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Ep 112: Halloween III: Season of the Witch (w 3CEUS)
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We continue Tucson Music Scene Month with our pal, and local synth musician, 3CEUS brings us this black sheep entry in the Halloween franchise, HALLOWEEN III: SEASON OF THE WITCH, directed by Tommy Lee Wallace and starring Tom Atkins and Stacey Nelkin. Better known as "the one without Michael Myers", we'll talk about why that happened and what is even going on in this batshit crazy tale of child murder, Irish warlocks, mysticism and rubber masks. Oh, and Tom Atkins is REALLY drunk the whole time.
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Transcript
Intro to Tucson Music Scene Month & Guest Introduction
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back for our Tucson Music Scene Month. This week we have our friend Thresius in the studio and there's 355 days till Halloween. Halloween,
Malort Tasting: A Bitter Experience
00:00:11
Speaker
Halloween. Let's take this shot of Malort. Hell yeah. I am unhappy. Poison. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm throwing up.
00:00:21
Speaker
I'm Thresius or Matt. This is bad movies. Where's people? How is that my lord? Because I love myself. And it's like somebody. that Oh, it's like somebody rolled a band-aid and burnt butt hair and put it in a fucking glass. Hey, it just was it tastes like the day my dad left.
00:01:04
Speaker
The thing is, it's not going anywhere.
Guest Introductions: Diving into Bad Movies
00:01:06
Speaker
It's that's the big problem. It's got a hang time. I the first time I ever tried it, I was like, that's not as bad as everybody said. And then 20 minutes later, I was like, I see the problem. See, i i have I have another one on right there. Try some whiskey. Maybe that makes it better.
00:01:20
Speaker
um Yeah, I'm chasing mine with whiskey. Got another one on deck, so I'll be able to eat myself more. Thresius is drinking mine. Yeah. we we are We took a shot of Malort, which has nothing to do with this movie, other than that it's terrifying like Halloween. Sounds like an Irish name. Because Thresius, Matt, we're just gonna call him Matt. I'm gonna call him Matt. Okay. That's how I know him.
00:01:40
Speaker
Yes, we do. is I'm going to call him my Lord Almighty. He's a big fan of my Lord.
Halloween III: Season of The Witch - Plot & Music
00:01:46
Speaker
And I have a bottle because I hate myself. Why wouldn't you? i i got it home Is that the bottle that I got you? Yes. It's the same bottle that you got me. Wow, it's lasted so long. Yeah. i' went through like Everyone refuses to drink it. I've went through like probably three cases since I got you that one. Not a good flex. ah So we've known Matt for... ah the whole time I've known you, but I think I met you before I even knew him, right? What was that? did No, when did you move here? So I moved here in 2017. Okay, so I met him with you. Yeah, it was probably around somewhere around there. Because we've been together since the end of 2014.
00:02:23
Speaker
I know Matt because he bartends and he plays music. And drinks craft beer. Yeah. And whiskey. And Malort. Oh, I wasn't going to mention that. I was mentioning things I like about it. Well, on that note, I'll take the second. Yes, I chased it with whiskey. It still tastes like Malort. Yeah, dude, it's just it's like medicine that's going to kill you. Well, this movie left a good taste in your mouth, right? So I wanted to reverse that. Surprisingly. Yeah. Like for once. We're talking this week about Halloween three season of The Witch. Has nothing to do with Michael Myers.
00:02:52
Speaker
We were we were letting all of our guests for this month choose a movie. And Matt said he wanted to do something. John Carpenter for a very good reason because of the synth music. And Matt is here. He's going to talk to us about his music. We'll probably mess with his synthesizer that's sitting there. Yeah. um Yeah. I I just started getting back into synthesizer music. I'm ah working on an EP that I'll be releasing here soon. But um You know, ah John Carpenter was a huge inspiration for how I do synthesizer music. He was really kind
Halloween III's Reception & Carpenter's Vision
00:03:26
Speaker
of the progenitor of ah even like synth wave and oh yeah really ah super solid in what made the 80s synth sound. So love that. I mean Whitney knows we're watching a movie and it's okay and then you can hear like stuff and she's like well Derek's happy now yeah well one night at one point that was happening and Matt's like well I mean this is definitely my favorite part of the movie so far and it's like yeah that's gonna be part of this movie and not to say it's a bad movie it's just that's the millions of children that potentially died is pretty cool too to you there's probably a lot of parents out there or just empathetic people that think differently
00:04:02
Speaker
That's fair. I mean, this movie really proves why Moogs do the heavy lifting. Moogs? Yeah. Is that something racist about Irish people? No, no. Moog synthesizer for Bob Moog.
00:04:18
Speaker
He's the reason why I can do anything that I do right now, even though I
Director Tommy Lee Wallace & Film’s Cult Status
00:04:21
Speaker
don't have Moog money. So you just have you just have a new milk money. Yeah. Yeah. It's ah it's the same thing. They just scratch off part of the M. Also, literally, mo get mooggo I would say probably ah eighty five percent of my synthesizers I bought at a pawn shop right up the road on shop.
00:04:40
Speaker
Because you got all these kids who are taking out their parents and grandparents shit and they're like, I don't know what the fuck this thing is. Oh, yeah. Take it to the pawn shop. Yeah, their husband dies like, dude, I had to hear this fucking stupid synthesizer the entire time we were together. I want to remember nothing about this. It's going to be our grandkids, isn't it? Every time they see you, they're going to think of synthesize. They're going to put on fucking They're gonna be like grandpa's coming over. I guess we're gonna have to watch another shitty movie with boobs and fig blood. Fuck yeah. Jokes on you though. Your grandkids are gonna live in Mad Max fucking timeline. Probably. Yeah, it'll be fine. I can't feel my face when I'm with you. That's what they'll... See, I thought that your grandkids would just be living in a, or like, would just be putting on some like criterion collection shit like some... I got that too. Exactly, yeah. I spend more of my time watching stuff like this. Like have, you know,
00:05:30
Speaker
like a three hour marathon of like guitar films like. You'd have to spend time with the grandkids for them to actually appreciate your shit, though. I'll buy them sandwiches.
Cinematography & Soundtrack Appreciation
00:05:42
Speaker
Is that so code from pot? Maybe. I'll hook you up. But the right out of the gate, I want to tell you people where you can watch this. If you would like to watch. Yes, you people. Who you calling you people? The listeners. Oh, OK.
00:05:57
Speaker
But so this movie is available if you'd like to watch it before we talk about it. You should on Peacock and AMC Plus. You can rent it at Apple and Amazon for four bucks. You can buy it on Amazon for seven bucks or you can buy it on Apple for 15 bucks. ah Fuck Apple. Or buying this movie. You can do what I did and you can go to Shout Factory and get their 4K, which is worth it. It is worth it.
00:06:21
Speaker
Because that's what we are paying us. But yeah, that's what I was just saying, not paying us. So this movie came out in 1982. So did I. Directed by Tommy Lee Wallace, not John Carpenter, but John Carpenter did still do the music for it. Oh, it shows. When was it released? 1982. nineteen eighty two now it's a fucking month, Dick. Oh, I don't know. October, presumably.
00:06:40
Speaker
Hopefully. Hopefully. we What did we watch recently that wasn't? Well, Halloween Resurrection. Yeah, Halloween Resurrection in July. july yeah And Friday the 13th part five came out in March. So stupid. That's where you want things to die. October is pretty much a dead movie month, too, or at least it used to be. For Halloween shit. But for, yeah, exactly. Yeah, that's your only sweet
Halloween III’s Cultural Impact & Unique Elements
00:07:01
Speaker
spot. Yeah, horror. For Busta Rhymes thrives. But this guy, Tommy Lee Wallace, he ah didn't direct a lot.
00:07:08
Speaker
He directed Fright Night, part two. He did direct the ah it with Tim Curry, the it, the TV version. of Yeah. Yeah. That's what I was going to say. And he so he directed this, which is a sequel to a John Carpenter movie, and he directed Vampires Los Muertos, starring John Bon Jovi, which is a sequel to Vampires.
00:07:29
Speaker
So we got vampires with John, the John Carpenter vampires. Oh, shit. With James Wood. James Woods. I think that like that would probably be better than anything else. John Bon Jovi has done. I probably have seen it. Except cocaine. I've never seen that. No, I didn't even know it existed the last time. I think I have. You're thinking of idle hands. That guy played Bon Jovi in a music video. This guy also directed three episodes of the television show Flipper. Wow. There we go. I remember seeing the Flipper movie in theaters in Charlotte, Michigan on purpose in theater. Yes, I remember seeing it. I'm pretty sure I saw it in theaters, too. Oh, you're good. Your parents are like, well, what do your kids say? Your parent, your kids take you to a movie. Your parents take you to, me I don't know, the 90s. Now, um he also wrote this movie kind of. ah He also wrote it, Fright Night
Potential Impact of Joe Dante as Director
00:08:21
Speaker
2 and Amityville 2, The Possession. So he just does sequels.
00:08:25
Speaker
or adaptations. You wear your John Carpenter shirt on purpose? Yeah. That's funny. I had to get one of those. but ah So this movie was originally written by a guy named Nigel Neil, who sued the producers to take his name off the movie once he saw how violent it was, because it was changed drastically from what he wrote. yeah John Carpenter rewrote it, and then Tommy Lee Wallace rewrote the rewrite.
00:08:47
Speaker
Huh. Wait. So John Carpenter actually had a hand in besides the music, but actually had a hand in what was happening. Yeah, he's still ah after this point, he disowned the Halloween franchise pretty much. But his idea originally. So we mentioned this one has nothing to do with Michael Myers.
00:09:03
Speaker
and His original idea for Halloween was not another. Well, I guess it's not another Friday the 13th. That was before. But, you know, another slasher movie with a recurring killer. It was supposed to be anthology films that were all had different settings that took place on Halloween. And then number one did so fucking well that the studio wanted number two. And he wrote that, but he did not direct it. So on that, can I bring up the it might be apocryphal?
00:09:31
Speaker
Um, but recently, uh, the letter boxed, uh, John Carpenter quotation marks, uh, quote. So, uh, they paid me more money than I had ever seen to write the sequel to a film, uh, that did not need one.
00:09:51
Speaker
I took the check and spent it on beers to get me drunk enough to plow through this crap. I looked at the final script, which took a whopping two days to write and said, wow, now that's a piece of shit. That's about this movie? No, this is on two. And it was. I had faith in Rick Rosenthal and he did not ah deliver. I suppose I expected him to be more ah to be more of a miracle worker And nobody could have made that work. um I don't, I don't regret hiring him.
00:10:29
Speaker
Rick Rosenthal, by the way, also directed Halloween Resurrection, which we just talked about for Halloween Horror Fest. Oh, fair enough, fair enough. That was a stinker. um But yeah, this so this site this movie, they he decided to go with his anthology thing. And I really hope he really wrote that, by the way. Yeah, yeah um until someone proves it, I'm going to believe it. But this movie was not a success. I mean, it did OK. Oh, no, nope I was wrong earlier, guys. I said that this movie cost $6 million. It was $2.5 million. Oh, yeah, it shows. And it made reynolds back on top and smoking the bandit. And it made fourteen point four. Yeah, that's not bad. But it was just it was it was horribly reviewed. People didn't like it because it's Halloween. They've seen to Michael Myers. And now they're like, what the fuck is this shit? If he would have gotten his anthology thing going beforehand, it might have been a different story. So then the studio went back to Michael Myers and John Carpenter was like, give me a check. Here's all the rights. Have a good day. Yeah.
