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Maria Syngrou - Closet Confessions
31 Plays14 days ago
Maria and I met at a beach bar, the kind of place neither of us often goes. She's a fitness model looking for a more traditional kind of love, and she is the host of a video podcast called Closet Confessions. Maria is a beautiful woman who loves fearless vulnerable conversations about dating. I hope you like this conversation as much as I did.
YouTube Closet Confessions
IG - the_fit_actress
wishyouallthebestpod@gmail.com
music - "Lofi & Love" by NottyVonDutch -https://soundcloud.com/nottyvondutch - Licensed under Creative Commons: By Attribution 3.0 - http://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/3.0/
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Transcript
Introduction to 'Wish You All the Best'
00:00:11
Speaker
Welcome back to Wish You All the Best, a personal podcast about modern dating. I am your host, Scott Simmons. My guest for this episode, I'm very, very excited to have on.
Meeting Maria, host of 'Closet Confessions'
00:00:21
Speaker
I've been a guest on her podcast or her podcast show on YouTube called Closet Confessions. um we'll talk about We'll talk briefly about how we met. It's just a funny story, but she's someone who I've had a lot of fun talking about. We don't see everything exactly the same way, but I really think that is a wonderful part of how we see things with this very, very important issue of finding romance. Maria, my friend, may I ask you to introduce yourself? Welcome to What You Want Best.
00:00:48
Speaker
Thank you so much for inviting me, Scott. It's actually different because this time I'm the guest. So I'm in a different role, exciting and challenging. and So my name is Maria. I'm fitness model, podcaster, and now I'm writing my cookbook.
00:01:05
Speaker
and A cookbook. Amazing. A cookbook, yes. It's going to be very low calorie, low fat, and no sugar recipes. So that's what I'm focusing right now.
00:01:16
Speaker
i am originally from Greece. I lived in London, Miami, and LA. Bartended. um also, i have an identical twin sister. That's a Interesting point, I guess.
00:01:28
Speaker
And I'm looking for love also. you are I respectfully disagree. I do not think your twin is the most interesting part of you, but we can can talk about that. um OK, awesome. OK, let's talk briefly about how we met.
How Scott and Maria Met
00:01:44
Speaker
You and I met when we were at a beach.
00:01:46
Speaker
dan Yeah, so I don't really go out. Yeah, it's like a beach bar. yeah so a friend of mine that I used to know from back in the day is actually one of the organizers. So he invited me and my sister and my friend, close friend. anyways And yeah, we went down there and i actually had a lot of fun. I don't really go out because I also work in the industry. I'm a bartender.
00:02:10
Speaker
And then your friend came up to me and my friend and he just started talking to us. And he was going to be, you know, funny and flirty and... Yeah, I mean, he was he's not he's a nice guy and he's a very social and very interesting, but he's not my type. But, you know, of course, I like socializing. I love meeting people. i recently moved back to l a from Miami, so I do want to make a lot of friends. So, ah yeah, I was very social and we started kind of having a conversation and you showed up.
00:02:43
Speaker
Yeah. And um yeah, i we didn't really get to to talk that night a lot because it was loud. My friend was also my friend. And then you mentioned podcasts.
00:02:53
Speaker
And yeah, I got to be so excited, especially that you're focusing on like men and that they're feeling lonely nowadays and relationships. And like this is something that I'm kind of lacking of right now. with moving all the time. It was COVID. And so yeah, so that's how we met. Uh-huh.
00:03:16
Speaker
It was great night. We ended up at Fogo de Chao. Yeah, yes, indeed. don't even know how we ended there. Your friend is very lovely. I don't need any names. And for what it's worth, ah my friend, who I'm not going to name, lovely guy, he and I have a very, very different approach to finding romance. I, like you, i don't go out very often. It was kind of luck that we were both out there at the same night. But I'm very glad that we did because we've had a number of interesting conversations and I'm very grateful for
Maria's Podcast and Its Impact
00:03:40
Speaker
that. Talk to me also briefly about ah Closet Confessions. This is a podcast that you've started relatively recently, not super recently, but you have a few episodes in there. um yeah I do want my listeners to go check your stuff out. What I like about it, and I'll let you talk more about it, but I'll say what I like about it is...
00:03:57
Speaker
you're very sort of vulnerable and raw. you're very You just sort of like wear your heart on your sleeve and talk about what's on your mind, and you're not afraid to tackle the issues that are important to you.
00:04:08
Speaker
And I think that's really admirable. I mean, you know it's the internet, right? like ah Everyone is like so saying what they want to say into a microphone, myself included. I'm doing it right now. um But I really appreciate that you you put in the time and effort. I'm not sure how it happened that you decided you wanted to do this, but at some point you said, you know what, I'm going to create this content, let people see what I'm up to, see my journey, understand the world from my perspective.
00:04:33
Speaker
And I don't know. i think, I don't know. I guess I feel kinship because that's sort of similar to what I'm doing here. My project here is to say, yeah, sorry, go. So there is a, how i it started, it was actually from France. The fact that I lived in Greece, London, and i worked in different industries. I worked in like fitness, acting, bartending.
00:04:56
Speaker
i'm not saying that I know everything, but I've been exposed to a lot of different people, different ethnicities, different lifestyles. And that taught me a lot, you know? And I realized that because every time I go back to Greece, I see how like my friends are kind of like very behind for a lot of things.
00:05:15
Speaker
So I wanted to share my experiences. And it's confession. So I'm convinced a lot of things that um I don't have a therapy. So sometimes my audience is my therapist, you know? So it's, yeah. And I love talking to like older people. I've always did enjoy that. And I was open. So i was open to change my ideas and change my opinions. and i'm not I don't get stuck on my things.
00:05:42
Speaker
And I love learning. So Yeah, i just want to share with my audience, my experiences. And if I'm wrong, then everybody's more than welcome to tell me that, you know, on this topic, you're wrong.
00:05:55
Speaker
ah The other one is that I love communicating people. I love learning about them and I love asking them questions. And a few friends told me that I'm really good with like giving attention to people, asking the right questions, not interrupting them. and then having such a great, like very... fun but educating conversations so these are like the two aspects of my podcast I do a lot of episodes that is just me and my couch here but I'm sure and there's others that I meet interesting people like yourself and I invite them and then the episode is just about them I am just the presenter I ask the questions I try to not interrupt them because I do that a lot when my first episode with you out of anxiety out would out out of anxiety
00:06:42
Speaker
And yeah, and it started three months ago and yeah, it's working on it. I think you're really great at it. And I would encourage anyone to go check you out. I'll of course put a link in the show notes to the closet confessions podcast. Go check it out y'all.
00:06:57
Speaker
Okay. So Maria, I would like to pivot into what I think we're going to talk about for most of this episode.
Maria's Search for Love
00:07:03
Speaker
You are, you're looking for love. You are looking for romantic connection for my, I'll let you talk more about this, but I will say from my perspective on the guy, if you're listening to this on audio and you're not on video seeing Maria, you're absolutely beautiful. You're a gorgeous woman. Oh, You're so interesting. You're a delight to talk to. ah You're very kind. I think you have like a warmth to you. You're intelligent. You're fun to talk to. ah You're fun to hang out with. You are in many respects, so many people in dating, right? So many people hear, how are you single? right And I'm sure you hear this so, so much.
