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Love Is Blind Season 2 is Proof It Definitely Isn’t (Part 1)
23 Plays3 years ago
Is Shayne a narcissist? How TF did Jarrett get stabbed? Did Iyanna trauma dump too early? Should Shaina's religious beliefs be a dealbreaker? The Queens dissect the relationship dynamics of the contestants in season 2 of Netflix's Love is Blind based on the first 5 episodes. A whole buncha narcissism, colorism, & pick-meism galore and, of course, red flags.
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Transcript
Introduction and Podcast Promotion
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey, FDS listeners, are you looking for a new true crime podcast to binge?
00:00:06
Speaker
Introducing Forensic Tales.
00:00:08
Speaker
Hosted by me, Courtney Fretwell, Forensic Tales is a weekly true crime podcast with a forensic science twist.
00:00:17
Speaker
Each episode features real, bone-chilling stories to satisfy your inner forensic science and true crime itch.
00:00:25
Speaker
From fingerprinting to criminal profiling, we've got every investigative angle covered.
00:00:31
Speaker
Forensic Tales covers cases including well-known serial killers to cases you've probably never heard of.
00:00:38
Speaker
Some cases have been solved with forensic science, while others have turned cold.
00:00:44
Speaker
Forensic Tales is available on Apple Podcasts, Spotify, or wherever you're listening right now.
00:00:50
Speaker
That's Forensic Tales Podcast, a podcast that reminds us that not all stories have happy endings.
00:00:58
Speaker
Hey, Queens.
00:00:59
Speaker
Are you ready to level up?
00:01:01
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find weekly bonus content and FDS commentary on all the latest pop culture relationship and dating news.
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Speaker
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00:01:41
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
Roasting 'Love is Blind'
00:01:54
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:01:55
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:01:59
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:02:00
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:02:02
Speaker
And I'm Lola.
00:02:03
Speaker
All right, we're going in on Love is Blind this week.
00:02:06
Speaker
Yeah, this is going to be an extended roast of scrote.
00:02:08
Speaker
So sit back, buckle up, and enjoy it, ladies.
00:02:11
Speaker
We've only watched the first five or six episodes because the second set only came out last night.
00:02:16
Speaker
So this is part one.
00:02:18
Speaker
This is part one.
00:02:19
Speaker
And then we'll, this is our first impressions.
00:02:21
Speaker
And then we'll see how everything shakes out at the end of the season.
00:02:26
Speaker
So stay tuned.
00:02:27
Speaker
Yeah, I think for this episode, we're going to focus on, you know, what are some of the early red flags, some of the early tells, some of the early mistakes that the women made.
00:02:36
Speaker
And roast the absolute shit out of every single man.
00:02:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:41
Speaker
Practically on that show.
00:02:43
Speaker
Because they deserve.
00:02:44
Speaker
I think we're going to go couple by couple.
00:02:45
Speaker
But the first, even in like the first five minutes of the first episode, there was this one guy who I guess got cut from the show.
00:02:52
Speaker
He was like, I've never been in love except for my mother.
00:02:55
Speaker
And I was like...
00:02:56
Speaker
Red fucking flag.
00:02:57
Speaker
I can see why you didn't get picked, okay?
00:02:59
Speaker
Gross.
00:03:00
Speaker
Gross.
00:03:00
Speaker
Okay.
00:03:01
Speaker
Anyways, let's talk about a few of the one-off characters like Trish.
00:03:05
Speaker
Yeah, Trish.
00:03:06
Speaker
Yeah, before we get into the couples, let's talk about Trish.
00:03:09
Speaker
I have so many friends.
00:03:10
Speaker
Okay, first of all, Trish and Shane are literally the same person, except she's like the female version of Shane.
00:03:17
Speaker
They're both real estate agents.
00:03:19
Speaker
They're both blonde, and they're both narcissists, right?
00:03:22
Speaker
And they both have delusions of grandeur, literally.
00:03:24
Speaker
I don't know.
00:03:26
Speaker
So many, I have so many friends.
00:03:28
Speaker
I have so many Instagram followers.
00:03:30
Speaker
I'm so good at this pod thing because with my car, I have like... At any given time, I have like five to 20 people in my car because I just have so many friends.
00:03:40
Speaker
You guys pretty much all like me, right?
00:03:42
Speaker
What was like really cringe was when she thought that Nick would choose her over Danielle and he went with
Critiquing Contestants' Behaviors
00:03:51
Speaker
Danielle.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:53
Speaker
because she thought she was like out of danielle's league and i thought that's quite a shitty thing to say as well like i i didn't really and then when she was like um i post loads of workout videos they could see how hard i'm going and nick was just like what the fuck i loved like the rapid cut of all of the men reacting to trish just like their head their head in their hands yes i do love nick
00:04:20
Speaker
It was wild as how she went back to the room with the rest of the women and was like, well, so it's pretty much that all the guys are in love with me, so I don't know how I'm going to choose.
00:04:28
Speaker
And there's like a super cut of them reacting like, what is this woman?
00:04:32
Speaker
That's what I mean, delusions of grandeur, right?
00:04:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:36
Speaker
So she's very humbled.
00:04:37
Speaker
I think she actually deleted her Instagram, which only had about 8,000 followers or so.
00:04:41
Speaker
What?
00:04:44
Speaker
8,000, yeah.
00:04:45
Speaker
No.
00:04:46
Speaker
Because people just kept coming on there being like, wow, this is pretty sad.
00:04:51
Speaker
No one picked you, etc.
00:04:52
Speaker
So yeah, she was a one-off character we never saw again.
00:04:54
Speaker
And then there was like the silver fox guy.
00:04:56
Speaker
Apparently he did actually get engaged.
00:04:59
Speaker
Yeah, they didn't show all the engagements on the show.
00:05:02
Speaker
I think they left two couples out.
00:05:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
They only chose the most toxic couples, I guess, for entertainment purposes.
00:05:09
Speaker
So I read some tea that said that basically production said the first six couples to propose would get to go on the Mexico trip.
00:05:17
Speaker
So there was a little bit of a time pressure there.
00:05:20
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:05:22
Speaker
Which actually...
00:05:22
Speaker
Makes for good TV in the sense that probably the most toxic people that wouldn't vet people properly would take those first six slots.
00:05:31
Speaker
But then the two couples that didn't propose fast enough didn't make it.
00:05:36
Speaker
So then they might have been a little bit more normal.
00:05:38
Speaker
But I don't know if that's official, but I just read that on Twitter.
00:05:40
Speaker
So take that with a grain of salt.
00:05:42
Speaker
So which couple do we want to do first?
00:05:44
Speaker
I want to do Shane and Natalie first, because we already mentioned Shane and how Trish are the same person, basically.
00:05:50
Speaker
I'm also going to save them.
00:05:51
Speaker
Do you want to save them?
00:05:51
Speaker
Save them for last?
00:05:52
Speaker
For like the grand finale, because they have the meatiest discussion, I feel like.
00:05:56
Speaker
Okay, okay.
00:05:57
Speaker
So let's actually go chronological then, like Nick and Danielle.
00:06:00
Speaker
So my personal thoughts on this is that I think out of the men who got engaged, I think that Nick carried himself the best, especially when he was interviewing the women.
00:06:14
Speaker
He made it clear that he was still keeping his options open, but he also made it clear to Danielle that he really, really liked her.
00:06:22
Speaker
And the other men didn't do that.
00:06:23
Speaker
And we'll come on to that in a bit.
00:06:25
Speaker
But I just thought Nick, he really carried himself really well.
00:06:28
Speaker
It's a bit too early to call him high value, but I really found myself liking him during the pod phase.
00:06:34
Speaker
Like he had a few quirks on the Mexico trip where, you know, like making his own toothpaste.
00:06:38
Speaker
That's fucking weird.
00:06:40
Speaker
I don't see what's wrong with that personally.
00:06:41
Speaker
Like what's wrong with that?
00:06:43
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with it.
00:06:44
Speaker
It's just... And personally, I absolutely love my smellies.
00:06:47
Speaker
Like if a guy told me I make my own shower gel, I would be totally on that.
00:06:51
Speaker
I absolutely love that stuff.
00:06:52
Speaker
But that's just me.
00:06:53
Speaker
That's just a personal preference.
00:06:55
Speaker
As long as it's shower gel that actually smells good, yeah.
00:06:57
Speaker
If he's using essential oils and stuff, okay, that's cool.
00:07:00
Speaker
I would be all over that shit.
00:07:03
Speaker
I don't know.
00:07:03
Speaker
Danielle comes across as very insecure, and she did sort of trauma dump pretty early on, I think.
00:07:09
Speaker
And the whole fight that they had in Mexico about because she was sick with a stomach flu and he went out to hang out with people, and she said something like...
00:07:19
Speaker
Oh, you know, because of the way I look, I'm insecure.
00:07:22
Speaker
And there's always going to be a girl who's skinnier or hotter than me.
00:07:25
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, like, why?
00:07:27
Speaker
Like, I don't know, like, you're not benefiting yourself by having that attitude, right?
00:07:31
Speaker
Like, even if you do feel insecure, like, never let a man know.
00:07:35
Speaker
Like, don't project that shit, right?
00:07:37
Speaker
There's no benefit in it.
00:07:39
Speaker
She ruminates on it to the point where I think it's actually a legit mental health issue that she should seek help for.
00:07:46
Speaker
It's not just like normal insecurity where you feel like you have a fleeting self-consciousness about the way you look.
00:07:51
Speaker
It's like it's an obsessive process for her to the point where she can't function properly.
Exploring Insecurities and Confidence
00:07:56
Speaker
In any type of relationship.
00:07:58
Speaker
She doesn't have a good relationship with herself, obviously, but it just seems like that's taking the front and center of all of her relationships.
00:08:04
Speaker
And if you focus on, first of all, your flaws and you start to alienate people because you're so insecure that you're just like constantly testing them and constantly getting mad at them for not validating you all the time, that's going to drive people away.
00:08:17
Speaker
So I feel a little bit bad for her.
00:08:18
Speaker
Yeah, so like Trish and Danielle are like the opposites.
00:08:20
Speaker
Danielle has like undeserved insecurity.
00:08:23
Speaker
Like she's not ugly.
00:08:24
Speaker
Like she's, she's pretty, right?
00:08:26
Speaker
She's got a cute face.
00:08:27
Speaker
You know, she's not like obese or anything.
00:08:29
Speaker
She's got an alright like physique, I guess, you know, so she's like, way less confident than what she deserves.
00:08:36
Speaker
And Trish is the opposite.
00:08:37
Speaker
She's like way too confident for what she deserves.
00:08:40
Speaker
That's quite common with people who've lost a substantial amount of weight.
