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37 Lies You Were Taught About Men (Part 2)
50 Plays3 years ago
We go through the next12 points in the most popular post on the website "37 Lies You Were Taught About Men". It gets heavy....
Part 3 - is on our PATREON! https://www.patreon.com/posts/37-lies-you-were-62440254?utm_medium=clipboard_copy&utm_source=copy_to_clipboard&utm_campaign=postshare
https://www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com/post/37-lies-you-were-taught-about-men
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Transcript
Podcast Overview: True Crime and Dating Strategy
00:00:00
Speaker
Hey there, all you true crime fans.
00:00:01
Speaker
We have a new podcast to recommend for you.
00:00:03
Speaker
It's True Crime in the 50, a podcast that takes a look at serial killers, murders, and disappearances and frauds that rocked each and every state across the country.
00:00:11
Speaker
Every two weeks, host Katie Ocardo brings you the craziest crime from each state, starting with Alabama.
00:00:17
Speaker
She covers it all from more well-known criminals like Illinois' Drew Peterson and Arizona's Jodi Arias to lesser-known crimes like Hawaii's missing women, Diane Suzuki and Lisa Au, and the quadruple mansion murders in Maryland.
00:00:30
Speaker
Or tune in to hear about the true crime epidemic of Montana's Indigenous women.
00:00:35
Speaker
If you like fraud cases, she's got those too.
00:00:37
Speaker
Listen to Iowa's huge hot lotto scammer Eddie Tipton or Florida's famous Miss Cleo and the Psychic Readers Network.
00:00:44
Speaker
True Crime in the 50 has something for everyone.
00:00:46
Speaker
So take a road trip across this country and check out the True Crime in 50 podcast available on Apple Podcasts, Stitcher, Spotify, or wherever you get your podcasts.
Debunking Myths About Attractive Men
00:00:54
Speaker
Hey, queens.
00:00:55
Speaker
Are you ready to level up?
00:00:57
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find...
00:01:02
Speaker
weekly bonus content and FDS commentary on all the latest pop culture relationship and dating news.
00:01:10
Speaker
If you just want to listen to the extra bonus content, we have the lurker mode tier on our Patreon.
00:01:14
Speaker
If you want merchandise, access to the private FDS Patreon discord, which also includes a monthly book club with FDS and feminist themed books, as well as FDS merchandise, t-shirts, mugs, and the opportunity to discuss topics with the FDS podcast queens live.
00:01:31
Speaker
as well as submit stories for our Rose to Scope Queen and Nasus discussions on the podcast itself.
00:01:38
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:01:50
Speaker
What's up, queens?
00:01:51
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:01:55
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:01:56
Speaker
And I'm Savannah.
00:01:58
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:01:59
Speaker
Welcome back to part two of 37 Lies You Were Taught About Men.
00:02:03
Speaker
Last week, we talked about the first 12 of these, and now we're going to be doing the next 12.
00:02:07
Speaker
So number 13.
00:02:09
Speaker
Attractive men are all cads and womanizers, so it's better to focus on nerdy shy guys.
00:02:14
Speaker
This just feeds into further negative stereotypes about attractive men.
00:02:18
Speaker
And again, these sorts of narratives only serve really insecure men.
00:02:24
Speaker
They're trying to pretend, just like how women do this, they just assume the pretty girl's a bitch, you know?
00:02:28
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:02:30
Speaker
And they've got no substance and they're just shallow and they're not really worth dealing with, and it's absolutely not true.
00:02:35
Speaker
This is men being catty.
00:02:38
Speaker
Yeah, and they say that women are catty in this way as well, but I find that men make up so many stereotypes about attractive men in a way that I guess women don't really do as much anymore.
00:02:50
Speaker
I don't feel any hostility towards attractive women.
00:02:55
Speaker
But yeah, a lot of unattractive guys, I feel, have this hostility towards more attractive men.
00:03:00
Speaker
Yeah, it also just sets up this false binary.
00:03:02
Speaker
And I see this all the time where men seem, especially unattractive men, they seem to think that like, oh, if I was a Chad or if only I was attractive...
00:03:11
Speaker
uh then you know I would get all the girls and I could be an asshole and it's like they're not even just fantasizing about getting lots of women they they want to get a lot of women without having to treat them with respect it's important to understand like a lot of these nerdy shy guys that's their attitude and they're not necessarily going to treat you better
00:03:29
Speaker
Just because you give them attention and not the attractive guy, a lot of them still have those sorts of negative or jealous views.
Cultural Norms and Misogyny
00:03:36
Speaker
And not all attractive men are jerks either.
00:03:39
Speaker
It goes back to what Lundy Bancroft said, where men aren't learning their misogyny from interactions with women necessarily.
00:03:46
Speaker
They're learning it from the culture.
00:03:48
Speaker
And from other men.
00:03:49
Speaker
And from other men.
00:03:50
Speaker
So ugly men and attractive men...
00:03:52
Speaker
they can all be influenced by the culture equally.
00:03:55
Speaker
It's just, you know, did they come from the type of family or environment that was countercultural and taught them good values about how to interact with women?
00:04:02
Speaker
And that can happen, that can happen to anybody.
00:04:05
Speaker
That's, that's not distributed by attractiveness.
00:04:07
Speaker
The way that guys, uh,
00:04:09
Speaker
for some reason, assume it does.
00:04:10
Speaker
The other reason I think men perpetuate this myth is because they want to feel like women who get quote unquote pumped and dumped or abused or treated badly deserve it because they're dating the hot guys, quote unquote, rather than them or the guys that are less attractive.
00:04:25
Speaker
And it's like, they want to punish women for having sex with men we find attractive, which is misogynist, right?
00:04:32
Speaker
It's one thing to say... It's a male revenge fantasy.
00:04:36
Speaker
Unfortunately, it's not just like immense hotness that attracts a woman to an abusive situation the way that a lot of these nerds seem to think like, oh, she just likes him because he's hot and a jerk where it could just be that woman's particularly like low self-esteem.
00:04:50
Speaker
And then obviously cultural messages that we get that contribute to women being susceptible to being manipulated by men.
00:04:56
Speaker
But they just want to create that narrative because it benefits them to believe that.
00:05:00
Speaker
I used to think like, oh, if I date an unattractive man, that he's going to appreciate me that much more because he's getting attention from me.
00:05:08
Speaker
And I find this to be not true at all.
00:05:10
Speaker
I find, for example, the nerdy shy guys, they were the most negative about the fact that I'm into weightlifting, for example.
00:05:16
Speaker
They would be just really negative about
00:05:19
Speaker
You know, lifting heavy.
00:05:20
Speaker
Oh, if you keep doing that, you're going to look like a man.
00:05:23
Speaker
Oh, I just don't think this is attractive, whatever.
00:05:25
Speaker
You know what demographic of men are the most supportive of me weightlifting and going to the gym?
00:05:31
Speaker
attractive fit men, right?
00:05:33
Speaker
Like those are the guys who don't have a problem with it.
00:05:35
Speaker
They're the ones who are like, yeah, girl, like you lift heavy, you deadlift, you squat.
00:05:39
Speaker
Like they, they look at that and they think they go like, nice.
00:05:42
Speaker
Like they have that kind of nod of respect.
00:05:44
Speaker
The ones who have the biggest problem with it are the nerdy shy guys.
00:05:47
Speaker
So yeah, like a lot of nerdy shy guys will be extra mean.
00:05:51
Speaker
and be extra shitty to you just to improve their own sense of masculinity or to compensate for their lack of masculinity.
00:05:58
Speaker
14, women are naturally monogamous, only men need variety.
00:06:02
Speaker
False.
00:06:04
Speaker
This is another one of those like pseudo-scientific EvoPsych myths that keeps perpetuating itself where it's like, well, I mean, the entire field of EvoPsych is so heavily susceptible to being manipulative to whoever's narrative or whoever's agenda wants to serve.
00:06:21
Speaker
But for a long time, this was so-called like common knowledge that women, they need to secure a mate and lock down a guy because...
00:06:29
Speaker
To get his resources.
00:06:30
Speaker
To get his resources.
00:06:31
Speaker
And because, like, having a child is a heavy burden that falls on a woman.
00:06:35
Speaker
So then women are—men aren't really monogamous.
00:06:38
Speaker
It's women that are forcing them to be monogamous.
00:06:41
Speaker
And then, like, women are the only ones that are monogamous.
00:06:43
Speaker
And that's just the more that a lot of people have studied humanity.
00:06:48
Speaker
That's not completely true.
