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How She Built Her Family Through Egg Donation & Surrogacy
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What do you do when IVF fails, and the path to parenthood feels impossible to navigate?
That’s the place Christi once found herself—heartbroken, overwhelmed, and unsure of what came next. But her determination to become a mom never faded. Through surrogacy and egg donation, she found not only a way forward but also a bigger circle of love than she ever expected.
In this episode, Christi opens up about the emotions of infertility, what it was like to consider egg donation for the first time, and how she and her husband navigated the surrogacy process. She also shares the unexpected gifts of her journey—from the lifelong friendships she formed with the women who helped make her family possible to the joy of finally holding her babies.
✨ In this episode, you’ll learn:
How to move from overwhelm and uncertainty to confidence and hope
Why surrogacy and egg donation can feel intimidating at first—but lead to incredible joy
What intended parents should know about the emotional side of egg donation and surrogacy
The lasting impact of relationships formed along the journey
Christi’s story is a reminder that even when the path looks different than you imagined, it can lead to the family—and the connections—you’ve been dreaming of.
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Transcript
Kristy's Initial Struggles with IVF and Surrogacy
00:00:00
Speaker
You want to build your family, but the path isn't simple. IVF fails. The idea of surrogacy or egg donation feels overwhelming and you don't even know where to start. But what if instead of confusion and fear, you could move forward with confidence and even joy?
00:00:17
Speaker
i felt like a failure. I felt like I can't do any of the things that women are supposed to do um But I also was like determined. to be a mom.
00:00:28
Speaker
That's Kristy. She's turned heartbreak into hope and built her family through surrogacy and egg donation. With an egg donor, it may feel daunting in the beginning, but once you have your baby, ah never think about that.
00:00:47
Speaker
I never look at her and think, well, she was a donor egg. In this episode, Christy shares how she navigated the overwhelm, embraced the process, and discovered that surrogacy and egg donation don't just bring children into the world.
00:01:01
Speaker
They bring a bigger circle of love and lifelong friendship. I can't wait for you to hear Christy's story. Enjoy. Okay. Take us back to the beginning when you first kind of realized that motherhood was going to include an egg donor and surrogate.
00:01:21
Speaker
How did kind of that make feel? Well, the surrogate came first, oddly. There you go. Because we had been making embryos and, you know, trucking along that I just couldn't stay pregnant.
00:01:33
Speaker
So we just thought we were going to keep going and going, but we had like a trigger shock that failed. We had like a perfect cycle and then no embryos came to fruition.
Turning Point: Embracing Surrogacy and Egg Donation
00:01:45
Speaker
And our doctor basically looked us and was like, look, I know you don't want to hear this, but I think while you can still make embryos, you should do surrogacy. And so we were like, what?
00:01:54
Speaker
I mean, i didn't even, i guess I just thought we'd just keep doing it until it worked. And so we were like, okay. So we had, I felt like the bottom got dropped out, honestly, because I just hadn't prepared myself for what that step would be like.
00:02:07
Speaker
But I like prayed specifically for like guidance and God winks. I was like, I just need to know that I'm going down the right path. Cause some people were saying like, well well, you should keep trying, keep going, keep going. And like, how are you feeling? i was like, I just want to be a mom. I just, I need to get to the next right place, you know?
00:02:24
Speaker
And so, um, it turned out, as you know, when you Google, surrogacy, a thousand websites. I still get ones from, from companies from like five years ago that are like, have you found a surrogate? I'm like, Oh, we're done with that. you know And it felt very like, how do I choose?
00:02:43
Speaker
And so, um, I kind of was, I had sent in like my application or whatever to several places. And then I kind of felt like I got to stop for a minute. Like, I don't know what to do. There's some in New York. i mean, there's some in Florida and California. I was like, i don't know what to do And so then, um, that was when Gail, is she still there?
00:03:01
Speaker
Gail is not She is off being a grandma, but yes, no, I mean, i know it's so amazing, but yes, Gail is, I mean, she's just, I, I always describe her voice as like, anytime you talk to her, it's like hearing a hug.
00:03:17
Speaker
Yes. It felt like that's so true. Um, So I had a, like a zoom call with her on like a Thursday and my best friend texted me and said, I know you're looking at agencies. and I know you're overwhelmed, but my sister knows somebody that works at an agency. And I was like, oh great. Cause I know nobody.
