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Growing Up Mormon and How It Shaped My Wild Mess
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In a highly asked-for episode, I’m giving you a little backstory on my own wild mess, how growing up Mormon in Utah shaped my mindset, identity, and the way I’ve navigated who I am. From childhood testimonies to quiet questions about faith, I share how those early teachings influenced not just what I believed, but how I saw myself and others.
This isn’t a story about religion; it’s a story about reflecting on how your upbringing begins to mold you, and it will stay that way unless you feel the call to redesign it. It's about unlearning the need to be perfect, releasing judgment, and remembering you can be whoever you want to be. I talk about my parents’ deep faith, the guilt and pressure I had to let go of, and why I feel so called to share this journey now.
This episode is dedicated to my living parents, and to my dad above. Yes, I hear you humming “Families Can Be Together Forever Through Heavenly Father’s Plan” from the sky.
If you’ve ever questioned what you were taught or felt pulled to redefine what faith means to you, this one’s for you.
Want more on growing up Mormon? Go listen to the early episode “Oh, You’re from Utah, Let’s Talk About Growing Up Mormon” to hear where it all began.
Make sure to Subscribe and give the podcast five stars 🌟🌟🌟🌟🌟
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- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
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- 📧 Email: heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
00:00:02
Speaker
Oh, so you're from Utah. Did you grow up Mormon?
Introduction and Podcast Overview
00:00:08
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan.
00:00:13
Speaker
I am so happy you're here. Welcome so much. ah Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess.
00:00:24
Speaker
I am going to talk about a topic that I can't believe comes up so much um when people ask about my podcast and my life and that is growing up Mormon.
Impact of Mormon Upbringing
00:00:39
Speaker
Because I'm from Utah, I feel like that's just the assumption and I've done an episode about it before. it was Very, I think, well received.
00:00:50
Speaker
I gave it from my personal experience, but I thought I'd kind of switch it up a little and incorporate how growing up Mormon feeds into my mess. Because I think all of us can relate to the fact that our upbringing,
00:01:05
Speaker
whether that included religion or not, the way that we were raised is hugely impacts our life. And I think...
00:01:17
Speaker
our life and i think When we're younger, we don't always realize how much so. And then as we get older, we're like, oh my gosh. you know And especially if you've gone to therapy or you're doing any kind of self-reflection or you're really looking doing the inner work, you know that's a huge one.
Promoting Personal Development Guide
00:01:37
Speaker
My free inner work guide. That's a plug, wanderingthewildmess.com. Go get it. Start doing that work if you want to improve yourself. But um I digress.
00:01:48
Speaker
But really, it's growing up
Cultural Assumptions in Utah
00:01:50
Speaker
Mormon. I guess right now there's like, I don't really watch all those shows, but I know that that is kind of like adding a lot of questions. And like, I feel like people are like, is that really what it's like?
00:02:01
Speaker
Is that how it is to be a Utah Mormon? Do you do this? Do you do that? do you do this because of that? And I just kind of wanted to like, I've thought a lot about it because i Like I said, I didn't realize how when you live in Utah your whole life, it's just like, yeah, Mormon's just part of the culture there. So it isn't really like, oh, you're Mormon. It's like kind of almost expected more so that you have some Mormon affiliation.
00:02:26
Speaker
I feel like most people that live there, and it's evolved a lot a little bit since I was growing up, but like most people have some kind of like Mormon connection if they're they found their way to Utah.
00:02:39
Speaker
Unless they're just like a really, you know, skier, snowboarder. Obviously, there's a million beautiful things in the state is growing now. But most of the time when I was younger, there was some kind of connection. So I wanted to kind of dive in to my personal experience because I feel like people can relate to reflecting back on when you're thinking about your own life.
00:03:02
Speaker
Is this was this a belief that was kind of. taught to me or do I actually believe this? And that's just kind of an interesting place. And I think we all go there if we've had some religious upbringing to start questioning ah certain things that we've been told and say, is this aligned with me as an adult or was this just what I was always told to be true?
