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Harder Than Life with Kelly Siegel
115 Plays1 year ago
Need an injection of motivation to be your best darn self? Join me as I chat with business owner, podcast host, and author of Harder Than Life, Kelly Siegel, on how building your dream life comes with grit, determination, and a little bit of ruthlessness.
We chat:
- How Kelly transmuted his challenging childhood into his biggest success
- How to turn your disadvantage into your advantage
- The impact that your personal environment plays on your growth and development
- The telltale sign it’s time to remove yourself from a negative situation
- 3 characteristics of someone who shows up with a harder-than-life mentality
JOYOUS RETREAT 2024
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DATES: March 13 - 17, 2024
Apply today for a transformation of a lifetime
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CONNECT WITH KELLY SIEGEL
Follow Kelly on Instagram: @kelly.siegel.71
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Listen to the Harder Than Life Podcast on Apple and Spotify
Special thank you to our sponsor Ruby Money!
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Be gentle, not shy. You are not. You're the opposite of shy. For like a hot minute, I was like, am I supposed to believe this? I was like, oh no, I'm not supposed to believe that.
00:00:15
Speaker
Welcome to This or More, a wild entrepreneurial podcast adventure for bold and brave creatives like you. I'm Tiffany Napper, your host, holistic business coach, corporate music industry dropout, a seasoned five time multi six figure entrepreneur, yoga instructor, and your go-to gal for heart to heart coffee chats.
00:00:36
Speaker
On this show, we're not just here to share stories. We're here to ignite a fire within you and make you realize that the reality you envision is just the tip of the iceberg. You're wildly capable of achieving that reality and so much more. So my friends, grab your cup of inspiration, settle in, and let's dive into another inspiring episode of This or More.
00:00:59
Speaker
Well, everyone, welcome to the podcast today. We have with us a very special guest, Kelly Siegel. Kelly, you are, I'm going to describe, list some words to describe you. You are high vibe, always learning, always striving to be better, eternal optimist,
00:01:14
Speaker
business owner, obviously podcast host, author of harder than life, also the same name as your podcast. And I can tell that you're a really driven person. We're going to dive into that in a little bit. You have self admittedly said that you thrive in a challenging environment. And I think once everyone learns a little bit more about you, they'll see how apparent that is. But welcome to the show. I'm so excited to have you.
00:01:40
Speaker
Well, I think I'm going to have to, my people must have paid you to say all those nice things about me, but I will tell you, I receive it all. I thank you. And it's an honor to be on the show. And, um, I, I'd like to start with, maybe you need to marry me because that is beautiful. Well, I do have a journalism degree, Kelly. So, you know, but now it's true to all the boys.
00:02:06
Speaker
But it is true. And to give everyone listening a little backstory, you and I met through a mutual friend, Craig Siegel.
Value of Authentic Connections
00:02:14
Speaker
Craig and I met through a stage that we shared a stage together in Nashville, Tennessee. And I think right away, that's just a really beautiful segue into this whole discussion about what we were just talking about before I hit record about how connections are so important and about how when someone is showing up as their authentic self,
00:02:33
Speaker
and being very vulnerable, open heart, open mind, you know, what unfolds before you and here we are an example of that.
00:02:41
Speaker
You just said that in my head, I'm thinking genuine authenticity and then you just said it. Nashville is a small town and I actually made a lot of friends down there and plan on being down there a lot more. I must have crossed paths because I was down there with Craig probably the time after you guys spoke. It really is a small world and if you open your mind to possibilities, anything is possible and really
00:03:06
Speaker
There's no glass ceiling. The sky is the limit. As Craig always says, playing small is canceled. So you are your own limiting belief and I don't have them. So here we are and I'm going to get behind you and push you as hard as I can and introduce you as many people as I possibly can with no strings attached and just love the heck out of you.
00:03:30
Speaker
I love that. And I feel that I felt that the moment you and I, we first connected on an Instagram live and, um, and I felt that immediately. I was like, okay, he's my people. Um, which is really funny because I, you know, I think if I had not had an interaction with you and I had just seen a photo of you, you're, I mean, if you haven't looked up Kelly on Instagram, it'll be in our show notes down below.
00:03:50
Speaker
Uh, but he's this really buff fit, uh, you know, man. And I think I would have probably been a little intimidated by you and not known, um, and not me. And unfortunately for me, maybe I would have prejudged you a little bit, right? And that's unfortunate. So I hope, I hope today we can, uh, let me stop in here. What would you have prejudged me about? What would you have prejudged me about?
00:04:10
Speaker
Well, I don't know. I just don't know that I would have,
Challenging Masculine Stereotypes
00:04:13
Speaker
and this is going to sound terrible, but it's my personal life. So here we are. Uh, I don't know that I have had a lot of men in my life who were these like strong masculine energy, who also were really dedicated to the personal growth journey and humble and kind. And so I felt like I was going to save this for the end, but I feel like you've kind of, um, for me helped me really like.
00:04:40
Speaker
on, you know, dismantle that belief a little bit and challenge that belief and be open to more opportunities and more relationships like this in the future that maybe I was subconsciously shutting off or not letting in. Well, again, thank you for all that is very kind. I get, I do get that a lot. I get that.