00:03:36
Speaker
And so I called her sister. Who's like my sister. And she was like, her name is Gail. She works at this place. It's in Texas. i was like, oh, I have a meeting with her on Thursday. she's like, no way. And so I felt like that was a God wink that I was in the right place.
Finding Guidance and Building a Support Network
00:03:49
Speaker
And then um we were assigned to Meg, who ended up being my friend from high school's college roommate. Never knew. This world is too small. Oh, my goodness.
00:04:00
Speaker
like She's wonderful. She'll take great care of you. And... um And then we found our precious surrogate, Debbie, actually, who was signed up through Surrogate Solutions. So we, she came, she got medically cleared. We were like so excited, like finally.
00:04:15
Speaker
So while she's getting all of her clearance and we're doing our evals, we were like, we'll do another retrieval cycle. She comes in, the doctor's about to start her on medicine. This is like one of those days, like I can't tell you what I ate for lunch yesterday, but I remember this day from top to bottom, you know.
00:04:30
Speaker
And um the doctor came in and he was like, and We were, you know, we'd had eight embryos on day one. we were so excited. This was like day three. And he was going to just check everything. And m he was real defeated. And I was like, are you okay? And he was like, yeah, I'm just, I'm really sad for my friend.
00:04:50
Speaker
i was like, oh, who's your friend? You know, he's like 75. I thought somebody had died. And ah he looked at me and I was like, oh, oh, I'm your friend. And he was like, yeah, we um we have one embryo left.
00:05:02
Speaker
And I don't think it's going to make it to day five. And I mean, I felt like the bottom dropped out. We were like expecting we' we're about to start. I was crying. Debbie was crying. This is only our second time to meet.
00:05:14
Speaker
I immediately thought, well, she's not to stay because she could help another family. Who knows how long it'll take us to find, to to be able to get an embryo. And so We both left and she's like, Hey, I'm in this. Like i will wait.
00:05:28
Speaker
And was like, I don't want you to have to wait. I feel so bad. But we had like this six month window that I felt like we kind of agreed upon. So I was feeling frantic. Like we finally found a good match. People had said it could take six months to a year to find a surrogate match. So I didn't want to lose her since it happened so fast.
00:05:45
Speaker
And so, um, we did one more retrieval. Had the same result. And we had been getting embryos for four years. It was the craziest thing. And our doctor was like, egg donor. And I was like, no.
00:05:59
Speaker
I mean, I just, I hadn't even thought that that was an option. So um Debbie waited and we, I came home that night. I called Meg and I was frantic. And I was like, I don't even know where to start with an egg donor. She was like, well, we have a sister agency.
00:06:16
Speaker
We gotcha. And I was like, Oh, good. Because I had like on the way home looked at like, of course, if you Google egg donors, all of these huge banks and it felt so out of control to me.
00:06:29
Speaker
And I thought you had to do a frozen because I didn't know that there was an option to do a fresh cycle. So I was so relieved to know that like maybe they wouldn't be farmed out to hundreds and hundreds of people.
00:06:41
Speaker
maybe Maybe she would. Maybe she'd do it for a million different families. Now, we got really lucky. She only did it for us, and she doesn't want to do it again. But this felt more controlled. so Yeah. Well, and I feel like you've had, i mean, just in this small, you know, span of time, you know, you keep using the phrase, you feel like, you know, just it it all just like dropped out from under you. Like the the rug was just pulled out from under you and everything was just so...
00:07:12
Speaker
overwhelming. And I think especially, i mean, you first your doctor is like, you know, says surrogacy and you're like, no no, no, no, we haven't even gone down that road. And then of course we go to Google and it gets scarier. And then now we're now egg donation is on the table.
00:07:28
Speaker
What, you know, I think you have a lot of women, especially really struggle with, you know, so badly wanting to be a mom. And now these two key players in what, you know,
00:07:39
Speaker
we think are vital in creating that family are now totally out of your control. How are you handling all of that? I felt like a failure. i felt like I can't do any of the things that women are supposed to do.
00:07:53
Speaker
um But I also was like determined to be a mom. That was the thing that I kept just saying. And my husband was like, We will be parents. We will, however. And we looked into adoption agencies and that there was just long waits.
00:08:09
Speaker
And I was just, it had gone on for so long and I was just so ready. And I'm a children's photographer. So I'm with kids every day and babies. And it was just getting to be the point where it was just like heartbreaking a little bit. Like I'd been strolling along And i was just like, we got to do what we have to do. And my husband, luckily he was the most supportive and, you know, I couldn't have done it if he hadn't been totally on board. I mean, there was, we had a day where we were sad and he was more sad for me than he was for us.
