Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
Roast-A-Scrote Grab Bag: Obsessive Coomer Disorder, the Period-Fearing Pastor & More
34 Plays3 years ago
The Queens pulled some fresh meat from the Patreon for the FDS BBQ. Episode features some questions about "Womens" from a male subscriber to our "Scrotes Strike Back" tier, a "Nah Sis" for porn enabling pick mes, and a period-fearing aspiring pastor.
Join our newsletter: https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com
FDS War Room on the Queen Patreon Tier: https://www.patreon.com/TheFemaleDatingStrategy
Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/femdatstrat
Follow us!
Weekly Bonus Content/Merch/Discord on Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/TheFemaleDatingStrategy
Paypal: https://www.paypal.com/paypalme/femdatstrat
Website:https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com
Twitter: https://twitter.com/femdatstrat
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/_thefemaledatingstrategy/
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/The-Female-Dating-Strategy-109118567480771
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction and Theme Announcement
00:00:05
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:10
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:00:12
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:00:13
Speaker
And guess what?
00:00:15
Speaker
What?
00:00:15
Speaker
Today's episode is another Roast is Groat grab bag.
00:00:18
Speaker
Awesome.
00:00:18
Speaker
I love these episodes.
00:00:19
Speaker
Yeah, we've not done one of these in a while, so I'm excited.
00:00:22
Speaker
Honestly, recording these types of episodes just puts a smile on my face for the rest of the day.
00:00:26
Speaker
So I'm already enjoying this.
00:00:28
Speaker
Time to dust off the FDS barbecue.
Understanding 'High Value Women' - Listener Question
00:00:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:32
Speaker
We're once again backlogged on Roasted Scroats.
00:00:34
Speaker
So we are getting through a bunch of them today.
00:00:37
Speaker
Some really interesting stories coming up, starting with, I wouldn't call this one interesting, but it comes from one of the male Patreon subscribers on our Scroats Strike podcast.
00:00:46
Speaker
back tier.
00:00:47
Speaker
Once again, patreon.com forward slash female dating strategy.
00:00:49
Speaker
He wanted to ask us high value women some questions.
00:00:53
Speaker
Actually, no.
00:00:53
Speaker
Didn't he ask us a lot of questions?
00:00:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:55
Speaker
He asked us a lot of questions.
00:00:56
Speaker
I'm going to like, we're going to answer them.
00:00:58
Speaker
We're only going to answer the first one.
00:01:00
Speaker
We're going to read the whole thing and then basically drag part of it.
00:01:03
Speaker
So here we go.
00:01:03
Speaker
First question.
00:01:04
Speaker
What's a high value women?
00:01:06
Speaker
W-O-M-E-N.
00:01:08
Speaker
Sincerely the real ruthless.
Relationship Habits and Breakup Dynamics
00:01:10
Speaker
And then...
00:01:12
Speaker
The second paragraph is, and what is with women who break up with guys on their choice?
00:01:16
Speaker
You know what?
00:01:18
Speaker
I'm going to roast this man's English skills.
00:01:19
Speaker
I hope this isn't his first language because sir.
00:01:22
Speaker
Also, what is with women who break up with guys on their choice?
00:01:26
Speaker
And then three weeks later, they are texting them, telling them they miss us.
00:01:30
Speaker
It's ridiculous.
00:01:31
Speaker
They will throw a fit about why they got to break up with you, then come crawling back after they realize that them leaving didn't hurt you as much as they thought it would.
00:01:37
Speaker
I'm tired of it.
00:01:38
Speaker
All of my exes have dumped me or agreed to break up and then went back in a short time later like they made a mistake.
00:01:43
Speaker
Then they set themselves up to get manipulated by guys because we realize they won't leave us again and we can basically ask for what we want and they give us whatever we ask.
00:01:50
Speaker
I don't quite understand that.
00:01:53
Speaker
Sounds like a personal problem and also sounds made up, honestly.
00:01:57
Speaker
Like it sounds like he just literally just made that up or it's like some fucking fantasy he has.
00:02:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:02:04
Speaker
Yeah, this does sound, first of all, made up to me.
00:02:06
Speaker
But if anything, it's more it's probably more they aren't happy in the relationship, but they're just not strong enough to move on yet.
00:02:12
Speaker
It's also quite a normal thing as well, because ultimately when we leave a relationship, we break a series of habits.
00:02:19
Speaker
And even though the relationship or in our rational minds, we know that the relationship isn't working, but we get drawn back to those habits.
00:02:26
Speaker
That's how people get into on on off relationships for such a long period of time.
00:02:31
Speaker
It's not necessarily the relationship or the person that's drawing them back per se, but it's that loss of a habit.
00:02:36
Speaker
And especially when, if you're used to, you know, talking to somebody, you know, waking up next to them and you don't have that anymore, you don't have anything to replace it with.
00:02:44
Speaker
It's quite common response, you know, to want to go back to the last person that filled that position.
00:02:49
Speaker
So, and it happens to women as well.
00:02:51
Speaker
I would just say, honestly, it's not personal.
00:02:55
Speaker
It's just how like we as humans process loss and loss of habits.
00:02:59
Speaker
It's not
Critiquing Relationship Philosophies
00:03:00
Speaker
personal.
00:03:00
Speaker
No, it's personal.
00:03:01
Speaker
They're not happy with him.
00:03:02
Speaker
It's personal in the sense of like, they don't want to be with this guy, but they don't want to leave either because it's too emotionally difficult.
00:03:09
Speaker
It's like, congratulations, Ruthless.
00:03:11
Speaker
You're a good enough for now boyfriend.
00:03:13
Speaker
Basically.
00:03:13
Speaker
Like, I want you to know that you're the kind of guy that women, they don't really see a long term future with.
00:03:18
Speaker
They just think, oh, he's good enough for now.
00:03:20
Speaker
Like he's a six month boyfriend tops.
00:03:22
Speaker
So it sounds like neither of you are particularly like high value people.
00:03:25
Speaker
So maybe you are made for each other, actually.
00:03:27
Speaker
It just sounds like they're immature.
00:03:28
Speaker
And quite frankly, she's going to jump ship at quickest opportunity of someone better.
00:03:32
Speaker
And I hope she does, honestly.
The Dangers of Entertaining Exes
00:03:34
Speaker
And also, I'm not being funny, but you keep saying they're all coming back and they're all texting you and stuff.
00:03:38
Speaker
But it's like, firstly, why haven't you blocked them?
00:03:40
Speaker
Like, you're clearly entertaining them as well.
00:03:43
Speaker
So it takes two to tango in these tonight.
00:03:45
Speaker
This is why FDS advocates block and delete.
00:03:47
Speaker
Like, they can't do this crap on you if you just blocked and deleted them.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah, the door's shut.
00:03:52
Speaker
But you know, some of these men as well, let's face it, they also enjoy
Manipulative Mindsets in Relationships
00:03:56
Speaker
the attention.
00:03:56
Speaker
So I'm not fully buying that you find it annoying because it's happened like multiple times now.
00:04:01
Speaker
So yeah, block and delete.
00:04:03
Speaker
And kind of reveals his true colors with the line.
00:04:05
Speaker
Then they set themselves up to get manipulated by guys because we realize they won't leave us again.
00:04:11
Speaker
And we can basically ask for what we want and they give us whatever we ask.
00:04:14
Speaker
Yeah, sounds very red pill, to be honest.
WWE, False Accusations, and Gender Dynamics
00:04:17
Speaker
First of all, I find the shift in language very interesting here because he's saying they set themselves up to be manipulated by guys because we, like he's saying men more generally as if there's other guys that do this to these women, but really he's talking about himself, right?
00:04:30
Speaker
What he's actually saying is like, I manipulate women who say they're going to leave me, but then don't because I know that they're not actually going to leave me and I can ask for what I want, right?
00:04:40
Speaker
That makes
00:04:40
Speaker
him sound like a horrible person when he says it like with I instead of we right when he says it with we it makes it sound like it's the woman's fault like she's the common denominator right I mean and it's not true like I said they'll jump ship the first better option like this is how you don't inspire any type of loyalty right be a dick when they come back then he messaged us a few more times what are some other messages he sent us he said
00:05:01
Speaker
Now, fuck the rest of his message.
00:05:02
Speaker
You have one question per month.
00:05:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:05
Speaker
No, because the rest of it is so stupid.
00:05:07
Speaker
He's like, WWE are not wrestlers.
00:05:09
Speaker
They're actors.
00:05:10
Speaker
Everything is staged and everything is scripted.
00:05:12
Speaker
Stop calling them wrestlers.
00:05:14
Speaker
I guess he didn't like your John Cena episode, Savannah.
00:05:16
Speaker
I mean, as a former WWE fan, I would say I would love to see you get on the road 300 days a year, taking body slams, you know, running around, picking up somebody, double your weight and tell me it's not a sport.
00:05:27
Speaker
Yes, it's scripted.
00:05:28
Speaker
But I will always say like that shit is super physical and people get like wrestlers have died in the job.
00:05:34
Speaker
Like, so I'm not going to take that from somebody.
00:05:38
Speaker
I'm not going to take that.
00:05:39
Speaker
you know, who probably lives in a basement and their only exercise is walking to and from the fridge.
00:05:44
Speaker
Like, that's not acceptable.
00:05:46
Speaker
Like, you try and do it and then get back to me.
00:05:48
Speaker
And then he says, like, just listen to your rich guy rapes women and Roe false rape accusations rant.
00:05:54
Speaker
I think he was actually talking about me because I think that was actually my rant, but people mix up.
00:05:57
Speaker
People always get as confused and I am confused why they get as confused.
00:06:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:06:02
Speaker
I don't get it either.
00:06:03
Speaker
I feel like we sound completely different.
Defining 'High Value' Individuals
00:06:05
Speaker
But you know what?
00:06:06
Speaker
The fact that people keep confusing me and Ro has made me a lot less worried that I might get doxed based on my voice.
00:06:11
Speaker
Because if people can't tell the difference between me and Ro, like there are people that I've met in real life who've listened to the podcast and didn't know it was me.
00:06:18
Speaker
Like didn't know it was me from the podcast.
00:06:20
Speaker
I'm actually kind of happy that people confuse this all the time.
00:06:23
Speaker
It makes me feel a lot safer.
00:06:24
Speaker
Anyways, so he continues, I thought I would bring up an article you thoughtfully ignored.
00:06:28
Speaker
This boy was falsely accused of rape by five girls who didn't like him.
00:06:32
Speaker
He didn't even have sex with the girls and it destroyed him and his social life.
00:06:36
Speaker
You think that's okay?
00:06:37
Speaker
You think it's justice to accuse a completely innocent man to rape allegations and destroy his career and he did nothing wrong?
