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Ep 165: Blended
44 Plays1 day ago
Whitney has been wanting to discuss this movie forever, so with it being shitbird month and with the release of Adam Sandler's latest pile of shit, Happy Gilmore 2, it's finally time to talk Blended! Sandler and Drew Barrymore turn the world’s worst blind date into the world’s most awkward family vacation when a booking mix-up forces them and their kids to share a luxury African resort. Cue ostrich rides, embarrassing parenting moments, and Terry Crews popping up like a human musical fever dream. Somewhere between the chaos and the cheesy sing-alongs, they start to realize they might actually like each other. It’s a rom-com safari where love blooms… right alongside secondhand embarrassment.
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Transcript
Introduction and Humor
00:00:00
Speaker
One, two, three. Blending. You are blending. Blending. Yes, we are back for the last week shitbird month. And the shittiest of shitbirds.
00:00:11
Speaker
Oh, these shitbirds are shit. Super shitbirds. I want to hit a kid. hi ah It's really just the boys, need to say. The girls aren't being that shitty. It's all of them. We'll get there. It's all of them. It's all of them.
Analyzing 'Blended'
00:00:26
Speaker
But this week, we're talking about an Adam Sandler film that the Arizona Republic said, it's not as bad as you feared it would be.
00:00:33
Speaker
I'm Derek. I'm Whitney. I'm confused. This is Bad Movies. Worst people.
00:01:11
Speaker
Apparently my wife and I are playing tuggy tuggy. Pull it to your face. Let it go. Let it go. Something like a bungee cord. Why don't you get fucking smacked?
00:01:24
Speaker
yes, we are talking about 2014's Blended. Blended. Whitney has been trying to get us to talk about since she started doing the podcast. She kept telling me it's great because Terry Crews is in it.
00:01:36
Speaker
That was her entire defense. OK, so I had maybe about five laughs in this movie that I could go like, oh, that was an audible laugh. I counted probably 10 times that I thought Whitney would have been laughing besides those.
00:01:50
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah, I'd say I got it probably. i got somewhere between five and 10 like. yeah we We'll get to the closing thoughts when we get to the closing thoughts. yeah but It had its moments. Yeah, but I can definitely see, I guess the point of me even saying that was, I can see why Whitney likes this. There is there is things here for her.
00:02:07
Speaker
Thank you. And it's a lot less heartless than later Sandler's. yeah like I do think it's a cookie cutter heartless, but it's not nearly as bad as some of his others had been and are going to be.
Critics' Reviews
00:02:19
Speaker
There was another. um let me see if I can pull it up real quick because I did not save it. It was the perfect sum up of kind of what you just said. It was another review that I saw. yeah because i just Just the summary of no, but it was it was nice.
00:02:34
Speaker
ah Kind of in the same thing. Let me see. Well, you're pulling that up. Well, you hear what he was about to do, though. Like he was it was like your opinion, but a lot nicer, ah more eloquent. No, it would be nice to hear your opinion echoed by a professional. saying Didn't sound like some fat ginger in a Hawaiian shirt was talking.
00:02:51
Speaker
I've been quoting this movie for years without you guys knowing it. Yeah. Yeah. yeah Because there was a bunch of stuff I was like, oh. that's where that's from. So there's a review from the AV Club. And this person, I don't know if it's
Director Frank Karachi
00:03:05
Speaker
male or Ignatia Vishnesvsky. Ignatia Vishnesvsky.
00:03:09
Speaker
with it With a vowel like that on the end, that sounds feminine. Ignatia? It's like Ignacio. It's got a Y at the end. It's like Ignacio. Oh, it's all it's all one word, though, I think. No, no. though I don't know. But it doesn't matter.
00:03:22
Speaker
ah the The summary or the thing here is this movie feels like a throwback. It brings to mind the blandly crappy movies Sandler made 10 years ago rather than the blazing brazenly crappy movies he makes today. There you go. Perfect. Did you write that, Jack?
00:03:35
Speaker
I did My name is Ignacio Miriam. Bye. And no offense to that critic. I just don't i don't know how to pronounce a name with almost entirely consonants. Oh, it's Welsh.
00:03:49
Speaker
and And like a Y at the end. I don't know if that's supposed to be. Only the Welsh have such an open war on vowels. It looked like a combination of Polish and ah like an Indian name. That's exactly what Welsh is.
