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If Life Has Hit You Hard, This One’s for You
69 Plays10 days ago
Because sometimes the pressure to ‘have it all together’ feels heavier than the hard thing itself…
In this episode of Wandering the Wild Mess, I open up about the pressure of “having it all together” while navigating moments of doubt, discomfort, and shame. Even after seasons of alignment and positivity, life has a way of throwing unexpected loops that remind me I’m still human, still learning, still growing.
I share personal reflections of facing the familiar pull of my nervous system back towards familiar patterns that deceitfully feel safe, even when it isn’t where you want to be. I explore the tension between human desire for comfort and your soul’s drive for expansion and growth, and how disruption often carries the very lessons we’ve been ignoring.
This episode is my invitation to you to:
- Release the shame of not having it all figured out.
- See mistakes as lessons instead of proof you’re “messing up.”
- Embrace discomfort as a sign of growth and soul expansion.
- Give yourself grace while stepping into a bigger life.
It’s a reminder for us all to trust in ourselves and allow grace for the messy in-between. We may not be perfect, but we are always enough.
Find the Inner Work Guide Here: https://stan.store/utahgirlinnash
Alexa play “Human” by Cody Johnson
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Would love to stay connected:
- Website: www.wanderingthewildmess.com
- Instagram: @heatherdyann
- TikTok: @utahgirlinnash
- YouTube: @utahgirlinnash
- Email: utahgirlinnash@gmail.com
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Transcript
Feeling Pressured and Making Mistakes
00:00:00
Speaker
you can relate it all this episode is for you. Welcome to Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. I am so happy you're here.
00:00:13
Speaker
Okay, well this episode is really for you, that person who's feeling like, I don't have it all together, but I feel the pressure that I'm supposed to.
00:00:24
Speaker
i feel that I have to. i feel like I'm doing a lot of things wrong and I should know better by now or at this point or the why did I make that decision. And i want to talk to you about it and hopefully we get out of this loop and spiral together because that's definitely...
00:00:50
Speaker
where I'm at right now, which is wild to admit because if you've been listening up until this point, my last, the beginning of the season, I've really been in just such a positive, happy, a forked state with how I've been moving through the world and so much alignment and everything has been going swimmingly, honestly, and I've been so grateful.
00:01:11
Speaker
And And ah recently, you know, I've kind of got thrown a loop. And as much as I am into like we create our own reality and our mindset and this growth mindset, it really reminded me of how regardless of as positive and happy and knowing everything always works out for you that you can be,
00:01:38
Speaker
you're still a human and you still have human experiences and you still have emotions and you still have lapses in judgment and you still have times where things go away that you would have never anticipated and you feel thrown for
Unexpected Life Events and Discomfort
00:01:53
Speaker
a loop. You're like, this isn't how my story unfolds.
00:01:57
Speaker
This isn't the direction it's supposed to go. And as much as even though I have talked about this before, i have looked back in my life and I do do have evidence that it all has worked out for me and one way or another.
00:02:13
Speaker
Still, when you're in the middle of it, you're like, why? Why is this happening? Because this doesn't seem like I'm going in the direction that i wanted to be going in in this moment.
00:02:26
Speaker
And so let's get into that feeling and kind of why it's there. So I've really, like I said, pulled my mind out of a lot of low spots.
00:02:37
Speaker
And when I switched up my whole life and moved from Utah to Tennessee and I was alone, i this feeling that I'm feeling now is taking me back to those emotions where I'm like, was this the right choice? What did I do? Why am I, why is it feeling like this?
00:02:53
Speaker
And I realized that like, and I've talked a little bit about nervous system before, is that really it's there to protect us to feel safe and familiar with where we're at. And that doesn't always mean the best choices for you. It's just the ones that are familiar and feel, so therefore feel safe because we know what to expect.
00:03:11
Speaker
And so whenever you put yourself in a position where it feels uncomfortable, you're kind of like, what is this? And to kind of like justify or rationalize or understand why you're in this discomfort of this
Societal Pressures and Personal Shame
00:03:27
Speaker
feeling, right? Whether that's leaving a relationship, moving away, making a mistake, doing something that isn't familiar, you want you kind of have a few directions that you can go.
