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02. Living Out of Alignment: My Story of Navigating Life Prior to Discovering My Purpose
42 Plays2 years ago
Welcome beauty! In this episode I share all about my life prior to discovering personal development work and having my spiritual awakening. From moving cross country in 8th grade to experiencing my parent's divorce at 16 I felt lost. I used alcohol as a crutch for social anxiety, having an undefined emotional solar plexus and no idea how to deal with the emotions and feelings I was experiencing, alcohol became the center of my world.
I discuss how it took me ten years to graduate college because I was so disconnected from my intuition, and how I met my dream partner Jorge, had my spiritual awakening, and excelled in my career only to find myself unhappy. I decided I wanted to become a coach and a leader in the personal growth + development/spirituality space! I hope you find this episode relatable in some sense, possibly a bit entertaining, and inspiring to keep going on your purpose journey!
Let's gooo! Don't forget to connect on Instagram at @iamellisamae and if you want guidance on your journey, you can book a Human Design or Gene Keys Reading, the link is in my bio! @iamellisamae
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Transcript
Introduction to 'It's Happening For Me'
00:00:01
Speaker
Hello, my friend. Welcome to the It's Happening For Me podcast. If you're obsessed with all things spirituality, personal growth and development, and living as your highest self, you are in the right place.
Alyssa's Journey to Spiritual Coaching
00:00:14
Speaker
I am your host, Alyssa, and I spent the majority of my teenage years and young 20s living totally out of climate. As I started to question my patterns and behaviors and actually got to know myself at the soul level, I realized that everything was happening for me.
00:00:30
Speaker
Now, as a spiritual life coach and human design guide, I am here to share my voice, personal stories, human design wisdom, and learn from incredible individuals living their purpose. Join me each week as we walk the spiral path of purpose together. I cannot wait to dive in.
00:00:59
Speaker
Hello, hello. Welcome back to another episode. I am so happy you're here.
Early Life and First Awakening
00:01:07
Speaker
And today we are going to be diving into part two of my story. So we are going to be going all into how I used to live so out of alignment.
00:01:19
Speaker
I think it is very beneficial and important to share all parts of my story. So I'm just going to dive into what it was like growing up as a child, what it was like as a teenager, and some of the different challenges and struggles I was going through, and what it was like going to school and college and trying to figure out my major and what I wanted to do for my whole life.
00:01:46
Speaker
and how I had my first spiritual awakening and how I met George, my partner. And I think this will just be
00:01:59
Speaker
good to show, especially for the whole theme of this podcast of like everything is happening for us.
Learning from Past Challenges
00:02:05
Speaker
I think it's really cool to just look back at our past experiences and see all of the challenges and different things that we've gone through and see how it really shapes the people that we are now. And we can literally create whatever new narratives that we want. And we literally have all of the power in our own hands. So let's get into it. Where did I get here?
00:02:29
Speaker
And what was my life like before? Oh, I should also mention. So I am 33 years old. I want to give you all the details because we're becoming best friends, right? Isn't this ordinary? So I'm 33 years old. I am a Capricorn sun. I am a Taurus moon and a Virgo rising. So all three earth signs, I'm very earthy. And I also have a Capricorn stellium. So I have five Capricorns in,
00:02:59
Speaker
five Capricorn placements. In human design, I am a 2-4 sacral generator. I have a beautiful son who is a Dachshund mix named Peanut. I live with my boyfriend, George. We've been together for seven years now, and we live in southern San Diego. We met in Bakersfield at college actually, which is another episode I'm super excited to talk about.
00:03:25
Speaker
But we live in Southern San Diego. I live very close to my mom. And so I see her
Life Satisfaction and Peace
00:03:31
Speaker
every single Saturday. We go to the dog beach with both of our dogs. And I just feel very, very happy in my life. My life feels very inflow, very aligned and peaceful. Okay. I will say my life is very peaceful.
00:03:48
Speaker
Now, the younger me may have looked into the future and saw the life that I live right now and might have called it boring. But that is because the younger me was very addicted to chaos. And so I am extremely happy and I have no regrets for the life that I lived because I am at a place now where I love being in my home. I'm a homebody. I love being in nature. I love learning. I love
00:04:15
Speaker
communicating with my friends. I have so many beautiful connections with people that I've met online, different peers that are doing the same thing that I'm doing, and I freaking love it.
00:04:26
Speaker
but my life was not always this peaceful and this flowy. So let's get into the story of who I used to be. And let's start with young Alyssa.
