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Mythbusting The High Value Man
40 Plays3 years ago
The queens clear up some misconceptions about what a High Value Man is and where to find them.
Men Have No Clue Why Women Even Bother
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/post/men-have-no-clue-why-women-even-bother
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Transcript
Introduction to High-Value Men Series
00:00:05
Speaker
What's up queens?
00:00:06
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:00:10
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:00:11
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:00:12
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:00:13
Speaker
And so today we wanted to start a new mini-series talking about the high-value man.
00:00:20
Speaker
So what
Misconceptions and Reddit Discussions
00:00:21
Speaker
is a high-value man?
00:00:22
Speaker
And the reason why I wanted to begin with this one is because what a high-value man is, it used to be, I guess to some extent it still is thought that
00:00:32
Speaker
The FDS version of a high value man is a man who is 666.
00:00:34
Speaker
So a six inch dick, a six figure income and over six feet in height.
00:00:40
Speaker
And that came from the subreddit where a user posted, I mean, she wrote a post about, you know, like her own preferences and standards in a man, which is absolutely fine.
00:00:49
Speaker
But then I guess the mainstream took that away and they ran with it.
00:00:53
Speaker
And so it tends to be that people
00:00:55
Speaker
People tend to conflate things such as having a big dick, having a high income, being good looking with being high value.
00:01:02
Speaker
And we just basically wanted to clear up the misconceptions around that and to actually state what being like high value man actually is and what they look like.
00:01:11
Speaker
That was like one person who said that and then they're like, this is what everyone at FDS wants, right?
00:01:16
Speaker
They just treat women like a monolith.
00:01:18
Speaker
I mean, people did agree with her, but it wasn't ever anywhere.
00:01:21
Speaker
Like it wasn't official FDS like, you know, 101 that they have to meet all that criteria to be high value.
00:01:27
Speaker
Honestly,
Societal Reactions to Women's Standards
00:01:28
Speaker
that was kicking around the manosphere for a very long time.
00:01:30
Speaker
That was how things like the red pill and other types of manosphere dating jargon was used is that 666 was essentially to be a high value man.
00:01:41
Speaker
You had to have these types of characteristics because it would make women more sexually attracted to you.
00:01:46
Speaker
But it wasn't the canon definition of what a high value man was for FDS.
00:01:51
Speaker
Although we don't standard shame.
00:01:52
Speaker
So if you want that, we don't tell you, you can't have that, right?
00:01:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:01:57
Speaker
Yeah, I wanted to say, first of all, like men will shame women for our preferences for the whole 666 thing as if we're supposed to be like, no, no, it's okay if you don't have a 666.
00:02:05
Speaker
It's okay if you don't make that much money.
00:02:07
Speaker
It's okay if you're not that tall.
00:02:08
Speaker
Like I'll accept you anyways.
00:02:10
Speaker
I don't want to say, first of all, I embrace that.
00:02:12
Speaker
I actually fully embrace women who have that as a standard and I won't apologize for that.
00:02:16
Speaker
It's not my standard, but if other women have that standard, I support that.
00:02:20
Speaker
But what's funny about the 666 is that it brings out the Scrope mathematics.
00:02:24
Speaker
Then you get men doing all sorts of calculations to say like, men over six feet.
00:02:29
Speaker
Only 0.0463% of the population fits the standard.
00:02:36
Speaker
It brings out the scream of that.
00:02:40
Speaker
You're never going to find a man.
00:02:43
Speaker
When they start saying shit like men over 6'4", like 0.2% of the population.
00:02:51
Speaker
The chances of you finding a high-value man with this standard is if you look like this is less than getting struck by lightning.
Defining a High-Value Man Beyond Income
00:02:59
Speaker
You are likely to get eaten by a shark.
00:03:01
Speaker
Statistically speaking.
00:03:03
Speaker
You get so shrill about it.
00:03:08
Speaker
That's what's funny about it.
00:03:09
Speaker
I also wanted to make this series for the women who may not have a height standard.
00:03:13
Speaker
There are, you know, women who don't care about height and also the income standard as well.
00:03:17
Speaker
So I know like, for example, in the UK, you don't actually need to earn like six figures before you are very, very comfortable.
00:03:24
Speaker
It's actually quite a minority of people who earn that much.
00:03:27
Speaker
Like this is an actual scrape off the back.
00:03:28
Speaker
This is like general rule.
00:03:29
Speaker
general statistics but even still like you don't actually need to earn over six figures to have a very comfortable lifestyle now I know that might be different depending on where you live so if you're in a major city like London or New York or somewhere else that might vary but it's also just to show that being high value isn't necessarily what's on the surface the clue is really in the name it's a lot more about their values which we'll go into
00:03:54
Speaker
Yeah, like you can live a very happy life at $50,000 a year.
00:03:58
Speaker
I mean, it depends on where you are.
00:04:00
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, not in Vancouver, no.
00:04:02
Speaker
In like a small town outside of Vancouver, probably.
00:04:04
Speaker
For Vancouver, I'd say my minimum income requirement is $75k.
00:04:08
Speaker
I mean, for me personally, I would always say like, I just want the man to earn like more than me, purely because if we ever decide to have children, because I'm still on the fence about it at the moment, it's a no, but possibly in the future...
00:04:20
Speaker
If I then go on maternity leave, then our income is going to be like massively cut in half.
00:04:25
Speaker
So he should always be earning more to make up for that.
00:04:28
Speaker
That's just my opinion anyway.
00:04:29
Speaker
No, I agree.
00:04:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:30
Speaker
And leading on to that as well.
00:04:32
Speaker
And so if we go back to what the FDS definition of what a high value man is, it's essentially a man with good values.
00:04:41
Speaker
Certain values, I would say, should be non-negotiable.
00:04:44
Speaker
He has to add value to your life as well.
00:04:47
Speaker
He has to add value to your life.
00:04:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:49
Speaker
So on its face, a high value man is just what it sounds like.
00:04:54
Speaker
It's quite literally a man who adds a lot of value to your life.
00:04:58
Speaker
And when we talk about the difference between a high value, a negative value, a zero value man and a low value man, we're talking about like the different levels of benefit that they bring to your life in a tangible, measurable way.
00:05:10
Speaker
It basically, the only litmus test basically, is your life better off with him in it?
00:05:16
Speaker
If the answer is no on any front, then he's not high value in my opinion.
00:05:21
Speaker
And that's factoring in both his actual contributions as well as opportunity cost, because every time you spend time with a man who's not up to par, you're actually costing yourself the ability to look for someone else.
00:05:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:33
Speaker
Or if he's worse than just you single, then it's worse than your baseline of being single should be already pretty high, right?
00:05:40
Speaker
Like...
Traits of High-Value Men
00:05:41
Speaker
You know, that's the other thing is like if your life is in the gutter and you're literally at rock bottom, then, yeah, any man is going to seem high value compared to where you're at.
00:05:50
Speaker
Right.
00:05:51
Speaker
So that's why we tell women also you need to level up so that your baseline of being single is already pretty good so that when a man comes along, you know, he has to be better than your baseline to be high value.
00:06:02
Speaker
And just off the back of that as well, I completely agree with, you know, what was just said, but also most importantly, he has to be better in isolation.
