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...is Online Dating Dead?! Where TF are the High Value Men?
82 Plays4 years ago
Grab your pickup truck and follow us to the High Value Men Zombie Hive. Sah-HWIPE. Textuationships. RIP r/Femcels. Old guy fitness tests.
01:35 - Post Pandemic Dating Privileges Public Meetings. The drawbacks of dating apps. Cold Approaches vs Network Based Dating.
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Transcript
Introduction: Finding High-Value Men
00:00:05
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast.
00:00:08
Speaker
I'm your host, Ro.
00:00:09
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:00:12
Speaker
And Lilith.
00:00:13
Speaker
And today, we're going to talk about where all the men are at.
00:00:17
Speaker
Because that's the question we get all the time.
00:00:19
Speaker
It's like, we don't know where to find men.
00:00:21
Speaker
Where can we find a high value man?
00:00:23
Speaker
Where do they hang out?
00:00:24
Speaker
And that's not really, there's not like a cluster of them, like a zombie hive in World War Z. Yeah.
00:00:31
Speaker
So we'll attempt to answer this question as to where are the men at and what this question is.
00:00:37
Speaker
Is it aiming to deconstruct where we can find like a high value man or a HBM?
00:00:46
Speaker
I mean, I wish, I really, really wish I could tell all of you that if you go to this place, you're guaranteed to find a high value man.
00:00:54
Speaker
Girl.
00:00:56
Speaker
They're at 123 Evergreen Street.
00:00:58
Speaker
All you got to do is pull up, sis, throw one in the back of your pickup truck and drive off.
00:01:03
Speaker
It's full of high-value men.
00:01:07
Speaker
Go to this specific address.
00:01:10
Speaker
I really wish I could tell you that.
00:01:12
Speaker
But the truth is, I mean...
00:01:15
Speaker
Yeah, there isn't a cheat sheet, you know, when it comes to meeting a high-value man.
Post-Pandemic Dating Challenges
00:01:20
Speaker
And there is a lot of debate over whether it's better to meet a high-value man online or in person, because online dating has really, really taken off.
00:01:29
Speaker
And given the way technology is going, I don't see it going anywhere.
00:01:34
Speaker
I don't know how you guys feel about online dating.
00:01:36
Speaker
What do you guys think of online dating?
00:01:38
Speaker
I feel like after this pandemic, people are going to want to go outside.
00:01:42
Speaker
And I think there will be maybe a surge in people meeting people in regular life because everyone's going to be itching to just be in public doing anything.
00:01:53
Speaker
Right.
00:01:53
Speaker
So I do think apps will probably take a backseat for a while.
00:02:01
Speaker
to just people being out and about, especially, you know, as it gets warmer.
00:02:05
Speaker
But when it comes to apps, I think there's, there seems to be a consensus now of women is that the effort you have to put in, actually not even just women, men too, the effort you have to put into the apps to get even one quality match is higher than,
00:02:21
Speaker
then it's worth a lot of times because it's just so much swiping.
00:02:25
Speaker
It's so much talking to people out of context.
00:02:29
Speaker
You don't really know these people that well.
00:02:31
Speaker
And that's sort of the difference between...
00:02:34
Speaker
I think sometimes meeting people in real life, sometimes you're out and about in the same area.
00:02:38
Speaker
And so maybe you have someone else in your friend group that knows someone else in his friend's group.
00:02:43
Speaker
So there's someone there to vouch for that person.
00:02:46
Speaker
But when you meet people just kind of cold turkey offline, there's so much more background and vetting that has to be done.
00:02:53
Speaker
And even things like Tinder, they don't let you sort by education or even...
00:02:59
Speaker
like some of the basics, like if they have children or not.
00:03:01
Speaker
So then you're just wasting a lot of time swiping on guys that you're seeing that you would never, ever date.
00:03:07
Speaker
Right.
00:03:08
Speaker
And so it just makes it a big waste of time.
00:03:12
Speaker
It's just basically like a cold approach app, which cold approaches are always harder online or on person, but at least, at least in public,
00:03:21
Speaker
If you don't want to talk to those guys, you just avoid them.
00:03:23
Speaker
Or like you can look at a whole crowd of guys and kind of zero in on one guy you think is attractive versus on the app where you're forced to look at these mugs.
00:03:30
Speaker
You're forced to look at each and every one of their ugly, annoying mugs, the ones that you don't want.
00:03:35
Speaker
And that kind of is annoying, right?
00:03:37
Speaker
It's just a lot of work of like sifting through guys that you would never date versus outside where even if it's a crowd of guys you don't know, your eye will naturally lend its attention to the man you want.
00:03:48
Speaker
rather than having to look at each one of these guys individually.
00:03:52
Speaker
That's my thought.
00:03:53
Speaker
Yeah, I agree.
00:03:54
Speaker
And I think with these apps as well, it would be good for women to remember that we are essentially the product.
00:04:04
Speaker
Women are put there to attract men, which is why on apps like Tinder and Bumble, they actually end up using bots a lot of the time to lure men in, into thinking that they're matching with people
00:04:18
Speaker
with perhaps more women than they actually are as well so it's not even just bots it's sex workers yeah or sellers it even gets to the point where you see like men saying no sellers in in their bio on tinder and and like bumble it's quite funny but yeah so how about you lilith
00:04:41
Speaker
My view is that online dating is a high effort, low reward investment of your time.
00:04:48
Speaker
My approach, I haven't actually used online dating at all in the past year, but I've met a lot of people through...
Networking vs. Cold Approaches
00:04:56
Speaker
You know, earlier, Ro, you mentioned cold approach and the sort of counterpart to a cold approach would be network-based, say, sales or connections or networking, basically.
00:05:10
Speaker
I just think the best way to meet someone romantically is through like a friend or a family member or someone that you know from work or something like that.
00:05:19
Speaker
A lot of people...
00:05:20
Speaker
with the cold approach, all they're thinking of, you know, talking to the person that's in front of them right now.
00:05:26
Speaker
But if you're in circles that have higher quality people, even if say they're married or taken or something like that, they might know someone who is also high quality, but is single.
00:05:36
Speaker
So, uh, I prefer the network, the networking, uh, approach basically.
00:05:43
Speaker
Um, and it really depends.
00:05:44
Speaker
I know it's tough with the, with the pandemic and everything, but, um,
00:05:49
Speaker
It really depends on like your situation.
00:05:50
Speaker
I have to take inventory of your situation.
00:05:52
Speaker
But once everyone gets vaccinated, everything, I think, you know, we should we should be able to hit the ground running with that.
00:05:59
Speaker
That's been the biggest thing about FDS this past year that I've been worried about is like so many of us have been inside that.
00:06:07
Speaker
it's kind of hard to really put in a lot of the strategies that we've been saying in practice.
00:06:11
Speaker
Like those of you who have not been in lockdown for a while, congrats to you.
00:06:17
Speaker
But, you know, it's been an opportunity for men to really cheap out.
00:06:20
Speaker
And even if you were off lockdown, but a lot of the businesses in your area closed down and people lose their jobs, right?
00:06:26
Speaker
A lot of people lost their jobs.
00:06:27
Speaker
So,
00:06:28
Speaker
A lot of guys have been really pushing for the cheap date, the low effort date.
00:06:33
Speaker
And now, you know, hopefully the economy starts to follow as America gets back on track.
00:06:40
Speaker
We're going to have to make sure we drag those standards right back up to where they should be.
Online Dating: Vetting and Red Flags
00:06:44
Speaker
Right.
00:06:44
Speaker
Right.
00:06:44
Speaker
Versus like the, you know, the sole Skype date, even though I did see some women who really worked the pandemic system by getting guys to send them Uber Eats for dinner and they'd eat over Skype.
00:06:58
Speaker
You know, they'd send them a bottle of wine.
00:06:59
Speaker
Like there's ways to do this if men were really motivated to court you and wine and dine you.
00:07:06
Speaker
But I do think that's something to look out for.
00:07:10
Speaker
Yeah, I mean, but I also think that I think, you know, like a huge, I guess, drawback of online dating is that body language isn't really present.
