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Dungeon Dive Inc 17: Kevin Can't Wait
57 Plays10 months ago
This is it: the team's well calculated uprising against the EVIL archbishop finally culminates and they receive some help from an unexpected place. The archbishop's secrets aren't the only thing they will reveal! It's his butt, they also reveal his butt. You can find all our junk here (fun things and ways to support us): https://linktr.ee/funinstallers. And special thanks to our guest Sean from Gestalheim Productions! You can find their stuff here: https://linktr.ee/gestalheimproductions. Thanks for listening!
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Transcript
Introduction and Overview
00:00:00
Speaker
Since when do we ever care when you start the recording? Like, you don't ever tell us anymore. So why would you tell us now? Just being special. Hey there, welcome to the show today. Thanks for listening with your little, little, little things inside your head there. Yeah, sure. Talk to the audience. You and I were in the middle of conversation, but whatever. I wasn't in the conversation anymore. Anyway, what are
Game and Character Introductions
00:00:23
Speaker
we doing? Role players, podcast, dungeon diving. We got the whole
00:00:30
Speaker
for people here today. I thought that's so cute. No, no, I just posted an episode of T.O.Q. is filler one week because we didn't have any other episode. Yeah, there was a whole day and everything. I kind of forgot all day. Anywho, and I was pretty lazy to update in that one episode. I was just supposed to read a real fucking sloth that day. And it was more than one day I was being a sloth. We got Adam there playing his feller boom. Papa Papa. Close, I'll get it one day.
00:00:58
Speaker
And we got Adrian playing the goblin feller named protects. He protects. And then there is cast playing tulip corpse pod, the orcish lady and surprise to you today. We've got another guest, a little pre appearance here. Um, his name is Sean. You may remember him.
00:01:22
Speaker
as Sean, who has played other characters before. Say hello, Sean. Hey,
Sean's Announcement and Game Rebranding
00:01:30
Speaker
Alex. It's Sean from Dungeons of Pop that's rebranding into Jesselheim Productions. Whoa, rebrand. He'll love to see it. You might know me from such guest stars as Kobe Brown, The Flight. Kobe Hash Browns. Yeah, I think I bit you slightly beat me.
00:01:46
Speaker
Yeah. He also played grandpa. Yeah. And the dog production. Yeah. Yeah. And the dog episode. Yeah. That's the episodes on fun and sailors network.com, I believe. So go listen to it. If you want to find the dog. And we are still getting hits on it, too. So it's awesome. Yeah, man. It's getting hit on so much. It's like, damn, y'all. Do I have to dress differently? I learned the dogs. I love that dog episode. It's pretty great.
00:02:12
Speaker
Um, but yeah, so we got Sean today. He's going to be playing, um, a character as well. I believe he's also an Orcish person. Yep. I am an Orc. He's an Orc. His name is Kevin. His name is Kevin. A profound Orcish name. A very, very, very Orcish heritage. Um, and this is Kevin. And so that's what we're doing. We're playing the game today that we're playing and you're going to listen to it.
Recap of Past Adventures and Church Intrigue
00:03:12
Speaker
And Sean's here. Oh yeah, fuck yeah, that's right. Thanks. Last time, that's right. Last time you guys did your thing with the church. You went to the guy's house and rummaged around, make a little like he was getting somebody trying to rob him. You did rob him a little bit and he got aggravated about it.
00:03:30
Speaker
And he went all around the places where you put your little spy magics up, boom. And he did- He did that. He did say some things while he was under the influence of camera filming him. He was under the influence of camera. And he was saying some shit that you predicted for the crowd of people that Father Aimsley gathered up. You then said some other shit and spread some rumors around and just kind of said he was an asshole. And everybody's like, hey, you know what?
00:03:58
Speaker
You're kind of fucking right. We don't like that guy and they got real peoed and everybody Started going into church. They were a big old Mob situation was happening and they were real angry and Aimsley was like, oh, it's kind of it's kind of fucked up. But What's the fuck's his name? The guy the Archbishop said about his basement that He said about his you didn't get into his basement so he was happy about that and
00:04:24
Speaker
And you guys decided to go to his house, to go into his basement, and that's where he left off, at his basement. And we are going to open, I believe, with the angry mob, because that is where we will place Kevin the Orc.
Kevin the Orc and the Church Mob
00:04:41
Speaker
He's going to be inside the church as the angry mob storms in, they're storming in. Father Aimesley's there, he's going, he's going,
00:04:47
Speaker
What's he going? He's like, oh everybody just, we don't gotta hurt nobody, everybody just, all right, calm down. And inside there, Kevin, the orc, what kind of like, I described, there's another paladin there, he's a level nine, he's a little higher ranked than you, he's a level nine paladin. He wears like a nice like little surcoat over his like sort of plate armor he has, which I didn't give you any armor either. So let's say Kevin the knight has
00:05:12
Speaker
chainmail armor, you can get two armor points in your armor thing on your I was actually going to use for my my thing. I actually had a plan for that. OK, OK. You're naked and afraid then. Oh, no, no, no. I was figuring Kevin's armor is going to be like I was on this thing. I use magic to make armor to go with the gimmick.
00:05:33
Speaker
OK, Kevin, the more clothes he takes off, the stronger he becomes. Oh, man. I had an uncle like that. But anyway, the other guy he got just just to give you the kind of idea of what the clothing that like a paladin in the Altuz Ash Church wear, the other guy has like a sort coat over his armor he wears that.
00:05:50
Speaker
like the sun on it like it's white and has like a golden sun on it that's kind of shit they wear they love the sun so if you want to wear like something similar you can be wearing like i don't know whatever kind of thing you want what's what's what's kevin the orc look like as he as he stands inside the church and a mob comes in what's his clothing what's his face what's his nose look like
00:06:08
Speaker
Kevin is he's kind of a lean looking orc actually he's kind of except for his legs he's definitely been leg day and i feel like he has like the robes but his robes he's kind of a rebel so his robes are dyed blue but he has the sun symbol
00:06:24
Speaker
Okay, and he has mutton shops, anyhow, and if he's not been wearing his hood, you would see that he actually has, I don't know what it's called, I think it's called a mohawk? Like it's like a mohawk, but then it's off to one side. Like it's long hair, but it's just on one side, another size bald.
00:06:41
Speaker
Oh, I got you. I mean, I don't know what it's called still, but I know what you're talking about. So that's great. So yeah, you're you're in there standing and you see like the doors burst open and just a bunch of a whole gang of people, like a big crowd comes running and they're like, get the best judge, Bishop. He's taking all our money. He's a prick. He hates us. And the other paladin guy, he kind of guards the front area. He guards the money mainly. He's staying there. He's kind of like looks over where you are. He's like, uh, let's let's let's keep these people out of here, I guess.
00:07:10
Speaker
And he collects his little spear into the ground like a little wall of light appears in front of him. He's like, back off, you fuckers. And they're like, oh, whoa. What do you do in this situation? Whichever your name is. I forgot Kevin. I think Kevin kind of he he looks to the crowd, he looks to paladin and then he throws one arm back and throws one arm in front of himself as he says to cast the magic spell to summon his armor. OK.
00:07:35
Speaker
And he just kind of yells out, a knight of the forsaken oath, Templar, as I cast a spell to summon my magic armor.
00:07:46
Speaker
OK, cool. Roll mind. And at the same time, Zach looks over at you and he goes, what the fuck did you say? And 11. Holy shit. That is a fucking success if I've ever heard about one. So you do that thing that you have set out to do. What sort of magical armor comes off of your body? I think he kind of like just quickly forms over him and it's this pink and magenta looking armor that just kind of close up his body. Almost like the chest plate almost looks kind of like a furnace.
00:08:16
Speaker
And it's just probably like there's probably like a green going underneath in between the slots, like the slots like you can see inside man's cooking. Yeah, it's like a full body armor and then it kind of forms like a mask over the face. And then these it looks like it looks like he's almost blindfolded with this glowing green cloth. But it's you get the sense that he still can see through it.
