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Our Best Flirting Strategies! + Pencil D*ck & Spoons
57 Plays4 years ago
Our Best Flirting Strategies (and a few fails)! Pencil d*ck and Spoons.
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Transcript
Savannah's Upcoming AMA Event
00:00:00
Speaker
What's up, Queens?
00:00:01
Speaker
This is your host, Savannah.
00:00:03
Speaker
And before we begin the show this week, I have a special announcement.
00:00:07
Speaker
I am pleased to announce that I'll be taking part in an Ask Me Anything during the first week of August, sponsored by FDS, for our Patreon subscribers at The Queen Shit and The Level Up Tears.
00:00:17
Speaker
You can ask me about how I like my tea, British weather, it's not great, British gentlemen, or anything else.
00:00:24
Speaker
No topic will be off limits.
00:00:26
Speaker
To take part in the AMA, please sign up to our website at www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com and then send us a message on our Patreon www.patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy to receive your special Patreon badge for the website.
00:00:44
Speaker
I'm really looking forward to reading and answering your questions and I cannot wait to hear from you all.
00:00:49
Speaker
On to the show.
Dating App Misunderstandings and Experiences
00:00:51
Speaker
Welcome to this week's Roaster Scroats and this week we have a story from a member who wishes to remain anonymous and she says about five years ago I got out of a long-term relationship from a guy that I had been in a relationship with for seven years.
00:01:08
Speaker
We met in university, he broke up with me for someone he met at work.
00:01:13
Speaker
Just have to say seven years is a long time to be with somebody.
00:01:17
Speaker
But we move.
00:01:19
Speaker
Anyway, my youth, I didn't actually know that Tinder was a hookup app at the time.
00:01:24
Speaker
And I just thought it was a dating app.
00:01:26
Speaker
Well, so did everybody, right?
00:01:27
Speaker
Because Tinder actually did advertise itself as a dating app.
00:01:31
Speaker
I think it was men slowly using it outside of its original intention and then being like, of course it's a hookup app.
00:01:39
Speaker
Obviously it's a hookup app that women just sort of adjusted their expectations for the app.
00:01:43
Speaker
But I do still feel like when it came out,
00:01:47
Speaker
The idea was to go on dates.
00:01:49
Speaker
It was for dating.
00:01:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'd agree with that as well.
00:01:54
Speaker
To inflate my ego after being dumped, I then created a profile and spoke to a few people.
00:02:00
Speaker
One guy sent a message with emoji flowers and said they were for me.
00:02:04
Speaker
Believe it or not, that somehow impressed me.
00:02:08
Speaker
Emoji flowers.
00:02:09
Speaker
So not even real flowers?
00:02:11
Speaker
Just the rose emoji?
00:02:13
Speaker
Just like two or three of those?
00:02:16
Speaker
Well, it was the early days of Tinder.
00:02:18
Speaker
We'll forget it.
00:02:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:22
Speaker
The other chats have begun with hi and hey.
00:02:25
Speaker
See, this is why I can see now why she was impressed with the emoji flower because the bar was already... Yeah, because the bar is so low....in the centre of the earth at this point.
00:02:40
Speaker
But I ignored them and often received passive-aggressive messages.
00:02:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:45
Speaker
But why did you match with me then?
00:02:46
Speaker
Replies.
00:02:48
Speaker
I mean, I could have just been swiping.
00:02:49
Speaker
It could have been an accident.
00:02:50
Speaker
I really hate this idea that if you match someone, like you have to talk with them.
00:02:54
Speaker
Because I've seen that on dating apps too, where guys are like, well, I'm not here to make pen pal, so don't swipe on me if you don't plan to talk to me.
00:03:00
Speaker
And I'm like, well, not with that attitude.
00:03:02
Speaker
I'm actually grateful when guys show up front that they have a really negative attitude.
00:03:08
Speaker
And I'd say for women listening, you know, don't say in your profile, like not looking for a hookup or something like that, because it just makes you seem kind of like, you know, not a fun person to hang out with kind of thing.
00:03:19
Speaker
Right.
00:03:19
Speaker
So when a guy has something like that, I'm like, okay, cool.
00:03:22
Speaker
Now I know who to avoid.
00:03:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:25
Speaker
And also putting in the no hookup sign also, it gives the, or you're basically telling them that that's how other people have seen you on the app and you don't want to create that impression that you're not getting what you want out of the app.
00:03:40
Speaker
If that makes sense.
00:03:41
Speaker
It also just makes people think that you're just jaded.
00:03:43
Speaker
And like, even if you are better and jaded, you can't just be outwardly jaded, right?
00:03:48
Speaker
You have to like, keep that shit under wraps.
00:03:50
Speaker
Keep that shit to yourself, right?
00:03:53
Speaker
You know, you don't want that to be your opening line.
00:03:55
Speaker
It's just not attractive.
00:03:56
Speaker
But yeah, don't sabotage yourself because other men suck.
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:04:01
Speaker
Yeah.
Tinder Date Critiques and Realizations
00:04:02
Speaker
So the flower emoji guy and I talked for a while and he asked me if I wanted to meet up.
00:04:07
Speaker
And I said yes, and he asked if I wanted him to book a hotel room.
00:04:12
Speaker
Pass pick me said yes, of course.
00:04:13
Speaker
What?
00:04:14
Speaker
Why?
00:04:15
Speaker
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
00:04:16
Speaker
I don't follow.
00:04:17
Speaker
Yeah, I've had guys do that.
00:04:20
Speaker
No, guys, well, if I say, yeah, let's go for a date, he'll be like, okay, do you want to split a hotel room?
00:04:26
Speaker
And I'm like, what the fuck?
00:04:28
Speaker
Split.
00:04:29
Speaker
For what?
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:31
Speaker
Or he'll ask if I want to pay for a hotel room.
00:04:34
Speaker
I could have the privilege of seeing him.
00:04:36
Speaker
So I could...
00:04:38
Speaker
They really, really think Tinder is a free prostitution app.
00:04:43
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:04:44
Speaker
Literally, they do see Tinder as a free prostitution app.
00:04:47
Speaker
And they act like I should be grateful for the attention.
00:04:50
Speaker
And it's like the fucking male audacity.
00:04:52
Speaker
It's disgusting, really.
00:04:54
Speaker
I've fortunately never had a guy ask if he should book a hotel room.
00:04:59
Speaker
But wow.
00:05:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:02
Speaker
Wow.
00:05:02
Speaker
That's what you literally ask a hooker, by the way.
00:05:06
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:05:07
Speaker
Like if you're trying to pay an escort.
00:05:10
Speaker
Yeah, an out call.
00:05:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:13
Speaker
You would literally have to ask a hooker, should I purchase the hotel?
00:05:16
Speaker
Wow.
00:05:18
Speaker
All right, good.
00:05:19
Speaker
Sorry.
00:05:21
Speaker
He said there was absolutely no pressure, but it was just an option in quotation marks if we wanted it.
00:05:29
Speaker
He said he was paying, so I thought I had nothing to lose.
00:05:33
Speaker
Man.
00:05:34
Speaker
See, the red flag is him asking in the first place because this is a man who knows his way around purchasing sex.
00:05:41
Speaker
Yes.
00:05:42
Speaker
And also the other red flag is the no pressure.
00:05:46
Speaker
Because if there was truly no pressure, you wouldn't say no pressure.
00:05:49
Speaker
Because why would there be pressure?
00:05:50
Speaker
Guys who say no pressure are high pressure.
00:05:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:54
Speaker
Only people who are trying to sell you something using high-pressure sales tactics.
00:05:58
Speaker
There's no pressure.
00:05:59
Speaker
You can sign up for 30 days and then cancel at the end of 30 days and you're full money back kind of thing.
00:06:04
Speaker
No pressure, but it's high pressure.
00:06:05
Speaker
And then you try to cancel and it's like, are you sure?
00:06:11
Speaker
Let's connect you with one of our sales...
00:06:12
Speaker
representative specialists yeah like they try to then it's a big long rigmarole to get it canceled exactly so moving on to the date and we met at a spoons pub oh my okay right off track here so spoons is short for weather spoons yeah what's a spoons pub
00:06:30
Speaker
What is that?
00:06:32
Speaker
So on the Roast is Grote, it says Savannah will know what this is being from the UK.
00:06:36
Speaker
So enlighten us, Savannah.
00:06:38
Speaker
So it's basically, it's called a Wetherspoons.
00:06:41
Speaker
It's like a chain of pubs, which are around the country.
00:06:44
Speaker
The owner of the pubs is an absolute dick.
00:06:48
Speaker
And they basically have super cheap food and drinks that you can get.
00:06:52
Speaker
Like me and my friends, we would go to Spoons when I was at uni.
00:06:55
Speaker
And you'd be able to get two cocktail pitchers, like a litre.
00:06:59
Speaker
It was like two for £12.
00:07:01
Speaker
It was dirt cheap.
00:07:02
Speaker
And that was because they basically, you know, watered down their alcohol and hired extremely cheap labour, basically.
00:07:10
Speaker
And this is a sort of establishment where you can get... So it's like the Walmart of Pops.
00:07:14
Speaker
Yes, where you can get like a full meal for...
00:07:17
Speaker
for £4.99.
00:07:18
Speaker
It is not expensive at all.
00:07:21
Speaker
Like, it's basically somewhere where students who want to get pissed basically go because the drinks are free and your money will go a lot further.
00:07:31
Speaker
So this should have been a red flag in and of itself that he's taking her to Spoons because it means that he is cheap as fuck.
00:07:39
Speaker
This is where, I mean, she was probably hanging out with students in this pub.
00:07:43
Speaker
Like, that is how bottom tier it is.
00:07:47
Speaker
I'm like so angry on her part that he took her to speeds.
00:07:54
Speaker
When you're young and you actually are a student, that wouldn't seem like a red flag.
00:07:59
Speaker
But once you're more mature and have higher standards and stuff, that kind of date would seem insulting, you know?
00:08:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:08
Speaker
That's why guys like young women, because they're so easily impressed.
00:08:11
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:08:12
Speaker
Or just, maybe they're not even impressed, they're just not always able to recognize their own feelings enough to get themselves out of stupid situations like this.
00:08:21
Speaker
So, we talked for a while, and it was vaguely interesting.
