Become a Creator today!Start creating today - Share your story with the world!
Start for free
00:00:00
00:00:01
What Surrogacy Taught Her When No One Listened
66 Plays8 days ago
Advocacy is the heartbeat of Amy’s surrogacy journey.
In this episode, Amy shares the wisdom she gained through her experience as a surrogate — from her commitment to supporting LGBTQ+ family building to the personal lessons she learned navigating a serious medical complication.
Through her story, Amy reflects on how advocacy shows up at every stage of surrogacy: listening to your body, speaking up when something doesn’t feel right, and showing up with care and intention for the families and surrogates involved.
This conversation explores:
Advocacy in surrogacy and assisted reproduction
Supporting LGBTQ+ families through family building
Navigating medical uncertainty during pregnancy
Why listening to your body and trusting your instincts matters
How lived experience shapes better support for surrogates and intended parents
If you’re considering surrogacy, egg donation, or assisted reproduction — whether as a potential surrogate or intended parent — this episode offers clarity, support, and a grounded perspective on what it means to create families with care.
Recommended
Transcript
Introduction to Amy's Surrogacy Journey
00:00:00
Speaker
Advocacy is woven through every part of Amy's surrogacy journey, from advocating for herself when she didn't feel heard, to advocating for the LGBTQ plus family she felt called to help.
00:00:12
Speaker
This was literally my way of spreading love and joy by expanding families. That same advocacy, the belief that every person deserves to be seen and supported, would become deeply personal when Amy found herself in a medical crisis no one else recognized.
00:00:32
Speaker
you know, it was just, you're just having your cycle. It's okay. You you girl problems. And I think they discharged me on you know ibuprofen. It was a moment that reshaped how she now supports other surrogates and how she advocates for the family she serves.
00:00:45
Speaker
Listen to your body. if If something is not right, you know your body. No one knows it better than you. So listen to that and act on that.
00:00:58
Speaker
Today, Amy shares the wisdom she gained when no one listened and how her commitment to advocacy for the LGBTQ community, for herself and for the clients she serves became the heartbeat of her surrogacy journey.
00:01:12
Speaker
Enjoy.
Inspiration and Decision to Help LGBTQ+ Families
00:01:15
Speaker
Okay, so Amy, you have carried three babies for two incredible families. And of course, we know that each journey has its own story. But before we get into just all of the fun, I would love it if you could just take us back to the beginning. What first even inspired you to say, I want to become a surrogate?
00:01:37
Speaker
Oh, that's a really good question. um the The reason I kind of got into surrogacy was I actually had a family member come to me. And at that time, they were having kind of concerns on whether or not it would be safe for them to get pregnant. And ah just kind of broached the topic like, hey, would you know would you ever consider being a surrogate for us? And I hadn't really thought about it. I'd heard of surrogacy, um but hadn't really given it much thought. And and then i was like, yes, I would absolutely care for you guys. um The person that...
00:02:13
Speaker
The family member that was potentially not going to go able to get pregnant had concerns with her spine. um Happy to report though that she got approval and they were able to get pregnant and went on to have twins. So, yes. So they didn't need me, which was amazing. You you know, you love to hear that and to say that. But when we moved to Florida, we were actually living in Ohio at that time.
00:02:38
Speaker
um And when we moved to Florida, i kept kind of still having that seed, I guess, so to speak, like it had been planted. um And the more I thought about it, though, the more niche I kind of wanted to get. um And I knew that if i was going to carry that I wanted to carry for couples that were in the LGBTQI plus community. And so that was kind of, okay, I have this idea, i want to put it into motion. and now I know, you know, kind of the humans that I want to carry for.
00:03:12
Speaker
And it was just kind of a matter of, you know, getting it started and where the heck do I start? So that was how, that's how we got here. Why was caring for the LGBTQ plus community so important to you?
00:03:28
Speaker
That's a good question too. We have come leaps and bounds in our civil and social rights and activists or activism. um But we still have a lot of work to do.
00:03:42
Speaker
And This was literally my way of um spreading love and joy by expanding families in that way and helping actually to create families in that way.
00:03:55
Speaker
um It just so happened that i always ended up caring for same sex male couples, but I would have carried for anyone that identifies under that scope of of community.