Influences of Upbringing
00:04:39
Speaker
So I grew up in Denver, Colorado in the suburbs around Cherry Creek. So like Aurora area, I think it was around like Cherry Creek
00:04:50
Speaker
state park. I have one brother who is two years younger than me. And I was honestly not very nice to him growing up. He always wanted to hang out with my friends and I was very mean to him. But we have a really incredible relationship now. I'm so grateful for him. He's honestly one of my favorite people in the world. But growing up, so I feel like
00:05:10
Speaker
my knowing, my inner knowing feels like all of us are born in alignment. So when we're born, our soul chose that very particular date, time, and place to come into this world. And we were imprinted with neutrinos, which is like stardust, and this information from the planets imprinted us. And it gives us insight into our traits
00:05:37
Speaker
into our gifts, into challenging parts of our personality. All of this is shown to us in our human design body graph. I believe that we all, that moment we were born, we were in alignment, we were ourselves. We have had amnesia, we forgot why we're here, and now we're these very innocent, beautiful little beings who are here to just experience the world.
00:06:03
Speaker
see what the world has to offer. And right away, some sooner than others, some stronger than others, we start getting conditioning.
Societal Conditioning and Trauma
00:06:12
Speaker
So we start getting conditioned from our parents, from our caregivers, our family members, whoever the adults are that are raising us. We are being conditioned by the culture that we grow up in. We're being conditioned by religions that we grow up in. We're being conditioned by society, by all of these different factors.
00:06:33
Speaker
And we start getting told who to be, how to act, and it's all based on what these adults and people around us think is correct. And it might be correct for them, but it is never always correct for us. I can just tell you that all of us have been highly conditioned to not be ourselves.
00:06:56
Speaker
And all of us also experience traumas at different ages in our life, females, they all affect us very deeply. And this is also where we start to see changes in our, maybe in our personality or the way that we're showing up, we start having different coping mechanisms. So back to my story. So I was born, I was born in Phoenix, Arizona, but grew up in Denver, Colorado, grew up
00:07:20
Speaker
I was very connected to my design. I was very in alignment. As a 2-4 generator, I freaking loved going outside and playing in the dirt, playing in the earth. I loved playing in the sandbox. I loved rollerblading and riding my bike and just creating all these fun memories outside. And I remember playing hide and seek and tag with all the neighborhood kids outside until it got dark outside. When it got dark, I would run home.
00:07:49
Speaker
And my next door neighbor would run home and we had the little milk. I don't know if you guys ever had these, but we had these boxes where like the milk was delivered in. And so it was like this little crate that just sat on your front doorstep. And so we would both run to our houses and then we would slam the lid on the crate to let each other know like where we arrived home and then we would go inside.
00:08:12
Speaker
So I loved playing outdoors. I loved playing with friends. I was very honoring that four in my profile, which is the opportunist, the networker, like loves friends, loves these deep relationships. And then I also really loved honoring the two in my design. So the two is the hermit, the two is the genius. It loves
00:08:32
Speaker
spending time alone and learning and doing different things that it loves. And so I would play with my Barbies. I would play... I was a teacher. I would pretend I was a teacher and I would literally create these fake report cards with everyone's names. And then I would take attendance and I would grade people's homework and it was just so much fun. I did this by myself. I also loved
00:08:57
Speaker
cleaning my room. And it's so funny, I have this photo album and I would like take pictures of my room before cleaning and after cleaning. So like the dirty picture which is just like
00:09:08
Speaker
maybe clothes or whatever. It wasn't even that dirty. And then I would take pictures after and it would be completely organized and beautiful. So I loved doing that. I loved cleaning, very like Virgo. Loved organizing. And I just loved being alone. I could spend so many hours alone and had so much fun and I was so much in alignment.
00:09:27
Speaker
And then my big first trauma happened when I was ending seventh grade going into eighth grade and we ended up moving across country for my dad's job. So my dad is in project management construction and my mom works with adults with developmental disabilities and she works as a program director. So
00:09:54
Speaker
Both of them are in leadership positions, managerial positions, and both of them have been with pretty much the same companies. They're very loyal since we moved. So we moved to California, and this, again, was seventh grade going into eighth grade. And so it's the most awkward time ever where
00:10:15
Speaker
were going through puberty, like was extremely tall for my age and very thin. No matter what I would eat, I would not gain weight. And so I got bullied and made fun of for being too thin. I was called anorexic and it was just very, very hurtful. I began to get very insecure around that age. Also, everyone looks so different.