00:07:40
Speaker
For my audience, I think it will be very interesting to understand the ways that, because my audience is mostly men, or that my my hope is to reach out to men. My hope is to encourage men and find ways for men to have more vulnerable conversations around finding romance, because I think we can do better with that.
00:07:56
Speaker
I think a lot of men would look at a woman like you with, I'm gonna get this wrong, but you have like 24,000 Instagram followers. Am I close? yeah Okay. Yeah, you know, okay, you know, it's a, Hey, being ah a pretty lady on Instagram is its own thing. We can talk about that. But I think a lot of guys would look at a woman like you and would say, how is it possible?
00:08:18
Speaker
How is it possible that she hasn't found, hasn't found love, hasn't found that connection. And from speaking to you, I would say, and tell me if I'm wrong, but I would say you are looking for a vulnerable, loving,
00:08:32
Speaker
romantic connection. and And I know our views on relationships are a little different, which is totally okay. I think you're looking for sort of a more traditional relationship where you can be more of a nurturer with a man who might be more of a provider. We can talk about that if you want to. That's not too far from, and I guess, what I'm looking for, but that's okay. But I guess so many people would look at you and say, how has she not found love? Because when someone sees you online or meets you in the real world, they think, ah, a beautiful woman, she must have it easy.
00:08:59
Speaker
But of course you don't, none of us do. Where am I wrong? Tell me more. Tell me your perspective, So that i have 24,000 followers, that doesn't mean anything. One. But at the same time, because my content on Instagram is a little bit more, it's like fitness stuff. And I've done a lot of like bikini photo shoots. Sometimes people understand it. They take it the wrong way. um So the way they approach me, it's very sexual.
00:09:26
Speaker
And that's when it doesn't give give that space for me to open up. It really like turns me off. And I do i do understand it that. It's because of the pictures, in my pictures. And it's not like anything crazy, but they're probably saying, okay, so this girl is more sexual or whatever. they take They get their wrong impression. And that's...
00:09:49
Speaker
But again, it's so hard to balance fitness and let's just something a little bit more provocative. And I try not to, compared to other people, i don't think that it is as much provocative, but again, as a guy, you guys are a little bit more visual.
00:10:07
Speaker
They probably get their wrong impression. So when you say sometimes, ballpark figure, how many times a week does somebody DM you on Instagram?
00:10:19
Speaker
out of the blue, just like shooting his shot. i don't even want i don't even want to, I would honestly, I would guess, i would guess like 20 times a week. Am I close? No. So I don't post a lot. That's the thing. okay I'm focusing more on my podcast right now and my cookbook. So I don't post a lot. And if you've seen my pictures now, they're even more covered. than before.
00:10:42
Speaker
so every time i i I I notice that every time I post pictures or a story, then I'll get a DM, but it'd be like maybe one or two DMs.
00:10:53
Speaker
Okay, okay, okay. Because 24,000 followers, that doesn't mean that they're all active, that they all see me or that my feed goes up on, um my stories go up on their feed. Got it, yeah got it.
00:11:06
Speaker
Things I don't know. I don't often talk to people. But don't get me wrong. think that you can meet somebody from Instagram. My twin sister met her husband on Instagram. I actually showed her his profile.
00:11:17
Speaker
um But it was years ago when Instagram was not saturated as much. yeah So I recently started dating somebody and yeah, we met we did meet on the internet. We met on a dating app. So it's hard because there are so many things that I think are bad about the internet, bad about dating apps. I think the internet can be a very difficult place to really get a feel for if this is someone that you'll actually get along with, someone that you'll actually feel connected to. And yet it's still an opportunity to meet yeah so, so many people that you would never otherwise meet.
00:11:50
Speaker
But that's a whole conversation in a different direction. i I want to hear about as much as you're willing to share, you are looking
Lessons from Past Relationships
00:11:58
Speaker
for love. I think you deserve love. Please tell me about your journey. What's difficult? What's easy? Tell me anything that you're willing to share. i' i'd be I'd love to hear it.
00:12:08
Speaker
Oh, so my first, first relationship, it was back in London when was 23. And unfortunately, my first relationship was with a narcissist. so it really traumatized me.
00:12:23
Speaker
And I thought that, you know, being treated, cut he was verbally abusive, not physically. But I thought that that's how relationships are like, that there has to be pain, he has to be I have to suffer.
00:12:39
Speaker
And um another thing, I was perfect victim because I don't really express my emotions verbally. So i keep more things inside. Even though I'm very social and I'm an open book to a stranger, when he comes to like my more intimate relationships, it was back then it was harder for me to tell him that I was so suffering call him out on what he was doing to me.
00:13:06
Speaker
It was really traumatizing. and But after that, it didn't discourage me for from finding another partner. So I found as soon as I got out of a three three-year relationship, i I wanted to date. I wanted to fill in that gap.
00:13:21
Speaker
And maybe or went too fast in that ah without learning about myself. After that, i I realized, oh my God, so relationships were not supposed to be, you know like my first one.
00:13:35
Speaker
they're not so They're not supposed to be painful. They're supposed to be they're supposed to be love. Yeah. So I had that boyfriend in Greece. He was my he was my best friend.
00:13:46
Speaker
and But I was moving to LA. And he knew that from the beginning. And we both knew i was going. was coming to LA. But... um We still went for it and i still love him, but you know, obviously my life is here, his life is over there. And after after that guy, I met a few people here in LA, but there's a lot of players, let's be honest. And back in my twenties, when I was trying to date somebody in my age,
00:14:18
Speaker
yeah it was It was really hard to find somebody that is serious because I never, even when I was younger, I never really cared about like when I stand or I've always wanted to meet somebody that is going to be something real.
00:14:32
Speaker
I've never really cared about playing games or anything like that. and In LA, I met a lot of players and i told you on that note on that my episode that they will tell me so many things.
00:14:49
Speaker
you know to get me like in bed with them. And then they will disappear. And that was my last relationship. He was actually a friend of mine also. He was a good like ah my best friend during COVID. We're hanging all hanging out all the time together disappeared.
00:15:10
Speaker
After being friends for like six months, we were together for like three months.
Dating Experiences and Challenges
00:15:17
Speaker
And then again, He just vanished?
00:15:21
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, he was way younger than me, so I understand that. um And he actually lied about his age. He said he was older, said he was younger. He said he was older, but yeah.
00:15:34
Speaker
So that really traumatized me. And I think I started like building walls and to feel more safe. And then I moved to Miami, it was really hard to find. yeah Because if you think it's hard in the LA, Miami is even worse.
00:15:49
Speaker
And when I got back, I tried to meet people, a few people from my gym, because that's like where I meet people usually. um You spent a lot of time in the gym. Yeah, a lot.
