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00:00:01
Charlotte & Scott - Welcome (back) to the Peasant Party
80 Plays2 years ago
Charlotte (@welcometothepeasantparty) joins again to talk third spaces, having a digital footprint, and cold approach. I always love her perspective on this stuff!
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Transcript
Introduction and Guest Welcome
00:00:01
Speaker
Okay, yeah, and here we go. Welcome back to Wish You All the Best, a personal podcast about modern dating. I'm Scott, your host, and I am super, super thrilled to have a return guest, Charlotte, from Welcome to the Peasant Party. Is this still Welcome to the Peasant Party on TikTok? It is, yeah. I think it'd be hard to change the name at this point, despite the fact that it is not relevant to dating, but it's memorable. I will say that. It's totally, I remembered it, yeah.
Personal Growth and New Topics
00:00:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:00:29
Speaker
So if you're listening and you are a person who's on TikTok, go check out Welcome to the Peasant Party. It's been a minute. How have you been? Not bad. Yeah, I've continued making TikToks. I think we last spoke in October, so I've continued on with that. I think I've kind of grown as both a speaker and a presenter there. I've heard a lot of new perspectives since. So I'm trying to think of some of the new topics we've covered, but a lot about just things like
00:00:58
Speaker
like saying no, finding ways to meet new people, get out in the world have kind of taken what I think is a good stance on finding not necessarily self improving, but putting yourself in situations to meet the right people.
Community Building in 'Third Spaces'
00:01:15
Speaker
You know finding ways like you know that we talked last about like the third spaces But how are we what are ways you can meet new people? You know, what are you getting out in the world getting past the dating apps that have kind of burned people out? I think just you know, I think people are really burnt out by dating apps and whatnot So that's kind of been a focus lately I would say yeah and for anybody listening who hasn't heard the term before third space meaning not home not work, right? Yeah, I'm a big big fan of that approach like I
00:01:45
Speaker
I don't know I for a long time I was like never never approached anybody at the gym like the gym was like my sacred space and I was like I was not gonna I don't want to do anything there that's gonna you know make it weird or anything but like I think more and more what I realized is that like I love going to the gym and I meet people there and like they kind of become a community and it's not like I'm like
00:02:06
Speaker
walking up to somebody out of nowhere and saying like, Hey, do you want to go out like making it immediately romantic? But I realized that like meeting people there is one of the ways that I build community. And in building community, I, you know, I start to find opportunities to meet somebody who might be that special someone, you know what I mean? Exactly.
00:02:26
Speaker
I will say, so
From TikTok to Podcasting: Scott's Journey
00:02:28
Speaker
I'm off of TikTok. I got off of TikTok a little while ago. I kind of started this podcast instead. I think for the kind of stuff that I am usually interested in digging in on, TikTok is maybe not the best space for me. Or maybe also, I think TikTok was just kind of bad for my head. When I want TikTok too much, it just sort of wears me down. But I think your stuff is so great for the short format.
00:02:53
Speaker
I want to say like so I did a little bit of like googling and searching to prepare for this and I saw one from a while back where I think it was like a funny one and it wasn't like a chart when it was just really short and you were just like saying like if you see somebody that you like go and talk to him but like you like you zoomed way back and had like a microphone and you're like
00:03:10
Speaker
Go tell them the megaphone made some appearances. And, yeah,
Demystifying Cold Approaches
00:03:15
Speaker
I think that's it. Those are fun ones because, yeah, they approaching somebody in person. Everyone thinks when they think of cold approaching someone, they think it means you walk up to someone and declare your attraction or interest and exactly what you want. And so much of it is less of like a, you know, a high like I'm attracted to it so much more of like, you know, what are you drinking? And if they say vodka soda, period, turn to their friends, that's a no. If they say vodka soda, what about you or something like that?
00:03:40
Speaker
It's people are, I think, afraid of that, like cold, cold approaching people. But I think if you do it in the right way, in a casual way, in the right place, like I think it's you know, I think it's awesome. I think there's also just a lot of people have fallen back on dating apps and stuff where you don't have to face the rejection head on where people don't see that a lot. And I think people get really excited about it. Like everyone wants that. You know, the our story page and on those like wedding websites where it was a meet cute. So people really, I think, are attracted to that.
00:04:11
Speaker
And I think it's a way to just do something different. And also, people say, oh, what if you get rejected? It's more like if they say vodka soda period, turn back to their friends, or whatever it is they're drinking. Maybe you're at a coffee place or something. You can still kind of live in that illusion yourself. You don't have to go and say, oh, I think you're the most beautiful person in the world. Let's go on a date. Make it easy on yourself.
00:04:33
Speaker
Yeah. We're already off track. Awesome. I think cold approach is a really interesting topic. I had a great talk on here actually with a friend of mine, Chris, who lives in New York. He's a lovely guy. He's one of the people that I was really first able to talk to about this kind of stuff. It was a long time ago. He's a guy friend who I think
00:04:58
Speaker
I'm happy, I'm proud that I have the kind of relationship with him and a lot of my guy friends where we can talk about this vulnerable stuff about dating. I think women are maybe better at that than guys. Guys, we have some work to do. But anyway, cold approach is something that we have often seen very differently. But I think I'm coming around. For me, I think part of what really turned me off about cold approach in general,
00:05:29
Speaker
And I guess for anybody listening who's like, what's cold approach? Cold approach is just like when you see someone in the real world and you walk up to them and start a conversation, right? No prior connections to them. It's not a party with friends. You're not getting set up with someone. You're out at a coffee shop and you see someone you think is really cute. Yeah, saying hi to a stranger. I think
00:05:50
Speaker
And even in like, and I remember when I was on TikTok or even on sometimes Instagram will show me these kinds of things, but I think anywhere online where you're having this kind of discourse, there are like, well, so there's like pickup artists and there are also like cold approach coaches, like people who, like that's their business. You pay them and they will help you get better at like talking to strangers. I think a lot of the discourse around cold approach
00:06:19
Speaker
And correct me if I'm wrong, because you might know better than I would. But I think a lot of the discourse around cold approach really assumes that you are going to, in the first 10 seconds, declare to someone that you are romantically interested in them and that you want to take them out to dinner or a drink. And I think that's just wrong.
00:06:37
Speaker
Yeah, and it's not like that. And I think what's it's annoying about some of those buzzwords is they're tied so much to those pickup artist type people. That's why I'm kind of like, oh, what's another term for this that doesn't you're not googling it. You get some Andrew Tate article or something like just that like cold approach is just it. First off, it'll bring it a bunch of pickup artist people. And then also it implies that you have to declare exactly what you want. I think there's soft ways to do it. The goal should be a conversation like a fun conversation.