00:10:39
Speaker
as in terms of style, you know, like moving from the Midwest to moving to California. The styles are so different. And I just looked like I did not fit in. And I also came when school had already started. So in California, it's a year round system. So it wasn't like it was the first day of eighth grade and everybody was it was their first day. Like, no, the school had already been in session for a couple of weeks. So I really stood out. I was also called a giraffe. So
00:11:09
Speaker
It was so sad. For years and years and years, anytime that someone would see a giraffe, say giraffe, I had internalized it as like what they would call me about, about being so tall and having a really long neck. And so I would be extremely self-conscious about wearing my hair up or like how I looked. And just little things like that, I think a lot of us, so many of us go through.
00:11:33
Speaker
And I'm so happy that I'm at a place in life where now I can kind of laugh about it and it doesn't affect me at all. But it really was something that I was deeply insecure about. So I moved to California and I, of course, I made friends and I had really good friends.
00:11:54
Speaker
that I really cared about and really cared about me and so I'm very grateful for that. But the next step in my journey where I kind of really got into super super disalignment is around my parents divorce. So I had started drinking around 14-15 years old
00:12:14
Speaker
And I'm going to do a whole podcast episode on this because I am an alcohol-free goddess and I've been living alcohol-free for seven years now.
Moving and Family Changes
00:12:23
Speaker
I do say the lifestyle because in that seven years, I have drank twice and it was extra V situations have came from that. So I'm super excited to just dive into that. But I have been living alcohol-free for seven years. Before that, I drank all of the time from age 14 to 15 to like 25 years old.
00:12:42
Speaker
And so when my parents got divorced, when I was around 16 years old, I went deep, deep, deep into drinking. And I really look at my human design and my jean keys and
00:12:57
Speaker
My life's work is Gate 54. And this is all around aspiration. The shadow side of this is greed. And so when I really look at this in my life, you know, we're always living out our design for good or bad. And so I always wanted more, more, more of everything. So when my parents got divorced, I obviously didn't have any coping mechanisms.
00:13:27
Speaker
I had never gone to therapy until a little bit later. My mom tried to get me to go and it was horrible, but I, my family didn't really talk about feelings. So we weren't the type of people that communicated what was going on. It was more of just like keep that internal to yourself and pretend like everything's okay. So I really didn't have an outlet for my emotions. And so I was extremely angry and like you could not talk to me. Like I was just,
00:13:56
Speaker
So difficult to be around because I just would blow up. I wanted nothing to do with anyone. I just wanted to do my things my way. And so when they got divorced, I really fell into drinking even more. And with that kind of green shadow showing up in my life, like I was always like drinking to the point of blacking out because I was like, Oh, I want more.
00:14:18
Speaker
beer, I'm afraid there's not going to be any more drinks left. I need to drink, drink, drink as much as I can because there might not be any drinks left in the next couple of hours. And then I would just get so intoxicated. The young teenagers, again until 25, I heavily relied on alcohol. And I had this pattern of really just living in autopilot, like kind of living for
00:14:39
Speaker
life's pleasures and not really going anywhere. I was stuck in a cycle where I'm extremely good at school. It comes naturally to me, that 2-4 profile, the 2 is the genius, the 2-4 is the easy breezy genius. I'm really great at reading and writing. It's super good at school.
00:14:57
Speaker
When I was 16 and I started really getting more into like drinking and partying and not really caring about school, I really just wanted to check out. I didn't really want to feel my emotions anymore. In my family, it was always just a given. Like you go to college, like that is the next step. There is no other like thing that you do is just you go to college. And so it was kind of sad that I didn't get into a university, but also at the same time, I was so deep into like my rebelling that I really didn't care. Like I was like, I'm just doing me.
00:15:27
Speaker
So I went
College Struggles and Drinking
00:15:29
Speaker
immediately to community college. And when I started community college right after I graduated, until I graduated college, which was in 2018, it took me 10 years. 10 years to graduate college and I never took any breaks.
00:15:46
Speaker
I was constantly taking classes, but I wasn't always getting great grades in classes. So my first major years of undergrad, it was just a bunch of working, going to school, and partying. And so I had many failed classes, many Ws. I had to drop many classes and redo them multiple times because I just was not giving any effort to them.
00:16:08
Speaker
And again, like when I put my effort into something, it's very easy for me and I will flourish. But when I don't put an effort into anything because I just don't care and it's not a priority, obviously it's going to be a failure. And so I was in this cycle for those years of
00:16:26
Speaker
back and forth in toxic relationships and just really living again for the parties and for going out and using any reason to drink and celebrate. And I was so far out of alignment and so far away from my design because, again, that two-four, the two in me needs to hermit. The two needs to be alone and charge my batteries.