00:16:02
Speaker
And I met somebody. He is divorced. He's just recently divorced. So I said,
00:16:12
Speaker
I don't think he's at the right place right now because he was a little bit all over. he will text me out of nowhere and then to meet up, like, can you meet up in an hour after like a whole month without texting? So I'm like, I don't really like this kind of behavior. That's not very consistent. Yeah, it's not. It's not. interesting So, yeah.
00:16:32
Speaker
so yeah Okay, awesome. Thank you for all of that. Thank you for for sharing that. I know ah it can be, it's both exciting to talk about, you know, your own romantic journey and and very vulnerable, right? It's an important thing to all of us. And it's, um yeah, I mean, I'm usually doing the question. So yeah, I know. i do friend I've got slipped over it But thank you. I mean to say thank you. Thank you. I appreciate that. So it's it's okay. So it sounds to me. So you're meeting people, it sounds like mostly in the gym. Have you, can I ask, are you, do you ever meet people, ah go on dates with men who approach you like on Instagram, for example, or TikTok or dating apps? I'm not sure where you are on the internet, but do you use the internet at all ah in terms of. So I haven't, I haven't met anybody from TikTok or Instagram.
00:17:20
Speaker
I've met somebody through Tinder, but that was in Miami when I first moved there. And I told him that I'm i'm literally trying to find friends. And we were both, he's also, he was also a bartender. He was into the gym. Like he was like, you want to go for a drink? And I told him, I literally have no idea where to go because it's my first week in Miami. And showed up.
00:17:44
Speaker
Okay, know that it matters, but he looked nothing like his pictures. I don't know. Why would you do that? I mean, i know we we said we're going as friends. And then he just started, like, drinking beer after beer. And there was no connection, no chemistry, nothing, no interaction.
00:18:04
Speaker
of us are friends. And then
Men's Approach to Dating
00:18:06
Speaker
he asked me to go to his place. I'm mad. I'm like, what's up? but So after that, i'm like, no more Tinder dates, even if it's just for friends.
00:18:16
Speaker
I'm going to guess that you politely declined that invitation. oh yeah. Yeah. Okay. I mean, look, I do think... i mean I mean, a lot of red flags there, right? Yeah. but i you know in a weird sense, I kind of get it. I think sometimes men can get so frustrated with trying to find love that they think, just get someone to go out with you anywhere and then to make it so you're not nervous, just get super drunk.
00:18:41
Speaker
Okay, I see. I think a lot of men get this message that like, drinking is a thing that men do like being able to hold your liquor is a manly thing to do and to show this woman that you're you know interested or whatever you get drunk enough because when people get drunk enough they connect physically and then when you connect physically maybe you can build me which is not to say i would not advise that anyone do this and i'm not trying to have it actually happened it actually happened to me very recently um
00:19:09
Speaker
I work on a boat also, I work on a boat in Long Beach and we had like a staff party that you were invited. and i could it was a lot of It was a lot of fun.
00:19:20
Speaker
But a colleague of mine, he started getting really, really drunk. and Every time he's drunk, he's like all over me. and Even other people but like, oh what's going on with you and him? I'm like, i don't I don't know. But when he's not drunk, he barely talks to me.
00:19:38
Speaker
And then that night he was like all over me in front of everyone, but he was hammered. So you are right. Yeah. And is he interesting to you? Is that someone who is potentially interesting or no?
00:19:52
Speaker
No, really. That's okay. I mean, he's probably doesn't listen to my podcast. So you're okay I mean, look, he probably knows because I, he asked me out another night and I said, no.
00:20:04
Speaker
Yeah. So he probably knows. That's fair. It's like if it's if it's not a hell yes, it's a polite no. Like I feel like in this thing, when that connection is there, I believe that we feel it. You know, I think you kind of know when something is there. And if it's been a while, sometimes it can be kind of hard because you've kind of forgotten. But then it happens again and you're like, oh, this is that thing, you know, and that's what we're all hoping for. Right.
00:20:27
Speaker
Okay, so it sounds to me like you go to the gym a lot, you work a lot, and you do ah you do content creation, which is amazing.
Maria's Ideal Partner
00:20:36
Speaker
Do you... So, I mean, you know what I'm going to say, right? Like, yes do you feel like you put yourself in situations where you can...
00:20:46
Speaker
find the kind of men that you're looking for. And maybe and maybe maybe a more important question is, what kind of man are you looking for? You can take either of those that you want. They asked me before if I have a type. I don't really have a type when it comes to appearance. Because if you see my ex-boyfriends, it's all over the place. It's not like it a specific type.
00:21:04
Speaker
What I do like, it's somebody that is humble. That's like my top priority, humble. Sound to earth, funny. And again, I don't want to be like, did you tick the box? I don't like that either. Because sometimes you can have connection with somebody that it has nothing to do with everything that I'm going to say right now.
00:21:26
Speaker
So it can be a chemistry. But I can tell you what turns me off. And that would be somebody that's talking about money all all the time, talking about himself all the time.
00:21:38
Speaker
I like somebody that hassles. I don't care what you do. I don't care what you own, what drive your work car you drive, but somebody that hassles. I think that very ah find that very, very attractive.
00:21:49
Speaker
So I met a few people in in Miami. actually It seems like New Yorkers have that hassle in their system. i They're like, oh, I work here and I i also work over there. I'm like, oh, that is very attractive.
00:22:03
Speaker
okay ah And somebody that knows who they are. Okay. And there's probably somebody that has gone through struggles and- Sure. I'm not saying that it's it's mandatory, but usually you learn from all that.
00:22:20
Speaker
Yeah, I believe that's very true. Yeah. What, I mean, but I would say, But somebody also that likes fitness because it's something that is very important in my life. And it's not just about the look. It's when you work out and you know that it shows discipline. It shows that you're going to show up that you care. It's not just about your abs. Like who cares about abs? It's overrated. But it shows so much more than that, that that they care about their health.
00:22:48
Speaker
And yeah. okay so Okay, so my two cents, if i if i am your if I'm your dating coach for the hour, I think, I mean, I almost want you to be more
Advice on Selective Dating
00:23:01
Speaker
picky.
00:23:01
Speaker
Like, I almost want to be, well, because i think to me, to my ears, you're describing a good person, a good man. And i think i think there are I think there are so many good men out there in Los Angeles. I know it sounds crazy to say, but I think there are.
00:23:16
Speaker
And who would be who would be so thrilled to to go to take you to dinner and get to know you, right? I almost think like, so I like what you're saying about fitness, right? Because I think i think finding something you have in common can be a really powerful thing. I think, so okay, so my theory, tell me how you feel, tell me if you think I'm wrong. But I think it's, I think something that we don't do enough now is we don't really get to spend enough time around other people in kind of a low pressure environment where you really get the opportunity to understand who they are, right?
00:23:51
Speaker
We spend a lot of time kind of creating a curated version of ourselves on the internet, whether it's Instagram or TikTok or a dating app. you have You create this curated version of yourself.
