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00:00:01
Luckily They Have It Worse
27 Plays15 days ago
What do you do when tragedy strikes?
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Transcript
Confronting Life's Tragedies: Age or Awareness?
00:00:38
Speaker
Hey, so had so much fucking tragic shit in the last two, three weeks. Got a lot of friends that just, it seems like everybody has so much bullshit, like really hard stuff in their life. I can't figure out if it's like the age or if it's like all of our naivete is being obliterated where we all thought life was going to be mostly good and just like pretty, pretty good.
00:01:04
Speaker
And we're all feeling like, oh wait, I got this. I got that. like obviously you had the divorce and you know, I have family members dying and other tragic shit.
00:01:15
Speaker
It's, it's, uh, what's your thoughts on that overall? Like, is, are we all fucked? Is everybody fucked?
00:01:22
Speaker
Ah, well, these conversations are delicate depending on who's on who's who's going through a good run and who's going through a bad run. so i yeah I don't think you want to hear what I have to say. It's going to it's it's going to be like a pansy, everything will be fine attitude.
00:01:39
Speaker
i keep I don't know why, but there's like a reoccurring message that everything's going to be fine, don't stress about it. And then I keep being reminded of it. And yet I still freak out about shit, and but less and less. Which is, ah I don't know what that means. like definite Death is inevitable.
00:01:57
Speaker
Mistakes are inevitable. So it's hard to say that. It's hard to look at you right now and say that that things are going to be fine because you're probably like, nope, not fine. im Like there's people around me that I'm not going to see again or that I can't really control or, you know, and and like so but I'm in that state um and I'm like trying to remind myself that like making an effort to remind myself that.
00:02:21
Speaker
I don't know if that helps
Shared Suffering: A Source of Solace
00:02:22
Speaker
in the stuff that you're going through, but like, I mean, that that gets like a little weird too when you think about, just think about what happened to you with your brother. The human nature is to say stuff like, Lance, he's in a better place right now, or things are gonna be good.
00:02:35
Speaker
And I know it's kind of like, well, fuck that, you know? like you You seem like a things won't be fine type of guy, and that and that actually gives you comfort in a way. Yeah, I'm a worst case planner and I did make some predictions about my brother long ago and dare I say, devastatingly, they came true and it's it's tough.
00:03:00
Speaker
But like I just, you you hear about little girls getting blown up in a school in Iran or whatever the fuck. And you just realize like nobody's escaping this life without some suffering, some so some serious suffering.
00:03:13
Speaker
Death is one thing, but there's there' ares some things that we get exposed to that are just hard to live with. Just fucking hard to live with. And that, like, I just am seeing so many people. ah gives me a little more compassion, I guess, when I look around at folks walking through the grocery store and and there's a part of me who likes to talk shit and go, look at that piece of shit, fat ass.
00:03:32
Speaker
And then I'm just like, oh, what what happened in homeboy's life, dude? some Some bad stuff, maybe. And, ah yeah, ah um i've already I've always known this, but just some points in our life, we were more in tune with it.
00:03:47
Speaker
Yeah, it's ah it's like you don't want to be in tune with it. It's like the shit you have to go through to be in tune with it. Sucks. But um yeah, I mean, I think when I say everything will be all right, there's there's like maybe maybe I have some perspective. but Like I think I might have mentioned either on air or off air, was having some problems with my accountant understanding what how I need to file.
00:04:07
Speaker
And we actually like got into a fight. And then I was like, dude, he was like, go find someone else. And i was like, all right, fine, dude. I'm like, I'm not doing anything wrong. This is right. You actually approved it like for six years.
00:04:20
Speaker
And so then I was like, well, I'm just going to, I sent him an email. I was like, dude, I don't really, I like, we've been fine for years. I don't really feel like going somewhere else, but this is, I'm reading this off the IRS website. This is why this is okay.
00:04:33
Speaker
If we can't come to terms and so it's all right, but this is, this is what I need to do. And then like six hours later, I get a ah um ah message that says like, sorry for all the problems. um um Here's your amended form for your 2024 taxes.
00:04:47
Speaker
So I think, but that's a dumb story in relation to what you're going through. But my point is like, maybe some of this shit is like some of these little things that really eat us up, they like just grind, you know, like ruin your fucking day and make you stressed. I'm starting to get a little more like, oh, I don't, that doesn't need to bother me.
00:05:03
Speaker
Like I'm trying to fight that as much as possible because I know some shit like you're going through is going to happen to everyone. could it could be it could be your parents are 95 and they fall asleep and they die in their sleep, but still sucks, right? like your my Maybe my child won't have like major issues, but this shit's going to happen because they're humans. I'm trying to put stuff in perspective, at least when I say things will be all right.