00:11:23
Speaker
Also, should I, at this point, say that um this is the first Halloween movie that I have seen? Well, thank you. You're welcome for poking that hole. Poking that hole. Whoa. What a turn of phrase. Hey, you're welcome for poking that hole. ah Okay. And I'm never coming back. Are you going to come back? Oh, yes. That's a... Anytime someone pokes my hole, I'll come back. it's kind of That is why we are friends. It's kind of appropriate for you to watch this as your first, because
00:11:55
Speaker
So it's perfect it's more and I do agree with you I do like carpenters idea of having like monster of the week movie Yeah, exactly an anthology. Yeah, but you just Michael Myers was too iconic it well. Yeah, because they pushed it on us Well, John Carpenter did a fucking great job with that first one. Yes, he did. I don't think it was pushed on us. It got there. But I'm saying at this point, it was like just that first one was such fucking lightning in a bottle. And of course, studios are gonna be like, well, make me more of that money. That was really cool how we didn't spend a lot of money and made a lot of money. I liked that. What happens if we put more money into it? Do we make even more? It doesn't always make more. No, it's an army of darkness.
00:12:32
Speaker
Oh, let's ah I mean, it didn't make more money, though. No, it didn't make more money. I love Army of Darkness. I'm not missing that great name. Yeah. Yeah. But he got more money. Him being Sam Raimi and was like, look what I can do. And everyone's like, I don't like that as much. And so then he does Spider-Man two. Was it? He did Spider-Man once. Yeah. went to Yeah. I mean, the only really bad movie, I think, Sam Raimi is my man was well, Spider-Man three is not good at all. Yeah. But I was thinking I was the great and powerful.
00:12:59
Speaker
Oh, it's him. Wow. Yeah, everybody. Everybody's got to shut the bed once in a while. I mean, I mean, even Cronenberg makes ah what was the ah ah action movie ah that he did with Cronenberg, you say? Yeah, Cronenberg did one with. No, it was Viggo Mortensen.
00:13:20
Speaker
You're not both the ones with you and Mortensen are history of violence. Yeah, history of violence. You don't like that. That's a great movie. I mean, it's OK. OK. Oh, OK. OK. I know. Well, it was nice knowing you. you um' I'm I wish I didn't give you more. Everybody's allowed to have their own opinion. Yeah, I know. You're allowed to like or hate a movie. It's no video drum. Well, it's not apples and oranges.
00:13:47
Speaker
One of them's got a fucking TV coming out of somebody. Yeah. I don't always do this, but I want to mention the director of photography on this movie because it's Dean Cundee, who's basically an icon. Yeah. ah So he did all three of the first Halloween movies. He did a bunch of John Carpenter. He did The Fog, Escape from New York, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China.
00:14:07
Speaker
He also shot all the Back to the Future movies. Oh. Roadhouse, Jurassic Park, Apollo 13. One of the one of the best episodes of Book of Boba Fett. When is he getting to the good stuff? I was going to say. He shot the Tribes of Tatooine episode of Boba Fett. Oh, that is a good one. That is the best one. No, this man shot my childhood. Yeah. Like that's. Yeah, you're not wrong, dude. The Back to the Future is alone. Yeah.
00:14:33
Speaker
But no, I mean Jurassic Park. I was brought to see that when I was two. Oh, hook is so beautiful. OK, yeah, this guy knows what he's doing. And you can see it in this movie. I noticed it right at the beginning when Tom Atkins is running through the hallways. I was like, God, these shots are good for this movie, which isn't isn't. I like this movie. It's not a good movie. But as usual, though, the weak spot is the acting.
00:14:56
Speaker
Yeah. like that's just Except for Tom Atkins. He's okay. He's so drunk. I love him. Yeah. I believe he's drunk in real life filming this. Method act method actor. so There's the one part where he's like, oh no, but he's not saying it. and He's just like fist to his face, like scrunching. Try not to throw up, dude. no I was about to yell no, but it would have been accompanied by a stream of pea soup. yeah And then, yes, we are doing this one because John Carpenter did the music with his partner, Alan Haworth, who did a bunch of movies together. um He's also done besides his own movies. He did pretty much all of his own movies, except for The Thing.
00:15:34
Speaker
which had moot music by Ennio Morricone, who's Enya Ennio Morricone. Oh, so close. He's one of the most iconic composers in film history. He did a all the man with no name movies, Clint Eastwood. He did he did music for Hateful Eight Once Upon a Time in America, Once Upon a Time in the West. But just he's got a type 600 plus movie credits under Ennio Morricone. So ah John Carpenter did come back to Halloween. He did the music for the new trilogy, which I've not seen any of. I haven't. I didn't know that he did the music like that'll make me want to actually. Yeah, watch those because it could be a stinker, but it's going to be a stinker with a great fucking score. I was even thinking with this one um again, the ah the score and like just the soundtrack is a banger like. Oh yeah. You could put any of these songs on in a club and get me to at least like bob my head around. Derek would be at the bar toasting you, also bobbing his head. He's not going to dance, but he'll bob his head. Oh, he does the gopher from. He doesn't move his feet, but he goes like that.
00:16:45
Speaker
And this movie for a long time was pretty much considered the worst Halloween movie, but then more of them came out, say, well, just wait. But even up to recently, it in the last few years, I got like a reevaluation and people started realizing this movie is actually kind of awesome. It kind of is. I pulled up so like some reviews and I'm just going to read this one because this person just makes me laugh.
00:17:06
Speaker
Uh, it's a half-star review on Letterboxd. This movie blew absolute chunks, man. I feel like nothing was accomplished and even the kills were super, super mid. I don't know why I thought this would be a good option to have on my calendar. This shit is bad. so They even killed a kid, bro. What the fuck? And I'm like, you kill a kid in a movie. That's an extra star. That's an instant star.
00:17:26
Speaker
ah I'm not promoting The Death of Children, although this podcast sounds like it. Sounds like it. But in movies, it's awesome. Yeah. I will just say, this is the best Halloween movie that I've seen. Hands down. That's fair. It's his favorite Halloween movie he's ever seen. I love it. um And this movie does involve Irish warlocks, Stonehenge and microchips. Yep. It also snakes, which are famously not Irish. Yes. yeah Because they were all driven out.
00:17:58
Speaker
by St. Patrick. Listen to this fucking, this Protestant propaganda, this Catholic fucking bullshit. Okay, Protestant propaganda and Catholic bullshit are exclusive things. But that's that just sums up the civil war that they've had there. Look, it's Protestant propaganda versus Catholic bullshit. The snakes were symbolic for the old druids. I know what it was. St. Patrick pushed them all out. I was raised by agnostic people, so I never had to get force fed fucking religious shit. I was going to say, we were all Goths and Emos here. like I hung out with all the Goths, but I was like the chick in the white shirt. Oh yeah, you were Scott. Have you ever seen a fucking ginger Goth? It's alarming to go, I'm just dressed so dark. Yeah, but your hair is still colorful. No, they dyed it black. You don't have to do like white face paint or anything. Dyeing my hair black with freckles looks weird. Yeah, it was hot.
00:18:49
Speaker
But ah the director of this during a 35 years of terror Halloween convention back in 2013, people asked him about ah the connection between Stonehenge, Ireland, robots and laser beams that melt flesh and produce bugs and snakes from the human body. And his response was it's magic, man. Yeah. Why are you trying to put fucking rules on magic? There is no rule.
00:19:13
Speaker
And again, I think this movie is pretty cool, but the original director would have made this movie much cooler. This was supposed to be Joe Dante. Holy shit. I don't know who that is. Joe Dante, both the Gremlins movies, the Howling, Innerspace, the Burbs, Piranha. Innerspace. We could have gotten more comedies. We could have gotten more like, you know, wet.
00:19:34
Speaker
puppet action. Oh, yeah. Wet puppet is just an awful, awful term. Hey, can you hear my wet puppet? We go to the children's hospital. OK, look at any other movie from this era that's in the horror slasher thing.
00:19:51
Speaker
There are wet fucking puppets. Yeah. Also, can I swear on this thing? There we go. You know what else we would have gotten if Joe Dante directed it and it would have improved the movie is we would have gotten Dick Miller. Who's Dick Miller? i I mean, Dick Miller, I'll show you a picture. You'll know who Dick Miller is. I know nothing about everything you guys are saying. He's in every Joe Dante movie. Dick Miller. Oh, the dad from Gremlins.
00:20:18
Speaker
ah He's not the dad. He's yeah. No, he's another guy. The dad is the big fat dude. He's not a big fat dude He's definitely he would have been in this movie um and one more fun fact for Jack it Better be fucking fun. So a lot of the actors that played the robot henchmen were just found by extras casting, of course sure But Tommy Lee Wallace originally wanted to cast all redheads as Cochran's flunkies. Dude, that's how you instantly have the government up in your shit. Like, hey, dude, there is an alarming amount of gingers in this factory. We automatically assume you're up to no good. You're doing some Irish warlock shit. Also, they knew they were like, if we get all gingers, we have to shoot at night? Terrible. I mean, most of this movie's shot at night. Yeah, that's why. Did you see any of the robots out in the day? No, exactly. All right. We're on to something here. And yes, I did say robots to your listener.
00:21:12
Speaker
Yeah. So let's get into the the nitty gritty of this. You did see robots in the day. Sorry. When? ah When that one creepy one was just standing there behind in like a storage shed. Yeah, but he was staying in the shade. He was staying in a shade. They only came out of it. They only came out of the shade because of my dad's car. And she was going to find Papa's car. Papa's car. But there was a bunch standing on top of the building. A little mouse coming to America named Fievel. Papa. Papa. Papa. It's my daddy. there. See, I was going Yentl.
00:21:43
Speaker
and
00:21:47
Speaker
So the movie starts with a dude running away from a car, I guess, as you do. Yeah, I always do. He might have seen Christine and he's like, no, no, John Carpenter's here. ah christie Christine, Christine. No, don't do it. as this That's a different movie, different name. I know. She's just trying to torture me. Yeah, I know.
00:22:04
Speaker
ah This guy, by the way, was in Reanimator, if anybody cares. His name is Al Berry. Yes, I do care. Reanimator is a fantastic film and should be ah studied in you know film school. It should be. His head should be taught at universities, not even film school. yeah Just all around. yeah I'm pretty sure in that one he dies with his head like bursting out a bunch of liquid and his eyes popping out and it's a good time It's a good way to go. We all gots to go sometime, man. It's the only way I can get off. But I love that he's like fighting this, where we find out our robots, but these suit men, yeah these men in black that are running around, he's like fighting this dude who's trying to choke him out, and he pulls the ah like block out from underneath the wheel of this car. Yeah, luckily it's on a chain. It's a cement block.
00:22:52
Speaker
on a chain. It's an auto shop. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. It's an auto shop. They should have like ... Run by Arnold Schwarzenegger from Caught in the Barbarian. They should have cars, like car jacks and shit. That's an auto shop in this town. In the 80s, come on. I think you're making more work at the fucking cement chain. But also ... Let's say who leaves their car in neutral when that's why was that's why I was there is getting worked on because you couldn't put it in park. Oh, OK. OK. The transmission was broken. yeah At least put it in a gear. I don't know. But in the same way, the killing, if you don't mind me, go ahead. go Oh, yeah. We know the killing of this robot was done by one car rear ending another car at
00:23:34
Speaker
probably two miles an hour. Yeah. About two to five miles an hour. Well, I mean, don't go be wrong. Like it could, it could kind of hit you a little, but I think, I think a human would be okay. Let alone this robot. Well, we find out these robots have soft middle sections. Oh yeah. Soft tummies. Okay. But also that would have been more rib cage where it connected with him based on his strangulation. That's where all the processors are, though. These were steel vehicles back then. It broke it broke the fan, so he stopped cooling and overheated. Here, ah let's go in the parking, or in your driveway really quick, and I'll put my
00:24:16
Speaker
You know, I'll move my car back a little bit. You can pop yours into neutral and I'll stand between them as they roll back and that will be at an incline. As far as I know, you're not a robot, although you do make robot music. You weren't so concentrated on choking somebody. You couldn't just hold an arm out and stop the car. OK, Jack, you want to come out with me? Yeah, fuck out. OK, perfect. All right. So you guys, we're going to drive cars really fast toward each other. And this is Jackass.