00:03:42
Speaker
right? And that's where I'm kind of leaning into. And I wanted to kind of help you navigate when you're feeling this way. Like I need to have it all together. I don't, I have to be in a good positive mindset for everybody else. I have to do this. And when you feel like that, sometimes there's like this shame in not being perfect,
00:04:07
Speaker
And I personally think for me, that's part of this lesson. As I've talked about before, I think a lot of things this happen in our lives for lessons that maybe we need to be taught that we're not learning as easily as we probably should have.
00:04:23
Speaker
And so something bigger has to disrupt it in order for us to potentially step into the higher version ourself that can take that lesson and actually apply it to their life instead of pretending to listen in the background when your intuition's telling you this is the way to go and you just keep ignoring it.
00:04:42
Speaker
And so finally, sometimes something throws you a loop and you're like, you have no choice but to listen, right? It's almost like you heard it, you heard it, you heard it. And now you have no choice.
00:04:53
Speaker
And that's kind of where I'm at. But i I feel like that creates shame sometimes in our life because we're like, why didn't we just listen?
Reframing Mistakes and Life Lessons
00:05:04
Speaker
why did we wait until we had this just larger disruption and
00:05:12
Speaker
shame is probably and I've talked about it before like such a low and whether you're we were on the energy thing I think it's undeniable that energy is everything but irregardless of what you believe Shame is not a very good feeling to hold.
00:05:30
Speaker
i don't think anyone that can admit they feel shameful about something, it's a feeling that they enjoy. And that is something that happens when we make decisions in our life that make us feel like we did something wrong, even though like, and I'm a believer that there's not really wrong or right in the sense, I mean, obviously ethically or and logically in the sense of like integrity. Yes.
00:06:02
Speaker
But like things that happen in your life, if we do think them of them as lessons, there's not really, you can't really mess up your life, but it feels that way.
00:06:14
Speaker
And that's what I'm here to remind you. You're not messing up your life because you're going through a hard situation. Your life will still work itself out. You're just in one portion of the whole large, big picture. But right now that is all you can see is what and is in front of you. And it feels big and it feels heavy and it feels shameful, or you might feel like you're denying it or you're blaming it or you're the victim in the story. Like these are all of the things. And this was with my divorce. that like Those are the things that came up. This was with, you know, leaving my family back home in Utah. Like these were, these are instances of my life where I can feel like there's so many decisions we make.
00:06:54
Speaker
Even if it's like, the college you pick, like I should have did this other one. Like you could think of that and and go like my whole life would have been different. I would have done that. But what what does that really do? That just takes away the blame from and distracts you from what situations in front of you and puts you back in the past in this old loop.
00:07:16
Speaker
And when I preach about this often in my podcast, I realize, Gosh, it to me, since everything's going great, it sounds pretty easy. But now that I'm feeling the pull of back into that motion of like, gosh, things are, I have to really practice what I preach.
Desire for Growth vs Need for Comfort
00:07:37
Speaker
Again, maybe another reason for the heaviness that I'm feeling, but it is harder than it seems.
00:07:49
Speaker
And I feel that for you. So if you're sitting with something that you're wondering why, and if you're I'm going to take you down my little path and i hope you can vibe with me on it. But your soul just wants expansion, right? Like we're here at having a human experience, but your soul really just wants to expand into new places and learn all the lessons. It's almost like there's these two parts of you where one is, you know, you having the human experience, your nervous system, like wanting to be safe,
00:08:23
Speaker
and predict what's going to happen and have all this control and your ego, all of these human elements are like, okay, this is how I win. And then your soul is like, yeah, like we just like are here to expand and and have all the lessons and have all the experiences and do all the things.
00:08:39
Speaker
And they don't really care. It doesn't really care you want to stay comfortable and have ease. It wants to do what it's here to do. And that's for you to go through these motions and lessons and have all these experiences.
00:08:56
Speaker
And when I have to remind myself that it's like two you know conflicting people inside my life, and I don't even know if it's people, but like feelings of one that's just overriding this expansion And one that's saying, let's stay where we've always been.
00:09:15
Speaker
And the crazy thing is I was thinking about that as I was trying to prep for this episode. And I'll be like completely honest. This was not the plan again. And so I think I'm reiterating to the truth of the matter that you can plan a pretty picnic, but you can't predict the weather.