00:07:05
Speaker
Um, and you know, maybe like exchanging numbers. Like I think it's almost more like a dating app match where, um, I can take her downstairs. Sorry. Um, Ali agrees. Dolly has opinions about cold approach. I'm going to, I'm going to just take her downstairs. So she's not buggy. Um, yeah, hold on one second. I'll be right back. Sorry about that. No problem. Um,
Online Presence and Dating Perceptions
00:07:28
Speaker
Dolly is super cute. Um, yeah. Cold approaches. Yeah.
00:07:34
Speaker
I'm sorry, go. No, go ahead. I forgot. Yeah. Remind me my train of thought with that. No, no. But yeah, like I think, I mean, you were saying the goal is to have a flirty conversation. It's to have like an interaction and not like an open declaration of like, I want to, I'm interested in you romantically, reject me or don't reject me right now.
00:07:55
Speaker
Yeah, dating app match though when you match with someone on a dating app, what happens after that you don't you don't declare that you want to go out for a drink with them you kind of feel if there's a vibe or not like you have no idea if this person that you've seen in the grocery store. You know, like you have no idea what they're what they're like outside that grocery store like maybe exchange Instagram handles or get their number like it's more around like kind of figure out if there's a vibe here first like I think look at it more as like a dating app match where you don't
00:08:23
Speaker
go, you don't set something up right away. You kind of get a feel for it first. Yeah. I mean, to any guy friends who I might have, or to any guy who might ask my advice, haha. Even for dating app matches, the guidance I would give is just talk to the person. Try to get a feel for them, because you don't know. And when you first approach someone on the street, or when you first match with someone on a dating app, you know next to nothing about that person.
00:08:52
Speaker
You know that you physically find them visually attractive. And on a dating app, you know some stuff that they put in their bio if they did. And in public, I would say maybe a little more, just because I think when you just see someone move through the world, you learn a lot about them. But not that much. You don't know if they're really cruel. You don't know if there's someone who's going to be mean to the waiter. You don't know if there's somebody who's going to really have different values than you on important things.
00:09:22
Speaker
Yeah. So I think it's not like an interview, but like when you're just like saying hello to someone, um, you know, you just want to kind of get a feel for them a little bit. And sometimes I think oftentimes you really have to talk to somebody for at least a little while before you get a feel for kind of who they are and whether or not you're interested in getting to know them more. Does that make sense?
00:09:43
Speaker
Yeah, oh, totally. Yeah, you have no idea who they're going to be. Protect your time, too. I would say that to both either men, women, whatever side of the equation you're on. Yeah, protect your time. Protect who you go out, kind of yourself, as far as who you go on dates with. Yeah, you shouldn't just ask someone on a date cold right then and there, too. It should be exchange numbers.
00:10:06
Speaker
you know, social media or something where you can get kind of like a picture you would get from a dating app, maybe, which is kind of the nice part of it. You can kind of get like a almost like baseball card of somebody. Yeah. See, this is me showing my age. My Instagram is like woefully
00:10:23
Speaker
Like I update it very, very infrequently. So I often don't do like Instagram handle exchange or whatever. I'll just be like talking to someone for a while. And if you get a conversation going at the end, it's just like phone numbers. And then like maybe maybe I'd text later for asking for a phone call or I might just like text and be like, Hey, you want to get dinner sometime? I don't know. But definitely that that that first conversation is I think really important. Anyway. Awesome. Cold approach. Something we didn't plan on talking about. Okay.
00:10:53
Speaker
So, okay, so you, TikTok is going great for you. I'm, you're still doing awesome stuff on that platform. I, so I recently got sent an article by some very lovely friends because the New York Times had an article about bros with podcasts and it's all about, I mean, mostly it's aimed at like the sort of like. Yeah, that kind of podcast. Yeah. Guys being, I don't want to say alt right. I want to say kind of pick up artists, I guess, right? What's the word for that?
00:11:23
Speaker
Is it Manosphere, whatever? Yeah. So it's those guys. So apparently there's a lot of men out there that have those kinds of podcasts. And I'm not totally sure how to tell someone that I have a podcast about this stuff. Because I really don't want them to think that I'm one of those kinds of guys. I really hope that I... Well, I don't know. You never know, right? So this is something that I like talking about. I think it's a cool thing. I think it's worth talking about. I think it's important for
00:11:54
Speaker
a better conversation for men to be out there. Well, I think if somebody Googles me, they might not find it. But anyway, point is, I have a podcast about this stuff, obviously. And so what I want to ask you about is what is it like dating? I guess, first of all, are you dating?
00:12:16
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, I got in a relationship probably like a few months ago. But definitely like I had some kind of like off and on things as I was making content about dating. And it definitely like affected things as far as like, you know,
00:12:33
Speaker
And I think it probably comes from if you go on TikTok and, you know, you're swiping through, you'll find, you know, women telling some bad date stories and stuff. And, you know, sometimes she's I like just just goes kind of to the toes, a fine line between, you know, describing just a story and identifying the guy. I think there's a fear amongst guys, you know, less of a population on TikTok, especially late 20s, early 30s, where it's just like, oh, my gosh, girl on TikTok who talks about dating
00:13:02
Speaker
Oh, my gosh, I'm going to be the next whoever they had. I think they had the couch guy for a while where they thought he was cheating on his girlfriend, that viral video, or it was the West Elm Caleb kind of debacle. So that was like a fear in the back of my mind, for sure, at some points.
00:13:18
Speaker
Yeah, like I think that digital footprint aspect of becoming a creator, whatever forum you use, even whatever topic you talk about, because I'll talk to other creators kind of behind closed doors. Like I've met people where the subject of their videos is their dog and they play a supporting character to their dog. And the guy that does that has a hard time dating because it's just that I don't want to date an influencer type person, like just people having
00:13:43
Speaker
certain perceptions, like people who have things like totally outside the realm of dating where, you know, hey, I'm dealing with a private person or like, you know, that kind of stuff. So it's that's something that counts. Like if you kind of bring it back to like just digital footprint as a whole, everyone Googles people before they go on dates and whatnot. I think it kind of like falls back into that big bucket of, you know, a dating issue. So that's wild. I mean, so I guess I would ask, like, have you if you're comfortable talking about it, like, have you ever had it come up in dating when you were dating?
00:14:13
Speaker
where someone would like tell you that they found you on TikTok or like, I guess that's first question. Okay. Yeah. So I think when I first started, so I think it was June of last year and I was kind of like wrapping up something with someone and
00:14:28
Speaker
You know, found myself pretty single, like single. I got off the dating apps at that point, just because I think I was hearing a lot of noise about behaviors on dating apps, people, um, you know, not responding to people. And I just, I felt like I wasn't using it the right way. I didn't like any of the people I was meeting from it. So I didn't use dating apps probably, you know, for a year, like, you know, six months or so of being single and whatnot. So.
