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Roast-A-Scrote Grab Bag: The Food Stamp Polygamist, Dentist Avoider & More
21 Plays3 years ago
We catch up on 4 Roast-A-Scrote stories from our Patreon subbies! Featuring possibly the biggest case of Male Pattern Delusion we've gotten thus far.
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Transcript
Introduction to Podcorn and Patreon
00:00:00
Speaker
This episode of the Female Dating Strategy Podcast has been brought to you by Podcorn.com.
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We've used it to connect with other female-led podcasts, some of which you may have heard advertised on our show.
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We primarily use Podcorn to find our advertisers.
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It's a great matchmaking service between advertisers and podcast creators.
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And with Podcorn, there isn't a middleman.
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That's podcorn.com forward slash podcasters.
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Speaker
Check the link in the show notes.
00:01:01
Speaker
Hey queens, are you ready to level up?
00:01:04
Speaker
Then join our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy where you can find weekly bonus content and FDS commentary on all the latest pop culture relationship and dating news.
00:01:16
Speaker
If you just want to listen to the extra bonus content, we have the lurker mode tier on our Patreon.
00:01:21
Speaker
If you want merchandise,
00:01:23
Speaker
access to the private FDS Patreon Discord, which also includes a monthly book club with FDS and feminist themed books, as well as FDS merchandise, t-shirts, mugs, and the opportunity to discuss topics with the FDS Podcast Queens live, as well as submit stories for our Rose Disco Queen and Nasus discussions on the podcast itself.
00:01:44
Speaker
So if you'd like access to all this and more, visit our Patreon at patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
00:01:57
Speaker
What's up, queens?
Introduction to Female Dating Strategy Podcast
00:01:58
Speaker
Welcome to the Female Dating Strategy Podcast, the meanest female-only podcast on the internet.
00:02:02
Speaker
I'm Ro.
00:02:03
Speaker
I'm Savannah.
00:02:04
Speaker
And I'm Lilith.
00:02:05
Speaker
All right, so we're reaching deep into our bag and pulling out an archive of Roast to Scroats, an official all-roast episode.
00:02:13
Speaker
Yeah, so this is going to be our first ever 100% Roast to Scroat, pure, unadulterated, straight-off-the-farm, grass-raised Roast to Scroat.
00:02:23
Speaker
Bushwire Rice Skirt.
00:02:25
Speaker
Yeah, full organic Roast to Skrots.
00:02:28
Speaker
It's just so pure unadulterated episode of Roast to Skrots.
00:02:31
Speaker
We were a little bit behind on our Roast to Skrots for a while because we had some longer episodes, but we're going to play catch up today.
00:02:37
Speaker
So we hope you enjoy.
00:02:39
Speaker
Plus, people have been writing
Sarah's Dating Story
00:02:40
Speaker
entire tomes in our inbox.
00:02:42
Speaker
So some of these are a little bit longer.
00:02:43
Speaker
So we wanted to give them like the space they deserved.
00:02:46
Speaker
Yes.
00:02:46
Speaker
Yes.
00:02:47
Speaker
Yeah, by giving them a full episode.
00:02:49
Speaker
So first up, Sarah, should we just jump into it?
00:02:53
Speaker
Yeah, let's just jump into it.
00:02:54
Speaker
So our first one is Sarah.
00:02:56
Speaker
I can read this one.
00:02:57
Speaker
I can read this one.
00:02:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:02:58
Speaker
So Sarah starts out.
00:03:00
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I had met this guy last year and all I can say is, oh my God, what an awful pick me I was.
00:03:05
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This is meant to be a warning to all my sisters to make them listen to their gut feeling and pay attention to the people he surrounds himself with.
00:03:12
Speaker
Also, since English is not my native language, please forgive me if there are misunderstandings.
00:03:17
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So far, so good, Sarah.
00:03:18
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We met on a dating app.
00:03:19
Speaker
He seemed all right.
00:03:20
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We met for dinner at 6 p.m.
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He paid.
00:03:23
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We'd planned to stay about two hours, but ended up talking all night until I got really sleepy around 4 a.m.
00:03:29
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It was summer and warm, so we were taking a stroll while discussing and talking about a variety of things, and all I can say is that it was the best first date I ever had.
00:03:36
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He brought me to my place.
00:03:37
Speaker
We hugged and thanked each other.
00:03:39
Speaker
There is a warning sign I ignored, however.
00:03:42
Speaker
He mentioned somewhere in the conversation that he was always the one who was approached by women and that he never did that.
00:03:48
Speaker
And thinking back on it, I was the one who had asked him for a date.
00:03:51
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:51
Speaker
So he's lazy, right?
00:03:53
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:53
Speaker
He's not the type of guy to actually talk to the women, initiate things.
00:03:56
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:57
Speaker
Yeah.
00:03:57
Speaker
So I asked him for the second date.
00:04:00
Speaker
Ooh, okay.
00:04:00
Speaker
So I asked him for the second date.
00:04:02
Speaker
He picked me up at noon and drove us for a picnic at the lake.
00:04:05
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There were no cabins, so I gave him the towel to cover me while I changed my clothes.
00:04:08
Speaker
He was very respectful and didn't look.
00:04:10
Speaker
Yeah, I know.
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The bar is low.
00:04:13
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We've all been there.
00:04:14
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Oh, Sarah.
00:04:15
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It's like, I've definitely had thoughts where it's like, oh my gosh, like I was super drunk and he took me open.
00:04:20
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Didn't rate me.
00:04:20
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Like what a great guy.
00:04:21
Speaker
Like the bar for men is so low.
00:04:24
Speaker
Right.
00:04:25
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Anyways.
00:04:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:04:26
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I like that.
00:04:26
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He offered to help put sun lotion on my back.
00:04:29
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I said, sure.
00:04:30
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I told him to continue because I enjoyed his touches.
00:04:32
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It felt good and nothing inappropriate.
00:04:35
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In the evening, we went on a small hill to watch the sunset and stay there all night again until around 3 a.m.
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He piggybacked me because my feet hurt from wearing heels.
00:04:44
Speaker
Aw, that's cute.
00:04:44
Speaker
Anyways, it's up there where we had our first kiss too, and it was beautiful.
00:04:49
Speaker
Was this the one man out of a billion who was actually kind and respectful?
00:04:53
Speaker
One who would treat me well?
00:04:55
Speaker
I'm guessing this is a rhetorical question.
00:04:57
Speaker
Well, since you're writing in here, we're going to go ahead and- And say probably not.
00:05:00
Speaker
Use our powers of deductions and say probably, yeah.
00:05:02
Speaker
No.
00:05:03
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:04
Speaker
Was this one who would treat me well?
00:05:06
Speaker
So far, what do you guys think, ladies?
00:05:08
Speaker
Yeah, the part about her saying that he had never asked a woman out on a date screams low effort to me, but otherwise... So far, so good.
00:05:15
Speaker
Mostly, yeah.
00:05:16
Speaker
I mean, she didn't say anything.
00:05:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:05:18
Speaker
So she continues.
00:05:19
Speaker
He mentioned that he was scared to ask me out because in my profile, I'd said that I was only looking for people to hang out and not a relationship, as he was.
00:05:28
Speaker
Fair enough.
00:05:29
Speaker
That is the case.
00:05:30
Speaker
He drove me back to my home again.
00:05:32
Speaker
I offered him to come with me so we could hang out a bit more.
00:05:34
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This was part of my vetting.
00:05:36
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I was not intending to sleep with him and I didn't have any weird or creepy vibes from him.
00:05:39
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He hesitated a bit, but then agreed.
00:05:41
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As we sat, talked and had some tea, it was wonderful.
00:05:44
Speaker
We kept talking a lot and he showed a lot of attention to me.
00:05:47
Speaker
While I was away for the job for a weekend, he confessed that he was in love with me and I said I liked him back.
00:05:52
Speaker
Okay, first of all, savage.
00:05:53
Speaker
Like, if a man says I love you and you're like, well, I like you back.
00:05:57
Speaker
Honestly, nice.
00:05:59
Speaker
Anyways, throughout the relationship, we mostly had a good time, at least in the beginning.
00:06:03
Speaker
He would always drive me whenever I needed to go somewhere and would help me get a new fridge after mine.
00:06:08
Speaker
And he helped me get a new fridge after mine broke.
00:06:11
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He cooked for me, did a lot of handicraft around the house to better things.
00:06:15
Speaker
What I didn't mention, he's an IT student with a crafting hobby.
00:06:19
Speaker
Okay, not bad.
00:06:20
Speaker
He got me a new faucet and said, the old one dropped, for example.
00:06:23
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He was very attentive, generally good to me, and I loved his presence.
00:06:26
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He made me feel safe.
00:06:27
Speaker
I loved returning the favor.
00:06:29
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I would often cook and bake for him, which he loved.
00:06:31
Speaker
There were some red flags I ignored, however, like how he always agreed with my politics.
00:06:35
Speaker
I'm politically active and extremely left-wing, but most of his friends were conservative.
00:06:39
Speaker
One of his friends was also openly pro-abuse of women.
00:06:43
Speaker
What?!
00:06:44
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:06:45
Speaker
How can it be, well, pro-abusive women?
00:06:48
Speaker
What the fuck?
00:06:49
Speaker
So, continues.
00:06:50
Speaker
So his friend's profile picture on Steam is that of a gagged and bondaged woman, and when I looked him up online, he had multiple sites devoted to his praise for consensual non-consent.
00:07:02
Speaker
Oh my god.
00:07:03
Speaker
So basically rape fantasy.
00:07:04
Speaker
What is Steam?
00:07:05
Speaker
I've never heard of Steam.
00:07:07
Speaker
Steam is like a gamer platform where you download games, play games.
00:07:11
Speaker
It's a gaming platform, basically.
00:07:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:07:14
Speaker
This worried me.
00:07:15
Speaker
When I talked to my boyfriend about this, he said he would talk to him about it.
00:07:19
Speaker
During the conversation, one of the topics was also porn, and I gave him a presentation of the wonderful Gail Dines.
00:07:24
Speaker
Oh my god, that's fucking hilarious.
00:07:26
Speaker
I can just imagine sitting down with your boyfriend and just being like, please watch this presentation by Gail Dines.
00:07:32
Speaker
I don't know why, but that's hilarious to me.
00:07:34
Speaker
I mean, I did this thing, actually.
00:07:36
Speaker
I told my boyfriend about Gale Dines, and it actually went quite well.
00:07:38
Speaker
But anyways, for his birthday, we went on a one-week vacation trip, and again, it was wonderful.
00:07:44
Speaker
He was great to me.
00:07:44
Speaker
But after a couple months, the mass started to crumble.
00:07:47
Speaker
I saw that all of the material I'd ever sent him about anything was still open in his tabs, and he never watched them.
00:07:53
Speaker
Aww.
00:07:54
Speaker
That's reminding me of that bonus content we did about the Cosmo girl who like casually left feminist books on her boyfriend's coffee table thinking he was going to read it like he didn't read shit.
00:08:04
Speaker
I'm like, it's gonna be collecting dust.
00:08:05
Speaker
Yeah, hoping he'd read.
00:08:08
Speaker
So when I was cleaning the house with his mom, he was still living with his mom, which I didn't consider bad as he was a student, although he worked part time as well.