Reserving Energy for Major Life Events
00:05:29
Speaker
Cause some shit won't be all right, but you know what i mean? ah You, you, maybe you're like, oh, well you got call the insurance company cause your fucking homeowners, uh, went up at pales in comparison maybe to how you feel about what's happened.
00:05:41
Speaker
You know, just some of the stuff you've gone through in the last two months. Yeah. So you're saying reserve all of your energy for tragedy. Exactly.
00:05:53
Speaker
No, like, you're getting, I guess the only silver lining of all this shit is, like, some sort of sage, like, wisdom, probably. It is, like, other things don't look so bad. I mean, you kind of you kind of pointed to it. You're talking about, well, there's kids getting blown up in schools in Iran.
00:06:10
Speaker
And you think about that and you're like, oh, well, my accountant not understanding my form 2255 is not that big of a deal. I mean, I'm not like some ah Zen master. I'm not that cool where I'm thinking about that shit all the time. But but if you do think about it, it's like, OK, that might give you a little comfort.
00:06:28
Speaker
Yeah, we're all bracing for something. And and maybe maybe that's stupid. and and Or maybe that that's what makes us able to really have joy is to just sit across from some other person and just be in that moment because, you know, one day their head's going to get blown off.
00:06:48
Speaker
Something really tragic. I don't know.
00:06:54
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know, man. It's... it's it's yeah It probably is the age a little bit. I mean, you hope, right? Like, you don't you don't really want your, you know, besides adversity, that like, it's not like you want your young children to have all this heavy shit.
00:07:12
Speaker
Even when you're young, you know, when you're like in your twenty s or 30s, you don't really want heavy shit happening. Now now' is when it happens. I mean, I guess it's comforting knowing that, I don't know, do you take any comfort knowing that you said like it seems like everybody's going through this stuff right now then middle in the middle age, there's the parents are getting old, kids are fucking up, or not fucking up, money's weird. Like, do you take any comfort in that? Or is it just like, oh, it's too bad this sucks for everyone.
00:07:37
Speaker
I definitely do because to sit there and be alone is brutal. i i see if like I was the parent of somebody that shot up Columbine, which is, well, now it's pretty ubiquitous. But if I was that parent at the time that that happened, you really are alone. You're like the only motherfucker in the world going through that. And I think for most of us,
00:08:00
Speaker
the typical life tragedies or unfortunate circumstances are all relatable and they're all, um there's there's resources out there to help you through it. Somebody gets cancer, whatever it is. And ah I do take comfort in that for sure. Because without that, I don't know, you might go insane.
Parenting Through Tragedies: Maintaining Perspective
00:08:20
Speaker
That brings up a morbid a morbid thought in question. But, um you know, like on the Columbine thing, as an example, which is actually pretty close to your you and your family, close to where you live, right? um You would rather be one of the kids that were were attacked or the kids that attacked, like a parent, like which parent is is in ah a worse situation?
00:08:43
Speaker
It's like, you're right. You know, the tragedy of losing a child is like insurmountable, but the the tragedy of your your son, your kid, like doing something like that, you're really on an island that you're never getting off of.
00:08:57
Speaker
Yeah. In fact, the mom of one of those kids, the Klebold kid who was the more docile one that was influenced by the Harris kid, that mom has dedicated her life to sort of speaking about the the incident and about mental health and about her mistakes and maybe what she might've missed and all that kind of stuff.
00:09:18
Speaker
I think that's pretty courageous. Maybe that's what you should do about your separation. I am. And that's what this podcast was founded on, dude.
00:09:29
Speaker
uh even that dude even that the separation i have ah there's a little bit of like well that's not as bad as some people's fuck fucked up separation and co-parenting you know okay there's a little bit of like well that's it's going pretty good for us right now it's good you know it from what it could be you see people in these horrible separation divorces and the kids are like in the middle of it and they're fucked Yeah. it's a You definitely don't want to be in any sort of upward comparison in life where you're looking and going, gosh, everybody's got it better than I do or a lot of people do. You always want to be looking down and going, God damn, my shit isn't that bad.
00:10:08
Speaker
Sometimes you might it might be so bad that the only person you could punch down to is like, a I don't know, a paraplegic that's just the head and maybe half of the chest for the heart, a brain and a heart.
00:10:24
Speaker
Like the the Metallica song, One? Yeah. What is it? Darkness imprisoning me.