00:04:04
Speaker
Well, it's like the Hawaiians have a war against consonants. the hawaiians have a war against conant Yeah. because Constantly. So this is directed by an Adam Sandler director, Frank Karachi Karaki.
00:04:19
Speaker
He directed Karaki Kid.
00:04:24
Speaker
ah He directed, ah yeah The Wedding Singer, Waterboy, Click. I guess he's a Happy Madison guy because he also did Zookeeper. And Here Comes the Boom and The Ridiculous Six.
Plot and Comedy Elements
00:04:36
Speaker
ah so That movie had one good scene in it. The Ridiculous Six had one phenomenal scene where they're they're traveling, they stumble across John Turturro, and he's trying to teach them baseball, but he makes it up as he goes anytime he's doing bad.
00:04:50
Speaker
like he's strike he He goes and swings and misses, and they're that's a strike, you're out. He's like, no, no, I get three of those. Yes, three. That's the only part of the movie I laughed at.
00:05:02
Speaker
The Ridiculous Six. It was like the very beginning of when Adam Sandler got that Netflix deal. and Yeah, that was his first Netflix thing. It's a spoof of the Hateful Eight. yeah Oh, I always figured it was a... ah What's the... Oh, Magnificent Seven. Magnificent Seven, yeah. Yeah, I guess that's closer.
00:05:20
Speaker
It has the kid that was in um Twilight as a wolf, a werewolf, a lichen. Yeah, to Taylor... Taylor Lautner. Lautner. Yeah. And he's all delightfully chunky. He quit being a little sexy pretty boy, decided to let himself go and just you know have a couple donuts.
00:05:35
Speaker
Good for him. Good for him, indeed. And this was written by two people who wrote almost nothing else, Ivan Menchel and Claire Sarah. She's a double thirsty.
00:05:47
Speaker
Can't get a job like that. Ivan Menchel did write some TV, including The Nanny, and apparently he also wrote Death Note, The Musical.
00:06:00
Speaker
I had a question, but I lost it. You stumped me. Like at first I saw it and I was like, oh, Death Note, we talked about that. And then I was like, wait, what's this ah addendum to the name? and I was going to say like the live action one or the cartoon. no, no the musical. The musical. going to write a name in this book.
00:06:18
Speaker
Then he's going to be dead. Don't you look. Ooh, do they get Willem Dafoe do the musical too? Yes. He's just in the background haunting as fuck, dude. You don't want to see my penis, because it is the meanest. Maybe you do want to see. He, he, he, he.
00:06:35
Speaker
oh For anybody who's not afraid to Google things about celebrity penises, ah go out and Google Willem Dafoe penis and look for a gif that looks like it's from like a stag film from the 70s or something. I don't know what it's from. He is just dancing around naked, and that thing is flip-flapping like an angry snake.
00:06:55
Speaker
I mean, it actually looks kind like a cool, groovy snake. Angry snakes would be like... yeah It was about to get angry because there was a naked lady there, too. If you have a penis complex, don't do it. You'll be sad.
00:07:08
Speaker
I have a penis complex. I call it my bathroom, though. like It's just where i take the best care of my penis. It's a complex for that. Okay. Is that what you were talking about? Nope. Okay.
00:07:19
Speaker
It's good thing says in a kid's movie. Because we've started off pretty early into the penis bag.
Family Dynamics and Humor
00:07:25
Speaker
and Every time. I didn't even think about it. I just looked and saw these kids. I could see Terry Crews in the background and I was like, that kid is in awe that you were talking about penises. Yeah.
00:07:38
Speaker
He's like oh my God, an entire penis? Well, he's doing he's got my favorite hobby. So the best night masturatorter are you putting are you putting your babysitters face on everything No, because I don't have a babysitter.
00:07:51
Speaker
What is your head doing here? he put my face I put my face on everything. Oh my God, look at that man bun, those sweet tits. Go on. So we have box office game. Okay, that was my question. Did this actually release in theaters? I believe so. Yeah, this was before his Netflix. Ridiculous 6 was his first Netflix. So that was like 2017, want to guess. When did this come 2014. 2014.
00:08:16
Speaker
I would. OK. And he still has movies that come out in theaters, just not his movies. I saw this. God, I must have broken up with Matt right after this then because I watched it with them.
