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BDSM. Kink. Sex Work. Polyamory. ENDGAME: CANNIBALISM.
62 Plays4 years ago
[*TRIGGER WARNING*- discussion of sexualized violence] We discuss FDS' controversial stances against our "sex pozzy" culture.
C'mon girls, Swirl that street meat if you're a real one. Thanos snap. Lilith wins at Polyamory. Josh is TRASH.
00:00 - BDSM
07:45 - Pick-Me Cool Girls & the Race to the bottom
15:00 - Men who are good people & men who are into kink are mutually exclusive groups
21:22 - Erin Taylor begs civilian women for money so she can continue to voluntarily f*ck our husbands: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/post/testing-post4
30:52 - Louise Perry Article on consent: https://unherd.com/2020/11/is-casual-sex-immoral/
34:41 - CANNIBALISM! CANNIBALISM! CANNIBALISM!! https://www.instagram.com/p/CLM_P7VlO9y/?utm_source=ig_web_copy_link
42:44 - POLYAMORY
59:46 - Sex Worker Fairytales
1:01:10 - Cap Cap Cap'n - Article on https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/post/don-t-make-pinocchio-into-a-real-boy
1:03:20 - Bare Minimum Twitter
1:05:00 - Boundaries!
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Twitter: @femdatstrat
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Transcript
Introduction and Episode Focus
00:00:05
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:00:10
Speaker
And this is Lilla.
00:00:11
Speaker
And this is Savannah.
00:00:12
Speaker
What's up, queen?
00:00:14
Speaker
And today we're going to be talking about the allegations that FDS is sex negative.
00:00:20
Speaker
We're going to talk about kink and BDSM and kind of discuss some of the nuances in that that I think people...
00:00:26
Speaker
sometimes misrepresent us about.
00:00:28
Speaker
This episode is all about sex.
00:00:30
Speaker
Yeah.
Lilith's Experience and Regret in BDSM
00:00:31
Speaker
And I have to say, so we already kind of sussed out when we were talking about this before we started recording.
00:00:37
Speaker
Like, I guess I'm the vanilla person here.
00:00:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:41
Speaker
I'm going to sit back and let these other queens cover this topic because I'm the only person that hasn't really ever been into BDSM.
00:00:48
Speaker
So confession time.
00:00:51
Speaker
I had a post where I roasted my past pick-me-self, and I wanted to go into a bit more detail on this episode.
00:00:59
Speaker
So first of all, I used to be into the kink, the BDSM scene.
00:01:05
Speaker
I used to have a FetLife account.
Mainstreaming of BDSM and Media Influence
00:01:07
Speaker
And that stuff now repulses me now that I'm an adult and I have perspective and can look back at my past experiences and realize that the kink and BDSM community is a magnet for low value and toxic men.
00:01:22
Speaker
And I don't like how so much mainstream media discourse about it is about the woman's choice.
00:01:28
Speaker
Oh, the woman's consent.
00:01:29
Speaker
Oh, what if the woman is into it?
00:01:30
Speaker
What if she likes being choked?
00:01:32
Speaker
That kind of stuff.
00:01:33
Speaker
Because it almost doesn't matter to me if the woman is interested in that, if the sort of man that is into it is toxic.
00:01:42
Speaker
Right.
00:01:43
Speaker
I'm concerned at how quickly it's becoming mainstream because way back when, I remember when Fifty Shades of Grey came out.
00:01:52
Speaker
I strongly recommend you do not read that book.
00:01:54
Speaker
But I remember when it came out in 2014 and everybody was going completely gaga over it.
00:02:00
Speaker
I picked up a copy myself because it was just...
00:02:04
Speaker
I was curious, so to speak.
00:02:06
Speaker
And when I read the sex scenes, I was like, oh, okay.
00:02:09
Speaker
But this was in about 2013.
00:02:11
Speaker
And since then, though, like BDSM, it's just become so, so mainstream.
00:02:16
Speaker
And I don't think that's a good thing.
00:02:18
Speaker
And I think it's directly tied to, you know, the proliferation of porn.
00:02:23
Speaker
Just like Lilith, I used to be involved in the scene.
00:02:26
Speaker
And every dom I met, they first came across BDSM in porn.
00:02:31
Speaker
Now,
Influence of Porn on Young Women and Consent Issues
00:02:32
Speaker
If, you know, in BDSM porn, it is, again, I don't recommend anybody watching it.
00:02:38
Speaker
But if you look at it, it is very, extremely violent, extremely violent.
00:02:43
Speaker
There's no discussions about safe words.
00:02:47
Speaker
There's absolutely no regard for the woman who is usually the submissive in these cases.
00:02:53
Speaker
There's absolutely no regard for her well-being.
00:02:56
Speaker
And it's really, really scary that so many young men are being almost indoctrinated into thinking that this sort of sex is normal.
00:03:04
Speaker
To the point where I used to see, you know, male doms advertising themselves, looking for a submissive, basically.
00:03:12
Speaker
And they would say, I'm 20 years old.
00:03:14
Speaker
I've been in the scene for seven years.
00:03:16
Speaker
So do you mean to tell me you started being a dom at 13?
00:03:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:21
Speaker
I mean... Sure.
00:03:23
Speaker
But to be fair, I mean, given the fact that most boys have been exposed to porn by the age of 10, I can actually believe that.
00:03:32
Speaker
And that is really, really scary.
00:03:34
Speaker
We can't understate what it's doing to girls, too, because for every man that fancies himself a dom, there's a girl that thinks being submissive is cool or gonna win her the approval or attention of men.
00:03:46
Speaker
Or she, you know, gets kind of groomed by the whole...
00:03:50
Speaker
porn
Criticism of Sex Education and Media Narratives
00:03:51
Speaker
culture just like men do and then gets told that anybody saying, you know, expressing caution about the entire situation is kink shaming or sex negative or doesn't respect her ability to make choices as an adult.
00:04:03
Speaker
But okay, if you're, I mean, technically at 18, you're an adult, but also a lot of these scenes, it seems to me as an outsider, thrive on preying on girls that young that don't know better.
00:04:16
Speaker
They don't have a sense of their boundaries yet.
00:04:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:19
Speaker
And that's actually such a good point because the way that I got involved in BDSM and stuff was actually when I was, like some of my earliest experiences with men or with dating, you know, when I was 14, 15, 16 years old, were with guys who literally said that they wanted to act out the stuff that they saw in porn.
00:04:41
Speaker
And they would just
00:04:41
Speaker
you know, even show me porn and be like, that's what sex is.
00:04:44
Speaker
That's what I want to do.
00:04:46
Speaker
And I'm looking at that.
00:04:47
Speaker
And of course, like, you know, sex ed isn't terrible, but the sex ed that I get where I'm from is about, you know, condoms, how to prevent STDs, birth control, that kind of stuff.
00:04:55
Speaker
They don't really talk about what are healthy boundaries?
00:04:58
Speaker
What is, you know, the fact that you're allowed to say no as a woman?
00:05:02
Speaker
Right.
00:05:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's very medical.
00:05:04
Speaker
Right.
00:05:04
Speaker
And I think that's the school's role.
00:05:06
Speaker
It's hard to say they have to teach everyone morality around sex as well as the actual clinical ideas around sex.
00:05:12
Speaker
But that means that our ideas around sex are being set by the culture that's being set by porn, that's being set by women's magazines who keep trying to normalize stuff like this.
00:05:22
Speaker
And I could see why there was such an outrage.
00:05:25
Speaker
And, you know, we've been involved in that, too, against magazines like Teen Vogue.
00:05:31
Speaker
printing stuff like, oh, it's okay to engage in BDSM to a magazine meant for kids, right?
00:05:40
Speaker
Teen Vogue is read by young teens, right?
00:05:42
Speaker
Because otherwise, when they're around 18, 19, that's when people graduate to regular Vogue.
00:05:46
Speaker
You're talking girls, right?
00:05:49
Speaker
12, 13 years old who are reading Teen Vogue and someone's writing in there almost to the point where it feels good.
00:05:56
Speaker
grooming to me.
00:05:57
Speaker
It feels grooming to me to introduce these ideas to children in a time where I feel like it's very, very age inappropriate.
00:06:05
Speaker
It's one thing to put it in an adult magazine, but the way that they keep inserting things about like, oh, it's okay to prostitute yourself.
00:06:12
Speaker
Oh, it's okay to engage in BDSM to very young girls.
00:06:17
Speaker
It comes across to me not all unlike people who are sexual predators who introduce kids to porn and then try to normalize the behavior so that these kids want to experiment because it's natural that their bodies are sort of changing and growing.
Teen Vogue and Media's Role in Normalizing BDSM
00:06:32
Speaker
But knowing they don't have a good sense of their own boundaries yet, it feels very, very predatory to me.
00:06:36
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:06:37
Speaker
Like, when I was 14, I was dating a guy who was 16, and he'd been watching porn since he was 10 years old, and he essentially had groomed me to think that that is what it means to be desirable.
00:06:49
Speaker
And I just remember, like, it's so sickening.
00:06:51
Speaker
It actually makes me feel uneasy to look back on that, and I feel really sad for my teenage self, because when you're that age, you're seeking acceptance, you're kind of going through that awkward, like, transitional phase, and
00:07:03
Speaker
You know, you want people to like you.
00:07:05
Speaker
And so I remember, you know, having sex when I was a teenager.
00:07:10
Speaker
And if he did something like violent or degrading to me, he'd be like, oh my gosh, that was so amazing.
00:07:14
Speaker
Thank you so much.
00:07:15
Speaker
Like he would be very vocal about how much he enjoyed that.
00:07:18
Speaker
Looking back, it's basically like what I was taught was that the price of love and intimacy is degradation and humiliation and frustration.
00:07:27
Speaker
violence.
00:07:28
Speaker
And that if you want a boyfriend, or if you want to be desired, that those are the things that you have to do.
00:07:33
Speaker
And so I somehow managed to gaslight myself into being like, yeah, I'm into this.
00:07:38
Speaker
You know, they seem to respond positively to that.
00:07:41
Speaker
And I wanted them to think positively of me.
00:07:43
Speaker
And so I'd be like, yeah, I'm totally into it.
00:07:45
Speaker
They have pick me cool girls that write all these magazines, right?
00:07:48
Speaker
And they always make, they always put themselves front and center.
00:07:52
Speaker
Like they're the authority on this.
00:07:53
Speaker
And look at me, I'm really great at this.
00:07:55
Speaker
And I like, it's almost like a race to the bottom to how much sexual abuse and risky sex you can have.
00:08:02
Speaker
And then pretend like you're fine.
00:08:04
Speaker
Right.