00:07:19
Speaker
And that is so, so important.
00:07:22
Speaker
I mean, I think anyway, for first impressions, for attraction, you know, the mannerisms, how they carry themselves.
00:07:29
Speaker
You don't really get that.
00:07:30
Speaker
But on the other side, like with online dating, I find it a lot easier to weed out, but low value men because a lot of them have so many tells in their profile from, you know, their choice of pictures to if they put I'm secretly kinky, ho, ho, ho, ho.
00:07:47
Speaker
you can just then just do an instant swipe left and you you can especially with like the low value phrases like I'm here for a good time not a long time or whatever phrase I come up with basically that basically says I'm not serious you can pick up on that a lot
00:08:06
Speaker
I guess a lot more quickly online than perhaps in person.
00:08:10
Speaker
I don't know what you guys think of that, but that is a small pro.
00:08:15
Speaker
Give yourself five seconds to evaluate each profile before swiping left.
00:08:19
Speaker
Not even five.
00:08:20
Speaker
Once you get your vetting strategy so good, you can tell in a split second, two seconds.
00:08:26
Speaker
Point five.
00:08:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:28
Speaker
0.5 seconds some of them yeah you see one picture and you're like no immediate swipe left if they have the serial killer pose if they still you're the serial killer selfie the serial killer selfie if they have the picture in you know the toilet with with the toilet seat up and a dirty mirror instant swipe left stuff like that
00:08:48
Speaker
You won't see that necessarily online, which is again, which is why some women, for example, on Reddit, they've not been to their boyfriend's house in three years.
00:08:58
Speaker
They go around to find out he lives in a nest.
00:09:04
Speaker
Or, you know, a whole wife and kids.
00:09:07
Speaker
That too.
00:09:10
Speaker
Yeah, ladies, find out where he lives fairly soon.
00:09:13
Speaker
Rub your finger across the counter and then look very curiously at your finger, then look him dead in his eye.
00:09:19
Speaker
And just watch him sweat for a minute so he can remember if he cleaned or not.
00:09:23
Speaker
Actually, for real though, I honestly think that that is a great vetting strategy.
00:09:29
Speaker
Just going to a guy's house and just seeing how he lives will tell you a lot.
00:09:34
Speaker
Yeah, assume how whatever state that you see his...
00:09:39
Speaker
Home in when you go to his home the first time, assume that's the best he can do.
00:09:43
Speaker
Exactly.
00:09:44
Speaker
100%.
00:09:44
Speaker
The first time you see it, that's the best it's ever going to be.
00:09:47
Speaker
Even if he's like normally messy, if he really cares about you, if he's really interested, he will make that place spotless before you get there.
00:09:55
Speaker
Um, yeah.
00:09:55
Speaker
If a man allows you to see his house in an unpresentable way for the first, let's say, year of dating or something, any amount of time, the first little while at least, he'll want to put that effort in at the very minimum.
00:10:11
Speaker
It will never get better.
00:10:13
Speaker
Don't try to cajole him and do a chore chart or bribe him with sex.
00:10:20
Speaker
I don't care.
00:10:20
Speaker
It's never going to get better after that.
00:10:26
Speaker
It's really sad that these were legitimate pieces of advice given to women.
00:10:31
Speaker
I can remember there was a post on Reddit I came across several years ago, and it was from a woman who was saying that she gave her boyfriend the blowjob every time he washed the plate because he would never do it.
00:10:43
Speaker
And even people on our sex were like, why are you doing this?
00:10:48
Speaker
That's so degrading.
00:10:52
Speaker
Right.
00:10:53
Speaker
ridiculous and and and i think the saddest thing with that is she genuinely thought she you know she'd cracked cracked the code oh my god she found like cheering shroud like yeah guys i've done it i biohacked my boyfriend she hacked the code no babe no babes don't don't do that you shouldn't have to incentivize your man like to be tidy
00:11:20
Speaker
So circling back to online dating, it's a tough one, I think, because I, you know, I do think it is here to stay.
00:11:29
Speaker
And as opposed to telling women, you know, don't use these apps, I think it's more strategic to tell women how to vet properly and the signs to look out for as well.
00:11:41
Speaker
And I think one of the ways they can do that is to familiarize themselves with, as they say on the subreddit, the language of Scroats.
00:11:52
Speaker
Scroatspeak.
00:11:53
Speaker
That's the language Scroatspeak.
00:11:56
Speaker
Scroatines.
00:11:58
Speaker
This guy's speaking Scroat.
00:12:00
Speaker
And I was like, I love that.
00:12:01
Speaker
Like Scroat is its own language.
00:12:03
Speaker
Because they all use the same phrases and it all basically means the same thing.
00:12:07
Speaker
I'm looking for a fruit prostitute.
00:12:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:11
Speaker
about him screams i'm looking for a free prostitute yeah a free prostitute if he says things like just like ethical for example non-monogamy swipe swipe he's probably cheating like let's be real if he says anything like care for a good time not a long time swipe yeah
00:12:32
Speaker
The headless pic, you know, the guys that just show off their body and then you don't see their face.
00:12:36
Speaker
Swipe.
00:12:37
Speaker
They have a wife.
00:12:38
Speaker
They honestly look like the Nazgul from Lord of the Rings, you know, where it's just like hollow.
00:12:42
Speaker
Like you just don't see their face.
00:12:43
Speaker
We just see their body.
00:12:45
Speaker
That's not attractive at all.
00:12:46
Speaker
I'm like, you're hiding from some woman who thinks you're together.
00:12:50
Speaker
And even things like using the winky face, I just feel swipe.
00:12:55
Speaker
Guys who are like the goofy looking one in the friend group, so they keep posing next to their hot friend knowing it's the only way women are going to look at their profile.
00:13:02
Speaker
Swipe left.
00:13:03
Speaker
I'm sorry, but you need to take your lumps there.
00:13:06
Speaker
And like for me, for me personally, this is just a personal preference.
00:13:10
Speaker
I'm very big on like smiles and teeth.
00:13:12
Speaker
If he hasn't got a picture showing his teeth, swipe left.
00:13:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:17
Speaker
Because you never know what's going on in that grill otherwise, you know.
00:13:21
Speaker
So that's not something you want to be surprised about.
00:13:24
Speaker
It can literally look like the Black & Decker grill.
00:13:27
Speaker
Like you don't want that.
00:13:29
Speaker
Looking like Jack Sparrow from Pirates of the Caribbean type teeth.
00:13:34
Speaker
Like he ate an explosive?
00:13:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:36
Speaker
Looking like fucking Gollum from Lord of the Rings.
00:13:42
Speaker
That's the poster boy.
00:13:43
Speaker
I mean, look, I get it.
00:13:45
Speaker
Dental care is expensive in the United States because they consider them luxury bones, apparently.
00:13:50
Speaker
It's like a separate kind of insurance you have to buy.
00:13:54
Speaker
It is.
00:13:55
Speaker
Dental care isn't included in your normal health insurance.
00:13:57
Speaker
You have to buy separate dental insurance.
00:13:59
Speaker
It's such a scam.
00:14:01
Speaker
Poor America, developing country.
00:14:05
Speaker
I'm going to set up like a feed the Americans GoFundMe.
00:14:10
Speaker
You too, for just 75 cents a day.
00:14:14
Speaker
Can support an American's health care plan.
00:14:18
Speaker
It's more like $400 a day, but yeah.
00:14:22
Speaker
So yeah, I think... Guys with either no picture or with like a cartoon picture or anything that's not his face...
00:14:30
Speaker
That's why I've left, yeah.
00:14:33
Speaker
And also, the main pro, I guess, of online dating for me is just the ability to block and delete without getting too invested.
Building Confidence and a 'Scrotation'
00:14:41
Speaker
I feel like if you meet someone in real life, it can be very...
00:14:46
Speaker
it can be very easy to bring them into your world quite quickly.
00:14:49
Speaker
So they'll, you know, they might know where you live or where you work, you know, things like your hobbies.