00:06:45
Speaker
I'm just gonna say like you know Ruthless like were you there to know that it didn't happen like I don't understand why you're so passionately and also you know another thing as well is that when the thing with false allegations bit of a rant here as well is that there are very very few if any that are actually proven to never have happened you know victims can often come forward and say it didn't happen but that can be more often just to get the investigation to stop like when I've
00:07:11
Speaker
spoken to police officers, they've never come across a case where they've actually proven that it didn't happen.
00:07:17
Speaker
They're just taking the victim's word for it.
00:07:18
Speaker
And I'm not saying false allegations never happen, but it's overstated because sometimes victims will actually say, actually, you know, nothing happened just so that the investigation will stop so they don't have to go through the prosecution process.
00:07:30
Speaker
And it just says it's a lawsuit that claims that it's not even saying that it wasn't on some level true.
00:07:34
Speaker
So he's like there.
00:07:35
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:07:36
Speaker
So when has a rapist ever said, yeah, I did it.
00:07:40
Speaker
And this is another thing with so-called false allegations is that they like to say women lie about being raped.
00:07:44
Speaker
But you know who lies about rape the most?
00:07:46
Speaker
Actual rapists.
00:07:47
Speaker
Like when have they ever come forward and said, yeah, I did it.
00:07:51
Speaker
They don't.
00:07:52
Speaker
So yeah, I miss me with that shit.
00:07:54
Speaker
Yeah, he had a few other messages, but we're just going to like cut him off there because yeah, you get one question per month and we've already been generous enough.
00:08:00
Speaker
But as for the question, what is a high value woman?
00:08:03
Speaker
I want to answer that question.
00:08:04
Speaker
I think we should do an episode on that one, right?
00:08:06
Speaker
Yeah, I think we should do a separate episode on that one.
00:08:08
Speaker
But I want to be very clear.
00:08:10
Speaker
And this is like...
00:08:11
Speaker
what men get so confused about with FDS, about what is a high value man, what is a high value woman.
00:08:17
Speaker
Value is, first of all, subjective.
00:08:19
Speaker
So yeah, there is some objective like market value kind of stuff, I guess, but when you're talking about economics, but like we're talking about a high value man and a high value woman.
00:08:27
Speaker
In sales, generally, value means the perceived worth of something outweighs the cost.
00:08:33
Speaker
And so when we say a high value man, we're talking about a man who adds value to the woman's life and does not subtract value.
00:08:40
Speaker
value.
00:08:41
Speaker
You know, he doesn't cost.
00:08:42
Speaker
He's not costly to her, right?
00:08:43
Speaker
A lot of men, unfortunately, are very costly to women and don't add a lot of value to women's life, right?
00:08:48
Speaker
So in my opinion, a man's worth is based on the degree to which he impacts women's lives.
00:08:54
Speaker
If he has a negative effect on women's lives, he's negative value.
00:08:56
Speaker
If he positively impacts women's lives, he's positive value.
00:08:59
Speaker
That's the men.
00:09:00
Speaker
Now, as for the women, this is the part where men get confused because they think that, oh, a high value woman is what
00:09:06
Speaker
most men find sexually appealing or sexually attractive.
00:09:09
Speaker
They'll be like, I want a woman who's like 1600 pounds, big old titties, tiny waist.
00:09:15
Speaker
And you know, that's all fine.
00:09:16
Speaker
That's, you know, if that's what you're sexually attracted to, that's on you, right?
00:09:20
Speaker
But within the context of FDS, when we tell women to level up, we're telling women to add value to their own lives.
00:09:27
Speaker
That's
00:09:27
Speaker
What I'm saying, though, was within the context of FDS, a man's value and a woman's value is defined based on the impact on the woman's life.
00:09:35
Speaker
Right.
00:09:35
Speaker
So we say, for example, women should have their own money.
00:09:38
Speaker
You know, could be a career, could
Relationship Standards and Pornography
00:09:40
Speaker
be a job.
00:09:40
Speaker
But, you know, a woman should be financially self-reliant.
00:09:42
Speaker
A lot of men will jump in and be like, well, I don't think it's attractive when women have their own money.
00:09:47
Speaker
I don't care how much money a woman makes.
00:09:48
Speaker
You know, the man should make money and so on.
00:09:50
Speaker
It's like, well, I don't really care about that because if the man values dependency, for example, right, that's not beneficial to the woman.
00:09:57
Speaker
Right.
00:09:57
Speaker
So a high value woman is a woman who maximizes her potential in life, has, you know, a group of friends that she can rely on for support and so on.
00:10:07
Speaker
That's another thing.
00:10:07
Speaker
A lot of men will be like, oh, like, you know, I don't like women who spend all their time with their friends.
00:10:12
Speaker
Like, I want her to be, you know, solely have her attention on me.
00:10:15
Speaker
You know, that's what they value.
00:10:17
Speaker
Right.
00:10:17
Speaker
But within the context of FDS, women who don't have a support system with other women, they're more vulnerable and
00:10:24
Speaker
It's not beneficial to you as a woman to be isolated, right?
00:10:27
Speaker
So yeah, a high value woman is financially self-reliant.
00:10:31
Speaker
You know, she takes care of her physical health, of course, right?
00:10:33
Speaker
But we don't impose any kind of like body standards in that area, regardless of what men say.
00:10:38
Speaker
And she has a rich and fulfilling life with or without a man.
00:10:41
Speaker
That's a high value woman.
00:10:43
Speaker
So thank you Ruthless937 for your unhinged rants and your 40 motherfucking dollars.
00:10:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:52
Speaker
Did he sign up for four months?
00:10:54
Speaker
Yeah, he did.
00:10:54
Speaker
So, oh, you know, shit.
00:10:57
Speaker
Good for you.
00:10:58
Speaker
That'll get us a cup of coffees and Starbucks at least.
00:11:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:01
Speaker
So thanks for that.
00:11:02
Speaker
I feel like we went pretty nice and we didn't drag you for.
00:11:05
Speaker
We didn't drag him hard enough.
00:11:06
Speaker
I gave him an honest question or I gave him an honest answer to a somewhat honest question.
00:11:11
Speaker
But, you know, it is what it is.
00:11:12
Speaker
On to the next roast to scrote.
00:11:14
Speaker
We don't give a shit about your opinion about rape.
00:11:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:17
Speaker
At all.
00:11:18
Speaker
So you can keep spamming us.
00:11:19
Speaker
We won't give a shit.
00:11:21
Speaker
Back to our regular programming.
00:11:22
Speaker
Back to our regular programming.
00:11:24
Speaker
We're going to go through some Roastus Groats.
00:11:27
Speaker
So our first Roastus Groat is from either Andrea or Andrea.
00:11:31
Speaker
And I've learned over time to never mix those up.
00:11:35
Speaker
I'm going to say Andrea.
00:11:36
Speaker
Sorry.
00:11:36
Speaker
I just see A-N-D-R-E-A.
00:11:38
Speaker
It's Andrea.
00:11:39
Speaker
I'm going to call it Andrea just for balance.
00:11:42
Speaker
Submitted a NASIS.
00:11:43
Speaker
So I recently went to a girl's party with seven of my female friends.
00:11:46
Speaker
They were each dating men that are common friends to all of us.
00:11:49
Speaker
We actually met each other through these men who were a closely knit group of college buddies that have stayed close long after graduating.
00:11:58
Speaker
But since these seven women and I get along well, we frequently socialize without the men around.
00:12:02
Speaker
So at this particular party, we were hanging out and listening to music and I raised the subject of standards and relationships.
00:12:08
Speaker
I explained that one of my core standards with men is that I won't date anyone who watches porn.
00:12:12
Speaker
Feel crystal clear about this and would never in a million years change my feelings and my boundaries about it.
00:12:17
Speaker
No porn, no exception.
00:12:18
Speaker
End of story.
00:12:19
Speaker
Side note, I'm so thrilled that FDS is so unabashedly on the same page as me about porn.
00:12:23
Speaker
Also long live Gail Dines.
00:12:25
Speaker
We agree.
00:12:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:26
Speaker
Long live Queen Gail Dimes.
00:12:29
Speaker
We agree.
00:12:30
Speaker
I'm bowing, bowing, bowing.
00:12:31
Speaker
But when I shared my no porn, no exception standard at the party, six of my friends' jaws legit dropped to the floor and the seventh one suddenly looked pissed as hell.
00:12:40
Speaker
They were all stunned.
00:12:42
Speaker
And after a long moment of deafening silence, they started taking turns awkwardly defending porn.
00:12:46
Speaker
Quote, I mean, I don't have a problem with porn per se.
00:12:49
Speaker
Quote, and as long as he's not addicted, it's fine, right?
00:12:51
Speaker
Quote, and I don't really feel like it's my place to say whether he is allowed to watch porn or not.
00:12:56
Speaker
And a bunch of other pick me nonsense along those lines.
00:12:59
Speaker
Yeah, they're regurgitating everything they've heard from like Cosmo and LibFemMedia.
00:13:03
Speaker
And from men as well.
00:13:04
Speaker
Like, you know, men also push these same narratives that unfortunately unwitting, you know, feminists have just picked up and ran with without any form of critical thought.
00:13:15
Speaker
We made a Patreon episode where we critiqued a man who wrote an article in
Societal Narratives and Boundaries
00:13:20
Speaker
Cosmo about like why you shouldn't be threatened by his porn.
00:13:23
Speaker
Oh, was it Kuma Frank?
00:13:25
Speaker
Was it Kuma Frank?
00:13:28
Speaker
Maybe.
00:13:28
Speaker
Yeah, I think it was Coomer Frank.
00:13:29
Speaker
And the thing about it was like most of it was horseshit.
00:13:32
Speaker
Why should we take all of this at face value?
00:13:34
Speaker
Right?
00:13:34
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:35
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:36
Speaker
That's always the thing.
00:13:37
Speaker
Like, of course, they're going to say this kind of thing because they want it and they want to consume it.
00:13:42
Speaker
But does it mean it's true?
00:13:43
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:13:44
Speaker
So for most women, you can tell it's not true by the way that they act in your relationship sexually.
00:13:50
Speaker
Like a lot of these guys' penises don't work in their 20s and or like they need such extreme sexual stimulus and like abusive sexual stimulus that only comes out of porn.
00:13:58
Speaker
It doesn't really actually feel good to women that why should we continue to support the industry?
00:14:03
Speaker
And in addition to all the other problems with it, which we've gone over in other episodes.
00:14:06
Speaker
I will say, though, I am the sort of person where sometimes I'll just say something controversial at, like, a party and watch everyone else just sort of, like, trip over themselves trying to, like, just to watch the bomb go off.
00:14:16
Speaker
Like, I'll say something that's, like, controversial but objectively true, and then everyone else will be, like, tripping over themselves trying to come up with, like, a rationalization or trying to argue with it or whatever.
00:14:25
Speaker
I'll just sit there kind of, like, I don't know.
00:14:27
Speaker
I just like to start shit sometimes.