00:04:05
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. So going with that first match, what was that connection like? And what did you kind of learn in those early days that shaped the journeys that followed? a Good question.
00:04:20
Speaker
Okay, so it's really interesting. um Back then it was so different because I actually met with Lauren in person and she gave me profiles to review, paper profiles. I was actually, yes, it was, um it was you know, it was so different, but this was way pre-COVID days. Like this was, I think it was like in 2017 maybe, so a while ago. um I got to review the profiles and one couple in particular just really stood out to me. We had,
00:04:50
Speaker
an affinity for Star Wars. And and so that was the thing. Yes, that was our like, okay, hook line right there. They also one of the dads is from Wisconsin. And I grew up a huge Packers fan only because of my brother and Brett Favre was one of my favorites. And number four to this day is still my favorite number.
00:05:11
Speaker
So it sounds sounds silly. But those things really attracted me to like this potential match. um And then when we met, we actually met in person. We had sit-down meal with Lauren and our other coordinator at that time.
00:05:25
Speaker
and got to know them. And it didn't feel like an interview, even though it kind of was for all of us. That was back then. That was how we did match meetings. um But it just felt like we were having dinner and lunch with friends, you know, old friends. And we all walked away knowing this is it. This is the beginning of something really beautiful.
00:05:48
Speaker
um I love that. That is so fun. And I think it's so obviously there's a lot of things that go into the matching process, just kind of the nitty gritty, the stuff that is, you know, just totally necessary. Um,
00:06:03
Speaker
But it really is just those little those little things, whether it's Star Wars or you know we had another um another mom. It was you know about the Foo Fighters. and you know there's just There's always some like little thing that you know people latch onto. So obviously, the match started out beautifully and everything went well just as far as getting just everything started.
Medical Challenges and Advocacy
00:06:27
Speaker
But you did, after your first transfer, experience a ectopic pregnancy. something that many people actually really don't fully understand.
00:06:37
Speaker
How did you kind of in the beginning realize that, hey, something's not right here? And what was that just experience like going through that as a surrogate versus, you know, just ah your own personal pregnancy?
00:06:52
Speaker
That's it. Yeah. so i initially we just thought I was having a miscarriage. At that time, we did a double embryo transfer. They were super popular back then. I do not recommend them now. But, um but we, you know, we did the double embryo transfer and everything looked perfect. Whitney, everything was great. My numbers were so high. They were like, this, this would be crazy if there weren't two of them in there. Like things look too good. yeah um We were days away from the first beta and that's when I started to experience some bleeding. um And it got
00:07:26
Speaker
bad to the point where they were like, yeah, we we think you need to go in and and be seen. And they did an ultrasound and they didn't find anything in my uterus. So the assumption at that time was I had passed all the tissue. Um, but what didn't change was I just didn't stop bleeding. Unfortunately. Um, I just, it was really heavy and painful and it just kept going on and on. And they were like, well, we do expect you to have some of those symptoms for, ah you know, about two, two to three weeks. Um, so, you know, and everybody varies, but I was like, okay, it's fine. Like I'll wake up one day and you know, things will resolve. Um, and we were checking my betas weekly and they noticed that they, they were going down, but they were just trickling. I mean, just barely going down. Like one week they would be in the 20,000 the next week they were 19,000, 18,000.
00:08:15
Speaker
nineteen thousand eighteen thousand I mean, they should have been going down significantly, but they weren't. Um, and this was in October and then in.
00:08:26
Speaker
the middle of November, I was actually working in the pharmacy um and I was, I just kind of had like this really bad pain on my left side that made me just kind of keel over. And i was like, oh, this is, this is really strange. I think I might need to go get checked out. But I waited the whole weekend because I'm like, you know what? It's probably, again, it's probably just girl probs. It'll be fine. And how often do we do that?
00:08:52
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Um, we just dismissed ourselves and i just was like, i'm going to be okay. I'm going be okay. Well then on Sunday, our, our son Sawyer, who's 10 now was a toddler at the time. He was playing with me and I was on the ground and he tapped my stomach and I had like these shooting pains going up and down.