00:16:53
Speaker
like research and learn about topics that I'm interested in. And I was to the point where I never wanted to be alone. Like I was going to classes, I was working multiple jobs, I would work a day job and then I would work a second night job and then I would go out and be with friends. And it was literally like a fear of mine to be alone or to spend any time alone.
00:17:16
Speaker
I constantly had FOMO, like the fear of missing out. So if I was ever alone at my house, even if it was on a weeknight, and I would see my friends out on social media or just know that they were out, I felt extremely isolated.
00:17:32
Speaker
I hated it. So I really did anything that I could to not be alone because I didn't want to do the internal reflection of like my inner world. Like this was before any personal growth and development. I didn't want to feel this like anxiety and depression and just like extreme unease that I was feeling because I had never processed any of the things that I was going through. And so this led again to like very codependent friendships
00:18:00
Speaker
where I would just be with certain best friends all of the time. I would spend the night at their house all of the time. I lived most of the time at my boyfriend's family's house, or he would live with me at my house, and it was just constantly with other people.
00:18:19
Speaker
that is where I had no time for inner reflection. And so I didn't really see where my future was going. I couldn't really plan anything. I always had that drive and aspiration in me since that is my life's work. I was always aspiring to go somewhere. It wasn't a clear direction and that's why it took me 10 years to finish college. And so I would just be in this pattern of
00:18:42
Speaker
Like I said, working, going to school, going out. I would be extremely burnt out all the time. I was always sick, constantly sick with colds, constantly getting hurt. I had horrible hangovers, like debilitating hangovers.
00:18:57
Speaker
And something so interesting is that I had such a fear of using my voice and expressing myself that you couldn't pay me to get on the phone to do anything. I couldn't call to make my own doctor's appointments. I couldn't call to order a pizza. I couldn't be on the phone to call out from work. And so it's so crazy because every job that I've ever had until the company that I work for now, every job in my younger years,
00:19:27
Speaker
did job abandonment. I ghosted them because I would be too hungover to call out. And so it's so crazy. So my best friend at the time, we have very similar sounding voices. And so anytime that I would be super hungover, I would just have her call my boss for me and pretend to be me and call out for me.
00:19:47
Speaker
And I don't know how it worked, but every time it did, she would just be like, hi, this is Alyssa McCoy. I'm not going to make it if today I'm sick. And I don't know how they believed her every time, but it worked every time until the days where she wouldn't be with me or where I couldn't reach her to call out for me.
00:20:05
Speaker
I would be too afraid to call out. So I would do a no call, no show. And then the next day, the shame and guilt spiral cycle of being so embarrassed from letting my team down, from being so shameful of like,
00:20:20
Speaker
Standing up my job and just totally fucking over that responsibility I just wouldn't go again and then I would do you know like the three days of no call no shows and ghost the jobs and This was to I'm telling you every single job I've never been fired from a job never and I've also never been a proper two weeks notice because like that
00:20:41
Speaker
total people pleasing, afraid to use my voice. Oh my gosh, just horrible cycles. And it's so funny because now in my career, I literally am talking all day on the phone to people doing interviews and it's just such a part of my life and creating this podcast in so many different ways that
00:21:01
Speaker
being a manager, just so many different ways that I have to communicate and use my voice and then just to see how I was so crippled by the anxiety back then. It's just crazy to see the difference in how far I've come. So I was doing that constantly losing jobs because I was in this cycle of being deathly hungover.
00:21:21
Speaker
I mean, I would honestly be throwing up until 5pm the next night. I would be toppled over in my bed, excruciating migraine, cannot get up, cannot breathe, cannot do anything. No matter how much water or drinks I would drink to try to get out of the hangover, it just wouldn't work. And so I did that cycle for a lot of years.
00:21:48
Speaker
What's really sad is that I thought that it was helping with my anxiety. So I had extreme social anxiety. I started developing panic attacks. I would get panic attacks while I was driving. I would get panic attacks while I was going to work. And so I thought, oh, drinking is a solution. When really, it was just that my body was so out of whack from lack of sleep, lack of proper nutrition, drinking.
