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How to Level Up Your Pick Me Friends + Hair of the Dog
42 Plays4 years ago
...and when to cut your losses because some pick-me's can be toxic.
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Transcript
Patreon Updates and Community Engagement
00:00:00
Speaker
Before we get started, I'd just like to tell you about some recent changes we've made to our Patreon.
00:00:04
Speaker
We now have a Discord server that's exclusive for our Level Up and Queen Shit members.
00:00:09
Speaker
So if you'd like to chat directly with the hosts of this podcast and make friends with other like-minded queens, sign up for our Patreon and select either the Level Up or Queen Shit tier.
00:00:19
Speaker
As always, Patreon members have access to weekly bonus content on Fridays.
00:00:23
Speaker
And this past week, we talked about the recent subreddit shutdown and gave our members the inside scoop on what's been going on with the subreddit moderators and podcast hosts.
00:00:33
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens, and on to the show.
Jennifer's Date Story: Age Gaps and Awkward Endings
00:00:36
Speaker
For today's Roast to Scroat, we have a message from Jennifer.
00:00:40
Speaker
She writes...
00:00:42
Speaker
I'd gone into the big city in my area to meet up with a guy I'd seen a few times.
00:00:46
Speaker
We were having a nice date, despite the fact that he was hungover from celebrating his 40th birthday and his friends the night before.
00:00:52
Speaker
Side note, I was 33 at the time.
00:00:54
Speaker
So for age gap context, he took me to a sushi restaurant.
00:00:57
Speaker
And afterwards we popped into a cute little bookshop and he told me to pick anything I wanted, which I absolutely did.
00:01:04
Speaker
I felt like Belle from Beauty and the Beast.
00:01:06
Speaker
And that would make him dot, dot, dot, question mark, crying laugh emoji.
00:01:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:11
Speaker
I think the beast, right?
00:01:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:13
Speaker
I was going to say, if you're feeling like Belle from Deating the Beast, we had this discussion before on another episode, but Belle's the biggest pick me and her relationship is an abusive one.
00:01:22
Speaker
So this does not bode well.
00:01:24
Speaker
If you feel like Belle from Deating the Beast, that means your man's a beast.
00:01:26
Speaker
Like, yeah, savages.
00:01:28
Speaker
I kind of like that, though.
00:01:31
Speaker
Then we went to a nice bar and had a couple of drinks and talked.
00:01:34
Speaker
It was a great time until it was time to leave the bar.
00:01:37
Speaker
As we were leaving, he ordered a double shot of whiskey and downed it.
00:01:40
Speaker
We left the bar.
00:01:41
Speaker
We were walking back to his place chatting, and he told me to keep walking and he'd catch up in a second.
00:01:45
Speaker
I was very confused.
00:01:47
Speaker
I'm having a spidey sense tingling.
00:01:48
Speaker
Is this going to be another whiskey dick story?
00:01:50
Speaker
It's always the whiskey.
00:01:51
Speaker
I'm really worried something's bad's going to happen.
00:01:54
Speaker
So he says...
00:01:55
Speaker
When he told me to keep walking and he'd catch up in a second, I was very confused.
00:01:59
Speaker
What?
00:01:59
Speaker
I said.
00:02:00
Speaker
Keep going.
00:02:00
Speaker
I'll catch up, he replied.
00:02:02
Speaker
So, although confused, I was a little worried because it was dark and I was in the city.
00:02:06
Speaker
I kept walking just a bit slower when I heard a splat.
00:02:12
Speaker
What?
00:02:12
Speaker
I stopped, turned to look, and he was throwing up into the street.
00:02:16
Speaker
Oh, I actually let out a sigh of relief because I was like, oh, thank God.
00:02:20
Speaker
Like I thought she was going to get mugged or something bad was going to happen to her because, you know, she was walking alone at night.
00:02:25
Speaker
But yeah, she says, I was shocked, stunned and just so disappointed.
00:02:32
Speaker
He then caught up with me.
00:02:33
Speaker
And since the night was obviously over, he got me an Uber to get home once we got back to his place a few minutes later.
00:02:38
Speaker
And yes, that was the last time I saw him.
00:02:40
Speaker
I don't know why guys think it's cute to get sloppy drunk like that.
00:02:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:02:46
Speaker
Because, like, you don't want to kiss him all in the mouth after he's been puking his guts into the street.
00:02:51
Speaker
So... Yeah, ew.
00:02:53
Speaker
I just, like, gagged because that's such a gross mental image.
00:02:57
Speaker
Yeah, I don't even know... How can we roast this girl other than the fact that he can't even hold his whiskey?
00:03:01
Speaker
Like, what the fuck?
00:03:02
Speaker
So he's already hungover, so he was drinking some more... Hair of the dog?
00:03:06
Speaker
What's it called?
00:03:08
Speaker
Have you not... Do you know that phrase, hair of the dog?
00:03:11
Speaker
It's like when you're hungover, and so you drink more alcohol to cure your hangover.
00:03:15
Speaker
That sounds like what he tried to do, but does that work?
00:03:18
Speaker
I just Googled the phrase, actually.
00:03:20
Speaker
So, hair of the dog, which is short for hair of the dog that bit you, is a colloquial expression in the English language predominantly used to refer to alcohol that's consumed with the aim of lessening the effects of a hangover.
00:03:31
Speaker
It's apparently the idea that...
00:03:34
Speaker
People used to think that you could treat rabies by putting hair from the dog that bit you in the bite wound.
00:03:39
Speaker
Oh.
00:03:40
Speaker
And the fact that that isn't, that is not true.
00:03:42
Speaker
Yeah, that's not true at all.
00:03:44
Speaker
That's not factually correct at all.
00:03:45
Speaker
That makes me think that the hangover cure is probably also not true.
00:03:49
Speaker
But that's what alcoholics say to justify being a fucking alcoholic and like needing alcohol to feel like a normal person.
00:03:56
Speaker
They're like, oh, I'm just hungover.
00:03:58
Speaker
It's just a little hair of the dog.
00:04:00
Speaker
I wouldn't be going home with this guy either if he's sloppy, drunk, and puking on shit.
00:04:04
Speaker
It's just... Yeah, night's over.
00:04:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:07
Speaker
So...
00:04:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:09
Speaker
All right.
00:04:09
Speaker
Thank you for that roasted scrote, Jennifer.
00:04:12
Speaker
If you'd like to submit your very own roasted scrote, go to our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:04:19
Speaker
You can also listen to our weekly bonus content and join our discord and chat with us, suggest some topics.
00:04:27
Speaker
Again, patreon.com forward slash female dating strategy.
00:04:30
Speaker
Let's start the show.
Hosts Introduce Friendship Level-Up Discussion
00:04:38
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:04:39
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:04:43
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:04:45
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:04:46
Speaker
And this is Lilith.
00:04:48
Speaker
Today we're going to talk about this phenomenon that we've seen and that I've personally experienced where a lot of women who become active in FDS have been asking us, you know, how do we, a lot of our friends often, before we find FDS or pick-me's, so, you know, how do we level up our friend group, essentially?
Strategies for Elevating Friend Groups
00:05:08
Speaker
Before we started recording, I realized that me, Ro, and Savannah have very different strategies for how we level up our friend group.
00:05:14
Speaker
So I am the sort of person, I have a really hard time letting go of friends that I've been friends with for a long time.
00:05:22
Speaker
So personally, I like to, I take the persuasion tactic.
00:05:27
Speaker
So a lot of my friends, I will try to communicate with them in the way or sort of, you know,
00:05:35
Speaker
communicate FDS messages in a sort of maybe more covert way and help them in their level up journey.
00:05:42
Speaker
And a lot of the times, convincing a lot of my friends to break up with their shitty boyfriends along the way.
00:05:47
Speaker
So I like to work with what I've got.
00:05:49
Speaker
So the discussion we had before was how much to invest in leveling up your existing friend group versus...
00:05:56
Speaker
when it just cut your losses.
00:05:58
Speaker
Because I was describing pretty much like most of my teens and my early 20s were like, all of the most toxic situations I was in was ironically not because of men, not because of a boyfriend I was with.
00:06:10
Speaker
And it's interesting because I think people would assume that
00:06:13
Speaker
because we drag men day in and day out that I must have had like a really horrible relationship history.
00:06:20
Speaker
But like, honestly, the most dangerous, most toxic situations that I've been in have been because of being dragged in a drama with pick me friends.
00:06:28
Speaker
And so, yeah.
00:06:29
Speaker
So what can we do to level up our pick me friends?
00:06:33
Speaker
If you have friends that you feel like are genuinely struggling and when do you cut your losses?
00:06:37
Speaker
And then once you cut your losses, how do you find a new friend group?
00:06:40
Speaker
Because that's the other...
00:06:41
Speaker
That's the other piece of the puzzle.
00:06:42
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard to make friends, right?
00:06:44
Speaker
So, I mean, I do make friends.
00:06:45
Speaker
I do have made new friends since finding FDS.
00:06:48
Speaker
And that's the great thing about FDS is just by simply embodying that queen energy.
00:06:52
Speaker
I find other base queens, they're just drawn to you.
00:06:55
Speaker
And so you just find a way, you just find each other in public.
00:06:59
Speaker
I met a woman last week, actually, this exact way, but that's a whole other story.
00:07:05
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:07:06
Speaker
But yeah, what about you, Savannah?
00:07:08
Speaker
What was your French situation like before and after FDS?
00:07:12
Speaker
It's pretty much stayed the same, actually.
00:07:14
Speaker
I like to keep my friendship circle quite small.
00:07:17
Speaker
So I'm quite introverted.
00:07:20
Speaker
I don't really like speaking to people generally.
00:07:25
Speaker
So I just keep my circle quite small.
00:07:27
Speaker
And, you know, I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of somebody who, when I came across it, I thought it was really mean, harsh and quite dramatic.