00:04:59
Speaker
As soon as I start speaking, everyone's like, Oh, wait a minute. That's not what I expected. And I appreciate that, but I want, I do want to shatter that preconceived notion that, uh, big buff guys are meat heads or maybe not smart and not kind. I will tell you, I did a lot of work to be like this. I wasn't always like this and it's, it's, it is the highest compliment, but also, you know,
00:05:23
Speaker
If you read my book or if you know anything about me, Heart of the Life, I'm this big buff guy because this is my external armor to protect me from the outside world. My stepfather was very, very abusive and used to beat the crap out of me. So I built this body to protect me. Well, now I've done the work on the inside to protect me from me. The outside world is good. I've got that licked. Now I got to worry about myself and my destructive habits and rituals that I used to do that I no longer do.
Kelly's Rough Upbringing
00:05:54
Speaker
to live an easy life.
00:05:57
Speaker
Mm, my favorite word. Okay, we're gonna dive right in then because as you alluded, you've come through some pretty hard times to get to where you are. And I do want you to have a chance to just touch on it. We don't have to go too deep down the rabbit hole, but I think it's really important that people understand where you come from so that they can fully understand this transformation that you are a living embodiment of. So take me back just for a moment to your childhood.
00:06:25
Speaker
Awesome. I love talking about my child. You know, you're healed when you could talk about painful events and feel nothing and smile because you know, you're helping people. So I grew up.
00:06:36
Speaker
far from Nashville but not very much different than that. I grew up in a town in Michigan right off of 8 Mile, like 8 Mile that Eminem made famous and grew up just like that movie where there were trailer parks and train wrecks and craziness and all we did is
00:06:57
Speaker
is drink and fight and that was your brotherhood. Um, all the parents were, were drinking and I shouldn't say all the parents, but everybody that I knew parents were around and we kind of raised ourselves. And this is back in the day when we drank out of garden hoses and we rode bikes without helmets and we were, and we drank and everything was fine. What are we going to do? So, um, you know,
00:07:24
Speaker
I proceeded for 25, 30 years after that drink, the poison and expect my parents to die. And it just was a waste of time. And what I went through is I was on life's merry-go-round and I just got sick and tired of puking and thinking it should be different. So I'm changed and made it different. And I got off that stupid merry-go-round and I got on a roller coaster and started living life and experiencing life.
00:07:51
Speaker
And I told this on the last podcast. If you're not on a roller coaster, you're fricking flat line and you're dead.
Journey to Positivity
00:07:58
Speaker
Right? Oh, I love that. On a fricking merry-go-round just goes round and round, expect the same thing. And I tell you what, when you start doing the work on yourself, how good can you handle life? Because you just said before we do it, then this opportunity start coming out of nowhere because you allow them.
00:08:17
Speaker
You put out the karmic energy that you can accept. I'm on your podcast. I'm gonna, I'll make sure I'm out of Nashville to just hang out with your beautifulness and I'll introduce you to people which we've already done and we'll collaborate and make amazing things. And that all started from a poor little,
00:08:37
Speaker
hillbilly kid from south Warren that went to Lincoln high school. If you go to, if you watch any hallmark after school special, any ghetto high school is always called Lincoln high school. So here I am.
00:08:51
Speaker
And I'm a disruptor. I own an IT company that is very successful called National Technology Management. And we develop a cybersecurity platform that goes all across the country. It's simple and easy. And from that, I said, what else can we do? What else can I disrupt? So disrupting the misnomer that
00:09:11
Speaker
bigger muscular guys are not smart. And really what I really want to do is show people and model and inspire that vulnerability.
00:09:23
Speaker
is cool. I will sit here and cry with you. I will talk about the biggest insecurities that I possibly have. And I will hold space for you and I will set the tone for us to have a connection. Because I know on the other side of me telling you that I emptied a P jar when I was a child, you're going to freaking feel vulnerable enough to tell me whatever you would want to tell me. Yeah. Yeah.
00:09:50
Speaker
Yeah. Well, there's so much we could say and it's a very, it's a very, you know, it is a very interesting story because it's always, you know, we love to see stories where someone makes it out of hardships and turns it around into something beautiful. And I think most of us have some sort of a story like that in our future or in our past, but some just
00:10:11
Speaker
maybe a little bit more colorful than others. But you did.
Pivotal Moment in Key West
00:10:17
Speaker
You took a less than ideal, less than nurturing maybe childhood and have turned it into this life now where you get to go out there and inspire others. And in your book, Harder Than Life, you share a little bit about that looking in the mirror moment, I want to say. Maybe like when you look in the mirror and you're like, I don't know if I like what I see, and you were in Key West, Florida, tell us a little bit about that.
00:10:37
Speaker
And honestly, what I want to know is a little deeper maybe than what I've heard so far, because I want to know what really and truly was going on in your mind at that moment where you were like, this isn't it. This isn't my, this isn't what my life is supposed to look like or feel like. Man, that I've never been asked that way in that kindly. And I will tell you, I've never said this before. Can I swear on this? Were they edited?
00:11:05
Speaker
Sure. I felt like a piece of shit. I would look in the mirror and just feel like a POS. And I knew I was out of alignment. And if I wasn't sure, I could just look and I'd see the blotchiness on my face from the alcohol. And I would see whatever woman I was with.
00:11:27
Speaker
or multiple women I was with and I said, this ain't it, man. No amount of booze, no amount of women, no amount of excess could make me happy. And every time I looked in the mirror, I felt empty. And, you know, I was in Key West and I just was doing a self evaluation and I'm pounding down a bottle of whiskey a day.
