting things in relationships that we don't want to accept. We're saying we're cool with open relationships when really we want to be monogamous and that's creating so much anxiety and so much disalignment in ourselves, creating us to become sick and to be anxious and worrying. We're saying, yeah, it's cool if you go out with the guys when really we're like, no, I don't want you to go there. I don't want you to go to that bar. I don't want you to go out and party with the boys, actually.
01:29:10
Speaker
But we want to look so cool and so okay to be the cool girlfriend, to be the one who's not nagging, to be the one who's like, yeah, I'm cool with everything, when really, girl, you're not. So if you're not okay with your man's doing a certain thing, instead of having that, instead of self-sabotaging, instead of like going against your own internal beliefs and having structure and having like standards for yourself, and you're just trying to be cool with everything,
01:29:37
Speaker
creating more anxiety in your life, you need to learn how to have those standards and have those boundaries, have those tough conversations. You can change at any point at any time and just realize that something isn't working and now you want it to work. And if that person doesn't want to get on board, then you can move on, right? Because wouldn't you want to be in a relationship with somebody who has the same standards as you, who honors your standards, who where there's no like double, there's no double standards. It's like everybody has high standards.
01:30:05
Speaker
um Okay. the Number 14. Ooh, this is good. What are you feeding your mind, your body, and your spirit? What are you listening to? What are you watching? What are you eating? What are you drinking? um Are you watching horror movies? Are you watching? um I can be ah ah guilty of this because I don't watch horror movies anymore. I can't because my nervous system gets so, like, dysregulated.
01:30:34
Speaker
But I still do sometimes like watching like crime documentaries. But I noticed that when I like go on like a binge of watching crime documentaries or watching people who are like lying and deceitful.
01:30:44
Speaker
I start thinking that people in my life are lying and deceitful and I start seeing the worst in them and like being paranoid and like making shit up of like, and it's like weird. It's like now my mind is getting altered and like I'm, I'm, the way I'm seeing the world is filtered through this like untrusting lens of where everybody's out to fuck you over. Everyone's evil. Um, it makes me really so even more scared to walk it, like to go walk in public where like I used to like only have a little level of fear, like a good level of fear.
01:31:11
Speaker
So yeah, are you watching things that are gossipy? Are you watching things that are like crimes, horror movies? And there's nothing wrong with it, but it's just like, is it affecting you? Some of us are more sentence ah sensitive than others. Is it affecting the way that you're viewing other people? Is it affecting your life? And it's very subtle. You might not even notice it. But if you do have a lot of anxiety, really watch. Like I would probably stop watching horror movies and then see if you feel better.
01:31:33
Speaker
um And then even like who are you listening to? What podcasts are you listening to? Are you listening to podcasts that put other people down, that are negative, that are gossipy? like I love, love, love, love like trash reality TV. And I will never be sorry for that. like That is literally how I turn my mind off, especially because like I am so into like personal growth and development and like spirituality and like energy. And i I love human behavior. And so it's really fun for me to like turn my brain off and just like rot and like watch those reality TVs.
01:32:05
Speaker
But if I ever start feeling like I'm feeling like anxious or like shit then I'll know to like take a break um But I'm pretty good at being able to like separate it and I just love like I love analyzing them and seeing like, why are they behaving a certain way? Like it's just, it's really fun for me. Um, so know yourself, like know yourself. Like, do you like, do are you okay watching horror movies? Are you okay watching trash, like gossip, um, reality TV? Like just, but just notice what is it that you're listening to? Are you watching the news? Are you waking up people who wake up every morning and immediately start watching the news? I i take peanut out in the mornings, um, to go pee and my downstairs neighbor,
01:32:43
Speaker
at like 6 30 a.m. is already blasting like Fox News or something and I just hear him like just watching it already at like 6 30 a.m. like all day he has it on when he gets home from work and nonstop just like the latest news and it's like that is only like the news you guys I do not fuck with like that induces fear that induces um panic that induces like turning on certain groups of people. It's so biased. It's so trash. Like I for sure will not watch the news. Like at least when I'm watching reality TV, I know this is like fake and has nothing to do with my life. But when people are so consumed in the news, it's literally brainwashing them into like believing certain things about certain groups of people. And it's just instilling fear and believing like the economy is crashing and like we're going to war and it's like just complete shit. So yeah, I would highly recommend like don't watch the news if that's something that you do watch or just
01:33:32
Speaker
question it. I'm not telling you what to do, but question, what are you watching? What are you feeding your body and what are you feeding your spirit? Are you giving yourself a alone time? Are you walking in nature? Are you looking at beautiful things? like I personally love surrounding myself with like beautiful things. like I love my like how I decorate my office. I love having plants around me. I love burning like really beautiful candles. I love lookingrk looking at beautiful things. like I love pulling um cards, tarot, oracle cards in the morning and like having like burning incense and like having crystals around me and like that makes my spirit feel really good. So like what is it for you? Like what is your environment conducive of? Is it relaxing? Like I love playing like music, having beautiful music on.