00:08:44
Speaker
I think she said she lost like 80 pounds is that your brain doesn't really catch up.
00:08:48
Speaker
And it's very easy to get body dysmorphia.
00:08:51
Speaker
Like you'll see a slim person in the mirror.
00:08:53
Speaker
This happened to me as well.
00:08:55
Speaker
But then you'll see the overweight person like staring back at you.
00:08:58
Speaker
And it's a real thing as well.
00:09:00
Speaker
And you're just constantly worried that people will judge you for previously being overweight.
00:09:05
Speaker
Like, luckily, Nick didn't.
00:09:07
Speaker
But I feel like if Danielle had gotten in front of someone like Shake, it might have been... Oh, I'm going to drag the fuck out of Shake later.
00:09:16
Speaker
He could have actually fed into those insecurities as well.
00:09:19
Speaker
And didn't Nick say he was also overweight, if I'm not mistaken?
00:09:22
Speaker
He said he was chubby growing up, but I don't think Nick was... Even if he wasn't, he didn't strike me as the kind of person that would have judged her or looked at her any differently.
00:09:30
Speaker
Yeah, Nick seems all right.
00:09:31
Speaker
He seems like a solid dude.
00:09:33
Speaker
I mean, of all the men, him and Sal are probably the...
00:09:38
Speaker
I'm hesitant to say high value, but like the least low value.
00:09:41
Speaker
They're the least shitty.
00:09:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:43
Speaker
They're the least shitty.
00:09:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:44
Speaker
Like they're the, they're, they're probably my favorites, Nick and Sal.
00:09:47
Speaker
When Nick proposed to Danielle and, you know, they saw each other for the first time.
00:09:51
Speaker
I was like, Oh my God, that's so beautiful.
00:09:53
Speaker
That's so cute.
00:09:54
Speaker
I'm so happy for that kind of thing.
00:09:56
Speaker
Right.
00:09:56
Speaker
So, you know, I hope things get better in terms of their communication, but like, yeah, hearing them argue, it's like, what are you even arguing about?
00:10:02
Speaker
You're arguing about literally nothing.
00:10:04
Speaker
Like just stop.
00:10:05
Speaker
Yeah, she's massively insecure and she's sabotaging herself.
00:10:09
Speaker
But yeah, the first time they kissed, you could feel that they had the biggest emotional connection out of everyone.
00:10:14
Speaker
So I think that's part of why initially you just kind of want to root for him.
00:10:18
Speaker
And then it seems like Danielle is just slowly tearing it down.
00:10:22
Speaker
Yeah, my advice for women is like, be confident.
00:10:24
Speaker
Don't be like Trish confident, but like... And is Trish confident though?
00:10:28
Speaker
Like somebody who has to flex that much to strangers, that's not the sign of someone who's confident.
00:10:34
Speaker
It's the opposite.
00:10:35
Speaker
Yeah, that's someone who's, like, secretly insecure and, like, is projecting it.
00:10:38
Speaker
She's very insecure.
00:10:40
Speaker
Hugely insecure.
00:10:41
Speaker
That's the thing with narcissistic people, is, like, deep down, they usually are very insecure, and all of that, like, outward flexing is just to sort of overcompensate for it.
00:10:49
Speaker
But, like, what I'm saying is, I don't know, there's a certain value in, like, going out there and talking to people and just, like, being, um, I don't know, even if you are an insecure person, there's, there is, it's almost like fake it till you make it.
00:10:59
Speaker
Like, if you
00:11:00
Speaker
show that you believe in yourself to other people.
00:11:02
Speaker
It's like other people kind of almost go along with it.
00:11:04
Speaker
But you have to be believable, right?
00:11:06
Speaker
So like, the problem with Trisha is she's not very believable.
00:11:08
Speaker
But I definitely will tell women, like, even if you are insecure, even if you're like working on leveling up, going to therapy and stuff, like in the meantime, until you get there, fake it till you make it right, like just...
00:11:19
Speaker
Project confidence.
00:11:20
Speaker
Project.
00:11:20
Speaker
And don't internalize your own shame.
00:11:23
Speaker
Just sort of externalize it.
00:11:24
Speaker
Why the fuck does anybody else care?
00:11:26
Speaker
That's how I felt about it, especially if you're just starting your weight loss journey or your fitness journey or whatever, whatever kind of journey you're on.
00:11:32
Speaker
You have to have a certain level of like, fuck you looking at it.
00:11:38
Speaker
say it like that for like, cause I see here women and they're like, I'm insecure to go to the gym because I'm overweight and I don't want people to look at me.
00:11:44
Speaker
You have to have Trish energy in that type of situation.
00:11:47
Speaker
I'm the shit.
00:11:48
Speaker
What the fuck is everyone else looking at right now?
00:11:51
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:11:52
Speaker
Like, and I, I find like, if I just walk around just like beaming with like confidence and just really like being in love with myself, like most people see that and they're just, they just believe me.
00:12:02
Speaker
Right.
00:12:02
Speaker
Like that's the thing.
00:12:03
Speaker
Most people aren't even paying attention to you to be honest.
00:12:06
Speaker
Like, yeah, true.
00:12:07
Speaker
If you're feeling insecure, remember that you don't matter to most people.
00:12:10
Speaker
That's the first thing to remember.
00:12:11
Speaker
Well, in the gym, yeah.
00:12:12
Speaker
If it's mostly strangers, yeah.
00:12:14
Speaker
Keep in mind, most people are not looking at you or paying attention to you.
00:12:17
Speaker
Or the beach, yeah.
00:12:18
Speaker
But I'm saying, like, if you're going into, say, an office environment or even, like, a group dynamic situation, like...
00:12:24
Speaker
If you, you know, men can smell desperation, men can smell insecurity.
00:12:28
Speaker
And I guess Danielle is just lucky that Nick, he's the kind of guy who, I don't know, maybe isn't the sort of guy to like take advantage of that.
00:12:35
Speaker
But there are men out there who if they sense desperation and insecurity in you, they will take advantage of that and use that to manipulate you.
00:12:41
Speaker
And that's why when I go out in public or in a dating situation, when I'm talking to guys, is just being really like self-assured.
00:12:48
Speaker
You know, be really careful about trauma dumping too early, ladies.
00:12:51
Speaker
Like, I don't know, just don't be like Danielle, don't be...
00:12:54
Speaker
blatantly insecure like that.
00:12:56
Speaker
I don't know.
00:12:56
Speaker
It's self-sabotaging.
00:12:58
Speaker
Yeah, just keep it to yourself.
00:12:59
Speaker
Don't give other people ammo.
Shake's Problematic Behavior
00:13:01
Speaker
Anyways, what's the next couple?
00:13:02
Speaker
I want to do Shake and Deep.
00:13:03
Speaker
Deep is another person who lost a lot of weight.
00:13:05
Speaker
And you can see just the massive difference in how she approached it versus how Danielle approached it, even in the face of someone who was antagonistic like Shake was about women's weight.
00:13:16
Speaker
I want to say, actually, first of all,
00:13:18
Speaker
Deep, I mean, she seems like a really sweet girl, like a really nice person.
00:13:22
Speaker
But I really broke my heart when, you know, there's this super cut of Shake, like asking all the girls, would I be able to lift you out of music festival on my shoulder?
00:13:31
Speaker
Or what was the other question he asked about, like to find out their weight, right?
00:13:35
Speaker
Or he asked about their dress size or...
00:13:37
Speaker
He's such a tool.
00:13:38
Speaker
Like, basically trying to find out if they were fat.
00:13:40
Speaker
Most of the women, Iyana and Mallory, like, they had this look on their face like, what the fuck?
00:13:44
Speaker
Like, they... Most of the women there who had, like, a modicum of self-respect would just immediately reject that guy.
00:13:50
Speaker
Like, even women who aren't themselves fat.
00:13:52
Speaker
Like, if a guy was saying something shitty about overweight women, even if it's not something that applies to me, I'll still be like, oh, this guy's a dickhead and I still wouldn't want to date him, right?
00:14:02
Speaker
And so it made me kind of sad seeing him say that sort of stuff to Deep...
00:14:06
Speaker
And her just being like, oh, okay.
00:14:09
Speaker
And just sort of glossing over it and just being fine with it.
00:14:13
Speaker
I don't know.
00:14:14
Speaker
Because then she had to sit there and ruminate about how she's going to tell him that she actually lost a lot of weight, right?
00:14:18
Speaker
Because she did tell him sometime after the fact, after they, I guess, had quote unquote bonded.
00:14:24
Speaker
But at the same time, I think she should have cut him off, like you said, when he was first making those pointed questions about her weight.
00:14:30
Speaker
And then secondly...
00:14:31
Speaker
This is the thing that turned me off the most about Shake when he started talking about, oh, I usually date blondes.
00:14:36
Speaker
And I'm like, blonde is a hair color, not a personality trait or any type of description of a person.
00:14:43
Speaker
Whenever a guy talks about his exes like they're a porn category, fuck them.
00:14:49
Speaker
Like, next.
00:14:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:51
Speaker
He seems really, really shallow.
00:14:54
Speaker
And it's like, if you care that much about looks, why are you on the show?
00:14:58
Speaker
Right.
00:14:59
Speaker
I didn't really get why he was there.
00:15:01
Speaker
Yeah, it kind of bothered me that they tried to do a character arc for him, like, oh, he realized that he's only shallow because of his own insecurities, and now that he's communicated deep and formed an emotional connection with her, now he doesn't care about physical appearance.
00:15:13
Speaker
And then they fucking meet, and you're like, oh, so he does care about physical appearance.
00:15:18
Speaker
He does care about physical appearance.
00:15:20
Speaker
Yeah, he doesn't find her physically attractive.
00:15:22
Speaker
Every 10 minutes he was talking about, she looks like my aunt.
00:15:26
Speaker
I'm just not physically attracted to her.
00:15:27
Speaker
There's just no physical connection to anybody who would listen, which is just, I mean, it feels cruel, right?
00:15:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:34
Speaker
Imagine being her and watching that show after it gets aired, right?
00:15:38
Speaker
Like, I would not want to be married to someone who's ever said that about me, right?
00:15:41
Speaker
But I don't know.
00:15:42
Speaker
Sheik, I don't know.
00:15:43
Speaker
He seems like the kind of guy that like, all of my exes are blonde.
00:15:47
Speaker
Like he seems like one of those like colorist groats that we talked about in the Scamming Men.
00:15:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:51
Speaker
Yeah, he's definitely very colorist.
00:15:53
Speaker
100%.
00:15:54
Speaker
You know, in our episode of Scamming Men in Solidarity, how like you were bringing up how like the girl.