00:08:30
Speaker
Yeah, i don't I didn't get the date or anything. it just 2014. It had to have been like February. Sounds about right. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but let's watch a, oh, I guess it's spring break. I was like, let's watch a movie about summer vacation in the spring.
00:08:44
Speaker
But it is about spring break, so. Uh, so, movie costs $40 million. Okay. And, I have domestic and worldwide.
00:08:57
Speaker
And can give you guys a hint if you want. No. Okay. No hinty hints. she Is she speaking for both of us? You cover your ears. I get a hint. No cheating.
00:09:09
Speaker
Okay. So 40 to make. Which is insane, by the way. I'm going to say, because they were really in Africa. Duh. Well, why
Box Office and International Appeal
00:09:19
Speaker
do you think Adam Sandler made this movie?
00:09:21
Speaker
He's like, I want to go to Africa. he why He makes movies now every every chance he can. he will film in Hawaii any chance he can. I want to say.
00:09:35
Speaker
Generously, 69. Nice. And. 87. Jack. ah and eighty seven jack ah God, i think this I think this made money because we're not too tired of Sandler yet. So I think your wife's really close, but I'm going to say 80 100.
00:09:54
Speaker
America was tired of Adam Sandler. Okay. Because it made 46.3 million in the United States or in North America. Okay. It made 128 million worldwide. I was going to do 122. Yeah. that fucking, that's that European Chinese market, man.
00:10:10
Speaker
They keep making us get Adam Sandler movies. I don't think they realize what they're doing. I mean, that's what I'm I didn't you know, they don't break it down by like country. I'm wondering where that money was like because China is a big part of our box office these days.
00:10:24
Speaker
Yeah, but it's like action movies and stuff. I don't see an Adam Sandler comedy translating to China that well. Yeah, like a family feel good story. Yeah, because think about you watching your Hong Kong movies. You're not really watching a lot of dramas.
00:10:40
Speaker
yeah You're watching the exact opposite of that. and I've got some, but mostly, yeah, it's just people kicking stuff. Yeah. And even in the dramas, somebody ends up kicking stuff. Yeah. ah it's just Hey, we're breaking up and also roundhouse kick to the face.
00:10:57
Speaker
So let's get into because there's not a lot of there was no useful trivia about this. Oh, really? We can start some. Let's talk blended. Drew Barrymore and Adam Sandler in 51st Days together.
00:11:09
Speaker
That was every the dozen or so pieces of trivia was like. This is the third movie, the third romantic comedy that Drew Barrymore and Adam Saylor have done together. Or at this moment, they use this song, which is a throwback to this movie.
00:11:23
Speaker
Or this character shows up who's also in this movie. You know how I know those are stupid? I did my stupid voice when I said it. That's how I knew. Like there was definitely one about Alan Covert's character who's from 50 First Dates.
00:11:37
Speaker
Yeah, then the ah umpire at the end is the wonky-eyed dude from Waterboy. You've got lot of fucking... Alexis Arquette as Georgina this time, not George. Which I thought... because the Is she dead now?
00:11:52
Speaker
yes Yes, she passed away right after this. Very shortly after this. Because when ive I forgot the year when I saw her. i was like, I thought she had left us. ah It's crazy, so I did not know...
00:12:04
Speaker
uh alexis arquette was a trans woman so earlier in her career she was acting as ah as a man do you know what you know him from pro oh yes yeah i do i i didn't he is the fourth man in pulp fiction uh the
Character Development and Child Actors
00:12:21
Speaker
one that comes out of the bathroom and fires the gun at jules looks very jerry seinfeld yeah yeah Which as soon as I read that, i was like, who the hell is the fourth man?
00:12:31
Speaker
So I Googled it, went to the images, and I was like, holy shit, that is the same person. Like, you can see it in the face. I just never knew that Alexis Arquette was previously, i don't i don't know what her name was before.
00:12:44
Speaker
Well, and the look changes, but the look changes, somebody. When you got that Boy George synthy piano thing versus a Jerry Seinfeld with a fucking hand cannon in the bathroom. it's ah It's a big swing of a look.
00:12:56
Speaker
I mean, I could see Jerry Seinfeld dressed as Boy George. Oh, all day. All day. Now it's like, internet, make it happen. So this movie starts and Jack's really excited because it's a it's a tracking shot across a women's bathroom floor and it's just a bunch of feet and high heels.