00:14:53
Speaker
When I would meet people, it would be like friends, friends of friends. Like sometimes it would be like almost like a miss connection at a party and someone would find me on Instagram and be like, Hey, it was great to meet you. Like, would you like to go out for drinks? So it was a lot more of that. Like I don't want to say like it was Instagram. It was more of like in-person connection slash miss, like almost like Craigslist, miss connection style.
00:15:13
Speaker
in the form of like friends, groups, gatherings, parties, like parties and whatnot. So a lot of that. And I thought that was good just because I like to be able to like lead with personality and whatnot. And it would come up kind of early on or it would come up before it even like got to that point. Like if there was like a conversation in a group, a lot of times too, like my friends would just be like, you know, what's going on on that clock app today? Like who are you beefing with? Like what theory are you trying to disprove or prove or what point are you trying to make? And they would always want to know like,
00:15:42
Speaker
what mean comments are people writing at me like you know people always write like oh just because you're loud it doesn't mean you're right and my friends always think that's funny people always want to know what mean comments like gen z is writing to me like it felt good to know like people knew what they were getting themselves into um if they were you know reaching out to me like i always like to make that known early just because i would rather have it
00:16:06
Speaker
come up early on, like one first date that goes nowhere, no big deal. My biggest fear, I didn't want to be in like another one of those like one to three months where I get excited about someone, then I finally break out of my shell, like, you know, maybe, you know, get to a point where I'm having a few, a few drinks or something when we're out and about. And then they're like, Oh, what did I get myself into? Like, that was something I wanted to avoid that I feel like that was always my sticking point with dating was just
00:16:29
Speaker
like one to three monthers that never launched. And part of that was on Me Too. It was like, you know, why didn't I let this go earlier? Like I could have known this a while ago. But yeah, got into someone I met through TikTok, actually, which I thought was kind of cool, just kind of being able to lead with personality. And I would say, you know, it's a place if you are creating something on there, whether it's dating related or not, like there's it's a great way to find like minded people lead with personality.
00:16:58
Speaker
Yeah, like I'm really happy without things have gone. And I think kind of a challenge that comes with that is just like, how do you make that feel as much like traditional dating as possible? Like, how do you make when you meet this person for the first time, you have to go to maybe a different city? Like, how do you make a first date feel like a first date versus like something where all the stakes are on it kind of thing like?
00:17:19
Speaker
I've seen too, like I've followed TikTokers over the years where they date other TikTokers. And sometimes I'm kind of like, Oh my God, this is so cringy. Like, is this really like a thing? Or are they just, you know, trying to get more followers or, you know, stories where people have successfully been able to hide a past or like a whole family because they're just using TikTok. So like, that was a fear on my mind too. I
00:17:43
Speaker
did all the legwork I needed to do and this person is totally normal. Yeah, like it was yeah, I'm not concerned about that. But that was like something that was in the back of my mind for sure. But it was a good way to like, like cool that he knows what he's getting himself into versus like, I have to like, you know, maybe find out down the line that he's not into it kind of thing.
00:18:05
Speaker
Right. Yeah. Well, first of all, congratulations. That makes me so happy. He's a very lucky man. Um, I love that. So, okay. I mean, I was in here all thinking that like, you know, somebody would find out about, um, your, your online presence and have it be like an issue. And, but, but really he met you through TikTok.
00:18:23
Speaker
Yeah, so it's a blessing and a curse because I think it's a double-edged sword, I would say. If you're a creative person who likes to date other creatives, I think it's a good way to have your talents out there because I think one of the best things you can do in dating is be the best version of yourself and put that out in the world. Whatever your talent is, people on TikTok, if your talent is cooking,
00:18:45
Speaker
If you have those videos of you cooking out there and someone can flip through TikTok and see it, or you pull those videos and put it in your dating profile, it shows you as a well-rounded person. I think that's really, really cool.
00:18:58
Speaker
You know, the, you know, my wife, he likes that there's kind of like a sense of humor, like, you know, doesn't take self too seriously. So he like more of like the humor part of it. But I think there's a way to like use that to like, you know, win a certain type of person over like someone who likes to have, you know, if you look at your podcast, like a good discussion, like,
00:19:16
Speaker
you know, like have real deep conversations like I think someone be really attracted to that. I think how you maybe pitch it to people like if you walk into you shake someone's hand say, Oh, I have a dating podcast. Yeah, people's, you know, read their eyebrows a little bit
Managing Online Identities in Dating
00:19:29
Speaker
and make some assumptions like just like, I don't know, like I think of one analogy like
00:19:33
Speaker
think like OnlyFans is trying to become another Patreon, for example, like, or like, you know, do more with non adult content. But a challenge that comes with that is if you say, Oh, yeah, I have an OnlyFans, like, an image pops into people's head, regardless of what's behind that paywall kind of thing. So I think it's how you position it, like, if you framed it as like a, you know, like men's mental health, or like,
00:19:52
Speaker
you know, making connections with people and dating is kind of either an adjacent topic or you frame it like that. I think people would think that's really cool. I think if you said, yeah, if you said dating podcast or like masculinity podcast, I think people might get a certain impression based on. Right.
00:20:09
Speaker
It's how you position it, for sure. Yeah, I definitely had my link tree on one of my dating apps for a while. And then I took it off because I'm like, wait a minute, what am I doing? Like, that's not my best foot forward, you know? But I've definitely had people like find me and
00:20:26
Speaker
I went on a couple dates with someone who actually I met through a matchmaker. The matchmaker reached out to me. Super awesome lady. I think we were talking about just stuff. We got around to the podcast and she went and listened to a couple episodes and she's very sweet. She was like, oh, I feel like I know you better now. I feel like I've listened to you have these conversations and I've gotten a feel for
00:20:52
Speaker
uh for who you are so yeah i guess that was kind of sweet actually yeah there's also the reverse side of things because i've um you know i've known guys who um you know one creator who does dating like very like i would say like wholesome gender neutral like talks a lot about like situationships and whatnot he's gotten both sides of things like he's gotten
00:21:11
Speaker
you know, had a date plan for the next day and was really excited and just got the text saying, hey, I'm not comfortable dating someone who's she called him like an influencer, I think was the term she was like, not comfortable with someone who's an influencer didn't, you know, he was and he was just kind of like my answer was to just say, you know, totally respect that, you know, she didn't ask any questions like, you know, how much of your life does this take up? Are you what are you trying to do with this? But just kind of like, oh, cool, like,
00:21:35
Speaker
you know, someone made an assumption, but I guess that's kind of part of it, like part of the deal. But he's also had people on the other side of things where it's like almost, I don't want to say parasocial relationship ish, but there's sort of this one sided thing where they've got hours of recorded content of you talking, you know, video and whatnot, and you don't know as much about them. So there's like, kind of a double edged sword there. Yeah, that's interesting. I've definitely had
00:21:59
Speaker
in other situations where I've been talking about it, I've had women say like, are you just dating to get content for your social media? And like, I don't know, for me, the answer is just no, because I'm not. I'm never, unless somebody's a guest on the pod, I'm never talking about anybody else by name or identifying them in any way that I think would feel inappropriate or intrusive, right? But yeah, I get that. I do hear that.