00:08:44
Speaker
Okay. Okay. And I also, behind the scenes, guys, I really, I gave, I gave Sean all the knowledge of how to give his self attributes and shit, but I did not give him any equipment. What kind of weapon do you want to wield? I think Kevin, he wield, you know, actually, I think like a hook sard.
00:09:05
Speaker
Hook a hook sword. Wow. That's pretty cool. Well, he's got a hook sword. You know, hook some people with his hook sword. So let's say or chucks myself. Can I have sword chucks? Can I cast that spell later? Probably. Yeah. So, yeah, you have sword hook sword. Let me add you a thing on here and maybe or maybe not. We'll edit this out. Hook sword. We're going to say it does three damage. That sound good to you, brother. Yeah.
00:09:29
Speaker
All right, there's a hook sword at the bottom three. So remember when you hit things, you do three damage. So you have the hook sword out and you pull it out, you keep your shit wielded or sheathed at the time. I think I keep it sheathed because the fact that I've distracted this guy, I'm going to go for a classic.
00:09:53
Speaker
Wait, wait, hang on a second. I think I missed something here. He's with the church, but he's helping the mob fight into the church.
00:10:00
Speaker
It would seem so. Okay, I just want to make sure that I was like, wait a minute. He's jump kicking Zach. Yeah. Oh, shit. Yeah. Zach didn't realize that was the temple. Or is it is it Zach, the one that farted on the desk? No, that was that was that was Jeremy. Jeremy farted on his desk. OK, everybody. Yeah, fuck Zach. I mean, maybe if if Kevin has no Zach, maybe he didn't realize he was a cool guy, too, but he's going to kick him in the head instead. So roll body to kick in head. Jesus.
00:10:30
Speaker
Or jump kick, wherever you kick him. Jump kick. Here we go. That's a nine.
00:10:36
Speaker
a good nine and that is a True ass success brother. So you actually do the thing that you went out to do and let's just say I'll actually know for buffer for for unarmed attacks and shit like that. We go off of half. I forget how I did that. How do I give you yours with your fucking face? If I can you do for damage 48
Breaking into the Church
00:10:55
Speaker
you do free damage. Yes, you do two damage. OK, so you kick. Where do you where do you kick this guy in his chest and his neck and his eye?
00:11:04
Speaker
I think I'm going to kick him in the chest. OK, right in his chest. You just run over. He turns towards you. He's kind of holding his spear with the with the magical barrier between him and the people still. So he's looking at you turn somewhat somewhat and you kick him right in the chest. And you hear a you kind of clang into his chest.
00:11:24
Speaker
put a dent into his little chest armor and he just kind of stumbles back and we'll say his little his little wall disappears and people are like, hey, yeah, this fucking purple guy is helping. Yeah, they run. They run past all you guys and into the church further. So kind of like there's just like a whole herd of people rushing past you. What do you what are you going to do now?
00:11:43
Speaker
I'm I'm I think that Kevin's gonna follow a little thing goes true power of out as as this church needs to go down and As you're as there are people are filing in and you yell that you see you probably recognize father angel he comes in he's like um Yeah, but we maybe we don't go don't don't kill too many people Just get the archbishop maybe outside a wolf I don't know tar and fever him and some guys like I'm chopping his fucking head off
00:12:13
Speaker
All right, so we'll leave you there. That kind of perspires as as the other guys have teleported away. Transpires. You guys transpires, transpires. Somebody is perspiring probably in that situation.
Exploring the Archbishop's Basement
00:12:25
Speaker
So the rest of you guys, you're over at the house of the Archbishop. You just opened his basement door very calmly and casually. And you see like a stone set of steps going down into the dark basement. What do you do?
00:12:38
Speaker
Yeah, Tulip, you go first. You're bigger than Protex. That's a good observation. Off I am. Yeah, you're big, like muscular, like, you know, the real lifty kind of gal. She looks at Protex and smirks and starts to go down the stairs. I'll beat you in an arm wrestling contest anytime. Who, me? Or her? Talking to Tulip. Not you. Oh, okay. I'd like to see you try as she goes down the stairs.
00:13:07
Speaker
Uh, yeah, you know what? Hey, maybe let's not get into a bicep majoring contest now. You know, let's go. Hey, look, guys, we're team. We're here to rob a rich hoity toity bad guy. Right. Let's do the thing. Yeah, that's cool. Let's do the stealing. Yeah. Is, is Jessica ready? Jessica's combat ready. All right. Let's go. All right. You and Jessica and Dwayne and Dwayne go, and then I'll follow up on the rear.
00:13:37
Speaker
What was our team name again? The bigger black attack is go. Right. Let's go. Let's go down the basement. We go. OK, so you guys get down there and there's another heavy door as it turns that a little bit lower landing turns left from the stairs at the left hand side is another heavy door like the other one you bashed through. What do you do?
00:13:58
Speaker
Oh my god, what's with these everyone in doors? How many doors do you need for a place? You already got a door to the basement, damn it. Who even invented doors? That's all necessary. Aw man, we gotta go back in time and destroy Reginald von Doar. Yes. After Dovin, then this guy. Yes. Right. But it's the present moment. Reginald von Doar still has a door in front of you. What do you do to that door? Well, what else do we see?
00:14:22
Speaker
I'm just a little, little square, like three by three, a little stone landing at the bottom of the steps. It's nothing new. It's just a stairwell of sorts, if you would. Does it have a handle on it? Probably, yeah. All right, Protex Tulip, your time to shine. Let's see if you can break this one in two. Yeah, ladies trust. Of course, I'm going to. She's going to kick it in. OK, roll your bow body.
00:14:48
Speaker
A six or that is a mid range success, which is great because you kick the door in and it goes in words. And as you do that, though, there was magic on it. Oh, shiz, Nick. And it like a little burst reverberates out from the door where it was. And you all well, you pull up, you get hurt because you fucked up your role. So you take one damage, ignoring armor as you smack into the wall behind you and protects and boom, papa.
00:15:18
Speaker
Please roll for me a body or mind wherever you'd like to do to try and evade yourself from this situation of getting blasted by this thing. I'll roll a body just for fun.
00:15:31
Speaker
It's an eight. Nice. You both jumped out of the well, we'll shoot. She's sorry. Uh, protects. You jump out of the way just fine. You're like, huh? You kind of brace yourself. You don't get knocked over. Um, and boom, you wouldn't say, ha ha. That's good. That's good. He says that. And boom, you also take slap him in the face. That's great too. Boom, you take one damage. Uh, also as you get smacked against the wall from this force of wave that has bursted out upon you. You know, damn it. The one door I don't expect for magic. Fuck.
00:16:00
Speaker
But otherwise, the room beyond is free to be plumbed by your hands and feet and eyes. All right, Luke Goblin, go do your thing. Go in there and loot some goblins. I jump through the doorway. I jump through the doorway. Excellent. And then you land. And as you land, the room lights up.
00:16:44
Speaker
Dagnabbit, you're trapped. But you can see there's a nice little table in front of you. There's like another little chest in there on the table. There's some little statues around. There's dudes holding the sun up. There's also some little books and scrolls laying around and shite like that. What's your plan and everybody else behind you, you guys see him kind of like,
00:16:50
Speaker
and like torches pop up on the walls, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep, beep
00:17:07
Speaker
Can't move. What's everybody thinking? Can I just not move my legs or my whole body? You kind of like, you kind of, you can kind of like twist your upper body and shit, but you can't really, you know, like a huge range of motion, kind of move your arms like a little bit to the sides and shit. But you're almost kind of like trapped in like a mime circle. Okay. I throw to my end and say like, go find a way out of here. What direction do you throw them into?