00:08:15
Speaker
Wait, well, I was cleaning the house with his mom while he was still playing video games.
00:08:20
Speaker
Yeah, why are you cleaning his house, his mom's house?
00:08:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's weird.
00:08:25
Speaker
Anyways, I was cleaning the house with his mom.
00:08:27
Speaker
He was still living with his mom, which I didn't consider bad as he was a student, although he worked part-time as well while he was in his room playing video games.
00:08:33
Speaker
So he's playing video games and you and his mom are cleaning.
00:08:35
Speaker
That's fucking weird.
00:08:36
Speaker
Yeah, no.
00:08:37
Speaker
Yeah, no.
00:08:38
Speaker
Well...
00:08:39
Speaker
Tell that man to get off the video games.
00:08:41
Speaker
Tell him to get on his knees and scrub the floor.
00:08:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:44
Speaker
There's no way you should be cleaning and he's playing video games.
00:08:47
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:47
Speaker
That's just degrading.
00:08:48
Speaker
Place that he lives.
00:08:49
Speaker
At his house.
00:08:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:08:51
Speaker
So when I was baking cakes for him, which I did very often, I asked him to get some eggs as we didn't have enough.
00:08:56
Speaker
He threw a tantrum and said, well, you're not doing it for me if you ask me to work for it.
00:09:01
Speaker
You always make me work so much.
00:09:02
Speaker
Okay.
00:09:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:03
Speaker
So he's fucking lazy.
00:09:03
Speaker
Like we thought at the very beginning.
00:09:06
Speaker
He's on Steam for fucks eggs.
00:09:07
Speaker
Of course he's lazy.
00:09:09
Speaker
He has a Steam account.
00:09:10
Speaker
That's what you need to know.
00:09:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:11
Speaker
So the idea of like, she's baking a cake for him and then go ask him to get some eggs.
00:09:16
Speaker
Oh, that's too much work.
00:09:17
Speaker
Like if it's too much work to get a dozen eggs or whatever the store, like this man is not cut out for fatherhood or husband hood like at all, but that's too much work for him.
00:09:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:26
Speaker
It gets only harder from here.
00:09:28
Speaker
So yeah, it gets way harder from here.
00:09:30
Speaker
If he can't pass that test.
00:09:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:09:31
Speaker
He's a genetic dead end.
00:09:32
Speaker
Like it is what it is.
00:09:33
Speaker
That's life.
00:09:34
Speaker
He was very good at reading the room and knowing what he had to say to impress others.
00:09:38
Speaker
He enjoyed portraying me as crazy in front of family and friends and generally to humiliate me, who subtly alluded to my trauma.
00:09:45
Speaker
Wait.
00:09:46
Speaker
He subtly alluded to my trauma he knew in front of family and friends to see my reaction because it was a game to him.
00:09:52
Speaker
Okay, so he's a fucking sociopath.
00:09:55
Speaker
Psychopath.
00:09:55
Speaker
Yeah, he sounds like...
00:09:56
Speaker
Sounds like a really like a massive dickhead.
00:09:58
Speaker
Anyways.
00:09:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:00
Speaker
He lacked remorse.
00:10:00
Speaker
And whenever I said I was hurt or asked him to apologize, he said, I didn't do anything wrong.
00:10:05
Speaker
When I begged for him, he would take away plates of food from my hand and
00:10:11
Speaker
And and then it cuts off because we didn't get the rest of Sarah's roast to screw.
00:10:15
Speaker
We asked her.
00:10:15
Speaker
So, yeah, we replied asking
Janice's Library Encounter
00:10:18
Speaker
for her for us.
00:10:18
Speaker
And then she left us on a cliffhanger like that.
00:10:20
Speaker
Like, Sarah, if you listen to this, please send us part two of your roast to screw.
00:10:24
Speaker
OK, because we want to hear the rest of the story.
00:10:27
Speaker
I mean, he is my powers of deduction and say that he was very ungrateful for the food she made and complained about it the whole time.
00:10:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:33
Speaker
I'm going to hope that she broke up with him in the end.
00:10:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:10:36
Speaker
Let's just go ahead and write that ending for it.
00:10:38
Speaker
Like the ending should be that you broke up with him.
00:10:40
Speaker
He more than likely would just like, and everything else basically shows that he's a type of guy who's just used to women doing things for him from the, like, I've never asked a woman out to you're cleaning his house while he's playing video games to like, he's not reading any of the things that you've given him.
00:10:54
Speaker
He doesn't seem like he's engaged in this relationship at all and just put you in that mommy McBang maid slot.
00:10:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:00
Speaker
So that's pretty much all you are to him.
00:11:02
Speaker
He doesn't seem like he's invested much of anything.
00:11:04
Speaker
So I hope he dumped his ass.
00:11:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:06
Speaker
Yeah.
00:11:06
Speaker
Break up with his ass.
00:11:07
Speaker
I hope you did.
00:11:09
Speaker
Anyways, I'm glad you're here with us now, sis, but give us the part two.
00:11:12
Speaker
Anyways.
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah, give us the part two.
00:11:14
Speaker
So we'll try to catch it up if we get it.
00:11:16
Speaker
So what's the next one?
00:11:18
Speaker
Janice or Bilbo?
00:11:19
Speaker
Yes.
00:11:20
Speaker
Next up on our roster, we have Janice.
00:11:23
Speaker
Janice.
00:11:24
Speaker
And Janice says, so I was going to school in Boston to get my master's in library and info science.
00:11:31
Speaker
Great degree.
00:11:32
Speaker
So I love to walk and explore this city whenever I had free time.
00:11:36
Speaker
So I went to check out the big public library one day.
00:11:38
Speaker
So I was sitting at a table working on an assignment when a 30 something man approached me to chat.
00:11:45
Speaker
So this guy's married and he's looking for a second wife.
00:11:47
Speaker
That's my prediction.
00:11:49
Speaker
I'm not usually open to casual conversations as I'm a big introvert.
00:11:53
Speaker
What?
00:11:53
Speaker
What?
00:11:53
Speaker
Big up introverts?
00:11:54
Speaker
But I said, why not?
00:11:57
Speaker
Since the guy seemed easy to talk to, it was a basic conversation at first.
00:12:02
Speaker
He mentioned that he thought I was attractive so I knew why he was talking to me, even though I wasn't really interested.
00:12:08
Speaker
Then the conversation took a strange turn.
00:12:10
Speaker
He started talking about the show Sister Wives.
00:12:14
Speaker
What?
00:12:15
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:12:16
Speaker
I've not heard of that show.
00:12:18
Speaker
Yeah, that's a show on like, I think it's TLC, but it's basically about polygamy instead of Mormon family where they had a man with multiple wives.
00:12:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:12:26
Speaker
Oh, oh, fuck.
00:12:27
Speaker
Okay.
00:12:28
Speaker
Okay.
00:12:29
Speaker
Okay.
00:12:30
Speaker
It continues.
00:12:31
Speaker
And Jenna says, so I'm a fool for, in quotation marks, stupid things.
00:12:36
Speaker
So I couldn't resist listening to him tell me how much he loved the show and how much it's influenced his life.
00:12:44
Speaker
Shit.
00:12:45
Speaker
Oh, no.
00:12:46
Speaker
He proceeded to show me a book he borrowed from the library written by the stars of Sister Wives.
00:12:51
Speaker
It was essentially his Bible.
00:12:53
Speaker
He then asked me if I wanted to grab some food, to which I said, OK.
00:12:57
Speaker
And he said he needed to grab something before we left.
00:13:00
Speaker
Why?
00:13:00
Speaker
Why did you say okay?
00:13:02
Speaker
So, okay.
00:13:03
Speaker
So this is weird to me.
00:13:04
Speaker
So basically this guy is like an evangelist for this polygamous lifestyle.
00:13:09
Speaker
You know what this creeps me out about?
00:13:10
Speaker
Because this reminds me totally of like the Christian missionary people.
00:13:13
Speaker
Like this has happened to me multiple times.
00:13:14
Speaker
I don't know if people look at me and think I need Jesus or something, but like I've been out in a public place.
00:13:19
Speaker
I've been minding my business.
00:13:20
Speaker
And sometimes if it's a man, I usually just ignore them.
00:13:22
Speaker
But a lot of times it'll be like a young looking woman and she'll just ask me for directions and I'll just be nice.
00:13:27
Speaker
And then the next thing I know, they're sitting down to me asking me if I've
00:13:30
Speaker
accepted their Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ.
00:13:32
Speaker
And if I've heard the good news that he can change my life around.
00:13:35
Speaker
And I'm like, I don't know why you're sitting here talking to me.
00:13:37
Speaker
But this reminds me of this, that this guy is basically an evangelist for whatever his church is that's allowing him to do this.
00:13:43
Speaker
You want to know something funny?
00:13:44
Speaker
I've mentioned this off the record to Ro and Savannah before, but I actually have this weird hobby where whenever religious people approach me to try to convert me to their religion, I will like pretend to be interested and I'll listen to their pitch.
00:13:55
Speaker
Again, I'm a salesperson.
00:13:57
Speaker
Part of being a good salesperson is learning from other salespeople.
00:14:00
Speaker
And I consider these evangelists to be like a form of salespeople, essentially.
00:14:03
Speaker
So I want to hear their pitch.
00:14:05
Speaker
I want to think like, oh, what are their areas of improvement for their value proposition, for their objection handling and so on?
00:14:10
Speaker
So and yeah.
00:14:12
Speaker
Yeah, so I'll pretend to be interested in joining their religion.
00:14:14
Speaker
And then I'll try to do like almost like a counter conversion to them because I'm atheist, right?
00:14:19
Speaker
So I'll try to like poke holes in what they're saying.
00:14:21
Speaker
And like, you know how many times I've been called, what is it, a doubting Tom?
00:14:24
Speaker
What's that one guy who like didn't believe that Jesus came back to life until he saw the holes in the center?
00:14:29
Speaker
Thomas, yeah.
00:14:30
Speaker
So you know how many times I've been compared to that guy.
00:14:32
Speaker
And like religious people always whip out the phrase like, you remind me of a doubting Tom as if like, that's going to like, I've heard this so many times before.
00:14:38
Speaker
Okay, so I know exactly the playbook.
00:14:41
Speaker
So but they always whip it out.
00:14:42
Speaker
I'm going to be like, wow, oh my gosh, and totally blown away.
00:14:45
Speaker
No, it's super predictable.
00:14:47
Speaker
Anyways, we'll have like a back and forth.
00:14:49
Speaker
You know how like sea slugs reproduce, like they try to like stab each other with their penis so that they don't have to be the one that has to carry the babies or whatever.
00:14:55
Speaker
It's kind of like that.
00:14:56
Speaker
No, I didn't know that.
00:14:57
Speaker
But yeah, I guess I do know.
00:14:59
Speaker
But okay.
00:15:01
Speaker
So now it's kind of like that.
00:15:04
Speaker
We're trying to convert each other first.
00:15:07
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:08
Speaker
They don't want to be the one that's pregnant.
00:15:10
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:10
Speaker
So that's kind of what me arguing with religious people.
00:15:14
Speaker
Having a penis duel.
00:15:20
Speaker
You have way more patience than me because I'm like, I've heard it so many times that like this soon as I am like, no, no.
00:15:30
Speaker
In my head, I'm like, oh, this is going to be fun.