00:24:47
Speaker
So then this dude escapes, even though he looked like he was dead. ah so Not the robot, the other guy. He gets to this gas station, which is the same gas station from The Fog, I think. Fantastic. I'm taking your word on it. Also, if that is true, The Fog is the first John Carpenter movie that I have ever seen.
00:25:08
Speaker
Nice. It's a good one. It terrified me for a long time. Who's John Carpenter's wife at the time? Tom Atkins, who's in this movie. It's a good movie. Take your word for it. You want to watch it? I got it on 4K. I just said I'd take your word for it.
00:25:20
Speaker
I will come back and watch that with you. All right. Anytime. But yeah he runs to this gas station. This yeah station clerk is watching a documentary about Stonehenge as you do in the middle of the night. what You guys don't do that? I mean, he might be really high. I wonder if that's going to come back. He's micro dosing. No, I was going to go to a point that's further in the movie.
00:25:45
Speaker
Well, Stonehenge is not in Ireland. Is that where you're going? Yeah, that's what I was going for. But I think the idea is it's all like European shit. This Irish dude today has a British accent anyway. Until the end. I don't know if you noticed he went way into the Irish in his angry speech. Please, you know, try to tell a English or Irish person that they're European, live in England for two months. Like, you know, please try to tell them, especially now they're not. We're not in the European Union. Fuck you. You're going to get fought. I'd rather fight an Englishman than an Irishman. Oh, for sure. Same. But if an Irish guy beats the shit out of you, he is going to buy you drinks. Yeah, he is. OK, you know what? I took the letter. Can you taught me anything? Well, there's a saying and it's
00:26:36
Speaker
I'll tell you to go to hell, but I wish you a safe journey. There you go. We'll talk in the morning to you. And the rest of the day to you, lass. Thanks. Hey, that's about as good of an Irish accent as like half the cast had. Oh, I think it's much better than not. Better than half. You're real close to Tommy Lee Jones and blown away by the way. I am? Yeah. Which I watched that movie and everybody complains about his accent and I was like, I don't know. It sounds good to me. Pretty good movie Irish to me. It's also because when you look at Tommy Lee Jones face, you're like, that's not Irish. Tommy Lee Jones from Texas? Yeah. Like you look at him like that face is Texas.
00:27:07
Speaker
But then this commercial comes on, which will haunt the rest of us for days. Oh my God. I love it now. Eight more days to Halloween. Halloween. Halloween. Eight more days to Halloween. That's enough. Silver Shamrock.
00:27:23
Speaker
It is. I mean, like it's funny in the sense of this movie, but if I lived anywhere near this broadcast, I'm losing my shit. There's going to be at least one broken TV. How much you want to bet they've been playing it since Labor Day?
00:27:36
Speaker
it's yeah It's playing nationwide. You don't have to live near this town. 364 days till Halloween. ah I mean, that's how I started the show. I had to do a little bit of math. 355 days till Halloween from the day this episode comes out. Good. Let's just keep singing that every day now.
00:27:53
Speaker
I mean, also, did John Carpenter compose that? He had to have. He's the only one credited for original. Well, him and Alan Haworth for original music. It's barely original music. That's true. That's true. I know. It's public domain. But also, it is London Bridge, but you just fucking had Weird Al Yankovic sing the lyrics. Maybe. But there is synth work in that because all the musical accompaniment. Oh, because there's some polka shit up on that stuff, too.
00:28:18
Speaker
Maybe the Silver Shamrock Company chose that song because they were like, well, this song is actually about a bunch of English people dying. So yeah well we're OK with that. Hey, I mean, do that. It's my favorite song. ah The first of our IRA references. There was a ah little thing that Whitney picked up right away on the commercial, though. It's like, come get one of your Silver Shamrock masks. Get get one of the big Halloween three.
00:28:42
Speaker
three because Halloween is Halloween three because there's it's Halloween three season of the witch. I don't know if I said that earlier. You might know which part, but it's fine. He's a warlock, but semantics. You have a season. The warlock doesn't sound good at all. Also, there's lasers. So who cares? But these masks are a pumpkin or a jack o' lantern, a witch mask and a skeleton skeleton. Yeah.
00:29:06
Speaker
This whole town is going to have three fucking costumes. That's it. I'd be so annoyed. So this is in the 80s, right? 80 what? 80. Well, 82 is when it came out. 82. Oh, well, I was a ah wee babb. I was two years old. Actually, I think I read it. I was about to be two years old. I think I read that based on their timeline, because with Halloween being on, they I think some point they say it's Sunday, whatever. And it's actually in 1982 in the movie as well.
00:29:30
Speaker
So we were from the family where my mom was a single mom because her divorce finalized on November 1st. So she's a single mom of two girls. She made her our own costumes. Well, yeah, not every kid's going to die. There was one year I was a fabulous capitalist.
00:29:48
Speaker
Yeah. I'm for it. Because that's part of what this movie is saying, if it's saying anything. It is. It's going into capitalism of the 80s, right? I mean, and they're getting on it early because it just gets worse. But it's like all these kids, it's it's the same thing as the commercials we all saw growing up. It's like, you have to have this toy, otherwise you're a piece of shit. You know?
00:30:10
Speaker
And every kid is like Tom Atkins in a moment here brings home. Well, right now comes home to his kids after being off drunk doctoring. And he's like, here, I got you guys some Halloween masks. And they're like, that's horseshit. It's not silver shamrock. Mom got a silver shamrock. You're a bad dad. Yeah. So ah nice try. Also, fuck this fucking ex-wife, Linda. Fuck you, Linda. Well, it's his current wife. No, they're divorced because they're I was like, ah you need to take them on this day. Why aren't you picking them up now? I'm used to you leaving whenever you need to. OK, fuck off.
00:30:39
Speaker
Yeah, they're at least separated and probably because he slept with everybody at the hospital. Yeah, he slept with every female he's ever spoken to. Uh-huh. That's why he doesn't talk to his mom anymore. So she's just a squirt. Okay. Yeah. Okay. I could get on behind that. Well, we don't know what he did. He, you know, he couldn't get it up. He's drunk all the time. I can get on behind that. That's about what every other person said when they met him. can He can get on behind that. that I'm pointing to my butt.
00:31:05
Speaker
but Tom Atkins playing Dan Chalice, nothing that matters. I'm going to call him Tom Atkins. Dr. Chalice, the guy that drinks a lot, Dr. Chalice, Nurse Stein. His cup flow is over, dude. Nurse Stein's helping him out. Quick, I need 50 cc's of Jack Daniels. Stab. Oh no, my hand's getting shaky. I was going to say, if you're doing a surgery, you don't want your hand to shake. Exactly.
00:31:27
Speaker
So tom a not be a surgeon Tom Atkins was also in the fog, as I mentioned. He's an escape from New York, so you might be familiar with him. He's the he's not Lee Van Cleef, obviously, not the head of the people who send ah Kurt Russell in, but he's the one that's talking to him the whole time, giving him the tour okay facility, all that jazz.
00:31:44
Speaker
And all that jazz. He's also a lethal weapon. He's Murtaugh's the first one. He's Murtaugh's friend that was in Vietnam with him and is working with the drug cartel. And then his wife gets killed and then he gets killed or his wife kills herself, I think. I think he's his daughter. Daughter.
00:32:00
Speaker
And then he gets killed. Yeah, I think he gets shot through a thing of milk after the high. Yeah. Yeah, it does. It's his daughter that kills. I will make songs for everything tonight. I am taking Jack's part. Good luck. We literally have season of the witch.
00:32:15
Speaker
Yeah, we're not saying that. Like, I put that in your fucking two point five million. I know. And Tom Atkins alcohol budget was one point five million dollars. That's a lot of fucking alcohol service. I would you say like that's just a normal. ah a normal amount for a doctor in the eighties. Yeah. Well, they had to do it like craft services. So it was a bunch of shooters, which are more expensive per ounce. He's like a fucking marathon runner every time a scene's over. He's like, oh, thanks. but we Keep one more coming here. It's going to be a quick lap. Oh, fucked up my lines. Another one.
00:32:50
Speaker
Again, like me and my Lord.
00:32:55
Speaker
But he does get paged immediately to go back to the hospital and she's like, oh, drinking and doctoring. Cool. I'm like, we and all of us are just like, it is the 80s. How did she know she was he was drinking, though? Well, because he's Tom Atkins. Oh, OK.
00:33:06
Speaker
She wasn't shaking. She's like, oh, look at that. Let me see your hands. Yeah, it's just I thought you've been drinking. But I shoot with this one.
00:33:15
Speaker
So he goes to the hospital, the stabbed guy from Reanimator gets brought in by the dude from the gas station. And I love this guy from the gas station. He's like, hey, man, because this guy is black.
00:33:26
Speaker
Yeah, and this is the 80s. Oh, yeah. He comes in. He's like, just so you know, I found him this way. I have nothing to do with this. And he's like, I always thought it was nice to help people. Yeah, I'll always help unless it's trouble. Are you calling the cops? Because I am a black guy in 82 that just brought in a fucking almost dead white guy. Yeah, exactly. He's just going to go. I believe that if I'm in trouble, someone will help me because I'm helping all these people that keep just stumbling up in my place.
00:33:49
Speaker
It is happening. Get a new gas station to just sell this. just Burn this one down and just give it to ashes to Poseidon and move out of town. Here we go. Let's do it. Well, I do like it because he's saying that he's like, you I can go right. And Tom Atkins is like, I don't see why not. I'm drunk. I can't remember your face. And this guy starts flipping out because he hears the commercial. And while they're all worried about this guy, they're trying to give him Thorazine and doing all that.
00:34:13
Speaker
the gas attending guy is like shout the door if the cops did come the doctor like there was two black guys that dropped him off they looked like identical twins i promise you i saw two of them come in they took these two patients now only have one patient and i don't know what happened ah I think the other one died. like I think I lost one of them. I lost both of them. yeah But Tom Atkins basically showed up to administer Thorazine and take a nap. Yeah, that's what he's here to do. A hundred milligrams of Thorazine. I mean, all these all these fucking nurses know what they're doing. They just can't do it without a guy. Yeah, you got it. Well, you got to have the signature. Yeah, you can't read. It has to be signed Tom Atkins, male. Dr. Challis.
00:34:54
Speaker
but chairs I mean, all you do at that point in the as a doctor in the 1980s is prescribe some shit and go drink at your bar that is probably in your office. Yeah, yeah I would be I'd be happy if this guy had a hollowed out. glory I think this is like a public or boxs like a public hospital, though. So it's not like he doesn't have his own office with. Oh, yeah, because eventually someone can find him at a place they would expect him.
00:35:21
Speaker
which is a bar. Fine, fine. I'll tell you what, I'm going to build a bar in the back of my car and I'm going to drive myself to drinking. You know how doctors always have that bookshelf of books? Uh huh. You just push it and it opens and it's a full bar. Except this guy's going to forget like, what the fuck is it? I'm so thirsty. That would be more a, you know, a Bond villain. Yeah, Bond villain.
00:35:46
Speaker
Yeah, Vincent Price. Yeah, I love you. That's that it's also more of a doctor who wants people or doesn't want people to know he's drinking. This one doesn't give a fuck. See, I always think they were saying doctor who is in, you know, scarves and that's a doctor who bar. Yeah, it it's bigger on the inside. Yeah, yeah. It looks like a shooter, but it's a fucking handle. Hey, like the music box. Oh, we go there. There one.
00:36:14
Speaker
They're a sponsor of this show. Yeah, they are. Oh, I actually didn't know that. yeah Drop an ad right here. Hey, guys, after this episode, I really kind of want to go out and get a beer. What are you thinking? I mean, OK, look, the thing is, I deal with beer so much in my life, I want something else. i'm I'm fine with beer, but I want like a stiff cocktail or a nice glass of whiskey. You know, the music box is just down the way and you can get an awesome cocktail when they even have like Tombstone and other great beers on tap.