00:08:25
Speaker
Despite my past pick-me-a-lip-fem-mouth saying, no, I want to split it!
00:08:30
Speaker
How can you split a spoons bill?
00:08:32
Speaker
Yeah, why would you split something that's five dollars?
00:08:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:36
Speaker
This is what I'm saying.
00:08:37
Speaker
I know this is racist, but anonymous.
00:08:39
Speaker
Like, why would you split a spoons bill?
00:08:42
Speaker
You must have been paying like £4.50 and you were arguing for him to split it.
00:08:47
Speaker
So spoons must be the UK equivalent of like Applebee's or Chili's over here in the States.
00:08:52
Speaker
That's what it sounds like.
00:08:53
Speaker
I think it's even worse than that, to be honest.
00:08:55
Speaker
Yeah, Applebee's and Chili's is like, okay.
00:08:59
Speaker
But spoons sounds like really bottom barrel.
00:09:02
Speaker
But spoons is just bottom barrel and they microwave the meals.
00:09:05
Speaker
Like a chef came out recently and said that the meals are microwaved.
00:09:12
Speaker
They're not even made in the kitchen.
00:09:16
Speaker
Oh, gosh.
00:09:18
Speaker
OK, so on to the split bill.
00:09:22
Speaker
Sorry about the rant.
00:09:23
Speaker
I just hate spoons so much.
00:09:24
Speaker
I'm like, luckily he said no.
00:09:26
Speaker
But nonetheless, I was impressed he paid.
00:09:29
Speaker
Yes, the bar wasn't too low.
00:09:31
Speaker
It just didn't exist at all for me.
00:09:33
Speaker
We went to the hotel later and had sex.
00:09:37
Speaker
Why?
00:09:38
Speaker
Why?
00:09:39
Speaker
It gets worse.
00:09:40
Speaker
No!
00:09:41
Speaker
It gets worse.
00:09:42
Speaker
No!
00:09:45
Speaker
It gets worse.
00:09:46
Speaker
He had a pencil dick.
00:09:48
Speaker
Too long and not girthy enough, so I didn't know it was in until he hit my cervix from it being too long.
00:09:55
Speaker
Wait, so it was long and skinny?
00:09:56
Speaker
I've never seen a dick like that.
00:09:58
Speaker
I've honestly never seen.
00:09:59
Speaker
I've seen a chode, but I've never seen the opposite of a chode, which is the long and skinny one.
00:10:05
Speaker
That's fascinating.
00:10:06
Speaker
Yeah, it feels like you're being stabbed.
00:10:09
Speaker
Not in a good way.
00:10:10
Speaker
Like you're being jabbed with a pen in the cervix.
00:10:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:15
Speaker
The aura was good, though, and he bought me breakfast the next day and drove me home.
00:10:20
Speaker
We kept chatting by text, and I was so starved of attention from my ex, I lapped up with this guy.
00:10:27
Speaker
It first began to get weird a few days later.
00:10:30
Speaker
He wouldn't text me suddenly at night, and then the next morning he would declare...
00:10:35
Speaker
that he must have fallen asleep early.
00:10:37
Speaker
Okay, I thought.
00:10:39
Speaker
And then he wanted to meet up again.
00:10:41
Speaker
Pick Me thought that maybe if we have sex again, he will make sure he doesn't fall asleep when we chat.
00:10:47
Speaker
Oh.
00:10:48
Speaker
I'm struggling to follow that logic, personally.
00:10:52
Speaker
It's okay.
00:10:53
Speaker
That's sad.
00:10:54
Speaker
That's kind of heartbreaking, actually.
00:10:56
Speaker
I feel bad.
00:10:57
Speaker
I mean, I have absolutely no idea what I thought was so wonderful about the chat.
00:11:02
Speaker
It was pretty boring, actually.
00:11:04
Speaker
And so we had dinner, he paid, and we had sex.
00:11:08
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah.
00:11:09
Speaker
See, this is the reason why I'm really, like... I know a lot of people like frequent communication with the guy they're dating or they're seeing, but this is partly why I don't like it, because...
00:11:20
Speaker
The frequency, it speaks, it doesn't, it isn't the same as intimacy.
00:11:26
Speaker
And I feel like a lot of these pickup artists, they want to bombard you, especially in the night and in the morning.
00:11:32
Speaker
They tend to target those times because they want to remain on your mind when you fall asleep and be on your mind when you wake up as well.
00:11:42
Speaker
But that doesn't necessarily mean that there's any intimacy there.
00:11:46
Speaker
Yeah, it's cheap intimacy.
00:11:48
Speaker
It's like...
00:11:50
Speaker
In fact, I read somewhere with the pickup artist types is they say something like, oh, women are constantly getting bombarded by attention from men.
00:11:57
Speaker
And so if you want to like maintain her intention, you got to do the basically describing love bombing.
00:12:02
Speaker
Right.
00:12:02
Speaker
But yeah, just like bombarding her with attention so that that so that like you this man sticks out to her more than the other guys or something.
00:12:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:12:12
Speaker
It's very stupid.
00:12:14
Speaker
So after that, he still kept falling asleep and then he escalated to an even more audacious move by cancelling a meetup the hour before we were due to meet because he felt ill, in quotation marks.
00:12:29
Speaker
It was another day and another time for me to make an excuse for him because everyone gets ill, so I should give him a break.
00:12:35
Speaker
And of course, I was so nice over text about it because God forbid I make him feel bad about it at all.
00:12:43
Speaker
So the same nonsense continued.
00:12:45
Speaker
The lackluster chat that I was lapping up and me texting too frequently and him not enough.
00:12:52
Speaker
He did ask in passing if we would ever film ourselves having sex.
00:12:57
Speaker
What?
00:12:58
Speaker
Why?
00:12:58
Speaker
Like, I mean, okay, so have you had a conversation at any point about if this is, like, a relationship before he starts trying to, like, pimp you out?
00:13:06
Speaker
Yeah, he actually sounds like a potential, like, sex trafficker.
00:13:09
Speaker
No joke.
00:13:10
Speaker
Yes.
00:13:10
Speaker
Like, the whole hotel room thing, like, the let's film ourselves having sex.
00:13:15
Speaker
Like, he actually sounds like he could become one of those guys to be, like...
00:13:19
Speaker
oh yeah, I need some help paying the bills.
00:13:20
Speaker
Like, let me call some of my friends and you can have sex with them for money.
00:13:24
Speaker
And then straight up, like, just selling into the sex trade.
00:13:28
Speaker
So luckily, I at least had enough sense to outright say no to that and even joked with him, well, how do I know that you won't just share it around?
00:13:37
Speaker
He never did answer that question.
00:13:40
Speaker
Gosh.
00:13:40
Speaker
Because he was going to.
00:13:41
Speaker
Because he fucking knew he would.
00:13:43
Speaker
Obviously.
00:13:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:46
Speaker
We then progressed to him not texting at all some days.
00:13:49
Speaker
Oh, whoops, I left my phone at home.
00:13:51
Speaker
Or whoops, I didn't charge it last night.
00:13:54
Speaker
Or whoops, I let my mate borrow it and they didn't give it back.
00:13:57
Speaker
All bollocks, of course.
00:13:59
Speaker
And he never sent those messages in quick succession, though.
00:14:04
Speaker
And so I never became too suspicious.
00:14:06
Speaker
He knew what he was doing, I'm sure.
00:14:09
Speaker
He then gave the ultimate reason for infrequent texting, that his grandma was ill, so he will be spending a lot of time with her and didn't know if he could really get back to me.
00:14:20
Speaker
On this point, though, somebody raised a really, really good point about how a lot of men will say a family member's ill, or when they say a family member's ill as an excuse, they'll often use a female family member as opposed to a male one.
00:14:37
Speaker
Because, like, my sister used to work in retail.
00:14:39
Speaker
She used to say that, like, guys would always call in sick, but because they didn't want to use their sick days, they would say, oh, my grandmother's died.
00:14:48
Speaker
And she was like, like, some people are on, like, their age.
00:14:51
Speaker
How many grandmothers do these guys have?
00:14:56
Speaker
The eighth grandma.
00:14:57
Speaker
The eighth grandma has died.
00:15:00
Speaker
It's always a female family member.
00:15:01
Speaker
And I thought that was actually really interesting because I think it's an attempt to play on a woman's sense of empathy, especially towards other women.
00:15:10
Speaker
I don't know.
00:15:10
Speaker
That's just a theory that I have.
00:15:12
Speaker
But yeah.
Self-Esteem and Relationship Choices
00:15:15
Speaker
And this is the most embarrassing part because I said by text, oh, it's okay.
00:15:19
Speaker
Don't worry.
00:15:20
Speaker
If you can't text for months at a time, that's fine.
00:15:23
Speaker
I mean...
00:15:25
Speaker
I had absolutely no self-respect at all.
00:15:28
Speaker
I don't even know what I was thinking.
00:15:30
Speaker
I was so out of his league, I was into another galaxy altogether.
00:15:33
Speaker
I love that quote.
00:15:35
Speaker
He was very happy with the, he could just text me when he was bored option, which really is what this was.
00:15:42
Speaker
And I was always just so honoured when he had the time to text me back.
00:15:47
Speaker
I only came to my senses when I met someone else who I am still with.
00:15:51
Speaker
Congratulations.
00:15:52
Speaker
So I think, I think this is a, um, a testament to why it's not a great idea to even casually date if your self-esteem isn't good.
00:16:02
Speaker
Cause I know at the beginning she was saying that she got back on Tinder to help her get over an ex.
00:16:06
Speaker
Cause she gets some attention.
00:16:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:08
Speaker
And that just doesn't work because even low value men, um,
00:16:13
Speaker
negative zero value men it's like a shock to blood isn't it yeah they'll sniff out your weakness and they'll pretend to be one thing or they at least try to be outwardly nice enough that you don't pick up on the fact that you're not actually happy i mean the reason why you don't pick up on the fact that you're not actually happy or even paying attention to some of these low value behaviors is because your self-esteem isn't good right so it becomes a cycle some of the
00:16:35
Speaker
feedback we got on the multi-dating episode, which was actually really good feedback.
00:16:40
Speaker
Um, you know, cause I said, you know, even if I don't see him as husband material, sometimes I'll keep them around for my own personal amusement.
