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EP172: Daniele Hage - Why Keeping Your Word Makes Your Woman Feel Safe
79 Plays19 days ago
“Happiness in a relationship starts with taking personal responsibility for your own joy.”
A man’s integrity and discipline are the cornerstone of a thriving relationship. By keeping his word, seeking guidance from mentors, and taking responsibility, he creates safety and trust. As a protector and provider, he leads with purpose and aligns his and his partner’s actions using shared values. When he respects his partner’s nurturing strengths and commits to mutual growth, he fosters a harmonious and balanced partnership rooted in respect, accountability, and lasting connection.
Daniele Hage is a seasoned relationship coach with over four decades of marriage experience. Her work focuses on empowering couples to embrace traditional values and build thriving relationships rooted in faith. . Follow her on Instagram (@daniellecatherinehage) and YouTube to stay connected.
You can find Daniele on:
Her website at https://danielehage.com/home/
YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/@danielehage
Instagram at https://www.instagram.com/danielehage/
Her other socials can be found on her website.
You’re invited to come to a Sovereign Circle meeting to experience it for yourself. To learn more, go to https://www.sovereignman.ca/. While you’re there, check out the Battle Ready program and check out the store for Sovereign Man t-shirts, hats, and books.
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Transcript
The Foundation of Trust in Relationships
00:00:00
Speaker
If you're gonna be in an intimate relationship with someone who can match your healthiness, your emotional maturity, right? When he does what he says he's gonna do, when he says he's gonna be there at a certain time and he shows up, when he says he's gonna call and he does, it makes her feel like she can trust him. And when she can trust him, it says he's loyal, he's a man of good character, he keeps his word, he does what he says for a woman to feel safe with a man. She's got to have a man that does what he says, who pays his bills on time, who takes responsibility, who goes to work even when it's hard, even when he doesn't feel like it.
Modern Masculinity and Personal Freedom
00:00:33
Speaker
You're a man living in the modern world in a time when men and manhood are not what they once were. You live life on your own terms. You're self-sufficient. You think for yourself and you march to the beat of your own drum. When life knocks you down, you get back up. Because in your gut, you know that's what men do. You're a badass and a warrior. And on the days when you forget, we are here to remind you who you really are.
Introduction to the Podcast and Guest
00:01:04
Speaker
Welcome to Sovereign Man Podcast, where we aim to make men masculine again. I'm your man, Nicki Palau, and we have a very special guest for you here today. Only the third ever woman to be a guest on the Sovereign Man Podcast, Danielle Hage. Welcome to the show, Danielle. Thank you. I'm happy to be here.
00:01:26
Speaker
Good to have you here. So Danielle, why don't you start by telling us a little bit about your story.
Danielle's Background and Podcast Motivation
00:01:32
Speaker
How'd you come to be ah a woman who's got a podcast and who's a champion for men? Well, I've always liked men, but here here's the thing. Honestly, I don't... You know, a lot of women have been hurt by men, and I get that. You know, it's like, I think one out of three women by the time they're 18 have been molested these days. And, you know, i I had really good experiences with most all of the men in my life. I i had ah a good dad. My parents were divorced, but he was ah he was a decent, wholesome man. um Never, you know, I haven't been ah molested, raped, abused, and I know that so many women have Struggled and been hurt by men. So I understand why a lot of women, you know, especially the whole feminist movement the man haters and not all feminists are man haters, but I just I probably I was kind of going down that road that you know, I used to write in in high school and college papers on equal rights amendment movement and I
00:02:33
Speaker
um probably would have gone down that road just because, although my dad was not a bad man, they were divorced. And my mom used to always say to me, make sure you always have something to fall back on. Make sure you always have something to fall back on. Like get your education, get a job, be able to support yourself because she didn't have anything to fall back on. Although she is the one that divorced my dad. um And so then she had to, you know, get a job and she had four kids and it was really, really hard on her.
00:03:02
Speaker
So that little videotape, that recording was always playing in my head and I thought, I'm not gonna get married till later in life. um i you know At that time I was young and I thought like, not till I'm 25 plus will I get married.
Danielle's Personal Journey and Faith
00:03:15
Speaker
And so I was going to school and going to college. And then I met my husband to be, well, first before I met him, I accepted Jesus Christ into my heart.
00:03:26
Speaker
And I was a Catholic, raised a Catholic, um but I knew all about Jesus and believed that he was the son of God, but I didn't know him personally. It's like Oprah. We all know who Oprah is, but not everybody knows her personally. And that's how it was with me and God. So I got saved.
00:03:43
Speaker
And right away, met my husband shortly after that. Somebody introduced us, and he was gonna be a ah pastor. He was very young, he was 21, I was 18. And um he was gonna be a pastor, and I didn't really even know what that meant.
00:03:59
Speaker
I didn't really understand what ministry and all that meant um because I was raised Catholic and priests don't have whites, right? So he sat me down one day and he said, listen, if if we get married, that means you're going to be a pastor's wife. And I said, well, what do they do?