00:09:10
Speaker
It was, it was terrible. And so I was like, but John, I think I might need to go to the hospital. And that's my husband. And he was like, yeah, let's, let's go. So we were like, let's just go to the same hospital that we went to before that confirmed, you know, the miscarriage and the treatment that I received was to say awful. Wouldn't, wouldn't be, um, enough to even describe the treatment. They did the exact same test that the day before, which was just an ultrasound. They didn't do any imaging whatsoever. um My hemoglobin had dropped from, I think when I was there originally, it was like a 15, went down to a 10, but they didn't, you know, it was just, you're just having your cycle. It's okay. You you girl problems. And I think they discharged me on, you know, ibuprofen, and you know told me to follow up with my OB, which I didn't have yet at that time because we didn't get to a pregnancy.
00:10:01
Speaker
So I was still following up with the IVF clinic at that time. I was still getting weekly draws. Mind you, this was in October. We're still, we are mid November and my HCGs are still not zero. o So really, really strange. Finally, the week of Thanksgiving, i had gone over to my mom and dad's house to help them get everything prepped because we had people coming over after Thanksgiving to their house.
00:10:24
Speaker
And I ended up falling asleep in the back bedroom, which I do not take naps. I'm not a napper. It was really strange. So I came out and I laid on my mom's lap. I just put my head on her lap. And, and you know, she had kind of been, she and I are very close and she had seen,
00:10:43
Speaker
you know, that I wasn't getting any better. And actually every day it was just kind of getting worse. And she's like, I'm, I'm so sick of watching you waste away. Um, I, I need to take you in. We need to go somewhere. I can't, I can't watch my daughter slip away anymore.
00:10:57
Speaker
Um, so she, she ended up while John was at John's a teacher. So he was in class and she's like, Hey, I just want to let you know, I'm taking Amy in. I, something isn't right. um And that's when they admitted me and they were going to discharge me because I looked so healthy.
00:11:11
Speaker
The reason they didn't discharge me was the IVF clinic that was still monitoring me at that time said, Amy, we are very certain at this point that you have an ectopic pregnancy. If you go home,
00:11:24
Speaker
you will not make it, you need to be seen, you need to stay there. If they discharge you, come straight to Tampa. So after being there for a week, I actually had surgery today, believe it or not, um um that like now that I'm looking at the date today, December 4th. So October was the when I miscarried, December 4th was when they finally did exploratory surgery. They wouldn't even call it an ectopic at that time um because i was healthy.
00:11:51
Speaker
You know, that was after begging and begging and pleading, please, like I, something's not right. Yeah. We'll get right back to the show in just a second.
00:12:02
Speaker
But real quick, have you ever wondered what it would be like to help create a family through surrogacy? At Egg Donor and Surrogate Solutions, we've spent 18 years walking alongside women who said yes to making a difference. And we'd love to support you as you explore if surrogacy might be the right next step.
00:12:20
Speaker
Our team includes women who have been surrogates themselves. So when we say we understand, we truly do. You can download our surrogate journey and compensation guide at createahappyfamily.com.
00:12:33
Speaker
It's a big decision and it's okay to have questions. This is your invitation to find out more. All right, let's get back to the show.
Emotional and Psychological Impact of Miscarriage
00:12:41
Speaker
What? Okay, so I mean, not only are we experiencing, obviously, just the physical side effects of everything.
00:12:50
Speaker
And then there's just the emotions. but I mean, how are you handling the emotions that come with all of that? What are your IPs doing during this time? I mean, my goodness. That's...
00:13:03
Speaker
That was really hard. um The first time, and I'm sure a lot of surrogates can say the same, this is the first time I've ever experienced a loss. um um I was really fortunate in our fertility that I never had this kind of thing happen. This was the first time.
00:13:17
Speaker
Not only you know was I doing that, I was miscarrying for someone else. And all I could think about was, you know I must have jolted. I must have done something strange. i must This has got to be my fault in some way because our brains want to make sense of it, right? We we need to find answers.
00:13:33
Speaker
we We weren't going to have that. um But I definitely beat myself up more. And I never really felt more alone in my life than at that time, um because I was blaming myself for this loss. They didn't blame me at all. In fact, they did daily, week weekly check-ins. We would meet up and have lunch and dinners. they you know We would meet halfway. Sometimes I'd go to them. Sometimes they would come to me. Um, there was never blame ever that came from them. And if anything, honestly, it really strengthened our relationship, not to say it was like trauma bond or anything, but just like, you know, they were like, we're going to advocate for you. We're going to take care of you. And, you know, we're going to figure this out. Um, when we finally, you know, eventually were able to get back into cycling, they really stood by my side and were diligent with making sure that labs were being done consistently and that anything didn't look or feel right.