00:15:59
Speaker
curry cells and the rice cells, for example, they fetishize the idea of being with white women because they associate that with status and to be with someone from their own race.
00:16:08
Speaker
Even if a woman from their own race is attracted to them, it's like it doesn't count for them because they just don't value that sort of female attention, which is really a shame and really like... It's really sickening and just pathetic in a lot of ways.
00:16:21
Speaker
Like, Sheik is the exact sort of guy where if he said any of that shit to me, and I've met these kinds of guys where like...
00:16:27
Speaker
They'll be, say something so colorist in my head.
00:16:29
Speaker
I'm like, I'm going to traumatize you so bad.
00:16:31
Speaker
You'll never even think of dating another white woman.
00:16:35
Speaker
We got in trouble for airing that last time, but Lilith, don't apologize.
00:16:38
Speaker
It's true.
00:16:40
Speaker
Why should I, why should I keep that to myself?
00:16:43
Speaker
It's true.
00:16:43
Speaker
And you know what?
00:16:44
Speaker
More white women need to have this attitude of like, it's not a compliment to be the preference.
00:16:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:49
Speaker
Like just because he's nice to you and shitty to other women, that's not a compliment to you personally.
00:16:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:54
Speaker
And the way he talks about his exes anyways, it just seems like one big giant neg.
00:16:57
Speaker
Like he just looked at them as a category.
00:17:00
Speaker
Yeah, they're blondes.
00:17:01
Speaker
I'm like, well, I'm sure there was something else more to them than that, hopefully.
00:17:06
Speaker
But perhaps he kept it very surface level because, well, first of all, he's just very surface level and didn't want to like give up any power in that relationship.
00:17:14
Speaker
So he just basically says like, I'm dating a certain type of woman that he feels like he can exert power over.
00:17:20
Speaker
He just seems like his whole personality was contrived and built to just constantly neg women.
00:17:25
Speaker
Almost like Tom Haverford from Parks and Rec, but unironically.
00:17:30
Speaker
He was basically him.
00:17:32
Speaker
He's the Zizan Saris character, unironically, yeah.
00:17:35
Speaker
Unironically, though.
00:17:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:37
Speaker
He's like, I'm a DJ.
00:17:39
Speaker
I go to...
00:17:40
Speaker
I go to festivals.
00:17:41
Speaker
No, but there actually are.
00:17:43
Speaker
The thing with Tom Haverford is like there actually are men out there who are like that, who behave in that way.
00:17:48
Speaker
I've met men like that in real life in the dating world, right?
00:17:51
Speaker
Where, I don't know, it's like, how do I say this?
00:17:53
Speaker
I don't know how to say this in a way that doesn't sound racist.
00:17:55
Speaker
I don't know, maybe I'll cut this out.
00:17:56
Speaker
But like, they're so desperate to try to be white that like they'll just betray the women from their own race to do that or throw them under the bus.
00:18:03
Speaker
I mean, I have to say it does feel a little bit secondhand cringe watching two brown people talk about how much they don't date other brown people and how they only date white people.
00:18:14
Speaker
And I feel like... I know, right?
00:18:16
Speaker
Date whichever race of men treats you the best, right?
00:18:18
Speaker
But I think it's dumb to not be leading with the people you've dated rather than their race.
00:18:22
Speaker
If you're just already like talking about the fact that there are race, you know, you have racial category preferences or like, oh, I would never date anybody like this.
00:18:30
Speaker
It just makes me feel like you're not connecting with people.
00:18:33
Speaker
You're just filling a void that you have because of your own internalized racism.
00:18:38
Speaker
Which is clear what's going on with Sheik and possibly with Deepti too.
00:18:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:42
Speaker
No, I mean, with Deepti, it makes sense because, again, like, if a lot of men from your culture are like Sheik or very misogynistic, it makes sense that you wouldn't want to date them, right?
00:18:51
Speaker
It isn't always just down to that as well.
00:18:53
Speaker
Like, some women can have internalized racism.
00:18:56
Speaker
It's quite a complex issue.
00:18:57
Speaker
It's not just down to the fact that the men are shitty because some of them won't be as well.
00:19:02
Speaker
And also women can also internalize the idea that white means status or white means improvement as well.
00:19:10
Speaker
This is why I say it's a really sensitive topic.
00:19:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:13
Speaker
So Deep Tea and Shake finally meet.
00:19:16
Speaker
And the first thing he does is grab her butt with both hands.
00:19:21
Speaker
Like that was so creepy.
00:19:22
Speaker
That was such a red flag.
00:19:23
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:19:24
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:19:25
Speaker
It was so gross.
00:19:26
Speaker
He was like, I want to, I want to show her I'm attracted to her.
00:19:28
Speaker
So I'm going to grab two handfuls of her ass.
00:19:30
Speaker
It was so bad.
00:19:31
Speaker
And then he's not attracted to her.
00:19:33
Speaker
So why did he do that?
00:19:33
Speaker
It was like, he just groped her for no reason.
00:19:36
Speaker
I mean, I did think it was cute when he like touched her feet.
00:19:38
Speaker
I was like, Oh, that's kind of cute.
00:19:40
Speaker
Like, you know, cause she said how, Oh, you know, if we get married, I'm not going to touch your feet because you know, we're equals kind of thing.
00:19:46
Speaker
So he touched her feet and I was like, Oh, that was kind of cute.
00:19:47
Speaker
I actually liked that.
00:19:48
Speaker
But then he ruined it by whispering into her ear.
00:19:51
Speaker
I'm going to get you pregnant.
00:19:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:52
Speaker
We're going to have babies.
00:19:54
Speaker
That was so fucking creepy.
00:19:56
Speaker
Shake's been reading Pickup Artistry and Red Pill because a lot of the stuff he does is so contrived.
00:20:02
Speaker
Pickup Artistry, yeah.
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah, it's Pickup Artistry and the over attempt to be masculine and dominant.
00:20:09
Speaker
And it just comes off a little bit stilted and emotionally immature.
00:20:13
Speaker
That's what a lot of these red pill guys look like in real life.
00:20:17
Speaker
Or these pickup artist guys.
00:20:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:18
Speaker
If you want an idea of what a pickup artist red pill type looks like in real life, just look
Emotional Manipulation and Motivations
00:20:22
Speaker
at Shake.
00:20:22
Speaker
That's exactly what they're like.
00:20:24
Speaker
And he's mid.
00:20:25
Speaker
Some of them are...
00:20:26
Speaker
way more obvious and then some of them are a little bit more smooth, but like not by much.
00:20:29
Speaker
So he's probably on a little bit more smooth to a person who is not familiar with the culture, wouldn't necessarily pick up on it.
00:20:35
Speaker
Another thing that bothered me about Sheik, the future faking, right?
00:20:38
Speaker
So when he first meets her, he's like, we're going to get married.
00:20:41
Speaker
married we're gonna have babies i'm gonna get you pregnant like he's telling her all the things that she wants to hear and then when they actually meet in mexico and she starts saying those things back to him like the oh my god the clip of her like cuddling up next to him and like saying that stuff to him and then you can see his face he has that like kind of like cringe face that just like felt like a stab to my heart like knowing how like heart you know she's so into him and he's like not into her and he said oh it's because i'm commitment phobic
00:21:08
Speaker
No, bitch.
00:21:09
Speaker
That was a deliberate manipulation tactic when men say what you want to hear, like right from the get go to get the girl thinking, oh, he's really into me.
00:21:17
Speaker
Oh, he must really like me.
00:21:19
Speaker
And then he pulls back and goes like, oh, you know, it's so fucked up and like actually evil to say that kind of shit to a woman and play with her heart like that.
00:21:27
Speaker
And then come back and like when she says that to you to act like, oh, she's being desperate and clingy.
00:21:32
Speaker
Fuck you.
00:21:33
Speaker
I suspect, I suspect him as well as Sal that they were going along with this because they wanted to be on TV.
00:21:39
Speaker
Yeah, because they know it can raise their profile.
00:21:42
Speaker
Because even the people that don't have a successful match by the end of the show, they can get more Instagram followers and then like just have a bunch of thirsty fans.
00:21:50
Speaker
So he's a guy I feel like was just gonna say and do whatever it took to be on that Mexico trip to be on TV.
00:21:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah, that's the impression I have of Shake.
00:21:59
Speaker
That's why he did the 180 afterwards, because, like, it was all bullshit to begin with, but then he needs to have a storyline to stay on the show, but doesn't want to actually touch Deep T. Exactly, and it's so heartbreaking to me that he was constantly saying how, like, physically unattractive he thinks she is, and even worse is, like, seeing her sit there and, like, rationalize, like...
00:22:17
Speaker
Her being like, I'm so into him.
00:22:19
Speaker
I'm so attracted to him.
00:22:20
Speaker
He's so great.
00:22:21
Speaker
Even just seeing the way he does this and this and eats food and everything.
00:22:24
Speaker
I'm so into him.
00:22:25
Speaker
I don't know.
00:22:25
Speaker
It just felt like, girl, blink twice if you need help if you're being held hostage.
00:22:29
Speaker
I don't know.
00:22:30
Speaker
And it's okay if you don't find someone attractive.
00:22:33
Speaker
What's not okay is just to... Play with their heart in the meantime.
00:22:37
Speaker
Stringing them along, keep dating them, keep telling other people how unattractive you find them.
00:22:42
Speaker
That's really not cool.
00:22:43
Speaker
Especially to everyone else.
00:22:45
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:22:46
Speaker
He should have just broken off the engagement if he wasn't feeling it.
00:22:49
Speaker
Yeah, it's fucked up that everyone in that show knows that he doesn't think Deepti is attractive, except Deepti.
00:22:56
Speaker
Like, she's the only person who doesn't seem to be aware, and it's just...
00:23:01
Speaker
I hate him, honestly.
00:23:03
Speaker
I want everyone to know from the bottom of my soul, there's just a deep pit of seething hatred for men like Shake, and I just want to destroy them.
00:23:11
Speaker
I hope Deepty says no.
Sal, Mallory, and Relationship Dynamics
00:23:12
Speaker
So the next couple is Sal and Mallory.
00:23:15
Speaker
Sal and Mal.
00:23:16
Speaker
Malvador.
00:23:17
Speaker
Malvador.
00:23:19
Speaker
Salary.
00:23:20
Speaker
There we go.
00:23:20
Speaker
That one's actually better.
00:23:22
Speaker
Salary.
00:23:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:24
Speaker
Salary.
00:23:25
Speaker
Collect those coins.
00:23:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:27
Speaker
I want to say, first of all, Sal is my favorite.
00:23:29
Speaker
I think he's cute.
00:23:32
Speaker
But I don't know.
00:23:33
Speaker
What do you think, Ro?
00:23:34
Speaker
Maybe you don't like him.