00:11:52
Speaker
And I'm a big boy, so I can, I have a heck of a tolerance. Yeah. I'm sitting there drinking myself sober and I'm with a bunch of, of people just happy go lock in. It's about this time. This is what's crazy. So it's, uh, the week before, before Christmas, it was just after Christmas that I went down to Key West. I think it may have been the day after Christmas. I went down to Key West and I just wanted a week long vendor and I said, I'm done. I'm going to take a break.
00:12:18
Speaker
And that break turned into, we're coming up on five years and wrote a book, got a successful podcast. I'm about to launch a health and happiness app and we inspire hundreds of thousands of people all the time. And we've just begun to cast a shadow that we're going to do. So 2024 we're coming for more and I'm going to be in alignment with who I should be. And I'll tell you,
00:12:47
Speaker
It all kind of came with surrendering, just saying what's there's. And
Choosing a Positive Mindset
00:12:52
Speaker
you can use God, you could use a higher power. You can use source, but lately it's, it, it's literally been God. God looked at me and just says, there had to be somebody looking out for me during all my craziness. I have been punched, stabbed, shot at gun to my head, beaten, ran over. And yet I'm still here.
00:13:12
Speaker
You're still standing. In the third time, it's like, and I'm getting smarter, maybe a little better looking. No, it's getting good. Did I mention humble? The glow up is real, Kelly. No, life is good. And if anybody thinks that I'm arrogant or cocky, then they don't know me. Because I just. They don't know you. Again. Life is so good right now. And it's early getting better. And I get to rub elbows with amazing people like you and push people like you that are doing
00:13:41
Speaker
Even better than me and really making an impact in the world because we need a lot of us The world is yeah, it's Saturday. They call them one percenters One percent of the population has really figured out life. What's going on with that? Let's get a workout. Let's get it to three percent and it really just starts with your choices what choices do you make on a daily basis and Yeah, those will determine if you're happy and successful Yeah
00:14:11
Speaker
Okay, speaking of choices, I think you are the epitome of someone obviously who has dedication to your journey and in a lot of ways, but I'm going to call out your fitness journey. I can't not call out your fitness journey.
00:14:29
Speaker
We know, you and I both know, it's not always easy. And we actually have a 90-day story in common because yours was 90 days of sobriety is how you started your not drinking, not partying, all that, and started to turn your life around, if you will. Mine was, I was a workaholic and I was really battling just all of the pressures, internal mostly, that came from trying to run four businesses at one time. And I didn't like who I saw in the mirror.
00:14:58
Speaker
And so I did a 90-day journey of yoga, 90 days on my yoga mat that turned into 365 days on my yoga mat. So clearly, there's something off about us because we have this ability to take a challenge by the horns, right, or to really show dedication to something. And for you, obviously, you're very dedicated to the gym. I wish I had just an ounce of your enthusiasm about working out. I go in and out with the gym relationship.
00:15:24
Speaker
I'm still dedicated to my yoga practice, but I go in and out with my weights and I'd love to know just a little bit. So tell me, okay, at what age did you start working out? Let's start there. Hold on a second. I want to, I want to make sure that I just heard that right. Did you say you did yoga for 365 straight days? Yeah. Wow.
00:15:44
Speaker
I know. First of all, I don't, I don't, let's use the NLP. We're not weird. It's just the road less traveled. It's just never been done before. So just because it's never been done before, it doesn't mean that it's weird. That's freaking awesome. I think you just went up like 14 levels. And what people don't realize is that also that's all about being mindful. It's a workout in and of itself, but it's also being mindful and being patient.
00:16:12
Speaker
That was your first, not your first, but that was a big personal development journey. So wow, we should write about, we should do this collab about that. That is really cool. So back to the question. Kudos to you. That's probably why you're so stunning because inside and out you're, you're just, you just are embodiment of, um,
00:16:34
Speaker
of mindfulness is what I would call it. So it takes a lot of patience to go to yoga every single day. Was it 60 or 90 minutes? No, I was just doing it on my own. I wasn't going to a class. It was just every day I would roll out my mat. So it started off just about like 20, 30 minutes in my front room. I had my house in New Orleans at the time and I had this giant mirror in this front room on the fireplace. And so I would roll my mat out in front of it and I would do a yoga sequence. I would usually use like yoga with Adrian on YouTube or something like that.
00:17:03
Speaker
And then even when I traveled, I would just make sure no matter what I got on my mat and I would share it on Instagram a little bit back in the day and document what day it was. Day 57, day 93. That's how I was like, Oh my God, how did I get here? But I just was, you know, you know how it goes. Once you hit a certain benchmark, you're like, well, I can't give up now the overachiever. You heard of 80% was 75 hard. You did like a 365 day impossible. You just think.
00:17:34
Speaker
People don't realize I work out almost every day as well. I cannot with my schedule. There are certain times where I'm traveling and I just can't, but I'm talking maybe five days a year that I don't. So it is that dedication is, I just have mad respect for you. So, um, and then you came out on the other end and knew what you wanted to do. So you asked me a question. Um, when did I start working out? Yeah.
00:17:57
Speaker
Well, I started working out when I was 13 because my birthday's late in the year, November 24. So I actually started school ahead of everybody else because when I started, it was December 1st was the cutoff. And then I got promoted in school. So I was always a really young kid. And so all my friends were usually, and then I went up to, I went to a,
00:18:24
Speaker
a rough school, so most of the kids were held back. So all of my friends were two to three years older than me. So that's what also gave me that grit because I wanted to play sports against them and I was always smaller.