00:07:37
Speaker
Um...
00:07:39
Speaker
I'm quite sympathetic when some of my friends are slow to absorb the information.
00:07:47
Speaker
But to be fair, like majority of my friends are quite based anyway in that, you know, they're all working really good jobs.
00:07:55
Speaker
They do have relationships, but they leave them quite quickly.
00:07:59
Speaker
So I've not really had like a pick me hellscape.
00:08:03
Speaker
for, like, for a friendship group.
00:08:06
Speaker
I've not, I mean, some friends have been like, you know, your boyfriend's a bit shit, but, I mean, I think in those situations, and again, you know, going back to my days of being with shit men, is that, you know,
00:08:18
Speaker
A lot of women will have that awakening on their own.
00:08:23
Speaker
There isn't anything I can say to them that will make them think I'm going to dump him tomorrow sort of thing.
00:08:29
Speaker
So I found that just being supportive really helps and obviously drip feeding FDS as well.
00:08:35
Speaker
But ultimately they will leave when they're
Helping Friends Leave Toxic Relationships
00:08:37
Speaker
ready to leave.
00:08:37
Speaker
So I think this topic came up when someone in our Patreon Discord chat asked, you know, how do I talk to a friend that
00:08:47
Speaker
and support her and try to convince her to leave a shitty or even predatory or even abusive man.
00:08:55
Speaker
And I obviously gleefully rubbed my palms together and responded immediately because I love this.
00:09:01
Speaker
I live for this shit.
00:09:03
Speaker
Maybe this makes me a bad person, but I really enjoy convincing my female friends to break up with shitty men.
00:09:09
Speaker
I'm a homewrecker.
00:09:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:11
Speaker
Proud of it.
00:09:12
Speaker
I'm a homewrecker and I'm proud of it.
00:09:14
Speaker
As you should, as you should.
00:09:15
Speaker
I mean, some homes deserve to be wrecked.
00:09:17
Speaker
Some houses should be destroyed.
00:09:19
Speaker
So yeah, own it.
00:09:20
Speaker
It was already wrecked.
00:09:21
Speaker
I feel like you're just picking the woman out of the rubble, right?
00:09:24
Speaker
That's true.
00:09:24
Speaker
That's true.
00:09:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:26
Speaker
I mean, if she's coming to me to talk, okay, here's the thing.
00:09:30
Speaker
a lot of women will come to me to talk about their shitty relationship.
00:09:33
Speaker
And we all know this, right?
00:09:34
Speaker
Like your friend comes to talk to you about their shitty relationship and she just wants to like vent or like complain.
00:09:40
Speaker
And then that's just a sort of like, you know, let go of some pressure so that she can like go back to him.
00:09:46
Speaker
And yeah, I don't do that shit.
00:09:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:49
Speaker
So when my friend, when my friends come to talk to me about their shitty relationship, that's when I'm in like reconnaissance, like information gathering mode.
00:09:58
Speaker
So yeah,
00:10:00
Speaker
I'll listen sympathetically.
00:10:01
Speaker
I'll be like, yeah, that's terrible, blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:10:03
Speaker
And then, you know, she'll go back to her boyfriend.
00:10:05
Speaker
And meanwhile, I'm in planning mode.
00:10:07
Speaker
Okay.
00:10:07
Speaker
So again, so I replied to this person in discord with my four part strategy about what I do when a woman that I know or that I'm friends with is with a shitty man and you want them to break up.
00:10:20
Speaker
So number one is a shitty man will often try to isolate people.
00:10:25
Speaker
a woman from her friend group.
00:10:27
Speaker
So whatever you do, don't let her isolate herself, you know, stay, stay friends with her.
00:10:31
Speaker
And I know for some women, this might be hard, especially if, you know, you have to put a lot of emotional labor into it.
00:10:37
Speaker
So this might not be for everyone, but I live for this shit.
00:10:40
Speaker
So I enjoy the process.
00:10:41
Speaker
It's perfectly okay also, though, to set emotional boundaries whilst not excluding somebody.
00:10:47
Speaker
So it's perfectly okay to say, you know, let's go out and, you know, let's go and have fun and just not talk about the relationship if you don't want to as well.
00:10:55
Speaker
You don't have to be an emotional punching bag for your friend's issues, especially if it's a recurring issue.
00:11:01
Speaker
I'm not saying, like, you know, leave your friend high and dry.
00:11:05
Speaker
But for you, you know, for your own mental health and for your own sanity, it's also okay to set boundaries.
00:11:10
Speaker
on the amounts of complaints you absorb.
00:11:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:14
Speaker
And let me reiterate that because sometimes your friends, and this is, again, this is what's happened to me, is in the pursuit of trying to stay connected with your friend, they can put you in messed up, dangerous situations, right?
00:11:28
Speaker
Like I had a friend, yeah, I had a friend who was dating a guy who like, a drug dealer at one point.
00:11:35
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:11:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:37
Speaker
Just, yeah, this is in high school.
00:11:39
Speaker
And so he was older than us.
00:11:40
Speaker
Yeah, he was older than us.
00:11:41
Speaker
He had graduated.
00:11:42
Speaker
He was maybe like in his early 20s, 21, right?
00:11:44
Speaker
What?
00:11:44
Speaker
What's he doing with high school kids?
00:11:46
Speaker
Well, he's a fucking loser, right?
00:11:49
Speaker
When I was in high school, I did a guy like this.
00:11:51
Speaker
So, yeah, I mean.
00:11:52
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:11:53
Speaker
gosh yeah that's what i was saying like i had pick me friends who they were like oh i want to hang out with the older guys like older guys are so cool so he has his own like apartment and everything yeah and um and they buy me they can buy you mcdonald's and fucking chicken wings and shit
00:12:10
Speaker
Yeah, they have a car and everything.
00:12:11
Speaker
So that can be impressive.
00:12:12
Speaker
Wow.
00:12:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:13
Speaker
He's so grown up.
00:12:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's impressive when you're 15, 16 years old.
00:12:17
Speaker
So I had been in a couple of situations where there is like I was underage and there was just like a ton of drugs and not talking weed, like hard shit.
00:12:26
Speaker
Right.
00:12:27
Speaker
And oh, my God.
00:12:29
Speaker
Right.
00:12:29
Speaker
Right.
00:12:30
Speaker
That's why I waited to tell this story until we were on air.
00:12:33
Speaker
And there's even more.
00:12:34
Speaker
So I've had even more situations like this and I'm thinking about it.
00:12:37
Speaker
But I've been in situations like that where a friend in pursuit of her boyfriend and because I didn't want to like leave her.
00:12:44
Speaker
I went with her and then end up in a situation like that, which realistically, I mean, I was underage.
00:12:49
Speaker
So maybe I wouldn't have been like put in jail over a drug bust or anything like that.
00:12:53
Speaker
But it's like.
00:12:55
Speaker
It was a situation where it obviously wasn't safe for underage girls to be there because it's him and all his super duper massively low value.
00:13:05
Speaker
Negative value.
00:13:06
Speaker
Early 20s negative value friends versus us as high schoolers.
00:13:13
Speaker
And early high schoolers.
00:13:13
Speaker
This is like freshman, sophomore year.
00:13:15
Speaker
This is not even like junior, senior year where we were like... So you're like 13 years old?
00:13:19
Speaker
14 years old?
00:13:19
Speaker
Well, no, like 14.
00:13:20
Speaker
More like 15, 14, 15.
00:13:21
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:13:23
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
00:13:24
Speaker
I mean, I went with her because she didn't want to go by herself.
00:13:27
Speaker
So I went.
00:13:29
Speaker
A friend of mine ended up having sex with a couple of those guys in that friendship circle.
00:13:33
Speaker
And then they like...
00:13:35
Speaker
called our types of names and then like there were some there was some potential consent issues because she was passed out.
00:13:41
Speaker
Staying friends with pick me is like you gotta set boundaries because some of them are extra like they're so thirsty for dick they'll put everybody in
00:13:52
Speaker
really dangerous situations because they don't see the potential harm or they're just, they're so desperate to be liked by these guys, right?
00:14:00
Speaker
Even their like low value boyfriend that they don't see the collateral damage that they're causing themselves and then everyone around them.
00:14:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:06
Speaker
Drawing boundaries is really important.
00:14:08
Speaker
And then it's up to you, the individual listener to decide what those boundaries should be based on your risk assessment of this person.
00:14:16
Speaker
Like, so my friends,
00:14:18
Speaker
have never dragged me into dangerous situations with men.
00:14:22
Speaker
A sex and drug den?
00:14:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:24
Speaker
Yeah, they've never dragged me into a sex and drug den.
00:14:27
Speaker
Before you could even drive?
00:14:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:30
Speaker
So I'm like, I'm just listening to that story horrified.
00:14:33
Speaker
Like, yeah, sorry, I can't relate.
00:14:35
Speaker
But...
00:14:36
Speaker
Like probably the most dangerous thing my friends have ever done to me, it was like, drag me into like camping or like outdoor situations.
00:14:43
Speaker
So like most likely dangerous thing was like us getting fucked up by like a bear or like a puma or something.
00:14:48
Speaker
So, um, different, uh, different environment.
00:14:52
Speaker
I don't know.
00:14:53
Speaker
Um,
00:14:55
Speaker
Yeah, so that's the other thing to remember is, like, you got to decide, is this friend actually worth it?
00:15:00
Speaker
Like, is this friend a good enough friend that you want to keep her around?
00:15:03
Speaker
Like, is her soul worth saving, basically?
00:15:06
Speaker
I mean, but she was such a cool friend otherwise that she just had these, like, crazy pick-me tendencies.
00:15:11
Speaker
That was the thing.
00:15:11
Speaker
Yeah, but that's the thing.
00:15:12
Speaker
Like, risk versus reward.
00:15:13
Speaker
High risk versus the reward, right?