00:04:14
Speaker
What do pastor's wives do? i don't mean know that He goes, don't worry about it. He goes, you'll learn as you go. Just trust me, follow me. And I did trust him and I did follow him. We ended up getting married 18 months after we met, which was very quick and not going according to my plan at all, but he was very persistent. And bottom line, he was going to be in the ministry and he wanted to have sex. And going for the ministry, you you don't have sex before marriage. okay So he was like, we either got to get married to break up. And I said, I'm way too young.
00:04:44
Speaker
I'm not, I'm not ready for that. And there's no way. And so I moved away. I moved an hour away thinking this will all end. He will lose interest. And because I did feel like I was falling in love with him, but I thought I'm just way too young. I'm not ready for this. And so I moved away down to live with my dad thinking I'll work down there. I changed jobs. And he said, well, I'm going to come visit you every weekend. And I said, oh yeah, right. Well, he did.
00:05:11
Speaker
He kept his word and that impressed me. It blew my mind. And especially because he at that time was working graveyard at a grocery store. So he would go to work at midnight, get off at seven in the morning, drive an hour to come visit me.
00:05:27
Speaker
um with no sleep and hang out with me all day long. We would just hang out. And then he would go back to work that night. And that I was like, you are crazy. You are crazy. You've had no sleep. And he did it like every weekend. And he said he would. And I just, I thought this guy's crazy. And he really likes me. and so So I was impressed by that. Anyway, um he eventually, he and my sister convinced me to move back. And I did and went to school up there.
00:05:56
Speaker
and again 18 months later we were married because I just gave in and he kept saying you know we've got to get married and I said okay he was very persistent and but I was nervous about it because we were young I was 19 he was 22 and once I met the Lord started learning about the Bible and then married my husband very shortly after that I got pregnant It changed my life. I mean, I was it. I really was converted. i It changed my life. And I started seeing the world totally different. I saw marriage different. I'm supposed to put that on. No ringing.
00:06:30
Speaker
and and I started seeing men and women's roles differently. And I think I feel like I learned how to be a wife um from the church, from the Bible. And we were surrounded with a lot of young couples and we had a lot of accountability. My husband, whenever we would come to a standstill in an argument, um we always had older people around us.
Mentorship and Accountability in Relationships
00:06:54
Speaker
And again, we were young. My husband became a youth pastor at the church. So we were very involved and had lots of Christian people around us speaking into our lives and to lots of mentors and teachers. And whenever we would come to a standstill, I would always say, um and and I always tell young women this, don't marry a man that doesn't have out older men in his life that he respects, that he looks up to, that hold that will hold him accountable. and Because they those men, if they're good, healthy men will advocate for the woman. And I would always say, if we come to if we couldn't make a decision and we were in an argument about something, I would say, let's go talk to our pastor. And if I am wrong, I'll stand down. But if you're wrong, you stand down. And honestly, I don't think we ever had to do that because for a young man, he wanted
00:07:45
Speaker
those men's respect and he'd be like, no, no, no, we can figure it out. We can figure this out on our own. And I'd say, okay. And usually, you know, I was right and he was wrong, but anyway. i'm kidding Not always, but you know, there's just, you know, he was young. He was young. He was, I mean, I of course at the time thought he was so mature. He was three years older than me just because I'd never met a man like him. I'd never met a man that um was so well versed spiritually and we could talk and he was very emotionally intelligent and we could talk about anything for hours and hours. And um so yeah, so I trusted him. And so that's, so,
00:08:24
Speaker
Being married, being a young mom, I had to learn how to do that. I read everything I could get my hands on, every book on relationships and marriage and childbearing, because I wanted to do it right. And, you know, has as adults, we tried to right whatever was wrong in our childhood, right? And I knew that we were going to marry young and I did not want to be divorced.
00:08:45
Speaker
and coming from a divorced family. And we were on the same page with the same values. And I said, we will do whatever it takes to have a good, healthy, happy marriage. I'm not gonna be in marriage for 50 years and be miserable. It's gonna be happy. So we're gonna do whatever it takes to make sure we do our own personal self-development. And um so I just, yeah, I've always been passionate about marriage and and family and raising kids and having fun.
00:09:13
Speaker
and faith and freedom of fitness, all that stuff. So that's how I got interested. You know, you said a lot. I want to unpack. The first thing you said that and that really struck me was when you said he kept his word and I was impressed by that, that he said he was going to come see you every weekend. Talk a bit about that specifically for him and then general in a macro sense why women respect men that keep their word. Well, because it makes women feel safe.
00:09:44
Speaker
when you're If you're gonna be in an intimate relationship, then you wanna be in an intimate relationship with someone who can match your healthiness, your emotional maturity, right? and And he could, and in ways he was more mature than me in a lot of ways, and other ways I was more mature than him, but we kinda grew, I feel like we kinda grew together. But when i when a man keeps his word when he says he's gonna do When he does what he says he's going to do, when he says he's going to be there at a certain time and he shows up, when he says he's going to call and he does, it makes her feel like she can trust him. And when she can trust him, it says he's loyal. He's a man of good character. He keeps his word. He does what he says. And that takes a discipline to do that.
