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Ep 162: Suburban Commando
63 Plays8 days ago
We had already planned on covering this one for our Schlock & Load segment, but we bumped it up in light of the Hulkster's passing. And, yes, we know Terry Bollea was a real-life piece of shit. In this schlock-bomb, Suburban Commando, Hogan swaps the wrestling ring for outer space as Shep Ramsey, an intergalactic warrior forced to lie low on Earth after breaking his spaceship in a hissy fit. Unfortunately for him, he crash-lands in the most aggressively normal suburb imaginable, moving in with mild-mannered architect Charlie (Christopher Lloyd) and his family. Cue fish-out-of-water hijinks involving skateboards, car thieves, a very confused mailman, and a terrified mime, all while Shep tries to dodge alien bounty hunters, played by a "welcome back" actor and an early in his career The Undertaker! It’s a bizarre mashup of sci-fi action, slapstick comedy, and early ’90s cheese that’s somehow both ridiculous and oddly charming.
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Transcript
Introduction to Shitbird Month
00:00:00
Speaker
Welcome back, guys. Welcome back to Shitbird Month. Welcome back. Even though this movie's not super shitbird-y, but it is for shitbirds. It is for shitbirds. And it's by a shitbird. And this month, it's the 90s.
00:00:12
Speaker
We're gonna sue ya. I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm Jack. This is Bad Movies. Worst People.
00:00:53
Speaker
hey Usually. haven't seen either of you in a long time. Has been a long time? I think you brought me a coffee on... Friday? Saturday, Friday, friday Saturday, Friday.
00:01:04
Speaker
I saw you 20 minutes ago when I made you breakfast. yeah Yeah. That's true. But you were in the bed forever. She doesn't recognize you let your headphones on. That's a different guy.
00:01:17
Speaker
Yes, we are back.
Change of Plans: Suburban Commando
00:01:19
Speaker
And this is our schlock and load episode for ship bird month. Yeah, this was supposed to let me talk about it up front. We were we said we were going to be doing hardball and we did not do hardball because hulk Hogan passed away.
00:01:34
Speaker
And I already had this movie on the list. This is Suburban Commando from 1991. We just bumped it up for obvious reason. Yeah, so we bumped it up for the folks. And but let me just say right up front, since I didn't say it last week because I told people where they could watch Hardball, ah this is available on Hoopla, which is is the library one or one of the library streaming services.
00:01:57
Speaker
Or you can rent it on Amazon and Apple for about $4 or buy it for $10. It might be on YouTube. don't know. Might be. I mean, it's $10 to buy, dude. just Just send it.
00:02:09
Speaker
Yeah. We'll see. I think Jack just gave his recommendation. Do it, lady. No, it's just cheap. Oh, OK.
Suburban Commando's Origins and Casting
00:02:16
Speaker
It's a good music video. So this movie came out in 1991.
00:02:21
Speaker
rated Rated PG, directed by one Burt Kennedy, ah who basically just directed a bunch of westerns dating back to the that doesn't show. That's weird.
00:02:32
Speaker
This was the last thing he directed. It's a weird pedigree though to go from all like just Westerns to this. Yeah. I feel like it was just like, well, here's a guy who will do it for cheap.
00:02:44
Speaker
There you go. Asked and answered. It might have been, i didn't find this information, but it could have possibly been like originally an Ivan Reitman thing because it was also originally called urban commando.
00:02:59
Speaker
And I want you to guess who was playing. T.
00:03:04
Speaker
ah With Ivan Reitman, was it Bill Murray? I was i guessing Ivan Reitman, but based on who the two leads are, because he's done movies with them before. Was it Danny DeVito and Arnold?
00:03:16
Speaker
Yes. Oh, I missed the question. I just said Mr. T.
00:03:23
Speaker
ah Yeah, it was originally supposed to be Danny DeVito and Arnold Schwarzenegger. and Then they decided to make twins instead. And so the script was taken to New Line Cinema.
00:03:34
Speaker
Yeah. And so they decided to follow up their, quote, highly successful Hulk Hogan movie, No Holds Barred. By making this another Hulk Hogan movie. Look, I like trash movies, which means I like when Hulkster acts.
00:03:48
Speaker
That's not a good movie. 85% of that dialogue is grunting, and then the other, what, 15% dookie! Well, mean...
00:03:57
Speaker
what i mean That's not a good movie and this is barely a movie. like I'm going to say up front, I had fun, but there's this is just a series of scenes. You know what I appreciate about this movie though?
00:04:09
Speaker
What do you appreciate? Hour and a half and pacing. like i just It felt like, here we go. Like Derek said, it's a collection of scenes and that's great. I don't need a lot of the development between the people. I didn't when I was a kid and now that I'm an adult watching a shitbird movie, I still definitely don't need it.
00:04:28
Speaker
Yeah, that's the thing. It's a kid movie made for kids, so... Yeah. you know't It was a movie made for kids that the dads and moms that had to take them wouldn't be too upset with.
00:04:38
Speaker
Yeah.
Humor for Both Kids and Adults
00:04:39
Speaker
You know, they slip in a little bit of adult comedy here and there. Nothing too crazy, but good enough. Nothing like fucking... What did we just watch? Howard the Duck. Howard the Duck. Yeah.
00:04:50
Speaker
PG, my aunt. There was 100% less nipples this. yes 400 percent um and there's there's 100 less bestiality too so yeah yeah well depends i mean i mean no hogan's we don't know what and yeah we don't know what race he is he could be like the emperor and when he gets cut or orgasms a whole different creature comes out oh after he orgasms he turns into a he turns into a snorlax did you say general soul train soul gen soul train
00:05:22
Speaker
What was his name? It's suitor. sort General suitor. He's a general suitor. General suitor. um And then this was written by a guy named Frank A. Capello. Hey, Frank A. Capello.
00:05:36
Speaker
It's supposed to be acapella. But if you do with an accent, it's acapello. you do acapella Italian, it's acapello. When the moon hits your eye and whatnot, boom, get it a soda.
00:05:47
Speaker
Acapello. But the only thing of his I recognized was he wrote Constantine. the Speaking of Hardball and Keanu Reeves. right Yeah, it always comes back.
00:06:00
Speaker
um And I saw a movie on his credits that I'm going to go watch now. ah He wrote and directed something called American Yakuza. That's right to Raleigh. Starring Viggo Mortensen from 1993. I was rooting for you to say Dudikoff.
00:06:18
Speaker
But Viggo Mortensen is American Yakuza 93? Yeah. yeah How has this escaped us? I don't know. I was like, how have i never heard of this? Put that on the docket for the next time we need a schlock, dude. That sounds great. Put on the schlocket.
00:06:31
Speaker
The schlocket. Yeah. All right. So we'll play ah very quick box office game because I only have worldwide. i did end up finding a budget. it was hard to find at first. Just so you know, I did not go to IMDb for this at all, but I can 100% say Frank Welker is credited in this movie.
00:06:48
Speaker
He has to be, right? Yes, he is. Well, he's actually not credited, but he is in this movie. Okay. Because those creature noises is big Welker energy. Yeah, was he is the alien version of General Souter.
00:07:01
Speaker
and Okay. Okay. I thought so. Just like just fucking as I put it on and walked away to get something. I was like, that's that's Welker in the next room. I can hear him. I hear him over there. Welkering. I hear you. it's a term.
00:07:13
Speaker
What were you doing? I was Welkering a little bit. So did it cost 1.6 million to make? No fucking way. yeah Hulk Hogan is at the peak of his powers right now. Yeah. 2.6 million make. The budget is 11 million dollars. 2.6 might have been Hulkster's cut. ah you may have You got Hulk and you got Christopher Lloyd and you got Shelley Duvall.
00:07:37
Speaker
Oh, yeah. And you got Theo from Son-in-Law. I'm going to sue you. That's where he was. Crap service alone on that guy. Wait, the fat guy is Theo from Son-in-Law? Yeah, I was trying to figure out he was.
00:07:49
Speaker
I don't know him from that. i I recognized him and I couldn't figure out why, so I went back to his credits. He's in a lot of He is from our fourth episode, which neither of you were on, but you definitely saw it, wife, because I watched it like...
00:08:02
Speaker
three or four times. was back when I was watching movies multiple times to get prepared. and then i I realized that wasn't happening. ah Laser Blast. Laser Blast. He plays the big fat deputy. That was the last time you watched things multiple times. That was the last time. The first four movies, I watched them like two to three times to prepare.
00:08:20
Speaker
Broke them. After that, I was like, fuck this, dude. Take notes. Yeah. yeah because I watch it once to take notes, once to kind of absorb it, and then once right before we record it to refresh myself. And sometimes, you know, a fourth time because you took a nap.
00:08:35
Speaker
Whoops. Unfortunately, I stayed awake all three of those times. That's the worst one to do that to. But yes, this movie cost $11 million dollars to make. Okay. Any guesses on the box office? I only have one number.
00:08:46
Speaker
Ladies first. Because I have a number just popped in my head, right or wrong. 2.6. Okay.
00:08:53
Speaker
Oh, no. 36.5 million. ah Whitney's closest without going over. 6.95 million dollars.
Box Office Failure
00:09:03
Speaker
Oh, man. They didn't even make their money back.
00:09:06
Speaker
They didn't even make Hulk's money back. Geez, he ain't getting seven. No way Hulkster's getting seven. And another thing I want to say up front, we know that ah Terry Baleo, that the name?
00:09:19
Speaker
Yeah, that sounds right. Something like that. We know that he's a piece of shit in real life. And a racist. And a racist. And he was at a Trump rally ripping open his shirt and had a shirt that said Trump-a-mania. We know all that stuff.
00:09:32
Speaker
But he made fun, schlocky movies, and that's what we're here to talk about. He made their childhood awesome. Yeah, he did. He we didn't know kicked ass in WCW because he had creative control and he always kicked ass because he was in charge.
00:09:47
Speaker
So i was much more of a WWF guy. Well, so was I. I watched WCW during the NWO era because him and Kevin Nash and and ah Scott Hall made it made it very exciting to watch is that. Why you married a WCW?
00:10:01
Speaker
Yeah. Oh, nice. And then one thing I'm going to mention up front, because I didn't even take a note of this lady when we were like, we're going through all the little bits that Hogan is running around doing.
00:10:15
Speaker
And one of them, he talks to a lady at the fruit stand about ripe cantaloupes and he squishes one. I had to write this down because i saw in the credits as as they were rolling, because you better believe I let those credits roll to hear that song where Hulk Hogan was like singing in Hogan voice or whatever. Yeah.
00:10:31
Speaker
She's credited as woman at fruit stand, but she was played by someone. The woman's name is Sparkle. Just Sparkle. Love her.
00:10:41
Speaker
This little old lady. And she was born in 1915, and her name is Sparkle. Well, that's why she's in sitting down, because she's Sparkle no motion. Whitney said Sparkle Motion. I was like, no, she's too old for that anymore. She's just Sparkle Now. She used to be Sparkle Motion, not anymore.
00:10:59
Speaker
She's been in a bunch of stuff I noticed, and it's always as like old lady, so she didn't start acting until she was old, I guess. Or they were just assholes. She was in Wedding Crashers, ah Northern Exposure, The Nanny, Becker, bunch of like, you know. The show Northern Exposure?
