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18 Lessons from 18 Years in Surrogacy & Egg Donation
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What can nearly two decades in surrogacy and egg donation teach us about trust, connection, and creating families? 💛
In this milestone 100th episode, Whitney sits down with Executive Director Katy Encalade of Egg Donor & Surrogate Solutions to reflect on 18 years of guiding families through assisted reproduction.
From early lessons learned to the evolving landscape of ethics, education, and support, Katy shares invaluable insight on what truly matters when choosing an agency, matching with intended parents or surrogates, and navigating each step of this life-changing process.
💬 In this episode, you’ll learn:
🔍 How to spot red flags when choosing an agency
🛡️ What real protections matter for surrogates, donors, and intended parents
💛 Why matching values matters more than logistics
🌱 How education and transparency build trust
✨ The importance of compassion and experience in every family-building journey
Whether you’re just beginning your journey or already deep in the process, this conversation will give you the clarity, reassurance, and confidence you need to take the next step toward creating your family.
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Transcript
Navigating Egg Donation and Surrogacy: An Introduction
00:00:01
Speaker
If you're exploring egg donation or surrogacy, you know it can feel overwhelming with so many choices, so many risks, and honestly, it's hard to know who to trust. But what if you could skip the confusion and learn the biggest lessons from someone who's been guiding families for nearly two decades?
00:00:19
Speaker
Education in this process is so important. There are a lot of misconceptions about what is egg donation, what is surrogacy. This is not fast. This is not easy.
00:00:30
Speaker
It is a really cool way to build your family or to help somebody do it, but there is a lot to know in it.
Insights from Katie Inkelade: Ethics and Transparency in Focus
00:00:39
Speaker
That's Katie Inkelade, our executive director here at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:00:44
Speaker
For nearly two decades, she's helped families, donors, and surrogates move forward with confidence by focusing on ethics, transparency, and education. One of our team members gave me the feedback that she was talking with a client just earlier this week, and he said, you are the first agency that I've talked to that I didn't feel like I was buying a used car.
00:01:06
Speaker
And I was like, whoa, because this should be a personable process. Today for our hundredth episode, Katie shares 18 lessons from 18 years in this field, the red flags that should make you walk away and why education, transparency, and support are the foundation of every successful journey.
00:01:28
Speaker
Enjoy. Who knew it could take more than two people to have a baby? I'm Whitney Hall, a two-time surrogate, now part of the team at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions.
00:01:39
Speaker
And I've seen how life-changing this process can be when you feel informed, supported, and confident about your next step.
The "Create a Happy Family" Podcast: Stories and Insights
00:01:48
Speaker
Each week on Create a Happy Family, you'll hear real stories and expert insights from hopeful parents, surrogates, egg donors, and professionals, all to help you understand what it really takes to create a family in this way.
00:02:03
Speaker
Because at the heart of it all, we're creating happy families, one relationship at a time.
00:02:13
Speaker
Today on our 100th episode, we are sharing 18 lessons from 18 years in the industry with someone that has guided families through it all, our very own executive director, Katie.
00:02:26
Speaker
So Katie, thank you so much for being here for this milestone conversation. With over nearly two decades, you have seen this industry grow and evolve. So is one value have found that you have found that makes or breaks a successful match? And how does egg donor and surrogate solutions just make sure those matches last?
00:02:49
Speaker
So one value, I would say education, but if I could add transparency to that too and give you two. um Education in this process is so important. There are a lot of misconceptions about what is egg donation, what is surrogacy,
00:03:08
Speaker
Be that because my mom's friend's sister did this 20 years ago and it looks so much different than it did then.
Ensuring Informed Choices through Transparency and Education
00:03:16
Speaker
um Or just knowing the commitment involved in this process and the transparency piece of it.
00:03:24
Speaker
So this is not fast. This is not easy. It is a really cool way to build your family or to help somebody do it. but there is a lot to know in it. And that's what an agency is there for, be it us at Ag Donor and Surrogate Solutions or another great agency in the industry that values ethics and under so in education.
00:03:49
Speaker
um So I think both of those things are really important in this industry. Absolutely. When just jumping into that ethics aspect of it, I think you have a lot of, I know we just hear when we're interviewing individuals, you know, like, oh, where'd you find us? And they'll say Google or they'll say Facebook or you know, just all of those things.