00:14:29
Speaker
I'll just patiently sort of, like, objection handle each and every single one of their bad fucking arguments.
00:14:34
Speaker
And, like, as you can tell, I'm a lot of fun at parties.
00:14:36
Speaker
I had to live with like humor and we end up like, you know, usually by the end of the conversation, it's like they've heard kind of a different perspective and, you know, I'll sort of smooth things over with humor.
00:14:46
Speaker
But like these women will go home after having that seed planted in their head and they'll be like, hey,
00:14:51
Speaker
Like, do I actually have to put up with this kind of shit?
00:14:53
Speaker
Like, you know what I mean?
00:14:54
Speaker
Sometimes I'll just like say controversial shit on purpose just to like start that conversation.
00:14:58
Speaker
And often that does lead to people changing their perspective over time.
00:15:02
Speaker
Maybe not in the moment, but yeah.
00:15:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:04
Speaker
It's like who made these rules?
00:15:06
Speaker
That's why you should always question it because who created this culture where we had to automatically accept it and why?
00:15:13
Speaker
When we start retracing the roots of how that happened, and we talked about that with Gail Dines, about how there was a certain number of feminists that just kind of sold out on the porn train, both because it's lucrative.
00:15:23
Speaker
Because it's easy.
00:15:24
Speaker
It's easy.
00:15:25
Speaker
And also that they deliberately de-platformed women who were porn critical in conjunction with a lot of men, right?
00:15:32
Speaker
So, and then tried to pay it as like, it was all Christian conservatism, et cetera, instead of like understanding that there are legitimate critiques of the porn industry itself, as well as the effect on the population and all
00:15:42
Speaker
All of the major magazines suppress the research, the mountains of research that's now kind of coming through the cracks of mainstream media that porn is having a legitimate effect on developing brains, right?
00:15:53
Speaker
And an effect in how men treat women sexually.
00:15:56
Speaker
It's undeniable now, which is partially why the mainstream media is finally starting to take it more seriously.
00:16:03
Speaker
It doesn't have an innocuous effect on the population.
00:16:06
Speaker
That's for sure.
00:16:07
Speaker
So...
00:16:07
Speaker
Okay, so next paragraph.
00:16:08
Speaker
After bumbling on in this unflattering way for a few minutes, one of them finally said to me quietly, I could never have a no porn standard because my boyfriend just wouldn't honor it.
00:16:16
Speaker
There's no way he would ever quit watching porn because of my feelings.
00:16:19
Speaker
And you know what?
00:16:20
Speaker
I think she's probably right.
00:16:21
Speaker
I think there are probably many, many men who would flatly refuse to give up porn for a relationship with a woman.
00:16:26
Speaker
Or probably more commonly, there are many, many men who would simply lie and hide it.
00:16:30
Speaker
I just want to comment real quick.
00:16:32
Speaker
That's the thing with standards is people...
00:16:34
Speaker
seem to think that standards are about changing your existing partner, which is not true.
00:16:40
Speaker
Standards are about stating your expectations.
00:16:42
Speaker
And then if other people don't meet those expectations, you just don't continue to have a relationship with them.
00:16:47
Speaker
And that's the reason why it's so manipulative when a woman sets a standard or a boundary around porn and people then flip it on her saying you're being controlling.
00:16:57
Speaker
And it's like, well, no, she's setting the terms of her engagement.
00:17:00
Speaker
If the man doesn't agree, he's free to walk away.
00:17:03
Speaker
Like, that's how it works.
00:17:04
Speaker
She's not trying to change him.
00:17:05
Speaker
But, you know, so many women get almost in a way manipulated into believing that by having a standard, they're being controlling.
00:17:13
Speaker
And it's part of the wider narrative of just trying to essentially like remove all women's boundaries and to not only remove all women's boundaries and standards, but to make us feel evil and bad and controlling for having them in the first place.
Porn's Impact on Relationships
00:17:26
Speaker
Also, it's not even true that all men watch porn.
00:17:29
Speaker
All men have definitely seen porn, but I wouldn't say that there's definitely variation within men in terms of how much porn they watch.
00:17:37
Speaker
Like, obviously, there's the Coomers.
00:17:39
Speaker
They're like beyond help.
00:17:40
Speaker
They're just like, just put them on an island and just let them figure it out.
00:17:44
Speaker
But, you know, where it's like they're beyond saving.
00:17:46
Speaker
Those are like the extremes.
00:17:48
Speaker
And then there's like maybe the average man where it's like, I'd say probably the average man needs to probably jerk off to porn every single time he masturbates.
00:17:55
Speaker
I think that's probably where we're at with the culture where, yeah, the average man does like to watch porn every single time he masturbates.
00:18:01
Speaker
Which is odd because it's not like porn's been around in a consumable capacity for as long as like in the current capacity for like all of human history or anything.
00:18:10
Speaker
It's a relatively new phenomenon and people have been masturbating forever.
00:18:13
Speaker
It's a new cultural standard, right?
00:18:15
Speaker
So yeah, there are men that at the other side of the spectrum where maybe they've seen porn, but they're just not really like into it or they just don't.
00:18:22
Speaker
It's just sort of weird to them or they just have sex with their girlfriend instead of watching porn, you know?
00:18:28
Speaker
Do you know what?
00:18:28
Speaker
I honestly would not be surprised if in like a couple of years time, they're going to start saying watching porn is like genetics.
00:18:35
Speaker
They'll start saying that.
00:18:36
Speaker
There's a porn watching gene.
00:18:38
Speaker
You laugh, but honestly, in a couple of years time, that will be the new narrative.
00:18:42
Speaker
It's a genetic component.
00:18:43
Speaker
I can't help it.
00:18:44
Speaker
It's a sexual orientation.
00:18:47
Speaker
It's sexual orientation, like koumerism and it's genetics.
00:18:50
Speaker
That's what they're going to be arguing very soon.
00:18:52
Speaker
Because also with this, my psychology MA hat on is that you can like correlation doesn't always equal causation.
00:18:58
Speaker
And there are many things that have a positive correlation.
00:19:01
Speaker
So they seem to be affected by the same thing.
00:19:04
Speaker
So they go up at the same time that are completely unrelated to
00:19:07
Speaker
So you could find, say, it'll be easy.
00:19:10
Speaker
It actually wouldn't be that difficult to do some sort of, you know, crappy scientific study that shows a relation between a certain gene and watching porn.
00:19:18
Speaker
I'm laughing because I know you're right.
00:19:23
Speaker
It's coming.
00:19:24
Speaker
Honestly, it's coming.
00:19:25
Speaker
It's everything but hold men accountable.
00:19:27
Speaker
It's always like they can't help anything.
00:19:29
Speaker
And so even if they couldn't help it, we're on the side that, oh, fucking well.
00:19:33
Speaker
And we should just cut those guys off.
00:19:35
Speaker
They're not entitled to relationships with women.
00:19:37
Speaker
Like if you, for whatever reason, have a problem, like you have to fix that problem to make yourself an attractive partner.
00:19:43
Speaker
So if you are like a obsessive compulsive, genetically born, genetically made coomer.
00:19:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:52
Speaker
OBC was it?
00:19:54
Speaker
I don't know.
00:19:55
Speaker
Obsessive compulsive coumarism.
00:19:59
Speaker
We need to patent that.
00:20:01
Speaker
Let's call it the DSM-5.
00:20:05
Speaker
The DSM-6.
00:20:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:07
Speaker
The DSM-6.
00:20:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:08
Speaker
Let's submit that to... And tell them.
00:20:13
Speaker
Obsessive compulsive coumarism.
00:20:14
Speaker
That's a thing.
00:20:15
Speaker
You heard it on FDS first.
00:20:16
Speaker
OCC.
00:20:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:20:19
Speaker
It's going to be hilarious when they do that.
00:20:21
Speaker
And then we can like come back to this episode.
00:20:23
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:20:24
Speaker
They wouldn't call it Coomers.
00:20:25
Speaker
They'd call it like obsessive compulsive porn consumption.
00:20:28
Speaker
So it'd be like OCPC or something like that.
00:20:31
Speaker
I think we're manifesting this because if you know the history of the DSM and just how sometimes roughshod it is, I would be surprised if that ends off in the next one.
00:20:38
Speaker
The DSM 6.
00:20:41
Speaker
It will either be the DSM-6 where they'll go down the genetics routes or maybe both because in the DSM, they'll just say it's a disorder and I can't help it.
00:20:48
Speaker
Or the genetics route or both.
00:20:50
Speaker
But you heard it from us first.
00:20:52
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:20:54
Speaker
Moving along.
00:21:13
Speaker
And frankly, I also wondered if any of my friends actually enjoy their sex lives with these men at all.
00:21:18
Speaker
Because in my experience, sex with men who are actively using porn is just not good sex.
00:21:22
Speaker
This is so true.
00:21:23
Speaker
And I think nobody's given women permission to say no.
00:21:26
Speaker
All of the culture says that women are selfish, controlling, and not open-minded enough, and that it's supposed to benefit us somehow if we encourage our significant other's porn habits.
00:21:37
Speaker
This is why FDS is so necessary, because we need to just be able to say, like, your dick is broken.
00:21:42
Speaker
Like...
00:21:46
Speaker
This isn't working like you're bad at sex.
00:21:48
Speaker
Porn sick lip dick.
00:21:51
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:21:52
Speaker
Before FDS, I used to just like struggle in some of my relationships with men where the sex wasn't good.
00:21:57
Speaker
And I would just be in like troubleshooting mode trying to like help him overcome his anxiety or help him do this or whatever.
00:22:03
Speaker
Like, you know, I try to be as accommodating as possible in our sex
Building Independent Female Friendships
00:22:07
Speaker
life.
00:22:07
Speaker
And now I'm realizing like, what the fuck was I doing all this for?
00:22:10
Speaker
Like,
00:22:10
Speaker
they're the ones who should have been pleasing me this whole time.
00:22:13
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:13
Speaker
Like, why am I coming up with all these accommodations for his kumarism?
00:22:17
Speaker
This is ridiculous.
00:22:18
Speaker
It's because all of the women's magazines are about how to please men and all the men's magazines and all the men's media is about how to please themselves.
00:22:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:25
Speaker
A lot of these women probably are in relationships with men who watch porn and they have erectile dysfunction or they have weird fucking kinks.
00:22:31
Speaker
And the woman's just like, oh, okay, I guess we can try that or whatever.
00:22:34
Speaker
It's like, no.
00:22:35
Speaker
You do not have to try that.
00:22:36
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:37
Speaker
If you don't want to do it, you don't have to.
00:22:39
Speaker
And if it doesn't give you pleasure, don't have to do it.
00:22:41
Speaker
And he's the one who's supposed to be pleasing you.
00:22:42
Speaker
As I said on my Twitter account several months ago, if a man is not making the orgasm all the time, he's porn sick and you should dump him.