00:11:13
Speaker
Yeah. I loved that show. there was a movie of that? I doubt it. I think she was just assuming that I knew about a movie. Yeah. Oh, OK. I liked Northern Exposure.
00:11:24
Speaker
Let's get into it folks. Let's talk. Wee! Suburban Commando. And yeah, our least ship bird movie of this ah month, I think. They're missing a ship bird in this picture. They don't even have the daughter in this picture. Well, because she would be right at that codpiece's eye height. like Well, she gets one line. The son gets like three. So she gets to be on the poster.
00:11:45
Speaker
There was another poster where that she's there, but it was like regular poster size, and I was looking for one that takes up the whole screen. Right. She's there, and he's holding up a skateboard with the kid on it. Gotcha.
00:11:56
Speaker
I thought they were a bigger deal, like remembering back to the last year watched this. I haven't seen this since I was a kid, and I i remember the kids being like characters. I haven't seen this since I was kidding myself about it without watching it. This was my first time, guys.
00:12:11
Speaker
Really? Yeah. So we'll have some good difference of opinions because there is I did grow up watching this. So there's definitely nostalgia that's going to affect one way or another where I go. Well, and as we as we were watching it, when he looked at me, i was like, you watched this as a kid, didn't you?
00:12:26
Speaker
A lot.
00:12:29
Speaker
Yep. I was like, what? You didn't? No. so Wait till we get to Mr. Nanny and I show you the fucking dog throwing in the canal extra. I did see Mr. Nanny when I was a kid.
00:12:41
Speaker
The very intro when he's riding a motorcycle through, I think it's like Miami or whatever, in the background is a guy in a blue shirt who hucks his dog into the water canal. It's wild.
00:12:53
Speaker
Why? don't know. I didn't get to stop and ask him. I think it was captured. It was a real thing. It was just captured on video. He was just like, he's walking out of his house like, you shit in my sandals for the last time. Away with you.
00:13:07
Speaker
Oh, And nobody noticed until it went to VHS and everyone's like, that guy just throws dog in the canal. Fuck. So this movie opens with a straight up Star Wars space battle.
00:13:21
Speaker
It's the low angle with the ship coming in from the top and the lasers and it's literally episode four. Boom, boom, boom. Just cheaper. Yeah. A bunch of boom, booms. And I looked over to Derek after this scene and I was like, so this isn't about a movie inside a movie.
00:13:37
Speaker
No. Yeah, because this this beginning part is very, very cheesy. Yeah. It's like you got the president guy who's being held hostage and you get General Suter. Oh, General Suter. Who's played by a guy named William Ball who died. This was his last movie. He died before this actually came out. It came out on October 4th and he died July 30th. We killed him. Yeah, did. today?
00:13:59
Speaker
july thirtieth what's today July 29th. Oh, almost got haunted. Almost. Well, I have nothing negative to say about him. He's a pretty good villain. No, not at all. He's doing exactly what this character needs. He's not supposed to actually be scary. He's supposed to be imposing force. Pompous? for Yeah, megalomaniac. Yeah, pompous for sure.
00:14:22
Speaker
or like, what does he love the line because he's like, I'm not going to have the galaxy, get my my people surrender to an egotistical, madman, butcher, misogynist. Whoa, whoa.
00:14:33
Speaker
I'm not egotistical. I can't. egotistical everything else you said spot on maybe confident but not whatever something like sure I pour milk then cereal yeah I do the fucking paper towel with the roll going backwards you bet that's just the kind of person I am but I'm not egotistical you're insane insane I guess if you put the milk in first your cereal doesn't get soggy don't you identify with those people That's what I do I believe in segregating America.
00:15:03
Speaker
Milk first or cereal first people. We already did north-south. Let's do east-west. Okay. You know, as long as West gets to be serial first. Yeah. oh yeah. Because that's where we Because I'm not moving back east.
00:15:15
Speaker
It's too humid out there. Yeah. So all you people that go serial first, come on over. And we meet Shep Ramsey, played by Terry Hulk Hogan Baleo. Who will be referred to as probably Hulk Hogan the rest of this episode. Yeah. I mean, I have Shep written in my notes because I try to write down the characters' names now, but I'm just going to say Hulk Hogan.
00:15:36
Speaker
Yeah. i mean it's good to know he's related to Gordon Ramsay. You hear that, brother? You're a fucking donkey. He's Ramsay with an E. Gordon is Ramsay with an A. Well, Ramsay with an A changed it when they came to this galaxy. Oh, yeah. When they were on planet Ellis, um they had to change it because they were like, I don't know. we We don't want you to look like one of those aliens that's over there fighting General Suter. They're trouble.
00:15:59
Speaker
Who wants to talk like this? And they changed his name. I can't wait to get to there. Changed his name just became an asshole. when we Well, we'll talk about Hulk Hogan again in the future, because, I mean, No Holds Barred, Rocky III, Gremlins II, kind of.
00:16:13
Speaker
He's got that rated R one that I've never seen. Something Mountain, Shadow... Assault on Devil's Island? Yeah, yeah. then And then the sequel, Shadow Warriors, which... so it So it's one of those ones. And he's in one of those three ninjas. Yeah, he's in three ninjas. High noon at Mega Mountain.
00:16:30
Speaker
There's the mountain. That's the mountain was thinking of. Got it. But ah Assault on Devil's Island makes me mad because I've been trying to find it because it's it's Hulk Hogan, Carl Weathers, and... ah um Cynthia Rothrock. Did you say Carl Rothers? No. What's her name?
00:16:46
Speaker
Gene Simmons' wife. Shannon Tweed. Oh, yeah. yeah It's those three. and But it's also, like, some places it's known as Shadow Warriors, and then other places it's Assault on Devil's Mountain.
00:16:59
Speaker
And I ended up finding a DVD on eBay. I'm super excited. I bought it for $5 because I was like, fuck, yeah. And then I was talking to Dustin about it, our previous guest here on Deep Blue Sea. And he was like, oh make sure it's not the one that's about chemical weapons because that's actually Shadow Warriors. That's the sequel.
00:17:16
Speaker
And I flipped it over and read the back. And I was like, damn it. I have a sequel. Fucker. He's like, well, that one's fun, too, but it's not as fun. I was like, well, I have to find the first one. I don't want to be lost. Yeah.
00:17:29
Speaker
So stupid assault on Devil's Island is like it's a VHS only. And it's like you find that on eBay for like 30 or 40 dollars. I'm like, man, I'll find it on the Internet. Yeah. Yeah, I'll find that. I do want to watch that, though. I saw that came up when I was doing research ah years ago for Hulk movies.
00:17:45
Speaker
I think it's the only rated R he did. What were you doing research for Hulk movies for? Massportation. Oh, masturbation. Respect. Yeah. It's when you masturbate while you're transportation around.
00:17:57
Speaker
Yeah, I used to do that. yeah rival What's the job? I'm a masturbator. How many dicks is it? Oi, how big is that penis? If you say six inches, it better not be six and a quarter.
00:18:11
Speaker
I'm the transporter. i keep extra clothes in my glove compartment for when jizz gets on them this tie is actually covered in a kind of the little cover and i can just wipe it right off give me the windex i'm the master peter try it jizz on my tie i'll prove it oh sorry that was a different tie now that stays i don't know why it looks like my parents fighting
00:18:39
Speaker
Talk about ro w ro wack your test. It's your Roar Schwack test. All right, need you to jizz on this wall then tell me what you see. Why is it every time we do a children's movie, jizz or penises or circumcisions comes up?
00:18:55
Speaker
I think it's just our day-to-day conversation. it just stands out more when we're doing children's movies because you're like, shouldn't be talking about that. You're not wrong. You're not Someone's going to tune in and be like, these people are talking about my childhood. Suburban commando. What is this masturbating tie thing going on? Well, dude, suburban commando is just what you call it when you fuck a rich chick without a condom, right? Like, isn't that just what it's to... We're going suburban commando tonight.
00:19:22
Speaker
So Hulk does have his, like, kind of one-liners or, like, witty little things, but they're not very good. There's more facials, as well. This first one, he's fighting these guys in the in this ah hallway.
00:19:33
Speaker
One of them, he or he they they go in the elevator and he grabs them and he's like going up and slams them into the top of the elevator. And one of them like opens this door. And then ah the other one, he kicks back into the elevator and he's like going down.
00:19:48
Speaker
And then just like cuts the fucking cord and the whole elevator plummet. These dudes are
00:19:56
Speaker
splattered uh little do you know that they're actually jellyfish aliens that are inside some sort of latex human suit so know fine they were on the ground but they did like a quick jump push up right before they hit the bottom so they're fine yeah yeah they they took a rock into a tsunami essentially yeah exactly uh i'm pretty sure some of these guys were also wrestlers um Well, there's definitely one wrestler in this movie, but we'll get there. Yeah. Because I have one that I know of and a welcome back with him.
00:20:27
Speaker
The neighbor. No. the long hair. No, that then the neighbor is the guy who was talking about. the race No, but he had like five guys and one of them. No, definitely but there is definitely a wrestler, although he wasn't technically a wrestler yet when they made this movie, or at least not for WWF.
00:20:42
Speaker
Oh, really? Interesting. he was. We'll get there. I'll tell you. all and You can tell he's a little younger and pudgy. um But yeah, so the president tosses this like metal business card at Suter and his hand cuts off. It's an envelope. transforms into a monster.
00:20:56
Speaker
But in this universe, it's a deadly weapon. yeah it's It's just his Apple credit card. Oh, there you go. I just got a bunch of these in the mail.
00:21:08
Speaker
i love I love Hogan's escape here, though, because like alien suitor, then like fucking obliter start obliterating people. So he goes through like an air vent, much like John McClane, but with rocket rocket boots.
00:21:21
Speaker
And he just sets a budget rocket boots, brother. He suchs a bunch sets a bunch of thermal detonators throughout the vents. Mando style. Blows up this entire ship and escape escapes on the escape pod.
00:21:34
Speaker
I really like when the ship is blowing up, though, because like the space effects look cheap, but they look pretty cool. But when the ship is blowing up, it's like they just covered up pieces of it with like a matte painting.
00:21:45
Speaker
like Just chunks start disappearing. It's not like blowing apart. Yeah, because it's a vacuum, so things are exploding out and sucking in. They did more work than George Lucas.
00:21:56
Speaker
yeah um If it looks cool, film it. I don't care about fire in space. That shit's rad. i think There was something we watched. If you explode something underwater, it actually looks more like what it would in space.
00:22:10
Speaker
that makes sense. Is that what it was? It better not be. I was like, don't know. In Sphere, they were talking about how when it explodes, it'll actually implode because of the pressure. I don't know. just remember there was something. don't remember that movie.
00:22:21
Speaker
I think that was Sphere, but um he talks to his boss and his boss is like, hey, so the evil general's out of the way. Things are pretty quiet now. And he's just like, can you do you have a genocide I can stop or maybe some terrorists or no anything going on, brother? Uh-uh.
00:22:36
Speaker
There's not one brother in this movie. He doesn't say brother. Set course for Space Miami because you need to chill. Yeah, basically he's like, dude, go fucking take a vacation. Oh, you got mad and broke your ship.