00:10:35
Speaker
All that I see, taking my legs, taking my... Land mine has taken my arms. Taking my legs, taking my penis. Absolute life in hell.
Gratitude and Coping: A Survival Mechanism
00:10:46
Speaker
Yeah, I don't even know if that's the worst thing. ah Who knows, but it's nice to punch down. Yeah, I mean... it's it It is like I did see my grandparents raise a ah Down syndrome person their whole life.
00:11:02
Speaker
It was a real ball and chain. But I do remember one time my grandpa was like, I don't i can't remember the exact conversation, but he was he was essentially like showing some sort of gratitude and was saying something about how my uncle was like, even even him, even that, he's like blessed because it could be so much worse or something like that.
00:11:22
Speaker
And I don't like, I don't remember where it happened or why, but I do remember, like, I have a faint recollection of that ah conversation and I, like, it stuck with me. It doesn't, it didn't, it doesn't help because I'm a petty pussy and, and, and feel sorry for myself, but the words are in my mouth or in my head. So, but I mean, i don't know how you do that. Like, how do you do that close to a death or like in parenting when,
00:11:48
Speaker
I don't know. Like a lot of things in parenting feel like they're unsolvable because we, because we all want to feel like, especially if you're the type person that's like, I'd like to resolve things quickly. And a lot of things, are they it just doesn't happen that way in parenting, you know, growing up, like things take time and cycles and you're like,
00:12:06
Speaker
it's hard that It's hard to just be like constantly full of gratitude when you're going through that stuff, whether whether you're a good human or not. It's hard to just be like, well, it's okay. Things could be worse. Things could be worse when you're you're at a funeral. and Yeah. In a way, that's survival.
00:12:21
Speaker
What would it mean to be in constant torment? Like if you couldn't reframe things to sort of their most positive. Are you saying gratitude is ah is a sense is a survival mechanism or the or the um loathing?
00:12:34
Speaker
Probably both. but i Yeah, I was more leaning towards sort of reframing to have gratitude and have appreciation of things that are good in your life. I heard somebody who wrote a book as they were dying and they had cancer and and they were sort of saying, the reality is like, if you're still breathing, more things are going right in your body than wrong.
00:13:01
Speaker
So um just even at your worst moment, physiologically, like you know things are are getting really dicey. The fact that you're breathing, it means that you're you you're above 50%. And and that's that's a weird thing to sort of think about, but that kind of reframing is truly about how to survive with some level of dignity, how to survive with some level of grace, as opposed to being a tormented whiny piece of shit which i like to do sort of fun for me to bitch and talk shit but i think you probably know by now i don't live there i just do it for fun yeah i mean talking shit is a is a major part of my life and i don't know if it can stop but right i would like like things that that are trivial or like i'd like to sleep well at night and stuff like like things you wake up and you're like thinking about all that shit is like
00:13:53
Speaker
how do you push those thoughts out of your head? You know, like some of it's some of it's necessary or like whatever, or some of it's just like, why am like, that's my point. Like there might be some with our stupid business or some will but be bothering me, but it's probably going to go away or not be a big deal because that's just the historic, even you, like you, whatever big issues you're dealing with right now, most of your life, most of the major issues like kind of went away or something happened, whether it's work related or fighting or fucking kid did something, but it's still like,
00:14:23
Speaker
I don't, it's still like in the moment, you just like, it doesn't, it doesn't like register that this is not something to stress about. just like, you know how to solve problems. You fucking solve problems your whole life. So why you even worried about it?
00:14:35
Speaker
That's what I'm like trying to really figure that out. Maybe, maybe, maybe I need help. I'm trying to do it myself. trying to do the work myself. You're getting it right now. You're talking to people. You're talking to me, buddy. Yeah. That trapped feeling, feeling trapped.
00:14:50
Speaker
It could be the smallest thing. Like I can, I can put myself in a corner feeling trapped about the dumbest finance, like a refund, some dumb financial thing of like $51.
00:15:03
Speaker
Oh, got to track that refund. That fucking refund, dude. I to get that refund back from fucking Marshalls. again a dabb maybe It's NW maybe? it's a manifestation of like anxiety about other things or it's so or worries about other stuff.
00:15:17
Speaker
And it's ah it's if you let that go and you don't catch it, then you're just like, you stay in that corner and you stay trapped. That's a terrible place to be. Like I've been there with sleep.
