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00:00:01
You Deserve The Truth
6 Plays23 minutes ago
Jeff explains everything. Background music by garuda982, destructo20, larakaa and outro music by tictac9.
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Transcript
The Final Episode Announcement
00:00:02
Speaker
Hi everyone, it's Jeff Unger. I'm saddened to say this will be the final episode of I Absolutely Love It.
The Abrupt Ending and Lies Revealed
00:00:09
Speaker
I want to apologize for pulling the plug on the show after such a short run.
00:00:13
Speaker
The truth is, for the last 10 months, I've been lying to Alicia about the success of my podcast.
Confrontation Triggered by Melanie
00:00:19
Speaker
It all blew up in my face after last week's Peg Leg episode.
00:00:24
Speaker
My friend Sam played the episode for his wife, Melanie, and, as fate would have it, Melanie bumped into Alicia at TJ Maxx. I guess Melanie was surprised Alicia agreed to participate in the podcast, especially given Alicia's high-profile job in public relations.
00:00:41
Speaker
Melanie was like, it seems risky, Alicia. I mean, peg legs, really? You literally said the phrase bloody British cunts on the show.
00:00:51
Speaker
What were you thinking?
Financial Illusions and Personal Struggles
00:00:53
Speaker
But what Melanie didn't know was that Alicia believed my show had been going for 10 months and that I had lined up $90,000 in advertising revenue.
00:01:03
Speaker
Melanie also doesn't know how much Alicia hates her job because her boss, Janine, is a rancid bitch. And Melanie knows nothing about my head injury in 2023 and the hell I've put my wife through since.
00:01:17
Speaker
Honestly, Alicia is just desperate to believe I'm getting better.
Jeff's Brain Injury and Its Consequences
00:01:21
Speaker
Alicia deserves the truth, and so do you.
00:01:27
Speaker
I have significant brain damage from a scooter wreck that happened after I got too jacked on gin martinis and oysters. The brain injury stole my impulse control.
00:01:38
Speaker
I gambled away my insurance and FMLA money on DraftKings. The injury makes me obsess about blind people. I can't suppress it. I'm constantly following blind people around.
00:01:50
Speaker
I followed one blind woman for three hours until the cops intervened.
Financial Dependence and Health Concerns
00:01:55
Speaker
Alicia's job is the only thing keeping us in our house. I wish her boss wasn't such a fucking whore.
00:02:02
Speaker
Alicia's doctor says she may need a hysterectomy. Our dog has something called intervertebral disc disease.
Reflection on a Failed Attempt
00:02:10
Speaker
Jack has had four separate emergency spinal surgeries costing us $31,000 this year.
00:02:17
Speaker
Alicia had to go on Zoloft recently. This show was a Hail Mary to get my life back together. Goodbye, everyone. I'll miss doing this.