00:16:46
Speaker
And a lot of women were saying, um, that that doesn't work for them because, you know, or they avoid low value men the same way an alcoholic would avoid alcohol because for what, you know, variety of reasons, they just can't like control themselves or, or, you know,
00:17:03
Speaker
Yeah, I know what you mean.
00:17:04
Speaker
Like, they're just vulnerable to the low-value manipulation tactics, right?
00:17:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:08
Speaker
I find them amusing.
00:17:10
Speaker
Like, if a guy tries the low-value manipulation tactics, I kind of go, game on.
00:17:16
Speaker
I just laughed to myself.
00:17:17
Speaker
I'm like, oh, it's going to be fun.
00:17:19
Speaker
Anyways.
00:17:19
Speaker
Yeah, you're going to have a cold, ruthless heart like us to get to pull this off.
00:17:25
Speaker
Yeah, that was the one thing about the multi-dating episode is if you over empathize with men or if you feel really bad about yourself, then this isn't going to work for you.
00:17:33
Speaker
No, it won't.
00:17:34
Speaker
You got to more or less just look at it like this person is occupying your time for exactly as much time as they are interesting to you and no more.
00:17:42
Speaker
Exactly.
00:17:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:17:44
Speaker
And that means in daily interactions, end the conversation as soon as you're bored, as soon as you just don't feel like talking to him.
00:17:51
Speaker
But I feel like women tend to want to keep emoting and conversing with guys far past...
00:17:56
Speaker
the usefulness of the man.
00:17:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:59
Speaker
It's the same way like an alcoholic, you know, they can't just have one drink.
00:18:03
Speaker
They can't put it down after one drink.
00:18:04
Speaker
They just feel that compulsion to keep drinking, right?
00:18:08
Speaker
And so if you're, you know, going through some stuff or you have low self-esteem or, you know, you haven't leveled up to, like, FDS level, like, if you haven't leveled up to, like, ruthless strategist level of FDS, you may struggle with,
00:18:24
Speaker
you know, saying no or with cutting men off at the first sign of disrespect or even just cutting men off when you're not liking them anymore, you know?
00:18:31
Speaker
And I don't act like I'm above ever having had these, like, low self-esteem moments because I have, but they just were never... They just were never worth it, you know?
00:18:40
Speaker
And I think after...
00:18:42
Speaker
looking at, you know, the scope of my dating experience in hindsight, I'm like, yeah, I can totally tell that the times where I let these kind of low value guys sneak in, it was, I was either really busy, like crazy busy with work or something like that.
00:18:56
Speaker
And I just kind of wanted something to relieve my mind, or I was just not in a good place emotionally.
00:19:01
Speaker
And they were just occupying my time at the time.
00:19:03
Speaker
And I should have just basically figured out my own shit before.
00:19:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:08
Speaker
And I've done the same thing.
00:19:09
Speaker
Like, when I've been at a low point in my life, that's when I'm much more vulnerable to low value or negative value men, you know, manipulation or just time wasting.
00:19:19
Speaker
But I find, like, recently, like, in the past year, my self-esteem has been so high that, like, it's like...
00:19:27
Speaker
It's like you've got this force field around you that they'll just keep throwing shit at you and just bounces right off.
00:19:33
Speaker
It's like you just see right through it.
00:19:35
Speaker
So it does take time to get to that, for sure.
00:19:39
Speaker
We're on a tangent.
00:19:40
Speaker
Let's wrap this up.
00:19:44
Speaker
But the story has a happy ending because she says that now she's found FDS.
00:19:48
Speaker
At any signs of her partner changing, she will leave him.
00:19:52
Speaker
She ends with, I don't need to find someone else to have the courage to leave and see my work now.
00:19:58
Speaker
So thanks so much, ladies.
00:20:00
Speaker
Nice.
00:20:01
Speaker
That's good.
00:20:02
Speaker
so yeah i just hope that scroke just i don't know chokes on the shitty food at spoons like what the fuck i hope he gets food poisoning from a microwave meal i hope it's like his drink is like doubly diluted so he doesn't even get the effects of alcohol but has spent all the money on it yeah i hope he gets served a virgin cocktail for the price of a an alcoholic cocktail
00:20:29
Speaker
The thing is, though... Also, alcohol is so cheap in Europe.
00:20:31
Speaker
I'm so jealous.
00:20:32
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:20:33
Speaker
Like, it's so expensive in Canada.
00:20:35
Speaker
I mean, with Brexit, though, we don't really benefit from that anymore.
00:20:39
Speaker
Oh.
00:20:39
Speaker
Sad face.
00:20:40
Speaker
That sucks.
00:20:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:41
Speaker
I just... So I just Googled spoons to see what it looks like.
00:20:45
Speaker
The exteriors are often nice, but it's just the menu and the drinks are just a general atmosphere.
00:20:52
Speaker
It's just like...
00:20:56
Speaker
If a guy took you there on a first date, if you ever come to England and date, you will be very insulted.
00:21:04
Speaker
You should be very insulted.
00:21:05
Speaker
That's a neg.
00:21:05
Speaker
That's an insult.
00:21:06
Speaker
You can actually get two meals for £7, for fuck's sake, on a Friday.
00:21:10
Speaker
Two lots of fish and chips for, like, £7.
00:21:13
Speaker
The thing that gets me, though, was the fact that he actually asked to film them having sex and clearly had plans to share that.
00:21:20
Speaker
What the hell?
00:21:22
Speaker
The hotel and the sex tape, you know.
00:21:25
Speaker
a lot of these guys, they film sex tapes and it's like, but you've got a pencil dick.
00:21:29
Speaker
Like, are you just asking to be trolled?
00:21:31
Speaker
Like, even on, like, porn videos or on, like, the porn subreddits, like, men are always roasting each other's dicks as well.
00:21:40
Speaker
So...
00:21:42
Speaker
I don't know why.
00:21:42
Speaker
Imagine posting revenge porn and you have like a two-inch dick and they don't even focus on the woman.
00:21:47
Speaker
They're just like, ha, look at your micro-peen.
00:21:50
Speaker
They literally do that though.
00:21:51
Speaker
They'll say like, oh, his stroke is whack or his dick is whack.
00:21:55
Speaker
Like other men saying it.
00:21:57
Speaker
It's just...
00:21:59
Speaker
I love that.
00:22:00
Speaker
We're glad that you, that, that you joined us embarrassed.
00:22:05
Speaker
And yeah, and we hope that spoons, a spoons date will never be in your future again.
00:22:10
Speaker
All right.
00:22:11
Speaker
So thanks for
Introduction to Female Dating Strategy Podcast
00:22:12
Speaker
listening.
00:22:12
Speaker
If you would like to submit your very own roast to scrote or to just listen to our bonus content, please go to our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:22:22
Speaker
Let's start the show.
00:22:29
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:22:30
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only pod on the internet.
00:22:34
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:22:35
Speaker
And this is Savannah.
00:22:36
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
The Art of Flirting: Skills and Techniques
00:22:37
Speaker
And today we have the oft-requested topic, our best flirting tips.
00:22:43
Speaker
Yeah, we get asked a lot about flirting.
00:22:45
Speaker
Yeah, we get a lot of questions about this, actually, about how do you flirt with men.
00:22:49
Speaker
So it's something I actually didn't even think of as a topic we should cover.
00:22:55
Speaker
And I think those of us who are skilled and flirtatious kind of take for granted that it is a it is a skill you have to learn.
00:23:02
Speaker
It's a valuable social skill that a lot of people don't necessarily know how to do.
00:23:06
Speaker
Yeah, because, I mean, a lot of people on the subreddit would ask about flirting, and I'm just like, I don't even know how to teach that.
00:23:14
Speaker
It's one of those things that you do kind of in the moment, and one of the failures of the red pill, one of their many failures, is that they teach men lines, and this is something I have a problem with, is...
00:23:27
Speaker
you know, having specific scripts like, oh, tell her this line or tell her that line.
00:23:33
Speaker
And then when the woman says something that doesn't fit the script, they just will act sort of confused.
00:23:39
Speaker
Like they don't know how to deal with someone when she doesn't follow the script, right?
00:23:43
Speaker
So I don't really believe in teaching scripts.
00:23:47
Speaker
You kind of have to learn the underlying social skills and learning body language and how to read people and how to...
00:23:57
Speaker
You got to practice.
00:23:58
Speaker
These are going to be flirting strategies.
00:24:00
Speaker
Perhaps we should not even say tips because tips kind of leans to what you're just saying where people think it's like a pickup line or a gimmick.
00:24:07
Speaker
We're going to give you some strategies to initiate flirtatious contact.
00:24:12
Speaker
with a guy that you like.
00:24:13
Speaker
Doesn't mean that you're going to be the person that asks them out.
00:24:16
Speaker
Doesn't mean you should do all the heavy lifting when it comes to the social interaction, but just to kind of break the ice or, you know, get a guy who you've identified that, Hey, I would be very happy if he came over and asked me out how to get his attention, how to build rapport and give him the opportunity in the space to make the move to ask you out.
00:24:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:38
Speaker
Flirtation is about building attraction and motivating him to come and make the first move on you.
00:24:45
Speaker
Bars.
00:24:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:24:46
Speaker
So before we get into that, I think we should set the ground rules.
00:24:50
Speaker
So first of all, all of our flirting strategies are designed so that the man...
00:24:56
Speaker
will have to take the initiative to ask you out eventually.
00:24:58
Speaker
This is not one of those, girl, go ahead and ask him for his number.
00:25:03
Speaker
And the biggest reason why we don't do the overt pickup is because it doesn't really advantage women to do more overt pickups.
00:25:12
Speaker
Because also men don't respect women who make the first move.
00:25:15
Speaker
That's just a fact.
00:25:16
Speaker
It's not a flex on the patriarchy like you think it is.
00:25:18
Speaker
No, and also men will say yes to anyone because the possibility of free on-demand pussy for many is too good to pass up.
00:25:28
Speaker
So that's why FDS doesn't recommend that women be the one to ask men out because most men will just say yes to anyone.
00:25:36
Speaker
And they'll just gladly string you along for however long they feel like it.
00:25:41
Speaker
Until they find someone they actually want to pursue and they'll run off with her.
