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How to Stop Seeking Approval and Start Trusting Yourself Instead
97 Plays7 months ago
Does your life feel like you’re listening to someone else’s playlist instead of the one you’d actually choose?
This episode explores people-pleasing, misalignment, and the quiet ways we say yes just to keep the peace. If you’ve ever found yourself doing things you don’t want to do, staying in places you don’t want to be, or wondering why you agreed in the first place, this conversation is about reclaiming your voice.
We unpack how fear of conflict and the need for approval can lead to living out of obligation instead of alignment — and why constantly putting yourself last doesn’t serve anyone in the long run.
Choosing yourself isn’t selfish. It’s honest. And while alignment can feel uncomfortable at first, it’s far more rewarding than performing a version of yourself that keeps everyone else comfortable.
If this episode resonates, don’t forget to rate the show and leave a review — it helps Wandering the Wild Mess reach more people navigating identity shifts and personal growth.
Stay connected and check out all the ways you can follow along!
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
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- 📧 Email: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
00:00:00
Speaker
If I look back at every little thing that aligned for me, it all worked out. Yet I spent so much time worrying that it wouldn't work out moving forward.
00:00:18
Speaker
I'm sure you have too, and we're not doing that anymore.
00:00:26
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here. All right, guys, this episode, you need to hear it.
00:00:38
Speaker
I already know. i can already feel it in your soul. i know that's why you clicked on the listen button because you needed to realize that life has always worked out worked out for you up until this point.
00:00:50
Speaker
And why you doubt that it will moving ahead, is a waste of time. And that's where we get into what has been so near and dear to my heart right now, how I'm moving through the world, and maybe a but buzzword now, but in alignment.
00:01:10
Speaker
So what does that mean? Let's get into it. So one of the things, if you listen to the previous episode before this, I said I was going to have a guest. And I'll tell you right now, spoiler alert, I don't.
00:01:25
Speaker
And I'll tell you the reason why. It's because I'm moving in alignment. And I guess when I started this podcast, you know, because so many people that have podcasts do interviews and interview people and have guests on, I always felt like that's something that I had to do.
00:01:43
Speaker
I had to have a guest because everyone wants to be a guest or everyone has guests and I have to fit in that box because I have a podcast. And so I'm over there making it up in my head that everyone must be waiting for a guest.
00:01:56
Speaker
Although I hadn't had one single listener ask me, when am I going to have a guest? It was only people that wanted to be a guest asking, when can I be a guest? But I thought to myself, well, i really want it to be good because I care about y'all and you listen and you hear me out and I appreciate it so much and I want to give so much value to you that I'm like, I better give them a guest.
00:02:16
Speaker
But then the more I thought about it, I'm like, I just don't feel like that's the right time. Like I just I don't I want it to be the right interview. I want it to be the right person. I want it to be the right time for me where I feel like I'm doing it in alignment with how I see this podcast going, even though I don't even know all the visions of everything I see it.
00:02:41
Speaker
But I know that the reason that I was going to have a guest was because I felt obligated or that I owed my listeners guest when really at the end of the day, like didn't feel aligned for me. it felt forced.
00:03:00
Speaker
It fell out of obligation. It fell out of this is what you do because you're a podcast host. And I realized that's the exact opposite of the way I've been living my life.
00:03:12
Speaker
And the way that I would love to, you know, influence you, inspire you, motivate you to move through your own life is in alignment with what feels right for you.
00:03:24
Speaker
Not because other people are saying, you have a podcast, don't you have guests, you know? So really, it kind of brought me to the thought process of, I wanted to talk to everyone about, and you guys about alignment, but then I wasn't going to move through my own life in alignment.
00:03:45
Speaker
And so therefore it's not the aligned time to have a guest, but it is the aligned time to talk about moving through the world in alignment. And I want to kind of share with you what that is a little more if you're not on that path of like, you know, um the inner work and thinking about these, some kind of spiritual woo-woo words maybe to you.