00:22:29
Speaker
Yeah, I've definitely as I was kind of, it wasn't so much like as I was dating, but I would, I would get some like kind of obscure texts from exes or I wouldn't even say exes. It was more of like the handful of dates, like maybe a year back, like the exes are out of the picture, but it would be kind of like, why is this person texting me? Like, it would be a text me like, Hey, you don't, you don't do this by the way, right? Like you're not talking about this on the tic tac. It was like,
00:22:54
Speaker
No, sorry, I don't know if that is a good thing or a bad thing to you, but I haven't thought about you in like two years, so I've gotten things like that for sure. Right, right, right.
00:23:05
Speaker
Well, awesome. I'm super happy that TikTok is still going awesome for you. You were one of my favorite things on TikTok for sure. Thank you. You and the sad beige clothes for sad beige children. I was talking to my sister about that the other day, just like the freaking Montessori programs where it's just
00:23:25
Speaker
There was something where it was like a, it was, they deleted the comments where it was like the mom threw all the kids toys away. It was like, we just think they're overstimulating for kids. It's like, no, you just don't like the aesthetic in your house. Like have, have an old McDonald barn, please. Like, Oh my gosh. That's funny. Um, fun stuff. Um, yeah. Okay. So, uh, uh, is there anything else you wanted to say about being a, being a minor Tik TOK celebrity and dating or having an online digital footprint and dating?
00:23:53
Speaker
I mean, I would just say to anybody that if you have a talent, show it off to the world. I think it's a great tool to use even just like in your back pocket. Like if it doesn't have to be dating-centric, if you're good at guitar and you want to put video of yourself like on TikTok, whatever other platforms, I think it's a great way to find like-minded people in a way that's not just like a dating app full of swiping. And use that if you have some sort of a special interest. Like I think if someone has like a niche interest or hobby, like it's a great tool to connect with other people.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah, it worked for someone like me. It could work for anybody else. And I think, yeah, it's a cool app if you use it in the right ways. And I think that kind of pivots over to in the, you know, we Google our dates before we go on them. And we want to make sure that we're not going on a date with a serial killer or something like that. So I think it like kind of goes into that pretty well.
00:24:43
Speaker
You know, am I weird? I don't ever Google my dates. I don't ever like, I just talk to them on the phone once before the first date, figure out if it, if dinner sounds good, then go. And I just, I just go in blind. I want to like, am I weird? Does everybody, is everyone else Googling their dates?
00:24:59
Speaker
I think it's very much like a, like, I think at the end of the day, like when a man goes on a date with a woman, there's not really the fear that the woman sitting across from him could murder him. So I think at the end of the day, like I think of how much women love true crime and whatnot. Like, even if like, you know, woman has a good gut feeling, like there is that fear in the back of your mind. Like, you know, I'm five, two, he's six feet tall. If he wanted to just, you know, fire, fireman carry me and throw me into the trunk of his car, he could. I don't think guys have that fear.
00:25:27
Speaker
Um, so I think guys see it less, but I think guys still do it because the tools are available to do. So like, you know, just you put the first name, whatever the company they work for, look for a LinkedIn and a last name and just, you want to know what you're getting yourself into.
00:25:40
Speaker
Um, but I think there's a certain point where it's too much. Like if you're on some, if you've found someone's Facebook and you're looking back at their high school prom photos, you're going back too far to Google and making sure that they don't have a whole other family or, um, you know, a criminal record. I think that's normal. Um, and I've, I've done that. I found, I found some sketchy stories. Um, and they were on the front page of Google. So.
00:26:04
Speaker
I think, yeah, digital footprint matters in that way. And no one should want to date someone that has a history of being a scary or violent person, regardless of their gender. So to do it, don't go overboard. Don't emotionally manifest this person into being your prince charming or your sleeping beauty, but also don't talk yourself out of things. I think the first page of Google should show you, if there's any red flags, it should be on the first page of Google. Don't go past that.
00:26:33
Speaker
So I have a super generic name. My name is Scott Simmons. And if you Google me, you just get a whole bunch of people named Scott Simmons. There's a lot of us out there. I wonder if that's hurting me. I wonder if there's other Scott Simmonses out there whose reputation is hurting me on first dates. I don't know.
00:26:49
Speaker
You can edit your Google search to do Scott Simmons and quotes, and then you can do San Francisco or whatever city you know they're in. If you see the name of their job title on their dating app profile, you put that in. And then you can also reverse image. Like a lot of times people will use their dating app. Photos is either like a profile picture somewhere else. Women kind of know what to do.
00:27:12
Speaker
Yeah, my dad has a pretty common name and stuff. I've told myself, too, when I have children, they're getting a very common name to help them. If they ever mess anything up, they have to compete with other people in the Google search results kind of thing.
00:27:28
Speaker
So, okay, can I ask one more thing about that? So if you do a little bit of research on somebody and you want to know something about them and you find something on their LinkedIn or you find like a hobby they're into or something, something that you didn't learn about them from your chat or from however you met them or whatever, and then you go on a date with them and they start talking about something and then you realize, oh, I know what they're talking about because I found this on Google. Do you tell them?
00:27:53
Speaker
that well, that's why you don't that's why you shouldn't go too deep into it. That's why you shouldn't figure out like who they want what they were to prom or what their mom's name is or go find out their cousin because that's just too far. I think and that kind of thing has come up where it's like if you find if you because this kind of thing happens. I also googled Scott Simmons San Francisco and your LinkedIn profile was the first thing that pop up.
00:28:14
Speaker
How do I look? Am I am I good for a first date? Yeah, it's you and then I would yeah, like it's it's yeah, like it's the heart. Yeah. Look, yeah, it all looks good. And yeah, Scott Simmons, San Francisco will pull up you first. Okay. Yeah.
00:28:35
Speaker
Yeah, so I think it's like, because that's a relatable, I guess I'll tell a personal story. I don't know if I told this on the last podcast. So this must have been 2021, I would say. And I was single dating, using dating apps, and match with this guy who was cute and whatnot. And I forget where I was with friends, but we were out and about. And I usually would do like the dating app date would be a first date.