00:15:16
Speaker
And sometimes it's slow and gradual, right?
00:15:19
Speaker
Because she wasn't always like that.
00:15:20
Speaker
Like, we were childhood friends, and then as we got to be teenagers, she just kind of went off the rails a little bit.
00:15:26
Speaker
Right, okay.
00:15:27
Speaker
So sometimes that transitory period, you're starting to see who your friends are growing into.
00:15:31
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:15:32
Speaker
Yeah, when I was a teenager, I was the dangerous person that brought it.
00:15:36
Speaker
So I was that person when I was a teenager.
00:15:39
Speaker
Like, I mean...
00:15:41
Speaker
I don't know.
00:15:41
Speaker
We grew up in like a suburban area.
00:15:43
Speaker
It's like the worst thing we'd ever do was like go in the wilderness in the middle of the night to like drink and like do drugs.
00:15:47
Speaker
And then we'd like be like the next day here of like a cougar reporting in the area and like, oh, fuck, like we totally could have gotten mauled by a mountain lion.
00:15:55
Speaker
You know, but that's like a good old Canadian bush party.
00:15:59
Speaker
But again, different types of...
00:16:01
Speaker
Different types of activities.
00:16:02
Speaker
What was I going to say?
00:16:04
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:16:04
Speaker
So you have to decide if that person is worth it.
00:16:07
Speaker
Some women are more actively dangerous than others.
00:16:10
Speaker
And like my friend, I don't know, my friends, they're pretty like low risk.
00:16:14
Speaker
And I think they're high reward.
00:16:15
Speaker
So I think they're worth investing in.
00:16:17
Speaker
Yeah, fair enough.
00:16:19
Speaker
So that's up to you as the individual to decide how much effort you want to put into it.
00:16:23
Speaker
is the person worth that kind of effort and so on.
00:16:26
Speaker
Right.
00:16:26
Speaker
But in general, I really live for, you know, making friends with women against and like allying ourselves against shitty men.
00:16:35
Speaker
Again, I genuinely enjoy the process.
00:16:37
Speaker
So if that's not a process that you enjoy, then this might not be worth it to you.
00:16:41
Speaker
But if you enjoy the process, then...
00:16:43
Speaker
Stay along for the ride.
00:16:45
Speaker
Yes, that was point one, is shitty men and abusers will often try to isolate his target.
00:16:52
Speaker
So that's why if I think that my friends are in a shitty relationship or I'm seeing red flags of emotional abuse and so on, I will put an extra effort into staying friends with her because even if she's doing shit that pisses me off or, you know, she's bringing her low value boyfriend around and it annoys me, I still...
Recognizing Toxic Friendship Signs
00:17:10
Speaker
This is the thing is like a lot of shitty men will act annoying in like social gatherings so that you think, oh, like, I don't want to fucking hang out with like Belle and her Scrope boyfriend, Josh or whatever.
00:17:21
Speaker
Right.
00:17:22
Speaker
So Josh, for example, will actually be in social gatherings because he wants to piss people off.
00:17:29
Speaker
I mean, I don't know for sure if this is what he's doing, but this is the effect it's having.
00:17:31
Speaker
It's pissing people off and being like, oh,
00:17:33
Speaker
Oh, don't invite Belle to things because she's going to bring her shitty boyfriend and, you know, we don't want that.
00:17:38
Speaker
We don't want the vibe to be killed.
00:17:40
Speaker
So don't invite her to shit, right?
00:17:41
Speaker
So I...
00:17:43
Speaker
I don't know.
00:17:44
Speaker
You might have to like take her to the side and be like, girl, like I love you.
00:17:47
Speaker
You know, I love spending time with you, but like your boyfriend kind of is gross.
00:17:51
Speaker
Like, can you not bring him to the next camping trip?
00:17:53
Speaker
You know, please like let's make it a girl's hike or just a girl's camping trip, that kind of thing.
00:17:57
Speaker
Right.
00:17:57
Speaker
So yeah, that's, that's going to be up to you to decide what you want to do.
00:18:01
Speaker
So number two though, number two strategy is,
00:18:05
Speaker
with my friends, I talk shit about men in general.
00:18:08
Speaker
And I focus on traits that her boyfriend has, but I don't attack... Here's the strategy is I never attack her boyfriend directly.
00:18:19
Speaker
I might say like, oh, you know, I don't like his vibe or I don't like him or whatever, but I'll never be like, you shouldn't put up with this because your boyfriend is this, this, this.
00:18:27
Speaker
Or because here's the thing, when you criticize a woman's man specifically, she sees that as a reflection or as a criticism of her and her judgment.
00:18:35
Speaker
And she'll clam up and she won't be receptive to it or she'll get defensive as well.
00:18:40
Speaker
That's what I've seen as well.
00:18:43
Speaker
And this is why the first time a friend comes to me to vent about her shitty boyfriend, I listen carefully, I ask questions, get as much information as possible, because I'm not the sort of person to just, like, listen to a girl talk about her shitty boyfriend and then go home to him, like, over and over and over again.
00:18:58
Speaker
I'll let her have one... I'll give her one freebie, one free therapy session where I listen patiently.
00:19:05
Speaker
But after that, I start to go into...
00:19:09
Speaker
I'll like, I'll start to bring up the shitty things that men have done to me in the past and talk about shitty men in general, focusing on traits that her boyfriend has.
00:19:19
Speaker
But I won't be like, oh yeah, cause Josh does this.
00:19:23
Speaker
You know, you know what I mean?
00:19:24
Speaker
Right?
00:19:25
Speaker
Like, so she'll make the link in her brain that this is something that her boyfriend does and that it's bad and that other people think that that behavior is bad, but she won't feel attacked.
00:19:34
Speaker
So I'm going to do a counter to this.
00:19:36
Speaker
When I've done that,
00:19:39
Speaker
A lot of times they just think you're a stuck up bitch and you're not down, especially if she already is like desperate for the approval for that of that guy or his friend group.
00:19:49
Speaker
They'll basically be like, because men triangulate in this way, too.
00:19:52
Speaker
They'll be like, oh, your friend's not cool.
00:19:54
Speaker
Right.
00:19:55
Speaker
Or your friend is whatever stuck up or your friend is this or that.
00:19:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:01
Speaker
Again, it's really tough because I feel like definitely, okay, when you're having these conversations, definitely not having an earshot of men.
00:20:09
Speaker
Of the scrote, yeah.
00:20:10
Speaker
Because I've done that before.
00:20:11
Speaker
I've just been straight up.
00:20:13
Speaker
I had a situation where a guy was trying to get me to do some sexual shit because my pick-me-ass friend was doing it.
00:20:20
Speaker
And I said something along the lines of, no, I have dignity and self-respect.
00:20:25
Speaker
which I didn't even mean as like a it was kind of shade to her but it wasn't like it wasn't on like purpose to be shade by her but I was more or less like no bitch I'm not doing I'm not like this isn't a monkey see monkey do and this isn't some kind of like clown show where I perform for you right so uh yeah yeah I'm not even getting paid for this shit like if I was gonna strip in front of you or like try to twerk on you or some shit like
00:20:51
Speaker
It should be like, where's your, you know, I should be at least getting paid for that.
00:20:54
Speaker
And so, yeah, my friend heard that and obviously her feelings were hurt.
00:20:59
Speaker
And the thing is, I just blurted it out because I wasn't really thinking, but I was kind of like, fuck this guy.
00:21:02
Speaker
I'm not like, yeah, I'm not your monkey.
00:21:04
Speaker
Right.
00:21:05
Speaker
So the backfired on that is yes.
00:21:08
Speaker
If you do it in front of guys, then you'll feel attacked or embarrassed.
00:21:12
Speaker
And then they'll triangulate and then try to make it seem like, oh, your friend isn't shit.
00:21:16
Speaker
Right.
00:21:16
Speaker
Or your girlfriend isn't cool.
00:21:18
Speaker
And why did you bring her, et cetera, et cetera.
00:21:19
Speaker
Right.
00:21:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:20
Speaker
Yeah, but it goes without saying, only do this when you're only in the company of other women, right?
00:21:25
Speaker
So me and my friends, sometimes we'll get together just women.
00:21:29
Speaker
And you know how women already love to complain about, I don't know, in my group at least, we love to complain about men.
00:21:34
Speaker
It's like this cathartic thing that we need to do every now and then where we just talk shit about men.
00:21:38
Speaker
There's even a song about it.
00:21:40
Speaker
Rachel Bloom has like, let's generalize about men.
00:21:44
Speaker
Let's generalize about men.
00:21:46
Speaker
It's like some kind of primal ritual we need now and then.
00:21:50
Speaker
It's the lyrics, right?
00:21:51
Speaker
So.
00:21:51
Speaker
But OK, so even even when I've had conversations with pick me away from men, here's the thing.
00:21:56
Speaker
Either they don't respond or either they try to find something else to throw back in your face or third option, they are in denial about it.
00:22:06
Speaker
Right.
00:22:07
Speaker
Yes.
00:22:07
Speaker
They'll try to they'll try to rewrite the narrative where they're really in control the whole time.
00:22:11
Speaker
Or sometimes what they'll do is they'll agree with you, but they have that cognitive dissonance where, let's say, if they see, because I've been in situations where we'll discuss an abusive case on the news, and she's like, you know, my friend or the friendship was like, yeah, this is terrible.
00:22:29
Speaker
But they're with men who are doing the same thing to them.
00:22:33
Speaker
So cognitive dissonance can be a massive barrier to that as well.
00:22:38
Speaker
So I had to convince a friend not to go to a party with a celebrity that was a well-known sex offender, a well-known sex offender.
00:22:49
Speaker
And I brought this up to her because not only did I actually personally know of women who he tried to prey on,
00:22:59
Speaker
Not only did I personally know of women he tried to prey on, a lot of other guys even said that this guy's dangerous, this guy's not shit, because at this point he had had a really, really, really big rep for being a sexual predator.