00:22:16
Speaker
all the time like so many nights a week. It just got to a point where I had such bad anxiety and I even felt like I honestly felt like the friends that I had hated me. I remember reading this book when I went when I got to university and it was it was really about the difference between shame and embarrassment. You can be embarrassed about things that you've done like behaviors that you've had but shame is this feeling that
00:22:46
Speaker
You inherently are a bad person and I really felt like that because I would black out so often and like not remember what I did not remember what I said, I would be hurting my friends feelings and you know just behaving in a way that is not at all representative of who I want to be.
00:23:06
Speaker
and who's not of my highest self, you know, like just a completely different person. And so I was always living in the shame cycle of just like, I really thought everybody hated me. I know that a lot of us can get in that place where we have negative self talk, but
00:23:19
Speaker
add in the fact that I was also blacking out drunk all the time and not remembering if I was actually doing things to make people hate me. It was like such a deep wound where I just felt totally inadequate. And then it would just cycle into wanting to drink again to feel confident. Because the drinking always did give me this false sense of confidence, this false grandiose sense of self. I always felt really cool as hell when I was drinking, which we all know is just a false
00:23:48
Speaker
It's a false mask that we can wear.
Decision to Change and Education
00:23:52
Speaker
Then when I was 25 years old, I finally decided I'm over this. I want to change my life. Again, I still hadn't done a lot of personal growth and development work at all. I didn't do anything yet, but I just knew that I didn't want to live this way anymore and I wanted to change.
00:24:09
Speaker
I just wanted one cool friend that was sober that I could learn how to have fun again. I remember just crying and praying to God, please just send me someone so that I can stop this cycle. I did not want to live like this anymore. I ended up getting into Cal State Bakersfield. I finished my undergraduate degree and I got three associates degrees, which I was super proud about.
00:24:37
Speaker
It's funny now because it's like, gosh, it's so sad because associate's degrees really don't do anything for us. But I was super excited about it and I somehow got into Cal State Bakersfield. So this was so divinely guided because I didn't apply there. I didn't even know that Bakersfield had a university, but I got in. The way that I got in was through this TAG program. So if you finish your undergraduate degree in California and you meet certain requirements,
00:25:03
Speaker
there's certain schools when you apply to that you can get into. And so I got into that one. And so I moved away. This was about five hours, five or six hours away from where I was living at the time in San Diego. I completely left all of my friends, my family moved out on my own. I thought this was going to be the perfect time for me to stop drinking and to really take all my school seriously. And so I decided to move into the dorms because when I Googled
00:25:33
Speaker
Is Bakersfield a good place to live? The first answer that came up was Bakersfield is a good place to die. So I was like, okay.
00:25:42
Speaker
I'm not trying to meet some random ass person to be a roommate with. So I'm just going to move into the dorms where it's like college students. And I feel like that was so much safer route. So I moved into the dorms. I was continuing now my last couple of years of college. And on the way up there, I was still deciding what I wanted to major in. My mom suggested that I major in accounting because she knew someone that made a ton of money in accounting.
00:26:07
Speaker
And so I was like, Hey, that makes sense. I'm going to major in accounting. This is so funny because it took me 10 years to finish college because I was never tuned into myself. I was never tuned into my intuition. I was never tuned into my gifts, into my design until what
00:26:23
Speaker
I'm here to do. And so I was just kind of at the whim of asking advice from people outside of myself, which we all know like does nothing for us. I mean, how many people do we know that go to school to become doctors or lawyers because it's in the family line of business. And then they go through all of that work and decide they don't want to do that, you know, because we don't really know what we want until we try it. I was taking all the classes and I was actually like doing really good because again, I was applying myself. I didn't have any outside distractions.
00:26:53
Speaker
I literally just went to class, studied, and went to sleep. That's all I was doing for those couple of years. I took corporate tax and I was like, this is not for me. I decided to change into business management.
00:27:06
Speaker
I ended up meeting my now partner, George, who was the RA in my building. So he was RA on the first floor. I will do a whole podcast about that as well and how I manifested him because I think it's really like a really, really cool story. It's so divinely guided. But we've been together now for seven years. I ended up graduating college with my degree in business management. The last year that I was in college, I actually was
00:27:31
Speaker
really, really, really excited to go after my master's degree. So I spent a whole extra year at Cal State Bakersfield taking all the prereqs for a master's in psychology. I wanted to do
00:27:46
Speaker
family counseling and become a marriage and family counselor. I spent another year in school doing all the prereqs and I just loved all my psychology classes, got A's, A pluses and all of them because it was just I freaking love learning about behavior and like people and why do we do the things we do and the mind. It's so fascinating to me. I was on track for that.