00:22:49
Speaker
Now you have to go to Earth and recharge for six weeks. I was going to send you to fuck spa. We've got Earth. We've got a duck alien working over there. Yeah. Oh, he's on Earth. All right, cool.
00:23:00
Speaker
They did send him there. In Cleve Land. Cleve Land. But so he crashes into a skating rink. Yeah. recharge a ship'm I'm assuming it's a skate rink. It's got a big there's a poster on the wall that says something, something, something about a skating event called the landing pad. also And it's called the landing pad. And and but like stuff I was reading online kept referring to it as a bar. And I was like, well, I mean, I guess a skating rink can have alcohol. but You could do both. It could be a discotheque.
00:23:29
Speaker
You can dance if you want to. You can leave your friends behind. You could put on some skates. If your friends don't, because your friends don't skate. And if they don't skate, then they're no friends of mine. ocean
00:23:48
Speaker
dance. Do the skatey dance. Have you seen the music video for the safety dance? Yes. And he's like... Okay. I was like, I just, I've never, never seen it. Pulled it up at work the other day. I was like, I think we're going have to watch this and like come do a commentary about that. music video It makes some no sense.
00:24:05
Speaker
Yeah. It's something it's for no good reason. And I love it. It's it's fucking mid some are with this dude running around with like a little person dressed like a jester and they're singing about safety dance. I'm like this video makes no sense.
00:24:17
Speaker
Yeah. That was a point of videos. Does it make all the sense? Fair. Point counterpoint. I like your argument. We'll dissect it. So we meet Charlie Wilcox, played by Christopher Lloyd.
00:24:30
Speaker
ah Back to the Future, obviously. Adam's family. Who framed Roger Rabbit? I want to start by saying this is the most subdued we've ever seen him. Yes. But it's not him sleeping.
00:24:41
Speaker
Like, he's still performing. He's just not doing any of his normal stuff. like He's very supposed to be like, ah he's the... He's like a Rick Moranis type character. Sure, sure. And I just like it. you know it's it's It's just saying that he's he's able to do calm is what it shows.
00:24:57
Speaker
Yeah. Did Rick Moranis quit acting by this point? I don't think so. That's close. I think one of those Honey movies was after probably after this, 91.
00:25:10
Speaker
My Blue Heaven right is right around here maybe. But this is pretty close to it. Yeah, it's close. And then his wife, Shelley Duvall, playing Jenny. Jenny.
00:25:20
Speaker
Who, I mean, I know most from The shiningny Shining. Shining. Popeye. Popeye. She's in Annie Hall. You hear her olive oil in this movie. I love her in this role, by the way.
00:25:32
Speaker
She does. In the few scenes she's in, she kind of steals the scenes that she's performing in. She's a perfect fucking wife, dude. here's like Long curly hair. What's that? The long curly hair scene when he gets home from work. When she cosplays as Geena Davis. but it's oh Maybe that's why I liked it. ah Who do you want to cosplay as? Geena Davis! um it's No, but it's like it starts here where she's like, go tell your dad to get to work, yada yada.
00:25:57
Speaker
And she's like, honey, look at all these bills. we You need to ask for a raise. He's like, no, because if ask for it and they say no, we're right back here. Things just come naturally. He starts walking away. She puts him in a chokehold.
00:26:09
Speaker
Yep. And she's like, you're going ask now? You're going to ask now? And he's like, yes, Tommy, mommy. Need more relationships like this in the world. Well, and it's nice because she knows i know someone she knows he's not going to go to work and ask because he's a very timid, yeah whatever character.
00:26:24
Speaker
But she still dresses up all sexy for him to try to seduce him when he gets home. she She even rents out like, hey, look, we don't need to worry because you're going to be this guy. We don't need to worry about it. We'll rent out a room.
00:26:36
Speaker
Also, how the hell does she do that renovation in one workday? Meth. Ooh, meth. Ooh, meth. Yeah, she was hanging out with ah the mom from Requiem for a Dream and doing speed pills.
00:26:50
Speaker
i could feel it. I could feel that reference coming. Reference to a dream. I could feel it coming a mile away, like a junkie itch. Well, you see that lady clean her house, like, thoroughly.
00:27:03
Speaker
She's moving the fridge and shit. Yeah, no, it's a good example because where it works out really well for her in the end. Yeah, yeah.
00:27:11
Speaker
Does this spaceship go to Madison Avenue?
00:27:16
Speaker
I'm going to be on TV. People that are in that movie can't quote it the way he does. What would you say if I never actually watched that movie? I would say, you know what we're doing after we're done recording? Jack, I'm coming over.
00:27:27
Speaker
coming over to Jackson watching Requiem Prairie. Prank caller. Prank caller. Don't come here. There is no Jack here. There is no Jack. There is only drool. yeah ah So then we also meet his boss, Adrian Belts, played by Larry Miller.
00:27:45
Speaker
i love Larry Miller. this is He always plays a douchebag. This is his character, and he's great at it. Also, you would probably know him as a phenomenal father in 10 Things I Hate About You. Yeah. That's his yeah that's the most redeeming role. It is. He's the same here as Nutty Professor.
00:28:02
Speaker
He does. He's done a few Chris Christopher guest movies. He's. Oh, definitely. Mighty Wind, Waiting for Guffman. He's a negotiator in Best in Show. If you don't come down here, I'll stab you in the eye with this fork, you little shit.
00:28:15
Speaker
Are you talking to me or the cat? Talking. I was talking to the little kid that was on his roof. And then, yeah, for your consideration, some of those. He's also a Pretty Woman, but he always kind of plays a dick.
00:28:29
Speaker
Who is he in Pretty Woman? He owns this shop that, ah so after she gets treated rudely for, you know, looking like a prostitute. That's right. Yes. Richard Gere takes him he's like, he's just, he's doing this. He's like, where's the money at? ah let me Let me do whatever. Is it a big commission? A really, really big commission. That's all him.
00:28:47
Speaker
He's like Monterey Jack from Chip and Dale's Rescue Ranger, but with money. Yee, yee, yee, yee. yeah
00:28:55
Speaker
But I do I do love like Christopher Lloyd shows up. He's got these new blueprints for whatever this facility is. They're building for Mr. Nakatomi. Sorry, Zookaki. think it's Nakatomi Plaza. Yeah. He's like, look, the Germans can get in this door.
00:29:08
Speaker
ah the The gruff New York cop, he can climb up through these vents. We put human sized vents in here just in case. Yeah, we we're definitely first thing first. Human sized. But also, don't forget the glass floor. That's important. We just need broken glass all over the floor.
00:29:21
Speaker
Don't ask me why. ah These two floors are always under construction. Always. ah But he like he pulls out these blueprints. I don't know anything about blueprints, but they look like pretty fucking good blueprints. They did.
00:29:32
Speaker
Very very like detailed looking. And ah Larry Miller like lays them out and he's like, Charlie, my God, these are very adequate. ah It's good.
00:29:44
Speaker
Yeah. You're typecast for a reason. I do like his thing, his running thing with the ah the Japanese businessmen because it doesn't go where the 90s thing would usually go. and He's playing the 90s character of like, I'm going to kind of talk down and be culturally insensitive towards these Japanese businessmen. Let's get some drinks or shots. Kamikazes just tonight. It's a special. We made it up just for tonight. Tell them that. Tell them I said that.
00:30:08
Speaker
But like they're always talking shit and that's the part I enjoy. Like when he comes up and he's like he comes to the door and they're there and he's like, oh, hey, what's going on? blah blah Whatever he says. And.
00:30:20
Speaker
He the guy, was Mr. Zoukaki says, I'm going to hate this guy. And the translator is like, he says he's very impressed with your knowledge of our culture. And he just looks at the translator. and He's like, coward. You bitch.
00:30:34
Speaker
So he can understand English, but doesn't speak it. Yeah. to It's lower. It's also, I mean, it's ah it's a power move. It is a power move. Absolutely. Like, I know everything this guy is saying.
00:30:46
Speaker
That way he has to have a translator to talk to me. Don't tell the translator, but I'm going fuck this guy over.
00:30:54
Speaker
Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. I'm needy. But we have a Patreon at Patreon.com. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me. Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging.
00:31:10
Speaker
We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on it on so long. But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need to equip it.
00:31:22
Speaker
any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures yeah thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're goingnna kill me ah um So we get the montage of the first of many montages of Hulk Hogan walking down the street.
00:31:58
Speaker
that This is the majority of the movie is him just walking down the street, interacting with people. Yeah. People will usually go and like, oh, my. One guy has a broom. He's like, get out of here. You go get. Yeah, the first one. The guy, yeah, he's like, when he's like screaming at him, he's like are you a deliverer? And I was like, is this a religious thing or is he talking about like a delivery man? It has to be some religious zealot thing, dude. I'm not a Scientologist, but I doubt this guy is too.
00:32:21
Speaker
He doesn't look like the right tax bracket for Scientology. ah You are a corrector. um I did read a funny thing. it actually made me laugh a little bit from IMDb trivia. It's really pointless.
00:32:33
Speaker
But the woman at the soda machine where he like punches the soda machine and all the chain comes change comes out. ah She ended up being ah like one of the main villains on the show. The Secret World of Alex Mack.
00:32:45
Speaker
The Nickelodeon show. I remember that. She's in like 39 episodes of that. And she's like one of the big bads, I believe, is what I had read. That's funny. Which is just funny because she's just like, I can't get my soda.
00:32:58
Speaker
Spot on. we're going to have impersonations in this movie. She was also in an episode of Seinfeld. But my favorite part of this one is when he sees this dog in this hot car with the windows rolled up.
00:33:10
Speaker
and whitney immediately was like oh that poor dog and i just kind of laughed i was like oh just wait yeah she doesn't even know it's coming derek has a chance to do it to whitney this time the dude is sitting over there like eating his lunch and he's like shut the fuck up ralph and hogan walks over to him and then we have hard cut to the dog sitting there eating eating the guy's food and the guy is in the car chained up and he's like ralph ralph please come help me It's good. It's the best that was going to go because youre you're like, all right, he's going to bust the window open, right? He's going to let the dog out. That's cool.
00:33:42
Speaker
Nope, much better. Definitely. I like that world. And we see more of ah Charlie's kind of pathetic life. He comes home from work.
00:33:53
Speaker
His gearhead neighbor here, the guy Dennis Berkeley we were talking about from Laser Blast. Apparently he's in Sidekicks also, but the character's name was Hank, and I couldn't figure out who that was. I think he's one of the thugs in all the flashbacks.
00:34:06
Speaker
Or the not flashbacks, the like the movie. Yeah, I think he's also in 10 cup as a character named Earl. But I've never seen that and you had. So I figured, oh, yeah, we should probably do that in February because it's filmed in Tucson.
00:34:19
Speaker
Yeah. All right. Is about golf? Kind of. Right. Speaking of golf, we watch Happy Gilmore 2. It's got Rene Russo. You what? I said, speaking of golf, we watched Happy Gilmore 2.
00:34:32
Speaker
How was that? I was stoned out of my gourd. Never around me. hey know was us It easily one of the worst movies I've ever seen in my life.