00:23:11
Speaker
So when I talked to my friend about this, she's like, we got tickets to go to this celebrity's party.
00:23:16
Speaker
And I was like, I don't think it's safe for us to go there.
00:23:19
Speaker
And I had to tell her like,
00:23:21
Speaker
I don't think this person's big enough of a deal for us to go expose ourselves to this environment.
00:23:26
Speaker
Because it was one of those things where it was like a New Year's party or like a special event party.
00:23:30
Speaker
And it was like, they were like exclusive tickets to hang out with this particular celebrity.
00:23:34
Speaker
And I was like, I don't feel like we're going to go there and it's going to be good for us.
00:23:38
Speaker
Right.
00:23:38
Speaker
Right.
00:23:39
Speaker
So and she kept saying, like, you heard about this person and both both through the grapevine, but also some things that had been in the news about the celebrity.
00:23:48
Speaker
And she was like, yeah, but yeah, but I still want to go like just to go and stunt and take pictures and stunt on Facebook or whatever.
00:23:57
Speaker
This person was willing to, like, really put us all in the company of a known sexual predator.
00:24:03
Speaker
Damn, your friends suck.
00:24:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:09
Speaker
Yeah, I think you're talking about a level of friend that is just way more toxic than the sort of people I've danced with.
00:24:16
Speaker
Yeah, I think so.
00:24:17
Speaker
That's what I'm saying.
00:24:19
Speaker
I think it's a good, important conversation because when we talk about pick me, sometimes people are like, you're being too hard on pick me.
00:24:26
Speaker
You guys like they're all victims.
00:24:27
Speaker
And I'm like, no, they're not.
00:24:29
Speaker
We have different ideas about like, OK, there's there's two different types of pick me's like there's the ones that are either like actively antagonistic towards women or just don't really care about women's safety and are just super easily digmatized and really hardcore male identified.
00:24:43
Speaker
Yeah, those are the ones that I consider much more dangerous.
00:24:46
Speaker
And those are the ones I I avoid.
00:24:48
Speaker
Like, I just don't.
00:24:50
Speaker
be friends with those ones in the, you know, to start with, because again, like I was raised by narcissists.
00:24:55
Speaker
So I just get really triggered by narcissistic people or people I consider a potential threat.
00:25:02
Speaker
So those people just like sort of trigger me.
00:25:04
Speaker
So I kind of avoid those people.
00:25:05
Speaker
Um, but the people that, um,
00:25:08
Speaker
The pick me is that I'm talking about are the ones that are generally like pretty well meaning, but have, you know, their hearts in the right place, but they've just grown up in a patriarchal culture that tells them to prioritize men over women.
00:25:22
Speaker
And, you know, they're just really desperate for approval.
00:25:26
Speaker
But they still like like women generally or, you know.
00:25:30
Speaker
want to be friends with women and wouldn't want their friends to be in danger kind of thing, you know?
00:25:34
Speaker
So I just, I just want to make sure we talk about both sides of this coin because I feel like I don't know if friendship trauma gets talked about a lot.
00:25:42
Speaker
Some of these things that happened because of me following my pick me friends, like legit traumatized me.
00:25:47
Speaker
I think there's also a middle ground as well.
00:25:49
Speaker
I think, you know, like you said, like Lilith, when you were talking about the types of pygmies, there are also some in the middle who are perhaps a bit more receptive and a bit more benign than the pygmies that Rose talking about.
00:26:06
Speaker
But they can also do some stupid and dangerous shit as well.
00:26:10
Speaker
So I just think you just have to, I think for me also finding FDS was also really, really useful because it also gave me the tools to not only vet, you know, men, but also my friends as well, vetting and assessing them.
00:26:24
Speaker
And then that would determine the amount of effort I'm willing to put in to be their emotional support.
00:26:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:30
Speaker
caveat I would have is that I may maybe this is a flaw in me but I generally give women an easier time than men with men I walk I do not hesitate to walk away at the first sign of disrespect because I know that men in general are much more capable of destruction at least in my personal experience um I find men to have a much greater ability to be destructive than women like with women um
00:26:54
Speaker
I mean, yeah, like now that I'm talking to bro, I'm realizing like, yeah, women can be pretty fucking destructive too.
00:26:58
Speaker
Usually over approval from men.
00:27:00
Speaker
Like it's almost always that.
00:27:02
Speaker
And so I specifically talk about when I, when I think of a pick me, these are the women that I'm thinking of.
00:27:09
Speaker
Right.
00:27:09
Speaker
And I'm thinking of the women that like we made fun of in our bonus content that would like actually hook you up with a prisoner.
00:27:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:16
Speaker
The type of women that would drag you to go see their boyfriend in prison.
00:27:21
Speaker
But I've had friends that have really been so desperate for approval or like they just want to be a hot girl.
00:27:27
Speaker
They want to be a hot girl.
00:27:28
Speaker
They want to be part of the in group.
00:27:29
Speaker
They want to feel like they're like messing with all the most popular guys.
00:27:33
Speaker
They're kind of like the call her daddy girls.
00:27:35
Speaker
Right.
00:27:35
Speaker
In some respects.
00:27:36
Speaker
Like, yeah, it's all, it's all, a lot of it's for show.
00:27:39
Speaker
It's like, you want to hang out with this athlete, this celebrity, uh, or even if you don't have like athletes and celebrities, just like even local scrotes, meaning if you're underage having a much older, cooler boyfriend with a car or, um, cool being relative or like my boyfriend has this, this and this and this and this.
00:27:57
Speaker
And, um, yeah.
00:27:59
Speaker
Because they don't vet these guys or they're just so attracted to the clout,
Vetting Friendships Post-FDS
00:28:03
Speaker
then their friends become like a collateral damage in their quest for popularity or attention.
00:28:11
Speaker
And also, sometimes they're the first ones to throw you under the bus for mail approval.
00:28:15
Speaker
Yeah, like Alex Cooper.
00:28:16
Speaker
Sometimes they're so narcissistic or so sociopathic, they do not hesitate there to throw their friend under the bus just for fame or attention from men.
00:28:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:26
Speaker
And sometimes it's not even close to worth it.
00:28:27
Speaker
It's just like a dangle of a sprinkle of attention from men.
00:28:31
Speaker
Like a breadcrumb.
00:28:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:32
Speaker
And you're just like, wow, so you're just going to stab me in the front, huh?
00:28:35
Speaker
Like over something stupid.
00:28:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:38
Speaker
So I guess you're going to have to decide for yourself of that friend because those kinds of friends sound like just people you, yeah, that's the sort of friend you just want to cut off because they're just too toxic to like any, any time you spend around them is just going to contaminate you.
00:28:51
Speaker
So, or just going to make your life worse.
00:28:52
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, I'm talking more about like pick me friends that are relatively harmless.
00:28:59
Speaker
The reason why you hang out with these girls though, is because like parties tend to be lit when they do have good parties.
00:29:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:05
Speaker
That's why.
00:29:06
Speaker
Right.
00:29:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:09
Speaker
But, um, yeah.
00:29:11
Speaker
So, but just to summarize point two, I find like talking shit about men in general traits that her boyfriend has, but not attacking her boyfriend specifically to avoid getting her defensive.
00:29:22
Speaker
But it's also about delivery too.
00:29:24
Speaker
So I, I delivered in like a ha ha funny relatable kind of way, not like a,
00:29:29
Speaker
you know, I try not to sound too like angry or too like polarizing or too divisive or whatever.
00:29:34
Speaker
It's you got to work on your delivery or at least like, I don't know, the delivery matters.
00:29:39
Speaker
So I, when I do it in like a ha ha funny relatable way, people are more receptive to that message.
00:29:43
Speaker
Um, but yeah.
00:29:45
Speaker
And then, and then like to deal with the women who are, um,
00:29:48
Speaker
who would maybe get defensive about that anyways.
00:29:51
Speaker
That's why I employ strategy number three, which is to just gas her up.
00:29:56
Speaker
I, you know, with, with my friends, like my goal is that by the end of the night that they leave feeling amazing about themselves.
00:30:04
Speaker
You know, I, I, I gas my friends up.
00:30:05
Speaker
I tell them, you know, you're beautiful, smart, funny, you're a good person.
00:30:09
Speaker
This it's a very important to be honest about your compliments with other women though.
00:30:14
Speaker
I never, I,
00:30:15
Speaker
lie to my female friends.
00:30:16
Speaker
I just describe them accurately.
00:30:18
Speaker
And I think the value in this is that often with a shitty man, a lot of the times he will like, nag her, he'll put her down, he'll try to make her feel like shit about herself.
00:30:27
Speaker
And a lot of the reasons why women stay with shitty men is because they don't think they deserve any better, right?
00:30:32
Speaker
And so the point of this is to...
00:30:35
Speaker
help her boost her self-esteem and help her internalize the fact that she has value that she doesn't.
00:30:40
Speaker
It also, you know, a lot of pickings think like I have to do things for people in order for them to like me or in order for me to have worth.
00:30:46
Speaker
And so I gas up my friends because I want them to know that they are inherently valuable.
00:30:51
Speaker
But again, you got to decide like, is this person worth it to do this kind of emotional labor?
00:30:56
Speaker
So here's, here's my contrarian point.
00:30:59
Speaker
So, um,
00:31:04
Speaker
If your friend is narcissistic, this will backfire on you.
00:31:06
Speaker
Yeah, if your friend is narcissistic.
00:31:07
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:31:08
Speaker
That was going to be my point.
00:31:10
Speaker
Because again, with like narcissistic type women, a lot of them do have cripplingly low self-esteem.
00:31:15
Speaker
But their response to that is to build themselves up to be almost godlike and all-knowing and do everything to cultivate this image that they're the shit.
00:31:26
Speaker
Right.