00:18:39
Speaker
And so I wanted to gain an advantage. I started working out plus the aforementioned violence with myself. So I started at 13. I took a little bit of a break at 16 because I moved out of my violent parents house and lived on my own and had to basically support myself for about a year and a half.
00:18:59
Speaker
And then when I went away to college, I started training again. And then I learned how to really work out. I hooked on with some big bodybuilders, and they pushed me beyond my brink. And the light kind of went on. I was like, wait a minute. If I hang out with older, wiser, stronger, bigger, everything better than me people, it pulls me with them.
00:19:25
Speaker
And I, that has stayed with me to this day because at the end of the end of the day, I want to get better. I'm always wanting to get better and you're not going to get better hanging out with people that are beneath you or just like you or that absolutely agree with everything you said.
00:19:42
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Two really good nuggets if you're listening that just came out of that random question, which is just one, turning a disadvantage into your advantage,
Avoiding Negativity
00:19:51
Speaker
right? Just because you're younger, smaller, not where someone else is, doesn't mean you can't turn that into your motivation, the fire in your belly. And then two, obviously surround yourself with people who are where you want to be and where you want to go, whether that's a fitness
00:20:05
Speaker
You know, gym, uh, goal or life, business, relationship, any of that. I think that's just, those are just two really good nuggets. Well, the reciprocal is very true. And unfortunately we see it a lot of it and I call it crabs in a bucket. You know, people don't want to see you ascend. They're going to pull you down. Those are not your people, sever ties and run. Um, and.
00:20:25
Speaker
Also, we tend to hang out with people. I say misery loves company, but misery really hates being alone. So you get, you get in a room full of like-minded, miserable people, man. They will, you, you won't do any. So the first thing you do is stop those bad habits and then watch your friends, for me, they were called drinking buddies fall off. And once that happens, it's addition through subtraction.
00:20:51
Speaker
It really is. Life really is simple. We just make it hard. Oh my God, that's my boys. Yeah. Who are keeping you in the same exact place where you are on that stinking merry-go-round. I don't want to be a part of that. And the big thing I think people in the social media algorithms do this to us.
00:21:14
Speaker
We keep getting bombarded with people that think the exact same way we do. I read all of Brene Brown's books. She is liberal. I tend to be more in the middle.
00:21:28
Speaker
I don't, I don't judge people, but I want to know all about it. She opened my eyes to so many things. I don't understand. You know, I don't experience shame, uh, but she studies it and I read all about it. I love it. You're not going to learn from all the same people. You'll see me too. I'm a kind of a creep. When I go to gyms, I walk around and I watch people working out because I want to learn new exercise, even 30 years of working out. I can learn something. Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome.
00:21:57
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, yeah. So much to, you know, so much we could go through with that, but what would you say is, what's your telltale sign that the person you're around, like if someone's listening, they're like, well, I don't know if I'm in the right rooms. I don't know if I'm around the right people. What would you say is like a telltale sign for you that it's time to remove yourself from a situation or a relationship or a group or something like that?
00:22:25
Speaker
how do you know that's an easy one but i'm gonna i'm gonna say my answer and then i'm gonna kind of dance around a lot of things number one okay is victim being if someone's a victim and they're talking negativity my entire being starts shaking i am
00:22:46
Speaker
obnoxiously positive. I don't, I don't even hear negativity. So if I hear negativities are getting a little bit freaky and I'll let the first one go by. And then if I hear a Victor mental, you'll just hear me look and go seriously, come on. And then I try to turn them. And then the next thing, if I know that there's no way that their negativity is going to change, you'll hear this. I got it. Where's the bathroom? I disappear.
00:23:18
Speaker
I used to always do my big thing, but I don't drink anymore. So it's like, I got to run to the bathroom or I'll be, this is a class where I'll be right back. And then I bowl because I can't.
00:23:30
Speaker
I'm like allergic to negativity and I'm not trying to say I'm better than anybody. Again, doing the violent work. I was curled up in my fricking, um, sofa during the pandemic, crying out 40 years of emotions that I had been masking with alcohol. So I have been through it. So just because somebody has it doesn't mean that they're bad people, but if you're not.
00:23:57
Speaker
willing to or even open to looking at that. Come talk to me when you are, because I'm telling you what, I was that person. I was the drinker talking crap about people and everything, talking about things and just garbage.
00:24:15
Speaker
And now I don't, I can do either, or I choose this, this is a better life. It feels more in alignment. It inspires more. It's just, it keeps getting better. I can't, I can't say it any other way. It just keeps getting better. And when I'm around negativity, I don't like it.
00:24:37
Speaker
Because it's such a cop-out. It's so easy to talk trash and talk negative. It takes work to be positive, but positivity is contagious. And it's infectious. And it opens up doors that you didn't even know existed.
00:24:56
Speaker
Yeah. And it's, it's choose your heart. You know, we've heard that phrase before, right? It's choose your heart and you can choose to bitch and moan and complain about your life and that it's not where you want it to be or business, your relationship, whatever. Or you can choose to wake up tomorrow and do things differently. And that's going to be hard in the beginning because it's different for your body, for your
00:25:15
Speaker
subconscious and all of these things, but the rewards on the other end are so great. But if someone's not there and their eyes aren't open yet, I'm with you. I start it starts to like I my tolerance level these days is so low for someone who's not willing to put
00:25:31
Speaker
forth the work to make their life be the thing that they are excited and, you know, um, jumping out. And I'm not saying we have to jump out of bed physically every day, but I'm saying like waking up every day and being like, this is my life. This is a legacy I'm leaving behind. And I'm thrilled for this journey. And if you're not in that headspace, my tolerance level has just gotten really low and it's, it's, you know, I have compassion, not to say I don't have compassion. It's just.