00:14:55
Speaker
For example, if you go to say, I don't know, like a restaurant together and it turns and it doesn't work out for whatever reason, you can then associate your favourite restaurant with that shitty person, for example.
00:15:07
Speaker
So I think...
00:15:08
Speaker
In some respects, online dating can give you that distance, but what you then have to be careful of is to not fall into the trap of tech stationships.
00:15:17
Speaker
If you do need someone online, you should be making plans to meet up as soon as possible.
00:15:22
Speaker
And don't be...
00:15:24
Speaker
you know, drawing out the textationship, as I say it, where you're, for example, texting incessantly, where you're video calling, you know, you think you're building intimacy, but you still don't really know this person.
00:15:34
Speaker
You still don't even know if you're going to be, you know, fully attracted to this person.
00:15:39
Speaker
There are many people who have built, I guess, so do relationships at a distance, but then when they meet, they find they don't have
00:15:48
Speaker
It just isn't the same in person.
00:15:50
Speaker
And you've essentially wasted all that time thinking that you're building something when actually... And because, you know, over text, people can be anything they want to be as well.
00:16:00
Speaker
It's completely different when you're in person, when you have that, I guess, that physical rapport with somebody.
00:16:05
Speaker
It's a completely different energy.
00:16:07
Speaker
Absolutely.
00:16:08
Speaker
There's a lot of people who I've built like a text kind of, you know, like a text flirtation thing.
00:16:15
Speaker
Yeah, textationship.
00:16:16
Speaker
Yeah, there we go.
00:16:16
Speaker
You just, yeah.
00:16:17
Speaker
Oh, it's so good.
00:16:18
Speaker
Textationship.
00:16:19
Speaker
You develop that and then you see them in person and that chemistry is just not working.
00:16:24
Speaker
It's not the same.
00:16:25
Speaker
You can sound charming over text and just not be charming at all in person.
00:16:31
Speaker
And that's kind of a weird...
00:16:33
Speaker
thing how that works.
00:16:35
Speaker
I've just always found it really difficult to like build like a sense of intimacy with text messages.
00:16:43
Speaker
I'm one of those people who actually is bad at texting.
00:16:46
Speaker
I prefer to just call or meet in person and only use text messages for the barest minimum communication possible.
00:16:54
Speaker
Um,
00:16:55
Speaker
Online dating is, but like you said, they're here to stay actually.
00:17:00
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:17:01
Speaker
We're going to have to figure out a way to navigate it.
00:17:03
Speaker
That's going to make us feel comfortable.
00:17:04
Speaker
What I want to see is like a new, I want to see a different type of online dating, like website when that's like FDS friendly.
00:17:11
Speaker
We should make our own dating website actually.
00:17:14
Speaker
Like, yeah.
00:17:15
Speaker
Hey, if anybody has like $250,000, they want to donate to us so we can make an FDS based dating app.
00:17:21
Speaker
We will happily do that.
00:17:25
Speaker
contact at thefemaledatingstrategy.com.
00:17:28
Speaker
If you want to send us some money so we can do something like that, just let us know.
00:17:32
Speaker
Or here, here, here's a nice little transition to our Patreon.
00:17:36
Speaker
Support us on Patreon.
00:17:38
Speaker
That's patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:17:42
Speaker
And on there we have bonus clips and bonus episodes.
00:17:46
Speaker
And also, uh, we are raffling, uh,
00:17:50
Speaker
It's basically like a raffle ticket where you can submit a story to us, either a roast to scrote, a queen shit or a nasus.
00:17:59
Speaker
And you can tell us about something that went on in your life that you want us to read here on the podcast.
00:18:04
Speaker
And we'll select a couple every week and we'll help you roast them if you want to.
00:18:08
Speaker
I'm just I'm so excited about the roast to scrote.
00:18:10
Speaker
We will barbecue your scrote like flame broil.
00:18:14
Speaker
I mean, the only good scrote is a well done scrote.
00:18:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:17
Speaker
The only good scrote is a well barbecue scrote.
00:18:20
Speaker
glazed and marinated.
00:18:22
Speaker
I mean, come on guys, it's barbecue season.
00:18:24
Speaker
Like it's approaching, it's, it's, it's summer, it's barbecue season.
00:18:27
Speaker
Give us lots of scrotes to roast on the FDS barbecue.
00:18:32
Speaker
But also if you have something positive, like it doesn't have to all be negative.
00:18:34
Speaker
If you just want us to shout you out because like you just got married or you just completed your degree or you overcome something really special in your life, you achieve something really special or you overcome something difficult and you just want to celebrate with you.
00:18:48
Speaker
Go ahead and sign up for our Patreon and submit your story and we'll try to snag some of them to talk about on the podcast.
00:18:54
Speaker
And we will have a virtual party for your successes.
00:18:57
Speaker
And also, like, we say it's a raffle, but since we have no submissions yet, if you're the first person to submit, you'll probably get picked.
00:19:03
Speaker
There we go.
00:19:05
Speaker
Just make sure.
00:19:06
Speaker
Early bird special.
00:19:07
Speaker
Make sure to sign up for a patron.
00:19:08
Speaker
Early bird special.
00:19:09
Speaker
First one and get picked.
00:19:11
Speaker
This is the only time where it's appropriate to be a pick me.
00:19:13
Speaker
Okay?
00:19:15
Speaker
We'll allow this one.
00:19:16
Speaker
We'll allow it.
00:19:17
Speaker
So the main thing to take away, like, from, you know, where all the men are at this segment is...
00:19:26
Speaker
Essentially, regardless of how you choose to look for a high value man, whether you want to do the swiping method on online dating, if you want to meet people in person through networking, or if you want to do a mix of the two.
00:19:41
Speaker
Ultimately, the most important thing is that you just have to vet him ruthlessly, however you choose to do it.
00:19:48
Speaker
And that includes taking your time.
00:19:50
Speaker
And also before you go out looking for a man is to know your standards, your boundaries.
00:19:57
Speaker
around your expectations and to not compromise.
00:20:01
Speaker
Because it's really easy to construct a list of boundaries and standards when you're single and you're not looking.
00:20:09
Speaker
But when you have a man in front of you, that can really cloud your judgment, especially if you're really attracted to that man.
00:20:16
Speaker
And that can lead you to overlooking some serious, serious red flags.
00:20:22
Speaker
And I would also caution against believing that one method is better than the other.
00:20:26
Speaker
If we look at our grandmothers, our great grandmothers, you know, they all did it the organic way, the right way.
00:20:33
Speaker
They met people through church, through school, through family members.
00:20:37
Speaker
And a lot of them ended up with just complete trash.
Traditional Matchmaking vs. Modern Strategies
00:20:41
Speaker
True.
00:20:43
Speaker
Facts.
00:20:44
Speaker
That is fair.
00:20:45
Speaker
That is legitimate criticism.
00:20:47
Speaker
Some of y'all grandpas.
00:20:50
Speaker
Immediately, like several people come to mind immediately.
00:20:54
Speaker
But yeah.
00:20:55
Speaker
Slight side note, but I have noticed men romanticize their grandparents' relationships because they ain't heard what their grandma's got to say about their grandpa.
00:21:03
Speaker
And also because women couldn't leave as well.
00:21:06
Speaker
Like people say, well, you know, people, you know, people in the olden days stayed together for 50 years.
00:21:11
Speaker
I was like, well, when divorce isn't an option, people are going to stay in bad relationships.
00:21:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:18
Speaker
A lot of, a lot of the stuff that I feel like grandmas will tell like their daughters or their granddaughters about the situation, they don't necessarily share with their grandsons.
00:21:27
Speaker
So then men have a very utopic view of how those relationships were.
00:21:33
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:21:33
Speaker
I'd agree with that.
00:21:34
Speaker
So, and also just when you're getting to feel out a guy as well, just bear in mind that you don't know him yet.
00:21:42
Speaker
A lot of people, I mean, myself, I've been guilty of this as well.
00:21:45
Speaker
When we first start talking to a guy and he's really nice, he's...