00:06:10
Speaker
So when I say that, I mean, like some women will compare their current man with their previous relationships.
00:06:16
Speaker
But if all the previous relationships were low value, even though you think there might be an improvement there, he still might be low value.
00:06:23
Speaker
So you have to look at him in isolation.
00:06:25
Speaker
You can't rationalize it by saying, you know, well, you know, my ex-partner beat me and this guy doesn't.
00:06:30
Speaker
Therefore, you know, he's better.
00:06:32
Speaker
You can't really look at it like that, especially if we acknowledge the fact that there is a pandemic of, you know, low value men out there.
00:06:40
Speaker
The chances of a woman dating at least one in her lifetime is extremely high.
00:06:44
Speaker
You can't be comparing like shit to shit.
00:06:46
Speaker
Basically, you have to look at each in isolation and make a judgment based on that.
00:06:50
Speaker
And so off the back of the values as well, so like Rose said, he has to add tangible and also non-tangible values to your life as well.
00:06:57
Speaker
But even though we've said that certain aspects of a man, such as his income, to some degree his looks because different strokes for different folks...
00:07:06
Speaker
are negotiable, there are certain values that should be non-negotiable in a high value man.
00:07:10
Speaker
So things like being honest, things like being loyal, generous, kind, he doesn't watch porn, like all those sorts of things, they should be non-negotiable if a man is high value.
00:07:18
Speaker
I realise I'm setting the bar quite high here, to be honest.
00:07:21
Speaker
Well, actually not high.
00:07:22
Speaker
Yeah, I do want to almost say that like, a lot of women will say that based on what we say a high value man is that there's no such thing as a high value man.
00:07:31
Speaker
Because like, if we say a high value man is like honest, and he doesn't watch porn, that that alone is gonna like, eliminate probably like 99% of the male population.
00:07:40
Speaker
And I will say like high value men, first of all, it's like a spectrum.
00:07:43
Speaker
There's some men who are higher value than others, even within the high value man.
00:07:47
Speaker
It's like there's some that are really high value that are like some that are like medium high value.
00:07:51
Speaker
You know what I mean?
00:07:52
Speaker
Like, so I will say that like there are men who are high value.
00:07:57
Speaker
They do exist and they are rare, but and there are men out there who are pretending to be high value.
00:08:02
Speaker
And so that's why it's important to be able to vet.
00:08:04
Speaker
But they do definitely exist.
00:08:07
Speaker
Also, quite frankly, like, I think by saying like high value men don't exist or that they can exist, I think that just sort of reinforces like male low quality-ness, you know, I feel like with men, I find that just in my day to day, like personal interactions with men, when you set the bar high for men, most of the time they will jump.
00:08:25
Speaker
Some men will just stay on the ground, you know, if they're just like, if they don't want to jump, they won't kind of thing.
00:08:30
Speaker
I wouldn't say date a man based on potential, but if your standards are high and he's really into you, he'll work to meet those standards.
00:08:36
Speaker
Yeah, agreed.
00:08:38
Speaker
I also think as well that, I guess somewhat contrary to what is often believed, there is no pocket that is...
00:08:46
Speaker
you know, teeming to the brim of high value men.
00:08:48
Speaker
I genuinely believe that they can be found anywhere in any, you know, social class, in any tax bracket, across all heights.
00:08:56
Speaker
Maybe not for me because heights are negotiable, but even still, but for other women, they can be found anywhere as well.
00:09:01
Speaker
So when women, I guess,
00:09:03
Speaker
you know, part of the reason also why I wanted to do this series is that sometimes when people are trying to figure out a dating strategy, we can perhaps end up cutting off our options as opposed to expanding them.
00:09:16
Speaker
So even though this might be an unpopular opinion, but I even think that high value men can also be found on online dating as well.
00:09:23
Speaker
Yes, their filtering system might be different and
00:09:25
Speaker
they will be a lot harder to find but I still think it's possible to find a high value man online as well so so when you're looking for a high value man bearing if we accept the fact that yes they are rare but yes they can also be found in a lot of places even in places where you would think that there aren't any there at all I think it's also important to keep an open mind where possible and not to inadvertently write an entire section or an entire hobby or an entire place off in terms of finding a high value man
00:09:54
Speaker
Another thing as well that I wanted to tackle, because again, FDS gets this a lot in the sense that we ask a lot from men, but we expect him to have no standards as well.
00:10:05
Speaker
And that we just want a guy who will serve us for eternity and treat us like queens.
00:10:10
Speaker
I mean, some women might want that, in which case more power to them.
00:10:13
Speaker
They deserve it as well.
00:10:14
Speaker
But also it's important to acknowledge that a high value man will also have standards for themselves and for other people.
00:10:21
Speaker
And so
Dealing with High-Value vs. Low-Value Men
00:10:22
Speaker
if you think about it, for example, let's say you wanted to have an operation, you wouldn't trust a surgeon who just accepted anybody in terms of their pre-op testing, in terms of whether or not.
00:10:33
Speaker
they are suitable for the surgery for example that would be a mark of a bad surgeon so similarly it sort of used to make me confused when on the subreddit we would see women saying that a high value man will just accept you just because like they will also have their own standards or they'll love you no matter what no that's not true high value men have high standards too
00:10:53
Speaker
Yeah, they have high standards.
00:10:54
Speaker
And also the data doesn't support that.
00:10:56
Speaker
We know that, you know, the entire trope that the millionaire marries the maid is just like by and large fantasy.
00:11:02
Speaker
Like most men, they will marry a woman they deem to be on their level in terms of social class, in terms of education class, and even to some degree in terms of looks as well.
00:11:11
Speaker
So this idea that a high value man is basically just a doormat who
00:11:15
Speaker
will just accept you because because you're a woman and again it's also it wasn't ever a philosophy that fds ever pushed it was perhaps a few people and then it just became this whole oh my gosh fds are queens who just want men to serve them and they've got nothing to offer completely ignoring the fact that we had a whole subreddit dedicated to leveling up fds level up as well for that reason
00:11:37
Speaker
I feel like men who browse the subreddit, and this is partially why we don't have the subreddit anymore, is just because they take like random commenters who could be newbies or whatever, and then take that as like FDS canon, but they're looking for things that make them angry already anyways.
00:11:51
Speaker
So they're kind of just looking for things that already confirm their pre-existing biases or suspicions or whatever, right?
00:11:57
Speaker
And so, I mean, the men who hate FDS, like they don't want to understand us anyways, like
00:12:01
Speaker
I mean, if they understood FDS honestly, like, they'd probably have to look at themselves a lot more critically, and they don't want to do that, right?
00:12:08
Speaker
They're just looking for an excuse to dismiss us, right?
00:12:10
Speaker
Women are just going to carry on having high standards anyways, and they can just die mad, so...
00:12:15
Speaker
Off the back of that as well, though, it's also important to remember that the way, and we'll do probably a separate episode on this in the future, but the way you deal with a high value man isn't necessarily the same way that you deal with a low value man.
00:12:27
Speaker
Now, obviously your standards and boundaries will be the same and you'll still vet them the same way, but the way you interact with a high value man, it's...