Environment and Social Influence
01:34:15
Speaker
I love having like my like white noise from like a fan on. like That makes me feel really good. um I love looking at really pretty things. So it's like, is your space clean? Is it energetically clean? Is it beautiful?
01:34:28
Speaker
Um, is it making you feel good? Are you watching inspiring things? Are you walking in nature and like seeing beautiful nature and like getting the sun on you and like feeding your spirit? Okay. Like feeding your soul and spirit. Like what are you looking at? Um, sometimes you guys, my car gets super messy. Like I'll have like clothes and like 20 pairs of shoes and I'll have like my Starbucks cup and it's like, it gets like bad. So then I clean it. It's like, okay, once a week I'll go clean my car. And if I don't do that,
01:34:55
Speaker
everything starts piling up and I'm like oh my god I have like stuff everywhere and energetically it feels stifling and it feels like yucky but so I feel great every time I clean my car spotless brand new so yeah like what do you have around your space is it cluttered or is it clear and like beautiful and do you have art that makes you feel really good and this is where you really turn tune into your own personality like don't put things around you that you think other people think is cool or is pretty It's like, what do you like to look at? What colors do you like? Like color therapy is so real. Like what plants do you like? What colors do you like? Get Oracle decks that you love, the imagery on, and just like sort surround yourself with beautiful things. And that will completely help with anxiety, like completely.
01:35:41
Speaker
um
01:35:47
Speaker
And then number... 15. Okay, so this is what I really want to talk about in human design really, really quick. So if you have an open or undefined splenic center in human design, which is a spleen center, you are going to be someone who naturally picks up on other people's um illnesses and like sicknesses like you can feel being in the aura of somebody else you can feel in their presence if they're healthy and thriving, or if they have something wrong with them, like if they have something like sick with them. If they're anxious, you can just feel that it's because it's very like the Splenic Center is all about like survival. It's all about like the body. It's all about like health, radiance, and also like illness. So really, really, really be aware of like who are you surrounding yourself with? Because if you're around people who are sick or are like
01:36:41
Speaker
not taking care of themselves, you're going to pick up on that. Um, also if you have an undefined or open solar plexus, you pick up on other people's emotions. So if you're around people who are emotionally unregulated, who are, and I'm not just like all of us experience the wider range of emotions. So you guys, I'm not saying be all love and light all the time. Obviously I experienced anger all the time. I experienced sadness, loss, grief,
01:37:08
Speaker
anxiousness like we express we experience all of it but If you're someone around who's like chronically negative all of the time, who's constantly complaining, who is angry all the time, or who is like really depressed, who is anxious all of the time, if you have an undefined or open emotional solar plexus, you are taking it and amplifying their feelings. So you're going to feel it times 1,000. So if you live in an environment, in a house with people who are angry, who are resentful, who are jealous, who are envious, who are
01:37:40
Speaker
don't feel good in their life and they're not doing anything to take responsibility and change it, you are harboring all of those emotions. Okay? So really look at that. Your environment is so important to you. Okay? Our environments are so important to us. The people we surround ourselves with are so important to us, not because they only like logically impact us, but they emotionally impact us. We feel what they're feeling. You want to be around people who are genuinely happy.
01:38:08
Speaker
living their purpose and alignment, like going after their goals, that have aspirations, that are healthy, that are loving, that are in their heart space, that are truth seekers, that speak the truth, that have high standards, that have high values for their life, that respect other people, that are emotionally intelligent, that are emotionally aware, that are kind, that are giving, that are compassionate, that are rooted in truth and love and strong sense of self, okay? Strong sense of self, strong connection. They don't have to be like, quote unquote, spiritual, but like strong sense of like connectedness.
01:38:49
Speaker
Even better if they're connected to God, source, universe, love, truth, right? if we We can break it down to love and truth. Are they in love and truth? Do they want the best for you and themselves? Are they holding themselves up and living to their highest potential? Do they challenge you to live to your highest potential? Do they see the good in things, right? Are they kind? Are they generous? Those are the people you want to surround yourselves with. If you're starting yourselves with anyone else or if you are being someone who is stuck in anything else, other than that,
01:39:17
Speaker
That is a beautiful time to do stuff with reflection and look at the people that you're spending time with because it 100% impacts us. I can like 100% look back on my life all the times. Whereas in my most anxious, I was with in a relationship with someone that was not good for me. I was friends with people that were not good for me. I was i was just surrounded by buy things that just weren't great for me. So that is it.
