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The FDS Handbook Part 2: The First Dates
65 Plays1 year ago
The queens are back with the second instalment of their deep dive into the FDS Handbook, where they discuss strategies for vetting men during the dating phase stage.
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Transcript
Revisiting Female Dating Strategy Basics
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back to the Female Dating Strategy, the meanest female-only dating podcast on the internet.
00:00:05
Speaker
I am your host, Diana.
00:00:06
Speaker
And I'm Rose.
00:00:08
Speaker
And I'm especially excited today because we are revisiting our Back to the Basics episodes, our series where we review what we have often forgotten to remind ourselves about, which are the tenets of the FDS handbook, Diana.
00:00:24
Speaker
Exactly.
00:00:25
Speaker
And, you know, it's very important that we do go back to the basics, because I find that these days when people ask me for advice, or just when I'm looking at like the forum or looking at these spaces where the few FDS women are that we're looking at gathering at, they all seem to be making the same mistakes that I'm very sure that we've already covered in the handbook.
00:00:43
Speaker
And I think it's quite essential that we go back to this really awesome document, because it covered a lot of ground.
Post-COVID Dating Dynamics
00:00:49
Speaker
And I think that, you know,
00:00:50
Speaker
During COVID, things changed a lot.
00:00:52
Speaker
Like people were dating differently for the first time.
00:00:54
Speaker
People were doing things they wouldn't necessarily do.
00:00:57
Speaker
Like men were trying to convince women to come to house dates and stuff.
00:01:00
Speaker
And like, you know, in the confusion of like our new environment, a lot of people were like basically making concessions where they wouldn't make any concessions before.
00:01:09
Speaker
And now that, you know, we're a few years out of that, I think it's important that we reestablish basics.
00:01:14
Speaker
And like, a lot of people are going to go, you know, we're not discouraging people from going out and dating, but we want you to do it with the best mindset and the best ability to protect yourself so that you don't land into, you know, scrote central and then have to deal with a bunch of bum men that you have to get rid of, you know?
FDS Handbook for Empowerment
00:01:30
Speaker
Right.
00:01:30
Speaker
Like our baseline is not just like avoiding dangerous situations and potential, you know, mortal danger, but also just like avoiding the sort of psychic damage that builds up over time when you end up dealing with these growths.
00:01:45
Speaker
Because you will.
00:01:46
Speaker
I mean, when you're separating the wheat from the chaff, there is so much chaff, okay?
00:01:50
Speaker
Chaff is the majority.
00:01:52
Speaker
Wheat is the minority.
00:01:53
Speaker
But like, it's those sweet, sweet grains of wheat that you're really looking for.
00:01:56
Speaker
And I hope I can extend this analog a little further.
00:01:58
Speaker
Because you are the one, you are the thresher, dear listener.
00:02:02
Speaker
You have to go through this process in order to find somebody who's worthy of your time.
00:02:06
Speaker
And we want to make sure you're avoiding, you know, the perils and pitfalls.
00:02:09
Speaker
Like I said, this psychic energy and the psychic damage that can build up over neglect or disrespect or, you know, just the simple carelessness, the thoughtlessness that so many men will have in the dating market.
00:02:22
Speaker
That's not for you.
00:02:23
Speaker
We're wanting you to avoid that from the jump.
00:02:26
Speaker
And so if you are ever in doubt, please go back and read the FDS handbook.
Cultural Behaviors and Shared Advice
00:02:30
Speaker
It's something I was just saying this to Diana in our pre-talk.
00:02:32
Speaker
I was like, you know, every time I sit down to read it, I'm like, I'm going to sit down and review it and brush up on things.
00:02:38
Speaker
And I think I'm going to sit through and read it like a book or like a novel, but I can't.
00:02:42
Speaker
As soon as I start reading it, it's like, there are so many truth bombs from page to page.
00:02:47
Speaker
There are so many nuggets of wisdom.
00:02:49
Speaker
I mean, honestly, this compilation, this was a gift from the goddesses because there is everything that you could possibly ever think of.
00:02:56
Speaker
And even what you couldn't think of in this handbook, as far as what to consider when dating and when looking for commitment.
00:03:02
Speaker
And so this is a resource that we so often overlook, or we just forget, we neglect to remember, right?
00:03:08
Speaker
that this is something that's been put together for us, for our betterment and for our safety and for our happiness.
00:03:12
Speaker
And so please, please remember that this is something that's for all of us and never hesitate to turn towards it.
00:03:18
Speaker
If you've got questions or like you're looking for something specifically.
00:03:22
Speaker
Yeah, and this was like, you know, we compiled this with groups of women who agreed to the fact that this was something that worked for them and that this was their experience.
00:03:30
Speaker
Like one of the good things about FDS was realizing that our experiences are actually very universal and like you're not alone in the kinds of things you've experienced.
00:03:38
Speaker
Like scroteness is the same.
00:03:40
Speaker
Like scotology, scotatiousness.
00:03:43
Speaker
Scotacity.
00:03:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:45
Speaker
Scrotacity, you know, is all the same.
00:03:48
Speaker
It doesn't matter.
00:03:49
Speaker
It transcends cultures and generations.
Increased Visibility of FDS
00:03:53
Speaker
It doesn't matter what race or religion you date, like the scrote flavor may change, but the scroteness tastes the same.
00:03:58
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:04:00
Speaker
It's universal.
00:04:01
Speaker
It's a universal scroteness.
00:04:03
Speaker
Exactly.
00:04:03
Speaker
And so it's very important that, you know, heed this advice, but also we want to bring the strategy back to female dating strategy and
00:04:12
Speaker
We want to give you solid advice that you can use as you navigate dating now.
00:04:17
Speaker
Because, you know, we recognize that a lot of the popularity of the form, you know, it happened also because of COVID, because everybody was at home for once and everybody could actually access this information, which was a boon for FDS in terms of like, we were finally being visible to a lot of women who probably wouldn't have seen it ever before.
00:04:34
Speaker
Like I certainly wasn't as active on Reddit pre-COVID.
00:04:37
Speaker
And during COVID, I just had more free time to do it.
00:04:39
Speaker
And I probably wouldn't have found FDS in
00:04:41
Speaker
If it wasn't that time period, you know, because I wasn't actively looking for
Strategic Dating Approach
00:04:45
Speaker
a resource like this.
00:04:45
Speaker
And then it just fell into my lap.
00:04:47
Speaker
And I got very lucky with the fact that there was this resource that was helping me make better decisions.
00:04:51
Speaker
And so we want you to be able to make better decisions.
00:04:53
Speaker
But we also want to bring the strategy back so that you are able to best use these practices to secure a much better partner.
00:05:00
Speaker
then you would probably do it just going in blind.
00:05:02
Speaker
This is something that Diana and I were talking about when we first got selected to become the new hosts, which I'm still reveling in, Diana.
00:05:10
Speaker
This was something where we discussed, you were like, I really want us to bring back the strategy of things.
00:05:15
Speaker
Because it's very easy to look at things through a political, a sociological, a cultural lens.
00:05:20
Speaker
And I like to think we do that as well.
00:05:22
Speaker
But that also can get us a little far afield in the weeds.
00:05:26
Speaker
Oh my gosh, I feel like I'm really doing that.
00:05:28
Speaker
You know what, it's fall.
00:05:29
Speaker
And so the country girl in me is really coming to the fore.
00:05:32
Speaker
So I hope you don't mind.
00:05:33
Speaker
I mean, really, it's very easy to get afield when talking about gender politics to get afield from the fact that this is about females dating.
00:05:42
Speaker
And the strategies that we need to employ when dating and mating.
00:05:46
Speaker
And so when you brought that up, when we first
Positive Outlook in Dating
00:05:48
Speaker
started talking, I was like, you know what, you're absolutely right.
00:05:51
Speaker
That's why I came to this website, like the subreddit, like you say, actually, I had never even been on Reddit before locked out.
00:05:58
Speaker
I didn't even know it existed.
00:06:00
Speaker
And then I was home and I think where did I find out about it?
00:06:03
Speaker
I think I just heard Reddit, Reddit, Reddit enough times that I went to look for it because all the time I had at home under lockdown.
00:06:10
Speaker
And like you say, FTS fell into my lap because once I started going onto Reddit, of course, I was drawn to any sort of female-only forums.
00:06:17
Speaker
Like I think I'd mentioned before, pink-pilled, black-pilled,
00:06:21
Speaker
There were so many female only subreddits that ended up getting brigaded and shut down.
00:06:25
Speaker
But so many of them were like, listen, all these women coming and being like, this guy sucks.
00:06:30
Speaker
My boyfriend's doing this.
00:06:32
Speaker
Why is my husband doing that?
00:06:33
Speaker
And they were like, you need to go to FTS.
00:06:35
Speaker
And I was like, what is this FTS?
00:06:36
Speaker
So that's how I stumbled across it.
00:06:38
Speaker
And I feel like the luckiest person in the world, because honestly, I needed to be schooled.
00:06:43
Speaker
Like I was really woefully naive and ignorant.
00:06:46
Speaker
And I would even say a little too Pollyannish, Diana.
00:06:49
Speaker
I just wanted to believe the best of everybody.
00:06:52
Speaker
And I think it's a notable achievement in my adulthood that like, I haven't become very cynical or like everybody sucks.
00:06:59
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:06:59
Speaker
Like, I think with time, it's really easy to just become a sort of cynic and, you
00:07:04
Speaker
sort of somebody who is, you know, dismayed and distrusting.
00:07:08
Speaker
And I'm not saying that I don't have my moments, but all in all, I think the best of humanity as a general rule.
00:07:14
Speaker
However, I've
Personal Stories of Empowerment
00:07:15
Speaker
come to realize that dating males, heterosexual males, specifically looking for women as resources are an extreme danger.
00:07:23
Speaker
They are often camouflaged
00:07:25
Speaker
as, you know, a sheep, when it's really a wolf in sheep's clothing, because they teach themselves, they pass us around all the cheat codes that they need in order to convince us women to give them what they want.
00:07:39
Speaker
Exactly.
00:07:40
Speaker
And you know, I feel I was very similar to you in that when I found FDS, to be honest, like most of my dating life prior to FDS, I really did take men at their word because I wasn't accustomed to men not living up to their word.
00:07:54
Speaker
So when I went out into the real world, that was, you know, men who were not from my family and not men who I'd grown up with who were like decent human beings.
00:08:03
Speaker
I was very taken aback by how willing they were to lie to get what they wanted, because I really take people at their word.
00:08:09
Speaker
I have no reason to believe that this person wants to screw me over just because.