00:24:02
Speaker
And and i I know you, and when I see your Instagram, I go, oh, that's Maria. She's having fun. But I think somebody who only sees your Instagram, they're not really getting the full picture of you. And maybe you're unique because, and maybe in a way you're unique because you're your content creation, your podcast is very vulnerable. So I think maybe somebody who,
00:24:21
Speaker
gets a sense of you from your podcast is maybe getting closer to understanding you. Actually, i had friends, people that follow me on Instagram, and then they started watching my podcast, DMing me that, oh, you're so different than the pictures.
00:24:38
Speaker
And I'm like, that's interesting. Oh, you actually, you know, you're funny or something like that. So I do understand like from pictures, you cannot tell how the person is like. ah when you're yeah When you're a fitness model, you have yeah it's a very specific look. It's a very specific aesthetic, right?
00:24:55
Speaker
like it's it But when you're being vulnerable and real on a podcast, it's very different, right? I mean, that makes sense to me. Yeah, yeah. So I would say, right. Okay. I have this theory that we have a really hard time being around other people in environments that are low pressure where you can just get to know someone, get a feel for who they are. Because when you have a, once you get the, and the idea being, if you get a feel for how someone is, then you have a better idea of like, oh, this person is humble or this person does have hustle.
00:25:25
Speaker
And then I start to get a feel for like, am I feeling that thing in here? Right. And I think people talk a lot about how men are very visual, but I think it's even true for men. I think for men, like when you really, butre if you're a straight man, when you are around a woman and you get to know her and you, then you really get to get a sense of, is this something that has romantic potential, but just in a way that you just can't from looking at A thousand thirst traps on right or just a thousand whatever on the internet.
00:25:55
Speaker
so and So then I guess my question to you is, do you feel like there's a way for you to find activities or things to do or environments where there might be men who you would potentially be interested in, but it's something that you could do where you might get the opportunity to make new friends, get to know people,
00:26:18
Speaker
people in the realm of like, for example, I wouldn't, I would not say to you, you should go to a bunch of Dungeons and Dragons meetups. You're wrong on that one. You want to come to that? Maria, I will get you into D and D. Listen, cause you said earlier that we have to have things in common, but sometimes when you don't have, but you have something else in common, for example, that guy from, from Greece, he was very into cars.
00:26:42
Speaker
I'm a woman, but For me, it was his thing, but I wanted to support him. So I wanted to learn more about cars and I would go like with him, like races that he did. But the other guy, um he got me into UFC.
00:26:59
Speaker
I've broken up 10, 11 years. i still watch UFC. So sometimes you don't know that that how did you dragons? What did you call Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. It's a very nerdy board game. For me, when somebody has something else that as a hobby, I'm there to support them and also to see if maybe I like it, you know, because I've always liked and that's why I'm here.
00:27:24
Speaker
i wouldn't be here doing this if it wasn't for me thinking outside the box and trying different things. You know, so for me, that's exciting. It's not, oh, what if she doesn't like it? What if I i love it So just so if I hear you right, what you're saying is like, you would be open to just trying new things. Yeah, 100%. Yeah. Okay. That's exciting.
00:27:47
Speaker
i think, I mean, I wonder if like your pathway to finding that love is just trying some new things and meeting some new people.
Creating Opportunities to Meet People
00:27:58
Speaker
That is my main problem is especially when it's wintertime. i sorry about that i that's okay I'm just a homebody. that i am a social butterfly, but sometimes, especially if it's Christmas and it's cold outside and it's cozy inside, I love it staying at home. you know so This is my New Year resolution to start going out more and finding more activities because it's like sabotaging myself.
00:28:29
Speaker
Because if I just go to the gym and just go to work, you know, not putting myself out there. And that's something I take full responsibility for. yeah it's true. You told me about like the tennis, the beach tennis, that's something. yeah Especially when it starts kind of warming up and like springtime or summertime, that sounds a great idea.
00:28:53
Speaker
because it's also like fitness related, but I'll get the chance to meet more people, even just friends. I will absolutely take you to beach tennis. If you're interested, I will totally take you to Dungeons and Dragons meetups. We go to Ren Faire together. You'll love Ren Faire. love that. I'd love to try new things.
00:29:13
Speaker
I love that. yeah i think, yeah, ah gosh, I guess my idea for this episode was to kind of try and play dating coach here and like, see if we can talk about it and help you out. But like, I think that's really it. i I think really the thing that's so frustrating to so many people is just that it's hard to build community, you know? And I think we all need, I think we all need community just as much as, i'm i don't know if we need it more or less, but it's just as important as romantic connection, I think, like having community. And I think,
00:29:40
Speaker
I think community is hard to find now. And it really, you have to really be intentional about it. You have to really say, i'm going to put in the, I'm going to put time on my calendar and I'm going to do things that help me meet people, make friends, spend time with people who are just going to be friends. And I think in doing that,
00:29:59
Speaker
you are much more likely to meet somebody who might be that incredibly special romantic connection, who's looking for something close to what you're looking for. And with someone with whom you can build something really beautiful, won't be perfect. Nothing is perfect, but like that is the way I think that's the way to do it. And and I'm a hypocrite because like I've been on the dating apps and and someone very wonderful that I'm dating now I met on the dating apps, but like, I think, I don't know. I i think I really, really think community is, is an underappreciated challenge of our time. Yeah.
00:30:32
Speaker
And also i would say overcoming my fear, fears. So because of my, two relationships that, well, the first one was, he was narcissist or I've seen all the red flags. I think I'm like, I've learned from that relationship to identify red flags. But when it comes to my last one, which was with my best friend, we're hanging out all the time together and that person just disappeared. That caused me a lot of trauma. And that's another obstacle. was the younger guy. Yeah. So that's my obstacle. It's my fear that if my best friend could just disappear like that, I don't know if I have the energy to vulnerable with somebody and open up and start something. A lot of times that I think I sabotage myself, that I see somebody with potential.
00:31:20
Speaker
And then... I stop myself because i don't want to waste time. i don't Because that's another issue that when I am with somebody, i am I'll give my myself.
00:31:35
Speaker
And i have the podcast, I have my cookbook, I have my life. And I feel that if there's somebody that I would invest And I don't know if I can handle like the balance between giving enough time, but at the same time, giving enough time to myself.
00:31:52
Speaker
And that's my biggest fear, that I don't want to invest on somebody and then it's just another game. Yeah. So how can I how can i know if he's playing or not?
00:32:06
Speaker
Yeah. Well, okay. On behalf of all the men on the internet who are fascinated to know what a beautiful woman like you is looking for in dating, it sounds to me like you're saying you've been vulnerable in the past when you've been vulnerable, you've gotten hurt by someone who sounds to me like he just was not ready for what you were looking for, yeah which I guess is understandable. Like we're all on our journey. We're all have growing to do and if you're not at a certain point, you're not there.
00:32:35
Speaker
I wish he had the maturity to say, hey, listen, I can't do this. i need to let you down and I need to have that conversation. it sucks that he couldn't do that. A lot of people yeah you know aren't there yet.
00:32:48
Speaker
If you're doing the work, if you're somebody who's ready to be vulnerable in a relationship, I hope you meet other people who are also doing that, but we don't always do that.