00:29:02
Speaker
everyone was out like oh you're in the bar next door come on over and thought he was cute in person um and remember was heading home for the night and we split in uber like he took it a separate way but he saw where i lived and whatnot and like you know thought he thought he was cute got his number we planned a date for i think it was that tuesday and we saw the like top it was like your throwback night at the movie theater we saw top gun um
00:29:26
Speaker
everything was going fine, great. And noticed that the name that he would go by, we went to grab a drink first, and the name that he went by when he showed his idea, it was like, oh, you go by your middle name. And the name that he went by, it was like, oh, because I Googled it. I think some Turkey trot times showed up when I Googled the name that I knew him by. And I do think he just went by his middle name. He was from the South.
00:29:51
Speaker
and had a good date. And then we planned another one for that coming Thursday. And I think I was just trying to kill time. He was watching a hockey game or something somewhere. And he was like, oh, you know what? I'm done. And I just got back from a work happy hour, maybe had a drink or two, and was like, oh, I got a kill time. I was like, what was that name that was on his ID? I should Google that. Just make sure that everything's OK. Google his full name. And he had been on trial for rape.
00:30:21
Speaker
um went to school yeah so it was interesting because like some of the stories he told me as we were you know in the in the car and whatnot like uber um he had played football at a school like he was kind of evasive of where he actually went to school and graduated from um which is kind of i've dated like you know football guys in the past were
00:30:39
Speaker
You know, they transfer schools a lot. They take like six years to finish. But he'd like been from Virginia. Like I, my grandfather taught at like William and Mary and I was like, Oh yeah, my grandfather taught at William and Mary. I fucking hate that place. And I just thought it was a football thing. So I was just, you know, okay, whatever.
00:30:54
Speaker
And it was like, I was kind of like, oh, what's your story? Kind of dodgy about certain questions. And yes, when I did the Google search, I'm literally like, I call it my best friend, I'm like chuckling, laughing, because I'm like, this is insane. So he had, I think it was 2012, senior year of college was, it was at William & Mary.
00:31:13
Speaker
blown behold, but he was at some party, was accused of rape. And like the whole story was written out, he was on trial for it. He was found not guilty for it. But then I think it was 2016, four years later or something like that. He was found guilty and like went to jail for this, but taking an Uber to his ex girlfriend's house, breaking in and beating up her and her new boyfriend. And I'm Googling this. I had been on a date with him already. I'm seeing the mug shots. It's him.
00:31:42
Speaker
And I was just like, holy fuck, I'm about to go on a date with this person. Because he went by his middle name. I can share with you after maybe what the names looked like. But I was kind of like, oh, OK, cool. When I googled the name he went by, Turkey Trot Times, when you Google someone's full name.
00:32:01
Speaker
going by legally, news articles pop up. And it was just like, what do I do? And I think I said at the moment, I said, he's like, are you ready to go? And I was like, hey, like, it looks like things have gotten too late for tonight. And it kind of had. And I was just, I was almost like, what do I do? Do I buy time? Like I had one friend who was just like, you know, like, you should be honest with him. But I'm also like, there's a safety issue. I was also thinking to him, like, when the Uber dropped me off first, he knew where my house was, like,
00:32:27
Speaker
I'm just like, holy shit, what do I do? And so it was that decision. I waited until the next day. I think I had a text drafted up that I would send. And I was just like, this is a good time to just delete and block on everything. Because I was just like, I had to weigh the kind of consequences there. If it was something like an embarrassing video or something that I was turned off by, I think there's also, I don't think you have to say anything. I think there's also
00:32:54
Speaker
At some points, there's a difference between something that's a flaw in feedback and just something that turns you off. It's a tough call to make. I remember this day very vividly because it was such a weird and difficult situation. Is this going to come back to me in the wrong way?
00:33:11
Speaker
Like I was also like, I don't want to hear an explanation. Like what's going to happen if, you know, sometimes if the illusion of being rejected, isn't there for a guy who's been accused of rape, like, you know, like what, like, is it better to have, you know, the, does ghosting give the illusion that he wasn't a rejected? I don't know. It was a very weird thing, but yeah, digital footprint. Holy shit.
00:33:32
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, that's wild, right? I mean, there's a lot of interesting stuff in there. So much about the internet is like our past is much harder to forget, right? And that just is what it is, right? And for somebody who has done something really truly awful, and I don't think we're judging this guy here. We're saying that
00:33:57
Speaker
or what I hear you saying isn't that you like judge this guy, but like it sounds like you were just not comfortable going on a date with this guy. And like the line, well, tell me what you hear, tell me what you think about this, right? Because like the line between
00:34:13
Speaker
I think you're an okay person. I don't know, maybe this sounds like he did his time or he faced justice or whatever, but there's something in his past that you discovered that made you uncomfortable. Is a person okay? Do I judge them as a person and lying? Probably not lying.
00:34:36
Speaker
broad expanse between I think you're an okay person and I want to get involved with you. I want to be vulnerable with you, potentially be romantic with you, open myself up and see what chemistry is there, right? Does that make sense? Yeah. I mean, the bar for being friends with someone is so different than the bar for being intimate with somebody. If it was someone in a social circle that I met at a party and shook hands with and they're kind of like, oh, you know, they've got this checkered past.
00:35:05
Speaker
that's a different story than do I want to date them. And I think people say that about a lot of different things. There's a lot of people you come into contact with that you think are fine and that you would never want to date. And there's also just the aspect of looking out for yourself. Because I think sometimes when you think of someone has a criminal history, there's some crimes that people get arrested for because of really shitty circumstances, like where they grew up, disadvantaged communities or something.
00:35:31
Speaker
if this was a person who had been arrested at 16 for shoplifting in the inner city, that would be so much different than this person who at 26 years old broke into an ex-girlfriend's house and beat up her and her new boyfriend. Like there's the part of where it's like, you know, safety for me, like having to look out for myself that has to come in at some point.
00:35:53
Speaker
Yeah. And I don't know, for a part of what I try to do is have these conversations aimed at men, right? And I feel like I know, I mean, I don't want to point fingers, but I feel like in my head I have friends and acquaintances, men, who might hear that story
00:36:11
Speaker
and sort of by default take his side, right? To sort of hear that and say like, well, how is he supposed to find love? Or what is he supposed to do? Or what's supposed to happen?
Safety Concerns and Digital Footprints
00:36:22
Speaker
Or like, how is that just, right? If he's like done his time and he's done his penance and faced justice or that kind of thing. And I think, I don't know, in dating it's just so
00:36:36
Speaker
complicated. The thing that I would kind of highlight there is just that I think it's easy for men to forget how critical it is. Again, this is very heteronormative as always. I apologize for that, but that's my perspective. I think it's easy for straight men to forget how critical it is for women they're trying to date to feel safe.