00:25:56
Speaker
It's like once your eyes are open, it's really hard, you know, to ever go backwards, right? Well, I said healing is hard, but living a life of dysfunction is exhausting. Oh, yeah. I woke up every day and believe me, I was highly functioning and I had everything. I had all the money in the world. I could do whatever I want. And I was exhausted all the time. Now I have lots of peace.
00:26:25
Speaker
clarity and freedom. And now the freedom, I can do whatever I want, whenever I want. And I, and I look in the mirror and I love the guy that I love that it looks at. So you want to be exhausted or do you want to be happy? Yeah. What would you say would be, let's give them three characteristics of someone who shows up every day with like this harder than life mentality that you kind
Traits for a 'Harder Than Life' Mindset
00:26:47
Speaker
of embody. What would you say are three top characteristics required? Well,
00:26:53
Speaker
Loyal, honest, and communicative. And I like to put vulnerable in there and courageous because it's a little...
00:27:06
Speaker
It's a little scary to do some of this stuff. When I first started this, I mean, you go back and look at some of my earlier videos and you go to see a scared individual. And then now it's like, you put a microphone on my face and let's go. Because all I'm doing is telling my story. It's my truth. And you don't have to remember anything when you're telling the truth. And these are really good qualities and traits to have in anybody.
00:27:32
Speaker
Just the last two being courageous and being vulnerable, that one, those take time, but you can be loyal, you can be honest, and you can be communicative. Communication is everything in this world. Nothing ever gets solved without a conversation. Right.
00:27:50
Speaker
Yeah. And nothing happens without a conversation either to even begin, you know, before, before there's the solving part. Yeah. It's so crucial. And yet so many of us don't come from environments that fostered good communication or showed us great communication.
00:28:07
Speaker
I'm still to this day kind of trying to become a better communicator in my personal life because I loved my father to pieces but he was, you know, silent Steve was kind of his nickname in my family. He didn't talk a lot and he had, you know, was surrounded by sisters, married my mom when they were 17 years old and she had nothing but sisters and he had to kind of grow up fast and be the man of the household when they were younger.
00:28:30
Speaker
He just didn't talk a lot. And so I've realized, as I've been going on my healing journey, that I didn't have a lot of experience speaking to a man. And that probably has had the impact that I experience where I'm like, don't always feel comfortable. I refer to my throat chakra quite a bit. It's something I'm still working on. Like, how do I get comfortable being vulnerable and speaking effectively with men in particular? So it's fascinating. The whole communication thing is fascinating.
00:29:00
Speaker
Is that why you're single? Probably. If we had to we had to dial it down, Kelly business out there. No, you know, you're a beautiful lady with a with a big personality. And I love exudes out of you. And you would look and say, Why is she single? It's a choice. And maybe there's still some work to be done with with that communication because
00:29:27
Speaker
Man, I tell you what, for me, that's also who I'm looking for in a partner. They have to be able to communicate. And I mean, not just tell me what you're feeling. I want to know everything. Don't rob me of that experience. If they're a partner, we're in this together. We're co-creating life.
00:29:51
Speaker
And I want to know everything, even if it's crazy, because our egos until we're successfully kill them off are crazy because it's trying to keep us safe from something that isn't even happening right now. So you're talking about how you don't like the community. You're, you're nervous to communicate because your dad didn't communicate. Well, here you're talking to a communicative man right now.
00:30:14
Speaker
So let's do it. I know. And any time you want to practice, you have my cell phone number. You called me. Kelly. I love it. This guy said this to me. What should he be? I'll be like, Rod, girlfriend. He's on a field. Red flag. Well, it's so, it's just interesting. I mean, I have no troubles being, I, you know, I pride myself on for the most part being an open book about so many things. But then when it comes to like,
00:30:41
Speaker
being vulnerable and sharing something that makes me feel like I could be perceived as needy or weak or all of these negative terms that women get thrown around. We get thrown around through our developing years. There's still work for me to be doing there and I'm happy to do the work. Let me put you in a question so that we're being vulnerable. What is a fear in a relationship for you?
00:31:09
Speaker
Oh, that's easy. Abandonment always. Oh, I would never guess that. Wow. Okay. I can't wait to have you on my podcast. You're brilliant. Why would anybody ever want to leave you or wait? Would you abandon yourself? Uh, probably a little bit of both.
00:31:34
Speaker
probably a little bit of both. I have a tendency to be very easy-going, like I'm a very easy-going human. I just am, I'm not gonna hold shame around it. I think it's a beautiful thing, but also sometimes it does lead me to abandoning myself a little bit. So part of the communication that I think is attractive. So if you wanna date me, I want you to tell me when you feel like being quiet,
00:32:02
Speaker
Yeah, but you have something to say, if that makes sense. So when you were about to be quiet and you have strong feelings, say them to me. That's how that would bring us together. And if I'm the right person for you, this became just a love romance podcast. If I'm the right person for you, I create a safe landing spot and say, say that. And I just say, Ooh, I hear you and I see you. And then.