00:10:29
Speaker
and so for a woman to feel safe with the man, she's gotta have a man that is will is that does what he says, bottom line, who pays his bills on time, who's who takes responsibility, who goes to work even when it's hard, even when he doesn't feel like it. And man who keeps his word does all those other things too. I really appreciate you sharing your your perspective on this, because these are topics I talk to with men and it's good when I hear a woman's perspective on this. yeah And it's really beautifully put, and it's very succinctly and powerfully put as well. So thank you for that. um The other thing that you said, which I thought was powerful, is that you accepted, you know, ah Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior into your life. I'm a Christian myself. Not everyone who listens to the podcast is, but why was that important? And why was it important for you to be with a man who obviously also felt the same way, given that, you know, became a
Faith and Its Role in Marriage
00:11:27
Speaker
pastor? Well, i again, I thought I knew Jesus, okay? And I had a girl that I worked with that was always asking me on her break, she always always had her Bible open. And as Catholics, you're not really taught to read your Bible, at least we weren't. I did all the catechism, confirmation, communion, all that stuff, you know, all my growing up years.
00:11:47
Speaker
and but we weren't taught to read the bible and so this girl would always have her bible open and she'd always say hey if you ever want me to pray with you and i was like um no no no i i already know god i know that jesus is the son of god i'm a believer like i don't yeah You don't need to pray with me. And I was living a party lifestyle. I mean, again, i was from the time I was 16, I think I had a fake ID and going out to the clubs and dancing and starting to dabble in drinking and those things. and
00:12:19
Speaker
I liked my life. I thought I had a great life. And I remember saying to her, I don't want to change anything. So why would I do what you're saying and and pray when I feel like Jesus already is in my heart? I don't want to change anything. And she said to me, and I'll never forget her words. And she said, oh, you don't have to change a thing.
00:12:40
Speaker
And I said, I don't because I would come into work after a very late night partying and she would see me and I'd be, you know, drinking the coffee, and trying trying to do my job. And so she knew whatever, but she never judged me. And I said, I don't have to change anything. Like I don't have to quit drinking. I don't have to quit partying. I don't, you know, and she said, she goes, no, she goes, once Jesus comes into your heart, like truly comes into your heart, you give your life to him. He does the changing. And I thought,
00:13:07
Speaker
Okay, all right, I'm gonna try it. If I don't have to change anything, then I'm a little bit more open to that. And so I remember one day um saying to her, I felt like I was fine, but i I was concerned about my older sister and she was very high-strung and very emotional and had lots of highs and lows. And I was nervous about her. And I went to her and said, hey, Angela, we're gonna go pray with this girl and we're gonna give our lives to God. And I felt like I'm just doing it for my sister. I'm taking one for the team.
00:13:37
Speaker
So we both did. we and But i i before we even did that, and let me back up, I remember one night driving home from my dad's house from Newport Beach, driving and back inland, which is an hour, and he and I had a conversation that night. And he was telling me that somebody was also witnessing to him about God at the same time. And now my dad was a full blown alcoholic.
00:13:58
Speaker
but a very functional, very wealthy, successful man. And he sat there and talked to me with his Bible open, which I'd never seen him do before, with his Jack Daniels. And while he was drinking, and he started telling me about the end times and about the book of revelations. yeah We're never taught that in the Catholic Church either.
00:14:17
Speaker
And I remember driving home that night in my Volkswagen on the freeway. It was nighttime. And I said, man, God, if you're real and this rapture thing is going to happen, I don't want to be left behind. I want to go. And right then, something lit up around me. And I remember having these chills from my head to my toes. And I'm driving on the freeway and I go, what is going on? Why does it seem bright?
00:14:45
Speaker
And I felt these chills, and it was a really it but it was this warm feeling. I didn't know what had happened. I was just like, this this is bizarre. So the next day is when I said went to my friend and said, hey, I want to pray that prayer. I think I actually got saved that night in my car, but I didn't know it. And I had never heard the verse when Jesus comes into your heart, a light goes on. I'd never heard that until I started reading the Bible and I was like,
00:15:08
Speaker
that's what happened to me. And they, it talks about the veil being lifted from your eyes, you know, the blindness, the veil being lifted. And I think that's what happened to me. I just, that veil was lifted. He came into my heart that night. We prayed the next day. I felt nothing with my sister and my friend. And from then on and I started It was probably, I'm going to say, ah just very few, ah maybe a month after that, where a friend introduced me to Steve, and I didn't really give him a second look. I was like, oh yeah, he has a Bible in his hand, we're at a wedding, and and it was a wedding of
00:15:41
Speaker
mutual friends. And my sister said, hey, this is that guy, Steve Hage. And he's the one that um we I always hear his name because he's like totally into the Bible and he's a Christian and he had this reputation. And I met him and I just turned around walked away, didn't think anything. And then I met him again after I got saved.
