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EP162: Jeff Friend - Why Men Need To Be Challenged
84 Plays28 days ago
“I was in a space, a headspace of, not knowing if, I would go to sleep and wake up completely paralyzed.”
Imagine you have only four days left to live. What thoughts would race through your mind? How would you feel about the people closest to you? Think about the moments you’d cling to, and how deeply you’d cherish them, knowing time is slipping away. We often let days go by without reflecting on their fleeting nature, but what if every day was truly precious?
Picture this: a sudden health crisis—a deep chest infection that triggers an unexpected autoimmune disease, leaving them paralyzed from head to toe. This is Geon Beray Syndrome (GBS), a condition so severe that the heart and lungs can stop functioning at any moment. Imagine the fear of not knowing if you'll wake up the next day, completely paralyzed, teetering on the edge of life.
Jeff Friend is the creator of "60 Days to Live," a program designed to help people foster habits that can transform their lives. Whether it’s three weeks, 30 days, or 60 days, the key is in intentionally making changes that could alter the course of your life. Our guest faced a daily reality of uncertainty, where each night could be the last, yet found that even in those moments, it was easy to slip into old patterns. The lesson? Don’t wait for a crisis to treat every day like it’s a gift.
How does facing life's biggest challenges head-on can inspire growth and resilience. It’s a reminder to do hard things on purpose and to live with intention, not fear.
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
um It can make you completely paralyzed from head to toe within a couple of days. And ah that's what happened to me, not knowing if ah I would go to sleep and wake up completely paralyzed. Everything became extremely present to me during that time. Some really great things came out of that. I said, I can't believe I'm literally going to sleep every night, not knowing if I'm going to wake up. And I'm still not treating every day like it's It's precious.
00:00:33
Speaker
You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms. You're self-sufficient. You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum. When life knocks you down, you get back up because in your gut, you know that's what men do. You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you who you really are.
00:01:03
Speaker
Welcome to Sovereign Man podcast where we aim to make men masculine again. I'm your man, Nicky Baloo. And we have a great guest for you today, Jeff Friend. Welcome Jeff. Thank you, Nicky. Good to be here. Thank you. So Jeff, you've got a heck of a inspiring backstory and it's an honor to have you here and you're very welcome.
00:01:27
Speaker
And I really want everyone to hear your story because it's a powerful story. So why don't you go ahead and tell us your story. Sure. Sure. So in that in May of 2023, I had a ah deep chest infection and what happened was it caused a reaction and sometimes autoimmune diseases come out of nowhere. And that's what happened with this one. It's called Guillain-Barre syndrome or GBS for short. ah For anyone out there who knows what this is, it um
00:02:02
Speaker
It can make you completely paralyzed from head to toe within a couple of days, which could lead to your heart stopping. It could lead to your lungs stopping. And ah that's what happened to me. And it was, I was in a space, a head space of um not knowing if ah I would go to sleep and wake up completely paralyzed. um And I was in that head space for for weeks, about eight weeks. I didn't know what was gonna happen.
00:02:31
Speaker
um Luckily, I got super lucky in the sense that I only lost feelings in in my hands and my toes and a little bit of paralysis in my face. ah And it didn't go any further than that. But it could have. And in my mind, that's where it was going every single day. So um everything became extremely present to me ah during that time. So Jeff, Guillain-Barre disease.
00:02:59
Speaker
It's got a funny French sounding name. And when people listen to it, it almost sounds kind of like, I don't know, exotic, interesting, um almost cool. What the heck is this disease? Why do people get it? Why did you get it? Yeah, it's it's a weird one. And I've talked to a lot of people about it.
00:03:29
Speaker
It's not, it might sound sexy, but it's not sexy to have to say that much. ah And what it is, is it attacks your nerves, your nervous system. It tells your body, and just like other autoimmune diseases, it tells your body, hey, there's a problem here, there's in your spinal column, look there's a disease here, we need to go attack it. So what happens is your body attacks itself. And for this one in particular, it's along the spinal column.