00:12:36
Speaker
It has to be slightly different.
00:12:37
Speaker
I got the impression on the subreddit as well, when women were discussing like vetting strategies that they wanted to treat all men the same.
00:12:46
Speaker
So strategies that worked on low value men or like worked in quotation marks because the relationship always blew up because it was low value.
00:12:52
Speaker
They would try and use that on high value men.
00:12:55
Speaker
And that's not going to work because if you are treating... I mean, generally speaking, you know, women treat like low-value men in a certain way, like generally speaking, and usually it's less than stellar because they are low-value.
00:13:08
Speaker
If you then go and take those sorts of attitudes and behaviours to somebody who is high-value...
00:13:13
Speaker
I understand where it's coming from.
00:13:15
Speaker
It can be a protection mechanism.
00:13:16
Speaker
It's a vetting strategy, but you also potentially run the risk of putting the kind of or putting the kinds of men that you are seeking to attract.
00:13:24
Speaker
You may
Strategic Interactions with Men
00:13:25
Speaker
end up putting them off entirely as well.
00:13:27
Speaker
A good example is I came across in the subreddit where a user said she doesn't say thank you to men.
00:13:33
Speaker
Okay, that's dumb.
00:13:34
Speaker
Like that's how you get guys to do stuff for you is by, oh my God.
00:13:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:38
Speaker
But firstly, it's dumb.
00:13:39
Speaker
And also a high value person will think that's rude.
00:13:42
Speaker
Like I would think it's rude.
00:13:43
Speaker
If I did something nice for a guy and he didn't say thank you, I would think you're just rude.
00:13:47
Speaker
I think, I don't know if that's like the rad fem cell crowd where they think like politically, if you ever do anything nice for a man that you're like betraying.
00:13:55
Speaker
If you don't treat men like shit 24 seven, you're a bad feminist.
00:13:59
Speaker
And so if you smile at a man, you're harming women as a class and you're setting back women's liberation a
00:14:06
Speaker
full generation like that that crowd yeah so i want to say first of all that's dumb as fuck like the way that you get men to do stuff for you men will go to hell and back for you just for a few words of like positive reinforcement like understand that most men even you know high value men you know can be quite lonely actually and they don't get many compliments either at all yeah men in general don't get a lot of compliments they don't get a lot of like positive reinforcement so what you want to do is weaponize that to its fullest potential
00:14:34
Speaker
That's exactly what I'm saying.
00:14:35
Speaker
Like, honestly, people think I just go around verbally abusing men all the time.
00:14:42
Speaker
That's not true at all.
00:14:43
Speaker
Actually, like the men that I know in real life, they think I'm very nice.
00:14:46
Speaker
I use very strategic flattery.
00:14:49
Speaker
I like find out what they're insecure about.
00:14:51
Speaker
I find out what makes me feel like a man and I give flattery and corrections based on their deepest insecurities.
00:14:57
Speaker
Maybe this makes me a bad feminist.
00:14:59
Speaker
But yeah, like sometimes I'll just like say things that, you know,
00:15:03
Speaker
just flattery that like i'm trying to think of an example that won't get me dragged but like basically like yeah like oh my gosh you're such a big strong man kind of thing oh my gosh you're so strong like that kind of stuff like if a guy's lifting shit for me like they will remember that compliment for like years kind of thing right like that'll be something that they think about anytime they're feeling sad if you can be basically like the valve on their self-esteem men will do anything for you that's also why you should ask men to do stuff for you as well they love that shit
00:15:31
Speaker
Self-esteem comes from esteemable acts.
00:15:33
Speaker
And so if you ask men to do stuff for you and praise them for it, you're giving them good self-esteem.
00:15:39
Speaker
So actually you're doing a really good thing for them.
00:15:41
Speaker
And you're getting something out of it as well.
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:42
Speaker
And if they act really arrogantly or really poorly, then you know what you're dealing with.
00:15:46
Speaker
It
00:15:46
Speaker
It's actually a vetting strategy as well.
00:15:48
Speaker
Tell the difference between a man who I give a compliment to who's like sincerely appreciative or at least like acknowledges it and then like super arrogant, full of themselves men who are so insecure they can't ever show that anything you say has an effect on them.
00:16:01
Speaker
Even if it's positive, those are men you want to immediately get out of your life.
00:16:04
Speaker
On the flip side to that as well, if a guy is always like fishing for compliments and just generally just being like annoyingly excessive.
00:16:12
Speaker
Constantly seeking praise.
00:16:13
Speaker
That's also weird.
00:16:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:14
Speaker
It's also a red flag.
00:16:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:16:16
Speaker
Yeah, if he's very emotionally needy and constantly fishing for compliments, that's also, I mean, those men have their place.
00:16:22
Speaker
They can also still be useful, but I probably wouldn't date them.
00:16:25
Speaker
There are some men that just like go through life trying to be stoic and shit.
00:16:28
Speaker
And then like you give them a compliment and they're just like, oh, like they'll have a moment of kind of like, oh, that felt good.
00:16:34
Speaker
Oh my God, someone said something next to me.
00:16:38
Speaker
And they kind of don't know how to react for a second.
00:16:42
Speaker
For some reason, I got a visual of Will Ferrell and Elf just now, just like discovering everything new.
00:16:50
Speaker
Like a pretty girl smiles at them and says something nice to them.
00:16:53
Speaker
Like men will remember that shit forever.
00:16:54
Speaker
Okay.
00:16:55
Speaker
They love that.
00:16:55
Speaker
And
Feminism and Relationship Dynamics
00:16:56
Speaker
again, like this is something that I feel like the black pill community would drag the fuck out of me for because, oh my God, you did something nice for a man.
00:17:02
Speaker
It means you hate women.
00:17:03
Speaker
Like, no, you just have to be strategic.
00:17:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:05
Speaker
Be strategic.
00:17:06
Speaker
Touch grass.
00:17:07
Speaker
Literally go outside.
00:17:10
Speaker
interact with people yeah just being a jerk all the time well i almost want to give them like that old school book like how to win friends and influence people i mean that that's just very basic 101 and like people skills it's basic social skills yeah exactly like so when your feminism conflicts with basic people skills it's
00:17:34
Speaker
Yeah, it's not going to be very effective.
00:17:36
Speaker
And that's that's part of the problem.
00:17:38
Speaker
It's not going to be good for you.
00:17:39
Speaker
And it's not actually going to challenge the dominant value system as well.
00:17:43
Speaker
It's easy to dismiss then.
00:17:45
Speaker
And it sucks, but it's true.
00:17:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:47
Speaker
And also it will also upskill the entire class as well if.
00:17:51
Speaker
other men see you know men who treat women well getting everything that they wanted then either they will try to step up and be like those men because men they do look at what other men are doing or they won't and they will just crash out of the gene pool so it's a win-win even for men
00:18:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:07
Speaker
Also, I wanted to follow up with my, you know, complimenting men thing.
00:18:11
Speaker
I also wanted to say actually that most men are so attention starved.
00:18:14
Speaker
They rarely receive positive attention.
00:18:17
Speaker
I think a lot of men have a maladaptive coping mechanism where even negative attention is still seen as attention to them.