00:04:10
Speaker
and when you hear it, you're like, okay, sure. But I'm doing that in full embodiment. And there's been a lot going on like behind the scenes in my life that I've been making a lot of decisions to move in alignment.
00:04:26
Speaker
And that takes what this word that i don't hear used a lot, but self-leadership. And self-leadership is your ability to make decisions for yourself based on what's best for you because you're leading yourself.
00:04:42
Speaker
And that, when you take on that self-leadership and you're making and doing the things that feel right for you, that is like moving in alignment. That is like living in alignment because what you want to do for yourself is what you're doing.
00:05:00
Speaker
and And so it's not like about being selfish. It's not that you're disregarding anyone else, but you're not making decisions in your life purely about what you perceive other people to want from you, need from you.
00:05:16
Speaker
Make you feel obligated to do. And I'll give you like an example of something because moving in alignment doesn't mean like it's 24 seven ease and that everything just aligns and you're flowing through. Although I'm delusional enough to believe that most of the time, but right. I still have to do things that don't always feel good every single moment. So perfect example of like alignment and misalignment situations. And I like to tell you, cause the other day before I get into it, let me digress. i was at this workout class and there was this playlist and I, and I, I'm big into music as y'all know.
00:05:55
Speaker
And like, I did not like any of these songs. Like I was like, These are just not the songs I'd listen to on workout playlist. Like they're not the vibe. I'm not feeling it. I just don't even like it.
00:06:06
Speaker
Like ah the it made the workout class longer because I was like, is like like when is a song that's like I like is going to come on? Because these all are not my vibe. And i realized that is what misalignment feels like is someone else has the ox control, the ox cord of your life.
00:06:26
Speaker
So you don't get to listen to the music you want to hear. You're not vibing, you're not in control of the ox. You're not like, yeah, this one's mine, yeah, oh, and the next one, oh my gosh, yeah. Like, no, you're like, really, Jeff? Like this, like what? No, no, no.
00:06:43
Speaker
And you don't want to hear any of the songs, but you just like politely pretend that you like it when you absolutely are like, I do not want to listen to this song.
00:06:56
Speaker
but I want to be polite or I want to be kind or I want to not ruffle feathers or I want to whatever. And you just listen to these dreadful songs.
00:07:07
Speaker
And think about the difference in life when you're doing something that you enjoy, aka the music that you love is playing in the background of your day, of your life, of anything you have to do.
00:07:21
Speaker
you get things done, you're moving, you're happy, you're in flow, you're just going. And try to do the same thing in the most awful playlist of songs that you could not stand to hear ever.
00:07:35
Speaker
Almost like, I don't know, some people like elevator music, but let's just, i for lack of me, like ruining anyone's favorite artists, let's just say it's elevator music and you're just like, I want to like,
00:07:47
Speaker
get this hit workout done and we're literally listening to like the most dreadful, like long, no lyrics elevator song. And it just feels, your body just feels it It's like, what is this?
00:07:58
Speaker
And that is literally like alignment, your favorite playlist ever going through life. Misalignment, the most least favorite artist you could possibly come up with is literally looped.
00:08:14
Speaker
in your life. That to me is what it feels like. And why the heck would we wanna move our whole life on someone else's playlist? Why wouldn't we create our own?
00:08:28
Speaker
Of course we would. You would never download Spotify, Jeff's hot playlist that you absolutely hate and listen to it all day long. But yet, how many decisions do you make because other people want you to?
00:08:43
Speaker
I mean, just tell me. Because there becomes a point where it's just kind, okay, Jeff, I'll listen to this one song one time. But when you're repeating your life like that, it's really hard to find your joy.
00:08:59
Speaker
Unless you just numb it out. That's when you start numbing because you're like, if I have to listen to Jeff's playlist one more time, No. And then you're just like, shout out tequila, please, or whatever. And that's where the numbing comes in. This is just really a parody for life. That's literally how it works because you don't like how it feels.