00:08:13
Speaker
you know, what they're saying doesn't align with their actions.
00:08:15
Speaker
And so I would give the benefit of the doubt to men where they hadn't earned it.
00:08:19
Speaker
And then I would end up being played because I was very, you know, gullible and I believed what they said and I didn't have any reason to not believe what they said, you know?
00:08:27
Speaker
And so when I ended up on FDS and I was listening to like what other women had been through,
00:08:32
Speaker
listening to the podcast, reading the forum.
00:08:35
Speaker
It was really a weird kind of emotional release because I had become really cynical by the point that I had gotten to FDS.
00:08:41
Speaker
And when I read what other women had been through, and I realized that I wasn't the only one, honestly, I felt like I was crying about it because I was like, oh my God, I found these sisters
Emotional and Safety Focus
00:08:49
Speaker
who
00:08:49
Speaker
have been through the exact same thing that I have.
00:08:52
Speaker
And I'm not fucking crazy.
00:08:53
Speaker
And there isn't something wrong with me.
00:08:55
Speaker
And it's not something I did specifically that warranted mistreatment.
00:08:59
Speaker
I was just very trusting and I had a very good heart.
00:09:02
Speaker
And that good heart was taken advantage of by people who didn't have the best intentions for me.
00:09:08
Speaker
And I think that since then, you know, obviously, I'm a lot less naive now, I would say that that that girl is dead.
00:09:14
Speaker
You know, I'm very different now.
00:09:16
Speaker
Rest in peace, little darling.
00:09:17
Speaker
Yeah, rest in peace.
00:09:19
Speaker
But you know, I feel like I am who I am now to protect that person.
00:09:23
Speaker
Because at the end of the day, you know, I think in order for women to feel safe, you have to be ruthless.
00:09:27
Speaker
In order to feel that like, you know, to be in that energy of like, I feel comfortable, I feel safe, I feel happy.
00:09:33
Speaker
Yeah, safety comes with a sacrifice and effort and it comes with hard work.
00:09:37
Speaker
If you're very lucky, if you were born into a society that is completely safe, completely secure, and you can trust everything that everyone says around you and everyone is true to their word and everybody is helpful.
00:09:47
Speaker
And, you know, that's very nice.
00:09:49
Speaker
And you're very lucky if that happens.
00:09:51
Speaker
But if you're a woman in the world, it's very unlikely that you don't have the wool pulled over your eyes at some point.
00:09:57
Speaker
Because the society we live in is used to manipulating you to get what they want.
00:10:01
Speaker
And they expect that you stay innocent and pure or whatever through this abuse, essentially.
00:10:06
Speaker
And so you have to, you know, get the blinders off and start seeing reality for what it is.
00:10:12
Speaker
And, you know, get a little tough.
00:10:13
Speaker
And this is boot camp, really, you know, this is emotional boot camp.
00:10:17
Speaker
This is for you to understand that, like, you are not at fault for people mistreating you.
00:10:21
Speaker
I just have to keep repeating that to people all the time.
00:10:23
Speaker
How other people treat you is a reflection of them, not a few.
00:10:26
Speaker
But what you can do to protect yourself, you absolutely should.
00:10:30
Speaker
Because it is going to only advance what you want from your life and it is only going to keep you in the company of better people.
00:10:35
Speaker
Spending too much time with shitty people is going to erode your sense of the world and is going to convince you that everybody out there is a piece of shit.
00:10:42
Speaker
And that's only because you spend way too much time with the wrong people.
00:10:45
Speaker
The less time you spend with the time with wrong people, the more time you have to spend with the people who are correct for you.
00:10:50
Speaker
And so that's part of the strategy is, yes, we can sit here and complain about how nasty and terrible men are all the time.
00:10:56
Speaker
And they are.
00:10:57
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:10:57
Speaker
Like, we don't need a billboard to announce that.
00:10:59
Speaker
Like, you just have to walk outside and you know, right?
00:11:02
Speaker
But I think that it's pointless to just release this constant bellyaching about men without also acknowledging that we do have some responsibility in the lives that we lead and that we can take some accountability somewhere and improve our circumstances by not allowing people to take advantage of us and treat us poorly.
00:11:20
Speaker
We have a right to turn people away and say, you know what, I deserve better and I don't want to be treated like, you know, I'm the dirt under your shoe.
00:11:27
Speaker
And I don't deserve that.
00:11:28
Speaker
And I get to walk away from that.
00:11:29
Speaker
There's a lot of power in doing that.
00:11:31
Speaker
There's a lot of power in being able to say, hey, you know what, I refuse to be mistreated.
00:11:37
Speaker
I think that's what I like best about FDS is it was like, you have all the power.
00:11:41
Speaker
You are the one who makes all of the decisions.
00:11:44
Speaker
And ultimately, there is so much more you can be doing to protect yourself and
00:11:48
Speaker
And to prevail in the life that you want, that you desire for yourself.
00:11:52
Speaker
As far as being ruthless, that's what really, really took me the longest time to wrap my head around Diana.
00:11:57
Speaker
Again, it was this sort of Pollyanna, very Catholic, very conservative and parochial upbringing that I had where it was like, ruthless is no, that's for like evil people.
00:12:06
Speaker
No, Rose, honestly, like that was naivete speaking.
00:12:10
Speaker
And like you say, you know, we are doing all this now to protect that sort of tender heart that we've had to not just bury, but simply to keep away from the playing field so that we can keep it tender and loving for those who truly deserve it.
Understanding Male Psychology
00:12:25
Speaker
And so this is why I love the handbook.
00:12:27
Speaker
And this is why I think it's necessary that we all go over it.
00:12:29
Speaker
And I'm really happy we're doing this sort of back to basics, this emotional boot camp, as Diana called it.
00:12:35
Speaker
And so, you know, why spend all of our time lambasting and lamenting men's behavior?
00:12:41
Speaker
It is what it is.
00:12:42
Speaker
We know it.
00:12:43
Speaker
We've been able to identify it for a long time.
00:12:46
Speaker
But what do we do about it?
00:12:47
Speaker
You know, and how do we curate our own lives so that we are least discomforted by it and made most advantageous?
00:12:55
Speaker
And this is why I love the female dating strategy.
00:12:58
Speaker
It is about women's betterment.
00:13:00
Speaker
It's about women's maximal.
00:13:01
Speaker
What do we call it again, Diana?
00:13:03
Speaker
Maximizing female benefit.
00:13:05
Speaker
maximizing female benefit because you know what the whole fucking world benefits when you benefit as long as you're not coming at it from like an evil queen perspective which you know what honestly the evil queens i got no beef with you as long as you have no beef with me but if you're just like a regular degular shmegular girly out there trying to find you know a little bit of happiness a little slice of family glory then this is for you so let's get into it diana
00:13:32
Speaker
Yes, let's get into it.
00:13:33
Speaker
So the first thing that we want to go over is before you strategize and apply strategies, you need to know what your target is capable of.
00:13:41
Speaker
And that means you need to understand male psychology.
00:13:44
Speaker
You need to understand what men seek in partnership and how they approach you when they meet you.
00:13:50
Speaker
And so the first part of it is really understanding how men view monogamy and mate guarding.
00:13:55
Speaker
And also just like, you know, in general, I think a lot of women know this, even if they don't want to admit it, but men tend to marry who they think will benefit them the most socially.
00:14:04
Speaker
This is why so many men are able to marry women that they hate, like they hate them.
00:14:08
Speaker
because she serves a purpose in his life to make him look good to other people.
00:14:13
Speaker
My friend just recently started Mad Men and we were discussing, you know, the dichotomy of Jon Hamm's character, Don Draper, and how like who he chooses to have his affairs with are radically different from who he chooses to make his wife.
00:14:25
Speaker
His wife is the typical Stepford
00:14:27
Speaker
blonde, really skinny, beautiful, former model, you know, January Jones type.
00:14:33
Speaker
And her job is to remain quiet and subservient and play the role of like the doting wife to the T, right?
00:14:40
Speaker
But that's not who he's attracted to.
00:14:42
Speaker
Who he's attracted to are these girl boss like brunettes, right?
00:14:46
Speaker
He's attracted to like the complete opposite of her.
00:14:48
Speaker
Because he realizes that for him, in order to maintain his image, because again, he comes from poverty, right?
00:14:53
Speaker
He doesn't want people to find out where he really comes from.
00:14:56
Speaker
So in order to maintain the facade that he's keeping up, he has to marry someone who is going to help level up that facade.
00:15:04
Speaker
He needs this woman to elevate him.
00:15:06
Speaker
So understand that your position in this is that you are an asset to them always.
00:15:11
Speaker
And you need to understand that and not feel like this person is the most important thing to you.
00:15:16
Speaker
I think a lot of women approach marriage with like, oh, he's the best thing that ever happened to me.
00:15:19
Speaker
Actually, most of the
Marriage and Status Symbols
00:15:21
Speaker
time, you are the best thing that ever happened to him.
00:15:23
Speaker
That's right.
00:15:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:15:24
Speaker
And the sooner you understand that that is the level, the playing field that you're operating in is that you're the prize.
00:15:29
Speaker
You are the person that he has to attract.
00:15:31
Speaker
You are the person that is actually going to improve his life in intangible ways, in ways you don't even know.
00:15:36
Speaker
He selected you for a reason.
00:15:38
Speaker
You have to set the playing field in such a way that it benefits you the most because marriage as a whole is never going to benefit you.
00:15:45
Speaker
So you have to make sure that you really evaluate this person by their capacity to be able to provide more than just, you know, a pretty face and some cash.
00:15:53
Speaker
He has to really, really pour into your life in some way.
00:15:56
Speaker
And so I thought we could go a little bit into what the handbook says about the monogamy aspect of it.
00:16:02
Speaker
But, you know, this is why we say, like, don't be too flattered by male attention and, you know, their energy, because honestly, they sleep with anything.
00:16:09
Speaker
So, you know what I mean?
00:16:10
Speaker
Like, these are guys who have, like, they had, like, four movies about fucking pie.
00:16:13
Speaker
So, you know, just...
00:16:15
Speaker
Take it with a grain of salt.
00:16:16
Speaker
It was a whole series, ladies.
00:16:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:18
Speaker
It was a whole series.
00:16:20
Speaker
There's a whole franchise.
00:16:21
Speaker
This is something I think that bears repeating.
00:16:23
Speaker
I'm really glad you bring this up.
00:16:24
Speaker
Like the Mad Men is an excellent example.
00:16:26
Speaker
But you know, just like women love, well, not all women, but many women will covet a handbag as a status symbol.