00:18:23
Speaker
And so, ladies, if you're trying to influence men, I would say don't like...
00:18:27
Speaker
negatively reinforce things that you don't like.
00:18:29
Speaker
I would just say like, it's like training a dog, like just ignore the behavior that you don't like and positively reinforce the behavior that you do like.
00:18:36
Speaker
Because if you negatively reinforce things, it might actually create a weird feedback again, because they're so attention starved that they'll do the bad thing over and over and over again to try to get more negative attention.
00:18:46
Speaker
The worst thing you can do to men is just ignore him, honestly.
00:18:48
Speaker
Every toxic relationship I was in, I had to admit that like I would engage with the negative shit.
00:18:53
Speaker
And so what Lilith is saying is spot on.
00:18:55
Speaker
You have to disengage completely with any type of negative behavior.
00:18:59
Speaker
Grey rock that shit.
00:19:00
Speaker
Not even grey rock, but just like literally be above it because otherwise they'll kind of suck you into that negative power dynamic.
00:19:07
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:19:08
Speaker
And it's really, really unhealthy.
00:19:09
Speaker
And that's when you start to get into how sometimes women react poorly because of reactive abuse, etc.
00:19:14
Speaker
Like you have to practice not reacting to men's poor behavior.
00:19:18
Speaker
At minimum, don't react.
00:19:20
Speaker
If you can like poke holes and whatever nonsense they're doing to give them a little bit of self-awareness, if they're repeatedly doing that, then jump shift, abandon ship.
00:19:28
Speaker
Yeah, if you really want to twist the knife, could like roll your eyes and maybe laugh at him a little bit and just dismiss him.
00:19:33
Speaker
Just be very dismissive at most.
00:19:35
Speaker
Like that's the most interaction you want.
00:19:37
Speaker
Just make him feel like a little wounded little boy in that moment.
00:19:40
Speaker
And, you know, that's like the only negative emotional reaction that might actually cause him to not do that.
00:19:46
Speaker
But like, again, you mainly just have to ignore them.
00:19:48
Speaker
It's just ultimately classical conditioning, ultimately.
00:19:52
Speaker
Exactly.
Maintaining Independence in Relationships
00:19:53
Speaker
And I think, honestly, as women, our feminist activism needs to contain at least some, I feel, of like conditioning, you know, of like, this is leadership, actually, is just positively reinforcing the behavior that you like, and then correcting or ignoring the behavior that you don't like.
00:20:09
Speaker
That's how you influence people to do what you want.
00:20:11
Speaker
And if we're going to change anything as feminists,
00:20:13
Speaker
I don't think changing men like as a class as possible, but a few individual men and rewarding good behavior is something that we can do.
00:20:21
Speaker
Yeah, agreed.
00:20:22
Speaker
And so in terms of other values, and I think that women fall into this trap of they have to be the mirror image of a high value man.
00:20:31
Speaker
So, you know, if their idea of a high value man is say, you know, let's say he's a bodybuilder, they have to be super fit.
00:20:37
Speaker
If he enjoys things like, you know, for example, gaming, there's a difference between being a Kuma gamer and just playing with games, by the way.
00:20:45
Speaker
So I'm referring to the latter, not the former, that they have to be super into it as well.
00:20:49
Speaker
And I actually think it's actually quite nice and perhaps healthy to have some hobbies or interests that you don't share necessarily with your partner.
00:20:59
Speaker
Because firstly, it's like you don't have to find your mirror image in a partner to have a happy relationship.
00:21:05
Speaker
And perhaps, you know, most importantly, secondly, is that if you have interests or hobbies that your partner doesn't share with you, that will also encourage you to share them with other people.
00:21:15
Speaker
So you can start to build that village of people who do share your interests or some of your interests and hobbies, as opposed to just relying completely on their partner and their circle of friends.
00:21:26
Speaker
Because I've come across so many women who, you know, let's say they're both into gaming.
00:21:30
Speaker
And obviously gaming is a very, very male dominated field, but this is just an example.
00:21:34
Speaker
And they'll come to find that all their friends are their partner's friends.
00:21:37
Speaker
And as we've spoken about in previous episodes, where we said that if all your friends are sort of in the same friend group as your partner, you have no friends and it's problematic.
00:21:48
Speaker
And also women as well.
00:21:49
Speaker
Like you don't have to necessarily strike yourself out just because you're not the mirror image of your idea of a high value man.
00:21:56
Speaker
So let's say if you want a man who is super fit, you don't necessarily have to be that yourself.
00:22:01
Speaker
Yeah, there's actually this TikTok couple where there's, I can't remember their name, but it's a... Oh, Alicia McAulville.
00:22:08
Speaker
Alicia.
00:22:09
Speaker
I saw that one.
00:22:10
Speaker
Is that the one where... Yeah, where the guy's like a bodybuilder and she's overweight, but they still lift weights together.
00:22:15
Speaker
Yeah, like she still lifts, by the way, but she just happens to be also overweight.
00:22:20
Speaker
And so, oh my God.
00:22:21
Speaker
They're such a cute couple, but they get so much hate and it's so mean.
00:22:24
Speaker
Like, but there are some guys where, yeah, they'll be fit for themselves because that's just the aesthetic they like on themselves.
00:22:29
Speaker
And they just are attracted to curvier women.
00:22:31
Speaker
And like, there are some men who are the opposite, who are doughy themselves and they like women who are fit.
00:22:37
Speaker
We make fun of them all the time.
00:22:38
Speaker
Oh, come on.
00:22:38
Speaker
That's like most of the men with dad buns.
00:22:41
Speaker
Let's be real.
00:22:42
Speaker
Most men.
00:22:43
Speaker
Let's be real.
00:22:44
Speaker
Let's
00:22:44
Speaker
Right.
00:22:45
Speaker
So I want to say like, just because men can have that kind of audacity, I want to be like, ladies, you are entitled to have that kind of audacity too.
00:22:51
Speaker
It does not matter what you look like.
00:22:53
Speaker
You're allowed to have your standards.
00:22:55
Speaker
I'm so tired
Lifestyle Compatibility and Career Ambitions
00:22:56
Speaker
of the body positivity movement being focused on like, Oh, all women are beautiful.
00:23:00
Speaker
It's like, who cares if you're beautiful or not?
00:23:02
Speaker
Like you should still have standards for men.
00:23:04
Speaker
Not being attractive has never not once stopped a man from making demands of women.
00:23:08
Speaker
Period.
00:23:09
Speaker
Right.
00:23:09
Speaker
So thank you.
00:23:11
Speaker
Thank you.
00:23:12
Speaker
Just make demands just because you exist and you have a right to look at things that are pleasing to your eyes.
00:23:16
Speaker
Yes, exactly.
00:23:18
Speaker
Exactly.
00:23:18
Speaker
And it goes beyond looks as well.
00:23:20
Speaker
It's even things like women just feel like I have to have my shit together.
00:23:23
Speaker
I have to be in my dream career.
00:23:25
Speaker
I have to have my own house.
00:23:26
Speaker
Like, and obviously if you want to do that personally, that's fine.