00:04:00
Speaker
Therefore that's why you can become paralyzed very quickly depending on how fast Your body attacks itself ah So it's uh, it's not sexy in the least Yeah, so why did you get it? Do you know? no I don't know and that's that's the scary thing about this is All I had was as a deep chest infection people who have just an infection or ah there are other causes for it, but but it was as simple as I had an infection, a chest infection, ah just like ah like you would think of bronchitis or something, just a real deep cough, and that was it. And that's, I guess, all I needed to trigger this this reaction. And the weird thing about it is it's not as if I have it in my body still.
00:04:56
Speaker
so I could, but I could. So I could, every time I get a cold, I freak out. I think, uh, this is going to happen again. This could be it. Uh, but it could come back. It could not come back. You just don't know. It's a, it's a really weird, uh, uncommon autoimmune disease. How did you, how'd you beat it?
00:05:22
Speaker
I, man, I just waited it out. I just waited it out, there's no way to beat it. that's the Another crazy thing is you can't do anything about it. It can just completely paralyze you head to toe within days or it can happen super, ah you can get really lucky like I get and it's just numb fingers and toes for months and months until that hopefully finally goes away. I still have it a little bit, my fingers and toes, but it's mostly gone away. Okay, so you waited this thing out
00:05:55
Speaker
And I've ah been studying the work of Dr. Casey Means. She's the author of the book, Good Energy, with her brother, Callie Means. And they talk about autoimmune diseases as being caused by a variety of factors, but one of them has been shifts and changes over the last 40, 50 years in the American diet. um You know, the the food pyramid was introduced in the 80s and 90s. People didn't used to eat that way in America before. They're like eating a lot of heavy grains and cereals in the last 40, 50 years has been the norm.
00:06:34
Speaker
Well, prior to that, Americans mostly ate a meat-rich diet, in a dairy-rich diet. right So they'd be eating pork, they'd be eating bacon, they'd be eating eggs, they'd be eating steak, burgers, cheese, and very little.
00:06:48
Speaker
ah grains and cereals, but in the last 45 years that changed. And so the ah Dr. Means suggests that many autoimmune diseases um that have proliferated in the last several decades um are being caused by the shifts in the American diet, the standard American diet, as they call it. And I'm wondering if you've looked into that at all, and and has that been part of your journey, shifting how you eat?
00:07:23
Speaker
You know, it shifting how I eat has been a part of the journey, but not because of the autoimmune disease. It was really a ah change. I mean, when I was in this place of an If you could try to put yourself in a place of, you might have days to live. like you This might be it. Today may literally be your last day. When you go to sleep tonight, you may wake up completely paralyzed, head to toe, you can't do anything about it.
00:07:54
Speaker
and then you might die. It's it's a it was a very, very, very dark place for me. um And some really great things came out of that. One of which you're talking about now, which is my health. So what am I doing with my health? Before this, I'm a sweet tooth. I love sugar. I've needed to cut a lot of that sugar out. Grains, breads, I love bread. I'm Italian, I love pasta.
00:08:22
Speaker
Needed to cut a lot of that stuff out. um So yeah, I think diet has a huge role to play in it. ah And I don't know, it's interesting, I was talking to some researchers who they're their entire job is to understand the effects of the COVID vaccines and how that plays a part in a lot of crazy diseases that are coming out now and people dying Yeah, people dying for no reason, seemingly. So they were very interested in in what happened to me. um And yeah, so they have a whole database and they're able to pull up and and say, yeah, this this could be related to that. I'm not saying it is, as there's more studies to be done, but it's, you know, that's another thing is, and I am somebody who who did get the vaccine. I have little kids. I didn't know what was going to happen with that.
