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00:00:01
How to Stop Letting Your Inner Critic Run the Show
0 Playsin 2 days
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I get real about how often we let our own inner critic and subconscious mind hold us back. Too many times, we take old beliefs and treat them as truth—without even questioning if they’re ours. That keeps us from stepping into rooms we belong in, going after the dreams we really want, and believing it can happen for us.
I share why it’s so important to pause and examine those beliefs, and then replace the ones that don’t serve us with new, supportive ones. I also walk you through my six-step framework for reframing a belief so you can ground yourself, collect evidence for the life you want, and anchor into the truth that you are worthy of it all.
Remember: beliefs aren’t truths—they’re evidence collectors. And you get to decide what kind of evidence you start gathering.
✨ Key Takeaways
- We’re our own worst critics. Subconscious beliefs often act as roadblocks, convincing us we can’t have what we want.
- Examine your beliefs. Most of them didn’t even start with you—they were handed to you by parents, partners, or past versions of yourself.
- The Six Steps to Reframing a Belief:
Notice the limiting belief.
Name where it came from.
Normalize that it’s common but no longer true.
Nerve – ground yourself and affirm it’s safe to change.
New Evidence – collect proof that the opposite is possible.
Next/Anchor – cement the new belief with music, affirmations, or rituals. - Beliefs are evidence collectors, not truths. Start collecting evidence that supports the life you’re creating.
🔗 Resources & Links
- Free Inner Work Guide: start examining and shifting your beliefs → wanderingthewildmess.com or directly at https://stan.store/utahgirlinnash
- Don’t forget to rate the podcast ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ — it helps so much!
Would love to stay connected:
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- Instagram: @heatherdyann
- TikTok: @utahgirlinnash
- YouTube: @utahgirlinnash
- Email: Heather@wanderingthewildmess.com
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Transcript
00:00:01
Speaker
A friend recently asked me, so wait, you're really going all in on yourself? You think it's going work? Like, who do you think you are?
00:00:17
Speaker
Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're
00:00:29
Speaker
Now, before you get so mad about that friend of mine, that friend of mine was me. My inner critic, my inner voice.
00:00:40
Speaker
Sound familiar? Been there? Know them? Have your own?
00:00:47
Speaker
and It so wild to me how the voice that is the least kind to us is the one that's in our head.
00:01:01
Speaker
And I want to talk a little bit about why this is so important for me to share with y'all and to unpack because I know that we really move through the world based, and I've talked about this before, based on our thoughts and our beliefs.
00:01:22
Speaker
And that really is how our reality is created based on our thoughts and our beliefs. And I'm going to unpack that with you for a little before you say, how do your beliefs and thoughts create your whole reality? And and we'll talk through it.
00:01:35
Speaker
But what I want you to really hold here and think about is that each time we are that friend to ourself, which isn't a friend at all, we wouldn't even keep a friend that would speak to us that way.
00:01:50
Speaker
And then here we are doing that to ourselves. and we all know I'm taking this big leap and I'm changing up my whole life. And it has never been more important in my life personally for me to be able to quiet and have discussions with that inner voice and say like, those aren't our beliefs.
00:02:12
Speaker
so That's not how we think. But thank you.
00:02:17
Speaker
And has really helped me a lot when I'm unpacking like our, your inner voice. Sometimes I would call it maybe your subconscious mind, which is trying to keep you in a place where it's telling you, you can't do something because it doesn't know how you'll do it. And it's trying to keep you safe.
00:02:36
Speaker
So it's not really doing it specifically to sabotage you. So we kind of go there. We don't want to be like, why am I mean to myself? It's not trying to be mean. It's trying to keep you in the familiar, in the safety. And I know I've talked about this a lot before in different episodes because it's just a key piece of, you know, how – You can really get anything out of your life when you can master your mind and separate your thoughts from you.