00:08:04
Speaker
There was an article by Tracy Clark Florio
Sex-Positive Narratives vs. Mental Health
00:08:07
Speaker
and she was a longtime editor of Jezebel.
00:08:09
Speaker
And actually she wrote a book where she came out and said, oh yeah, I was faking it the whole time when I was talking about liking being choked during sex and feeling exactly how you felt, Lilith.
00:08:19
Speaker
Even though I don't actually enjoy it, I tell myself that I enjoy it to sort of like mentally cope with the reality that that's what men want.
00:08:28
Speaker
Right.
00:08:28
Speaker
Exactly.
00:08:29
Speaker
And feel like you're in control then, right?
00:08:32
Speaker
Because you're in control of your own abuse if you tell yourself that you like it.
00:08:36
Speaker
And that's a really, really, really dangerous message to be spreading to girls, especially if you're an adult.
00:08:41
Speaker
And
BDSM's Cognitive Dissonance and Abuse Normalization
00:08:42
Speaker
I have a problem with all these adults doing this, especially since some of these people are not, like, they're not sex therapists.
00:08:47
Speaker
They're not medical doctors.
00:08:49
Speaker
They're just random women that Vogue decided to put on
00:08:53
Speaker
their front cover and tell, like, say, okay, this person's the authority on sex.
00:08:58
Speaker
And some of these women are mentally ill, literally mentally ill.
00:09:03
Speaker
And I don't say that to make fun of people who are mentally ill, but they're not of sound mind and body to be making...
00:09:08
Speaker
good, healthy choices for themselves.
00:09:11
Speaker
And they glamorize being on drugs and engaging in sex work.
00:09:16
Speaker
And then you get people like Carly C.R.
00:09:18
Speaker
C.R.
00:09:19
Speaker
Tino, Kat Marnell, Gigi Engel, Gigi Engel.
00:09:22
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:09:23
Speaker
There's so many of these women here who you basically feel like their entire stick is like shock value sex.
00:09:29
Speaker
And it'll be so crazy.
00:09:30
Speaker
Sometimes it'll be like, oh, if you haven't picked up a homeless dude from the side of the road and swirled that street meat to the back of your mouth, are you really a feminist?
00:09:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:39
Speaker
It's really insane.
00:09:40
Speaker
Sweetie, are you even a real feminist unless you take cum shots to the face?
00:09:43
Speaker
Have you blown a guy out back in the warehouse and popped pills while you were doing it?
00:09:47
Speaker
You're not a real feminist unless you support all women, including women who like to go out in public with cum on their face.
00:09:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:56
Speaker
Have you fished a dildo out of the dumpster like a real freaking feminist?
00:10:00
Speaker
Yeah, like they're just gaslighting on us about what it means to be a real feminist.
00:10:03
Speaker
I mean, I don't believe all of them.
00:10:04
Speaker
And I remember distinctly, because I remember, especially in college, there were some girls that were like the biggest pick-me's.
00:10:10
Speaker
They were always sleeping with every guy.
00:10:13
Speaker
And on the outside...
00:10:15
Speaker
looking in based on their behavior, be like, well, they're clearly so desperate for approval.
00:10:19
Speaker
But the way they would always be so defensive and be like, I'm better than the rest of these chicks, especially because they would get attention from men.
00:10:25
Speaker
They would always have this attitude like, you just can't handle it, right?
00:10:29
Speaker
Oh, you're just vanilla.
00:10:30
Speaker
You're just vanilla.
00:10:31
Speaker
You can't handle it.
00:10:32
Speaker
These chicks out here prudes.
00:10:34
Speaker
I'm just a ride or die.
00:10:35
Speaker
And then
Reality vs. Media Depiction of BDSM Practitioners
00:10:36
Speaker
as an adult, you realize there's no way you're enjoying all that dick, okay?
00:10:40
Speaker
Just probability-wise.
00:10:42
Speaker
Definitely.
00:10:42
Speaker
Just probably like, even as a person, I mean, I understand just being drunk and horny and wanting to fuck because drinking and fucking is fun.
00:10:49
Speaker
But just, just straight up numbers wise, a lot of guys' equipment ain't that great and they ain't that skilled sis.
00:10:57
Speaker
So, you know, when you start to just have the perspective as an adult, you realize like, yeah, a lot of the women spend a lot of time lying to themselves because they are desperate for male approval, but they don't like to admit it.
00:11:07
Speaker
So they cloak it in feminism and girl power and,
00:11:11
Speaker
And and also, you know, enjoying the social status that comes with getting attention from these guys.
00:11:17
Speaker
I think for me, the biggest issue perhaps I have with BDSM and the entire community is the cognitive dissonance.
00:11:25
Speaker
If you told somebody that my boyfriend slaps me, chokes me, throws me up against the wall, ties me up.
00:11:32
Speaker
and beats me, everybody would be like, what are you doing?
00:11:34
Speaker
You're being abused.
00:11:36
Speaker
But when you add BDSM to that or in bed, as I say, suddenly it's fine and you shouldn't kink shame.
00:11:43
Speaker
And it's like, you can't separate...
00:11:47
Speaker
you know, the person in the bedroom, you know, from the person outside.
00:11:50
Speaker
Like, you can't, I guess, pretend to be a misogynist by beating women for sexual gratification and then say you're not a misogynist.
00:12:00
Speaker
You know, it's very, very... The cognitive dissonance is absolutely huge.
00:12:04
Speaker
We have an article like that on the website, which is that his kinks are a reflection of his character.
00:12:10
Speaker
At some point, we decided as a culture that people's kinks were completely separate from who they are.
00:12:16
Speaker
And I almost feel like it got personally, I feel like it got snuck in when we were talking about gay rights and saying, hey, some people are just gay or lesbian.
00:12:24
Speaker
It has nothing to do with their character as a person.
00:12:27
Speaker
They're not terrible people.
00:12:29
Speaker
And so understanding people's sexual orientation is not a part of their character is a little bit different than saying people's kinks are not a part of their character.
00:12:38
Speaker
A kink is not a protected
Character Reflection in Kinks and Porn Stereotypes
00:12:39
Speaker
characteristic as well.
00:12:40
Speaker
People, they love to act like it is.
00:12:42
Speaker
So if you say, if you express any sort of concern, it's, oh, you're kink shaming.
00:12:48
Speaker
That's not, and it's like, well, shame is still an emotion.
00:12:50
Speaker
And sometimes you should feel ashamed.
00:12:53
Speaker
Yeah, certain things.
00:12:55
Speaker
Pedophilia, you should feel ashamed.
00:12:57
Speaker
Furries, you should feel ashamed.
00:12:59
Speaker
Okay, if you like wearing a diaper during sex, you should fucking be ashamed, okay?
00:13:04
Speaker
You should feel shame.
00:13:06
Speaker
Shame is a mechanism of social cooperation, okay?
00:13:11
Speaker
It's a way of regulating everyone's behavior.
00:13:13
Speaker
I have to tell you, I'm tired of seeing these grown men in baby diapers and baby bottles and acting like that shit doesn't repulse me.
00:13:21
Speaker
God, yeah.
00:13:22
Speaker
And I cannot be the only woman that feels that way.
00:13:24
Speaker
But you can't even say anything because it's like you just hate, you hate people who are different.
00:13:28
Speaker
I don't even hate that person.
00:13:29
Speaker
It's just gross.
00:13:30
Speaker
It's not even personal.
00:13:32
Speaker
It's just inappropriate, inappropriate.
00:13:34
Speaker
And I remember it was quite interesting.
00:13:36
Speaker
If I look back, I came across BDSM and erotica.
00:13:39
Speaker
I got...
00:13:40
Speaker
akin to unlimited subscription and a lot of the free books on there are bdsm that's tells you you need to know but anyway i would often find that the dom who was often the man in these books he was always ridiculously wealthy and ridiculously attractive in real life you go to any like kink club or whatever and look at the men who call themselves doms not one of them almost none of them are attractive and almost none of them are rich yeah
00:14:05
Speaker
They're all like ugly, poor losers.
00:14:08
Speaker
Exactly.
00:14:09
Speaker
And I mean, but it was even more interesting in the sense that it was clear the author was using, you know, their wealth and attractiveness as a substitute for the man actually having a personality or a redeeming
BDSM Community's Exploitation of Women
00:14:21
Speaker
personality.
00:14:22
Speaker
And the sub in those stories was always a massive pick me.
00:14:25
Speaker
Oh, my God, pick me on steroids.
00:14:27
Speaker
And I can't believe I used to think that that was romance.
00:14:30
Speaker
But looking back, even the authors, they can never flesh out the Dom's personality.
00:14:35
Speaker
And, you know, and so instead of actually, you know, building a character with any depth or redeeming qualities, they would just focus on how attractive and rich he was.
00:14:44
Speaker
And, you know, like Lilith said, if you go to any BDSM party again and not recommended, it's not the case at all.
00:14:53
Speaker
I can probably count on... Actually, I can't count one, actually.
00:14:56
Speaker
So we'll dump that there.
00:14:58
Speaker
They're all neckbeards.
00:14:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:59
Speaker
The other thing I want to point out is that men who are good people and men who are into kink are mutually exclusive groups.
00:15:08
Speaker
Like, back to the whole character thing, I've not met a single man who was into beating women during sex who was not also a raging misogynist in real life.
00:15:18
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:15:19
Speaker
Yeah, I'd agree.
00:15:21
Speaker
Right?
00:15:22
Speaker
Like, you cannot separate... Like, just because something makes your dick hard doesn't make that, like, not reality.
00:15:29
Speaker
Right?
00:15:29
Speaker
It's still part of... What happens in the bedroom is still, quote-unquote, real life.
00:15:33
Speaker
It's very weird to me, especially when you look at how porn is and how everyone's just kind of decided that for whatever reason...
00:15:42
Speaker
the sexual realm is not open for criticism when it comes to their problematic themes.
00:15:50
Speaker
I feel like if any other industry was putting out the kind of content that the porn industry does, they'd be shut down by the wokesters.
00:15:57
Speaker
It'd be set on fire.
00:15:58
Speaker
So why is it okay for them to do all this racist, abusive, pedophilic, incestuous type porn and no one really ever has a problem with it?
00:16:10
Speaker
both from the perspective of the consumers as well as the producers.
00:16:14
Speaker
And the producers include the actresses who agree to that stuff, right?
00:16:18
Speaker
It kind of just seems to me like everyone's trying to compartmentalize it outside of our culture.
00:16:24
Speaker
But I'm like, how is this not a reflection of people's character or our culture when so many of the quote-unquote kinks that people are into here are...
00:16:36
Speaker
are taboo things in our particular culture, right?
00:16:38
Speaker
Like racism.