Vulnerability and Trust Issues in Dating
00:32:54
Speaker
But so it sounds like you've been vulnerable, you got hurt, and there's a certain, there's ah there's a, I'm going to say fear. There's a hesitation of fear that if you put time and effort into someone, you're going to, you're going to have wasted that time and effort.
00:33:08
Speaker
yeah um and that's And that time and effort is time that's taking away from activities that are important to you, friends that are important to you. Am I close so far? Yes, 100%.
00:33:19
Speaker
So then what is it? I mean, i guess let me back up a little bit because because I want to ask, and you know, the question on every on every every listener's mind here is like, if I'm pursuing a woman like Maria, what do I say? What do I do to show her that I'm someone one who is worth her time?
00:33:35
Speaker
I'm someone who's done the work. I want to get to know somebody like her. i like working out. I would be a little too bashful to walk up and say hello to her near the squat rack, but I want to know what it's like. or I want to know
00:33:51
Speaker
I think how to approach, right? I think a lot of men, and we talked about this a little bit on your podcast, like I think a lot of men are afraid to approach or it's it's unclear what is the respectful like way to approach because like, i think some men who are still more than happy to violate your boundaries will approach you anywhere and try to get on your radar and ask if you wanna go out. But I would say, and let me know if you think I'm wrong, but like I would say,
00:34:20
Speaker
a lot of those men are men who are okay violating your boundaries, right? They're not really kind of men you're looking for. i think approaching a woman, I'll talk about myself, I'm not saying that every woman is the same, but I find it adorable when somebody comes up to me because a compliment is always ah great, always accepted and I'm thankful. So it's the way somebody approaches. Don't be aggressive.
00:34:48
Speaker
So I'm never going to be rude to anybody, but even the fact that they they have the courage to come and up, into like I give it to them. like I appreciate that.
00:35:00
Speaker
So it's not goingnna is not going to I'm not going to turn anybody down or a unless they're very aggressive. you know So I would say to men, go out and try.
00:35:12
Speaker
Yeah. But kindly, like politely. yeah You know, because you're going to learn so many things. You're goingnna you're going to become more confident. You're going to understand women a little bit more. So approaching a woman, would say it's always a win-win situation because you're going to learn something as long as it's polite, politely.
00:35:34
Speaker
I totally hear you. I think that's very sweet. that's attractive, I think, for somebody to overcome their fear and come up and be nice and just give you a call to win. It's attractive. You're taking a risk. You're showing this person that you're interested enough that you're willing to risk a little bit of embarrassment. think we need more of that nowadays. Okay.
00:35:51
Speaker
Let me offer ah the other the and another perspective on that, and you can tell me where I'm wrong. Because... So I think the gym is, and not every listener, i think every audience member here is going to be a gym goer, but I think the gym is a great kind of like microcosm or it's a great like example of how this kind of works because yeah everyone's in there working on their bodies, trying to be better, showing that you're a hard worker, whatever, doing your thing. The gym is a place where you're like doing your thing. yeah And also, you know, yeah you're probably looking pretty good, right? If you're somebody who goes to the gym a bunch, you're like a lot of the women, you're, you're
00:36:28
Speaker
you're not leaving a lot to the imagination. And men also. We'll dress, we want to show off our you know we want to show off our pump, right? right So I do think it's an environment where it's like, okay, it's a lot of sexy people standing around.
00:36:43
Speaker
And I think it's fair to say that you know some of them are thinking, oh, wow, that person over there is cute. This is not like mind blowing revelation. This is a thing that some people in the gym are thinking.
00:36:54
Speaker
And for the most part, everybody just kind of keeps to themselves. I think people have their headphones on. You're in the zone. The gym is like church to so many people. This is like, I'm doing my thing. Let me do my thing.
00:37:06
Speaker
Okay, so the the issue I have, not the issue, but the thing that I would say about like walking up to someone in the gym or anywhere and saying, hi, I i noticed you've got a very adorable pair of headphones on or or not on, because I don't want to talk to your headphones on, but like I would say, yeah I really love the crucifix you have on on your necklace, for example. How are you doing today? My name is Scott. Can I buy you a soft server? Whatever, whatever cute little line, right?
00:37:32
Speaker
The problem with that is that what I know about you, now I know you because we've had conversations, but but if in this situation, when you're just like out on the promenade in Santa Monica or whatever, standing there, all I know about you from seeing you for 15 seconds is that I find you attractive. you know I look at you and I go, ah, that's ah that's a ah beautiful human being. I don't know,
00:37:55
Speaker
your values i don't know if you're consistent i don't know if you're humble i don't know if you're a good friend i don't know if you're a narcissist right right and i don't know if you're i like i i don't know if there's that i'm hoping i'm hoping there's that thing where we'll feel connected right because i'm hoping to find that somewhere in the universe right but i don't know if you really have it so my thing about this is a long way of saying this but my thing about sort of approaching someone out of nowhere is that like you just don't know enough about a person when you just see them moving through the world. I think you know something. I think you can you know i think you can get a feel for someone's like energy. I think you can see someone in a situation. like You can see them do something where they help somebody else pick up a weight or something, and you go, oh, that person is helpful or that person is kind. You can get little moments of like pieces of a personality. right yeah But I think you don't really know a lot about a person.
00:38:51
Speaker
the first time you see them. And so i there's a lot of a lot of discussion. I'm not sure if you tune into this, if this is in your algorithm or not, but there's a lot of discussion in like the dating discourse. Can you just pause for one second? Remember that you asked me about Matt Hussey?
00:39:11
Speaker
Matt Hussey. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually know exactly who you're talking about. It's the British guy. Yes. Yes. I follow him. I've seen so many because I'm editing that video and you're right. I've watched all his his videos. so I know him.
00:39:28
Speaker
I don't know why that came out of nowhere, but yeah. Because the handkerchief drop. You're thinking of yeah handkerchief drop. Yes. Yes. Yes. So yeah I do think so. so okay Okay. Okay. All that to say. All that to say. All that to say.
00:39:39
Speaker
i think meeting someone out of nowhere, showing that you're taking the initiative to show someone that you think they're attractive and say, hi, my name is Scott. can i help you Can I help you find the 35 pound weight or whatever?
00:39:53
Speaker
Walking up to someone and introducing yourself. can start with a small small talk. Because gym is the place that going to see them over and over again. So you can start friendly. you know We talked about tennis, beach tennis. It's the same in the gym. So yes you can start just friendly. are you using this machine? Oh, yeah. you you can use it We can use it together. Oh, OK. My name is Maria. So you can start like that. Start very friendly. Then you see them again. And then you cannot see the boundaries.
00:40:21
Speaker
So it is going to be, oh, so what are you doing this weekend? So small talk can lead to something bigger as long as they're both interested. But you never know it as unless you try.
00:40:33
Speaker
what I'm saying. what I'm saying. I think that's very fair. so So I think, okay. So I think, I think where I'm going with this is I, for anyone listening, who's curious, and I'd be curious to know if you agree, and if this is how maybe you can,
00:40:46
Speaker
go and seek the love that you deserve.