00:06:49
Speaker
There's a lot of evidence, for example, that monogamy was pushed by men because of the fact that things like polygamy or—
00:06:57
Speaker
or even like polyamory tended to benefit the men at the top of the quote-unquote hierarchy.
00:07:03
Speaker
So they figured out that monogamy was a better way to create a more stable society because the men at the bottom who didn't have access to women are prone to commit violence, so to speak.
00:07:12
Speaker
So monogamy has become the preferred way to organize ourselves over time because of the fact that like a lot of single men, a single sexless men are a problem for society.
00:07:24
Speaker
Yeah, I want to point out the sort of reversal here.
00:07:27
Speaker
Monogamy is something that men pushed onto women.
00:07:31
Speaker
They didn't hold themselves to that standard, by the way.
00:07:33
Speaker
High-status men expected women to be monogamous and only have sex with them while they went around and fucking around.
00:07:39
Speaker
And I think it's very interesting that they're making it seem like, oh, women want this arrangement.
00:07:44
Speaker
And I hear this in the Red Pill all the time when guys say, shitty guys often say, oh, women would much rather share a high-value man than
00:07:54
Speaker
and, you know, men, you know, they want to be promiscuous and so on.
00:07:56
Speaker
It's like, no, no, no, no.
00:07:58
Speaker
We don't want to share a man.
00:07:59
Speaker
We want a man who is high value and we want him all to ourselves.
00:08:03
Speaker
And it's not true that we don't ever want to have sex with someone else just to do it.
00:08:07
Speaker
Like, it seems, once again, male cope to think, oh, my wife never fantasizes about anybody else but me, you know?
00:08:12
Speaker
Yeah, we definitely do.
00:08:13
Speaker
We definitely fantasize about other men.
00:08:16
Speaker
I just want, just want you guys to know that.
00:08:18
Speaker
But men don't need variety, okay?
00:08:20
Speaker
They think they're entitled to variety.
00:08:22
Speaker
But they don't need it.
00:08:23
Speaker
Yeah,
Variety and Monogamy in Relationships
00:08:24
Speaker
it's not a need.
00:08:24
Speaker
It's a want at best, but it's definitely not a need.
00:08:27
Speaker
It's an entitled want as well.
00:08:29
Speaker
Like, there are plenty of men who are happy just, you know, with admiring the, you know, the one woman that they've got.
00:08:37
Speaker
They don't feel the need to rubberneck other women.
00:08:40
Speaker
So don't accept that behavior and think it's normal because it's not.
00:08:46
Speaker
It's not normal behavior.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:48
Speaker
Also, yeah, a lot of women also like variety.
00:08:51
Speaker
Yeah, I don't like this framing that women don't like variety, because women like variety too, okay?
00:08:55
Speaker
But we just choose to... Women who choose to be monogamous, it's a choice, right?
00:09:00
Speaker
It's something that we choose to do.
00:09:01
Speaker
And if we can choose that, men can too.
00:09:04
Speaker
Exactly.
00:09:05
Speaker
Especially when it's so much easier for women to get into multiple men than it is the other way around.
00:09:12
Speaker
You see this all the time with the poly subs where they want to go poly and the woman's getting all the dates and the man's getting nothing.
00:09:20
Speaker
So...
00:09:20
Speaker
If anyone who should have more variety, it's actually women because, you know, generally speaking, we do have more options than, you know, the men do.
00:09:30
Speaker
Exactly.
00:09:31
Speaker
And it's really difficult to get your needs met by one man as well.
00:09:34
Speaker
So having a male harem who could do individual tasks would be really nice.
00:09:39
Speaker
Yeah, especially with so many men, you know, they might have a strength in one area, but maybe weak in others.
00:09:44
Speaker
So, you know, sometimes you got to string a few quarters together to get a dollar, you know, just saying.
00:09:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:49
Speaker
So if you want all your needs met, you might have to have several men in your life to meet each of those needs.
00:09:54
Speaker
Number 15, no man is perfect.
00:09:56
Speaker
You have to work hard to help him reach his potential.
00:09:58
Speaker
I find it very funny, actually, how men expect women to, oh, find a guy who's shitty and then build with him.
00:10:05
Speaker
Men never do that, right?
00:10:06
Speaker
Like, how many guys, you know?
00:10:08
Speaker
How many guys like go to the gym, find an overweight woman and go, oh, you know, I'm going to find a girl who's at the beginning of her weight loss journey and then build with her.
00:10:15
Speaker
And like, you know, we're going to, I'm going to help her reach her goals.
00:10:18
Speaker
No, men, men don't have this lie where they're like, oh, women wait at the finish line and choose the most successful man or whatever.
00:10:26
Speaker
As if men don't also do that.
00:10:28
Speaker
Like, here's what's going to happen.
00:10:29
Speaker
You're going to build him up.
00:10:30
Speaker
You're going to,
00:10:31
Speaker
raise his career, he's going to get successful, and then he's going to dump you because you were his starter wife and he's going to go on to someone else.
00:10:36
Speaker
There's nothing wrong with waiting the finish
Effort in Improving Partners
00:10:38
Speaker
line, ladies, is what I'm saying.
00:10:40
Speaker
I feel like in this respect, unless you have some kind of joint ownership and meaning like you are married and you have a joint investment, like don't make yourself into like free labor for him.
00:10:51
Speaker
He hasn't actually committed to you in a real way.
00:10:53
Speaker
And it's one thing to be like, okay, we're going to start a business together.
00:10:56
Speaker
But it's the other thing where it's like you're working on his character flaws, or I feel like this more often applies to people feeling like we have to work with him on his character flaws rather than a shared goal.
00:11:06
Speaker
A shared goal is one thing.
00:11:08
Speaker
Having to teach men basic manners, how to take care of themselves, how to do work around the house, a lot of the things that women identify as like a lopsided emotional labor, it's really unfair to yourself to just sign yourself up for a relationship or the man does that because if you're with him, a man's going to assume that you accept him the way that he is and he's going to get resentful.
00:11:29
Speaker
If he feels like you're trying to change him in the relationship.
00:11:33
Speaker
And that's where they, you know, they end up calling him a nag.
00:11:35
Speaker
It is a complete myth that a man will change for the right woman or so on.
00:11:41
Speaker
Lenny Bancroft writes in his book, Why Does He Do That?
00:11:43
Speaker
That leaving abusive men can actually be a force for change.
00:11:48
Speaker
Because if you're with a man and we're talking about character flaws, for example, yeah, if you continue to be in a relationship with him, he's not going to think that he needs to change.
00:11:55
Speaker
And a lot of these times, like, these women are working on the man's, you know, character flaws and, like, building him up on his own.
00:12:01
Speaker
Like, a woman will say, for example, you know, my partner doesn't wash himself.
00:12:06
Speaker
How can I help him wash?
00:12:07
Speaker
And then the advice is always directed towards the woman to basically teach him how to wash.
00:12:12
Speaker
But the guy himself, he's not interested in changing that.
00:12:16
Speaker
So that's another thing as well, is that you can't...
00:12:19
Speaker
You can't do it for them.
00:12:21
Speaker
And I feel like this particular lie is basically getting women to actually do the labour for them, even when the guy himself is not interested in improving himself.
00:12:31
Speaker
And also, like, the most important aspect is as well is that once he does or if he does eventually level up, he will leave you behind.
00:12:38
Speaker
Because, like, men also look down on women who put up with their bullshit.
00:12:42
Speaker
They don't respect them.
00:12:44
Speaker
Yeah, that's true.
00:12:46
Speaker
They actively look down on them as well.
00:12:47
Speaker
So if you're with a guy when he's broke and, you know, down on his luck, you might be thinking, you know, we're in this together, babe.
00:12:53
Speaker
Like, you know, we're taking on the world.
00:12:55
Speaker
But he doesn't see it that way.
00:12:57
Speaker
He sees you as a loser and a sucker for sticking around with him.
00:13:00
Speaker
Yeah, that's so true.
00:13:02
Speaker
And then the minute he makes it, he will, you know, monkey branch to another woman who doesn't remind him of the fact that he used to be a brick bomb.
00:13:11
Speaker
Exactly.
00:13:12
Speaker
Sometimes it's not even just you.
00:13:13
Speaker
It's just like the phase in his life that you represent.
00:13:16
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:13:17
Speaker
I mean, I've had that too, where you've had a friendship group and then you realize I'm growing out of this friendship group.
00:13:23
Speaker
And being around those people remind you of maybe like a negative part in your life.