00:22:49
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:49
Speaker
It doesn't matter if the rest of the relationship is like tolerable.
00:22:52
Speaker
And
00:22:52
Speaker
Honestly, here's the thing is a lot of these women, the actual relationship won't even be good enough to compensate for the fact that the sex is bad.
00:22:59
Speaker
And this is the thing.
00:23:00
Speaker
If a man is like sexually selfish and he's not interested in your sexual pleasure, there is no way, no way he's not selfish in other areas.
00:23:08
Speaker
Like people don't work in compartments like that.
00:23:11
Speaker
You know, they, they come with the whole person.
00:23:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:15
Speaker
But if he's sexually selfish, there's no way he's a nice giving partner outside the bedroom.
00:23:22
Speaker
It's just not possible because if that was the case, he would be actively invested in your pleasure.
00:23:28
Speaker
But you're telling me that a man who doesn't give a shit if you orgasm or not is a nice caring partner outside the bedroom.
00:23:34
Speaker
Yeah, and we know that the men who watch porn, porn almost never depicts the woman's orgasm.
00:23:39
Speaker
And if they do, it's like in this really weird, like theatrical, like... Like when she's giving him a blowjob or something like that.
00:23:45
Speaker
Yeah, or like physically impossible.
00:23:47
Speaker
Like, yeah, like she's giving him a blowjob or she's having, like she's getting fucked in the ass or something and she has an orgasm from that and they're not touching the clit at all.
00:23:54
Speaker
And it's like, that's not how women work.
00:23:56
Speaker
Like, so yeah, the man is like probably just hammering away wondering why she's not coming.
00:24:01
Speaker
And it's like, well, yeah, it's because that's not how it works in real life.
00:24:04
Speaker
Like porn isn't like real life.
00:24:05
Speaker
And so anyways, back to the road or back to the Nazis.
00:24:08
Speaker
And then in the height of my reverie came the icing on the cake.
00:24:11
Speaker
The seventh friend, the one who looked pissed when I shared my piece announced that although her boyfriend does not watch porn, she in fact does the quote ethical for women variety.
00:24:20
Speaker
Of course, can I get an eye roll?
00:24:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:22
Speaker
Yeah, I roll.
00:24:23
Speaker
And she proceeded to defend and make justifications for her beloved porn in classic lip-femme fashion, a whole argument which I've heard before and just have zero patience for.
00:24:31
Speaker
Exploitation is the currency of all porn.
00:24:33
Speaker
I'm not here for it.
00:24:35
Speaker
I had had enough.
00:24:36
Speaker
I let the conversation drift for another 15 minutes and then I politely excused myself from the picnicia bonanza.
00:24:41
Speaker
The good news, I ended the night on a queen note at my favorite restaurant, Alba, my happy self, enjoying a well-made martini, a half
00:24:48
Speaker
A dozen oysters and a well-loved copy of Andrea Dworkin's intercourse.
00:24:52
Speaker
Cheers.
00:24:53
Speaker
Queen.
00:24:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:54
Speaker
I mean, this is so tough because kind of realizing the extent that your friend group compromises themselves.
00:25:00
Speaker
I want to say actually the first red flag in this is the fact that you met all of these women through men.
00:25:05
Speaker
I want to say this type of friendship dynamic has never really worked out for me where the like my friend group, it's like the men met each other through the women.
00:25:14
Speaker
And so like if the men want to be friends with each other and hang out with each other, they have to like go with their girlfriends kind of thing.
00:25:20
Speaker
When it's the opposite, where it's like the women all meet each other through the men.
00:25:24
Speaker
I've noticed kind of fucked up dynamics happen like like in the past.
00:25:27
Speaker
And so I just kind of avoid centering my friendships around pre-existing male friendships.
00:25:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:32
Speaker
if that makes sense.
00:25:32
Speaker
Because too often, like if one of the guys does something bad, it's like all the men will like jump to defend them, even the women will jump to defend them.
00:25:39
Speaker
It just becomes like, it's this sort of weird power dynamic where like the male friendship takes precedence.
00:25:44
Speaker
Whereas I think if it's the men who meet each other through the women, it's like the female friendship is more likely to take precedence.
00:25:50
Speaker
And so I would say like, maybe steer clear of forming your friendships based around pre existing male friendships, you know,
00:25:57
Speaker
Yeah, that's a really great point.
00:25:58
Speaker
And I didn't even realize that until you brought it up.
00:26:00
Speaker
But that's so true, because you don't ultimately they knew their boyfriend before they knew you.
00:26:04
Speaker
And so most of them are going to be, I think, reflexively more loyal to their boyfriend than they are to like the quote sisterhood, right, especially if they haven't.
00:26:12
Speaker
formed an individual bond with you.
00:26:14
Speaker
Whereas if you form your own friendship group, then you guys have things that you uniquely and genuinely bond with each other over.
00:26:20
Speaker
So then when men sort of infiltrate that group, it's very clear that when they're changing the dynamic, right?
00:26:25
Speaker
Versus like the established Coomer dynamic that the male group of friends obviously established and then found women who would be down with that.
00:26:34
Speaker
So that's a great point.
00:26:35
Speaker
I noticed this dynamic a lot, especially in like the rich housewives whose husbands are like business colleagues type of dynamic.
00:26:42
Speaker
And actually, you see this really famous cases like you can see this like in Betty Broderick, for example.
00:26:47
Speaker
That's a show on Netflix I really like where all of her female friends are the wives of her husband's business friends.
00:26:54
Speaker
associates.
00:26:54
Speaker
And so when they start having marital problems, they stop being friends with her, they start making friends with the second wife and like that kind of thing.
00:27:02
Speaker
Right.
00:27:03
Speaker
So, you know, I would just be my advice to women is like, you know, make a conscious effort to make friends with women outside of like your connections with men, because it's dangerous, actually, in some ways.
00:27:13
Speaker
And listen to our How to Build Your Girl Gang episode about that.
00:27:17
Speaker
Because I think that had a lot of tips about finding and building female friendships.
00:27:20
Speaker
Because honestly, they are really important.
00:27:22
Speaker
Even, I mean, obviously just to your overall health and wellness and abilities to enjoy life.
00:27:27
Speaker
But also when it comes to when you are dating men, obviously like you have your friends to help you vet, but also like to protect you in times where
Listener's Dating Story and Red Flags
00:27:36
Speaker
it goes bad.
00:27:36
Speaker
And that and just having that friendship support group is just invaluable.
00:27:39
Speaker
And you won't have it if you don't only meet women through your significant others.
00:27:43
Speaker
So our next story is from Christine with the Roast to Scroat.
00:27:48
Speaker
She says, Hi, Queens.
00:27:49
Speaker
I'm submitting another Scroat story for your roasting pleasure.
00:27:52
Speaker
I met a guy on Coffee Meets Bagel about three years ago.
00:27:55
Speaker
At first glance, he seemed like he really wanted to get to know me.
00:27:58
Speaker
And he was an engineer and enjoyed scuba diving and motorcycles, both of which I found really cool.
00:28:03
Speaker
I had so many bad experiences with online dating before that this guy was the best out of all of them.
00:28:09
Speaker
The bar is in hell indeed, but moving on.
00:28:11
Speaker
He set a dinner date fairly quickly, but flaked on the day of and tried to reschedule for the next day.
00:28:17
Speaker
I had enough sense to recognize the disrespect and said no, and then I stopped responding.
00:28:21
Speaker
He kept messaging me after, but I continued to ignore him.
00:28:24
Speaker
Blocking wasn't on my radar since I would feel bad.
00:28:27
Speaker
Clown emoji.
00:28:28
Speaker
It's actually in the email, the clown emoji.
00:28:30
Speaker
I didn't just say that.
00:28:31
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:31
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:35
Speaker
Just, you know, I don't say like sad emoji in like real life to communicate emotion.
00:28:40
Speaker
Anyways, cue to about two weeks later, he finds me on WhatsApp and bombards me with messages there.
00:28:46
Speaker
Pick me, shimmy thought, oh, he's trying so hard.
00:28:48
Speaker
He must really like me instead of realizing it for what it was.
00:28:51
Speaker
Continued disrespect.
00:28:53
Speaker
So I agreed to a date with him.
00:28:55
Speaker
I mean, that's not your fault because every single movie that comes out of Hollywood or romantic story, it's always about the man being extremely relentless pursuing the girl, even when she doesn't want him.
00:29:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:07
Speaker
I feel like it should be played more for horror effect or comedic effect more often than it is, but it's often portrayed as romantic.
00:29:14
Speaker
So yeah, I can understand women thinking.
00:29:16
Speaker
And in fact, like I still sometimes fall into that trap of like, if a guy's pursuing me really relentlessly, oh, he must really like me.
00:29:22
Speaker
And I have to remind myself like consciously, like, no, this is a sign that doesn't respect my boundaries.
00:29:27
Speaker
Like, you know, it's a red flag if a man isn't taking no for an answer.
00:29:30
Speaker
Anyways.
00:29:30
Speaker
So he took me to a cute little restaurant in the city and then to a bar for some more food since I was still hungry and paid for everything.
00:29:37
Speaker
Then he had to leave the date early because he had to go to work at 10 p.m.
00:29:41
Speaker
Wait, what?
00:29:42
Speaker
It's like in the emails, like question marks.
00:29:44
Speaker
If he had said he had to go to bed at 10 p.m.
00:29:47
Speaker
because he had to get up early for work, that would make sense.
00:29:50
Speaker
But he had to work at 10 p.m.
00:29:52
Speaker
And surely, like, if you knew you had to work at 10 p.m., I don't know, maybe he's on call or something, but if you knew you had to work at 10 p.m., wouldn't you say, by the way, I have to leave early?
00:30:00
Speaker
You wouldn't just get to the date and be like, yeah, I have to go.
00:30:03
Speaker
Yeah, so suspicious.
00:30:04
Speaker
Who knows?
00:30:05
Speaker
He could just be like an Uber driver or something like that.
00:30:07
Speaker
He got a wife, sis.
00:30:08
Speaker
Yeah, he's probably got a wife.
00:30:10
Speaker
She said, questioning Mark, not sure if he was lying, but at the time I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
00:30:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:15
Speaker
Something pinged in her that said, this sounds like nonsense.
00:30:18
Speaker
So she continues.
00:30:19
Speaker
We set another date for a week later and he wouldn't tell me what the plan was, only where and when to meet him.
00:30:24
Speaker
It was a walk date, air quotes, where he repeatedly tried to grope me and get me to go home with him.
00:30:31
Speaker
I refused, made him buy me food because I was starving.
00:30:34
Speaker
And after the date, I kept getting messages from him about how I was giving him blue balls and that I was being a tease.
00:30:39
Speaker
Ugh.
00:30:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:40
Speaker
So I feel like the red flag was his first incident of disrespect.