00:28:07
Speaker
At the same time, I started working at the company that I'm in now, and I started just off as a technician in training, which is the person who actually does the oil changes. When I graduated college in 2018, I really didn't know what I was going to do with my life. I did not think I was going to stay with the company that I'm with now. I thought I was going to do my master's program, but I ended up getting a managerial position
00:28:32
Speaker
and getting my own service center. So I started running my own service center and was in charge of my team, was learning all of the backend on how to run a retail business. Really loved the responsibility that I had. I loved running
00:28:49
Speaker
the service center. I loved managing the team of people. I really loved the growth and development aspect of it. I loved training and just really helping my team succeed as individuals. And at the same time, I was going through my spiritual awakening.
Spiritual Awakening and New Paths
00:29:04
Speaker
I had already had my spiritual awakening the year prior while I was in college.
00:29:08
Speaker
It was actually from a professor who was teaching a course about life and death. That's where I learned that I am a soul living a human body. I learned all about mediumship and I learned about bedside visions and near-death experiences and all of this really empirical evidence about
00:29:30
Speaker
how, what happens when we die. I became fascinated with that. And so from there, I started learning all about Ayurveda. And that was like really the doorway into my spiritual journey. And I got into tarot and I started listening to Sahara roses, Hyacel podcast, got into Kundalini yoga, and was really starting to open my mind to these, like this whole of their life. And so
00:29:57
Speaker
I was having all of these major awakenings, and I was also realizing at the same time that this trajectory that I was in in my work life wasn't really in alignment anymore. It was during COVID, COVID happened in 2020, and we had to furlough a lot of team members because we didn't know where the company was going, where the economy was going. And with that, our business also started increasing because
00:30:24
Speaker
We were considered an essential business, so we stayed open and we had to service all of the vehicles that are essential workers' vehicles. And so I never had the experience of staying home. I feel like my COVID journey is so different from so many people because I never
00:30:43
Speaker
was isolated or had to stay home. I experienced a lot of fear because I was dealing with the public and I still had to work with the public when I didn't know what was going on. I just remember being in such a state of fear all the time. My nervous system was extremely regulated. It was the middle of summer in Bakersfield. We had to wear full-on PPE, nitrile gloves every single day for the whole shift. We had to wear masks outside for the whole shift. I had to be
00:31:13
Speaker
The leader who was setting a great example of this while I was also having extreme health issues. I had horrible eczema breakouts on my hands from always just being wet and sweaty and just extreme stress. I was underweight. I wasn't eating properly.
00:31:32
Speaker
At the time, I was going back and forth between being vegan and vegetarian, but I wasn't eating in the nutritious way. It was more of the carb diet of that. It was extremely unhealthy. I wasn't taking proper lunch breaks or rest breaks. I was working very long hour days and just so freaking overwhelmed and stressed out. The whole state of the world was in fucking hell. I didn't know what was
00:32:01
Speaker
I didn't know what was going to happen, but I just knew that I didn't want to keep doing this anymore. I didn't really love what I was doing anymore. I felt extremely burnt out.
00:32:12
Speaker
me and George actually went to visit the Sequoia Forest, the Sequoia National Forest, and we both had our own experiences of talking to the trees. And I made the commitment that day to my higher self and to nature, God source, universe, the cosmos, that I was going to make a change. And I was going to start really taking control of my life and create a different path for myself because I just didn't want to do this.
00:32:36
Speaker
anymore. I really didn't love managing people. I really liked the one-on-one relationships that I built with them. I liked their development. I liked pushing them to grow into the next position. I really loved helping them with their personal life and their health and things that were going on like that. Then I realized, hey, that's more of a coaching role. What I really like doing with these people is helping them discover their highest potential. I like helping them push them towards their
00:33:07
Speaker
towards their goals and their dreams and keeping them on track. But I don't like babysitting people. I don't like bossing people around. I just don't like the managerial aspect of things.
00:33:23
Speaker
also at the same time had looked way more into the marriage and family counseling and just learned like how regulated it is to be a licensed therapist or licensed counselor in California and how much schooling it took and
00:33:39
Speaker
how I wouldn't really be able to share my personal experiences. It was more of like a very different client relationship. And I was at the same time really starting to learn about coaching and this whole side of like personal growth and development and decided that I want to do this.
Career Transition to Coaching
00:33:53
Speaker
Like I don't want to do the counseling route. I want to be able to share my experiences with my clients and have a deeper relationship with them.