00:23:30
Speaker
I think it also feeds the narrative that women, they have to bring a
00:23:33
Speaker
for example, more to the table in quotation marks to even get a look in from men or even from a high value man.
00:23:39
Speaker
And that's not necessarily the case.
00:23:41
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:41
Speaker
I want to say actually, like, you know, men often say they'll frame this in a very anti-woman way.
00:23:47
Speaker
They'll be like, men don't want women who want careers.
00:23:49
Speaker
Like a man who's career oriented.
00:23:51
Speaker
He wants like a stay at home wife.
00:23:53
Speaker
You know, he doesn't want a career woman, yada, yada, yada kind of thing.
00:23:56
Speaker
But I will say though, that like,
00:23:58
Speaker
most men actually who are wealthy themselves like they do want a woman within the same social class as them most of the time i find that there are a lot of men where they just want a woman that they can be happy with and they don't really care if like high value men do admire women who are ambitious and have goals and interests and hobbies and stuff but they don't necessarily expect the woman to be at or above him
00:24:21
Speaker
Like if he's like a doctor, he'll be happy with a woman who's like in med school or, you know, someone who's a nurse or something like that.
00:24:27
Speaker
Right.
00:24:27
Speaker
Like different men like different things as well.
00:24:29
Speaker
Right.
00:24:30
Speaker
So not all men like the exact same thing.
00:24:32
Speaker
Some men actually do want a woman who's really career oriented and like, you know, boss babe kind of thing.
00:24:37
Speaker
Right.
00:24:38
Speaker
And some men are not as into that.
00:24:40
Speaker
It just depends on the lifestyle that you want.
00:24:42
Speaker
And so I'm very much encouraging people to be honest about how they want to live, how they want their day-to-day to be.
00:24:48
Speaker
Like, just think about and go through your day about how do you want to have your relationship structured.
00:24:53
Speaker
And so when you're thinking about that, that's when it starts to become more obvious about like, okay, what does my partner need to have?
00:24:59
Speaker
And for...
00:25:00
Speaker
In order for me to have the relationship that I want.
00:25:03
Speaker
And when it comes to things like status, etc.
00:25:06
Speaker
Like, obviously, if you want to take time off and like be a stay at home mom, then like is more important to date a guy who has more finances or who can take care of you on a single income, right?
00:25:14
Speaker
More so than someone else who's like, no, I like my career, may or may not have kids.
00:25:18
Speaker
And if I do have kids, I probably won't.
00:25:20
Speaker
want to do the stay at home mom thing, then it probably matters less.
00:25:23
Speaker
You know, we'll never tell you to date a bum by any means, but like, you know, it's just a more or less weighing what you want and a complex set of factors about what you want.
00:25:31
Speaker
And then seeing how you can find a man who fits in with your lifestyle.
00:25:34
Speaker
And I think men are somewhat like that too.
00:25:36
Speaker
They are unfortunately just socialized to always see women as a support role in their life.
00:25:41
Speaker
And so they're very, very utilitarian when it comes to how they look at women's roles in their life.
00:25:46
Speaker
And it can be very, very oppressive.
00:25:49
Speaker
And basically, I'm thinking that every woman is supposed to structure their entire life around them rather than figuring out finding women whose life is more compatible with theirs.
00:25:56
Speaker
But I think what FDS is trying to do is change the narrative so that women are thinking very strategically about what they want and then what their partner has to have.
00:26:05
Speaker
And what kind of value can that man bring to your life that would actually be really beneficial to you?
00:26:10
Speaker
Yeah, what do you actually want and not do you feel like you have to fit into society's script of how your life is supposed to be?
00:26:18
Speaker
Yeah, and also, I think what also prevents women from being honest about what they want is, it sort of goes back to basically the crux of FDS is that they also believe that it's unattainable.
00:26:30
Speaker
as well.
00:26:31
Speaker
So that's why they convince themselves that they want a certain type of man, I guess the generic man that society says is good for them as opposed to really, really thinking about what it is that they want.
00:26:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:43
Speaker
I think women lower their standards way too much because society always pressures us to settle in things that are actually extremely important for our happiness.
00:26:50
Speaker
And then women spend a lot of their relationships being miserable.
00:26:53
Speaker
Men don't like have the same problem.
00:26:55
Speaker
Right.
00:26:55
Speaker
And like, I think that's entirely not fair.
00:26:57
Speaker
Men are not told to lower their standards to find a wife.
00:27:00
Speaker
Right.
00:27:01
Speaker
Like they're told like, no, yeah, she's supposed to cook for you and clean for you.
00:27:04
Speaker
Do this, this, this kind of thing.
00:27:06
Speaker
Like.
00:27:06
Speaker
And even if they do like lower their standards, if she so much as, you know, puts a hair out of line, it's almost carte blanche.
00:27:12
Speaker
Like you should go and cheat or they use that to justify seeing prostitutes.
00:27:16
Speaker
Yeah, a lot of men will end up settling by the time they hit their like 30s, late 30s.
00:27:21
Speaker
Like they start to feel that like, oh, I want someone to like, be my female caretaker kind of thing.
00:27:26
Speaker
And so they'll just take any woman that will like put up with him in the moment, but they'll always keep one foot
Real-Life Fantasies and Partner Expectations
00:27:31
Speaker
out the door.
00:27:31
Speaker
Like they'll always, you know, be open to their dream woman kind of thing.
00:27:36
Speaker
And they'll be doing that till their deathbed.
00:27:38
Speaker
So count on it.
00:27:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:27:40
Speaker
I will say that we'll share quite a personal story.
00:27:42
Speaker
So when I was about 18, 17, 18, I can't remember the name of the book for the life of me.
00:27:46
Speaker
I read a really, really good romance novel, like really, really good one.
00:27:49
Speaker
And I really, it was like my first and only, well, not my first and only, but one of the few parasocial relationships that I've developed with a literary character.
00:27:57
Speaker
And then about years later, I met my partner and I remember just thinking that you were exactly like that person in the book.
00:28:04
Speaker
It actually creeped me out so much.
00:28:07
Speaker
oh that's cute because like they'd speak the same they even had like the same name i'm just like what the fuck is this and i think i think he was a bit like he wasn't weirded out but he was so but he was actually flattered and i told him like you're actually like this character in the book he was so flattered by that he just isn't as rich but never mind um but yeah so it just goes to show that you can actually have somebody who is like a fantasy in real life
00:28:30
Speaker
Yeah, honestly, your fantasy man can exist in real life.
00:28:33
Speaker
And basically, don't let your shitty low value screw boyfriend get in the way of finding your dream man.
00:28:38
Speaker
Okay, like, first of all, like, you shouldn't have a boyfriend that's like a good enough for now boyfriend.
00:28:43
Speaker
If you feel like, oh, he's just a temporary boyfriend, you should probably just break up with him.
00:28:48
Speaker
It's that opportunity cost, isn't it?
00:28:50
Speaker
Like every second you spend with a scrote is like less time you could be spending with a guy that you actually want to be with and he'll treat you well.
00:28:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:57
Speaker
Never sell a lady's eyes on the prize.
00:28:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:59
Speaker
Like, you know, never take your eyes off the eyes off the ball.