00:30:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:44
Speaker
It went from like a red flag to whatever this is, like a red parachute.
00:30:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:49
Speaker
Red flags that matadors wave at bulls in like bullfighting rings in Spain.
00:30:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:53
Speaker
Because this is like clearly, clearly indefensible and dangerous, quite frankly, because this guy sounds like a date rapist.
00:31:02
Speaker
So she continues,
00:31:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:30
Speaker
Getting a guy to agree to be exclusive doesn't mean anything, which is why a lot of times we say that it should really come from the man because they'll just give you lip service to get whatever they want.
00:31:39
Speaker
Right.
00:31:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:40
Speaker
So be careful with men like that.
00:31:42
Speaker
So but I also feel really sad because I've definitely been in that situation before where, again, pre-FDS, sometimes I would just have sex like even if I didn't want to have sex.
00:31:51
Speaker
And if I wasn't enjoying it, just like, yeah, to get the guy to shut up or to stop pestering me or stop badgering me or for other reasons other than wanting to actually have sex.
00:31:59
Speaker
And it's like, it's actually so sad that women, you know, have been programmed by patriarchy to feel like that's necessary.
00:32:06
Speaker
Like, it's not, first of all.
00:32:08
Speaker
And it's unfortunate that a lot of women feel like if they, you know, continue to say no, that they'll be in danger, which is part of the why women do this.
00:32:16
Speaker
So it's really sad.
00:32:17
Speaker
So she continues, he did take me to a few nice museums and fun events in the city.
00:32:21
Speaker
After a few more dates, he told me that his mom told him to never fall in love.
00:32:26
Speaker
What?
00:32:27
Speaker
That's so bizarre.
00:32:28
Speaker
Well, her son's a piece of work.
00:32:30
Speaker
So yeah, I mean, the apple might not fall far from the tree.
00:32:34
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:32:35
Speaker
What is this like great expectations?
00:32:37
Speaker
Is this Miss Havisham?
00:32:39
Speaker
So she says, I didn't think too much of it at the time.
00:32:42
Speaker
Girl, if a guy said that to me, I'd be like, red fucking flag.
00:32:45
Speaker
Tell me more about your relationship with your mother.
00:32:47
Speaker
I'm going to psychoanalyze you.
00:32:48
Speaker
Anyways, I didn't think too much of it at the time.
00:32:51
Speaker
I should have taken that more seriously.
00:32:54
Speaker
He'd also text good morning beautiful every day and I'd be lucky if I got another text that day about anything even if I texted him.
00:33:00
Speaker
Now that I think about it I wouldn't be surprised if he was copy pasting that to a bunch of other women too.
00:33:05
Speaker
Ding ding ding ding!
00:33:07
Speaker
Do you know what?
00:33:08
Speaker
That's actually something that I actually find like it's not a red flag per se but it's like a flag of some sort.
00:33:16
Speaker
Yeah!
00:33:17
Speaker
Yeah!
00:33:18
Speaker
That brings up my bullshit.
00:33:20
Speaker
Honestly, like if a guy doesn't use your name, that just sets me off weird because oftentimes when I'm conversing with guys online, I would use their name like more often.
00:33:29
Speaker
But in my previous, like when I was previously like dating men, I would go back over my texts and realize that you didn't actually call me by my name in any of our messages.
00:33:37
Speaker
And I just find that very, very weird.
00:33:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:40
Speaker
Or he could be copying that to everyone.
00:33:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:42
Speaker
It's like they don't remember likely or they're copying and pasting it.
00:33:45
Speaker
Exactly.
00:33:46
Speaker
Well, it's almost like they just don't like see you as an individual.
00:33:49
Speaker
Like, I just don't know.
00:33:50
Speaker
It just makes me very nervous when the guy literally never uses my name.
00:33:54
Speaker
Say my name, say my name.
00:33:56
Speaker
I feel like Beyonce was trying to tell us something.
00:33:58
Speaker
Destiny's Child was telling us the truth.
00:34:00
Speaker
Like if a guy doesn't say your name, you're acting kind of shady.
00:34:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:04
Speaker
It's true.
00:34:05
Speaker
It feels like they're trying to create emotional distance by talking to you like an object rather than a person.
00:34:11
Speaker
I think that's why that feels like a flag.
00:34:13
Speaker
Exactly.
00:34:14
Speaker
I totally agree with you, Savannah.
00:34:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:16
Speaker
So convinced I should give him a chance and that he wasn't that bad.
00:34:22
Speaker
How many chances does he get?
00:34:24
Speaker
Like, at this point, we've gone from, like, the matador flag to, like, there's now, like, more red flags at a communist rally in Soviet Russia in 1929.
00:34:34
Speaker
Like, that's how many flags this guy has.
00:34:37
Speaker
I want to zero in on the phrase, he wasn't that... Why would you want a long-term relationship with someone where you're like, oh, he's not that bad, right?
00:34:44
Speaker
Like, I would not want to be with someone... That'll do, pig.
00:34:47
Speaker
That'll do.
00:34:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:49
Speaker
The idea of being in a relationship with someone, unless I'm like totally crazy about them, is like so weird to me.
00:34:57
Speaker
I mean, some men it's like, yeah, I might not be crazy about them at first and they kind of grow out on me kind of thing.
00:35:02
Speaker
It's like their continued acts of service increase my attraction to them over time.
00:35:06
Speaker
But like, why would you want to be with a guy where it's like, oh, he's not that bad?
00:35:10
Speaker
Like if you're thinking that, like he's mediocre.
00:35:13
Speaker
Like, why would you want to be with someone who's mediocre?
00:35:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:15
Speaker
So she did mention that a lot of her friends were pushing her to give him a chance.
00:35:19
Speaker
So it could be a situation where this is why it's important to cultivate your girl gang.
00:35:24
Speaker
It could be a situation where, you know, maybe she's the odd one out.
00:35:27
Speaker
Maybe she's the third wheel in a lot of her friendships right now.
00:35:29
Speaker
And so, you know, there could be some like pressure to just feel like, oh, I should get in a relationship.
00:35:33
Speaker
So I don't feel, you know, like the oddball.
00:35:36
Speaker
So we can go on couple dates, you know, what's the word like double dates?
00:35:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:35:40
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:35:40
Speaker
So sometimes that happens with friendship dynamics, but I feel like a good friend would help you hold out for the right one.
00:35:46
Speaker
So it wasn't that bad.
00:35:47
Speaker
We ended up dating for a year.
00:35:49
Speaker
Girl, okay.
00:35:50
Speaker
That's a year of your life wasted on this man.
00:35:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:35:53
Speaker
Savannah, are you okay?
00:35:54
Speaker
Like, I'm barely holding it in.
00:35:57
Speaker
Even though he didn't make me his girlfriend until five months in and I had to ask him multiple times where we stood.
00:36:03
Speaker
He wasn't all bad, though.
00:36:05
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:36:06
Speaker
He wasn't all bad.
00:36:07
Speaker
He did help me out, like put my new apartment together.
00:36:10
Speaker
And he stayed until 3 a.m.
00:36:11
Speaker
once when my flight coming home was delayed, even though he had to work the next day to pick me up.
00:36:16
Speaker
And he treated my family to a really nice dinner.
00:36:18
Speaker
Okay, so these are like, people don't understand about shitty men is that like, yeah, it's not like black and white, like a low value man or a shitty man isn't going to be shitty all of the time.
00:36:26
Speaker
There's going to be a few moments where they're going to be decent.
Recognizing Toxic Behaviors and Red Flags
00:36:29
Speaker
And you can't allow yourself to be blinded by those good moments when they're being shitty.
00:36:33
Speaker
Yeah, I feel like I have friends that would do this that I'm not having sex with or exclusively committed to.
00:36:38
Speaker
So none of this to me seems special.
00:36:40
Speaker
I feel like above and beyond is what your significant other should do versus things that you would just ask a friend to do.
00:36:46
Speaker
Right.
00:36:47
Speaker
And a lot of these guys can't even really be good friends, sadly enough.
00:36:50
Speaker
A lot of what she's talking about.
00:36:51
Speaker
I'm like, yeah, I mean, if you had a good friend, wouldn't they do this for you?
00:36:53
Speaker
You know?
00:36:54
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:36:55
Speaker
So, but she continues, but the red flags were waving all over the place and outweighed anything good he did.
00:37:00
Speaker
I still had a savior complex and stupidly kept hoping things would change if I just communicated.
00:37:05
Speaker
And she writes that like uppercase, lowercase, uppercase, lowercase, like if I just communicated.
00:37:10
Speaker
Like the SpongeBob voice.
00:37:11
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:37:13
Speaker
The SpongeBob mocking voice communicated.
00:37:15
Speaker
This was pre-FDS and I was scared and insecure of being alone still.
00:37:20
Speaker
Yeah, I can relate to that.
00:37:22
Speaker
We've been there.
00:37:23
Speaker
Yeah, we've been there.
00:37:24
Speaker
So like I said, society, it's not your fault, right?
00:37:27
Speaker
A lot of this is just bad messaging we got.
00:37:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:30
Speaker
So he frequently flaked on dates and would disappear for dates at a time without any explanation.
00:37:35
Speaker
Unless I sexed him, then he would respond quickly.
00:37:38
Speaker
Is that the part you're laughing at, Savannah?
00:37:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:42
Speaker
Wow.
00:37:43
Speaker
Why are men so driven by pussy?
00:37:46
Speaker
Where they're just like, they'll drop everything to respond to like a nude.
00:37:51
Speaker
That's like Pete Coomerism, surely.
00:37:55
Speaker
That is a symptom of Pete Coomerism.
00:37:58
Speaker
No, but here's the thing, Savannah.
00:37:59
Speaker
What you have to understand about men is that like biologically, they literally are just like a penis and then the rest of their body is just a life support system for that penis.
00:38:09
Speaker
Like the whole reason why they exist.
00:38:11
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:38:15
Speaker
I said this on Twitter and some people like loved it and hated it.
00:38:22
Speaker
The rest of you is just a penis life support system.
00:38:27
Speaker
I know Gail Dines in our episode with Gail Dines.
00:38:29
Speaker
She was like, men are more than just life support systems for their penises.
00:38:32
Speaker
And I'm like, the way that they act like on their own kind of makes me think that that's exactly what they are.
00:38:42
Speaker
I love you, Gail Dines.
00:38:42
Speaker
Please don't hate me.
00:38:43
Speaker
Okay.
00:38:45
Speaker
Let's just say a lot of these guys are really not maximizing their, like, potential of their mind and their soul.
00:38:51
Speaker
They just go through life essentially as a life support system for their erect penis.
00:38:55
Speaker
Anyways, yeah.
00:38:56
Speaker
Unless I sexed him, then he would respond quickly.
00:38:58
Speaker
Like a stubborn ass, I pursued him more to get him to see I was worth his time.