00:13:27
Speaker
Like you might just want to separate yourself for that reason.
00:13:29
Speaker
And that's, that just really sucks if that's your spouse and you have children.
00:13:32
Speaker
Right.
00:13:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:13:33
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:13:35
Speaker
But also just understand that despite all the cultural messaging of men saying, oh, a good woman will, you know, take on a project and help him improve and reach his full potential and stuff like that.
00:13:45
Speaker
Despite all that cultural messaging, the reality is once you're actually in a relationship with a guy like that, while he might appreciate all of your labor and all of the attention that you give him, he doesn't respect you for it.
00:13:56
Speaker
He sees you as a sucker.
00:13:58
Speaker
He thinks you have bad judgment.
00:14:00
Speaker
So, yeah, why reward men like that?
00:14:02
Speaker
And it might actually dead your sexual attraction to him, too, because I know a lot of women get tired of being in that mommy McBang maid role, right?
00:14:10
Speaker
And it's like a lot of women, they're just not sexually attracted to men who are... Childlike.
00:14:15
Speaker
Childlike and not living up to their potential on their own, right?
00:14:19
Speaker
It's just like if you have to constantly babysit him and mommy him to do the things he's supposed to do, it makes you less likely to look at him as a sexual partner.
00:14:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:14:29
Speaker
Number 16, don't take it personally if a man doesn't want to add you to his social media.
00:14:34
Speaker
Some guys just like privacy.
00:14:36
Speaker
No, if he's doing this, he's either married or has a girlfriend and doesn't want you to know that he's a cheater.
00:14:40
Speaker
Yeah, if he has any social media, if he has no social media, there's some people that don't do social media and I've become one of those people.
00:14:47
Speaker
That's one thing.
00:14:48
Speaker
But anybody that has a social media and hides you is immediately suspect.
00:14:53
Speaker
Or if he's hiding accounts from you as well.
00:14:56
Speaker
Like, I know some users have said things like, oh, he said he hasn't got Instagram, but his dog has an Instagram.
00:15:03
Speaker
And when I looked at who the dog was following, they were following Instagram models.
00:15:07
Speaker
So they can also hide it that way.
00:15:09
Speaker
They can just, like, hide it under, like, an innocent account, like a dog account as well.
00:15:16
Speaker
If you do have social media, you should be fully... He should be fully transparent about that and not just...
00:15:23
Speaker
you know trying to to get around it by by putting his account's name under his dog for example so so watch out for that or they have what's the word of finsta where people have like a secret instagram that's like a just an alt that they use to follow instagram model like a lot of guys will do this where they'll have their main account and be like babe yeah they'll be like babe look i don't follow any instagram models blah blah blah and then i'll switch over to his alt where he follows all the porn accounts
00:15:50
Speaker
Yeah, there's a lot of guys like that.
00:15:52
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
00:15:53
Speaker
But this is why, like, when you ask the question or when you, like, begin to vet a guy, you sort of have to be quite or seemingly laid back when you're asking him questions.
00:16:02
Speaker
So, like, don't make it known that you find it problematic if somebody follows Instagram models because they will just lie to you.
00:16:10
Speaker
You just have to sort of ask them with a straight face about their social media accounts.
00:16:15
Speaker
And then if you see something unsavory, then just...
00:16:19
Speaker
Move on.
00:16:20
Speaker
Yeah, just like bounce and block and delete.
00:16:22
Speaker
I actually find that it's sometimes a fun strategy to pretend like I'm okay with that stuff and most of the Coomers will just straight up admit.
00:16:30
Speaker
Like, if you act like you're fine with porn, all the porn guys will be like, oh, thank God, and immediately spill all their secrets.
00:16:36
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing.
00:16:39
Speaker
When women ask on the subreddit, how can I find out if a guy watches porn?
00:16:44
Speaker
It's very easy.
00:16:45
Speaker
Just ask him and pretend that you don't have a problem with it and they will all tell you.
00:16:49
Speaker
Yeah, just ask men, oh, tell me about your kinks.
00:16:51
Speaker
Like, you know, I'll even sometimes pull the line.
00:16:54
Speaker
Well, tell me what porn do you watch?
00:16:55
Speaker
They will happily tell you.
00:16:59
Speaker
Yeah, and if the guy, the best answers I've ever gotten from guys are when they kind of like look at me a little funny and go like...
00:17:05
Speaker
I don't watch that stuff or like, I'm not into that.
00:17:08
Speaker
Or like, you know, so if they think you're weird for asking it and then you go like, I have just kidding, like, you know, kind of thing and then walk it back.
00:17:15
Speaker
But yeah, that's how that would be like the correct answer.
00:17:18
Speaker
Within reason about the social media thing, because there have been a few people that felt like, oh,
00:17:24
Speaker
Before they're really in an official relationship, they want to be on a sky social media.
00:17:27
Speaker
Like, obviously, we're talking about if you guys have committed to each other and he doesn't want you on his social media, that's a red flag.
00:17:33
Speaker
But yeah, we're talking about an actual relationship.
00:17:36
Speaker
And if he doesn't want to post pictures of him with you, it means he's talking to other women online and he doesn't want them to think he's taken.
00:17:41
Speaker
Yep.
00:17:43
Speaker
Number 17.
00:17:45
Speaker
A lot of good men are intimidated by a successful woman.
00:17:48
Speaker
So you should always make sure to downplay your accomplishments.
00:17:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:51
Speaker
I mean, I don't downplay my accomplishments, but I'm not excessively boastful either.
00:17:57
Speaker
In fact, sometimes I like to allow a man to underestimate me because if he thinks that I'm like...
00:18:04
Speaker
lower status or something like that and he ends up being a dickhead that says a lot about his character whereas those same men if they think uh oh she's the sort of woman who wouldn't put up with that then they'll maybe hold their tongue for a bit until later when the mask slips so i mean be a successful woman like don't like be an underachiever
Successful Women and Relationships
00:18:22
Speaker
just to not intimidate men yeah i mean at the end of the day
00:18:27
Speaker
you're trying to connect with a person based on their shared values.
00:18:31
Speaker
And if you value your accomplishments, then hopefully you find a person who values that as well.
00:18:36
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:36
Speaker
Or at least values the work it took for you to do those things or values the fact that these things are important to you.
00:18:42
Speaker
It doesn't necessarily mean that, um,
00:18:45
Speaker
you know, let's say for example, you decide to change careers and like you were a big time person in your first career and you do a second career.
00:18:52
Speaker
There are some guys that are gold takers and like, so they like the women that are actually accomplished in a field.
00:18:56
Speaker
And let's say, okay, one day I want to, um, become a butterfly catcher.
00:19:02
Speaker
I don't know.
00:19:03
Speaker
Uh, become a hamster trainer.
00:19:04
Speaker
I don't know.
00:19:06
Speaker
Olympic, Olympic hamster trainer.
00:19:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:19:11
Speaker
Can you imagine if that's an Olympic sport?
00:19:13
Speaker
Hamster dressage.
00:19:17
Speaker
You know, dressage with horses.
00:19:18
Speaker
Imagine doing that with hamsters.
00:19:20
Speaker
Hamster dressage.
00:19:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:19:25
Speaker
All right.
00:19:25
Speaker
Say you want to do something like that.
00:19:26
Speaker
You still want a partner that likes you as a person enough and the things that you value.
00:19:31
Speaker
An accomplishment can show your level of dedication and focus on a particular subject.
00:19:35
Speaker
So never downplay those things if you're the type of person that really values that.
00:19:40
Speaker
Yeah, also, I want to say, the sort of men who are intimidated by successful women, that's like a red fucking flag, because those men are usually, like, low value or jealous or, you know, in other ways need to feel like the woman is beneath him in order for him to feel good about himself.
00:19:53
Speaker
But at the same time, just because a man likes successful women, that's also not automatically a green flag.
00:19:58
Speaker
Because, yeah, like Ro said, some men can be gold diggers.
00:20:02
Speaker
Some men like the idea of taking a successful woman and like taking her down so that he feels like he's caught a bigger fish.
00:20:07
Speaker
So I don't know, just be normal.
00:20:09
Speaker
Like just be yourself.
00:20:11
Speaker
This feels like that old school advice that was prominent as a reaction to...
00:20:17
Speaker
feminism and the idea that women that were career focused were like ball busting non-traditional horrible wives and mothers so then a lot of women felt like they had to downplay these things in order to still upplay their domestic skills but I feel like we're hurtling towards an era where women can be integrated people right to be you know your accomplishments doesn't
00:20:40
Speaker
It doesn't define you necessarily, but it can show people the things that you value.