00:03:10
Speaker
You are not every thought that you have in your mind. Because it came to your mind doesn't mean that it's true, doesn't mean that it's you, doesn't mean that you have to hold it And I think once you can get to a place where you can slow down your own mind enough and go, okay, I heard that thought, but I don't i don't accept that thought.
00:03:30
Speaker
The same way when someone else is saying something to you that you don't deem to be true for yourself, for your reality, for you, you're like, okay, and you just don't believe it because it's not how you feel.
00:03:43
Speaker
That's the same you can do with your own thoughts. So when a thought comes to your mind, the same way you're like, no, Sam, I don't. That's not how I believe, but good for you. You can do that with yourself.
00:03:55
Speaker
You can literally separate yourself from a thought. So if a thought's like, yeah, that's not going to work. You could be like, I think it will. I think it's great, but I appreciate your opinion, but I'm not going with that one.
00:04:10
Speaker
And once you learn that that's actually something that you can do instead of just taking each thought of yours and, you know, keeping it and holding it as your truth,
00:04:22
Speaker
then you realize that you really are able to kind of like dictate your reality in your world because you are the one that's deciding what you want to believe, what do you want to keep and what you want to see.
00:04:38
Speaker
If you want to see the good in something and someone else wants to see the bad, it's the same idea of the glass half empty, glass half full. You're looking at the same glass, but two people see different things.
00:04:52
Speaker
And I'm not here to say who's right or wrong. You're on your own path, but I'll tell you it's going to be a much easier, more beautiful life if you can do the latter and you can see the glass half full.
00:05:06
Speaker
And your glass is much more likely to be filled up to the top instead of empty if you see it half full because you're grateful for the half that you have instead of dwelling on the half that you don't.
00:05:26
Speaker
Guys, I feel like I'm being – sometimes I'm up here and I'm just like I'm preaching. But I'm i' saying this from the soul to you and I want you to know that i it's literally like this – like um you know you all know i'm not I'm not a mom, not a parent.
00:05:40
Speaker
But I feel a maternal sometimes when I'm behind the mic. Like I just want the best for you all. So I'm just like – In case you needed this reminder, you're here, you're sitting with me, i want to tell you.
00:05:51
Speaker
So let me get into like one thing I was unpacking when I was walking the dog the other day on how this whole beliefs create your reality thing works because I thought it was a really good example and I feel like you could probably sit with it and see yourself and it probably is what you need to hear.
00:06:07
Speaker
So think of like a time where you, this is, this is how a beliefs kind of dictate reality, right? So let's, let's unpack it. So you are getting ready to go do something and you could even have been young, ah you know, when you were younger, this belief gets started.
00:06:24
Speaker
So you're ready to go do something and you look at this shirt and it's a blue shirt and you're like, you know what? I actually like that color. I think I'm going to wear that. I'm going wear this blue shirt. And you just kind of like it.
00:06:35
Speaker
So you decide to wear it. And then you go and do your life, your day, and multiple people are like commenting, oh my gosh, blue's your color. You look so good in blue. Oh my gosh, you look great today. Oh my gosh.
00:06:48
Speaker
And you get all these people telling you how great you look in blue. and it's not that you were wearing the blue shirt with that in mind. Like this could be the first time you're wearing a blue shirt or or consciously remembering you picking this blue shirt.
00:07:01
Speaker
And everyone's loving it. And that is like an evident stacker to your mind in the side of ah belief that blue looks good on you.
00:07:13
Speaker
That's how you start dictating it. And so the next time, so then you the more you get that evidence, the more you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, blue looks good on me. And the more confidence you bring to the rest of the day,
00:07:28
Speaker
And you I know you've had those moments where you're like, wow. So then the next time, let's say you're you're needing to go out for some occasion and you're like, what should I wear? What makes me feel good? What makes me confident? You're like, that blue shirt.
00:07:41
Speaker
going to wear the blue shirt because last time I wore it, everybody liked it. It was great. I'm to wear the blue shirt because your mind now believes that when you wear the blue shirt, you're going to look good. People are going to compliment you. It's going to be good.