00:04:10
Speaker
And like you said, this is not fast... process, but you're trying so desperately to get started. Can you tell us a little bit more about just why surrogates, egg donors, and hopeful parents should care about working with an agency that follows strict ethical standards? And how does SEEDS help protect families from any just unfortunate situations?
00:04:36
Speaker
Yeah, so I'm really proud of our involvement with SEEDS Ethics. It's an organization that helps guide and support agencies and industry professionals, and that gives families and donors and surrogates the peace of mind that whoever they're working with is really working hard to abide by those guidelines.
SEEDS Ethics: Guidelines for Protecting Families and Donors
00:05:01
Speaker
and to serve people really well. So, you know, basic things like clients can know that their money is protected when they're working with an agency and professionals that abide by those seed guidelines. They're actually coming out with new escrow standards right now to make sure that families are um completely protected in this process.
00:05:23
Speaker
It gives, um you know, There are situations where women are approved to go through this process, either as a surrogate or an a donor, that maybe that's not the best choice for their situation or their body.
00:05:40
Speaker
um But they're kind of pushed through because people need surrogates and people need egg donors. And so families can know that when they're matched with an egg donor or a surrogate, that they those agencies have abided by those guidelines. And so those egg donors and surrogates really change do have the qualifications, they're not just a womb or they don't just have eggs. um And that's important that it's not just one more pregnancy, you know, no more than six pregnancies. And yes, BMI is really important because that is going to affect how they respond to medications.
00:06:20
Speaker
um So there's little things like that that are important that agencies abide by. And when you pick an egg donor or surrogate with one of those agencies, that gives you the greatest chance of a positive outcome in this process.
00:06:32
Speaker
Absolutely. For, you know, again, just hopeful parents, surrogates, and egg donors, what real protection does licensing provide that most people don't realize?
00:06:45
Speaker
So as you know, licensing isn't required in all states. um but in the states that it is required, that means that these agencies have it together. They have policies and procedures in place.
00:06:59
Speaker
um One thing that can be scary in our industry is anyone can start an agency. Anyone can decide that they're going to shift the field of law or mental health professionals, um which is one thing that Seeds offers too, obviously, is the collaboration where people are learning and growing in spaces. So that alone could be a reason to be a part of working with an agency or a professional that's a part of SEEDS, you know that they are being influenced by people that are doing this well.
00:07:29
Speaker
um But there's other type of licensing. You know, does an agency have insurance? and For the average listener to this, they might think, really? Why wouldn't they have insurance?
00:07:40
Speaker
No, there there are some that don't. Like, um I've sat on a board and realized like, oh, some small agencies don't. Like, They should have insurance and the licensing that's required in their states just to do business. um That protects families financially, um their investment that they've made, that nothing's just going come and happen. And it ensures, like I said, that they have a quality egg donor or surrogate that has been educated and that can move through this process with minimal hiccups.
00:08:13
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. Going back to that original value um that you were talking about with transparency, how can families tell if an agency is maybe not following that value? Maybe they're hiding something.
00:08:30
Speaker
I think ah approximate wait times is one of those things. You know, there should be consistency across the board and what that looks like.
00:08:42
Speaker
I don't think a family should ever feel hurried, hurried to make a decision. Um, you know, of course there are surrogates that will be gone and egg donors that will be gone. That's, that's just how the process works, but no one should feel like, oh my gosh, if I don't pick this person today, I will never get to go through this process.
00:09:00
Speaker
Um, One of our team members gave me the feedback that she was talking with a client just earlier this week. And he said, you are the first agency that I've talked to that I didn't feel like I was buying a used car.
00:09:14
Speaker
And I was like, whoa, because this should be a personable process. um People that are helping you should have some sort of personal experience or professional experience.
00:09:32
Speaker
One of the seed standards is knowing like who's behind an agency, who owns the agency, who operates the agency on a day to day. um That sort of thing, I think, is really important for that transparency in this process.
00:09:50
Speaker
For sure. yeah um Oh my gosh. That's like, wow. Well, I'm really glad he had that experience with us. Okay.
Evolving Terminologies: From Anonymous to Known Egg Donation
00:09:59
Speaker
Digging into just kind of how things have evolved, you we've seen the language and practice of egg donation shift from anonymous to unidentified and what is a known cycle and, you know, just all of those things.