00:09:20
Speaker
Um, so I didn't want to chance it for them, um, because they couldn't get it, but that could, I mean, that could be it. I don't know. I don't know. So yeah, environmental plays a huge part for sure. well sugar, the overconsumption of sugar in the standard American diet, is something that's mind-blowing. I mean, in the 70s, the average American would consume 25 pounds of sugar a year. Today, it's over 200. 200 pounds of sugar a year. And in the 70s, if you look at pictures of Americans in the 70s, they were slim.
00:09:56
Speaker
There's no obesity epidemic. And today, they're not. They're fat. They're freaking obese, ah even kids. And all of this, I think, is because of the food industry, um which has primarily been taken over by big tobacco. that and They have sent their scientists that created a addictivity into tobacco products and now put it into food products.
00:10:22
Speaker
And they're getting Americans to eat all this garbage food that isn't good for them. And this is part of what's caused the obesity epidemic. And it's part of what's caused so many diseases that really weren't an issue before to become an issue. So autoimmune diseases are part of it. And then, of course, the so-called COVID vaccine, which I don't think was actually really a vaccine because the vaccine takes eight years to develop. This was developed in months.
00:10:47
Speaker
That's been something that has caused massive health issues. Tons of players in sports, young men are dying. And ch I think this is a massive, massive issue. I think men need to stop um outsourcing their thinking to the government. The government is not your friend. If it tells you you need to do something, you probably ought to do the exact opposite. You know, whatever the government wants you to do is probably not good for you.
00:11:15
Speaker
And secondly, you need to take agency over your health. You need to eat properly. You need to help your family eat properly. And I'm wondering what your thoughts are as a man who went through this ah really horrible health challenge. Yeah. A hundred percent agree. ah Even I could say I changed my eating, which is true, but it's impacted my whole family. It's not that we ate.
00:11:42
Speaker
terribly before, but yeah, we would give our kids sugar here and there. Now it's very, very rare that we give them sugar. We're always looking at ingredients now. there's They somehow, so my wife is from the UK and she's shocked at some of the ingredients that are in the food in the US, which are illegal in the UK. And it makes you wonder you know how much of this is is in the school system and out of our control really.
00:12:11
Speaker
if ah if they're eating at school, etc. So yeah, 100% plays a huge role. I actually was listening to one of your podcasts and you said that you dropped a lot of weight. I did. so How many pounds did you drop? 60 pounds. 60 pounds within a short amount of time, I think you said.
00:12:33
Speaker
Yeah, I dropped, the first time I dropped 58 pounds um in six months. And then I decided to do a bodybuilding show. So I put on some weight in order to get on some muscle, but then I dropped the weight back down. So overall, it ended up being, my starting weight was 227 and I ended up at 167. So 60 pounds. Holy shit. Okay. what What would you say, and I'm just picking your brain now, what what would you say is you maybe maybe the top three things you could do to change your diet if you want to either lose weight or just put on healthy weight. Eat more protein, eat way less carbs, and cut out any added sugar crap. You don't need to have that. I mean, as a sweetener, I use Stevia. ah stevia That's what I use. Stevia does the trick.
00:13:28
Speaker
It's, it's good stuff, you know, for me. And, um, I think that that's very, very important. And then you got to exercise prioritize resistance training.
00:13:40
Speaker
ah Perfect. Thank you. Yeah. Resistance training is something I need to get into for sure. All men should do it, man. You got to lift weights. It helps. Like, I mean, I'm 57 years old, man, and I'm ripped. I got abs, you know, and I'm, um I'm packing on muscle. Um, it's a good thing. I'm happy.
00:13:58
Speaker
thats awesome man I'm happy. But I mean, I wanted to bring you here because I believe men need to listen to what you have to say. First of all, you're not bulletproof. You can get a disease, an unexpected disease.
00:14:14
Speaker
and what you do to take care of your body or to neglect taking care of your body will have a lot to do with whether or not you are afflicted with a disease like Guillain-Barre disease because folks think they're just going to be fine. They can do whatever and that's BS. Yeah. I'm sure you know a lot of people, listeners know a lot of people who have died before their time.