00:23:34
Speaker
I don't know.
00:23:35
Speaker
See, I watched a little bit ahead.
00:23:37
Speaker
But my first impression of Sal was, yeah, he seems very emotionally straightforward, seemed pretty grounded in himself.
00:23:44
Speaker
And wholesome and cute, yeah.
00:23:45
Speaker
Yeah, wholesome and cute.
00:23:46
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know if we have any specific criticism of him because he didn't really do anything except for it seems like be genuine.
00:23:54
Speaker
Up until this point, they played like the never have I ever game and he seemed pretty accepting of Mallory, both I think with her tattoos, like he kind of didn't really care.
00:24:04
Speaker
He wasn't like, I wasn't sure if he was going to be the type that was going to be like more judgmental, a little bit more traditional, but he didn't seem like he was fazed by that.
00:24:10
Speaker
I think it's cute.
00:24:10
Speaker
He plays the little ukulele.
00:24:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:24:12
Speaker
He says cute little, like, words in Spanish.
00:24:14
Speaker
I don't know.
00:24:14
Speaker
He's just a little adorable, flirty little guy, right?
00:24:17
Speaker
And, um, so I think that's adorable.
00:24:19
Speaker
But Mallory, I don't know.
00:24:20
Speaker
She is low-key kind of... I like her.
00:24:22
Speaker
Like, she's the sort of woman I'd probably be friends with, but I'd side-eye her.
00:24:26
Speaker
She's a pick-me.
00:24:27
Speaker
She's kind of a pick-me, right?
00:24:28
Speaker
Like... She's definitely a pick-me.
00:24:30
Speaker
Like, she's very much I'm-not-like-other-girls vibe.
00:24:33
Speaker
Like, she's like... When she was talking to Jarrett and being like, you know, I'm just such a guy's girl, you know?
00:24:37
Speaker
Like, I just love sports.
00:24:38
Speaker
I'm
00:24:39
Speaker
Girl.
00:24:40
Speaker
To me, that's a red flag in a woman.
00:24:43
Speaker
If they say that, it just... I mean, to me, it gives me the impression that they over-identify with men and they try too hard to identify with men and I find that very off-putting.
00:24:53
Speaker
I mean, I don't think there's anything wrong with liking sports as a woman.
00:24:56
Speaker
I mean, I...
00:24:57
Speaker
No, no, it's not that.
00:24:58
Speaker
It's just that the way she was like, I'm a guy's girl.
00:25:00
Speaker
Like, it's just pick me.
00:25:02
Speaker
And also saying she watches porn, that was kind of weird.
00:25:04
Speaker
That's kind of my thing with Mallory, is that I think she gets off on being like the wild one, right?
00:25:10
Speaker
I think where it got a little bit weird was at the end where she has sex with Sal, and then...
00:25:17
Speaker
Later, when Sal confronts her about a conversation he has with Jarrett, because Jarrett originally, Jarrett wanted to propose to Mallory as well, and then Mallory turned him down for Sal.
00:25:26
Speaker
And then at the meeting, basically goes to Jarrett and says...
00:25:31
Speaker
I don't know what, you know, I think she said, I don't know if I want to get married.
00:25:34
Speaker
And like, they're basically flirting and kind of saying that like this entire thing's bullshit.
00:25:37
Speaker
Right.
00:25:38
Speaker
Well, he asked her if she wants to get married and she seemed unsure.
00:25:40
Speaker
He also made the comment that she didn't get a gold ring.
00:25:42
Speaker
Like she said with Jarrett that she wanted a gold ring.
00:25:46
Speaker
And I guess Sal didn't get her gold ring, got her a silver one or something or white gold.
00:25:51
Speaker
she didn't seem like she was all that into Sal when she was talking to Jarrett.
00:25:55
Speaker
Right.
00:25:55
Speaker
And actually when they first met, Mallory says, I'm not attracted to him.
00:26:00
Speaker
And then somewhere down the line changes her mind, so to speak, or says, Oh, I was just overwhelmed.
00:26:05
Speaker
And then says she's attracted to him and then goes on trip with him to Mexico, which again, so the question is that, is that production prodding?
00:26:12
Speaker
Meaning like, was she not attracted to him?
00:26:14
Speaker
And then the production was like, Oh, well now you got to go to Mexico.
00:26:17
Speaker
So you need to fake it.
00:26:18
Speaker
But then she did have sex with him.
00:26:19
Speaker
So maybe she was,
00:26:21
Speaker
I don't know.
00:26:22
Speaker
I thought it was weird when she's like, oh, I'm just like so awkward and like quirky or whatever.
00:26:26
Speaker
I'm like, first of all, girl, if you're awkward, don't say you're awkward.
00:26:29
Speaker
Like, don't, I don't know.
00:26:30
Speaker
I find people who say I'm being so awkward.
00:26:33
Speaker
It's like, even if you weren't even being awkward, it's like you're making it awkward.
00:26:37
Speaker
But I didn't get the flip-flop from I'm not attracted to Sal to I'm very attracted to Sal.
00:26:42
Speaker
She didn't seem like she had made up her minor that she was sure.
00:26:45
Speaker
That's the thing with all the women in this show generally is they all seem to be like unsure of whatever guy they're with, except for maybe Natalie.
00:26:52
Speaker
But most of them seem sort of like on the fence or like they're like, oh, you know, there's something wrong.
00:26:56
Speaker
Like Mallory even said the first time she met him, she was like, like there was something not quite right, you know, something off or whatever.
00:27:01
Speaker
And then she just sort of rationalizes away that feeling.
00:27:04
Speaker
I want to tell all women, if you meet a guy,
00:27:06
Speaker
And you have that feeling of like, something's not quite right.
00:27:09
Speaker
You know, this doesn't feel right or whatever.
00:27:12
Speaker
Listen to that feeling.
00:27:14
Speaker
Trust your gut.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah, she might just might not be attracted to him.
00:27:17
Speaker
I don't know what the type of guy she dates.
00:27:20
Speaker
She has dated in the past look like it could be a physical thing where he's just not physically her type.
00:27:23
Speaker
But again, if she dates guys that are into sports and like sounds like this sensitive guy who plays a ukulele.
00:27:29
Speaker
That's my type.
00:27:29
Speaker
But maybe she so that now I'm thinking about it like maybe she was trying to genuinely, you know, immerse herself in the experiment and like date against type.
Ayana, Jarrett, and Vulnerability
00:27:38
Speaker
Right?
00:27:38
Speaker
Because it seemed like also Deep and Shake did that.
00:27:40
Speaker
They're dating against their type.
00:27:42
Speaker
So she's dating a guy who is more sensitive, listens to her.
00:27:45
Speaker
He's not like a big sports manly man type guy.
00:27:49
Speaker
So she's dating against type and then she meets him and realizes like, I'm just not attracted to this.
00:27:54
Speaker
So that could just be it.
00:27:56
Speaker
Maybe, yeah.
00:27:56
Speaker
But yeah, she is kind of a pick me.
00:27:58
Speaker
I think Sal is a dwarves.
00:28:00
Speaker
you know, set them free, girl.
00:28:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:03
Speaker
So moving along to Jarrett and Iyana.
00:28:06
Speaker
So we can talk about the Mallory-Jarrett situation first and then move on to Jarrett and Iyana.
00:28:12
Speaker
So Jarrett basically liked both Iyana and Mallory, but had a clear and above preference for Mallory.
00:28:18
Speaker
And he proposes to Mallory and then Mallory turns him down.
00:28:21
Speaker
And then they meet later on when they go to Mexico and they have a little exchange where like Jarrett's clearly trying it with Mallory, right?
00:28:28
Speaker
Like basically like, let's get out of here.
00:28:30
Speaker
You
00:28:30
Speaker
and me type of thing and she doesn't really she doesn't really reject him and like soundly or anything she's just sort of um he's basically like do you want to get married he's basically he basically kind of pulls a shana where he's questioning everything about the relationship oh and we'll get to shana you will get to shana but yeah he's basically trying to say like oh i would have been a better match for you is the point of that conversation and she doesn't really reject that so she seems like she's unsure as well which
00:28:57
Speaker
which I guess, you know, it's a weird situation, not blaming her for being unsure, but I think she should have been way more honest with Sal rather than when Sal asked her about it, acted like he was crazy.
00:29:06
Speaker
Yeah, that was so mean.
00:29:08
Speaker
Yeah, because she got really defensive.
00:29:10
Speaker
Yeah, that was kind of like a thing on Mallory.
00:29:13
Speaker
I'm like, Mallory, you should have just told Sal, listen, I'm not exactly sure how I feel about this right now.
00:29:19
Speaker
Even if you want to say like, I'm not sure or I need to sort out my feelings, that's vastly preferable than acting like the man's crazy.
00:29:24
Speaker
The thing is, I'm not even sure if she liked Jarrett more.
00:29:29
Speaker
I got the vibe that she just liked the attention.
00:29:32
Speaker
Because remember, she turned him down.
00:29:34
Speaker
Like, she didn't like him enough to accept his proposal.
00:29:38
Speaker
I think she was quite lukewarm about the two of them.
00:29:40
Speaker
Well, she wasn't lukewarm, but she wasn't super enthusiastic about the two of them.
00:29:45
Speaker
Although, that being said, it's clear she doesn't find Sal attractive.
00:29:49
Speaker
So maybe when she saw Jarrett, she found him more attractive physically.
00:29:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:53
Speaker
Yeah, that's what it came across to me, that she just found Jarrett more attractive.
00:29:57
Speaker
Or more her normal type.
00:29:58
Speaker
I want to go off on a rant about the concept of types, because I don't think there's anything wrong with having a type, right?
00:30:05
Speaker
And in fact, I think it's a fool's errand to try to force yourself to be into someone that's not your usual type.
00:30:12
Speaker
There was a post on the subreddit a long time ago that I saw in my early days of FDS before I was a mod and stuff, that was like, you know, if you're not his physical preference...
00:30:22
Speaker
dump him because even if he's dating you now and he seems somewhat attracted to you now, if you're not his main preference, then he's either going to like cheat on you with a woman who is his preference or like he's just not going to like truly value you or like see you as that important.
00:30:38
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:30:38
Speaker
I always tell women like always be with a man who thinks you're like the most beautiful woman in the world who's like where you are exactly his physical type because there's nothing...
Debating Love's Premise
00:30:48
Speaker
more heartbreaking than like being with a guy where he's like yeah I like your personality and like yeah we get along great uh you know I just don't find her attractive like the situation with deep tea and shake right it's just like so mentally exhausting and emotionally like heartbreaking it's like hurtful to be in that kind of situation right and so yeah I don't think there's anything wrong with being attracted to or having a type or just wanting to be with your specific type it is foolish to try to force yourself to be attracted to someone you're not attracted to
00:31:14
Speaker
Yeah, it's very tough because I always wonder if people mean like, oh, date a different type if they just mean like emotional type, because you can still have like a range of physical preferences, but just date a guy who's emotionally different than the men you've been with in the past.