00:15:32
Speaker
Like, I don't know.
00:15:33
Speaker
But then again, I enjoy the process because I'm a fucking weirdo like that.
00:15:36
Speaker
Okay.
00:15:36
Speaker
So I like arguing with people.
00:15:39
Speaker
It's my resting nice face.
00:15:41
Speaker
Like people try to talk to me too much.
00:15:42
Speaker
Yeah.
00:15:44
Speaker
like i don't want to talk to you lady anyways i thought this was quite amusing but anyway so she's like i will say i am the kind of person where if a religious person's like hey you want to go grab some lunch i'll be like sure i want to hear your sales pitch
00:15:59
Speaker
I'm just already tuning them out and thinking like yeah but again you were raised in the church you're bored with this shit like I was not raised in the church so I'm like oh what a fascinating little I'm tired of people looking at me and thinking I need Jesus oh I'm used to it I just find it amusing anyways oh so the story back to the story yeah
00:16:17
Speaker
Yeah, back to the story.
00:16:19
Speaker
The story continues.
00:16:20
Speaker
So he asked me if I wanted to grab some food, to which I said, okay.
00:16:24
Speaker
And he said he needs to grab something before we left.
00:16:27
Speaker
And we walked to the other side of the library where he had left his stuff, which was a couple of suitcases and a whole ass desktop computer.
00:16:35
Speaker
What?
00:16:35
Speaker
He was homeless.
00:16:37
Speaker
What?
00:16:37
Speaker
What twist?
00:16:38
Speaker
What?
00:16:43
Speaker
He suggested we go to 7-Eleven and he said he would buy with his food stamp allowance.
00:16:53
Speaker
He suggested we go to 7-Eleven and that he would buy with his food stamp allowance.
00:16:57
Speaker
His food stamp allowance.
00:17:02
Speaker
I would feel bad for taking food out of a man's mouth like that.
00:17:06
Speaker
Men will have nothing but the goddamn audacity.
00:17:09
Speaker
I swear to God.
00:17:13
Speaker
But it's like you are full on homeless and you're hitting on a woman in a library.
00:17:17
Speaker
Do you just not have any shame?
00:17:19
Speaker
And try to get her to be polygamous on top of that, right?
00:17:23
Speaker
Like, shut up.
00:17:27
Speaker
No, the asking about polygamy, that was like a compliance test.
00:17:31
Speaker
It was trying to see.
00:17:32
Speaker
Sometimes men will talk about something like that to be like, to see if she'll go along with it.
00:17:35
Speaker
She passed the test, which is again, this is the sort of a compliance test is a test you want to fail.
00:17:41
Speaker
That's one test you want to fail.
00:17:43
Speaker
Yeah.
00:17:44
Speaker
you want to fail this test okay you don't you want to fail those tests badly yeah like you don't ever want to be in a situation where a man's shit testing you and then you pass and he thinks great like she can put up with even more shit he took her to 7-eleven to buy food at his food stamps so he's a guy that lives outside the library it gets worse i'm guessing that guy yeah
00:18:05
Speaker
It continues.
00:18:06
Speaker
So it continues.
00:18:08
Speaker
Yeah.
00:18:09
Speaker
So the more we spoke, the dumber it became.
00:18:11
Speaker
He was currently separated from his wife after he tried to get his wife in line for the new life he was aspiring to.
00:18:19
Speaker
His wife kicked him out of the house.
00:18:21
Speaker
I was keeping him away from their daughter.
00:18:24
Speaker
He was also in trouble with the other woman he wanted to marry.
00:18:28
Speaker
I guess she kicked him to the curb when she found out how stupid he was.
00:18:34
Speaker
in bad fires yeah i love it when men try to do this polygamy shit and then both women dump him when he's like he's my you don't support my new lifestyle yeah like this guy he had a wife right and then he got greedy and he flew too close to the sun tried to get a second wife and then both of them dumped him and his wings burnt off yeah and then his wings melted off
00:18:57
Speaker
And he's still trying it.
00:18:58
Speaker
He's still trying it.
00:19:00
Speaker
He's still trying it with strangers.
00:19:01
Speaker
With his whole ass suitcases and desktop and desktop laptop.
00:19:05
Speaker
I can't believe this.
00:19:07
Speaker
Ladies, the audacity.
00:19:10
Speaker
Every time you feel a little bit bad for feeling it, remember there are men who will be living homeless outside a library because their wife kicked them out for asking for her to get another wife and still hit on a complete stranger and buy them food from 7-Eleven with food stamps with their whole chest.
00:19:29
Speaker
Yeah, ladies, never feel bad for asking for shit, okay?
00:19:32
Speaker
Because guaranteed, anything you could ask for is not enough.
00:19:36
Speaker
You honestly deserve more.
00:19:37
Speaker
These guys exist out here in great numbers.
00:19:41
Speaker
Still hitting on you.
00:19:44
Speaker
Okay, so Lilith, you did do your strategy.
00:19:52
Speaker
Okay, she's doing what I do, basically, which is like when you find someone who's so crazy, you want to keep talking to them because it's so entertaining, right?
00:20:02
Speaker
I really couldn't get enough of this craziness, even though I still had no interest in him.
00:20:07
Speaker
I kept talking to him for my own entertainment.
00:20:10
Speaker
I met... Yeah, yeah.
00:20:13
Speaker
It's so pathetic.
00:20:14
Speaker
It's so entertaining.
00:20:16
Speaker
I met him again and treated him to lunch whilst he went on and on and on about sister wives.
00:20:21
Speaker
At one point, I kind of scoffed at it all and he got so angry.
00:20:25
Speaker
I met him a third time and we went to the VA so he could check on his disability payments and
00:20:32
Speaker
Is that a date?
00:20:33
Speaker
Hey babe, pick me up.
00:20:35
Speaker
Let's go to the VA to check on your disability payments.
00:20:38
Speaker
He said he had PTSD from being in the military.
00:20:41
Speaker
And we then went to the Italian section of Boston where I bought myself some yummy pastries and none for him.
00:20:47
Speaker
He once again treated me to a foodstab 7-Eleven lunch.
00:20:52
Speaker
We had a picnic in the Boston Common and it was a lovely day.
00:20:56
Speaker
And after lunch, like I knew I'd gotten as much entertainment as I could out of him and I told him that I wouldn't be seeing him again.
00:21:03
Speaker
And then I went off by myself and went back to doing what I love, exploring the city.
00:21:08
Speaker
I know it sounds reckless and stupid for me to spend so much time with him, but I really didn't have much else going on at the time.
00:21:15
Speaker
I probably wouldn't do it again if given the option to spend a few days with a crazy Sister Wives fanatic.
00:21:21
Speaker
Wow.
00:21:22
Speaker
I don't know what to say.
00:21:23
Speaker
Oh, wait, no, there's more.
00:21:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:21:25
Speaker
I wanted to add that when I said I scoffed at his obsession, I had been listening to him talk all that nonsense, but I accidentally let it slip that it was all BS.
00:21:34
Speaker
He became angry and started to defend his beliefs.
00:21:36
Speaker
And I switched to being dipped.
00:21:38
Speaker
You don't support my beliefs.
00:21:42
Speaker
And I switched to being diplomatic and reassured him that he had some valid points.
00:21:47
Speaker
To be honest, I don't know why, because I've experienced this before where like I've called a guy out on his, for example, him saying that, like he wouldn't mind if he slept with a woman who was married.
00:21:58
Speaker
And then when I call them out on it, they're like, why are you attacking my beliefs?
00:22:01
Speaker
As if it's like, I'm attacking their religion.
00:22:04
Speaker
I was like, it's not a belief like that.
00:22:07
Speaker
That's disordered thinking.
00:22:08
Speaker
That's faulty thinking.
00:22:10
Speaker
like they just oh no i'm criticizing your decisions and like judgment okay like you know yes exactly yeah it's not like criticizing your religion or something which i mean and even religion is criticized so i don't really know what they're getting at when they try and do the whole you can't criticize me because i think what i think
00:22:30
Speaker
I'm going to start using that on men, actually.
00:22:32
Speaker
Like, anytime a man criticizes me for, I don't know, being materialistic or being a gold digger or something, I'll be like, how dare you criticize me for my beliefs?
00:22:39
Speaker
I'm just... Yeah.
00:22:42
Speaker
Like, here's the thing.
00:22:43
Speaker
It's like, men really don't like it when women treat them the way that they treat women.
00:22:48
Speaker
Whenever I do that sort of thing, or if a guy's being really angry or emotional or rational, I'll be like, oh my gosh, you're being so irrational right now.
00:22:54
Speaker
You're being so emotional right now.
00:22:56
Speaker
Can't you just be rational right now?
00:22:58
Speaker
That kind of thing.
00:22:59
Speaker
Men fucking hate it when women talk to them like that.
00:23:02
Speaker
Yeah, so that's why I do it because it's entertaining.
00:23:04
Speaker
Anyways.
00:23:05
Speaker
Yeah.
00:23:06
Speaker
I don't know why I spend energy on that idiot.
00:23:08
Speaker
The only philosophy I agreed with him was that women work well together, especially when they build support structures to meet each other's needs when children are involved.
00:23:17
Speaker
Wait, so this scro wanted to build a haram to basically raise his kids?
00:23:23
Speaker
That's why he's saying that?
00:23:25
Speaker
Of course, of course.
00:23:26
Speaker
It's so he doesn't have to do any work.
00:23:28
Speaker
It's for less work for him.
00:23:30
Speaker
Read the next line.
00:23:31
Speaker
She says, don't need a man for that, really.
00:23:33
Speaker
True.
00:23:33
Speaker
Queen, if his sister-wife's dreams came true, he would be a third will because he would bring nothing to the table.
00:23:41
Speaker
Nothing.
00:23:42
Speaker
Yeah, no, he wouldn't have anything.
00:23:44
Speaker
I mean, he's living outside the library on food stamps and disability.
00:23:48
Speaker
So maybe his disability, I guess he had PTSD.
00:23:52
Speaker
I was like, is he delusional?
00:23:53
Speaker
Paranoid, schizophrenic?
00:23:54
Speaker
You know, something where... Like, what's wrong with him?
00:23:57
Speaker
Yeah, explain his absolute delusion and audacity.
00:24:00
Speaker
But then again, it's just male pattern delusion.
00:24:03
Speaker
Male pattern delusion isn't a medical diagnosis, I don't think, is it?
00:24:07
Speaker
Male pattern delusion.
00:24:08
Speaker
We should honestly, there's over 500 diagnoses.
00:24:11
Speaker
If they can put fucking grief disorder in the DSM-5, I'm pretty sure we could put male pattern delusion in DSM-5.
00:24:17
Speaker
Let's make it happen.
00:24:18
Speaker
Yeah.
00:24:19
Speaker
Well, did you know that gaming disorder actually is now on the DSM-5 as well?
00:24:23
Speaker
Just dropping that out there.
00:24:24
Speaker
Gaming disorder?
00:24:26
Speaker
Is it now?
00:24:29
Speaker
There should actually be a subsection specifically for, you know how there used to be like hysteria for women?
00:24:34
Speaker
We need to have testaria for men.
00:24:36
Speaker
Testerical men.
00:24:37
Speaker
Like, there needs to be a subsection for conditions that only affect men psychologically.