00:34:43
Speaker
He wasn't high. You have to high to i believe im highway into it. i I went into it in a good mood. So I figured I'd at least chuckle. It was just basically a nod to the first one and like rest in peace to all the people that have passed away. A nod to the first one would have been great if they didn't show half of the first movie during this movie. Yeah, and he wanted to watch the first movie first and I said don't.
00:35:05
Speaker
That's how I felt when I watched the trailer. I was like, oh, so you're just going to give me the same schtick. It's even worse because like... right before the punchline of whatever flashback joke they're giving you, they show the joke from the first movie, then cut back to the punchline. And it's like, well, you just killed any, at least I could have been like, oh, that's the thing from the movie. Now they're like, no, it is the thing from the movie.
00:35:26
Speaker
yeah Although it is my favorite letterboxd review I've ever written. Oh yeah. ah Tell me if you guys recognize this speech. I changed some words. what i just watch timess it was the worst of not billy madison he's doing billy madison he already knows What I just watched is one of the most insanely idiotic things I've ever seen.
00:35:45
Speaker
At no point in its rambling, incoherent runtime was it even close to anything that could be considered a movie. Everyone is now dumber for having seen it. I award you no stars and may God have mercy on your soul. Simple, simple one star would have fine.
00:35:57
Speaker
Well, and then I changed it at the end. of very I said, OK, one star for Chris McDonald. Yeah. Because is he is doing work. He is trying. Shooter is great. But the rest of that movie is a big, fat, wet fart turd.
00:36:09
Speaker
It's about what thought it would be. I was I got drunk at the bar. We came home and I ate a gummy, ah whole one. I just didn't even think about it. I just like open it, popped in my mouth and all this is going to be a fun ride.
00:36:22
Speaker
oh and sex tape and took a note from Jack's classes. ah Hell yeah. And I had a great time. Hell yeah. That has nothing to do with anything. I just was thinking about it. I haven't been able to stop thinking about it.
00:36:37
Speaker
There you go. It is rated lower on my yearly ratings than the Electric State. Oof. oo so That is my bottom movie of the year. I would rather watch a double feature of Borderlands and The Electric State than watch Happy Go More 2 again. Rather watch Sphere followed by Wild Angels.
00:37:01
Speaker
Okay, i will probably watch I would probably watch Happy Go More 2 before I watched Wild Angels again. Purely for the screaming cacophony scene. I mean, yeah, up until then it's it's bearable. Then it gets that.
00:37:11
Speaker
I do like this guy who... I'm assuming this is like Shelley Duvall's dad or something, but this guy who like lives Christopher Lloyd's front yard. He's the neighbor. The colonel's the neighbor. But at their house. No.
00:37:26
Speaker
No, I don't think it is. It's not their house. he Or he just put their he put his Jeep on their lawn. He's like, he'll never tell me to fucking leave. it's It's in between their houses. It's a little area in between. my lawn now. This guy, he's ah a big Western actor, too. Got him Jack Elam. He's Once Upon a Time in the West.
00:37:43
Speaker
He's in both Cannonball Run movies. Dr. Nicholas Van Helsing. Yep. ah But he was in a bunch of the Westerns that this guy directed. so He's great Cannonball Run. He's giving himself shots.
00:37:54
Speaker
Yeah. But I like this guy because he's just like an old World War Two curdle who just sits in the front yard yelling at people and getting lost change since 44. I like it. I'd sit and have a talk with this of my neighbor.
00:38:07
Speaker
I bet. Oh, yeah. I love when he's having him coffee time when he's having conversations. It would be what Hulk Hogan does, except for they wouldn't have like military stuff to talk about. Jack would talk World War II with him. No, but I mean, when he talks to Hulk Hogan later, he's like, I'm the colonel of whatever from this whatever division and all that stuff.
00:38:24
Speaker
And then Hulk Hogan's like, I'm from Velta 9 secret ordinance, whatever, you know, space stuff. And a lot has changed since 1944. Yeah. But I like that part, but...
00:38:36
Speaker
It was. But this guy's good. He just sits in the front yard yelling at people, telling Christopher Lloyd he's a pussy. Yeah. He's like, dude, the reason they're parking on your shit is because you let them.
00:38:47
Speaker
But Christopher Lloyd's like, fuck this. Right after Shelley Duvall tries to seduce him, he's like, I'm not in the mood to fuck right now. I'm going to go to my workshop and I'm gonna hit stuff with a hammer. You could hit her with your screwdriver.
00:39:01
Speaker
Your hammer. He's feeling inadequate, so maybe he wouldn't be able to ah perform. All right, that's fair. He just wants to hit things with a hammer, and then he'll feel better. But he can't because she converted his workshop into a livable apartment.
00:39:15
Speaker
yeah And I love how it's like just a lampshade on a drill press. Yeah. It's not even a working lamp. She just put a lampshade over it. I love it. Put ah quick put a doily over the arc welder. She had eight hours.
00:39:29
Speaker
She used them all. Looks hella better than I could have made it She even put fresh paint on the wall. like did She put like, she put like laminate stuff inside everything. Like it's like a whole different. Does it have a bathroom?
00:39:41
Speaker
I don't know. It doesn't have a closet. We found that out. I doubt it has a bathroom. It's his workshop, dude. He goes pee-pee-poo-poos outside. But it can't be a rentable apartment if it doesn't have a bathroom. But then again, this is like a room to rent.
00:39:53
Speaker
This is a rentable apartment kind of situation, like when you get an Airbnb where it's a shared thing and you have to eat with the people who live there, which is something I would never do. the hell Yeah, we had to do that once. There was one where it was like, come inside when you want food.
00:40:06
Speaker
And you're like, I don't think we're going to take this When I first started doing Airbnb, I would read them and it's like, yeah, the kitchen's inside. and I was like, well, I'm not going there. hu i will stay I will stay in the shed in your backyard, but I will not go inside your home.
00:40:20
Speaker
I'll squat in your basement. No, I've seen the barbarian. I have not. No, you should. It's fun. No, it's actually not fun. It's horrifying. but But it's really Everyone dies. It's going to have a great time. You won't sleep for days. Oh, there's one part in this movie, and I know you know what part, that Derek was like, oh, God, yes.
00:40:40
Speaker
Does the little kid get killed? Almost. Or punted across a room, maybe. But ah speaking of little kids being abused, Hogan shows up, rents the apartment, and I like this thing. They're getting ready for dinner, and he walks in just holding the two kids up by the scruff of their neck. Are these Are these yours? I found these little alien species running around the house.
00:41:00
Speaker
I don't have good Hogan. Who should we do for Hogan? Brother! just Just grumble and say brother every time you talk. Are these yours, brother? I had too much pork, brother. Oh, fuck. I had too much pork. Widen your eyes, brother. I'm going to go hit something with a hammer.
00:41:16
Speaker
Maybe your wife. Oh. She wants it. It's for research reasons. Oh, yeah. She's all about This is where we get her olive oil coming out. She's like, oh, get the door.
00:41:27
Speaker
That's just her being moist. Well, I like that she's still wearing her lingerie from trying to seduce Charlie when Hulk comes to the door. So she just holds the wig in front of her. I'm like, you're still wearing lingerie. said, yeah, i I just got all this on. I'm not going to take it off right now.
00:41:41
Speaker
actually how to get I don't know how to get it off. It's supposed to get ripped off. I need help because there's a lot of there's ah it's laced up the back. It's a whole thing. I had to get my son to help me tie it. It was weird. So I scarred my child for this.
00:41:54
Speaker
Hope you're happy. But Charlie had World War Two veteran fucking tire. Oh, no, no. He would have tied her up in a very different way. This reminds me. Never mind. It's like trench warfare. I like to lay some warfare in your trenches.
00:42:10
Speaker
This reminds me of Saigon. Different war, but you know I'm sure he was there, too. ah He spent some time in Saigon. But ah Charlie Christopher Lloyd is suspicious of Hulk Hogan for whatever reason.
00:42:21
Speaker
I guess it's because when he's like, you're not from here, are you? He's like, no, France, brother. I'm from France. like not Just like those cone heads. Yes, France, we come from France.
00:42:31
Speaker
Oh, my God, that's right. Yeah. It's that it's the early 90s. Where are you from? France. merner And marmer i every your American laughs like, oh, the French are weird. I mean, they're not wrong.
00:42:44
Speaker
No, they're not. But we're not much better. he He starts peeping on Hogan out there in his little ah apartment, and he's following him around. He does find his alien gun that he hides underneath his bed. You know, he's looking around to see where the guy is that he hired to wipe his ass, because there's no way Hulk and his steroids can wipe his own ass.
00:43:02
Speaker
i chase my own I don't brother not for many years it's a bidet bitch I hired some guy to lay under me and spray water my butt now again he's from space he's got one of those aliens that you put inside you and it eats your poop I think we talked about that on how it took shots first I forgot about the alien species I invented
00:43:26
Speaker
Okay then I do like that he he plays with the little laser gun and blows up the neighbor's car It doesn't really come to anything but it's still funny One of the neighbor's many cars because we got distracted talking about the colonel The neighbor's always working on all of his like is like ah stock cars and like drag funny cars And they're always parked in front of Christopher Lloyd's driveway And he's like just park across the street you fucking pussy No I'd drive over it Hold on. I'd sue them.
00:43:58
Speaker
There you go.
00:44:01
Speaker
It's the 90s, man. You know, it's more dangerous than fists. HOA, bitch. Oh, yeah. There's no HOA. There's no HOA in this neighborhood. Karen would have been down there yelling at this guy for his loud-ass hot rods years ago.
00:44:13
Speaker
Well, he's the head of the HOA. He's married to Karen.
00:44:19
Speaker
um Oh, and also we didn't mention there's some kids who drive through the neighborhood every day in there, like Trans Am or whatever, just speeding through. They almost hit Christopher Lloyd. That becomes important, too.
00:44:30
Speaker
He seems used to it. He's fine. He knows exactly what time the day. He's like, 515. Got to jump out of the way. We meet the alien goons, the bounty hunters, who are going to be hunting Mr. Hogan throughout this movie.
00:44:43
Speaker
Apparently, their names are Knuckles and Hutch. Who's who? ah So Knuckles is on the left there. Okay, Anthony Longo? Tony Longo, yeah, Anthony Longo, ah who was in House Guest. He'll be back because he's in Last Boy Scout and ah Brandon Lee's Rapid Fire. so He's in a bunch stuff.
00:45:04
Speaker
And then on the right. Woo. I didn't say anything last night. I was waiting to see if Whitney would recognize him. Do you know who that is on the right? oh That's the Undertaker, baby. Is that really? He's just a little baby virgin.
00:45:20
Speaker
Can you see it now? Yeah, not really. I mean, it's just a look at a chubby face. He hasn't started roiding up yet. i mean, you can see it in the face, especially. Look at that right picture.
00:45:31
Speaker
Look at the the one all the way the right and then cut back quick. Oops, wrong one. Oh, great. Yeah, I think it's the hair that's fucking me over. But ah I read that Vince McMahon Because I guess after No Holds Barred They had tried to make a Tiny Zeus Lister a wrestler Yeah um To do do like a tie-in with the movie Because the movie was fairly successful That didn't really last So say he was trying to do the same thing with this So they introduced The Undertaker as a villain Against Hulk Hogan in this movie And then his debut in the w WWF Was right before this movie came out
00:46:09
Speaker
So they were trying to like do a tie-in thing. Loved The Undertaker. My stepdad loved The Undertaker. Probably my favorite wrestler. And he had the greatest hype man ever do with Paul Bearer. who Paul Bearer was awesome.