00:21:49
Speaker
attentive he is responding on time we start thinking oh my gosh like he's so kind he's it like i found my man and it's like you don't know him yet as well so it's so so important to pace yourself and this is why i would say as well like don't spend ages and ages like messaging and texting because it builds that i think it makes you more attached to
00:22:14
Speaker
Yeah, act like you've been treated well before, because sometimes I think when that happens, it almost gives the impression.
00:22:19
Speaker
It inadvertently gives them the impression that you're not used to being treated well.
00:22:24
Speaker
I think that's actually so true.
00:22:26
Speaker
I find in my personal experience, if I tell a guy that the person
00:22:30
Speaker
If I say like, oh, so-and-so treated me like a princess, just kind of an offhanded casual comment or whatever, something happens in their brain where they suddenly go like, oh, like, I don't know.
00:22:41
Speaker
Why is it that men will try to give you the least possible amount of effort that they think they can get away with?
00:22:47
Speaker
I don't know.
00:22:47
Speaker
I don't know why they're like that.
00:22:49
Speaker
It is what it is, but... They need a fairy tale to follow.
00:22:53
Speaker
They're the heroes in their own story, and I think you got to create obstacles for them.
00:22:57
Speaker
I think it's just part of the dance.
00:22:59
Speaker
And then on the flip side, though, if you then start unloading your trauma onto them, which, again, I would strongly advise... No, bad idea.
00:23:08
Speaker
Bad idea.
00:23:08
Speaker
Bad strategy.
00:23:09
Speaker
It then tells them, okay, she's used to poor treatment, so I'm going to see how badly I can... I mean, it's a really, really sad thing, but it is true.
00:23:19
Speaker
You just have to make sure you protect yourself and not get too familiar too soon, essentially.
00:23:24
Speaker
Yeah, telling your trauma is, again, a high-risk...
00:23:29
Speaker
low reward thing.
00:23:30
Speaker
Like, there's very little to gain.
00:23:31
Speaker
It's a zero reward, high risk thing.
00:23:34
Speaker
In fact, it's a negative reward because, you know, even if he responds in a positive way, I just feel ultimately he can't help you heal from that trauma.
00:23:46
Speaker
That's something that you'll have to
00:23:49
Speaker
address and you know the most he'll be able to say is I'm really sorry that's terrible but yeah unloading trauma onto onto men you've just met is just not it's just I don't think it's ever done for good reasons just say if your therapist or your friends
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:05
Speaker
If you want to unload on us, we're fine.
00:24:08
Speaker
That's what we're here for.
00:24:09
Speaker
If you want to come unload on FDS, like, I think it goes without saying that, like, the way that we are on the subreddit is not how we are in real life.
00:24:19
Speaker
Like, you can vent on the subreddit all you want.
00:24:21
Speaker
It's an anonymous forum.
00:24:24
Speaker
But in person, yeah, you have to be careful about how you present yourself.
00:24:28
Speaker
Well, here's one thing I actually think online dating can be good for.
00:24:33
Speaker
Building your scrotation.
00:24:35
Speaker
Because...
00:24:37
Speaker
It allows you to meet a bunch of guys virtually.
00:24:41
Speaker
And if you're in one of the states where they're still on lockdown and you can't, or like, you know, whatever, any various phases of lockdown, it allows you to kind of start talking to a bunch of these guys at once so that when you are able to go out and date, and if you are already able to go out and date, you have stuff to do.
00:24:57
Speaker
Whereas if you go out, um,
00:25:00
Speaker
to a bar or a club or an event, it may be hard to get multiple numbers because I've noticed guys, once they kind of set their sights on you, they tend to like to monopolize your time at that event.
00:25:12
Speaker
So let's say you meet a guy and you think he's cute.
00:25:15
Speaker
Generally, it's actually kind of a struggle sometimes if he likes you to be like, okay, well, I'm done talking to you now so I can go talk to other dudes.
00:25:23
Speaker
So
00:25:24
Speaker
So, you know what I'm saying?
00:25:26
Speaker
Like, they kind of want, well, let's have a drink and let's like tour or whatever we're doing.
00:25:30
Speaker
If it's at a concert, like, oh, let's try to go to the front, you know, like you'll end up building a rapport with somebody and wanting to continue to talk to them.
00:25:38
Speaker
I think the benefit
00:25:38
Speaker
of online dating is detachment, meaning like you can get through a bunch of dates in like 20 minutes.
00:25:45
Speaker
And that's why we recommend doing the pre-screen phone call and pre-screen Skype date, just to make sure that he looks like the way he says he does, ask some basic questions.
00:25:55
Speaker
And if you can get through a decent chunk of those guys before you start going on dates, then you at least have a lineup going, right?
00:26:03
Speaker
Like you have a lineup of guys that you're going to be able to see once you, or once you feel comfortable going out and going on dates again.
00:26:10
Speaker
So I think that can be a really good benefit of doing online dating.
00:26:13
Speaker
It's just the ease in which you can kind of get, you can kind of get guys on the team versus like you have to go out of your house every time you want to meet a new crop of guys.
00:26:23
Speaker
So that, I mean, the convenience factor is,
00:26:25
Speaker
maybe can't be underestimated, even though it's more difficult in some ways.
00:26:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:29
Speaker
I think if you approach it with the pragmatism of like a hiring, uh, like recruitment manager or something like that, um, looking for some new recruits and a few good men, you just treat each, uh, online dating profile, like a resume.
00:26:46
Speaker
Um, most recruiters will spend like five seconds or something per, per email less than that, or per, uh, resume less than that.
00:26:53
Speaker
Usually, um,
00:26:55
Speaker
And yeah, you're just able to churn through.
00:26:57
Speaker
And the thing is, is because there are so many more men than women on online dating, like we mentioned earlier, how like they, there's so few women on online dating that they'll use bots and stuff.
00:27:07
Speaker
So when you're a woman, you can just churn through like thousands of men in a very, very short period of time.
00:27:12
Speaker
And the benefit of building a scrotation is,
00:27:16
Speaker
Should we define scrotation?
00:27:17
Speaker
Because I feel like this is a word that gets like, I don't know, like it's like misused.
00:27:23
Speaker
A scrotation is when you're talking to multiple men at the same time.
00:27:29
Speaker
So you're not exclusive.
00:27:31
Speaker
like to one man when you start, which I think is a mistake a lot of women make.
00:27:35
Speaker
They, you know, the minute they see a guy, they start shutting off all their options before they even know if this guy is even going to go anywhere.
Maintaining Standards and Self-Worth
00:27:46
Speaker
And what I like about keeping a scrotation or a rotation, if he's a nice man...
00:27:51
Speaker
is that it allows you to to vet objectively because you're not enmeshed into one guy and also allows you to you know to see what's out there to compare against you know what's out there so I think it's and and to not put your eggs into one basket as well
00:28:12
Speaker
And also it helps you space out your dates because that's the thing.
00:28:15
Speaker
These guys rely on trying to make those fast connections before you start asking the real important questions and then trying to get you into bed really quickly.
00:28:23
Speaker
But I think if you let them know like, hey, I'm dating and you're busy because you're dating, then it puts the pressure on them to come up with excuses and reasons to see you, like compelling reasons for you to keep paying attention to them.
00:28:39
Speaker
Yeah, 100%.
00:28:39
Speaker
And it also stops you from sleepwalking into a situationship, you know, where you've decided to be exclusive when the guy hasn't asked for it.
00:28:50
Speaker
So then you end up in a situation where you're sort of, you know, towing the line of a relationship.
00:28:56
Speaker
But then when you expect the hallmarks of relationships, so things like commitment, things like, you know, progression, he'll turn around and say, oh, we're not in a relationship.
00:29:06
Speaker
Right.
00:29:08
Speaker
You know, from experience, like when I've told, you know, a man, you know, you're the only one in the picture, I've noticed his attitude has just changed.
00:29:17
Speaker
His attitude's changed.
00:29:20
Speaker
So we say, like, there is, there is, I'm still... Yeah, I also think women, women have a tendency to idealize men.
00:29:29
Speaker
When you first meet a guy and there's a few positive things about him, the thing is, is...