00:24:44
Speaker
It needs to be, have you been triggered by FDS in the past six months?
00:24:48
Speaker
Are you still triggered?
00:24:49
Speaker
Are you still listening despite being triggered every single time, even though you can completely involuntarily turn it off?
00:24:54
Speaker
You may have obsessive FDS disorder.
00:24:57
Speaker
but no but no but if you look at how like the dsm is made it's literally a bunch of mainly old white men sitting around the table decided stuff so yeah that should be in the dsm too fbs related to hysteria yes like male pattern delusion biologically delusional
00:25:17
Speaker
biological deletion maleness is a psychiatric disorder basically what it is biological deletion i think it's real i think it's a real thing i think it's just a part of their maleness like they have to believe stupid things because that's what makes them like go out into the world and do the impossible to a certain extent but sometimes it just gets all crisscrossed and they just believe entirely incredibly stupid things
00:25:41
Speaker
Or I don't know.
00:25:42
Speaker
It's crisscrossed with their entitlement and then it becomes a problem for us.
00:25:45
Speaker
Right?
00:25:47
Speaker
So... I'm dead serious.
00:25:49
Speaker
I'm not even saying this ironically or to be funny, dead serious.
00:25:51
Speaker
We need to have a section in DSM-5 that explains maleness as a psychiatric disorder.
00:25:57
Speaker
Someone create a petition so we can sign.
00:26:00
Speaker
We want to add male pattern delusion, male pattern.
00:26:03
Speaker
That's an actual psychological problem.
00:26:06
Speaker
Just to troll the DSM-5.
00:26:08
Speaker
As actual psychological disorder.
00:26:09
Speaker
Yeah.
00:26:11
Speaker
Well, thanks, Janice.
00:26:12
Speaker
That was a very entertaining story.
00:26:14
Speaker
We appreciate it.
00:26:16
Speaker
And we'd just like to take a moment to thank the sponsor of this episode, Davy Piper.
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Speaker
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Listener's Experience with Manipulative Partner
00:27:07
Speaker
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00:27:13
Speaker
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00:27:17
Speaker
Thanks and back to the show.
00:27:19
Speaker
Third on the docket.
00:27:21
Speaker
All right.
00:27:21
Speaker
It is anonymous.
00:27:22
Speaker
So I guess I'll read this one.
00:27:23
Speaker
From anonymous, I got into my first real long-term relationship when I was 18 and was about a year into university.
00:27:29
Speaker
It was really great at first.
00:27:31
Speaker
And I thought we had a lot in common since we were both high achievers interested in politics.
00:27:35
Speaker
Unfortunately, at that time, I was suffering from an extremely debilitating anxiety disorder.
00:27:40
Speaker
It was so bad.
00:27:40
Speaker
I couldn't even take the bus without having a panic attack and regularly self-harm to deal with overwhelming emotions.
00:27:46
Speaker
Hope you're doing okay, sis.
00:27:47
Speaker
as well as dealing with an undiagnosed autoimmune disorder.
00:27:51
Speaker
I wasn't fully aware that my anxiety or the pain I was in was abnormal or strange.
00:27:55
Speaker
And I thought getting into relationship at that age was normal.
00:27:58
Speaker
So I went for it.
00:27:58
Speaker
How old are you?
00:27:59
Speaker
I guess 18.
00:28:00
Speaker
It's not abnormal to get in a relationship at 18.
00:28:02
Speaker
Okay.
00:28:02
Speaker
So my ex was particularly adamant about my getting help, especially because my anxiety made sex extremely difficult.
00:28:09
Speaker
And despite his reassurances that he didn't care if we could have penetrative sex, I felt extremely insecure about it and desperately tried to fix it.
00:28:15
Speaker
I feel so sad for her.
00:28:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:28:17
Speaker
Throughout the relationship, I was hospitalized several times for debilitating pain and mental health issues and sought help with therapists, doctors, and other professionals, even throughout the pandemic.
00:28:26
Speaker
And I finally felt like things were improving and life was getting better.
00:28:29
Speaker
Through all of this, there was a persistent tension between the two of us about all of my, quote, faults and deficiencies, where I thought they were deal breakers,
00:28:36
Speaker
And I even tried numerous times to break up with him because I thought he was lying about being okay with the problems.
00:28:41
Speaker
But he always convinced me to come back.
00:28:43
Speaker
He also had various other red flags that I ignored, including his insistence that when he went into politics, he would want me to be more presentable and sociable.
00:28:52
Speaker
And while I pushed back, he also had various other red flags that I ignored, including his insistence that when he went into politics, he would want me to be more presentable and sociable.
00:29:01
Speaker
And while I pushed back, other people supported him.
00:29:03
Speaker
So I reluctantly tried to prepare myself for that eventuality.
00:29:07
Speaker
So he wants to be a politician and he wants you to be a politician's girlfriend, despite all of your anxiety issues, I guess.
00:29:13
Speaker
Politician's wife.
00:29:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:15
Speaker
Yeah, that's interesting.
00:29:16
Speaker
I'm sorry, sis, but if you've got anxiety, being a politician's wife is not the career path.
00:29:20
Speaker
Yeah, that's not the profession to be in.
00:29:23
Speaker
First of all, I want to say, actually, it's a red flag that when she says I pushed back, other people supported him.
00:29:28
Speaker
That made the hairs stand on the back of my neck.
00:29:31
Speaker
Yeah.
00:29:31
Speaker
He was also not particularly attractive and fairly overweight.
00:29:34
Speaker
So his comments seemed hypocritical when I put far more effort into my appearance than him.
00:29:40
Speaker
All the veiled criticisms just made me more insecure and more determined to get better for him.
00:29:44
Speaker
No, girl.
00:29:47
Speaker
Once again, like men have the audacity because she has so many issues.
00:29:50
Speaker
It's easy for him to not focus on his own.
00:29:53
Speaker
So this sounds like a situation where he's with her because then he can just always make her the problem, even though he doesn't really work on his own appearance, etc.
00:30:00
Speaker
That's my armchair initial impression.
00:30:03
Speaker
Let's say that my initial impression based on what you've presented here.
00:30:06
Speaker
Yeah, I also think it's really sad that when women get criticized like this, they think, oh, I have to be better for him.
00:30:12
Speaker
Whereas when men get criticized, they just attack the woman, they try to put her down and stuff.
00:30:17
Speaker
So yeah, it's important to be aware of this in relationship dynamics.
00:30:21
Speaker
And if you ever feel like you're in a situation where you have to improve yourself to be better or to deserve good treatment from men, stop yourself.
00:30:27
Speaker
It's better to just break up with someone like that, because that's kind of an abusive dynamic.
00:30:32
Speaker
Yeah.
00:30:32
Speaker
Anyways,
00:30:33
Speaker
Although I felt like things were a little distant during the pandemic, since I was living at home and I was in an apartment in the city, I thought everything was okay.
00:30:41
Speaker
We arranged to move into an apartment together for the new school year, despite having been together for less than two years.
00:30:46
Speaker
Big mistake.
00:30:47
Speaker
I moved into the apartment first since I had all the pots, pans, dishes, and other appliances, and he moved in about a week later.
00:30:53
Speaker
After we moved in, all his stuff and his parents left, things were extremely tense, and he was looking at me, not saying anything.
00:30:59
Speaker
Uh-oh.
00:31:00
Speaker
When I asked... That's so weird.
00:31:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:31:03
Speaker
When I asked what was wrong, he sighed and said that this wasn't working and he needed to say something about it.
00:31:08
Speaker
I asked what he was talking about and he told me the relationship wasn't working and he was feeling really insecure about us being together and he wanted to take a break.
00:31:16
Speaker
After she's just moved in.
00:31:19
Speaker
He just moved in.
00:31:20
Speaker
what is wrong with this guy and you want to take a break when you've just moved in dude what the fuck is wrong with this it's so obvious this guy just wanted like a roommate that he could fuck that he could like share rent with i don't know yeah what dick yeah but she comes with her own issues and now he's got to actually invest in relationships some so he's like oh this is gonna be much more work than i thought
00:31:42
Speaker
Yeah, he just wanted someone to move in who had all the pots and pans.
00:31:45
Speaker
He just didn't want to have to buy his own pots, pans, and dishes and shit.
00:31:47
Speaker
Like, okay.
00:31:49
Speaker
Anyways, so he says he wants to take a break.
00:31:51
Speaker
She writes, I was devastated.
00:31:53
Speaker
I asked why he'd wanted to do this and he spilled a bunch of stuff about how my mental health problems were too much, despite his numerous assurances that they weren't, that I was too clingy and dependent, I wasn't social enough around his friends, and that both of us should see what else was out there.
00:32:08
Speaker
Fuck this fucking guy.
00:32:10
Speaker
Exactly.
00:32:11
Speaker
I mean, this would have been a fine conversation before you moved in together.
00:32:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:32:15
Speaker
So I also just think it's really shitty when men will be like, first of all, okay, men often will specifically target mentally ill women because they see them as more vulnerable and easy to manipulate and stuff.
00:32:28
Speaker
And then they'll reassure them, oh, no, your mental illnesses aren't too much for me.
00:32:32
Speaker
No, I accept you, blah, blah, blah.
00:32:33
Speaker
And they say all this stuff basically to say what the woman wants to hear.
00:32:36
Speaker
Because women who are either like neurodivergent or who have some kind of mental illness often are led to believe like, oh, I'm too much of a hassle, like I'm too much of a burden and so on.
00:32:46
Speaker
So when they finally meet a guy who she feels accepts her for who she is, she feels like safe.
00:32:51
Speaker
She feels sort of almost trauma bonded in a way with him.
00:32:54
Speaker
And then for him to pull out the rug out from under her being like, no, actually, your mental health issues were actually a problem for me this whole time.
00:33:01
Speaker
And I was just lying about the fact that it wasn't.
00:33:03
Speaker
It's just highly, highly manipulative.
00:33:05
Speaker
I consider it emotionally abusive.
00:33:07
Speaker
It is a manipulation tactic to earn her trust and then pull the rug out from under her like that.
00:33:11
Speaker
He could be like a hopeless people pleaser type, in which case that ends up being ultimately harmful because he's taking on more of a burden with this person than he can realistically do and then making her feel bad about it the entire time.
00:33:24
Speaker
Or he's an abusive piece of shit who enjoys targeting women who are emotionally unstable because it makes him feel like he gets some kind of pleasure out of
00:33:33
Speaker
keeping her unstable to a certain extent.
00:33:34
Speaker
So I'm willing to see based on what here, it could be one of two of those things that he keeps going along with it because he thinks it's going to make things better and make her happy.
00:33:43
Speaker
And then it really doesn't.
00:33:43
Speaker
And then he's getting frustrated or he's one of those guys that she's attracted to broken women because it gives them a sense of narcissistic
00:33:49
Speaker
I'm going with the deliberately manipulative one because, yeah, I don't know.
00:33:54
Speaker
Again, I don't like to give men the benefit of the doubt.
00:33:56
Speaker
In this case, it does seem like a deliberate manipulation strategy.
00:33:59
Speaker
And yeah, it just makes me really angry.
00:34:01
Speaker
Anyways, let's see if there's more clues.
00:34:03
Speaker
Let's keep going.
00:34:04
Speaker
Let's keep reading.
00:34:05
Speaker
Yeah, so...