00:14:26
Speaker
there was going to be, you know, a conversation had, um, I think about when we went to confirm the, uh, they had to, you know, i don't know if you've ever had this happen, but oftentimes when, when you are, you know, bleeding, they, they still want you to take your meds, just like you're pregnant, even though you, you know, you're not, you know, you know, your body and, um,
00:14:51
Speaker
I went for the ultrasound and they were in the room and my coordinator was there and looking up at the screen and it was a big empty uterus. And I was you know still having pain and um cramping and all the things and kind of looking at them knowing again, they didn't they didn't blame me at all, but I just felt so responsible for their loss.
00:15:15
Speaker
And we went to have lunch, but it just, I remember feeling hollow at that time. Um, and just kind of like showing up, but not being there, you know? Yeah.
00:15:27
Speaker
As you're navigating just all of those feelings and that feeling of loneliness, despite everyone being around you, what, what do you wish you would have had? Or do you think you, it was just something you had to work through?
00:15:42
Speaker
I definitely had to work through it. Um, I wish that i would have been advocated more from the clinic sooner i because I think that things wouldn't have gotten to nearly as bad as they did. i almost had to get a blood transfusion after surgery um because of all that. And while my husband was there supporting me, it was kind of like you said, he's there, but nobody can take what's happening away. And so I think it's important to acknowledge that you are feeling these things and it's okay to not be okay during that time.
00:16:20
Speaker
Yeah. What was the ultimate, you know, you you said eventually the clinic did advocate and say you cannot leave the hospital, don't let them leave the hospital. What were the magic words or what were the questions that you asked to make the hospital finally admit you and address the obvious issues that were happening?
00:16:40
Speaker
They heard from the clinic nurse every hour on the hour. She was like literally this day, my my caller, my angel, my my life-saving nurse, um because if she wouldn't have called and advocated for me, they would have discharged me. And I wouldn't have known at that time. I didn't even know you could ask for second opinions. And I also was dealing with let with less than half of my blood supply. So I couldn't make conscious decisions. I was just existing. um So if she wouldn't have advocated for me, i don't know that we'd be having this conversation.
00:17:14
Speaker
Wow. Wow. So knowing what you know now, if there are surrogates in this situation, whether it's, you know, just experiencing loss as a surrogate or having a medical event that they need to advocate for? What do you what would you want other surrogates to know as they're experiencing something like that?
00:17:40
Speaker
Listen to your body. if If something is not right, you know your body. No one knows it better than you. So listen to that and act on that. And if you don't feel like the medical team is advocating for you, you you pull me in.
00:17:58
Speaker
You pull a trusted friend in, you pull a coworker in, you pull in someone that can advocate for you and say, no, this this isn't right. Someone needs to take this seriously. you'd You'd rather get treated and care and it be something small than to not get the care and then potentially lose your life or have something devastating happen.
00:18:19
Speaker
Yeah, for sure. And I think, I mean, i think that's just good advice for just any woman, you know, in general. um But yes, I think you're right. There's so many, you don't want to inconvenience people, right? And like as surrogates, we're already,
00:18:34
Speaker
we're We're there to, we want to give, we want to help. We don't want to cause, you know, any trouble or concern or anything like that. And so you are afraid to, you know, oh gosh, I don't want to cause a false alarm. And i think you're right. It is ultimately better. I would rather, you know, say, nope, everything's fine versus,
00:18:52
Speaker
being in a situation where all of a sudden something got worse that could have, you know, but i been addressed earlier. Yeah, this could have been handled with medication. This didn't have to result in surgery, losing an organ, right? This could have just been a lot of people don't know that ectopics can handled with medication if they don't get to that point. But sure we're past that. Yes.
Successful Surrogacy and Familial Bonds
00:19:13
Speaker
Now, luckily, this did have a happy ending. And you did eventually cycle again with your intended parents, which was amazing, and obviously went on to have a beautiful baby. And then you also had the privilege of doing a sibling journey with them. How was y'all's relationship?