00:29:03
Speaker
Also, I just wanted to add that, like, I think, you know,
00:29:05
Speaker
People think that it's like weird or unreasonable for women at FDS to want a man that like adds value to our life.
00:29:12
Speaker
I don't know.
00:29:12
Speaker
How do I explain this?
00:29:13
Speaker
Like never been a question that like a wife or a woman in a man's life should add value to his life or make his life easier.
00:29:21
Speaker
Like most men will get a wife because they want someone to be like their caretaker, someone to like cook and clean for them, make their life easier.
00:29:27
Speaker
Right.
00:29:28
Speaker
Their mommy bang maid.
00:29:29
Speaker
Their mommy bang maid, right?
00:29:30
Speaker
It's seen as a given that like it's normal for men to expect their partner to make their life easier.
00:29:35
Speaker
In fact, like that's the whole reason why a lot of men will get into relationships is to have that like life facilitator kind of role, right?
00:29:42
Speaker
It's never been an expectation placed on men that they are supposed to make their partner's life better.
00:29:47
Speaker
Exactly.
00:29:48
Speaker
Exactly.
00:29:49
Speaker
That's the craziest shit to me.
00:29:50
Speaker
And even in like really, really patriarchal cultures, it's rudimentary at best.
00:29:55
Speaker
And it's lip service about a man's role.
00:29:57
Speaker
Right.
00:29:57
Speaker
And cultures where the man has like a role to like provide for his family.
00:30:01
Speaker
It's very, very limited.
00:30:03
Speaker
And it comes with so many restrictions and like, honestly.
00:30:06
Speaker
And so many like costs, like, right.
00:30:09
Speaker
Like, yeah, the man provides for his family, but he is the sole decision maker on all matters relating to like the family or finance and stuff.
00:30:16
Speaker
Eats the big piece
Challenging Traditional Male Expectations
00:30:17
Speaker
of chicken, sits at the head of the table, like makes all the decisions.
00:30:21
Speaker
And it's like, the fuck?
00:30:22
Speaker
It comes with so many benefits, right?
00:30:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:25
Speaker
It's also, you know, those sorts of, you know, societal structures, you know, for it to work, the women have to be at the very, very bottom.
00:30:32
Speaker
So in places where, you know, what Rose said is the most extreme, you know, women have virtually no rights.
00:30:38
Speaker
So of course, like a shit sandwich is going to taste good if you've been starving for 18 years.
00:30:43
Speaker
Like it doesn't actually improve their life, even on any level.
00:30:47
Speaker
It's just, do you know what I mean?
00:30:48
Speaker
It's just less abusive than their previous situation.
00:30:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:51
Speaker
Exactly.
00:30:51
Speaker
If you're so used to having nothing, then something is going to be seen as an improvement, even if that something is a literal shit sandwich.
00:30:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:59
Speaker
So I feel like women, you know, have never been raised with the expectation that they should add value to the woman's life.
00:31:05
Speaker
I feel like women have also had that same socialization of feeling like it's unreasonable for us to want a man who adds value to our life or that women who do want that are like gold diggers, you know, they're greedy bitches, like, you know, they're, they were selfish, they're evil FDS witches, like kind of thing, you know, or it's even seen as like abusive for women to want a man to do things for them.
00:31:27
Speaker
I don't know, like they think like, oh, you'd have to abuse a man into treating you that well or something like that.
00:31:32
Speaker
Right.
00:31:32
Speaker
Which is not true.
00:31:33
Speaker
And there was a really profound straw poll that was done on the subreddit and you can read the results on the website as well.
00:31:40
Speaker
There was one of the few occasions where the moderators actually allowed men to speak.
00:31:45
Speaker
And the question pitched to them was basically, so what value do you add to a woman's life?
00:31:49
Speaker
And the number of men that couldn't even answer the question, or they would say things like men built society, even though they had fuck all to do with it, was actually astonishing.
00:31:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:31:59
Speaker
You didn't build society.
00:32:00
Speaker
I love how they take credit for other great men, right?
00:32:04
Speaker
It's always like men did this.
00:32:06
Speaker
Did you do that?
00:32:07
Speaker
And other great women as well.
00:32:09
Speaker
Other great women.
00:32:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:11
Speaker
Men won't even let women take credit for women's own ideas, right?
00:32:15
Speaker
But men will take credit for other men's ideas, right?
00:32:19
Speaker
We've always said like, yeah, if it's one woman who's bad, all women are gold diggers.
00:32:22
Speaker
If it's one man who did something good, men built society, right?
00:32:25
Speaker
But it's like, you're a neat.
00:32:27
Speaker
It's always a neat thing that like, it's contributing nothing to society.
00:32:31
Speaker
Or they'll say something like, oh, I opened jars or whatever, right?
00:32:34
Speaker
It's like, okay, we'll get a jar opener, okay?
00:32:36
Speaker
Like, you don't even need a jar opener, ladies.
00:32:38
Speaker
Like, just do some forearm exercises, like, try
00:32:40
Speaker
Train your forearms that you don't even need a man to open jars for you.
00:32:44
Speaker
Or they'll say stuff like, I protect my wife.
00:32:46
Speaker
And it's like, who are you protecting her from, though?
00:32:48
Speaker
Other men.
00:32:49
Speaker
It's not women and children you're protecting her from.
00:32:51
Speaker
It's other men.
00:32:52
Speaker
So that doesn't really count.
00:32:53
Speaker
That's almost like you're trying to run a protection racket where you say that your protection is needed, but you're part of the problem that needs protecting from.
00:33:00
Speaker
That's exactly it.
00:33:02
Speaker
Like men's protection is like a mafia racketeering thing.
00:33:05
Speaker
It's like they create the problem and then offer themselves up as the solution to it.
00:33:09
Speaker
Textbook Massimo!
00:33:10
Speaker
Textbook Massimo!
00:33:13
Speaker
Exactly, right?
00:33:14
Speaker
Like, so I'll protect you from myself.
00:33:16
Speaker
And then also men's protection is very conditional.
00:33:21
Speaker
Men's protection is also very conditional.
00:33:22
Speaker
Like there have been so many times in relationships where a man, and this is pre-FDS, by the way, where like a guy would like withdraw the protective things that he did if he was like mad at me or something.
00:33:33
Speaker
Like, for example, like he used to walk me home at night or, you know, make sure that I got home safe or something.
00:33:38
Speaker
And then like, if we got in an argument or something, he'd like leave the restaurant and then like expect me to get home like by myself or something.
00:33:45
Speaker
Right.
00:33:45
Speaker
Like, so understand that like men's quote unquote protection comes with a lot of control and it's very conditional on like you behaving in a certain way.
00:33:52
Speaker
And the moment you stop behaving that way, that protection will be withdrawn.
00:33:56
Speaker
But in general, men should add value to your life and like a financial, emotional, you know, support, everything kind of way.
00:34:03
Speaker
Right.
00:34:03
Speaker
And it's not unreasonable to want a man to make your life easier.
00:34:06
Speaker
That's what men expect from women all the time.
00:34:08
Speaker
I think I remember the post you're talking about men have no clue why women even bother.
00:34:15
Speaker
It was the post, right?
