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S2E21 Who?! 3X Surrogate, Jenn DiMillo
64 Plays3 months ago
On today's episode, I get to sit down with Jenn DiMillo, a remarkable three-time gestational carrier who began her surrogacy journey at the age of 40. Jenn opens up about her life-changing decision in 2015 and how her first match with intended parents sparked a deep desire to bring joy to more families.
Jenn's story is one of beauty, love, and perseverance. While she faced challenges along the way, the overwhelming support and profound joy she experienced shine through in each of her three incredible journeys. Tune in to hear Jenn's heartfelt story filled with love and pure happiness.
Takeaways
- Surrogacy is a deeply personal and rewarding experience that allows individuals to help others create a family.
- The matching process between surrogates and intended parents is crucial for building a strong relationship and ensuring a positive journey. Surrogacy involves physical and emotional challenges, but the support of loved ones and open communication with intended parents can make the experience fulfilling.
- Each surrogacy journey is unique, and surrogates have the opportunity to form lasting connections with intended parents. Becoming a gestational carrier can be a rewarding experience for women who have had positive pregnancies and enjoy being pregnant.
- Having a strong relationship with the intended parents is crucial for a successful surrogacy journey.
- Mental and physical preparedness are important factors to consider before becoming a gestational carrier.
- A supportive agency can provide guidance and support throughout the surrogacy process.
- Surrogacy can have a positive impact on everyone involved, including the gestational carrier, intended parents, and the children.
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Transcript
Jen's Surrogacy Journey Begins
00:00:00
Speaker
Hi everyone. On this episode of me, you, and who, I had the pleasure of speaking with Jen, a remarkable three-time gestational carrier.
00:00:12
Speaker
In 2015, at the age of 40, Jen decided to explore what it meant to be a surrogate and her life has grown so much sweeter ever since. Jen shares her experience of matching with her first set of intended parents and how that incredible journey inspired her to bring such joy to other families again and again.
00:00:35
Speaker
While each journey was beautiful, Jen also faced some challenges. However, her story is filled with support and profound joy. And you'll hear nothing but love and pure happiness as Jen shares about her three incredible journeys.
00:00:54
Speaker
me, you, and who? Who knew it would take more than two people to have a baby?
Podcast Purpose and Hosts
00:01:00
Speaker
In a world where infertility is no longer a taboo topic, this podcast will take you through all of the different aspects of surrogacy and egg donation through the lens of many who walk this journey in different ways. My name is Whitney Hall, and I am a two-time Surrogate Now Turned Surrogacy Coordinator for Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:21
Speaker
the very agency I used when I chose to carry for two amazing families. With this podcast, it is our goal to help guide and support you as you learn about what it takes to grow a family in an alternative way, as well as hear inspiring and beautiful stories of how this path has changed lives forever. We can't wait for you to hear about just one more way happy families are created every day.
00:01:50
Speaker
I'm so glad you're here. Whitney. Thanks for having me. Oh my gosh. Of course. I mean, and we've already said it. We just love chatting about all of the things. So I'm just so excited to hear more of your story in depth.
Interest in Surrogacy and First Match
00:02:06
Speaker
Yeah. Um, well, let me start with my first one. So, you know, well, hold on before we even get there, what even led you to surrogacy in the first place? You know, it kind of started. So both of my kids were in junior high.
00:02:19
Speaker
And I kind of said to my husband, I'm like, no, I kind of, you know, do you want to maybe have another baby? He's like, cause you're crazy. He goes, no. The boys are in your eyes. Like, I do not want to start all over again. Yeah. The finish line. It's like right there. You can like see it. So I kind of got thinking and my youngest son, Anthony, was playing on a team with Lauren's son.
00:02:46
Speaker
Oh, yeah. So and everybody kept talking about Lauren in the twins Lauren in the twins. I'm like, I don't see any twins. I see her like two boys there, but they're not twins. And sure, so I kind of found out what she did. And I said to my my husband, I'm like, you know, what do you think about that? He's like, really, you want to you want to do that? Like, I don't know. I mean, I was 40 at the time.
00:03:11
Speaker
So I had been pregnant in you know a long time, so I didn't know if I was too old. I really didn't know much about it. sure i got I got talking to Lauren, and she kind of filled me in on how it all works. And she asked me if that's something I'd be interested in. I'm like, you know what? Why not? Let's let's just see. I had you know was very blessed to have great pregnancies with both boys. yeah I just enjoyed being pregnant. And I'm like, you know what? Here's a chance for me that to do something and to help somebody, something that I would never ever it really even crossed my mind back when I was younger. And um I figured, you know, if everything falls into place, why not? but Let's just see, let's let's see where it goes. Yeah. Oh my gosh. That's amazing. Well, and I think it's so, I think it's so interesting because a lot of people, um, you know, you mentioned like, okay, Hey, I'm 40. Like there's no way. Right. well i'm like Yeah.