00:03:28
Speaker
So we'll talk a little bit about, and and the other episode I talk about a lot, so we'll just kind of get through it, and it won't be, this will be exciting, I guess.
Personal Experience with Mormonism
00:03:35
Speaker
So yes, I grew up Mormon. My parents both got married in the temple. I shared this before.
00:03:40
Speaker
My parents wore garments. I just am learning now because I am, just to be clear, no longer a member of the church. I'm not like someone that, and if you don't know anything, maybe some of these terms you're like, I don't know, but...
00:03:53
Speaker
I'm not, I guess I'm an inactive member. I didn't go through the process of like taking my records from the church. I think there's some people that have like other experiences that were less neutral that felt like they wanted to do that. But for me personally, like I have nothing.
00:04:13
Speaker
Nothing overly harsh to say about my experience with the Mormon church. And again, yes, I know it's Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. But it's it's very much molded parts of the this even wandering the wild mess. I mean, I think back to even getting divorced. Like that was not something that I thought would be my life.
00:04:43
Speaker
And because I do know people in my life and and like back home, I mean, obviously most people get married young in the Mormon religion. And that's too, for many of reasons, I mean, it's a lot around and other religions have this too. So again, I'm not saying this is only something from my experience being Mormon. I'm just saying I only know my experience. I never went to other churches when I was growing up.
00:05:07
Speaker
We went to the Mormon church and it is very like, You get married, you have a family, have kids, that's your duty, that's what a woman does,
Marriage Expectations in Mormon Culture
00:05:16
Speaker
all those things. So I feel like my life has been such an outlier of that because I didn't just always feel that strong pull to do those things that the church had kind of taught was what women do. And so even when met like my ex-husband, I remember him asking if, oh, you want to get married in the temple? And I was like, he was 19 at the time and I'm 21, which, you know, he should have been going or that's the age that men and would be going on a mission. But it was a whole long story he He decided not to.
00:05:51
Speaker
But. um I was like, i don't even want to, I don't even think about getting married. And for me, it was like so crazy. And I realized that like probably because my like logical kid mind, and this is where I kind of was never super strong in my faith of the church.
00:06:13
Speaker
And that's not like disrespect the church. It was just me having like a million and one questions. And my parents weren't forceful in making me believe. Like, I remember that I told my dad, I was like, when am I going to feel the Holy Spirit? Like, how will I just know? When like when do I get a testimony?
00:06:33
Speaker
Like, because we would bear our testimonies and I would bear them all the time. You know, I think I mentioned this in the last episode. There's this thing where we, I don't know if other religions do this, but we go up there and you bear your testimony.
00:06:44
Speaker
And, you know, I know this church is true. da da da da da And when I was a kid, I was doing that all the time. But even know what that meant. I just felt like I wanted to get up there and yap on a mic. And that's why I'm doing this here. Like that early signs of podcaster before there was even podcasts.
Childhood Reflections and Skepticism
00:06:59
Speaker
But. I, but I didn't really have it. I was just up there like wanting to be on the stage saying I have a testimony, but I didn't really know what that meant. I think that was like a, a truth in that upbringing. Like some of it made sense, you know, like thou shall not steal.
00:07:17
Speaker
Like I was like, yeah, it's not really mine. I probably shouldn't steal. You know, those can make sense. But then some of the other things I was just like, wait, so Joseph Smith was just in the woods and he like found this book and these golden plates and he started interpreting them. Like,
00:07:32
Speaker
Why would there just be random golden plates? You know, like I don't like so a lot of things I'd question and I'd be that that kid in the church, you know, like, hey, well, that doesn't really make sense. And like, ah you know, and they're like, but the whole premise of faith is it doesn't really make sense. I get that now.