00:34:05
Speaker
I wasn't social enough around his friends that both of us should see what else is out there.
00:34:09
Speaker
That's the other thing.
00:34:09
Speaker
It sounds like he's trying to go for like an open relationship or poly situation.
00:34:13
Speaker
So again, fuck that guy.
00:34:14
Speaker
He also made it very clear that my crying was distressing to him because he was worried that if he broke up with me, I would try to hurt myself.
00:34:21
Speaker
And that was why he kept all his real opinions about me to himself.
00:34:25
Speaker
This was particularly hurtful because he knew myself harm, was difficult to control, and I was incredibly honest with him throughout our relationship, spilling painful secrets and stories of abuse, and believed him when he insisted I had nothing to worry about, despite the fact that my suspicions were right.
00:34:39
Speaker
So he's trying to essentially blame her for the fact that he was dishonest.
00:34:45
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:45
Speaker
Even though he had no reason to be dishonest.
00:34:48
Speaker
That's why I'm saying manipulative, not clueless.
00:34:50
Speaker
Yeah.
00:34:51
Speaker
This is one of those things with people that have some, I know some people don't believe in personality disorders, but some of the people that have like maladaptive ways that they relate to people, they end up pushing people away because they are so reactive and insecure about this kind of thing.
00:35:04
Speaker
So it could be that he was trying to execrate himself from it.
00:35:07
Speaker
And then if she's having a meltdown, like those people pleasing tendencies kick in and then he wants to, you know what I mean?
00:35:14
Speaker
And it's too Kirkling.
00:35:15
Speaker
I think that what he wanted was to break up with her and just like Lilith said, just keep her around because he sees her as clingy and dependent, which works for him when it suits him.
00:35:27
Speaker
But he also wants the freedom to go and see and fuck other people.
00:35:31
Speaker
So I think he knows exactly what he's doing.
00:35:33
Speaker
And he did it when she moved in to inflict maximum damage and maximum vulnerability.
00:35:38
Speaker
I don't get any people pleasing vibes from him at all.
00:35:41
Speaker
Like there's no other aspect of this story in which he sounds like a people pleaser like at all.
00:35:46
Speaker
And so she can't run away, at least not as easily.
00:35:49
Speaker
Again, I would be more amenable to the belief that he was clueless and people-pleasing before moving in, but the fact that he does it the week that he moved in tells me that this was probably all planned.
00:35:59
Speaker
Yeah, it's bollocks.
00:36:01
Speaker
It was planned.
00:36:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:36:02
Speaker
I tried to keep it together for the conversation so I wasn't manipulating him.
00:36:06
Speaker
Manipulate is in scare quotes.
00:36:08
Speaker
So I wasn't manipulating him.
00:36:10
Speaker
Yeah, spilling painful secret stories of abuse and believed him when he insisted that I had nothing to worry about despite that my suspicions were right.
00:36:17
Speaker
I tried to keep it together for the conversation.
00:36:19
Speaker
So I wasn't, quote unquote, manipulating him, but cried quietly in my room the whole night.
00:36:24
Speaker
This is another thing is some men will be like annoying when you cry.
00:36:27
Speaker
Can you just not cry or have any negative emotional reaction to get around me?
00:36:31
Speaker
And then the woman feels he has to suppress her normal reaction to a man being shitty.
00:36:36
Speaker
Like in this case, she's not going to cry around him.
00:36:39
Speaker
She's going to cry in her room by herself.
00:36:42
Speaker
Okay, so the thing about the self-harm thing is, again, is like, what's triggering the self-harm?
00:36:47
Speaker
That's what's concerning to me.
00:36:48
Speaker
Is it just normal behaviors?
00:36:51
Speaker
Is it like, is he like subtly manipulating her and doing things that make her feel bad that are triggering the self-harm?
00:36:56
Speaker
And so she's spiraling out of control.
00:36:57
Speaker
Because either way, like really got a lot of issues to work on before she can be a really healthy partner.
00:37:03
Speaker
No, I think this guy, there's something seriously wrong with him.
00:37:06
Speaker
And that being around him, there have been times it's triggering.
00:37:10
Speaker
There have been times where I've been in a relationship with a man where like he's good on paper to my face.
00:37:14
Speaker
He's fine.
00:37:15
Speaker
But there's just that thought at the back of my mind.
00:37:16
Speaker
I'm like, something's not quite right.
00:37:18
Speaker
That gut instinct being something's wrong.
00:37:20
Speaker
And I'll just for no reason just start developing eating disorder tendencies or like anxiety or feeling depressed and so on.
00:37:27
Speaker
And I've no explanation for it.
00:37:28
Speaker
There's nothing else wrong in my life except for my relationship.
00:37:31
Speaker
And then once we break up, all of the eating disorder, all of the mental health problems that I was having go away.
00:37:37
Speaker
because he was a source of stress in my life, whether I was aware of it or not.
00:37:40
Speaker
Humans, I don't know, we're very good at like being able to sense when someone is a predator.
00:37:45
Speaker
You ever meet someone who's sort of psychopathic or sociopathic?
00:37:47
Speaker
And like, even though they're smiling, you can tell something, there's something wrong with their eyes.
00:37:52
Speaker
You can tell something's wrong, right?
00:37:53
Speaker
And their presence makes your heart go up, you know?
00:37:55
Speaker
Some guys like get off on being the martyr.
00:37:57
Speaker
Maybe it's not even people pleasing so much as they like being the martyr to like the quote crazy girl, right?
00:38:01
Speaker
So he could be triggering her in the sense of like, he clearly doesn't take a lot of this stuff seriously.
00:38:06
Speaker
or at least is trying to make her issue, but then, you know, look to his family and friends, like, see what I put up with, see what I'm doing, I'm trying to help her, etc.
00:38:13
Speaker
And then like get his narcissistic supply for that.
00:38:16
Speaker
Well, I think deep down she can sense that there's something wrong with him, that he has some predatory tendencies.
00:38:22
Speaker
That's what I'm reading anyways.
00:38:23
Speaker
And I think deep down she knows this, but his words are not matching that.
00:38:27
Speaker
He's reassuring her, he's telling her, babe is fine, and so on.
00:38:30
Speaker
And so it creates this sort of cognitive dissonance that's very confusing and very conflicting and hard to deal with kind of thing.
00:38:36
Speaker
So, yeah.
00:38:38
Speaker
I'm only saying this as a person who's been around people who self-harm and sometimes they're triggered by what I would consider literally nothing.
00:38:44
Speaker
I'm a little bit splitting the difference here.
00:38:46
Speaker
until we have more information.
00:38:48
Speaker
And I'm not trying to be rude.
00:38:49
Speaker
Thank you for sending this in, OP.
00:38:50
Speaker
It's just more sometimes when you have mental health issues, you don't have the ability to objectively look at situations.
00:38:55
Speaker
And so I'm not saying that this is not real.
00:38:57
Speaker
I'm just trying to see like what evidence are we having here?
00:39:00
Speaker
But to lend a piece of what you're saying, like sometimes people who are abusive, they're not physically abusive, but they're emotionally invalidating, right?
00:39:06
Speaker
And trying to martyr themselves by emotionally invalidating people.
00:39:09
Speaker
Maybe.
00:39:10
Speaker
You know, sorry, let's just keep reading.
00:39:11
Speaker
She cried quietly in her room the whole night.
00:39:14
Speaker
He kept up his taking a break thing for about two weeks, despite the fact that we were living in the same tiny apartment and avoiding each other was nearly impossible.
00:39:22
Speaker
And we went on long walks where he could reveal more and more cruel things about what he really thought about me during the relationship, as well as fucked up stories about his childhood as a way of confessing the things he wasn't honest about in the relationship.
00:39:35
Speaker
Oh my God, he's so fucking manipulative.
00:39:36
Speaker
Sigh.
00:39:37
Speaker
Okay.
00:39:38
Speaker
During one painful conversation, he told me that he believed I wouldn't get into law school in the same city where he wanted to go to grad school.
00:39:45
Speaker
And so he was worried about a long distance relationship, despite the fact that I had better grades than him overall.
00:39:50
Speaker
He also told me stories about his childhood, which he withheld throughout our relationship, despite his expectation that I tell him everything, what I went through as a kid.
00:40:00
Speaker
But his stories were not about him being victimized, but being the victimizer and doing fucked up things because he quote, didn't know any better.
00:40:06
Speaker
Yeah, okay.
00:40:07
Speaker
This totally changes my perception.
00:40:08
Speaker
See what I mean?
00:40:09
Speaker
This guy's fucking shitty.
00:40:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:11
Speaker
I knew it.
00:40:12
Speaker
Yeah, so this is like a guy that gets either narcissistic supply off of manipulating emotionally unstable women and then feeling being like the martyr in that situation or he's sadistic of some kind.
00:40:25
Speaker
So I do think he is sadistic in some way.
00:40:27
Speaker
Yeah.
00:40:28
Speaker
Yeah, so it's not about fucked up stories from his childhood about not about him being victimized, but being the victimizer and doing fucked up things because he didn't know any better.
00:40:35
Speaker
I tried not to cry or react negatively to these revelations so I could look supportive and again, not manipulate him with my emotional responses.
00:40:44
Speaker
This is how fucking manipulative he is, is he's managed to convince her that she is the manipulative one for having completely normal emotional reactions to his manipulation.
00:40:53
Speaker
Like how fucked up is that?
00:40:55
Speaker
You see what I'm saying?
00:40:56
Speaker
I guess I'm trying to put two and two together.
00:40:57
Speaker
What he said and then versus how she reacted to it, right?
00:41:01
Speaker
He's kind of a dick, right?
00:41:02
Speaker
But most of the time when your boyfriend's a dick, you don't go spiraling out of control and wanting to cut yourself over it.
00:41:07
Speaker
He doesn't seem like he's outwardly physically abusive to her.
00:41:09
Speaker
She's not saying she wants to cut herself.
00:41:11
Speaker
She's saying that she's holding back or avoiding saying certain things because she doesn't want to seem like the manipulative person.
00:41:17
Speaker
Meanwhile, he is the one who's actually being manipulative.
00:41:19
Speaker
He's basically backfooted her.
00:41:21
Speaker
He's accused her.
00:41:22
Speaker
He told her that the crime was manipulative, right, or whatever.
00:41:25
Speaker
So she's now trying to behave in a way that's more desirable to him so as to not prove, so as to try to go against whatever stupid accusation he's made against her, right?
00:41:35
Speaker
Yeah.
00:41:36
Speaker
What is she specifically reacting to?
00:41:38
Speaker
And I'm not trying to get too deep into the nitty gritty, but it's like if she's reacting to him being just kind of a dick like this, I still feel like it's giving other people control over your emotions in a way that I feel like is even not taking responsibility for yourself.
00:41:50
Speaker
Like, yes, you can be really triggered by people and things can be really unharmed.
00:41:54
Speaker
But at the end of the day, you should be able to express yourself, but not have it be like an explosive cry fit if you don't get the response.
00:42:02
Speaker
Yeah, that's not what she's talking about, though.
00:42:04
Speaker
She's not even saying that she's holding back from an explosive cry fit.
00:42:07
Speaker
She's saying she doesn't even want to have a seemingly negative reaction.
00:42:10
Speaker
And I've been in this situation where a man says like, oh, it's like really manipulative of you to cry when I say shitty things to you kind of thing.