00:46:23
Speaker
We're going to bury you.
00:46:27
Speaker
You're going to have to earn this victory. don't know if he ever did that, but he hadn't earned. So he should have said something about earning a victory. Your brother Kane is going to fuck you up, Undertaker. You shouldn't have betrayed me.
00:46:41
Speaker
And when I sent your brother on you, I sounded just like this.
00:46:49
Speaker
Good times. Blink, blink. Great times. Blink. want to make her start watching WWE. No. wendy Patreon. and Dot com slash worst people.
00:47:02
Speaker
So he's Hutch. Anyway, we meet them. They they picked up the signal from the the alien gun. So now they have a general idea of what at least what side of the universe to start checking.
00:47:13
Speaker
We have another montage ah ah montage of Hulk Hogan not understanding how the world works. Shelley Duvall is watching some daytime talk show that says Scream for Health. It's Roz from NICOR.
00:47:24
Speaker
Is it? Oh, fuck yeah. She's Marsha in this. yeah Marsha something. Marsha, Marsha, Marsha. But like... hulk hogan comes in to like save her and she's like no it's just the tv and then the mailman comes and throws mail in the slot and he well he thought they were cut his hands off he saw what that letter did earlier he's like oh my god brother here comes this guy with a whole bunch of letters those are all really dangerous and then as he's outside when the mailman's walking away the paper boy comes by and hits him with the newspaper he's like bullseye mister ha ha
00:47:55
Speaker
All right, look, this kid has it coming. Yeah. Yeah. Shelly Duvall walks away and he fucking hucks this newspaper at this kid, knocks him into a bush. It's a good time. Because Shelly Duvall is like, no, he's just a calm down. He's just a paper boy. the Calm down. That paper boy hit me the nuts and yelled bullseye. Fuck that kid.
00:48:11
Speaker
And then we have the other kids on skateboards. Yeah, the skateboard punk kids. um Hulk Hogan doesn't know how to skateboard. He falls over. It's very silly. But he takes this kid's skateboard and hucks it into space. yeah My mom could do better than that.
00:48:26
Speaker
Well, tell your mom to buy your new skateboard, shithead. You just lost this one. It's like teenage Clark Kent there in Superman with the football. He just kicks into space.
00:48:38
Speaker
I kind of wanted to be a callback to Flubber, our our episode, not the movie, where it's a little kid on an airplane and a fucking skateboard just goes flying by. It's like, I can't escape anything. i mean, we do get a callback later on because that's part of how they find Earth as they're going through and they see the skateboard spinning through space like and they like track track the origin. Like, let's follow its trajectory. Oh, that's where it came from. Only Shep Gordon Ramsay could have thrown a skateboard that hard.
00:49:07
Speaker
Christopher Lloyd comes home from work. The neighbors are blocking it again. So Hulk Hogan moves the car. This is when the guy gets in his face and he's like, you don't want to fuck with us, dude. You don't know what you don't want to know what we're going to do. Let me guess.
00:49:19
Speaker
You're going to make me watch sphere and wild angels and rip the flesh out of my fucking off my bones. Put eye toothpicks in my eyelids. No, it's the 90s.
00:49:30
Speaker
We're going to sue you. We're going to sue you. What? Hogan's so disappointed. This is a 90s joke if I ever heard one. There's another one coming up. there Like later, I think is as bad.
00:49:42
Speaker
Or bad is not necessarily the right word. As 90s? As 90s. Thank you. ah Yeah, because there's a lawyer one in here somewhere too, right? There's one that might not be. It might be the same joke, it's not lawyer.
00:49:56
Speaker
Oh, investment banker. Yeah. Yeah. I knew was the same thing. Same joke, different profession. They work for the nastiest scum in the entire galaxy.
00:50:07
Speaker
Investment bankers? No. We're bounty hunters. I know it's just trying to make a living, dude. Oh, and then the speeding kids come through the neighborhood again, almost hit Mark, who's the son.
00:50:19
Speaker
And then he's out of this movie because he actually did get hit that he couldn't show it. And Hulk Hogan chases this car, flips it over, and he's about to, like, tear this dude asunder.
00:50:30
Speaker
Oh, he yeah. He's going to put his fist through his skull. Yeah. And ah Christopher Lloyd stops him, but he just just to show how strong Hulk Hogan is. He spins this car like a top.
00:50:42
Speaker
Yep. I like it. It's fun. It's all so stupid, but it's just it's just funny, silly shit that that makes me laugh. Yeah. so It's wacky, it's goofy, it's zany, and it's got muscles.
00:50:54
Speaker
I do like, too, when he's just he's just apparently out for a jog and stops this purse snatcher. like Because you see the guy running away with the purse, and then there's the shadows of Hulk grabbing him and throwing him, and he comes back over and gives the lady his purse, but he doesn't quit, or her purse, he doesn't quit jogging in place, and he's like, have a great night, ma'am.
00:51:12
Speaker
Yeah, it was like got to keep that heart rate up out for my midnight jog. hmm. And then one of my favorite bits of these like montages is the talking car alarm because like he gets close to this car. It's like you're too close, buddy. Back the fuck up.
00:51:27
Speaker
And he rips it out. And it's like, no, my mistake. Stand as close as you want. Let's talk about this. Actually, you can have the car. Yeah. Take the car. I like the running gag of the mime. Because the mime's doing this thing. you know He's like, oh no, brother, you're trapped in invisible force field. I'll get you out.
00:51:47
Speaker
And punches the mime in the face. And the next one is the fake ladder. And he's like, try to get up there, brother. throws him way up there. And then he's like, I'll be in the daytime now.
00:51:59
Speaker
And finally he's like, just take the rope. It's just a gag, dude. All right. Look, I don't just leave me alone. i like it. I don't know why, but especially that first one was like, oh no, an invisible force field. This is, that's another very nineties joke. It's like fucking, oh, aren't mimes weird?
00:52:16
Speaker
Yeah, that's their goal. They come from France. Yeah, fair. he's He's blowing his cover, dude.
00:52:27
Speaker
um And we do get, and speaking of the 90s, when the car alarm gets ripped out, I forgot. He's stomping on it. And like, help, I've fallen and I can't get up ninety That was fun. i did like that. It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your car alarm is?
00:52:41
Speaker
It should be in my car. I also like him helping this kid play a video game. like The kid's like, no, you can't. You have to shoot. Or he's like, shoot proton missiles at the dragon. He's like, no, dragons absorb proton missiles.
00:52:53
Speaker
I thought that only the Zardonians. Zardonians, yeah. Whatever they are. ah Try hitting your exhaust ports. and they're they're They're all spins. We'll do this. dude It's never over, brother. I got you. And he plays the game so hard that it breaks the machine and it even puts out a little white flag of surrender.
00:53:10
Speaker
Like this is when it's just like this is a cartoon. just So, you know, which I think this got added once. It wasn't Arnold and Danny. Yeah. Yeah. would have been a little bit more serious. Like it would have been a goofy comedy, but it would have been a little bit more serious. We wouldn't have had the white flag. know. I say that. Then I think about Batman and Robin.
00:53:31
Speaker
Yeah. You can make Arnold do whatever with the right amount of money. Yeah. Yeah, but this movie cost $11 million. dollars Arnold got paid $14 million more than that for Batman and Robin.
00:53:41
Speaker
Fuck yeah. You could have made two and a quarter of these movies for how much Arnold to Batman and Robin. And would have lost so much money. Yeah.
00:53:52
Speaker
But he goes to check out his ship over at the skate rink and Charlie has followed him. um When he leaves, Christopher Lloyd goes up and he starts looking through the the spaceship and he finds all of his gear.
00:54:02
Speaker
yeah Turns on one of the guns. The Iron Man arm thing that's like a muscle amplifier. ah The X-ray binoculars. Yeah. The crickets. All that jazz. The noisy cricket gun. Yeah, noisy cricket.
00:54:16
Speaker
And he notices a damsel in distress. So he goes to save her much like Howard the duck. yeah Let the woman go. ah duck's got its limits, man.
00:54:27
Speaker
And he he takes out these two dudes, but he drops the noisy one of these dudes I've been seeing all over the place. He's from Pee Wee's Big Adventure. He's one of the bikers. I say we tattoo him and then we kill him. That guy.
00:54:42
Speaker
Oh, that this the smaller of the two? The tall, thinner one. yeah Yeah, that's what I mean. Like the the skinnier guy. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. And then I recently saw him in El Diablo Western with Anthony Edwards and Luke Gossett Jr. I haven't seen that.
00:55:00
Speaker
Read the blurb. Read the blurb. yeah. Hey, if you're a member of our Patreon, and you get to read our newsletter where we talk about movies we've been watching that aren't show related.
00:55:11
Speaker
Yeah. So you can see what Jack thought of that movie. Sometimes they are. Sometimes it's research. Well, yeah, but they aren't they aren't for the podcast right when you watched it. Right. Correct.
00:55:23
Speaker
um After he loses the noisy cricket, we get more... Hogan on the streets. um This summer on Spike TV, Hogan on the streets, a devil in the sheets.
00:55:37
Speaker
Oh, my. I had too much pork. Oh, my. each Each episode, Hogan on the streets starts to fade out. I had too much pork. If nobody knows what that's from, he ah Hogan himself had a sex tape, and he just at one point stands up and says, oh, fuck, I had too much pork.
00:55:59
Speaker
Wow. Oh, been there, Hulk. It's much harder to find, though. It's been pretty well scrubbed from the interwebs. It's findable, just not for somebody of my limited technology capacity.
00:56:14
Speaker
Well, now that he's passed, I'm sure it'll start popping up again. People will be like, ooh. That's not how boners work.
00:56:21
Speaker
I'm pretty sure you can be well hung when you're hanged. But does that mean it's hard? Yeah, well hung. Hey, Alexa, does your dick get hard when someone gets you hanged?
00:56:37
Speaker
It's been known to happen enough that they named it. It's true. All right. If you ask her that, she goes, it doesn't answer the question. It just sends my information to some data center. Got another prevert here.
00:56:51
Speaker
Just another prevert. When he comes across this little girl who's crying because her cat is trapped in a tree. Guess what? That cat can get right the fuck out. This little this little cat girl is played is played very early in her career by one Elizabeth Moss, who...
00:57:09
Speaker
she was She was Peggy Olsen on Mad Men, but the reason I bring it up is because I knew Whitney would know her. She is the titular handmaid from Handmaid's Tale.
00:57:21
Speaker
She's like the main chick. That's why I remember the name. jud June? Yeah. is she she's So that means that she's also in ah Next Goal Wins. Maybe if that's the same chick. She's like the cover of handmaiden's tale. Yeah.
00:57:36
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. She's ex-wife. Oh yeah. Yeah. I just, I, I saw a thing that said it was Elizabeth Moss early in her career. And i was like, that doesn't help me. And I Googled Elizabeth Moss and saw her was like, Oh, Whitney watched all that. Does help me.