00:32:30
Speaker
You were able to communicate more and then we co-create and cultivate awesomeness together. Yeah, but that's the strong masculine I was alluding to when we first started this conversation is just like my eyes have been opened recently to this concept and what it looks like and how it allows me to be in my feminine and be vulnerable and be honest and not have to have all the answers because
00:32:51
Speaker
I am single 44 years old, I've had multiple successful businesses, I own my own home, drive my own Porsche, like all like I can take care of myself. And yet, what that's done is maybe made it a little bit harder for me to be the vulnerable feminine in the relationship that I really want to be, you know, so anyway, that's so awesome. The I just interviewed someone a relationship expert, and she said there's three
00:33:16
Speaker
And for the life of me I can't remember what they are but it was something like, tell what did you learn from your last relationship. Tell me a project that you're working on right now. And there's a third one I can't remember what it is but they were just about just to learn, get through the BS and find out, you know, all too often.
00:33:35
Speaker
We go from one relationship to another, another, another, and don't heal and don't learn anything. And that's a problem with society. Yeah. Because then you just create the same cycle over and over again. And that's in relationships or business really. Like when we keep doing the same thing over and over again, because we don't take the moment to heal and learn from the thing, then, and then we expect different results. Well, by the way, that conversation that we were just hypothetically having of a romantic relationship works in a business and personal setting too.
00:34:05
Speaker
With the moment that you can get vulnerable in a business relationship, you will create a bond and trust as well. So if you think that they don't want to know, I had a customer once tell me that I remind him of his father. And he goes, I know that this probably is weird, but I didn't have a good relationship with my father. And I said, that is excellent information. Thank you. I will soften.
00:34:33
Speaker
my speak to you and he, he, when I would talk, cause I get so excited and then I'm a big guy and I'm a big personality and I'm halfway smart and I just and it used to trigger him. So I would have to slow down and we had the best really. We're friends to this day, even though we're not customers anymore, just we're friends and it created a bond between us that I'll never forget. Yeah.
00:35:02
Speaker
Yeah. And we're going to, this is a perfect segue. I do want to ask you some biz related questions because obviously you're the CEO of your own company and you've been very successful there and you're an entrepreneur.
CEO to Visionary Transition
00:35:12
Speaker
I am no longer the CEO. I have released control. I have promoted a woman as a CEO. I am now just the owner and I'm called the visionary and the visionary. I love it. Part of that is we are trying to grow to a bigger,
00:35:30
Speaker
If you've ever read the book, 10X is easier than 2X. That's kind of what we're doing is I'm the bottleneck. I know it. My insecurities are the bottleneck. I still want to tinker. I want to know everything. And that is not scalable.
00:35:44
Speaker
So I have pulled my ego out of it and I'm still very much involved in the company. I'm there and it's just, I'm not doing the day-to-day stuff. I'm giving the ideas and I'm passing them on to my leadership team. I have this amazing CEO who's a woman who
00:36:06
Speaker
is able to take my vision and integrate it into the company. And she gets teased because she's a female version of me, kind of like you.
00:36:16
Speaker
I love that. Well, I mean, first of all, congrats. Cause that's a huge milestone. I think that's a lot of entrepreneurs. Real vision is to get to the point where we can just be the visionary and we're not deep in the trenches. And obviously it's hard. It's hard. And obviously I started, I was the first, I used to do everything in the company. I was the only employee for years. Now we have 25 people and it's like, uh,
00:36:42
Speaker
Wait, am I not? And you know, part of it was feeling like I wasn't needed. Like that was the first. So if you're successful in your personal life, in your mind, if you do this mindfulness work, you'll probably be uber successful in business. The other way, if the other way were true, we'd still have Michael Jackson, Elvis and Prince still around. So good point. Money doesn't make you happy. Being happy makes money though.
00:37:10
Speaker
So that I will tell you that again. Money doesn't make you happy, but being happy makes you money. Just made that up by the way. So it's good at the end of the day, surrendering, having the courage and making the choice to surrender. And that was allowing my brilliant work family to do what they do without hovering without it. And it works. We put in a platform.
00:37:37
Speaker
that we all work off of, that we have guidelines, and we execute. And we align a culture of people, of like-minded people, and we go to war. Did you know you always wanted to be an entrepreneur, own your own business? No. And because, again, I hate to sound like a broken record,
00:38:03
Speaker
I started working for myself out of need. I got a paper. I lied when I was 12 and said I was 13 to get a paper out so I could go make money to feed myself. I'm telling you with my family growing up, there was no food. There was nobody around.
00:38:19
Speaker
Did it say, I wonder what the heck they thought I ate. Like there was no, nothing. All I got was the free lunch at school Monday through Friday. That was the only meal that I was guaranteed. So to this day, I still get triggered. If we're ever out and I'm hungry, we got about 35 minutes till, um, I feel somebody. So feed me when you see me.
00:38:41
Speaker
So I got that paper out. I doubled the subscriber base. And then I went door to door candy selling. I always figured out that I was a consummate sales professional. I love getting people what they want.
00:38:58
Speaker
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00:39:15
Speaker
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00:39:32
Speaker
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00:39:56
Speaker
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00:40:21
Speaker
M-T-M-H. Gain more confidence, more leads, and more money with my resources, support, and 30-day action plan. Let's make that money, honey. Welcome back. I'm so glad you're still here with us. It's your host and coach Tiffany. Let's continue. Well, sales and we were talking about communication skills. Sales and communication skills go hand in hand, don't you think? Listening skills.