00:04:08
Speaker
You know, because they say usually, you know, people are done having kids by the time they're in their early thirties or mid thirties, at least for me. I mean, I was done having my kids by the time I was, I got Anthony, I was 29, I turned 30 that winter. So yeah, so I was, you know, I was done having kids, but you know. Yeah, that ship sailed. Yeah. And you know, a lot of women now are having babies later in life. Yeah. Because you know, times have changed and people are getting married later and everything else. So, so yeah, it was just really crazy to kind of have it.
00:04:37
Speaker
you know, come up the way that it did and everything kind of worked out, you know, the first time and yeah, very, very crazy, very, very surreal, very surreal experience. want to do? What was maybe the thing that was like pushed you over the edge as far as like, no, this is for sure. This is for sure. I, you know, I, I met the first couple,
00:05:07
Speaker
that I was introduced to. And, you know, I just, we kind of, I fell in love with them. And I just, you know, having been fortunate to have two kids of my own with no, you know, IVF, I mean, I did it, you know, everything was worked the way it was supposed to work. I just, I mean, my heart kind of broke for them, you know, knowing everything that they were going through. And I just couldn't imagine not being able to, you know, to have a child the way that they wanted to.
00:05:33
Speaker
You know, I just kind of, my husband and I talked about it. He wasn't too crazy about it at first. He's like, you know, I don't know if you're going to, you know, mentally, if you're going to be okay. And I'm like, you know, I'm, I'm okay. You know, not having, having that the baby, of the child for the, for the 18 years, right? My pregnancy for me just came real easily. And I just, you know, kind of felt a little bit of a calling to, you know, to help those that weren't able to do it.
00:05:59
Speaker
Yeah, you know, again, my pregnancies work were good. I didn't have any issues. And I know a lot of women, like a lot of my girlfriends are like, you're nuts. You And Michael, you know, I was I guess one of the one of the lucky
Support and Matching Process
00:06:14
Speaker
ones.
00:06:14
Speaker
Sure. So when when you were talking to your husband and about all of this and you know he had concerns and you said he wasn't wild about it at first, I mean, it sounded like he was really just concerned for your mental health. But what what kind of brought him around to you supporting this and ultimately supporting this three different times? Yeah, yeah. yeah um you know He just kind of he kind of heard what I was saying. And you know I think he kind of looked at it from that perspective as well. yeah um have, you know, not to be able to have kids, you know, himself. And, you know, he just, and he met the parents, you know, obviously the first time as well. And we just really clicked. We really clicked. And, you know, honestly, Lauren made it so easy. I guess if that's, if I want to say that very easy to, you know, for the for the whole process. And it was, you know, just a great experience and not really knowing much about it. She did a phenomenal job of just explaining everything. You know, the clinic was amazing.
00:07:14
Speaker
Um, everybody was amazing. Sure. You felt educated along the way, having gone from kind of this vague idea of, you know, whispers of this woman, Lauren and these twins, right? All of a sudden. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it was just, again, everything kind of just lined right up and.
00:07:32
Speaker
Yeah. It was just, it was amazing. Oh, I love that. So, okay. you With meeting with kind of like that matching process and you know, you're meeting intended parents for the first time. What would you say was that thing that kind of let you know like, Oh, this was, this is right. Like these, these are the intended parents that I want to go on this journey with. Well, we've, we've, we've both had the same person name. Oh my God. I love it. She was a little bit older than me.
00:08:02
Speaker
And, um, you know, I just, we listened to their story and, you know, they had such and just a, just a nice, nice, just such a nice couple, such a sweet couple. And you know, just, I really don't know how to, how to describe it. We just really clicked with them and they were just so appreciative. And I kind of, I'm not one to really talk about myself. So to, you know, at that yeah meeting, we met up for dinner and it was very just weird for me to kind of sit there and kind of like promote yourself. and Sure. No, you don't want to seem over the top, but you kind of, you know, I just, you know, I was very open and honest and truthful and they were too. And yeah, we just mean Lauren just did a ah great job and you know, matching. Cause I said to her, I'm like, you know me, you know, the couples that you have. So I'm like, I'll just leave it in your good hands to, you know, match us because you know, both personalities. And you know, I told her that
00:08:57
Speaker
I was open to whatever type of relationship that you know the parents wanted. And I'm not going to force something. And you know I've been very lucky to have all three couples who still remain in touch and everything else. But you trusted that process. Yes, I did. I did. Because I knew Lauren. I trusted Lauren. I knew that she knew what she was doing. And you know and there guess there is at you know at some point, there was an option that things don't work out. Then you can kind of walk away. And that's me. I didn't want to do that.
00:09:26
Speaker
um But yeah, they were just the first couple. They were just so amazing. And we just, we really just clicked. Just very genuine, generally nice people. Hmm. I love that. I love that. So as you're starting on this journey and you yourself have these two middle school boys, how did you navigate explaining the process to
Involving Family and Overcoming Challenges
00:09:46
Speaker
them? And then how did they navigate it with, you know, their friends? Yeah, they, uh, they learned a lot. That's for sure. they could alert ah I think one time they, they watched, um, my husband give me the injection and
00:10:00
Speaker
Sure. My youngest one, he's like, yeah, I don't want to ever see that again. It was a little too long. um But no, they were great, actually. I mean, they like I said, they learned a lot. We definitely involved them in the whole process.