00:36:40
Speaker
The music box, where would I find that? Oh, you mean the music box at 6951 East 22nd Street in yeah Tucson, Arizona. Right down there at 22nd and Cove. Yeah, they've got a great selection of whiskey, gin, tequila, mezcal, other spirits. Ooh, sometimes they have like putting shots and jello shots. You're putting me on. And depending on the night of the week, we can get karaoke, live music. It's great. Ooh, unhappy hour. on Oh, it's Wednesday. It's unhappy hour. Yeah. I'm in. You guys are shelling me. Let's go to the music box lounge right now.
00:37:09
Speaker
but well oh you One of the suit robots shows up at the hotel. Suit robots? All right, between the suit robots and the wet puppets, this has gone just wild. Did I say hotel, by the way? Hospital. You did. Well, hospitals like a hotel, but with different kinds of drugs. They just don't put mints on your pillows. They rotate your bodies in the bed. He shows up. Oh, man, I need a hotel where they'll pick me up and change the sheets and then just put me back down. Oh, no, they roll you like that. You got to go to Japan for that kind of thing. I used to do this.
00:37:41
Speaker
But, yeah, the suit robot comes in, crushes, ah it goes up first and starts smothering ah reanimator guy. And I'm like, okay, cool, he's going to suffocate this dude. Nope. He's going to shove his fucking fingers into this dude's eye sockets. Let's first go when he puts on the kink gloves. Oh, he does put on some Joll-O handjob gloves. Yeah. Some OJ Joll-O OJ Joll-O Simpson. See, I thought he was going about ah he was going to choke the guy and spit in his mouth. that's what I was expecting, but no, he like shoves the fingers in his eyeballs and then like gets the the cartilage slash nose bone and pulls it out.
00:38:21
Speaker
good times Yeah, does that kill super mid though? Yeah, that's that's when you spread their review i'm like what's he talking about? Yeah, I don't like there's maybe one kill that I think is mid because they don't show it and they probably did film I mean what? Is the fucking choking the first the very very very first kill? Well, it's like the guy doesn't die. This is technically the very first kill. Yeah so killing a robot robot doesn't count. No, it's not extinguishing life It's just turning it off It was extinguishing the life of electronic or something. That's just called it power. only words Killing robots only counts if you're watching Star Wars. and That barely counts then, too. They have personalities. Nobody gives a shit about droids. Except for the viewers. The viewers do. But I just said I do.
00:39:01
Speaker
But this guy tears out his nose face. nurse face killer ta member whoang those face killer over here And Tom Atkins chases him out and this is that cool tracking shot I was talking about. And then this dude gets in his car.
00:39:20
Speaker
douses himself in gasoline, lights a match, and apparently this gasoline is the most flammable gasoline that's ever existed. Well, we don't know what this yellow goo is inside of them. That's fair. It could be just fucking nitro. But also, we've all had a Monday where you contemplate lighting yourself on fire in your car. Oh, I've had this thought recently, not recently. At Starbucks. So you know all about the parking lot flame up. Yep.
00:39:45
Speaker
both at three a.m. and at that when four p.m. started smoking cigarettes. Actually, literally, I started smoking cigarettes because at Starbucks, you get 10 minute breaks. Yeah. And what else am I going to do? But this is a big explosion, which I always appreciate. Yeah, absolutely. I enjoy man lighting himself on fire. This one of the other parallels to IRA action that you were talking about. Yes. I realize that ah they first were calling this place, you know, Silver Shamrock.
00:40:15
Speaker
And then I saw a car explode and I'm like, oh, this is an Irish movie. This is going to go well, isn't it? but So we we meet the dude's daughter, Ellie Grimbridge, who's played by Nancy, who's played by Stacy Nelkin. Whoa. say Nancy Stelkin. Yeah. Where did Nancy come from? I was flipping those first. It might as well be. She was in a couple of things. The only thing I recognized her from and not her, but I recognize on her credits was she's in The Jerk 2.
00:40:43
Speaker
Oh God. ah For a second I started going through my head. I'm like, who is she in the jerk? And then he said two and I was like, who could care? No one. ah She does have one other big thing. It's not on her IMDB credits. It's on her Wikipedia. um She has two big things. shes She does. She started dating Woody Allen when she was 16 years old. And she claims that the movie Manhattan is about their relationship because it's a 40-something teacher dating one of his students. We all know what we didn't know at the time, but we all know what Woody Allen's about. Yeah. Yeah, so You know when she starts hooking up with Tom Atkins later in this movie. I was like make sense. Perfect. Yeah, what you meant? Yeah, exactly yeah mean Also, if you're gonna sleep with an older man, which no shame ah Unless you're 60. Well, sure. Absolutely. If you're 18, you want to sleep with an older man This is the one to do it with not Woody Allen
00:41:33
Speaker
Yeah, that is not a sexy older man. Like when you think a sexy older man, we think it's Tom Selleck. Maybe one of your own has got a great cock. Doubtful. No, that's why he goes for 16 year olds because they don't know the difference yet. Exactly. Well, generally, if you're an older man going for younger people, it's because money people of your like people of your age know that you're full of fucking shit.
00:41:54
Speaker
Yeah, that's fair. That is very fair. Yeah. Yeah. You get it in the punk scene, you get it in like that kind of stuff. Oh, girls my age is too fucking smart to date me. That's what we're talking about. You know. Yeah. So that's why I don't date. Also, when I was when I was in my 20s and I dated girls that were in their 30s, I was like, no wonder they're still single. Until I met my lovely wife. I was like, excuse the fuck out of me. Until I met my lovely wife. That was a good save.
00:42:21
Speaker
But normally when you met me, I was not single. ah But that that that was the whole thing. I was like, I get it. I get it. Yeah, I see why you're still single. Look, let me a straight white man explain women to all of you. Yeah. yeah That's never gone wrong in the history. Just call me Tom Atkins. um Why do you think that men are deciding what women can do with their bodies? We know better.
00:42:48
Speaker
ah we Sure you do. Did I book myself on the Joe Rogan podcast? Wow, that's crazy. You ever tried DMT? This is a special episode featuring Joe Rogan and Alex Jones. And our special guest Q.
00:43:07
Speaker
So our next musical guest will be Donald Trump. ah Tom Atkins. You think I play the trumpet, but that's not true. I scat. I do have a concept of a scat. Scooby-de-bop, dap, dap, dap, dap, dap, taxes. Hannibal Lecter. Great guy. Hannibal Lecter had some wonderful ideas. He just wanted to have a friend for lunch. He likes Chianti. I like Chianti. But so he meets the daughter. She's sad. Dad's dead, of course. Papa's dead? Papa.
00:43:35
Speaker
And then he goes off to this. Papa, can you hear me? Papa, can you hear me? He goes off to this kick ass dive bar. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. We even joke about how it looks like the shelter. Every drink in this bar, by the way, no matter what you ordered, ends up tasting like cigarette smoke. Yes. Oh, that was just the fucking 80s. That was also like the early 2000s in Michigan. Here too. Here too. Here too. Yeah. I mean, we've just fucking lived. Was it 2005?
00:44:04
Speaker
five Sure. They changed it right before I could start drinking in bars. And that was 2006. Wait, could or did? I didn't drink in bars illegally usually. Just that one time at Jeff's Pub a couple times. Mine was Chicago Bar. Red Garter. Mine was Pines and Courts in Michigan. Sounds like a cooler place. Yeah. I don't know. Red Garter is pretty cute. Isn't Red Garter the one with carpet in the like in the bar? Yeah. Yeah. He can keep that. Hey, my nickname is the Red Garter. I got carpet in my bar.
00:44:37
Speaker
still he's right i just saved it today Yes, it is well if I don't fucking pave but Ellie comes to now you all know about my penis hairs
00:44:51
Speaker
Wait, this is now like a Kevin Smith podcast. ah We can't come up with their own original concepts. We're just biting up everybody. Quick, talk about drugs and conspiracy theories. All right, quick, talk about your penis. and It's pubes. Quick, talk about having sex with your wife. What's the podcast about? Batman. My wife likes to thumb up her butt.
00:45:11
Speaker
Much like Batman. Much like Batman's, uh, Butler Alfred. Why did you get call him a butler? He admitted his thumbs in the butt. So Ellie comes up to Tom Atkins at the bar and she's, she's basically, she's like, Hey, we should go. Or you come with me to my dad's toy store or whatever it is. Thank you for, I saw you at my father's funeral. oh He didn't go to the funeral. Like a, like a nice doctor. And he knew there was open bar.
00:45:39
Speaker
Well, I don't get invited to the after party. It's not calling after party. After party. Well, it's after you're alive, I'm having a party. oh Mine will be an after party. It was your dad Irish and then it's awake. yeah But I'm not. Just to make sure he's not sleeping, you know.
00:45:56
Speaker
ah But when she comes up to him, I did like, she's like, yeah, one of the nurses said I could find you here. I'm like at the bar. That's why he doesn't have a bar. like He's like, you guys know where my office is. It shares a wall at the hospital. It's like right next door. Or this is the bar in his office that we've been talking about him. should He should have had. This is his office. This whole bar is the office. There is always a bar right next to a hospital that you will always find.
00:46:22
Speaker
hospital employees. Well, because people need to drink when they get off work at the hospital. Yes. Have you ever worked in a hospital? No, you're lucky. I need to drink when I get off regular work. ah But so she tells them she takes them to the dead store, goes through the calendar, whatever, tells them the masks are made in Santa Mira, which is let's just call this Shamrock.
00:46:41
Speaker
Well, Santa Mira is the same place that the original invasion of the but invasion of the body snatchers took place. OK. So there's a reason that nobody lives here except for the robots and the Irish. Oh, because that because you see the guy. I mean, maybe he's a robot when they're pulling up. There's a dude at his like farm right outside town. He's watching him drive by. But maybe he's a robot, too. Maybe they're all robots. Oh, he's just he's like, I wouldn't go down that road. I think the only non robot is the harbinger. That's what you're saying. Yeah, he's a hobby or you could just go.
00:47:10
Speaker
But I mean, ah the only non robot for sure in this town is the homeless guy. Yeah. Yeah. he Nobody else is confirmed as not. I would say I would say anybody anybody. Sorry. Anybody emoting or being personable because we don't hear the robots talk like Rafferty. Maybe the guy who owns Rose of Shannon Hotel. oh The Rose of Sean is so.
00:47:33
Speaker
i i think ja accent I just think that this whole town knows like don't fuck with ah cuckold or whatever his name is it's cochran it's cochran Colonel cuck nobody fucks with Colonel cock ring like he's got this town wired and that's why you're like oh yes sir Oh everything's great over here we roll out on and way You get the wire all around for the Colonel cock ring
00:47:57
Speaker
but Can we also talk about how the end of the lace ah the license plate on their vehicle when they were pulling up was 69? Nice. Well, what do you think they were doing in their motel room?
00:48:10
Speaker
Probably having some real sloppy drunk sex. He was on top though. Oh yeah. For the 69, I mean. Oh yeah. I mean, she had sex with Woody Allen, so this is much, much better view. Although it's easier if Woody Allen's on top. How come your skin's not all wrinkly? I think all guys are supposed to have that really weird wrinkly loose skin. They're supposed to talk about their stepdaughters while we fuck. Or their adopted daughters. the Adopted. Same thing. Gross either way.
00:48:34
Speaker
But so they go to the motel, we have Rafferty, who's played by a guy named Michael Curry, who's on Cheers for a couple of episodes. Mr. Sheridan? Does that ring a bell for you? Mr. Sheridan. It was the homeless guy? No, the hotel guy. Motel guy. See, it was only a Frasier guy myself. He's the Cheersman. I love Cheers. So, the homeless guy, Jack and I were very much, this is a homeless, unhappy Ed Harris. Like, he doesn't have the light in his eyes. Yeah, no baby blues, no intimidation whatsoever. He had very dark blues. No, they weren't the baby blues. No. They weren't Ed Harris's.