00:31:28
Speaker
Maybe, but if you're the sort of woman where you like tall men and something you find really attractive in a man, I don't think there's any point in trying to force yourself to be attracted to a guy who's shorter than you, just so that, to what?
00:31:39
Speaker
To prove a point?
00:31:39
Speaker
To prove love is blind?
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:41
Speaker
To prove some kind of idea?
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:45
Speaker
moral lesson or whatever.
00:31:46
Speaker
It's just pointless to me.
00:31:47
Speaker
Well, people sometimes fall down on, they fall back on caricatures.
00:31:50
Speaker
So let's say like, oh, you dated a bunch of guys who were in a fitness and then you're like, I'm never dating anymore gym bros.
00:31:56
Speaker
And it's like, well, did you only date the guys who were in a fitness who were gym bros?
00:32:00
Speaker
Cause there's guys who are in a fitness who aren't gym bros.
00:32:02
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:32:02
Speaker
Well, yeah, like there's guys who are in a fitness who are not dickheads, right?
00:32:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:06
Speaker
So that's what I'm saying.
00:32:06
Speaker
Like there's, you can date a type of
00:32:09
Speaker
And have like, or maybe even like a lifestyle preference for your partner, but have like need to maybe break some emotional patterns in the way that you deal with people.
00:32:17
Speaker
Maybe.
00:32:18
Speaker
I think that's a, I think that's different than type though.
00:32:20
Speaker
To me, type is a physical thing.
00:32:22
Speaker
And so, yeah, I think I have, this is the thing that I hate about Love is Blind and why I hate the entire premise of the show is I don't actually don't think that there's anything wrong with eliminating people from your dating pool because you don't find them physically attractive.
00:32:35
Speaker
I think it's fucked up that they get women emotionally invested in guys before they're able to do that kind of vetting.
00:32:39
Speaker
I think the show proves that love really isn't that blind.
00:32:43
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:32:47
Speaker
So, okay.
00:32:47
Speaker
So the next couple, we started on them.
00:32:49
Speaker
Oh, Jared and Ayana.
00:32:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:50
Speaker
Ayana's adorable.
00:32:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:32:51
Speaker
She doesn't deserve this.
00:32:52
Speaker
So the thing with Ayana, she fell into the pattern of trauma dumping too early.
00:32:57
Speaker
And it seems like she had a lot of difficulties in her life.
00:32:59
Speaker
And I don't remember the entire story, but essentially she was adopted.
00:33:04
Speaker
So she was...
00:33:06
Speaker
Her mother couldn't take care of her.
00:33:07
Speaker
She went to live with some relatives.
00:33:08
Speaker
Those relatives ended up kicking her out, and then she ended up with some other couple that adopted her.
00:33:12
Speaker
And she said she was also sexually assaulted when she was 17.
00:33:15
Speaker
She was also sexually assaulted.
00:33:16
Speaker
So she talks about all of her trauma to Jarrett.
00:33:19
Speaker
Jarrett also went through something where he was, like, stabbed, which...
00:33:23
Speaker
pin in that let's get back to that a little bit can i say first of all the trauma like the way that he reacted to her trauma he seemed bored like the look on his face well she couldn't see his face but when the camera zoomed down on his face he seemed to be like he had this face like damn like that's that's heavy like that's a lot like i don't want to deal with this kind of thing yeah exactly then when he told her about his trauma she was like oh my god that's terrible i'm so sorry that happened to you like she was just like overflowing with empathy i'm like
00:33:51
Speaker
She's such a good person and she deserves so much better.
00:33:53
Speaker
But that's the problem.
00:33:54
Speaker
So that's exactly the dynamic I wanted to highlight because we talked about this in our 37 Lies.
00:34:00
Speaker
You were taught about men series about how a lot of women think that exposing their traumas brings them closer to men, whereas men don't look at it that way at all.
00:34:09
Speaker
all.
00:34:09
Speaker
So you could see where she was like, oh, I'm so sorry that happened to you, Jared.
00:34:13
Speaker
And she's feeling like an increased emotional connection because she thinks he accepts me, accepts all the traumas I've experienced.
00:34:18
Speaker
And then she's saying that she can't kiss or like she doesn't like to do certain types of sexual things because of her sexual assault, et cetera.
00:34:24
Speaker
And, you know, Jared is also trauma dumping about whatever happened with him getting stabbed up, which again, pin, because I want to revisit this and maybe the second half because I have some suspicions about it.
00:34:34
Speaker
No, what are your suspicions?
00:34:35
Speaker
State your suspicions now and let's see if it gets confirmed.
00:34:38
Speaker
I'm trying to figure out how an adult man gets stabbed by his friend that's not drugs, money, or he was fucking with his wife.
00:34:43
Speaker
That's what I want to know.
00:34:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:45
Speaker
Yeah, I had the same thought.
00:34:46
Speaker
I'm like, how do you get stabbed by your friend unless you've done something weird, right?
00:34:51
Speaker
I'm not trying to victim blame him, but at the same time, that situation... No, I'm victim blaming him.
00:34:56
Speaker
That's very suspicious to me.
00:34:58
Speaker
I would immediately be asking a hell of a lot more questions about that situation because it's just not normal to be slashed up by your friend.
00:35:05
Speaker
Unless you did something to deserve or precipitate it, that is.
00:35:08
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:35:09
Speaker
So unless his friend's like really off his rocker, it seemed like, you know, more or less a crime of passion, but drugs, money or women is probably something.
00:35:18
Speaker
He probably does something super foul.
00:35:20
Speaker
Even if he's like a street dude, like you just don't get stabbed for no reason.
00:35:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:24
Speaker
Also, it was weird to me that like he he was like, oh, yeah, I had this traumatic thing happen to me.
00:35:28
Speaker
And I realized I didn't have anyone close to me at the time to support me.
00:35:32
Speaker
Right.
00:35:32
Speaker
I get this a lot.
00:35:33
Speaker
I'm not going to say which sport I engage in, but I do know a lot of guys who they'll get a girlfriend because they want someone to take care of them.
00:35:41
Speaker
Like this is a sport where that's very prone to injury.
00:35:44
Speaker
Right.
00:35:45
Speaker
And so they'll get a girlfriend as like a sort of fail safe in case they ever get injured because they want someone to take care of them when they're like incapacitated.
00:35:52
Speaker
But these sorts of men, like if their wife or girlfriend got injured, they would dump her.
00:35:56
Speaker
Like this is, this is what they, and I've seen this over and over and over again, where like the man
Shana, Kyle, and Compatibility Issues
00:36:00
Speaker
gets injured.
00:36:00
Speaker
She spends months, years of her life taking care of him, driving to doctor's appointments, helping him with physio, spending years of her life trying to
00:36:10
Speaker
bring him back up on his feet and in the what if the roles are reversed if she gets like you know i saw a case of uh one of these men his wife got breast cancer and he left her right and so these sorts of men very very seldom show the women in their lives the same courtesy so if a man is saying like oh i need to get a girlfriend or a wife so she can take care of me i'm immediately suspicious of these sorts of men because i'm like would you do the same for your woman if she got sick
00:36:32
Speaker
Well, he didn't.
00:36:33
Speaker
He didn't even with Ayana, right?
00:36:34
Speaker
Because he was not responding the same way to her trauma as she responded to him.
00:36:39
Speaker
Exactly.
00:36:40
Speaker
And he still wanted to go for Mallory.
00:36:42
Speaker
And so I wanted to highlight that specifically.
00:36:44
Speaker
We're saying like she's forming a bond and she says something very vulnerable to him, but he can't, he's not going to change his opinion that he wants a certain type of woman, right?
00:36:54
Speaker
And he's not going to be equally as reciprocating and accepting of her trauma as she was willing for his.
00:36:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:59
Speaker
And that's where it just gets really, really disappointing.
00:37:02
Speaker
But we just saw that dynamic play out that we're talking about, which is why we talk about just never lead with your trauma.
00:37:08
Speaker
If I was Iyana, I probably would have saved the sexual assault conversation to like somewhere where you were more serious about getting, having sex and then like talked about boundaries and maybe not even led with the sexual assault, but just talked about certain boundaries you have.
00:37:20
Speaker
And then when it came to her history with her mother and everything, I probably would have just said, I'm adopted or like just leave it.
00:37:27
Speaker
And then
00:37:28
Speaker
wait till you've met this person to talk about some more of the more heavier stuff because you want to be seen as a person and not your trauma.
00:37:35
Speaker
But when you lead to your trauma, you only get people to latch on to your trauma.
00:37:39
Speaker
You're a person first.
00:37:40
Speaker
You're not, you are not your trauma.
00:37:42
Speaker
Your trauma is something that happened to you, but it's not you.
00:37:45
Speaker
Especially since the question that he asked wasn't even like, he asked her like, oh, how's your relationship with your mother?
00:37:50
Speaker
And that's when she goes into the trauma dumping conversation.
00:37:54
Speaker
I'm like, he probably meant it as like a light question kind of thing.
00:37:58
Speaker
And then she went really heavy.
00:37:59
Speaker
So I could see in his face, he was kind of like,
00:38:03
Speaker
like this is really heavy that's not what I'm expecting kind of thing right and so I don't know I just feel right he was expecting some girl to like completely just be his emotional sponge because he had a tragic thing happen to him and what I found really really quite I'd say probably the most awful thing about this whole season is the fact that he told her basically that she's second best that he proposed to somebody else and she said no and she still said yes and
00:38:29
Speaker
That could never be me.
00:38:30
Speaker
I don't know.
00:38:31
Speaker
I sort of think that in... That could be partly down to the setup of the show, because I personally think if a man proposes to a woman on the show and she says no, he should be asked to leave because he shouldn't be able to go down his pecking order and find
Shane and Natalie's Relationship
00:38:46
Speaker
somebody else.
00:38:46
Speaker
I think that is incredibly cruel.
00:38:48
Speaker
And people are saying, oh my gosh, Jarrett was so honest about his feelings.
00:38:52
Speaker
I was like, I don't understand why men are applauded for saying something shitty.
00:38:57
Speaker
or doing something shitty.
00:38:59
Speaker
Like, that is a shit thing to do to somebody.
00:39:01
Speaker
To basically tell them, I proposed to somebody else, she said no, so I'm gonna propose to you.
00:39:06
Speaker
Fuck that noise.
00:39:08
Speaker
And you could see how insecure Iyana was for the rest of the trip, right?