00:25:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:45
Speaker
So if you're looking for long-term commitment, a better strategy is to incentivize him to make the first move and to want to invest.
00:25:52
Speaker
And if you're the person that does the heavy lifting at the beginning of initiating contact, building rapport, asking him out, planning dates, all that, it's basically like a fish that just jumped into a boat and this guy is not going to be incentivized to do any of the relationship heavy lifting after that.
00:26:09
Speaker
Yeah, you've set the tone that you're going to do the heavy lifting of emotional labor and making things happen.
00:26:15
Speaker
And if there's one thing we want to discourage women from doing is giving out emotional labor without appropriate reciprocation, without early investment for men too.
00:26:24
Speaker
So that's the preface of the rest of the strategies we're about to give out.
00:26:27
Speaker
So what do you guys think?
00:26:28
Speaker
What are your best flirting strategies?
00:26:30
Speaker
So first of all, I want to say that
00:26:32
Speaker
Non-verbal communication is just as important, if not more important than the actual words that you are saying.
00:26:39
Speaker
So things like eye contact, how you carry yourself, physical contact, the way that you turn your body, and so on.
00:26:46
Speaker
All of this is going to speak more than... Basically, what I'm getting at is don't just go up to a guy and confess your feelings, okay?
00:26:53
Speaker
Because that's cringy as hell.
00:26:55
Speaker
And in fact, I don't like it when guys do this either, where...
00:26:58
Speaker
You know, they come up to you and like, I've secretly loved you for years, like that kind of stuff, because it's just going to make the other person uncomfortable and kind of not really sure how to react.
00:27:08
Speaker
The purpose of flirting is to sort of build up attraction over time so that by the time if you do eventually talk about your feelings, it won't come as a surprise.
00:27:16
Speaker
Or to just give him the green light to ask you out, even before that.
00:27:19
Speaker
So that he doesn't feel like a creep.
00:27:21
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:27:22
Speaker
So I think the first tactic, the first strategy is eye contact, right?
00:27:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:27
Speaker
So before we start recording, we were kind of talking about our different strategies when it came to making eye contact with guys.
00:27:34
Speaker
I'm very much in favor of looking at a guy directly and almost like eye fucking him down.
00:27:39
Speaker
If I'm actually admiring, if I'm admiring his body.
00:27:43
Speaker
Yeah, I'll make eye contact with a guy.
00:27:45
Speaker
look down and then look back up and then have this kind of bemused look on my face that's when they go oh my god she's totally into me yeah it's almost like if you google princess diana in the martin basheir interview she does this thing with her eyes which is exactly what was just described and it is absolutely mesmerizing when i watched that interview like i was just completely completely sucked in by her eyes i
00:28:10
Speaker
We call it the Diana stare.
00:28:11
Speaker
It's not really a stare, but the way she does it.
00:28:14
Speaker
But yeah, definitely Google it.
00:28:16
Speaker
It's a very alluring way to make eye contact with a guy.
00:28:19
Speaker
Yeah, I love the way that Diana carries herself.
00:28:22
Speaker
She's so... She carries herself in a way that's very powerful, yet not intimidating.
00:28:28
Speaker
And she does that thing with her eyes where she kind of tilts her head down and then looks up.
00:28:33
Speaker
So it's almost like she's looking through her eyelashes at you.
00:28:36
Speaker
And...
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah, that's a I do that all the time.
00:28:39
Speaker
I didn't even know that was called the Diana stare, but it's a good, good, good strategy.
00:28:44
Speaker
When you guys are describing this, because I haven't seen this interview, it reminds me of like every Looney Tunes cartoon where Bugs Bunny puts on like a wig and lipstick and then tries to flirt with Elmer Fudd and he like looks over his eyelashes.
00:28:57
Speaker
You know what I'm talking about?
00:28:59
Speaker
No.
00:29:01
Speaker
Like girl bug.
00:29:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:03
Speaker
When he's in girl mode.
00:29:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:05
Speaker
When he's in girl mode.
00:29:11
Speaker
Is that what you're talking about?
00:29:12
Speaker
Because I haven't seen this interview.
00:29:13
Speaker
Because that's what it seems like to me.
00:29:14
Speaker
I haven't seen that cartoon, so I don't know.
00:29:16
Speaker
But yeah.
00:29:17
Speaker
Or like, have you ever seen the old Disney shorts with Daisy and Donald Duck?
00:29:22
Speaker
And then Daisy Duck always slurts with Donald with her eyelashes, like tilted upwards.
00:29:27
Speaker
It isn't like she's trying to sucker them in, like Bugs Bunny would with Elma Fudd to like, I don't know, shoot him or something.
00:29:33
Speaker
But it's more just...
00:29:35
Speaker
She does it, it's quite subtle the way she does it.
00:29:39
Speaker
I can't really describe it, but it's more, I mean, I would describe it as, I mean, she's giving off the vibe that she's really strong because she's maintaining eye contact, but she also has just a slight hint of being vulnerable about her.
00:29:53
Speaker
She does it really well.
00:29:54
Speaker
I would highly recommend checking out the Diana stare.
00:29:56
Speaker
But I think also to pull that off as well, you do need to accentuate the feature.
00:30:02
Speaker
So she accentuated her eyes quite well as well.
00:30:06
Speaker
So that's more of a soft feminine type approach.
00:30:09
Speaker
I'm definitely more direct in my desire.
00:30:13
Speaker
I like to, I mean, if I'm looking at a guy, I'll literally look at him up and down enough for him to notice that I'm looking at him, but I'll also make sure it's not like, I also make sure I'm not giving him like a serial killer stare or anything that he's looked back at me.
00:30:26
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:28
Speaker
And then I'll just kind of look at him like I desire him.
00:30:32
Speaker
But I mean, that's a little bit more bold.
00:30:35
Speaker
So that just depends on your personal comfort level.
00:30:37
Speaker
I know some women are more comfortable with the more soft feminine approach.
00:30:41
Speaker
I actually feel like I look awkward when I do that because it's just not my personality.
00:30:46
Speaker
When I've tried to do the more soft feminine approach, I feel like I'm acting.
00:30:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:50
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:30:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:53
Speaker
I think that's a key tenant of like flirting in general, just trying to lean into your, into your personality.
00:31:00
Speaker
I think again, a lot of these, these dating coaches and pickup artists who, who try to teach people how to flirt, they do it in a very, in quite a cookie cutter way.
00:31:11
Speaker
Formulaic way.
00:31:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:13
Speaker
Like a formulaic way.
00:31:14
Speaker
And not everybody is an extrovert.
00:31:17
Speaker
There are some people who are introverted.
00:31:18
Speaker
There are some people who are somewhere in the middle.
00:31:20
Speaker
So,
00:31:22
Speaker
Being able to successfully flirt also requires a level of self-awareness and knowing your personality and how you interact comfortably with people as well.
00:31:33
Speaker
I'll let my eyes rest on some part of his body I like.
00:31:36
Speaker
I mean, I'm that bold.
00:31:39
Speaker
Yeah, no, I do the same thing.
00:31:41
Speaker
If I'm at the gym, like the guys that I've talked to at the gym, I'll like look at his face and like look at his arms, hold that look and then look at his face again.
00:31:49
Speaker
And like, that's when they know in their head, they're like, okay, she's checking me out.
00:31:52
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:31:53
Speaker
I mean, I tend to just stare in their eyes.
00:31:55
Speaker
I try and find out...
00:31:57
Speaker
like what their their their corneas are saying personally and it's even I do it even more if I'm not like wearing glasses as well because sometimes um because I can't really see that well so I stare really intensely but they don't know that but it helps with the intense stare yeah so you've honestly never had to put more effort into getting a guy to approach me than just like looking at him a couple of times maybe smiling the second time but like yeah yeah
00:32:27
Speaker
Just consider the environment.
00:32:28
Speaker
So I wouldn't do the stare down at like a work function, for example.
00:32:32
Speaker
True.
00:32:32
Speaker
Right.
00:32:33
Speaker
If it was like a professional meeting, I probably wouldn't be over there looking at guys like they're a meat market.
00:32:39
Speaker
I have had men look at me like we were in a meat market at a professional work function and it was very uncomfortable and inappropriate.
00:32:45
Speaker
So in that kind of situation, if there is a person that I was kind of interested in meeting like...
00:32:51
Speaker
I would want to talk to them romantically.
00:32:54
Speaker
Then I think I would go for the softer approach in that kind of environment where I would give them friendly eye contact, meaning it's a work function or some kind of professional function.
00:33:05
Speaker
Come over and say, hello.
00:33:07
Speaker
you know, in that kind of environment, you're probably wearing a name tag anyway.
00:33:11
Speaker
So then it's just as easy as just being like, hi, I haven't met you before.
00:33:15
Speaker
You know, you don't even have to really press the eye contact thing too much.
00:33:18
Speaker
Just, you know, give them a friendly hello.
00:33:21
Speaker
And then more than likely they'll break the ice anyways, because, you know, you might not know them or you're just getting to know each other because it's a professional mixer.
00:33:28
Speaker
So we've talked about eye contact, different ways you can use your eyeballs to get a guy to come talk to you.
00:33:35
Speaker
So let's talk about smiling.
00:33:37
Speaker
First of all, I hate to be the person to tell women you should smile more.
00:33:41
Speaker
And I will say that, honestly, when I'm flirting, I don't smile a lot.
00:33:45
Speaker
Like, I am very...
00:33:48
Speaker
Not withholding, but I'm selective about when I choose to smile or when I choose to laugh.
00:33:52
Speaker
I'll only laugh at a guy's jokes, for example, if I actually think he's being funny.
00:33:56
Speaker
And I find that in my personal experience and from what I've observed, when you smile at the guy too much or when you laugh at everything he says...
00:34:06
Speaker
Um, I heard someone say that like in Russia, they tell you not to smile because, or they tell you not to smile too much because people will think you're simple.
00:34:14
Speaker
And I think there's a little bit of that going on.
00:34:17
Speaker
You know, like, uh, April Andy from Parks and Rec, just the type of guy that I, or the type of woman that I am and the type of guy that I date, I'm usually more kind of deadpan.
00:34:27
Speaker
Um, and the guys that I usually date are like golden retriever boys.
00:34:31
Speaker
Like Mr. Peanut Butter.