00:08:38
Speaker
But, you know, we just talked about this yesterday because I was telling him about this podcast and was like, imagine that we hadn't Chelsea, the way we found Chelsea and the way that that all worked was so such a God thing.
00:08:50
Speaker
Imagine if we hadn't picked her and all those other embryos had taken, like we wouldn't have, you know, our pride and joy, our little Nellie. And he was like, i can't even imagine. Like, she's so perfect. And, you know, so.
00:09:03
Speaker
Yeah. I love that though, because it does, I mean, ah spoiler alert, it all comes full circle and is beautiful and amazing. yeah um But it's, it's true so going from, and I think it's great that you,
00:09:17
Speaker
you guys did have your time of of grief while still moving forward. and I think that's such a vital part of this process just as a whole.
00:09:29
Speaker
ah whole Some people need to take time off, and I understand why. They need to just have a break. My personality is more like, okay, what are we going to do now? Like, I'm going to have a day. I'm going to feel With every transfer, I was like, okay, give me the day, and then tomorrow, what's what's our next step? Because I just – I knew we were going to be parents and I was so just, okay, let's go on to the next thing.
00:09:52
Speaker
And when I look back
Creating Bonds with Egg Donor Chelsea
00:09:53
Speaker
at i'm like, gosh, we were like machines, you know? happy
00:09:59
Speaker
But I mean, that's what makes every journey unique. And you did what was right for you and your family, which is so, which is so perfect. Okay. So you, you Start working with the, on, you know, with our egg donor program.
00:10:15
Speaker
And I think what is so unique about your journey with Chelsea is you guys established like a relationship kind of before this whole like known donation was like, hello I know I would have been open to that.
00:10:33
Speaker
Like my friends were like, you're going to meet her. I was like, y'all, I don't know. I just, she came so on Christmas Eve Eve to Dallas in a snowstorm and got her clearance for us so that we could keep our surrogate. She doesn't know me.
00:10:47
Speaker
And I just wanted to meet her. I just wanted to like hug her and say like, thank you. Oh my gosh. And I just, I can't believe that it worked out. I mean, I still talk to her several times a week and not about the kids. We're just talking as friends, checking in, sending pictures.
00:11:03
Speaker
You know, it's been... It's been great. I'm so thankful. And now it feels like I can't, I guess, you know, as most people, when you're going into the egg donation, you're thinking about, well, down the line, how am I going to explain it to them? And of course, I think that's just what you, what moms think of.
00:11:19
Speaker
um I certainly did. and um then I was like, you know what? That is so far down the line. Don't let it steal your joy from these little years worrying about that. But now I feel like I can say,
00:11:32
Speaker
you know, mommy's tummy was broken. have to explain the surrogacy side too, but, and you know, my eggs weren't working, but aunt Chelsea, mommy's friend had eggs to give and she helped me make you, you know, and Chelsea was transactional about it enough to say like, if you needed blood, if you needed bone marrow, if you needed something and I have it to give, i would give it to you. You know, it doesn't feel like I'm giving over like myself.
00:12:01
Speaker
Now she, is emotionally attached to us, but not where i ever feel like she would be like, well, you know, i was your mother to my child or something, you know? so I felt, well, and I think, I think that's such a, I think that's a worry for a lot of people when it comes to this idea of known and, you know, I, thought well, let me go back because i think there's, there is a huge push for, you you know, going about a known egg donor cycle because you need, you you do need information, you know, particularly when it comes to medical records and things like that. um
00:12:38
Speaker
But you guys went beyond that and have a relationship. Was it, did you ever have a fear about like that line being blurred or like, what was that, you know, as you were thinking about it, when you yeah approached this idea of let's meet?
00:12:56
Speaker
I thought we would meet and I would tell her thank you. And that would be the end of it. Like we wouldn't exchange numbers. We didn't know each other's last names. Like I didn't know her name until that day that I met her. um Right. But I can't describe it. It was like, and I'm sure she told you Katie left. And then we were like, you want to keep talking? And we stayed for like six hours at Starbucks and talked.
00:13:15
Speaker
All of our family was like, are you okay? Did you get kidnapped? But we just like, I just felt like you were, she was like me in certain ways. And i was I just liked her as a person. And I just felt, I don't know, I just felt safe. And of course she wasn't like, well, I want to keep seeing you and send me pictures. She never said anything like that, which I think made it easier for me to trust it too.