00:20:45
Speaker
Number 18.
00:20:46
Speaker
Focusing on your education over your relationship is stupid because your degrees won't keep you warm at night.
00:20:52
Speaker
Yeah, guess what?
00:20:53
Speaker
My degree also won't walk up and cheat on me or leave me one day either.
00:20:57
Speaker
And actually, it's such a lie that it doesn't because if your degree gets you a job that helps you pay the bills, then yeah, it does keep you warm at night.
00:21:03
Speaker
Yeah, literally me paying my electricity bill is keeping me warm at night.
00:21:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:08
Speaker
Because this particular lie that is sort of like the race to the bottom for women in terms of that, you know, to attract a man, we just have to, you know, to make ourselves just a lot smaller when, you know, like we've just previously said, if it's a good man, he will want to see you grow, he'll want to see you develop.
00:21:27
Speaker
This whole entire lie that the man is for life to push out that, you know, men don't care about your degrees.
00:21:34
Speaker
It's, it's complete horseshit.
00:21:35
Speaker
I mean, firstly, even though low value men might not care about your, um, like education, um,
00:21:43
Speaker
a lot of people in sectors actually do and you know places that will actually materially benefit women they do care a lot about education um and so these people that are telling you that oh your education or like your career won't keep you warm at night they just have a vested interest in in trying to make women as dependent as possible on them and their approval
00:22:08
Speaker
Yeah, that's only said by men who couldn't do what you did, right?
00:22:12
Speaker
Because at the end of the day, we've talked about how, for the most part, people tend to marry within their educational and social class.
00:22:20
Speaker
Exactly, exactly.
00:22:22
Speaker
So the guys who are throwing rocks outside of your castle, they're peasants, right?
00:22:29
Speaker
and and and also and also as we've also discussed as well like you know men aren't going to college and graduating as much anymore like women are outpacing them in that department as well so there's also that panic that oh my gosh like women are actually leveling like up like how can i sort of you know bring them down a peg as well
00:22:50
Speaker
You know, there's also gender demographics when it comes to getting good education as well.
00:22:55
Speaker
So bear that in mind.
00:22:56
Speaker
Yeah, I also want to zero in on the fact that this myth, it's not necessarily even just a manosphere myth.
00:23:03
Speaker
This is something that exists in a lot of like patriarchal or, you know, traditional cultures where...
00:23:09
Speaker
educating women is not seen as valuable because, oh, you know, she's just going to like, you know, be a housewife or have kids and so on.
00:23:17
Speaker
And so there's no point in educating women if they're not going to use that for their career.
00:23:21
Speaker
It's like female education is literally just not valued, um, in a lot of parts of the world.
00:23:27
Speaker
And it's very silly because educated women create educated children.
00:23:33
Speaker
You know, this idea that, um,
00:23:35
Speaker
education and having children are mutually exclusive is very silly.
00:23:41
Speaker
You don't have to choose between the two.
00:23:42
Speaker
You can have both.
00:23:43
Speaker
In fact, it's better to have both.
00:23:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:46
Speaker
And female education in some societies has become a marker of like aristocracy, right?
00:23:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:51
Speaker
So again, it just seems like men who couldn't either cut it or hack it are just trying to take potshots at women who they perceive to probably be above them on the economic and social ladder.
00:24:04
Speaker
And just saying that like, well, those things don't matter because you won't be able to get a man like me, which of course we don't care about them because we don't want a man that would say that in the first place.
00:24:11
Speaker
We don't want a man like them.
00:24:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:14
Speaker
Exactly.
00:24:14
Speaker
Next.
Privacy in Sexual Experiences
00:24:15
Speaker
So 19, most guys know their girlfriend has a sexual past, so it's okay to discuss it with him in a relationship.
00:24:21
Speaker
This is controversial.
00:24:22
Speaker
No.
00:24:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:26
Speaker
This is one of our more controversial pieces of advice.
00:24:28
Speaker
It's none of his business.
00:24:30
Speaker
It's none of his business.
00:24:31
Speaker
And then the problem becomes, and this is, I don't know that there's a single man that would be able to, whose ego would be able to withstand the idea that you might've done something sexually with someone else that you didn't do with him.
00:24:44
Speaker
This advice was inspired by the fact that there are so many stories, especially on Reddit, but in general, where women will talk about having explored their sexuality in some way in the past and then figuring out it wasn't for them.
00:24:57
Speaker
And then they talk about it with their new man and their man feels like emasculated or feels like that this person's not willing to open up in the same way if they're not willing to give themselves sexually in the same way.
00:25:08
Speaker
And there's a pretty infamous Reddit story to that effect where...
00:25:13
Speaker
So trigger warning, because it's actually really kind of sad, but borderline rape, to be honest, where a woman was talking about the fact that she had had anal sex in college with a boyfriend, really didn't like it, but did at a time when she had a lower self-esteem in her life.
00:25:29
Speaker
And then a frenemy blurts out at a party with her new boyfriend about this, about her having anal sex all the time.
00:25:36
Speaker
And then her new boyfriend would not let it go because she never...
00:25:40
Speaker
let him do it.
00:25:42
Speaker
And so then she starts to feel like she's upset because she doesn't like it.
00:25:46
Speaker
And she says like, you know, I was kind of traumatized by this.
00:25:48
Speaker
I don't want to do it.
00:25:49
Speaker
And then she finally agrees to it.
00:25:51
Speaker
He's like unnecessarily rough, almost like contemptuous of her.
00:25:54
Speaker
And then they break up anyways.
00:25:55
Speaker
Yeah.
00:25:56
Speaker
Right.
00:25:56
Speaker
So it's like, it's just, if her friend had never blurted that thing out,
00:26:02
Speaker
it never would have become an issue.
00:26:05
Speaker
Like granted, he probably had a wave of red flags besides that, but you would never want to put yourself in a position where you are going to feel pressured by a partner to have sex that not willing to have anymore.
00:26:18
Speaker
And it's one of those things where in a perfect world, more men would be able to accept the fact that you've experimented in the past and it's just not for you.
00:26:26
Speaker
But it seems to me that the majority of men are not able to handle that information and it might be dangerous for you to disclose it.
00:26:33
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:34
Speaker
Even when I was in like the kink community, people's sexual preferences can change.
00:26:39
Speaker
Um, just because you did something, you know, with a previous partner doesn't mean that you want to do it again.
00:26:44
Speaker
And, you know, vice versa, just because you didn't do something with a previous partner, that doesn't mean that you wouldn't be open to it.
00:26:51
Speaker
But a lot of men, they lack that sort of nuance.
00:26:54
Speaker
So if you tell them, oh, I was into this, this, this, and that, or, you know, these are my kinks, then they expect you to do that.
00:27:01
Speaker
Um,
00:27:02
Speaker
That being said, however, you know, I've also often said this is where, for me, another double standard comes in, in the sense that, me personally, I will always ask about a man's sexual history because I found that it's really telling of how he views women.
00:27:19
Speaker
His attitude towards sex can be really revealing into the way, you know, firstly, the way he treats women.
00:27:27
Speaker
if he just sees them as, you know, disposable sex toys.
00:27:31
Speaker
And also to see if our attitudes towards sex actually align.
00:27:35
Speaker
Because personally, I'm not interested in marrying a community dick.
00:27:39
Speaker
But funnily enough, like when I've asked about a guy's sexual history, they've never thought to ask me...
00:27:46
Speaker
about mine in return again they just happily just tell you if you just act quite if you act quite laid back and open and just be like so tell me you know about you know when you did this they will just happily tell you so yeah men love bragging about their sexual conquests so they love honestly they they love bragging about their sexual conquests and they've never asked me that um the same questions in return so yeah
00:28:11
Speaker
Also, having a double standard in this area is completely morally justified, in my view.
00:28:16
Speaker
And by double standard, I mean, I want to know about his sexual past, but I don't want to have to disclose mine.
00:28:21
Speaker
And the reason for that is because we live in a society that holds women to a double standard.
00:28:25
Speaker
And so if we want to protect ourselves against this sort of thing, we need to have our, like, a counter double standard, so to speak, right?
00:28:34
Speaker
I don't think it's fair to expect women to disclose everything when, you know,
00:28:38
Speaker
women are devalued because if, you know, if we've had sex in a way that men aren't, for example.