00:40:49
Speaker
Not gave you two years and one mouth for a reason. Salespeople, anybody that's in sales, please listen to that again. Listen, 10 times as much as you talk. You get a salesperson sit in front of me and start talking. I want to murder them. And don't ask me the silly question, what keeps you up at night? Nothing. Nothing keeps you up at night because I know that everything is going to work out perfectly. So don't give me that.
00:41:16
Speaker
Yeah. Research the business, research who I am. I'm a public figure and bring me value and value time and money and big ideas. And just, you know, like circling it all the way back to what you were talking about with your previous client who, you know, was able to communicate with you and tell you about his trigger with the father thing. And then you all were able to develop a relationship from that.
00:41:42
Speaker
I think when we talk about sales, listening, communication, and I talk about what it's like to really build a sustainable business, relationships, treating people like a human being. So when we listen, we're showing them that we see them, that we hear them, and that they're valuable to us, and it goes a long way. Yeah, another male-female thing, relationship. Guys, women don't need you to save them. They just want to be heard.
00:42:12
Speaker
I don't know. You're brilliant. I don't ever need it to give you advice. I'm just going to listen to you and hold space for you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's pretty, it's pretty remarkable when we realized that when we stopped trying to fix everything. It's so hard, but we're alpha males and we're talking do, do, do, do, do. And it's like, you know, your value, society has taught you your value is what you do.
00:42:36
Speaker
And that's not true. Your value is what you've created, the mark you've left on the world, your legacy, how you make people feel. That's the big one.
Goals for 2024 and Charitable Vision
00:42:47
Speaker
I want everybody to leave and interact with me knowing that I listened, that I cared, and that I loved them. Well, mission accomplished. You're doing that. You're doing that. OK. OK, I'm going to live coach you for a second.
00:43:04
Speaker
Is that okay? I can role play with the best of them. Okay. So I want to, because, you know, as you mentioned, we're filming this recording this end of December and we're looking at a new year ahead. And I want to hear from you and I think you'll be, um, a voice of inspiration for people. I want to hear from you. I want you to pretend like it's the, it's one year from today. So it's end of December, 2024. Okay. And I want you to tell me what happened for this year to be the best year of your life.
00:43:35
Speaker
So no surprise to you that I already did all this. I've already had this, I've already had it planned for the business and for, for, for both harder than life and national technology measure. We do one year, three year and 10 year planning. So, um, we have specific financial goals, uh, specific marks that we're going to meet. And my number one thing for harder than life is to make a million dollar donation to charity.
00:44:02
Speaker
And I will tell you right now, we have not, we haven't monetized much yet, but we have this app coming out, this health and happiness app that we believe is going to explode. We're rebranding the hotter than life podcast and it's going under a big marketing company who's going to make that positive. And it's all for charity. Uh, we're, we have a TEDx talk coming out. I have some in talks with some, uh,
00:44:30
Speaker
do they call those talk shows where we're going to go in and, and, and, you know, flex our charity muscle, which my TEDx coach made up for me. He's like your charity muscle. So I love that, you know, when you're authentic and genuine and I know no other way place to be, we're going to be successful. So in one year from now, we have a financial goals for NTM that we're going to meet, meet financial goals with harder than life that we're going to meet. So we can donate.
00:44:56
Speaker
And we're really looking to get a million subscribers in the harder than life app that will be released sometime in January. So that would be an outstanding year. We put big hairy audacious goals and usually I smash them.
00:45:13
Speaker
It's one of those things that I know it's not perfect, but we're gonna put it out there and then we'll adjust. That's how I know I love myself and have all the self-confidence that if I put it out there and I'll listen to feedback and someone's like, hey, you missed. I just was laughing. I didn't put anything about romance, love and relationships in that.
00:45:33
Speaker
So think of it as a positivity platform of like-minded individuals where we're not trying to, it is really going to be a social media app where we're not trying to gather your information so I can sell things to you.
00:45:47
Speaker
It's a small, small fee. I'm going to invite all my friends to come in and collaborate. And so think of a group of all of us, savages, assassins, people with personal development. Why didn't it get better? And if someone's negative, I will refund their money and I will ask them to leave the group. Because it's going to be a safe place to collaborate.
00:46:10
Speaker
And my guess is that the people that I love dearly are going to love it and going to think of more ways to inspire more. And at the end of the year, it's all for charity. I don't need anything. What I take up is I have everything I need. I have a house in Florida. I have a house in Michigan. I don't drink. I don't do drugs. I don't require much. My daughter's all set for college.
00:46:36
Speaker
You've got three meals a day? No, I'm a big guy. I have to have five meals a day. You have five meals a day? So that's going to be a great year. Will I get to the million next year? Probably not. But if we can do high six-figure donations, and you'll make a difference in the world from a positive perspective. And we're doing that solely but surely. I'll be 49 next year.
00:47:04
Speaker
We're going to do something real special for 50. I'm going to write another book. I'm going to start writing another book.
00:47:10
Speaker
And just long as we're in the six figures for charitable donations, there's three charities we're a part of, and I have to mention them, two children's charities, Variety Children's Foundation, and one called Families Against Narcotics, which helps support any family that is dealing with substance abuse in their family, usually tears the family down. So I envision myself going to these events at the end of the year,
00:47:37
Speaker
Probably I'm seeing them because I'm loud and obnoxious and whipping out a six figure check behind me and just going, here we go. That is my passion. And I want as many people that helped me get there, come and enjoy that. There'll be film crews and that's what you'll see here come December next year. And then we'll raise the fricking level. We'll move the goalposts and we'll see. I hit the million next year. We'll go for two of the next year.