00:13:40
Speaker
So I just reached out to her. i tried to send her things as thank yous. And I met her mom, I love, and we still keep in touch. And um they're just like cheerleaders for me and for my kids. And I just think if,
00:13:54
Speaker
two more people in the world are love my children and love me. Like what harm is it? You know, i don't feel threatened by her at all. Well, so how did, you know, you, you kind of already mentioned you had, you know, some, some friends and people in your life that were, you know, wide eyed with this, you know, wait, you're doing what now? How are you, how are you kind of handling that?
00:14:19
Speaker
You know, maybe don't want to say judgment, but maybe there was judgment, I don't know. it had to have been Chelsea. I think, I don't know that I would have done it with anyone else. Um, and it was also, they trusted my judgment. And I just said, you guys like you'll meet her one day and you'll understand, like it was all supposed to happen like this. And like, she's given me her eggs. Like I, I want to be in her life. I want her to know that we are her biggest cheerleaders. We want to be supportive of her.
00:14:48
Speaker
um She's a mom. She gets it. That, that part I think helped knowing that she had her own child. So I don't know. And her parents were so supportive of it and excited for her, excited for us and gave me a sweet little, like her mom on the day of her second egg retrieval. Cause she did come back and do another round.
00:15:09
Speaker
Um, because we only got one embryo with her first round, which we knew we were taking a chance on an older donor. Because she was 30 or she was 29. And, and, and our doctor said, you know, she's an older donor.
00:15:24
Speaker
Are you sure you want to do this? And I had already decided if it's not her, I'm not going to do it. Like I just had this draw. There was a video of her, which really helped. And she came into Dallas to get the clearance.
00:15:38
Speaker
And the doctor's wife, who works at the front, called me. She was like, where did you find this donor? was like, through Egg Donor Solutions. And she was like, she is the best donor we have ever had here. She is not only polite and respectful and happy, but she is darling. And she was like, I'm really sad that you don't know her because I think you would love her.
00:15:57
Speaker
And that kind of also made me feel like, okay, you know, she she knows me. Our nurses couldn't say much, but they were like, you would love her. We loved her. And so then she had a great um cycle. Like she had 10 beautiful eggs. She retrieved eight. They all fertilized on the first day.
00:16:18
Speaker
and then at day five, there was one embryo left and we were disappointed because Debbie had offered to carry twins. She wanted to, and we were like, my gosh, this may be our only shot. So how wonderful.
00:16:32
Speaker
And so we were disappointed, but also ecstatic that we got one. We were just expecting more because it was a donor cycle. And so, and we didn't test it. So it was fun to find out what we were having. And then after we were pregnant with Nellie,
00:16:48
Speaker
we were like, should we we tried another doctor and she was like,
Support from Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions
00:16:51
Speaker
wanna try it again. And so she did and then she had a totally different experience and she got a little overstimulated, but she got like five other embryos.
00:16:59
Speaker
And then Debbie came back and wanted to carry twins and we implanted two embryos and now we have twins, which is crazy. We'll get right back to the show, but I wanted to take a quick moment to speak directly to those of you dreaming of growing your family.
00:17:13
Speaker
For the past 18 years, we at Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions have had the privilege of walking alongside hopeful parents, guiding them through egg donation and surrogacy with empathy, expertise, and personal experience.
00:17:28
Speaker
Many of us on the team have been intended parents or surrogates or egg donors ourselves, So we understand just how important this journey is, whether you're just starting to explore your options or ready to take the next step.
00:17:41
Speaker
We're here to help. You can schedule a free 15 minute call with our team at create a happy family.com to get your questions answered and see it for the right fit for your journey. You don't have to figure this out alone.
00:17:53
Speaker
This is your invitation to learn more and take the next step toward the family you've been dreaming of. All right, let's get back to the show. So crazy and so beautiful. No, really. It's yes, it is. It's so, it's so beautiful. I think so. One of, one of the things that, you know, again, I think just highlights how special this, you know, trio, um, you know, is, is, um, you guys, I mean,
00:18:22
Speaker
you guys did a maternity shoot together. So Debbie and Chelsea even, you know, got to meet, which yeah is just, detail they are such beautiful images and they're so powerful. Can you just kind of describe to me just how that day, just what that day meant to you?
00:18:40
Speaker
It was really emotional more than I thought it would be. I mean, I was so happy that they were getting to meet and, but honestly, those two people are so selfless, obviously from what they're doing, that they were so invested in my experience.