00:29:35
Speaker
men are already over idealized you should see them objectively like savannah said objectively right it's not about like degrading or dehumanizing men or anything like that it's about seeing them objectively and also quite frankly men treat women the exact same way on online dating so there's no reason for you to oh yeah they have copy and paste like text messages you know they do
00:30:00
Speaker
I don't know where the idea came from that men will treat you better over time.
00:30:05
Speaker
Right.
00:30:06
Speaker
I don't, I mean, is that true or not?
00:30:07
Speaker
I mean, has that ever been true for anybody?
00:30:09
Speaker
I'd be curious to hear, maybe people can discuss it on the subreddit and we can read it, but it always seems that like, again, the standard you start out with is the standard to set your relationship with, because if you, it doesn't really happen the reverse where they start out.
00:30:21
Speaker
Okay.
00:30:22
Speaker
And then over time get really amazing.
00:30:24
Speaker
He immediately starts putting in less effort.
00:30:26
Speaker
Like, yeah,
00:30:27
Speaker
only may only way it makes sense to me if they make a few missteps as you're getting to know each other but generally their character and the amount of focus they have on you is fairly consistent from the beginning right yeah because these things will i've got her so that's it it's a wrap it's a wrap ladies that is what's a wrap
00:30:50
Speaker
Again, he will never treat you better than that.
00:30:53
Speaker
It's only downhill from there if you allow that to happen.
00:30:56
Speaker
Think about the advantage we have because with men, they have to put in a lot more individual effort to get women to pay attention to them or at least have sex with them unless they're massive pick-me's.
00:31:10
Speaker
But...
00:31:11
Speaker
For women, we don't really like our, the beginning of the relationship should be kind of low effort for us, meaning we're just sitting here looking to see which guys are going to give us the best time.
00:31:20
Speaker
And that's why we just are big advocates of take zero shit in the beginning, because why should you, why should you interrupt your life with any of a guy's shit?
00:31:28
Speaker
Every single interaction you should have with this guy should make you feel good about yourself and potentially a future, right?
00:31:37
Speaker
So if it ever feels like that's not the case, then you switch to somebody else, right?
00:31:42
Speaker
Like you should never have to spend a second feeling bad.
00:31:46
Speaker
There's no reason for it.
00:31:47
Speaker
There's no reason for you to ever sit there and listen to his diatribe about whatever he thinks about this year, you know, how women are today or whatever kind of thing, you know, like they all have like a certain fixation on some angle of politics or whatever.
00:31:59
Speaker
There's no reason why you should put up with negging.
00:32:02
Speaker
There's no reason why you should put up with like a wishy-washy behavior and not clear communication.
00:32:08
Speaker
No, you don't.
00:32:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:10
Speaker
The only thing, the only change that will happen is that they'll go from the honeymoon love bombing phase to their real self, right?
00:32:19
Speaker
That version that you see of them at the very beginning.
00:32:22
Speaker
And that's the reason why you have to remain objective is because you don't truly know that person yet.
00:32:28
Speaker
or one of the ways you can make it stress-free is to fill your life with other things.
00:32:33
Speaker
I know it is so, so cliche, but from...
00:32:38
Speaker
you know, my own personal experience when I started being busy, when I started doing my side hustles, getting involved with the podcast, I don't have a lot of time.
00:32:46
Speaker
So, you know, things like dating, it's probably at the bottom of my list to the point where I have to consciously make time to even text these men back.
00:33:00
Speaker
And it's a complete game changer because I don't have the time to wait around for their texts or...
00:33:05
Speaker
And it isn't... You might not even notice it.
00:33:08
Speaker
That's the thing.
00:33:09
Speaker
I don't notice it exactly.
00:33:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:11
Speaker
Like before, if that's all you have, you're stressed about it.
00:33:14
Speaker
But if you don't notice it, it's like, oh, you know, and then, and then the only time you'll remember them is if it is either if the interaction is positive because you feel good about it or it's negative.
00:33:23
Speaker
And the second you feel like it's trending negative, cut your losses.
00:33:26
Speaker
There's no reason to waste a second of your breath feeling bad.
00:33:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:33:30
Speaker
There's no reason why you should adopt the role of a psychologist and start psychoanalyzing why he only texts you twice a week.
00:33:39
Speaker
I have to, again, where do these narratives get injected to our culture that are so pathetic?
00:33:43
Speaker
Like, are you waiting by the phone for his text message?
00:33:47
Speaker
And I feel like, again, it just feels like comes from women's media, like constantly feeding us these anxieties we don't need to have.
00:33:54
Speaker
I don't know.
00:33:54
Speaker
Yeah, like, dating should not be... Dating should not be a stressful experience for women.
00:34:01
Speaker
Ever.
00:34:02
Speaker
If anything, it should be the man pining after the woman.
00:34:05
Speaker
Seriously.
00:34:06
Speaker
Like, great Gatsby that, okay?
00:34:08
Speaker
You're... You're Daisy Buchanan, okay?
00:34:11
Speaker
Like, he is Gatsby pining for you with the green light.
00:34:15
Speaker
I don't know.
00:34:16
Speaker
I watched Z, the beginning of everything recently.
00:34:20
Speaker
I'm obsessed with it.
00:34:21
Speaker
Anyways...
00:34:23
Speaker
Especially on a platform like online dating.
00:34:26
Speaker
Like Lilith rightly said, that women are in the minority.
00:34:30
Speaker
So women are technically the prize on online dating.
00:34:34
Speaker
They're objectively the prize.
00:34:36
Speaker
It is just the reality.
00:34:37
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:34:38
Speaker
So women are the selling point for men.
00:34:41
Speaker
So if a man is treating you badly on online dating, definitely...
00:34:46
Speaker
Just definitely next to him.
00:34:48
Speaker
Men are like buses.
00:34:49
Speaker
Another one will come.
00:34:51
Speaker
In fact, it's like the London Tube.
00:34:52
Speaker
There's one every two to four minutes.
00:34:55
Speaker
If you throw a rock outside your house, you'll probably hit a man.
00:35:00
Speaker
Like, that is how, like, that is how, like, for every man, for every man who is, you know, like, deficient, there are 10 more willing to replace him.
00:35:09
Speaker
I'm not saying there'll be any better.
00:35:11
Speaker
Dick is abundant and low value.
00:35:13
Speaker
Dick is abundant and low value.
00:35:14
Speaker
Dick is abundant and extremely low value.
00:35:16
Speaker
Truer words have never been said.
00:35:18
Speaker
Dating is a complete sausage fest for women, and we need to recognize our power, right?
00:35:25
Speaker
And essentially use it to our advantage.
00:35:27
Speaker
You do not have to put up with a second of bad behavior from men.
00:35:32
Speaker
You actually don't.
00:35:33
Speaker
So don't waste your time doing that, please.
00:35:35
Speaker
If there is one thing you take away from this podcast is that you do not have to put up with a second of shitty behavior from men.
00:35:42
Speaker
You just don't.
00:35:43
Speaker
You don't.
00:35:44
Speaker
You really don't.
00:35:45
Speaker
I don't know where the like the the messaging keeps coming from that keeps making women feel like we have to.
00:35:51
Speaker
But like I you just notice the reverse how men how quickly men are able to discard women without a second thought, especially for things like disrespect.
00:36:02
Speaker
Right.
00:36:02
Speaker
Personally, I feel like part of that has to do with how men socialize each other, where they're quick to cut off another man if he disrespects him real quick.
00:36:11
Speaker
So they're very, very used to creating boundaries and forcing them.
00:36:16
Speaker
And women, through a combination of socialization and social punishment for enforcing boundaries, constantly gaslighting themselves to feel...
00:36:26
Speaker
to act like feeling bad is enough.
00:36:29
Speaker
Like us feeling good is an unattainable thing.
00:36:32
Speaker
That it's just a never ending cycle of us feeling bad about interactions with men.
00:36:36
Speaker
And it just doesn't have to be that way.
00:36:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:38
Speaker
Well, one of those, one of those narratives that I absolutely hate is the idea that it's impossible for a man to be attractive and a good person at the same time.