00:34:32
Speaker
What's...
00:34:33
Speaker
What's Mr. Peanut Butter?
00:34:34
Speaker
From Bojack Horseman from Netflix.
00:34:37
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, exactly.
00:34:39
Speaker
Like, yeah, I'm kind of like Diane and he's kind of like Mr. Peanut Butter, like really positive.
00:34:46
Speaker
And so these are the type of guys where, because they don't smile or laugh a lot.
00:34:51
Speaker
So when they do manage to make me smile or they do manage to make me laugh, they get like super excited and like proud of themselves.
00:34:57
Speaker
Like this is a huge achievement or whatever, right?
00:35:01
Speaker
So I don't smile.
00:35:02
Speaker
I don't smile.
00:35:03
Speaker
I don't smile a lot.
00:35:03
Speaker
But when I do smile, it's special when it happens.
00:35:07
Speaker
So but that I've learned that apparently this is not a opinion that either of you share.
00:35:13
Speaker
So you guys go ahead.
00:35:15
Speaker
Well, OK, so I have a bad case of resting nice face.
00:35:18
Speaker
Yeah, the opposite.
00:35:19
Speaker
I have resting bitch face.
00:35:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:20
Speaker
So in some respects, I hate it because people talk to me all the time.
00:35:25
Speaker
When I don't want to talk to them because I think I look like a nice person or at least a friendly person.
00:35:31
Speaker
And actually, I am a pretty friendly person.
00:35:34
Speaker
So for me, smiling or smizing, as it were.
00:35:38
Speaker
What's smizing?
00:35:39
Speaker
Like smiling with your eyes.
00:35:41
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
00:35:41
Speaker
Smiling with your eyes.
00:35:42
Speaker
So that's usually part of my normal...
00:35:45
Speaker
speaking voice, my normal speaking mode.
00:35:47
Speaker
So it would feel awkward and uncomfortable for me to not be smiling or smiling with my wife.
00:35:53
Speaker
And I've always been that way.
00:35:54
Speaker
So I don't know if this was like female socialization or anything, because I can remember pretty much being like this when I was a kid from as far back as I can remember.
00:36:02
Speaker
So I think I just have that natural continence.
00:36:05
Speaker
So for me, I'm a big...
00:36:08
Speaker
fan of flashing a guy a smile.
00:36:11
Speaker
But it does mean that sometimes I'm getting attention from men who I don't want to flirt with because I think because they're not used to women necessarily always smiling as much as I do, then men think I'm flirting with them and I'm not.
00:36:24
Speaker
Or they don't pick up on the fact that I am flirting with them because they're like, well, she smiles at everybody, right?
00:36:29
Speaker
It's not really special.
00:36:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:31
Speaker
So when I am trying to particularly talk to a guy who I am interested in, I'll have to give him either a smirk, like almost like a smirking sexy smile, like a specific kind of smile that's different from my normal friendly smile or give him a smile followed by the eye fuck, right?
00:36:51
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:36:52
Speaker
There's different kinds of smile, not like the big old open mouth, like toothy grin kind of thing.
00:36:57
Speaker
Yeah, I'll definitely do like a half smile or...
00:37:00
Speaker
Or like, you know, when you're just talking and the corners of your mouth are kind of up, you know?
00:37:05
Speaker
Yeah, there's different kinds of smiles.
00:37:07
Speaker
There's smirking.
00:37:09
Speaker
But I don't do a lot of big smiles.
00:37:11
Speaker
But yeah, that's just me.
00:37:13
Speaker
See, I'm somewhere in the middle between like resting bitch face and resting nice face.
00:37:19
Speaker
Um, but a lot of people say that one of my best features is my smile.
00:37:23
Speaker
So I use it quite a lot in a flirting, in a flirting situation.
00:37:27
Speaker
So that kind of goes back to what I said about understanding your personality, your features and just playing into that.
00:37:34
Speaker
Um, I'm also quite nervous as well.
00:37:36
Speaker
Like really, really nervous.
00:37:38
Speaker
Like when people, um, like when they first meet me, I've had people say, I literally thought you were mute.
00:37:43
Speaker
Like you couldn't talk because you're so quiet.
00:37:45
Speaker
Um, but,
00:37:46
Speaker
And then they realise I actually talk a lot once I'm more comfortable.
00:37:49
Speaker
So being able to smile and maintain eye contact is sort of a way to, it's a way for me to break the ice as somebody who's not an extrovert, but can be very introverted when I first meet people, particularly a guy I really like.
00:38:06
Speaker
So...
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah, see, my eyes are my best feature, so I play up my eyes a lot.
00:38:11
Speaker
I have an okay smile, but yeah, if your smile is like the most beautiful part about you, then definitely play that up for sure.
00:38:18
Speaker
I think the thing is, though, if you're a smiley person like me, then your boundaries got to be on point because you'll just start reeling them.
00:38:24
Speaker
You'll start reeling them in because men just need attention.
00:38:27
Speaker
They love attention.
00:38:27
Speaker
They crave attention.
00:38:28
Speaker
So if you smile or look friendly, then they'll start to think, oh, that's an invitation to talk to her, even if that's just your natural disposition.
00:38:35
Speaker
So that's when you have to almost like strategically ignore people.
00:38:39
Speaker
strategically ignore.
00:38:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:42
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:38:43
Speaker
And that's what annoys me is like when you do smile, when you do laugh, every guy thinks you're flirting with them.
00:38:48
Speaker
And it's like, Oh, that's just that.
00:38:54
Speaker
But, yeah, so to smile or not to smile, it really depends on the sort of person that you are.
00:39:02
Speaker
And there's different types of smiles.
00:39:04
Speaker
I guess you've got to find a happy medium with what you're comfortable with.
00:39:07
Speaker
My next best flirting tip is putting yourself in the proximity of the guy that you like.
00:39:13
Speaker
I know that seems very, very simplistic, but sometimes just moving yourself or moving your body, just to be in his line of sight, in his orbit, making him aware of you is a way to indirectly get a guy's attention and indirectly flirt.
00:39:32
Speaker
And again, give him the opportunity to come talk to you.
00:39:34
Speaker
So what are your best...
00:39:36
Speaker
tips for putting yourself in a guy's proximity.
00:39:39
Speaker
So what I like to do, again, kind of depends on the function.
00:39:43
Speaker
If you're at a bar, it's fairly easy to just sort of, you know, make your way over to where he is.
00:39:48
Speaker
Usually if I spot a guy, I'm like, hmm, he's kind of handsome.
00:39:51
Speaker
I'll just sort of meander my way, especially if I'm with a girlfriend or something, to the other side of the bar.
00:39:57
Speaker
I'll even just tell her like, hey, I want to go talk to that guy over there.
00:40:00
Speaker
And so
00:40:01
Speaker
we'll just sort of make our way, still talking to each other, still sipping on our drinks, but just put yourself in the position to see the guy so he can see you and then start your eye contact.
00:40:12
Speaker
Yeah, because if you're not in his line of sight, how's he going to notice you, right?
00:40:15
Speaker
And in fact, this is one of those, you know, on like YouTube, they have those like top 10 ways to see if a girl is into you.
00:40:22
Speaker
Like one of the top ones is always like, does she look for excuses to like be around you or to be in your line of sight?
00:40:29
Speaker
And it's like...
00:40:30
Speaker
Yes, because that is accurate.
00:40:32
Speaker
Like, how are you going to get a guy's attention if you're not in this line of sight?
00:40:35
Speaker
Right.
00:40:35
Speaker
So it's almost like, you know, a lot of guys nowadays are saying, you know, how do I know if a girl's into me?
00:40:42
Speaker
How do I ask out a woman in a way where I won't seem like a creep?
00:40:48
Speaker
And a lot of women are thinking like, oh, I want to signal, how do I signal attraction without seeming like too desperate and so on.
00:40:56
Speaker
We got to like normalize some of these almost like nonverbal ways of signaling attraction.
00:41:02
Speaker
And these are all like in, you know, for meeting people in person.
00:41:05
Speaker
Is there a different strategy for when you're meeting people online?
00:41:07
Speaker
Because when you meet guys online, it's like you're there.
Navigating Online and Offline Flirting
00:41:10
Speaker
to date, right?
00:41:12
Speaker
I think the difference between when you meet online versus when you meet offline is I feel like when you meet a guy online, they try to force intimacy very quickly because now they have established that you are at least baseline physically attracted to them because you swiped.
00:41:27
Speaker
And also depending on, you know, their particular experience,
00:41:31
Speaker
You know, it could just be that they're trying to hook up or they're trying to escalate to make sure they don't end up in the quote unquote friend zone.
00:41:40
Speaker
So I think when you're flirting with a guy that you meet online, I think you actually have to put the brakes on.
00:41:48
Speaker
significantly versus if you meet someone offline where it just seems... I don't think... Men don't tend not to be as bold for some reason if you meet them in person.
00:41:56
Speaker
I don't know if this is just me that notices that.
00:41:58
Speaker
I feel like if you meet them in person, they're a little bit better at acting normal.
00:42:03
Speaker
I think a lot of them are scared and they're like, oh, I don't want a woman to be...
00:42:06
Speaker
Like to jump down my throat.
00:42:08
Speaker
I mean, to be fair, like low value men or negative value men, they don't really care about making a woman uncomfortable.
00:42:14
Speaker
Whereas high value men, like the men that you actually want to date, a lot of them will be a little bit self-conscious about like, oh, I don't want to seem like a creep or I don't want to make her uncomfortable.
00:42:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:25
Speaker
So that's why it can be a challenge.
00:42:27
Speaker
In-person interaction can be a challenge sometimes because the men who are going to approach you are not high value.
00:42:34
Speaker
Like the ones who are the ones who are going to approach you without
00:42:36
Speaker
you signaling first that you're interested in them.
00:42:38
Speaker
And even if you do signal, a lot of high value men can be, um, like if they have some social skills, they'll be like, is she really into me?
00:42:47
Speaker
Or is she just like being friendly or, you know, that kind of stuff.
00:42:51
Speaker
So it can be challenging to navigate.
00:42:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:53
Speaker
But I will say that the, um,
00:42:56
Speaker
It's pretty easy, actually, to, once you start talking to each other and you start talking about other topics, like, you start talking about the weather.