00:42:16
Speaker
And then I try to not even have a negative facial expression or whatever when he's done something shitty.
00:42:22
Speaker
It basically conditions me to not want to have any kind of reaction at all.
00:42:26
Speaker
Right.
00:42:26
Speaker
Yeah.
00:42:27
Speaker
So I don't know.
00:42:28
Speaker
My pattern recognition mode is activated in this story.
00:42:31
Speaker
Well, I talked about this in our Dr. Jess episode.
00:42:33
Speaker
Having been on the other side with having family members or people I know that have mental illness, sometimes their reactions are truly out there and they don't have the ability to see it objectively.
00:42:42
Speaker
So I'm just splitting the difference until we have more information.
00:42:45
Speaker
But I also think the entire...
00:42:46
Speaker
I don't think that she's having an extreme reaction in this case.
00:42:49
Speaker
I think she's actually underreacting.
00:42:51
Speaker
But anyways, so she continues saying, yeah, she didn't want to manipulate him with her emotional responses.
00:42:57
Speaker
She says, by this point, I just wanted the situation to end.
00:42:59
Speaker
I couldn't stand the feeling of this in between or us living together with the tension.
00:43:03
Speaker
So I decided to write a letter telling him all the reasons why he should stay.
00:43:06
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:43:07
Speaker
All the reasons why he should stay with me and how I would change for him.
00:43:11
Speaker
Like the biggest pick Misha in the universe.
00:43:13
Speaker
This is her words, not mine, by the way.
00:43:15
Speaker
She says like the biggest pick Misha in the universe.
00:43:17
Speaker
Girl, I feel so bad for her.
00:43:20
Speaker
I honestly think that he gets off on her doing this, on her begging and like crying and writing letters and shit.
00:43:27
Speaker
I definitely think because, because that legit has happened to me before when a guy, this isn't like my pick me, pick me days as well.
00:43:35
Speaker
But when a guy wanted to leave me and then I was like, I think she stayed together.
00:43:39
Speaker
And he literally said, oh, convince me why we should stay together.
00:43:43
Speaker
It's like an ego thing, right?
00:43:45
Speaker
She want you to basically beg for their attention and time.
00:43:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:43:49
Speaker
If I was in this situation, I would have written a letter being a letter of eviction, basically kicking him the fuck out.
00:43:56
Speaker
But that's just me.
00:43:57
Speaker
And again, this is post FDS being me pre FDS.
00:44:00
Speaker
I might have done something pick me ish like that.
00:44:02
Speaker
But anyways, so she writes, I took him to a park and read the letter out loud to him, even practicing beforehand so that I wouldn't cry when I read it to him.
00:44:10
Speaker
And it seemed to satisfy him enough that he wanted to get back together.
00:44:14
Speaker
Oh, my God.
00:44:16
Speaker
Oh, this guy's piece of shit.
00:44:17
Speaker
Steaming piece of shit.
00:44:19
Speaker
But I told him to think it over for a week while I went home over the break and we could have another conversation when I got back.
00:44:25
Speaker
About halfway through the break, my ex called me on Zoom looking grim.
00:44:29
Speaker
He said that while talking to his mother, he realized that being with me wasn't what was best for him.
00:44:34
Speaker
And I asked him why he decided to do this over Zoom and not wait until I was back home.
00:44:38
Speaker
He said it was because he realized in his conversation with his mom that he, quote, just wasn't in love with me anymore and needed to tell me quickly to, quote, get it over with.
00:44:48
Speaker
I hung up on him.
00:44:49
Speaker
He moved out and left me the apartment, which was worse because now I couldn't afford the rent and had to quickly find a new roommate.
00:44:55
Speaker
Do you know what I think is more likely?
00:44:57
Speaker
He found someone else in that time.
00:44:59
Speaker
Because men don't tend to leave generally unless they've got someone else to monkey bunch to.
00:45:06
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
00:45:07
Speaker
And he probably told her like, oh, I just don't love you anymore as a way to make her feel even more shitty and to put the blame on her.
00:45:12
Speaker
Anyways.
00:45:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:45:13
Speaker
So, so she needed to find a new roommate and he kept stopping by and dropping off gifts like cookies and cards for holidays.
00:45:19
Speaker
Despite, fuck this fucking guy.
00:45:21
Speaker
He's so manipulative.
00:45:22
Speaker
Oh my God.
00:45:23
Speaker
Okay.
00:45:23
Speaker
Cookies and cards for holidays.
00:45:25
Speaker
Despite me telling him to leave me alone for the while.
00:45:27
Speaker
When I told my friends and parents about this, they would gush about how he was such a great guy, but I knew he was just trying to stop me from being angry at his behavior.
00:45:36
Speaker
And when I got mad at gifts, I would look like the bad guy.
00:45:39
Speaker
That's it.
00:45:40
Speaker
Exactly.
00:45:41
Speaker
If you tell a guy, stop giving me gifts, and he keeps giving gifts, he's doing that so that he doesn't have to look like the bad guy so that he can assuage his own guilt.
00:45:49
Speaker
And then if she has a negative reaction to it, then she can look like the bad guy.
00:45:53
Speaker
Again, he's so fucking manipulative.
00:45:56
Speaker
So he still wanted to be friends.
00:45:58
Speaker
But I was so angry at how he treated me during the breakup.
00:46:01
Speaker
I thought there was no going back and decided to go no contact.
00:46:04
Speaker
I left him a long message about how terrible he was and then blocked him on everything.
00:46:09
Speaker
Yeah, I wouldn't have done the message thing.
00:46:11
Speaker
Just block him on everything without saying anything.
00:46:13
Speaker
Yeah, just block him.
00:46:14
Speaker
Like I said, it's tough for me to even go through this because I'm like, man, if you feel like someone's mentally unstable, it can be hard to walk away from that situation completely.
00:46:23
Speaker
And this is not me trying to defend the boyfriend because I do think it could be manipulative if he's doing it for the approval of others, right?
00:46:29
Speaker
To be like, look at me, look how great of a guy I am sending her cookies and shit despite...
00:46:33
Speaker
No, this is how narcissists fucking act, bro.
00:46:36
Speaker
Like they do this sort of shit so that they can look good because again, narcissists care about their public image, right?
00:46:42
Speaker
They want to look good in front of other people while they treat their partner privately like shit.
00:46:46
Speaker
Okay, so... But she only says like she told her friends and family.
00:46:49
Speaker
I don't know if he told his or not or whatever, but yeah.
00:46:52
Speaker
No, that's the other thing.
00:46:53
Speaker
Okay, so my narcissist ex, he would do these sorts of things.
00:46:57
Speaker
And if I ever talked about it with my family, they'd be like, Oh, what a great guy he is.
00:47:00
Speaker
And then make me feel like I'm the bad guy for having a problem with it.
00:47:04
Speaker
He did these sorts of things, right?
00:47:05
Speaker
This is exactly how a fucking narcissist acts.
00:47:08
Speaker
And it's triggering my pattern recognition mode like crazy.
00:47:11
Speaker
Because again, he's not doing it for her benefit, even asking to be friends or wanting to be friends.
00:47:15
Speaker
He's not doing that because he actually cares about her as a person.
00:47:17
Speaker
It's because he wants to keep her around so that he can hoover her later.
00:47:21
Speaker
Or so that he can try to like get with her later in case his new girlfriend or whatever doesn't work out.
00:47:25
Speaker
Like he wants to keep her on the back burner on the bench, you know?
00:47:28
Speaker
Maybe.
00:47:29
Speaker
I feel like we're inferring stuff that's not necessarily there.
00:47:31
Speaker
That's the problem.
00:47:32
Speaker
It's really hard for me to, based on what's written here, to go all in on what you're saying.
00:47:36
Speaker
I can definitely see that being the case.
00:47:38
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:38
Speaker
So the last part, while the breakdown of this relationship was a huge blow and it was a serious rock bottom in terms of self-esteem and mental health issues, I have been dedicating myself to rebuilding and dealing with my issues outside of a relationship.
00:47:51
Speaker
Although I'm far from perfect, I am back in university and I've been accepted into law school despite my myriad of problems.
00:47:57
Speaker
Congratulations.
00:47:58
Speaker
Yes, queen.
00:47:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:59
Speaker
Yeah.
00:47:59
Speaker
I discovered FDS while trying to help my friend and her relationships.
00:48:03
Speaker
And while I'm staying away from dating for now to work on myself, it feels like a revelation and an antidote to the issues I was blindsided by in my first relationship.
00:48:12
Speaker
I love you girls and the refreshing commentary you give makes me feel less alone in my experiences.
00:48:17
Speaker
So I hope to share my own struggle with poor mental health in a relationship to make others feel less alone as well.
00:48:22
Speaker
Thank you for all you do.
00:48:24
Speaker
Oh, thanks sis.
00:48:24
Speaker
Thank you for sending this in.
00:48:25
Speaker
And hopefully we got something out of that conversation because I don't know, it's like it's such a difficult thing.
00:48:30
Speaker
Like, how do you navigate it?
00:48:31
Speaker
Maybe we can do get some experts on our like navigating a relationship when you have really poor mental health.
00:48:35
Speaker
Thing we always say is like, get your shit together before you get in a relationship because of the fact you're more likely to attract toxic people and also push away people who are healthy for you, ultimately.
00:48:46
Speaker
And that's kind of the tough thing
Grace's Unhygienic Date
00:48:47
Speaker
about when you're struggling with mental health, and you don't have a built in support system.
00:48:51
Speaker
You have to be honest, because obviously, you're struggling with something.
00:48:53
Speaker
But it's like, there's got to be a strategy in a way to do it to repel the toxic people and then also not exhaust the good people in your life who really do want to take care of you and do good things for you.
00:49:02
Speaker
So maybe that's a strategy we can talk about.
00:49:04
Speaker
All right.
00:49:04
Speaker
So and our fourth and final roast to scrote is from Grace.
00:49:08
Speaker
Grace writes, met a guy on Bumble after a few weeks of talking.
00:49:12
Speaker
We decided rather last minute to go on a date.
00:49:15
Speaker
On the date, he told me he hadn't had the COVID vaccine yet, as he hasn't been registered with a GP or dentist in 10 years.
00:49:22
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:25
Speaker
Okay.
00:49:27
Speaker
I would hate to see what his grill looks like.
00:49:30
Speaker
10 years.
00:49:31
Speaker
You've not been to the dentist.
00:49:32
Speaker
We don't have free healthcare here, so I don't know what country this person... No, this is NHS.
00:49:36
Speaker
Oh!
00:49:36
Speaker
This is the UK.
00:49:39
Speaker
Oh!
00:49:39
Speaker
And even like... No excuses then!
00:49:45
Speaker
But even, but to be fair, even on the NHS, for some reason, your teeth are not free, but it's still like a hell of a lot cheaper than say like the US because I have to pay for my teeth cleanings.
00:49:57
Speaker
And it's like max 50 quid.
00:49:59
Speaker
If you're on a certain income or you go to an NHS centre, it's like 30 quid.
00:50:04
Speaker
So he's got no fucking excuse.
00:50:06
Speaker
And on top of that, generally speaking, British people don't have the best.
00:50:10
Speaker
I mean, we're not known for our fabulous, for our fabulous grills.