00:16:35
Speaker
You know, they want the quilted Chanel handbag, or they want the Gucci belt.
00:16:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:40
Speaker
Or like a mini Kelly or Birkin or something.
00:16:43
Speaker
Right.
00:16:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:44
Speaker
They want like a little, they want a mini Birkin or whatever.
00:16:47
Speaker
And that to them is to signal their social status, right.
00:16:51
Speaker
And their financial class.
00:16:52
Speaker
And that is a real prize for many women.
00:16:55
Speaker
It's something that they prize, they plan on handing it down to their daughters, you know, or like having it as an emergency reserve of cash.
00:17:02
Speaker
If ever it comes to that, like instead of diamonds, a lot of women look at handbakes, which is true because honestly handbakes, the resale value is really good.
00:17:10
Speaker
So it's really savvy in many regards.
00:17:12
Speaker
But that is how a lot of men think about women.
Monogamy Myths and Dynamics
00:17:16
Speaker
You're a status symbol.
00:17:17
Speaker
Just like women wear a purse on their arm, men will wear women on their arm.
00:17:22
Speaker
That is their signal to the world about like how virile they are, how successful they are, what kind of game they run that they have such a woman on their arm.
00:17:32
Speaker
I mean, I'm thinking about my awful, terrible brother, who was like the biggest man whore, very handsome, and especially in his younger days.
00:17:40
Speaker
And he was just such a huge man whore.
00:17:41
Speaker
Like he would tell me all of his exploits.
00:17:43
Speaker
He would brag.
00:17:44
Speaker
He would laugh.
00:17:45
Speaker
And then in his 30s, he ended up marrying a woman who was a virgin.
00:17:51
Speaker
And that's the only kind of woman he would accept for his wife because the Madonna and the whore, you know, and that's how so many of these men are looking at women.
00:17:59
Speaker
And I think it's so hard.
00:18:01
Speaker
It was very hard for me to understand, like Diana said, that, you know, you can't always take men at their word because God forbid you actually understand how valuable you are to them.
00:18:10
Speaker
Exactly.
00:18:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:18:12
Speaker
And like, this is the other thing that, you know, in our episode with Dr. Ashni Dhabli, we were talking about mate guarding in the animal kingdom.
00:18:18
Speaker
And she was talking about how amongst primates, there's all sorts of ways that these monkeys bond with each other, right?
00:18:24
Speaker
Like there's everything from tolerant to hostile to like, there's polyandry, like there's, you know, one, like multiple females for a male, multiple males for one female, like
00:18:34
Speaker
This idea that women are naturally monogamous is actually
Mate Guarding Tactics
00:18:37
Speaker
very false.
00:18:37
Speaker
And this is one of the first things that was mentioned in the handbook.
00:18:40
Speaker
It says, growing up, many of us were taught that women were hardwired for monogamy, but that men are hardwired to want as many partners and as such are entitled and prone to infidelity.
00:18:49
Speaker
It turns out this conventional assumption was based on a faulty scientific study, which is debunked in this article, when are women most likely to be promiscuous?
00:18:55
Speaker
We will probably put that article up in the show notes later on.
00:18:59
Speaker
But
00:18:59
Speaker
Basically, it says that it's unlikely that women are hardwired for monogamy, which we already know by observing primates, right?
00:19:05
Speaker
Because if you look at most primates, if you look at bonobos and stuff, they have sex with as many male counterparts as possible to basically hide paternity.
00:19:13
Speaker
That way, they can extract the most resources from all the males without any of the males knowing whose kids are whose.
00:19:19
Speaker
And it's very intentional.
00:19:20
Speaker
Which means the males are less likely to kill the babies.
00:19:23
Speaker
Exactly.
00:19:24
Speaker
Exactly.
00:19:24
Speaker
That is why they do that, okay?
00:19:26
Speaker
Less likely to kill the baby and more likely to provide resources.
00:19:29
Speaker
Now she's getting resources from five to six different males because she needs that resource, right?
00:19:34
Speaker
Yes, absolutely right.
00:19:35
Speaker
And you know what?
00:19:36
Speaker
It goes on to say, and I think this is really important.
00:19:39
Speaker
It goes on to say, quote, since the females are not naturally monogamous, the males must constantly physically mate guard the females to prohibit them from having sex with rival males.
00:19:50
Speaker
The females are as monogamous as the males can force them to be.
00:19:55
Speaker
You know, I want to bring up like, just because this is reminding me of like, I was just talking in the pre talk to Rose about a very scrotie friend that I used to have that I'm like, basically cutting off now, because I'm just like, so tired of him.
00:20:07
Speaker
But it was so interesting in that, like, when we were younger, he had no interest in me physically did not want to date me nothing, right?
00:20:15
Speaker
Just wanted to stay my friend.
00:20:16
Speaker
Because again, I was performing emotional labor for him.
00:20:18
Speaker
I was like his pseudo therapist.
00:20:19
Speaker
And like,
00:20:20
Speaker
You know, he basically got all the benefits of like a girlfriend without actually having to date
Time-Wasting Behaviors
00:20:24
Speaker
me.
00:20:24
Speaker
So he was like, why even bother?
00:20:25
Speaker
Right.
00:20:26
Speaker
But when we used to go out, I used to get a lot of male attention.
00:20:29
Speaker
And he used to physically like position himself in such a way to prevent men from approaching me because then men would think that I'm in a relationship with him.
00:20:36
Speaker
So where he wasn't touchy feely before he'd suddenly be very touchy feely, or he'd be like sitting really close to me and talking really close to me.
00:20:42
Speaker
I'd be like really weirded out by it because I'm like, what the fuck are you doing?
00:20:45
Speaker
And I realized eventually that he was doing this as a way to prevent other men from coming and talking to me because then he'd just be left alone.
00:20:51
Speaker
So he gave other men the impression that we were together so that other men wouldn't come and approach me.
00:20:56
Speaker
So men do this with wasting your time, even if they're not that serious about you, even if they have no intention to date you, even if they don't want you at all.
00:21:02
Speaker
The thought that you could be somebody else's and not the sole focus, like, you know, the captive audience to their monologues is so annoying to them, like is so distracting for them.
00:21:11
Speaker
It's like, oh, no, I need this woman to pay attention to me 100%, even though I don't want her.
00:21:15
Speaker
Don't want to date her.
00:21:16
Speaker
Don't want to marry her.
00:21:17
Speaker
Don't want any of her time.
00:21:18
Speaker
Don't want to sleep with her.
00:21:18
Speaker
Nothing.
00:21:19
Speaker
I just want a monologue of this woman because she's a captive audience and because she's going to give me all this emotional therapy for free.
00:21:25
Speaker
And so I'm going to give the impression to other men that I'm in a relationship with this person just by my physical behavior so that they don't ever approach her.
00:21:33
Speaker
And so that I look to other men as somebody who's a successful male because I have this woman on my arm.
00:21:38
Speaker
Exactly.
00:21:39
Speaker
Exactly.
00:21:40
Speaker
Because it makes him look good too, right?
00:21:41
Speaker
And then the second he would go to the bathroom or something, like the men would come up to me and be like, hey, just wanted a chef, but is that guy your boyfriend?
00:21:46
Speaker
And I was like, no.
00:21:48
Speaker
I remember one time, God, it was so funny.
00:21:49
Speaker
I was in Korea and I was just like out in Busan, like sitting and drinking.
00:21:52
Speaker
And it was with him and like another female friend of mine.
00:21:55
Speaker
And this random guy who was drunk, just like sat in front of me, turns to him and he was like, are you the boyfriend?
00:22:00
Speaker
And he's like, no.
00:22:01
Speaker
And he's like, oh, great.
00:22:02
Speaker
Okay.
00:22:02
Speaker
And then he continued talking to me.
00:22:05
Speaker
I still laugh when I think about that because he was like, it's so funny because he didn't even see him as a threat.
00:22:10
Speaker
That was even funnier.
00:22:11
Speaker
But yes, he was like, I correctly identify you as a non-competitor.
00:22:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:22:19
Speaker
But again, like they will waste your time with this, even if they're not that interested in you, because they understand how other men think, whether they want to admit it or
Patriarchal Norms and Misconceptions
00:22:25
Speaker
not.
00:22:25
Speaker
Like he knew that other men would see him, like, you know, see us together and assume that we are possibly in a partnership or that, you know, he's dating me or whatever.
00:22:33
Speaker
And so he conducted himself in a way that prevented other men from approaching me, which really annoyed me.
00:22:38
Speaker
And I had to sit him down and tell him that really annoyed me and bugged me.
00:22:41
Speaker
And like, but he plays so dumb about it.
00:22:43
Speaker
And now in hindsight, I'm looking back at this and being like, oh my God, like,
00:22:47
Speaker
It's the fact that he doesn't want me, but he doesn't want anyone else to have me either.
00:22:51
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:22:52
Speaker
This is something that it goes on to note just further down the page, if I may quote again, Diana, quote, pervasive patriarchy and misogyny lessen the burden of male-made competition.
00:23:02
Speaker
Why?
00:23:02
Speaker
Because it's easier to bully a woman into submission and cripple her ability to be independent of men in society than it is to fight off competing males.
00:23:13
Speaker
Enforcing monogamy and dependence in females is
00:23:16
Speaker
So instead of having us recognize our natural competitors and or antagonists,
00:23:27
Speaker
The males, it has us turn our energy towards our wonderful sisters and look at them as like, you ever hear about this issue with like girls being so catty and fighting over men?
00:23:37
Speaker
It's because they've convinced us that men are the prize and it's a zero sum game and women are the enemy in winning the game.
00:23:46
Speaker
Instead of the reality being that like, if you just simply look at men as, you know, an endless resource, which they are, there's always going to be a man who's interested in being in your life.
00:23:56
Speaker
Like Diana said, not even necessarily sexually or romantically.
00:23:59
Speaker
They just want any woman in their life in any way that they can get her.
00:24:04
Speaker
And so understanding that really helps you, I think, take the blinders off when it comes to what men are doing.
00:24:11
Speaker
Like, for example, if you're dating some guy and it's two or three months and he's like so eager to become boyfriend, girlfriend, monogamous with you.
00:24:18
Speaker
Well, that's to his advantage, of course.
00:24:21
Speaker
It's much harder for him to find a woman to be his sole partner than it is for you to find a man.
00:24:27
Speaker
So he's going to want to lock that down.
00:24:29
Speaker
Like they always say that men want to lock it down as quickly as they can so that they're not out there competing with other men who they know are much more rigorous competition than one woman who feels like she's won the prize.