00:19:31
Speaker
How did that deepen as you continue to expand their family? It's just a dream. They're extended family now. um you know it was They were slow on the draw to be excited during the first pregnancy, understandably so. you know But ah but once once things were really happening and things were looking good for them, he came three weeks early. And I mean, he's the only child to this day that has ever broken my water. And I always say it's because he was so eager to meet his daddies. And he's been he hasn't stopped since. I mean, he's ah he's something.
00:20:04
Speaker
And then when they approached me about a sibling journey, um, I was like, duh, it's not even a question. Of course I would carry for you guys again. And it was, it was a dream. I was really lucky because again, when we talked about advocating, they advocated for me on medications too, with the IDF clinic that a lot of times, you know, if they change in this particular case, that provider had changed clinics and they were going to change the protocol. And they were like, no this is what worked for Amy last time.
00:20:30
Speaker
This is what we want to do again. How can we make that happen? And I loved that. And then even just, you know, when I went into labor with their second one, i was like, guys, I don't know if I'm really in labor, but I think I could be there. Like, go to hospital. Just go.
00:20:44
Speaker
We'll see you when we get there. boom Oh, I love it. And it's just amazing. It's so fun to just to see how it goes from the beginning of, you know, blind date where you're talking about a uterus to you know, all of that trust in, like you said, extended family.
00:21:01
Speaker
Yes. Yes. Haven't missed a birthday or a sporting event at all. and And I'm excited because Brianna, my daughter has a competition in Tampa. So she's going to get to go there and they're going to get to see one of her competitions coming up. So I love being able to look forward to those things too with them. And, and my second belly buddy with them is, is my Godson. They told me at our anatomy scan, Amy, we you know we were just hoping that you you would consider being, and I was like, are you kidding me?
00:21:28
Speaker
Of course I'll be the godmother. That's wild. So he's my old my god baby. It's just amazing because you are creating this little family, but then you're expanding that little family to exactly like y'all's unit, which is just, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. Now, luckily enough, you did another journey, but at...
00:21:49
Speaker
during your third journey, you were working as a coordinator or are working as a coordinator for egg donor and surrogate solutions. What was it like experiencing a journey now on this side of things, having kind of that behind the scenes, you know, just from that coordinator perspective?
00:22:09
Speaker
Um, it was, it was, it was fun kind of getting the insider look as the coordinator and also stepping back and knowing like i i have the best person in the whole world, which was Allie taking care of us every step of the way. And even though i do these things, um having Hallie there by our side, guiding us and just loving on us and supporting us throughout each step of the way. um it was wonderful. And and you even, i know
00:22:41
Speaker
as I got into it, I didn't realize all the back end things that are done, you know, because surface level, you don't know the caseload of a coordinator, right? You think that you're their only surrogate. You had no idea on the back end that there are multiple people that they're caring and loving on. um And even despite that, I still felt like she, i was her only surrogate. Yeah. Oh, Ali is the best. Oh, I love that. How has, i mean,
00:23:11
Speaker
all One of the things that i think is just so amazing about... our company is that all of the coordinators have all been surrogates. And so we do all personally know that experience. How has it been just from you came as an experienced surrogate and then you as a coordinator were going through your own journey while still obviously continuing to coordinate.
Role as Surrogate Coordinator and Reflection
00:23:37
Speaker
What, how, did that change maybe how you support surrogates today versus maybe, you know, whenever you first started? Thank you. Oh, yes. So it was really fun. There are certain ones that I love all of my cases, but there were certain ones that we we kind of transferred around the same time. And um getting to kind of go through pregnancy and see how they're feeling. And also the parents, like how are things going in this relationship with this journey? How you know are you going to get to go to the anatomy scan? um
00:24:10
Speaker
Kind of getting to be experiencing that with them along the way was was really a fun way to connect. And then when we all delivered um getting to do my check-in calls, i i took I only took a week off because I had four people that were like four cases that were scheduled to deliver around the same time as me. And everyone was like, no, Amy, you need to take a little more time. I was like, no, you don't get it. I cannot miss these deliveries. I need to be part of that.
00:24:38
Speaker
And the week I got back four cases delivered, which was amazing. It was so wonderful. And I even got to go visit one in person, uh, love on them, hold their baby, bring them a gift.