00:39:03
Speaker
Oh, that's so sad.
00:39:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:04
Speaker
Once he flaked because he apparently didn't do his laundry and another time to deliver cash to his cousin's boyfriend's mom.
00:39:11
Speaker
Cousin's boyfriend?
00:39:12
Speaker
What?
00:39:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:14
Speaker
This guy sounds like a drug dealer, to be honest.
00:39:17
Speaker
I mean, I'm not even being funny, but like the disappearing for days at a time, sending massive amounts of cash, like hand delivering massive amounts of cash to random people.
00:39:26
Speaker
He constantly tried to get me to do anal and wouldn't quit asking even when I told him no, trying to tell me it'll make you feel good and even had an accidental slip once.
00:39:35
Speaker
Okay, so let me talk about that because this has happened to me and I honestly want this to be like categorized as sexual assault.
00:39:41
Speaker
Clearly it's not accidental.
00:39:43
Speaker
It's very hard to prove though.
00:39:45
Speaker
And it's one of those things where I feel like we need to start putting the fear of God into men for doing that.
00:39:49
Speaker
Yeah, call back to earlier in this episode when the guy got really mad about the whole false rape accusations thing.
00:39:54
Speaker
I mean, again, I'm saying it's not a false rape accusation if it's actually rape, but I do think we need to put the fear...
00:40:00
Speaker
What I like about the whole, oh, don't be alone with a woman in case she falsely accuses you of rape is that we need to put the fear of God into men.
00:40:07
Speaker
OK, we need to make them fear that there will be consequences for their actions.
00:40:10
Speaker
That was the point about that rant.
00:40:12
Speaker
Right now, men don't fear consequences for their behavior because they know there aren't any.
00:40:16
Speaker
We need to be the ones to, even if we're not actually imposing consequences, we need to make them fear the possibility of consequences to deter that kind of behavior.
00:40:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:25
Speaker
And it's such a horrible thing.
00:40:26
Speaker
Like, I mean, I don't necessarily recommend this, but to the point where like, I want to threaten men and be like, if you put your hands on my neck or you try to accidentally stick your dick in my butt, I'm calling the cops like straight up.
00:40:37
Speaker
Cause I feel like that's happened to me enough times where I'm like, they clearly don't understand this is extremely violating an assault.
00:40:44
Speaker
I actually have threatened to call the cops on men before and they immediately back down like majority of the time.
00:40:49
Speaker
Unless they're like white and rich and then they'll just laugh in my face.
00:40:52
Speaker
But most of the rest of them, if they're not privileged in some way, they'll be like, they'll immediately back down.
00:40:57
Speaker
To be fair, I sort of went down like the more extreme route, but it did work.
00:41:00
Speaker
So I was meeting a guy.
00:41:02
Speaker
So I watched a lot of true crime with my dad and then especially in American culture, like it's actually in a way like because you learn there's like a thousand and one ways to kill somebody.
00:41:09
Speaker
So I was like, I was meeting this guy and, you know, I like had a car at the time and I was going to pick him up like a pick-nail was, but anyway.
00:41:15
Speaker
And I said, if you try anything at all, I would if you bury your body so well, even the fucking birds wouldn't find them.
00:41:21
Speaker
Because he came to me and there's loads of fields around where I live in the countryside.
00:41:25
Speaker
So I was like, I could easily just dispose of you.
00:41:27
Speaker
Then he actually said like, I'm actually really scared of you.
00:41:30
Speaker
I was like, good.
00:41:31
Speaker
That's the point.
00:41:32
Speaker
So you won't try anything.
00:41:34
Speaker
My MO is...
00:41:36
Speaker
I think I'm actually just going to go ahead and say this in an episode because this is... I think I'm going to stay anonymous for the foreseeable future.
00:41:43
Speaker
I just didn't want my murder MO to get to be public in case I actually did this.
00:41:47
Speaker
Just kidding.
00:41:47
Speaker
This is all for comedic purposes and I would totally not do this.
00:41:50
Speaker
But me and my friends and my sister basically have a pact of murdering each other's rapists.
00:41:57
Speaker
So it's like moving forward, yeah, if any of us ever gets sexually assaulted, the MO is... We're going to sneak up on him, hit him in the back of the head...
00:42:05
Speaker
put him in the back of my truck, drive off to a Forest Service road, dump him on the side of the road and wash our hands of him.
00:42:10
Speaker
And then that'll be that.
00:42:11
Speaker
But yeah, so I just wanted to say.
00:42:13
Speaker
But to make sure you don't leave any trace evidence.
00:42:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:15
Speaker
Should we bury him or burn him?
00:42:17
Speaker
Maybe start a forest fire to cover up the evidence?
00:42:19
Speaker
No, I'm kidding.
00:42:19
Speaker
No.
00:42:20
Speaker
I'm kidding.
00:42:21
Speaker
We'll take this conversation offline if I'll give you ideas.
00:42:24
Speaker
Give you ideas.
00:42:26
Speaker
Yeah, we'll take that off.
00:42:26
Speaker
Because I think the forest fire might actually be the thing that they're motivated to find because of how much destruction forest fires cause.
00:42:33
Speaker
Yeah, yeah.
00:42:36
Speaker
So you actually don't attend that.
00:42:39
Speaker
Yeah, I'm kidding.
00:42:40
Speaker
So I'll not do that.
00:42:42
Speaker
So like, you don't want to do that.
00:42:44
Speaker
No, just, yeah.
00:42:45
Speaker
I mean, there's lots of people who go for long drives on the Forest Service roads at night.
00:42:49
Speaker
There's loads of unsolved murders up in the north in Canada.
00:42:51
Speaker
So yeah, anyways.
00:42:53
Speaker
Okay, fed up, I randomly started poking at his butthole.
00:42:57
Speaker
I can't say it.
00:42:59
Speaker
Bro, can you hold it together long enough to say it?
00:43:01
Speaker
Because I can't.
00:43:02
Speaker
Fed up, I started randomly poking at his butthole and he would jump two feet high each time and screech at me to stop that.
00:43:09
Speaker
Do you know what that reminded me of?
00:43:11
Speaker
You know Tom and Jerry when like, you know, Tom would get like poked in the butt and he'd jump and like do that scream.
00:43:17
Speaker
That's what it reminded me of.
00:43:20
Speaker
But again, sometimes you have to hold men's hand through the concept of having empathy for women because like the man will stick his dick in your butthole and like expect you to just be fine with it or just like they expect you to react like they do in porn, right?
00:43:34
Speaker
Where the woman's just like, oh my God, yay, that's so amazing, right?
00:43:37
Speaker
And women in real life are like, what the fuck?
00:43:39
Speaker
Like, you know, yeah, jumping two feet high in the air.
00:43:41
Speaker
So yeah, sometimes you need to put men through what they put women through in order for them to feel empathy for women.
00:43:46
Speaker
Yeah, I'm cool with this.
00:43:47
Speaker
You gonna learn them real good.
00:43:50
Speaker
Oh no.
00:43:51
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:43:53
Speaker
Ironically, he claimed to be a God-fearing Christian.
00:43:56
Speaker
Jesus Lord.
00:43:57
Speaker
Who aspired to be a pastor.
00:44:00
Speaker
Are you surprised, Ro?
00:44:01
Speaker
I don't know why you're acting shocked.
00:44:05
Speaker
No, I'm not surprised.
00:44:06
Speaker
A lot of pastors are creeps.
00:44:08
Speaker
They're just power hungry creeps that, I mean, no disrespect to anyone in particular, but a lot of these guys are just running a cult, right?
00:44:15
Speaker
No, it's true.
00:44:17
Speaker
And they realize the type of guys who aspire to be a pastor, a small percentage of them are doing it because they genuinely want to help people.
00:44:25
Speaker
A middle percentage are doing it because they think it's a grift.
00:44:27
Speaker
And then the other ones are just cult leaders, right?
00:44:29
Speaker
Like they just realized like, I can manipulate people
Family Dynamics and Early Warning Signs
00:44:31
Speaker
to do whatever I want.
00:44:31
Speaker
They're sociopaths.
00:44:33
Speaker
And the number of affairs that happen in like the senior leadership of the church is ridiculous.
00:44:38
Speaker
Like, and it wouldn't be like a wham, bam, thank you, ma'am, like one off.
00:44:42
Speaker
These guys would be having an affair for like 10 years with like the choir master whilst getting up every day or every Sunday saying that adultery is a sin.
00:44:51
Speaker
Like, it's honestly so fucked up.
00:44:52
Speaker
Like, it's ridiculous.
00:44:54
Speaker
Like, we need to do like a whole episode on like the lies of the church because honestly, I've seen some things in my day.
00:44:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:59
Speaker
I agree.
00:45:00
Speaker
It's always like there's always like one good pastor and then just a bunch of other people who I don't know how to describe them, but like they're there for very nefarious reasons that are sometimes hard to articulate, but you can kind of see in their behavior.
00:45:13
Speaker
So next, he was also terrified of periods and bragged that when one of his exes had her period, he refused to see her because he thought it was gross.
00:45:22
Speaker
Why would he brag about that?
00:45:23
Speaker
What is this, like Leviticus rules?
00:45:25
Speaker
Yeah, I was going to say that sounds very, very old.
00:45:28
Speaker
Because in the Old Testament, in Leviticus, it says if a woman is on her period, she's basically an outcast.
00:45:34
Speaker
She can't go to the temple, basically like, you know, create a wide berth around her.
00:45:38
Speaker
They were basically treated like they were lepers.
00:45:40
Speaker
Like, you know how like lepers were kept outside the city away from everyone else.
00:45:44
Speaker
That's how women on their periods were basically, or like that's how Leviticus basically said or depicted how women should be treated on their periods.
00:45:51
Speaker
That's so fucked up.
00:45:53
Speaker
That they were unclean.
00:45:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:54
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:54
Speaker
Basically you sit in a chair.
00:45:56
Speaker
If I'm not mistaken, like you're supposed to sit in a chair in like one room.
00:46:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:00
Speaker
Because anything you touch should be unclean because you were unclean for having a period.
00:46:04
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:05
Speaker
Which sort of kind of maybe a little bit makes sense.
00:46:08
Speaker
You know, pre-antibiotic, pre-sanitary napkin phase if you have like open blood.
00:46:14
Speaker
Yeah, but they were slaughtering animals, like, and didn't give a shit about cross-animal contamination, not washing their hands, using blades that probably weren't cleaned or sterilized.
00:46:24
Speaker
Yeah, they had all kinds of foodborne illness and stuff.
00:46:26
Speaker
Like, there are other things that were... It was just misogyny, honestly.
00:46:29
Speaker
They just didn't understand it.
00:46:30
Speaker
They were like, why do women bleed when they are not wounded?
00:46:32
Speaker
I don't understand.
00:46:33
Speaker
It must be demons.
00:46:34
Speaker
I don't know.