00:10:14
Speaker
Um, and a lot of their friends, you can see me pregnant and they're like, Oh, sure your mom's pregnant. You guys, you haven't a brother or a sister. And they're like, well, you know, here's what's going on. Yeah. yeah and So their friend thought it was really cool. And so they kind of teach their friends everything about it and how it all works and everything else. But yeah, they were, they were great. And they, I think, you know, especially my youngest one has always been, you know, I always said he'd make a phenomenal big brother, you know? So him having these three.
00:10:44
Speaker
you know, surrogate siblings is what we call them. He loves that. He really does. And yeah, but they were they were great. Their friends were great. And, you know, we'd we'd be walking through the mall four of us and I'd be pregnant and we'd get some some funny looks like oh sure that's a mistake you know almost teenage boy sure absolutely but little did they know right exactly oh my gosh okay so you you went on your first journey tell us about it so yeah so the first one we um is from a couple of Fort Myers
00:11:27
Speaker
And the clinic I said was, you know, was here in Tampa and the first transfer actually didn't take. And that was kind of, that was kind of a kind of hard because you know, if you think everything's going to work, it's such a science that it's not, it's not a guarantee either. And that kind of sent me back like, wow, yeah, this is, you know, it's not a short thing. So that was a little disappointing, but you know, we, we moved on and we transfer, I think the first one was in April.
00:11:55
Speaker
They were transferred again in August. And that one took. And it was a girl, which, you know, when people found out I was having a girl, they were like, oh my God, are you okay with having a girl? I'm like, oh, I'm fine. I'm like, I am good. I got two boys. I am glad with two boys. I am good. But yeah, they, you know, I wasn't, with both of my boys, I went naturally. I wasn't induced or anything like that. But with this one where I was over 40,
00:12:25
Speaker
they induced me, they were going to induce me, but we were actually at travel ball games all weekend long. Okay. And we, I think we had nine baseball games in a matter of like two days with both my boys who playing travel. Oh my gosh. I remember we got into bed that night and I'm like, Oh, just so tired. And I was in just over 38 weeks. And my husband's like, Oh, cause I just can't wait to go to sleep. And I hopped out of bed real quick. I'm like, um, like I think my water just broke. My water had never broken with either one of my voice. I wasn't quite sure what was going on. Yeah. So I get into the bathroom like, yeah, I think so. So he called the parents report Myers and like, okay, well I'm like, well just, just be on standby and let's see, you know, what what we're, what we're, what's going to happen to it. It was like 10 o'clock at night.
00:13:14
Speaker
And we get there and I get out of the car and I'm like, and like, my water definitely broke. It was just like finished ringing. Yes. So yeah, they got there later that evening or I guess the night he up there about 1 a.m. because they were it was about two and a half hour drive from Fort Myers. But yeah, I had her in that morning and it was just it was such a surreal experience just to see you know, the mom, remember her saying to me, she's like, she goes, do you mind if I look? I'm like, this is your baby. I'm like, you, by that point, as you know, you've had a couple of kids when you're on your own, you're like, you're whatever. What is modesty at this point? Yeah, we're done. We're over it. But she just, you know, she watched the whole thing and she just see the look on her face afterwards and just see the pure joy and like, wow, that's just, it was just, it was something. But the pregnancy was,
Second Surrogacy and New Experiences
00:14:12
Speaker
very easy. It was almost like I was pregnant again for the first time because I've been 10, 11 years inside and pregnant. Sure. Yeah. So it was very, very different. We spent a couple of days in the hospital together and when they went to leave, I was a hot mess. She was crying. I was crying. I was like, are you okay? And I'm like, I'm not sad that she's not coming home with us. It's more, it's over. I mean, you deliver her.
00:14:42
Speaker
And that's it. There's no leading up to it. And it sounds to me, you deliver on the babies and everything. There's such a finality to it in a sense. Yeah. But we kind of all got our tears out. And although I think for a couple of weeks later, yeah, I think it was about a couple of weeks. I was still kind of up and down and all over the place. But I think it was just the hormones and just what I had done and just, again, I can't believe that I did it, that I actually did that for somebody. And it was just, you know, you kind of just get really good feeling. It's almost like a high to like just knowing that you helped somebody create a family. And not a lot of people can do that. Not a lot of people want to do that.
00:15:27
Speaker
so but Well, and it it's so interesting because I think you you know you hit the nail on the head as far as that fin like that finality to the whole thing because that is the end game. It's seeing mom and or you know parent like becoming a parent for the first time. or you know finishing their family or growing their, but you know, whatever the the context is and just that that look of pure joy. yeah And then this big huge thing happens and you go home and nothing in your life has changed.
00:16:08
Speaker
And I think it's, I i know that's something, you know, as a coordinator and then as a surrogate myself, I was always like, okay, I know this big thing is about to happen. This is so weird. I've just done this big thing and my kiddos are still asking for snacks at the end of the day and life just kind of keeps going on. And I remember having the best advice given to me. It was go and have something to look forward to. Go and like, you know, for your family, go and have something to look forward to. Because like you said, it's not like you're sad that the baby's gone.