00:39:11
Speaker
Like, comparing herself to Mallory, which was just... I would be super insecure.
00:39:15
Speaker
He's literally told you he liked somebody else more.
00:39:18
Speaker
And he went and flirted with Mallory.
00:39:20
Speaker
That is just so disgusting.
00:39:22
Speaker
I think Iyana was smart to not have sex with him right away.
00:39:25
Speaker
Like, honestly, if I was in her situation, I probably would have accepted the second proposal just for the Mexico trip, but then kept him at arm's length and like not actually fuck him.
00:39:32
Speaker
So if that's her strategy.
00:39:33
Speaker
Pull a Shayna.
00:39:34
Speaker
Pull a Shayna.
00:39:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:37
Speaker
I probably would have done the same.
00:39:38
Speaker
Just like take the proposal, go to Mexico, have fun, not fuck him.
00:39:41
Speaker
But yeah.
00:39:42
Speaker
I just personally couldn't even accept that.
00:39:45
Speaker
I just think my pride is too much to accept a proposal from a man who's told me that I'm second best.
00:39:52
Speaker
I just couldn't do it.
00:39:53
Speaker
Yeah, see, I have pride too, but I would want to humiliate him back, right?
00:39:56
Speaker
Like, by... I wouldn't even think he's worth it.
00:39:58
Speaker
I would just think he's trash, to be honest.
00:40:00
Speaker
I mean, if we're talking in real life where there's no cameras, like if there's no cameras in real life, yeah, if I found out a guy proposed to another woman and then five minutes later proposes me, yeah, then I'd dump him.
00:40:09
Speaker
But for a reality TV show, if I found out a guy got stabbed and was in the ICU and it wasn't like a random attack, I would have been like, man, you have a lot going on right now.
00:40:18
Speaker
That's really tough for you.
00:40:22
Speaker
Because my reaction to that is like, I would have so many follow-up questions and my immediate reaction would be like, so drugs, money, or women?
00:40:28
Speaker
Why did your friend stab you?
00:40:30
Speaker
Yeah, bro, you've got better street smarts than a lot of these women.
00:40:33
Speaker
Like some of these women are like... Yeah.
00:40:36
Speaker
She was like, oh, and I'm like...
00:40:39
Speaker
Like, you're in some shady shit.
00:40:41
Speaker
I never would have felt bad.
00:40:42
Speaker
That's a lot.
00:40:43
Speaker
Yeah, that's a lot.
00:40:46
Speaker
Just, if he, I mean, if it wasn't a random attack, then I don't, yeah.
00:40:50
Speaker
If it was somebody you knew, I'm like, yeah, your life is messy, bro.
00:40:53
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:40:55
Speaker
Especially at your big age.
00:40:57
Speaker
Yeah, no, he's just a tool.
00:40:58
Speaker
I don't know, Dusty.
00:40:59
Speaker
Okay, so moving along to Shayna.
00:41:01
Speaker
So Shayna.
00:41:03
Speaker
And Kyle.
00:41:04
Speaker
And Kyle.
00:41:04
Speaker
With Shayna and Kyle.
00:41:05
Speaker
So Shayna and Kyle.
00:41:07
Speaker
That whole thing with Kyle just like completely ignoring the fact that Shana had different values than him.
00:41:13
Speaker
And then he kept like compromising his values every time.
00:41:15
Speaker
Wait, should we summarize that for the audience?
00:41:18
Speaker
Oh yeah.
00:41:19
Speaker
Okay.
00:41:19
Speaker
So Kyle's the construction worker and then Shana.
00:41:24
Speaker
There was a sort of love rectangle where there, okay.
00:41:27
Speaker
So there's Kyle, Shana, Shane, and Natalie.
00:41:30
Speaker
So Shana liked both Shane and Kyle and Shane liked both Natalie and Shana.
00:41:37
Speaker
This is confusing, but yeah.
00:41:38
Speaker
And Kyle was all about Shayna.
00:41:40
Speaker
Kyle was all about Shayna and Natalie was all about Shane, right?
00:41:43
Speaker
Okay, first things first about Kyle, actually.
00:41:45
Speaker
I want to say, first of all, the first thing that they asked him, someone asked him, like, what are your hobbies?
00:41:49
Speaker
And he's like punching holes in walls.
00:41:50
Speaker
I'm like, okay, Satan.
00:41:52
Speaker
But he's a construction worker, so I thought that was a joke.
00:41:55
Speaker
I don't know.
00:41:55
Speaker
He just gives me, I don't know.
00:41:57
Speaker
He just gives me like dark vibes.
00:41:59
Speaker
I don't know.
00:41:59
Speaker
Something about Kyle.
00:42:00
Speaker
He's got like, I'm not religious or anything.
00:42:02
Speaker
I'm an atheist, but he just seems like kind of like devilish in a way, like a sort of mischievous kind of, he's got like, even his face just looks like weirdly kind of like evil.
00:42:11
Speaker
I don't know.
00:42:11
Speaker
He looks like a little demon.
00:42:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:42:13
Speaker
And he acts like a little demon.
00:42:14
Speaker
He seemed nice enough.
00:42:15
Speaker
Like he seemed like he was more or less self-aware.
00:42:19
Speaker
I didn't really have any particular issues with him.
00:42:20
Speaker
I just thought it was interesting that he just, he basically is acting like Mark where he just wants to get with someone so bad that he'll just, he just self-abandons completely.
00:42:29
Speaker
Like, who's Mark?
00:42:30
Speaker
Mark was from season one.
00:42:31
Speaker
Sorry.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:32
Speaker
He's like a male pick me.
00:42:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:35
Speaker
Yeah, he's like a male pick me is basically what happened.
00:42:38
Speaker
And then on their vacation, he eats meat for the first time in eight years.
00:42:41
Speaker
I'm like, why are you eating meat if you're a vegetarian?
00:42:43
Speaker
Wouldn't it make you sick?
00:42:45
Speaker
If I'm not mistaken, if you don't eat meat for years, if you try to eat it again, like you'll have extremely bad stomach upset because you don't have the enzymes to break down meat.
00:42:55
Speaker
Your gut floor is completely changed.
00:42:58
Speaker
So I would be really, really surprised if he didn't get sick on that trip, which we don't know.
00:43:02
Speaker
But either way, Shana left him in the dust.
00:43:04
Speaker
She turned in at like 740 and then said, oh, I don't want to have sex with you.
00:43:08
Speaker
I'm a Christian.
00:43:09
Speaker
And then like that.
00:43:10
Speaker
So first of all, queen.
00:43:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:43:12
Speaker
First of all, that reminded me of you.
00:43:17
Speaker
What was the casual sex episode?
00:43:19
Speaker
You're like, oh yeah, I'd go into the club with my tube top, get guys all hoarding for me.
00:43:23
Speaker
And then be like, hey, first of all, I'm a Christian.
00:43:26
Speaker
Queen.
00:43:27
Speaker
First of all, back up.
00:43:28
Speaker
I love the Lord first and foremost.
00:43:33
Speaker
Honestly, even though Shayna is sort of like the villain of the season, I kind of like her.
00:43:37
Speaker
Like, she's kind of like an anti-hero.
00:43:39
Speaker
I don't know.
00:43:39
Speaker
She clearly didn't like Kyle when she met him.
00:43:42
Speaker
So he just wasn't her type.
00:43:44
Speaker
So she was throwing everything as an excuse to him to get him to like not like her, but he wasn't getting it.
00:43:51
Speaker
And he kept, you know, compromising, compromising, compromising.
00:43:54
Speaker
I mean, he's they seemed like a cute couple at first until they talked about Christianity, because he's atheist and she's Christian, right?
00:44:00
Speaker
So like there was even like a sort of record scratch like sound effect when she asked about that.
00:44:06
Speaker
And she doesn't believe in evolution, which I'm like, what the hell?
00:44:09
Speaker
But I never found them cute because I knew she was always goo-goo-ga-ga for Shane.
00:44:14
Speaker
And I found it interesting how she used religion as a reason to not go with Kyle, but I don't remember her asking Shane if he was religious.
00:44:24
Speaker
Yeah, like, yeah, that's true.
00:44:25
Speaker
She's using it as an excuse to, like...
00:44:28
Speaker
dunk on Kyle, but... And it's valid.
00:44:30
Speaker
Like, I think if your faith is important to you, then that... And I didn't like the way Kyle downplayed it.
00:44:36
Speaker
He was like, oh, do people break up over that now?
00:44:39
Speaker
I was like, yes, religious views are extremely important.
00:44:43
Speaker
But Shayna didn't ask Shane if he was religious from what we can see.
00:44:47
Speaker
Maybe she did and they edited it out, but from the conversations they were having, they were very non-religious conversations.
00:44:55
Speaker
Like,
00:44:56
Speaker
Yeah, he was always asking her what she's wearing and she'd talk about what she was wearing and he'd be like, oh yeah, it makes me so horny, babe.
00:45:01
Speaker
You're so hot.
00:45:03
Speaker
He's so cringe.
00:45:04
Speaker
Oh, he's so cringe.
00:45:05
Speaker
Anyways.
00:45:06
Speaker
Yeah, so I do kind of feel bad for Kyle a little bit.
00:45:09
Speaker
But yeah, it's kind of like, I don't know, have some self-respect, man.
00:45:12
Speaker
She's not into him, right?
00:45:13
Speaker
For whatever reason.
00:45:14
Speaker
Yeah, he should have just... It seems like for whatever reason, he really wanted to be with someone and really wanted to get married.
00:45:20
Speaker
So he was willing to compromise on some things.
00:45:22
Speaker
Also, I think after he saw how hot she was, that's when he got more into her.
00:45:26
Speaker
He seemed to be like, oh yeah, I like her.
00:45:28
Speaker
I'm going to propose to her before he saw her.
00:45:30
Speaker
And then as soon as he saw her, he's like, wow, she's hot.
00:45:33
Speaker
I'm going to...
00:45:34
Speaker
I'm going to debase my entire value system for this woman because she's hot, you know.
00:45:38
Speaker
And there's some people that just aren't that committed to certain values.
00:45:41
Speaker
So I can kind of see where he's not like, he's not looking at it as, okay, this is like a huge deal or a deal breaker if I like her otherwise.
00:45:48
Speaker
But at the same time, I feel like she was so clearly saying those things to get him to not like her that he wasn't picking up on those vibes.
00:45:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:54
Speaker
I mean, okay, so I want to say, first of all, as an atheist, I have been the sort of person like Kyle, because I don't take religion very seriously, and I also respect other people's beliefs, right?
00:46:05
Speaker
So I have dated religious men, both Christian and Muslim, and in all of these cases, I find that the fact that I don't believe in God and the fact that they believe in God just makes us incompatible just from the get-go.