00:18:54
Speaker
And I'm sort of somebody that wants to take the back seat. Like, no, no, no, it's about you guys. But they were like, no, no, no, this is about you and celebrating this baby that's yours. And they are just, it was so fun.
00:19:07
Speaker
was, and Meg was there and, um Melissa was there and it was so fun. We had the best coordinators ever. ah the best. And I love that, you know from from feeling, you know, like you're, you know, going to miss out, for lack of a better phrase, on, you know, certain parts of becoming a mother to getting to have kind of that beautiful moment of, you know, that maternity shoot and getting to, you highlight that.
00:19:38
Speaker
highlight that Mm hmm. It's beautiful. It neat. Yeah, it was very thankful to have those even to just like, have a visual to explain to the kids like, this is who helped create you. And, you know, yeah, absolutely. How have those relationships evolved over time? Because you've even said, you know, oh, gosh, yeah, Chelsea and I, you know, talk to each other a couple days a week, and it's not even about the kids.
00:20:02
Speaker
No. And Debbie and I talk a lot. Um, I just text with her yesterday. and we send pictures of the kids and kind of keep up with, you know, birthdays and holidays and, um, you know, I just, they'll be in our lives forever. I'm so, she drove down from Houston and came to Nellie's birthday party and, um,
00:20:21
Speaker
They're a part of our lives. And I think because we did it twice, it really, ah really feel bonded to her family and her kids were some of the first ones to hold the babies. And it was so sweet. And yeah, we had it a baby shower and she came and, you know, she just, my family feels like she's part of our family. That's perfect.
00:20:40
Speaker
What, what helped you stay confident and proud of your journey, even if others didn't fully understand?
00:20:51
Speaker
I was proud of my husband and I for not giving up, honestly, because I mean, financially, it was a strain and even emotionally, it was a strain. And you know that, and you know, because you've been on a side of it, I felt like we couldn't plan for the future, even a month in advance because of all the, all the things that were so out of our control.
Overcoming Judgment and Fears
00:21:09
Speaker
And there were times where i was like, I can't live like this. Like, I just, I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring and it's driving me crazy. So I'm proud of our our faith journey and definitely brought us closer and brought our relationship with God closer. And I think I'm proud of us for kind of keeping the noise out and just keeping our eyes on the prize of knowing that we are going to be parents somehow, some way, you know? Yeah. It's really hard to keep the noise out.
00:21:38
Speaker
Very hard. Very harsh. I was just going to people getting pregnant around you and it coming so easy and everybody's got opinions about go on vacation, eat this, do this, you know, and everybody's journey is so different. And that it also taught me that like if somebody's talking about having a baby, I'm just like, go you, however you're doing it.
00:22:00
Speaker
We're praying for you because it's a lot no matter how you're doing it, you know. Yeah, for sure. It's so funny. I, um, I, I, I always, I tell the, I tell my kids, you know, they, they had, they've had aunts, you know, get married and, you know, they kind of all follow up with the question, well, when are they having babies? And I look at him and I go, not the question to ask.
00:22:20
Speaker
Nope. None of your business. But it's a natural question. You do me too. I mean, it's true though. Or you want to say, are you going to have another one? That's something I would say before this journey.
00:22:32
Speaker
And now I'm really, i really try not to say that, even though you're just being kind, nobody means anything by it. Like, you know, and also to just not have a hardened heart about things because, you know, my brother and sister-in-law got married, you know, on birth control, weren't trying twice when we were trying to have a baby.
00:22:54
Speaker
It was really hard, but I didn't want to take away the joy that those babies brought into my life, which was amazing just because it wasn't happening for us. And that was hard, but us I prayed to not have a hardened heart a lot, a lot, you know?
00:23:11
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Yeah. But I mean, you're right. That that part of things is so can be so difficult. And then whenever you are on the road to having you know your your babies and then you hear noise about how you're doing it, it just nobody can do anything right at this point.
00:23:28
Speaker
oh Totally. Totally. Everybody's got a judgment about something and it is what it is. It's true. It's true. yeah what What do you wish more, you know, women in particular, what do you wish more women, you know, knew about using both an egg donor and a surrogate? Having, you know, now looking back on your own journey. Mm-hmm.
00:23:56
Speaker
I think just being open-minded because honestly, i would have probably been judgmental about it before I did it and thought, why did that person keep trying another way? Why didn't they adopt? Or, you know, you don't know until you're in it what you will do to have a family.