00:24:52
Speaker
Um, and it was like a full circle moment because I had been, you know, yeah I'd been there, right. I had been that surrogate the week before i was with, I was with my intended parents now parents.
00:25:03
Speaker
bringing them their baby. And I got to go sit with next to one of my surrogates, give her a gift, love on her, hug on her, and then go sweet go meet that sweet mom and hug her and dad and say, this is your baby.
00:25:14
Speaker
Your baby is right here. like I'm so happy to to meet you in person and and get to be here with you and experience it. It was 10 out of 10. 10 out of 10, highly recommend. amazing Oh, I love that. As you kind of just look back on all of your journeys, are there just, what are some moments that maybe just stay closest to you?
00:25:39
Speaker
Okay. So I'll pick one from each journey. um man This one's really silly. Okay. So after my water broke with the first one, um he was only 37 weeks. we weren't even expecting him to come. Like this was a huge, and I never had my water break. So I'm in the room, I'm in my bed and contractions kind of started picking up and and you have like the way I describe them as like just two like best friends, like two dudes that are best friends that just happen to be in love. And then you have my husband who totally vibes with them and John's to my right. And they're both in their chairs and they're looking at the monitor and they're like, Oh, Amy, are you having a contraction right now? Like they were learning what those were at that time. And i was like, yeah, yeah, I'm having a contraction. And then as things started to pick up and they would get worse and I would just kind of have to like
00:26:24
Speaker
you know, do this. um They're like, Oh, Oh, Amy. Oh, that's a big one. Oh, it's so Until eventually I was like, I'm not having fun anymore. Can we get an epitural? So that I think about that. It was hilarious.
00:26:40
Speaker
Um, and then on journey number two, this was really unique. It just so happened that I was induced. He was 40 weeks and three days. This child did not want to come out. So we're cozy yeah, we evicted this dude. So we get in there and it just so happened that one of the daddies, his sister or no, his cousin, you're going to love this.
00:27:03
Speaker
You especially um happened to be one of the performers in Hamilton. lovely huh She sang me a song when I was in labor. From Broadway, like from, I don't remember the song and don't don't hate me for that. I can't remember. It's the one where she sings to Hamilton. um It's like the start of their relationship.
00:27:23
Speaker
I don't, does that bring, you know what I'm talking about? Yes. Okay. It's been so long since I've watched it, but yes, she sang me that song. So that was really cool. i Oh my gosh.
00:27:33
Speaker
That's amazing. It was so cool. So something I never thought would happen. um The last delivery or no, belly buddy number three. So my God, baby. Mm-hmm.
00:27:46
Speaker
He was super easy. The pregnancy was great. He was chill. Everything was good. And I was at home and that's when I kind of called them and I was like, guys, I think I might maybe be in labor. I don't know. I got to the hospital and he was born eight minutes later.
00:27:59
Speaker
Oh, my stars. So he just was ready to come out. So no time for anything. They missed it. I felt, I mean, I felt so bad, but I was able to, you know, we had a plan in place, which was good. So he snuggled with me, but that was pretty memorable that. Yeah.
00:28:13
Speaker
They just, they were like, wow, you you were ready, huh? I'm like, I guess so. Both of these kiddos, they were just ready to meet their parents. yeah This last one was just like a dream. like we're at the anatomy scan and um this is, we I think she had just left. Like the tech had just left and the doctor was coming in. Yeah. And so we were talking and I mentioned Sawyer, my little guy. And we recently found out he's on the spectrum and we just love him and we meet him where he is. And i was just laughing and joking about some of the the silly things that he does that we just, we love and we eat it up and- um One of the dads looked at me and he was like, Amy, I think that if I would have had you as my mom when I was growing up, my childhood would have felt so much safer.
00:29:01
Speaker
And it just like, it was so it was amazing. and And this was right after we had seen their baby on the screen and we were talking to the provider and, or I guess waiting for her to come in to review everything. But I don't know, hearing something like that from him was was so wonderful. And then also hearing your baby is perfectly healthy and This is you know, a dream come true because I didn't know if I was going to get to do it again after the wild delivery with the, first you know, with the last one. um But yeah, those are probably my, I'm trying, I was trying to pull because everything with them was so easy and and they were all great. But this last one, I, I literally like think about it as like the most perfect way to end um my career as a surrogate was, was with them.