00:49:11
Speaker
He was Ned hairness. Yeah, Ned hairnet. Ed hairless, which is also a heiress is hairless. There we go. ah But there's some other people check into the motel. We've got this family in their RVs. One of the guys there to buy some masks. They're all there to buy masks. The second this RV pulls up and they yeah get in a room next to mine. I'm changing hotels seat. Yeah. Not rooms. Hotels. Dad got out of the ah RV. I instantly thought this is a shitter's full situation. Honey, check our shitter.
00:49:42
Speaker
And this dad, by the way, looks a lot more like the dad from Gremlins than Dick Miller. Really? Yeah. He's a husky dude, inventor. I don't know. With hard quotes. I know Dick Miller was in Gremlins. He's also in the burbs. He's one of the trash men. I definitely remember him in the burbs. You were talking a lot about Dick when literally Cock is said so much in mission. Well, Cock Miller is just a weird name.
00:50:05
Speaker
Oh, fair, fair. You don't want to put your cock in a grain mill. Dick Miller, I believe, was in Wild Angels. He was the oil rig guy. Yeah. Yeah. He was the boss. Yeah. The giant wrench out. Yeah. And he'll probably do it next year, but Demon Knight. He's in Demon Knight. Yes, he is in Demon Knight. Dick Miller's great. Yeah. He's made a documentary about him recently called That Guy Dick Miller.
00:50:28
Speaker
Oh, because he's a that guy. Yeah, he's definitely a a boy. I sure could use pretty that guy in my life. Speaking of ah recognizing dicks. I was in Santa Barbara. Cock line up a little bit ago and and saw a dick wolf's yacht.
00:50:44
Speaker
Ooh. Do you know the name Dick Wolf? I do. Okay. I just big time big time producer on that. And the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles cartoon. Oh, really? I didn't know that. Yeah. Wow. Dick Wolf production. I never noticed that as a kid. I would have seen it and been like, is that one of the villains? I think that's why it stuck with me. I also thought of a wolf made of penises. I was like, well, that's fucking terrifying. He's got a cocktopus on his leg. It's a weird, weird dick. Fuck yeah.
00:51:11
Speaker
It's beautiful. like once ah Once a month, your dick grows a bunch of hair and tries to eat people. He's all far off. And there's also this angry business lady, Margie, something like that. Who cares? Yeah, whatever. And ah Ellie is like right away, she's like, let's go investigate. We need to figure out what happened to my dad, and Tom Atkins, who we didn't mention, by the way, on this road trip, bought us brought a six pack of high life with him. Hell, yeah. they oh yeah they can't be It's a roadie. He's like, he's like, we can't go investigate right now. It's late. I need a drink. Yeah. He said the verbatim. I'm starting to. Well, I wouldn't call it sober. I'm starting to DT. Starting to feel like I drank a cup of coffee. Let me say, that's ah I mean, pretty much any road trip, you get ah at least a six or of a high life to go on, right? Oh, yeah.
00:52:01
Speaker
And then it's great my house. It's great because they apparently only had one room, even though three more people check in. And so they had to share this room. And she's like, well, there's only one bed. Where do you want to sleep? And he's like, no, no, no, no. That's not what happens. They signed up as wife. Oh, that's right. But she's like, there's one bed. Where do you want to sleep? He's like, where do you think? right That's a dumb question, you know, and then he forces his kids on her. It didn't look too forced. And they fuck. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they do. This couple fucks. And this town has a six o'clock curfew, which Tom Atkins doesn't care about because he goes to the liquor store. I have a note. It says I'm going to get beer. Calm down. as It says essential, essential beer. So if he's going to get beer, he comes back with a brown bag.
00:52:44
Speaker
Oh, yeah. That is obviously. No, it's a 22 ounce barrel aged stout. Oh, yeah. He's going for some, ah you know, founder's CBS. yeah He's got a fucking 1982 barrel age old Rasputin somehow. Yeah, yeah. Five years before they opened or whatever. like Or some like pugachev's cobra. Oh, yeah. Well, this whole town does it like Matt and I were talking this whole town gives off this very small town vibe.
00:53:13
Speaker
Sure, even though it's it California. Yeah, but it's saying we're like california thinking Midwest acting. Oh, also yeah the the accents besides the terrible Irish accents are very Midwestern. Well, don't you need terrible Irish accent? Yeah. Oh, I'm from California, don't you know? You come in here, and you get out of that cold before you go surfing.
00:53:35
Speaker
I'm from Texas. Everybody's going surfing, don't you know? Also, just so every listener knows, I'm initially Midwestern. I'm from Michigan. What? He is so Midwestern that if somebody called him Mark, he would just change his name to Mark. Oh, of course. Hey, good to see you, Mark. You're like, well, maybe my name is Mark. That's who I am now. My name is Matt, but you can call me whatever you want. No, you never correct him.
00:53:59
Speaker
Oh, of course. You just hear Mark. No, I mean, because that would be rude. Yeah. Because that would insinuate that they- Did something wrong. Exactly, yes. And no one ever does anything wrong. No. Not when they're your neighbors in the Midwest. Exactly. That's the most open-minded part of the country. Well, I mean, that's why you just, you give your neighbors a...
00:54:19
Speaker
Six pack of high life. Oh, man. You got good neighbors. Six pack of old style. Oh, there you go. But you know what you give them with the old style, right? Malort? Yes. Chicago handshake. I want less lort, not more. But he's coming back and this is when this homeless guy accosts him and he's like, hey, buddy, that looks like a full bottle. Can I share it? I don't have any ideas. He says that bottle looks heavy. Oh, that's what it is. I don't have any disease. I'm going to use that term. Yeah, absolutely. Can I help unburden you? That bottle looks mighty heavy. Let me get two ounces out of that. You'll be better. You're welcome. I don't have any diseases. Let me share it with you. I don't trust people that start with that. Hi, I have no diseases. You did say that too. Yes. Atkins asks him about Cochrane and what he knows, and he's like, Cochrane?
00:55:05
Speaker
Cocker, fuck you! Hey, hey, calm down. Calm down. Don't yell that. Don't yell that. No, that's okay. I don't fucking care. You know what? They're not gonna have another Halloween. Because I am gonna get a case and a half of Mal's hot cocktails. Well, first I'm gonna get a case and a half of them, but drink them. I'm gonna get two cases of vodka. Drink half a case. Don't wanna drink them. Make a case and a half of Mal's cocktails. Oh, I got a hot mouth. I'm gonna use my underwear as the fuse. You can kiss my ass. You can kiss it.
00:55:32
Speaker
Hey, let me get another another beverage and um I can actually perform that for you. Do you have any bottles of vodka I can chug real quick? I know there's at least one of Malort. so ah He just was a reason to drink that Malort. Would you like some more, Malort? Would you like some more, Malort? Always.
00:55:57
Speaker
Lord almighty. After Tom Atkins talks to the hobo, he goes back, to hobo. We'll clarify that. He goes back to his ah train car home to eat cheese whiz on bread, but ah not the worst life I've seen. I've been there. Honestly, this guy drinking other people's whiskey and eating squeezed cheese on white bread. I'm like, I've been 20 something. He's halfway to a Philly cheesesteak.
00:56:23
Speaker
train hopped, and yeah, that's a thing. You were a hobo? No, yeah, I used to train hop between Grand Rapids and Chicago to play music on the street. Fuck you, Grand Rapids, Iowa? No, Grand Rapids, Michigan. Michigan, Michigan. The real Grand Rapids. Yeah, the real Grand Rapids. Fuck you. The Grander Rapids. Okay, you know what? You know where they actually have rapids.
00:56:44
Speaker
We have a nipple of a state. OK. Yeah, you have the nipple of America. It is right in the middle. But these were supposed to be, you know, rough America's the tit. I was a nipple. But one, you know, listening and not watching um all of us. Oh, I'd say half of us.
00:57:05
Speaker
looked down our shirts to make sure that we don't have a nipple in the center. Wait, you guys had Derek's the weird one. Yeah. Derek's the weird one. He's like, yeah, right there. Dead center. Right here. Sounds good. huk How do you stimulate your nipple? um These Robo. What was I saying? Soup bots? Yeah. bos yeah Suit bots show up and he's like, no, guys, I was just kidding. I'm not saying fuck Cochrane. They're like, really? OK, well, pull off his fucking head to good, which is gorgeous. Which is great. And then one of these fucking suit bots is holding the head and that body just geysers a big splurt of blood. He's a squirter. Yeah, I do for sure. It was beautiful. I'm sorry that never happens this early. It's my first time. Usually it takes me two times to get killed before I squelch.
00:57:48
Speaker
ah Back at the hotel, the annoying lady is fucking with one of the masks because she's complaining how cheap it is now. She's like, I mean, I understand it's supposed to be cheap, but thrown against the wall and the fucking logo comes off because it's this big, I don't know, like button looking dealy that people would have on the Italian. Yeah, it's it's a damn near Irish key chain with that shamrock on it.
Portrayal of Accents & Irish Themes
00:58:11
Speaker
And I will also say that it's nice that in this movie, a shamrock is a three leaf clover instead of the four leaf clover that is portrayed in most Irish things. Because that's good luck, don't you know? It's a luck of the Irish. I was going to say, you went Irish Midwest. I was trying my hardest. I was going to watch some hockey don't you know? All of y'all are doing a lot better Irish accents than are present in this movie.
00:58:37
Speaker
Well, you hear i mean Michael Curie didn't do a good Irish accent as a Rafferty, but Dan O'Hurlahan, who plays the Englishman later. Yeah. so Yeah. Because I mean, he was i I assume most people who are coming over to act from ah like You know, the UK area and Ireland and all that kind of stuff are probably trained theater actors, and they are giving their best performance. There's also another thing, just just to to because we're talking about the accents. So Cochran has like an English accent through most of the movie. I said it kind kind of ah good becomes Irish at the end. But when we did Gorgo for Kaiju, Kaijubilation Month. I don't remember that.
00:59:23
Speaker
um when they have the two ways like we're like you're all drinking while we do this so no we we remember she blocks it all out i do she only remembers once she listens to the episode and then i block it out again but goldfish there's the irish guys who are from the the doublin university or whatever yeah and they have more english type accents and i think it was it's a thing of the The era, because i mean we're still, this is early 80s, Cochrane is very old. You still didn't want to be Irish. You were trying to not sound Irish if you were rich or well off or important or influential. Maybe it's like the English don't like the Irish.
01:00:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's almost like that. I mean, not until, you know, Bono. You two changed the world. They start fucking again. Atkins and Ellie.
Humor in Horror: Comedic Scenes & Characters
01:00:09
Speaker
Oh, and she's wearing this cute little 90 thing. Yeah, she brought lingerie to her dad's ah death investigation. Yeah, I would too. as Well, yeah as well as she packed up her clothes to bring with her and she was like, I'm going with an older man. Better bring my lingerie. I know how that goes. If he doesn't want to if he doesn't want to hook up, I'm fucking I'm fucking something. I don't care if it's a fucking suit bot.
01:00:31
Speaker
But he's... Tom Atkins is sucking on this woman's nipples. I don't mean the character. No, she is. The actor is has a nipple in his mouth. ah Cut! He's still sucking. Cut! He's still sucking. He's still going in there. ah We all took a break for lunch. He's still sucking. Jesus Christ, my God. At least switch nipples.
01:00:50
Speaker
Red and raw. It looks like Rudolph on one side of your chest. Maybe they should cast him in a Cronenberg film. Or Highlander. Or Highlander. There's some nipple play. He works that nipple. I'm going to make love to your nipple. Just that one. The dumb lady goes back to fucking with... She picks up the thing that fell off the mask and there's a microchip in the back and she decides, I'm going to poke it with some metal and see what happens. No, why not? and I don't know science. She gets fucking lasered in the face. I think you mean blasted in the mouth.