00:50:14
Speaker
So, oh my God, I'm picturing his teeth now.
00:50:17
Speaker
And it's grim.
00:50:18
Speaker
Absolutely grim.
00:50:20
Speaker
Grim.
00:50:21
Speaker
I would almost guarantee as well, this guy's teeth, he's got teeth missing.
00:50:25
Speaker
He won't have all his teeth in his head.
00:50:26
Speaker
Some of them would have gone.
00:50:27
Speaker
with 10 years of built-up plaque.
00:50:30
Speaker
So imagine British teeth, but then even worse.
00:50:33
Speaker
You know what?
00:50:33
Speaker
This actually reminds me of a date that I went on.
00:50:35
Speaker
I think it was like eight months ago now.
00:50:38
Speaker
And the guy, when I saw his pictures, this is like a blind date, like I hadn't met him before.
00:50:43
Speaker
So he wasn't like smiling in his pictures.
00:50:45
Speaker
I didn't know that he didn't have any front teeth.
00:50:47
Speaker
But yeah, when I met him in real life, he didn't have any front teeth.
00:50:50
Speaker
And I was like, I asked my friend, I'm like, why do you hate me?
00:50:52
Speaker
Anyways.
00:50:53
Speaker
Okay.
00:50:58
Speaker
Yeah.
00:50:58
Speaker
Okay.
00:50:58
Speaker
So, okay.
00:50:59
Speaker
You're going to lose it when you find out the reason why he hasn't been registered with a GP or dentist.
00:51:04
Speaker
So he hadn't been to a GP or dentist in 10 years because he didn't know his NHS number.
00:51:09
Speaker
He has spent a number of years out of the country.
00:51:10
Speaker
So I tried to rationalize this, but kept thinking two things.
00:51:13
Speaker
He could have gone into a walk-in center for his vaccine.
00:51:16
Speaker
And when was the last time he got STD tested?
00:51:19
Speaker
Yeah, never.
00:51:20
Speaker
Never.
00:51:21
Speaker
He's never been at least not in 10 years.
00:51:24
Speaker
Probably never.
00:51:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:26
Speaker
And it's like, I don't know my NHS number off the top of my head, but it's really easy to get.
00:51:30
Speaker
Like if you go on the NHS website and just put in your personal details, they'll text you your NHS number.
00:51:35
Speaker
So can you just go there and can the doctor, can the practitioners look it up?
00:51:40
Speaker
Yeah.
00:51:40
Speaker
Well, yeah.
00:51:41
Speaker
But even if you don't have to leave your house, you can look it up from a website.
00:51:44
Speaker
If you just put in your details, like your date of birth, full name, whatever, they'll text it to you.
00:51:50
Speaker
Yeah, that's ridiculous.
00:51:51
Speaker
This is the amount of effort he puts in his own life.
00:51:54
Speaker
So you can imagine what's going to be going on with him unless he has some insane job where he works all the time, which I highly doubt.
00:52:01
Speaker
But still, 10 years is insane.
00:52:03
Speaker
10 years is inexcusable.
00:52:04
Speaker
Yeah, even if you have an insane job, those people will still have five minutes lunch break.
00:52:10
Speaker
It's not like they're literally working 24-7, right?
00:52:12
Speaker
So no, this guy is just supremely, supremely lazy.
00:52:16
Speaker
Just neglecting himself.
00:52:17
Speaker
We arranged a second date and had a nice breakfast.
00:52:20
Speaker
Wait, you went on a second date with this guy?
00:52:22
Speaker
Okay.
00:52:23
Speaker
Nevermind.
00:52:23
Speaker
I'll reserve my judgment.
00:52:24
Speaker
Okay.
00:52:25
Speaker
And had a nice breakfast in a cafe.
00:52:27
Speaker
I noticed he was messaging someone.
00:52:29
Speaker
So I asked him what's up.
00:52:30
Speaker
He said, Ooh, I can't tell you this will make me look bad.
00:52:36
Speaker
What?
00:52:39
Speaker
Like, don't do the bad thing.
00:52:42
Speaker
Why would you volunteer that information?
00:52:44
Speaker
But also, why wouldn't you just wait until after the date to take the call or the text?
00:52:50
Speaker
So it's like he's drawing attention to it by doing it during the date itself.
00:52:56
Speaker
If you're really trying to not look bad, you would just put it on silent and then talk to her and get back to it later.
00:53:02
Speaker
Yeah.
00:53:02
Speaker
But yeah, let's keep going.
00:53:04
Speaker
So she writes, I looked at him.
00:53:06
Speaker
He said, so I went for a shower this morning and didn't have my towel as it was in the wash.
00:53:10
Speaker
So I used one in the bathroom to dry my body and hung it back up.
00:53:14
Speaker
Turns out it was my flatmate's face towel.
00:53:17
Speaker
And now he's messaging me as he's pissed off.
00:53:19
Speaker
Yeah, so he's gross to everybody in his life.
00:53:21
Speaker
He's gross to himself.
00:53:22
Speaker
He's gross to his roommates.
00:53:22
Speaker
Yeah, probably left like shit state.
00:53:24
Speaker
He probably goes in the shower, doesn't wash his ass, so goes through the whole process of having a shower and still has a shitty butt crack.
00:53:31
Speaker
Probably left a massive streak on his roommate's face towel and that's why he's pissed off.
00:53:35
Speaker
I feel like I can smell this guy through the screen somewhere.
00:53:38
Speaker
His smell is just drifting through my nose.
00:53:41
Speaker
Just smells like shit.
00:53:42
Speaker
Just BO and shit.
00:53:44
Speaker
Like, he doesn't go
00:53:45
Speaker
he doesn't go to the dead east oh terrible breath smells like toilet water yeah dog breath i can already smell it even though i got coronavirus so i actually can't smell anything but i can imagine what it smells like which is a combination of palatosis bo and shit in his butt crack there's guys we can tell they don't actually soap their body in the shower because when they get out they just smell like toilet water they don't smell clean
00:54:10
Speaker
They just smell like if someone put water on sweat, dirt, and grime.
00:54:14
Speaker
It's just disgusting.
00:54:15
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:15
Speaker
Like a wet dog?
00:54:17
Speaker
Yeah.
00:54:17
Speaker
No, literally like a toilet bowl.
00:54:19
Speaker
It just smells like an unwashed toilet bowl.
00:54:22
Speaker
I mean, I can remember my mom growing up.
00:54:24
Speaker
She's like savage, so I didn't believe her at the time.
00:54:26
Speaker
But she always used to say that most people don't wash properly.
00:54:30
Speaker
You know, mom, you're just being harsh, but she's actually correct.
00:54:32
Speaker
Like...
00:54:33
Speaker
I mean, the guys... Dirty pigs.
00:54:35
Speaker
The guys I know.
00:54:37
Speaker
Dirty pigs.
00:54:38
Speaker
But the guys I know, they shower, but they don't use any sponge or they use a flannel.
00:54:44
Speaker
And I'm just like, you're not getting any dirt off your body.
00:54:47
Speaker
I can remember when my mum gave me... Do you know those African, like...
00:54:51
Speaker
It sort of looks like a net, but it's a sponge, right?
00:54:54
Speaker
The first time she gave it to me, right, the water was black.
00:54:57
Speaker
And I just thought, wow, I've not been washing for like properly for like X amount of years.
00:55:02
Speaker
So people who just like go in and don't use a sponge or use a flannel, there's no way their body is clean.
00:55:09
Speaker
There's absolutely no way.
00:55:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:11
Speaker
Why would you use a sponge but with no soap?
00:55:14
Speaker
You don't even need a sponge.
00:55:15
Speaker
Just use the soap.
00:55:16
Speaker
That'll just get everything.
00:55:17
Speaker
Just lather it up in your hands.
00:55:19
Speaker
It's not that hard.
00:55:21
Speaker
It's really not that hard.
00:55:22
Speaker
Can't believe I'm explaining this on the podcast on Bathe Yourself.
00:55:25
Speaker
Yeah.
00:55:26
Speaker
Explaining bathing.
00:55:27
Speaker
Life gets much more hard from you.
00:55:29
Speaker
You're just woman-splaining the concept of bathing.
00:55:37
Speaker
yeah your woman explaining how to shower um okay okay so next day he messaged me said he had his covid vaccine by just going the walk-in center because he still couldn't be bothered to register with the gp and the dentist okay imagine putting this much effort to be that lazy you know i'm actually seething at the disrespect of having all of this free health care and not utilizing it honestly
00:56:03
Speaker
As an American.
00:56:03
Speaker
Okay, to be fair, like this could be a possible mitigating circumstance, but during COVID, GPs and dentists, they weren't actually taking new patients.
00:56:13
Speaker
So people would either have to just like not be registered or they'd have to travel for miles.
00:56:18
Speaker
But even still, like COVID has only been for the past two years.
00:56:21
Speaker
That means he's not been the previous eight years
00:56:24
Speaker
Yeah, traveling for miles is the norm in most of the United States.
00:56:28
Speaker
Yeah, unless you live like in a city, a highly populated city.
00:56:31
Speaker
So you either live in a city where you have a couple of hospitals and there's a ton of people there or you live in a rural area where the hospital is miles away.
00:56:39
Speaker
Really?
00:56:41
Speaker
I legit live a two minute walk from my dentist.
00:56:43
Speaker
There are walk-in clinics and there are like private, I mean, there's always like private practices, I guess, or private dental practices, but it is not unusual by any means for people to have to travel a long time to see even a general practitioner.
00:56:56
Speaker
In fact, there are entire places in the country.
00:56:59
Speaker
I can't remember the exact term, but it's basically like a medical desert where there's just no general practitioners around and especially not specialists.
00:57:05
Speaker
So even for women who are pregnant, like if you need to see an obstetrician,
00:57:09
Speaker
they have to travel for a very, very long time.
00:57:11
Speaker
And that's why some women don't get prenatal care.
00:57:12
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:13
Speaker
Because we don't have the staff.
00:57:15
Speaker
They don't have the budget.
00:57:16
Speaker
They don't have the money to build hospitals.
00:57:18
Speaker
And that's been the big story out of the pandemic.
00:57:20
Speaker
It's just how many people, I mean, in New York city, they're stacking bodies in central park, right?
00:57:24
Speaker
I don't know if it was central park, but they're stacking bodies outside of the hospital and like freezers and stuff because they just didn't have space and turning away people that had serious conditions.
00:57:33
Speaker
So like listening to this, I'm, I don't know.
00:57:36
Speaker
I'm just upset.
00:57:37
Speaker
Yeah.
00:57:38
Speaker
knowing the disaster of the american medical health care system this is not an excuse there's no excuse i'm like when he's like we have to travel for miles i'm like wow really that's it huh yeah this screw's got no excuse he's got no excuse that's the only thing preventing you okay okay like yeah
00:57:58
Speaker
Oh, I feel sorry for all the poor, poor Americans out there suffering.
00:58:02
Speaker
Yeah, it's bad here.
00:58:03
Speaker
I'm going to keep harping on it.
00:58:04
Speaker
All of our listeners.
00:58:05
Speaker
On female political strategy, too.
00:58:07
Speaker
Yes, please fucking vote to get some health care.
00:58:10
Speaker
Medicare for all.
00:58:11
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:12
Speaker
Nationalized health care.
00:58:13
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:14
Speaker
Yeah.