00:36:59
Speaker
Totally. And I would say, too, for at the end of the day, dating comes down to like I terms like I'm not wishing that this guy can't date anybody. It's just it's like I want you to eat, but I don't want you eating at my table. There's one one specific person is going to get to eat at my table and.
00:37:15
Speaker
Maybe someone else doesn't look at things the way I do or something like that. I've never said I want you to dial. I'm just talking about me. I think about me. I'm not going to go warn the world. When I go to him, I didn't go and put up signs and say, nobody ever date this guy. I thought about myself and what I'm comfortable with.
00:37:35
Speaker
And I would say the same thing to I think for guys that maybe are concerned of like, you know, what's this guy supposed to do? If you're like, I told you guys to, it's like, why not Google somebody? They say, oh, it's so creepy. But then it's like, they complain of, you know, potentially getting catfished or something. It's like, why not punch that name into Google and
00:37:51
Speaker
make sure this person is who they say they are. I think guys should do it too. And if you pulled up a result, because there's some women with stories that are kind of crazy that would pop on the first page of Google. And I would tell any guy to do the same thing. If you saw a woman with a
00:38:07
Speaker
you know, criminal history that made you uncomfortable don't go on that date. Like I think that's, you know, gender neutral thing, I'd say if something makes you uncomfortable at this person that you maybe you learn about after you've accepted a date or have gotten a flirty conversation going like, there is a point you can still go back from that you can still say no, like look out for yourself. Yeah.
00:38:27
Speaker
I'm thinking, and this is kind of a segue into our next topic. I've gone on a couple of dates with a very nice lady, and I don't know her last name. I haven't Googled her. We just swapped numbers and went out and had a couple of really nice dates, and it seems like it's going, I don't know, well, I'm gonna reach out to her again soon. But yeah, I just haven't done that. Maybe I need to. I don't know. I don't know.
00:38:51
Speaker
I think, yeah, getting a last name is, it's interesting because I'm not a fan of like double standards, but I will say there's like a double standard around things. Like, you know, if a woman says, you know, here's my number and it's a Google voice number, it's the thought is like, oh, she's keeping herself safe. If a guy does that, it's kind of like, he's doing this because he's married or like guys trying to hide his last name, always hiding something, women, it's like, oh, she's keeping herself safe. And it is something you have to like take into account. I think most women will let down the walls when they find out you're a good person. Um, but that is like one of those double standards that I'm
00:39:22
Speaker
It's hard to argue, I would say. Well, I mean, it's a double standard for a reason, right? Society treats men and women differently. Here's something I do. Maybe this is dumb. Oh, gosh. You know how when you're on your iPhone and you like you text somebody for the first time and it says, do you want to share your contact info? If I'm chatting with somebody that I've had like rapport with and like somebody that I think I'm not just like anybody, but somebody that I want to go on a date with, I will just send them my contact info and it's got like
00:39:50
Speaker
it's got a bunch of stuff about me in there because in a way it's just sort of me being like, here's my info. Like here's who I am. You can look me up if you want to. Yeah. And I love that idea. I think, I think most, for the most part that should like open the door for someone to reciprocate, you know, if
00:40:06
Speaker
If someone sends you an Instagram profile and you go follow it, that was one of the reasons I liked it, because I was like, oh, I can see what this person's all about, because you send them that. It's like, oh, cool. They follow it. I can see who this person is. What kind of accounts do they follow? Do they have some crazy political view that I wouldn't agree with? That kind of stuff. So I think that opens the door without having to be like, what's your last name? But yeah, I think if someone was evasive about basic information,
00:40:36
Speaker
I mean, obviously double standard, like female perspective. I would kind of like, what are we hiding here? Yeah. Yeah. That's interesting. Um, right. So, okay. Segue into the next topic. Yeah. I went on a couple of dates recently and obviously no need to share details here because who knows knock on wood. Um, but I went on a couple of days with her and she lives in Santa Monica and I live in San Francisco.
00:41:00
Speaker
Um, and, um, not, not, not, not because of her explicitly, but, um, I'm moving to Santa Monica. I've like been in San Francisco for three years, uh, after my divorce, uh, been on the market. Now a lot of that was COVID. So that's hard. Um, but yeah, I, um, I don't know. I would love to hear your take on this. I'm still kind of, I was, I was thinking about it for a long time and then,
00:41:27
Speaker
it just kind of felt like the universe was nudging me in that direction. Um, I had tried to, basically I had, I'd gone to New York for a couple of months to, to date just to see, because I had a matchmaker tell me like, I think you'll do better in New York. And I was like, well, one way to find out I should go try. And I'm fortunate enough to be able to make that work. So I tried it and dating in New York was easier, easier for me than dating in San Francisco. I went for a couple of months. Um,
00:41:52
Speaker
And then I came back and New York didn't feel quite right. Um, uh, but LA isn't that far away. And so what I did is I just started like, uh, moving my, you know, dating apps that you'd go to different places. Yeah. Um, so I started doing that and, uh, I just have had a lot more success dating from San Francisco to LA than I've had dating in San Francisco. And,
00:42:21
Speaker
It's been a tough one for me because, well, moving is hard. I have friends here that I love very much and I'm gonna miss them so, so much. And community here and I'm gonna miss the folks at my gym who are all amazing. But it's been a tough thing because the idea of moving to a better dating pool feels weird to me, right? I think there's this little piece of me that wonders,
00:42:50
Speaker
maybe it's me, right? Like maybe I've just been getting lucky with dates in LA and maybe, you know, wherever you go, there you are, right? So there's a piece of me that's wondering like,
00:43:04
Speaker
Is it a smart thing to do? Is rebooting my life worth it? I think you can look at it from two ways because if you think of sometimes everything's right with the product, it's just in front of the wrong audience. If you think of your ads, you're going on Hulu or something.
00:43:22
Speaker
the ads that I get are very targeted toward me like I'll get like the the Julie pill or something like that or like a dating app or like liquors with you know women going out for girls night or something you put that ad you know the product can be great you put it in front of someone like my dad who has no need for it you're not going to sell any of your product like my dad can say like that was a nice commercial but it's not for him so sometimes it's like
00:43:43
Speaker
it's not right, it's right product wrong audience. So I think that there is a lot of truth to that. I think sometimes that can be done like at the local level to like people that are just like, I've just been going to bars and not meeting anyone. It's like, well, you know, why not go somewhere where you're the coolest person in the room? Like if you have this cool interest or talent, like go somewhere where you can show that off.
00:44:01
Speaker
And I think that applies to cities as well. You can look at it from the standpoint of if you're a good snowboarder, why the hell aren't you in Denver kind of thing? Somewhere where that would be cool and celebrated and you would be happy regardless. So I think that that is an element of it. I think some other things, if you move cities for dating, usually it's like there's something else that attracts you to the city other than just dating.