01:01:19
Speaker
and wall x While they're fucking she gets blasted in the mouth, which is an interesting thing. But this is I mean, the laser is it's fine. I like optical effects. Some people won't be into the the way the laser looks. But the aftermath, nobody can dislike this. And they just hate horror. Also, what is this bug? It's almost I don't know. It's like a hornet and an ant had a baby. Someone cut off the wings and then it got it a dose of radiation and got bigger. It's a. glangelo inches long. Just to bring it back, a bug crawls out of her mouth. oh yeah Yes. ah that Which is flayed open. Yes. ah It looks like she got blasted in the mouth. yeah She has the appearance of one that just got blasted in the mouth. and Her face is all swollen. It's like five times bigger than it should be.
01:02:09
Speaker
Happens. And then the ah the quote ambulance comes to get her body. Yeah. With how many how many ambulance EMTs did you see here? well Like so this silver shamrock ambulance. Well, and that's the thing, like they're taking the body right back to the factory is what they end up doing. But we finally also meet Cochran.
01:02:28
Speaker
Who is played by Dan O'Herlihy, the only Irish person I've deduced. I'm Dan O'Herlihy. I come from Ireland. Can we also go back to this is a company town? Yes. Through and through. Yes.
01:02:44
Speaker
I like everything. Every clock, every building, every billboard has a shamrock on it. Everything ties back. The the liquor store is called like Shamrock Supplies or something. The bank is Shamrock Savings. The haircut is Shamrock Shavings. I think it's Shamrock Liquors and Shamrock Milks and Shamrock everything. I feel like the Shamrock Fines. The predatory marketing for the Shamrock Liquors. They've got a guy that'll sell you boner pills called Shamrock Hard.
01:03:14
Speaker
You don't have to laugh at but it. It's not that good. It's pretty good. I like dad jokes. Okay, good. See, I like dad jokes. Do you know what kind of pants a fucking ghost hunter wears? It puts on a pair of normal pants.
01:03:30
Speaker
Do you know what? Why couldn't you only ran in a campsite and not run? Otherwise, it's past tense. Yeah, because it's past tense. See, I really like these dad jokes, but I don't have any children, so I guess that's a faux pas. Oh, that's a faux pas. That's maybe the best dad joke I've ever heard. I was just going to say, it's like, well, good. I don't have a dad, so we can do this.
01:03:51
Speaker
But Daniel Hurley, he has been in other things that ah most everybody in this room has probably seen at least one of the three I took note of. He plays Greg in The Last Starfighter. It's one of the aliens that hangs out with ah the brown face and the the lizard stuff going on. Maybe rephrase that. Well, he's a brown lizard. Oh, I'm not. I'm not. It's not black brown face.
01:04:15
Speaker
And he's in Robocop, the first two Robocops. He's the old man. He's the one in charge of OCP or the company that owns OCP. And then he was in Twin Peaks. And I i asked, I was like, I know Whitney hasn't watched it. I know Jack hasn't watched it. So I asked Matt, have you seen Twin Peaks? And his response was, ah he was the one who ate a baguette weird. Also, look at me. First, have you seen how I'm dressed? Yes. Have you seen how I'm dressed? Of course I've seen Twin Peaks. yeah He's Andrew Packard, who owns the Packard Sawmill, which is like the heart of the town. He's in a handful of episodes. I love that they take away this body, and then there are no less than eight suit bots just wandering around now with fucking white coats on. like you didn't get How did you get here?
01:05:04
Speaker
They all came in the van, but there's no more room because it's like kind of meander away. Like, I guess I'll just walk home. That's what I'm saying. There was like 30 of them. Yeah. And just walk off into the Shamrock fields. Walk on home, boy. So what happened was all the jackets were in the bus and all these robots were just standing around. And then when they pulled up, they're like, check it, check it, check it, check it, check it on, check it off. Yeah, they were just check it, check it, check it, check it all over the doctor, check it on, check it off.
80s Nostalgia & Factory Tour
01:05:31
Speaker
That's a mighty bush.
01:05:32
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Put it in my jacket pocket. i Take it to work. Ooh. Ah, I did a twisty. Ooh. Ah, a tiny twisty. So what is that? I've never seen Mighty Boosh. She did not watch Adult Swim stuff. And I never watched Mighty Boosh because that was after I gave up on Adult Swim. Fair. I had a life. I was introduced to it while I was living in the middle of the night. What fuck else was I doing?
01:05:59
Speaker
I watched it during the like aqua teen. Oh, I may have had a child Harvey Birdman. Space goes coast to coast this after 2007. Right around there probably there. OK, I had an infant, so I was asleep. but Yeah, the infant's sleeping. Quick, sleep, sleep, sleep. You can.
01:06:17
Speaker
So, Tom Atkins has been calling this coroner lady that he visited earlier. We didn't mention, but it's only important here because she gives him a call back and she's like, someone fucked up, dude, because we have all the remains from the car. There's no bone. There's no teeth. There's nothing human. It's just car parts. I know, it's hot, but come on. It's just car parts, like this little clock, which is obviously in a car. Yeah, you know all these winding fucking gears and wires in a car. But so Tom Atkins and Ellie go to the factory with the RV family and they're getting a tour of the factory, showing them how masks are made, whatnot. And one of the kids, the RV family has a kid, a little annoying kid, a little shit bird, who's like, give me a ginger. Well, I think ginger is not why he's annoying, though. Yeah, but it's not going to help.
01:07:00
Speaker
I don't like, ah you know, think like Willy Wonka level. Yes, I'm Augustus, the dude that just keeps eating the chocolate and shit. Yeah, he's more like a Mike TV. I was just thinking Mike TV. I was like, Mike TV. but He's like i always and he' like, I want this mask and Cochrane's like, that mask hasn't been through through the final process yet, which means they don't have the little shamrock. Yeah, exactly. Fucking bug chip on it. But the guy is like, what do you mean the final? What's the final process? He's like, Well, you know, a little this, a little that. Trade secrets. Don't worry about it. Secret trades, babe. Secret trades. And also harmful chemicals, which is, yeah, you can't go in and look because they're corrosive chemicals. But go put this on your son's head immediately. It's been rinsed off with bad water. It's been rinsed.
01:07:48
Speaker
We air-blowed them off. Air-blowed? Air-blowed? Psh, psh. They all have those. Psh, psh. I just think there's got to be a better way to say it than air-blowed them off. I know, right? How else do you? It's like an air-blow job. It's the worst ever. This is where we get the part of the suit man out in the sun that Whitney pointed out because LEC is her dad's car. It's Papa's car. Papa's car. Yeah, Papa's. Well, I'm not from whatever random imaginary place she's from, so I say dad. She says, Papa, I'm not from the 1500s. But can you hear me? Papa, can you hear me? But she tries to get to there and all these these security guards just swoop in. And they're like, no, thank you. And Cochrane again is like, trade secrets.
01:08:36
Speaker
Yeah, and the guy's kind of like not he's not question too hard. He's like, OK, that's a little weird. I mean, you got these like fucking weird suit bots over there. Yeah. Well, because this the the RV guy, the dad for Preamlins is he's the top salesman of silver Shamrock masks in the country. yeah So apparently he owns Target or Wal-Mart.
01:08:55
Speaker
Whatever, at this point. It's Spirit Halloween. I think it'd be, at this point, it'd be Big K.
Cochran's Mystical Plans & Stonehenge Scheme
01:09:00
Speaker
Sears. Sears, he owns a Mervin. With the whole trade secrets thing and also there was a scene earlier on in the, like, in the movie where someone goes to grab the coin and I was, like I am a hobbyist magician like yes again I like Twin Peaks I'm into synthesizers and I dress like I do of course I'm a hobbyist magician but I saw this guy like ah grab the chip and I was
01:09:31
Speaker
holy expecting him to do some type of like vanish and coin reveal and all this type of stuff. It's Cochran, he is a warlock. Now check behind your ears. He didn't, like you well gave me blue balls on like his handling at this point. and No, his handwork right here when he was handling the medallion, it was definitely a very magician way of being like, and look at this. Well, because he's trying to hold it so you can only see the one side. He doesn't want to see the chip, right? So he's doing the magician thing. He's doing a slight hand. Well, you do a false flip there. like So then you think you see both sides, but you don't see both sides. I would absolutely love if he used all this magic for just like, and is this your card? ma I learned this one from Anton Lavey. Look behind your ear. It's a corner. Is there someone in the audience? um I'm getting the name Mark. Mark is that important name to anybody? Maybe a mother, maybe a father. Mark. mark Right. He just uses his. ah Yeah, Mark. um He uses his powers just to be fucking was it crossing over with John Edwards, John Edwards.
01:10:33
Speaker
um But so when we get to we're in the final act of the movie, shit starts happening because Tom Atkins goes back to the motel. The girl is gone and so bos start chasing it we don't see. we we She's just. didn't miss some No, you didn't. He comes into this room and he's like, uh, yo, dude, where the fuck are you? We had some fucking to do. I got a six pack of fucking high life and a 12 pack of condoms. It's good math in my mind. Let's get to it. Oh, she's not here. All right. A quick wank and I'll go look for her.
01:11:00
Speaker
OK. He looks out the window and there's four of the suit box standing there like E.T. with the backlighting and the creepiness. yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And he starts running from them through the town. He gets to the factory. He finds an old woman knitting who is also a robot. Uh huh. Shocker.
01:11:17
Speaker
This thing is knitting and he's like, where is the girl? He starts shaking it and her head falls off and he's just. Oh, no. Did you notice? Yeah, yeah. The production wise, it's human hand. Oh, yeah. There was somebody sitting behind it knitting. Very much like a labyrinth. David Bowie, somebody else is doing that juggling. Yeah, someone else is juggling that motion one more time. I go like this. So for the viewers at home,
01:11:42
Speaker
You looked like ah Jack was funneling balls. Oh, yeah. Benoit balls. Chris Benoit. Careful. He might kill your family. He's dead, right? Didn't he kill himself after he killed his family? Yeah. Yeah. Finished the job. That's how you get haunted, though. You say his name three times. out he and You look at the mirror, you say Chris Benoit three times, and you get suplexed through a table.
01:12:01
Speaker
Well, but it sounds like you're ordering something that's crisp. Can I get a Benoit nice and crisp? Crisp Benoit sounds wonderful. I don't like a soggy Benoit. Especially Benoit. I want them to...
01:12:14
Speaker
But one of the robots, one of the robots fights Tom Atkins here, but then he punches it in the stomach and squash soup and honey just come pouring out of it. Oh no, my only weak spot, my stomach. Butternut squash and honey is 1,000. Okay, you didn't have to feed Zoe baby food, but this looks like the butternut squash. Oh, this is baby food. It looks like baby food, yeah. I've made butternut squash soup. I know what it looks like. I never had a baby, but I've had baby food. I make a really good butternut squash bisque.
01:12:44
Speaker
um with That's what he made and he loved it. We could say it's a Biscay business, but ah Cochrane comes in with the the old lady's head and he's like, this was a rare piece built in Munich at night, the 1795. Again, before the beer purity law. This is a Nazi start to fucking conquer the world, yeah building robots. And this gave me real like, I don't know if anybody else here is watching, but puppet master vibes. Yeah, it's very, it's very like Nazi adjacent German guy building shits for hundreds of years. Yeah. That come into life and kill children, you know, ah but typed he takes Tom Atkins to the basement because you've got to reveal your plan. Oh, yeah. No, why would you just kill him? Yeah.