00:07:53
Speaker
It's a good feeling. So you wear it again and now you're coming in to whatever you're doing with this whole new level of confidence because you're in the blue shirt and the blue shirt is the shirt you get all the compliments in.
00:08:07
Speaker
And then you just walk in to the room. So now your energy in this, and now when I say energy, meaning like you're believing your confidence level, and we all know, I've talked about this before, like when you come in with a level of confidence, people can feel it.
00:08:21
Speaker
Whether it's you or you felt it from other people, there's an undeniable feeling when someone is just truly confident in their and their own energy or their own space or with what they're wearing or what they're talking about or whatever.
00:08:35
Speaker
So now you're in this blue shirt and you're like living it. So now people are reacting to that energy. Like you might get a few more compliments. You might get an opportunity because you're just looking like the person and feeling and moving through the world like the person that you're a million bucks in that blue shirt.
00:08:53
Speaker
That is and and the other cool thing about that is that once you stack enough evidence in your belief, the blue shirt looks great on me. Then even if one person's like, yeah I don't really like that shirt. You're like, I don't care because this shirt looks great on me. I always get compliments.
00:09:08
Speaker
I get the ladies. I get the guy, whatever you you know, I get all these opportunities, blah, blah, whatever your mind is like, whatever. Right. But one little, I don't really like that shirt, isn't going to change your mind because you've stacked all this. So one is not going to take it down.
00:09:26
Speaker
That is an instance of like a positive way that your beliefs can move you through the world and increase your confidence, how you show up, the things that happen for you. All the good things are happening because you're in the blue shirt.
00:09:39
Speaker
Literally, your mind is feeling that. You're feeling good. You're feeling confident. That is huge for the way that your day goes. Now, say the latter.
00:09:51
Speaker
And I was trying to find a good example that would kind of play into it. But say you're wearing like these pair of jeans and then you like the don't really fit right.
00:10:04
Speaker
Aren't really that comfortable. That's all you had. And then you like spill something on them. And you're like walking through and all you can like think about is like, oh, someone's going to like think that the I don't know how to wash my jeans. You know, you're just fixated on these are too tight.
00:10:21
Speaker
There's a stain. All these things you just don't you you believe that like you can't look good. You're uncomfortable. They're dirty. Like whatever. That is how you're moving through the world.
00:10:32
Speaker
You're moving through that like, oh, I shouldn't be here. Like, what am I even wearing this for? Like, blah. up And now you're like spiraling into like, oh, I probably need to get to the gym. these You know, i probably I always spill things. You're like on this whole path of like.
00:10:50
Speaker
Debbie Downer, whatever, the whole vibe. And I promise you that is not going to be how a good feeling for the day. Like you're not going to say feel the same as the blue shirt day.
00:11:03
Speaker
It's going to be a totally different vibe. And that's kind of how our beliefs work when we don't control them. We let things like, OK, if your jeans are too tight, then that must mean you need to be more fit.
00:11:17
Speaker
Oh, if you spill something, that must mean you're always dirty. You're not organized. You're a mess. You can't clean yourself up. That's what you think because those are likely your beliefs, most people's beliefs around those two scenarios, right?
00:11:32
Speaker
If you come up with dirty clothes, what are you doing? If your clothes don't fit right, what are you doing? But when you flip it and like kind of make it like a comical thing, i feel like you could you could change the vibe.
00:11:48
Speaker
But I digress. Let's just say the contrast. That's also, though, something that may, with the jeans being too tight, you may remember like your parent being like, oh, I have to buy a new pants because they're too tight. And you taking that as like something wrong with you.
00:12:04
Speaker
And you have that belief that you outgrowing your jeans is something about you that it isn't.
00:12:16
Speaker
And that's how beliefs work. They stem from evidence from prior times in your life where you felt a certain way about a certain thing and then it just carries on with you.