00:31:26
Speaker
So then their response sometimes to you saying they're you're the shit that they're the shit is to then like neg you because they need to be the queen bee because they're super insecure.
00:31:35
Speaker
Right.
00:31:35
Speaker
So they can't have real friendships with you because their friendship is based on your friendship with them is based on you not making them feel bad about themselves because they feel shit about themselves all the time.
00:31:46
Speaker
But it's super easy to make someone like that feel bad about that about themselves if you're anywhere.
00:31:52
Speaker
If they perceive you to be better than them in any conceivable way.
00:31:57
Speaker
And I've had a decent amount of frenemies this way where I didn't realize so way too late that they were in this one-sided competition with me over something I wouldn't have even...
00:32:07
Speaker
considered to be honest, right?
00:32:09
Speaker
They might be like, they might think you're smarter than them or you went to a better school or you're prettier than them or something like that.
00:32:14
Speaker
And so you trying to gas them up sometimes because they can't, they can't admit that they, that you make them feel insecure.
00:32:21
Speaker
They'll just like take the compliment and be like, yeah, I know, or something along those lines and then like shit on you, right?
00:32:27
Speaker
Or try to nag you back or they won't return the compliment because they're too insecure to have a genuine, you
00:32:33
Speaker
reaction to that.
00:32:34
Speaker
So that hasn't always, again, I don't know if my experience is typical or not, but when it comes to certain pick me's, it's like,
00:32:46
Speaker
They live in like a dual consciousness where they both have like insanely low self-esteem, but also want to project the image that they don't.
00:32:53
Speaker
Right.
00:32:53
Speaker
So you, you telling them that they're the shit just sort of makes them feel like they're being validated in their behavior in that moment.
00:33:01
Speaker
Right.
00:33:02
Speaker
Cause they'll take, they'll take that as like confirmation that they're better than you or something like that.
00:33:06
Speaker
Right.
00:33:07
Speaker
Again, I get triggered by narcissistic people.
00:33:09
Speaker
So this woman that you're describing... This is an amalgamation of multiple friendships I've had, unfortunately.
00:33:15
Speaker
And this is where I'm saying... I think you mentioned in an earlier episode, you've got like resting nice face.
00:33:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's really a problem.
00:33:22
Speaker
I think narcissistic people might just be drawn to people like that.
00:33:25
Speaker
I'm mostly cool with people unless I think they're bullshitting me or unless I think that they're trying to like harm someone or if they're doing something I feel like is more like super morally reprehensible.
00:33:36
Speaker
I'm mostly cool with people.
00:33:37
Speaker
Like I don't really go out of my way to, to like make them feel bad or anything, but then people start to think, oh, because you don't necessarily show your teeth right away that you're harmless.
00:33:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:49
Speaker
So I don't know if like you've just met an extraordinary number of narcissistic women over the course of your life, but like these sorts of women, I get turned off by them just because I, I don't know, like I find I tend to fight with them a lot.
00:34:01
Speaker
Like they just become my instant enemy.
00:34:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:04
Speaker
I don't know, maybe because I'm also a bit of like a domineering like alpha woman type.
00:34:09
Speaker
So yeah, they see it as a competition, but I just avoid these types of women.
00:34:13
Speaker
I don't know, the gassing up your friends technique, I use that mainly on my friends who are generally good people and their hearts in the right place, but they just have really low self-esteem.
00:34:22
Speaker
And for them, the gassing them up isn't like a source of supply.
00:34:26
Speaker
It's just like...
00:34:27
Speaker
They've been beaten down so much over life by so many different people that finally talking to someone who sees their qualities and, you know, reminds them about them.
00:34:38
Speaker
It feels good and it feels validating.
00:34:39
Speaker
And so that's why they, they, and that makes them want to spend more time with me.
00:34:43
Speaker
And the reason for why I do this is because yeah, abusers will like abusers or just shitty men in general will, um,
00:34:52
Speaker
Even like low effort men, I find that the line between a low effort man and an emotionally abusive man is very fine because a lot of low effort men will use emotional abuse as a way of keeping a girlfriend around without having to put in any effort.
00:35:06
Speaker
Because it's ultimately what I find abuse, like abusive men,
00:35:10
Speaker
The reason why they're abusive is because they don't want to put in the effort of actually being a good person that people are attracted to and want to be around.
00:35:17
Speaker
So they'll use coercion, insults, manipulation, and all kinds of shitty tactics to get people to stick around or to decimate a woman's self-worth so she thinks she can't do any better.
00:35:28
Speaker
So this is also why some of my friendships turn toxic because their Scrope boyfriend was triangulating my pick-me-friend against me.
00:35:34
Speaker
I don't know if you guys ever did this, if you've ever bought a similar outfit to your best friend.
00:35:39
Speaker
And so there was a time...
00:35:41
Speaker
where me and my friend wore the same outfit and then her scrote boyfriend was like, oh, your girlfriend looks... Or your friend looks better in it than you, right?
00:35:49
Speaker
Saying shit like that.
00:35:50
Speaker
So sometimes...
00:35:52
Speaker
So be careful because sometimes these scrote boyfriends that they're with, either in front of you or behind the scenes, they're triangulating that woman against you.
00:36:00
Speaker
And that's why sometimes she's like irrationally hostile towards you.
00:36:04
Speaker
That's actually a very good point because this actually does follow in my experience as well.
00:36:09
Speaker
That checks out because after I...
00:36:13
Speaker
This has happened a few times where after like a night together or night out, a night in or night out with my girlfriends, they'll go home and they're feeling really awesome.
00:36:23
Speaker
And if they go home to a really shitty man, he will try to like take her down a peg or like neg her or they notice that, oh,
00:36:33
Speaker
I don't like that Lilith girl.
00:36:35
Speaker
She's putting ideas in your head.
00:36:36
Speaker
So that's when they'll start to triangulate me against her.
00:36:41
Speaker
But the purpose of the gassing her up is so that she feels better with me than when she feels with her boyfriend.
00:36:50
Speaker
Because if
00:36:51
Speaker
people often respond not so much to the actual words that you are saying, but they'll respond to the way that you make them feel.
00:36:57
Speaker
And so if you're, if you're talking to one of your female friends and she feels like shit every time she spends time with her boyfriend, but you treat her really well and you talk about all the qualities about her that you love and you make her feel like she's on top of the world, like she's powerful, like she could, you know, conquer anything.
00:37:16
Speaker
She's going to start to think like, Hmm,
00:37:18
Speaker
I really enjoy spending time with my friend.
00:37:19
Speaker
I don't enjoy spending time with my shitty boyfriend.
00:37:21
Speaker
My shitty boyfriend's now trying to talk shit about my friend who makes me feel good.
00:37:26
Speaker
She's a lot, it makes her a lot less vulnerable to that kind of triangulation or it makes it a little bit easier to see through it.
00:37:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:33
Speaker
Assuming she's not a massive pick me that just gets jealous, right?
00:37:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:36
Speaker
That just falls into the, that falls right into the trap.
00:37:39
Speaker
Again, toxic friendships that I've had that that's going on behind closed doors.
00:37:43
Speaker
You may not know that that's what's going on.
00:37:46
Speaker
And then,
00:37:47
Speaker
even your attempts to be like, let's go out, let's feel good.
00:37:50
Speaker
Let's go somewhere and just meet new guys.
00:37:53
Speaker
They look at it like you're trying to be better than them.
00:37:57
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:37:57
Speaker
Like you're trying to be the boss or something.
00:38:00
Speaker
Linth is giving really, really great advice.
00:38:02
Speaker
I'm just giving like the caveats to her advice, meaning like some of these chicks are truly unsalvageable and you attempting to do these tactics will sometimes end up backfiring and
00:38:14
Speaker
I can tell you a friendship breakup is actually really difficult, right?
00:38:17
Speaker
It can be as painful as a regular relationship breakup.
00:38:20
Speaker
So yeah, for sure.
00:38:22
Speaker
There's times where I stayed in these friendship, trying these tactics and some of the different things that Lilith said.
00:38:27
Speaker
And then eventually there was like some massive blow up.
00:38:31
Speaker
And in hindsight, I'm like, all the red flags were there.
00:38:33
Speaker
All the times where I should have walked away were there and I should have walked away.
00:38:36
Speaker
And then when I did finally walk away, it was really, really, really painful.
00:38:40
Speaker
you know, when they're not being like pick me's, like they can be cool in other respects.
00:38:43
Speaker
And so you're emotionally invested in each other in that kind of way.
00:38:46
Speaker
And then once you don't have that friend anymore, it can be really hard.
00:38:50
Speaker
So my, my caveat to everything that Liz is saying is just like really, really evaluate whether that woman is worth, worth doing all this for before, like you're so emotionally invested, that it's going to be painful to leave that friendship or she legit puts you in dangerous situations for which you could actually be, uh, uh, actually harmed.
00:39:08
Speaker
Yeah, so as we discussed at the beginning of this episode, you have to decide, first of all, if this friend is worth saving, if she's adding value to your life, if she's a generally good person and a good friend.
00:39:17
Speaker
This advice of gassing her up and so on is under the assumption that this person is worth saving, that she's not a narcissist, that she is...
00:39:25
Speaker
you know, generally well-meaning and a good friend, but that she just has low self-esteem and has gotten caught up in the manipulation of a shitty man.
00:39:31
Speaker
So that is the context within this advice.
00:39:34
Speaker
Yeah, true.
00:39:35
Speaker
You know, if you're listening to this and thinking, I've tried that and that's not going to work for me or that didn't work on me.
00:39:40
Speaker
It could be that the conditions in which you're applying this advice are not the same.
00:39:42
Speaker
So you have to make sure that you are working with someone who's already generally good-natured, you know, is already like pretty good friend.
00:39:51
Speaker
Yeah, I'm telling you when to hit the parachute and save yourself.
00:39:54
Speaker
Like just jump off.