00:09:20
Speaker
It feels uncomfortable because it doesn't feel like what you want from this life. you know I'm saying? And I did that so long in my previous life where I was moving down the path of what everyone else probably thought I should be doing.
00:09:38
Speaker
Oh my gosh, her just marrying along her way, listening to this gosh awful playlist. And she's look at her. She's so nice. But it's like, I don't want to do that anymore.
00:09:50
Speaker
i don't want to make decisions based on other people's tunes. You know?
00:10:00
Speaker
And even moving in alignment with your favorite playlist, this is where I'm kind of can compare. Even during you listening to your favorite songs, things can happen. And here's the big, now we go back to it, another way to think of alignment versus misalignment.
00:10:17
Speaker
Alignment means, okay, I woke up this morning to go to a bar class and on little sleep, yeah right? Because I was like, my higher self would do that. She's waking up at 7 a.m. to go to a bar class, even though she just traveled all night last night.
00:10:35
Speaker
She's gonna do that because that's what my higher self, and we we talked about this already, I'm moving, i am her. So I am doing that. But during the class, I'm like, oh my gosh, I'm dying. Like this, this was a rough one. I don't know that instructor, she was going at it.
00:10:51
Speaker
And the songs were great. Great playlist. Shout out to her and Hendersonville. But... I was still like, this sucks. like i Would I wanna be doing this right now? like It didn't really, i was kinda like, this is this is a tough one.
00:11:06
Speaker
But I still did it, and then after the fact, I was like, yeah. So that's like moving in alignment. Maybe the whole class I wasn't like, yeah, I love this, even with the good tunes, because I was like sore, was uncomfortable, like I hadn't done some of those moves in a minute, like she was kicking my butt.
00:11:20
Speaker
But it was still in alignment overall, even though it wasn't easy or with ease the entire time. Right? So you're still in alignment doesn't mean it's like not hard at all. There's not like a little parts of the thing that's uncomfortable.
00:11:37
Speaker
Misalignment though would be like, I say yes to something that I don't really want to do with people I don't really want to do it with. And I get there and the whole time I'm just like, what am I doing here?
00:11:49
Speaker
Why am I here? I don't really have an interest in this conversation. i don't really like this spot. Maybe someone is smoking right next to me, which I'm not judging, but like that doesn't feel like in alignment.
00:12:00
Speaker
getting like a cigarette smoke blown in my face. Like I would never want to do those things because it doesn't feel good the whole time for me. But sometimes we still say yes to stuff like that because we're like, oh, I've known Billy a long time or oh, you know, i i probably should. I keep putting him off. i You know, and we put ourselves in these scenarios to please people that sometimes wouldn't even do the same for us. And I'm not saying do things because other people would do for you. But what I'm saying is a lot of times when you're someone that people pleases or you're someone that's doing things kind of to keep an appearance of kindness,
00:12:38
Speaker
It's really, you're not being kind to yourself. And this has been a big one for me because I was, and I've talked about it before, a big time people pleaser. I really want to, I know I'm kind, like at the end of it. And it's not like an ego thing. And I i know if you know me and you know my heart, like i I do have a kind soul and I do want to be kind. But to me,
00:13:01
Speaker
putting myself on the back burner to do something I don't want to do for someone for someone else is I've got to be kind to myself first. So I'm not doing it to be unkind to them if I don't want to go It's because I want to honor myself and be choose myself first and be kind to me.
00:13:23
Speaker
And I also don't want to ruin the vibe for everyone else. Like if I go and if you go and you do something and you don't want to be there, we've talked about energy before. That is felt. So you may think you're doing a favor by like showing up to something that you don't want to be at.
00:13:37
Speaker
Oh, look, I made an appearance. I did it. atdada But your vibe is going to be kind of maybe throwing off the rest of the group. Like why did that person even come? Like they didn't even have a good time. They didn't even seem like they liked us.