00:14:45
Speaker
yeahp it's It's happening. I feel like it's happening all over the place. is Almost every month I'm hearing about somebody who's young, who died, who left their kids, who had little kids behind. And oftentimes, oddly enough, they're saying that they were healthy. They were fit people. So what what's happening? So there's a lot to do with stress, things like that ah play a big role and in heart health,
00:15:13
Speaker
et cetera, but yeah, we don't know how long we have. That became extremely apparent to me, front and center, and I think it's without without every day just just you harping on the fact that we could die. I don't think that's the answer, but I do think we need to be more thoughtful about the fact that we might die, but it's not just about us. It's not just us that might die. What if our partner dies?
00:15:41
Speaker
what it i mean What if our kid dies? Something like that. we We just, I feel like a lot of us guys are just going through the days, going through the motions, trying to provide for our family, doing the best we can and then it just becomes routine. it so It's nine to five and then we're stressed with the kids because they had a stressful day at work and then all of a sudden, you know,
00:16:06
Speaker
We don't have that anymore. ah So what are we doing to pay attention to that? that's That's the mission I went on when I went through this to try to give back to other guys that you need a wake up call really because we feel like we're invincible until we realize we're not. Until we're not.
00:16:30
Speaker
So you decided to do something. to help other men as a result of this experience. Why don't you talk about that? Sure. So what I did ah as I created a ah program, it's called 60 days to live. So 60 days to live.com. And the idea is that it takes some people say three weeks, some people say 30 days, some people say 60 days to create a new habit.
00:17:03
Speaker
And what I realized when I was going through this is that, you know, what's crazy is before this conversation, I went back and I looked at some of the videos that I created back then when I was in it within weeks of being, you know, having this disease. Um, and in that video, I said, I said, I can't believe I'm literally going to sleep every night, not knowing if I'm going to wake up.
00:17:32
Speaker
And I'm still not treating every day like it's precious. it's It was just so apparent to me that even if we focus on it every day, we still slip back into not remembering that we're not invincible and really trying to be present and be ah in the moment with the people that we love. So the 60 days is to build habits around things that we could do to be more present.
00:18:01
Speaker
as men, as dads, as partners, things we could do to get ourselves into a different state. Like for example, I think I heard somebody on your pack podcast talking about just doing hard things on purpose. yeah Like this is, we've we've come into a time where things are just convenient. yep Things are very convenient and just doing little things like going to the grocery store, parking as far away as you can and walking. Just a little thing, going in and not using a shopping cart. Just make your day inconvenient a little bit. So just little things like that and it's it's really meant to be five minutes or less per day for the 60 days because we don't have a lot of time in our days. I just want to make them very quick but very poignant.
00:18:56
Speaker
Exercises for people to do and then I also have a four-day challenge. It's called a fully alive challenge It's free that guys can just get in and and it's really a wake-up call. Let's say you have four days to live How do you spend those days? And I have some prompts and some exercises that guys can do to get themselves into a different mindset and remember that They don't know how long they have to live That is very very true, you know I like that you put programs and challenges together because men need to be challenged. Men respond well to being challenged. Women don't. Women hate being challenged. Women want ah to be told how wonderful they are, and that works better for women, and I get that. You're dealing with a woman.
00:19:44
Speaker
Treat it like a woman. You're dealing with a man, treat him like a man. Push him, challenge him, and get him to stand up, step up, man up, and get shit done. Because that has a man come out of his shell. That has a man behave like a man. That has his energy, his masculinity, his push for life spring out of him. And that takes a man,
00:20:13
Speaker
from being a tragic little wuss to being a magic man. And I believe that's very important. Yeah, 100%. I agree with that. I was thinking back to ah about 20 years ago, I was living in my van and just like not a great time for me, but There was a lot of struggle that happened and I became who I became because of that struggle. And I just remembered, damn, i I had to be scrappy back then. And I had to to learn a lot of new things. And and now you know I'm in a very different place in my life. and
00:20:57
Speaker
um you know very grateful for that, but it came from struggle. And it just made me realize we don't struggle enough in our lives. And it's not just unnecessary struggle that I think people need, but that's that's part of what the 60 days is, is how can we get out of our comfort zone so we can grow?