Considering City Benefits for Dating
00:44:25
Speaker
I would never say go just because of a dating pool. I would say make sure there's other reasons
00:44:31
Speaker
that you're interested and I would also say like be like just educated about the city you choose like I think choosing a city that maybe is adjacent to your own so something that's not far away like if you went from Dallas to Austin because
00:44:42
Speaker
you like stand-up comedy a bit more and thought Dallas was too bougie. It's like, you know, you're only X amount of hours away or somewhere where you have family members or friends or a connection or a city you've been to for work several times. Like I think that's huge or just something where, you know, you can always kind of go back or you have, it's easier to go back if you could. And it sounds like just LA it's, you know, it's still, and I think that's probably why you're having success just because I know when just as a woman, when I'd be on a dating app and would,
00:45:09
Speaker
I didn't use Bumble or Tinder in Austin because it was just full of bachelor parties and people on work trips. Hinge you had to intentionally change your location. And I would get real riled up when it would be someone who was just like, I'm just here for a bachelor party trying to meet girls. So I think the fact that you're coming from San Francisco, LA, is just a big difference. If you were from another city being like, oh, I'm just here for work or just here for a short period of time, it would be different. So I think LA,
00:45:36
Speaker
It's just, there's a lot of like commute from San Francisco to LA, like on both sides too. Like the women you're talking to probably have been to San Francisco a lot. Like maybe they grew up in California. Like it's just, I think when you choose a new city, like an adjacent city is like super helpful. Hmm. Well, knock on wood, we'll see. Um, and yeah, I do. I've got really amazing friends there who I'm excited to get to hang out with more.
00:46:01
Speaker
Um, and I'm, I'm very lucky. I get to, I found a spot in a really cute part of town. So I think it'll be a nice place to, nice place to put down roots and build community and do that whole thing. I love Santa Monica too. Like it'll like, I feel like it's like if the gym in San Francisco is good, like it'll be better in like Santa Monica, like you can just like go to the beach. The weather's nice. Like I feel like it'd be great there. Time will tell. I hope you're right. Um,
00:46:28
Speaker
Yeah. I guess there's not a whole lot to really chew on there. I'm just doing it. We're going to see how it's going to go. Do it. You can always go back. I think it's an easy trip back. Yeah, that's fair. That's very fair. Okay. One last thing that I wanted to touch on as we're getting
00:46:46
Speaker
Well, pretty good. So okay, so your your day job, your like professional skill is in digital marketing. Is that
Digital Marketing in Dating Apps
00:46:55
Speaker
right? Yes. I was I was listening to our previous podcast, and I think you mentioned it there. I would be interested to hear your take on this or be interested if you had thoughts on this. Like, I think it's kind of a weird thing. Or put this way. I think the dating apps have had a big impact on modern dating. I think that's fair to say.
00:47:16
Speaker
And I think a big part of doing well on the dating apps is, I mean, not like to the extent that a professional needs to do it, but to an extent you need to understand digital marketing to do well on a dating app, right? Because you're basically making a tiny little webpage, a tiny little online presence. A digital baseball card. A baseball card. Yeah. Your rookie card. Yeah.
00:47:39
Speaker
And the people who, there are people who are good at that and people who are in person that are just really good at dating apps.
00:47:49
Speaker
Yeah. And like, I wonder, like, like, I guess in a way I just want to complain, but I wonder if there's nuance here or advice that you have, right? Because like, the thing that always gets me is that like, I am probably going to end up with somebody who's very good at their digital baseball card, right? And like, that is not a skill that I think is going to translate into a happy relationship.
00:48:12
Speaker
or a skill that is gonna help me to feel seen and understood by a woman, right? But a part of how I might find somebody, assuming I don't bump into her next to the squat rack at the Santa Monica YMCA, but a part of how a lot of people find people, I should say, these days online, is really dependent on digital marketing skills. So I guess I'd just be interested to hear your thoughts on that.
00:48:38
Speaker
Yeah, I would say there's there's ways to go wide and there's ways to go niche where it's like you want to appeal. That's what's tough is like, when you think of marketing, it's like, do you want to appeal to everybody, which can result in you appealing to nobody? Or do you want to appeal to like a niche that only a few people know what this is, but they really like you. So it's like, it's a challenge in that way.
00:48:56
Speaker
So I think, first off, one challenge, I think, or one obstacle that men have, like, men don't take a lot of pictures. That's why I think you see so many fish pictures. When do men take pictures? When they have an accomplishment, or I guess you could quote an accomplishment, they graduate college, they take a picture with their diploma, they go and they catch a fish, they hunt a deer, and they take a picture of me. Other times,
00:49:18
Speaker
If I go through my phone and I think this was two weeks ago, I went to happy hour with some friends and my hair looks really good. You could do three scrolls and it's just pictures of me looking really cute in the sunlight. Women like people like women just catfish. It's like, no, we know the right angles. Like friends like your arm looks kind of funny. Move it. And you men, it's like.
00:49:37
Speaker
And they all have the same pictures because it's just, what are we, or it's like an awkwardly cropped thing because it's like with a group picture or something. You don't want the picture with the ex-girlfriend in it. So I think that's a challenge men run into. And what men do well? Well, what men get their pictures taken a lot? Realtors, people that are actors, models, whatever. Pictures that are very photo-centric. Are those people the best partners? Are they the people that women want? I don't know.
00:50:02
Speaker
So like realtors have a way of doing really well on dating apps, just as a whole, like they just because they always have pictures of themselves. They're in front of nice houses all the time. Like there are certain like parts of life. Yeah, it makes you just do well on dating apps or you're a
Crafting Successful Dating Profiles
00:50:18
Speaker
pilot or something. Get a picture of yourself in front of a what looks like a private plane. Like
00:50:22
Speaker
And it's it even like people only only really good looking people have an easy time on dating apps. It's like, no, there's very niche like professions or lifestyles that do really well on dating apps that just photograph well. So I think like what I would tell men is like your friend that has the the wife that's always got the camera out, like make sure she takes your picture when you go to weddings, like
00:50:43
Speaker
don't let the bride hide that wedding album from you like go to that facebook page like if you're the if you're the best man at someone's wedding get that picture of you giving a toast and like with the microphone in your hand like make sure you're getting like the best pictures um so i think like just that part for like men is just make sure you're getting those like good pictures of moments and what and whatnot like if you have a friend who's a photographer has a good camera
00:51:06
Speaker
Um, sometimes those pose ones are a little bit forced. Like I think sometimes guys are like, Oh, I need good pictures. So they'll go and like have someone take them to a park and they'll take these pose photos. It's kind of like,
00:51:15
Speaker
Yeah. Like I think those are like one or two of those is great, but it's like, oh, can you get something more candid or that shows that like, you know, you have friends or around people like the, the, the best one, like a shot of you as a groomsman in a wedding with the suit on is just great. Then of course, women are picturing it as their own wedding, all that. So yeah, like if you're in any pictures, like get the, get the, get the good, like I would call it the goodie bag of any event you go to is just, if someone takes professional photos of you, get those professional photos. Um,
00:51:45
Speaker
Yeah, I think, too, like there's a challenge of like going to because it's like if you answer every question with, you know, where will you find you at the party or something on hinge? It's like, you know, petting the dog, like no one hates the person that pets a dog. But do you stand out in that whole deck of baseball cards if you have the same answer as everyone else? Or if you have the super niche like, you know, what I like to do on the weekend, it's a very specific stand up comedian, a woman who hasn't come across a guy with the same interests as her sees that and she goes, holy shit, I have to talk to this person. Like, what's the right move?