00:39:56
Speaker
Jump away from this relationship.
00:39:58
Speaker
It's important to know when to do that as well.
00:40:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:00
Speaker
So number four of my four-part strategy for how to get your girl to leave a shitty man is, and this is the one where I do exaggerate a bit.
00:40:10
Speaker
I said don't lie when you're talking about complimenting your girl.
00:40:14
Speaker
But...
00:40:15
Speaker
That was a lie.
00:40:16
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:40:17
Speaker
Number three is true.
00:40:18
Speaker
But number four, this is where I do... I never straight up lie, but I do exaggerate a little bit.
00:40:24
Speaker
Brag about all the nice things that men do for me.
00:40:28
Speaker
The purpose of this is to help her realize that a better life is possible and that she doesn't have to put up with bad treatment because, quote, all men are like that.
00:40:36
Speaker
You know, we've all heard the, like, oh, all men watch porn.
00:40:39
Speaker
Oh, all men do this.
00:40:40
Speaker
All men do that.
00:40:41
Speaker
And so a lot of women... Even though... Here's the thing, like...
00:40:44
Speaker
I see this a lot on like rad femme Twitter where, you know, all men are like this, blah, blah.
00:40:49
Speaker
And even if it is true, even if it is true that every single man on this planet is a piece of shit, I don't think that that narrative is as helpful because it makes it way too easy for women to internalize that and go, oh, well, all men are like that.
00:41:02
Speaker
If I want a relationship, then I have to lower my standards or I have to put up with it and so on.
00:41:06
Speaker
Right.
00:41:06
Speaker
And so I find that it's the same thing when I'm talking to a guy and I talk about
00:41:12
Speaker
Even if I've been abused or treated badly by men before, I never tell a man that I'm currently dating that men in the past have treated me badly because that communicates that I'm used to being treated badly and that he can afford to do that.
00:41:23
Speaker
But a guy from a particular culture was asking me if I'd ever dated guys from that culture before.
00:41:29
Speaker
And I said, yes.
00:41:30
Speaker
In fact,
00:41:31
Speaker
you know, I love how men from this culture, they know how to treat a lady.
00:41:34
Speaker
They've always treated me like a princess.
00:41:36
Speaker
And I could see in this guy's head that he is his wheel.
00:41:39
Speaker
The wheels were already turning.
00:41:42
Speaker
And in his mind, I knew that he, I could see that competitiveness in his eyes, right?
00:41:45
Speaker
Like men are very competitiveness.
00:41:46
Speaker
And so men are very competitive.
00:41:48
Speaker
So you tell him that you've been treated really well by guys in the past, they will think like, Oh, first of all, that's what she's accustomed to.
00:41:55
Speaker
So I have to treat her at least as good as that.
00:41:57
Speaker
If I want to maintain her interest.
00:41:59
Speaker
Um,
00:42:01
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty much what, and then it'll make them more competitive.
00:42:03
Speaker
They want to be better than the other guys.
00:42:05
Speaker
So if anything, they'll try to treat you better.
00:42:07
Speaker
So, but again, just my personal experience, but a similar thing happens when you're talking
Encouraging Better Relationships vs. Being Single
00:42:12
Speaker
to women.
00:42:12
Speaker
I find when you, I'm thinking like pre-FDS.
00:42:17
Speaker
When me and my friends would commiserate about all the shitty things that men did to us, and then we would just not do anything about it and just go back to our shitty boyfriends at the end of the night, it almost perpetuates this idea that as a woman, it's kind of your job to just put up with shit behavior for men and just suck it up and just put up with it and then just deal with it, right?
00:42:36
Speaker
Is when you talk about the nice things that men have done for you and you've flattered your friends sufficiently...
00:42:42
Speaker
she will start to think like, oh, you know, this person says I'm amazing.
00:42:47
Speaker
You know, I like my friend.
00:42:48
Speaker
She's amazing.
00:42:49
Speaker
These are all the amazing things that men have done for her.
00:42:51
Speaker
Therefore, like I deserve to be treated well or that it's possible to be treated well by men.
00:42:55
Speaker
So if once you plant that idea in her head and she's with a shitty man who treats her worse, she's going to be like, why the fuck am I with this girl?
00:43:03
Speaker
Like, why can I, why would I do that when I can do better kind of thing?
00:43:06
Speaker
The point of the number four is to plant the idea in her mind that she can and deserves to have better.
00:43:12
Speaker
So this works if she doesn't feel competitive with you or if she doesn't feel like you're shading her because I've unintentionally shaded friends when they were bragging about something that I thought was like some pick me shit.
00:43:24
Speaker
Meaning a guy did this for her and I was like, well, yeah, they should.
00:43:29
Speaker
And to be fair, I've been on the other side of that with a friend where I had it.
00:43:32
Speaker
You should have friends actually maybe on both sides where like one friend that's slightly more pick me than you and another friend that's more bossed.
00:43:39
Speaker
I've been on the other side too, where I had a friend that was more.
00:43:41
Speaker
The balance.
00:43:43
Speaker
Yeah, the balance.
00:43:44
Speaker
That was slightly more boss than I. And I was like happy about something that a boyfriend did.
00:43:48
Speaker
And then she was like, well, yeah, that should happen.
00:43:51
Speaker
I felt like kind of bad that I accepted less, but then I like kind of saw the, I saw the wisdom of it and then I just moved on.
00:43:57
Speaker
If you're dealing with a person who's highly insecure or still like is desperate for male approval, their reaction to that is going to feel competitive or like they want to attack you or bring you down a peg.
00:44:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:07
Speaker
Again, don't be friends with toxic people, right?
00:44:10
Speaker
So if your friend responds to,
00:44:13
Speaker
That's actually maybe a good betting strategy for friends.
00:44:15
Speaker
Like if you talk about something positive that a man did for you, does she go, oh, that's so nice of him.
00:44:20
Speaker
I'm so happy for you.
00:44:22
Speaker
Then she's probably a decent person.
00:44:23
Speaker
I mean, maybe a really, really fucking toxic person would say that.
00:44:26
Speaker
But then inside they're like, fuck this bitch, I'm going to destroy you.
00:44:29
Speaker
Another thing that can be quite useful is to focus on how it's making her feel.
00:44:36
Speaker
And also talk about the pros of just being single.
00:44:39
Speaker
Just, you know, compare, okay, if you didn't have this guy, just how different would your life be?
00:44:45
Speaker
You wouldn't be stressing.
00:44:46
Speaker
You'd probably have more money.
00:44:47
Speaker
You could...
00:44:48
Speaker
be doing you know what you want to do because ultimately it isn't just about there are other men who can treat you better whilst that's true but our you know default relationship status is generally single unless we're out there with somebody and it's still better to be single than to be with a scrot as well
00:45:05
Speaker
See, that's the lesson that I don't know that you can teach pick me.
00:45:09
Speaker
That's the thing I'm trying to get at.
00:45:12
Speaker
And that's why that's not part of my advice because that just doesn't work on pick me.
00:45:16
Speaker
I'm sorry.
00:45:17
Speaker
So kind of go back to my earlier story.
00:45:19
Speaker
That friend sees the fact that all these guys, even though they really drag the shit out of her behind closer, all these guys at least are hanging out with her is evidence that she's successful and she knows what she's talking about, right?
00:45:31
Speaker
Because you can keep a harem of low value men around you fairly.
00:45:36
Speaker
But then what I'm saying, though, is to challenge the idea that, you know, getting low value attention is better than is, you know, first of all, that it's actually valuable.
00:45:47
Speaker
And secondly, it's better than being single.
00:45:50
Speaker
It's about challenging the fundamental beliefs.
00:45:53
Speaker
It's more difficult to do.
00:45:55
Speaker
I appreciate that.
00:45:57
Speaker
But ultimately, if women don't learn this lesson, this whole thing is futile.
00:46:02
Speaker
This is why you see women continuously getting into bad relationships.
00:46:05
Speaker
They'll leave one scrote and everyone has a party, then they're back with another one.
00:46:10
Speaker
I think for me, when FDS began to make the most sense and when I started having the most success with the strategies, it was essentially when I internalised the fact that being single is better than being with most men.
00:46:23
Speaker
So with that, I was single for like where she always had a boyfriend and I was single for most of that time.
00:46:29
Speaker
But when I got a boyfriend, he was much higher value in the way that he spoke and treated me.
00:46:34
Speaker
Exactly.
00:46:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:46:35
Speaker
But this is why, again, toxic friend.
00:46:37
Speaker
She ramped up the bullshit and like she then she's the type of girl.
00:46:42
Speaker
She needs attention.
00:46:43
Speaker
She would try to like be overly, overly flirtatious, try to hang all over my boyfriend and stuff like that because she needs attention.
00:46:49
Speaker
attention okay this friend sounds like a dick i'm sorry yeah no no she is yeah this friend is a lost cause girl she sounds like a dick but this is what i'm saying is like with pick me's is like even if you show them like oh guys can treat you better than this she now she's crazy jealous because i have one boyfriend who treats me better than all these like shitty dudes she's triangulating
00:47:10
Speaker
it was so fucked was so fucked about it in hindsight now is because again i didn't really put it two and two together but like she would fuck these guys and then like literally we'd all go out some other way and we go out to like the club or something like that and then she's off like trying to pretend like she's a socialite and i'm talking to these dudes and they're dragging the shit out of her like while i'm sitting next to her like when she's not an earshot like the first thing they do is like hate her even though they're fucking her yeah yes
00:47:34
Speaker
Yes, she was fucking guys who actively hated and disrespected her.
00:47:37
Speaker
And so then she she sees like them talking to me and she can see that they respect me.
00:47:42
Speaker
They she sees that they respect me, even if at least enough to be honest to me.
00:47:46
Speaker
And she's mad.
00:47:48
Speaker
Right.
