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My Wife Ashley Thinks I'm Funny
1 Plays2 seconds ago
Gift Bags Bit.
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Transcript
Introduction and Birthday Anecdote
00:00:00
Speaker
What's up, party people? Woo-hoo! I'm really happy to be here. I recently had a birthday. My mom brought me a gift in a gift bag. Can I just say, what's up with the gift bags?
00:00:13
Speaker
The gift bag lacks commitment, right? Seriously. There's no effort with a gift bag.
The Challenges of Gift Wrapping
00:00:20
Speaker
You just drop something in it. Before gift bags, you had to wrap stuff.
00:00:24
Speaker
You had to wrap weird stuff. Have you ever had to wrap a squirt gun? It's hard, man. That is so true. You're like taping the hell out of this thing so the muzzle doesn't pop out.
00:00:37
Speaker
Wrapping was real work. Now you just drop that squirt gun in a gift bag. Not that hard. Ever witness a kid's birthday party with a bunch of gift bags? There's no joy, man.
Gift Bags vs. Wrapping Paper: A Humorous Critique
00:00:50
Speaker
i love it You guys remember when we just brought a bottle of wine over for dinner? Now there's a gift bag for that. Everybody knows what's in it. The wine gift bag is just for cheap bastards.
00:01:03
Speaker
Nobody is going to hide an expensive bottle of wine in a gift bag. But that $6 wine from Target? That's a different story. So funny. What about those little gift bags for gift cards?
00:01:15
Speaker
Is there anything more low effort than a gift bag with a gift card in it? Happy birthday. Here's a gift I spent 45 seconds getting at a grocery store. What is wrong with us?
00:01:29
Speaker
If you buy wrapping paper, then you have commitment. You're committing to wrapping several presents with the same paper. It's not one and done. Exactly.
The Quirks of Gift Bag Usage
00:01:40
Speaker
You ever get a gift bag with no tissue paper in it? Like you can see right into the bag? They hand it to you, and there it is. A large yellow candle.
00:01:51
Speaker
Wow. Thanks, Aunt Cheryl. How about the people that won't do the tissue paper but will tape the top of the gift bag? I love it.
00:02:01
Speaker
Isn't that getting awfully close to wrapping? Am I right? What about all the damn gift bags we have piling up in our closets?
Nostalgia and Signing Off
00:02:10
Speaker
Am I ever going to use the Kansas City Chiefs gift bag my dad gave me after I told him Travis Kelsey knows how to catch a ball?
00:02:19
Speaker
Probably not. At least with wrapping paper, I can play with the cardboard roll thingy. You remember playing swords with your brother? Amazing. Those cardboard rolls got the job done.
00:02:31
Speaker
Can you imagine playing swords with gift bags? You can't do it, people. love it. So funny. That's my time. I'm Jesse Green.
00:02:43
Speaker
Have a good night. Oh, baby. That was so funny. i mean, so, so funny.