00:17:28
Speaker
Into the room. Okay. He clatters along like over the table and kind of probably falls on the floor a little bit. Okay. He'll take care of it. You guys see that protects is done all the things I've described. All right. So Tulip, how do you feel about, you know, just leaving them here that way if we get caught, like he goes to jail, but we don't.
00:17:54
Speaker
I'm fine with that. All right. Hey, Dave. Hey, uh, little guy. It's been good knowing you. Okay. You and Dwayne, you guys. Yeah. Pleasant, pleasant trails. And, uh, you know, we'll see you. We'll see you around. Maybe we'll visit you. All right. Have a nice day. All right. See you. You know what? I'll just put you out of your misery. Ah, shit. Don't do that. There might be more magical sigils in here. I was shoving protects in there. He's already in there. He's trapped.
00:18:21
Speaker
Don't you see him? Oh, goodness. Close the door on him. Uh, okay. There is no door. You broke it. Damn it. Oh, I forgot. You know, sometimes I, sometimes I wonder about you. I hit my head. I hit my head when I fell backwards. I, you know, hold on. She shakes her head like furiously and looks around to see if there's anything that can block the door.
00:18:50
Speaker
um not where you not in your little area there's sure look i was kidding i'm just i'm just ribbing them we're not gonna look so cool what are you talking about i would have been fine with that and then that's all the loot for me yeah all that loot for you and the police come and take you to jail run out of here by the time somebody comes in here but you're trapped in a sigil how you run it anywhere
00:19:15
Speaker
I have the perfect escape plan. All right. Well, hey, you know what? You know what? I'm going to watch your escape plan. That way I don't have to come in there right away. So go ahead and do your stuff there, little guy. How are you going to get free? Stretch your stuff. I'm going to put Jessica below me and then she's going to turn into a table and that lifts me up from the ground. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. OK. If you can't move your feet, how are you going to do that? You know, I put a B.
00:19:43
Speaker
between my feet and then she like lifts up my feet. Oh, you want me to lift you up like a baby? He's talking about Jessica, the table on his back.
00:19:57
Speaker
Oh, I forgot about the table. You're not testing, huh? Your weird relationship. No, I really don't. Well, hey, you know, just so you know, if this works there, goblin guy, just know that technically you didn't do this by yourself. I gave you that table. You know, this is my team, so... No, it's Boom7. Thank you very much. Did you see the episode title? I did not. Oh, okay.
00:20:26
Speaker
Well, either way, so you're going to, are you going to yell duck and try and have your thing go beneath your feet? Yes. Yeah. I forgot that was the case. So you yell duck and the table table. Okay. I'm sorry. I spoke over. Yeah. You know, duck there and a table jumps off your back and, um, it kind of, uh, it's, it we'll say it has the ability to sense your, your, uh, what you want.
00:20:44
Speaker
And you jump or at least you hope you jump, but you don't because your feet are stuck to the ground. So the table kind of comes and like clacks into your shins and then you kind of you kind of like fall down like over it halfway. But you're like now you now you're like laying on the on the the sigil on the floor and you can't move from your laying position like half your legs over the table. So now you're even more uncomfortable than you were before. But is he laying backwards like his back on the table or is he going to hit him in the shin? So he went he went forward. Yeah.
00:21:11
Speaker
Okay. So you're kind of what you're drinking. I think we are quite as planned. Hey, you're halfway there. Do it again. But this time you make some wacky noises when you do it. How about one of you guys just comes and like helps me? Are you asking for help, Protex? Maybe. Oh, I don't want to get stuck to the floor. All right. Hang on. Let me see if I can. You'll be fine. I'm going to cast Dispelicus Magicus.
00:21:41
Speaker
All right, brother, go and roll that stuff. As a nine. That's just the job, brother. Stuff goes away from below you there protects and you kind of fears of slump a little bit because you're like a little more. I would have moved now you slump on the ground and you can move freely and it is safe from the sigil of of place holding. I keep walking. See if there's another one.
00:22:05
Speaker
I mean, how about I just throw Dwayne and Dwayne to like different parts of the room and they're like, check if there's traps. Yeah, you know what? You go ahead and do that and Tulip and I will head towards the back of the room. I was going to say, actually, let me let me just say the room's not too huge. It's kind of less like where you were standing and then like the table on the other side with some shit and stuff on it. So it's not really too huge. So more or less, you can probably assume that the sigil just took up that space in the floor and then there's not much other floor space left.
00:22:33
Speaker
Alright, alright little Luke Goblin, just grab the shit and come back out here. Tulip and I are getting antsy. Okay, what do I see in there? There's a little chest on the table. There is a couple dudes holding the sunups from Golden Little Statues. A bunch of books and scrolls and shit. A couple books and scrolls I should say. So I take like the scrolls and throw them and boom.
00:22:57
Speaker
Oh, be careful with those. You don't know if they'll explode. What are you doing? Then I take the chest. How big is the chest? It's probably as big as your chest. Double C. Oh, okay. Then I'll take the chest for me. Okay. And what was the other thing? There's a couple little Elsa's Ash Sun guy statues and a couple of little books there too. Get the books, Protex.
00:23:25
Speaker
Fine. Get the books and throw them at Tulip. Knowledge is power. Oh, Tulip, you have all the power now. Damn it. So you guys have those things and boom or protects. There's those two little statue guys. You can take those two. Do they look heavy to carry? Not too. They're like they're like little like statuettes, like not like too huge. OK, then then I'll take them with me.
00:23:53
Speaker
OK, cool. Yeah, you got them too. That's great. So you guys leave that place with those things? No, I'm going to look at it right away. OK, you look at the scrolls there. Boom. Yeah. Well, I'm going to ask Tulip what she sees. Tulip, what's in that book? That's got to be what he doesn't want us to see, right? Either that or it's what it is in the treasure box. Can I roll in mind to find out what's in the book?
00:24:13
Speaker
Um, you can just read it and probably just read it in front of you and then meditate. And maybe the noise just comes into your mind. You open them up. Um, one is sort of, one is just normal out to Zashian Bible. Um, no hidden compartments or anything like that.
00:24:32
Speaker
And the other one is a little journal type of thing. And, um, it starts with, um, I have seen the truth of the sun, the, uh, and the truth about the zash, we are not the first people to live here and we are not the first people to worship the sun. And he goes on to say some other bullshit, um, about that kind of stuff. So he, and that kind of thing in that book. Yeah.
00:25:02
Speaker
Boom Papa, you might want to read this, she hands it to him. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. I don't know what any of this means because I don't worship Alcatraz. Read another section. I have spoken with a professor in Indiana, John Jonas, at the university. And he agrees with me that what he believes to have been ancient serpent people also worships the sun and a being they called Altuzash.
00:25:32
Speaker
There is something we both believe to them. I can do it. I tried to spare them. God damn it. Damn. Damn it. Damn. Damn. Damn. Damn. Protects. Damn it. Two of them. It messy. Damn it. Dwayne Dwayne. Jessica. Damn it. How could I tell you?
Debate Over Treasure Chests
00:25:51
Speaker
It wasn't good. Damn it. Protects. What's in the damn box? I haven't looked yet.
00:25:59
Speaker
I'm very surprised that you already aren't just rubbing your cheeks on whatever's inside of it. Open it up. Well, no more less from last time where I lost a couple of coins. Well, no one else is here. Hurry up before someone shows up. I mean, I would like to do that in a safe area. Let's just leave first. God damn it, man. We got it. All right. Hold still. Do we have everything we need here? Did we miss anything? Doesn't want to like take a shit in there before we go.
00:26:27
Speaker
Maybe tickets. I don't know. Does Protex want to punch anything? Yeah, Protex want to go punch some statues before you leave or something? Nah, I'm fine. Right. That's just it. Good. All right, Tulip, can you, well, in that case, can you hold on to these books so I can take a quick look at these scrolls before we go? Sure.