00:46:34
Speaker
Like, they just didn't get it, right?
00:46:36
Speaker
So, yeah, it's just plain old misogyny.
00:46:38
Speaker
He also made a comment that if his significant other had his baby, he also, quote,
00:46:42
Speaker
Wasn't sure if I could ever look at it the same way again.
00:46:46
Speaker
It being her vagina.
00:46:47
Speaker
This is the guy who claimed he wanted to be married with children one day.
00:46:50
Speaker
The Madonna Hall complex in play.
00:46:54
Speaker
God, okay.
00:46:55
Speaker
Man is so disgusting, honestly.
00:46:57
Speaker
This man is really a problem.
00:46:58
Speaker
Yeah, he's vile.
00:47:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:01
Speaker
Call a whole man disposal service.
00:47:03
Speaker
Yes.
00:47:04
Speaker
Dispose of the whole man.
00:47:05
Speaker
We were talking about Halloween once and I told him I had a phobia of porcelain dolls.
00:47:10
Speaker
He immediately said he would decorate my apartment with porcelain dolls when I wasn't home one day.
00:47:14
Speaker
Oh, what a piece of shit.
00:47:16
Speaker
Can I just rant actually about men like, okay, men like this, you need to categorically avoid.
00:47:21
Speaker
These guys are the most toxic where if you say you don't like something and the man tries to do it more, sometimes I'll just do like a quick blood in the water test with some men where I say like, oh, I don't like being tickled or something.
00:47:32
Speaker
I just like really hate being tickled.
00:47:34
Speaker
If he immediately tries to start tickling me, that guy is a guy who enjoys violating boundaries.
00:47:39
Speaker
He's the same mentality as a rapist, honestly.
00:47:41
Speaker
Like if you say I don't want to have sex tonight and he immediately tries to have sex with you, like fucking run.
00:47:47
Speaker
Like these guys are like sadists.
00:47:49
Speaker
They enjoy psychologically torturing women and forcing women to go through things they don't enjoy.
00:47:53
Speaker
Run like they're actively toxic.
00:47:55
Speaker
God, I hate men like that.
00:47:56
Speaker
This is what we call a habitual line stepper.
00:47:59
Speaker
Like a pathological line stepper.
00:48:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:01
Speaker
They don't get better.
00:48:02
Speaker
They get like exponentially worse.
00:48:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:05
Speaker
They get worse.
00:48:06
Speaker
He would also talk to my Alexa and tell her to put stupid things in my wishlist like butt plugs and dildos.
00:48:12
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:48:13
Speaker
God bring Christian men, ladies.
00:48:15
Speaker
And would laugh hysterically when I got annoyed at him.
00:48:18
Speaker
The worst thing about this is like, I took my Amazon at work and stuff like that.
00:48:21
Speaker
And if somebody was putting that into my browser history, that would just make me look bad.
00:48:25
Speaker
So he would also joke around and put unicorn porn on my computer and would sometimes make horse noises during sex.
00:48:32
Speaker
What the hell?
00:48:34
Speaker
Some of these roasted scroats, it's like, oh, this guy's horrible.
00:48:37
Speaker
This guy's abusive.
00:48:38
Speaker
But some of these, it's like, really, why are you putting up with like, it's almost like an L for the woman that you ever put up with this.
00:48:44
Speaker
It's like, girl, come on.
00:48:46
Speaker
I think what happens is you can never predict how low and depraved men go.
00:48:51
Speaker
And it's again, it's the frog in water theory.
00:48:53
Speaker
So I bet like she's just kind of watching this happen like a deer in headlights and being like, well, surely it can't get worse than this.
00:48:59
Speaker
Surely he understands this is terrible.
00:49:00
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:01
Speaker
Yeah.
00:49:01
Speaker
I kind of see how this happens.
00:49:03
Speaker
Here's the thing with men is you have to nip this shit in the bud early.
00:49:05
Speaker
Like I've learned this working with men, like the first sign of disrespect, you need to come down on them hard, put the fear of God in them, teach them that there will be consequences and that they will suffer if they fuck with you the first time.
00:49:17
Speaker
Because if you try to let things slide the first few times, that's when they go like, oh, like she's Lilith, she's a cool girl.
00:49:23
Speaker
She can put up with whatever.
00:49:24
Speaker
Right.
00:49:24
Speaker
And then it escalates like I'm dead serious.
00:49:26
Speaker
You need to put the fear of God in these men and no, teach them there will be consequences.
00:49:30
Speaker
The first sign of disrespect.
00:49:31
Speaker
I can see what Ro is saying, though, in that it's just a gradual escalation.
00:49:35
Speaker
He didn't begin doing this, like, you know, putting all this crap into an Amazon wishlist, like, early on.
00:49:40
Speaker
Like, they know what they're doing.
00:49:42
Speaker
It's a very, very... It's almost like a gradual progression, like you said, of disrespect.
00:49:47
Speaker
But, you know, like Ro said, you just don't see it coming.
00:49:49
Speaker
It just... And then before you know it, you're in, you know, so deep.
00:49:53
Speaker
And then you have things like the sunk cost fallacy, and you see the little bits of when they're nice to you.
The Importance of Self-Worth and Boundaries
00:49:58
Speaker
And it's just, yeah...
00:49:59
Speaker
It's an awful situation to be in and when you can remove yourself and like talk about it as eloquently as she's currently doing, that's when you see how absurd it is.
00:50:07
Speaker
But in the moment, it just like, okay, well, onto the next one.
00:50:11
Speaker
I'll talk to him and it'll be all right.
00:50:12
Speaker
Onto the next event.
00:50:13
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:50:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:15
Speaker
This came out of nowhere.
00:50:16
Speaker
I may have mentioned offhand once that I thought horses were beautiful, but that's about it.
00:50:20
Speaker
Well, he's a porn sick Coomer's Grote.
00:50:22
Speaker
So everything gets sexualized.
00:50:24
Speaker
This guy is so weird.
00:50:25
Speaker
And also, why would you, if she mentions it offhand, like she likes horses, why would you then go and do something to do with horses?
00:50:31
Speaker
That's fucked up.
00:50:32
Speaker
Like, I don't get what he's getting out of this.
00:50:35
Speaker
This guy has obvious like psychological sadistic tendencies.
00:50:39
Speaker
Like when a man actively enjoys like making you uncomfortable or like ruining things that you enjoy or, you know, if he finds that you don't like something and he does that more, a sadist, like that guy's evil, like run.
00:50:52
Speaker
Okay.
00:50:53
Speaker
Later in the relationship, he admitted to dating an 18 year old when he was in his mid thirties and complained that she acted like a kid, dot, dot, dot.
00:51:00
Speaker
Like, what did you expect, bro?
00:51:02
Speaker
I think that's actually a fair reaction.
00:51:04
Speaker
Like I've known other men who were in their early 30s and they're talking to 17 year olds complained to me that she's so immature and stupid.
00:51:11
Speaker
And I'm just like, she's 17.
00:51:13
Speaker
And I'm not saying that all 17 years are immature and stupid, but that you're at completely different developmental ages.
00:51:18
Speaker
Like, why are you talking to somebody who's half your age?
00:51:21
Speaker
Well, they go after these girls because they like how vulnerable they are.
00:51:24
Speaker
Yeah, I would never date anybody who dates teenagers.
00:51:26
Speaker
I mean, realistically, women that young just don't know better unless they had good people in their life to get this guy out of their space as quickly as possible.
00:51:34
Speaker
So that's, I mean, truthfully, it's just him trying to pick off who are likely to be vulnerable or naive.
00:51:39
Speaker
Yeah, massive red flag.
00:51:40
Speaker
Anybody in their 30s dating a teenager, like period, end of story.
00:51:43
Speaker
Okay.
00:51:44
Speaker
Also had some strange family dynamics.
00:51:46
Speaker
His mom didn't like that I held quote Asian beliefs, even though I am Asian, just because I had an Asian dragon decal on my car.
00:51:56
Speaker
Okay.
00:51:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:58
Speaker
Another red flag.
00:51:59
Speaker
Oh, so his family's racist.
00:52:00
Speaker
That's great.
00:52:01
Speaker
He invited his cousin and her boyfriend on a weekend trip with us.
00:52:04
Speaker
The whole time his cousin was trying to get him alone and kept speaking in Spanish to him, knowing full well that her boyfriend and I did not speak it.
00:52:10
Speaker
Not sure what that was about, but at least he had the sense to answer in English.
00:52:14
Speaker
We went to Montreal and he would purposely do a really horrible mocking French accent to all the locals and workers.
00:52:20
Speaker
Or just like insensitive, I guess, or just rude.
00:52:24
Speaker
I mean, if you just say like, I don't like Asian beliefs, like what does that even mean?
00:52:29
Speaker
That is based on a dragon like decal.
00:52:33
Speaker
Is it decal or decal?
00:52:34
Speaker
I don't know how to pronounce that word.
00:52:36
Speaker
I've no idea what a decal decal is.
00:52:38
Speaker
That might be the Canadian pronunciation.
00:52:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:52:43
Speaker
Or should I say the Canadian pronunciation?
00:52:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think they just sound like really stupid, honestly.
00:52:48
Speaker
Like I said, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
00:52:50
Speaker
His mom's like a little bit strange and he definitely takes after her in terms of weirdness.
00:52:57
Speaker
He was always strangely broke, even though he claimed he made six figures, had a roommate to offset 50% of his living expenses and did Uber part time.
00:53:05
Speaker
So he's a failed drug dealer.
00:53:07
Speaker
Yeah, this is the failed drug dealer lifestyle.
00:53:10
Speaker
I later learned that all those nice museums and events he took me to on the initial few dates he had coupons for.
00:53:16
Speaker
Oh no!
00:53:23
Speaker
I mean, there's nothing wrong with coupon dates, like once you're in a relationship, but like early in the phases of dating, it's like, really?
00:53:30
Speaker
I also caught him talking to other women and he never did uninstall his dating apps, even though he lied about it, trying to say those were his family members whose numbers he hadn't saved.
00:53:43
Speaker
Men will just lie the craziest lies.
00:53:46
Speaker
Like, girls, like, this is why you need to challenge men on this shit.
00:53:50
Speaker
I actually, I had a guy try to pull this on me.
00:53:52
Speaker
This is a few years ago when I was still using Tinder.
00:53:55
Speaker
And I was, like, dating a guy.
00:53:57
Speaker
And he's like, oh, it was after he wanted to be exclusive.
00:54:00
Speaker
And then I caught him using Tinder still.
00:54:02
Speaker
And then he was like, oh, I just have some friends on Tinder.
00:54:07
Speaker
And, like, that's the only place I can contact them.
00:54:09
Speaker
And I was like, I challenged him on that.
00:54:11
Speaker
I was just like...
00:54:12
Speaker
What do you mean your friends?