00:16:37
Speaker
You've just done this really big thing and it's kind of like, wow, that's done. That's over. And then, you know, you go home and there's no babies you care of. So you kind of sit there and you're like, what are you, you know, like you said, you know, what do you do? So you kind of have to plan for something to look forward to be kind of just.
00:17:06
Speaker
I didn't think I was going to because when I had the baby in April and then like August, I kind of reached out to Lauren again and I said, you know what? I don't know. Maybe, maybe I'll do this, you know, excuse me one more time. She's like, she's like, really? I'm like, excuse me.
00:17:25
Speaker
I'm like, yeah. And like, you know, I had such a great experience the first time around. I'm like, you know, why not? And she's like, okay. She's like, yeah. She's like, I definitely have couples. I'm like, well, my, my only thing is that, you know, this first couple, they were so amazing and the whole entire journey was just incredible. It's like, it's going to be hard to replicate that. And I don't want to replicate that. I want something different. Okay. And so she's like, well, you know, I've got two dads that are in Barcelona that are looking like, you know what? That'd be great. I mean, it's,
00:17:55
Speaker
It's two dads, it's an international baby with you know international couple. I'm like, why not? It all it all works the same. sure so So she got me hooked up with them and you know we spiked a couple of times back and forth. and Their clinic was out in Las Vegas, which my my husband was happy about. Yes, let's travel. Let's go for it. I know. But yeah, everything, again, everything just was very seamless with them. And I went out, I think, one day in October, kind of right after. I think we i think I met up with them in September. So October made the appointment for me to go out to Vegas just for the medical screening. So I was i just flew out myself.
00:18:37
Speaker
I think literally less than 24 hours was kind of a whirlwind trip and um everything was good. And then we had the transfer in February. So my husband came out with me at that point, we were there for five days, which being in Vegas for five days, I had never been to Vegas. And when you go to, you get pregnant and it's like, you know, you can't really.
00:18:57
Speaker
do much. Not a whole lot for you to do. my husband's out and He's, you know, at the casinos and he's gambling and I'm in the hotel room because it was like the only quiet place in the entire, I mean, so loud. We did like one big trip and I'm like, I just want to just put all the stay in the hotel. I got my Kindle. I got some movies. We'll just, you know, there you go. Just yeah. Very great. Very, very crazy. But, um, but yeah, that transfer, I was convinced I was not pregnant with that one because I didn't feel any different.
00:19:26
Speaker
And Gary was thinking, well, we have to go back out there, do it over again. And then, you know, it was just six with the boys because they were still in school, just trying to line all that up. And then with the clinic being out there, I didn't get any notifications until later in the day, like six, six 30 at night. So it was like an all day process because I was using the monitoring clinic here. Right. So I go in the morning for blood work and then I had to wait all day long. It was like,
00:19:52
Speaker
you know, it's it's a long wait as it is, but when it's, you know, six, six 30 at night, you know, our time, it's like, sure. Eastern time, Pacific time. Yeah, exactly. They sent me the emails saying that I was pregnant. I'm like, okay, wow. All right. yeah yeah Yeah. And, um, so they came over, the two dads came over in October. I was due the end of October and they were here for a few, uh, two and a half weeks before I was induced.
00:20:21
Speaker
yeah which was great And was that the first time you had physically met them? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They rented an Airbnb here, not far from me. And so it was great. We got to hang out for a couple of weeks beforehand. They went to a couple of doctor's appointments with me. So I really kind of got to know them, which is, you know, it's, it's kind of a weird, again, you you're meeting these, you know, this couple for the first time.
00:20:44
Speaker
and you hear you are carrying their baby. You're just hoping that you're going to click and you're going to get along. There is some weirdness to it, but you hope to just kind of get past that and just start developing that relationship. They were just two of the nicest eyes I've ever met. They were so sweet and just so appreciative.
00:21:09
Speaker
and And funny because you know you got you know these these two guys that you know versus you know we have that maternal instinct. And for them, it was a little you know, they had the books and they had taken classes and I kind okay, what are we, what are we going to do? What do we expect? Right. Right. So it was very, so it was very, you know, it was kind of fun to kind of, you know, just kind of talk to them about that stuff and everything else. Yeah. And, um, and I got induced with her. I was another girl and after she was born,
00:21:45
Speaker
They were here for about three weeks after in the fact. She had to get her birth certificate in order to get her passport. Sure. Absolutely. right in spain So which, which was, I enjoyed that part of it because it kind of gave me time to, I mean, I wasn't bonding with her, but just to kind of get to spend a little bit of time with her because I knew, you know, we weren't going to be making any trips over in Barcelona anytime soon. so like I kind of got some time to spend with her and to spend with them and kind of helped them out a little bit. I remember one time I went over there after work.