00:26:46
Speaker
All right. What do these scrolls say real quick? Are they like magic spells or they like information scrolls? There are more information scrolls. He's got some shit drawn, like the stuff you saw in the underground, the serpent area and stuff and things like that. Hmm. OK, so they're just diagrams. Yeah, a little little sketches he made. Of the underground place. So he was there before anybody else went down there and knew it was there. Maybe not there specifically, but he knows he doesn't have a name written on it, a place written on it anywhere. No.
00:27:16
Speaker
Damn it. Damn, I gotta figure out where this is. That means I have to go and crush that dude's nuts until he tells him what this is about. Tell me what this is about. So you're gonna leave that place? Yeah, hey guys, all right. Everybody hold on to me real good. I crap on time. Okay. Whoa, a little tight there. Every time. So look what I mean. Hey, that's okay. All right, yeah, I mean, that's fine. That's all right. Yeah, a little good squeeze is all right. All right, ready everybody? Three, two, one. Do you guys wanna say my magic word with me?
00:27:44
Speaker
Duck. Boink. No, it's boink. All right. So that was Betsy. Oh, God, I think your table went somewhere. I didn't want it. I'm going to get back to Sean in the church area with the mob situation. But where are you guys going to be going now? Let me know where you're going. Fucking probably. Back to the fact of your office. OK, because that's so HQ.
00:28:14
Speaker
Yeah, that's like the first place I think boom thinks of what he needs to go somewhere that like he thinks he's safe goes back to his office. OK, that's great. So Sean, you're back in the church.
00:28:24
Speaker
Everybody's running past you, you just yelled something about, this place needs to burn, I think, start to go down. And everybody's running past you, and Father Aimsley's like, oh, but yeah, I'll probably don't kill nobody. And you hear the best people are running into the upper area. You hear a guy you know is Jeremiah. He's like, don't knock over my canvas. And someone kills him with their thing. And they're like, yeah, I got one of them. Fuck these people. I don't even go to this church. I just wanted to be a part of something.
00:28:53
Speaker
I think Kevin's trying to run and get ahead and goes, and I think he's going to try to reason with the crowd and goes, wait, no, no, no. If you kill them, they won't suffer enough. Sends out to Zash. Living with their sins will be more harmful than it, even if you give them a death, you give them freedom from their sins.
00:29:15
Speaker
Uh, the guy who stabbed, uh, Jeremiah, he's like, got his, he's still got a sword in his belly. He's, he's like, he's moving around and Jeremiah's like, he's like, he's, I mean, he's still, he's still not, he's not quite dead. Hey, Steve, you want to get on this? Yeah, come on. Oh yeah. Um, roll a, roll a personality to see if you can convince this mass of people.
00:29:33
Speaker
To not be a mob of insanity. A seven. That is a mid success. Would you like to reroll that sucker or save it for later? I want to reroll it. Okay. Go for it, brother. Better not be a failure. Oh, it's the same result.
00:29:50
Speaker
Same result amid success again. So yeah, that guy's like, I mean, I mean and some people like yeah, he's kind of right I mean like we can make him suffer before we kill him and some other people like I mean, well, you know Maybe we should do the better to the autistician thing and he's like, hey remember I said guys I don't even go to this fucking church I want to just I just want to come kill some people man. That's all it's about
00:30:05
Speaker
They're like, I don't know. And then Father Ames, he runs up to the front with you. He's like, he's right, everybody. We don't need to kill anyone. We need to turn against them and get rid of them out of the church. And we need to praise out his archen the way he was meant to be praised. And you don't need to pay no money to do it. And they're like, oh, fuck, I like that shit. Yeah, man. And so they kind of at least pause for the moment. And some of the more unruly people are like, all right, well, what the hell are we going to do then?
00:30:33
Speaker
We need to capture the archbishop so he can be put to trial. Trial by Altrazaz. Oh, hell yeah, man. Hey, yeah. And someone else was like, I was going to say, uh, I think he's got a lot of the people in power and town in his pocket, but he probably doesn't go out to Zash in his pocket, right? Everybody? Yeah, probably not. Yeah. So how do we do a trial without Zash, then? I think Kevin leans over. The father goes, uh, well, when I met Evan, I was.
00:31:04
Speaker
thrown into the the mud and then, you know, I think I'm not sure. I'm not sure yet, but I think they are special to actually hit me with his card. So maybe like something like that, like something. I think they would chance or I don't know. I don't know. I'm just throwing out ideas. You want to run them over. All right. Well, maybe run them over. Maybe we'll run them over. But no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm just I was just thinking like maybe like
00:31:32
Speaker
He has to face his accusers like in a mud pit or something like wrestling. Oh, mud wrestling. All right. Oh, yeah. That's all right. Yeah. That's I mean, that's more of a that's kind of more of a crazy dude in the background. It's like I love mud wrestling. It's funny. That's that's kind of more of a kerosene thing, you know, trial by combat. But I mean, we can also kind of like he like, you know, if you're not going to be good enough, we can. Well, we better hurry up and get back there and try and get him, though. He's probably he's probably leaving pretty soon. Yeah.
00:32:00
Speaker
He points to go, he's like, you free there, come on back and help us. Everybody else just chill out here for a minute. We'll go back and we'll get him and you can all have your turn kicking him in the head or whatever. I'm just kidding, we're not gonna do that. But come on everybody, let's go back. Come on, Kevin.
Plot Against the Archbishop
00:32:12
Speaker
On it, yeah. And I think he looks back at the crowd and he goes, I can tell you firsthand that the father is right. I got this awesome suit from St. Evan and I was poor as shit. Oh, cool. He's breathing up his hands.
00:32:30
Speaker
Yeah, that's pretty sweet. We want some armor too. We want some armor too. And Father Angel is like, all right, let's come on. Let's go back and get him quick, Kevin. Hey, let's do it. Let's bring him to justice. You guys run back there and you kind of just see like as you run around the corner, like behind through the doors behind the main stage area, the little hallway back there, the door to his room is kind of like cracked open and you just barely see like his little eye peeking out and he closes it real quick again.
00:32:58
Speaker
And he's closed his door in front of you. What do you what do you want to do? Well, I mean, I made a fantasy comic writer and with a comic writer encounters an obstacle. It's time to punch. I'm going to punch. I want to use magic to punch the door so hard it explodes. Well, all right. I'm proud of you for punching the door. Roll mine. There's a lot of door punching going on in this town. Mine advantage you as you magically punch with mind to mind the doorway. Mine.
00:33:27
Speaker
So yeah, you punched that door with it. What happens when you like, do you actually punch it and magic comes out of your hand? What happens? What do you do? I feel like it's kind of like, um, it's like I punched the door and it's like a shotgun burst of magic out of my knuckles. Like I like my arm turned into a shotgun. So yeah, you blast like a whole huge hole in the door and father aims. He's like, Oh, well, good job. And he reached through the hole and he like unlocks the door from the inside and he opens the door. He's like, all right, Archbishop, you prick. We've come for you after all this time.
00:33:58
Speaker
And he's like, Oh, okay, guys. Just, this is just real, just fucking relax. I got a lot of money. What do you want? You want gold? You want bitches? I got golden bitches. You want it? Oh, I got it all, man. Somewhere fucking, uh, Protex galls ears are ringing. He's like, you say golden bitches. I want them golden bitches. Father. Aims looks at you, Kevin. He's like, I don't know about you, Kevin, uh, but I can't be bought. I can't be. Oh, no. Oh, there's one thing you could give me. If that will get me to leave you alone.
00:34:26
Speaker
Oh, what is it? I don't know, I'll give you anything, yeah. I slap him cross the face. My self-respect! I think I pulled off part of the helmet and you can see, like, there's a reason why he was wearing the hood. He got hit by that car and it fucked up his face. Oh, my God.
00:34:48
Speaker
I can't help you there. Listen guys, you can't hand me over to that mom out there where they're going to tear me apart until I'm dead. No, no, no. We've already talked to them. We're taking you to justice. Okay. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely. Take me to see the people in the law. They'll get this straightened out for us. No, no, no, no. We're not taking you to the justice. We're taking you to justice.