00:34:01
Speaker
And so I finally got the courage to tell my boss that we were moving back to San Diego. So me and George moved back to San Diego and we were staying with my mom. It was just going to be temporary until we got our own housing. George had actually applied to the San Diego Police Department and was in the boot camp. And we were going to use that sign on bonus to get our housing going.
00:34:31
Speaker
And then it fell through. He ended up not getting in. And this was when COVID was happening and all of the stuff with the police department. Looking back now, it's so divinely guided that he did not get in because now he's living his purpose, which is like out of our wildest dreams. We never thought that he would be an entrepreneur and owning his own business and doing what he absolutely loves to do. And if he would have gotten to that police department, which we were chasing the money 100%, like
00:34:57
Speaker
Also, to make a difference, he grew up in Watts, California and experienced the very negative side of the police. He wanted to be a change. He wanted to represent a different side of the police. He was really doing it for those kind of reasons.
00:35:19
Speaker
I'm glad at the end of the day it didn't work out because he agrees too. It wouldn't have been great for his personality, his design, his mental health. What he's doing now is much more suitable for him and he's literally living his purpose. So we ended up living with my mom
00:35:35
Speaker
for a couple of years. Again, found myself in the same unhappy cycle. I was extremely stressed out. I would literally go on my lunch breaks and just fantasize about never coming back because I just wanted to do something else. And I was so into like Sahara Rose and the High Self podcast and I manifested a support role. So I manifested a support role working for our VP of operations. So I
00:36:04
Speaker
got out of the managerial position, I got back this Monday through Friday set schedule so that I can spend all of my time on the nights and weekends working on my business. And from there, I became a spiritual life coach and I have been using that and coupled with
00:36:23
Speaker
my training in human design. I went to HD school and got my human design certificate. Not that you even need a certificate for human design and I don't know, there's a lot of thoughts on this because there's this actual human design organization that you can get certified through and that's one school of thought that a lot of people are really tied to.
00:36:45
Speaker
But I really love the teacher that I went with and the way that she teaches it is a little bit more empowering. She learned from someone who studied directly under raw. So it is still a direct lineage of the human design teachings, but just taught from this other perspective. And so got that training and really just have been finding myself in this place of like, what the heck do I actually want to do?
00:37:15
Speaker
And it was actually through just learning and experimenting with my own human design that I'm like, I'm just doing me. Like I am removing this label. I'm removing this pressure. I had the undefined root center with so many gates activated in that freaking center. And so I feel the pressure all the time. I feel this existential pressure of like, I need to know my purpose. I need to know where I'm going. I need to be evolving constantly and I want to be successful. Again, a lot of that Capricorn energy.
00:37:44
Speaker
But if it's coming from a wounded place of not being fully embodied in who I am, it doesn't do any good for me. And so getting back and just experimenting with who I am and who do I want to help, I'm slowly uncovering that I am really here to just be present with what feels good in the moment.
00:38:03
Speaker
And I'm just here to share what lights me up. I have all of these beautiful modalities under my belt that I can use in whatever freaking way that I want to. And right now that just looks like my human design readings and gene key readings. And so that's what I really love about what I kind of bring is like, I have my life experience. I have these different things that I've gone through.
00:38:26
Speaker
I have my alcohol free journey. I have my fitness journey, my sole purpose journey, my nine to five journey. And then also like all of these certifications and trainings to really just help other people figure out what the heck they're here to do. And that's really feel like I feel like that's where my genius lies. And I'm just excited to share my voice on this podcast.
00:38:48
Speaker
And that's where we are current day. And so, yeah, I sometimes when I look back, I was just actually on a call with one of my really good friends this weekend. She is a peer of mine, a fellow coach. And we were talking about how sometimes it can feel like we're so far behind or
00:39:10
Speaker
something can feel really hard to get back into, like getting back into a workout routine. And she was like, Alyssa, just remember how far you've come in your alcohol-free journey and how hard that was to stop drinking. And look at all of the years that you've been alcohol-free and now it's just so easy to you. It's just who you are, you're embodied in it. And if you can do that, you can do anything. And it's so true.
00:39:36
Speaker
And this is where it's like I want to offer that to you. Wherever you feel like you're inadequate, you're not good enough yet, like you're new, you're developing this skill, I want you to remember the things that you have gone through that have been the most challenging for you. And just look at how far you've come from that point and take all of that and put it into whatever you're like trying to do now.