00:10:14
Speaker
What does that mean? And why does the change matter so deeply for donors, parents, and donor-conceived children?
00:10:26
Speaker
Yeah. um I think transparency is one of those things again. But yeah when I started in this industry um now almost 18 years ago, everybody said anonymous donation.
00:10:42
Speaker
Now, a lot of that had to do just where we were in the times. There there was... I think we were probably pretty close still to like dial up internet and, you know, some different things like that. Like there was not Google reverse imaging. There was not 23andMe. There was not Ancestry.com.
00:10:59
Speaker
um There was also just not the research around how do kiddos feel that they came into this world that way? I mean, i would probably argue 20 years ago, there was, I could do the research on this. There was probably still a lot of quote closed adoptions.
00:11:18
Speaker
So as the donor conceived community is, is older and is getting older, um, really that has been one of the largest changes as,
00:11:30
Speaker
The DonorSeve community has stepped out and said, hey, we'd like to know more about where we came from. Not necessarily that we want to build a relationship with that person that is biologically related to us.
00:11:45
Speaker
Some do, but more just like every human deserves to know where they came from and why they do what they do. And so i would say almost 10 years ago, we eliminated the word anonymous from our agency as a whole. We started talking to donors about You're going through an unidentified cycle. So we're not going to release your contact information to that family.
00:12:10
Speaker
um We're not going to release release theirs to you. However, you should know that you could be found one day. So that was kind of the narrative for a long time. Hey, donor, are you comfortable being found? Like you should know somebody can do that research.
00:12:25
Speaker
And, um, Now we've definitely, um a little over two years ago, we rolled out our known donor program, which looks different. It allows a family to connect in the beginning.
00:12:36
Speaker
it allows that family and that donor to set expectations. Hey, what does a relationship look like long-term, at least to the best of their knowledge right now? And really more than anything, even if a relationship isn't developed, that parent is able to tell their child like, hey,
00:12:54
Speaker
Don't know what you want to do with this information, but should you be curious, here is this. So before you were here, we thought about you and we thought about what you might need at some point in your life. And for most families, that's all that they want. they don't They don't know what their kiddo will want to do.
00:13:14
Speaker
They just want them to have the opportunity to do so. And so that's the piece that we support. um and And it's been
The Known Donor Program: Building Personal Connections
00:13:23
Speaker
amazing. We have kiddos that are 10 and 12 that have come through, you know, come about because of our program and they have met their donors and they have gotten questions answered.
00:13:34
Speaker
um And that's been really sweet and special to watch. Yeah, for sure. i it it was, um it was Hillary and her daughter, we you know and interviewed them a couple of times. And I think Hillary, it ah she said something about how Corinne, I think she was drawing or or something like that. And she was saying, Oh, do you think my donor loves to draw too And the fact that Hillary was like, well, I don't know, but we can ask her.
00:14:03
Speaker
um You know, and just having the ability to have either the access to something as, you know, fun and silly as that, or the basics, at least, of just medical information is huge.
00:14:16
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I've had families that have reached out because their kiddo had a reaction to, I think it was a flu shot, and they were like, is was our donor allergic to eggs? Because, you know, that can be a piece of that. And so...
00:14:29
Speaker
Or it is, it's just curiosity. Like that helps Corinne know who she is as a person. And that' that's, that's, that's amazing. Yeah, absolutely.
00:14:39
Speaker
It takes more than love to create a family. It takes compassion, courage, and connection. At Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions, we've spent more than 18 years helping hopeful parents, surrogates, and egg donors create happy families through egg donation and surrogacy, one relationship at a time.
Support from Experience: Former Surrogates and Donors
00:14:58
Speaker
Our team has been there. Many of us are former surrogates, egg donors, and intended parents. So we truly understand this journey. If you're ready to take the next step, visit createahappyfamily.com to apply today.
00:15:11
Speaker
All right, let's get back to the show. So once that foundation of trust, transparency, you know education you know just is all established, then you have the journey itself, the matching the decisions, the ups, the downs, all of it.
00:15:28
Speaker
And so this is where that support of an experienced agency really does make all the difference. For someone who is interviewing agencies right now, I know we've kind of touched on some of those red flags, but what are maybe some just bold red flags that should make somebody walk away immediately?
00:15:53
Speaker
um I'm friends with a lot of people in the in the industry that own agencies, and we talk about rhythms and what's going on and ah part of a large mask.