00:35:22
Speaker
I don't think I like this father aims it. Come on, man. Fuck you cuz I've you feel prick. I hate you You cuz You brought bad name to the church can't do look at there's like a hundred people out there ready to storm this place and burn it down Oh cuz you was taking their money calling them shitty poor people and shit They're gonna burn the church down man. This is place about to say she couldn't ruin it all man. I
00:35:45
Speaker
Uh, so what do you, Kevin, you know, you're gonna grab ahold of him and bag him up or wherever. Yeah, I think I'm going to grab, I'm going to, I'm going to scrap. Oh no, I know what I'm going to do. I'm going to grab his ropes or his, his word is outfit.
00:35:59
Speaker
He's got ropes, yeah, he's got a big old rope. And I'm going to pull a hockey move because I'm going to pull them over so they're over his head and he's blind by them. Just start slugging them in the gut. And then even worse, because then I'm going to grab him and lift it and then pull. And when I'm doing that, I'm pulling him and I'm just going to I'm going to I'm going to body. I will try to knock him out.
00:36:28
Speaker
Oh shit. When you flip his rope over his head, you see his pasty white ass and his little legs. And you just flip him over and smash him. Oh god! Oh! He just kind of slammed my body to the ground and it knocked me out. That hurt a lot though. And then Father Ainsley leans over and he's like, oh, I got the medicine for that cousin. He punches him in the face. Well, that's pretty cool. I like this kind of thing.
00:36:55
Speaker
Yeah, my dad, father, like I wasn't a violent man until I got hit by a car, but you know.
00:37:01
Speaker
After that, he told me to kick his ass. Evan told me to kick his ass, but, you know, sometimes an ass needs kicking. Violence doesn't mean death. It just sometimes means you get the shit kicked out of you, you know? Hell yeah, cuz. Hell yeah. I mean, hey, you don't gotta tell me a saint told you to do it. Someone needs their ass beat. They need their ass beat, cuz. That's all there is to it. Let's get them out of here. Let's go tar and feather them or whatever. I don't really... What are you thinking? Do you still want to remember the card? Or what are you talking about, cuz?
00:37:30
Speaker
I just, I think like, you know, like you want, we want the people to feel like it's fair. So like, I didn't mean like to fight to the death. I mean, like, you know, like, like, like the traditional wrestling, like he gets pinned, he gets pinned, he gets a chance to prove.
00:37:46
Speaker
He his his ideals are more stronger than ours. And then it's just like it's just like a big old wrestling match in the blood. They go. Yeah. And then, you know, it's just the honor of the free count. You know, if he gets a free count, he got on it. He's what he's lost. You got to get the fuck out of town. That's why it's beautiful. All right. Let's get it out there. And as he walks out with you, he's like, do you want to fight him? You want to get somebody into town? Like we could find a good wrestling fella. I you know, I'll I'll wrestle him. Oh, yeah.
00:38:14
Speaker
I mean, he can't be the only one, though. You know, there's gotta be other people. Like, you know, we could... Oh, oh, you know, I have an idea. You know, like, you know, he's been stealing money from people, right? Yeah, he's been... I mean, under the guise of the church, yeah, he's been taking too much money, yeah. We could hold it. We could make it like a charity thing. Like, you know, all the ones that were, like, you know, like his top gogs. Like, like, you know, get like set up like a charity thing. Like, you know, like the rich people in town.
00:38:43
Speaker
Well, I mean, you know, they like a good fight. I've seen him toss coin for like back when I was on the streets. Like I saw a guy throw a coin to two guys and say, like, whoever pinned the other one got the coin. Oh, I've heard some of those. Well, I thought he just wanted to go beat him up out in the town square right now. But you want to make like a whole like, yeah, because we could we could have. Fucking bum fights.
00:39:07
Speaker
It would bring in the rich people to pay to see the event, but then we donate the money to the poor people along with the money that he stole.
00:39:18
Speaker
Oh, all right. Why? Oh, okay. I guess that could work. Um, the only thing we have to keep hold of him somewhere safe. We can't trust the prisons here because he's probably everybody in his pocket. Um, the only place I know where there's people who will help us probably is the dungeon dive company. There's some blokes there. I don't know. You've probably seen him run through here. There's that weird, um, actually probably didn't see him run through here because he was dressed like me the last time he was here. Um, there was that, oh, wait, was he, oh, wait, wait. Oh, I thought that was you. He did the, the, the, when you took the, took the candle.
00:39:46
Speaker
Yeah, there's a whole thing. I don't really, I don't even. There's a bunch of guests, a bunch of those guys are crazy, but they got, they figured it all out, kind of, I think. Um, so let's go take them down there and they'll probably lock them up somewhere in there. And then we'll go organize this, um, charity fight. Yeah. Okay. Let's go meet those guys. So we'll cut back to those guys. You poof into, um, bureaucracy's office and you have all your shit. Uh, what do you want to do with all your shit? bureaucracy's there.
00:40:16
Speaker
Um, I guess, yeah, he probably would be there. He's like, oh, geez. Whoa, my God, you guys. Oh, that's like, guys, you got to stop teleporting into my office and hang out here at night. You scared the shit out of me just now. You know, it's kind of our office now as well. It's not your office. No, you can go, you hang out in the bunks. You can't hang out in my office. It's getting crazy. That's the most comfortable room. It's really not. I have my initials carved right over there in that shelf right there.
00:40:45
Speaker
Oh, come on. That's my, my mom bought me that shelf. Come on guys. Yeah. Yeah. I was a little confused because it says TC plus BPP. I don't know what that means. I don't know. That was Betsy's name, you know, and her pretend last name for that. Betsy does start with a B. That's true. I think I said never asked her a last name before.
00:41:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. That's great. So yeah, that's thanks for defacing the priceless, not even priceless, just a family heirloom my mother gave me before. Anyway, I don't care. Get out of it. What do you guys do? What's all this shit you got? Did you do a job? I guess you weren't on company time, so I mean, that's what you can keep all that shit. I don't need to hear about it. Yeah. You know, actually, hey, can you take a look at, hey, Tulip, can I have those books for a second?
00:41:37
Speaker
Um, but you gave them to me. Well, no, I just need the one. You can have the other one. I just need the one that had the things that we were confused about that you told me to look at. I just need to have him look at it real quick for me.
00:41:49
Speaker
OK, she likes she like puts it up to her nose and smells it and closes her eyes really fast and then hands it to her. Right on. I just I just flipped to the page about the snakes and then over to the part about like not being the first ones to worship out to Zash, because I don't think that's common knowledge, right? No.
00:42:12
Speaker
Like, hey, so we, you know, the archbishop dropped this and we found it. And, you know, he's currently under siege. So we can't give it to him right now. What do you mean, he's under siege? What are you talking about? Nothing, man. Hey, could you just look at this page real quick and tell me what you think about it? You're not the Zashian man, so I could really use your input on this.
00:42:33
Speaker
Saying the Archbishop wrote, he looks at the front and says, Journal of Archbishop Oswald. What is this? What is this? What is this? What is this all about? Where do you find this? I told you he dropped it. He dropped it. Well, what the heck is this shit? Who's the professor in Indiana, Jonas, at the universe? Who's that? What's this about ancient snake people? We're going to do that job over there. What was that place called, Protex? What's that place we went with the big hole and the guys and you squished the dude or whatever?
00:43:02
Speaker
Uh, Mordrage, I think. Yeah, Mordrage. Oh, the whole of the farmhouse. Yeah, yeah, you saved a little girl, I think. Yeah, there were snake people down there. That's the people that he's talking about. Apparently, there's more of them around here somewhere. Yeah, you told me. Oh, that's... And the Archbishop seems to think that they also worship Althazash. They worshiped Althazash first, apparently. Oh, that's pretty... I mean...