00:09:32
Speaker
And i think I've said that before. And it's like, gosh, it's really been a theme because this isn't even what I wanted to talk about. But I'm i'm I didn't even want to come today to record this because i was so much in my own head about the direction that I'm going in and How do I get there and how do I just put on a happy face and pretend that I have it figured out because that's what I've been speaking on.
00:10:08
Speaker
And then I feel very extremely lost in this moment.
00:10:16
Speaker
And so, and if you listened to my earlier episode, do you know that I have probably cried on the a mic more times than I should ever admit.
Societal Expectations and Personal Struggles
00:10:24
Speaker
and And it's not even that I'm not grateful or happy for my life, but I feel like the pressure again to that I did even in my previous life, as I call it, like where I just made all these decisions because I felt like it was the right thing for everybody else.
00:10:44
Speaker
And that's such a heavy thing to carry with you in your life. And that's kind of why I started this out this way, because I want you to know you're not alone. That a lot of us like walk through the world carrying the weight of have it all together. And the crazy thing is, is while I'm doing my makeup before this episode, because I'm running behind feeling, feeling, um, okay, and we'll just do this. I was literally thinking like, and if you go back to my episode about men can have feelings and emotions too, it felt like that. I felt like I've branded myself that I have it all together. Now this season of alignment, everything works out.
00:11:23
Speaker
So I almost have to like, just man up Heather. Like you're fine. Just be joyful, be happy. Just, you know, everything's fine. Just like probably the pressure that a lot of men feel every day.
00:11:34
Speaker
Like, Don't cry. Don't be sad. You're a man. Figure it out. And i i know women feel that too, right? Like get ready, look pretty. Like what's the song? Go on and put your makeup. This is just a breakup. Like that kind of a vibe.
00:11:50
Speaker
Like I think we all have those where you're just like faking it. And in my Delulu mind, I do believe you have to like kind of sometimes force yourself to do things that you don't want to in the moment that you know will kind of help move you out of that stuck.
00:12:15
Speaker
And I think even that was true to like leaving my previous life is that I could stay here, but I'm going to feel stuck for the rest of my life.
00:12:27
Speaker
But the crazy thing is, is that like I said, it's easier said than done because when you're in that stuck, leaving it just feels like almost abandoning a part of yourself, even if it's a part of yourself you don't want anymore.
Changing Patterns and Embracing Discomfort
00:12:46
Speaker
And I think that's why like shedding old identities, that discomfort in the middle of doing that, keeps us stuck because as soon as you think about changing a pattern that you yourself or the people that know you most are you used to you almost feel this like disloyalty to not only those people that expect a certain behavior or a certain response from you but also to yourself like
00:13:18
Speaker
oh, but this is kind of how I cope. Well, this is kind of how I distract. well this is this is And you will give this like excuse to why you should stay that same way. and then people around you can often, depending on your circle, like make you feel like, wait, what are you doing? That's not who you are.
00:13:35
Speaker
And I've talked about this a lot, but I feel like this is one of those human experience moments and i don I don't know if I want to use the word struggle, but I feel like that's what it is. It's this push pull of like, I want to expand and grow your soul.
00:13:51
Speaker
And this human, like, I just want to be comfortable. So I want people to like me. i want my friends to be cool with whatever I do. I want my family to be approved, approve me. I want, I just want to feel this ease, like I'm accepted, even if it's not accepted for who I want to be.
00:14:10
Speaker
Which that's kind that's kind of heavy because like i I feel for most of us one thing that we want more than anything is to be accepted for who we are.
00:14:22
Speaker
But most of the time we aren't even able to be fully who we are until we let go of pretending that we're not just here for everyone else.
00:14:39
Speaker
And not just everyone else. I mean, there's a level of comfort that you stay for yourself, right? And that's kind of where I'm at right now is that like when you change and shed your identity, and this is why I think moving is just always a ah good one, but you your problems don't go away. You still have to work through them, do the inner work. Again, plug for my guide if you haven't already. It's on my website. But gosh, it puts you in those places where you really have to self-reflect because your problems – will come with you if you don't. And don't want him call them problems. The things that you need to work through will come with you.