00:36:49
Speaker
God lies.
00:36:50
Speaker
Like, like,
00:36:52
Speaker
You know, you see these narratives all the time where it's like, oh, hot guys, you know, all treat women like shit and ugly guys all treat women like, you know, amazingly.
00:37:00
Speaker
Totally false.
00:37:01
Speaker
Which is not, no.
00:37:02
Speaker
Totally false.
00:37:02
Speaker
Like, there's so many unattractive men who treat women like garbage.
00:37:06
Speaker
And so many, if anything, I find attractive men have way less of a chip on their shoulder.
00:37:12
Speaker
And they also talk to women more.
00:37:14
Speaker
So they just have more experience talking to women just in general, which could be a positive thing or negative thing.
00:37:19
Speaker
That's one of the biggest lies that'll mess you up for a long time is the idea that attractive men are somehow meaner or less good partners because of the fact that they're just objectively handsome or even have women that are interested in them.
00:37:33
Speaker
It's
Overcoming Insecurities and Societal Narratives
00:37:34
Speaker
just not true.
00:37:34
Speaker
A lot of times these guys who are...
00:37:38
Speaker
just unattractive.
00:37:39
Speaker
They don't, they don't have the experience with women, but they're just as entitled as the attractive man because all men sort of get indoctrinated to this idea of what they deserve as men, regardless of what station they are in life.
00:37:52
Speaker
They all expect a mommy McBang made.
00:37:54
Speaker
Right.
00:37:54
Speaker
And they all, a lot of them that don't have experience with women don't get to see us as fully realized humans.
00:38:01
Speaker
And so sometimes these guys who are ugly and socially awkward, um,
00:38:06
Speaker
They don't secretly all have good hearts of gold.
00:38:08
Speaker
They're like that because they just are, right?
00:38:12
Speaker
They want to believe that, but it's just not true in real life.
00:38:14
Speaker
So just evaluate each guy individually.
00:38:17
Speaker
It has nothing to do with the way he looks.
00:38:19
Speaker
And don't be intimidated by the hot guy.
00:38:21
Speaker
Like, don't assume because, you know, he's really handsome.
00:38:24
Speaker
Don't be fucking goo goo ga ga around attractive men.
00:38:28
Speaker
Like, that's just you shooting yourself in the foot.
00:38:29
Speaker
Honestly, they have more respect for you when you treat them like a normal human being.
00:38:35
Speaker
Like, honestly, trust me.
00:38:37
Speaker
Yeah, it's hard to tell with men, too, because every man has his type, right?
00:38:43
Speaker
And there's like the...
00:38:46
Speaker
the prototypical beautiful woman in the media.
00:38:49
Speaker
And it's, you know, I think there's always a discussion about this because of how a lot of women feel like they don't live up to whatever that standard is.
00:38:55
Speaker
Right.
00:38:56
Speaker
But like, there's a whole lot of guys who like women who are not like tall, leggy blondes, right?
00:39:02
Speaker
Like it really comes down to that part, that guy's personal preference.
00:39:05
Speaker
Some guys like really petite women, some guys like really fit women, some guys like really thick, curvy women.
00:39:11
Speaker
And you kind of, it's not always easy to tell what kind of,
00:39:15
Speaker
woman a man is into.
00:39:16
Speaker
So I don't know that you should just assume, right?
00:39:18
Speaker
You shouldn't assume because you're like a curvy chick and you see a guy and you think, oh, he's probably only into women who look like this, right?
00:39:27
Speaker
I think it's actually kind of shooting yourself in the foot a little bit.
00:39:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:39:31
Speaker
And yeah, and I know it's hard because like experience can tell it can make you create stereotypes in your mind.
00:39:38
Speaker
But I think for your own greater dating success is maybe like don't count yourself out right away.
00:39:45
Speaker
Just now just because.
00:39:46
Speaker
And this whole idea of like, you know, there's a league of looks.
00:39:50
Speaker
I just think it's so problematic just because, you know, if somebody, you know, I guess if, you know, if a guy is really attractive and he's into you, you're not necessarily out of his league if he's into you sort of thing.
00:40:04
Speaker
I just think it's just so, so problematic.
00:40:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:08
Speaker
And to address, because some of the criticism I know that FDS gets to the now deceased RFM cells, right?
00:40:15
Speaker
RIP.
00:40:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:18
Speaker
RIP fem cells.
00:40:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:20
Speaker
A lot of them have felt like, well, I'm not conventionally beautiful.
00:40:26
Speaker
FDS won't work for me.
00:40:27
Speaker
And we've kind of gone out of our way to say that like your ability to get a high quality man is not dependent on your looks.
00:40:34
Speaker
Obviously being more attractive means there's more men who will be
00:40:38
Speaker
maybe attracted to you.
00:40:40
Speaker
But, you know, part of being attractive is just the effort that you put in on your physical and mental health, right?
00:40:47
Speaker
I just want to say, like, if, like, looks was...
00:40:51
Speaker
a requirement to secure a high value man like nobody in hollywood or show business would be divorced there are so so many like the most beautiful men in the world elizabeth taylor halle berry j-lo mariah carey they've all they've all had failed relationships and that isn't necessarily to say
00:41:09
Speaker
that it was their fault but it just goes to show that these women even they didn't attract high value men right i mean being pretty won't save you from men's like misogyny and bullshit they're not going to treat you better because you're conventionally attractive unfortunately that's not how it works
00:41:29
Speaker
Right, exactly.
00:41:31
Speaker
The issue is always patriarchy.
00:41:33
Speaker
The issue is cultural misogyny.
00:41:35
Speaker
And also, the thing is, is women need to have a total mindset shift when they enter the dating world after FDS.
00:41:45
Speaker
You really need to learn to elevate yourself, even if it may seem absurd or other people don't agree with you, or it may seem arrogant or...
00:41:53
Speaker
like silly or whatever.
00:41:55
Speaker
You have to own that shit, okay?
00:41:57
Speaker
You cannot ever be in a situation where you think that you're, you know, where you're, you know, overly concerned about your flaws or putting yourself down or whatever, because society is already doing that for you, right?
00:42:07
Speaker
So you have to be the one to advocate for yourself in all matters.
00:42:12
Speaker
And vetting.
00:42:14
Speaker
It really, really depends on how much, what type of behavior you tolerate.
00:42:18
Speaker
Like, if you're a beautiful woman, but you tolerate bad behavior from men, you're going to end up with a low-value man.
00:42:24
Speaker
It doesn't matter how attractive you are.
00:42:26
Speaker
If you have high standards, you will always end up with someone who is a good person.
00:42:31
Speaker
You know what pickup artists actually say?
00:42:32
Speaker
They say, if you talk to a girl who is hot, you should insult her, neg her.
00:42:37
Speaker
And if you talk to a girl who's average, you should give her a compliment.
00:42:41
Speaker
They literally take advantage of a woman's, I don't know, just like an attack on her sense of self or whatever it is.
00:42:49
Speaker
Well, it's like it's a way for them to build up their own confidence to talk to women like that and then bring those women's self-esteem down.
00:42:56
Speaker
Right.
00:42:57
Speaker
So it's a whole that's kind of the downside of being a beautiful woman.
00:43:01
Speaker
I'm not saying we should all cry tears over like really grandkids.
00:43:03
Speaker
But I am saying like men do target them specifically for abuse because their entire ego is wrapped around these women who they consider
Biological and Social Dynamics in Dating
00:43:13
Speaker
trophies.
00:43:13
Speaker
Right.
00:43:14
Speaker
So they some guys would rather like destroy that woman than see her be.
00:43:18
Speaker
happy and fulfilled if they can't have her, right?
00:43:21
Speaker
So sometimes these women who you envy, like understand that like that comes with its own set of problems with men.
00:43:27
Speaker
They want to collect these women like a Pokemon, right?
00:43:31
Speaker
Like just to say they have them and like, well, I'm bagging the most beautiful women out here, but they don't treat them well, right?
00:43:36
Speaker
And the way that they keep these women attached to them is by constant crazy making behavior, right?