00:43:25
Speaker
And maybe that means he's a true God. Then if someone else solution to him too, that's just a little confusing. What's this here? So I decided I'm going to just take everybody's money and just buy my own show. Well, I guess he's an asshole, huh? But either way, um, uh, yeah, I don't know what to make it. It's kind of, you're kind of rocking my world here. Boom. Uh, I'm sorry. I, um, look, look, I mean, maybe we can get you like an emotional support rock. Dwayne, do you have any friends that maybe we can leave with? You rock Elise to talk to him.
00:43:54
Speaker
Um, he doesn't have any friends like close by, but he has some in the forest. Oh, well, hey, you know, next time we're in the forest, we'll, we'll, um, maybe we can call up one of his friends and he can come and be an emotional support rock for you. Yeah. I don't know if it rocks, uh, it's kind of fine. Um, so what do you want me to do with this other than, you know, shake my whole foundation of my religious beliefs? Uh, no, nothing. Hey, whatever you can, I have that back actually.
00:44:22
Speaker
because I got to go return it to the guy. But then then I said boom smells it and he goes, why did you smell? Oh, this kind of smells like my hands a little. I don't really know why she did that. Here, you can have his back. Thank you. Yeah, you're welcome. But now that's it. I just want to get a religious man's opinion on a religion that I don't know much about. Oh, yeah, I don't really I don't know. Tell you about that boom. That's kind of.
00:44:52
Speaker
I was blowing my mind. At least as far as I want to rationalize it, I'm just as I said, maybe that just means Altus Ash is a true God then for sure, because if someone else believed in him before us, he's got to be the real deal, huh?
Religious Beliefs and Interrogation
00:45:04
Speaker
I have a question right now. Yeah. So you didn't think he was a true God before that?
00:45:11
Speaker
Well, no, I did, but that's just me reassuring myself. At first, I got a little scared because she said, oh, somebody else, some weird lizard people or something, snake people believed in him. So I thought, oh, man, if snake people believed in him, maybe we're wrong. But then I said, no way, man. I'll have to zash all the way. It's not going to shake my belief. I still believe in him. Oh, OK. Yeah. I was kind of confused about that.
00:45:29
Speaker
Don't worry about it. Sorry. The religion's a crazy thing. It's hard to keep track of. Yeah. Where's our internet? Is he still here? Honestly, he's all up to you. I don't know who that guy was or what he is. I forgot where I put him. He's idling somewhere.
00:45:46
Speaker
I honestly don't remember. I don't even remember his name. He took a vacation. He has his assistant Tulip doing his work for him. Yup. Yup. Hey Tulip, you make sure you report back to whatever his name was because you're his assistant.
00:46:00
Speaker
Um, and then you guys, you guys hear a knock at the door and, uh, bureaucracy is just like, uh, yes, who is it? And, uh, um, an elf lady, you open the door. She's like, um, Mr. Biarchrely, sir, sorry to interrupt. There's some people here asking for, um, boom, papa and the goblin and tulip. Um, and there is right here. Um, and she kind of walks out of the way and then Kevin, you and father Aimsley come in with, um, I guess your fireman carrying the Archbishop over your shoulder was hanging out.
00:46:30
Speaker
Okay. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Ass is definitely hanging out in the pants further in case he got free. So you'd have to pull him up to run away. So it's slowing down further. Yeah. The first thing I see coming through is just a giant robe with that guy and some guy's purple armored feet below that robe because he's covering everything up because his job's giant and you see a big ass hanging out in front of you.
00:46:54
Speaker
Most of the time you have to pay for that. Father James comes around and he peeks around and the big robe is covering up Kevin's body. And he says, hey, guys, it's me. Look, this fellow here, he's one of the palaces of the church. Apparently, he's a templar or something. And he's helped me knock out the archbishop, but we're going to do like a prize fight or something for charity. That sounds cool. Can I take a part in this?
00:47:20
Speaker
Yeah, because Kevin wants to fight him though, because he met Evan and Evan told him, you've been run over by a cart, so you got a dispensed justice, right, Kevin? Yeah, I'm here to dispense justice. Mud justice. Yeah, it's going to be a mud wrestling fight, apparently, because of this. Well, hang on, hang on a second. So you're telling me.
00:47:42
Speaker
that you were part of the, you're a Templar and you, I'm guessing that you did this during the, wait, wait, wait, wait, where's the mob? What are they doing? Oh, we kind of, we kind of like calmed them down. We told them we're going to throw a big mud wrestling party with the Archbishop getting his ass beat by this guy here. And they were like, Oh, that's pretty cool. Um, somebody killed one of the couple of people that worked there. Um, so they kind of got their bloodlust satiated, I think.
00:48:05
Speaker
Oh dear, okay. Hey, can you, uh, can you just like put him on a chair real quick? Um, sure. I need, um, I need my friend Tulip here to help me do a quick little interrogation before we start putting his mofo in the mud.
00:48:19
Speaker
I guess, because that's what we're doing now. Directly, he goes, uh, cover, put something between his ass and my nice chair over there. My dad gave me that chair before he died. It's a family heirloom. He better not cover anything in that chair. Cover his ass up, please. And also, can you not do that? I don't need this. I don't need the Archbishop of my office. What are you doing in the arch? What's going on here? I mean, I guess he doesn't say his whole thing. Like all of this is happening in his office and he seems totally fine with it.
00:48:43
Speaker
This is, this is important, Briokhiles. It's important. Trust me. I guess you, you, you show me that book. He said he's been overcharging the people for their, for their, uh, spiritual freedom and whatnot. So, I mean, I guess he kind of deserves whatever. Uh, I, I got some questions for that guy too. Wake him up. He's been demoted from a archbishop, a bishop to a pawn. I don't get it. Where am I? Who is, why is my ass so cold?
00:49:15
Speaker
You're about to be asking why your face is on fire if you don't pay attention then, dude. We said dude in the medieval times. Alright, what do you want? What do you people want from me? Hey Tulip, can you prepare this man's arm to be in the break position?
00:49:35
Speaker
Of course, boom. And she like looks at him, just like flutters her eyes just a little bit and then grabs the guy's arm and just like puts it in between like her her thighs. No, mommy. Like on top of one and underneath the other.
00:49:57
Speaker
It's the kind of word this is doing something for me. I got the word, I got the word is boner right now. I will break it whenever you tell me. All right. So do you see those muscular thighs and just one, just one shimmy, one do the twist and your arm's going to be ripped out of its socket. Okay. So look, I got questions. First of all, Hey, hey, Protex, can you open the shiny box?
00:50:25
Speaker
Yeah, I was about to do that. I want to sit on another chair and look into a box. First you gotta watch my little goblin guy open up your treasure. It's locked. Oh my god. Can I open it? You can try. For old Bobo to rip that shucker open again. Where's the key to your dumb box?
00:50:44
Speaker
Number five That is a mid success that you do the same thing you do before you rip it open and shit goes flying everywhere So a bunch of those snake coins come flying out like a bunch of little like gold pieces of shit go flying out to some silver shit goes flying out and
00:51:03
Speaker
Oh, not again. Not again. And that's really it. Just a bunch of valuables come out of there. All right. So there's nothing of super importance in there like a picture, a journal, a tablet, an incriminating note. OK. All right. Well, all right. Protext, put that towards your house or your business or whatever the hell you do. Yeah. Nice. OK, you got that money. All right. OK. Can you give him just a quick squeeze to shut him up for a second?
00:51:34
Speaker
I first of all, who the hell's this Orcish guy? Who are you? You're a Templar. It's Kevin. I'm Kevin. All right, Kevin. Hello. This guy hit me with a car. Yeah, he ran him over with a car.