00:52:15
Speaker
appealing to like that everybody and nobody at the same time kind of thing. Okay, I want to pull on that for a little bit. Okay, there was a podcast recently called, or there's a podcast called The Land of the Giants and it's all about like the technology titans. It's a very like tech centered podcast, but the most recent season was about dating apps. I assume you didn't catch it. I did not, but it sounds interesting. I got to listen to it.
00:52:41
Speaker
I mean, I bet you get a lot out of it. There's not gonna be too much in there that's surprising to you. But one of the things they talked about, and something you just said, let me think of this. One of the things they talked about was, and it frustrated me a little bit that they didn't get into like how the apps are a little bit different for men and women. They like flirted around it, but they never really got into it.
00:53:01
Speaker
They started talking about this idea that digital marketing is a part of online dating. Maybe they didn't phrase it exactly like that. But one of the people that they had on, or one of the guests that they interviewed was a guy who actually made his profile as generic as possible to get as many matches as possible, which I think is fascinating. And I've never tried that.
00:53:30
Speaker
But it kind of tracks. And and like. Which is to say like it's it's going like it. I thought of it because you were saying like you want to make it more specific. You want to be the card that sticks out. And I think that's right.
00:53:45
Speaker
What was interesting to me about the podcast was they were saying like, there are men who are trying to get as many matches as possible. And this kind of goes to the thing that you talked about. Like, do you want a broad appeal or do you want a narrow appeal? Yeah. Because there's also the challenge. Once you get that match, like if you just want matches, that's one thing. But if you have the exact same profile as everybody else, yeah, you got the match. But then you just say hi and she's got a deck of cards this tall.
00:54:09
Speaker
you know shoot is she gonna be excited to talk to you like cuz sometimes it's like if someone likes you it's like oh yeah you know they're cute I'll take the like but then this person that likes the same obscure band as you it's like where'd he go like I gotta talk to him so yeah something at the same time the match gets you in the door so it's like that kind of fine line it's like finding that mixed bag of like
00:54:28
Speaker
showing yourself off and like kind of having that niche interest without losing people that you know, maybe don't know what your that might have somewhat similar interests as you but you know, not as catered because I think it's like if someone says, Hey, I like stand up comedy, like, and you like stand up comedy,
00:54:45
Speaker
you know, like, it's like, oh, cool, we have a similar interest. But if someone likes the same random obscure standup comedian that you like, it's like, I got to find that person. Nobody else likes this person. But you wouldn't necessarily want to miss out on the person that just you like standup comedy in general and maybe would like the person that you like. But you're more excited to talk to the person that you has that same niche interest.
00:55:06
Speaker
Yeah, I think that gets a lot of things, right? I think there is a trap in online dating where you start to think of it as social media. You start to think of it as Instagram where you get a bunch of likes on a post, you feel really good about yourself because like, oh cool, this picture of me deadlifting some weight or whatever got more likes than my posts usually get. And I get to feel good about that because that means some random strangers like
00:55:29
Speaker
Instagram showed them my stupid weightlifting thing and they're like click right and that feels good in a way But like I think that shouldn't be what I'm doing on a dating app because what I want to do on a dating app is not Have people I'll never meet on the internet click like on me I want to meet someone who I'm gonna meet in the real world and I have a chance to if I'm lucky Actually forge a connection and if I'm super lucky spend the next 55 years with them, you know, I
00:55:54
Speaker
Exactly. And I think dating apps are great when they're used almost like as a tool, almost like if you remember the Craigslist misconnections back in the day, like the person that you could have, if you had bumped into them somewhere, like you would have hit it off, but you just, it didn't happen. So now here's your chance kind of thing. Yeah.
Leveraging Digital Footprints in Dating
00:56:10
Speaker
Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Um, well, all right. We've been, we've been blabbing for an hour here. Is there anything else you wanted to, to chat about or anything else top of your mind?
00:56:21
Speaker
Oh, I think those were the big ones. Like, yeah, digital footprint. How do you meet people in ways that aren't dating apps or make the dating app seem more human? I think those are kind of like, I would say, some big topics right now. And just, yeah, using that digital footprint to your advantage versus scaring people away, I would say.
00:56:37
Speaker
But I think ultimately, like, you know, if you have something that you think maybe would turn off some people like, oh, you know, I have a podcast or something, I would say, like, lean into things and own it, maybe find an elevator pitch for yourself, because that was something I sort of did where I was just like, shoot, like, I don't want to be seen as one of those girls that goes on dates and like tells a recap story like I never did do that. But it was kind of like,
00:56:59
Speaker
shit is this gonna make things harder for myself so i kind of had like this script in the back of my head where it was like no i don't do this don't do that but i also was like you need to know this upfront because i don't want to get invested in something that like
00:57:11
Speaker
goes that, you know, we find out later and then I get, you know, bummed out. Um, so I think kind of being unapologetically yourself about it, like selling it. And then also just considering there's some people that are almost too attracted to that, um, you know, that like almost like want a personality, um, like a media personality type where it's like, Oh, like they know more about you than you know about them kind of thing. Oh, interesting. Yeah.
00:57:35
Speaker
Well, cool. Charlotte, your TikTok is welcome to the peasant party. Is there anywhere else online that people should go to find you or is it just TikTok? Primarily just TikTok. So I think there's a link tree in there. There's like an Instagram that's attached to it, but it's everything that's just on TikTok. Yeah, cool. Cool, cool, cool. Well, listen, I really do mean it. I always have a good time talking to you about this stuff. Anytime you want to, you got something to talk about and you want to come on here and talk about it for an hour, you just let me know. It's always a pleasure talking to you.
00:58:05
Speaker
Absolutely. This has been awesome. Thank you. Okay, cool. Um, uh, yeah, everybody go check out, welcome to the peasant party on TikTok. And, uh, yeah, until next time, uh, we, I, yeah, that's the podcast. That's what we got. Go us.