Pre-Date Interviews
00:24:41
Speaker
And this goes back to like, you know, this is why we advocate for cultivating some level of exclusivity and mystery.
00:24:47
Speaker
Because at the end of the day, you know, men also are taught to value what other men want.
00:24:51
Speaker
If you are very available to men and you're always free and always down to hang out and always down to go to his place and do all the shit that he wants to do, he's just going to think
00:25:00
Speaker
this girl has nothing else to do except me.
00:25:03
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:25:03
Speaker
She has no other time.
00:25:04
Speaker
She has no other commitments.
00:25:06
Speaker
And he's going to automatically value you less because there's nothing competing for his time and energy.
00:25:11
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:25:12
Speaker
He knows that if he calls you, you're just going to show up.
00:25:13
Speaker
You're worse than dominoes.
00:25:15
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:25:16
Speaker
You're there.
00:25:18
Speaker
You're there and not even in half an hour.
00:25:20
Speaker
You do not want to be the dominoes of women.
00:25:22
Speaker
Trust me.
00:25:24
Speaker
Do not be the tough.
00:25:25
Speaker
I wouldn't have loved it if we'd entitled this chapter.
00:25:28
Speaker
Do not be the dominoes of women.
00:25:31
Speaker
This is all the stuff that we need to put on t-shirts and sell as merch.
00:25:34
Speaker
You know, do not be the dominoes of women.
00:25:37
Speaker
Yes, Diana.
00:25:38
Speaker
We've got to talk to Savannah because I think we've already come up with at least three or four t-shirt ideas.
00:25:43
Speaker
Okay.
00:25:45
Speaker
Do not be the dominoes of women.
00:25:46
Speaker
Do not be the dominoes of women.
00:25:48
Speaker
And like my number one is favorite of yours is I support women's rights and I support women's rights.
00:25:53
Speaker
That's my all-time favorite.
00:25:55
Speaker
Oh, no, the other favorite.
00:25:56
Speaker
If he's going to shenan once, he's going to shenan again.
00:26:01
Speaker
Damn his shenanning.
00:26:03
Speaker
Okay.
00:26:04
Speaker
But so that's what we wanted to lead off this Back to Basics primer with, was like really understanding the psychology behind males and their mating instincts.
00:26:14
Speaker
Okay, this isn't just among the human population.
00:26:17
Speaker
This is among the primate species writ large.
00:26:20
Speaker
This is written into our evolutionary biology.
00:26:22
Speaker
That's a one-off.
00:26:24
Speaker
This is something that is primal to all of us.
00:26:26
Speaker
And so understanding that I think really gives you a leg up when it comes to really understanding what you're dealing with when you're on the dating market.
00:26:34
Speaker
So that was number one.
00:26:36
Speaker
Then it goes into before you even go on a date, what do you do first, Diana?
00:26:42
Speaker
The pre-date interview.
00:26:43
Speaker
You know, I get a lot of pushback from women that I meet, like that I try to like slowly expose FDS concepts to like very covertly in that like, oh, it's so much more convenient to just do these coffee and walk dates because there's no commitment.
00:26:57
Speaker
And if I hate it, I can just leave.
00:26:59
Speaker
I just want to stress that even if you were to go to a dinner with a person, you can just leave.
00:27:03
Speaker
Like, I mean, there's no law.
00:27:04
Speaker
As far as I know, like the president didn't write something into legislation that said thou as a woman shall not leave before the hour is up or something.
00:27:11
Speaker
You can go whenever the hell you want, girl.
00:27:13
Speaker
Like, you know, what is he going to do?
00:27:15
Speaker
I mean, if he was going to kill you and he was going to like be violent towards you, you really think he wouldn't do that on a walk date or a coffee date either.
00:27:21
Speaker
Like if he's crazy, he's going to be crazy.
00:27:23
Speaker
Like the setting doesn't matter.
00:27:24
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:27:25
Speaker
So like the way that I presented this is that, you know, when you go on a walk date or a coffee date, you're still investing time and to a certain extent, maybe sometimes money into this dynamic with him because you still get ready
High Investment and Economic Solidarity
00:27:37
Speaker
and you still go.
00:27:37
Speaker
I mean, if you're going to go on a walk date, for example, you have to wear some like good running shoes and like go out and walk with him or whatever, you know, to the end of the earth or whatever the fuck you're going to do with him.
00:27:46
Speaker
And you're going to not enjoy yourself anyway.
00:27:47
Speaker
But that's besides the point.
00:27:49
Speaker
You're still going to waste half an hour at this guy finding information that you probably could have just found out from a pre-date interview.
00:27:54
Speaker
And the reason why I like the pre-date interview so much is because sometimes men just don't sound sexy.
00:27:59
Speaker
I'm not going to lie.
00:27:59
Speaker
I'm going to be straight up shallow about this.
00:28:01
Speaker
Sometimes when I've heard a man speak on the phone or like been on a video chat with him, something about him is so repulsive.
00:28:07
Speaker
his entire demeanor is such an ick for me.
00:28:09
Speaker
Like the way he sounds, the way he talks about himself, like it's just such an ick that I just don't have any urge to go on the date.
00:28:14
Speaker
Like I have canceled many a man just purely on the pre-date interview where I interviewed them for like 20 minutes and I asked them questions that are relevant, you know, like their career, maybe about their family a little bit, you know, like what we're going to do, et cetera.
00:28:26
Speaker
I mean, this is the reason why we have pre interviews before we get jobs, right?
00:28:29
Speaker
We have an interview online or something because this person is determining whether it's worth it to call you in for a second or third interview.
00:28:34
Speaker
Like they're trying to weed out the people who they know for a fact are not a fit.
00:28:39
Speaker
And sometimes, you know, you might match the guy who you're like, oh, he's really, really cute on the app.
00:28:43
Speaker
And I'm going to go on a date with him.
00:28:44
Speaker
And then you get on the date, you're like something about him is so gross, like maybe he stinks.
00:28:48
Speaker
Maybe he just has like this really annoying voice.
00:28:51
Speaker
Maybe he said that, you know, he had a head full of hair.
00:28:53
Speaker
And like, when you see him in person, he has no hair.
00:28:55
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:28:57
Speaker
These things happen.
00:28:58
Speaker
Like men catfish too.
00:28:59
Speaker
Men catfish way more than women do.
00:29:01
Speaker
Way more than we do.
00:29:03
Speaker
And here's the thing too, like, cause back in the day when I was young and naive and I thought, yeah, let's just go on a coffee date, you know, like something really minor and easy.
00:29:10
Speaker
Like these are men who didn't even want to buy me coffee because that's the whole point.
00:29:13
Speaker
They are not interested in investing in youth.
00:29:15
Speaker
To them, it's a numbers game.
00:29:16
Speaker
They're just trying to, you know,
00:29:17
Speaker
throw the dart and hit like one out of 100.
00:29:20
Speaker
You know, whereas many women are going on these dates with like the hope, like, maybe this is going to be the one.
00:29:26
Speaker
Maybe I'm finally going to find my Prince Charming, you know, and so like, you bathe yourself, you groom yourself, you do your hair, you pick out your outfit, like, it would take me two or three hours total.
00:29:36
Speaker
And that was if I didn't have to get on a bus or take a taxi to go to the coffee date.
00:29:40
Speaker
Right?
00:29:41
Speaker
So we're talking about a half day.
00:29:42
Speaker
If you look at like, let's say you charged by the hour according to what you get paid at work.
00:29:46
Speaker
Let's say you're getting paid, I don't know, $100 an hour.
00:29:49
Speaker
If you spend three or four hours just on a coffee date, that's three to $400 that you could have earned working.
00:29:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:56
Speaker
Also, I just wanted to bring up with these coffee dates, right?
00:29:58
Speaker
Like you want to start a man off with the correct amount of investment.
00:30:03
Speaker
If he is a person who is not investing in you from the jump, this idea that from low effort investment to extremely high like investment, like that's the thing that's going to happen is very laughable.
00:30:13
Speaker
If he's coming at you with the energy of like, I really don't give a shit about this woman.
00:30:17
Speaker
And like, essentially what you're doing by coffee dates and walk dates is subsidizing the cost of dating for him.
00:30:22
Speaker
Because if you cost nothing, he saved like 300 bucks that he can use to date three other women with who have low standards, who are going to expect him to split like, I don't know, 50-50 on a Chick-fil-A sandwich and call it a day.
00:30:34
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:30:35
Speaker
Because at the end of the day, you're subsidizing the cost for him.
00:30:37
Speaker
You have to be expensive.
00:30:39
Speaker
You know, I call it economic solidarity with your sisters, because if you're spending his money, he has no time to spend money on anybody else.
00:30:45
Speaker
You can never be a man's piece.
00:30:46
Speaker
You must be his chaos.
00:30:47
Speaker
You know, I intend on draining his bank balance before I drain his balls.
00:30:51
Speaker
That's my philosophy.
00:30:53
Speaker
Put that on a t-shirt, Diana.
00:30:56
Speaker
I'm going to drain your bank account before I drain your balls, boy.
00:31:00
Speaker
I feel like only the listeners who are signed up for bonus content should have access to that t-shirt.
00:31:07
Speaker
Exactly.
00:31:08
Speaker
I mean, because at the end of the day, this is what I try to explain.
Red Flags and High Standards
00:31:10
Speaker
Even with this grody guy that I was friends with, I told him, I was like, the reason you like 50-50 with these women is because they're making it cheaper for you to date them.
00:31:17
Speaker
Because if you had money, if you had all the money in the world, you would flex and pick up 10 women's tabs because you know exactly what it says about your money and status.
00:31:25
Speaker
You would do it as a flex just because you could, because you know it would impress those women that you could pick up like 10 women's tabs in a row, right?
00:31:32
Speaker
Men know what money does for them when they don't have money.
00:31:35
Speaker
Also, it's incredibly broke energy, okay?
00:31:38
Speaker
And in this podcast, we don't believe in exploiting the poor.
00:31:40
Speaker
If he's broke, leave him be.
00:31:41
Speaker
Okay, he's financially struggling.
00:31:43
Speaker
Don't add to his struggles.
00:31:44
Speaker
Just leave him where he is and let him fix himself.
00:31:46
Speaker
You are not obligated to sit and pick up men who are struggling financially, who don't know what the fuck they want to do with their lives.
00:31:51
Speaker
It's their responsibility to get their act together.
00:31:54
Speaker
It's not your job to make him feel better about his financial position.
00:31:56
Speaker
And just remember that even if you do date that guy, he's going to resent you when he starts doing better in his life because you saw him in a position when he was weak.