00:43:04
Speaker
You know, Savannah said offline that the, Savannah, how do British people flirt?
00:43:09
Speaker
Tell us.
00:43:09
Speaker
Yeah, so the surefire way to have an icebreaker is just talk about the weather or they'll talk about,
00:43:17
Speaker
I don't know how shit the transport is or how hot the tube is, but the weather is a surefire way.
00:43:24
Speaker
And when I used to travel, I would always say, oh, such a difficult journey or this airport's so massive or just something like that.
00:43:37
Speaker
Just talk about the travel or the weather is a surefire way to open the conversation, especially if it's not a place that you're familiar with.
00:43:48
Speaker
If they've picked the restaurant, a really, really good way.
00:43:53
Speaker
to break the ice as well is to just ask them, okay, so what's your favourite thing about this particular place or have you frequented here a lot?
00:44:01
Speaker
Yeah, just, just, just, and also try and ask open ended questions as well.
00:44:08
Speaker
And if he responds to, if he gives like yes and no responses to closed questions, that's a bit of a red flag, but we'll come onto that in a bit.
00:44:19
Speaker
But yeah.
00:44:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:21
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like we got off topic a little bit because we were talking about flirting online versus offline.
00:44:26
Speaker
So I think to kind of reiterate your point before, probably if he's escalating things sexually and being a little bit too aggressive with flirting and you don't feel comfortable, that's indicative that he's a low-value man.
00:44:39
Speaker
And I've noticed that maybe it's just easier to pick up on when you meet a guy in person and men are more likely to act normal in the presence of others, like if you're at a bar or something.
00:44:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:50
Speaker
versus if you're on a date.
00:44:52
Speaker
I actually find it really hard to flirt online, like really difficult because you, because like you rightfully said, you miss, you miss so many cues, especially if you're texting.
00:45:01
Speaker
You don't have body language.
00:45:03
Speaker
You don't have the tone of voice.
00:45:04
Speaker
So it's super easy for things to get misconstrued or, or like for jokes to fall completely flat and stuff like that.
00:45:12
Speaker
So I don't really tend to flirt that much online.
00:45:18
Speaker
I mean, yeah, I prefer to keep it in person.
00:45:22
Speaker
Yeah, the purpose of internet communication to me is to schedule a phone call, schedule FaceTime, schedule a date.
00:45:29
Speaker
Yes, to set up the in-person, yeah.
00:45:32
Speaker
To set up the in-person, yeah.
00:45:33
Speaker
I don't like, I said this before, I don't like texting back and forth.
00:45:38
Speaker
I don't like, yeah, prolonged text conversations.
00:45:43
Speaker
I just like to get the ball rolling.
00:45:44
Speaker
And that's why I say that
00:45:46
Speaker
nonverbal communication is just as important, if not more important, because I don't know, it's hard to build attraction through text message.
00:45:53
Speaker
Well, and the other thing too, is we have this in our, in our handbook where we talk about quote unquote, triggering a guy's mate guarding instinct.
00:46:01
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:46:02
Speaker
So I almost feel like when you're in a public setting, you're more likely to do something like that versus in a private setting where it feels like he can almost corner you.
00:46:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:12
Speaker
And he's not necessarily being cognizant of his environment.
00:46:15
Speaker
And then the pressure becomes on you to entertain him a lot more.
00:46:19
Speaker
And I think while we're still advocates of doing something like dinner, I think the part of the handbook where it talks about trying to go to some kind of public event where there's going to be other guys there, even if you're on a date, is also a good way to gauge a man's behavior.
00:46:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:37
Speaker
So sporting events, I don't know, even something like bowling, pool hall, any type of like recreational game.
00:46:44
Speaker
Or the theatre, if you're in the West End, you can go to the theatre.
00:46:48
Speaker
Yeah, theater.
00:46:49
Speaker
Yeah, somewhere where there's other people so that you can really gauge his overall public presence and manners.
00:46:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's very true.
00:46:59
Speaker
I think men definitely do tend to act differently when they're around other people.
00:47:04
Speaker
That's not to say that if they have good social skills, that means they're a good person because a lot of narcissists can be very charming and have very good superficial charm and
00:47:14
Speaker
There are some guys who are good people who are maybe a little more, I don't want to say awkward, but maybe, you know, not as, you know, they don't try to dominate the conversation.
00:47:24
Speaker
They might hang out kind of in the background a little bit more.
00:47:26
Speaker
It doesn't make him a bad person if that's the case.
00:47:29
Speaker
But at the same time, like, yeah, no, I like to see, I like to observe how a guy acts in social situations.
00:47:34
Speaker
That's why I love group dates, honestly.
00:47:36
Speaker
I've met so many people from, you know, group dates or from group outings.
00:47:39
Speaker
Yeah, that's why it's so important to cultivate your girl squad.
00:47:42
Speaker
And that's another topic for another podcast.
00:47:45
Speaker
But having a group of girlfriends.
00:47:47
Speaker
Building a girl gang.
00:47:48
Speaker
Yeah, if you have a girl gang that can help you do group dates and bring in different guys to vet as a group and also see how they interact.
00:47:57
Speaker
It's so important.
00:47:58
Speaker
It teaches you so much about that guy.
00:48:00
Speaker
Online dating just really disadvantages women in that way.
00:48:05
Speaker
So I think that's part of the reason why there's so many complaints about online dating is that you just don't get the full picture of a man in that kind of environment.
00:48:14
Speaker
Okay, so you see a guy that you like.
00:48:16
Speaker
How do you break the ice?
00:48:19
Speaker
What's your best strategy for breaking the ice when you identify a guy that you like, that you want to talk to, that you're looking at, you're giving him eye contact?
00:48:32
Speaker
What's the next step?
00:48:34
Speaker
I mean, if we're in a group situation, I'll usually wait for an opportunity to crack a joke or make some witty remark.
00:48:41
Speaker
And, uh, if he laughs at it, that's a good sign.
00:48:44
Speaker
If he doesn't, not a good sign.
00:48:46
Speaker
Straightforward.
00:48:49
Speaker
Oh man.
00:48:50
Speaker
There have been times where I'll make a joke and it just totally bombs and it just doesn't land well.
00:48:56
Speaker
Um, it happens.
00:48:57
Speaker
It's okay.
00:48:58
Speaker
Um, I don't know.
00:49:00
Speaker
Like you just find something to talk about.
00:49:04
Speaker
I'm such a bad teacher at this fuck.
00:49:05
Speaker
Yeah, it's so it's funny because again, like if this is just something that you do naturally, it's hard to describe to people how to do it.
00:49:11
Speaker
But like you said, cracking a joke could be some it doesn't even have to be a joke, but any type of observation or witty remark or something.
00:49:19
Speaker
witty remark or observation about something in the room or observation about him doesn't have to be negative doesn't have to be like negging but making some kind of discussion or comment that gives you a focal point for your conversation don't do what i did and ask a bold man did he have hair once i i fully thought that was an acceptable question to ask
00:49:44
Speaker
that's so mean you asked him if he had hair once don't do that i honestly i swear to god i wasn't even trying to leg at all i was just like did you have hair once and he was like yeah i did i don't think he was too impressed but don't ask that did you want to have hair because that's such a like backhanded compliment yeah
00:50:10
Speaker
I was just... Well, that is like nagging.
Flirting Fails and Learning Experiences
00:50:13
Speaker
It's like, wow, it's really brave of you to go outside looking like that.
00:50:16
Speaker
I mean, I just really admire your courage, right?
00:50:19
Speaker
Because I was just genuinely curious at the time.
00:50:21
Speaker
I didn't... Because I thought that, I don't know, maybe he was born with no hair, maybe.
00:50:27
Speaker
Just out here, Mr. Cleaning it in front of everybody.
00:50:29
Speaker
Wow.
00:50:33
Speaker
So don't be like me.
00:50:35
Speaker
As an aside, though, in terms of negging, I don't know if I want to say this on the pod, but men love negging.
00:50:43
Speaker
I mean, not negging.
00:50:44
Speaker
There's a difference between negging, which is a deliberate... When pickup artists do negging, it's a deliberate strategy to chip away at the woman's self-esteem or make her feel small or destabilize her and so on.
00:50:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:57
Speaker
I find, like, if you can get some friendly banter going back and forth with a guy where you're not being, you're not trying to, like, put him down or make him feel bad, but almost, um...
00:51:09
Speaker
creating this kind of like energy, like, oh, I'm not, you know, easy to impress or I'm not, it's almost like creating a bit of distance that he will then push back on and want to close that distance, but in like a playful way.
00:51:21
Speaker
It's kind of hard to describe.
00:51:23
Speaker
Well, let's just say he comes over and he's got a drink in his hand and you could just say, oh, hey, what are you drinking?
00:51:27
Speaker
It's, you know, that's a simple observational tactic.
00:51:31
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing.
00:51:32
Speaker
It's simple.
00:51:33
Speaker
And from there, if you wanted to be Lilith, then whatever he says, you can act like it's not good.
00:51:40
Speaker
just like raise your eyebrows i'll just raise my eyebrows be like low-key judgment wow you're just out here drinking jack and coke huh my grandfather drank that no no that's too that's too here's the thing though it's like i like to be a little bit of nice and a little bit of like you know like salted caramel it's sweet but it's salty right i'm like a power puff girl so it's like sugar spice everything nice sort of thing
00:52:05
Speaker
You know, in cuisine, it's nice to have... When something's just like pure sugar, it's like too sweet, right?
00:52:11
Speaker
You want to have... It's nice to have contrasting flavors.
00:52:13
Speaker
Like, you know, I'll put... If I'm making cookies or something, I will put... I make these like salted caramel chocolate chip cookies that are bomb, by the way.
00:52:21
Speaker
But like, I'll put extra salt in them because salt and sweet taste good together.
00:52:24
Speaker
You know, sweet and sour sauce, sweet and sour taste good together.
00:52:27
Speaker
So I like to be like 80% nice...
00:52:30
Speaker
but like a tiny bit mean.
00:52:32
Speaker
And I don't know, men just eat that shit up.
00:52:34
Speaker
I just can't explain it.
00:52:36
Speaker
But yeah, I think it's just, I think it's almost like you want to give off the impression like you wouldn't entertain yourself whether or not they were there.