00:16:05
Speaker
if and If a family goes to an agency and they say, we have so many surrogates, you should wonder why. Either they don't have a reputation with fertility clinics where they are getting a lot of referrals from families because that is, you know, there's there's no kickbacks with us. We don't make money when a fertility clinic sends a family our way and they don't make money from us.
00:16:30
Speaker
They truly send their families to us because of the care that they know that someone is going to receive and the quality surrogate that they're going to have. So to me, it's a really big red flag. If they're like, we have a ton of GCs waiting, you, you just should wonder why, um, that would not be normal in most agencies. Um,
00:16:58
Speaker
I think an egg donation, a little bit of same, like if you can't talk to a human, if you can't talk to who's behind those donors and what is this process like and what is the timing,
00:17:10
Speaker
um it might be a little more transactional and people might be less educated and more likely for things to go wrong.
Moving Beyond Transactions: Personal Interaction and Support
00:17:21
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. This is not one of those things where we just talk to a robot or we just Google yeah and click add to cart. Like this is right to be talking to humans. Yeah. Carvana seems like a really cool way to buy or sell a car.
00:17:36
Speaker
Back to the car thing. um If you're picking a donor and it feels like Carvana, like click point and click and have it delivered, you that that would be a red flag because- The kicker is on the backside of this process for a donor to be successful, she needs to be educated. She needs to know what she's going through.
00:17:57
Speaker
um She needs to have flexibility. and And if she hasn't had that education and if they haven't been personable um in that process, then there's a good chance that she's going to back out, that she's not going to follow through.
00:18:12
Speaker
And we hear so many families, oh, I got halfway through the cycle and my donor backed out. Honestly, i we have had one time that a donor has backed out and it was because her mother had a cancer diagnosis, like, because a lot of our staff have been donors themselves, or they've, or they've gone through this process to build their family in that way. And so we know what it takes and we educate people.
00:18:38
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What's that number one thing that every potential surrogate should expect from her agency to feel fully protected and supported?
00:18:53
Speaker
Transparent conversations up front. So what do matching times look like? What are the qualifications? Um, How many families do you have waiting?
00:19:05
Speaker
What is that matching process so like? um It should be clearly defined and laid out, not, hey, we'll have you matched in two weeks. um They should be looking to be, think, a part of that process rather than told what those what they're doing.
00:19:24
Speaker
But a part of what is this journey going to look like for you over the next 18 24 months? Yeah. Can you elaborate more on what you mean by a part of that process?
00:19:37
Speaker
Just again, in terms of that, this is a personal experience. Yeah. So when, when someone says yes to being a surrogate and and in my opinion and how our agency works and functions, they're not just saying yes to being pregnant and delivering a baby.
00:19:56
Speaker
They're saying yes to a journey. They're saying yes to a family. they're most likely saying yes to a relationship and potentially a long-term relationship. I saw um one of our surrogates just posted on social media, like, Hey, I've been matched again.
00:20:12
Speaker
And um she was matched like last week. And she was already saying like the sweet conversations and relationship that's already being built in such a short amount of time has been amazing for our family.
00:20:26
Speaker
And that's what we want. Like, We work with families for the most part that that's what they want. And so many of our surrogates have beautiful, kind hearts that are not in it just to get pregnant, have a baby and make some money.
00:20:42
Speaker
While financial is huge and can make a really big difference for a family and can make a difference in things that they could do for their family or not, or the opportunity to stay home instead of going back to, you know, there's there's all sorts of different reasons why people choose to be a surrogate.
00:20:59
Speaker
And the risk in the process, I always say um it's necessary. Compensation is necessary in this. um But and in our family's life, it was, we, in our family's life, we say this was, surrogacy was the best thing that we ever did.
00:21:22
Speaker
Of all the things that we've done as a family, like surrogacy is the best thing that we have ever did done. And we, I personally want that experience for everybody that comes into this process. And so it is more than just being pregnant and having a baby for someone else.
00:21:39
Speaker
Yeah, absolutely. It is. It is that relationship. It is taking the time to talk to you, Katie, and you know what what are you looking for in a family? And you know you hopeful parents, what are you looking for in a carrier? And really not just you know pen and paper. Oh yeah, you guys align on you know these top five things. it It's beyond that. It's that.