00:47:48
Speaker
Because these are her men.
00:47:50
Speaker
And these could also be the scrubs triangulating using you.
00:47:52
Speaker
It could be that too.
00:47:53
Speaker
It's probably a little bit of both, to be honest.
00:47:55
Speaker
But some of it is like, because she's so desperate all the time that I think that like, they realize like, oh, I can pretty much do anything and she's gonna do some pick me shit and then spin it to make it seem like she's like in control.
00:48:07
Speaker
So my whole thing is like, when you do get a boyfriend, if you try to show them better, they may not like respond positively.
00:48:16
Speaker
Or talking about past boyfriends, like not even men that you're currently with, but talking about nice things that men have done in the past.
00:48:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:22
Speaker
But this is all under the assumption that this person is a generally good person, their heart is in the right place, they're not a toxic person.
00:48:28
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:48:29
Speaker
Because this, again, all of this advice that I'm saying is only to be used in the context of a friend who you like, who you don't want to give up on, but she has a few little pick-me tests.
00:48:40
Speaker
And he's worth saving, yeah.
00:48:42
Speaker
Some women, that kind of effort is not worth it.
00:48:45
Speaker
Personally, like I've not experienced that many women trying to compete with me.
00:48:50
Speaker
I have like, from my standpoint, I find that when you lead by example, by being the sort of women that they want to be, be the change you want to see in the world, right?
00:49:02
Speaker
And if women see you being successful, and those women are generally good people, like obviously toxic women, they see you being successful, they're going to try to destroy you.
00:49:09
Speaker
But a woman who's generally a good person, they're going to see someone being successful, and they're going to be like, okay, I want to be like you.
00:49:15
Speaker
How do I be like you?
00:49:16
Speaker
They're going to start unconsciously even adopting some of your mannerisms or your attitudes, right?
00:49:22
Speaker
I've learned over the course of my life about how to...
00:49:26
Speaker
lead, I mean, as part of my job, literally, and how to lead by example, more specifically.
00:49:31
Speaker
And a big part of my career, my job is basically about, you know, how to influence others through sales or persuasion or, and then so on, right?
00:49:43
Speaker
So what I'm talking about in this episode are soft power skills for how can you lead your girl gang into a newer, better bosser, you know, how can you get your
00:49:57
Speaker
Pick me friends who are generally good people.
00:49:58
Speaker
How do you help them level up and become boss bitches who don't take any shit from men, who have higher standards and better boundaries, this four-part strategy, and also just how to get them to leave a shitty man?
00:50:10
Speaker
Because what Savannah was saying about the happiness of being single, I think that...
00:50:14
Speaker
For a woman who's currently in a relationship, a lot of women who don't want to leave their shitty man, it's because they're afraid of being single.
00:50:21
Speaker
And so I think you've got to meet women where they're at, almost.
00:50:25
Speaker
And when you're trying to persuade someone, you have to appeal to the things that are important to them.
00:50:30
Speaker
So if you're talking to a pick-me friend who's afraid of leaving her boyfriend because she doesn't want to be single...
00:50:36
Speaker
talking about how great it is to be single is just going to fall on deaf ears.
00:50:39
Speaker
I think talking about how, you know, men have treated me really well in the past and this is how I behave in order to, you know, achieve that sort of treatment.
00:50:50
Speaker
I find that that sort of the promise of a better relationship is almost more incentivizing than just the idea that being single is better than being with a low value man.
00:50:59
Speaker
And then once they break up,
00:51:01
Speaker
That's when you can go on a bunch of adventures together as girls, and then she will learn through experience the beauty of being single without a shitty scrote.
00:51:09
Speaker
So that's a message that comes later after they've broken up.
00:51:13
Speaker
thinking of you know you know the pick me in the relationship who values being in a relationship above all else right if you're saying there's better men out there um even if she leaves that relationship and this is from personal experience they don't spend any time being single they're back out there looking for someone else and this is how you get women who are just in serial relationships and this is why i sort of say i think you can do both you can say there are better men out there but you can also say
00:51:42
Speaker
it's better being single than being in a shitty relationship.
00:51:44
Speaker
I think you can give both messages at once.
00:51:46
Speaker
Like what I'm trying to be like cautious of is just essentially inadvertently encouraging, you know, women just,
00:51:56
Speaker
just to keep focusing on, you know, getting into relationships, you know, finding a good man, because whilst that is, you know, I'm not saying women shouldn't look for relationships, but, you know, if you've been in a bad relationship already, you should spend a lot of time single, in my opinion, because you need to recalibrate your standards and boundaries, because the reason why they're in that bad relationship is because their standards and boundaries are way off already.
00:52:19
Speaker
or if not non-existent.
00:52:21
Speaker
And so even if they come out of that relationship, there's absolutely no guarantee they won't get into another shitty one because they don't have the correct framework or they may not recognise, you know, what a good relationship actually looks like.
00:52:35
Speaker
And also if we're talking about, you know, the way that a man, you know, that can treat you.
00:52:41
Speaker
So let's say, for example, if you say, I'm not saying you say this, but just an example, you know, my boyfriend pays for dates.
00:52:49
Speaker
If they're then out there dating, they then might start getting excited if a man pays for dates, if that makes sense, even though he may not be a good person.
00:52:57
Speaker
So what I'm saying is, I think the messaging needs to be applied with caution.
00:53:02
Speaker
And again, it's also about the analysis of your friend.
00:53:05
Speaker
If she's been in a string of bad relationships, I just don't think it's a good idea to keep pushing the idea that there are better men out there, at least until she's been single for her.
00:53:17
Speaker
for some time and has been able to reflect on that.
00:53:22
Speaker
But that's just a caveat to that.
00:53:25
Speaker
And that's the criticism of the subreddit, right?
00:53:27
Speaker
Because a lot of times we talk about how there's women that come on the subreddit and they're prematurely assigning high value to their new man because he's just slightly better.
00:53:38
Speaker
Yes, exactly, yeah.
00:53:39
Speaker
or has some of the markers of being like better than in a lot of respects than the guy they dated before, but still doesn't mean he's high value, right?
00:53:46
Speaker
If you went from, you know, a guy who didn't have a place, who never paid for dates, who was just generally like a couch creature to a man who has a job and pays for dates.
00:53:56
Speaker
And they're like, they're automatically like, oh, he's high value.
00:53:59
Speaker
And they jumped the gun because they look at it like, oh, I've leveled up and I'm different, but they haven't actually fixed those internal self-esteem issues.
00:54:06
Speaker
Or they haven't fixed their vetting.
00:54:08
Speaker
Yeah, the vetting, but also the self-esteem.
00:54:09
Speaker
Because then what happens is, like, even if you've got a guy that has better, like, a better package, like, you can still, he can still be low value and still be toxic to you in the same way, even if he's not, like, a flat-out bum like your previous boyfriend.
00:54:22
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:54:23
Speaker
That's true.
00:54:25
Speaker
So two things about that.
00:54:27
Speaker
One, about Savannah's point about the importance of showing that the single life can be great.
00:54:33
Speaker
That is important, definitely.
00:54:35
Speaker
All I'm saying, and I do convey that message, it's just not my first, it's not my first.
Embracing Single Life and Personal Growth
00:54:41
Speaker
That's something I'll talk about on the side, like if I'm single and talking about, you know, cool shit I'm doing and stuff.
00:54:48
Speaker
And a lot of the times when I just straight up say, it is better to be single than to be with a low value or shitty man, a lot of women will just agree with that statement on its face because...
00:54:58
Speaker
It's just so obvious.
00:54:59
Speaker
But what I'm talking about are the women who are, you know, like you said, are in relationships.
00:55:04
Speaker
They value their relationships a lot.
00:55:06
Speaker
They're afraid of being single.
00:55:08
Speaker
Talking about how being single isn't so scary or being single is great and so on.
00:55:12
Speaker
It just is not a good selling point.
00:55:15
Speaker
It's just not very persuasive.
00:55:18
Speaker
So whereas talking about, oh, there are other men that can treat you better, that is more incentivizing to at least get her to break up with her shitty man.
00:55:27
Speaker
Because then she's thinking, okay, once I break up with this shitty guy, then I'm available to find all these other better guys.
00:55:34
Speaker
But it's almost like...
00:55:36
Speaker
Certain things women can't learn except for from experience.
00:55:41
Speaker
You know how like sometimes you'll be talking to a pick me and sometimes they got to go through a ton of heartbreak or a lot of shit before they finally like get the message, you know?
00:55:48
Speaker
So things about like being single is fun.
00:55:51
Speaker
I feel like it's more effective when they learn that from experience.
00:55:55
Speaker
um, by actually having a good time as a single person.
00:55:58
Speaker
Um, but then, and then number two, I want to circle back to what Ro said about, um, you know, talking about things that nice, talking about nice things that men have done for me and she gets competitive.
00:56:09
Speaker
I think in this context, uh, delivery is also very important.
00:56:13
Speaker
So, um,
00:56:14
Speaker
For example, I would say, I would not say it in the context of like, let's say her boyfriend is doing something shitty.
00:56:19
Speaker
I wouldn't be like, oh yeah, well my man did this for me kind of thing.
00:56:22
Speaker
Or like, oh, my ex did this for me kind of thing.
00:56:24
Speaker
Right.
00:56:24
Speaker
So I would not bring it up in the context of her talking about her shitty man, because that's going to seem, that's going to very directly convey a more competitive thing.
00:56:33
Speaker
Um, you know, I would bring it up in another context or just sort of even passing in conversation, um, but
00:56:40
Speaker
And again, like saying it in a way like, oh, this is something amazing that a guy did for me.
00:56:44
Speaker
Like, you know, that's, that's how men should be like, girl, like you're so amazing.
00:56:48
Speaker
You deserve to be treated that way kind of thing.
00:56:50
Speaker
Right.