00:46:19
Speaker
I think that maybe people with different religions maybe could...
00:46:24
Speaker
maybe date each other but I think an atheist and a Christian person actually no even like even like people with different religions it's like your belief systems are generally so different and it's about like life and death right and so you know even if the other person means well and they're not trying to like convert you in a hostile way if the other person believes in God and you don't they're probably going to think if they really care about you they're going to be thinking like oh my partner is like going to go to hell and they think they're probably like genuinely concerned for your soul and so on right thinking I have to convert them right but
00:46:52
Speaker
That's true.
00:46:53
Speaker
I'd be really hard-pressed to date a Christian man, but I also think it's somewhat different for men versus women because the religions are patriarchal, right?
00:47:01
Speaker
So they have expectations for you as a wife.
00:47:03
Speaker
It's not like a personal thing where they just, they practice it themselves and then try to instill values in their children.
00:47:09
Speaker
They're doing that because they have certain values they want to imprint on you as a woman.
00:47:13
Speaker
Whereas I think when women bring their religion in, it might be something they sort of teach their children, but it's not as like expected that men follow or practice that.
00:47:21
Speaker
where it's very hard, vice versa.
00:47:23
Speaker
So even now today, even though I'm not really, I'm not a practicing Christian.
00:47:26
Speaker
I don't really, I haven't really thought about my beliefs long enough to figure out like if I, if I'm an atheist and agnostics, I'm just sort of like, well, I'm here and that's all that matters, I guess.
00:47:34
Speaker
But I'd probably be hard pressed.
00:47:37
Speaker
I probably wouldn't date a Christian man at this point because I know that if he's Christian, he has certain values he's going to try to impose on me to live by that I don't want to.
00:47:44
Speaker
Not even that, even if the woman is the Christian one, a lot of, like, religious women, they expect their husband to, like, lead them spiritually, right?
00:47:50
Speaker
And so if he's atheist, then that's not something that's going to happen in their relationship, right?
00:47:56
Speaker
She did say that, I think.
00:47:57
Speaker
So I agree that, like, an ideal situation...
00:48:00
Speaker
women who are religious want their husband to be the spiritual leader.
00:48:02
Speaker
I'm just saying in practice, it's so much easier to be the religious woman and then the man just sort of like, yeah, that's her little religion thing versus like a religious man.
00:48:11
Speaker
He's going to want you to fulfill like your godly role because these are patriarchal religions that which support that ideology.
00:48:18
Speaker
He's not going to just be like, this is a personal belief that I live my life by.
00:48:21
Speaker
He's going to want to press that on women.
00:48:24
Speaker
Yeah, I do know several families where the woman is religious and the man isn't, and it just, like, works quite well.
00:48:33
Speaker
Really?
00:48:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:34
Speaker
Yeah, my grandpa used to show up.
00:48:38
Speaker
Sorry.
00:48:40
Speaker
So my grandma's very happy with the villages.
00:48:42
Speaker
So every Sunday, my grandma's in church all day, every day, you know, or like all day she's in church every Sunday and then sometimes during the week.
00:48:50
Speaker
And then she would always try to pressure my grandfather to go to church, but then he would go to church and be so embarrassing because he'd be in the front row like snoring loudly.
00:49:00
Speaker
Like he would literally throw his head back over the pew, like mouth open Homer Simpson style.
00:49:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:07
Speaker
loudly snoring during the middle of the service and was crazy about it.
00:49:10
Speaker
It's not like church services are quiet, right?
00:49:12
Speaker
So they have music and tambourines and everything going and my grandfather is knocked the fuck out in the first pew.
00:49:19
Speaker
Okay, that's embarrassing, yeah.
00:49:21
Speaker
And I can see the pastor being like, wake up!
00:49:23
Speaker
Like trying to get the person to like...
00:49:26
Speaker
show people who were sleeping but my grandfather gave nary a fuck he was like i work all day i work really hard sundays are my day off if i'm coming here i'm going the fuck to sleep so then my grandma stopped asking him she didn't ask him anymore no but this is why i think even even if it's the woman who's religious and the man's not this is why i don't think it works because the man's just gonna humiliate her publicly like that right like it's if it's something that's important to the woman
00:49:51
Speaker
Well, he'll just be an ass so he doesn't have to go to church.
00:49:54
Speaker
But that's a problem to me.
00:49:55
Speaker
I don't know.
00:49:55
Speaker
That seems like a dick move, right?
00:49:58
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:49:59
Speaker
It just seems humiliating for the woman involved, right?
00:50:02
Speaker
Like, if the woman is religious, I would want her partner to not humiliate her publicly like that, you know?
00:50:08
Speaker
In church, yeah.
00:50:09
Speaker
My grandfather was cool otherwise.
00:50:10
Speaker
He just wasn't here for church.
00:50:13
Speaker
I don't know.
00:50:13
Speaker
I just feel like...
00:50:14
Speaker
like it's important to have a similar value system even though here's the thing though is like atheist men are like dickheads right i hate atheist men so i don't know i find like guys who don't think that much about religion who are sort of like agnostic that's probably my ideal type or like men who are like ex-religious or whatever they're usually fine um but no god men who are like raised atheists or tend to be like hedonistic godless heathens and i don't know i just don't like them anyway so oh and the other fucked up thing that kyle said is he was like you remind me a lot of my mother i want a woman just like my mother
00:50:44
Speaker
No.
00:50:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:46
Speaker
Oh, it was bad.
00:50:46
Speaker
Anyways.
00:50:47
Speaker
Okay.
00:50:47
Speaker
Next last couple, Shane and Natalie.
00:50:50
Speaker
Drum roll.
00:50:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:51
Speaker
Shane and Natalie.
00:50:52
Speaker
Where do we start?
00:50:53
Speaker
So pinning it.
00:50:54
Speaker
So anybody else think Shane's on drugs?
00:50:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:58
Speaker
First of all, literally the first clip of him.
00:51:00
Speaker
First of all, has he ever blinked at all in this entire show?
00:51:04
Speaker
like his eyes like wide open where you can see the whites like all around his iris too right he's got crazy eyes yeah he's he's an extrovert but he's like a manic level extrovert to the point where i think he's getting chemical help yeah he seems like someone who's on adderall like seriously or he's i actually wrote in my notes for this show while watching it i said shane seems like a crackhead like that was the first first impression of him and it's crazy to me how like everyone else seems fine with him and that doesn't seem to have a problem with
00:51:34
Speaker
I'm trying to remember that we know what he looks like and the women don't.
00:51:38
Speaker
Because me as an extrovert, I'm just looking at him being an extrovert.
00:51:41
Speaker
And I'm like, he doesn't have magical powers.
00:51:43
Speaker
He's just an extrovert.
00:51:44
Speaker
But all the women are just like falling for his like personality.
00:51:47
Speaker
There's a few times where Natalie seemed way over invested in Shane's
00:51:53
Speaker
than where she should have been at that point.
00:51:55
Speaker
And I think part of it is because she thought his like extroversion was like a connection statement on her.
00:52:01
Speaker
Yeah, connection.
00:52:02
Speaker
And that's what I see people make a mistake who are introverts to extroverts.
00:52:05
Speaker
I'm like extroverts are just like that.
00:52:06
Speaker
Like we just, we're sort of flirty.
00:52:08
Speaker
We sort of like to make connections with people, but it's not necessarily as romantic.
00:52:12
Speaker
It's like some people get way to invest really quickly with extroverts.
00:52:16
Speaker
I felt so sad for her as well when the guys asked Shane, you know, what do you like about Natalie?
00:52:20
Speaker
And he was like, the fact she likes me so much.
00:52:23
Speaker
And I was like, oh... So narcissistic, right?
00:52:27
Speaker
That's actually exactly what I thought.
00:52:29
Speaker
Like, as I was watching Shane, my pattern recognition mode, and I've danced with narcissists a lot over the course of my life.
00:52:35
Speaker
My parents were narcissists, I've dated narcissists.
00:52:37
Speaker
I've spent a lot of time around narcissists and part of my level up journey with FDS was like going to therapy.
00:52:42
Speaker
And learning how to, like, unpack that and, like, reprogram my brain such that I don't, like, fall for their fucking shit.
00:52:49
Speaker
Because, yeah, or, like, learning how to, like, spot the red flags of narcissism.
00:52:53
Speaker
That's, like, been really important in my dating world.
00:52:56
Speaker
Because for some reason, narcissists are just, like, supremely, like, drawn to me.
00:53:00
Speaker
But no, Shane was, like, setting off my pattern recognition mode like crazy.
00:53:04
Speaker
Red flag number one was how he was like, oh, I like how Natalie, like, seems really into me and I'm her number one.
00:53:10
Speaker
And, you know, she gives me lots of reassurance, but Shana, you know, she doesn't give me as much, as much reassurance.
00:53:15
Speaker
Uh, red flag number two was when he, him and Natalie, she was being a little bit like, uh, sarcastic with him in Mexico.
00:53:22
Speaker
And he kind of snapped at her and was like, uh,
00:53:25
Speaker
can you just be normal?
00:53:26
Speaker
Like, can we have a normal conversation?
00:53:28
Speaker
Like it was because she said, Oh, are you fishing for compliments?
00:53:31
Speaker
Cause he was, that's just what he do.
00:53:33
Speaker
He, that's just how narcissists be is fishing for compliments.
00:53:35
Speaker
Right.
00:53:36
Speaker
And so narcissists often do this thing where like, if you criticize them even slightly or give them a tiny bit of pushback, they'll,
00:53:42
Speaker
flip it back on you and try to make it seem like you're the person who has bad social skills or you're the person who's being a dickhead when no like you're just like natalie was just being normal and kind of like playfully flirty right he just comes across so massively insecure to me that i thought the nurses are insecure like see this is where he gets sticky because like it's an extra very i would have taken his cue and been like gave him a compliment but it would have been kind of like
00:54:05
Speaker
funny right like a backhanded compliment no not necessarily a backhanded compliment but if he was like fishing for a compliment i'm like yeah you big burly man or something like that you know like something that's kind of funny but like exaggerated so he knows he's being a bit ridiculous so i didn't really i didn't i didn't clock that as a narcissist um tell morcer no no it wasn't the fact that he was fishing for compliments it was the fact that when she said oh are you fishing for compliments then he snapped at her
00:54:31
Speaker
That was the red flag to me.
00:54:33
Speaker
And then third red flag was the fact that whenever they have a slight conflict, he storms out and says something really nasty on the way out.
00:54:40
Speaker
Like, the first time was when he... Especially if he's in the wrong for something that's his fault, right?
00:54:45
Speaker
So the first time this happened was in there in the pods.