00:52:44
Speaker
Right?
00:52:46
Speaker
I think when you're trying to be too nice, you're relying on that person to fill in the gaps of the conversation, entertain you.
00:52:53
Speaker
I'm going to have a good fucking time whether he's there or not, right?
00:52:56
Speaker
So if he comes over there, if he comes over to talk to me and, you know, I'm asking him about like what drink he has or he asked something about me, then I'm going to say something that's going to be entertaining to myself, right?
00:53:07
Speaker
So sometimes the negging thing is just a matter of like you making an entertaining observation or joke because...
00:53:15
Speaker
you just want to have a good time, right?
00:53:16
Speaker
It's a way to kind of break the tension and build a sense of rapport with that person.
00:53:22
Speaker
I think you just have to be careful that you don't neg them and it, you know, it ended up being like a... Yeah, there have been times where I accidentally went too far and ended up, like, I've had my fair share of dating fails, right?
00:53:31
Speaker
Or my flirtation fails, right?
00:53:33
Speaker
Like, I don't always get things right.
00:53:34
Speaker
So there's sometimes, like Savannah, you know, with the boss,
00:53:37
Speaker
Sometimes you'll say something like, oh shit, I went way too far.
00:53:40
Speaker
Right.
00:53:41
Speaker
But that's part of the practice, right?
00:53:43
Speaker
It's like, if you go out there and practice flirting, you're not going to get it right every time.
00:53:47
Speaker
If you have an awkward moment, just like take it in stride and move on.
00:53:50
Speaker
It's a learning experience.
00:53:51
Speaker
It's going to happen.
00:53:52
Speaker
Failure is part of life and that's okay.
00:53:55
Speaker
You just keep trying.
00:53:56
Speaker
Should I tell the Nigerian story or no?
00:54:00
Speaker
I don't want to, it's a sound racist, but that was a big dating fail.
00:54:03
Speaker
I was like, oh, are you going to scam me?
00:54:05
Speaker
No, tell the story, Ro.
00:54:07
Speaker
Like set it up properly.
00:54:08
Speaker
And then, oh, are you going to scam me?
00:54:10
Speaker
I think I said something like
00:54:13
Speaker
No, I'm not going to talk.
00:54:15
Speaker
No, because I don't want Nigeria guys to be bad.
00:54:17
Speaker
You don't want to offend the entire country of Nigeria?
00:54:19
Speaker
Yeah, I don't want to do that because they're strong on Twitter.
00:54:22
Speaker
But even they'll tell you that people are thieves there.
00:54:26
Speaker
So, like, the thievery starts at the top.
00:54:30
Speaker
I'm not joking.
00:54:32
Speaker
Like, the thievery is everywhere in that country.
00:54:35
Speaker
Seriously, like...
00:54:37
Speaker
Are you Nigerian?
00:54:39
Speaker
Yeah, my family's Nigerian.
00:54:41
Speaker
That's why I laughed so much when she said it, because I know the stereotype is that.
00:54:45
Speaker
I'm a Nigerian prince.
00:54:46
Speaker
I'm a Nigerian prince.
00:54:54
Speaker
No, I now remember what I said.
00:54:56
Speaker
Okay.
00:54:57
Speaker
So one of my big dating fails is I was, I was flirting with this Nigerian guy and I said, I know a lot of Nigerian people and they work really hard.
00:55:05
Speaker
And then he said, ha ha.
00:55:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:07
Speaker
And then I said something on the lines of, well, a lot of it's scams, but was he offended?
00:55:16
Speaker
Yes.
00:55:21
Speaker
So I don't recommend that.
00:55:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:25
Speaker
That was like a neg.
00:55:26
Speaker
It wasn't even a negging fail because I wasn't trying to neg him.
00:55:29
Speaker
I just legit.
00:55:30
Speaker
It's just an awkward comment.
00:55:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:32
Speaker
It was just an awkward comment that I think you got offended by.
00:55:36
Speaker
And the messed up part is I could literally see, like, the point where his, like, brain kind of switched off, like, wow, fuck this lady.
00:55:43
Speaker
Fuck this bitch, yeah.
00:55:45
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:55:47
Speaker
It wasn't even me, like, he was me, but he was, like, disappointed.
00:55:50
Speaker
But the point being that, like, you know, in the quest to learning how to flirt better, how to be more witty, or how to learn better social skills or whatever, you're going to have some failures, and you just got to take your L and go.
00:56:01
Speaker
Take your L and move on, right?
00:56:02
Speaker
Like, you think about, like, stand-up comedians, right?
00:56:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:05
Speaker
Stand-up comedians, some of the most famous stand-up comedians nowadays, they probably had years at the lower-level comedy club stuff where they would... There's a lot of bad stand-up at the entry level of comedy.
00:56:21
Speaker
A lot of the most famous stand-up comedians, they've spent years practicing and they've had bad shows where they bombed and so on.
00:56:28
Speaker
And that hasn't stopped them.
00:56:29
Speaker
They just keep trying and learn from that.
00:56:31
Speaker
and move on.
00:56:32
Speaker
Right.
00:56:32
Speaker
And that's what makes them so good nowadays.
00:56:35
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:56:36
Speaker
You know, they weren't always perfect.
00:56:37
Speaker
Right.
00:56:38
Speaker
So it's a similar thing when you're learning how to flirt or when you learn how to make better jokes or be have better social skills in general, you're going to have some failures.
00:56:46
Speaker
You just take the experience and move on and not like, don't lay in bed at night being like, you know, thinking about all the awkward, shitty things you've ever done, being overwhelmed with shame.
00:56:55
Speaker
Like just, you know, don't let yourself become crippled by past failures.
00:56:59
Speaker
Just like take it and move on.
00:57:01
Speaker
And also at its core as well, like flirting is supposed to be a fun activity because it's meant to be like loose and playful and fun.
00:57:10
Speaker
It's not meant to be, you know, like a university assignment.
00:57:15
Speaker
I think that when you look at the fun side of it, it becomes, you become a lot more natural and it becomes...
00:57:23
Speaker
Yeah, it just becomes a lot more free flowing and it's actually quite enjoyable as well just to see the different ways that men react to, you know, whatever strategy you're using at that point.
00:57:34
Speaker
It becomes really fun.
00:57:36
Speaker
I think the overall strategy is to always look and act as if you're going to have a good time wherever you are, no matter what.
00:57:44
Speaker
And whatever that good time looks like to you is going to be different, right?
00:57:47
Speaker
For me, I'm a loud, gregarious type person.
00:57:49
Speaker
So that's how I have fun.
00:57:51
Speaker
And then that's how I flirt.
00:57:52
Speaker
But if you're a little bit more of a reserved person, your version of a good time might look different.
00:57:58
Speaker
And so you're going to want to still build that energy, but it'll be the energy be a little bit different.
00:58:03
Speaker
Yeah, and that's the other thing about scripts, right?
00:58:06
Speaker
The problem with scripts is that they don't really take into account the individual personality of each person, right?
00:58:12
Speaker
And you want to flirt in a way that's true to yourself because that way you're going to attract people who are attracted to you, like the way that you actually are, right?
00:58:23
Speaker
A lot of men, I find, when they try to build attraction with women, they'll put on this whole...
00:58:31
Speaker
fake personality thing.
00:58:33
Speaker
And, you know, you end up losing attraction over time because that the person that they were in the first few months wasn't the real them.
00:58:39
Speaker
Right.
00:58:39
Speaker
It's hard to do a script because then that means you're forcing yourself into doing something that isn't true to how you are.
00:58:45
Speaker
And then you meet, you end up attracting people that aren't compatible with you.
00:58:49
Speaker
I like Ro's point about just go off and have fun in whatever way that suits you.
00:58:54
Speaker
Because that's the thing that a lot of men find really attractive is when you're just going off and having a good time and they will look at you and be like, I want in on that.
00:59:03
Speaker
Like, I want to have fun too kind of thing.
00:59:04
Speaker
There's an element of almost like FOMO, right?
00:59:06
Speaker
Fear of missing out.
00:59:07
Speaker
And so, yeah, just kind of act like you would have a good time whether they're there or not.
00:59:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:59:12
Speaker
So here's a couple of more controversial strategies, I should say.
00:59:18
Speaker
mean, not pickup artistry, but a few tactics that you can use to break the ice with a guy or at least like give signals that you're that you want a guy who you are interested in to come talk to you that are a little bit more indirect.
00:59:35
Speaker
Right.
00:59:36
Speaker
So one of those strategies is to strike up a conversation with a third party.
00:59:41
Speaker
It kind of goes back to the same theme, which is like, have a good time whether or not a guy talks to you.
00:59:48
Speaker
So triggers mate guarding instincts.
00:59:50
Speaker
Triggers mate guarding instinct by talking to another guy or talking to...
00:59:55
Speaker
The waitstaff or someone or sort of just showing that you are having a time, you are open to an experience.
01:00:03
Speaker
You know, that you're confident, that you're witty, that you can hold a conversation as well.
01:00:09
Speaker
This isn't to make him jealous, but it's also a good way to, it can be a good way to break the ice if you strike up a conversation with somebody that you don't have any vested romantic feelings.
Social Dynamics in Attraction and Interaction
01:00:23
Speaker
or sexual or whatever interest in, you know, striking up a conversation with a third party.
01:00:30
Speaker
And you can bring him into the conversation as well.
01:00:32
Speaker
That's not to say that you have to turn your back and ignore him.
01:00:34
Speaker
That would be rude.
01:00:35
Speaker
But it's just another way to sort of relax a bit.
01:00:39
Speaker
And to, I guess, practice your social skills some more because you can never have enough practice when it comes to these things.
01:00:45
Speaker
But yeah, but I've employed this tactic quite well.
01:00:48
Speaker
I mean, because I like to talk to people anyway, especially people like the wait staff, because they often have really good stories to tell.
01:00:56
Speaker
And just people around me as well.
01:00:58
Speaker
So they get to see, yeah, they get to see, you know, the way you interact with other people, which can only, which can really work in your favour in their eyes.
01:01:09
Speaker
Yeah, it's not about making them jealous or triangulating or anything like that.
01:01:13
Speaker
It's just about, I don't know, we have all those handbooks posts about mate guarding instincts.