00:13:17
Speaker
Were you getting Voyage of the Rock Alien feels at the beginning of this movie? It's not what I was feeling. I was talking about my penis complex. i mean Let me just confuse everybody by starting the outro and we'll see what we're talking about because it's definitely in there.
00:13:34
Speaker
Right there. Right off the bat. He did that for you. That also serves my underwear fetish too. so right Right? My fetish is people dancing while they shit. so oh Fetish unlocked.
00:13:51
Speaker
Gross. Girls just want to have fun. ah So Drew Barrymore playing Lauren and Adam Sandler playing Jim. Jim! Jim! Are on a blind date at Hooters.
00:14:08
Speaker
Yeah, I know, but it's Miami Connection. Yeah, he found his father, his father. They are on a blind date at Hooters. She's in the bathroom calling her friend, complaining about the date because he's schlubby and what he's that Adam Sandler character.
00:14:22
Speaker
yeah Pretty sure he she was talking. I think it's Jen. No, it's the babysitter. Oh, it's the babysitter that he's she's talking to at that point. yeah um But my note here just says chaos children.
00:14:33
Speaker
Yeah. This flag is on fire. This shirt is on fire. yeah which it was Which was funny. Yeah. But I also want to beat these children.
00:14:44
Speaker
yes yeah Like, do you do this shit when your mom's home? I guarantee you don't. You know I know? Because your mom has an organized cubby when you walk in. Your mother has a very organized calendar that she publishes. Your mother is an organizing queen. She is a closet queen.
00:14:57
Speaker
She is a closet queen, and she will not fly for you making a mockery of flaming T-shirt flags in the house. I'm like, the next day he's going to be like, what happened to my favorite shirt? Oh, yeah. Yeah.
00:15:12
Speaker
Little kid's got a little drunken recall. and Brendan, the oldest one, the one you can see down there if you're watching. Well, you can see them both. You see Brendan and Tyler. it's Tall, goofy ones. looks a little stranger things. He looks like he's he could be Adam's son.
00:15:26
Speaker
Yeah, it's like if Adam Sandler's son was Dustin from Stranger Things. Yeah. Yeah, there you go Yeah. That's right, right, Dustin? yeah Yeah. Played by Braxton Beckham. I didn't really
Drew Barrymore's Career and Reflections
00:15:37
Speaker
recognize anything else he had been in, but Tyler, the younger son.
00:15:41
Speaker
Modern Family. You said that. I didn't see Modern Family on his stuff. I don't think he's- Isn't he the little boy Modern Family? think I didn't look that deeply. I didn't look after you said that, but what I did recognize for him- He just trusted you. He's Kyle Red Silverstein is his name.
00:15:55
Speaker
And he played he played young Rip on Yellowstone, which is Cole Hauser's character. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I kept looking at the movie, and I was like, no, that that can't be right. and then I went and looked up the picture of him in so in Yellowstone, and I was like, I guess that kid could grow into that kid. Like, he does not. He looks very, very different. it's definitely not the kid from. Okay, I didn't think so.
00:16:20
Speaker
He's got the same little shit heel attitude. His name is Nolan Gould. Oh, okay. Okay. And ah close I do like that. Like she comes back to the table after telling the babysitter, you know, the emergency call thing. Right. Call me so I can get out of this date.
00:16:35
Speaker
He's not making like contacts. Bubbles, Bunny, Bethany, and Brittany are bringing mozzarella sticks to Adam Sandler in the shape of a mo of a heart a mozzarella heart. the shape of Well, he's going to have a mozzarella heart because this seems like a very common thing to do is to eat cheese hearts at Hooters.
00:16:52
Speaker
God, that's a weird sentence. Just for him, though. gets free beers and cheese hearts. And at first, I know there's a reasoning behind it, but I hate it because I'm like, oh, it's just that Adam Sandler like women want me, even though i'm a schlubby sporting goods salesman.
00:17:09
Speaker
Everybody wants to fuck me. I like and it even though it's a shitty character trait of Adam Sandler's character in this and most movies ah when he talks shit to people because like. you know He's trying to rescue something of this date.
00:17:23
Speaker
right you start He's like, oh what do you do for a living? Oh, you organize closets? That's cool. ah How do you get into that? Did you start by organizing glove compartments? yeah I didn't care for that much at all.