Interactions at the Gym
00:40:48
Speaker
I wonder if like in those spaces and for you, the gym is one of them. Maybe the goal is to just make friends, like just talk to new people and Get a feel for new people. like and And really, what we're talking about, again, is just building community, just making friends in there, letting people know who you are as a person, making it clear in the space that you're somebody who like you can communicate with, someone you can talk to. And that and you know that that can be that can be a pathway. That can be a road on the journey to maybe running into that person and talking to the person, getting to know that person who might be that special someone.
00:41:27
Speaker
um Anyway, yeah i got to talk myself in a circle there. No, i it totally't makes sense. And I understand what you were trying to say, like the cold approach, right?
00:41:37
Speaker
And I feel that through Instagram. It's when somebody has no idea who I am that we have never talked, and they're like, oh, I think you're hot. I would like to take you for drinks.
00:41:50
Speaker
And like what you're just talking about yourself. I think you're hot. I want to take you. We haven't had any any kind of conversation. So you can still approach somebody politely on Instagram. Hi, how are you doing? i think I see that you like fitness.
00:42:06
Speaker
And then start asking questions to get to know that person. And then ask them, would you like to go out with me? So it's not I, me, me, I think.
00:42:19
Speaker
yeah. I think that's great. I i think it's a cold approach, but it can also be and a warm approach actually in the same platform.
00:42:31
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I think, yeah, I mean, I, okay. how What do you think about this? I would, i usually advise men, whether you're messaging someone on a dating app or sending them a DM on the internet, Instagram, whatever, let's say Instagram,
00:42:48
Speaker
you want to make your You want to make your message funny. it You want to make her smile. You want it to be short. You want to make it easy to read. and you wanna ask her a question that is very easy to respond to.
00:43:02
Speaker
And I think the reason that that that kind of what you just said leads me to that is that, yeah, you wanna find out, you wanna be curious about her. You wanna show her that you're curious about her and you wanna be curious about her. Like don't reach out to someone who you're not curious about because like spoiler, you're not interested. If you're just reaching out to see if you can get a yes, like that's about you.
00:43:21
Speaker
If you're curious about her, let her know that you're curious about her. And so, yeah, I would say make it short, make it funny, Or make it short, make her smile, ask a question that's easy to answer so you're not actually asking too much for her to like respond to you. Because once she responds, then she feels like we're having a conversation. And I think that's- But you get but that's the thing is you can have a conversation on Instagram and then they can feel the vibe.
00:43:48
Speaker
I guess so. i I'm not a big fan of like text. I have like um an example. i don't know if you want me to go over it. Oh, I would love that. Okay. So it's. Oh my gosh, Maria, I would love you to show me your Instagram DMs. So this is a very like specific. Let me find. Okay, here.
00:44:06
Speaker
Hi. I reply. Hi. he says He says hi you're replying with hi. I hi. You're so generous. I thought that we had ah friends in common because he is in Miami.
00:44:18
Speaker
And I'm like, oh, he's going to be like a friend of a friend and he's trying to... Because I always want to help somebody with work. I've said that before. Anyway, so he's like, just saying what's up.
00:44:31
Speaker
i said Anyways, that and he goes, sorry. And I said, the question mark is for this... Oh, you saw my story. Wait, is this the one?
00:44:44
Speaker
Maybe that's not the one. Maybe that's that's a different one. But anyway, so the guy I started and so we he said something about Miami. I said, yes, I used to live there.
00:44:55
Speaker
um How do you like LA? We kind of have that conversation. And then i said, I'm sorry, it's getting late. I'm to have to go. And the next day he goes, I miss you. And I go, what ah what do you mean you miss me? It's like, well, what can I not miss you? And I'm like, to miss somebody, you have to have lived some something together, some experiences. He's like, I missed your vibe. And and then he invited me to Miami.
00:45:22
Speaker
And he like, there was no conversation. it was over the top. Then the miss you is sweet, but there was nothing to miss. And then I told him, there's nothing to miss. Oh yeah, no.
00:45:35
Speaker
So you're saying that I'm lying. And I'm like, no, I'm just saying that you can't miss me because you don't know me. Yeah, i just I just think like, I don't know. I'm not a fan of...
00:45:48
Speaker
I'm a hypocrite. Like I know the internet is how we meet each other now. But like, i just think there are so, so many limitations there, you know? Like i hear what he's doing. i think he's trying to, say the things that he's supposed to say, right? He's trying to say something sweet. He's trying to say, okay, he's thinking to himself, if I were in a romantic connection, if this were a romantic connection, what would I say?
00:46:12
Speaker
I would miss her. If he's imagining, like if this was, I think I'm totally projecting on this guy in Miami that I don't even know. But my guess is he's thinking there's a part of him. And I think it's, and I think it's a part of I get a lot of flack for this because a lot of women tell me like a lot of men are just garbage and i need to like deal with that. But I really, I'm stubborn about this. I think men want the same thing that women want. I think we want to be loved. I think we want to feel connected. i think we want that romantic connection. I think most men want that.
00:46:40
Speaker
And in this situation, i think that guy He's just trying to like make it up. You know, he's like imagining to himself, ah, there's this beautiful woman I've seen her on the internet. And he imagines like, what would it be like to have like that romantic connection? you know, like that connection here in your heart with this person.
00:46:55
Speaker
And he says to himself, what would I feel if that were happening? And he gets like lost in that, I think. And in that situation, he goes, ah, I would miss her. But of course he doesn't really miss you. He doesn't know you at all. He's just like totally making up this like, he's he's like falling for this like curated version of you. That's just a bunch of pictures and videos that that that you're putting out there for like professional purposes of nothing else, you know? And it's like,
00:47:17
Speaker
We it's I think it's anyway, this is a total rant, but like I think it's so hard to build community now It's so hard to find other people now that like we try to find it on our phones And of course it doesn't work, you know because like your little screen can't do that.
00:47:33
Speaker
you know? Yes, for sure for sure So, okay, okay, we're almost to an hour here. oh really didn't feel like it like always Do you oh gosh what else I I think I want to think of all the questions that the men in my audience would be curious to ask you about. What would you say, what would your advice be to men who looking to meet someone like you? Is it just like, come and talk to me in the gym, even if my headphones are on? Which I think probably no, but maybe I'm wrong. But what do you want the humble, kind men to know? There be some exchange before that. You see that girl is looking...
00:48:15
Speaker
look back, you say hi But I think if you really want somebody, if you really want to meet somebody, that you're going to have to get over your fear and just go for it, but politely.
00:48:27
Speaker
yeah Like natural. You know, like this guy went from hi to I miss you. This is not a natural flow. you know? So I would say go for it. Like I think women need that.
00:48:40
Speaker
As much as they say, you know, that I'm a boss babe or whatever, I think that we still want that. from men. Sometimes, and sometimes you know we we so I don't know, even like my brother-in-law, he's a very handsome guy. And he was not even looking at my sister.