00:57:49
Speaker
Yeah. But this is one of her first things. She's like like, my cat's in the tree. So he bends the branch down and the girl goes, that's not my cat. So he just lets it go. And this fucking cat just goes flying. Well, right after the skateboard.
00:58:04
Speaker
it's good it' that skateboard They filmed that, but they were like, we can't have a scene where a cat flies by the bounty hunters in space. We can't. The cat is on the skateboard in space. There's a sticker about that somewhere.
00:58:17
Speaker
Now that stupid song from that. Remember that meme you fucking did where the kid hits basketball? dirt do it Something along those lines. Yeah. Yeah. Now it's stuck. Thanks.
00:58:30
Speaker
You're welcome. ah There's a crime montage. wouldn't say a montage, a crime scene, a scene of the crime. Go ahead. My notes get a little weird here.
00:58:40
Speaker
I think I stopped taking notes. What do you mean? i don't know. It just says back to ship spots, bounty hunters to office. So I mean, Christopher, Christopher Lloyd does save the chick and she's horny by the way. She's like, i anything you want.
00:58:53
Speaker
anything and he's like his bucket like little cod piece activates like it's it's basically like an electronic down boy because yeah just as its own reward i don't need sex gotta go oh so the stuff on his arms is like a muscle amplifier do you think that thing's amplifying his dong and he's like i gotta get out of here yeah i gotta go home to my wife i gotta to do more than just hit things with a hammer tonight yeah am the hammer i am the hammer Oh, I know what So yeah, he goes back to his office. Hulk Hogan goes there and he's like, first of all, he talks to this assistant lady. Welcome back. like, is she?
00:59:31
Speaker
Isn't this the chick? Unless it just looks like her. It looks like the chick. She's in Scrooged. She's in all the lethal weapons. She was, if it's the same girl, she was in Firebirds as Tommy Lee Jones' wife.
00:59:44
Speaker
Do you know who I'm talking about? I know who you're talking about. I don't i don't think that's her. I'm not 100% sure. i didn't okay Because I didn't really get her name. I think they say it once and I missed it. Yeah. I think it's like Martha or something like that. Martha.
00:59:56
Speaker
Martha. Well, easy way to figure it out. Go ahead. But i like she's like talking shit to him. She's like, he's in a meeting and he can't be bothered. So go take a seat, sir. And he gets in her face and she just stands up and she's like, take a fucking seat.
01:00:10
Speaker
But then looks him up and down like, oh yeah my. And then he comes back with a fucking seat. Yeah, she's like, very funny. Sorry, I'm from France. I don't understand what you're talking about. There you go. Warburton. You told me to take a seat. I took a seat. Where we take it?
01:00:27
Speaker
everybody take you out in the town i'm gonna take your seat uh i could take my own seat thank you but they come out of the meeting and um the boss there is telling christopher lloyd like hey i need more blueprints by tonight or whatever and he's like but but but but and he goes bu but but but wait you're a motorcycle now i'd love that dude very funny you're fucking motor car get out of here i need ah i need those fucking things yesterday see But Hulk Hogan gets in his face and he's like, where's my N210 analyzer something? Yep. It's the it's the frosty gun. Yep.
01:01:03
Speaker
Yep. The frosty cricket. That's perfect. Yeah. Which they go off to find. um I love they go down to the car and they're driving around looking for this thing.
01:01:14
Speaker
And then suddenly Hulk Hogan pulls out this. He pulls out the PKE meter from Ghostbusters. Yeah. Yep. It is literally the reused prop from Ghostbusters. And he's like, it's a tracking device.
01:01:26
Speaker
It's a tracking device. And Chris Floyd's like, why didn't we use that at the beginning? And he's like, you didn't ask. He straight up tells him, shut up, because I think that was the writer's.
01:01:36
Speaker
Oh, yeah, yeah. Why did we use it in the first place? ah Shut up. that's So it was like it was like the writer's like, all right, well, now he takes out a tracker. Why didn't he use that earlier? Shut up. Oh, that's good. Put that in. Oh, what I'm thinking of when he said you didn't ask, he's like, ah he's talking about the the bounty hunters being able to track the power source and stuff. Yeah. And Chris, iwood's like but I didn't know. And he's like, well you didn't bother asking, did you? Yeah. You don't just go putting on another man's fucking robotic codpiece, dude. Nope.
01:02:01
Speaker
It's the kind of shit you get taught in school.
Bank Robbery Scene: Frozen Chaos
01:02:03
Speaker
Yeah. That's how you get space crabs. um But they do track the the gun down to this bank that's being currently being robbed. ah Security guards and all the people in there are frozen. And I like the way they did it. They didn't go full like Batman and Robin where they're in a block of No, this was beautiful. It's just a bunch of people covered in like fucking ah fire extinguisher stuff.
01:02:23
Speaker
Yeah. And they're just having to pretend like they're frozen. But it it kind of... adds to it because you can see the people kind of shaking a little bit and they look a little bit more terrified because they're not just dummies in ice. They're actually people standing there looking like they were getting robbed. I think Chris off O'Donnell was busy or they would have had just dummies in ice.
01:02:42
Speaker
The stuffed dogs that lady is holding, the face is all smushed. Oh, that's just because it's a pug.
01:02:53
Speaker
But yeah, the robbers are still there, and it's the the two goons from the night before that were assaulting the chick. So they have a, I guess you could call it a fight. it's a It's a fun back and forth.
01:03:06
Speaker
Oh, I mean, between each other, because like the the taller, the skinnier ones put money in He's like, no skimming off the top. And he's like, well, it's my plan. He's like, what I found the gun.
01:03:16
Speaker
I'm one that figured out how to use it. And I'm the one that wants it back, brother.
Humorous Misunderstandings and Escapes
01:03:20
Speaker
And then, yeah, not a fight. i did I don't know why just stuck with me, but growing up when they spray him, which you can see the hose coming out of the gun, by the way. Yeah. And it cuts to him drinking whatever.
01:03:33
Speaker
Antifreeze. it Did it for me. Yeah, he's literally just drinking antifreeze. It's good for you. Which was a bad message to kids, because was like, well, if it's cold out, I'm just going to drink some antifreeze. Work for the Hulkster.
01:03:49
Speaker
It was called Darwinism, and the kids that did it died. It only works if you combine it with steroids. Shouldn't have made antifreeze so delicious, though. It's not delicious. looks a lot like Mountain Dew.
01:04:01
Speaker
Because I've smelled it. I put antifreeze in my car. you tasted it? Have you tasted it? It's minty. It's pretty sweet. It's minty sweet. Blue cheese smells just like feet and tastes just as good.
01:04:15
Speaker
I know. I love blue cheese. I love feet. I don't. But Charlie gets himself frozen. So Hulkster has to escape taking him with him. It's very funny because he's got him in the sticking out of the sunroof of his car.
01:04:29
Speaker
And it's some good physical comedy from Christopher Lloyd because Hulk's driving down the street and Christopher Lloyd just keeps falling over. I like that. I like that a lot. Once again, did it for me. Yeah. Yeah.
01:04:43
Speaker
Um, that's when we get the line about the investment bankers and he's like, no, they're bounty hunters. They're zealots who are devoted to suitor. They're going to defend him even if he died and all this stuff.
01:04:54
Speaker
I feel first of all, that's not how bounty hunters work. Um, that's, that's called loyal subjects. Yeah. Well, they were, I think he's saying they were hired cause somebody hired them. So maybe the people who hired them are the zealots.
01:05:06
Speaker
Oh, gotcha. Gotcha. But yeah, this this joke is like, it's it's it is the lawyer joke. It's like, ah, we don't want to that same old lawyer joke. What about investment bankers?
01:05:18
Speaker
Bingo. There we go. That's the one. Either way, it's anti-Semitic. Hey, that's my divorce lawyer. my diverse lawyer ah Investment bankers were huge in the 90s, weren't they?
01:05:29
Speaker
I mean, they still are now. Yeah. Now they're just called crypto boys. i don't think we hate lawyers as much in the 2025s. No, no, no. We really love suing. The 90s, we hated lawyers.
01:05:43
Speaker
But he tries to repair his ship so he can get out of there and get the bounty hunters away from
Spaceship Repairs and Subplots
01:05:47
Speaker
Earth. It fails. So he's like, well, we're going to have to stay and fight. And Christopher Lloyd's like, ah we? Good luck with that.
01:05:54
Speaker
there a turd in your pocket? You're talking about you and your giant set of balls? Is that who's going to fight? He's like, well, you got involved in this. And he's like, well, how the fuck was I supposed to know you were an alien Rambo? Yeah.
01:06:04
Speaker
And he says that. I love it. I can appreciate that Whitney's doing hair changes instead of wardrobe. but It's my hair. Third act of the movie.
01:06:17
Speaker
I do like Christopher Lee or Christopher Lee.
01:06:21
Speaker
Terrifying. We have to stay and fight. Okay. Oh, no. have to fight next to Christopher Lee. That's not what it sounds like when you stab a man. He's going to tell me what it's like what it sounds like when you stab a Nazi in the back with a knife.
01:06:34
Speaker
He knows exactly what it sounds like. um But Christopher Lloyd is like, Jesus Christ, I was frozen today. Can I just have a day off? I was frozen.
01:06:47
Speaker
and he's like, basically, he's like, look, I'm just going to go and fight them. I'm probably going to die, but then they'll leave you guys alone. And Christopher Lloyd's like, can it be? Is there any other way we can do this? he's like, if you can tell me where to get 40 pounds of simian crystals.
01:07:00
Speaker
Did you which did you say simian crystals? We didn't mention, but the like Larry Miller has a bunch of awards in his office, and they're pure, uncut, untarnished simian crystals. They're virgin-esque.
01:07:13
Speaker
It looks like they're cut if you're making awards out of them. I dare say they didn't come out of the ground this way, Larry. I meant larry uncut as in uncircumcised.
01:07:25
Speaker
Like and and tainted untainted. There you go. Oh, you can't tell me. Larry Miller teabagged each one of these. They're heavily tainted. Trust me. He goes in taint first.
01:07:38
Speaker
They've been inside of each and every one of them. Everybody is below him. So he's just going to teabag everybody's award before he gives it to him. Then he goes home at night just thinking, my balls were on that.
01:07:49
Speaker
They're rubbing it on their face. They're kissing it. how do you What do you do with your awards? Don't you? Well, I've never gotten one. Oh, sad. Hey, I've gotten a participation trophy. And guess what?
01:08:02
Speaker
It didn't make me feel any better. Did I ever tell you my theory on the ah this country's first participation trophies? Civil War monuments, dude. Yeah. um i All of my trophies were from like bowling because I was on a league.
01:08:21
Speaker
All of my trophies are from other kids. And I was awesome. I stole them because they were awesome. Beat them up. Beat them up took them. Beat up good. I see your karate trophy. If I punch you and take it, does that mean it's my karate trophy? It turns out that I'm better than number one, whatever that means. I'm like karate's bad boy, Mike Barnes.
01:08:39
Speaker
Woo! Woo! So they they go back to the office. There's a big party going on for the Japanese guys that are there. um They go to find the crystals because they're not in the office, and they they use the x-ray binoculars and find them up in the gonna bring the back die-hard floors that are being under construction.