00:07:49
Speaker
But as a super logical seven year old, i was just like, i don't know, guys, is this just me or is this seem like a little weird? And it's so funny because I think back and I'm like,
00:08:05
Speaker
My parents were just so in the faith that there was like no unwavering. Like they didn't. It's almost as if they didn't even like try to overly explain because they probably didn't even know. They just like had a true knowing in their heart that the church was true.
00:08:19
Speaker
And that was enough for them.
Religious Teachings and Bias
00:08:22
Speaker
Like they didn't need to logically unpack and unthink like or think about all of the reasons. And when I did ask him, it was all just like faith-based responses. Like my dad was like, you'll just know.
00:08:34
Speaker
You'll just know, Heather. And I'm like, but like how? Like what? And that was like an interesting thing. And I think that that goes back like now that I'm going through life in this wild mess, I've had to lean on faith so much.
00:08:50
Speaker
So... Shout out for my parents for just always having faith. And I had to take the long way there to go through the journey. And I think too, it was also because sometimes
00:09:08
Speaker
you're not really like understanding growing up
00:09:14
Speaker
The teachings are like kind of molding your own unconscious bias, which I talked about before. So you're kind of like, okay, I'm not the person that would do this. I'm not the person. You're like kind of developing who you are based on, well, if I'm Mormon, then I don't do this and I don't do that and I don't do that.
00:09:31
Speaker
And it becomes like this ego thing. And I think that's where the church definitely, some members get like a bad rap because they're like, Well, I'm Mormon, so I don't do that. And it becomes this like ego, like I'm holier than thou kind of like perspective where you're like looking down at other people because you're this, you're that.
Learning Empathy and Non-Judgment
00:09:51
Speaker
And I did experience that in the church personally with some people where... I think I talked about it before, like, you know, we weren't like well off growing up. and when my my dad got sick and my mom had to go back to work, I remember it was on Sundays and there was members of the church that were like, oh, well, she's working on a Sunday, like, nah, nah, nah, like passing judgment. and And that was hard for me because i love my family and I know what how good of people they are and I know that they were never Passing judgment. and I mean that, like, I know that sounds a little outlandish, but my parents were not judging Sally or anybody else.
00:10:28
Speaker
I never heard that judgment from them or. um And so it was hard for me to hear them getting like judged when they were literally. living proof that it's not our place to judge.
00:10:42
Speaker
And that was one thing I'll talk about that I've had to learn, even as I give compassion to things in my own life or to people is that, you know, when I was that logical kid, I was trying to like connect the dots. Cause I'm like, I'm reading this and I know that Jesus says not to do these things, but he also says like that we're not supposed to judge people.
00:11:06
Speaker
And so I don't really know why people are like, well, i don't do this, but they're judging someone else. Like, i are they what am I missing?
00:11:15
Speaker
Like, i don't understand. Like, is that one OK to do, even though it says not to do it? And it was like brought a lot of confusion where I was like, I don't even know what's going on with this crap. Like, I just don't know.
00:11:28
Speaker
So I as I got oh ah gotten like older, I remember in high school, like I was not active really in the church. But I um at that point, but I still like, you know, I still was like.
00:11:41
Speaker
You know talking to I think like more thinking about dating men that were Mormon was and i i don't know why probably just because that felt like I don't know honestly actually I don't know why but um because they're they probably would have wanted me to get married in the temple but I didn't even want to get married so again i don't know why but As I'm going through that, i I hit a point after high school where I was like, maybe I'm just like agnostic. Like maybe I just don't know.
00:12:12
Speaker
And i bring all that up because
00:12:18
Speaker
I'm so grateful I grew up Mormon and I'm so for, and i'll I'll get into that, but i feel like it's because of my parents and less the religion.
00:12:30
Speaker
Because my parents, I felt like were embodying what I think the Mormon church teaches, you know, caring about their children, caring about, like literally my parents never made me feel like a burden.
00:12:44
Speaker
They literally acted like I was the purpose of their life. Me and my sister, like what we wanted to do, all the things like they were. They just gave so much unconditional love. I never felt like a burden. I never felt unloved.