00:32:03
Speaker
And no man likes a woman who sees him when he's down and out.
00:32:06
Speaker
You know, they want you to see them at the top of their game.
00:32:08
Speaker
So the second you go for somebody who has like a low investment in you, suddenly expecting that overnight, he's going to turn into this incredibly high performing, you know, high investment kind of guy who's going to go from
00:32:19
Speaker
taking you out to coffee dates and going to Applebee's with you and then suddenly like you know spending for you to go to Nobu like come on girl you have to be a little less naive than that you know what I mean yeah exactly and so these are all the reasons and there are many more but these are like the top reasons that we're coming to as far as like why you have to do a pre-interview do not meet him for coffee do not meet him for a walk date do not meet him for a Netflix and chill
00:32:43
Speaker
Because what you need to know before you even get started is like, what does he sound like?
00:32:48
Speaker
I think this is something that we really don't talk about enough.
00:32:50
Speaker
I know we talk about like how they smell.
00:32:52
Speaker
And that's a big thing as far as like pheromones and bonding and whatnot.
00:32:55
Speaker
That's true.
00:32:56
Speaker
That's you can only do it in person.
00:32:57
Speaker
But like Diana said, and I'm somebody too, I am very, very picky about how people sound, especially how men sound.
00:33:04
Speaker
Like just the other day, I was at Costco doing some shopping.
00:33:06
Speaker
And there was this really good looking man.
00:33:07
Speaker
And I was like, Oh, he's really cute.
00:33:09
Speaker
And then I heard him talking to
00:33:11
Speaker
who he was with.
00:33:12
Speaker
And I was like, Oh my God, like it was like an immediate ick because his voice was awful.
00:33:17
Speaker
And I'm just like, yeah, this is one thing where if you just talk to them, whether it's Skype or FaceTime, typically we're going to encourage you to do something where you can see them.
00:33:26
Speaker
Cause you can also see the ticks that they have then as well.
00:33:29
Speaker
Like there's like one of my students who's constantly sucking his teeth.
00:33:33
Speaker
And I'm like, stop that.
00:33:34
Speaker
You know, but like, that's somebody who I would have a hard time dating because that tick was something that any tick that involves noise is really difficult for me personally.
00:33:44
Speaker
But when you do this pre-interview, you're Skyping, you're FaceTiming, you're seeing their eyes, you're seeing their face and their gestures.
00:33:52
Speaker
You're starting to read their body language.
00:33:53
Speaker
You hear their voice.
00:33:55
Speaker
And men will tell on themselves.
00:33:57
Speaker
If you just give them the time, they will tell you so much more than you ever wanted to know.
00:34:02
Speaker
And that's really valuable information for you to determine, is it even worth going on a date with this man or not?
00:34:07
Speaker
And we do encourage you to limit the conversation to 20 minutes or less.
00:34:11
Speaker
Do not let this go on any longer.
00:34:13
Speaker
When I first started to try to implement this, like when I was just dipping my like baby toes into FDS, I did the FaceTime conversation and this guy like kept me on the phone for, I swear it was over an hour.
00:34:24
Speaker
Again, it's building false intimacy when they do that.
00:34:26
Speaker
When they try to get you on the phone a really long time, it's because they want to build false intimacy with you.
00:34:31
Speaker
When they're constantly texting you, it's to build false intimacy with you and convince you that you have a deeper connection than you do.
00:34:37
Speaker
So really, the beginning of this interview is really just to gauge whether he's a psycho and whether he is who he says he is and he's not catfishing you.
00:34:45
Speaker
And so just to go over what it says in the handbook specifically, it says it should just be to verify the basics, where he lives, what he does,
00:34:51
Speaker
where he works, confirming that he's single, ask what he's looking for.
00:34:54
Speaker
Of course, if he doesn't want to answer your call at like a reasonable hour, and he's like, let's have this call at like 2am, red flag.
00:35:00
Speaker
If he's trying to call you at a place where his wife won't be around, that's how you'll know, right?
00:35:04
Speaker
Because the family time, dinner times, like if he doesn't want to talk to you, then sometimes it can be a red flag because it's like he has a family and he doesn't want them to know that he's dating.
00:35:12
Speaker
So make sure that he doesn't take over the conversation.
00:35:15
Speaker
You need to make sure that it steers it where you want it to go.
00:35:17
Speaker
If he continues to be evasive when you ask him important questions, like that's how you know that there's something off about him.
00:35:22
Speaker
If he doesn't respect boundaries, if he plays games, like love bombers, essentially, they will try to sit and chit chat with you for as long as possible.
00:35:30
Speaker
Because again, they want you to feel like, oh, it's so special.
00:35:33
Speaker
It's love at first sight.
00:35:34
Speaker
I just met you and I already like you, blah, blah, blah.
00:35:36
Speaker
But you know, you need to be careful of people like they have really good points here about like, if he answers every question with the question, red flag.
00:35:44
Speaker
If he attempts to neg or tease you right off the bat, again, he does not know you red flag.
00:35:48
Speaker
If he steers the conversation to being overtly sexual, oh my god, I dealt with this a lot red flag.
00:35:53
Speaker
If he's evasive and asking basic questions because he doesn't want you to be able to Google him, red flag.
00:35:58
Speaker
If he's pushy or aggressive in any way when you set a boundary, automatic red flag.
00:36:02
Speaker
We don't want angry men, right?
00:36:04
Speaker
And if he starts any conversation with some general negativity about women or sarcasm, red flag.
00:36:08
Speaker
Like if he talks about body count, oh my God, I once had like a situation where the guy just went on and on about body count.
00:36:13
Speaker
And I was like, okay, you're too immature for me to go out with, you know?
00:36:16
Speaker
All of these behaviors should be like an immediate drop.
00:36:18
Speaker
Okay.
00:36:19
Speaker
If there's anything you want to know that you didn't ask or you forgot to ask in the date, make sure you make a mental note of that to ask him on the actual date.
00:36:25
Speaker
But give yourself time to think over properly, like whether you liked his answers, whether he seemed sound of mind, whether he sounded all right to you.
00:36:32
Speaker
Like there's only so much you can do on an online chat.
00:36:35
Speaker
But honestly, just the online chat alone has prevented me from going on dates with multiple men.
00:36:39
Speaker
I never had to do the coffee date, walk date thing because I already did the pre-date interview thing and realized, I don't know, I just don't really like this man.
00:36:48
Speaker
I'm not really that interested in going out with him.
00:36:50
Speaker
There's only been two situations in my life where I've ever split 50-50.
00:36:53
Speaker
One time wasn't even 50-50.
00:36:55
Speaker
The first time was this guy took me on a boba date and he was like, okay, so you'll pay like, I don't know, like $3.95 for a boba.
00:37:01
Speaker
And I was like, this is weird.
00:37:03
Speaker
You can't afford four bucks for a boba.
00:37:05
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:37:06
Speaker
And I was like, I'm never seeing this man ever again.
00:37:08
Speaker
And he thought it was like very gentlemanly to offer to drive me back home.
00:37:11
Speaker
And I was like, no.
00:37:12
Speaker
And he tried to like follow me up into my house.
00:37:13
Speaker
And I was like, there's no fucking way.
00:37:15
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:37:15
Speaker
Like, oh my God.
00:37:16
Speaker
Right.
00:37:17
Speaker
The audacity.
00:37:17
Speaker
They will always have the audacity.
00:37:19
Speaker
For four bucks.
00:37:20
Speaker
That's how much my vagina cost to him.
00:37:22
Speaker
You know, like, yeah.
00:37:23
Speaker
And the second time was even weirder.
00:37:25
Speaker
It was like with the guy I was like dating.
00:37:26
Speaker
And like, we went to like kind of expensive sushi place.
00:37:28
Speaker
And like the bill was racking up.
00:37:31
Speaker
And I mean, like an idiot, I offered to pay, you know, 50-50.
00:37:33
Speaker
And he was like,
00:37:35
Speaker
Oh, no, no, no.
00:37:36
Speaker
So like the bill was like 140 bucks or 130 something.
00:37:39
Speaker
And he was like, okay, so I'll pay 80.
00:37:41
Speaker
And you pay the rest of it and the tip.
00:37:43
Speaker
And I was like, either do the 5050 thing, or just pay the whole tab.
00:37:47
Speaker
What is this portioning?
00:37:49
Speaker
Like, you know, this is like, I'll pay 80 and you pay 40.
00:37:52
Speaker
Like, where are you coming up with this?
00:37:53
Speaker
You pay 50, I'll pay 80.
00:37:54
Speaker
Like, if you're gonna like pick up most of the tab anyway, why don't you just pick up the tab?
00:37:58
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:37:58
Speaker
Like, why are you splitting it in this way?
00:38:00
Speaker
That's like, doesn't make any sense at all.
00:38:02
Speaker
But good, like show yourself, show your ass, man, show your ass.
00:38:05
Speaker
Exactly.
00:38:06
Speaker
And it gave me such an ache, such an ache, because I was like, this is even worse than 50-50.
00:38:10
Speaker
This is like, this is 60-40.
00:38:14
Speaker
Oh my gosh, we'll do 60-40 because I'm a generous man.
00:38:18
Speaker
I'm more of a gentleman.
00:38:19
Speaker
I'm a gentleman.
00:38:20
Speaker
Yeah, I'm more of a gentleman.
Cutting Off Low Standards
00:38:23
Speaker
And then the final thing it notes here for the pre-interview is that you must dictate very clearly the parameters in which you are willing to leave your house.
00:38:32
Speaker
Again, he mentions the general principle is never leave your house for free for a man who's not your boyfriend or husband.
00:38:40
Speaker
And so again, these are like the four cardinal directions of the nose, no Netflix and chill, no car dates, no, no coffee dates, no house dates.
00:38:50
Speaker
Like Diana said, do not start off with like a very low effort,
00:38:55
Speaker
slow gesture and then expect down the road that he's going to be investing in you and showering you with gifts because they will start as they need to go on.
00:39:04
Speaker
Exactly.
00:39:04
Speaker
The energy they come with is the energy that they're going to sustain.
00:39:07
Speaker
No guy is going to go from buying you a ring pop to buying you, I don't know, fucking Harry Winston.
00:39:12
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:39:13
Speaker
Like you have to have like a general sense of like, if this is the highest he can go, you have to determine whether that's enough for you or not.
00:39:20
Speaker
Because if his energy and his demeanor is not high enough for you, and that's not the vibe you're on, you have to have the ability to turn away this guy and say, you know what, this is just not what I want.
00:39:30
Speaker
And I think a lot of women feel guilty for asking for more because they're like, no, well, you know, maybe I don't deserve that because like I'm not perfect.