01:08:56
Speaker
They're always... No, they're finished. That's it. They're done. This is it. I do like Larry Miller trying to stall him, and he's like, all right because he's full of shit.
01:09:07
Speaker
you know He's waiting for... excuse me, he's waiting for Christopher Lloyd to get there and do his do the job of Larry Miller. Yeah. But he's like, all right, look, these here, these are called floors. I'm gonna fight you the whole way on this.
01:09:20
Speaker
These are floors, and we need these. You might think we don't, but i'm going to I'm going
X-ray Binoculars and Rocket Boots
01:09:24
Speaker
to go tooth and nail. We need these floors. One man's floor is another man's ceiling. see How do we tell them apart? Walls. I'm thinking walls.
01:09:30
Speaker
Groundbreaking. Innovative. And when he's before before he gets the part he's trying to delay them, when he's just showing them his trophies and he's waiting for Christopher Lloyd to come up. He's like ah they're in the and uncompleted floors of the building. And he's like, this is exactly what your building is going to look like. just kidding he Just kidding. Just kidding.
01:09:47
Speaker
Maybe. ah It's just that nervous mouth diarrhea, verbal diarrhea. and Yeah. But even more so because he just wants credit for everybody else's work. So it's like, you're just a sham.
01:09:59
Speaker
I mouth diarrhea, but I don't steal work from other people. I just mouth diarrhea. But they they take the crystals. The hunters show up. um There's this really funny thing where Hulk grabs a piece of rebar and tries to hit him.
01:10:13
Speaker
ah It's a... Knuckles. Tony Longo takes it and bends it. Undertaker takes it and unbends it. And then Hulk takes it, and it's the picture I used earlier, bends it into a bunny rabbit with a big dick.
01:10:25
Speaker
It's funny. know it's supposed to be a leg, but it looks like a dick. It's a giant upside-down penis and balls. Yeah. It is. That's so that's the look on Undertaker's face right there. He's like, how do you get the Franks on top or the beans on top of the Frank? man Get the beans above the Frank.
01:10:41
Speaker
Yeah, because we do get the one talking, and it's just a little kid's voice. He's like, we're going to get you. You're a dead man. Growing up, i I remembered it being a higher pitch, funnier voice. It is just a little kid.
01:10:52
Speaker
You're a dead man, Ramsey. yeah I thought it was, you're a dead man, Ramsey. now yeah, it's just a little kid's voice, and he's like, no wonder you guys don't talk. Man, that Frank Welker is good. Yeah.
01:11:04
Speaker
ah But he knocks Tony Longo down through the floor to the bottom floor or to the next floor down and then uses other guy uses rocket boots and ah um hold oh was a one liner.
01:11:18
Speaker
It's a one liner, too. He's like, you know, for a big guy, you're pretty light on your feet and then sets the rockets off. Yeah. With the paperclip. Yeah. all That guy goes into the elevator shaft and he gets crushed by an elevator.
01:11:31
Speaker
Yeah, he is. So he's dead. recast this with Jean-Claude Van Damme and Lucy or Shelley Duvall is going to get all her dreams fulfilled. Jean-Claude's like, i I came to the door and she had on her lingerie with a wig, but I could see behind the wig with silk underwears.
01:11:47
Speaker
Underwear So I said hello And then I did the splits I used my x-ray binoculars to see behind the wig Those aren't actually galactic issue Where did you get x Did you say x-ray binoculars No
01:12:03
Speaker
I got them at the spy store. it's i got They were a store that used to be Ray-Ban, so it's the X-Ray-Ban. That's what I was trying to say. ah But Tony Longo comes up, and they have ah another little fight. And I love the, ah they're on like a cart.
01:12:18
Speaker
And he grabs onto a pole and the rocket boots go off. And so it's like this rocket merry-go-round. And then he goes flying through the wall, much like the end of ah Nothing But Trouble.
01:12:29
Speaker
There's a human-shaped hole in the wall, except for his body is still it. Still in it. And then falls through. I like that part. Also, this movie is a thousand times better than Nothing But Trouble. I'm not giving away my recommendation.
01:12:40
Speaker
I'm just telling you. it's i would still say it's less of a movie, But it's more entertaining and a lot less vomit inducing. I almost lost it on the story wise. There's like next to no story here, which is why we've just been rambling. Yeah. Which is why we did 10 minutes on Jason Statham as the master beta. That's because he does 10 minutes on you if you're in that movie.
01:13:07
Speaker
That'll be his next random, um you know, employed man movie. You got the transporter. You got a working man. You got the beekeeper. And you've got the jerker. The jerker. No, actually, hold on. It's the tosser.
01:13:22
Speaker
What's the handjob?
01:13:27
Speaker
I've got a job for you. A handjob for you.
01:13:34
Speaker
The spit.
01:13:37
Speaker
You haven't been jerked off to death. We're about to.
01:13:42
Speaker
It was two minutes, five minutes ago. When are going to come? I'm done. Two minutes, Charlie. no So. Hurry, Tommy, before the fools of Germans get here.
01:13:56
Speaker
So. Christopher.
01:14:01
Speaker
I can't even think of names anymore. He's got Christopher Lloyd. hey Christopher Lloyd goes back to the house to check for any more traceable devices. ah Hulk Hogan tries to get his ship ready to get the fuck out of there.
01:14:13
Speaker
And here comes Souter breaking into the house. He takes the the wife and kids hostage. And Charlie has to lead him to Shep because he had no choice. He had to protect his family.
01:14:26
Speaker
Yeah. Shep isn't mad about At one point, Suter found a picture they had taken earlier. we forgot to talk about the cake. It's after he saves the little boy. They're like, we made this for you. and It's a giant cake. He's like, you eat this stuff? And just grabs it. And much like a drunk ah podcaster, he eats this cake like it's an apple.
01:14:48
Speaker
yeah Yeah. haven't done this. I love that they took this picture. it's It's in their kitchen with curtains and wallpaper and all that stuff. But the picture that's hanging on the wall that Suter finds completely white background.
01:15:02
Speaker
And he takes the picture. And then here at the when he confronts Hulk Hogan, he's like, oh, you care for these creatures. And he pulls out the picture. Completely different picture.
01:15:15
Speaker
Hulk is standing behind them in the picture that he shows. This is one of those magical Harry Potter frames, man, where it's always changing. He's been there for almost six weeks now, guys, and he's taken every dinner. Has it been six weeks? Well, that's what the boss said. It'll take six weeks to recharge your battery enough to get out of there. It was just one crazy two nights.
01:15:36
Speaker
It's what it feels like. Cause he goes to check on the the spaceship and it says 21 earth days. I'm like, that's less than six weeks. And then this is like a day and a half later. And he's like, I can get out of here now.
01:15:47
Speaker
Yeah. i don't know. Time moves differently in the Hulkster in the Hulkster.
Character Reflections and Resolutions
01:15:54
Speaker
It showed that time was moving because now he's better at everything. Yeah.
01:15:59
Speaker
Yeah. He's he's definitely he had a line. It's only going to come up, but he's like, I've ah spent so much time saving worlds. I've never lived in one. Well, you know what? Time does move differently for the Hulkster because he sets the self-destruct on his ship here and it says three three and a half minutes.
01:16:16
Speaker
and so suitor lets christopher lloyd and his family go they drive home christopher lloyd says i have to help hulk hogan they don't go home he takes them to like the garage across the street or something it's not the house no it's a gas station he goes i don't think he's ever going back home and he comes back and it's been 40 seconds and then Uh, well Hulk and Suter are having this conversation. Why is he just giving his speech?
01:16:45
Speaker
shoot All of a sudden it's the two minutes and 10 seconds pass. So it took less than one minute to take his family somewhere, drop them off and come back. And it took two minutes for Suter to basically be like, well what does he say?
01:16:56
Speaker
Your death is the catalyst for my return. And then Hulk has his one liner. He's like, oh, so that's your plan. You're going to bore me to death with speeches, brother. yeah But he's just like shooting at him is I don't know if he's trying to be a terrible shot. Oh, he's shooting around him because he's just teasing him. Oh. Yeah. Because without any of his weapons or his stuff, he just can't find the little the can beat you because I'm actually a swamp thing alien inside this suit. I'm a Cthulhu monster in a tiny, tiny form.
01:17:27
Speaker
Time to call in the fishermen. I used to be a fisherman. Now I kill aliens and I jerk them off. Sorry, I got my movies crossed. Yeah.
01:17:38
Speaker
So Charlie shows up. ah He hits Suter, and which makes him turn into... It's a really cool looking... like They did a lot of design on this creature to show it for one quarter of a second. I feel like this is somebody else's concept. dar like They had this from something that never got put out.
01:17:55
Speaker
They just put like a wig on the Swamp Thing monster. Yeah. It's kind of what it looks like to me. It was cool. I liked it. yeah Oh, yeah. No complaints about that at all. he pushes Hulk pushes Alien Suitor back into the electric box that he's been charging his ship from.
01:18:11
Speaker
He plugs in the cords. It electrocutes the alien. And he starts jittering and dancing to the music that's playing, which is very funny. You got a fat beat. You got a fat beat.
01:18:24
Speaker
And then the the miniature version of this skate rink explodes. Little pieces of balsa wood fly everywhere. It's fun. Yeah. I liked it. It's fun.
01:18:35
Speaker
And we cut to the morning and we have Larry Miller still trying to entertain these Japanese businessmen. He will not let them leave his office. And we have one that one of the Japanese guys like, God, this guy can really fucking shovel it, can't he? Well, he's for at this point. He's just talking. He's like, no, that guy wasn't in Godzilla. That guy was in Gamera.
01:18:54
Speaker
You see, and there's he's it's like me just rambling at people about. it fucking kaiju movies when Charlie walks in he's like oh finally I'm running out of Japanese movies to talk to these people about like that's the only thing that he can do like let's talk kaiju movies alright do you think they've seen Goro do you think they know Goro I bet they do Goro Goro Goro is from come I don't even know Goro i did a movie about that about Goro now that one god why would you get that on four k
01:19:28
Speaker
Why wouldn't you? Because I don't want to see it again. right. Well, that's how we watched it. We watched it on my for kids Didn't want to see it the first time. I was mad after I saw it. It came with my Vinegar Syndrome subscription. It's fine. I'll come with your Vinegar Syndrome next time.
01:19:47
Speaker
Vinegar Stroke subscription. I bet you will.
01:19:52
Speaker
um But yeah, so Charlie quits um It's all the wrap up stuff Hulk Hogan does some skateboard tricks To impress the children Including doing a handstand It gets a good line too Because he's like, tell your mom to keep practicing Yeah, because the kid keeps saying My mom could do that you know yeah ah The cat girl is back And he pulls the branch down and she starts yelling.
01:20:17
Speaker
She's like, that's a bad kitty. And she reaches out and like he lets go of the branch and this little girl gets flung. I was laughing. Of course you were. Why wouldn't you? This little kid is flying through the air. It is hilarious. I mean, it's just like a sack with like a wig on it, but it's still very funny. It's not even like a dummy.
01:20:34
Speaker
It's just like a sack of potatoes with a wig on it. You just described my childhood. That's called my father. A sack of potatoes with a wig on it. Say hello there, father. I'm a potatoes with a wig.