00:24:12
Speaker
And ah think there's so much judgment also about fertility in general, especially from some Christian audiences and especially egg donation. And I'll never forget. There was a ah podcast that I listened to. That was a Christian podcast when I was, I no longer listened to it, but she, I liked everything she said. Then she had an episode that was about people who did IVF surrogacy, and they made it sound like it was the most cruel thing in the world, which everything can be. I'm not saying there aren't situations that are terrible for a surrogate, but I just was like, I can't let that in.
00:24:48
Speaker
like I, I feel like we're in a safe space. I feel like our surrogate is treated well. She's doing this of her own accord. Chelsea was doing it of her own free will. And i had to kind of get past my own judgment about it. Like, people would say, do you ever worry about what she's eating? Or have you told her she's not going to have any fast food or she's going exercise every day? And I was like, okay, first of all, I don't do that.
00:25:17
Speaker
Second of all, I would I would never expect her to do something that I myself didn't do. And also she's carrying my child. Like I, it is a trust fall at the end of the day. You do, you do have to have complete trust, but would worry sometimes like, what if she got in a car accident today? But guess what? Who could also get in a car accident?
00:25:37
Speaker
You know, things like that would come through my mind, but I never worried. Is she taking care of herself or the baby? i just, I knew she was. And If I had worried like that every day, it would have been a miserable experience, but instead it was a great experience.
00:25:52
Speaker
And ah just think it can be great if you'll let it be. I didn't, I didn't feel sad that I wasn't pregnant. Once I got excited, I found other things to be excited about, you know, and celebrating each little milestone that she had and going to the doctor's appointments and shop in and, you you know, to find the joy where you can find the joy. And also,
00:26:15
Speaker
With an egg donor, it may feel daunting in the beginning, but once you have your baby, ah never think about that. I never look at her and think, well, she was a donor egg.
00:26:29
Speaker
Even though she doesn't really look like me. They all look just like their dad. Chelsea and I joke. They all do. There was no donor. I was like, I mean, I was like, I hope somebody would look like you. I chose you for a reason. You're darling.
00:26:39
Speaker
Maybe they will one day, but they don't right now. Sorry. I was like, look at this little smirk. I think this is your smirk. And she was like, I don't see it.
00:26:51
Speaker
Maybe. was like, but I love her. So I would love for my kids to get some wonderful attribute of hers. um But I think just realizing however you become a mom, if it's not your genes, if it's not your body, I felt bonded with them the second I laid eyes on
Reflecting on Parental Love and Bonding
00:27:09
Speaker
them.
00:27:09
Speaker
And I don't know that that's the case for everybody, but I was not worried about the bonding. I really knew if a baby got dropped on my f front porch, I would bring that baby in and never ask a question, you know, like, um, I don't know, just to be open, I guess, you know, and now I get to share it with people who have maybe been struggling and feel like, Oh, I didn't know that you did that. That seems so kooky. You know, Oh, you did it. You're sort of normal. Okay.
00:27:36
Speaker
And then I, since then I've like, people have heard my story and have been like, oh, did you know that our babies were conceived with sperm donors or egg donors? Been photographing their family for years, never knew.
00:27:48
Speaker
And it's like a kindred spirit. We're like, really? Like, yeah. And most of them are a few years ahead of me in the process. So, you know, like, share tips when y'all start talking about how they were made and things, you know, what they're receptive to, what ages do you start talking about things.
00:28:03
Speaker
So I'm thankful to have those people too. Yeah. Well, it's beautiful that there's this, the I mean, I always say, i feel like this community is the biggest community that nobody knows that they're a part of.
00:28:17
Speaker
Totally. And it's beautiful whenever everybody starts sharing and then you realize, like, i mean... my neighbor two doors down, we have the same story. Like, yeah, it's, it is. It's beautiful. Very cool.
00:28:33
Speaker
who What do you want? What do you want your children to know about Chelsea and Debbie and the role that they played in bringing them into the world?
00:28:44
Speaker
I am like excited to tell them about them because I think you know, all kids are wanted, but I just want them to know how badly they were wanted. And i want them to know that God was in every step of it. And that we were just, we were just on the road to whatever he was going to put in our path. And, you know, i just want them to know that they are loved and loved by so many people that helped create them and that their genetics don't determine their, their parents. And I, you know,
00:29:19
Speaker
I, I didn't ever think that I always thought I could adopt and it would be fine, but I really know that now I know that as their parent, like no part of me is like, they're not one hundred percent my babies, you know?