00:17:38
Speaker
I do like that she's like, you're not even looking at me. He's like, it's a pretty close game up there. And he's watching lumberjack competitions. Riveting. I do like that because the character trait is like, I just like sports and I don't like talking to you.
00:17:52
Speaker
This is great. This is not. Yeah, it was just very awkward for both of them at the gate. Yeah, and i she's got a line right up front that made me go, I'm going to hate this movie. Like said, luckily some stuff worked out, but when they they talk about how they both haven't been on a date in like 20 years or they married their high school sweethearts, whatever.
00:18:11
Speaker
um She's like, yeah, it's weird. It's weird, like weird Al starring in weird science. And I was just like... Ew. Take two. Take two on that line. Is that the best you got?
00:18:22
Speaker
you want to try again? No? We're keeping that? Okay, we're keeping that. Roll. And it's it's the classic Adam Sandler's wife couldn't have possibly left him. Yeah, and she she puts her foot in her mouth, too, because she's like, what made your wife leave you? and he's like oh, cancer.
00:18:35
Speaker
I've been waiting for you to ask that. I actually had that chambered up to make you feel bad. It's even better because it's like, of all the possible reasons, which one is the reason your wife left you? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cancer.
00:18:45
Speaker
Oh, fuck. I do love his retort because he's she's like, I just naturally assumed you were divorced. He's like, I naturally assumed your husband shot himself. Yeah. It got genuine like giggles from me.
00:18:58
Speaker
don't know. this is Yeah, but you probably had a gummy. that that's That is a funny one, though. I enjoyed that line. I didn't like her weird weird science line. if But when he comes back with that, when he comes back with, like, I had just assumed your husband shot himself, I was like, it'd be even funnier at this point if she was like, he did. i don't think I did have a gummy. I think I did this over.
00:19:18
Speaker
That's a bummer. He gets the fake emergency phone call. Oh God, an avalanche? In my backyard? oh my God. That's the best you could come up with? That's what you came up with. I gotta go. Pompeii sprouting in my backyard. Rotary dendrons are ravaged.
00:19:37
Speaker
and pump a a volcano erupted and all my kids are dying right now excuse me they Loch Ness Monster and the Abominable Snowman are fighting in my backyard in my backyard right now it is terrible I have to go
00:19:53
Speaker
that i don't know oh i know why that reminds me of a movie I haven't seen but I want to see it stars Sam Elliott and it's called the man who killed Bigfoot and then Hitler yeah I have no idea what it's about, but yeah yeah I thought about the abominable snowman fighting Sasquatch, even though you said Loch Ness Monster and Sam Elliott in this case would be the abominable snowman because of his.
00:20:14
Speaker
I'm guessing it has something to do with Hitler and a little to do with an abominable snowman. Yeah, it's entirely possible. Either that or it's just like a period drama that has nothing to do with any of those things. That's true. Maybe.
00:20:27
Speaker
He does like chug her beer though. And that's when we get the first terrible CG. Oh. Of the liquid. this This scene is so fucking gross, dude, where he she eats a little buffalo shrimp.
00:20:40
Speaker
whatever, and then just like goes for the beer. It's not there. just Then she starts chugging French onion soup and then wears it. wish Dude, i was that I was sitting there and I was like, this is so fucking gross. Go have dinner with fucking dick nose.
00:20:54
Speaker
but Exactly. But that's one thing I love about Drew Barry. I still think Drew is gorgeous. I think she's adorable. um She's done a lot with her life. she's ah I'm glad that she had the turnaround she did.
00:21:06
Speaker
Like, cut to the trouble she had, the David Letterman thing. like yeah She was just having a rough go of life as she should. yeah Literally screaming help. I think she's done a really good job. but Santa Clarita Diet sadly got canceled. That was one of my favorite vehicles that she's ever been in.
00:21:22
Speaker
Yeah, well, it also has my heartthrob in it. Well, yeah, it's it's his second best work. ah One of these days we'll have to talk about one of her movies during her troubles because I love that movie because I love a good erotic thriller, which is might be a surprise to some people.
Comedic Highlights
00:21:38
Speaker
Poison Ivy. That movie is batshit. Yeah, we'll definitely do that. Tom Skerritt, right? Is the one that's trying to seduce her. And it's her and the chick from Roseanne and Big Bang Theory.