00:12:34
Speaker
And I remember like this guy, one of my guy friends was telling me, and this is how I think were definitely we were definitely talking about beliefs and he brought up how One time he would always wear a baseball cap, which I feel like a lot of men do.
00:12:49
Speaker
but But he does have hair. Not that I'm saying anything about that, but I'm i'm just saying. And he always wore a baseball cap. And he said he remembered specifically someone once saying, and he didn't always wear one, but he was wearing it a lot, right? So someone once said, oh you look much better with a baseball cap.
00:13:09
Speaker
One person
00:13:13
Speaker
And then he was like, now I just kind of feel insecure when I'm not wearing a baseball cap.
00:13:19
Speaker
There's one person.
00:13:23
Speaker
Because the only evidence when he's not wearing a baseball cap, if he hasn't heard anyone say, oh, you look really good without a hat on. The only evidence he has is that you actually look better with a hat on.
00:13:35
Speaker
And unless you have your own ability to or you decide to say, I'm confident enough to say, like, no, I actually think I look great without a baseball. I look good either way, but appreciate it that...
00:13:48
Speaker
that is not an easy place to get to. And I'm going to be honest. like I feel like a lot of us can relate to this whether we want to say that or not. That when someone blatantly like said something, a small little comment, that's why words are so, i say words are spells, words are so impactful to people because if you haven't stacked any evidence to disagree with that, you might have just implanted a belief on someone based on your one comment.
00:14:22
Speaker
And so that's just my little plug to be kind. But back to him and his belief, that's when you have to identify, like, why do I believe this? Who told me that?
00:14:34
Speaker
And then decide that that's no longer your belief and it never was.
00:14:42
Speaker
And that's really what I had to do with my inner voice when it was like, well, how are you going to do this? Like, it's not going to work. You can't do that. And it's like, I'm literally having these conversations like, well, I've made this work before.
00:14:57
Speaker
Remember when we did this? And giving it evidence of the opposite of what it's trying to tell me. Because your subconscious mind is super logical in that sense, right? It's like, what's the evidence we've seen?
00:15:12
Speaker
What's the historical evidence? What have we been told? And we're just going to stick with that. It's not very open minded. So it's almost like and I've said this before, because at one point I wanted to go to law school and be a lawyer. So now I just do it in my head.
00:15:28
Speaker
So I'm like debating the case with myself when it's like, so you're leaving corporate like you this, you know, a a good corporate job and you're just going to figure it out.
00:15:40
Speaker
Like, how are you going to do this? How are you going to do that? How is that going to work? And I literally have to be like, well, one, the how's not my business. That's how I believe. But I mean, it is, but not fully, right? Because I can't see all the plans laid out for me.
00:15:55
Speaker
But also... It has always worked out for me. So I have to like list. I have a little evidence thing in my phone and my notes of like when I thought something for a moment, my subconscious thought that it wasn't going to work out and then it worked out or even better than I thought.
00:16:15
Speaker
And then when that doubt, that belief comes up to try to say, hey, we don't, what are you doing? No, I have to be like, nope, look at my evidence folder.
00:16:28
Speaker
Here you go. All the evidence against the case that you're trying to plant and and you're trying to make in my mind. I'm not taking that as fact. And that's what I'm kind of offering you here in this space is to take the time to sit with those beliefs that are dictating your reality, right? like And I think about it when I say like creating your reality, it's even like something as such as
00:17:00
Speaker
I don't belong in that room and you just don't go to maybe you're a life changing opportunity because you believe you don't belong in that room.
00:17:10
Speaker
The people that can make the most waves know they're worthy of being wherever they want to be.
00:17:21
Speaker
And when I mean what i want where I want to be, it's not this ego like I want to be the nicest bar in Miami because that's like something I don't care about. It's about like I want to be around the most creative people in this instance.
00:17:36
Speaker
Whatever your own unique want is coming from what you feel like your calling is. Like everyone starts somewhere.
00:17:46
Speaker
Everyone is.