00:22:04
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, for sure. And like you said, I mean, it is... It is one of the best things truly that I know my family has ever done. I know you've said your family has ever done. And it just continues to just bless you, whether it's, you know, the Christmas card that you get or going to Pace's baseball game or, you know, all of those things. It just continues. Sweet. For sure. It's sweet. For sure.
00:22:27
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. What would you say is the biggest difference between a donor working with an agency versus an egg bank?
00:22:41
Speaker
I think knowing who you're helping, oh why are you going through this process? How many families are you helping a big piece of it as well. So With an agency, you are matched with one family. One family sees your profile and says, hey, she seems like a great fit. We'd be really excited to tell our child one day, this person helped us.
00:23:05
Speaker
And they pick her and she goes through the process and everybody's invested. Although you may not know each other and you don't have a relationship, you are invested in this process for one family.
00:23:16
Speaker
And you can choose to do this six times. So you could choose to have that same situation with six families. But when you're going through an egg bank, they are, you're starting meds, you're having a retrieval, they are retrieving those eggs.
00:23:32
Speaker
To be transparent, they're trying to help three families with each time that you have a retrieval. Sometimes that happens, sometimes that doesn't. um But they are taking those eggs, dividing them into lots, and then selling those lots to families.
00:23:47
Speaker
um That can be helpful for some. It is a more cost-effective way to go through this process. But as an egg donor, it's important to know that you are potentially helping three families each time you're a donor.
00:24:01
Speaker
And you could be doing that up to six times still. um And you're probably not going to have ah relationship with those people. You're probably not going to hear if there was a pregnancy where when you're going through a fresh donor program, when that family says like, Hey, we had a positive pregnancy or we had a delivery.
The Crucial Role of Agency Support
00:24:23
Speaker
We're going to relay that. We're not going to relay major information, but we're going say, Hey, there was a boy born in September of 2025. And then that donor knows like, Hey, I really did help that family from that second donation. And they had a kiddo.
00:24:36
Speaker
um And so who you're helping, how many are helping, And then that third component would be how is your body treated during that process? um When you're going through as a fresh donor, their goal is for you to help one family. Their goal is not to get the most amount of eggs from you.
00:24:55
Speaker
um Their goal is to get reasonable, mature eggs that can make a difference. Most egg banks, they they make money based on how many eggs you have in order to know how many lots of eggs they can sell.
00:25:11
Speaker
And so um not every egg bank, not every doctor that stems a donor, but we have seen the donors that come to us who have been involved in an egg bank prior, their stimulation and what they produce is a whole lot greater than the average fresh donor cycle.
00:25:31
Speaker
And so But you know what? A donor could be really excited about being to help, being able to help that many families. That's great. um It's just knowing, like knowing what you're going into that process and the education piece is what's really important.
00:25:47
Speaker
For sure. For sure. And to be more specific about that medication, when you're saying that those egg banks are trying to get as many eggs as possible, that means that they are going to really try and stimulate you. And so your risk of OSS i'm or yeah, OSS.
00:26:08
Speaker
Yeah. OHSS. OHSS. There it is. There it is. Yes. So ovarian hyperstimulation increases just big time. Right. Right. And, you know, it's, I am pro-Fresh donor agency because I think it is what protects donors.
00:26:27
Speaker
You also have a legal contract in place. You have that availability to access information because I believe so much in transparency. Like, But for some families, they do need to use a fresh, don they do need to use a frozen donor because they can't afford the fresh donor route.
00:26:46
Speaker
For some donors, that seems like a really good option. And there are also great doctors that are ethically stimulating donors through frozen programs. um
00:26:58
Speaker
But is it is the underlying factor in the process. Right, right. Absolutely. It's, you know, again, it's that it's that experience. What experience are you looking for? What is your why behind it? And when you have your why, what does that look like afterwards?
00:27:12
Speaker
For sure. More and more states are becoming surrogate friendly, um which is so exciting, but not every agency can work within those states.
00:27:23
Speaker
We kind of talked a little bit briefly about just, you know, licensing and what that looks like. What sets egg donor and surrogate solutions apart in this realm?
00:27:37
Speaker
So not everyone can practice in those states because of the licensing requirements and the intense licensing requirements and what that looks like. So um New York licensing started four, maybe almost five years ago.