00:15:28
Speaker
Like when I was working and stressed, you get two bad nights of sleep and then the third night it's oh, I don't get fucking sleep. Everything's gonna fucking fall apart. And you just trap yourself in a cycle of concern and worry. And when you finally let go and you're just like fuck it I don't even fucking care. And you're just like talking to yourself. I don't give a fuck if you sleep at all, motherfucker, just fucking fuck off. When I do that, that's my own version of it. ah It's like, oh, I just crash.
00:15:53
Speaker
Do you get there like with something else? like like We joke about it, but 20 sprints or something like that that, that allows you to turn that voice off or whatever you're stressed about? like Can you sweat it out of yourself?
00:16:06
Speaker
Because you're not you're not treating it. You're not treating it with booze or anything, for as far as I know. I don't meditate, but that's how I do it. It's just lots of exercise. Play little guitar too sometimes. I have to do that. But like it can when I'm in a terrible spot,
00:16:22
Speaker
the workout The workout can be just sort of a brutal, dramatic play out of of those feelings where it's like, if I'm not feeling well and I need, I say to myself, I need 15 sprints and and my body's just not doing it and I can't give up.
00:16:37
Speaker
I've gone, i will injure myself trying to finish the fucking 15 sprints that I committed to because I need some way to control something. I haven't been there since a long time, but that's the place I don't like.
00:16:51
Speaker
That's interesting what you just said. It's that you realize it's so it's like, okay, I can control this. I'm good at this. I can do this, you think, subconsciously yup or consciously? Oh, yeah.
00:17:02
Speaker
Oh, yeah. I just like that that feeling of too tired to think, you know, which which can almost be like too tired to worry. Right, right. I mean, I live by that. I don't know. I honestly don't know what kind of person I be if I didn't do that.
00:17:15
Speaker
Like my exercise level on a daily basis is, you know, probably three, four times the average person. Well, not American, but 100 times more than the average American.
00:17:28
Speaker
100x. You just 100x'd all my bros and the big STL.
00:17:35
Speaker
I think there's a shift in the U.S. s a little bit, though. I feel like, I think we've talked about, there is a lot of people that are, like, jacked, it seems like, men and women. It seems like that's their focus. But I know we talked about, like, the vanity of people getting worked on shit, but it seems like there are people that are really, like, into, like, working out. speak Maybe it's because what we're talking about. That's how they deal with stress now, is to get jacked.
00:17:57
Speaker
Maybe, I don't know dude. People seem to have a harder time connecting with one another. yeah I just see it out there when I'm out hanging out and it's just a lot of dudes sitting by themselves and shit.
00:18:09
Speaker
I hope they're all right. When you were going through the tough weeks weeks or whatever with your brother, when things started getting heavy, did you? was there any Were you using an exercise to cope at all? Oh, yeah. I was pissing people off because i I was like, nope, I'm riding my bike over there. Nope, I'm riding my bike. I'm riding my bike. It's raining. Nope, I'm riding my bike.
00:18:29
Speaker
and And like I would fucking, yeah, I'd stand up almost the whole time like pounding through that ride. It's a 50-minute ride. And I'd try to cut it down by 10 minutes and just like...
00:18:41
Speaker
unleash weaving through like some bike messenger cars and stop signs. Fuck stop signs. don't give a shit. Just like going nuts to try to prepare. When you see somebody at his state and you see him day after day there, it's like he, first off it starts off. It's kind of scary and then you get used to it and then it's devastating.
00:19:02
Speaker
So I needed that. Yeah. and And it helped amazingly. That's like a, like a, that That is like some advice is like any bit major decision in your life or anytime you feel like you're going to do something stupid, you're like, just go do some something that exhausts you.
00:19:22
Speaker
And if you're still pissed off or still like emotion, emotional, emotional about something that's probably real, you know, or dude, I hate this. Sounds so dumb. so we're talking about your brother and everything, but this accounting thing back to this accounting thing. My biggest problem in life. No, there's other ones, but this is my example. like I mean, those things, you know how it is though. like you're I'm like, ah, fine. Then you know yeah I started put all the pieces together. I'm like, if I can't get this filed correctly,
00:19:51
Speaker
then i need to know I need to know if I can file this way for for now that I might start earning money, that I'm going to have this like foreign income tax protection and stuff like that. And I'm like, he can't do it. So I have to go find another account and get all my shit. I've been with this guy for like
Balancing Urgency and Stress in Problem-Solving
00:20:04
Speaker
20 years. And then explain to them what I'm doing because none of these fuckers know what what this a for foreign income exclusion thing is because nobody deals with people live in Costa Rica.
00:20:12
Speaker
I'm the only fucking... dude here. So, so I, all that's going through my head and then he's fucking like basically hanging up on me and and all this shit. So i'm walking my, this is all, I'm like walking my dogs to this coffee plantation because that's where i get good phone reception and I was working and stuff.