00:51:51
Speaker
And he takes off. I think he takes off the mask. He's going to see like he looks like he got hit in the face of a metal bat, basically. When you do that, when you say he got hit with a cart and then you take off your mask, he's just like, yeah, I believe it. Yep. That looks like a cart. That looks like a cart injury. All right. Well, I think I could see like the wheel would like to ran over your face because. Yeah. And then when that happened, I went to I went to I saw St. Evan and he
00:52:18
Speaker
Told me he had to come back and kick this guy's ass because he was besmirching, uh, Althasash. Althasash, yeah, Althasash, same, like, that's why I got this cool armor. This is like, I mean, I think he dismisses it.
00:52:32
Speaker
Oh, OK, that's cool. Wait, so so Evan, you saw this guy after he got hit by a cart because I'm telling you many times. My name is Father Aimsley. Right. I'm sorry. It's been a long day. All right. OK, so OK, so you brought this guy bare assed in. You want to put him in a mud wrestling contest. That's all good and gravy. I don't want any part of that. All I need to know. But yes, I know that already. Well, I should ask to look. Did you want to go mud wrestle some guys or whatever?
00:53:03
Speaker
I don't want to like assume you don't, you and Betsy don't want to get on it. You mean I get to go bash in some skulls.
00:53:10
Speaker
I mean, maybe I don't know, probably. I think it's just him, the Archbishop, who's fighting. Oh, no, I. Well, oh, oh, oh, Father, I thought we were going to like see like if there's anyone else complicit. So I mean, like maybe like big, like, oh, I mean, like a tag team, like a tag team wrestling. So that's more exciting for the people. So like, you know, like we've got to be at least one other. He can't be the only one who didn't know this stuff. That doesn't make sense.
00:53:38
Speaker
Well, hey, you know what? Maybe, maybe, um...
00:53:41
Speaker
Maybe we just go oust all the people in power that are, like, hoping to enable this freak. And then you can just do that same thing to them, and we'll just retool this whole town. Oh, that's gonna take so long, you guys. I just wanted to clear the church up, not the whole town's corruption. Oh my god, this is too much for me. Hey, that's okay. You can stop here, but the boom bus is gonna keep moving forward. Alright, cuz... I don't know what the bus is. We're planning to start those people anyway. I'm sorry, you're planning the what?
00:54:09
Speaker
No, we're planning to screw them over anyway, because we're doing the charity event to get those rich fucks do like because they're like they like people being emasculated. This guy is like the biggest person you can emasculate in the town. So we're going to do we're going to do the wrestling and charge them to watch this guy get his ass kicked. And we're going to give that money to the to the poor people. I'm poor people. I'm poor people.
00:54:38
Speaker
I feel like at this point you probably got more cash on you than most people have. That's not true. Look at the box you just got from this rich guy's house. You think you don't got more money than most of the peasants out there? That's not a whole lot. You could almost be king already. That's true. Why aren't you king? Because you have more money than the king. I mean, you're putting your tears in my head. I just want you to know, if you become king, I'm going to assassinate you and take the throne.
00:55:06
Speaker
But like, not like right away, I'll let you have your time, you know, to get ready for me. But just so you know, eventually, yeah, eventually we'll come after you and oust you as king. I will know to avoid that from happening. Yeah, I mean, you can certainly you can certainly try, but when I drop a mountain on your castle, just so you know, no hard feelings. It's just I got a thing against kings. Then I throw the mountain back at you and Betsy.
00:55:33
Speaker
Yeah, well, you know, when Duane becomes a big boy, maybe, but in the meantime, I'm going to drop his mama. Anyway, we could talk about that another time. What about mayors? What if he just becomes mayor? That's not a king. Yeah, I mean, mayors are probably fine. Just don't be a king. You can be mayor goblins of whatever this town is called. How are we in again? Hubbers, because hubbers were there. You were in hubbers right now? Oh, I forgot.
00:55:57
Speaker
OK. All right. All right. Toulip, get ready. If he starts to say anything outside of what I want him to tell me, rip that arm clean out of the socket. You hear me? I'm ready. All right. I'm going to hold up the one page from the journal that talks about not being the first to worship the guy. And then I'm going to also hold up one of the scrolls afterwards. I'm like, all right, explain this shit.
00:56:23
Speaker
Uh, okay. Okay. So, you know, yeah, he looks at his arm in between, uh, two of his thighs and is like, ah, okay. So, you know, you know how like, um,
00:56:33
Speaker
People have a lot of money they're going on little expeditions feeling like they're they're cool and shit, right? I went with some guys they wanted to look at some ruins And we went with this this professor in Indiana in Indiana Jones or something like that was his name and he took us to this one ruin he used to look at and he shows us all this stuff with these snake people holding up the sun and shit and then he tells us that he's pretty sure from his translations of shit that
00:56:59
Speaker
They, their gun, their gun was called at the zash too. And I didn't believe him at first. I was like, whoa, man, you're crazy. And then I started talking to him more. He showed me how he translated all this stuff. Um, didn't really make a lot of sense to me, but he seemed like he knew what he was talking about. So I was like, that's pretty, that's pretty wild, man. Um, and more or less, I just, um, yeah.
00:57:17
Speaker
And he showed me, yeah, he showed me some of his drawings of like what we took from when we were there and stuff, you know. That's, that's really long and short, but man, it's kind of, it's kind of weird to me, you know, to say people believed in this. Why did you have this hidden away? Because people probably would think I didn't believe in Altuzash, which I kind of don't know. And they wouldn't let me keep taking their money. Wait, you didn't think
00:57:45
Speaker
You don't believe, you don't think you believe in Alcatraz anymore because other creatures believe in Alcatraz? You know, what's some dumb snake gonna know about a, about the right god being the right, it's stupid. A friend also, I mean, to be honest, I kind of rose to power because I wanted to, I wanted the power in the church, not really, because I gave a shit about the god, about the beliefs, you know? Uh-huh. Right. Okay, hey, hey, Buroculis, you're hearing this shit, right? Yeah, yeah, you say he sucks, say he's a pretty bad guy.
00:58:14
Speaker
Yeah, yeah, okay, cool. So just we're all on the same page here. Yeah, you can all agree on that. All right, cool. So what are these little diagrams and drawings here on the scrolls fort?
00:58:26
Speaker
I don't know like that. That one. There's like a cavity in a door and other ones like, you know, that's, that's one of the snake guys holding the sun. It looks almost exactly like the statue of Altuz Ash holding the sun. We show, um, this is a snake instead of a guy. Um, yeah, that's just some stuff from like, you know, the ruins stuff, man, some of the imagery and things. All right. Uh, I'm going to cast a spell. I just rolled an eight, um, to, uh, kind of shine more of like a,
00:58:53
Speaker
like a little spotlight on him so it projects again. Like a little image of him out in the town. OK. All right. You got an H. That's a good. Yeah. So I'm going to hold up my staff as if like it's like a like just all right. Now look directly into the orb here. OK. It's kind of like shining light on his face. Oh, sorry. Hang on. Let me turn that down. Sorry about that. I saw an auto. Like it was even a little bit dim in here. It goes too bright.
00:59:21
Speaker
All right. Two things. And then maybe my nice pretty orcish friend here won't rip off your arm. All right. Okay. Okay. Get ready to look if he said if he doesn't tell me anything that's at the socket. Of course. All right.
00:59:40
Speaker
Um, first of all, I need you to repeat what you just said, but look directly at my staff when you do it. Those drawings, those drawings are from the ruins. Is that what you want me to say? I want you to tell everybody that you don't believe in Altuzash and that you're only here to take their damn money.
01:00:02
Speaker
Okay. Hey, we found these in your house. Hey, listen, listen, here's the thing though, guys. Listen, if I say this, I lose everything in the town as it is. All the people I have in my pocket, it's gone. So the whole mud wrestling thing, that doesn't need to really happen because I'll be, I'm already out. You know, I got nothing. Hey, don't tell, don't tell, don't tell Kevin and Tulip what they can do. And Protex is really looking forward to mud wrestling. Mud wrestling is it for those people.