00:17:49
Speaker
trying to figure it out. And even the people that appear to have made it or have made it, they're still just figuring it out. Because as they continue to evolve and and grow in their respective places, they don't, they've never been there before either.
00:18:10
Speaker
And that is always what I have to remind myself when I'm like, well, who do you think you are? It's like, I don't know, the same person that thought that they could be somewhere and now they're there.
00:18:23
Speaker
You know, like everyone started somewhere, so so do I. and there's no shame in that. And it's okay.
00:18:31
Speaker
And if i'm I'm seen going all in on myself, I think it's more in line with what I want from my life than pretty pretending that I don't want something more for myself just so I don't feel uncomfortable.
00:18:50
Speaker
And I'll wrap this up by giving you a little cue. It's about the like the six steps to reframing a belief. And I kind of talked about it a little, but I'll I'll share this in the show notes if you want to give it a look or put it on my website, wandering the wild mess dot com.
00:19:10
Speaker
But this is kind of how I do it So first. When you hear something that you don't want to be part of your beliefs, right? You feel like you know it's unkind.
00:19:21
Speaker
So we'll well will say your unkind friend is speaking, but they don't mean it unkindly. Just your your safe friend. So you notice. They say like, it won't work.
00:19:33
Speaker
Who are you? And then you name it. Whose voice? Who told you that? Was it a past version of you? Was it a partner?
00:19:45
Speaker
Was it your parents? Who?
00:19:49
Speaker
And then kind of like normalize it. Like, oh, okay. Well, I was told that before, but that's that's not really where we're at anymore. Like, I don't really keep that belief. That's not my belief.
00:20:02
Speaker
And then you were then it's nerve. You remind yourself, and I like to just put like my hand on my heart or kind of just ground yourself and and remind that it's it's safe to change that belief.
00:20:17
Speaker
That belief is no longer serving us. We can change. have to do what you've always done. And then you contradict it, like I was talking about, with new evidence. So the next one is new evidence.
00:20:28
Speaker
So contradict it with evidence when it's like it won't work. Like, how do you know? This thing worked and this thing worked and this thing worked. And this person wrote me and said how much this podcast meant to them. And this person said, you know what i mean? i bring out the evidence, the lawyer in me.
00:20:44
Speaker
And the next anchor the new belief. So sometimes I love music, so I'll use a song. So I was like, sometimes it's even like, all I do is win, win, win, no matter what. Like I'll have some song and I'll be like, literally that's, it takes me to my new belief.
00:21:03
Speaker
It's like, oh, that old belief that it won't work, it can't work for me. If you listen to the other episode about my trip to LA, basically I'm telling myself, I can't do this. I got to take the safe path. Well, now that's not the voice we're listening to anymore.
00:21:20
Speaker
We're listening to all I do is win in when no matter what. That's what we're listening to. That's the vibe. That's the belief. And so it's notice, name, normalize, nerve, new evidence, next.
00:21:36
Speaker
That thing that makes it stick as your new belief. And once you examine your current beliefs and you really think about all of those limiting beliefs that you have, and that should be for another time,
00:21:52
Speaker
because I love this geek out on this topic, those limiting beliefs, once you write all those down and you realize that pretty much almost all of them were never yours to keep, never yours, heard them from somebody else, moot points.
00:22:08
Speaker
You can let them go.
00:22:13
Speaker
All right. So just remember, as we wrap this up, my inner work guide is a good place to start when it comes to beliefs. That's available for free on my website, on all my socials.
00:22:24
Speaker
You can find the link there. I'll put it in the show notes. And then also, I love this, that beliefs are evidence collectors. not truths.
00:22:36
Speaker
So remember, beliefs are evidence collectors, not truths. Whatever you've collected the most evidence on, you your mind normally just believes that to be true. So start collecting evidence for the latter and see how your reality changes.
00:22:53
Speaker
I promise you it's worth a try. Thank you for listening to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.