00:21:21
Speaker
Comfort is a drug and your comfort zone is where your dreams go to die.
00:21:30
Speaker
And as a man, you should seek adversity. You should seek challenge. And you should avoid comfort. Because comfort is a drug. Comfort is where your dreams go to die. And every man listening to this needs to embrace that ethos.
00:21:59
Speaker
as a way to live his life because that's what's gonna make that man the best version of himself.
00:22:13
Speaker
I think it's not just about physical. comfort either. As men, it's often hard to tap into our our emotions. I don't know if anyone can relate with that, but I grew up with a dad that wasn't emotional. He was a rock. So guess what? I'm a rock also. It's very hard to get me to cry.
00:22:40
Speaker
but um I think it's important to tap into what's important for us and get out of our comfort zone in more ways than just physical. Physical is super important. That spurs a lot of things in us mentally, but also also emotionally.
00:22:58
Speaker
um So I'm not saying there's a big emotional piece to my program, but there there is a little bit and it's really more of a confrontational Aspect of you confronting yourself in a deep way. I think it's that's also important So physical mental and emotional Comfort is I think a drug Yeah Wholeheartedly agree with that. You need to push yourself ah Physically you need to push yourself intellectually So you grow and you become a better thinker and you can think for yourself. You need to push yourself Emotionally
00:23:38
Speaker
in the sense that you don't let your emotions run the show. You have emotions, emotions don't have you. And you need to push yourself spiritually. So you're more connected to your God. You need to push yourself financially so you make more money. You can take care of business with your family because far too many men don't push themselves at all. they just They're comfortable.
00:24:08
Speaker
They're in this fur-lined and air-conditioned rut of comfort. And that takes away their manhood. A comfortable man is not really a man at all, in my opinion. Yeah, and that's what the sovereign man's about, right? 100%. Is thank you for yourself, doing for yourself. I love that mentality.
00:24:33
Speaker
I love that mentality because it's true. We can't can rely on anybody or anything. I remember going through the all the tests and and probes and electric, yeah know getting electrocuted, trying them trying to figure out what was going wrong with me. I realized these doctors don't know what they're doing. They don't know what they're talking about.
00:25:00
Speaker
there it And that was a ah huge shift for me because I always thought, oh, they're doctors. They know what they're doing. They know what they're talking about. No, they're just confidently saying what they're saying, but they actually don't know what they're doing. not Obviously not all doctors. I have friends who are doctors. They're great. I'm just saying you can't just rely on whatever they say is fact. I mean, I guess that's where their second opinions.
00:25:24
Speaker
look but A lot of doctors are trained in the Western medical model, which is basically drugs and surgery, drugs and surgery, drugs and surgery. And sometimes surgery is absolutely necessary. And I am very grateful for the advancements that Western medicine has made in that regard. But quite often it's not, and drugs are almost never necessary. When they're necessary, they're really necessary. You have to have them when you're gonna die.
00:25:54
Speaker
But most people can cure themselves and heal themselves without drugs, with food, with natural medicine. And we need to understand that as men, that your first answer every time you have a slight ache or pain shouldn't be, I need a pill. It shouldn't be that. Your first answer yeah ought to be a question. Why?
00:26:23
Speaker
What can I do myself to heal myself? There's this quote, physician heal thyself. Physician heal thyself. It's the first thing you gotta do. You are a physician. You are your own physician. Heal thyself. So if you're waking up with back pain, why do you have back pain? And it probably didn't just happen.
00:26:50
Speaker
Perhaps your biomechanics are wrong in the way that you exercise. Perhaps you don't exercise at all. That's why you've got back pain. Perhaps you're grossly overweight. That's why you have back pain. But you need to you need to do a deep dive into you first and do everything in your power to change your habits. And if none of that works, then perhaps at that point,
00:27:19
Speaker
a medical answer is necessary. But unless it's a dire emergency, I think it's a mistake to instantly go there. you know And by medical emergency, I mean you're gonna be incapacitated or dead if you don't do something about it immediately. But most things aren't that. Most um physical ailments aren't a dire emergency.