00:27:53
Speaker
um And we were one of the first agencies that was able to be licensed there. And that's because our policies and procedures and practices were already in line with the ethical standards that they were asking for.
00:28:07
Speaker
um We didn't have to draft anything new. We didn't have to make up any policies and procedures because they were already in place. And so um that that was important from New York.
00:28:18
Speaker
Same is true. and So New York was for surrogacy. um Colorado was the standard the the standards and regulation around egg donation, which really has mostly to do with no longer anonymous. So it is the only, there are like three states that requires identity at the age of 18.
00:28:42
Speaker
Colorado is just kind of one of the first states to say, hey, and we want to see how your policies and procedures are going to help uphold this standard of children having access, right? Because somebody has to keep that information. um And so same was true. our Our team was already working and functioning because we had already been doing known cycles. And because we've already been doing id release for years, we had the systems in place in order to abide by those guidelines that the state of Colorado. So we were the first agency to be licensed in Colorado as well.
00:29:22
Speaker
Which is exciting.
00:29:26
Speaker
um if you're going to choose to be part of this process the agency that you work with is not where you yeah um writing things matter and having these questions or just this knowledge is always so helpful When the journey is complete, obviously all of the beautiful things happen and the, you know, we've already touched on how the impacts of that just last beyond contract. So let's talk about kind of the the bigger picture.
00:29:57
Speaker
Can you, but you know, just what's a powerful example that you've seen where the relationship between parents, surrogates, donors has just kind of continued beyond the journey?
00:30:12
Speaker
Oh, there are so many stories because community I've seen is more and more important in this process. And that starts during that journey and after,
00:30:24
Speaker
um I personally, know you have really special relationships and I could go down, you know, everyone on our staff and, um, the journeys that they've had and the special things that have come up in their worlds, um,
00:30:42
Speaker
you know, I love seeing people vacation
Long-Term Relationships in Surrogacy: Beyond Birth
00:30:44
Speaker
together. Like how sweet is that, that there is such a bond and what's most fun seeing children bond and what that looks like or um to have that extra extension of what those things are. I always laugh, at you know, the family that I carried for, the little guy carried, he's not even little anymore, good gracious, he's 10. Yeah.
00:31:08
Speaker
He is so much more excited to see my three kids than to see me. I promise. Because that is the sweet, special relationship that is there. um We've had a mom via surrogacy that her surrogate, um her surrogate's child needed a stem cell transplant.
00:31:32
Speaker
And that mom donated like, five, six years later, like she was a match in that process, like that sweet.
00:31:43
Speaker
So there's amazing things like that to just, you know, a surrogate or an egg donor's inclusion in showers and birthday parties and gender reveals, like those big milestones that people are included in that um it's really the, the picked extended family, I think is what's been special to watch and see um as these families have gone through, you you got to pick to work with somebody in this process.
00:32:09
Speaker
And now those are the really special people that get to help celebrate those milestones in their lives. Yeah, for sure. i think you you said community and i um I couldn't help but think of either some of our our Illinois girls or how and we had our big 18th birthday party this year. And yeah, It was two of my families that I coordinated for, they somehow figured out that they had a mutual connection with someone. And now they're sitting there chit-chatting with each other about their experience and, you know, just, just all of that. And so it really is one big, huge community, family.
00:32:53
Speaker
It is. And that's special because families have gone through so much to get there. And, you know, I've talked to people like, oh none of my friends understand what infertility is or why we're using it. So like that, that isn't something that they just talk about on Friday night when, when they're out as couples as dinner, they feel.
00:33:14
Speaker
Often families can feel like our story's not the same. It's not as easy, you know, that. And so to then, and that is why we had our birthday party is because that allows families and surrogates and egg donors To be like, oh, you're someone else that went through this process like-minded in a lot of ways. And, you know, definitely from a willingness to help and open up your heart to this process.
00:33:41
Speaker
And so that connection is really huge. And it gives just one more resource as they're walking through this. um I've had families come back most certainly through the egg donor conceived. Like, okay, our kiddo's like four now. We need to start...
00:33:57
Speaker
you know, kind of what does that look like? Of course, we can give books and resources and things like that. But I've also been like, hey, I got a mama over here who has a seven-year-old who's, you know, really killed it at explaining this and what that's looked like. Do you want her number?