00:16:39
Speaker
So they'll do stuff that's deliberately playing into stereotypes against black women.
00:16:44
Speaker
They'll do things that are deliberately playing into stereotypes against Asian women.
00:16:48
Speaker
And I think in light of the discussion we've had because of the murders in Atlanta,
00:16:54
Speaker
And, you know, how this man, this like no chin having, looks like his family tree doesn't really fork much, like just gross.
00:17:01
Speaker
But you can just see the entire entitlement that he had to treating those women like they were subhuman, like they were there to service him.
00:17:08
Speaker
It's weird to me to say, oh, porn has nothing to do with that.
00:17:11
Speaker
There was an article posted on FDS a while back that was like six marginalized groups that porn has no problem making fun of or something like that.
00:17:19
Speaker
And there was a lot of like, yeah, like cops rape like black women or like refugees get raped by immigration officials and that kind of stuff.
00:17:30
Speaker
And like, I mean, they don't use the word rape most.
00:17:33
Speaker
Sometimes they do, but a lot of times they use the word like forced, blackmailed or something like that.
00:17:37
Speaker
They did use the word rape until
Normalization of Extreme Fetishes and Toxic Behaviors
00:17:40
Speaker
Pornhub got called before parliament, right?
00:17:43
Speaker
And then now they cleaned up everything, but it still looks horrible, right?
00:17:47
Speaker
It doesn't look like it's getting any better.
00:17:48
Speaker
If any other media production company had a scene where like refugee women were being raped by immigration officials for entertainment, that shit would get shut down so quickly.
00:17:59
Speaker
So why is it okay when people are masturbating to it?
00:18:03
Speaker
And the other
00:18:03
Speaker
thing to remember is that when you have an orgasm, you get a dopamine rush.
00:18:07
Speaker
It reinforces that behavior.
00:18:09
Speaker
So when someone masturbates or gets sexual pleasure from humiliation, violence, degradation, and so on, it's just reinforcing that and building those neural pathways so much stronger.
00:18:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:20
Speaker
It's basically like edgelord, neckbeard, incel fantasies.
00:18:25
Speaker
It's kind of like how unpopular opinion is on Reddit, where it's all the opinions that are just racist and sexist that these guys feel persecuted for saying, and then sexualized.
00:18:35
Speaker
And then that's the porn industry now.
00:18:37
Speaker
It's like they got a room full of incels to workshop, okay, what should we make our next porn film about or whatever?
00:18:43
Speaker
And then all the incels get together, go like, oh,
00:18:45
Speaker
Well, those black women are getting too uppity.
00:18:47
Speaker
So throw some bananas at him.
00:18:49
Speaker
Like, and I'm not even exaggerating about that.
00:18:51
Speaker
They were talking about that in some black porn actresses.
00:18:54
Speaker
We're talking about literally being forced to pose with bananas.
00:18:59
Speaker
Like they're subhuman.
00:19:00
Speaker
Who's writing this?
00:19:01
Speaker
It's not even inventive.
00:19:02
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:19:03
Speaker
It's boring because I'm like, it's not even inventive.
00:19:05
Speaker
I remember HBO's like real sex or something.
00:19:09
Speaker
And it would be like at least a little bit imaginative.
00:19:11
Speaker
It'd be like, I'm sexually attracted to popping balloons or I'm sexually attracted to glitter.
00:19:16
Speaker
And it would be something different, you know, or I want to take, I want to have sex in a bathtub full of jello.
00:19:23
Speaker
These kinks and these things that are being promoted as kink positive are all just the edgelord ideas being pushed into the mainstream by the porn industry.
00:19:33
Speaker
I
00:19:33
Speaker
And to be honest, like, I don't really care about those types of fetishes.
00:19:36
Speaker
Like, you know, even foot fetishes, I don't have a positive or negative opinion about that.
00:19:40
Speaker
I don't care what other people do.
00:19:43
Speaker
My problem is with the... Right, there's specific cultural narratives.
00:19:47
Speaker
The specific cultural narratives, yeah, like, in terms of anything that has to do with basically sexualizing oppression and making oppression sexy.
00:19:55
Speaker
And abuse, yeah.
00:19:56
Speaker
And any kind of fetish that plays into that, to me, has no place in progressive modern society.
00:20:03
Speaker
Right.
00:20:04
Speaker
And it's like, we've all had, we all have collective amnesia when it comes to the porn industry.
00:20:07
Speaker
And, and every time I see one of these women's magazines talk about how, Oh, have you paid for feminist porn or it's empowering, or we need to support these women in the porn industry.
00:20:17
Speaker
I'm like all of them, cause some of them are putting out very, very problematic content.
00:20:22
Speaker
And I don't know that it's, you know, there seems to be no discussion of like, how responsible are they for creating these really, really toxic narratives.
00:20:30
Speaker
Right.
00:20:31
Speaker
And we always get people who go like, oh, but what about femdom, okay?
00:20:34
Speaker
Like, first of all, the vast majority of porn is not femdom.
00:20:38
Speaker
It's like 0.01% of the sexy content that you'll see is femdom.
00:20:43
Speaker
Secondly, even in femdom, the man's pleasure, the man's kinks are still the higher priority.
00:20:48
Speaker
The thing is, though, part of me, honestly, part of me kind of really likes the fact that there are women out there who get paid to kick men in the balls.
00:20:57
Speaker
Not gonna lie.
00:20:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:01
Speaker
No, it doesn't count because they like it.
00:21:03
Speaker
See, that doesn't count then.
00:21:04
Speaker
Yeah, like if he enjoys getting kicked in the
Polyamory, Sex Work, and Their Challenges
00:21:06
Speaker
balls, then yeah, okay, it doesn't count.
00:21:07
Speaker
But I just like the idea of women getting rich from kicking men in the balls.
00:21:13
Speaker
I hate the idea of making men happy.
00:21:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's true, but...
00:21:21
Speaker
Oh, anyways, the author of that Verge article, what's her face?
00:21:25
Speaker
I can't remember her name, but she was a dominatrix and she writes a lot of like pro sex work stuff.
00:21:30
Speaker
Erin Taylor.
00:21:31
Speaker
Erin Taylor.
00:21:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:33
Speaker
And she, she like, ah,
00:21:35
Speaker
I was looking at her articles that she's written.
00:21:37
Speaker
All of them are like vehemently defending the porn industry.
00:21:40
Speaker
And I'm sorry, but like, just because you are the one privileged sex worker that's able to negotiate your prices and you're the one making money from being the dominant one, doesn't excuse the 99.9999% of women in the sex trafficking industry who are being exploited.
00:21:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:59
Speaker
Yeah, definitely.
00:22:00
Speaker
She wrote an article recently, too, where she was basically, she said just what you said, but also remarked about how it was harder for her to get work because all her clients had to go home to their girlfriends and wives and it was harder for them to get away.
00:22:13
Speaker
And then the next paragraph was like, okay, so this is how you can help support sex workers.
00:22:17
Speaker
Just send them money.
00:22:18
Speaker
I'm like, send them money for what?
00:22:19
Speaker
So you can help their husbands cheat on them?
00:22:22
Speaker
It seems so wild to me, like the cognitive dissonance between...
00:22:26
Speaker
Oh, yeah.
00:22:27
Speaker
I'm a person that a lot of my clients are men who are already taken with families.
00:22:32
Speaker
And also those same women should send me money to do what, sis?
00:22:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:36
Speaker
Like I'm putting I'm putting other women at risk of getting an STD.
00:22:40
Speaker
But, you know, feel bad for me and send me money.
00:22:43
Speaker
Right.
00:22:43
Speaker
If it was, if they were stuck in the industry, I feel like that's one thing.
00:22:47
Speaker
And, but when they're actively choosing to be a part of this and they don't have to, it's not our responsibility to make sure they keep a job.
00:22:55
Speaker
And like, feel good about it.
00:22:57
Speaker
That's nobody's responsibility in any industry.
00:23:00
Speaker
We've had that on the FDS subreddit as well, where, you know, sex workers in the wild have wandered over and said, you should be supporting all women.
00:23:08
Speaker
And it's like, you know, why is the emotional labor on women, especially when you're engaging in behaviors that actively harm other women and you don't seem to care?
00:23:18
Speaker
Yeah, we get women all the time on female dating strategy who are like, I'm a sex worker.
00:23:23
Speaker
Where's my voice?
00:23:24
Speaker
Unban me, bitch.
00:23:25
Speaker
Not necessarily the issue that she's a sex worker, but more so just trying to keep promoting sex work on FDS.
00:23:31
Speaker
And it's like, this is not, first of all, the place for that.
00:23:33
Speaker
But then secondly, just like we said, some of this content that you're promoting is problematic.
00:23:37
Speaker
The sex workers have even said that, you know, my favourite clients are married.
00:23:41
Speaker
You know, they know these clients are married and it's because they're obviously not going to get too attached, I guess, if they're already married and going back to, you know, their wife at home.
00:23:50
Speaker
So it's like you guys know what you're doing.
00:23:52
Speaker
You don't seem to care, but you still want the emotional labour and support from the same women that you're harming.
00:23:59
Speaker
It's very narcissistic.
00:24:00
Speaker
Like they're the ones saying, oh, you're supposed to support all women, but they're the ones enabling men to cheat on their wives.
00:24:06
Speaker
They're not supporting all women.
00:24:08
Speaker
The other thing is just because a woman chooses to do something doesn't automatically mean that it's good for women.
00:24:13
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:14
Speaker
And also doesn't mean that they deserve support for it as well.
00:24:17
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:18
Speaker
Like, there are conservative women out there who, like, Ann Coulter has said that she thinks women shouldn't have the right to vote, right?
00:24:24
Speaker
So should I support Ann Coulter just because she's a woman?
00:24:27
Speaker
No.
00:24:28
Speaker
Like, women who say problematic shit that's harmful to women deserve critique as well.
00:24:33
Speaker
Right.
00:24:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:35
Speaker
I think we have to draw a line between people who are in the sex industry because, and let's just face it, a lot of the people who are in the sex industry are there because of trauma, but those women don't seem to be always given the same voice as these optional sex workers.
00:24:50
Speaker
These women that I feel like are doing it because they have drug problems or they're
00:24:56
Speaker
more or less not interesting otherwise.
00:24:58
Speaker
So they're just kind of creating this persona around their sex work.
00:25:02
Speaker
And I think the thing that needs to be clear is we don't have a responsibility to make sure this industry gets expanded or keeps going, right?
00:25:10
Speaker
And no industry gets that way.
00:25:11
Speaker
And I feel like they've been able to occupy this space where they're victims when it's convenient and then strong, empowered women when it's convenient.