00:16:00
Speaker
And he started telling my sister and I about the Bible and just answering all our questions. And we had a lot of questions. Because again, we had a little bit of knowledge, but not a lot. And so he would come over like once a week and hang out and just talk to us. And he was so interesting. I just found him so interesting. And and he had such a great sense of humor. He was very confident in who he was, where he was going. you know A man with a plan is very attractive. And ae I just his confidence gave me confidence in listening to him and following him and doing what he said. So that, I think meeting the Lord was imperative for me to be able to submit to a man because I didn't really trust a lot of men just because my dad wasn't there. And um and my dad, he even though he was a decent person, he had a very loud voice and he was he could be scary at times, and especially when he was drinking. never hit me, never abusive, but just scary. So I was a little bit leery um about but putting my life into another man's hands. and And because I thought I would never do that. But again, who he was, and he had such a good heart and such good character, i it was able I was able to trust. Yeah. And the other thing I wanted to unpack was you said you learned how to be a wife from the Bible.
Biblical Marriage Roles and Mutual Submission
00:17:24
Speaker
Say more about that.
00:17:25
Speaker
Well, you know, where it talks about probably the biggest scripture that women get hung up on is submit to your husband, right? And a lot of women say, I will never submit to a man. And I understand if if it's a man that is not kind to you and doesn't treat you well, and we don't have to submit to any man, just any man. We don't have to submit even to a boyfriend. We are to submit to our husbands, okay? Once you're married.
00:17:52
Speaker
But the loophole for that is if a man asks you to do anything that is outside of God's word or doesn't line up with the word of God, because God has your back. He's got our best in mind. And he would never mistreat a woman. God loves women.
00:18:09
Speaker
Submission isn't to disempower or invalidate or rob a woman of her voice, okay? It's not about that. And I think a lot of people misunderstand the word. and But to be able to do that, I needed to know that that's what the Bible said. And this is this ah Bible gives us a prescription for marriage. you know be it Right before that verse, it says, you are to submit to one another. So it's not just the woman submitting to the man. We submit to one another. But at the end of the day, if we're at a standstill,
00:18:38
Speaker
and we can't decide and we're not in agreement, I will defer to him and I will say to him, I'm not in agreement with that decision so this is on you but I am going to defer to you because you're the man and I'm the woman and I'm going to follow you because I trust you and I don't even trust your decision but I trust the God in you. So you go and every time I've ever said that to him he comes back and goes okay now wait a minute because that's a lot of pressure to put on one person. And he doesn't want to leave me astray. So he come back and go, okay, now wait a minute, tell me again, your perspective on this situation. And maybe we need to get an outside perspective. um but But I would just say, you know, at the end of the day, like my husband always says, we argue or um communicate as equals, even argue as equals. But at some point, he has the last, he has the final decision.
00:19:32
Speaker
And honestly, we've been married, I've been married 44 years. And I can say maybe five times in 44 years, have we not been in unity over something? Maybe. And because we talk about it until we get in agreement. Usually we'll we won't make any major decisions until we're both in agreement. But there have been times where I've had to say, okay, I don't know about this, but I didn't necessarily have a better way. I just wasn't sure what to do. So I'd say, okay, I'll go with you on this one.
00:20:08
Speaker
Wow, that's pretty wild. um You know, I'm originally from Iran. I'm from the Middle East. so And um my family is a Christian family in Iran, which is one of the reasons why we left after the Islamic Revolution. But yeah, I can tell you people here just um they often say, well, you know, women there have no rights and the men are in charge and it's a patriarchal society. And I'm like, really? You ever lived there? Oh no, you haven't, all right. I was gonna say, all right, well, I have, let me explain something to you. In our house in Iran, growing up, dad worked, made the money and was officially the head of the family and mom deferred to him.
00:20:55
Speaker
But isn't it interesting that we went to the schools mom picked for us? Isn't it interesting we went and did swimming lessons, horseback riding lessons, because mom wanted that? And when the Islamic Revolution took place, isn't it interesting that mom picked the country we moved to?
00:21:14
Speaker
And I just like thought to myself, every major decision in our family was driven by my mother. Every single. Wow. Wow. And, you know, um she deferred to him, especially in public, but that was a strong woman. She had definitive ideas about how she wanted her children to be raised. And her husband saw it as his job to let her do that. Well, he respected her.
00:21:45
Speaker
yeah I mean, he really respected it, which is awesome. She picked the homes that we lived in. She bought like every, the food we ate. Right. It was all mine. Because the women, I like to say like this, the men are the gatekeepers of the family. They're the protectors, the providers, right? They're the gatekeepers, but the women are the caretakers or caregivers. Like they want to make sure everything is healthy. You know, because we are more in tune with our emotions generally.
00:22:14
Speaker
And so we can see, ah like I always say, I'm a preventative maintenance girl. Like I'm going to take care of anything that I see could be a problem down the road. And if I see us going in a certain direction or we're not talking or maybe resentments building or something. I'm like, let's sit down and talk about this right now. Like we don't just brush crap under the carpet. We're going to talk about it, fight it out if we have to until we come to a resolve. And I think women, they are into the health of their children. They're the ones that are creating the meals. and And like you say, picking the schools. my My daughter is also married to an Iranian man.
00:22:51
Speaker
And they have two sons and she is in full charge of the kids, everything. But he is in full charge of finances. And she told him when they got married, because a lot of Iranian women here in our country, they work full time jobs too. And there's you know two incomes, like all their friends, both the men and the women wife and husband work. And my daughter said to him,
00:23:13
Speaker
I want you to know, and she's a worker, like she she always worked, but she said, when I have children, I'm going to stay home with my kids. So before we get married, you need to sign sign off on that. Is that okay with you? Because I i want to be different. I'm not going to farm my kids out to childcare and to nannies. I'm going to raise them. And he said, absolutely.