00:21:51
Speaker
ah Sarah Gilbert. Yes. Yeah. um But I enjoy that movie because I like sleazy bullshit. So we'll talk about that one day. You like sleazy bullshit? You're going to fucking low you'renna love me. Why did you get a little bit of me?
00:22:05
Speaker
if If he ever did a movie that had sex in it, I would watch it. Marky Mark. mark He's in a lot. You don't think I could do it? You don't think I could fuck? I could do the fuck.
00:22:16
Speaker
and it After like after he got married, after the big hit, I don't think he ever did anything that was sexual. Because he tried to have sex with an underage schoolgirl.
00:22:28
Speaker
It's very weird. They use turkey as foreplay. He's very The Rock now. Yeah. He's just like, look at me, I'm tough and I'm family friendly. They did Pain and Gain together and they're like, du we gotta turn our lives around. We can't even do movies about railing coke off of strippers' butts.
00:22:42
Speaker
Alright, one more, more. They're still best friends. I doubt it. And their wives are like, nope, you signed this clause. No sex in movies. rocks the The Rock doesn't seem like Marky Mark's favorite pigmentation.
00:22:57
Speaker
are about, bro? He's white. Oh, bro. He's pretty. He's kind of I mean, he's like really tan though. Like what's he doing? Going to fucking Miami all the time? Wait, you're telling me he's not white? Hold on.
00:23:08
Speaker
Hold on. Cancel that movie. Dwayne Johnson. You're going to sit here and tell me that the guy named Dwayne Johnson is not white? Bro. We were about to do Pain and Gain Harder.
00:23:18
Speaker
Huh. Pains and gains. ah We meet Jen, played by Wendy McClendon Covey, ah probably most well-known, at least to our generation, for Reno 911. She's also the mom on the Goldbergs. She's super funny there.
00:23:35
Speaker
ah She's fucking sexy in this right now. Did i make you guys watch the one with Nicolas Cage, Army of One? No, I have not watched that one yet. for I think Whitney watched with me, right? I think that was when I was coming over last year for Friday Night Movies.
00:23:49
Speaker
I think you I think i've made you guys or made you watch that. He's doing this affectation on his voice the whole time. but He's talking like this the whole time. and It's pretty fucking funny. But she's the love interest and she slays.
00:24:00
Speaker
Yeah. I haven't gotten to that one yet since I just hit random shuffle. Let me know. i'll I'll fucking watch it for a fourth time. I'm only down to like 13 movies from 2010s. And there's only but four months left.
00:24:12
Speaker
Yeah. The only problem with that movie is you have Russell Brand playing God. And he didn't like they didn't ask him to. He just did that. He's just like, I'm here. He's like, did you need a gold figure?
00:24:23
Speaker
Like I can pretend to I'm gold, but you got to show me your tits and then, you know, we'll go to the penis complex. Yeah, I do remember. saying It says Dave. No, I don't like that. Let's go. God. What if I made a character choice where I was gold?
00:24:38
Speaker
i said I honestly believe that happened. sorry So they are closet organizers and they are organizing some rich ladies closet because you have to rich to pay for this. you well Also, like, you want me to open my closet and show you what I can put in there? Because it's not two people.
00:24:56
Speaker
I'll tell you what. At first, I thought they were at like a store. Yeah. They were at their store and showed off their closet organizing stuff. in this In this closet, Derek, that some people would call a studio apartment. studio bed.
00:25:10
Speaker
yeah There is multiple changing benches. There are closets in this closet. There are full-length mirrors to look yourself. Closets, closets, closets, closets, man. I think I saw a bidet. There was a cash register.
00:25:23
Speaker
Some f French guy kept coming by with plates full of meats. ah But she's she, of course, she convinces Drew Barrymore to try on some of the ladies clothes because she's like, oh, this would look great on slogan. We won't put on your underwear. yeah We don't but whatever. It's something like that. We won't wear your underwear while we organize it or something. yeah um But of she puts on the dress, starts crying about how the kids want their dad back and all this stuff. And Jen's wearing a fur coat and a fucking fedora.
00:25:51
Speaker
And they're hugging and the dress falls off halfway. And of course, the wife, the woman that they're organizing for walks in with her kids and she's like, now I see why they call you qua closet queen. The kids are fucking, yeah, one kid. Facebook.