00:39:37
Speaker
And like maybe I don't deserve to be treated well.
00:39:39
Speaker
And like, OK, I guess he's doing like just about enough and that should be fine.
00:39:42
Speaker
Right.
00:39:43
Speaker
And like you talk yourself out of deserving and asking for more because you're convinced that asking for any more is going to make you seem selfish or entitled.
00:39:51
Speaker
In fact, I don't think a single woman is as entitled as she needs to be.
00:39:54
Speaker
Most of y'all are not entitled at all.
00:39:55
Speaker
Y'all need to start getting really, really entitled because most of you will settle for crumbs.
00:40:00
Speaker
and think it's a whole cake because of it, you know?
00:40:03
Speaker
So you need to start being a little bit more selfish because trust me, a man will walk away from any relationship that does not serve him.
00:40:09
Speaker
If it's not working for him, you can bet your ass he's not sitting over there being like, well, you know, she is kind of a nice lady.
00:40:15
Speaker
And like, you know, no, they don't make excuses.
00:40:17
Speaker
They just move on to the next victim.
00:40:19
Speaker
So, you know, treat it appropriately.
00:40:21
Speaker
And oftentimes without even the courtesy of like an honest conversation or like operating with goodwill or in good faith and having, you know, sort of a breakup, a lot of them will just simply ghost you.
00:40:32
Speaker
It's like, if you don't fulfill whatever they think you need to be fulfilling for them, they are gone.
00:40:38
Speaker
There's a reason there's a whole joke about like, oh, dad went to get milk and never came to dad went to the corner store to get cigarettes and never came back.
00:40:44
Speaker
Like men will do this to their own children.
00:40:46
Speaker
Okay.
00:40:47
Speaker
Exactly.
00:40:48
Speaker
Exactly.
00:40:48
Speaker
That was the big one was like, do this pre-interview first, be absolutely ruthless.
00:40:53
Speaker
Exactly.
00:40:53
Speaker
And here's the other aspect of that.
00:40:57
Speaker
You need to be absolutely willing to cut men off at the first sign of any shenanigans.
00:41:03
Speaker
It says like, you know, the final thing it says to recap is doing pre-interviews allows you to talk to three to four guys in an hour to verify their attractiveness.
00:41:10
Speaker
Screen for red flags and set the parameters and expectations as to which you're willing to meet them while maintaining enough emotional distance to be objective.
00:41:17
Speaker
It's also much safer.
00:41:19
Speaker
This is very true.
00:41:20
Speaker
Going on these walk dates, I mean, you know, there have been women who've gone missing from going on these coffee and walk dates.
00:41:25
Speaker
Like, you know, common sense should dictate that you never go to a man's house.
00:41:29
Speaker
Like, please don't.
00:41:30
Speaker
Don't go to a man's house, like, on a first date.
00:41:33
Speaker
That's crazy talk, okay?
00:41:34
Speaker
I don't care how nice you think he is.
00:41:35
Speaker
He could be Jesus himself, and even Jesus would advise that that's stupid.
00:41:39
Speaker
Okay?
00:41:39
Speaker
Jesus wouldn't ask you to come to his house, okay?
00:41:42
Speaker
He might come to your house if you were willing to open your house to him, but he's not saying come and chill.
00:41:47
Speaker
And he'd bring the food too.
00:41:48
Speaker
He'd bring the food and the wine.
00:41:49
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:41:50
Speaker
He's a provider.
00:41:53
Speaker
Jesus believes in abundance and so should you.
00:41:58
Speaker
But I like this, like, it's safer, and it also gives you a little bit more objectivity, because, like, it's really easy for our heartstrings to be pulled upon, and, like, you know, for a man, oh, he's had such a doubt on his luck story, like, life has just been so hard for him, like, I should really give him a chance, it's been so hard.
00:42:13
Speaker
No, no.
00:42:14
Speaker
Like, if all he's doing is coming to you crying about how hard his life is, that's the kind of you want to go on a date with that man.
00:42:21
Speaker
That's what he's bringing to your first meeting.
00:42:23
Speaker
And that's the kind of person you want in your life.
00:42:26
Speaker
The woe is me.
00:42:27
Speaker
Why is life so hard, man?
00:42:29
Speaker
Like, no, do better, be better, demand better.
Setting Boundaries
00:42:32
Speaker
So that's the first part of this dating strategy.
00:42:36
Speaker
The second is, and again, I will say this again and again, cut these fuckers off.
00:42:40
Speaker
I don't think it really became clear to me.
00:42:42
Speaker
And this is why FDS was so important for me.
00:42:45
Speaker
And you know what, listeners, if I talk about this too much or if I bring this up too much, let me know and I'll scale it back.
00:42:50
Speaker
But I think I bring this up because I think I'm not alone amongst women.
00:42:54
Speaker
There is a reason why so many women accept crumbs instead of the whole damn cake.
00:42:58
Speaker
And it's because in our family of origin, what is modeled for us is that we are there to be the servant of
00:43:04
Speaker
We are there to be the endless source of consolation and joy, and we are to expect nothing in return.
00:43:11
Speaker
And so this cutting people off was really, really hard for me because I come from like this nightmare, this cloud show of a family where like,
00:43:21
Speaker
I was basically Cinderella.
00:43:22
Speaker
That's actually what my therapist nicknamed me when I would go home.
00:43:24
Speaker
She's like, Oh, Rose, are you going home for the holidays?
00:43:26
Speaker
Are you ready to be Cinderella?
00:43:28
Speaker
And I'm like, Oh, I am.
00:43:29
Speaker
Yes.
00:43:30
Speaker
Because that's how I was brought up.
00:43:32
Speaker
And it was only after both of my parents had passed that I really finally took a very honest, because I was like, okay, it's one thing that I'm doing this for my mom and dad, because you know, like they brought me up, they put a roof over my head, this and that, you know, there are many ways to rationalize, you know, being an indentured servant to your parents.
00:43:49
Speaker
But then my siblings all expected that of me as well.
00:43:53
Speaker
And I was like, these people didn't do shit for me.
00:43:55
Speaker
Like, if anything, these people have harmed me continuously over decades.
00:44:00
Speaker
And I've allowed it because, you know, my mom was always like, well, it's family.
00:44:03
Speaker
You know, we have to forgive and just understand that, like, we're all human here.
00:44:08
Speaker
But you know what?
00:44:09
Speaker
I never got back from them what I gave them.
00:44:12
Speaker
And so when I first started reading about cutting men off, that's what led me to realize, like, I need to cut off this sister of mine and I need to cut off this brother of mine because all they are is a relative in name only, in blood only.
00:44:24
Speaker
If I allowed any other person to treat me how they treat me, like, you know, people could get arrested for
00:44:29
Speaker
for abuse, for like physical abuse in this situation, you know, not to mention the emotional and the spiritual, right?
00:44:36
Speaker
Like all of the financial, like, I mean, I've been abused by these people on every level, but I kept saying to myself, well, because they're family.
00:44:44
Speaker
No.
00:44:44
Speaker
And so when FDS talked about cutting people off, that was actually the first time where I started to practice that.
00:44:51
Speaker
I had to implement it in my family of origin before I was willing to even approach that on the dating field.
00:44:58
Speaker
And I think that, you know, a lot of women, I mean, even for me, you know, I didn't grow up in that kind of family, but I still felt like cutting people off was mean and like unnecessarily an escalation.
00:45:09
Speaker
Like, you know, do you have to cut them off?
00:45:11
Speaker
Maybe there's a way you can explain to them why their behavior doesn't work.
00:45:15
Speaker
And like, you know, if they really care about you, they're going to want to play ball and they're going to want to be there for you and help you.
00:45:21
Speaker
But like, you have to understand that some people are in relationships with you because you benefit them, not because they actually care about you.
00:45:29
Speaker
And so they were relying on the fact that you had no boundaries as a way to take advantage of you.
00:45:35
Speaker
You developing boundaries is actually in detriment to what they want and is an inconvenience to them because you now are not going to listen to the shit that they say.
00:45:44
Speaker
And you're going to draw these boundaries that are necessary for you to maintain a relationship with them.
00:45:48
Speaker
Like what helped me understand this is drawing boundaries with people is not to destroy a relationship with them.
00:45:53
Speaker
It is to actually improve the relationship.
00:45:55
Speaker
You are doing it to make sure that you still have a relationship with them.
00:45:58
Speaker
And a person who reacts terribly to you having boundaries is a person who's not operating in good faith with you anyway.
Recognizing Low Investment
00:46:04
Speaker
So yes, you should be cutting them off regardless, you know?
00:46:06
Speaker
But I think a lot of women feel scared of cutting men off also because there's a danger factor of like, what if he hurts me?
00:46:12
Speaker
And that's valid, right?
00:46:13
Speaker
But you should be doing it in a way that is, you know, clever enough to like not actually engage with him while you're in person with him, especially with strange men.
00:46:20
Speaker
Like don't feel the need to go to his house and be like, hey, I know we just had a couple of dates, but I really didn't think it was working out.
00:46:26
Speaker
And like, I'm going to cut you off now.
00:46:28
Speaker
Like, please don't do that.
00:46:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:30
Speaker
You don't have to be that nice.
00:46:31
Speaker
Like, I honestly think that women need to understand the meaner you are to him, the more likely he is to stick around because they need to fear you a little bit.
00:46:37
Speaker
I'm not going to lie.
00:46:37
Speaker
The best relationships are one where the husband kind of fears the wife a little bit.
00:46:41
Speaker
He's happiest in those relationships.
00:46:42
Speaker
Like, didn't you read that study where they said that, you know, when men do well in their lives, they release like vasopressin, like that's really good for their health.
00:46:49
Speaker
And like, it's not good for women to release the stress hormone vasopressin because obviously it ages us.
00:46:53
Speaker
But for men, it's very good.
00:46:55
Speaker
That's why I keep saying you have to stress him out like once a month.
00:46:57
Speaker
You have to be a problem at least once a month in his life.
00:46:59
Speaker
Once a week, if you're a really good person, you know, you should aim to be a problem.
00:47:04
Speaker
That's right.
00:47:05
Speaker
That's right.
00:47:05
Speaker
A problem that can be solved.
00:47:07
Speaker
Right.
00:47:08
Speaker
But like, yeah, don't always just be such a pushover and so easygoing.
00:47:11
Speaker
And, you know, because like we're human to damn it.
00:47:13
Speaker
We're not just women.
00:47:14
Speaker
We're humans.
00:47:15
Speaker
And sometimes life is tough and we need people to solve some problems for us.