01:00:27
Speaker
Yeah, it's got its own purpose, okay? Alright, so having said that, I want you to tell everybody who's in your pocket. Who are you controlling? Who is enabling the bullshitty things that you're doing? I want a whole list of names, where they are, what their position of power is.
01:00:47
Speaker
So we can all be aware of just the kind of bullshit that you're controlling in this little town of ours. Hubris deserves better. He looks from the point of the staff where the light's coming from and he looks at you, boom, and his eyes just kind of lose focus. He's like, just snap my arm. I can't. I can't. They'll do worse things than mud wrestle me. All right. Well, you heard him, Tula. Rip his arm off. Rip.
Interrogation Broadcast and Character Humor
01:01:20
Speaker
I look into my staff and I'm just like, we're going to find every single one of you. You're going to endure the same fate and probably something worse as I just look down the lens like I'm taking a selfie cam.
01:01:34
Speaker
Did you put that in the town square? Yes. They're just like normal people in a square. Since it was a mid success, they see your face kind of like you're in a fishbowl and it's like, I'm going to come for you and we're going to do a fight for you. What is he going to rip my arm off? What did I do? I'm like tapping on the screen. God damn it. On the staff, come on. Work for me.
01:01:57
Speaker
Hey, sorry, bureaucracy. We have to call mark to clean up that blood So it picks up the guy's arm and starts slapping him in the face with it Yeah, I said rip Kevin trying to heal the arm so he doesn't bleed to death before we can like you know I I don't know like Jedi mind trick him and find out these guys.
Reforming the Church
01:02:17
Speaker
Yeah, roll mind to heal his arm Yeah, you cauterize that thing
01:02:25
Speaker
The skin heals back over his nub and he's fine at least-ish. That's a clean chop. Hey, hey, Tulip, now you got yourself a nice little trophy. Maybe we can make you a new hammer out of the Archbishop's arm. Boom, boom. Now I'm going to have to get some sleeves on my dress. You know why? Why?
01:02:46
Speaker
Because I have extra armies. Hey, hey, everybody laugh. I cast thunderous applause. Wow, success. So he's like, um, all right. So he's like, I was hanging on the side of his head, like on his temple. He's like, what are you guys going to do with them until you do whatever hell you're going to do in fighting this mud wrestling thing you're doing?
01:03:15
Speaker
I don't know. I'm going to leave that up to Kevin. I got what I needed from him. Well, ah, hmm. Hmm. Well, if you're after the people enable this, I mean, I'm just I'm going to say need a little extra. He does like a flex. And this is how they have something for me to do at the church. I mean, I'm just just. Well, I was going to say, you know, I got protects and tool up here that got some pretty big biceps.
01:03:42
Speaker
Yeah, I'm thinking cuz you know just in case cuz you can't come around for the show certain times cuz Maybe I could use some help probably cuz who knows well who's gonna come around trying to stop things and you know Get up get up against us. You know, we're trying to reform the church So I'm really gonna it's probably gonna be some people that are gonna go after
01:04:02
Speaker
And if they need help you can always help them too, but I'm just also you kicked you kicked Zach right in the chest He's probably not gonna work want to work there anymore cuz we need a new paladin on front deck duty. Oh, yeah, that's fair. That's fair I mean, well, I mean like if you guys need me out, you know where to find me like cuz oh, yeah, absolutely We don't need these fuckers corrupting the church again
01:04:24
Speaker
No, trust me, when it comes time to take down the next final boss, you'll be on the front line with us there, big guy. I mean, you just showed the bare ass of the Archbishop to us as you walked in the door. That was, what'd you say, Protex? Pretty metal? Yeah. That's metal, that's my armor. Metal as his clown suit. Also, Kevin, I was thinking, I didn't ask you, what level paladin are you? Level two.
01:04:49
Speaker
Oh, okay. Yes. Zach was like level nine. That's kind of like, he was kind of bullshit in the church and that's kind of like a bullshit fabricated rank anyway. Um, so yeah, we, we need somebody anyway. Yeah. Level two. That's fine. Yeah. We need someone in there. I need a like-minded guy to help me make the place a better place. Um, not that I want to really run it, but, you know, I got to figure something out. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. I get it. I get it. Fine. That's a good idea. I mean, like, you know, sometimes the most dangerous piece on the battlefield is a pawn and I'm the pawniest of all pawns.
01:05:17
Speaker
Yeah, I have less
Archbishop's Fate and Humorous Solutions
01:05:19
Speaker
money than I don't even have money. He really actually pulled out of the pocket. I've been doing this shit for free. I haven't taught me that I don't need money. That's true, because we're going to keep this guy out there, guys.
01:05:35
Speaker
I just keep him locked up in his office or something. I don't know. You know, take him back to the church and keep him from getting killed. Oh, there are like cells down on the church. I guess we can lock him. I definitely need you to keep going in around there now, Kevin, because also just keep him here. We can't just keep pinning people to dungeon diving. I have not. He might he might be a dick, a liar and be rude and the whole thing about Altus Ash. But yeah, we can't be in prison in the dang Archbishop here. I mean, fine.
01:06:02
Speaker
Well, where did you guys find this books you mentioned? What if we turned that into like a prison for him? It's like lock him in the place where he kept his possessions as like some kind of like, what's that word with an I? Ice cream. We need to open the door, though, because Tulip broke the door to his basement. Irritable bells. That what you were trying to think of? Yeah, yeah. We'll do that, too. We'll feed him lots of beats.
01:06:32
Speaker
needs to suffer for justice. Why don't you just go go put them down on one of the cells in the church for now? You protect them until
Protex's Business Idea
01:06:40
Speaker
it's time for the mud wrestling or whatever that you're going to do. That way, Protex can get ready and, you know, get his little G string on and go wrestle in the mud with you. Hey, Protex, by the way, what do you what do you do with all that money? Have I told you I'm like building my own business?
01:06:58
Speaker
Yeah, but what kind of business? It's like a bar where like a bunch of goblins will work and like this whole wrestling thing like really inspires me. So I might want to have some wrestling shows at my bar. Oh, that sounds cool, Chris. Yeah.
01:07:13
Speaker
What are you going to call it? I'm not quite that far. Like, I just got the idea. If you have any suggestions for a name, I'm open to that. Oh, no, no,
Impact on Religion and Future Plans
01:07:22
Speaker
because that's too long of a name. You never know who's going to remember that. That's like, oh, I can't remember what you just said. You should call it Goblin. These nuts. You know, I might just think about names by myself. Oh, OK. Yeah, I mean, you know, just consult me. I got more. OK. You know, like how about how about Goblin?
01:07:43
Speaker
this food. You know, that's more like a name for the like whole bar thing. But like for the sport that we want to create in there, it's not quite fitting because that's not only going to be goblins fighting. Oh, no, I just meant for the bar. But yeah, you're right. I'm sorry. I think that's your thing. You know, I just once I get an idea. Yeah.
01:08:04
Speaker
You know, it'll be a nice place for us to all hang out, so we don't gotta keep bothering, uh, bureaucracies every day. And bureaucracies can come there as well. Uh, thanks. Thanks, there, Pertex. That's nice of you. I'm sorry we
Playful Banter and Group Exercise
01:08:17
Speaker
shattered your religion today. Eh, you didn't really shatter it, just gotta change the perspective on it a little bit. Oh, hey. You know, sometimes perspective is... something. Anyway, uh, hey, Tulip, that was a pretty nice rip you did there.
01:08:33
Speaker
Thank you, boom. Well, what kind of legs works out you do with those legs? How you do that? I do the work piece, the work piece, the work piece. You know what? I think we should all gather around to look in bureaucracy's office and learn how to do the work piece altogether. You're going to stand up. He's like, I could use some work piece right about now to get my mind off. All right. Let's do it.
01:09:35
Speaker
Oh, does it look good already?