00:23:33
Speaker
And so she has been stay at home on and he works his butt off. He's a fireman and he works his, his behind off, but she is very respectful of him. He, like he has his role. She has hers whenever it comes to the kids. She'll say, you know, this is what they want or this what they're doing. And he kind of gives the okay, but she runs it. So yeah.
00:23:52
Speaker
I think that's it. The women, they are the ones that are taking care of the family, even though the man is ultimately in charge, but the women kind of rule the home. you know They have their finger on the pulse of the home life, so to speak. so You also said, um and I think this is an important point to expand on,
00:24:12
Speaker
to young women, don't marry a man who doesn't have good older men in his life that he respects to take advice from, like elders,
Choosing a Partner with Accountability
00:24:21
Speaker
mentors, teachers. I agree with that wholeheartedly. Frankly, it's why we created a Sovereign Man. So tell me why you believe that's important.
00:24:30
Speaker
because you when you say yes to marry somebody, you have to look at what's around them. you know What kind of relationships do they have? And are they submitted somewhere? is a man you know It's not just the woman submitting to a man. I would never submit to a man that wasn't submitted to God. I would never submit to a man that wasn't submitted to older men around him, whether it be a father, a teacher, a coach, a pastor,
00:24:59
Speaker
um employee somebody somebody he really looks up to and I know for me my husband had a lot of men in his life and he wanted their approval and and again because he was planning on being full-time in the ministry, he they were his mentors. And so i ah I knew that that was a good thing because I knew if those were good men, that they they wouldn't just side with my husband, that they would take me into account also. And so I think for women, you know like when I coach women and I'll say, well, who does your your boyfriend or your husband respect?
00:25:37
Speaker
And a lot of times they go, I don't know. I don't know anybody they respect. Really? Like that's a red flag. There's got to be somebody older than them or has done more than them, somebody that they want to model their life after. And hopefully if they don't have a man in their life, hopefully they have God in their life, Jesus Christ, because he's a great you know role model. Wow. That's really good. I really like that. And that also makes a woman feel safe. It's all about her safety.
00:26:07
Speaker
She's got to feel safe with her man. And him having other people, elders around him, brings her safe. See, one of the great things about having podcasts and I have two of them is that I get to learn and be coached by my guests. So I take notes that this conversation is valuable for me personally and and not just, you know, for my listeners. Yeah. um You also said to me that for you was important when you got married.
00:26:35
Speaker
to really like take on being a relationship master, to go in there, learn how to be good at relationship, good at being married, good at child youre rearing. You were gonna do whatever it took to have a healthy, happy marriage, because you were not gonna be miserable for 50 years. And I wasn't gonna be divorced.
00:26:53
Speaker
and you weren't gonna be divorced. So i I love that. I think this is the best advice you can give to women. ah Women don't know how devastating divorce is to them. They just have no idea. I'm divorced. I'm i'm i'm with another woman now. um We're not married, but we've been together for 14 years almost. And I can tell you that my ex-wife ended up being with another man and she's not with him anymore. And she's never said this to me.
00:27:22
Speaker
but she works her butt off. And if we were together, she wouldn't need to work this hard. the You know what I mean? um but We have a very good relationship. We raise our two sons together. or One boy's 18, the other one's 16. And um I go out of my my way to make sure that she feels like she's got me as someone that she can count on.
00:27:49
Speaker
But I look back on it and I go, I wish I had what it took to be able to keep our marriage together because I think it would have been better for her, better for everybody. I think the biggest lie that women were were sold in the 60s was, no, no, no, divorce the guy. This is a good idea. This is you're you're going to be liberated. You're going to be free. It it is the worst thing a woman can do to to get divorced, the worst for her in the long run.
00:28:11
Speaker
Yeah, and I understand because I constantly get comments on social media saying, well, that's great, and but you must not have ever been with a narcissist. And I always say, yeah, my information does not apply to people with personality disorders, mental disorders, sociopaths, abusers, drug addicts.
00:28:31
Speaker
Alcoholics, it doesn't apply to unhealthy people. like you none ah None of what I say is going to work with someone who's that unhealthy. It has some kind of addiction or or weird thing going on. And I would never tell a woman to stay with a man who's abusive or mistreated her in any way.
00:28:47
Speaker
And a lot of women, and I know they say that women vial for divorce more. I just heard um a very um successful divorce attorney say, he goes, this is what it looks like. He goes, yes, more women vial, but this is why. They come to me and they say, my husband had an affair or he's living with another woman and we have ah You know, we have our mortgage and he's not paying it and I never worked because I stayed home with the kids What do I do? And the the attorney said you have the only way you can make him pay is if you file for divorce Like she's like, I don't want a divorce. I just want my husband to come home But what is she her hands are tied but she can't
00:29:31
Speaker
She has to have some income and if she's been raising the kids and stayed at home and he's out floundering around and not taking care of his responsibilities, then yeah she's gonna file. So I think a lot of women, I don't think women want to be divorced. I coached one couple, the man hired me and he said, I want you to talk to my ex-wife. She's taken our four kids and she's left. And I said, first of all, why would any woman with four small children leave a marriage?