00:25:18
Speaker
Right.
00:25:19
Speaker
And by doing that, it's like no one's ever held accountable for their content.
00:25:22
Speaker
No one's ever held accountable for the impact they have on people who use their services, you know, by extension, the women who are affected by these men who use them.
00:25:34
Speaker
It's not their fault these men are like this, but it's also like you are also enabling some of this, right?
00:25:40
Speaker
100%.
00:25:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:41
Speaker
And you're profiting from it.
00:25:43
Speaker
It's also enabling male entitlement.
00:25:45
Speaker
The idea that men feel like if I pay enough, I can get a woman to do whatever I want.
00:25:50
Speaker
That is essentially the sex industry.
00:25:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:53
Speaker
It really bothers me that a lot of the pro-sex people are on this moral high ground, or act like they're on this moral high ground, like, oh, support all women, support sex workers, blah, blah, blah.
00:26:05
Speaker
If you don't support sex workers, you're not a real feminist.
00:26:07
Speaker
But at the same time, they are supporting an industry that is extremely toxic and harmful to women.
00:26:12
Speaker
So I don't really think that they deserve to have that moral high ground.
00:26:16
Speaker
It's just not there.
00:26:17
Speaker
Yeah, I don't understand it either.
00:26:19
Speaker
And I'm not exactly sure how and where that came into the feminist discourse.
00:26:24
Speaker
Because again, it just seems like the most privileged women took the microphone.
00:26:28
Speaker
And then the scores of women who get chewed up and spit out of this industry.
00:26:33
Speaker
I mean, watch stuff like Soft White Underbelly on YouTube.
00:26:36
Speaker
And you...
00:26:36
Speaker
A lot of these women have very tragic, sad backgrounds and what leads them to porn is usually not good or leads them to sex work is usually not good.
00:26:45
Speaker
And it's weird to have a disconnect between the glamorized version of sex work and BDSM and what it could be if everyone's safe, sane and consensual and everyone practices it perfectly and all the men are respectful.
00:26:59
Speaker
And then the reality on the ground is
00:27:02
Speaker
I don't like the disconnect there because it seems like they're just completely ignoring the carnage to push an ideology.
00:27:09
Speaker
And if there's anything I, you know, I think FDS is trying to cut through is let's like stop with the fairy tale, stop with the liberal fairy tales that all everything is going to be perfect in these types of communities.
00:27:21
Speaker
They're just like any
Exploitation in Polyamory and Sex Work
00:27:22
Speaker
other type of community.
00:27:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:23
Speaker
Are you telling me, for example, like that being a waitress and having shitty clients and having them sometimes be jerks and how much that affects women who work, you know, in the service industry emotionally, and then you sexualize that you're telling me that's actually better.
00:27:38
Speaker
And they're getting more respect from their clients.
00:27:40
Speaker
And these women are in power positions when, you know, they're just as desperate to make rent as someone who buses tables.
00:27:48
Speaker
Right.
00:27:48
Speaker
I don't understand how they're trying to,
00:27:50
Speaker
trying to make it seem as if this industry is the exception to the rule.
00:27:56
Speaker
It's, I mean, it defies all logic to me.
00:27:59
Speaker
Every single time that a dom does something shitty or abusive, like Armie Hammer, for example...
00:28:05
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:28:06
Speaker
They go, oh, well, not all doms are like that.
00:28:09
Speaker
It's like the not all men are like that.
00:28:10
Speaker
Not all cannibals.
00:28:11
Speaker
I mean, but it isn't even that.
00:28:12
Speaker
The discourse is, oh, well, that wasn't a dom, that was an abuser.
00:28:16
Speaker
Typical no true Scotsman fallacy.
00:28:18
Speaker
It makes absolutely no sense.
00:28:20
Speaker
If your community is predicated on abuse, which is what BDSM is, regardless of whether you consent or not, you shouldn't be surprised when... And BDSM, let's be clear, it's bondage, sadomasochism.
00:28:32
Speaker
Bondage, dominance, sadism, masochism.
00:28:35
Speaker
And it's like literally abuse.
00:28:37
Speaker
You can't then act shocked when people get abused.
00:28:40
Speaker
It's just so, so stupid.
00:28:42
Speaker
The other disturbing thing about the BDSM community is the emphasis on like the quote unquote fresh meat.
00:28:48
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:28:49
Speaker
Like, they actually fetishize the women who are new to the scene, who are younger, who don't know how to have strong boundaries and stuff like that.
00:28:58
Speaker
Those are the ones who get disproportionately targeted, right?
00:29:02
Speaker
And so it bothers me when there are women who maybe have more experience, who have been in the scene for longer, and they're pushing this pro-BDSM narrative.
00:29:09
Speaker
At the same time, they're not the ones necessarily being hurt the most.
00:29:12
Speaker
It's the less experienced women.
00:29:13
Speaker
See, that's scary.
00:29:14
Speaker
That scares me too because that sets up a situation where you have a woman who is probably seeking this out, you know, for the reasons that you guys have already stated, and then they're getting lavished with attention by this community.
00:29:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:26
Speaker
Because they're new and experienced.
00:29:29
Speaker
It is super dark.
00:29:31
Speaker
It is so insidious, actually.
00:29:33
Speaker
100%.
00:29:33
Speaker
Like, it is.
00:29:35
Speaker
I mean, there are subreddits on Reddit where, you know, people can say, I'm looking for a dom or a sub, whatever they want.
00:29:40
Speaker
And when I see...
00:29:42
Speaker
a girl who's like 18, my heart just completely sinks.
00:29:45
Speaker
Because it's like, she's gonna get, oh, I just can't even, because at that age, you don't even know what you don't know.
00:29:52
Speaker
And like, you know, Lilith said, she's got a massive target on her back and she won't even know.
00:29:58
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:29:59
Speaker
It's like a deer, like wandering out in a field, limping, being like, oh, I'm looking for a nice, friendly lion to, you know, help me.
00:30:08
Speaker
And she doesn't even realize that she's making herself so vulnerable.
00:30:12
Speaker
Oh, another thing about what Ro said earlier about consent.
00:30:17
Speaker
I feel like the concept of consent has been muddied a lot by the sex posi feminists, right?
00:30:26
Speaker
The general vibe about consent is like...
00:30:29
Speaker
oh, we believe in consent, anything that is consensual is good.
00:30:34
Speaker
But at the same time, as soon as women start putting up boundaries and saying no, which you're allowed to do under the concept of consent, all of a sudden people start to have a problem with that.
00:30:45
Speaker
And it's like, oh, you're sex negative or you're prudish.
00:30:48
Speaker
And I want to interject here.
00:30:50
Speaker
There is a really, really great article on just the concept that you said by this journalist named Louise Perry.
00:30:58
Speaker
She's been a long time.
00:30:59
Speaker
She's funny because she interacts with our FDS Twitter sometimes.
00:31:02
Speaker
She made the case just she laid out the case that you just did is that the left has no morality other than consent is OK, but they seem to ignore all of the cultural influences that go into who is allowed to say no, when they're allowed to say no, what happens when they say no.
00:31:19
Speaker
And the consequences to that.
00:31:22
Speaker
And just saying, you know, these things don't exist in a vacuum.
00:31:24
Speaker
So I think it's important when we when we just say consent is the barrier.
00:31:29
Speaker
It's like, well, technically, women who are in abusive relationships, they're kind of consenting to be there a lot of times.
00:31:34
Speaker
That's kind of the ugly truth.
00:31:35
Speaker
But we don't allow consent.
00:31:38
Speaker
women who are coming to, you know, work with black eyes to just say, well, I just love him and I want to stay all the time.
00:31:42
Speaker
And we allow them, but we also say like, sis, like what you're doing here is clearly damaging to you mentally and emotionally, right?
00:31:49
Speaker
Even if you're quote unquote, okay with his abuse, right?
00:31:53
Speaker
Yeah, like all of the sex stuff that I've done that traumatized me, I technically consented to it.
00:31:59
Speaker
Consent is a very, very low bar.
00:32:02
Speaker
And the other thing that I find dark is like, if you talk about having a negative sexual experience, like on my other like Reddit accounts, there have been cases where I say like, oh, I had this like bad sexual experience, you know, related to BDSM.
00:32:16
Speaker
There's always comments that are like, oh, but you consented to it.
00:32:20
Speaker
So it's almost placing, if a woman consents to something and then something bad happens, it's just victim blaming.
00:32:26
Speaker
They're just putting it back on the woman for, oh, well, you should have known better.
00:32:29
Speaker
You consented to it.
00:32:31
Speaker
If a man does something bad to you after you consent, you had it coming.
00:32:35
Speaker
And so that's what I mean about the concept of consent being sort of twisted by what we call left-wing patriarchy, because if you say no, you get punished.
00:32:44
Speaker
If you say yes and then you have a bad experience, you also get punished.
00:32:48
Speaker
And so it's...
00:32:50
Speaker
Is it really consent when women have been raised to have weak boundaries, have been punished their whole lives for advocating for themselves and conditioned to prioritize men's pleasure?
00:32:59
Speaker
Yeah, lip femme cool girl boss types pretend that they're above that all the time.
00:33:04
Speaker
They're not honest about it.
00:33:06
Speaker
And I think what happens is, and it's all cope, by the way, like so much of it's cope because you'll see the same...
00:33:11
Speaker
type of people on Twitter and Instagram talking about their newest anxiety problem.
00:33:16
Speaker
And it's like, well, maybe it's because you're letting dudes choke you out that you don't like or respect you, sis.
00:33:21
Speaker
It's stuff like that where the cognitive dissonance between their myriad of mental health issues and the behavior that they're engaging in, they don't want to ever...
00:33:30
Speaker
Admit that they made a mistake or that they're just regular.
00:33:34
Speaker
Like they don't, they're trying to so hard not to be like the other girls.
00:33:37
Speaker
Right.
00:33:38
Speaker
And they're harming themselves and then other people in the process because they have a microphone.
00:33:41
Speaker
I mean, pygmies are basically just the flying monkeys of the patriarchy.
00:33:44
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:45
Speaker
Like,
Importance of Boundaries and Autonomy in Relationships
00:33:46
Speaker
I feel almost kind of bad for women who defend BDSM because I used to be like that.
00:33:50
Speaker
The difference is, like, I never had a Twitter account with millions of followers.
00:33:55
Speaker
Like, I've said stupid shit in the past, but I wasn't really influencing anybody either, right?
00:33:59
Speaker
And I wasn't profiting from that either as well, right?
00:34:03
Speaker
So all these, like, sex, quote-unquote, sex advice, you know, guru people that you see on social media, the ones that are promoting these narratives that are harmful to women, I have much more limited compassion for them.