00:54:48
Speaker
He mixed her up with Shana.
00:54:49
Speaker
He called her Shana and was like, oh, Shana is so great.
00:54:51
Speaker
I'm so excited to talk to you.
00:54:52
Speaker
And Natalie was thinking, was feeling a little bit betrayed because she thought they had this one-on-one connection.
00:54:58
Speaker
And, you know...
00:54:59
Speaker
Turns out, you know, he was talking to this other girl and yada yada.
00:55:01
Speaker
And so she kind of, like, wanted to see if he was, like, really committed to her.
00:55:06
Speaker
And then he said something like, yeah, I'm done.
00:55:08
Speaker
Like, this isn't worth it to me, kind of thing.
00:55:10
Speaker
And, like, storms out angrily.
00:55:11
Speaker
And then he did it again when they were in Mexico.
00:55:13
Speaker
Like, I'm done.
00:55:14
Speaker
I'm fucking out of here, kind of thing.
00:55:15
Speaker
And I've had narcissistic exes do that to me all the time.
00:55:18
Speaker
Where whenever we have the slightest argument and they think that... And especially if they're wrong and they think they're going to lose the argument, they'll storm out, say something really nasty or, like...
00:55:26
Speaker
they're going to, like, threaten and kind of break up with you or whatever on their way out.
00:55:30
Speaker
Yeah, he's just like, come on, come on.
00:55:31
Speaker
I'm like, well, come on is not an apology or an argument, right?
00:55:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:35
Speaker
He just struck me as an asshole.
00:55:36
Speaker
I'm not sure if, like, yeah, I'm not sure if, like, narcissist is the right term, but maybe I just don't know.
00:55:43
Speaker
Yeah, some people are just assholes.
00:55:45
Speaker
No, extreme self-centeredness.
00:55:48
Speaker
No, I think he sets off my pattern in recognition mode.
00:55:51
Speaker
Like, he seems like the kind of guy, like, the more close you get with him,
00:55:55
Speaker
the more like that, that sort of, because narcissists just seem like normal friendly extroverts at the beginning, right?
00:56:00
Speaker
And it's not until the more you get to know them that you see their dark side.
00:56:04
Speaker
And I see that with Shane or like at least first five episodes so far.
00:56:08
Speaker
Anyways, I'm seeing.
00:56:08
Speaker
Okay.
00:56:09
Speaker
So I guess we'll find out.
00:56:10
Speaker
We'll, we'll start to see what happens in the next five episodes based on the first five episodes.
00:56:14
Speaker
He got roasted online.
00:56:15
Speaker
So, uh, on the love is blind Instagram, like he's actually defending himself in the comments, at least like trying to be funny about it, which is actually low key hilarious because people are just going in on him.
00:56:24
Speaker
What were people saying?
00:56:25
Speaker
They're just basically saying, like, he was foul for the way he treated Natalie when he mixed up the names, right?
00:56:31
Speaker
I think everyone clocked that as pretty much a massive red flag.
00:56:34
Speaker
So for me, when I look at how this entire thing unfolded, my biggest question was, like, why the fuck does Natalie like Shane?
00:56:41
Speaker
Because I don't get why she likes him either.
00:56:43
Speaker
Because the first thing is, like I said, I think she overinvested in his personality because he's an extrovert.
00:56:50
Speaker
And so I think she...
00:56:51
Speaker
thought some of his rhetoric meant more than it did.
00:56:53
Speaker
And then when he mixed her up with Shana, he was just like, come on, this is not what I want to be doing right now.
00:57:00
Speaker
And it's like, it's not about you.
00:57:01
Speaker
You offended her.
00:57:02
Speaker
And then rather than like her, she was sitting there very silently and crying.
00:57:05
Speaker
Right.
00:57:06
Speaker
And then saying, I'm upset.
00:57:06
Speaker
I'm being quiet because I'm upset right now.
00:57:08
Speaker
Let's do that.
00:57:09
Speaker
And rather than just like a media apologizing and being like, man, I'm
00:57:12
Speaker
I screwed up, like, I still like you, etc.
00:57:15
Speaker
Like, he immediately goes, like, you're making this difficult for me.
00:57:18
Speaker
That's why I think he's a narcissist, because that's how narcissists act in arguments.
00:57:22
Speaker
They'll do something shitty when you respond in a way that's hurt.
00:57:26
Speaker
What they focus on is how your reaction bothers them or is annoying to them.
00:57:30
Speaker
The idea of, oh, I've hurt someone's feelings just doesn't occur to them because they're a narcissist.
00:57:35
Speaker
They're full of themselves.
00:57:36
Speaker
The only feelings that matter to them are their own feelings.
00:57:39
Speaker
If the other person is reacting to something they've done in a hurtful way...
00:57:42
Speaker
They're not even thinking about like, oh, I've done something shitty.
00:57:44
Speaker
They're thinking like, oh, you're annoying me because you're not giving me attention right now.
00:57:48
Speaker
So the second reason I wasn't sure why Natalie likes Shane is because she doesn't like all of his extroversion all the time.
00:57:53
Speaker
Because she even says like, oh, I get overwhelmed.
00:57:55
Speaker
And she had to like take a break.
00:57:57
Speaker
I'm like, if that's annoying now, that's definitely going to be a problem living together, right?
00:58:02
Speaker
Like she mentioned that she's not as extroverted as she finds that situation hurtful.
00:58:08
Speaker
hard.
00:58:08
Speaker
And I'm like, well, that to me seems like a fundamental incompatibility unless you're going to constantly be living your life separately.
00:58:14
Speaker
Because if you're burnt out on him and you're pretty early in your relationship, I feel like that's probably a deal breaker.
00:58:21
Speaker
The other reason was because of the fact that he was fishing for compliments and she doesn't really like giving them.
00:58:27
Speaker
And I feel like a person, like regardless of not if he's a narcissist or not, but a person who speaks the same language would have just rolled with it.
00:58:34
Speaker
And she doesn't seem like she likes doing that.
00:58:36
Speaker
Those seem like personality differences between the two of them that I think will just grow.
00:58:40
Speaker
Because he doesn't like when she makes the sarcasm thing and she doesn't like having to think of things on the spot to compliment him, right?
00:58:47
Speaker
That's not her strong suit either.
00:58:48
Speaker
And she doesn't like, she's overwhelmed by his personality and she's offended when obviously he mixed up their names and he reacted poorly.
00:58:55
Speaker
So I'm looking at it from Natalie's perspective and I'm like, why are you putting this much energy into this guy who seems like he has fundamental personality differences to you?
00:59:04
Speaker
Yeah, I'm not, that's the thing, like, narcissists, this, I'm, and I'm firm in believing that he's a narcissist, because, like, yeah, all the, like, all the major red flags are there.
00:59:14
Speaker
The other thing is, like, narcissists require, like, constant praise and validation and reassurance.
00:59:18
Speaker
He even said, like, I feed off of other people's energy.
00:59:21
Speaker
other people's energy, I feed off of it.
00:59:23
Speaker
Well, yeah, because narcissists are like a bottomless pit.
00:59:26
Speaker
They're like a black hole.
00:59:27
Speaker
They require you to constantly feed your light and your energy into them in order for them to feel complete.
00:59:32
Speaker
And they never will feel complete, even if you constantly praise them and constantly reassure them.
00:59:37
Speaker
It's just so hard to tell like degree, right?
00:59:38
Speaker
Because your garden variety extrovert likes being around people.
00:59:41
Speaker
They do get energized from people.
00:59:43
Speaker
They can be energetic on their own, but being in a crowd, like they get excited to connect with people.
00:59:48
Speaker
But the difference between a normal extrovert and a narcissist is that an extrovert will at least care somewhat about the other person's feelings, like a little bit.
00:59:56
Speaker
Like I've noticed with narcissists,
00:59:58
Speaker
With extroverts, if they're in a group dynamic and they say something that offends the other person is they don't want to like kind of ruin the vibe.
01:00:03
Speaker
So they'll be like, oh, I'm sorry.
01:00:04
Speaker
Like, I didn't mean it like that.
01:00:05
Speaker
Try to patch things up and then move on kind of thing.
01:00:07
Speaker
And like maybe even like compliment them back to try to make the other person feel good.
01:00:11
Speaker
Right.
01:00:12
Speaker
That's how a non-narcissistic extrovert would act.
01:00:15
Speaker
narcissist extrovert in that situation, if the other person's like offended, they don't think about it in terms of like, oh, did I hurt the other person's feelings?
01:00:22
Speaker
They're just thinking like, oh, you're killing the vibe for me.
01:00:25
Speaker
This pisses me off, right?
01:00:27
Speaker
And then they'll try to turn it back on the other person.
01:00:29
Speaker
And the idea of like apologizing or trying to make the other person feel good just simply does not occur to them.
01:00:34
Speaker
And that's why I think he's a narcissist.
01:00:36
Speaker
And so, but the thing with narcissists, they also are very charming.
01:00:39
Speaker
They're very, like, that's why I think Natalie likes him.
01:00:42
Speaker
I didn't even find him charming.
01:00:43
Speaker
I didn't find him charming at all.
01:00:46
Speaker
But that's the thing.
01:00:47
Speaker
If you're like us, where we know what are the red flags to look out for, right?
01:00:52
Speaker
What are the bad things in these sorts of men?
01:00:55
Speaker
How to look out for superficial charm?
01:00:57
Speaker
That kind of thing.
01:00:57
Speaker
We see that and we're like, oh, that's not charming, right?
01:00:59
Speaker
But for someone who doesn't know, like we know, it's easy to get caught up in the narcissist spell.
01:01:06
Speaker
That's true.
01:01:06
Speaker
So yeah.
01:01:07
Speaker
So I guess we'll see how the rest of the season plays out and find out and see where this thing goes.
01:01:12
Speaker
Because that's our initial impressions.
01:01:13
Speaker
Obviously, everything's heavily edited as well as we haven't finished the season yet.
01:01:17
Speaker
So we'll find out how accurate we were.
01:01:19
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:20
Speaker
We'll see if our predictions were correct.
01:01:21
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:22
Speaker
Or at least like if their characterization was fair.
01:01:25
Speaker
So we'll find out in the next couple of weeks.
01:01:27
Speaker
So stay tuned for that.
01:01:29
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:01:31
Speaker
And you can check out our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:01:39
Speaker
We have weekly bonus content.
01:01:41
Speaker
And check us out on Twitter at femdatstrat.
01:01:44
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:01:45
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, I wouldn't pick you if you're the last guy in the pod.
01:01:48
Speaker
Die mad.
01:01:49
Speaker
See you next week.
01:01:50
Speaker
Bye.
01:01:56
Speaker
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