00:29:31
Speaker
So I just, I can't wait to tell them they're going to have a cool story to share, you know? Yeah. And I, I mean, it's beautiful that it's a story of, it's a story of celebration. And like you said, just so much love.
00:29:48
Speaker
Um, and so many people that, I mean, they were so wanted, who wouldn't want to celebrate that? You know, when we started surrogacy, I was more worried about my friend's kids and my nieces and nephews. Like how were they going to understand? Cause some of them were little about me not carrying the child, but we're having a baby.
00:30:05
Speaker
I didn't want to confuse them. And ah friend of mine had said, we just explained it very simply. um And my best friend explained it to her kids where she said, imagine we're making cookies and our oven breaks and we take the cookies over to Miss Barbara's, their neighbor.
00:30:23
Speaker
And then she brings the cookies back over when they're done. And are are they Miss Barbara's cookies or are they our cookies? And they were like, there are cookies. And she was like, yeah, that's how it is. And the kids never asked a question. They were like, oh, cool.
00:30:35
Speaker
And then when we were, they kind of, the older one understood it. His friend was over and he was like, hey, Cece, tell him, tell him about that lady that's like carrying the baby for you. Like tell him, he thought it was so cool.
00:30:47
Speaker
So, you know, kids are resilient. They don't really care that much. They're excited there was a baby coming, you know. Exactly. oh exactly. I always say, I feel like we as grownups, we make it way more complicated than it needs to be. And these kids are just like, totally roll with ah I was worried about Debbie's kids. I was like, do they understand? Because her first journey, they were very young. And the second journey, they were really excited. They were covering the baby with blankets and saying, you know, ah your mommy. And they were so sweet. They were like, your mommy can't wait to meet you. They understood it. And i was like, are they going to be sad?
00:31:20
Speaker
She was like, they're not. We talk about it a lot. and I was worried about them, you know? Yeah.
Surrogate's Family Perspective
00:31:27
Speaker
How did your, did did you have kids oh when you did it Yes. So I had, when I was a surrogate, I had, um, I had three kids and still have three kids.
00:31:38
Speaker
Um, and they were, um, they were, oh four. And I, I remember I asked my intended mom for my first journey. Could we, cause I had a C-section and I said, could we schedule the C-section the next day than what it was originally? Because it was originally scheduled on, uh, my daughter's kindergarten graduation. And was like, oh yeah, sure. No problem. like I love it. I love it.
00:32:05
Speaker
What does your kids think? Oh, they were, oh, that's, you know, that's Miss Pam and Mr. Tim's, you know, babies. And they were so good about, you know, oh my gosh, I'll, I'll never forget it. Um, ah it's just locked in where the kids came to see me in the hospital and um And they let them hold them. And it was Pam who ah who was like, um you guys are you guys are their first friends.
00:32:30
Speaker
And I just remember that was just – that's sweet. It was so touching. It was so touching. I love that. Yeah, it really – was no – it was just, that's what you did. like this is this is just why this is what you do. My eldest is so funny because, you know, I had twins.
00:32:46
Speaker
And so she would never ask anybody, are you having a boy or a girl? She would ask, are you having one or two? Um, and then she started asking, well, are they yours?
00:32:56
Speaker
So it just was like, it's just what you do. Everybody's having somebody else's baby. I love it. Exactly. I know. It's, you know, it's just what you do for, you know, you kind of have already said it, you know, you never, you never worried about that connection, but what,
00:33:15
Speaker
what words of encouragement would you give to, you know, maybe day one, Christy, or just any mom out there who's maybe struggling with this, you know, fear or worry or stigma that, you know, can be part of this process when it, kind of you know, and just that, that fear with not having that connection.
00:33:36
Speaker
Gosh, it's like, it seems so long ago and it really wasn't, you know, now that you're, A client said to me one time, she had two sets of twins and she had done several rounds of IVF and we were right in the thick of it.
00:33:48
Speaker
And she was like, somebody told me to, to just keep saying, I'm going to be a mother. I am going to be a mother and say it over and over. And I was like, okay. And and then I, I thought about it one day and I was like, okay. And years later I've texted with her and said like, you don't understand how those words really meant a lot because After every failed attempt, you do feel left behind. You feel like it's not going to happen and I need to get right with myself about it not happening.
00:34:13
Speaker
But I just didn't let myself go there. I was just like, I'm going to be a mother somehow, some way Keep your head down and just try against all odds to have hope and keep going.