00:47:18
Speaker
And let that be the man's issue.
00:47:20
Speaker
Let him be the hero from time.
00:47:22
Speaker
That's what you're letting him do from time to time, Diana.
00:47:24
Speaker
You're letting him be the hero.
00:47:26
Speaker
Exactly.
00:47:26
Speaker
And like, just to read what Average to Hot said, I think this is one of the users.
00:47:31
Speaker
They said, if you've initiated dates with a man, but he never initiates one with you, don't ask for advice on how to get him to initiate a date with you.
00:47:37
Speaker
Just cut him off.
00:47:38
Speaker
If you've been the one predominantly initiating texts with him and he rarely texts you first, cut him off.
00:47:42
Speaker
If he's been leaving you on bread and takes a day to get back to you, cut him off.
00:47:46
Speaker
If he doesn't make you feel special, cut him off.
00:47:48
Speaker
If he makes you feel frustrated because he can't plan a date well and offers a low value proposal, cut him off.
00:47:53
Speaker
If it's been six weeks of seeing each other continuously and he still hasn't shown that he wants to be in a relationship with you, cut him off.
00:47:59
Speaker
We don't do such situationships.
00:48:00
Speaker
If he says he doesn't want a relationship with you, cut him off.
00:48:03
Speaker
He doesn't want one with you.
00:48:05
Speaker
In short, if he hasn't been treating you like someone he values and someone he considers girlfriend material, cut him off.
00:48:10
Speaker
The established pattern will not change.
00:48:11
Speaker
If he comes running back promising he will change, don't believe him.
00:48:15
Speaker
He'll change for a bit before reverting back to how he once was.
00:48:18
Speaker
It's easier to teach a new man how you'd like to be treated than to change a man who has learned that treating you like you're not special still gets some results.
00:48:24
Speaker
Start over with a new man instead of trying to change one.
00:48:26
Speaker
Dating is a numbers game.
00:48:28
Speaker
Your time is better spent meeting a lot of new men, going on dates with them, cutting them off the moment they've shown they're not that crazy for you, than spending more time going out with someone who doesn't think you're special and who's just wasting his time with you because he's bored.
00:48:39
Speaker
The FDS strategies won't help you if you're using them on low-value men who have shown to you that they don't care for you.
00:48:44
Speaker
Learn how to cut men off ruthlessly.
00:48:46
Speaker
He's shown you how he feels about you and he is never going to change.
00:48:49
Speaker
Average to hot, we salute you.
00:48:52
Speaker
In one page, you have distilled absolutely everything we need to know to maximize female benefit.
00:48:58
Speaker
We salute you.
00:48:59
Speaker
Yes.
00:49:00
Speaker
And I think that for a lot of women, I'm going to add an additional point of you need to experience some level of ego death.
00:49:05
Speaker
A lot of you really want to feel like you're special to a man.
00:49:07
Speaker
The second you realize you are not special to them, you must release this demon and let him go back to the hell that he came from, okay?
00:49:15
Speaker
Because the one that treats you like you are special from the jump is the one that is going to bring the consistent energy.
00:49:20
Speaker
We are looking for consistency, not butterflies.
00:49:23
Speaker
Butterflies are misleading.
00:49:24
Speaker
They convince you that you have something more than what you actually have.
00:49:27
Speaker
consistency and action is the only thing that is going to tell you whether he is capable of maintaining the vibe that he's maintaining.
00:49:33
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:49:34
Speaker
If he's starting out with the energy of respecting you, treating you like you're special and respecting your time and energy and the effort you're putting into the relationship with him, he is going to be that way throughout, right?
00:49:44
Speaker
I mean, if he drops that energy later on, then you know automatically because you're like, okay, he was just doing it so that he could get into bed with me.
00:49:49
Speaker
And then once I did that, he went off.
00:49:51
Speaker
That's fine.
00:49:52
Speaker
Like there's some men who do that too.
00:49:53
Speaker
But my point is there's never been a situation where a man shows you no energy, then suddenly over time shows you
Dating Multiple People
00:49:58
Speaker
a lot of energy.
00:49:58
Speaker
The only time they ever do that is if they're trying to hook you back in because they think they're about to lose you.
00:50:02
Speaker
And that is not consistency.
00:50:04
Speaker
That is just him paying you attention, trying to hook you back and keeping you on the hook emotionally and trying to make you like reel you back in every single time he thinks he's this close to losing you.
00:50:13
Speaker
That is not affection.
00:50:14
Speaker
That is not consistency.
00:50:15
Speaker
And that is not the kind of relationship we're advocating for.
00:50:17
Speaker
We are talking about someone who comes in with consistent energy and never changes that energy.
00:50:22
Speaker
I love that expression where like he best come correct or don't come at all, right?
00:50:27
Speaker
If he doesn't come correct from the jump, yeet him.
00:50:30
Speaker
Cut him off.
00:50:32
Speaker
Next.
00:50:33
Speaker
Fetus deletus.
00:50:34
Speaker
Fetus deletus.
00:50:36
Speaker
Fetus deletus.
00:50:38
Speaker
We've gone through the pre-interview date.
00:50:40
Speaker
We've talked about what we're not going to do for dates.
00:50:42
Speaker
We've talked about cutting men off.
00:50:45
Speaker
Now we've come to our last strategy that we're looking at for today, which is
00:50:50
Speaker
dating until commitment is established.
00:50:53
Speaker
Let's go over that.
00:50:54
Speaker
Right.
00:50:55
Speaker
So I'm going to read again from this paragraph.
00:50:57
Speaker
It says, I don't care if you're not the type of girl to date more than one guy at once.
00:51:00
Speaker
I don't mean you should have sex with them.
00:51:02
Speaker
I mean, you should date them.
00:51:04
Speaker
I don't care if you don't feel like painting your nails today or you don't feel as attracted to another guy that asked you out as long as you're attracted to him.
00:51:10
Speaker
The fact that you are not dating others will manifest itself in your behaviors with the guy you really like.
00:51:14
Speaker
He will visibly see your value decline as you blow up his phone, show him that you are not sought after by other men and fail to vet your suitors before investing in them.
00:51:22
Speaker
I seriously have no patience for women that refuse to vet multiple suitors and at the same time complain about males ghosting them, buying unromantic birthday or Christmas gifts, failing to impress them with thoughtful dates, dating other women, and most importantly, acting like BFs when they are in a situation ship.
00:51:36
Speaker
My answer to them is harsh.
00:51:38
Speaker
You did not make him compete for your attention.
00:51:40
Speaker
Big mistake.
00:51:41
Speaker
He knows he has you and he didn't even have to try.
00:51:43
Speaker
You can waste time making him the bad guy and experience no progress, but if you don't change your strategy ASAP, you will find yourself jumping from situationship to situationship.
00:51:52
Speaker
You will find yourself in relationships that fizzle out around the three-month mark over and over again.
00:51:57
Speaker
One of the best ways to get back to the patriarchy is by making men compete for your affection.
00:52:01
Speaker
Don't be phased if a date says he sees himself in a serious relationship with you one day.
00:52:05
Speaker
This is not a compliment.
00:52:06
Speaker
You already know you are his dream girl.
00:52:08
Speaker
He is used to seeing women swoon at the thought of a serious relationship with him.
00:52:11
Speaker
Newsflash, you are the one evaluating him, not the other way around.
00:52:15
Speaker
He is not special.
00:52:16
Speaker
Don't get it confused, ever.
00:52:18
Speaker
He is the one with the mate guarding instinct, not us.
00:52:20
Speaker
Do you want to screw up your chances with a high-value man and instead increase your chances of landing a low-value one?
00:52:25
Speaker
No.
00:52:26
Speaker
And also, if you act like you have no options, act like you jump at the opportunity to obtain a relationship with any male, start giving him elaborate gifts or blow up his phone.
00:52:33
Speaker
Sooner or later, you'll be making excuses for a dusty ass loser when your family is wondering why he doesn't do the bare minimum.
00:52:39
Speaker
80% of women asking for advice on our relationships, our dating over 30, our dating and our dating advice wouldn't be asking for the advice in the first place had they just continued dating other people.
00:52:48
Speaker
What kind of strategy consists of zeroing in on one guy that hasn't even proven himself to be a worthwhile suitor yet?
00:52:54
Speaker
Very fair point.
00:52:55
Speaker
Would you really be checking his phone to see if his dating apps are active while you're dating others?
00:52:59
Speaker
Would you really be wondering whether he was dating others if you were doing the same?
00:53:02
Speaker
Would you really be wondering how to act with a high-value man when you've been getting an ample amount of dating practice in?
00:53:06
Speaker
Would you really be checking his Facebook or his Instagram a million times to see what his ex-girlfriends looked like?
Empowerment and Selectivity
00:53:11
Speaker
You'd be too busy answering the 50 billion messages you get from other guys to wonder.
00:53:14
Speaker
Trust me, even good-looking guys don't get nearly as many women messaging them online.
00:53:19
Speaker
user hedonism bot posts her daily reminders here for a reason.
00:53:22
Speaker
The patriarchy wants you to gaslight you into thinking that you should be doing the competing.
00:53:26
Speaker
Hedonism bot, I did not see your messages, but I'm assuming that they were very good.
00:53:30
Speaker
But yes, the point is going back to the same point that we had earlier, when you create the assumption that you have like some exclusivity, that you're mysterious, that you're a creature of mystery and that you don't really, you're not going to reveal to him what your cards are.
00:53:42
Speaker
It doesn't matter if you're not dating 50 other men, right?
00:53:44
Speaker
We're not saying to date 50 other men.
00:53:45
Speaker
We're saying that you don't put all your eggs in one basket, which is very good advice.
00:53:49
Speaker
Don't invest all of your time in one person who's proving to be nice for now when you have other options to be dating as well, because it prevents you, first of all, from being emotionally invested in the wrong person or getting emotionally invested too fast.
00:54:01
Speaker
And it also allows this man to realize that you're hot property.
00:54:04
Speaker
You know, everybody wants you.
00:54:06
Speaker
Everybody wants you.
00:54:08
Speaker
And this is something that they close with.
00:54:10
Speaker
And I really like this.
00:54:11
Speaker
They close on an empowerment note.
00:54:12
Speaker
And I just want to read this because Diana, I love this part.
00:54:15
Speaker
This is, by the way, this whole part, this whole section is written by OG GMEs.
00:54:19
Speaker
The OG GMEs.
00:54:20
Speaker
I still remember seeing her name on so many of the posts on FDS.
00:54:24
Speaker
And I was like, ooh, this is going to be a good one.