01:13:28
Speaker
and there's a piece of Stonehenge in the basement because they were able to just take Stonehenge. No one noticed. That sounds familiar. oh How do I know about Stonehenge? There was a documentary. Also, Stonehenge was not in Ireland, i famously. I don't know where Stonehenge is, but I thought it was like a hot place. A hot place? i'm going to say like I feel like they're trying trying to tie it together. with like because This guy reveals his plan in a bit here. It's fine. We'll do it now, where it's basically like I mean, he kind of reveals it. We don't really know. But he basically he's like part of an ancient sect of like magic people from Ireland. And he talks about the last festival of Sam Wayne. Was he Sam Raimi? Sam Raimi. Sam Wayne, which everybody always says Sam Hayne because that's how it's spelled. But it's Gaelic. So it's Sam Wayne. You don't say any of the letters you see.
01:14:21
Speaker
Swain's World, Swain's World. Except for the first and last letter. All the letters in the middle are incidental. I also do have to cut in and say that the beer purity law was 1516. I am wrong. So that was there, so there's no excuse. Damn.
01:14:39
Speaker
But like he's using taking chunks off of this stone from Stonehenge, which is in rubbing. He said it was a sacrificial thing. There's nobody knows what Stonehenge was for. Yeah. Right. He's saying it was a sacrificial circle. They're taking little chunks of it and making it part of the microchip so they can put it in the masks because it'll do something to the kids, which is turn their heads into bugs and snakes. I mean, I know why Stonehenge exists. Why? A bunch of drunk aliens, dude, just started stacking rocks. It's going to be so funny when the Earthlings wake up, they're not going to know what this is. They're wondering how it happened. But again, look at these idiots. They think it was like a clock or something.
01:15:15
Speaker
But again, snakes very famously from Ireland, of course. Well, this is how you get snakes. See, you got to do child child blood magic from Scotland. yeah This has been Ireland's problem is not enough child blood magic. That's why they are where they are today. Well, when he goes through his whole plan, he's talking about the Festival of Samhain and all that stuff. And he's like, the last one was 3,000 years ago, and the hills ran ran red with the blood of children, but they haven't done it for 3,000 years. And that's the problem. ah Oh, but we're also getting on to the family that's brought. Yes, this is where the the RV family started. No, go ahead. I was going to say um they're brought in at probably like what, three in the morning or whatever. Yeah. Whatever middle of fucking. Yeah. And they're brought into this factory and put into a room to test a commercial. Yeah.
01:16:06
Speaker
He just wants my feedback on a commercial. It's the middle of the night, but he he works 24 out of seven. I was a curfew in this town, but this sounds important. so they They get put into this room in MK Ultra. Well, the kid does. yeah fair like you know He has his mask that was passed the final process and everything.
01:16:28
Speaker
Um, and, you know, he puts it on and they do the, uh, the Halloween polka. also This mom looks like she's the, she's Janet from Sopranos, but she is drunk as fuck. I don't blame her. Yeah.
01:16:43
Speaker
Because she's just like, get away from the TV and melt your eyeballs. Yeah, you know, he gets close. And as soon as the the polka of London Bridges, which I will still say is a polka.
01:16:59
Speaker
Oh, for sure. Gets put on, um which I think also if John Carpenter is the ah mastermind, the mastermind of these music of this, ah it might be his first cover song. I think so. I really like when the commercial because it's like but it's been telling people come back for the giveaway, the big giveaway. That's why they're going to get all the kids to watch at nine o'clock on Halloween. But I like it starts and it's like it's time for the big giveaway, kids. Put on your mask and watch.
01:17:29
Speaker
Watch. I'm like, no, if I'm watching a commercial and it says, watch, I'm no longer going to watch that commercial. Got to get a new TV. I'm breaking this one. No, but it's all been subliminally like put in because it's always like. um Well, and the music is super fucking manic here, too. yeah It's like it's that that Poco we've been talking about. But then it like speeds up to insane levels. And it's like. to di to did to to to to to du And you get that flashing of the jack-o'-lantern. So ah this kid, he puts on his, I think it was jack-o'-lantern mask, jacko lan and he falls down to the ground. And not only when he falls down to the ground do crickets, you spill out of him. You know the most terrifying bug in existence. Well, you imagine that many crickets in your house, you're never sleeping again. True, I am scared. You have like, I think it was like night crawlers coming out of his eyes, but also,
01:18:23
Speaker
a Mojave rattlesnake coming out, well which is not an Irish thing at all. love But they're in California. Don't hinge the teleporter so they can get him from anywhere. To quote Tommy Lee Wallace, the director of this film, it's magic, man. Yeah, man. We're we're going off of the vibes that's in your state. So when they were going through but the tour,
01:18:47
Speaker
uh the guy that the gremlin's dad we're gonna call him right yeah even though it's not him i think we call him daddy he is so daddy uh he was he was going through like the hall of fame he's like dude you don't know who this guy is he's the great prankster which i only say because the fucking when he is pontificating and telling this plan he's doing his parlor scene yeah he's probably he's at first like i don't know he said it i'm a prankster like this is the best prank ever prank dude this is the best prank ever i'm gonna murder all the kids kill the kids kill the kid I mean, got a good kid. I got your nose. Hey, pull my finger. You didn't fart. I know what you kid died. Oh, shit. Oh, he also mentions that this guy invented sticky toilet paper. So fuck you. Fuck you, dude. Knock, knock. Who's there? Not your kid. They're dead. I also do like that the the the RV guy, the dad from Gremlins is like, I had one of these toys as a kid and they pan to it and it's just this
01:19:45
Speaker
It's Native Americans set up in a shitty fucking... Pretty racist Native American dance toy thing. Not to be that guy, but for the time I don't think it was that racist. I stated that for hours. Now we look at it with our lens and we're like, oh, yeah, fun. No, for the time it's not that bad because they're not painted bright red. Exactly. So that's one point. And they were wearing fairly traditional garb instead of making them a mascot for your baseball team.
01:20:09
Speaker
Also, so um I will let you know I do not support the Blackhawks because they are the like any Chicago team is the worst team in any. ah like in any like division. So we got Philadelphia. We got called out on our man of the house episode oh by someone commenting on YouTube saying like, because we man of the house. I don't know if you've ever seen it. Probably not. Tim Allen. No, not Tim Allen. With ah Chevy Chase and Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Has a lot of stuff about the what they call the Indian Scouts, like their version of the Boy Scouts. Yeah. And we didn't want to say that over and over.
01:20:48
Speaker
And somebody called, they were like, we get it. You're woke. Also a great podcast. I was like, the thank you. ah Sorry. Sorry. It's woke to call somebody that's never been to India or not called somebody much to submit India, Indian. Yeah. Sorry. The people that were born in America, they're getting like arent called India.
01:21:08
Speaker
but black hawks the, you know, terrible use of a logo. Uh-huh. But also. Yeah, but it'd be worse if there were the Black Cocks. Just Chicago teams are like the worst fans. I don't know. What are you going to say? We got something to say about our pizza, too, pal? No, I love Chicago pizza. We've got the deepest dish pizza around. It's like a cake. I would get season tickets to the Chicago Black Cocks. Yeah, you would. No, you better not. No, Black Cocks. No, Black Cocks. Oh, Black Cocks. Black. Like all of a sudden, that logo, that logo is looking real intimidating. You see one of those on a fucking football helmet coming to
Personal Anecdotes & Movie Edits
01:21:39
Speaker
tackle you.
01:21:39
Speaker
Fucking drop the ball and run. So now it's Halloween. The kids are all out trick or treating. They show us Dayton, Ohio, where it's still daylight in Phoenix, where it's sunset, because I think that's how time zones work. Yeah. And then Ohio was always the shitty part of town. So that's where my family's from. I get it. I'm sorry. My my dad. No, he said so much worse than that.
01:22:04
Speaker
We know Ohio is what explains this last bit that we got on. So everybody's trick or treating and trying to get back home. and Well, one of the soup box shows up at the coroner's office and attacks the coroner. Lady Teddy Teddy.
01:22:20
Speaker
And this is the mid kill. This is the mid one. He takes out a power drill, puts it to her temple. But then, of course, it's not showed on camera and he drills into her head, which Jack pointed out. I think it was that these guys have just been crushing skulls. This movie. This guy was. just Yeah, he was bored with crushing. I'm adapting. I thought he put it in her ear. I thought he was like, and there oh, I'm wondering if there was something. in But also let me know when Claire's is offering that.
01:22:48
Speaker
I'm wondering if there was something lobotomous if there was something filmed for it, and they're like too much dude Like like to to get that rated R instead of NC there is something that was kind of this movie because it was considered too much I'll tell you guys at the very end okay, okay? It's it's it makes me happy not that it was cut But we'll get there. It's all the children in the world dying Derek is so happy. So Tom Atkins gets thrown into a room with one of the TVs. Cochran puts a mask on him. They tie him to a chair. kind of elector style He is like tied to this chair, though. Yeah. And they're like, he's like, don't forget to watch the big giveaway. We'll touch the door. So that couldn't you just close your eyes?
01:23:28
Speaker
movie over. I think right chance we can just like, yeah, you know, on our erotic fixation himself, because he had a tie around his neck. He could to just lean forward. And well, instead, he tried to save all the children of Earth or America.
01:23:43
Speaker
Yeah, he kicks the TV. Kicks kicks through the TV. ah Jack you there was the one who said like there's ah it's a push button TV. Just turn it off. No, I said. Oh, yeah. Tom Atkins is like turn it off. they'll Never coming back on. but Now we know why. He takes a piece of glass, cuts himself loose. He fucking does the TV from the 80s. Beautiful flip of this mask that just glides right on top of the camera perfectly.
Action Scenes & Tom Atkins' Stunts
01:24:08
Speaker
And I read in the trivia that it took him like hours to get this right to throw the mask up there. But the director was like, I didn't realize it was going to be such a problem because I did it as a joke when we were talking about it and just flung it and it landed right on there. Yeah, car was dead always did. Always roll, dude. Yeah, exactly. If you were already rolling, it's like they show Tom Atkins throw the mask onto it. They show him throw and they show the mask land. Yeah.
01:24:30
Speaker
So because he couldn't fucking do it. Maybe that's like why they quit after hours because they were rolling because it's a different angle. And they're like, you know what? Go to that one. You know what they did? They put it on the camera with a fishing line and pulled it off reverse shot. I don't I don't doubt that. This is I think this might be the origin of the matrix, though, because he's now put the mind control mask on the camera. So now all of the computers and cameras are getting mind controlled, bugging machined. yeah Yeah, that's why they got those squiddies. That's why I have the squid monsters robots. Establishing shots of these cameras around town. Yes. Also, which I think have the same, ah you know, power source ah like connector as my like as my sound board. So there you go. are Is my sound board now controlled? You know, I mean, that would corporation. Matt would be watching it and making sound effects for everyone going by. walk um murder murderer If I can only make those types of sounds on the scale of.
01:25:33
Speaker
You know, John Carpenter will be we'll be there. You'll get there. I believe in you. Thank you. Thank you. You're my nice savior. I don't have Moog money. So it's die hard time. Oh, yeah. Tom Atkins cuts himself out, climbs up into the vents. And there is shattered glass. Yes, that is in close reference for future. He's like, Ho, ho, ho. Now I've got a mask. Ho, ho, ho. Now I got a Stonehenge.
01:26:01
Speaker
But I love when he gets out, he rescues the girl, ah Ellie, from whatever cell she's been in. She doesn't say a word for the rest of this movie, but we get to why. oh But when they're trying to sneak around like the big room that all these dudes are in, they just take a rack of masks, hold it in front of them and walk.
01:26:21
Speaker
Like nobody's like that wreck is. Well, it's because they're robots. If you don't see them, you're at least like, why is that rack moving? It's a robot. It's fine. Oh, did he did he automate that wreck? yeah Are those robots too? Hey, mask robot. It's very similar to ah James Bond Goldeneye.