00:22:13
Speaker
And one of the dads had gone down to Miami to get to her passport processed and everything else. So the other dad had been at home with her all day long. So I called and said, hey, i I'll swing over after work. And he needs to do laundry, this and that. And I walked in there and he's like, here you go. And he's like, I'm going to go for a walk for about 45 minutes. Give me a second. I understand. I get it.
00:22:39
Speaker
Absolutely. Yeah. But the boys were great. You know, my two boys were great with her and with them. And, you know, we all got along again. It's just, it was just, I was very, very fortunate, you know, one time, let alone two times and the third time to get these amazing, you know, amazing parents that were just, just incredible. And I think if I hadn't had such great experiences, I wouldn't definitely we not have done it again. But I knew, I knew when I was pregnant the second time,
00:23:08
Speaker
that I wanted to do it again. I knew my clock was on it my clock was kind of ticking. I was approaching that 45-8 mark. Sure, sure. And I had reached out to Lauren again and said, you listen, I definitely want to do this one more time. So after I delivered my second one in October, I met with these these new parents in December. Oh, wow. Yeah, it was it was quick. It was very quick. And and we, I think, transferred the first time in June, because you know always I had to wait.
00:23:39
Speaker
you know, a little bit period of time in between. Absolutely. Yeah. We got to give our body some time. Yeah. and that And that worked out well with their, with their timeline as well. And we transferred in June and they're here locally in Tampa.
00:23:53
Speaker
Okay, yeah, I was gonna ask like what so you you know, you have your first experience with these amazing intended parents and then you specifically said to Lauren, I want something completely different because there's no way I'm going to be able to
Third Journey and COVID-19 Challenges
00:24:05
Speaker
replicate that. And so definitely international very different process as far as just that type of really how to build that relationship. And then you go for a third time and now you have intended parents that are local to you.
00:24:17
Speaker
Yes. They were local and they actually had two girls of her own. Um, but the mom, you know, she had had, you know, some issues with some miscarriages and they had lost a son, um, that hadn't had down. So she delivered, you know, he unfortunately was still born, I think at 30, 35 weeks or 36 weeks. So, you know, so that was a whole different situation for me too, because, you know, here was this mom who had had her own children. So I could kind of, you know, we could,
00:24:44
Speaker
The communication between us was great because, you know, she could relate to what I was going through as far as just being pregnant and everything else, you know, having gone through it herself. Um, but they, yeah like I said, they were here locally and, um, which was, which was nice cause that means, you know, more of an opportunity to, you know, socialize and kind of hang out with them and everything else and get to know them you know better.
00:25:07
Speaker
Um, but that, our first transfer actually ended up in a topic pregnancy for me. So my husband, my two boys were, um, in Maine. They were in Maine for the summer and I was due to fly up at some point, but you know, I had some issues like that morning and I'm like, you know, I've done this a couple of times. Something's just not something, something's nothing's off. and's Sure. Right. So I.
00:25:30
Speaker
went to the clinic, I called the mom, she met me there and sure enough, you know, the doctor's like, well, she's like, well, that's, that's outside the tube. I'm like, I don't think that's supposed to be like that. So I'm like, okay. So I'm like, so what is, what is that entail? And she's like, the doctor was like, well, if you had anything to eat, you need to drink. I'm like, oh, a little bit. And she's like, you know, we need to have, you need to have surgery. I'm like, okay. So I didn't realize the, you know, the emergent part of it, you know, and she's like, we need to check this out now. I'm like,
00:25:59
Speaker
Oh, like not to marshal. No, no, it's just because I'm going to call the rescue and you're going to go to the hospital. You're going to have, you know, you're going to have surgery. I'm like, Oh wow. Okay. I'm like, hold on. I'm like, just give me a minute and give, you know, yeah um and just to kind of, you know, point. So at that point of realizing that it was an ectopic pregnancy, had you already had the beta? Hey, everything's looking positive. It was six weeks. I was just over six weeks.
00:26:25
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. So we're thinking everything's we're, we're about to go for like a heartbeat confirmation. We're thinking everything's looking great. And then all of a sudden this happens. Yeah. Cause I'm like, you know, like, again, I'm like, I've done this. I just, you know, I had a little bit of the cramping. I'm like, this isn't, this isn't normal. So let's just go get it checked out and sure enough. And I'm like, okay. I'm like, so now i I understand why they say, you know, make sure your family's complete before you do this because, you know, yes, I lost a tube.
00:26:54
Speaker
didn't really matter to me because I was done having my own kids. And yeah, it was, you know, it wasn't, I wasn't traumatized. I was, you know, I was upset, obviously, and I felt bad for the parents. Yeah, it's like, it's kind of everything happens so fast. It just didn't quite I couldn't quite wrap my head around everything. like good There's so many layers to that situation because it's like, wow, me personally, I'm about to go and have surgery. I was not expecting this. Your family is not there. i i mean There's so much going on. And then that weight of, oh my gosh, everyone was so hopeful. and now
00:27:34
Speaker
And you think, did you did you do something wrong? Is it something that I did? And you know they came back and just said, you know it just, it happens. Again, you don't care about those. You don't care about that. Well, I think it's so much, yeah, it's so much more fun to talk about the everything goes great and happy baby and you know all of the things. But I mean, you went from, like you said, that first first transfer with your first journey not working, having that realization of, oh, this isn't guaranteed.