00:15:14
Speaker
But changing your environment, like that's just a real part of the process to changing yourself because your life is going to look different and you have to acknowledge that like,
00:15:28
Speaker
gosh, the life that used to feel comfortable, like this is the place we'd go, this is the bar we'd go to, this is the restaurant, this is the thing, this is what my weekends look like, this is what my holidays look like, whatever it is, now you're going have to like convince yourself that something else is going to feel even better when you don't even know what it feels like.
00:15:49
Speaker
And I think that's why people, it's easier for them to stay in those motions because they know what they're about to like, almost like the show they're about to watch is like the comfort show. Maybe that's why we have them. My friend was just talking about that.
00:16:06
Speaker
And it's like, you watch the same show over and over, even though you've already seen it because your body just loves the familiar of knowing what's going to happen. But when you try to watch a new show, you really have to be like, do I like, like you have to focus differently. It's like a different energy.
00:16:20
Speaker
And so of course it'd be easy just to watch the same season of the same show over and over again because you already know what's going to happen you don't already know when you're going to laugh when you're going to cry all the emotions you just it's a it's your nervous system's dream really but when it comes to like all right we're branching out we're doing something new it's like what is this I got to pay attention I don't know how to wait like what's going to happen next like what it you know what i mean it's a totally different vibe I feel like that's life You can loop the same seasons of the same show for the rest of your life and now there's nothing wrong with that.
00:16:56
Speaker
Absolutely no judgment. Like that's some people's journey and that they can love and it can be beautiful. But for those of us who know that what we're watching from day in to day out is not what we want to see for the rest of our lives, then we have to really figure out a way to Be all right with being uncomfortable and having a human experience that's going to tell us that we may have to change.
00:17:32
Speaker
And that's, for me, has been thing that, gosh, it's almost like if I'm arguing with my higher self, like, dude, I have changed. I have literally moved across the country alone. i have changed all of these things and you still want more from me.
00:17:47
Speaker
And that's what it feels like. But.
Accepting Challenges for Fulfillment
00:17:51
Speaker
If you ask for something, you can't argue when you receive it. So I know that when you're asking for a bigger life, you have to be all right with taking all of the parts of yourself that have to to learn things and move in certain ways to be ready to take on that bigger life.
00:18:17
Speaker
So that actually felt good to say out loud. So I hope, you know, that's sticking with myself or with you this moment, because I want you to give permission to give yourself grace while you're making big changes to be the person that you want to be.
00:18:36
Speaker
And if you're even thinking about it just a little, don't be afraid. Just know that Like they say, like any big reward doesn't just come without.
00:18:49
Speaker
It doesn't have to be hard, I guess, but you have to be the person that can receive it. And sometimes you're not that person yet or maybe you would already have it. right?
00:19:01
Speaker
And so as you look to step into the version of yourself that has the life that you want to have, sometimes there are disruptions that have to come in order for you to hold space for those things to come.
00:19:18
Speaker
So i just want to tell you, On the hardest days, you can come back to this episode when something hard comes and remember that the most happy, positive, i can manifest the life I want, la la la, life's a fork, everything feels good.
00:19:37
Speaker
girl is saying that her life isn't always rainbows and sunshine like she wishes so much it could be that she is still navigating things that make her feel uncomfortable and out of her element and make her feel Like she really just has to trust herself.
00:20:00
Speaker
And I think that's what I'm here for to tell you today is that regardless of what is given to you regardless of the weight of the world that you feel like you have to have it all put together, literally the only thing you have to do is trust yourself to get through anything that's given to you and give yourself grace.
Embracing Imperfections and Self-Improvement
00:20:21
Speaker
Grace doesn't mean an excuse.
00:20:23
Speaker
Grace just means Maybe i that didn't go the way that I wanted. Maybe I didn't make the right decision. Maybe I didn't have it all figured out. But now I know better and I'll show up better and differently the next time.
00:20:40
Speaker
and And that's enough.
00:20:46
Speaker
And that's enough. So make sure that you, if you're watching on YouTube, subscribe. Make sure that you subscribe to have more episodes of, I have so much more.
00:20:59
Speaker
There's so many amazing things going on my life, even though this is a tough spot. But I know this message is hitting who it needs to. know it will resonate with who needs to hear it. And if it has resonated with you, again, make sure to follow along, give a good review, five stars, all the things. And Just know that you are inherently worthy and you matter.
00:21:21
Speaker
This was Wandering the Wild Mess with Heather Morgan. You matter.