01:26:40
Speaker
Like when he takes the big rack and moves. Yes, he did. Yeah. We watched that together just recently. She doesn't remember it lying. It's the one where he runs down the side of the dam and there's the big satellite dish at the end. And Sean Bean. Yeah. And Sean Bean dies. oh Sorry. Spoiler alert. Sean Bean was in something and died. Wow. I saw that coming. I was on my phone.
01:27:02
Speaker
But don't doubt that. He steals a box of these like microchips, goes up above all these dudes. He starts playing the commercial. He sneaks in right in the middle of all of them. He does his best rib tailor here. Instead of buckets of confetti, it's microchips. Yeah, he dumps all the microchips on them. They all get zip zapped like the girl from the or the woman from the hotel. But also that box of microchips takes him like.
01:27:26
Speaker
A minute and a half. Well, they're very light. I can explain it in their magic. Yeah, it's magic. It's magic, man. Magic chips. like it some magic chips right But also, why isn't Colonel Cochran leaving the circle? He just. He's outside the circle.
01:27:43
Speaker
No, he's outside the circle. No, in this point, he's between the circle. in that yeah Yeah, because what he doesn't get he doesn't get chipped. He doesn't own leave the fucking area. If I saw that, I would run away. Yeah, because you're smart. You wouldn't be in this movie. You would be. You you and I would be in another state. I'm with that that. I'm with that black dude earlier, except I'm burning my fucking gas station. And I'm like, I'm following Jack when the car when the car pulls up and John Carpenter music is playing, I'm leaving.
01:28:10
Speaker
ah Honey, this town is dead to us. You hear that? They're playing the Halloween theme. I'm not getting gotch'd. Nope. All the robots get shocked. It makes a big electro circle around the the little workstation. And yeah, Cochran looks up at Atkins, gives a slow clap and gets electrocuted to death. ah No, no, no. It's even weirder than that. He starts glowing blue. he I think he turns into fucking stone and gets absorbed by the stone hinge because he does. yeah He does turn all white and weird. We're super happy that he was going to explode.
01:28:39
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, yeah, I wish that's what I thought. That's what I thought was going to happen. But and maybe he gets like absorbed. Stonehenge is like, dude, I'm getting my blood. Well, because Stonehenge explodes, I guess that's fair because the only thing that's been sacrificed to it at this point are robot robots, robots, some little shitty ginger that he turns, you know, white and starts going through that. He looks like Vince man.
01:29:00
Speaker
yeah Oh yeah, covered in cocaine. Which is a look Vince McMahon has pulled off before, I'm sure of it. His whole life. I think i think maybe, and this is just me you know trying to do work the movie didn't, it can't just be him exploding because Stonehenge, the piece of Stonehenge they have starts exploding. ah And then the whole factory goes up in flames kind of.
01:29:20
Speaker
It's a matte painting of yeah behind in the factory. But yeah, so he gets he gets got ah the building goes up in flames. They take off. Movies over. Everybody's happy. Oh, yes. Wait. Oh, wait. Oh, Ellie is acting weird. Tom Atkins is like, why aren't you talking? Don't women talk a lot? And so last time we had a road trip, you started going down to me right away and you're just sitting there right now. she wait Well, it's because he doesn't have a high life. Yeah, exactly. He didn't have his six pack of highlight.
01:29:48
Speaker
But she is also now a secret robot. And she starts attacking him. They crash into a tree. Her arm comes off. He knocks her fucking head off with a tire iron. For a long fight, though. Yeah. Because she's fighting him in the car, crashes the car. Cool. He gets out. She's now attacking him with her one good arm. He takes the head right off with a tire iron. Cool. Then the one arm that's left in the car comes at him. OK, he gets that off. Now the body that is headless and armless comes at him with one good arm.
Ellie’s Robot Reveal & Climactic Ending
01:30:15
Speaker
It's not that easy to take out a robot, man. Yes, it is. Punch him in the stomach, apparently. He proved how easy it is to take out robots. So he he punched the first one in the stomach and ripped out, ripped out the like. Why? Yeah. He's just trying to keep this one intact. So he's got a fucked all. Yeah. See, I heard that. But I'm hoping that he does want to fuck up that but he doesn't want to fuck up that but see, I'm hoping that someone will take out the cables in my head.
01:30:42
Speaker
in the title because a poor cable banishment. Yeah. Oh, I feel you on that, man. There's a really cool moment in this, though, when she has her arm ripped off and she hasn't had her head knocked off yet and she's going to attack him. They have like the little sort of like, yeah, the servo sticking out of her arm. And it's just twisting and like squirting fluids like a legless shrimp. It's it does kind of look like a legless shrimp, but it's pretty fucking cool. It's like.
01:31:17
Speaker
but he takes off he gets back to the gas station calls the tv station he's like need to not air this commercial whatever whatever Just believe me, I don't have any proof. Just fucking believe me. No, I don't have proof that it's ah Irish Warlock magic that's gonna make your kid's head turn into worms. okay look Just get the commercial off. I'm gonna say this as plainly as possible. An Irish Warlock took pieces of Stonehenge and put them in a fucking chip that when kids watch a movie, their brains turn to bugs. I don't understand why you're having so much trouble with i
01:31:47
Speaker
at the in the meantime oh Did we mention that this is the same yes gas attendant from the very beginning He's moved out now like as soon as this guy came back he's like nope I heard the John Carpenter music i'm fucking gone because when tom atkins got rose up He's like Don't I recognize you? You're that honky ass doctor. And then some more kids like run in and they're like putting on the commercial and he's like, turn it off for God's sake, turn it off. And it goes off. And then the kid switches the channel and it's another fucking commercial. Because ABC, NBC and CBS were all playing this commercial. They had no qualms about that. Yeah. Change the third one. Change the third one.
01:32:27
Speaker
yeah turn it off stop it stop it and it goes to black and we get the music and that's the end of the movie and the movie's over with no real conclusion and i love it so originally there wasn't supposed to be theme music playing during the credits that's the big difference here what's playing during the credits instead is the screams of millions of children because he failed. yeah This way leaves it ambiguous, as John Carpenter has been known to do, to see the thing, but like it leaves it ambiguous. like Did he succeed? Did he not? I mean, no matter what, he saved some lives. Maybe. well
01:33:00
Speaker
Anybody who anybody who's like, I don't watch NBC at least yeah three channels are broadcasting this thing. And and he got to turn it off in his in that town. Yeah. And so if if you look at it this way, Meatloaf did once say that ah two out of three ain't bad. It's true. But he's also not calling. He's calling the local affiliate.
01:33:21
Speaker
What about the one in New York? What about the one in Chicago? What about the one in Fort Lauderdale? Like all those kids are dead. All of them are dead. yeah So let's go. So that's the end of the movie. Yes. Do recommendations. We'll start with our guests, yeah Matt. Oh, 100 percent. This is my favorite Halloween movie that I've ever seen. Yeah, I had a feeling it was going that way. Also, literally anything, John Carpenter. um If you listen to the soundtrack, it's going to be fantastic. It's going to be well thought out, even though he started out making this type of music and ah like making music for movies because he didn't have money to hire on actual songwriters or, you know, go the traditional route. Yeah. Well, yeah necessity. I got to throw it in a caveat. John Carpenter does great music to a point.
01:34:10
Speaker
Once you get to the 90s, it starts turning into a whole lot of like like fart rock bullshit. He starts using a lot of guitars and he was never learned, never learned how to play a guitar. But also um you look at go watch them in the 90s. I will fart rock on a guitar. Yeah. So but then he gets away from the sense. Those were the same wife.
01:34:30
Speaker
Wife, wife actually really likes this movie. This is the second time I've seen it. Yeah, that song to to to to get in there. But blah, blah, blah. That's really annoying. But it's not as bad as the ants or whatever. Empire of the ants.
01:34:45
Speaker
I if you've never seen Halloween start with this one and then go watch number one because you do get little glimpses of the first Halloween. Yeah, you get a little Jamie Lee Curtis. You get a little bit of the to oh to speaking of that the voice announcing the curfew was that Carpenter Jamie Lee Curtis.
01:35:05
Speaker
Oh, I wonder I got a boner. I love it. So I i just felt like being told what to do. I have I wouldn't necessarily say I mean, I need Jack's caveats for this one. But I definitely if you've never seen any of them, watch this one and then go to one.
01:35:23
Speaker
Yeah, I definitely recommend it. It's fun as can be um in the right ways of goofiness and good fucking kills and animatronics, shit like that. I do agree. I think Matt did it the right way because a lot of people are going to watch one and two and then be like, what the fuck is this? Where's Michael? Yeah. And this this way, now you get my ah Matt gets to get pleasantly surprised by like, oh, there's that Michael guy everyone's talked about. Cool. I still like the witching hour or Season of the Witch, whatever the fuck it's called. So, yeah, I recommend. um I mean, yeah Michael Myers does make an appearance in this because of the somebody's watching the glimpses of Halloween. And it's funny in the credits, there's a credit that says assassin and it's credited to Dick Warlock, which is a great name. Dick Warlock is the guy who played ah prefer the shape much before preferred vagina wizards. He's the one who played the shape. Michael Myers, but with the mask yeah in the original movie. So he's still credited here, but as assassin.
01:36:17
Speaker
Okay, but yeah, I recommend this movie obviously Matt said do it. Let's do a John Carpenter movie I looked through the ones that are Cynthia and I was like, these are all really good and I mean we could talk about good movies But this one it's not good in the traditional sense, but it's very fun to watch It might be more fun to watch with friends. I've watched it alone and I've enjoyed it, but I i mean i don't think I need my caveat. Yes also friends and drinks will help I will say Even if you don't watch it, listen to the soundtrack. It's all club bangers. Yeah, I was nodding my head like to half of the although I'd be dancing. Look at my shoulders like he coming behind me. and Am I going to get murdered while I'm rocking out? That's why he always dance with the wall behind you. it's Yeah, dance. Well, I'm glad they didn't go with the original like Halloween theme song either. He made one for this, you know, like it's a different song.
01:37:09
Speaker
No, like he had a really nice synth bass going through and then had a like tonight style like synth going in like slowly raising to that and yeah.
01:37:23
Speaker
The soundtrack is incredible. Yeah. It'll never be a weak spot. Yeah. So that's the end of this episode. We've all recommended it. So you should watch it. And if you don't, you failed. Fail. Or you don't like horror movies. how Next week, we are going to have.
01:37:41
Speaker
Tyler from Swigfoot, another local band, Ska Band. And he's bringing us Almost Heroes, which we will be watching with him. I am much excited for this movie. I've never seen it. This is a childhood. It has Chris Farley, which is great, but it also has Chandler. Yeah, Matthew Perry. Matthew Perry. So I didn't want it. Rest in pictures. I always thought R.I.P. was Rest in Pools. Worst people come in here. Stay tuned, because we're going to play one of 3CS's songs right after this.
01:38:10
Speaker
Also, are we going to plug him? and Not all at once. Oh, yeah. Do you have anything to plug ah here in a little bit? I'm creating I'm going to be dropping an album um that will be available in the description of this. Yeah, I'll do that. um And yeah, ah that's also where the link to my socials will be.
01:38:32
Speaker
OK, perfect. And don't forget to check out our Patreon at patreon dot.com slash worst people three dollars a month. You get an extra episode every month. This month's episode ties to our musical theme. ah Whitney got to choose it because she didn't get her birthday episode and she was very upset. I was. So we're doing Empire Records. Damn the man. Save the empire.
01:38:51
Speaker
My name's not fucking Warren. His name is Warren. So subscribe there. You can hear that. We're going to play one of his songs as our outgoing music for this episode. So thank you guys for tuning in. I've been Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. I'm Matt. Turn off the podcast. Stop it. Stop now. Stop. No, don't listen to his
01:39:20
Speaker
Nerf.
01:42:10
Speaker
I would have had either candy cigarettes or a pipe that has bubbles in it. You're like, it's a cigarette. This is my break. I don't need to be disturbed. It's a real stressful day, man.