00:28:03
Speaker
to a bump like this. why Yeah. I mean, how did you kind of, I guess mentally recover recover is the word I'm choosing, but I think there's a better one out there. Kind of we continue to want to move forward even after something like that. Yeah. I mean, you know, I, I talked to the parents, I talked to the mom and she's like, you know, if you, you know,
00:28:29
Speaker
you don't want to do this, I completely understand. And I'm like, you know what, it was just, it's a bump of the road. It's part of the journey. And the doctor's like, it's nothing that you did. It's just, again, these things happen. And parents were just amazing and you know having experienced loss on their end before they were kind of like, you know you know not that they wanted this to happen, but she's like, you know this is this is just part of our journey as a couple going through this because we've been going through it since they lost their son.
00:28:59
Speaker
Sure. So she's like, you know, it's just like, you know, again, a big bump on the road. But in hindsight, you know, we had a successful pregnancy. And, you know, it's just part of part of the journey, part of the story. And You know, God was gracious enough to, you know, have that second transfer work and, you know, I'm a healthy baby boy this time. And, um, yeah, just, just, yeah, not something i I would have thought would have happened. And a lot of my girlfriends are like, you know, are you okay? Are you going to do this again? And like, you know, I'm like, as long as the doctor says that I'm good and he doesn't have any concerns and he feels that I'm physically able to, then, you know, i want I don't want to let them down.
00:29:43
Speaker
know i want I want them to get that baby. I don't want them to have to start the process all over again. because again you know We so well. We got along so well and just had you a great relationship. The mom actually gave my boys their first job because she was a small business owner.
00:30:09
Speaker
that's why, that's why we do this is we want, we want those parents to have that baby. We want them to have that happy ending. And there are those bumps. It's called a journey for a reason, right? You know, at the end of the day, if you have that, why it makes decisions like that.
00:30:27
Speaker
i don like I really yeah, I really like and when I was when I did it the first time I didn't think I would I do it the second time but then the second time i'm like you know what I really I just felt like I had a calling to do it. is Yeah, that sounds and I just know again, it's almost like a high you get just knowing you're helping me bring somebody into the world and not not everybody can do it. And you know, I was I'm one of the fortune ones who can do it.
00:30:51
Speaker
And I'm like, you know what, I'm going to do it as long as I can, as long as as long as I can, you know, physically and, you know, of course, age wise, too. And, you know, it's just, again, you don't hear about the the happiness that goes, you know, that goes with these stories. It's always the, you know, the the really bad endings for, you know, the you know, the surrogate and the parents are in this, you know, contract dispute or if they go to court because the surrogate is wanting to get the baby. Sure, kind of those sensationalized. Yeah, you know, it's not all like that. And I think, you know, if I can, again, help these parents just, you know, expand their family in this case, it's like, why why not? If I can, and I mean, if I wasn't 45 when I delivered my last one, I probably wouldn't have done it again.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah. I I I'm good. I didn't quite get that, that urge to do it another time because, but I was actually, that was printed during COVID too. So that was, I was about to say like, not only did you have that, like your, your finale, your grand finale was truly another grand finale. June of 2020. And he's definitely a COVID baby. So that,
00:32:08
Speaker
trying to finagle all of that and navigate that with the hospitals. Oh, it's a thing. My last journey was June of 2020. I just, yeah, I Yes. I ended up actually switching hospitals because the one hospital I had to delivered prior to that, they only allow one person in went into the delivery room. I'm like, what's that? One, it's not my baby. Two, I want my husband there to be an advocate for me.
00:32:36
Speaker
And parents should be there. Yeah. And the hospital gave me a lot of back and forth. So we actually switched to another hospital, which is where I delivered my first son. So that was kind of kind of fitting. You know, deliver the first and deliver the last. Little bookend situation. Yeah. We were all able to be in the delivery room. oh yeah And that delivery was very, very quick. Very quick. Like I think I pushed half a push and and he was out. It was, there was a funny story the funny story behind that because b They came in and checked me and they're like, okay, it's probably gonna be, know you know, a little bit. So the dad went to get a coffee and when he stepped out, the nurse kind of stepped in and like, you know, I think you should, I think you need to check me. She's like, well, I just checked him like, yeah, but I think you should check me again. I think there's some, something going on down there. And she checked me and she's like, okay, yeah, the head is right there. She's like, she's like, just kind of put your legs together. She's like, don't. Oh my gosh.
00:33:32
Speaker
Oh my gosh! My husband sort of ran out and grabbed the dad and the dad's like, well what's going on? My husband's like, you need to come now, it's happening. He goes, I just love you. He goes, I know, but it's happening now. And the dad came around the corner and everyone's in the room and he came right out very easily. And the dad was like, wow, I'm glad I think it's gonna happen that fast. Oh my gosh! Your fifth baby and they tend to kinda, you know. Pretty fast, yeah.