00:56:50
Speaker
In a way that makes her feel uplifted and not like, oh, I'm stupid or I'm a piece of shit for tolerating this for my man.
00:56:57
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:56:57
Speaker
There's women to me that are pick me is like out of ignorance.
00:57:00
Speaker
And then there's like women that make a choice to be a pick me in some respects.
00:57:04
Speaker
Because that's another criticism too.
00:57:05
Speaker
There's women, as soon as they get a boyfriend, they abandon all their friends, et cetera, et cetera.
00:57:08
Speaker
So if you have a woman who's not the type to do that, who's otherwise like still socially plugged in and connected and is not like, as soon as I get a boyfriend, I'm abandoning everybody else, then these types of things tend to work because you're staying connected.
00:57:20
Speaker
You're keeping that network.
00:57:21
Speaker
She at least has like a balanced enough understanding of her life to maintain her friendships in addition to her boyfriend.
00:57:28
Speaker
But I think when you're dealing with a...
00:57:30
Speaker
my boyfriend is my everything.
00:57:32
Speaker
I'm cutting off all these like other women as soon as I get a man.
00:57:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:36
Speaker
Those are kind of women who need to learn from bitter experience, unfortunately.
00:57:40
Speaker
Okay.
00:57:40
Speaker
So my mom always used to say this thing to me.
00:57:42
Speaker
She says, smart people learn from their own experiences.
00:57:45
Speaker
Smarter people learn from other people's experiences and stupid people never learn at all.
00:57:50
Speaker
And so for the people who never learn, yeah, you just got to give up on them.
00:57:54
Speaker
Like they're, they're hopeless.
00:57:55
Speaker
You got to just cut them off.
00:57:56
Speaker
I just want to put boundaries on it the same way we do with men, right?
00:57:58
Speaker
Because we talk about, like, these behaviors and extremes and that, like, when you have a conversation and when to cut your losses.
00:58:06
Speaker
So here's another red flag, actually.
00:58:08
Speaker
This is another red flag that I like to keep in mind, which is that beware of, like, one-sided friendships.
00:58:14
Speaker
So, you know, they're having...
00:58:17
Speaker
former friends that I've now cut off where, you know, with this strategy, I'm sure there's going to be women with their spidey senses tingling, like, oh, you know, I've done this for friends, and they'll happily use me for my emotional labor.
00:58:29
Speaker
But then when I need something, they are like bored or disinterested, or, you know, don't reciprocate, right?
00:58:35
Speaker
So that's another thing to be mindful of with this strategy is that if you are talking to a friend and it's a very one-sided relationship where you're the one gassing her up and telling her she's amazing and listening to her talk about her shitty boyfriend and doing tons of emotional labor for her, but she doesn't do the same for you, that person is not a friend.
00:58:54
Speaker
That person is a user.
00:58:56
Speaker
And that's why you shouldn't be friends with people like that.
00:58:58
Speaker
So the other caveat being,
00:59:00
Speaker
only do this sort of work for friends where, again, I have a hard time letting go of friendships that I've had for a long time where we've been through a lot together.
00:59:09
Speaker
I've helped her with her problems.
00:59:11
Speaker
She's helped me with my problems.
00:59:13
Speaker
Those kinds of friendships are the ones that I think are sticking through post FDS level up.
00:59:19
Speaker
A lot of those types of women can be saved and I do want to save them.
00:59:23
Speaker
So, and you know, honestly, I enjoy making them break up with their shitty boyfriends.
00:59:27
Speaker
It's just, I get a kick out of it.
00:59:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:28
Speaker
And I would also say if they start to really level up, it could change the dynamic of your friendship and just be aware of that.
00:59:35
Speaker
I have had like friends I've had for a long time.
00:59:37
Speaker
And if I started to level up in a certain way, the dynamic changes.
00:59:41
Speaker
Yeah, I had this a lot when I lost a lot of weight, actually.
00:59:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:44
Speaker
So just understand once your friend starts to level up, they may, once they level up, want to leave their friendship, right?
00:59:50
Speaker
And it may not even be entirely about you.
00:59:52
Speaker
They might just feel more confident to explore different things, right?
00:59:55
Speaker
So that's the other thing about this kind of work is be prepared for it perhaps to be a benevolent type of sacrifice because they might level up, start getting confidence and then be like, I want to explore this part of my life or this part of my personality or something different.
01:00:08
Speaker
So I still think it's absolutely worth doing if it's a good person.
01:00:13
Speaker
I have one friend who leveled up and then she kind of left for a bit and then we've since rekindled our friendship a bit.
01:00:21
Speaker
So sometimes even with those people, they might go off travel, spend a year abroad or something, you know, just sort of keep in touch with them and they might come back and then you can continue the relationship.
01:00:31
Speaker
But again, toxic people, cut them off.
01:00:34
Speaker
Non-toxic people who just are making mistakes, I think it's a very worthwhile, benevolent thing to...
01:00:42
Speaker
Help show them, help guide them into the right direction so that you can all live your best lives together.
01:00:47
Speaker
Be prepared, but be prepared to lose them either way.
01:00:51
Speaker
So understand that this is a greater good type of exercise.
01:00:54
Speaker
Yeah, I do it for the greater good.
01:00:56
Speaker
Okay, that's the thing.
01:00:57
Speaker
Like, I just, again, like, back to the emotional labor thing.
01:01:01
Speaker
If this is something that's very taxing for you and you don't enjoy doing it, then don't.
01:01:05
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:05
Speaker
I just have the disposition where I just really get off on, you know, I love...
01:01:12
Speaker
I love when I just gas up my friends and they feel like an alpha bitch and then they go home to their shitty boyfriend and start talking about like, well, Lilith said this about her, man.
01:01:21
Speaker
Like, why can't you do the same?
01:01:22
Speaker
Like that kind of thing.
01:01:23
Speaker
Like I, I just really enjoy ruining shitty relationships like that.
01:01:28
Speaker
And I also really enjoy helping women boss up so that nothing makes me happier in life.
01:01:34
Speaker
And I do that partially because it makes me happy and it's worked out a few times.
01:01:38
Speaker
So I'm like, whoo.
01:01:38
Speaker
well, yeah, if this works, like I'm going to keep doing it.
01:01:41
Speaker
And I do, it's not, I don't have a hundred percent success, right?
01:01:43
Speaker
I still have a couple of friends left who are still with their scrub boyfriends, but I'm here to play the long game.
01:01:47
Speaker
Okay.
01:01:47
Speaker
Like this is absolutely a worthwhile thing to do for like the overall betterment of our society.
01:01:53
Speaker
The more women that set good boundaries and have a, um,
01:01:59
Speaker
A positive vision for their future, a positive understanding of relationships, or understanding of relationships that's more likely to leave to positive, happy results.
01:02:09
Speaker
The better we all are.
01:02:11
Speaker
So just to summarize, Lilith's four-part strategy for how to make your bestie leave her shitty scrote boyfriend is one...
Strategies for Helping Friends Leave Bad Relationships
01:02:19
Speaker
Make or stay close friends with her so that she is not isolated.
01:02:22
Speaker
Two, talk shit about men in general, specifically traits that her boyfriend has, but don't roast her boyfriend specifically, otherwise she will...
01:02:32
Speaker
Otherwise, she will feel like she's being personally attacked.
01:02:35
Speaker
This helps her get better at identifying problematic male behavior, but in a funny way.
01:02:41
Speaker
Three, you know, gas her up.
01:02:42
Speaker
Tell her she's beautiful, smart, funny, a good person, that she deserves the best things in life.
01:02:48
Speaker
Be genuine.
01:02:49
Speaker
So that's something when she looks in the mirror, she can repeat back to herself and know that it's true.
01:02:53
Speaker
And this boosts her self-esteem.
01:02:56
Speaker
It helps her internalize the fact that she has value.
01:02:58
Speaker
And four, brag about all of the nice things that men do for you.
01:03:01
Speaker
This helps her realize that a better life is possible and that she doesn't have to put up with bad treatment because, quote, you know, all men are like that.
01:03:08
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:09
Speaker
So, yeah.
01:03:10
Speaker
But again...
01:03:12
Speaker
I think that the goal of all of this is to, you know, raise consciousness among women, you know, help women forge greater bonds with each other instead of men and to level up your standards and your boundaries and learn that you don't have to put up with shit for men because your girl gang will meet your emotional needs where your man won't.
01:03:31
Speaker
All right.
01:03:31
Speaker
So...
Bonus Content Promotion: Dating Prisoners
01:03:32
Speaker
That's our show.
01:03:34
Speaker
Please check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy for weekly bonus content.
01:03:40
Speaker
We just had a riot recording this episode about...
01:03:45
Speaker
10 tips for dating a prisoner.
01:03:46
Speaker
Tip number one, don't.
01:03:48
Speaker
Yeah, number one, don't.
01:03:49
Speaker
Don't ever in your life.
01:03:50
Speaker
That was a fucking funny episode to record and edit.
01:03:53
Speaker
And so I really hope that more women sign up for the Patreon to listen to that just to hear it because it was so gold.
01:03:59
Speaker
It was funny.
01:04:00
Speaker
One of our best episodes, I think.
01:04:02
Speaker
My stomach hurt from laughing too much.
01:04:05
Speaker
You can discuss the episode on our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
01:04:08
Speaker
We have a forum there and an episode thread.
01:04:11
Speaker
You can go ahead and go in there and discuss some of the nuances there and give us some feedback if you want to, as well as there's also a Discord, actually, if you sign up for our Patreon, too.
01:04:19
Speaker
So you can also interact directly with us.
01:04:22
Speaker
Also, follow us on Twitter at fem.strat.
01:04:24
Speaker
So thanks for listening, queens.
01:04:26
Speaker
And for all you shitty, scrote boyfriends, we're coming for your girlfriends.
01:04:29
Speaker
Die mad!
01:04:31
Speaker
See you next week.