00:28:43
Speaker
And I know that a lot of, you know, it's been suggested on the subreddit, I've seen some comments saying stuff like, oh, you know, you should disclose your sexual past because the kind of guy who would have a problem with that
00:28:54
Speaker
is not the sort of man you want to date anyway.
00:28:55
Speaker
So it's a good vetting strategy, like blurt everything out on the first date.
00:28:58
Speaker
And if he has a problem with it, then next him kind of thing.
00:29:01
Speaker
And I just think that's a bad strategy for a variety of reasons.
00:29:04
Speaker
One, because some abusive or shitty men won't react in the moment.
00:29:09
Speaker
Like they'll take that information in, they'll mull it over a bit, and then you won't
00:29:14
Speaker
they you won't get an immediate reaction out of them they'll react much later in a way that you're maybe not expecting in a way that's more harmful so that's that's it that's one reason you don't want shitty or abusive men to get that information yeah the other thing is the sort of men who want to know that information who like really drill you for that that's a red flag so i probably wouldn't want like the sort of men who feel like they need to know that information because they think oh it's going to determine if i see you as a marriage material probably wouldn't want to have a relationship with that sort of man anyways but
00:29:44
Speaker
Find out a different way that he's like that.
00:29:46
Speaker
Cause it's just, it's too personalized if a guy's rejecting you.
00:29:49
Speaker
Cause you're going to feel bad too.
00:29:50
Speaker
Right.
00:29:50
Speaker
I'd rather like find out he has red flags in other ways than to share some like personal information and then have to experience the pain of that rejection.
00:29:58
Speaker
Right.
00:29:59
Speaker
Cause you shared something vulnerable.
00:30:00
Speaker
What I'm saying is in my personal experience, like actual decent men, high value men don't drill those kinds.
00:30:06
Speaker
Like they don't ask you those kinds of personal questions.
00:30:10
Speaker
Yeah, they've never asked me those questions.
00:30:13
Speaker
I mean, I've asked them, but they've never asked me.
00:30:15
Speaker
Yeah, like they won't demand to know that.
00:30:17
Speaker
A high value man won't demand to know that information.
00:30:20
Speaker
But if you volunteer that information, he might be a little hurt from it.
00:30:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:26
Speaker
It is what it is.
00:30:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:27
Speaker
Retroactive jealousy is a massive thing.
00:30:29
Speaker
And I think like more people need to be aware of that.
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:33
Speaker
Number 20, having sex without a condom is more intimate and means he trusts you.
00:30:38
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:30:39
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:30:40
Speaker
Where do we even start?
00:30:41
Speaker
Where do we start?
00:30:43
Speaker
So many men will bareback absolutely anyone.
00:30:46
Speaker
Like, if you go over to... If you ask a sex worker, right, how many requests they get, like, for bareback, they will tell you they get so, so many.
00:30:56
Speaker
A man going bareback is... And also, I think it's...
00:31:00
Speaker
It's also, if that is his first line of defence, oh, condoms don't, for example, feel good, let's go bareback.
00:31:07
Speaker
That is a big, big red flag that he doesn't give a fuck about your safety.
00:31:10
Speaker
Because ultimately, it isn't even just about STIs and STDs, which if somebody is willing to go bareback with you, then they're willing to go bareback with other people, especially if you've only recently started dating them.
00:31:25
Speaker
And they don't think to be safe and use condoms, that's red flag.
00:31:28
Speaker
But also, it's also the fact that these guys often have a very, very blasé approach to the fact that if you're having sex with a woman of childbearing age without a condom, there's a high chance that you can get her pregnant.
00:31:43
Speaker
And then they always do the shocked Pikachu face when nature works as it's...
00:31:50
Speaker
When, for example, nature works the way it was intended to and the woman gets pregnant and they're now on the hook for child support.
00:31:56
Speaker
So either way, these men are garbage.
00:32:00
Speaker
If condoms don't feel good for him, it's his responsibility, you know, to find a brand or a set that does work for him.
00:32:08
Speaker
It's a complete lie that all condoms are bad for men.
00:32:10
Speaker
And if it does, like, if all of them feel shit for him, to be honest, that's not really worth compromising your safety or the risk of pregnancy over anyway.
00:32:20
Speaker
Yeah, everyone who, every guy who claims that they can't wear condoms because they can't orgasm, they're a liar.
00:32:25
Speaker
And like anything that, anything along those lines, they're a liar or they're porn sick.
00:32:29
Speaker
And anything along those lines suggests that they haven't, you know, actually gone to the store and tried on different condoms, et cetera.
00:32:36
Speaker
So just flat out ignore any man that tries to claim that he can't wear a condom for X reason.
00:32:41
Speaker
Even if it's like latex allergies, maybe the only one, but even so there are other...
00:32:45
Speaker
types of condoms with different... That don't have latex.
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:48
Speaker
Don't have latex.
00:32:49
Speaker
So yeah.
00:32:50
Speaker
And especially there's a lot of guys out here that have no problem having multiple baby mamas.
00:32:57
Speaker
And from talking to a lot of older women, there's always been a perception in society that pregnancy is a woman's problem.
00:33:07
Speaker
So a lot of men still operate as if like, if you get pregnant, that's your problem.
00:33:11
Speaker
And also they'll point to the fact that there's abortion out there.
00:33:14
Speaker
So they'll just look at it like it's your problem.
00:33:16
Speaker
They don't want to have to...
00:33:18
Speaker
involve themselves in the aspect of birth control in any way and they've never been pressured or put on society's never put anything on them to be responsible for their own birth control it's always been something that's been the issue for of women to solve yeah because men don't face the consequences of pregnancy right they have no incentive to give a shit about that if they don't feel the pain of pregnancy and childbirth
00:33:42
Speaker
And so that's why women need to, because we are the ones who face the consequences.
00:33:46
Speaker
That's why we are the ones who have to be cognizant of it.
00:33:48
Speaker
But also in this line, like having sex without a condom is more intimate and means that he trusts you.
00:33:53
Speaker
Trust that he trusts you.
00:33:56
Speaker
Like, why is that even relevant?
00:33:58
Speaker
It's you.
00:33:59
Speaker
It's him who should be proving that you should trust him.
00:34:03
Speaker
right?
00:34:03
Speaker
And a man who wants to have sex without a condom is not trustworthy.
00:34:08
Speaker
A man who gives you a problem about wearing a condom is untrustworthy, right?
00:34:12
Speaker
So rather than be like thinking, a lot of women have this thinking like, oh, I have to prove myself, I have to prove I'm sexually compatible, I have to prove that I'm trustworthy, I have to prove I'm a wifey material or whatever, right?
00:34:23
Speaker
Like switch that mindset around.
00:34:24
Speaker
Like you are the interviewer here.
00:34:27
Speaker
He's the one who's trying to be impressing you, not the other way around.
00:34:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:32
Speaker
Number 21, telling a guy about your sexual trauma will bring you closer together.
00:34:36
Speaker
No.
00:34:36
Speaker
So this is a very, yeah, this is a very controversial thing.
00:34:40
Speaker
rule as well, because once again, you have to understand how abusers operate.
00:34:44
Speaker
And there's a lot of people that think that revealing these vulnerable things will attract other people to be similarly disclosing and similarly vulnerable.
00:34:52
Speaker
And you are so much more likely to attract someone who is abusive and even grosser, someone who's attracted to the fact that you've been sexually groomed.
00:35:03
Speaker
Right.
00:35:04
Speaker
Or sexually abused.
00:35:05
Speaker
Like there's, there's those guys too.
00:35:07
Speaker
And there's been women on the subreddit have talked about men like that, that fetishize their abuse and it's horribly disgusting.
00:35:13
Speaker
And it's not worth traumatizing yourself again by revealing that to the wrong person.
00:35:19
Speaker
So if you were to ever disclose this, it shouldn't be as like some kind of need to
00:35:24
Speaker
bring yourself closer to a person, but more or less like, almost like a matter of fact discussion of who you are, but not like out of some kind of emotional trauma bonding.
00:35:34
Speaker
Cause that it's, it's just a really, really, uh,
00:35:38
Speaker
It's a way to kind of send a bat signal to abusive men as well as men who would fetishize abuse to abuse you further.
00:35:45
Speaker
Yeah, we talked about this in the Lundy Bancroft episode as well.
00:35:48
Speaker
He said, you know, he was surprised that people would criticize us for having this rule.
00:35:53
Speaker
Ro explained the reason for that is that, you know, in liberal feminist media, it's like, just communicate, just communicate, just communicate.