00:30:01
Speaker
And he didn't tell me the truth. And I knew it. I thought, no, there's got to be there's got to be a really good reason. He goes, well, I don't know. And I said, well, why don't you ask her? And he goes, well, I did. And he showed me her texts while the other marriages and you were abusive and you mistreat the children. I said, you don't know why she left you. And then I got on the phone with her on the call that he paid for with her. And she broke it down to me. And I said,
00:30:26
Speaker
I said, why does he, your ex doesn't want me to talk to you? Does he think I'm going to convince you to go back with them? She goes, yeah. I said, no, I'm not. The courts ruled in her favor for good reason. He was abusive. He married three other women.
00:30:41
Speaker
while he was here in the United States, they're Islamic of the Islamic faith. And she said, when we go to America, that's not okay with me. It's it's me and you, or you don't get to have extra wives. And he did it anyway. i And I said, but that's not even legal here. So I don't know if it was actually legally done, but he was with three other women, said he was married to three other women. Didn't tell me that, of course. And I'm like,
00:31:08
Speaker
Yeah, no, I would never tell her go back to him, no. She had every reason to walk, every right to walk out and every reason. And these are the, I always say these are the three main things, reasons for divorce.
Challenges and Maintenance of Healthy Marriages
00:31:22
Speaker
Adultery, abuse and addiction. I know a lot of couples who have overcome all three, okay? If you if your mate is willing to get help and do the hard work,
00:31:32
Speaker
of getting healthy, have grace, give them a chance. But if they keep saying they're gonna do something over and over and never do it, they're again not keeping their word. There's no question that there's men that are idiots and do stupid things. first There's a fair number of women that are that way too. And yes a lot of women are being told ah that once they're married, they have no responsibility. It's all on him to shift and change as well. And it is ridiculous. no um i know um I know plenty of men
00:32:08
Speaker
ah who whose wives have basically stopped having sex with them. They've been married together for 30 years, and they're like, well, you know, I don't want to anymore. And these guys are besides themselves because for us, that's super important, super important. And these women don't seem to understand that it's super important, don't seem to care. And I've seen so many marriages get broken up over this. Oh yeah. And and rightfully so. I mean, I think that's so sad. And I would like to sit those women down and say, what in the world are you doing? Are you trying to make your husband?
00:32:43
Speaker
masturbate in the other room, watch pornography, sleep with another woman. A man has sexual needs. And when you married him, you you committed to meet his needs just like he committed men to meet yours. And this is the other thing the Bible talks about. It says, your body is not your own. When you are married, your body's not your own. And even when you don't feel like having sex, do it anyway. I got so, this was probably one of my first videos that hit a million. And I couldn't believe it. I thought it was so funny, but it's because there was so much interaction and feedback from both male and females. And I said, you know, somebody said, well, what do you do when, you know, you don't want to have sex or you don't feel like having sex? And I said, do you ever get up in the morning, not feel like working out, not feel like eating, going to the gym, not feel like brushing your teeth?
00:33:33
Speaker
Sometimes we don't feel like eating good, and we don't feel like exercising, but we do it, and then when we get there, we're so glad we went. I never want leave the gym going, oh, I wish I didn't come, ever. But how many times do I say, darn it, I wish I'd made myself good today?
00:33:48
Speaker
but Look at sex like that. by the At the end of the evening, I mean, you both get to get a payoff. Hopefully, hopefully, you both get to get a payoff. And, you know, orgasms are great. And you're going to be so glad you pleased your man. You got pleased. Now, so women will say, oh, but I don't always get pleased. And it's like,
00:34:07
Speaker
You know what? Sometimes you just do quickies. Sometimes I just coach another couple. I said for you guys, for young kids, I said this is a season of quickies. Okay, kids are sleeping in the bed. I said do it in the bathroom, do it in the shower, do it in the kitchen, hide in the closet for a minute, like have sex anywhere you can. Make it fun. Like my daughter does that. She's a brand new mommy and she she's gonna co-sleep with her infant and her husband and their dog. And she goes, yeah, people said, well, when do you have sex? She goes, mom, you don't just have sex in the bed I love it. Good girl. Good girl. And of course, the man is like, really? Now? I mean, met rarely. So I'm going to say, nah, I'm not. Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, really. ah
00:34:57
Speaker
But yeah, for women to just withhold sex, unless there's a really good reason, and there's gotta be a really good reason, and hopefully she has communicated that to her husband, but um I just, I don't understand that. To me, that's just selfish. And what if he withheld safety, withheld protection, withheld provision for you?
00:35:19
Speaker
You wouldn't like that? What you did is what I think men and women need to do. When you got married, you decided that this was going to be a successful marriage and it was going to last and last and last until death do you part. And you decided to like become a student of relationship, of marriage, of child rearing. And far too many people go into a relationship and they don't become a student of it.