00:34:16
Speaker
And it was a post about like us asking men what value they bring to women and them not having a clue as to what it is, like just not being able to describe it whatsoever.
00:34:27
Speaker
And I'm like, this is a problem.
00:34:29
Speaker
Can we link that in the show notes?
00:34:31
Speaker
Like...
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah, I'll see if I can find it on the website.
00:34:33
Speaker
There was another viral tweet thread that was very similar to that with a lot of men realizing like, oh, this is the first generation of men who have actually had to make themselves likable to women because they can't just get women in a curve anymore because we are financially dependent on them.
00:34:47
Speaker
And a lot of guys are failing.
00:34:48
Speaker
Like they don't have the first or foggiest clue how to actually be attractive to women.
00:34:52
Speaker
And in that gap of understanding, the manosphere just kind of rose up.
00:34:56
Speaker
And the Manosphere was bound to happen anyways, because each generation comes with this new, they rediscover patriarchy and misogyny, and every single generation of men thinks it's something new and novel, but it's just a system of oppression to women.
00:35:07
Speaker
But the way the Manosphere took off is in that gap and in that vacuum between what they felt or what they were told was attractive to women or what they said they were going to get or the entitlement they felt to women based on the standards that their fathers and grandfathers had because women didn't have any rights back then and then what they're actually getting right now.
00:35:25
Speaker
and they're pissed the fuck off.
00:35:26
Speaker
But it's like saying like you're mad because slavery ended, right?
00:35:29
Speaker
Like none of us care, right?
00:35:31
Speaker
Like none of us care that like you can't get a woman now because you're not actually attractive to women.
00:35:36
Speaker
Or I see a lot of guys complaining that like the amount of effort that it takes to get a woman isn't even worth it anymore because the women don't cook or clean for you.
00:35:43
Speaker
They don't serve you.
00:35:44
Speaker
They don't submit to you anymore.
00:35:45
Speaker
Like why would I do all this work of becoming a fully well-rounded human being with good people skills and do all this stuff just
00:35:53
Speaker
to get a woman who won't even serve me and it's like okay then don't have a family honestly men like that i don't want them to have partners or families because children learn by modeling their parents behavior men like that i don't want them to have any influence on the next generation in any capacity right so i actually think it's a good thing that those sorts of men are just giving up on relationships that are just choosing not to pursue women anymore so good for them i agree
00:36:18
Speaker
A lot of men are unfortunately just not going to be able to adapt to the new reality of like a partner is supposed to be someone that you, you know, that is, it's a partnership, not like a master slave relationship.
00:36:30
Speaker
And a lot of men just aren't cut out for that.
00:36:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:33
Speaker
And again, I think that is where a high value man will be different in that they will see their partner or their woman as somebody who is a fully realized human being, and he will know what he has to offer as well.
00:36:47
Speaker
And what she has to offer.
00:36:48
Speaker
It wouldn't just be a case of, you know, him just saying, because I'm a man, then I deserve all of this.
00:36:54
Speaker
Or because I'm a man, I deserve basically a slave.
00:36:57
Speaker
But he'll also know what he has to offer as well.
00:36:59
Speaker
And, you know, questions like also, what do women bring to the table?
00:37:02
Speaker
It won't even come out of his mouth because he'll understand the value of what women bring to his life as well.
Finding High-Value Men
00:37:08
Speaker
He'll understand that women have inherent value.
00:37:11
Speaker
Like a lot of these guys were like, oh, what are these women bring to the table?
00:37:14
Speaker
It's like they're misogynistic.
00:37:15
Speaker
They don't see women as valuable unless they fit a very specific role in their life.
00:37:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:37:20
Speaker
It's like mommy McBang made.
00:37:22
Speaker
And even then, like they don't value those women, by the way, even the women who do serve them, they don't value that.
00:37:27
Speaker
Right.
00:37:27
Speaker
So obviously they're going to be like, oh, well, what do they bring to the table?
00:37:31
Speaker
Again, they don't value women.
00:37:32
Speaker
Right.
00:37:32
Speaker
So no point in trying to have a relationship with them.
00:37:35
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:37:35
Speaker
Okay.
00:37:36
Speaker
So moving on to the final section of this episode, and we just want to briefly touch on, so how can you find a high value man?
00:37:47
Speaker
And I would actually say like, you know, this is where it might pay to try to expand your high value friendships as well.
00:37:55
Speaker
Cause a lot of the, the high value relationships that I know in real life or the high value people I know who are in relationships are
00:38:00
Speaker
they actually met through friends of another friend.
00:38:04
Speaker
So like a party or a wedding or that sort of event as well.
00:38:07
Speaker
So they did actually meet in person.
00:38:10
Speaker
And even if, you know, say you come across a guy who is high value, but you're not compatible because that can also be another connection that you know, in case he might have high value friends that you are compatible with.
00:38:22
Speaker
I don't necessarily believe that just because you're not compatible with a man that automatically makes him low value.
00:38:27
Speaker
You can be incompatible with high value men as well.
00:38:31
Speaker
And they're still useful to keep around as well.
00:38:32
Speaker
So it's a win-win.
00:38:33
Speaker
You can also meet them at work, but I would be careful about workplace relationships, especially if you are a woman, because yeah, tread carefully with that one, I would say.
00:38:44
Speaker
And preferably you would start a relationship maybe once you've either one of you have left the company or transferred to a different department.
00:38:51
Speaker
You wouldn't be having a relationship like, you know, whilst you're both active or highly active in the organization.
00:38:57
Speaker
Even if the relationship was fine, but people at work gossip, like one of my old jobs, they used to call it like incest college because so many people were like either dating or shagging somebody else.
00:39:09
Speaker
It wasn't that pleasant because then their relationship became like the source of gossip and that's not really what you want.
00:39:13
Speaker
So just watch out for that as well.
00:39:16
Speaker
online dating now this one will be controversial but i personally think it is possible to find a high value man online dating we did a good episode on ok cupid which you might want to listen to if you want some further guest tips and advice on how to use dating apps in your favor but for me the best method is to mix in real life like meetings or trying to meet people in real life and online dating i'm
00:39:40
Speaker
I don't think, especially for a woman, online dating doesn't have to take up loads and loads of your time.
00:39:44
Speaker
Like, I'm not quite fully understanding women who say that it takes up so, so much time.
00:39:49
Speaker
Like, I would, like, when I was actively dating or looking around, I would maybe swipe for maybe five minutes.
00:39:55
Speaker
Because if you have your standards and boundaries in place, it makes it much quicker to eliminate the men who will waste your time or who you're not compatible with, like, before you've even got to a conversation.
00:40:05
Speaker
Yeah, like, what do you mean you're spending a lot of time on online dating?
00:40:08
Speaker
It's like...
00:40:09
Speaker
I don't I personally don't get it personally.
00:40:11
Speaker
But are you typing paragraphs to these men?
00:40:14
Speaker
Are you typing out a huge novel in your bio?
00:40:16
Speaker
You shouldn't be doing either of those.
00:40:17
Speaker
Right.
00:40:18
Speaker
Low effort, low effort online dating queen here.