00:13:49
Speaker
you know what I'm saying? So you're kind of like, Now taking your, I don't want to be here energy and like for the people that wanted to be there, the people that actually enjoyed that conversation and that music and whatever, because we're all on these different journeys.
00:14:02
Speaker
So when I explain this and I say this, it doesn't mean like going to that thing means these people are awful and they're all bad and like, you know, whatever. It's not from a place of judgment. just saying, if it's not aligned for me, why would I go bring my un misaligned energy to a group of people that are probably all having a great time?
00:14:21
Speaker
Just like if I brought on just any old podcast guest, because there was tons that I could have. And then I tried to figure out what I should say. I'm sure it could have still been great and good, but I wouldn't have, I would have just done it out of obligation instead of out of what fell the line for me.
00:14:42
Speaker
And that's kind of where I'm getting for you because I'm hoping that the wheels in your mind are spinning and you're thinking, where in my life am I doing things that are misaligned just to key keep the peace, appear like I'm being kind, appear that I'm you know part of this whole thing that I don't want to be a part of, all of that.
00:15:09
Speaker
And I will tell you the reason why alignment is important. If you're thinking, okay, I don't mind being inconvenienced because i just kind of want to keep my, you know, I'd rather be inconvenienced myself than, um you hurt someone's feelings, which I hear you cause I've thought like that before too.
00:15:31
Speaker
But I will tell you the, the people that really love you in your life that really know you in your heart are not going to be offended. by you choosing what's best for you.
00:15:43
Speaker
And I tell you that because the people in my life that I truly love, if they didn't wanna be somewhere that I had asked them to be for whatever reason that they have in their heart, I would not be offended.
00:15:57
Speaker
Now, hurt could be a little different. Maybe I'd be like, oh, I really would have liked it if they showed up. And if someone's hurt by something, like they're, they still have that. It's still valid for them to feel that way. But that doesn't mean it's your job to make sure no one feels any kind of hurt.
00:16:16
Speaker
I know that sounds so rude, but it's, it's, it's not to be rude. I think it's almost worse to show up and pretend you wanted to be there than to be honest that you don't and for the reasons why. And allow someone to feel hurt and give them, you know, ah validate that, but that shouldn't change the decisions that you wanna make with your own life because we can't protect everyone.
00:16:49
Speaker
And like, we know this to be true that And I have learned this time and time again, like, and I have to remember this even sometimes when I record the pod, like the last episode, I was like so much in my head. Like, did I say the right things? Did do the right things? Did I, you know, all of these things really self-critical and I'm not sure why. And I realized like, well, the right people will, it will find the right people and it and some people it won't be for them. And that's just like life
00:17:20
Speaker
You will do things that like will be amazing and aligned for you. And then you'll have to say no or you don't have to. But i I hope that you will choose yourself. And you may have to say no to things that don't feel aligned for you with the potential of that offending or hurting someone's feelings.
00:17:39
Speaker
And you have to navigate being all right with that. And knowing that it's really just about not ill intent, not hurting someone's feelings, not doing anything deceitful to be unfair to someone. It's literally because you're doing from a place of like self-leadership.
00:18:01
Speaker
and And that is really... where I'm at right now. And so I have some like big news on the personal front and I can't wait to show you guys through my embodiment of alignment. And when i say embodiment, it's more like I you guys know if you've listened early on actions over words is huge for me. So of course, here I am yapping.
00:18:29
Speaker
So I have to be very mindful that if I find preaching in a sense, for lack of better word, that we should move in alignment and embody this higher self and do all those things like that.
00:18:42
Speaker
I'm on the I'm always on me. I have to show that truth. And so as I'm making these new decisions in my life and I'm moving through the world in alignment, I also am being very mindful that I'm moving in the ways that i'm truly believe is the way that you get to the best version of you.