00:54:13
Speaker
Like if they were friends, why wouldn't you have them on like WhatsApp or like texting or something?
00:54:17
Speaker
And he's like, oh, I don't know.
00:54:18
Speaker
We just like, we just like to use the Tinder messaging app.
00:54:21
Speaker
I'm like, I knew that was a fucking lie.
00:54:23
Speaker
And I was like, okay, so we're not exclusive then, right?
00:54:25
Speaker
Like you're dating, I'm dating.
00:54:28
Speaker
Like,
00:54:29
Speaker
I guess if you're still using Tinder, we're not exclusive.
00:54:32
Speaker
And then we had a whole argument back and forth.
00:54:34
Speaker
Eventually did delete Tinder, but it was like a really stupid fucking game.
00:54:37
Speaker
He tried to play on me.
00:54:38
Speaker
Like, why do men lie like that?
00:54:40
Speaker
Expect us to believe them.
00:54:42
Speaker
Like, girl, stop like accepting these kinds.
00:54:44
Speaker
Like he clearly lied like that before the woman was just like, oh, okay, I guess like stop letting men get away with this shit.
00:54:50
Speaker
God.
00:54:51
Speaker
I just don't understand what it is in the male brain that allows them just to compulsively say the dumbest shit that's possible and say it with a straight face and believe it with their whole heart and try to convince you of it.
00:55:04
Speaker
Like, what is that?
00:55:05
Speaker
And then they'll be mad when you don't believe them, even though they know it's bullshit.
00:55:10
Speaker
They're mad at you for not believing their bullshit.
00:55:12
Speaker
Like, man.
00:55:14
Speaker
Men, what is wrong with them?
00:55:16
Speaker
Having an XY chromosome is like having a mental disorder or something.
00:55:20
Speaker
Like, I swear.
00:55:22
Speaker
It kind of is.
00:55:23
Speaker
Increasingly every day, that's what it seems like.
00:55:25
Speaker
They just have this, like, I call it male pattern delusion, right?
00:55:28
Speaker
Like, it's just something that makes them on some level kind of delusional.
00:55:31
Speaker
So, okay.
00:55:32
Speaker
So then finally, he got a female roommate who I never met and he wouldn't let me stay over at his place anymore as to, quote, not set a bad example for her.
00:55:42
Speaker
Quote, says the skirt he's trying anal.
00:55:44
Speaker
I wanted to be a person.
00:55:49
Speaker
He's definitely trying to fuck his female roommate.
00:55:51
Speaker
That's why.
00:55:52
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:55:53
Speaker
Oh, he has fucked her.
00:55:54
Speaker
Oh, he has fucked her.
00:55:55
Speaker
He's cheating.
00:55:56
Speaker
Then I also found a photo of a porn star with a message personalized for him.
00:56:00
Speaker
And he tried to say it was because his boss went to a porn convention and had that signed for him.
00:56:04
Speaker
Okay.
00:56:05
Speaker
This man, this guy is such a liar.
00:56:08
Speaker
Here's the thing, like with men, the more you let them lie to you, the more gullible they think you are and the more they think they can get away with.
00:56:15
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:56:15
Speaker
Like you got to nip this shit in the bud early.
00:56:17
Speaker
Let them know that you're not the sort of person that's going to let them get away with this shit.
00:56:21
Speaker
Like this is behavior that I have towards men.
00:56:25
Speaker
that I'm not romantically involved with, like men that I'm working with or men that I, you know, have to just interact with on a day to day basis, stuff like that.
00:56:32
Speaker
I would never in my whole fucking life date if I had to implement these sorts of control measures, like nipping lies in the butt early like that.
00:56:40
Speaker
That's not the kind of man you want to date anyways.
00:56:42
Speaker
Right.
00:56:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:56:43
Speaker
No, it's not worth it.
00:56:44
Speaker
But you need to train them to be used to women talking to them like that.
00:56:47
Speaker
Honestly, I think that's good for them psychologically.
00:56:49
Speaker
Yeah, I think I would just like condescend to him.
00:56:52
Speaker
If for some reason was still in this relationship, I'd be treating him like he was like borderline developmentally delayed because he was trying to say lies that were pretty absurd to anybody with two eyes and two ears.
00:57:03
Speaker
Okay, maybe we'll do a separate episode about this.
00:57:06
Speaker
But I actually think that like in relationships where one partner is really, really, really stupid, I actually consider that to be unethical.
00:57:13
Speaker
Like I think, you know, in the same way with age gaps, we think it's unethical if it's like much more experienced, older, mature person with like a younger, inexperienced, less mature person.
00:57:22
Speaker
I think if you're in a relationship as a woman, you know, and the smarter partner by like a lot, and your man is really, really, really
00:57:30
Speaker
really really fucking stupid i think that's unethical it's like having sex with someone who's mentally disabled honestly i just think that's like a rape adjacent i mean i like a good himbo right but i don't like intelligence discrepancy that's so large that it makes me feel like a predator you know like i want him to you know but the stupid ones are hot lilith i want him to at least like be somewhat close to my level you know like
00:57:57
Speaker
Here's the thing.
00:57:58
Speaker
This guy isn't a himbo because he's like, he's dumb, but he's not like a himbo to me is like someone who's dumb, but respects women.
00:58:04
Speaker
This guy doesn't respect women and he's dumb.
00:58:06
Speaker
So he's like malicious to women and is dumb.
00:58:09
Speaker
Like that's just like a double no.
00:58:10
Speaker
I also asked him about nine months in how he felt about me.
00:58:15
Speaker
He said that he wasn't in love with me and he didn't know if he would ever be.
00:58:18
Speaker
Anyway, I tried to break up with him several times, but he would always promise things would be better.
00:58:22
Speaker
And stupidly, I stayed, even though I was starting to resent him.
00:58:26
Speaker
Really?
00:58:26
Speaker
Starting to.
00:58:27
Speaker
Like too patient.
00:58:29
Speaker
Way too patient.
00:58:30
Speaker
You sound like a very patient person.
00:58:32
Speaker
This just sounds like a very, very patient person.
00:58:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:34
Speaker
I think your patience level is much higher than even the average person who would have been like, this is crazy.
00:58:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:41
Speaker
Eventually, and I'm not proud of this, I started picking fights with him and then went on a date with someone else.
00:58:46
Speaker
He found out and broke up with me.
00:58:48
Speaker
I felt relieved more than upset.
00:58:50
Speaker
I finally blocked and deleted him.
00:58:51
Speaker
And then when I went to clean up my online dating account the next day, I found that he had updated his profile with new pics and a new bio.
00:58:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's all you need to know.
00:58:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:00
Speaker
Ideally, you never see this girl at all.
00:59:02
Speaker
You just immediately block everything.
00:59:04
Speaker
You would block him on anything that would ever expose you to him further because he sounds like a horrible person that brought nothing to your life whatsoever.
00:59:13
Speaker
And what you should be in the future, completely denying that you ever had a relationship with him.
00:59:19
Speaker
So, okay.
00:59:20
Speaker
So side note, I feel like if you have a relationship this bad, you're allowed to delete it from your relationship history files.
00:59:25
Speaker
Like don't even like never tell anybody you accepted this.
00:59:28
Speaker
Pretend it never happened.
00:59:29
Speaker
If you see this man in the street, walk the other way, act like you don't know him straight up.
00:59:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:33
Speaker
No, I actually support that completely.
00:59:35
Speaker
Some men, they don't deserve to like be a notch on your belt.
00:59:38
Speaker
Like if the relationship was that bad, if a guy, if you have sex with a guy and he doesn't make you come, I don't think that counts
Conclusion and Listener Engagement
00:59:44
Speaker
as sex.
00:59:44
Speaker
I actually think that that wasn't real sex.
00:59:47
Speaker
I agree.
00:59:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:48
Speaker
Like ladies, if you've had sex with a ton of dudes and they never made you come, your body count is zero.
00:59:52
Speaker
So on a happy note.
00:59:54
Speaker
So this kind of ends on a happier note.
00:59:56
Speaker
I went to therapy to address my codependency and insecurity issues and I'm working on myself still.
01:00:01
Speaker
You ladies are awesome.
01:00:02
Speaker
Thanks so much for doing what you do and empowering women to level up.
01:00:04
Speaker
Love Christine.
01:00:05
Speaker
Thanks so much for writing us.
01:00:07
Speaker
Awesome, Christine.
01:00:08
Speaker
We love you too.
01:00:09
Speaker
Yeah, thanks for writing this.
01:00:10
Speaker
This is a great story.
01:00:11
Speaker
What I like about this story, just from like a teachable moment perspective, is like you can see the escalating abuse, the escalating and even more ridiculous lies, gaslighting, you know.
01:00:23
Speaker
All the stuff we say to look out for and all the things that happens when you start the gaslighting, right?
01:00:27
Speaker
When you start to ignore the initial one, which the first one was the disrespect on like literally the first date, right?
01:00:34
Speaker
So if I'm lying about that.
01:00:36
Speaker
Actually, I want to say I'm really glad that they only dated a year.
01:00:39
Speaker
Like some of these women will date these men and end up marrying them and having kids with them and shit, right?
01:00:44
Speaker
Yeah, so true.
01:00:45
Speaker
So true.
01:00:46
Speaker
Yeah, they need to not make it back into the gene pool at all.
01:00:50
Speaker
Exactly.
01:00:50
Speaker
So as much as like we were almost kind of dragging for putting up with this for so long, it's like, I'm glad she got out right in the end, even if the way that she got out was like, you know, he broke up with her for going on another date, which is kind of like, you know, obviously you want to leave with your pride intact.
01:01:04
Speaker
You want to be the one to do the block and delete.
01:01:06
Speaker
Right.
01:01:06
Speaker
Right.
01:01:07
Speaker
But still, like, I would say that that's still a better ending than how a lot of women turn out with these guys, where I'm sure the abuse would just gradually, the abuse and the gaslighting and mistreatment and everything would have just, like, escalated and escalated and escalated until, like, she ends up, you know, either dead or a shell of her former self emotionally.
01:01:24
Speaker
So this has a happy ending, in my view.
01:01:27
Speaker
Agreed.
01:01:28
Speaker
I think that's it for today.
01:01:29
Speaker
All right.
01:01:29
Speaker
So that's our show.
01:01:30
Speaker
If you'd like to submit your very own roast to scrote or nasus or scrote strike back to be included in one of our episodes, check us out on Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy and sign up for one of those tiers.
01:01:42
Speaker
You can also chat, chit chat with us on discord.
01:01:44
Speaker
Also there's bonus content.
01:01:45
Speaker
Also follow us on Twitter at fem.strat, as well as check out our website.
01:01:50
Speaker
You can discuss this episode and more at thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
01:01:53
Speaker
Check out our forum and on Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy.
01:01:57
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:01:58
Speaker
And for all you obsessive compulsive coupon clipping coomers, die mad.