00:54:26
Speaker
Because she was just such a good writer.
00:54:27
Speaker
So the last section she writes about is empowerment.
00:54:30
Speaker
Do you want to experience the feeling of ditching a guy the second he has the audacity to overvalue himself?
00:54:36
Speaker
Do you know what that feels like?
00:54:37
Speaker
It's fantastic.
00:54:39
Speaker
Do you want to experience pulling your attention back to a misbehaving suitor and instead of chewing him out, rewarding another suitor with your precious attention?
00:54:48
Speaker
This is the perfect antidote to a male giving you less than what you deserve.
00:54:52
Speaker
He will quickly fall back in line and realize testing you will only make you replace him or go silent.
00:54:58
Speaker
Do you ever wonder why it feels like modern Medusa user is giggling in her posts describing male behavior?
00:55:04
Speaker
It's because she's laughing her ass off as she remembers planning her graceful exit strategy from these low-value males in favor of high-value males.
00:55:13
Speaker
She's literally having the time of her life leaving them with their dick in their hands.
00:55:17
Speaker
You're doing this for your sisters.
00:55:19
Speaker
You're doing this for yourself.
00:55:20
Speaker
You're doing this so that we can reset this dating market that has women giving themselves away for free, that has women literally killing themselves over a man who would just as soon spit on them as take them out for a nice dinner.
00:55:36
Speaker
I mean, it's just absolutely out of control.
00:55:39
Speaker
It is up to us to redirect and recorrect.
00:55:41
Speaker
And so that's what we're really hoping as we review these strategies with you.
00:55:45
Speaker
that you can really start to shift your mentality around dating and your own worth.
00:55:49
Speaker
Exactly.
00:55:50
Speaker
We want you to be able to walk away from a bad guy and from terrible dates without having to feel guilty about every single one, right?
00:55:58
Speaker
The point of this is not to be like, you know, first of all, if you have never played the field before, I really recommend you try.
00:56:05
Speaker
I really recommend it as a strategy because if you are the kind of person who over invests in a person, the second they show any interest in you, again, you are now in a position where you are over committing yourself to a person who has not proven their worth to you yet.
00:56:19
Speaker
And you are wasting your time with the wrong person.
00:56:21
Speaker
And men are able to smell desperation.
00:56:24
Speaker
Don't think that you don't come off as desperate.
00:56:26
Speaker
Okay, they're able to smell desperation and they will use it to their advantage because they realize this one has no other options.
00:56:32
Speaker
She needs me to validate her.
00:56:33
Speaker
And now I have all the power because I know she's going to do if I say jump, she's going to ask how high and you never want to be someone's dog.
00:56:41
Speaker
Okay, you never want to be a person that he knows that he has this much power over because he does not respect you for it.
00:56:46
Speaker
He is not going to treat you kindly because you have revealed to him that he is your best option.
Being Selective and Safe
00:56:51
Speaker
I was going to say, best believe that he will be as ruthless as you're unwilling to be.
00:56:56
Speaker
Exactly.
00:56:57
Speaker
He is going to be as ruthless as you are unwilling to be.
00:57:00
Speaker
If he smells weakness, he is going to take advantage of that because he realizes for a lot of men just having sex is enough.
00:57:07
Speaker
They really don't care if they like you all that much.
00:57:09
Speaker
Like, you know, if he's a low value guy and he's getting consistent pussy, he doesn't care that he likes you.
00:57:14
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:57:14
Speaker
It makes no difference to him at all.
00:57:16
Speaker
So the fact that he knows that he's got you in the bag, that is going to let him kick back and relax and pop open a cold one because he's going to be like, oh yeah, she's just going to show up whenever I ask her to.
00:57:25
Speaker
She's going to settle for my situation ship and my cheap Domino's pizza dates and walking around the park because she does not know how to be spoiled and treated.
00:57:33
Speaker
If you approach him with the energy of like, I refuse to do anything except be spoiled.
00:57:37
Speaker
I refuse to settle for the bare minimum.
00:57:39
Speaker
And if you don't treat me well, I have another date scheduled in five minutes.
00:57:41
Speaker
Like, that's the reason why Beyonce's Irreplaceable was such a popular song and resonated with me when I was so young.
00:57:46
Speaker
I had never even had a relationship.
00:57:47
Speaker
And I was like, I can have another you in a minute.
00:57:50
Speaker
And, you know, I just moved on.
00:57:51
Speaker
Matter of fact, he'll be here in a minute.
00:57:55
Speaker
It's so true, though.
00:57:56
Speaker
It's so true.
00:57:57
Speaker
And like, honestly, it's so hard for us to understand this.
00:58:00
Speaker
Or maybe I'm just like over identifying and projecting my own travails with our listeners.
00:58:05
Speaker
But yeah, it's really it's been very hard for me to understand like, they can put up with whatever as long as they're getting pussy.
00:58:12
Speaker
That's really all they care about.
00:58:15
Speaker
And in the meantime, they're saving up their money to find their dream girl.
00:58:18
Speaker
Like, you know, they're always talking about the gold diggers.
00:58:19
Speaker
Like they're on the lookout for the gold diggers.
00:58:22
Speaker
Exactly.
00:58:23
Speaker
They're soul diggers.
00:58:27
Speaker
You know what?
00:58:27
Speaker
There's another t-shirt.
00:58:28
Speaker
We're gold diggers, not soul diggers.
00:58:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:31
Speaker
Like, because the thing is, what they require from a relationship, the consistency, the support, the mutual support, the love and affection that women give them is just the cherry on top of like consistent access, sexual access to women, right?
00:58:44
Speaker
They get a lot more from relationships with women than we do from them.
00:58:47
Speaker
Most of you who are settling for cheap flowers and not even getting proper dates and not, you know, having anniversaries forgotten about and like no Christmas gifts, no birthday gifts, like you are settling for so little that you gain absolutely nothing from being in a relationship with a man.
00:59:01
Speaker
You might as well be single based on those outcomes.
00:59:05
Speaker
In fact, you'd be healthier if you were single, you'd be healthier and happier.
00:59:09
Speaker
Exactly.
00:59:09
Speaker
Like for him, he even with a woman who he doesn't feel that strongly about, he's getting a lot from her.
00:59:15
Speaker
So he's able to use the fact that this woman is subsidizing the cost of dating for him to then go out into dating apps and then go and try to find a better partner.
00:59:22
Speaker
You want someone who is going to be completely occupied by your time and energy and is going to be too afraid of not keeping his eye on the ball because there's very high possibility another eligible man will snatch you up.
00:59:34
Speaker
You need to create that level of mystery and exclusivity in order for him to believe that, you know, legitimately.
00:59:40
Speaker
Because if he thinks he's got you in the bag, he's just going to reduce his level of effort to you naturally because he's going to be like, well, I don't need to put any effort.
00:59:46
Speaker
Like, I know she's exactly where I need her to be.
00:59:48
Speaker
Yeah, that's why they rely on the three date rule and the three month rule, because they know so many women will do exactly what they think we're going to do, right?
00:59:56
Speaker
Oh, it's three months.
00:59:57
Speaker
Like we've been having sex.
00:59:58
Speaker
Like clearly he's into me.
01:00:00
Speaker
We're exclusive.
01:00:01
Speaker
We're boyfriend, girlfriend.
01:00:03
Speaker
She doesn't give a shit.
01:00:04
Speaker
Unless commitment is clearly established and sought after and negotiated, you are not exclusive.
01:00:10
Speaker
You are not committed.
01:00:12
Speaker
Exactly.
01:00:13
Speaker
And I mean, I truly believe in like, you know, restricting sexual access to them as well.
01:00:17
Speaker
Somewhere your grandma and mother's wisdom is very viable here in that like, I don't believe in having sex with them unless I'm in a committed relationship
Conclusion and Empowerment
01:00:24
Speaker
with them.
01:00:24
Speaker
Again, if he's doing that with the intention of like three months in, I mean, I feel no obligation to sleep with him right away after three months in either.
01:00:32
Speaker
You know what I mean?
01:00:32
Speaker
I will keep him like I will do it when I feel like it, even if that's like a year in and he's just gonna have to deal.
01:00:37
Speaker
He's just gonna have to deal.
01:00:39
Speaker
I have no obligation whatsoever.
01:00:42
Speaker
Do you know how dangerous it is for women to sleep with men?
01:00:44
Speaker
Like, first of all, the rates of STDs are far higher for women than men.
01:00:48
Speaker
It's far easier for them to give us STDs than it is for us to give them STDs.
01:00:54
Speaker
We also bear the burden of all birth control, which is a whole other conversation.
01:00:58
Speaker
But like, typically, we're the ones who bear the burden for birth control.
01:01:01
Speaker
And if we get pregnant, our lives are on the line.
01:01:03
Speaker
Okay, so like having sex just because he's taking you out on three, four, six, 10 dates, I know, there's no value that can be placed on how precious and personal your own sexuality is.
01:01:15
Speaker
So really, be absolutely ruthless when it comes to that.
01:01:19
Speaker
You're under no obligation to do anything you don't want.
01:01:21
Speaker
You live in a free society and like, you know, men can't throw you in prison because you didn't have sex with them.
01:01:26
Speaker
And don't give them that idea either.
01:01:28
Speaker
You know what I mean?
01:01:29
Speaker
Let's not give them that idea.
01:01:31
Speaker
But yeah, I think these are the points that we wanted to cover today.
01:01:34
Speaker
I think we've covered all of them.
01:01:36
Speaker
Before we wrap up, Rose, did you want to share anything else?
01:01:40
Speaker
Well, did we want to discuss?
01:01:42
Speaker
You know what?
01:01:42
Speaker
No, actually, I know we had talked about a couple of other things we could end with, but I think we've covered everything that we needed to for today.
01:01:49
Speaker
I will leave some other stuff for the next one.
01:01:51
Speaker
Yes, we're definitely doing this as a series.
01:01:54
Speaker
You're going to hear a lot about the handbook and we're going to encourage you to read it.
01:01:57
Speaker
If you don't want to listen to it, we're obviously going to cover the points on the handbook as well.
01:02:01
Speaker
But, you know, we will talk about the other points in the following episodes as time goes on.
01:02:06
Speaker
But in the meantime, we just want to let all the scrotes know to die mad.
01:02:09
Speaker
Die mad.
01:02:11
Speaker
And we want all the women to have a fabulous weekend.
01:02:14
Speaker
And yes, take care.
01:02:16
Speaker
Take care.
01:02:17
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:17
Speaker
We'll talk to you soon.
01:02:19
Speaker
Bye.