00:12:58
Speaker
I was never spoken to like. In a way that would make me feel less than.
00:13:06
Speaker
Literally, and I know how rare that is. it is such a gift. Truly that that was my experience and I wish that could be everyone's experience. And I as I've gotten older I've talked about this I know that it is not and that is part of my purpose of why I want to shed like this light and love
Parental Influence and Moral Values
00:13:24
Speaker
to people because i was.
00:13:27
Speaker
Definitely. Given that, given that love from my parents every day of my childhood, and even though we had other difficult circumstances arise during my childhood.
00:13:43
Speaker
um so I'm not it's saying I had a perfect one, but i I definitely had my parents love and belief in me. Um, and part of that was their faith in the church, you know, and made them also incredibly loyal people to their morals.
00:13:58
Speaker
Right. So like my parents never drank or smoked or anything, you know, uh, all the Mormon things we did drink soda that, I don't know. I'm not going to have that convo, but yes, we did We did have caffeine in the house. I mean, never a coffee pot, but caffeine. I know make it make sense.
00:14:12
Speaker
But uh, I say all that to say is that I feel like that wasn't just the church. That was just my parents leading with integrity. But I also realized that um it really gave them a framework to follow. And I think that that's what some people thrive in is kind of to have that structure. And that's why that religious upbringing can be so helpful to some.
00:14:43
Speaker
And growing up Mormon though, the only thing that i would say that I haven't maybe said before that um was, challenging is that there is a lot of like guilt and shame as you move out of it even when you don't realize it like I remember definitely judging people that drank and thinking of them so differently and they're so the judgment piece is like huge because it's almost like a you and them it's almost like I'm Mormon so I don't and if you know and you're almost like
00:15:18
Speaker
yeah It almost just puts these unconscious biases in your mind. Even if you don't want to be a judgmental person, you just find yourself passing judgment in your mind.
00:15:31
Speaker
And that is something that I think, and I don't think that's just the Mormon church. I'm sure that other, um you know, they're anything that there's like these rules, you know, and if you don't follow the rules, other people want to pass judgment. But I remember someone saying to me that, ah like, we all sin.
00:15:50
Speaker
And so just because someone's sin is louder or more apparent than yours doesn't mean that you yours don't exist. Right. So like just because my mom's working on a Sunday doesn't mean like your dad's not doing X, Y and z You know, it's just because you can see hers.
00:16:09
Speaker
And i guess that whole experience of judgment just showed me how much I don't want to be judgmental.
00:16:20
Speaker
in those ways and how much I do want to empathize with people and their different stories because look, the end of the day, we're all here for different journeys. And i feel as though when you lean into just having love in your heart, irregardless of
00:16:45
Speaker
circumstances of of differences,
00:16:50
Speaker
Gosh, it feels so nice. It feels so nice. ah And the church really did a lot of really nice things for my family when we were going through a lot of hard times.
00:17:02
Speaker
So I love that about the community that brings. i definitely think, I know, i don't even want to bring up this word, but like people are like, well, it's a cult. And I was like, literally, you're reading the definition of cult. And it was like, well, let's see, like you control conform.
00:17:18
Speaker
It's a strong group identity, ah discourage of questioning.
00:17:25
Speaker
And I mean, i i don't know. I mean, I'm not here to like I don't even know if that like matters. I know people would think that's offensive, but. i I think we all kind of make definitions based on our own experiences.
00:17:39
Speaker
I didn't personally feel like I was...
Perfectionism and Identity Challenges
00:17:42
Speaker
My family was part of a cult. Probably because when I did question, they were like... They didn't really give me a good answer most of the time. But they weren't like forcing me. You just have to believe. ah Because I didn't have parents like that. I think depending... I did have some friends that their parents like... Obviously, we weren't watching Rated R movies. But like you couldn't even watch The Simpsons or Family Guy or whatever. And it was like...