00:39:58
Speaker
and you'll see that you're actually way more capable and way more strong than you give yourself credit for. Whenever we're starting something new, especially if we're on the sole purpose journey, maybe we want to change careers, we're new at it and we're going to suck. This podcast is going to be my worst freaking episode ever because it's my first episode ever.
00:40:21
Speaker
And as I continue growing and as I continue to show up every single week and a new one comes out and years down the line, I revisit this. I'm going to be like, Oh my God, like I am such a great speaker now because I just started to develop the skill. Everything is a skill. I love this. I learned from Maria Henning. Love that lady. I don't know why I said lady. That's weird. My calls are a lady, but I fricking love.
00:40:45
Speaker
Maria and all the things she teaches about human design and gene keys. Her thing is all about everything is a skill. Literally, anything is just a skill. The more times that you do something, obviously the better you're going to get at it. We cannot judge ourselves on this first thing that we're trying to do, this first coaching package you're trying to put out, this first iteration of your brand, this first time you're stepping into a new career,
00:41:09
Speaker
or you're trying something that you love, you know, whatever it is that you're trying to do, obviously we're going to suck at it until we put in enough repetitions just like in the gym to build the muscle. Yeah, that is what I feel like it's kind of the essence of this whole podcast is like,
00:41:25
Speaker
Where can we take the challenging aspects that we have of our personality or the challenging stories and where can we rewrite them to really say like, oh, this actually happened for me and this is helping me become the person that I'm here to be in this next timeline. So yeah, that's a little bit about my story. So I hope that
00:41:49
Speaker
you learned something new about me. I hope that you found yourself in little pieces of my story here and there. Maybe you moved when you're a child and experienced that feeling of leaving all of your friends behind and completely starting new. Maybe you experienced bullying growing up around your appearance or just for who you were, which is
00:42:12
Speaker
really sad. And I'm actually so glad that I live in a generation where social media was not present when I was in elementary and middle school, high school. Like I cannot imagine. Oh my God. Maybe you experienced divorce and you know what that's like. Maybe you've experienced toxic relationships. Maybe you experienced issues with alcohol or wanting to just experiment with being alcohol free because you just want to express yourself in that way. Maybe you've experienced what it feels like to be inadequate at work or
00:42:41
Speaker
Maybe you've experienced getting to this like really high up place in your work or in some part of your life and realizing like, hey, actually I'm not that happy here.
Manifesting Love and Relationship Lessons
00:42:51
Speaker
How can I get the strength and confidence to pivot? Maybe you've manifested your dream job or maybe you are stepping into this new version of yourself in your highest self as a coach or a healer and you can experience what it feels like to just be like really confused still and be like, why is nothing working?
00:43:07
Speaker
you know, so somewhere in there, I hope that you have related to my story in some way. And I hope that you can see that
00:43:16
Speaker
We're all just here doing the best that we can. And when we come together in community and in connection, we can actually help each other just propel and jump timelines even faster. So thank you so much for being here. I'm so excited that I got to share a little bit about myself with you. And what you can look forward to in the next episodes is I'm going to be jumping into my alcohol free journey. This is going to be really beneficial for, again, you don't have to be someone who wants to stop drinking, but maybe you are curious.
00:43:46
Speaker
about how it would be to be alcohol free. Maybe you're curious about how it would be to drink less or to put yourself out there, maybe to like date, go on date sober or to have girl nights sober. Maybe you are someone who doesn't drink anymore either, but you're really curious to see how your human design could have potentially played out in your need to feel like you needed to drink too.
00:44:14
Speaker
cope with certain things or to become a certain way because you felt inadequate in some way.
00:44:21
Speaker
In any ways, it's just very, I think it'll be very beneficial. And then the other episode you can expect is I'm going to talk about how I manifested my partner, George. I will be talking about my relationship patterns previously and how they were not the most healthiest, but definitely like, again, no regrets from anything I've been through because I feel like it just really makes me appreciate what I have now. And I feel so happy for this like healthy, thriving relationship.
00:44:47
Speaker
I'm going to talk about a little bit deeper into my purpose journey and to maybe just give some insight into where we don't always know exactly where we're going, but sometimes if we just take that next step forward, it can put us on the path of exactly where we need to go.
00:45:03
Speaker
Thank you so much for being here and listening beauty. If you enjoyed this episode, please be sure to leave a review and share the episode with a friend who you know will love it. We can connect further on Instagram at I am Alyssa Mae. So come say hello, leave a comment of your favorite takeaway on my most recent post and I cannot wait to connect. Thank you so much and I will see you next time.