00:34:11
Speaker
Or I've got a dad that's doing this single dad thing. And would you like to talk with him? And so that has been really helpful that others are willing, others that have kind of paved that path and have walked that road are even willing to mentor and chat with other families that are in those new seasons long after we have helped them as an agency.
00:34:37
Speaker
Mm hmm. Mm hmm. definitely. You you said single dad and um and that just that got me thinking, how has just chosen single parents and LGBTQ families?
00:34:51
Speaker
How has that reshaped the surrogacy and egg donation landscape and what impact has that had on the industry as a whole? Yeah, well, accessibility for all people to grow their families is so important. And so i am proud that we help all different types of families.
00:35:13
Speaker
Families look different. um And so I'm proud that we are able to help anyone who wants to build their family via a donation and or surrogacy um through this process. So i think... um
00:35:31
Speaker
It's probably been 10 years, maybe since we've seen more and more um growing in that way. i would say about 30% of ah the families that we serve are part of the LGBTQIA community um or single. So that that has increased over the years.
00:35:50
Speaker
And that has, i think, honestly, that's increased with us because they now have more access to, you know, there's great organizations like Families Out Loud that are educating and giving grants. And there, there are more grants that are coming out in this process.
00:36:07
Speaker
Um, so it's becoming more affordable. It's becoming more widely talked about. People are educated more on it where, um, they might've thought like, this isn't possible for me or,
00:36:20
Speaker
what does this even look like?
Supporting Diverse Families: Inclusivity in Focus
00:36:22
Speaker
um Because like, we're not educated as children, um what other options can be. And so it's finally like, oh, this is like doable and a process that we could go through and we can find a great fertility clinic to partner with and a great agency and other industry professionals to walk us through this and it to be a wonderful experience.
00:36:44
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. but For someone that is overwhelmed and, you know, just with how complicated the process can feel. Yeah.
00:36:58
Speaker
What's the simplest, most reassuring truth that you would want them to know? Take your time. Just take the next right step.
00:37:10
Speaker
it It doesn't all have to happen at once. Especially if you're needing an egg donor and or you might start with like, oh we need a semen analysis and then we need an egg donor and then we need a surrogate, you know, and then what is delivery? And ah I've heard people be like, how are we going to explain this?
00:37:26
Speaker
um There's a time for all of those things. There's education for all of those things. um Find someone that, if it's not us, find someone who wants to walk with you, not drag you along, but who who just will say like, hey, this is our next step.
00:37:43
Speaker
And answer your questions where you feel comfortable taking that next right step in the process.
00:37:52
Speaker
After 18 years, what's the one thing that egg donor and surrogate solutions has done consistently that has built that lasting trust with families and help them make, take that next right step?
00:38:08
Speaker
I think honesty and the process and what it looks like around education, cost, all of those things, the transparency with what is, you know, what is that process? What are the fees involved?
00:38:22
Speaker
the accessibility of our staff are, you know, from people that help through the matching and education all the way down our to our coordination teams.
00:38:33
Speaker
um Our leadership is here to support in every aspect. So just that piece and a lot of that is coupled with experience. We've walked these paths. We know what it feels like to be overwhelmed with those decisions or but it don't look like to take that first injection. Or what was it like when my GC had a miscarriage or when I, as a GC had a failed transfer, like ah not everyone, we haven't all experienced cupcakes and rainbows in this process. Actually, I'm not sure how many of us haven't had any, you know, thing to come against.
00:39:14
Speaker
And so we're able to really walk alongside because we've been there. Our experience is not the same as everybody's and it's important as staff that we remember that, but um that experience I think is huge as we help people through this process. And I think that's what has built trust with the families, egg donors and surrogates that we serve.
00:39:44
Speaker
Yeah, no, I completely, i completely agree. Again, we've kind of touched on you know just some of those key things to think about and look for. But for someone who's just starting their search for an agency, what is the very first thing that they should look to know that they will be informed, supported, and celebrated?
00:40:11
Speaker
Can you talk to somebody who is going to inform you, um who is celebrating where you are? Does that person at an agency, do they spend time with you?
00:40:23
Speaker
um Do they have experience um serving families? Maybe someone doesn't have a personal experience or there are great people in this process that don't, but but but does their agency overall have experience? um I've been doing this now for 18 years. i have no idea what our combined um education, like if you combined all of our team members and how much they, but I'm going to say it's probably in the hundreds of, you know, years of experience. For sure. Like so much, we've seen so much and all the time we learn something new.