00:29:50
Speaker
Yeah, well, I was lucky enough to meet them and they were just so sweet And i mean, just, the foursome of you know you and them and ally would just i mean everything about it was was so sweet i personally think that the cherry on top was the matching pajamas from everybody i forgot about that but yes no it's just it's amazing one of the things that i think is so great is obviously you know john was there too from
00:30:24
Speaker
day one as far as advocating for you and being a part
Family Support and Surrogacy Experience
00:30:26
Speaker
of it. How has just your family experience been like your kiddos and you know hubby as you know you've kind of gone through all of these journeys?
00:30:38
Speaker
a wo So John started out loving surrogacy and the idea of it and then after the ectopic he had a really hard time being on board. John has a wife that is very much now after having that experience all about autonomy. And I was like, I'm doing this, dude, I'm doing this. So you just got to get on board. And he has been so supportive. it It wasn't his favorite though, because I think just that experience really left ah you know, this fear, you know, he his wife had to be put into surgery and wheeled away. And he was like, I think he still sees that.
00:31:11
Speaker
um But now that we've done it and he's experienced it and and then he is the one in every delivery room that is crying because it's so beautiful. And he's like my biggest cheerleader. And then he just holds me. And then we cry together because we get to see them with their baby. And so super great.
00:31:32
Speaker
Brianna, my 17 year old is like, listen, just don't bring them home. Whatever you do. like I love it. Yep. That's yeah. That tends to be the theme of all Soro kids. Yeah.
00:31:43
Speaker
Just don't, yep, just don't pray him. And then Sawyer, it's funny because he just gets really attached to the families. And so whenever we go to Tampa and see them, you know, he could literally just spend all day with them. And um he looks at them like they're cousins, you know, he just, he loves them so much. um he Even though he had never met the couple from before, well, he met the couple, but he'd never met the baby from the other day when we got to visit with them.
00:32:11
Speaker
You'd never know it. they're't They're not strangers. They're just like besties, you know. So for him, it was just like breathing. um My mom has been of the biggest supports. And she was sad this time around because she didn't get to meet the last belly buddy. And she's met all of them. But still just goes the appointments with me when John can't and is there, you know, cheering me on. So I have a really good support system. But nobody even. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt you. No, no, but you do, you do, you have a great support system and that's just so important. And I love
00:32:48
Speaker
I think it's so great whenever our own kiddos get to kind of grow up with this just being the norm. And yeah, these are my cousins or my extended family or my first friends or, you know, whatever it may be. Yeah. And I think you just brought up a really good point too that I think hum is is really cool with my kids is, you know, I don't know what biases people are born with.
00:33:10
Speaker
But my kids don't know that same-sex couples are, you know, sometimes in other areas not looked at well or fondly. They're just couples. They're just married.
00:33:22
Speaker
They love each other. And there's no overthinking it. It's just simple to them. And I think it's because they've gotten to grow up and see families that are created in all kinds of different ways from all walks of life, right? So I love that. And I'm really proud of that because I feel like that's an inherent bias that whether or not and anybody wants to admit it is thrust upon them at a very young age that they just don't have. Yeah. Oh, it's beautiful. And again, it's just so beautiful that all of these different groups are just like you said, an extension of just your own family. Yeah.
00:34:02
Speaker
What would you maybe say to, you know, maybe just some hopeful parents as they are looking to connect and build that relationship with, you know, their surrogate or potential surrogate?
00:34:17
Speaker
I always tell intended parents to to listen to your instincts. I know I said that in the beginning too, and I swear by it. You don't have to push it. It can it can just be. And if you feel an instinct to check on her, then do it.