00:35:59
Speaker
It has been a bad strategy for women and encourages women to overshare.
00:36:03
Speaker
And I think also, yeah, assumes that all men have good intentions, which they don't.
00:36:09
Speaker
A lot of them don't.
00:36:10
Speaker
Anyways, I saw a really disturbing Reddit post one time.
00:36:14
Speaker
Like a woman was talking about how she told her boyfriend that she was molested when she was a kid.
00:36:18
Speaker
And he wanted her to talk about it while they were having sex because that was the only way he could come or that made him come faster.
00:36:25
Speaker
Like he actually thought it was arousing that she was molested when she was a kid.
00:36:29
Speaker
So yeah, like that's the other risk is you could tell a guy about that and he could turn out to fetishize that or be attracted to that.
00:36:37
Speaker
So trauma bonding is a style of emotional attachment that develops out of a repeated cycle of abuse, devaluation, and positive reinforcement.
00:36:46
Speaker
So it's a bond between that person and generally the person that they abuse, but you can sort of recreate those same dynamics.
00:36:53
Speaker
Yeah.
Testing Relationship Dynamics
00:36:54
Speaker
with other people if you're like leading with your abuse or if you're leading with the trauma do smaller vetting like smaller shit tests basically to see if he's like an honest and non-manipulative person a good one is the blood in the water strategy so tell him about something made up like oh i'm really insecure that uh i'm really tall or something and
00:37:15
Speaker
If he starts going like, oh, tall girl, oh, tall girl tries to bully you for that, that means that he's the sort of person to use your insecurities against you.
00:37:24
Speaker
If you tell him something that you're supposedly insecure about, you're not actually insecure about, and he never mentions it again, that's a promising sign.
00:37:30
Speaker
So yeah, wait until you've done these sorts of lower risk, smaller scale shit tests.
00:37:36
Speaker
And only after that, would I disclose that kind of information.
00:37:40
Speaker
And don't set yourself up to be disappointed if it does or does not bring you closer together, right?
00:37:47
Speaker
I mean, it could, but it's so much more likely to attract abusers and or...
00:37:55
Speaker
put your significant other in a situation where they, even if they love you, they may not know what to do or how to handle that information.
00:38:02
Speaker
Like dealing with someone's trauma is a skill, right?
00:38:05
Speaker
So don't necessarily expect them, even if they love you, to react exactly the way that you think that they should.
00:38:13
Speaker
It may not be that they're deliberately trying to devalue or shame you for it, but it just may be difficult for people to understand how to react to someone's trauma.
00:38:21
Speaker
That's, you know, that's a trained skill.
00:38:24
Speaker
Don't ever disclose something with an expectation of the other person's response.
00:38:27
Speaker
I also think as well, just to find a cup of this section, I think people who disclose their trauma
00:38:36
Speaker
to partners especially early on that can be an issue with boundaries and the idea that your partner has to be the entire village like I know some people say you have to tell your partner everything and I agree up to a point but when it's something you know such as sexual trauma it can sometimes be better just to work through that with someone like a therapist or a friend and not to necessarily lead with your trauma like per se especially if you
00:39:06
Speaker
are going to be expecting your partner to react in a certain way.
00:39:09
Speaker
And if they don't, then that can be quite devastating.
00:39:13
Speaker
I mean, to be fair, that can be a vetting strategy in and of itself.
00:39:17
Speaker
But something like sexual trauma is deeply, deeply personal.
00:39:20
Speaker
It's a lot more personal and a lot more sensitive than, say, revealing that you like a particular football team or you don't like doing.
00:39:29
Speaker
Do you know what I mean?
00:39:30
Speaker
So I just think that it can also be an issue with boundaries and expectations as well.
00:39:36
Speaker
Which is why, personally, I don't like to lead with my trauma in relationships.
00:39:40
Speaker
I also just think it's kind of a red flag to tell something that serious and that personal too soon.
00:39:46
Speaker
Like, I don't know, I had a guy once on a second date tell me that he was molested.
00:39:52
Speaker
It turned out later to not even be true, but he said that to try to make me feel like, oh, poor baby, and like, wow.
00:39:58
Speaker
Yeah, that's really soon, really soon, to tell somebody something like that.
00:40:04
Speaker
Yeah, and so it turned out to be like an emotional manipulation tactic for this guy.
00:40:08
Speaker
But I also want to point out that like a high value man, while he might not devalue you or look down on you, if you've been sexually assaulted, a lot of high value men, like they will also see it as a red flag, if a woman brings that up on a first date or second date or third date, they would see that as a sign of possible future problems.
00:40:24
Speaker
So...
00:40:25
Speaker
And I mean, I've had coworkers disclose really personal things, including sexual abuse, like on the job.
00:40:33
Speaker
And so it's like, it puts you in an awkward situation because it's like, I care, I care about this person, but I don't know what to say to them other than I'm very sorry that happened to you.
00:40:43
Speaker
I don't know how they're expecting me to react to them.
00:40:45
Speaker
And so that's where I'm saying inappropriate disclosure, or if you disclose it to someone and they don't react the way you should, it could make, you could feel offended because you're expecting a reaction that you may not get because that person just plain old doesn't know how to react.
00:40:59
Speaker
And there's like, there's, I've had coworkers that have disclosed things to me and I'm like, that's awful.
00:41:03
Speaker
I'm very sorry that happened to you.
00:41:04
Speaker
But then that's kind of all they get for me.
00:41:06
Speaker
Cause I feel like it's a little bit more of an intimate thing.
00:41:09
Speaker
And then you look like an asshole because you're not...
00:41:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:13
Speaker
Well, kind of, right.
00:41:14
Speaker
It's like, I, you know, I appreciate you telling me, but I'm like, I'm not a therapist.
00:41:19
Speaker
This is very heavy for our shift at Jamba Juice.
00:41:21
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:22
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:22
Speaker
It puts the other person in an awkward position to be like, oh, you know, cause if they try to have boundaries about it and don't immediately respond with this like outpouring of empathy, like, oh my gosh, I'm so sorry that happened to you.
00:41:32
Speaker
Like, tell me more kind of thing.
00:41:34
Speaker
Let me rally a prayer circle.
00:41:35
Speaker
You know, I know.
00:41:36
Speaker
I don't know.
00:41:37
Speaker
If they set up boundaries, they look like the jerk.
00:41:39
Speaker
Right.
00:41:39
Speaker
So don't, yeah, don't,
00:41:40
Speaker
don't put people in that situation.
00:41:42
Speaker
Party foul.
00:41:43
Speaker
It's a faux pas.
00:41:45
Speaker
That's also controversial advice from FTS, but effective.
00:41:50
Speaker
So number 22, it's normal not to orgasm during sex.
00:41:55
Speaker
Man, we're really hitting all the controversial ones.
00:41:58
Speaker
This is like this little middle chunk is heavy.
00:42:00
Speaker
Um,
00:42:03
Speaker
So this is a commentary on a pervasive myth that women have been sold about how PNV sex is like, quote unquote, impossible for a lot of women to orgasm from.
00:42:14
Speaker
Now, that may or may not be true, but we've found increasingly increasing discussions from other women as well as like our own experience that often it's not just that women can't come from PNV sex or that women can't.
00:42:28
Speaker
Penis and vagina sex.
00:42:29
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:30
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:31
Speaker
that they don't have orgasms, meaning even through oral sex, that they're having sex where they don't have orgasms and that they're just quote unquote there for the intimacy.
00:42:39
Speaker
That can be true, but that's way overblown to the point where we have an issue called the orgasm
Orgasm Myths in Sexual Relationships
00:42:44
Speaker
gap where women who are in heterosexual relationships are orgasming maybe like 60% of the time as everybody else in every other type of relationship.
00:42:54
Speaker
So yeah,
00:42:55
Speaker
It starts to indicate that perhaps that it's not women's inability to orgasm so much as it is the lack of sexual skill from men.
00:43:03
Speaker
It's starting to feel like it's more projection of women's ability rather than men's lack of skill.
00:43:08
Speaker
Yeah, I think this is a myth that is basically a crutch for men's low effort sexual performance and lack of sexual skill.
00:43:19
Speaker
Um, the, and I think it's related to porn in the sense that the porn that most men watch, um, the woman either doesn't have an orgasm and it just ends with the man like coming on her face or it's like a really, she's faking her orgasms and he's doing like crazy shit.
00:43:35
Speaker
Like the shit in porn is so crazy.
00:43:37
Speaker
Like there are women who will like pretend to have orgasms from like giving a blow job.