00:34:07
Speaker
It was great. it really It really was. It was, you know, again, it was just, it was amazing. but but The one regret I had with that was that I wish I had not had an effort girl. I wanted to just kind of do it, you know, all natural. My husband's like, why? He's like, every other one you've had, you've had the effort girl. Easy. he knows Why do you want to Why do you want to put yourself through that? My last one, like I want to just, you know, just kind of wanted to see if I can see if I could do it. I mean, I guess we get to a certain point. You don't have a choice. You have to do it. Um, but I, I just, yeah, whatever, you know, let's just, let's just end on a good note. Not to have any, you know, screaming or whatever.
00:34:51
Speaker
But it was, but it was good. You know, we went home. I think i we we went home the next day. Yeah. down Yeah. And we see each other, you know, maybe every three to four months, I'll go over there for one night. Oh, I love it. Yeah. Yeah. He scored out and he's ah he's a ball of energy. And ah yeah, they all three of them are great. And then back in March, the two dads from Barcelona actually came over. Oh my gosh. This year of this year. Yeah. Oh my God. So we got all three kids together.
00:35:25
Speaker
and got pictures and you know that was something I really wanted to you know make happen. Yeah the parents were Fort Myers and they came up and we spent you know in the evening all together and to watch the three of the kids kind of interact with one another was just like wow I was like you know I did that you know. That is so amazing. It was a very very surreal moment for me to see them.
00:35:48
Speaker
Oh gosh, absolutely. And that must have just been so magical. Yeah, magical. And I sat and looked at pictures after the patch. I'm like, wow, it didn't, it took a little bit for it to kind of hit me as to what that, you know, what that day meant. And that the one from Spain, you know, she's fluent in English, Spanish, and Catalan. So she knows like three languages. And Good for her. She was talking to the other two. Like, like she was, she's known them there for her entire life. And they all go along. And so that, yeah, that was, that was very, very cool. Very cool. That's amazing. We have plans, I think in two years to go over to Barcelona to see them. And so can they send us pictures, we'll FaceTime and, you know, chat back and forth and and everything. But yeah, again, just,
00:36:39
Speaker
been very, very blessed to have three amazing couples to do this. yeah And, you know, I, my, my heart hurts for those that don't have a great experience because it is such a life changing thing that you're doing. And I want to be able to look back on it and just say, wow, you know, that was just such an amazing, amazing experience and just an amazing time in my life.
00:37:00
Speaker
Well, it's so interesting. You said at the beginning when you were first getting started, you had said to Lauren, Hey, I'm open to, you know, whatever type of relationship the intended parents want. And I think at the end of the day, it, it makes this all the more sweeter oh definitely to have that relationship. It's such a unique, such a unique relationship. And then to be able to,
00:37:26
Speaker
You know, you, you felt kind of after that first one, this kind of odd sensation of like, okay, this big thing. And now there's Yeah. Yeah. And like I said, the boys, both of my boys, they're my youngest one will be 20 in a couple of weeks. My oldest one is almost 22. Oh my gosh. Just to kind of like watch them.
00:37:53
Speaker
You know, just, you know, watch them grow up and just interact with them. Cause when, when they were here from Spain in March, my youngest one, Anthony was home. My oldest one wasn't, uh, still in, he was at school. He was in with the, uh, baseball team for college. So he was, they were traveling and whatever. So he wasn't able to come home for it. But Anthony, I mean, he was like, like the perfect big brother. He was playing with the two girls. Cause we met here first, then we went over to, um, um, uh, third surrogate move over to their house afterwards. okay all We all got together. So the two girls were here and Anthony was just playing with them. He was digging stuff out of his closet, toys that I had saved for him. So they were playing with everything, coloring. So it was very very, very neat and very rewarding just to kind of see him
00:38:41
Speaker
have that kind of relationship with them. And you know, they're all about Anthony, you know, where's where's Ant-Man? And you know, where's Nico? Oh my god. Yeah, yeah. So it's just like, they you know, they're, they're two big brothers that that they have now. So, some way, shape or form. Yeah, yeah, definitely. And even my parents and my parents, you know, have grown to, you know, know all three sets of parents, because my parents live like five minutes from me. So they've kind of gotten to know them as well. And the kids and everything everything else. So yeah, it's it's
00:39:19
Speaker
very special, very, very special. And again, a lot of my friends were kind of like hesitant saying, do you really want to do this? And I'm like, you know, it's just, how can you not? Yeah. You know, if you're physically able to, and you're mentally prepared, and again, you know, I just, I enjoyed being pregnant. That was my thing, you know, and I'm like, why, why wouldn't you, if you had good pregnancies and enjoyed, you know, just the whole experience, why wouldn't you?
Reflections and Advice for Surrogates
00:39:43
Speaker
It's just, you know, the compensation is a huge help, obviously. You know, we've got a new group. Oh, sure. You know, all the fun stuff. Oh, all the fun stuff, yeah. I did treat myself to a trip to Scotland with my girlfriend about a year and a half ago. That's a good one. I had three babies with three couples. I'm going to treat myself to a once in a lifetime trip.