00:34:33
Speaker
Check on her. um Same thing to the GC, if if you feel like you want to see how they're doing or maybe it's been a minute and you want to reach out, do it. But also it's okay not to force it if it doesn't feel natural right away because it's going to happen, whether it's that first OB appointment where you guys get to be there and listen to that heartbeat for the first time together, um or even if you were able to hear it at that other ultrasound when you were at the clinic. um You know, those can be those connectors. um It can also mean, you know, waiting until you get to the anatomy scan and you get to see the baby and you're like, oh, okay, now I can breathe a little bit because we do often have some moms and dads that they may not be super excited during this journey because, you know, their history isn't like what we had when we built our own family. right and And there's a lot of trauma and and hurt there. So sometimes I'll even find myself you know coaching or chatting with a surrogate and saying, hey, look, I know you are so excited right now. And i love that you're excited. This is why they may not be so happy right now that you know they've seen this before. They've been at this appointment. and they did not walk away with their baby. But you and I can certainly celebrate together and and I can love you and jump in the corner with you and be so excited. But then on the other hand, I can be on the phone with with mom and be like, hey,
00:35:56
Speaker
we we had a heartbeat today. You know, how how are you doing? How's that going? I know this is kind of scary sometimes and can, you know be a little hard, you know, and talking through them and, and letting them, you know, tell me how they're experiencing that and, and, you know going through it. um Allie said it so well one time that you meet everybody where they are.
00:36:16
Speaker
and I suggest the same thing to couples, meet them where they are. Yeah, for sure. Was there anything for you personally as you were building these relationships with all of your, you know, parents, so intended parents, were there certain actions or maybe just communication styles that made the biggest difference for you?
00:36:38
Speaker
Overcommunication, think, is just always the best when it comes to appointments, when it comes to You know, if they are not able to be at them. So the first time I was a surrogate, they got to come to every single appointment. This was before the world shut down. And so they were privy to everything. So our communication was just like, great. You know, how are you feeling? Doing super spectacular. It was what it was. It was perfect. But things got a little trickier when COVID happened. Right.
00:37:07
Speaker
um And so making sure that when I had those appointments, if they were available to be on that phone and FaceTime with me during that appointment, you better believe I added them to that phone. If they weren't able to be on there, I would ask them, hey, are there any questions that you may have for the doctor? um And then afterwards,
00:37:26
Speaker
giving them really good details on what was baby's heart rate? You know, what was, did you know, did you pass the glucose test? Do we have to do this? Do we have to do that? Making sure that they feel like they are every month, every bit the part of that, you know, during the journey. Yeah.
00:37:44
Speaker
No, I think that's so, so great for anyone who's listening and considering surrogacy, but they're still unsure.
00:37:54
Speaker
What would you want to say to them?
Advice for Aspiring Surrogates and Intended Parents
00:37:58
Speaker
i think you do it. You just go for it. um if If your heart is calling to do this and you've given it a lot of thought and it's still really pressing to do it, I think you listen to that and and you go for it. um Every journey is going to be different. And, you know, you're You know, you have to make sure that when when you are on that journey that you are just open-minded and trust the process. And it's going to be a great outcome.
00:38:30
Speaker
Absolutely. It's that seed. Just listen to yeah that little seed. Yeah, for sure. Oh, I love that. Well, Amy, thank you again just so much for kind of overviewing just all of your journeys and experience and just the beauty that it all has been. My last question, and you know it's coming, it's my fun one.
00:38:52
Speaker
But as you know, i never come to a meeting without a cup of coffee in hand. So I always love to ask what has filled your cup today, literally or figuratively, what has been the thing to fill your cup?
00:39:06
Speaker
Oh, gosh. um so it's Christmas time. We're getting to that point. And our elf Chloe has returned. So has she? Yes, so I'm really happy to see her, although she's naughty, so she's probably going to get into mischief very soon. But the joy on Sawyer's face when he saw her back.
00:39:27
Speaker
There's nothing you can't like Christmas joy with children. There's no way to describe it. It's the best. And so I'm so happy. She's here. I love that. And good for you for being an elf family. We were never an elf family. That was not in my wheelhouse.
00:39:42
Speaker
It's, but you know, Chloe forgets. that for you Yeah. She forgets to move a lot. Like she's really silly. she Yeah. got the tree but I love it. I love it. Oh my gosh. Well, Amy, again, thank you so much. This has been amazing. And, um, I just love everything. I've, I've loved all of the things I've loved watching all of your journeys and, um, I'm just, I'm so grateful and, um, for just all of the ways that you spread joy. Thank you. It's so good to talk to you and thank you for even inviting me to, to share my story. Um, I, this it was a, it was a pleasure.