00:43:41
Speaker
Like, as Gail Dine says, your clitoris is not in your throat, okay?
00:43:44
Speaker
So that's not possible, right?
00:43:46
Speaker
So a lot of men watch porn.
00:43:47
Speaker
They have a lot of bad ideas about how to please a woman.
00:43:51
Speaker
And when they have sex with a real woman and don't please her, you know, women, I don't know if it's like cope or, you know, just an excuse or whatever, you know, but women, oh, it's normal not to orgasm during sex.
00:44:02
Speaker
Like, stop telling yourselves that.
00:44:04
Speaker
Start expecting more from men because men are just using this as a crutch to not learn how to be good at sex.
00:44:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:09
Speaker
Yes, they're acting like it's normal to orgasm during sex and that not orgasm during sex would be abnormal.
00:44:15
Speaker
Because again, straight women are the only people who are having problems consistently orgasming.
00:44:20
Speaker
Lesbian couples orgasm, it's something like 80 to 90% of the time.
00:44:24
Speaker
Gay males orgasm like 90 plus percent of the time.
00:44:28
Speaker
Straight men orgasm during sex 90 plus percent of the time.
00:44:32
Speaker
And then straight women are something like 50, 60%.
00:44:34
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:35
Speaker
And that seems very, very off.
00:44:37
Speaker
Yeah, straight.
00:44:39
Speaker
He's abnormal for not making you come.
00:44:42
Speaker
Okay.
00:44:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:44:45
Speaker
Stop face.
00:44:46
Speaker
Stop faking your orgasms to ladies.
00:44:48
Speaker
God, like he needs to learn.
00:44:50
Speaker
And do you think that men would stick around if they were giving women orgasms and they weren't getting any?
00:44:56
Speaker
Of course not.
00:44:57
Speaker
They wouldn't stick around at all.
00:44:58
Speaker
They would say, my sexual needs aren't being met.
00:45:02
Speaker
So women need to have the same energy as well.
00:45:04
Speaker
You deserve to have an orgasm.
00:45:07
Speaker
An orgasm for women, as much as we've been told...
00:45:10
Speaker
you know, throughout history and in the media, it's not difficult.
00:45:14
Speaker
You know, if, you know, we can do it by ourselves, if, you know, lesbian women can do it to each other, then there's no excuse for straight men.
00:45:20
Speaker
There's absolutely no excuse.
00:45:23
Speaker
Yeah, it takes me like two minutes when I have my vibrator, okay?
00:45:26
Speaker
It's not like this five-hour ordeal with like multiple, you know, obstacle courses, like Olympic level, you know, difficulty that men like to pretend it is.
00:45:35
Speaker
It's actually very easy.
00:45:36
Speaker
They're just bad at it and they need to learn.
00:45:39
Speaker
Yeah, if you can consistently orgasm from masturbation, then why wouldn't you be able to orgasm during sex?
00:45:45
Speaker
Exactly.
00:45:45
Speaker
Consistently from sex.
00:45:47
Speaker
Exactly.
00:45:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:48
Speaker
Like, there's literally one button that they have to press.
00:45:50
Speaker
Okay, this isn't like, what's that TV show, like, American Ninja or American Ninja Warrior or something?
00:45:55
Speaker
But even so, we've talked about it in our We Like Big Dicks and We Refuse to Lie episode that sometimes the dude just ain't got the equipment for the job, right?
00:46:04
Speaker
Because there's times where, at least before I had sex with a man who had a penis that was favorable to my orgasm, you start to think like, well, PNV sex isn't all that.
00:46:14
Speaker
And then you have sex with a guy whose dick is built right for the job and you can never go back to it.
00:46:20
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:20
Speaker
Right.
00:46:21
Speaker
So some of that is like a lot of women just give up and then never figure out that that guy's penis may just not be optimal for you.
00:46:30
Speaker
It's not that you can't orgasm for PNV sex.
00:46:32
Speaker
It could be that that guy's penis just ain't, it ain't cutting it.
00:46:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:46:35
Speaker
And men don't want you to know this because a lot of men know that their dicks probably don't cut it.
00:46:41
Speaker
And, uh, yeah, they just want women to settle.
00:46:44
Speaker
So it's much better to just, um,
00:46:47
Speaker
Just move on.
00:46:48
Speaker
There's something called the A spot we should talk about later where it's actually back near the cervix and it's like another stimulation zone.
00:46:57
Speaker
But that requires someone who's got a long enough penis to reach it.
00:47:01
Speaker
So there's things like that that there used to be an overfocus on the G spot, which is kind of behind your clitoris, which is and there's...
00:47:08
Speaker
There's discussion about what the G-spot really is or if it's just like a cluster of nerves that are on the other side of your clitoris.
00:47:13
Speaker
But there's other like erogenous zones and other like orgasmic zones in your vagina that they're just now, quote unquote, discovering.
00:47:20
Speaker
So like the vagina has nowhere, it's nowhere near as studied and mapped out as other organs.
00:47:27
Speaker
So...
00:47:28
Speaker
when they try to make these definitive statements about like women's sexuality and that our inability is, this is a myth or our inability to orgasm is because of this or some kind of issue.
00:47:37
Speaker
A lot of times it's just flat out biological ignorance.
00:47:40
Speaker
So it does behoove you to try to become your own authority and don't assume you can't, you can't orgasm from PNV sex or that you can't orgasm consistently during sex unless it's some kind of, you know, there's, there are some women for whom it's a legitimate problem and it's usually some kind of a,
00:47:55
Speaker
disability or neurological issue.
00:47:57
Speaker
But if you can consistently do that and you can experiment on yourself and feel what feels good, more than likely you can.
00:48:03
Speaker
It's just you haven't found the right person.
00:48:06
Speaker
23.
00:48:07
Speaker
You can learn to love a guy you're not attracted to.
00:48:09
Speaker
I want to preface this by saying it is possible to become more attracted to a man as you get to know him.
00:48:17
Speaker
Like there are times where I'm looking at a guy and think, oh, he's okay looking.
00:48:20
Speaker
maybe even very attractive or anywhere from average to attractive.
00:48:23
Speaker
But then you get to talking to him and he's very charming.
00:48:26
Speaker
He's very smart.
00:48:27
Speaker
He's very affectionate, very attentive to your needs.
00:48:30
Speaker
And all of those qualities will cause me to be more attracted to him.
00:48:35
Speaker
But unfortunately, if the starting point, if he's like just not my physical preference, he's just not attracted to me at all.
00:48:40
Speaker
Unfortunately, there's not really much that he can do personality wise to overcome that.
00:48:45
Speaker
That's just life.
00:48:46
Speaker
I've never dated somebody I wasn't actually physically attracted to straight away.
00:48:49
Speaker
And again, this whole, I don't know why men set themselves up like this.
00:48:54
Speaker
So like women and men set themselves up like this and then they will turn around and complain, you know, that they're in a dead bedroom or that their wife isn't interested.
00:49:03
Speaker
Like attraction isn't the most important thing, but people have twisted that to mean that attraction isn't important, isn't important at all.
00:49:13
Speaker
And that's not true.
00:49:14
Speaker
Attraction,
00:49:15
Speaker
you know, really, really does matter, um, in a relationship, especially in a sexual relationship.
00:49:21
Speaker
Um, because if you're with somebody that you're not attracted to, then you're basically, and then surely you're just like friends.
00:49:28
Speaker
That's not a sexual relationship, right?
00:49:30
Speaker
Unless you don't experience sexual attraction.
00:49:34
Speaker
I don't know.
00:49:34
Speaker
Like, I just think that it's incredibly weird when, you know, especially women now, they've sort of adopted this narrative that looks don't matter in a relationship when, um,
00:49:45
Speaker
I think it does.
00:49:48
Speaker
Yeah, because I just couldn't be intimate with somebody that I wasn't attracted to, like physically attracted to.
00:49:53
Speaker
I just, yeah, I just couldn't do it.
00:49:56
Speaker
And also, I wouldn't want somebody to be with me if they weren't physically attracted to me as well.
00:50:03
Speaker
Yeah, you're going to be married for the rest of your life.
00:50:05
Speaker
So you want to have a chance at happiness, you should probably be with someone you find sexually attractive.
00:50:11
Speaker
Otherwise, you might find yourself in a dead bedroom, right?
00:50:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:16
Speaker
So just think of the fact that your sex life is going to go through ebbs and flows.
00:50:20
Speaker
Your sex life is a pretty important part of your marriage.