01:20:46
Speaker
He's not just my father, he's my best bud.
01:20:52
Speaker
ah Sometimes he came home a little mashed. If he got angry, he's boiled it over. Oi, this potato's my dad. No, it's not. Oh, look, it's got eyes. I've got to be father's eyes. It's on this potato.
01:21:06
Speaker
but just Mine sounds more insensitive to Irish people, and I don't care. You shouldn't. The Irish are very easily... Hey, this is my dad. He's on little potato manias. ah You just sound like a leprechaun running away. Look at me, Dad.
01:21:20
Speaker
Look at me, Dad. I have two things to base my Irish accent on. It's Boondock Saints and Lucky Charms commercials. And now you. In the name of the father and the son, nobody partay at filia spiritus ante. Forever be, forever be. If you were around that doing Lucky Charms, leprechaun voice, I'd be so into it. What are you going to do fucking rope for? Is that right, Rambo?
01:21:46
Speaker
Is that right, Rambo? Oh, what I to do fucking rope for? am I going to do to fucking rope for? It's rope right there. What are you going to do to find him on? Laugh him to death?
01:21:56
Speaker
It's the laugh.
01:21:59
Speaker
And so they're they're saying their goodbyes. Hulk Hogan's getting in from the he's getting into the bounty hunter ship. Christopher Lloyd's like, um maybe i'll become maybe I'll become an intergalactic warrior.
01:22:13
Speaker
And Hulk Hogan's like, maybe I'll become a family man, brother. And they all kind of laugh. But then the secretary comes out of the ship and she's like, come on, Hokey. I'm getting all goopy over here. Yep, I'm just soaking wet, mister.
01:22:27
Speaker
It's for research purposes only. I mean, it's kind of what she says because she goes, let's go, eat t It's time to blast off. And you know that's what she's talking about. Yeah. So they do say their goodbyes and he zips off into space.
01:22:42
Speaker
And that's the end of the movie. No, it's not. There's the stupidest fucking scene. hate this scene. So throughout the movie, it's been the red light thing. Yeah. Where they're everybody's leaving for work. I forgot about And then he's too chicken shit to run the red light.
01:22:58
Speaker
But now Yeah, it's like a whole thing where there's two stoplights that are really close to each other. He just wasn't just just chicken shit. He was actively reversing out of the middle of the intersection to go back.
01:23:10
Speaker
Which is so dumb. Like you're already in the middle of the intersection. Go. This is more dangerous. What you're doing is more dangerous. But turns out Hulkster left him a pistol or he stole one.
01:23:21
Speaker
A laser blaster. Because he turns around and like he beats everybody. blaster. For whatever reason now the rest of society stops and he keeps going. But he turns, he laser blasts the lights. He's like, come on.
01:23:31
Speaker
You just ruined everybody else's day though. That's literally what Derek said. East, west. Fuck everybody else. They started driving through the intersection. I was like, and then the fucking semi with a bunch of logs on the back comes through from Final Destination and takes all these people out.
01:23:46
Speaker
ah Full circle. Now that's the end of the movie. And we have a song with Hulk Hogan doing like interstitial dialogue throughout it. Like it's like someone's singing and he's just like, yeah, brother. All right. It's a nice place to live.
01:24:02
Speaker
wouldn't want to visit. Yeah. It's so dumb. It's great. Fucking great. Top notch. So we'll do recommendations. We'll start with the person who's never seen this movie.
Final Thoughts and Patreon Promotion
01:24:14
Speaker
Honestly, and didn't hate it, guys. i It was campy enough for me. Not overly. um First time sober, too.
01:24:25
Speaker
It was my first time sober. First time sober? First ever. not recommend. i Like, no alcohol, no marijuanas. I still had the fun. I enjoyed myself.
01:24:38
Speaker
I recommend it. I think you should watch it. Especially if you were old enough in the 90s to have seen it. Because then it's, oh, look at this nostalgia. Oh, look at the 90s. It's like Christopher Lloyd's Leprechaun. Oh, look at the I tried.
01:24:56
Speaker
I tried. No, it was more of Derek's. Yours was great. It was more of Derek's like, oh, look at the 90s there. Great Scott Marty. Great Scott is the 90s. Great Scottish Marty.
01:25:10
Speaker
I mean, his last name is McFly. That's true. We saw him Irish in the third one. That's true. He's got that stupid little derby hat on his suspenders. Yeah. Jack? I went the exact opposite of Whitney. I went full weed and full alcohol, and I fully recommend. i love this movie.
01:25:27
Speaker
I didn't even have to watch this. But I did. like i could have I could have easily just not gone, not like not done it. But I wanted to. It's a really fun time. Hour and half, in and out.
01:25:40
Speaker
It would have helped to have people around. I really do want to watch this with you guys, maybe a year or two. Just put it in the fucking background. Because it is that kind of... mystery science theater kind of movie that's really fun to do stuff with. so But I recommend it.
01:25:57
Speaker
um it's I'm glad to hear that Whitney, who's never seen it, like it doesn't need nostalgia, apparently, so that's good to know. so yeah so Maybe you guys broke me down. and Systemically. i Put that in your envelope and send it.
01:26:12
Speaker
ah Put that in your envelope and turn me into a giant Frank Wilker alien. the um Yeah, I recommend it. I I really i mean, I saw this movie as a kid, but I didn't have heavy nostalgia because I fate ah but barely remembered anything about it.
01:26:27
Speaker
I just it was one of those things that was on like USA or whatever channel it was on and I watched But. but I just had a ton of fun. Like I was sitting there and i was like, this is so stupid and I should be hating it, but it's just the stupid is fun.
01:26:41
Speaker
It's a stupid that works. and it is And like I said, it's barely a movie. I mean, there's almost no storyline. The storyline is alien comes to earth, has to leave. Yeah. Like that's the whole plot of Envelopes kill.
01:26:54
Speaker
Envelopes kill, guys. But it was still just a lot of fun. And it's it's just Hulk doing stupid shit with a bunch of people. And I feel like he wasn't acting. I feel like he just doesn't understand how the real world works.
01:27:06
Speaker
And so he was just walking around. It's much like in Joe Dirt when Kid Rock has that scene where he pretends he can't read. It's believable.
01:27:16
Speaker
Yep. so yeah movie bigger Movies like this are why i like why i always wanted to be on a bad movie podcast. likes This is the type of shit I was watching before Derek had this kind of thought was sitting around with the bleeps and just watching stupid shit like this and having a blast.
01:27:30
Speaker
So was he. And it turns out we have to watch things like Sphere. Empire of Ants. Sometimes they have to be bad bad. I'd rather watch Empire of Ants again. Oh God, no. over They both have a screaming thing.
01:27:44
Speaker
One's a person.
01:27:47
Speaker
So next week we will be back on schedule. So next week we will talk about Hardball. Oh, It's supposed to be this week. It is available on Prime. It's available on Paramount Plus and Hoopla.
01:27:58
Speaker
You can rent it for four, buy it for 15. That's the one with Keanu Reeves. Yeah. I'm not going to spoil my recommendation, but I will say don't buy it for 15 on digital. It's Keanu Reeves doing Bad News Bears.
01:28:09
Speaker
Yeah. Okay. Oh, and I want to say we have a young either Michael B. Jordan or I think it's Michael B. Jordan. think it would be young Michael B. Jordan. Oh, really? Yeah. I've never seen it.
01:28:20
Speaker
i know it was with like kids from Cabrini Green. That's all I really know about it. um If you like kids cursing.
01:28:28
Speaker
I feel like that one's going a lot more heavy on the shit bird. Yo, yeah.
01:28:34
Speaker
And of course we have our Patreon at patreon.com slash worst people where we have two tiers. You have the $3 tier called fight the ninja where you get our monthly newsletter.
01:28:45
Speaker
You get episodes of Han took shots first ad free and early. You get access to archived episodes. And i also just recently started adding um some short films that I'd made in college and high school. We'll be putting them up on there.
01:29:02
Speaker
They're very fun little stupid things. um And then you get your mental health episode, which is a good movie we talk about every month or a movie that we love. They usually tend to be movies that also failed.
01:29:13
Speaker
Like almost historically. But this month we will be talking about Hook. Hook. Mr. speaker stephen Steven Spielberg, Robin Williams, Dustin Hoffman.
01:29:25
Speaker
Rufio. Rufio. Dante Bosco. Yeah. People eating buttercream, things like that. hmm. Mm hmm. Julie said that that's not available for free right now anywhere, but you can rent it for four, buy it for 15 digitally. It's got to be on Disney Plus. It's not.
01:29:44
Speaker
And you can. I don't it's a Disney movie, is it? I don't know. I kind of assumed it was going to be on Disney Plus. That's why I just scheduled it. And then when i looked it up, I was like, oh, all right. Yeah. Well, we own it. So but after we talked about it last time and Whitney asked, is it available physically anywhere?
01:30:00
Speaker
I found it on Amazon for $18 on 4K. I now own it on 4K. It's also on Blu-ray for like nine bucks. So if you really want to own it, you don't want to spend the 15 for digital or the 18 for Blu-ray or for 4K.
01:30:12
Speaker
Nine dollars on Blu-ray, man. There you go. And then at the five dollar level,
01:30:19
Speaker
which I can't remember what I called it, but has something to do with Cop Rock.
01:30:24
Speaker
The $5 level, we have latchkey vids that will be available for you where we talk about forgotten or never known television shows from the 90s. Under the gun. That's what it's called. Under the gun. Under the gun.
01:30:38
Speaker
currently we are still talking about Cop Rock. This month we will be talking about episode eight, Pots Don't Fail Me Now. And we have not watched this one yet, so we have no idea what it's about. I know it's going to a banger.
01:30:51
Speaker
Obviously, Potts is involved, who is the... He's LaRusso's partner. Ex-partner. Ex-partner. They got divorced. No, they got divorced. They're just separated. separated It's a trial separation. They're separated because of a trial.
01:31:06
Speaker
And you also get, at the $5 level, ad-free episodes. so you can be listening to this episode completely ad-free. So you should do that this episode and all episodes since we started doing videos. So starting earlier this year, yeah they're all up there ad free.
01:31:23
Speaker
So go check that out um and go check out our merch shop at shop.badmoviesworstpeople.com. We have a bunch of cool merch. I'm always trying to work on new stuff. We have stuff for Han took shots first. We have stuff for this.
01:31:35
Speaker
um And of course, I'm going to have to thank Evasion for providing our opening and closing music. Those guys rock. They helped us out with that for free. So until next week, I've been Derek.
01:31:48
Speaker
I'm Twiffany. I'm Jack. Tell your mom to practice.
01:31:55
Speaker
That works.
01:32:26
Speaker
ah Babe, I'm trying to fucking contribute, but I don't know, man. I'm shredding loot every day in the public square. And I put my hat out there, and every day I come home empty. These heathens, they have no appreciation art. They actually took hat. They took my hat. I'm down a hat now.
01:32:38
Speaker
I'm actually negative today. need to see I can borrow money to get more hat. yeah a more To get a more hat. God, this loot player's an idiot. He spent all his time on loot lessons. He didn't speak English.