Transcript
Speaker: What's up, party people? Woo-hoo! I'm really happy to be here. I recently had a birthday. My mom brought me a gift in a gift bag. Can I just say, what's up with the gift bags?
Speaker: The gift bag lacks commitment, right? Seriously. There's no effort with a gift bag. You just drop something in it. Before gift bags, you had to wrap stuff.
Speaker: You had to wrap weird stuff. Have you ever had to wrap a squirt gun? It's hard, man. That is so true. You're like taping the hell out of this thing so the muzzle doesn't pop out.
Speaker: Wrapping was real work. Now you just drop that squirt gun in a gift bag. Not that hard. Ever witness a kid's birthday party with a bunch of gift bags? There's no joy, man.
Speaker: i love it You guys remember when we just brought a bottle of wine over for dinner? Now there's a gift bag for that. Everybody knows what's in it. The wine gift bag is just for cheap bastards.
Speaker: Nobody is going to hide an expensive bottle of wine in a gift bag. But that $6 wine from Target? That's a different story. So funny. What about those little gift bags for gift cards?
Speaker: Is there anything more low effort than a gift bag with a gift card in it? Happy birthday. Here's a gift I spent 45 seconds getting at a grocery store. What is wrong with us?
Speaker: If you buy wrapping paper, then you have commitment. You're committing to wrapping several presents with the same paper. It's not one and done. Exactly.
Speaker: You ever get a gift bag with no tissue paper in it? Like you can see right into the bag? They hand it to you, and there it is. A large yellow candle.
Speaker: Wow. Thanks, Aunt Cheryl. How about the people that won't do the tissue paper but will tape the top of the gift bag? I love it.
Speaker: Isn't that getting awfully close to wrapping? Am I right? What about all the damn gift bags we have piling up in our closets? Am I ever going to use the Kansas City Chiefs gift bag my dad gave me after I told him Travis Kelsey knows how to catch a ball?
Speaker: Probably not. At least with wrapping paper, I can play with the cardboard roll thingy. You remember playing swords with your brother? Amazing. Those cardboard rolls got the job done.
Speaker: Can you imagine playing swords with gift bags? You can't do it, people. love it. So funny. That's my time. I'm Jesse Green.
Speaker: Have a good night. Oh, baby. That was so funny. i mean, so, so funny.