Breath Work and Tapping Techniques
01:39:45
Speaker
And I hope that was helpful. You guys, I just want you to know that 100% you can feel better. Like you don't have to live with anxiety. You don't have to live with worry. You don't have to live with, um, worrying about the future. You can really learn how to like regulate your nervous system, some tools that you can do, you guys breath work and Google go to YouTube and you can find incredible sources for this breath work. Okay.
01:40:09
Speaker
I'll put a link for my favorite breathwork practice that I've ever done that I actually learned from my Akashic Records teacher. um
01:40:18
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
01:40:21
Speaker
Oh, Rebecca. Oh my God. I'm like, why is my mind going blank? Blank. Rebecca Lyons, my Akashic Records, um, practitioner teacher. Um, I'm going to put the link to the breath work that she showed me that I literally that this is the only one I do. I'm obsessed with it. It's so helpful. So do breath work. Anytime you're feeling anxious, um, shamanic, shake, get up, move your body, shake, shake your body.
01:40:44
Speaker
get all the excess stuff out you know when animals are getting chased from lions right like say a zebra or an antelope is getting chased by a lion it's about to like get killed and it escapes it goes and it immediately starts shaking it shakes like his whole body to get all of the adrenaline out of it And then he's good. And he goes on and he starts eating grass. He's not worried about the lion anymore. He's just living his life. What happens to us, you guys, when we have anxiety is like something stresses out or something like happened. And now we're like, we got that anxiety, adrenaline in us. And then instead of like shaking or getting out of us, we're just keep thinking about it. We're keep holding onto it. We're looping. It's stuck in our bodies. That energy needs to get out of us and we need to get our mind onto something else. So shake, shake, get into your body. can hit your chest, really get into your body, do breath work, shake, get out on the grass, put your feet, bare feet on the grass, put your feet on the dirt, on the sand, EFT tapping. EFT tapping, you guys, has changed my life. like I can't wait to create these for you, my own personal ones, because I'm like obsessed with the way that I like do scripting and that I like create the scripts, but I do
01:41:57
Speaker
anytime that I have like an actual situation that happened. So not just like general worry or general anxiety about someone or something. Say I have a looping thought of like, Oh my God, like this situation happened like with my boss or this situation happened with like a potential friend or something. And I'm like so worried. And I feel like I really fucked up and like, Oh my God. And I'm like looping, I'm looping in the worst case scenario and I can't get out of it. And I'm like, so worried. Or if you're a spiritual entrepreneur or like coach healer,
01:42:24
Speaker
and you want to like create content and you want to put yourself out there and like you want to create a podcast, but you're like looping, looping, looping. You can't think about like, Oh, I can never put myself out there. I'm like so scared. The moment that you pick up the mic, you get so scared to like hit record and you're like, no, there's no way. Like the anxiety is overwhelming. Do EFT tapping. So search EFT tapping on YouTube and just learn how to do it. Again, I can't wait to like, I create this for myself. You guys, I'll create, I'll create a whole series on this because it's literally life changing. So,
01:42:53
Speaker
That is it, you guys. I hope that was helpful. um If you would like to book a Jean Kees reading or a human design reading, I'm going to put everything in the show notes. I also still have my Akashic Records reading for only $88. I was really doing that for the Lionsgate portal. Let me see how many days it's been. One, two, three.
01:43:17
Speaker
Okay, so you have until Thursday to take advantage of that. So I'm going to actually be talking about that a lot on my Instagram this week. But you still have till Thursday to take advantage of the $88 Akashic Records reading, and then they will go back up to 111 and then probably higher after that. So take advantage. I'll put the link in the show notes. And then also, if you want the Akashic Records Hypnosis meditation that I did for free, just send me a DM or send me an email to my Gmail account and I will send it over to you for free. but Okay, so I hope that was helpful you guys. I hope you have the absolute best day, the best week and just know that
01:43:55
Speaker
anxiety is super normal. There is so many ways and tools that you can like deal with it. And there's so many ways that you can actually like rearrange your life to just like feel better and not have these like big life stressors that are just like stressing you the heck out. And like my life used to be very chaotic. It looked good on paper on the inside. It was horrendous. And my life is completely different now and yours can be too. So there's hope literally for all of us. So yay. Okay, you guys, I hope you have the best week and I will see you later. Bye bye.
01:44:26
Speaker
Thank you so much for being here and listening beauty. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review and share the episode with a friend who you know will love it. We can connect further on Instagram at I am Alyssa Mae. So come say hello, leave a comment of your favorite takeaway on