00:43:41
Speaker
Because otherwise these women would recognize their power and balance.
00:43:44
Speaker
But like, you know, these guys try extra hard to keep these women under their thoughts.
00:43:48
Speaker
Right.
00:44:04
Speaker
Like, a pickup artistry, red pilling, red pillars, I don't know, all of that, like, incel shit has been around, like, even though the actual websites haven't been around for that long, like, 10 years, those ideas, those underlying misogyny have been around for centuries.
00:44:21
Speaker
Oh, for sure.
00:44:23
Speaker
I mean, again, there's plenty of really, really like nice people who aren't model tiers, who have wonderful relationships, who have husbands, who treat them well, who have mutually respectful, reciprocal relationships.
00:44:37
Speaker
So I just, I get sad when I see women feel like I don't look like this or I don't have this job and I'm not this person.
00:44:43
Speaker
So I'm never going to get a high value male.
00:44:44
Speaker
And I'm like, no, no, no, no.
00:44:45
Speaker
You don't understand.
00:44:46
Speaker
It's most of it is mental and the things you are willing to accept in your life.
00:44:50
Speaker
Right.
00:44:51
Speaker
So, you know, some of it is demographics, right?
00:44:53
Speaker
Like some of it is like, okay, if you live, like if you're in a country where, you know, it's really, really hard because there's certain cultural influences pushing men towards the negative part, then it becomes a demographic problem.
00:45:05
Speaker
But on an individual level, you can still fight for yourself to be treated well.
00:45:10
Speaker
And that's, that's the beauty of adulthood is learning how to stand on your own two feet and advocate for yourself.
00:45:17
Speaker
Oh, another cultural narrative that is fucking bullshit.
00:45:21
Speaker
Call back to cultural narratives.
00:45:22
Speaker
It's this idea that women under 25 are desirable and women over 25 are like old harpies.
00:45:32
Speaker
or something like that.
00:45:33
Speaker
Yeah, they got that kind of stuff too from, did you see the online dating, to bring it back to the original topic about online dating, but did you see the statistics about men swiping right on girls who are 18, that being 18 was like the most desirable age for women, but 50 was supposedly the most desirable age for men or peak desirability for men?
00:45:54
Speaker
Lies.
00:45:55
Speaker
Right.
00:45:56
Speaker
Like, who did they survey for this?
00:45:59
Speaker
Like, did they have a bunch of 50-year-old dudes rate themselves and their preferences?
00:46:03
Speaker
Like...
00:46:05
Speaker
but that ties into like another weird point actually that men actually rate themselves as more attractive than they are whereas women are more likely to underestimate their attractiveness i think they're biologically delusional i actually at this point think it's like a biological like mechanism to protect themselves i'm not kidding you guys it's
00:46:28
Speaker
sometimes you see like a male animal of a different species and you're just like relatable yeah oh my god yeah like if you've ever seen like a male dog just really trying to hunt a female and no matter how many times she throws him off he's just like yeah but i like you i like you i want you you know like it's kind of um admirable but i'm like i guess this is the kind of thing they have to do to be successful so
00:46:52
Speaker
Yeah, when you think about what, like, male animals are like in nature, it's honestly pretty rough for them.
00:46:58
Speaker
Like, their entire existence is based on, like, just trying to stick their dick in as many females of the same species as possible.
00:47:06
Speaker
That's the entire reason that they exist.
00:47:07
Speaker
Same species all the time.
00:47:09
Speaker
Mm-mm.
00:47:09
Speaker
Like, I mean, I hope.
00:47:13
Speaker
Males entire existence is like, I almost feel bad for just the way that they are in their biological imperative, right?
00:47:21
Speaker
You look at a female animal, the act of mating is such a small and inconsequential part of her life.
00:47:28
Speaker
For a female animal, the reproductive cycle is like you mate and then you're pregnant for X amount of time and you have to nurse it and then raise it.
00:47:38
Speaker
And it's just much more, you know, you have to invest so much more in everything other than mating.
00:47:43
Speaker
It's a low priority activity for women.
00:47:46
Speaker
But for men, it's a high priority activity.
00:47:48
Speaker
Mm-hmm.
00:47:49
Speaker
We need to recognize that this is something that's important to men.
00:47:52
Speaker
It's something that gives them status.
00:47:53
Speaker
It's something that they use to show off to other men.
00:47:56
Speaker
That is the entire reason that they exist in their mind, okay?
00:48:00
Speaker
We have the power over to decide their worth, quite frankly.
00:48:04
Speaker
I question whether we'll be able to socialize that out of them, because I think that's been the hope of feminism, is that some of that, if we just say men and women are equal, and that men can take on more traditionally female roles and vice versa...
00:48:19
Speaker
Well, I'm with you.
00:48:20
Speaker
I doubt it, right?
00:48:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:48:21
Speaker
That's another thing that I think that FDS is different from radical feminism.
00:48:27
Speaker
We do agree with a lot of radical feminism, but the one disagreement is...
00:48:33
Speaker
radical feminists tend to avoid the idea that there are cognitive biological differences between men and women, and that all the differences personality-wise are socialization.
00:48:46
Speaker
Although, not all radical feminists believe the exact same thing, but it's because of the history of...
00:48:53
Speaker
It's because historically, like, personality differences based on sex were used to be like, oh, women are dumb and, like, submissive and blah, blah, blah, right?
00:49:00
Speaker
Like, I'm okay with acknowledging personality differences between the sex so long as we acknowledge that it makes women superior.
00:49:07
Speaker
Right.
00:49:08
Speaker
See, that was that's the thing, too, because we talked about I mean, they know that women are more verbal and are able to understand complex text way earlier than boys.
00:49:20
Speaker
But nobody says, oh, that means men can't be writers.
00:49:23
Speaker
Obviously, they're bad writers.
00:49:25
Speaker
They shouldn't be allowed to write.
00:49:26
Speaker
But like if there's something that women don't grasp properly.
00:49:29
Speaker
with the same immediacy as men.
00:49:31
Speaker
They make it seem like it's a blanket inability and we're all just like crippling, cripplingly unable to do something.
00:49:36
Speaker
Right.
00:49:37
Speaker
It doesn't mean.
00:49:38
Speaker
No, women are object.
00:49:39
Speaker
Women are cognitively better than men.
00:49:42
Speaker
We're more moral.
00:49:43
Speaker
We have more empathy, better communication skills, better risk management.
00:49:47
Speaker
Um, don't underestimate risk management.
00:49:49
Speaker
I'm serious.
00:49:50
Speaker
Google this.
00:49:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:51
Speaker
Women are like objectively better at risk management related tasks.
00:49:56
Speaker
Um,
00:49:57
Speaker
Again, because of pregnancy and nursing, and that's our existence, is about being smart, right?
00:50:03
Speaker
Fun fact, did you know that most woolly mammoths skeletons are male?
00:50:09
Speaker
And you know, you want to know why?
00:50:10
Speaker
They have tusks, I assume so.
00:50:12
Speaker
Why?
00:50:13
Speaker
No, no, no.
00:50:13
Speaker
The females also have tusks, actually.
00:50:15
Speaker
They're matriarchal, just like elephants.
00:50:16
Speaker
But the reason, they know it's male because of the size and the hips and all that stuff.
00:50:20
Speaker
But the reason why the large majority, like more than two-thirds, I think, of woolly mammoth skeletons are male is because they go off on their own and die in spectacularly stupid ways.
00:50:34
Speaker
I'm not even joking.
00:50:35
Speaker
Yeah, that makes sense.
00:50:36
Speaker
You look at elephants nowadays, they stay in a herd, they look out for each other.
00:50:40
Speaker
You've got the like alpha female who's in charge.
00:50:42
Speaker
She's the oldest, has the most experience.
00:50:44
Speaker
She's guiding all the other ones, keeps everyone safe, that kind of thing.
00:50:48
Speaker
So they die in ways that don't cause, like they don't jump into volcanoes and like die in like, you know, ash clouds and stuff like that in ways that preserve fossilization.
00:50:59
Speaker
They don't derp their way into destruction.