00:19:08
Speaker
The way that you kind of come back to your own power in the sense that like, all right, this is my life. I take ownership of it. I self-reflect on the things that I do.
00:19:20
Speaker
Although I still give my myself grace, it's like it can be all of those things.
00:19:25
Speaker
But you'll feel the best when your playlist is playing and the moves that you make are the ones that feel good for you, right?
00:19:36
Speaker
Like the plan a in life,
00:19:41
Speaker
you, that's what your soul wants. And I said this before, maybe, but I've, it's been really true to me. I feel like a lot of times when we move through life, we have and a plan A and a plan B. People talk about this all the time.
00:19:56
Speaker
If you have a plan B, sometimes you just don't go all in on your plan A. plan plan a whether you have both or you're now on plan B, but you still remember what plan A is, plan a is what your soul wants.
00:20:11
Speaker
Plan A is you moving in alignment.
00:20:16
Speaker
Plan b is just the safety, the no one will judge me, no one will, I won't ruffle feathers, I'll just keep the peace. There's a plan, a path, all of that.
00:20:29
Speaker
Because what I will say is that kind of how I started when you move in alignment, like everything always has worked out in this whole time that everything has gone on in my life. Even me starting the podcast from the couch.
00:20:43
Speaker
Now it's gotten here. When I first started, I never would have thought it would. You don't have to see the end to know that it all will fall into place how it should.
00:20:54
Speaker
Because if you connect the dots backwards, it always has. It always has. So even if you're not exactly where you want to be, you're here and it has worked out.
00:21:07
Speaker
And if you want something more than what you have now, you have to move through the world differently.
00:21:16
Speaker
And if you know that your day-to-day feels like listening to someone else's playlist instead of the one you want to hear, then this might be your opportunity to take the aux cord and start playing your own tunes.
00:21:34
Speaker
Because promise you, it's gonna be so much more joyful when you do. And you deserve that.
00:21:45
Speaker
You're inherently worthy of a life that you absolutely love. And when you move in alignment, I personally believe a lot of the struggles that you think life has or the chat like the struggles kind of disappear.
00:22:06
Speaker
Because you are listening to what you want.
00:22:14
Speaker
you're talent like You're choosing yourself. The struggles come because it's misaligned. It's like, oh, this doesn't feel right. I don't really like this. And then therefore, that's all you're thinking about. And then that creates, like we've talked about before, your thoughts are like, oh my gosh, I have all this struggle. I have to struggle. I have to get by. I have to, because that's where you're at.
00:22:37
Speaker
But when you're just, ah, this is like exactly the direction I want to go. Like I'm just, you know, like you won't know the whole path. It's not, but that's, that's the trail you wanted to take.
00:22:51
Speaker
And when you, it's the trail you want to take. You're not finding the struggle in everything that you do because you're enjoying the view because it's the view you want to see because it's the path you want to take.
00:23:05
Speaker
So your mind isn't seeing the struggles, the challenges, the the problems. Your mind's going, this is what I wanted and this is part of it and this is exciting and here we go and let's see where it takes me.
00:23:17
Speaker
Huge difference. Huge difference. So as I end this, I just wanted to say that I was not intending to ever be dishonest with y'all.
00:23:28
Speaker
You know that I'm overly probably honest, um but I think it geared well to my soul to talk about alignment. And I hope that you will move through the world with a little more alignment.
00:23:43
Speaker
a little more choosing yourself, a little more knowing that you don't owe anyone an old version of you. The version of you you were yesterday can be completely different today.
00:23:54
Speaker
It's really your world. Like I know they talk about main character, but main character energy. You are the main character. You are the only one. At the end of the day, you are it and Everything's been aligned before. It's all ended up working out.
00:24:10
Speaker
So whatever path you choose to take, it's going to work out. So maybe choose the one you actually want to move through. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Meth with Heather Morgan.
00:24:25
Speaker
You matter.