00:27:45
Speaker
And so you ought to go out there and learn about how you can heal yourself, how you can have better health habits, how you can eat better, how you can sleep better, how you can exercise, and in such a way that won't hurt you, because there's a lot of people who exercise in ways that cause them long-term damage. I've learned this in my old age. You don't need to lift the heaviest weight and wreck your body in order to get a result. you can lift a lot less weight and never hurt yourself at all. Oh my God. That's such a wonderful thing for me to have learned. Yeah. I remember listening to one of your episodes and I think you said you hurt your shoulder and your knee yeah and you know, you, a lot of, a lot of guys, I think would easily throw in the towel at that point. Yeah. I don't want to go out, out and keep lifting and hurt myself, but I love what you said.
00:28:44
Speaker
yeah You basically said, fuck that. I'm not'm not doing that. I'm not doing that. I'm getting back out there and I'm working through it. You know, obviously there are right and wrong ways to lift when you're injured, but yeah, I just like that mentality. I appreciated that. I thank you. I thank you. And I have to be smart. Like two days ago, I walked into an outdoor chair.
00:29:14
Speaker
and i And I stubbed my pinky toe into it. And it hurt like a son of a gun. And at first I thought, OK, this is going to get better. But it didn't. It started to hurt worse. I couldn't walk properly. I couldn't put weight on it. And yesterday I'm thinking, is this thing broken? It's purple. And I'm like, OK, I need to ice this. So I iced it. It hurt less, but I still couldn't put weight on it. And I'm like, have I broken my foot?
00:29:43
Speaker
and I'm going to the gym, but obviously laying off the foot. And I'd signed up for a men's retreat, which was happening outdoors several hours away from here. And I'm thinking to myself, do I want to go to this? And there's a part of me that goes, yeah, yeah, you should go, you should go. And there's another part of me that's like, maybe your foot's broke. Maybe being outdoors for three days and setting up a tent ain't the smartest thing for you to do right now.
00:30:11
Speaker
Maybe what you need to do is rest, relax, recuperate. You know you still go to the gym, but you need to rest a lot. And I'm in a head space right now where I'm giving myself another day or two before I fully decide. But as of as if today, the answer would be no, I'm not going. Perhaps tomorrow, I might change my mind if I feel better. And Thursday is the day I gotta decide I'm going or I'm not going.
00:30:41
Speaker
But the decision I'm making is based on making sure that I don't injure myself worse. Because when I was younger, I'd just say, fuck it. And I'd go do stuff. It would cause me greater and greater pain and injury. And I don't want that anymore. I want to heal first. Yeah. but Sounds like also what you're weighing up is the experience.
00:31:05
Speaker
Is it going to be a shitty experience if you go try to go camping with a broken foot? Yeah, it is. What's the experience going to be like for you, for everybody else? But I think that it goes right along with making your decisions for yourself, listening to your body. Yeah, it all goes back to the same place, which is just relying on yourself for the answers that you're looking for.
00:31:33
Speaker
amen Jeff, it's been good having you on the show. um Say your website for your program one more time. Sure, 60daystolive.com. 60, the number or 60 spelled out in letters? 60, the number, yeah, and then daystolive.com or 60, the number, DTL dot.com. Both will go to the same place. 60 DTL, I like that, it's nice and short. That'll be in the show notes.
00:32:04
Speaker
um And I'd like to talk to you about helping you get the word out about that and get yourself offline. I appreciate that. I can help you. Absolutely. And I'd like to. um Good conversation. Thank you very much. Yeah. Thanks. Thank you. I appreciate it. Yeah, you bet. Baloo out.
00:32:30
Speaker
Thank you for listening to The Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, we invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.