00:20:28
Speaker
So I just hang up and then I was like fucking going back to, I'm going back to the apartment right now because I'm going to check out the IRS site all that shit. And then I really sat there Like this sounds so pathetic, but I was like, nope, I'm going to finish this walk.
00:20:41
Speaker
I'm not going to let this bother me. i And I walked for like another half hour, just but it but still stewing on it. but it But it was good. It was hot as hell. And then I got back here and I ended up looking at the IRS site, but i was kind of I was just like, fuck it.
00:20:55
Speaker
I was kind of over it by that time instead of like emotionally charged up. and i And I went with, like, a nice email of, like, dude, we've been we've been working we've been working fine for years. Like, I think we can figure this out instead of being, like, you're wrong, fuck face, you know?
00:21:11
Speaker
Yeah. i don't know. That's a way to do it. Yeah. I just can't, like... I mean, dude, I even right now, like even during the show over the last few years when like, you know, something will be occupying my mind and then I'll get some message and you'll make fun of it or if you hear it or not.
00:21:27
Speaker
And then I'm like, got I got to fix that. I got to deal with that. I got to do it like when I get off off this off this call or whatever and like, I don't know. But that I don't know if it's good or bad, that urgency to resolve things immediately. like I'm sure it has its place, but it also causes us like undue stress, affects sleep, and and shows stuff you just not you don't either don't need to you're not going to be able to fix right away.
00:21:51
Speaker
Yeah. It's a decent quality to be reliable and to not let things slip. But like to so pull yourself out of the moment constantly, it's detrimental to the quality of your life. What? You mean if you're just like, it's fine. Fuck it.
00:22:04
Speaker
No, if you if we're having this conversation right now and you're hung up about some wood order that came in. oh yeah, yeah. And, you know, I've been there too, obviously, and it's not a way to have a quality life, like to just be constantly pulled away from what you're experiencing in the moment. That's why people meditate. That's why people read Buddhist books. and That's also why people get divorced, you know.
Final Advice: Exercise, Support, and Perspective
00:22:30
Speaker
And then you you start becoming distant and then that just like a waterfall. I think that probably affected us. Like I think my wife that I was pretty pissed about my job and everything all the time. And like, and just being hot wasn't enough for her. You know, it's like, no, after a while, a huge cock is almost a burden. She didn't have to worry about that.
00:22:50
Speaker
But, uh, yeah, just being hot with ah a huge cock. Is that not enough for you? Come on. Maybe. All right, well so what would be your advice for people that yeah you know they're gonna encounter some tragedy in their life? What would be your advice for them right now as things are pretty pretty decent?
00:23:11
Speaker
Well, one, I think you would you've let you alluded to this. This is good. Whether it's just one person, don't have to have this crazy circle of support, but like sitting here talking about it, whether in our own stupid way before the show, out that that was probably helpful.
00:23:28
Speaker
exercise and then think of someone who's got it way worse than you. Could be a handicap, could be income level, could be looks, weight, lives in Gary, Indiana.
00:23:43
Speaker
you know No offense to our listeners in Gary, I'm just saying if someone feels like their place is better in Gary, Indiana, then use that. you know Should you talk shit about those people or just acknowledge that they have it worse?
00:23:56
Speaker
If it could, like, do it subtly. Like, just work it in the punchline of a joke, Gary, Indiana. You don't have to be like people from Gary, Gary, Indiana are fucking pieces of shit. just, you just, you met, dude, you know, when we're, you remember there was a commercial in Denver?
00:24:09
Speaker
I don't know what, it if it was like for Denver Post or something, but it was, it was something like three million people live in Cleveland and you don't. be happy or something like that. you remember that? ah Yeah, something like that, yeah. Little tongue in cheek. ah so Stuff like that.
00:24:26
Speaker
Stuff like that. But I don't know. i mean, if there's any way to, this is like the battle that will that I'll be fighting until I'm dead, but if there's any way to get back to a point where you just go, have solved problems before and I'm going to solve them again. And so i can if i the more calm I can handle the situation, the better. That's probably a good place to start.
00:24:48
Speaker
And some stuff it's just impossible to do that with. But like, if it takes running or sweating, walking around the fucking sun at the equator, whatever you can do to like get some of that initial energy out, push-ups, pick up basketball.
00:25:02
Speaker
Gay sex. that's That's what takes to get that energy out. But it's gotta to be physical, dude. It's gotta be physical gay sex. Like you're sweating, you're burning calories.