Transcript
Speaker: What's up, jerk-offs? This is Eric, and welcome to Neighborhood Vibes. Once again, I'm here in the Alcove neighborhood, checking out who's tugging and plugging. What the hell is plugging?
Speaker: Are you proud of me, Dad? and dad is a total dick, you guys. He's a corporate ass muncher. Fuck you, Dad!
Speaker: On today's episode, I'm going over to my friend Rob's house to check out his new grill. Rob's wife is a massive bitch, but I really want to see his high-end new grill.
Speaker: I'm going to walk over and check it out.
Speaker: While I walk over to Rob's house, let me talk some shit. Rob and I used to be good friends, but his wife Elizabeth fucked that up. She has him locked down.
Speaker: I used to tell him that box ain't worth it. Rob didn't listen and now he's whipped.
Speaker: Okay, I'm here.
Speaker: Oh shit! What's up Eric? What are you doing here? Yo Rob, I'm here to check out your new grill. When I saw you at the pool, you told me to come over sometime to see it.
Speaker: Shit, Eric. That's right. I did say that. We're kind of having a couple's party barbecue thing right now, though. That's cool, bro. I'll just chill in the back for a bit and look at the grill.
Speaker: Oh, man. Elizabeth might not like that. Fuck it. Come on in, Eric.
Speaker: Rob, why the fuck is he here? Eric, go on back, dude. I need to chat with Elizabeth. You know the deal. Get him out of here. Chill.
Speaker: He'll be in and out. I'll just show him the new grill really quick. Fine.
Speaker: Hey, everyone. You remember my homeboy, Eric. Eric, what's happening, bro? You here for some pork? How's it going, dude? What's up, fellas?
Speaker: I'm chilling. Been kicking it in the hood and building my podcast brand. Right on, Eric. All right, E. This is my big orange Kamado Joe grill.
Speaker: It's a smoker, too? That's tight, bro. I know Elizabeth likes that meat. Not today, man. Does it have a hole I can put my cock in? This thing is badass. It's airtight.
Speaker: It keeps the temperature constant. It keeps moisture in, which makes the meat juicier. It's really legit. Juicy meat. That's all you had to say. Taste this pork, Eric.
Speaker: I put it on at 5 this morning. I'm actually going to an ICP concert tonight. Let me get some of that pork to go, man. ICP! ICP! ICP!
Speaker: See you all later. Bye, Elizabeth. Fuck off, Eric.
Speaker: Yo, Rob. I've heard some wild rumors about Eric. Why does Elizabeth hate him so much? You guys need to keep this on the down low. Before I started dating Elizabeth, me and Eric ran the train on her.
Speaker: Oh shit, bro. Fuck no. Yeah, man. She used to be freaky. You can't tell by looking at him, but Eric has a big hog. Elizabeth went apeshit over it.
Speaker: What the fuck, Rob? That's your wife, bro. I know. It's messed up. Except that's not the worst of it. Shit. A couple months after that threesome, we found out she was pregnant.
Speaker: She was freaking out that it could be Eric's. I was like, chill. The odds are low because I've been banging you for three months straight. But she wanted to do a paternity test. It fucking wasn't mine.
Speaker: You know what that means, right? What the fuck is this music? Holy fuck, dude. This is crazy. Damn, Rob. What are you guys talking about?
Speaker: We're talking about sports, babe. The Mavericks make the dumbest trades. Anyway, you know how she grew up in a very religious Christian family? Well, I guess getting an abortion was her moral line.
Speaker: I told her to get rid of that motherfucker because I'm not raising Eric's big-dicked baby. After a couple weeks, she decided to get an abortion. Now she can't stand to see Eric.
Speaker: He reminds her of her own sins, I guess. Fuck, dude. You can't put that all on her. Obviously, bro. I'm the one that married her.
Speaker: What the fuck are you doing back here? I forgot my phone, Elizabeth. Oh, shit. Eric is back. Hey, fellas. I just forgot my phone.
Speaker: I left it by the grill. forgot my phone.
Speaker: Alright folks, my little forgot my phone trick delivered the cold hard truth. I knew something was off about small titty Elizabeth. I could have been a father.
Speaker: I forgive you Elizabeth. I love you. You would have been a great mom.