00:18:02
Speaker
Then you felt guilt if you wanted to or you accidentally saw it like the world was crumbling to the end. of like like Stuff like that, it's kind of like, I'm thankful my parents weren't like on that extreme. and um But I do think the one thing that I'll say about growing up in the Mormon church that probably impacted my wild mess the most is just...
00:18:26
Speaker
I think a lot of why I lived the way I did for so long, even when i wasn't an active member, still was that embedded desire to ah appear like I had it all together.
00:18:40
Speaker
Like my life was perfect. Just avoid judgment from other people because I had felt it in my childhood. didn't want to be judged. So even when I would meet new people, like even in a work like corporate culture back in Utah, like i it's almost like I could turn on that character of being Mormon. Not that I would say I was, but to perceive myself that way,
00:19:01
Speaker
because it was like, oh, I'm a part of it. I'm a part of this. i' and And almost like you kind of help each other out. Like, I'm Mormon too. I know all about that. Oh, did you take the Sabbath on Sunday? Just kidding. No one says it like that. But anyways, but you know what i mean? Like it was kind of like a sense of community. And I remember when i I, tattoos were not a thing in the church when i grew up. I hear now like it's a little more accepted, but it was like an absolute And And I never thought I would like get one. And when I before I moved to Tennessee from Utah, I got my first one. It's like a little mountain range on my side and no one can see it. But then since I've gotten one more ah out in Knoxville and it was like literally like this military biker. So whatever, you know, maybe it's not perfect, but it's imperfect just like me.
00:19:48
Speaker
And it's in a visible place. and i was like who am i like it literally felt like i couldn't even believe that i would be someone to have a ah showing tattoo and those are the little things i talk about even now after all these years it was just so embedded that like that's not what i do that it feels so crazy as a grown woman to even do something like that.
00:20:15
Speaker
and And so that's why I think in the wild mess, like getting divorced, leaving my family, moving across the country alone, I told you like Mormons usually don't move. They're staying in Utah or they're coming back. It's all about family, staying close to your family all the time.
00:20:31
Speaker
And for me to leave, that was huge. I went through the guilt of that. I went through the guilt of so many I mean, even as I'm, you know, not married and like, you know, like, do
Challenging Traditional Roles
00:20:43
Speaker
I get married again? Like, part of me is like, I'm i'm supposed to be a wife.
00:20:50
Speaker
Like, I can't just be this like... not wife, like that's my role, you know? And now it's coming up, you know, like a little over two and a half years of like, since the divorce. And I'm like, I'm still not a wife. Like what kind of ex-Mormon am i um And so it's silly that like, I still have those thoughts, but,
00:21:12
Speaker
I will end this by saying, regardless of your upbringing, regardless of the influences in your life, you get to decide your thoughts and how you perceive those experiences, whether they were good, bad, neutral, that's up to you. and for me, i just take it as i feel like there was more good in my personal experience growing up Mormon.
00:21:36
Speaker
I feel like Now I'm at enough awareness to just work through the biases that the bias that was ah it unconsciously placed ah just based on the experience. But it was good.
00:21:52
Speaker
i mean, we had a wholesome upbringing in a lot of ways. And for that, ah you know, I'm grateful. So. Yes, this will wrap up. I guess I didn't get too in the weeds. Make sure to check out my other episode that talks about, oh, so you grew up in Utah, you're a Mormon or you grew up Mormon.
00:22:15
Speaker
That gets a little bit deeper into some of the Mormon stuff. But thank you for being here and going down memorymo memory lane. i hope that helps you better understand kind of where I come from. Two amazing people.
00:22:29
Speaker
faithful Mormon parents that are also imperfect, but perfectly made me feel safe to be a kid. So yeah, shout out to them.
00:22:42
Speaker
Dad up in heaven. All right. So ah just remember, we're all going through different things. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan.
00:22:54
Speaker
You matter.