00:35:43
Speaker
They just kind of, okay, we're we're kind of here. We don't know anything about how to make it work good, but we're here. And I'll let all my selfish neuroses run the day. That's insanity. Yeah. Yeah. When you get married and see, and this is also understanding what the Bible says. If you're first fully submitted to God, both of you, you were to be imitators of Christ.
00:36:05
Speaker
So in if I treat him in any way that Jesus would not treat him, like you know you have to ask yourself, is this being a Christian? Everything that comes out of my mouth is supposed to be uplifting and edifying and encouraging. Think on these things, whatever is good, pure, true, wholesome, virtuous. like That's how we're supposed to be thinking. um The Bible it gives us a prescription for all of these things.
00:36:27
Speaker
If we, you know, it's not just women submit to your man, it's men love your wives like
Mutual Sacrifice in Relationships
00:36:33
Speaker
Christ loved the church. How did Christ love the church? He sacrificed his life. He laid his life down for the church. That's the bride. And so,
00:36:42
Speaker
my husband was willing to sacrifice himself for me. And I could see that in the way he treated me. And I probably honestly fell in love with him because of the way he loved me. I mean, he was just, it was, it it was so, he loved me so well. And I've always said that I had been loved well. And a lot of women have say, well, that's good for you. You fell in love. And it's like, but I had to do my part too.
00:37:05
Speaker
like And that's why so much i I talk about femininity and masculinity, because women want to change men. They want to make them more passive, more emotional, more sensitive. And it's not that men aren't emotional and sensitive. They just don't talk about their feelings the way women do. they don't you know Women, her feelings our feelings are everything to us. And we can learn from men, from logical men.
00:37:30
Speaker
that we can't be led by feelings. Feelings make terrible leaders. So we have a lot to learn from men. I really believe that. on Women, you know we're multitasking. You guys are single focused. My husband, I'll say something, and I know I'm kind of rambling, but I'll say, oh my gosh, I'm traveling tomorrow. I forgot to pack my charger, my phone charger. When we get home, like we're out to dinner, um remind me to pack my charger.
00:37:54
Speaker
And he says, when we get in the house now, I want you to go straight up the stairs and grab your charger. I go, well, first I'm going to go and throw the load of laundry into the dryer. And then I've got to do it. And then I'll go, he'll go, no, go straight up stairs right now and put your charger in your bag. I'm like.
00:38:10
Speaker
yes dear because I probably wouldn't forget if I did all those other things first to see a man single focus remember the charger gotta to do that first on my list and I'm like yeah you're right right I'll do that but just and I'm yeah there's so many examples of that but um i was it oh I was talking about men women trying to change men. And my thing is, let if we let men be men the way they were created and designed to be, protectors, providers, conquerors, competitive, aggressive,
00:38:43
Speaker
They were designed to meet women's needs. They were designed to make women happy. Not that it's even their responsibility to make women happy, but what I have found is men hold themselves accountable for their wife's happiness. But honestly, we are the only ones that can make us happy. And I know many men that have said, I've done everything for her. everything she asks for. I try to give her everything she wants and she's still not happy. I just, every time I just, I feel like I meet their standard and she raises the standard. And I'm like, that's just cruel. That's just cruel. And I, I talk about women being unhappy on principle and they do it to manipulate men. I'll be, I'll be happy when I'll be happy if, no, how about tell me right now what you're happy about. Tell me all the things, tell him all the things that make you happy right now, all the things that he does.
00:39:33
Speaker
You know, it's like you are responsible for your own happiness, not your husband, not your wife. Amen. um You know, when my woman is being, you know, not so great with me, is when she acts in those manipulative, I'm not happy, nothing's going to make me happy ways. And she just, she brings all her crap to me. And when she's being great,
00:40:01
Speaker
um
00:40:04
Speaker
She doesn't do any of that. She walks in the house, takes me by the hand, removes her clothes, removes mine, smiles, and we have a good time. you know And then when that's done, you know the other the other day, um she was with me. and She says, well, I need this, I need this, I need this, I need this. And she's she's she's she's doing a play right now. And and there's like she's got the lead role in it. And it's her first lead role. She's excited, free you know excited freaked out,
00:40:42
Speaker
putting all her energy and attention. So she calls me and tells me every little fucking thing she needs to do. So I tell her, you got 15 minutes, honey. She goes, 15 minutes? I go, yeah, after 15 minutes, I can't take it anymore. So minutes. So I said, okay, go. And then she goes and she, 11 minutes in, she goes, how am I doing for time? That's so cute. I love that. That's good. I go, yeah you got, you got, you got three, four minutes. And then it's done. And then it was done. And and you know you know, all this was done. And I said to her, I said, look, um she she said, and I just said, I said to her, sweetheart, go upstairs, take your clothes off.