00:58:14
Speaker
So he then asked if I wanted to meet.
00:58:17
Speaker
I politely declined meeting up again, stating I didn't think we were a good fit.
00:58:20
Speaker
Good.
00:58:21
Speaker
OK, good.
00:58:22
Speaker
Good call there, Grace.
00:58:23
Speaker
The following day, I received a reply stating the reasons why he felt he would be a good fit.
00:58:35
Speaker
why don't they accept the no for an answer this is why we're so block and delete because they always do this it's never hey it's not a good fit ghost no no it has to be like a paragraph they're calling you trying to explain to you why suddenly you should be interested in them and like that's not how this works bro no means no
00:58:56
Speaker
To be honest, I get a weird sort of like low-key sadistic pleasure when I reject a guy and he starts doing that.
00:59:01
Speaker
So I just like to feel like a queen in my throne on a mountain looking down at this peasant being like, ha ha, you cannot access me.
00:59:09
Speaker
It is an honor to be granted an audience with a queen peasant.
00:59:13
Speaker
Every time I don't block and delete, I regret it because then it's just like a never-ending stream of texts or voicemails telling me that like, oh, you're being judgmental and we didn't really get to know each other.
00:59:22
Speaker
I saw enough.
00:59:24
Speaker
All right.
00:59:24
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:24
Speaker
What I'm saying is I've seen enough, sir.
00:59:27
Speaker
That's it.
00:59:28
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:28
Speaker
I mean, I will eventually block only after I leave him on read after leaving all those like desperate messages and stuff just to really drive home the point.
00:59:37
Speaker
If they're nice, because usually it's desperate message followed by abuse.
00:59:40
Speaker
Like, well, I'll say or maybe 50% of the time, sometimes just desperate message.
00:59:44
Speaker
And then it's desperate message followed by abuse.
00:59:46
Speaker
Like, oh, the clock is ticking, you cat lady and shit.
00:59:48
Speaker
Yeah.
00:59:49
Speaker
And then I screenshot that and send it to my friends and we laugh at them.
00:59:51
Speaker
Anyways.
00:59:52
Speaker
But maybe that's just me.
00:59:54
Speaker
But no, I do eventually block them.
00:59:55
Speaker
But yeah, I think this kind of like, yeah, paragraphs, you know, or even just like men being like, oh, why don't you think we're a good fit?
01:00:01
Speaker
Just leave them on read just to let them know that they're not that important.
01:00:04
Speaker
Anyways, the following day, I received a reply stating the reasons why he felt he was a good fit and that I was wrong and that we should meet again.
01:00:11
Speaker
I explained we weren't going to be a good fit as I couldn't see myself being in a relationship with someone who thinks registering with the GP is too much effort.
01:00:20
Speaker
Good.
01:00:20
Speaker
Yeah.
01:00:20
Speaker
Good.
01:00:21
Speaker
I also said I thought his story about using his flatmate's towel was disgusting.
01:00:25
Speaker
He messaged me back saying he could never date someone who takes life as seriously as I do.
01:00:29
Speaker
What?
01:00:35
Speaker
Wait, no, sorry, I read that.
01:00:37
Speaker
I could never date someone who takes life too seriously like I do.
01:00:40
Speaker
Oh my god.
01:00:43
Speaker
Well, registering with a dentist, going to a dentist and a GP every 10 years is too serious?
01:00:50
Speaker
What?
01:00:50
Speaker
Yeah, literally takes life too serious as in like being alive.
01:00:55
Speaker
It's like she's too...
01:00:58
Speaker
She cares too much about being alive and that's a flaw.
01:01:00
Speaker
And just keeping all your teeth in your skull is taking life too seriously.
01:01:07
Speaker
Getting a vaccine.
01:01:08
Speaker
Oh, you're taking life too seriously.
01:01:11
Speaker
You care too much about being alive.
01:01:14
Speaker
British men, I honestly don't get why Americans, they fawn over British men.
01:01:18
Speaker
They are, you know, like the scum you get at the bottom of the bin, like after you take the bin line around and you get like that shitty liquid at the bottom.
01:01:27
Speaker
That is what British men are like.
01:01:29
Speaker
Honest to God.
01:01:30
Speaker
It's just the accent.
01:01:31
Speaker
The accent covers a lot of sins.
01:01:34
Speaker
All my friends I know, all my friends I know that they're divesting to continental European.
01:01:41
Speaker
I'm doing the same.
01:01:41
Speaker
Yeah.
01:01:43
Speaker
Everybody's divesting somewhere else.
01:01:46
Speaker
I'm divesting from white men, like white Canadian guys.
01:01:51
Speaker
Honestly, I'm divested from black men, from British men, everyone who's similar to me.
01:01:56
Speaker
Continental Europe.
01:01:59
Speaker
It's like circular divestment.
01:02:07
Speaker
So the last line of the story is, I replied asking if only more than one towel in my 30s is really taking life too seriously.
01:02:15
Speaker
Yeah, good point.
01:02:16
Speaker
I have three towels just for me.
01:02:19
Speaker
And do I need three towels?
01:02:20
Speaker
No, but when one is in the wash, I like to have a backup or two.
01:02:23
Speaker
Yeah, that's very odd.
01:02:24
Speaker
You would think someone would accumulate towels.
01:02:26
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:26
Speaker
I mean, you could just, towels just kind of happen.
01:02:29
Speaker
I don't know where I get all my towels from.
01:02:30
Speaker
Like a billion face cloths.
01:02:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:32
Speaker
I bought one package of face cloths 10 years ago off Amazon.
01:02:36
Speaker
It's like a three pack where it's three different colors.
01:02:38
Speaker
I've only used one color in 10 years.
01:02:41
Speaker
There's 10 towels per color.
01:02:43
Speaker
So I've had the same 10 face towels and I've just recycled them.
01:02:47
Speaker
I use like, maybe I've like worn one out like every couple of years, but otherwise you just wash them.
01:02:52
Speaker
They're fine.
01:02:52
Speaker
So you should just have them accumulating.
01:02:54
Speaker
Yeah.
01:02:55
Speaker
Face towels to me are like single use.
01:02:56
Speaker
Maybe that's a little too bougie of me, but I'll just be like, what if I'm taking off my makeup, use it once, put it in the bin.
01:03:01
Speaker
That's why I have like a billion of them or not literal billion, but a lot of them.
01:03:05
Speaker
No, no, I'm saying I don't use them more than once.
01:03:07
Speaker
I only use them once as well.
01:03:08
Speaker
I'm just saying I've had like, I've been rotating the same 10 towels.
01:03:11
Speaker
Exactly.
01:03:12
Speaker
Yeah.
01:03:12
Speaker
I use one towel.
01:03:13
Speaker
I put it in the laundry basket after I shower one face towel.
01:03:17
Speaker
And then at the end of the week, I wash my laundry and then
01:03:21
Speaker
Yeah, that's what normal people do, but not this fucking guy.
01:03:24
Speaker
I'm only getting through like seven towels in a week.
01:03:27
Speaker
And I've been using those same 10 to 10-ish towels, plus a couple other ones I had from before that somehow appeared in my house.
01:03:33
Speaker
And I've been using those same ones now for a decade.
01:03:36
Speaker
So I don't know what their deal is.
01:03:38
Speaker
How do you not have towels?
01:03:39
Speaker
I can't imagine only having one towel and not having any face towels, having to use your roommate's face towel.
01:03:45
Speaker
Like that's weird as fuck.
01:03:46
Speaker
I can't imagine that.
01:03:47
Speaker
Although to be fair, like towels are expensive.
01:03:50
Speaker
But what I would do is when I go to a hotel, I just take the towels when my sister got married because we had like five suites in the hotel.
01:03:58
Speaker
So I just took two towels from each of them.
01:04:01
Speaker
And I've not had to buy towels since because they're like hotel standard.
01:04:04
Speaker
And I got 15 towels for free.
01:04:06
Speaker
So that's a life pro tip.
01:04:08
Speaker
If you're ever in a hotel, just nick the towels.
01:04:10
Speaker
Just steal the towels and the face towels as well.
01:04:14
Speaker
That way you don't have to pay for them.
01:04:15
Speaker
Oh my gosh.
01:04:16
Speaker
Experts say we're supposed to be replacing our towels every three years.
01:04:19
Speaker
Like, I don't do that, but.
Discussion on Towel Industry
01:04:21
Speaker
Really?
01:04:21
Speaker
Yeah, I don't know.
01:04:22
Speaker
I mean, I just wash them on high heat.
01:04:24
Speaker
That's probably propaganda from the towel industry.
01:04:26
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:28
Speaker
It's just a big towel trying to make you buy more stuff.
01:04:31
Speaker
Yeah.
01:04:33
Speaker
Because they're not cheap, especially the good quality ones.
01:04:36
Speaker
They're not cheap.
01:04:36
Speaker
No, they're not.
01:04:37
Speaker
I'm like, I feel like every five to ten years is probably fine, as long as they're not ratty.
01:04:42
Speaker
Yeah, no.
01:04:42
Speaker
Like yellow, if they're meant to be white.
01:04:45
Speaker
No, but that's the point of having multiple towels, is you rotate between them, and then they don't get worn out as fast.
01:04:50
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:04:50
Speaker
That's the whole
Listener Grace's Humorous Escape
01:04:51
Speaker
point.
01:04:51
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:04:52
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:04:52
Speaker
Yeah, exactly.
01:04:53
Speaker
Thanks so much, Grace, for submitting your roses, Gro.
01:04:55
Speaker
This gave me a lot of laughs.
01:04:56
Speaker
I enjoyed that.
01:04:57
Speaker
And that guy is a pig.
01:04:59
Speaker
You dodged a pig eye or bullet.
01:05:01
Speaker
Yeah.
01:05:02
Speaker
You dodged a cannonball, not just a bullet.
01:05:05
Speaker
A very, very dirty cannonball.
01:05:07
Speaker
From the sounds of it.
01:05:08
Speaker
With no teeth.
01:05:12
Speaker
A toothless cannonball.
01:05:14
Speaker
You dodged a guy who was going to use you as a nurse, basically in perpetuity, because this guy wasn't going to make it till 65, right?
01:05:20
Speaker
You dodged a guy who would have given you coronavirus.
01:05:23
Speaker
By the way, I'm vaccinated, okay?
01:05:25
Speaker
So this is fucking bullshit.
01:05:26
Speaker
But yeah, this guy, that's the kind of guy who would have given you coronavirus.
01:05:29
Speaker
So
Closing Remarks and Promotions
01:05:30
Speaker
fuck that.
01:05:30
Speaker
This shit sucks, man.
01:05:32
Speaker
Anyways.
01:05:33
Speaker
Okay.
01:05:33
Speaker
Are we good?
01:05:34
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:05:35
Speaker
Check out our website, www.thefemaledatingstrategy.com and our Instagram page at underscore the female dating strategy and our Twitter at fem.strat and our Patreon for weekly bonus content.
01:05:47
Speaker
You can discuss this episode with us on our Discord and also merchandise, etc.
01:05:52
Speaker
Patreon.com forward slash the female dating strategy.
01:05:55
Speaker
Thanks for listening, queens.
01:05:56
Speaker
And for all you 7-Eleven ass groats out there, die mad.
01:05:58
Speaker
See you next week.