00:51:01
Speaker
Yeah, they don't
00:51:01
Speaker
derp their way into the fossil record like men do okay hey those guys are probably like legends in their own mind like i'm gonna go in this tar pit right now yeah i'm gonna go i'm gonna go wade into this bog and get preserved for millions of years yeah hi bird you think of a snuffle up i guess like
00:51:23
Speaker
So just to tie everything together from this episode, I think the main takeaways are to vet, regardless of how you choose to look for a high value man, to know what you want and to know your boundaries and standards
Conclusion: Empowering Dating Strategies
00:51:39
Speaker
before you go looking and essentially don't do the equivalent of shopping whilst you're hungry because you're likely going to end up with a bad meal.
00:51:46
Speaker
That's actually a great, that's actually a great comparison.
00:51:49
Speaker
Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry.
00:51:52
Speaker
Yep.
00:51:52
Speaker
Yep.
00:51:53
Speaker
Because you end up with a subpar meal.
00:51:57
Speaker
No, you end up with Chips Ahoy, Chips Ahoy, whipped cream, Haagen-Dazs.
00:52:01
Speaker
That's when you put a bunch of trash food.
00:52:03
Speaker
Ritz crackers.
00:52:05
Speaker
Ice cream.
00:52:05
Speaker
I mean, to be fair, Ritz crackers are nice, though, to be fair.
00:52:10
Speaker
I do like Ritz.
00:52:11
Speaker
Buttery, crispy, and good.
00:52:15
Speaker
America.
00:52:21
Speaker
America.
00:52:22
Speaker
Fuck yeah.
00:52:23
Speaker
America's cracker.
00:52:26
Speaker
And also to understand the value that you have as a woman in the dating world.
00:52:30
Speaker
You are valuable.
00:52:31
Speaker
You are special.
00:52:32
Speaker
You are unique.
00:52:33
Speaker
This isn't just me blowing hot smoke up your ass.
00:52:36
Speaker
It's actual statistics for every, you know, for every 100 men on online dating, there's probably less than one woman they've actually got a chance with.
00:52:48
Speaker
And that's just, that's even being generous, actually.
00:52:50
Speaker
More like a thousand to one.
00:52:52
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:52:56
Speaker
And perhaps most importantly is, you know, to not discount yourself.
00:52:59
Speaker
I know there is a lot of pressure on women to look a certain way, but just because you're not conventionally attractive, that does not mean that you're not attractive.
00:53:09
Speaker
And that's something that has taken me a very long time to learn.
00:53:13
Speaker
Just because you don't fit the ideal beauty standards like all women.
00:53:18
Speaker
you know, whatever that is, because it's constantly changing, that doesn't mean that you're not attractive to men as well.
00:53:24
Speaker
And the other thing to keep in mind is that there's undue pressure on women to settle down faster than women.
00:53:31
Speaker
Faster than men, yeah.
00:53:32
Speaker
Which causes a sense of urgency and which can, you know, cause you to make bad judgments.
00:53:37
Speaker
The feeling of having to settle down soon and like, oh, you're, you know, a depreciating asset and that kind of thing is, that's some fucking propaganda, okay?
00:53:46
Speaker
Coming from like pot-bellied, fat-tittied, bald-head dudes, by the way.
00:53:51
Speaker
Sorry, go ahead.
00:53:53
Speaker
But you've also still got the delusional men who think they'll hit their sexual prime when they're 45.
00:53:59
Speaker
And it's like, mate, sorry.
00:54:02
Speaker
No.
00:54:02
Speaker
I can't even with these guys.
00:54:04
Speaker
It's all projected.
00:54:05
Speaker
I'm just imagining what old men are going to be like.
00:54:08
Speaker
Like, old men right now are already creepy and entitled.
00:54:11
Speaker
Imagine what they're going to be like 10, 20, 30, 40 years from now.
00:54:14
Speaker
Oh, Screech!
00:54:19
Speaker
Yes, but, you know, guys nowadays have been told that they're going to reach their prime, that men age fine wine, and they're going to be sorely disappointed when they get older.
00:54:29
Speaker
And I don't know, they're probably going to become like mall shooters or something like that, because...
00:54:34
Speaker
Yeah, women, women are only getting more liberated, not less.
00:54:37
Speaker
So these guys who think that just because their grandfather found like a 20, a wife 20 years younger than him when he was like in his 50s, that's not going to happen for you.
00:54:48
Speaker
That's just it's that was a time when women were dependent on men for economic survival.
00:54:54
Speaker
And since we're not anymore, it's
00:54:56
Speaker
Good luck out there, right?
00:54:57
Speaker
It's just not something that most women are going to do when there's men of their own age that they're going to be attracted to.
00:55:02
Speaker
Most women are fantasizing about K-pop stars.
00:55:05
Speaker
So like their future wives, the women that they think they're going to get when they're older, like they're right now, they're obsessed with BTS.
00:55:11
Speaker
Like you're not going to compete with that.
00:55:12
Speaker
Okay.
00:55:13
Speaker
You know what I'm saying?
00:55:16
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:16
Speaker
Do you even know what a Snapchat is?
00:55:18
Speaker
Do you know how to use it?
00:55:19
Speaker
Sorry.
00:55:19
Speaker
But I mean, you're just not going to...
00:55:21
Speaker
Are you on TikTok, old man?
00:55:24
Speaker
Like, no, you're not even going to speak the same technological language, much less, like, be attractive to these women.
00:55:29
Speaker
Like, it's just not happening.
00:55:31
Speaker
Yeah, like, 10, 20 years from now, they're going to have, like, holograms and stuff.
00:55:34
Speaker
And, like, he's not even going to know how to use it.
00:55:36
Speaker
And it's just going to be...
00:55:38
Speaker
Did you see that?
00:55:39
Speaker
Did you see that clip of Elon Musk, Grimes and Ashniko?
00:55:44
Speaker
Like on, it looked like Ashniko and Grimes looked like two like teenage girls and Elon Musk looked like her dad.
00:55:52
Speaker
Like that's the kind of age gap.
00:55:53
Speaker
Ew.
00:55:54
Speaker
That's the kind of age gap we're talking about.
00:55:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:56
Speaker
Hey, if you're dating an older man and you want to dead your attraction to him, like ask him to open an Excel sheet for you and then like sort it.
00:56:04
Speaker
No.
00:56:08
Speaker
Just put him on a fitness test.
00:56:11
Speaker
Old guy fitness test.
00:56:14
Speaker
Like give him a new piece of technology and then like time how long it takes him to figure it out.
00:56:19
Speaker
Then just weigh that against the guys in your age group.
00:56:22
Speaker
Confused feels.
00:56:25
Speaker
Sorry.
00:56:26
Speaker
Okay.
00:56:26
Speaker
Sorry.
00:56:27
Speaker
I'm getting off track.
00:56:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:56:32
Speaker
Just trying to imagine this, like, what is dating going to be like for these guys when they're like, their time in my prime.
00:56:39
Speaker
Yeah, the guys right now in their 20s that are already fantasizing about, like, oh, like, you know, the girl that I like 10 years from now, she's going to be, have a bunch of kids and have gained weight and no man's going to want her and blah, blah, blah, blah.
00:56:52
Speaker
But I'm going to be, you know, I'm going to be an alpha with my business and a bunch of supermodels around me like Dan Bilzerian and, like,
00:57:00
Speaker
Yeah, that's not going to happen, bro.
00:57:01
Speaker
Like for 99.999% of you.
00:57:05
Speaker
And on that note.
00:57:07
Speaker
That's our show.
00:57:08
Speaker
That episode is a wrap.
00:57:10
Speaker
Yes.
00:57:11
Speaker
Thank you for listening, Queens.
00:57:13
Speaker
And please check out our website at thefemaledatingstrategy.com and also our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash thefemaledatingstrategy.
00:57:21
Speaker
Thanks for listening, Queens.
00:57:23
Speaker
And for all you scrotal recalls out there, die mad.
00:57:26
Speaker
Nice.
00:57:29
Speaker
Savage.
00:57:29
Speaker
See you next week.