00:34:14
Speaker
I basically consider BDSM to be a form of self-harm.
00:34:18
Speaker
People choose to do things all the time that are harmful to themselves.
00:34:23
Speaker
And if someone you know is engaging in self-destructive behavior, whether that is drugs or, you know, an eating disorder or cutting themselves or being in an abusive relationship, you get them the help that they need.
00:34:35
Speaker
You don't egg them on and tell them that their self-destructive behavior is empowering.
00:34:42
Speaker
So to tie up the BDSM part of this podcast, I want to share the story of a famous actor named Dami Hammer, who was recently outed by several women for having a fetish for...
00:35:00
Speaker
I think it was for cannibalism.
00:35:02
Speaker
Not all cannibals, sis.
00:35:03
Speaker
Yeah, not all cannibals are like that, okay?
00:35:05
Speaker
Like, how dare you suggest there's something wrong?
00:35:08
Speaker
He basically sent these women quite explicit messages on Instagram, basically saying how he wanted to basically cannibalize them.
00:35:19
Speaker
I think in one message, he said he wanted to chop her to pieces.
00:35:23
Speaker
and then fuck the pile that was her body, or some weird shit like that.
00:35:28
Speaker
Or like, I want to cut off your finger and then put it in my pocket so I always have you with me, or something like that.
00:35:32
Speaker
Or some shit like that.
00:35:36
Speaker
And then we had women actually defending cannibalism as a fetish.
00:35:45
Speaker
And that
Conclusion and Call for Critical Reexamination
00:35:46
Speaker
was when I knew we have now reached the end game.
00:35:49
Speaker
of BDSM.
00:35:52
Speaker
And the only thing that can probably bring us back is probably a Thanos snap to the beginning of the Earth, because I don't know how you can come back from actually defending, you know, something like cannibalism
00:36:05
Speaker
It's weird to me.
00:36:06
Speaker
If a man says that to you, is that not a red flag?
00:36:10
Speaker
Huge red flag.
00:36:12
Speaker
Massive.
00:36:12
Speaker
It's so weird to me where they talk about, well, you should see the red flags when you're in a bad relationship.
00:36:18
Speaker
And then they normalize every type of depravity and disrespect possible.
00:36:23
Speaker
And then say, you're shaming people and you're not a real feminist and you don't understand.
00:36:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:31
Speaker
When we call it out, it's so bizarre to me.
00:36:34
Speaker
And this is why women are constantly fucking losing out here because the pick me's will normalize anything a man says.
00:36:42
Speaker
Doesn't matter.
00:36:43
Speaker
Even cannibalism.
00:36:44
Speaker
Even if he wants to eat you for a sexual gratification.
00:36:49
Speaker
There are pick me's who defend pedophilia.
00:36:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:52
Speaker
Like with the whole Amy channeler, challoner debacle, challoner.
00:36:57
Speaker
I don't know how to, uh, two L's for their whole life.
00:37:00
Speaker
Double L. Their whole life is an L to be honest.
00:37:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:05
Speaker
So, I don't know, for those of you listening, long story short, basically Reddit got shut down for a couple of days because Reddit hired a pedophile, or a pedophile-like apologist, I should say, whose father and whose husband are known pedophiles.
00:37:21
Speaker
Father was convicted of torturing and raping a 10-year-old girl.
00:37:25
Speaker
Husband was outed to be writing child pornography kink.
00:37:32
Speaker
And being the moderator of, I think, 60, 70 subs related to LGBTQ issues, some of which were for children.
00:37:40
Speaker
And some of them related to teens.
00:37:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:43
Speaker
And had a diaper fetish.
00:37:45
Speaker
And it's really sick.
00:37:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:47
Speaker
And what I was astonished by is how many people, some women included, who were saying, like, there's a difference between being a pedophile and committing child sexual abuse.
00:37:57
Speaker
Like, not all pedophiles actually rape children, and not all child rapists are pedophiles, and, you know, pedophiles deserve our sympathy, basically defending them.
00:38:07
Speaker
And...
00:38:09
Speaker
What kind of fucking world do we live in where people are defending pedophiles?
00:38:14
Speaker
Noah, bring the flood.
00:38:15
Speaker
Of all people.
00:38:16
Speaker
Like, no.
00:38:17
Speaker
There's no possible situation where that's okay.
00:38:19
Speaker
It's very scary to me because it's like almost creep creep or kink creep where they're just slowly but surely eroding people's boundaries and sense of normalcy and forcing women to be more and more sexually available, being less concerned about safeguarding around children.
00:38:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:38:37
Speaker
And not even women.
00:38:38
Speaker
Girls.
00:38:38
Speaker
Girls, yeah.
00:38:39
Speaker
Like, 10-year-old girls should be sexually available.
00:38:42
Speaker
They're saying that 10-year-old girls should be sexually available to adult men.
00:38:46
Speaker
Okay, fuck that.
00:38:47
Speaker
Fuck no, okay?
00:38:49
Speaker
That is the endgame, is to defend the worst parts of humanity.
00:38:54
Speaker
Like, the truly, like, below bar in hell, depraved beyond imagination, literally eating people!
00:39:04
Speaker
And raping children, that's the stuff that is getting normalized nowadays.
00:39:08
Speaker
The predators keep taking the microphone and they keep trying to create a situation for themselves where they can have the kind of victims that they want.
00:39:16
Speaker
And they're going to keep doing that.
00:39:17
Speaker
But the pick me is just jumping in and agreeing all the time.
00:39:21
Speaker
is the problem.
00:39:21
Speaker
And it's why we're kind of hard on them.
00:39:23
Speaker
Cause I'm like, listen, you are actually opening the door for a lot of very, very toxic, predatory, dangerous things with your knee jerk defense of whatever man gets up on a mic and tries to normalize anything, right?
00:39:37
Speaker
Like you guys got to stand on your own two feet and look at this for what it is.
00:39:40
Speaker
Like, don't, don't be so empathetic to, you
00:39:43
Speaker
people's differences that it's toxic.
00:39:45
Speaker
It's almost like a toxic level of empathy.
00:39:47
Speaker
Like they have no sense of self-preservation.
00:39:50
Speaker
And I'm like, it's fine to say, first of all, that you're grossed out by this.
00:39:55
Speaker
It's also fine to say, no, get used to saying no, be comfortable saying no.
00:39:59
Speaker
Yes.
00:40:00
Speaker
Be comfortable strategizing and looking, okay, what are all the weaknesses in this argument that could cause problems for us or me?
00:40:08
Speaker
It's fine to do that.
00:40:10
Speaker
And I'm tired of the left, like,
00:40:13
Speaker
almost weaponizing victimhood and glamorizing victimhood because it doesn't do us any good.
00:40:21
Speaker
100%.
00:40:22
Speaker
So in terms of closing remarks, I just want to conclude with the reminder that sexuality does not exist in a vacuum.
00:40:32
Speaker
What we do in the bedroom exists within a greater context, and that context is a patriarchal, racist, exploitative system.
00:40:41
Speaker
The things that make us horny are
00:40:43
Speaker
You know, it doesn't just occur randomly.
00:40:45
Speaker
It's not something that you're born with, like being gay or being lesbian.
00:40:48
Speaker
We're not born to be sexually submissive, and men are not born to be sexually violent, or even vice versa.
00:40:55
Speaker
Your kinks are a reflection of your mental state.
00:40:58
Speaker
They're a reflection of the society that you live in.
00:41:02
Speaker
It's not an innate part of who we are as humans.
00:41:06
Speaker
In general, I don't think we should be normalizing violent and degrading sex.
00:41:11
Speaker
We shouldn't be normalizing any type of sexuality that normalizes violence against women.
00:41:17
Speaker
By the way, in all of these BDSM encounters that I had, not once did a man ever make me cum.
00:41:24
Speaker
The sex was literally over when he orgasmed and his pleasure always came first.
00:41:28
Speaker
It was always his fetishes that we were exploring and I was just sort of going along with it because I wanted to be a good girlfriend or whatever.
00:41:36
Speaker
On the very rare occasion where I did manage to come, it was because I was using a vibrator on myself and he was just sort of like there.
00:41:42
Speaker
He wasn't even using the vibrator on me.
00:41:45
Speaker
I was basically just masturbating in his presence.
00:41:47
Speaker
I gained literally nothing from indulging in his fantasies except for validation and acceptance from a shitty, abusive, low-value man.
00:41:56
Speaker
And now I realize that even that was harmful because it was just part of the grooming process.
00:42:02
Speaker
My first few boyfriends, like, basically conditioned me to be easier to abuse for the next guy.
00:42:08
Speaker
We need to break this cycle.
00:42:10
Speaker
And I know a lot of our critics probably listening in are thinking to themselves like, oh my gosh, where are you finding these guys?
00:42:16
Speaker
There must be something wrong with you if you've dated so many terrible dudes because most men are good.
00:42:21
Speaker
Which, first of all, that's a lie.
00:42:22
Speaker
Most men are not good.
00:42:24
Speaker
When you've got thousands of women saying the exact same thing, there's probably at least some truth to it.
00:42:30
Speaker
That's just more victim blaming.
00:42:31
Speaker
The solution isn't just pick better guys because those guys still exist.
00:42:35
Speaker
Even if we pick different guys, they're just going to go out and abuse a different woman.
00:42:40
Speaker
This is a structural society-wide problem.
00:42:44
Speaker
Okay, so this segment, we're going to talk about polyamory.
00:42:48
Speaker
So one thing we get a lot in the subreddit is whenever we say anything remotely critical of polyamory, we always get a bunch of polyamorous people being like, oh my gosh, why are you always attacking us?
00:42:58
Speaker
Why are you always attacking polyamorous people?
00:43:01
Speaker
Blah, blah, blah.
00:43:02
Speaker
First of all, we're not the ones attacking polyamorous people.
00:43:05
Speaker
Like polyamorous people comment on our subreddit all the time being like,
00:43:09
Speaker
how dare you say anything bad about polyamory and like, I'm in a polyamorous relationship and I love it and you should promote polyamory here too, blah, blah, blah.
00:43:18
Speaker
So when we say critical stuff about polyamory, we're kind of responding to those comments.
00:43:22
Speaker
It's not coming out of nowhere.
00:43:23
Speaker
Secondly, like my problem with polyamory is that it doesn't take into account the fact that
00:43:29
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:43:30
Speaker
People who promote polyamory act like we live in a world where men and women are already equal and that there's no sexual differences between men and women.
00:43:37
Speaker
And it shows.
00:43:39
Speaker
For example, it's pretty celebrated, I guess, for one guy to have multiple girlfriends.
00:43:44
Speaker
But if one woman were to have multiple boyfriends, that is not received as positively.