00:41:22
Speaker
and and get under the covers and I'll be there in a minute. And she says, I don't know. I mean, can I talk to you some more? And I go, no, you had your 15 minutes. yeah what's like there but And then she she says, no, I need to talk some more. Fine, talk some more. And she went up and she did what I asked. And, you know, she. Anyways, and then when when when I was happy. It was all done. And then I came downstairs and she asked, are you hungry? She said, yes. and I said, what would you like? Got some eggs, whatever. so you know She likes some cooked in a cast iron skillet. I got a John Wayne cast iron skillet. She cooked her the eggs and I did everything she asked and blah, blah, blah. And then she said, you know,
00:42:16
Speaker
From now on, as soon as I come see you, the first thing that's going to happen is you're going to get that blowjob. Then we'll do everything that way. Because you're much more agreeable yeah after that. And I'm like, duh. You met her need by letting her talk for for a woman?
00:42:38
Speaker
The way women, and this is something I think men need to understand about women, is first of all, women have cycles, okay? They're different every week. Every week they need something different. And a lot of it is because of hormonal things that are going on inside of us that men really don't have to deal with, okay? So we have you have to have grace for women for that. The other thing is that women, when they they connect verbally,
00:43:03
Speaker
So when she's getting to talk and tell you all the details, that is her connecting with you. And and when she feels like you are listening, she feels heard, she feels seen. And when she feels heard and seen, it makes her feel safe. And when she feels safe, it makes her vulnerable to open up, especially in the bedroom, because she feels safe and connected. And she feels like you you listen to her. And that's huge. And then she's willing to do whatever you want.
00:43:31
Speaker
And so like those women that won't have sex with their husbands, I would like to ask the husbands, do they feel safe? Does your wife feel safe? and And if she says no, you need to find out why. Like what's going on in her? Because if she isn't willing to be vulnerable with you in the bedroom, open up even and even desire sex, it could be her oxytocin levels are low.
00:43:53
Speaker
Oxytocin is the bonding hormone. And when a woman is pampered, when she you know gets her hair done, gets her nails done, gets a massage, somebody rubs her feet. you know Hopefully her husband, not just anybody. But pedicure, whatever, it builds it makes her feel pampered and that causes oxytocin to be released in her body.
00:44:13
Speaker
which is the very thing she needs in order to nurture and serve and care and please a man. And it's even, she has to have enough oxytocin to even desire sex. So if her oxytocin levels are low, she's had no girl time. Like when she's out with her girlfriends and they, they're all talking. They're all talking at once. You get around a group of women, they're all talking at one time, right? Whenever I get groups of women together, I also stop.
00:44:38
Speaker
We're going to take it one at a time because I want to hear all the conversations. I just had a birthday and I had six or seven women come over and everybody, we didn't see each other. lot And every and literally I just said, stop. I go one at a time. Whoever has the salt shaker gets to talk. And when you're done top top giving us an update on your life, your kids, whatever's going on, pass it to the next person. And they laugh, but they love it because they all get listened to and they all get to talk. And so anyway,
00:45:04
Speaker
But that's just, it's a girl thing. And when women, when they exercise, when they, eat mostly not, mo well, I mean, a lot of women, they take the classes, you know, at the gym or whatever, they have their workout buddies and that releases oxytocin because they're they're doing something
Building Connections Through Activities
00:45:19
Speaker
together. when When their husband is reading about romance or marriage or relationships or in a class about relationships, it will boost her oxytocin levels.
00:45:30
Speaker
also When I hold my classes for men, I will say, plan on having sex tonight. The fact that you're here listening and learning about women, your women are already turned on. Plan on it, you will have sex tonight. And they laugh. But it's true. And men always send women to my seminars. Over and over, their husbands will go, oh, it's time for a tune up. You need to go back to her seminar. Because I did these monthly seminars, which I shut down once the pandemic hit. So then we started a podcast. But anyway, I know. We're remotely as well. They don't need to be in person. But I think it's a great
Supporting Couples and Individuals
00:46:07
Speaker
idea. Yeah. so danielle
00:46:08
Speaker
um
00:46:11
Speaker
Where do you want to send people who want to find out about your podcast and and your other the other ways in which you serve couples and people? Well, right now I'm i'm really I'm new at this. We've only been going a year, a little bit over a year. And um so I'm just kind of building my community, building my audience. And I really am not selling anything. I will do coaching right now. They can just DM me on Instagram and and and I will send a coaching link, but I just, I don't want to coach full-time just because that could be, that would be all my time. And I really don't want to do just one-on-one all the time, but um but i hopefully I will be starting like webinars and that kind of thing coming up in the near future. future
00:46:52
Speaker
And so yeah, I would just say follow me on all the, I'm on all the platforms, YouTube, and subscribe to my you youtube do YouTube channel. Everything is under my name, Danielle Hage. Instagram's Danielle Catherine Hage because my daughter-in-law is Danielle Hage. So sometimes people confuse this. So I go, Danielle Catherine Hage. I have one L and my name she has two. She's, I'm danielu Danielle, Danielle.
00:47:15
Speaker
Yeah. Danielle, we're gonna make sure we put that in the show notes. Thank you so much for coming on the show. You've been great. I learned a lot and I know the men listening to this and the women who care about them will learn a lot from you as well. Thank you so much for having me. It was a pleasure. Yeah, you bet. And that is a wrap.
00:47:35
Speaker
Thank you for listening to The Sovereign Man podcast. If you're ready to take charge of your life and become the man you've always wanted to be, we invite you to join the movement at sovereignman.ca.