00:49:00
Speaker
i remember her her texting me, oh, he's this and that, he won't even look at me. And then when we were talking about that the other day, it's like, oh, I was looking, you just didn't catch me looking.
00:49:13
Speaker
so they were leaving. They met on Instagram? So they met on Instagram, but then they met in real life okay years later at a gym. and So they bump into each other at the gym. But my sister, she never likes to go up and talk to anybody.
00:49:27
Speaker
You know, it's like, no, he comes to talk to me. Yeah, but I'll never forget that day. It's like, what a... She called him names and he wanted to look at me. And he even though he's a very good looking guy, he was so shy. and that's what I'm saying. In her reality, he didn't care.
00:49:43
Speaker
and in his reality, he was just too scared to go up and talk to her. So that's what I'm saying. It's like sometimes you have to go for Be polite and be ready. to If the girl says no, it's no. But that doesn't mean it's or it's no for now.
00:49:57
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. so So what do you think about Matt Hussey's handkerchief drop
Encouraging Men to Approach Women
00:50:03
Speaker
thing, right? This thing where like, and so and so for the audience, that this Matt Hussey is this very popular online dating coach. He's worth checking out. yeah i Honestly, I kind of think the brunt of his advice is mostly for women or the, the yeah yeah, the most, the the I think mostly he helps women sort of be less picky. Honestly, I think he helps women kind of like narrow down their choices and like make a decision, but that's a different thing. But he has this idea about the handkerchief drop. Because I think something that happens is with your brother-in-law. so I would say I think your brother-in-law, and maybe I'm just shy, but like I see it from his perspective. I think he's being respectful.
00:50:40
Speaker
I'm in the gym, and I weigh 185 pounds, and some woman is next to me like doing her thing. She doesn't know if I'm ah you know a violent weirdo. right like She's in this situation maybe thinking, I'm going to choose the bear.
00:50:53
Speaker
right She doesn't know me at all. There's nothing you can tell about me just from looking at me that tells you I'm a safe person. But you know what the crazy thing is that she wouldn't even look at her.
00:51:03
Speaker
And at the same time, he texted his friend saying, this is going to be my wife. So yeah, he was like looking at her through a mirror maybe. Yeah, you're showing no signs.
00:51:16
Speaker
But again, yeah I'm not saying that every guy is like that, but... I think a lot of guys are. I think a lot of guys are because because i think I think what we're doing is being respectful from my perspective. I love the gym. I love it women are in the gym. I think more women should lift heavy. When I see a woman in the squat rack, ah girl, go. yeah right yeah But I never want to make her feel like she's uncomfortable.
00:51:38
Speaker
I realize that it's a very, I think the gym can be a very like masculine space. Just the fact that you're thinking about it, you will never be creepy just because even your thought even your thought but there's the things like even your thought that you're saying oh i don't i don't want to be perceived like that then you that alone will never allow you to be like that however you would 22 though so however you would approach if your war is that i don't want to be you would probably never be creepy
00:52:10
Speaker
Okay. Well, okay. Okay. So, but I'm getting around to the- I think people are creepy because they don't understand that this is not the right way to approach somebody. is yeah It's not the people that fear that might be creepy.
00:52:24
Speaker
okay you know but then if Okay, hold on. But then I want to handkerchief drop. because like Okay, so the handkerchief drop for the audience. The handkerchief drop is a reference to like back in olden times, Victorian, whatever.
00:52:37
Speaker
you know Women in big dresses that couldn't ah lean over to the ground because they were wearing giant cars. All these gowns, yeah. Yeah, all those guys. What a woman could do is a woman would accidentally, I'm making air quotes, accidentally drop her handkerchief near a gentleman in whom she was interested. And the point is she drops the handkerchief so the gentleman can pick it up and give it back to her. And what she's doing is she's giving him an opening. She's giving him the opportunity to say, oh, you've dropped your handkerchief.
00:53:03
Speaker
um I what a lovely 500 pound bodice you're wearing or whatever wacky, you know, whatever. Get a conversation going, right? So yeah that's that's like the old timey handkerchief drop.
00:53:15
Speaker
But Matt Hussey, this dating coach, he sort of advocates for women to get comfortable with finding some way to drop a handkerchief metaphorically, doing something that gives a man an opening yeah to say hello.
00:53:30
Speaker
How do you feel about that? yeah you think it works? Do you it's something you do I think it's something that I do. And i think I think it's very welcoming for a guy to make a move also, you know? yeah So you will feel way less scared.
00:53:43
Speaker
But like in the gym, it can be a nod it could be a hi or it could be a smile. And I think that men deserve that too, you know? It's like if we want them to do all the the work, at least give them a sign.
00:53:56
Speaker
ah i think so. So what what I think, I think, i think Do you agree with him or not? I totally agree. Oh, okay, okay. Because I think we're in a time where the respectful men who are educated and paying attention to what's happening in culture and who are have sensitivity to...
00:54:16
Speaker
at least a little bit to what it's like to be a woman, those men, i think, and i I'd like to think I'm one of them, but like, I, I, if you've got your headphones on and you're like on the bench press doing your thing, i am not going to talk to you. Like, because you've got your headphones on, you're doing your thing. i know what it's like. Like, I'm i'm not going to wait till you're between sets. Like, unless you like,
00:54:36
Speaker
Make eye contacted me my contact with me and like give me a smile or come. I don't know. Unless you do something that shows me that you are open to conversation, I'm going to assume that you're and in the gym or moving through the world or walking on the street or like in a mall or whatever you're doing. I'm going to assume that you are doing your life and that you would prefer to not be disturbed. That's going to be my assumption. Right. And I think especially these days when we're so on our phones and we're so rusty with human to human connection, it's, I don't, I don't want to assume that someone ah is open to talking to me because i you know, I think it's especially for women, I think it can make you feel very uncomfortable. It can make you feel unsafe. And especially in the places that I like to go a lot, I'm somebody that goes to the same places. I go to the same beach tennis. Well, I haven't been in a while, but like, or I go to the same gym, right? We keep talking about the gym. I go to the same gym.
00:55:30
Speaker
i I do not want my gym to be a place where people feel uncomfortable. And if I'm a guy talking, walking up to women who don't want to be approached, that it's going to make the culture, it's going to make the vibe of that gym worse because I'm shooting my shot, you know? And I want my gym to be a place where people can feel safe because more than anything, I want that to be a community. I want it to be a fun place to go because I go to the feel good, you know? All that to say, all that to say.
00:55:59
Speaker
I don't know. i I think there's like manosphere alpha bros out there on yeah a lot of testosterone who are going to call me a beta cuck who's like, just needs to talk to women. But I don't think it's true. like i think I think the handkerchief drop is a really important thing. And i know i know that in a way it's opening yourself up to rejection because if you handkerchief drop and like do something that invites a man to say hello and he declines to say hello,
00:56:26
Speaker
I get it. That hurts. yeah Trust me. I get how rejection hurts. I'm a dude. Yeah. yeah and And yes, and I do think men, of course, we do need to shoot our shots. We do need to make a gesture. We do need to show somebody that we're willing to take that risk that we're available to take that risk.