00:40:21
Speaker
But yeah, like pre-screen when you're swiping for all of the values based questions that you want.
00:40:27
Speaker
Then do like a Skype meeting.
00:40:29
Speaker
So you're not having to drive all the way out to meet them anywhere.
00:40:32
Speaker
Just give it like 15, 20 minutes.
00:40:33
Speaker
Make sure they're not a weirdo.
00:40:35
Speaker
Have a phone call with them and, you know, just do basic questions and then go ahead and go on a date if you like the guy.
00:40:41
Speaker
But yeah, you almost have to have a funnel system.
00:40:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:44
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:40:44
Speaker
Where I feel like some women, like they just keep going on these like coffee dates and like that can lead very quickly to exhaustion because some of these guys are crazy, right?
00:40:53
Speaker
And also like if you're still having to make an effort or create like a sense of intimacy by meeting this guy when you don't want to do that, you want to cut them off from the beginning if it's not going to go anywhere.
00:41:01
Speaker
And I think too many women invest too much in these guys up front without doing all that groundwork to cut them.
00:41:06
Speaker
Like weed the men out really, really carefully before you actually go on a date.
00:41:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:10
Speaker
And even when you are dating as well, there are ways to minimize the time investment on your part.
00:41:15
Speaker
So when I was dating initially, like dating my partner, I would put him in the middle of the day, like say between 12 and one o'clock.
00:41:22
Speaker
So you've got actually one hour and that's it.
00:41:24
Speaker
And then I'd have like meetings before and after.
00:41:27
Speaker
So it wasn't a huge investment of my time, but it was long enough to, you know, to vet.
00:41:32
Speaker
So we didn't do dinners or like coffees out until I guess I
00:41:36
Speaker
I felt comfortable that I would enjoy his company.
00:41:39
Speaker
But an hour in a day, especially if you work remotely, you can easily fit that in.
00:41:44
Speaker
I should have said this earlier.
00:41:46
Speaker
The dating app you're doing this on really, really matters.
00:41:48
Speaker
Like I would waste my time on Tinder for that matter, because I can see with Tinder, there's virtually no way for you to narrow down the type of men that you want to talk to.
00:41:56
Speaker
So like you will be doing a shit ton of swiping and a shit ton of asking very basic questions.
00:42:01
Speaker
That's really, really exhausting.
00:42:03
Speaker
I would try to go towards the apps that give you more information up front so that you can make your decision up front.
00:42:08
Speaker
I think a lot of the women that are Tinderellas are probably the most exhausted.
00:42:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:13
Speaker
To be fair, even Facebook dating allows you to filter based on like smoking status, their high, if they want children or not, if they're religious, even Facebook dating allows you to do that.
00:42:23
Speaker
So that will save you also a lot of time.
00:42:25
Speaker
Yes, men can lie.
00:42:26
Speaker
But again, at least if you've filtered ads
00:42:30
Speaker
the people who don't meet your criteria, it's a lot more likely that you will meet someone who does as opposed to it being like a tender freefall where if you're a woman and a man, they will just try and get you to match.
00:42:40
Speaker
Is Facebook dating still around?
00:42:43
Speaker
It's still around.
00:42:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:44
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:44
Speaker
Just curious.
00:42:45
Speaker
Never use it.
00:42:46
Speaker
Sorry.
00:42:49
Speaker
Yeah, I briefly used it.
00:42:51
Speaker
It wasn't great, but
Personal Development and Unexpected Avenues
00:42:52
Speaker
you can filter on certain characteristics and belief systems.
00:42:55
Speaker
So I guess in that regard, it's better than like Tinder.
00:42:58
Speaker
And just to keep an open mind above all else, like we've previously said, I think it's possible to find like a high value man anywhere across all, I guess, social classes and tax brackets.
00:43:09
Speaker
That's not to say that women should date somebody outside of what they want, but they are out there.
00:43:15
Speaker
And unfortunately, there isn't a foolproof tip that will land you with a high value man, because an element of this as well, after having spoken to people I know who are in good relationship, an element of it is luck at the same time.
00:43:29
Speaker
And sometimes just being in the right place at the right time or having the right connections at the right time can lead to that as well.
00:43:36
Speaker
So there is an element that...
00:43:38
Speaker
You can't necessarily control, but in terms of the ones that you can, it's really, really worth investing in things like your social and professional circles and your work to some degree and keeping an open mind as well.
00:43:51
Speaker
That will all pay dividends regardless of whether or not you find a high value map, in my opinion.
00:43:56
Speaker
Ultimately, like people criticize like, oh, FDS, they spend so much time like looking for a man kind of thing.
00:44:01
Speaker
But honestly, all of these things that it takes to quote unquote, find a high value man, you're investing in yourself and you're improving your quality of life in the process.
00:44:10
Speaker
Like the things that it takes to find a high value man, I don't know, get higher value friends, you know, talk to more people, improve your social skills.
00:44:16
Speaker
Those are things that are going to help you with work and in your personal life as well, right?
00:44:20
Speaker
Not just in dating.
00:44:21
Speaker
So yeah.
00:44:22
Speaker
Yeah, it's not just about getting a man.
00:44:24
Speaker
It's about improving your overall quality of life, including your romantic area of your life.
00:44:29
Speaker
I guess as well, the reason why I'll just be open and honest here as well, but the reason why I'm so optimistic about finding like high value men anywhere is that I found my partner on Reddit of all like healthy.
00:44:41
Speaker
Of all places.
00:44:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:43
Speaker
So just putting that out there.
00:44:44
Speaker
You're lucky.
00:44:45
Speaker
You've honestly, I think you manifested him by reading that book.
00:44:48
Speaker
You struck gold.
00:44:49
Speaker
You literally found a needle in a haystack.
00:44:52
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:52
Speaker
Sometimes I'm just like, it's actually kind of like weird how like similar they are.
00:44:57
Speaker
I just found on Reddit of all places, but he's not like a hardcore Redditor, but yeah.
00:45:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:03
Speaker
Just a casual Reddit user.
00:45:05
Speaker
Oh, that's cute.
00:45:07
Speaker
But yeah, let us know what you think.
00:45:08
Speaker
I mean, you know, what do you think a high value man looks like?
00:45:11
Speaker
Like let us know
Listener Interaction and Closing Remarks
00:45:12
Speaker
in the comments, let me say that again.
00:45:13
Speaker
And so let us know what you think about the episode and your thoughts on what makes a high value man in the comments.
00:45:20
Speaker
We would love to read them.
00:45:22
Speaker
Yes.
00:45:22
Speaker
So that's our show.
00:45:24
Speaker
Check us out on Patreon for bonus content.
00:45:27
Speaker
And you can speak to us on the Discord about this episode and more.
00:45:30
Speaker
That's patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:45:33
Speaker
Also check out our new and improved forum at the female dating strategy.com forward slash forum.
00:45:38
Speaker
If you want to go directly to the forum, also you can follow us on Twitter at fem.strat and also on Instagram at underscore the female dating strategy.
00:45:46
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
00:45:47
Speaker
And for all you scrote mathematicians out there, die mad.
00:45:50
Speaker
See y'all next week.
00:45:51
Speaker
See you next week.