00:34:28
Speaker
Just keep going. My family is very much like, pull your bootstraps up. You could do this. Let's feel sad for a minute, but we're moving on. And that really helped. They were not insensitive in any way, but it did help me to just, you know, ah giving up wasn't an option.
00:34:45
Speaker
and And that might be for someone. There might be an end of the line that you just can't do it anymore. And completely understand that too. But, and and just be open to all the possibilities because there are so many more than there used to be.
00:34:58
Speaker
You know, I have older friends that don't have kids at all. And they were like, if it was 20 years later, we would have had other options, you know? So just so grateful that there are people like that. You guys that, you know, will give up your bodies and your, your time and everything. I was so worried also because.
00:35:20
Speaker
I was worried like something was going to happen to Debbie, like in the delivery. And that like kind of consumed me in the beginning. I was, I was less worried about the baby and more worried about her. Like, what is this? How's this going affect her family? I know we have insurance and all that, but I was more worried about the emotional part of it. And, you know, had to get past that because you can't live like that. But, you know, you just realize they're not just giving up their bodies. They're taking a chance. There's a lot of things that can go wrong during,
00:35:47
Speaker
You know, a delivery for anybody. So it's just a, it's a miracle that anyone volunteers to do it, honestly.
00:35:55
Speaker
I totally hear you. I think one of the, one of the things that I keep hearing from you is there are those points of worry and fear.
Embracing Trust and Gratitude in the Journey
00:36:06
Speaker
But then you keep reminding yourself of with the joy and the potential joy and the determination.
00:36:15
Speaker
and I mean, you said it so beautifully. this This is like a trust fall. And I mean, it is, it's is.
00:36:26
Speaker
And I think that is, again, i feel like all of the stars aligned for you all. and it And it's, and it's not just you all that have that experience. It really is this beautiful journey to parenthood. Just one more way to become a mom.
00:36:44
Speaker
And when the journey was taking longer and longer and I just could not see the forest to the trees, I used to say, well, this is gonna be our last Christmas without a baby because I thought it can't take a whole nother year, that would be ridiculous. And then a year would pass and And i I started to change the way I was talking to myself and to other people about it. I was saying, um we get to go on vacation.
00:37:07
Speaker
You know, we're not pregnant right now. We get to go on vacation. So let's, it's our fourth anniversary. Let's go enjoy this. Or this is my last, you know, year to be with my nephew. I'm so excited. This is a year all about his Christmas. And next year, there's going to be a baby here. Instead of Feeling the negative because I did that in the beginning. I was so sad that I hadn't gotten to experience it.
00:37:27
Speaker
And then even when Debbie was pregnant with the twins, I was like much more trusting, but i was like, this is our last summer with just her. So everything feels so much more joyous and there's just so much gratitude and everything you get to do.
00:37:44
Speaker
As you know, when you have a child, you're just, it's going to be great. I just want to tell people like, hang on, it'll happen. I've been where you are. it is so defeating.
00:37:56
Speaker
It is. It can be. And, but there is joy. There is joy. Yeah. Oh, that's amazing. Well, Christy, thank you so much for, you know, just, just being vulnerable with us and, you know, going, going back in time with us and sharing and sharing your, your beautiful, beautiful story.
00:38:16
Speaker
have one last question for you. yeah You've seen me. You've seen me just it's a fun one. Um, coffee and i I, have a very codependent relationship on on coffee. And um so I always love to ask the question, what filled your cup today, literally or figuratively, what has been the thing that has filled your cup?
00:38:39
Speaker
Well, I've been working out of town and this morning I got to get up with my babies because I got home like at midnight last night and seeing their sweet little faces, they didn't know I was going to wake them up and them all saying, mommy, you're home and, you know, just being happy. And so just the morning with them, that sweet, just babies ready to get up out of bed. And it was just a sweet start to my morning, even though i was exhausted and,
00:39:04
Speaker
I always think about that. Like the day has been long. And then, but the next morning, then you see their faces and you're like, I forgot that that day was so hard, you know, morning faces, morning faces that those first little hours before everything just comes, you know, comes out. And then it went downhill from there.
00:39:25
Speaker
Oh, I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Now we have to brush our teeth. Now we have to, yeah. Uh-huh. Yeah.
00:39:33
Speaker
Oh, that's beautiful. i love it. I love it so much. Well, really, Christy, thank you so much um for for sharing. It was so fun. Yes. No, really. Thank you.