00:41:04
Speaker
Things change, things shift in the ape industry. And so we're able to pull on our experience and situations from the past to help us navigate with a family or with an ad donor or with a surrogate what those next steps are.
00:41:21
Speaker
um And so, and there are oftentimes, you know, I love our our coordinators have their collaboration meeting weekly where they take cases and they say like, okay, this is what's going on.
00:41:34
Speaker
We want to love, help, and support them through this process. What does that look like? And um you know you're able to raise your hand and say, wow, I experienced XYZ three years ago, um and this is what was really, really helpful, or this is how we navigated what that looked like. With our agency, that's important for people to know that they not only have their one coordinator who is their direct contact,
00:42:01
Speaker
all the time, but that coordinator has access to a leadership team, to other coordinators who are experienced. And so I would want that for every family, even if they're not working with us.
00:42:13
Speaker
If they go to an agency, most great agencies, they are gonna have one coordinator. that That used to be something that really set us apart, like I would even say five years ago, um but but a lot are are going to that model of one coordinator who will support you,
00:42:31
Speaker
But what is the support for that one coordinator? Do they have four, or five, six, seven, eight people that they can lean on Because one person can't know everything. They can't navigate through this process. And so them having a team ensures you have an even stronger team to go through this process with.
00:42:51
Speaker
And that's... one coordinator throughout the entire process, not just match, not just we got you right pregnant or we got you through your cycle. It's literally through the whole thing until that very last hospital bill is paid. yeah You are supported the entire way.
00:43:10
Speaker
Right. Yeah. I mean, most six months postpartum, I mean, That's huge. you're You're not left in this process. Yes. The key part, that last hospital bill. That last hospital bill.
00:43:26
Speaker
we've looked back on you know, just 18 years and, you know, just how incredible it's been, the changes that we've seen. But before we close, i would love to look ahead.
00:43:39
Speaker
What excites you about the next 18 years?
Raising the Standard of Care in Egg Donation and Surrogacy
00:43:43
Speaker
Well, that is so fun. You
00:43:48
Speaker
you know, we are raising the bar in the way that people can be served and taken care of in this process.
00:43:58
Speaker
And there are other agencies that are doing that really well as also. um That's one reason why I love our involvement with SEEDS. is that is more people that want to say, we want people to have a great experience through this process.
00:44:15
Speaker
um If somebody's in this world, they know, they have seen, i mean, we've had more probably in the past 18 months of things that have happened in the industry by not great players in in this industry.
00:44:30
Speaker
And so, but I have seen more agency owners, more professionals just want to love and serve people really well through this process. And so I'm proud that I'm part of a leading company and industry that wants to do that because infertility sadly is not going away.
00:44:54
Speaker
The need for egg donation and surrogacy is not going away. So as more people face that decision as an option to build their families, um we want to make sure that it's a positive experience on the backside because it can be.
00:45:13
Speaker
When people are educated, when expectations are discussed and talked through and met, people can end up on the backside of this and be say, like wow, I wouldn't have done it any other way.
00:45:29
Speaker
and I've heard Hillary say that before. She was like, I wouldn't have built my family any other way because frankly, in her case, egg donation is what brought her, her daughter.
00:45:41
Speaker
And that's really special. That's really cool that the kiddos that families end with are because of this beautiful process of egg donation and surrogacy.
00:45:55
Speaker
Perfectly well said and couldn't agree more So yay Happy 100th episode. My final question for you and you know it's coming because you know i am never not in a meeting, exchange, anything without a cup of coffee in my hand.
00:46:15
Speaker
What has filled your cup today? Literally or figuratively? Well, um literally, you know me, i don't drink coffee. um So I'm on the crazy protein water kick, you know, that perimenopausal place where we're supposed to be having ungodly amounts of protein every day. um But honestly, talking to you was a real joy today. I love listening to the podcast um each Wednesday when it drops and, you know, they're all amazing.
00:46:49
Speaker
The stories that we get to hear and the professionals that come on to give great advice are always so helpful. um But it's been really fun reflecting on where we've been for the last 18 years, fun things and where we're going.
00:47:05
Speaker
So I really appreciate you inviting me and letting me a part be a part of this time with you. Well, thank you. wife Happy 100th episode. Happy 100th.