00:50:23
Speaker
Obviously, it's not...
00:50:25
Speaker
everything in a marriage or everything you should value, but it's important enough and especially important to men that if you end up committing to a guy you're only so, so sexually attracted to, expect him to raise issue with it later if you just start to want to pull back.
00:50:39
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:40
Speaker
And again, it's this false dichotomy that women either have to choose between a guy who treats them well and a guy they find sexually attractive.
00:50:48
Speaker
And again, that isn't true.
00:50:50
Speaker
I'd also just like to make the point that, I mean, at least for me, just because somebody is like conventionally attractive, that doesn't necessarily mean I will be sexually attracted to them.
00:51:01
Speaker
I think attraction is deeply personal.
Importance of Physical Attraction
00:51:03
Speaker
But what I don't understand is women to openly say like, yeah, he's not the best looking guy, but this is a side.
00:51:10
Speaker
If you don't think he's good looking, then what is the point?
00:51:13
Speaker
I don't see the point.
00:51:15
Speaker
If you can, do you know what I mean?
00:51:16
Speaker
Like, I mean, for some people will say like that their spouse is the best looking thing they've ever seen.
00:51:22
Speaker
And that's deeply personal.
00:51:23
Speaker
But if you're willing to admit that your partner, you know, that they're not the best looking thing, that they're unattractive.
00:51:30
Speaker
I just don't see the point personally.
00:51:33
Speaker
Have you ever seen some of these tweets where, like, husbands will be like, yeah, my wife isn't the most beautiful woman in the world, but, you know, she cooks and cleans, she takes great care of our kids, so, you know, I love her anyways kind of thing.
00:51:44
Speaker
I would rather fucking die than be married to a man who would publicly humiliate myself like that.
00:51:50
Speaker
Who doesn't find you attractive.
00:51:51
Speaker
Yeah, like, exactly.
00:51:53
Speaker
I wouldn't want to do that to my...
00:51:55
Speaker
my partner either right like i would never i would not want to subject someone that i love or care about to the embarrassment of like yeah he's not that attractive um but he's got other good qualities right like if he is actually a genuinely good person you wouldn't want to make him feel like shit about himself like that right so yeah just date people that you're attracted to very simple
00:52:16
Speaker
This isn't Bridgerton where you have to get married because like you're going to bring shame upon your family if you're an old maid, right?
00:52:22
Speaker
Like we're any type of situation where, and this is again, this is throwback patriarchal programming to gaslight women into marrying quote unquote stable men or men who could financially provide for them who they weren't actually attracted to.
00:52:35
Speaker
But imagine you're going to have to do sexual, it's going to be sexual labor.
00:52:38
Speaker
It's going to feel like a chore if you're not attracted to that guy.
00:52:42
Speaker
And we're done.
00:52:42
Speaker
It's not,
00:52:43
Speaker
good for you or good for your marriage long-term unless you plan on just being miserable forever to not feel sexually attracted to them.
00:52:51
Speaker
Unless, of course, you're asexual, which then have at it, right?
00:52:55
Speaker
Like...
00:52:56
Speaker
Yeah, ladies, we've got to raise the bar, okay?
00:52:58
Speaker
Men try to force us to choose between these false binaries, like, oh, you have to date a hot guy who treats you like shit, or you have to date a guy who's ugly, but he treats you well.
00:53:07
Speaker
No.
00:53:07
Speaker
Women need to raise the fucking bar and say, we want a guy who's both attractive and treats us well.
00:53:13
Speaker
And I think that's a...
00:53:13
Speaker
perfectly perfectly reasonable expectation because guess what men have that same expectation of women too right you know men want a woman who is both attractive and has a good personality you know why do they think they're entitled to that but we aren't allowed to be entitled to that like we're allowed to have what we we can have both that's okay exactly last one for this episode number 24 you have to give guys a chance no you do not
00:53:39
Speaker
You do not have to give him a chance if you don't want to.
00:53:41
Speaker
Nobody deserves a chance.
00:53:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:43
Speaker
Period.
00:53:43
Speaker
Like there's no, like you can't earn your way into a chance with someone.
00:53:47
Speaker
Like either that person's attracted to you or they're not.
00:53:50
Speaker
And also what is chance?
00:53:52
Speaker
What is that?
00:53:52
Speaker
Like the possibility of having sex with me?
00:53:56
Speaker
No, I don't owe anyone that possibility.
00:53:59
Speaker
I don't understand when people do this.
00:54:00
Speaker
It's like a woman says, I'm not that into him or he's not that cute.
00:54:04
Speaker
And like, well, you haven't given him a chance.
00:54:05
Speaker
And like a chance to what?
00:54:06
Speaker
Is he going to get like more attractive in the next five minutes?
00:54:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:10
Speaker
You know, it's very, very weird.
00:54:12
Speaker
Or like if they did something that was very bumbling and off-putting to you, they want you to like immediately look past that.
00:54:18
Speaker
And this is where like women get groomed into doing all the emotional labor things.
00:54:22
Speaker
Like, no man is perfect.
00:54:24
Speaker
You have to work hard to help him reach his potential.
00:54:26
Speaker
This is all that rhetoric about the fact that we have to give men chance after chance to impress us or do whatever or look attractive to us.
00:54:33
Speaker
It's just like grooming us to keep having to do that and give them chance after chance after chance in a relationship, which is frustrating.
00:54:39
Speaker
No, you know, trust yourself.
00:54:40
Speaker
If you just, if you're not feeling it, you're not feeling that's valid.
00:54:43
Speaker
You don't have to force yourself to like eat your peas, you know?
00:54:46
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:47
Speaker
Men are vegetables.
00:54:48
Speaker
Okay.
00:54:48
Speaker
You don't have to force yourself to eat them if you don't want to.
00:54:51
Speaker
Okay.
00:54:51
Speaker
Like the reason why I hate this so much is because it normalizes the idea that women's boundaries or women's choices or women's
00:54:59
Speaker
decisions for themselves and their own lives are not valid and that like we have to uh compromise on what we want for the benefit of men and that's just a mindset that we need to reject categorically women are allowed to want the things that we want and if men want to be with women they have to make an effort to meet that have you ever heard people pressure a guy to date a woman like you have to give her a chance
00:55:22
Speaker
I've just never heard that.
00:55:23
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:24
Speaker
No one ever does that.
00:55:25
Speaker
That's true.
00:55:26
Speaker
They're never like, oh, force yourself to have, you know, force yourself to pretend to be attracted to this person.
00:55:32
Speaker
Or like, she's really nice, so you should keep going on days with her.
00:55:34
Speaker
I just don't see the same... The same reciprocation?
00:55:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:38
Speaker
Yeah, the same reciprocation and the level of societal commitment to force men to be with women they're not attracted to in some way.
00:55:44
Speaker
fact men will go absolutely ballistic over you know the health at every size movement or you know uh what they consider to be um oh you're you're forcing me to be attracted to like they'll look at like that dove commercial with women with different body sizes and they'll be like ah society is trying to force me to be attracted to to fat women it's like no that ad isn't for you that is for women the fact that you're jerking into a dove commercial is your fucking problem um
00:56:13
Speaker
But also, like, they have that knee-jerk, extremely negative reaction to, you know, give girls a chance even if she doesn't meet your physical standards.
00:56:23
Speaker
For them, that's like a hard no.
00:56:25
Speaker
And they're not willing to compromise on that.
00:56:27
Speaker
And I don't think we should have to either.
00:56:30
Speaker
Nope.
00:56:30
Speaker
Sure shouldn't.
00:56:32
Speaker
Okay, so that's our show.
00:56:35
Speaker
Stay tuned for part three.
00:56:36
Speaker
You can also check out our Patreon, patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy for weekly bonus content.
00:56:42
Speaker
Chat with us on the Discord.
00:56:43
Speaker
Tell us what you think about this episode.
00:56:45
Speaker
If you're a guy and you want to rant against some of our points here, you can sign up for the Scroats Strike Fact here and argue with us, I guess.
00:56:51
Speaker
And also check out... Yeah.
00:56:54
Speaker
We're going to give you the grand opportunity to argue with us.
00:56:57
Speaker
Also check out our website, thefemaledatingstrategy.com, our Instagram at underscore thefemaledatingstrategy, Twitter at femdatstrat.
00:57:05
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens, and for all these growths out there.
00:57:07
Speaker
We will not give you a chance.
00:57:09
Speaker
Die mad.
00:57:10
Speaker
See you next week.