00:56:42
Speaker
And I do, I mean, I'm a little, I'm i'm maybe not as traditionalist as as you might be. I don't know. We can talk about that maybe on the next podcast, but I do think that, I don't know. I think women, ah many women need to feel pursued.
00:56:57
Speaker
And I think many men need to feel like they are pursuing just in order to feel that chemistry. that I'm super old school like you. i do like that. I don't when the guy approaches me, i do like men opening the door for me I like those things.
00:57:11
Speaker
so much because it it makes me feel like a woman. in me It puts me in the feminine energy. That's a lot of times Marcos says that. And it's when we try to replace somebody's energy, like a woman trying to replace them oh, I'm a birthday, you don't need to open the door for me. It's done then we lose the game.
00:57:33
Speaker
I think that is the main problem in today's world. i think of And fear of rejection also. for being yeah I think there's a very, very, very interesting conversation to have around that. I think it's very complicated, but I can't argue with you. Like, I i do think I still feel kind of a little bit of that, what I would call traditional um connection. and it it It just feels...
00:57:59
Speaker
It lets me feel that thing. And with love, with romance, you have to feel it. You have to feel it. Like if you don't feel it in here, in your heart, what are you even doing, you know? Yeah. And so anyway, yeah honestly, my wish for like my nieces and nephews and like the generations later, I hope it changes for them. I hope they're more egalitarian. I hope they're less...
00:58:21
Speaker
men are the providers and women are the nurturers kind of thing, because I'm a lefty McLefty pants over here. But the reality is, i think right now, as a society where we are, we're just, I think we're changing. it's It's interesting how we're changing. I think we're having conversations like this. I think a lot of conversations around like, what should men be? What is a good man? You know, I think that is changing. And I don't know where it's going.
00:58:47
Speaker
But anyway, all that to say, i think i I do agree with you. Like, I think a lot of women need to feel pursued to feel that romantic connection. And a lot of men need to feel like they are pursuing to feel that connection. And that's just a reality of where we are. And we can't, you can't really, you can't wish that away.
00:59:05
Speaker
yeah Anyway. Yeah. What's okay. So it sounds like we're both a fan of the handkerchief drop. We're way over time here. Can you tell me, can we wrap it up on this? Can you, just to put you on the spot, can you think of a time when you think you did a handkerchief drop and like, what did it look like?
Taking Initiative in Dating
00:59:23
Speaker
Or what does it feel like? Or maybe you can't think of one, but can you think of a time when you like, there was somebody and you're like, I'm kind of interested. so what did you do?
00:59:30
Speaker
So it's funny because my twin sister and I are very different. And that's another that my sister would never go and talk to anybody, but I'm the opposite. So i would always go and talk to the guy that I was interested, not like hit on them, but like start a conversation. so i'm really good just finding yeah yeah I'm really good with finding ways to talk to somebody because that's how my brain works. it' like That's why I like podcasts, you know, because we we talk and then we go from one topic to another and goes to another. So I'm really good at finding, not in a bad, mean way, you know, evil way, but but for me, i like i also like the challenge. really at finding, I saw it as a challenge as well.
01:00:11
Speaker
So yeah, I would just go up and talk to them and the see if they want to become friends or it used to be, it would be there in the gym or at work, um you know, that you get to see them all a lot of like very often.
01:00:30
Speaker
But i've I've been at a bar and I'll go out and talk to a guy. up down it So you don't even drop the handkerchief. You just like, go shove the handkerchief in his face. yeah I love that.
01:00:41
Speaker
Maria, I think that's the right strategy. I think you're an amazing person. I think you should stay picky. i think i think you should I think you should be clear. My two cents. You asked for it. No, I i need it. No. i I think you should stay picky.
01:00:56
Speaker
I think you deserve somebody who's amazing and I think you should stay picky. I think you should wait until you find somebody who you really feel like, aha, I feel lucky. This feels like that thing. See, that's exactly why argue with my sister because like, why don't you give him a chance and give him a chance again? Because I don't feel that this is the person and I have to be picky right now.
01:01:16
Speaker
I want to feel that excitement. I think keep taking swings, keep running up to guys and throwing that handkerchief at them. Okay. Cause you're a catch. You're a catch. And I think, I think we just need to get you out there more.
01:01:27
Speaker
That is true. We'll get through winter. You can unhermit. We'll get you to beach tennis. If you want to come see Dungeons and Dragons. Yes. I'd love to.
01:01:38
Speaker
yeah Yeah. I think, i think it's just a matter of getting out there. I think you have the right approach. I think women who are willing to come up and talk, to do that handkerchief drop or make that first move. i think ive ah In my experience from all the women I've talked to, those are the women who who have success in romance because you've you just got to keep taking chances. You can't just like sit at home and wait.
01:01:58
Speaker
And think a lot of guys need to hear this too. You can't sit at home and wait and hopefully it just happens for you. You got to get out there and try. Yeah. Is there anything else you wanted to say or ask about or talk about before we... I mean, we can talk for hours, no, I think we went over through a lot of things. And thank you for all the advice and your positive energy. And I definitely need to get out there more.
01:02:20
Speaker
And I'm excited. And I'm excited for you also. Thank you. And I cannot wait to meet her.
01:02:28
Speaker
Someday soon. Yeah. So listen, a Maria, Closet Confessions podcast. I would encourage anyone to go check it out. I would be ah thrilled to have you back on this podcast anytime you feel about it or anytime you feel like it.
01:02:39
Speaker
um If there are updates, if you're trying this whole handkerchief thing and it doesn't work at all. Okay. Give me a challenge is right now. Yeah. I want to hear about it. I want to hear about how it's going. And I'm sure my audience would be thrilled to hear how it's going for you.
01:02:53
Speaker
Yeah, thank you so much for being on the show. ah um Just to kind of wrap up here real quick. Thank you, listeners. ah Thank you so much for tuning in. Thank you for listening to whole episode.
01:03:03
Speaker
ah Special thanks to ah my friend Sarah Wineland, who put in some additional kind of associate producer work for the podcast. Very much appreciate her help. You can find ah me online. You can find this podcast online at Wish You All the Best Pod on Instagram and Wish You All the Best Pod on YouTube. This will be this one will be, i think, the second video yeah ah video podcast. I know I'm catching up with society.
01:03:31
Speaker
And Maria, my friend, before we wrap up, where should people go to find you on the Internet? Okay, so Closed Confessions podcast on YouTube and on TikTok, The Fit Actress, and Instagram the thing, The Fit Actress.
01:03:47
Speaker
Amazing. And I'll drop all those links in the show notes, of course. Maria, thank you so much for taking time out of your busy schedule to talk to me. i really appreciate it. I really enjoy it when we talk. Always. I do wish you all the best. i Thank you. are you here I think you will find a romantic connection. I think you deserve it. I think don't give up because i think you're the kind of girl that a lot of guys would love to meet.
01:04:09
Speaker
All right. Thank you so much. Until next time. Thank you.