00:43:48
Speaker
It's just polygamy and sister wives with a different leftist rebranding.
00:43:54
Speaker
Yeah, it's been weird to me to see the left come full circle because, again, as a person who is raised on the more conservative circles, nobody, anybody I knew was into the sister-wife thing.
00:44:06
Speaker
But I do remember.
00:44:09
Speaker
I remember watching reality shows and that was so controversial and you'd see these women coming out of those huge compounds and like the little house and the prairie dress and everybody would feel bad for them about how oppressive it was and how having a man having multiple wives is wrong and exploitative and these women were brainwashed.
00:44:26
Speaker
they would talk to the sister wives and the sister wives would justify it.
00:44:30
Speaker
Not unlike a lot of times you see polyamorous couples.
00:44:33
Speaker
I'm choosing this.
00:44:35
Speaker
This is my choice.
00:44:36
Speaker
I'm lovingly sharing this man with these other women.
00:44:39
Speaker
It makes household chores easier.
00:44:42
Speaker
We, uh, we have really good communication with each other.
00:44:45
Speaker
And so it's very, very strange.
00:44:48
Speaker
I don't, I just don't understand how
00:44:50
Speaker
For me as a person, I'm just watching these two dogmas almost align in their practice, even if they think they're ideologically different or they're coming to the same conclusion from different routes of thought.
00:45:04
Speaker
And I have to say, it's just one of those things that maybe woke me up out of the bubble of liberal feminism because I'm like, wait, wait, wait, wait.
00:45:12
Speaker
I
00:45:13
Speaker
I stopped hanging around religious people because I didn't like ideologies being pushed that I thought were not actually beneficial to women, among other things.
00:45:23
Speaker
But that's a big part of it is just looking at the practical reality of what these practices mean versus what they're trying to tell you loving submission should look like.
00:45:33
Speaker
And then be like, yeah, no, I'm not going.
00:45:34
Speaker
And to see this kind of take over secular media, it's almost like secular media has become its own little religion.
00:45:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:42
Speaker
The thing is, is like most men can't even please one woman.
00:45:46
Speaker
So what makes them think that they're entitled to have more than one?
00:45:49
Speaker
Facts.
00:45:53
Speaker
They can barely communicate.
00:45:55
Speaker
That's the crazy thing to me.
00:45:56
Speaker
And if they can communicate, they're usually very manipulative.
00:45:59
Speaker
So that's the trade-off.
00:46:00
Speaker
You get a guy that can barely string sentences together or articulate his own thoughts.
00:46:04
Speaker
And then you have the guys that are motor mouths that can sell a plate of ribs to a woman with white gloves in the summertime.
00:46:11
Speaker
Right?
00:46:12
Speaker
And I think part of the appeal of, you know, that monogamy is that you know you can, that you can get somebody else, but you're choosing to be with that person.
00:46:23
Speaker
I think for me, the entire, I can love multiple people.
00:46:27
Speaker
It just really, really takes out the essence of choosing to be with somebody.
00:46:33
Speaker
If you're essentially saying, well, I can choose to be with multiple people.
00:46:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:36
Speaker
And all the women who do this are lying to themselves.
00:46:38
Speaker
Like, I remember...
00:46:41
Speaker
There was a few of these sexperts that were pushing the polyamory thing.
00:46:45
Speaker
I want to say like Shan Booty was one.
00:46:47
Speaker
And when you get down to the nitty gritty of it, they don't actually have sex with other people.
00:46:52
Speaker
They just say, oh, you're free to do what you want.
00:46:54
Speaker
But then they're constantly vetoing it or getting jealous.
00:46:58
Speaker
And that's the same deal with...
00:47:00
Speaker
You know, a lot of the people we'd see on polygamorous couples that would be talking about on Reddit where there'd always be one person who would feel left out.
00:47:08
Speaker
They'd be like, well, I feel like I don't communicate as well with one person and I feel like I'm being left out.
00:47:13
Speaker
And I'm like, have you ever tried to go on vacation with three people?
00:47:16
Speaker
And how much of a clusterfuck that is sometimes with your friends.
00:47:19
Speaker
Because there's always like a situation where two people want to do something and another person doesn't.
00:47:23
Speaker
Are you telling me you're going to do this for a lifelong, as a lifelong lifestyle?
00:47:27
Speaker
Are you shitting me?
00:47:29
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:47:30
Speaker
Like relationships and communication are already work and are challenging enough when there's two people.
00:47:36
Speaker
When you add a third person in there, it just creates this odd sort of dynamic where, um,
00:47:42
Speaker
You know, two people might feel closer and one person might feel left out or something like that.
00:47:47
Speaker
And you see this all the time on the polyamory subreddits how, like, you know, I'm feeling jealous of my partner.
00:47:52
Speaker
How do I not feel jealous?
00:47:54
Speaker
Gee, like, maybe there's something wrong with the...
00:47:58
Speaker
the premise of your question there.
00:48:00
Speaker
You're going to, I mean, and this is just in platonic friendships.
00:48:03
Speaker
Like I said, I've gone on vacation with two other friends and it always happens at some point in the trip, two people just kind of grow closer during the, during the trip.
00:48:11
Speaker
And the third person's kind of odd way out.
00:48:13
Speaker
And it doesn't feel great for that person because then you feel like, well, did you just like, did you invite me along to split the bill?
00:48:18
Speaker
And it might not have been started out that way.
00:48:20
Speaker
It might've started with the best intentions, but there's always like little disagreements.
00:48:24
Speaker
And then
00:48:26
Speaker
If you have any issues at all in the friendship, it'll get amplified just because you have to make all these decisions and you are being forced to constantly choose sides.
00:48:35
Speaker
So it's very, very strange to me to think this dynamic is somehow perfect again, unless you have one person who's sort of dominant and then the other three kind of do, they're basically massive pygmies and that's the sister-wife situation where they have one guy that makes all the decisions and then they just go do all the domestic labor in the background.
00:48:52
Speaker
That's the only way that really works.
00:48:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:54
Speaker
So ladies, I actually have a confession about polyamory.
00:48:59
Speaker
Cause I, cause I, I totally used to be one of them.
00:49:02
Speaker
You guys can the vanilla person here.
00:49:05
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:08
Speaker
Let me tell you this story.
00:49:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:10
Speaker
So let me tell you this story.
00:49:11
Speaker
So don't let them say that we don't know what we're talking about.
00:49:13
Speaker
Cause there's more than enough women who've been in this lifestyle who are on our sub, who can tell you the truth.
00:49:19
Speaker
That's what we're telling people.
00:49:20
Speaker
The truth.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:22
Speaker
There's all these people saying like, oh, clearly you don't know anything about polyamory.
00:49:25
Speaker
I'm like, bitch, this is my live reality.
00:49:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:30
Speaker
I own my own experiences and I'm allowed to talk about them positively or negatively.
00:49:35
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:36
Speaker
If you can't handle that, like, just, just click away.
00:49:38
Speaker
Just go look somewhere else.
00:49:39
Speaker
If you can't handle someone criticizing your lifestyle, why are you looking at it?
00:49:43
Speaker
But anyways, so a bit about my experience.
00:49:46
Speaker
So I was in a relationship with a guy and, um,
00:49:50
Speaker
It was actually his idea because I went to study abroad.
00:49:53
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:49:54
Speaker
So what happened is I went to study abroad and we were like long distance relationship.
00:50:00
Speaker
And he was like, oh, babe, like, I'm just so horny.
00:50:05
Speaker
I want to like fuck around or whatever.
00:50:07
Speaker
And at the time, because I was still like live femme pick me brainwashed.
00:50:10
Speaker
I was like, oh, babe, like, you know, I like weirdly felt like compassion for my boyfriend for the fact that he wanted to cheat on me.
00:50:20
Speaker
Slip-ems will have you out here looking stupid.
00:50:22
Speaker
Like, honestly.
00:50:25
Speaker
I'm, like, cringing at myself and, like, my thought process because, okay, so the thing is, there's a few twists and turns in this story.
00:50:31
Speaker
So he ends up convincing me, like, we should have an open relationship.
00:50:35
Speaker
And he's like, oh, well, you're studying abroad.
00:50:37
Speaker
Like, I'm sure you'll have fun.
00:50:38
Speaker
I found out after the fact, apparently there was a girl he had already been seeing.
00:50:43
Speaker
And, like, they were already fucking.
00:50:46
Speaker
Oh, my gosh.
00:50:47
Speaker
What ended up happening is, um...
00:50:50
Speaker
Him and that girl didn't work out and he struggled to find another partner after this.
00:50:56
Speaker
Like he couldn't get, like, you know, they had a bit of a fling.
00:51:01
Speaker
She dumped him and he wasn't able to find anyone else after that.
00:51:05
Speaker
Meanwhile, I'm studying abroad and I'm having the time of my life.
00:51:09
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:51:10
Speaker
This is always the story, isn't it?
00:51:12
Speaker
When like the guy wants to open it up and then he realizes that that pussy land is dry for him.
00:51:18
Speaker
And so, here's the other thing is I was in college and I really wanted to not do like the whole backpacking thing.
00:51:24
Speaker
Like, you know, I don't like backpacking.
00:51:26
Speaker
It's just dirty and you're staying in hostels.
00:51:28
Speaker
And I wanted to travel with the style.
00:51:30
Speaker
So, I ended up actually finding a sugar daddy.
00:51:32
Speaker
This is the other confession.
00:51:35
Speaker
Profession number two.
00:51:37
Speaker
Sorry, don't judge me, ladies.
00:51:38
Speaker
But no, no judgment zone.
00:51:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:41
Speaker
So I ended up meeting this guy from Switzerland who was insanely rich.
00:51:47
Speaker
We sort of got together.
00:51:48
Speaker
We met online and, you know, we got together and we ended up like traveling Europe together, right?
00:51:56
Speaker
And he bankrolled the whole thing.
00:51:58
Speaker
I had some of the best experiences of my life.
00:52:01
Speaker
Fine dining, you know, going to resorts, you know, designer clothes.
00:52:04
Speaker
He actually bought me an apartment, okay?
00:52:07
Speaker
Like, he... I don't want to be... I don't want people listening to this to think that I'm, like, promoting being a sugar baby because the end result of this was that, like, he got me an apartment that was better, but then he actually ghosted on me.
00:52:17
Speaker
And so I just got evicted.
00:52:19
Speaker
Like, I couldn't pay the rent on this apartment, so I actually got evicted.
00:52:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:23
Speaker
It was like going from like a very high high to a very low low, which is why I think being a sugar baby is ultimately very risky because if you're hitching your cart to some guy, you have no control over whether he's going to continue bankrolling you.