00:40:07
Speaker
I love it. But yeah, it was again just one of the best things I ever did, honestly. What would you to anyone you know thinking about doing this, any advice you would have for you know potential gestational carriers? Maybe what were some of the surprises during your journey, you know just looking back on it?
00:40:33
Speaker
yeah i mean I think my one word, and one piece of advice would be just don't, don't count it out. If you, if you, if you, you know, if you're done with your own family and you, you know, you had good pregnancies, you know, just look into it because you never know, you never know what difference you can use in someone's life. And you know, you may, you may find out that it's not something you really want to go through with once you do, you know, you can answer all the questions, you realize how much it entails because it is a lot.
00:41:01
Speaker
It's a lot. You know, the hormones, and the injections, the calendar, or up it's it's it's a lot. So you really need to be mentally prepared to do this. But you know what? You never know. You never know unless you, if you have a calling for it and you just, you're thinking about it, just explore it. you you see You don't know. And as far as my three pregnancies, I mean, obviously the topic was, you know, a bump in the road.
00:41:30
Speaker
Yeah, but any, every, every other thing was just, yeah, I mean, it was just, I don't really have, didn't have any complaints. I mean, other than just your normal pregnancies at the end. Oh, sure. You know, you're like, okay, I'm done. You know, let's, let's, let's deliver this. We're uncomfortable. We're over it. Yeah. Though I won't say being pregnant during the COVID, you know, because the COVID shut down in March, I had in June. So last few months I was home. So which, you know,
00:41:57
Speaker
but you know, springtime, summertime in Florida, it's hot. So it's not having to go out and I could put my feet up and I could take a little siesta in the afternoon. So there you go. Having to get up and go in the office every day and everything else. Sure, sure. But yeah, I mean, again, I just, I had such an amazing experience that I would anybody, any woman who had good pregnancies and has ever thought about it and just, you know,
00:42:26
Speaker
Just explore it and just see if it's something that you, you know, is calling to you and, you know, you're feeling your heart, you know, you do want to do because you really, you gotta be all in, obviously. Sure. But it never hurts to ask even, you know, age 40 to 45. It doesn't hurt to ask. I never thought that at 40 years old, I would have been able to to do this, but yeah where you you're more or less just, you're kind of the oven.
00:42:54
Speaker
As long as everything is good inside and you've got really good doctors and you've got a great agency that walks you through everything and it's up front with you about everything and that's my plan. Yeah, just trusting that process. Yes, you definitely need to have a great agency and start solutions. You guys were amazing through everything, through the topic and everything else.
00:43:20
Speaker
every time I had a question or a phone call, I always got a response back quickly and just walked me through everything. Yeah, it was just very, just again, just a great experience. me i can't I can't say that enough, how amazing it I mean, and again, I mean, it's just, it's so wonderful that even years later, and you know this is still something that you're so passionate about. And again, I wish like i wish I could do it again.
00:43:52
Speaker
Well, Jen, my final question to you, it's always a fun one for anyone who knows me. They know I have a very codependent relationship on coffee. And so I always love to ask what filled your cup this morning, literally or figuratively. What was the thing that filled your cup? Um, well, I'm not a coffee drinker.
00:44:14
Speaker
Um, but I did, I started back working out at the gym. I had been fighting good for you a little bit. So I finally got, you know, I got on the horse again and went back to my class and got, you know, kind of getting, we're getting ready for vacation next week. Oh, very good. But, um, but yeah, I mean, not, not, I mean, it was kind of a, kind of a chill day. I mean, I worked from home. So that was always, you know, Mondays from home are always, really nice. Oh, gosh. Yeah.
00:44:42
Speaker
Yeah, Mondays and Fridays, so that's that's nice. But yeah, I mean, just kind of a, I guess really nothing, really, other than just, you know, kind of getting back into my routine. and
00:45:06
Speaker
me, I, um, you know, we have a, we're lucky enough within, um, you know, our, surrogate sisterhood to kind of have that fun group of, um you know, within social media. And um i I know I personally loved always seeing your stories and words of encouragement and and things like that. And so I'm so grateful that
00:45:34
Speaker
know, we get to just hear from you and your story and, and again, just your passion for helping others in such a unique and wonderful way. And like you said, don't count it out. Just, just ask. You never, you never know. I mean, God has a plan for everybody. So you just, you don't know what that plan is. And you know, if if you're able and willing and just have that calling, it's such an amazing, amazing thing right. Well, thank you, Whitney. I really enjoyed chatting with you. And again, I love talking about it. So anytime, call me up anytime. Anytime.
00:46:21
Speaker
Thank you so much for joining us on this episode of Me, You, and Who. We appreciate your time and hope you enjoyed our discussion today. As we wrap, we would like to remind you of some of the ways that you can stay connected with us and be part of the Me, You, and Who podcast community. Firstly, if you haven't already, make sure to subscribe to our podcast on your favorite platform.
00:46:45
Speaker
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00:47:00
Speaker
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00:47:24
Speaker
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