00:48:04
Speaker
Of course we will. I love that. And oh my gosh, I love how you, you did something that I didn't even have to prompt you through, but you really have this visual already in your head of what it looks like when you've achieved that goal of, you know, being the MC with the check in the hand, delivering it. And I'm sure you also can kind of feel what that would feel like for you. And as you know, I'll break there. That's what it's all about. That feeling always chasing a feeling. I can feel it.
00:48:32
Speaker
I feel myself on that stage. I feel myself given the speech at National Technology Management where we meet our financial goals and yesterday we handed out bonuses for the year. Next year they're going to be bigger and I'm going to be so proud of my NTM family. And the big thing about National Technology Management that I don't do, you look as a shield. We protect people from ransomware, which nobody knows what the hell it is. I've been hacked, I've been hacked.
00:48:57
Speaker
We protect it and we keep it simple. We keep it easy. So I love, you see a mantra here? I always love helping people. I figured it out so you don't have to, but you're going to have to do a little bit of work. Get on my back. I got you.
00:49:13
Speaker
Yeah. He can literally carry us all ladies. So, okay. So can you, well, you'll tell us when we can be on the lookout for the new app and all of that. It's, it's eminent. Like we're talking by the time this, this podcast released, it'll probably be out and you guys will all be, I will be asking cause there's a lives in it. And I'm going to say, come through it and, and I'm going to reach out to all my friends and be like, Hey, check it out. And then, you know, it's.
00:49:43
Speaker
it's really like I don't want to make fun of the social media apps but it's a lot like a social media app and that's not what I meant it to be but it's kind of morphing that way and and I will yes absolutely and then you'll see it all over my social media maybe I'll paint it on my chest or something
00:50:00
Speaker
Of course, I love it. We can't wait. I'm so excited for this, for all of the things that we're going to be celebrating together one year from now that you just mentioned. I have full faith that they will all come true and be your reality sooner rather than later. And I hope those listening can just take an ounce of your enthusiasm, dedication, positivity, and carry it with them into the next week, month, year of their own lives as well. As I love to say on this podcast, this or more is in your future, right?
00:50:29
Speaker
And you just painted a really brilliant and beautiful future for yourself. Well, you say that that's cute. You know what I say? I'm not going to stop until I get what I came from or came for or something better. Oh, I love that. I love it. I learned that from a pastor. I went to an inner city Detroit church and I heard it from this pastor and I wrote it down and I just love it. I love that too.
00:50:54
Speaker
So good. Well, I will drop in the show notes where people can find you. Go ahead and tell us though, your handle on Instagram. It's kelly.segal.71. It's spelled S I E G E L and harder than life.com is the easiest place to get, get all of us. And soon you'll be able to go to the app store on Apple and download harder than life. The app where you'll get all things happiness and health.
00:51:18
Speaker
A lot of people ask about my workout regimen, my supplements, everything I take. I will be having my doctor on because I take a lot of crap about, oh, all he does is take steroids. I got something for you for that. I haven't forbid somebody actually do the work day in and day out. So we're going to bring the doctor on and kind of be aggressive and show blood work that, no, we actually do the work. And I'm just going to have fun, man, and give back.
00:51:48
Speaker
How can the harder than life listener support you? Oh my goodness. Just your positivity, your faith, your like, seriously, when you, you know, send me messages and you know, we had a little funny email exchange cause I said that the word grit kept coming up in my life and just, just your existence is just really, really a gift for me. So I appreciate it. And I've got some programming coming out next year to help women make more money. So.
00:52:12
Speaker
I'll tap you on the shoulder and see if you've got anybody you might want to spread the word along to. Absolutely. I've already sent you a couple of people. I'm going to send you some more. And then this is going to be, that's good stuff to throw in to the app because we're going to have like-minded people. What I can see this to be is a whole bunch of people that are just captive audience that are just thinking alike. Yeah. I love that.
00:52:35
Speaker
I love the idea of being able to virtually gather us all in a safe space because as you know, social media doesn't always feel that safe for a lot of people. So what you're creating feels like a safe space. I'm hoping to. I hope I don't get censored, but I'm not trying to take those out. I'm trying to take the people that want to be here. No, I'm not trying to take away. Stay on your app.
00:52:58
Speaker
But just end on this one so you can end happy. How many people get off social media? They're like, I can look at mine. I take abuse all day long. Luckily, it's none of my business when anybody thinks about me. And when they get off of the harder than life, healthier than life, happier than life, they better be one of the three. Love it. And it will be. I know if you're behind it, it will be. So can't wait to support you there.
00:53:23
Speaker
Thank you. Appreciate it. Well, thank you for joining me today. This has been such a beautiful conversation. As you and I chatted before, we could probably talk for hours and hours, but I think we left people with some good nuggets. So thank you for that. Well, I would tell you that I would work with you as a CEO, as an owner, anytime because you are brilliant, you are kind, you are full of love. And I just highly recommend anybody and everybody to work with you. And I can't wait to steal more of your time.
00:53:54
Speaker
Oh, thank you. That means a lot to hear. It really does. Thank you. All right. I will see you soon.