00:52:36
Speaker
You don't want to ever be in a situation where he's paying for your housing and he can withdraw that support at any time.
00:52:43
Speaker
And in which case you're just screwed.
00:52:44
Speaker
But anyways, there was a lot of stuff that happened.
00:52:47
Speaker
Um, with my boyfriend back in Canada, he, um,
00:52:53
Speaker
He was not pleased.
00:52:54
Speaker
Like when I was talking about like some of the traveling experiences that I was having that were amazing, he was super jealous, obviously.
00:53:03
Speaker
And it got to a point where he was like, oh, you know, I've reconsidered, like, I want to close our relationship again.
00:53:12
Speaker
You know, like he, he, he wasn't comfortable with this, like he was no longer comfortable with it.
00:53:17
Speaker
And I was at that point, I was just like, well, too fucking bad.
00:53:20
Speaker
Like I'm having a good time.
00:53:22
Speaker
You were the one who opened this Pandora's box.
00:53:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:53:25
Speaker
I'm not going to, I'm not going to close it just because you changed your mind because you're not having as much fun as me.
00:53:29
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:53:30
Speaker
They only want it if it doesn't actually make you happy.
00:53:33
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:53:34
Speaker
Like he only asked for the open relationship because he wanted permission to cheat on me openly.
00:53:40
Speaker
And then when that didn't work out for him...
00:53:43
Speaker
And I opened up the relationship and I ended up having a great time.
00:53:46
Speaker
That's when he was like, nope, we can't have this.
00:53:48
Speaker
Like, shut it down.
00:53:50
Speaker
Back to monogamy.
00:53:51
Speaker
We ended up breaking up over this, right?
00:53:53
Speaker
Obviously, like, this was an era.
00:53:55
Speaker
So funny thing, he actually made a post on Reddit that he shared with me.
00:54:00
Speaker
And he, of course, painted it in a way of like, I'm the victim.
00:54:03
Speaker
You know, my girlfriend wanted to open up the relationship and I'm not comfortable with it.
00:54:07
Speaker
Like, he made it seem like it was my idea.
00:54:09
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:54:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:33
Speaker
This is the thing that men do is they go post one-sided stories on the relationship subs and then they share it with their girlfriend so they can be like, see, there's all these other people agreeing with me.
00:54:41
Speaker
Look how many upvotes they have.
00:54:43
Speaker
Or look how many upvotes I have.
00:54:46
Speaker
Anyways, long story short, the whole polyamory thing kind of worked out for me.
00:54:50
Speaker
It did work out for him.
00:54:52
Speaker
Yeah, it did kind of work out for him.
00:54:56
Speaker
A beautiful story.
00:54:59
Speaker
Poor little Tim.
00:54:59
Speaker
It didn't work out for him, as we say.
00:55:04
Speaker
In the US, we say he fucked around and found out.
00:55:07
Speaker
And that was my brief stint in polyamory.
00:55:09
Speaker
But yeah, the sugar baby thing definitely did not work for me.
00:55:12
Speaker
Like, I after that experience, I was just like, so traumatized.
00:55:16
Speaker
I never wanted to go there again.
00:55:18
Speaker
I just had trust issues.
00:55:19
Speaker
And it's a weird dynamic with sugar babies because if you ask for any safeguards or ask for any security or guarantees, there's almost this implication of like, oh, well, there's thousands of other girls out there who don't have all these demands.
00:55:34
Speaker
So, you know, I'm just going to go for them kind of thing, right?
00:55:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:38
Speaker
I do think the lack of security is deliberate because that's their leverage over you.
00:55:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:44
Speaker
Like, they'll even kind of imply that, oh, there's like thousands of, you know, beautiful college girls out there don't have any boundaries.
00:55:51
Speaker
And so if you have any boundaries, then then I'm just going to move on kind of thing.
00:55:54
Speaker
So you're almost like socially coerced into.
00:55:57
Speaker
Well, that makes sense, right?
00:55:58
Speaker
Because a lot of times abusive people like to foster a sense of dependency, right?
00:56:02
Speaker
That's part of the whole thing.
00:56:04
Speaker
And the other thing is I was 19 years old.
00:56:06
Speaker
OK, so I was young.
00:56:07
Speaker
I didn't really know a whole lot about.
00:56:10
Speaker
you know, I don't know.
00:56:12
Speaker
I was vulnerable.
00:56:13
Speaker
I didn't really, and I'm interacting with men who are like in their thirties and forties.
00:56:17
Speaker
They're, they have much more life experience than me.
00:56:20
Speaker
They, you know,
00:56:22
Speaker
I don't know.
00:56:23
Speaker
I was young and stupid.
00:56:24
Speaker
I didn't know better, but it ended up not working out for me.
00:56:27
Speaker
But I'd never really tried polyamory again after that just because it kind of left a bad taste in my mouth after that.
00:56:34
Speaker
The other unexplored aspect of it and something I have talked to some women about is that this is kind of... The polyamory thing was sort of a safe way to be bisexual if you were a woman.
00:56:46
Speaker
Now it's become much more open and it's fine to be a person who is bisexual openly, but...
00:56:52
Speaker
Sometimes it also attracts women who are really trying to come to grips with their sexuality.
00:56:58
Speaker
And it's almost like a stepping stone to say, well, we're, we're in a relationship, right?
00:57:04
Speaker
For women who are bisexual, I think they're just better off only dating women.
00:57:08
Speaker
Like, you know, why, like why involve a man at all?
00:57:14
Speaker
Like if you have, if you have the option of dating other, if you have the option of not dating men, why would you date a man?
00:57:19
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:22
Speaker
It's just performative straightness, right?
00:57:24
Speaker
I guess, yeah.
00:57:25
Speaker
Like heteronormativity kind of stuff, yeah.
00:57:28
Speaker
You know when you're on Tinder and there's like the Tinder couples and they're looking for a third?
00:57:35
Speaker
Oh, God.
00:57:35
Speaker
They're never looking for another man, right?
00:57:37
Speaker
And that's the other thing about polyamory.
00:57:39
Speaker
They're always looking for a quote-unquote unicorn, right?
00:57:41
Speaker
They're the unicorn hunters.
00:57:43
Speaker
They're never looking for another man or very rarely.
00:57:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:46
Speaker
And that's another thing that is fucking bullshit about polyamory is the fact that they're basically treating these other women as like a sex toy for their shit relationship.
00:57:55
Speaker
Yeah, it's very, very weird because I'm like, you want me to be part of your awkward relationship dynamic?
00:58:02
Speaker
I don't even like being part of my own awkward relationship dynamics.
00:58:05
Speaker
Why would I insert myself into somebody else's?
00:58:07
Speaker
And most of these people, like, their relationship is on the rocks anyways.
00:58:11
Speaker
Like, I'm firmly of the belief that if you have to ask your partner to open up your marriage or become polyamorous, your relationship's already doomed.
00:58:20
Speaker
And it's just a last-ditch effort to try to save things, but it's not savable.
00:58:26
Speaker
It's doomed, yeah.
00:58:27
Speaker
Like, I mean, I've known a few, for example, low value guys who've admitted to me and said, you know, when I asked to open up my relationship, like one of them was a dom who was in a relationship with a woman who wasn't into the scene.
00:58:40
Speaker
So he was like, I need to see some, I basically need to abuse submissives because it's what I need.
00:58:45
Speaker
Um, and they opened it up on that basis and surprise, surprise, it didn't work out.
00:58:49
Speaker
So.
00:58:50
Speaker
And those ones actually are kind of gross to me because it's very like Madonna whore complex ish, right?
00:58:56
Speaker
Like, you know, my girlfriend or my wife isn't into BDSM and I respect her.
00:59:01
Speaker
So I'm not going to do those.
00:59:03
Speaker
We've even seen Reddit posts where like a girl is the third and he says to her straight up, like, I respect my wife too much to do these things to her.
00:59:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:12
Speaker
And then she's like, wait, so he's saying that he doesn't respect me.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yes.
00:59:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's what he's saying, sis.
00:59:17
Speaker
That's what he's saying.
00:59:18
Speaker
That's exactly what he's saying.
00:59:19
Speaker
It's weird because, again, left-wing fairy tale where they always think that these guys really love them deep down and all these men who pay for sex with them or invite them to these situations where they're clearly at a disadvantage.
00:59:32
Speaker
In their head, they're like, oh, he respects me.
00:59:34
Speaker
But when you listen to what men actually say, and they say this very explicitly sometimes in addition to, you know, passive aggressively, they don't respect these women.
00:59:43
Speaker
They don't do these things to women they respect.
00:59:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:46
Speaker
And that actually brings, goes full circle back to the, like, sex work stuff.
00:59:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:51
Speaker
I don't know if we want to talk, get into sex work.
00:59:53
Speaker
The whole sex industry is its own thing.
00:59:55
Speaker
But prostitutes say all the time, like, oh, half my clients are married men or most of my clients are married men and they do stuff with me that they wouldn't want to do with their wife.
01:00:04
Speaker
Like, how can you say that and think that there's nothing wrong with that?
01:00:08
Speaker
That's not a compliment to you.
01:00:09
Speaker
They always think that the wife's a harpy bitch, right?
01:00:12
Speaker
That's the other subtext with sex workers saying that.
01:00:15
Speaker
And you see that a lot of times.
01:00:16
Speaker
They're the side chick, right?
01:00:17
Speaker
Oh, his wife doesn't understand him.
01:00:19
Speaker
There's even like a sex worker that made a TED talk like that.
01:00:21
Speaker
That was basically like, oh, a lot of guys come to me for emotional support they're not getting with their wives and girlfriends.
01:00:27
Speaker
And so I'm just telling you girls what they need.
01:00:29
Speaker
And I'm like, they're probably garbage husbands.
01:00:32
Speaker
That's why.
01:00:33
Speaker
They're probably a terrible husband.
01:00:34
Speaker
That's why they're not getting emotional support.
01:00:37
Speaker
And the thing is, they probably they probably are getting emotional support.
01:00:40
Speaker
These men go to these sex workers and they just lied.
01:00:42
Speaker
Right.
01:00:43
Speaker
They lie.
01:00:44
Speaker
They'll say my marriage is shit.
01:00:46
Speaker
Like my wife's not putting out.
01:00:48
Speaker
They're justifying it to themselves.
01:00:49
Speaker
But it's a complete lie.
01:00:52
Speaker
That's why they don't leave their wife.
01:00:54
Speaker
They act like it's some kind of precious secret that they're only being told.
01:00:57
Speaker
And I'm like, this is the most pick me ignorance I've ever seen.