01:01:19
Speaker
And this is one of those things that a lot of people don't want to acknowledge in terms of cognitive differences between men and women.
01:01:26
Speaker
But men definitely have that like mate guarding instinct where if there's someone they like, or I don't know, like they seem more into women when other men are into that woman.
01:01:36
Speaker
It's very bizarre.
01:01:37
Speaker
I don't understand it.
01:01:38
Speaker
Yeah, men are very easily influenced by their peers.
01:01:43
Speaker
It's actually sad, to be honest, and a little bit pathetic.
01:01:45
Speaker
This is why you always hear men talk about this alpha versus beta concept is because in a lot of ways, you kind of see them organize themselves that way.
01:01:53
Speaker
It's like if they see a guy they consider quote-unquote high-value likes, then they like that too, and they want to get that type of girl to impress that guy.
01:02:01
Speaker
It's all very strange, to be honest.
01:02:03
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:05
Speaker
And it's weird because the red pill says that that's what women do.
01:02:08
Speaker
They say like, oh, women are into guys where all the girls want them.
01:02:12
Speaker
And I've always thought that struck me as odd because I'm actually not into a guy if I know that he's like a man hoe, right?
01:02:20
Speaker
Like if a guy is really promiscuous, I'll be like, ugh, like he's dirty, you know?
01:02:24
Speaker
I think they just misinterpret that that guy's already hot.
01:02:28
Speaker
And so women are interested in him because he's hot.
01:02:31
Speaker
And a lot of women like him.
01:02:33
Speaker
Or because women tend to like to know if a guy is safe.
01:02:38
Speaker
So I can see that dynamic going on.
01:02:40
Speaker
One, if the guy's just already hot, so a lot of women just like him because clearly he's fucking attractive.
01:02:45
Speaker
Or if he's a really nice guy, then he picks up a lot of female friends.
01:02:50
Speaker
And so he can create like actual genuine rapport with women.
01:02:54
Speaker
So then women like being around him and then they'll recommend him to other friends.
01:02:58
Speaker
Right?
01:02:58
Speaker
So yeah.
01:02:58
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, it's just like having a good reputation.
01:03:01
Speaker
Yeah, a lot of men seem to, like, even if they don't have any interest in a woman before, if they notice a lot of guys are into her, that will make them more interested in her.
01:03:12
Speaker
I don't understand it, but it is what it is.
01:03:15
Speaker
I don't understand it.
01:03:15
Speaker
I don't like it, but it is what it is, so I exploit it.
01:03:18
Speaker
I do think as guys get older, they get more comfortable with whatever their particular taste is.
01:03:22
Speaker
But definitely, for whatever reason, men are really, really, really high on the idea of social clout at certain parts in their lives.
01:03:30
Speaker
Men are very competitive.
01:03:32
Speaker
Very competitive.
01:03:33
Speaker
So yeah, you can definitely exploit that to your favor if you want to do like the whole mate guarding thing.
01:03:38
Speaker
What are some other controversial ones?
01:03:40
Speaker
What are some other unethical dating strategies?
01:03:42
Speaker
I wouldn't even call these unethical.
01:03:43
Speaker
They're just more indirect.
01:03:45
Speaker
So another one was giving him a task.
01:03:48
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
01:03:48
Speaker
There's nothing unethical about that.
01:03:50
Speaker
Guys love, guys are very task oriented.
01:03:53
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:53
Speaker
If you give them a task and they do the task and you're like, oh my gosh, thank you so much.
01:03:56
Speaker
You're such a good boy.
01:03:57
Speaker
They'll be like, oh my God, I'm such a good boy.
01:03:59
Speaker
Like, they love that.
01:04:01
Speaker
Complain about something being broken at your house.
01:04:03
Speaker
They'll come over and fix it.
01:04:05
Speaker
And it makes them feel like a big, strong, manly man.
01:04:07
Speaker
They love that.
01:04:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:09
Speaker
But even in like the moment, if you're flirting with a guy that you just met, you can just give him something simple like, hey, can you hand me that napkin over there?
01:04:18
Speaker
Hey, my drink is dripping.
01:04:20
Speaker
Can you get me a napkin?
01:04:22
Speaker
Or I'm hot.
01:04:24
Speaker
Is there somewhere else we can go and then let him find like a more cool place in the world?
01:04:30
Speaker
venue stuff like that give him a task or something to execute to impress you or at least like show that he's going to respond to your respond to your demands yeah or something where he can impart his knowledge as well because men love doing that i remember a few years ago i was flying with a police officer
01:04:49
Speaker
And I was like, oh, there's no parking in this place.
01:04:52
Speaker
And he told me that it's actually, he actually taught me British law on the spot.
01:04:57
Speaker
Do you want to know what the law is?
01:04:59
Speaker
What?
01:04:59
Speaker
It is that it is legal to park on the pavement anywhere in the UK, except for London.
01:05:07
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:08
Speaker
And that is actually true as well, because I parked on the pavement in London and got a ticket.
01:05:12
Speaker
So, yeah.
01:05:15
Speaker
But you can park on the pavement, like, as long as you're not on the whole pavement.
01:05:19
Speaker
But it's not actually illegal to park on the pavement.
01:05:21
Speaker
So it's really funny when I see people from my hometown taking pictures of cars parked on the pavement, trying to basically dry snitch to people.
01:05:28
Speaker
And it's like, they're not doing anything illegal.
01:05:30
Speaker
It's annoying, but it's not illegal.
01:05:32
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:33
Speaker
what they're doing.
01:05:34
Speaker
So yeah, you can get them to teach you stuff as well.
01:05:38
Speaker
Yeah, I think that's... Here's the thing, though.
01:05:41
Speaker
A lot of men... It is very true that a lot of men love to teach women things.
01:05:46
Speaker
I think that's where mansplaining comes from, is because men just like to be seen as an authority on something.
01:05:52
Speaker
So a lot of times it can be really annoying.
01:05:53
Speaker
However, there are times if there's something that he knows that you don't, and you want to learn that thing...
01:05:59
Speaker
that can be a really good way to it's like a two for one you get to one learn a new thing and two you know he'll feel like special or whatever right but definitely don't play dumb don't play dumb yeah yeah don't pretend that you don't know something just to get him to explain it to you don't do that but um because i didn't know that law i genuinely didn't know before so but yeah don't play dumb because that's just dumb
01:06:24
Speaker
Yeah.
01:06:25
Speaker
And it's also not genuine.
01:06:26
Speaker
You're better off.
01:06:27
Speaker
Like, for example, I'm not very technologically literate, right?
01:06:30
Speaker
I don't know a lot about computers.
01:06:31
Speaker
So I always have a few guys in my rotation who know computers so that if I'm having computer problems, they can help me.
01:06:37
Speaker
And just like the passion and excitement they get when they get to explain something about computers, you know, something that they're passionate about, it's freaking adorable.
01:06:47
Speaker
It's so cute when guys are talking excitedly about something that they know and that they care about.
01:06:51
Speaker
So...
01:06:52
Speaker
Yeah, like, that's a good way to build attraction.
Physical Contact and Engagement in Flirting
01:06:55
Speaker
I want to make one last point about, like, touching.
01:06:58
Speaker
Because one of the things I don't like about pickup artists is they teach men to build attraction by, like, putting your hand on her thigh or something like that, which is just very creepy and kind of violating, and I don't like that.
01:07:14
Speaker
But I find, like, when you do that to women, a lot of times they'll feel uncomfortable, I find.
01:07:20
Speaker
But when a woman does that to a man, because he knows he's not under like, it's not like an existential threat thing, the same way when a man is pushing down a woman's boundaries.
01:07:29
Speaker
But yeah, if you're talking to a guy and you're like,
01:07:34
Speaker
bantering and laughing and have a good having a good time just like putting your your hand on his arm or something like that it just like it makes their brain melt they love that yeah i uh i'm trying to think of when i would start to initiate touch contact so because it takes me a while personally i've never initiated i've never initiated touch contact they've always done it first i'm just shy
01:07:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, sexual contact is totally different.
01:07:59
Speaker
I'm talking about, like, platonic, you know, hugging, putting your hand on your arm, that kind of stuff.
01:08:05
Speaker
When pickup artists say, oh, put your hand on her thigh, that's always... Yeah, that's weird.
01:08:09
Speaker
Don't do that....creepy and kind of sexual, like, and violating, right?
01:08:12
Speaker
Whereas if, um...
01:08:14
Speaker
Or when a guy puts his hand on your lower back, that's another thing that's weird to me.
01:08:19
Speaker
Yeah, I don't like forced contact.
01:08:20
Speaker
Forced contact is very uncomfortable.
01:08:22
Speaker
So that's like, if guys that do that kind of trigger me a little bit.
01:08:27
Speaker
I don't really like that with a man.
01:08:29
Speaker
I think if you're going to touch him, it could be something I would just like stick with the...
01:08:33
Speaker
Touch his arm, touch maybe like his, the back of his arm or like his forearm.
01:08:37
Speaker
If you want to be like, oh, come over here and then just like grab his arm.
01:08:40
Speaker
A lot of times, especially in a, like a loud venue or a club, in order to hear each other, you'll have to lean in anyways to talk to each other's ear.
01:08:47
Speaker
And then you can initiate contact that way, physical contact.
01:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, like there have been times I'm talking to a guy and if it's loud, especially lean in, you put your hand on his arm.
01:08:57
Speaker
You can just see in his face, his brain just like malfunctioning for a second there.
01:09:01
Speaker
Like it's adorable.
01:09:03
Speaker
I love it.
01:09:03
Speaker
Hacking men's brains one episode at a time.
01:09:07
Speaker
Female dating strategy.
01:09:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:11
Speaker
Yeah.
01:09:12
Speaker
So that's our best flirting strategies.
01:09:14
Speaker
Leave some of your own flirting strategies in the comments under this podcast.
01:09:19
Speaker
I think we'll make a thread on the website for our members.
01:09:23
Speaker
If you want to post your own flirting tips underneath that thread, we'll certainly read them.
01:09:27
Speaker
Please check out our Twitter at fem.strat as well as our website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash female dating strategy where you can get weekly bonus content.
01:09:38
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:09:40
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, your opinion still doesn't motherfucking matter.
01:09:44
Speaker
Die bad.