01:01:00
Speaker
Again,
01:01:01
Speaker
Every time you find yourself just face value taking what men say to you, really check yourself because they create these whole narratives out of nothing, spinning webs of lies to justify their nonsense.
01:01:12
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:14
Speaker
Cap, cap, capping.
01:01:15
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:16
Speaker
It's the capping, isn't it?
01:01:17
Speaker
Like he's capping like that article said on the website, like men, you know, turning Pinocchio.
01:01:24
Speaker
It's like turning Pinocchio into a real boy.
01:01:26
Speaker
Men will say something and just they don't even believe it themselves.
01:01:32
Speaker
They'll just say it and just hope that, you know, a woman latches onto it and believes it.
01:01:37
Speaker
They just need one woman for it to for it to work for them.
01:01:40
Speaker
And that's it.
01:01:41
Speaker
Sex work Twitter is a landmine, but there was one woman I saw describing her sex work and saying that she got treated nicer by her Johns than any guy in her real life and was kind of bragging about it.
01:01:53
Speaker
That's so sad.
01:01:54
Speaker
It made me so sad.
01:01:55
Speaker
And I was like, you almost can't even say anything to him because you're like, girl, that's actually tragic.
01:02:01
Speaker
And I feel bad because I want to tell you no truth.
01:02:06
Speaker
they're not treating you well at all.
01:02:08
Speaker
But then I also don't want to clearly break your very fragile sense of self, already fragile sense of self.
01:02:14
Speaker
So it's like a balance between telling these women the truth and then not destroying them by the truth.
01:02:21
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:23
Speaker
It reminds me a lot.
01:02:24
Speaker
I have a friend who, um,
01:02:28
Speaker
in a relationship with this guy named Josh.
01:02:30
Speaker
I fucking hate Josh, okay?
01:02:31
Speaker
So he's like 10 years older than her, and he's a low-value man, is the worst person ever.
01:02:37
Speaker
I'm using his real name, by the way.
01:02:39
Speaker
Fuck Josh.
01:02:39
Speaker
I want Josh out there to hear this and be like, I am trash.
01:02:44
Speaker
Yeah, Josh, you are trash, okay?
01:02:46
Speaker
Anyway, so he's like 10 years older than her, and
01:02:49
Speaker
Because she's been in an abusive relationship, like, every single relationship she's ever had was physically and emotionally abusive.
01:02:56
Speaker
And because this guy doesn't actively beat her, she's like, oh my gosh, he's, like, one of the good ones.
01:03:01
Speaker
And, like, you know, he treats me better than any man I've ever been with.
01:03:04
Speaker
And I'm like, girl, that's not a flex, okay?
01:03:06
Speaker
That's not something to be proud of.
01:03:08
Speaker
That's really, really sad.
01:03:09
Speaker
And so I don't like how...
01:03:11
Speaker
women have been set up to have such low expectations where a guy walks along who doesn't actively beat her, actively abuse her.
01:03:18
Speaker
And she's like, wow, he's a great guy.
01:03:20
Speaker
He's one of the good ones.
01:03:20
Speaker
Like they have not earned that title.
01:03:22
Speaker
Pick me stories are the worst.
01:03:23
Speaker
There is yet another one from Twitter where a woman was describing, this is actually one of, I think our most upvoted posts on, on the subreddit, but she was talking about how she had broken her leg and, um,
01:03:37
Speaker
she was making out with this guy and then she couldn't cause it was painful.
01:03:40
Speaker
And so he stopped and she was like, I thought that was the nicest thing any guy's ever done for me.
01:03:45
Speaker
It means stopped having sex with you and like, let you stay.
01:03:50
Speaker
Basically he let her stay and watch the movie with him.
01:03:52
Speaker
And I'm like, that's the nicest thing.
01:03:54
Speaker
He did kick you out immediately after having, you know, because you didn't have sex with him.
01:03:58
Speaker
And I was just like, Oh my God, I don't know what to say to stuff like that because I'm like, that's,
01:04:03
Speaker
Bare minimum, sis.
01:04:05
Speaker
Bare minimum.
01:04:06
Speaker
That's not even bare minimum.
01:04:07
Speaker
That's just like... Being a decent person, not kicking someone out in the middle of the night because they couldn't have sex with you in that moment.
01:04:13
Speaker
Like, what the heck?
01:04:14
Speaker
And the sad thing is, is like that actually does happen all the time.
01:04:16
Speaker
Like there have been times where... Here's the thing.
01:04:19
Speaker
Ladies listening... Ladies who are listening in on this, if a guy asks you to his place, he wants to fuck you.
01:04:25
Speaker
Okay.
01:04:26
Speaker
I don't care what he says.
01:04:27
Speaker
Just cuddle.
01:04:28
Speaker
Just a cuddle.
01:04:29
Speaker
We just want to cook together.
01:04:30
Speaker
Just Netflix and chill, whatever.
01:04:32
Speaker
If you go to his place, he has the expectation that you're going to have sex.
01:04:35
Speaker
Okay.
01:04:36
Speaker
So don't go there unless you are okay with having sex.
01:04:39
Speaker
And even then you're allowed to say no at any time and leave.
01:04:42
Speaker
But there have been times where, you know, I, I'd go to a guy's place and for whatever reason, I just didn't want to have sex and they would just kick me out in the middle of the night.
01:04:51
Speaker
They don't care.
01:04:53
Speaker
As soon as you put up a boundary, they're like, okay, you're of no use to me.
01:04:56
Speaker
Like, get out.
01:04:57
Speaker
What?
01:04:57
Speaker
Seriously?
01:04:58
Speaker
I mean, I'm quite inexperienced in this area because I wouldn't...
01:05:04
Speaker
I can't believe they would do that.
01:05:07
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
01:05:08
Speaker
And not just not even not having sex.
01:05:10
Speaker
Like they're, they're, I remember, like I said something that was like mildly offensive to a guy and he, you know, kicked me out and it wasn't even that bad.
01:05:20
Speaker
We were like watching like a true crime documentary about a woman going to a guy's place for a date.
01:05:25
Speaker
He murders her.
01:05:26
Speaker
And I made a joke that was like, Oh,
01:05:28
Speaker
ha ha, hope you don't do that to me.
01:05:30
Speaker
And he just lost it.
01:05:32
Speaker
Like, he just was like, I can't believe you would even imply that I would do such a thing.
01:05:38
Speaker
And yeah, like, just didn't understand.
01:05:40
Speaker
I was fucking joking and then kicked me out.
01:05:41
Speaker
I was like, wow, fuck you.
01:05:43
Speaker
When you look at the way that men will defend the stupidest boundaries for no reason, and you see a lot of women mulling over whether we should...
01:05:52
Speaker
defend legitimate boundaries and then all the pick me's and media coming for us it just it feels patently unfair and it feels very sexist that everybody's everybody is invested in telling women that our boundaries are messed up and wrong and aren't being set right and i'm just like we're gonna be the the the light in the tunnel and at the end of the dark tunnel that's like whatever you feel deep in your heart honor it
01:06:16
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
01:06:16
Speaker
If he just eats his food wrong and you don't want to look at it anymore, girl, get up and leave.
01:06:20
Speaker
That's fine.
01:06:21
Speaker
Yeah.
01:06:21
Speaker
If he breathes wrong, if he has a weird lisp, actually, no, I shouldn't say that.
01:06:26
Speaker
That's maybe too far.
01:06:28
Speaker
Never far enough.
01:06:30
Speaker
No, if he pisses you off, I don't know, say you don't like guys with the name Brandon or whatever, like dump him.
01:06:35
Speaker
I mean, but ultimately an interpersonal or like personal relationship is different to a work relationship or any other kind of relationship.
01:06:43
Speaker
You can be as discriminatory as you, I mean, as you want, like there is nothing wrong with that because the, because the amount of, you know, physical, emotional, mental investment in a personal relationship, like a romantic relationship,
01:06:57
Speaker
is quite different to any other.
01:06:59
Speaker
So, like, the men who tend to have the biggest issues with, like, women's standards are the ones who don't meet them.
01:07:05
Speaker
I mean, aka the men who don't matter anyway.
01:07:07
Speaker
You know, let them be mad.
01:07:09
Speaker
Yeah, like, who cares if you're alienating low-value men, okay?
01:07:12
Speaker
That is the whole point.
01:07:14
Speaker
Yeah, who cares what they think?
01:07:15
Speaker
They're just going to get mad.
01:07:16
Speaker
Let them be mad.
01:07:17
Speaker
I'm sure there are people who complain that the Rolls Royce is too expensive, but the people complaining, it's not marketed towards them anyway, because the people that can actually afford a Rolls Royce will pay for it without complaining.
01:07:29
Speaker
So it's the same principle.
01:07:31
Speaker
Whenever a guy is doing something shitty and then a woman is like, I don't like this.
01:07:35
Speaker
I want to have a boundary about this.
01:07:36
Speaker
There's always people going, oh, but all men are like that.
01:07:39
Speaker
If you want a relationship, you have, it's most commonly said in the context of porn, right?
01:07:44
Speaker
My boyfriend is a porn addict and I hate it.
01:07:46
Speaker
And then all the replies are like, all men watch porn.
01:07:49
Speaker
So if you want a boyfriend, you have to, you have to put up with that.
01:07:52
Speaker
No, you don't.
01:07:53
Speaker
You do not have to put up with it.
01:07:55
Speaker
Okay.
01:07:56
Speaker
You don't have to put up with porn.
01:07:57
Speaker
Yeah, you don't have to put up with porn.
01:07:59
Speaker
I'm going to call them on their bluff, and if they go, oh, all men watch porn.
01:08:02
Speaker
If you want a relationship, you have to put up with it.
01:08:05
Speaker
I'm going to go, no thanks.
01:08:07
Speaker
I don't want to put up with it, so I don't want a relationship.
01:08:09
Speaker
Thanks.
01:08:10
Speaker
That is the key there.
01:08:12
Speaker
Ladies, if there's something that your guy's doing, sexually or otherwise, that you don't like, you don't need to negotiate down your boundaries.
01:08:20
Speaker
You're not missing something.
01:08:21
Speaker
You don't need to communicate with him in a way that doesn't hurt his feelings or whatever.
01:08:26
Speaker
Just break up with him.
01:08:27
Speaker
That's it.
01:08:27
Speaker
It's that simple.
01:08:28
Speaker
That's our show.
01:08:29
Speaker
Another one in the box.
01:08:30
Speaker
All right.
01:08:31
Speaker
Cool.
01:08:33
Speaker
Please visit our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com as well as our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:08:42
Speaker
Thank you for listening, queens.
01:08:43
Speaker
And for all you scrotes out there, Andrea Dworkin got more pussy than you.
01:08:54
Speaker
See you next week.