00:26:06
Speaker
Did you guys predetermine who does what? They have to. They have to call it out. Is this common occurrence though? It's a social media team. It's a social media team, yeah. Luckily, there's only two at the time. They haven't gotten to TikTok and all that yet. Twitter. The kids don't worry about Vine because Vine was for old people.
00:26:22
Speaker
Snapchat, is that still thing? I don't know if it was yet. It might have been. And 14? Yeah, it was. Yeah. But that was, at the time, Snapchat was as it was exclusively for sending nudes to people. It wasn't like actual social media. were good old days.
00:26:37
Speaker
Back when a dick pic was something sacred. I finally just started getting random dick pics. Oh, good for you. You've crossed that threshold. I did. a band people I don't know. It's just like a dick. And i was like, I judge them.
00:26:50
Speaker
you need to start You need to start collecting those. And then when people send you a dick pic, you send a better one back. i will penis shame them you're like i'm busy right now and send back the bigger one i'm like oh that's cute i wouldn't even put any context you i would just be like do you have emojis are there emojis of people holding up like uh signs that have numbers make it and make some money yeah if not they send it to you you just send back one it's like two i think that's an nft i think i think you're i don't know how those work but i think that's what you just did Don't NFTs, Mary.
00:27:22
Speaker
And then we get a ah welcome back to the podcast for two scenes of the movie. We have ah joe Adam Sandler's co-worker Doug. Doug.
00:27:33
Speaker
Played by Shaq. Shaq here on me. Just thought about this because we talked about how he's like, I want to film in Hawaii, so i'm making a movie in Hawaii. I want to meet Shaq, so I'm putting Shaq in my movie.
00:27:46
Speaker
Yeah. Because he is here for this scene, and then you completely forget that he's in this movie until his giant ass comes back at the end. You're like, oh, Shaq's big ass is in this movie. Well, he's always throwing sports people in his movies because he's sports Because he wants to meet them. is sports guy. Yeah.
00:28:01
Speaker
Because he wants to, guarantee you, after this one day on set, he's like, do you want to go shoot some ball, play some golf, chug some chicken wings? Because Wendy McClendon's boyfriend, whatever his name ends up being. Dick. What the Wendy McClendon? Jen. Oh. Her name Dick? dick Yeah, Dick Topolopoulos.
00:28:21
Speaker
He's a real, he's an ESPN guy. He's been a ton. Yeah, Dan something. He's been in a ton of these fucking Adam Sandler movies. And... um and ah His daughter shows up, Hillary, who he calls Larry. Larry. Because he wanted a boy.
Patreon Plug and Personal Anecdotes
00:28:35
Speaker
Larry. Played by Bella Thorne, which is a name that I know, but I was going through her credits and I was like, I've seen one of these movies. So i looked her I looked her up because she seemed familiar. She's also a singer. She's a musician.
00:28:45
Speaker
She got her start with Zendaya in Shake It Up. and Okay. I don't know what that is. Because, I mean, very clearly, and not this isnt this isn't like an inappropriate thing, they can very clearly, you can tell right away, they're trying to hide her beauty.
00:28:57
Speaker
Yeah. You know what I mean? Because, like, she's got she's got good facial structure for being a pretty girl, but they're like, all right, give her that fucking berries and cream haircut. you know? Did you say berries and cream?
00:29:09
Speaker
The Prince Valiant page boy haircut. I like berries and cream. I like berries and cream. Because I know the comic strip Prince Valiant that referencing, but that is not a point of reference for people younger than, people who were born after 1974. I mean, he likes berries and cream. Why do picture Martin Short?
00:29:28
Speaker
is it these martin short It's not Martin Short. It's Starburst commercial. Or Skittles? Yeah, it was a Skittles commercial. These new Skittles are great. They got berries and cream, and it cuts to a very... This haircut, wearing like a fancy... Berries and cream! Berries and cream! I've definitely seen it, but I just now am picturing Martin Short portraying the berries and cream. If they ever make a berries and cream movie.
00:29:55
Speaker
what was that What was that fucking annoying guy that he did? ah Jiminy Glick. It's a very Jiminy Glick sounding. I like Jiminy Glick. But yeah, they i'll have I have a picture here I just pulled up for. So Bella Thorne is the tallest one.
00:30:13
Speaker
And it's like the whole time people are like, that's a girl. And I'm like, it's very clearly a girl. Yeah. yeah I mean, they're doing the haircut and they're calling her Larry and that's about it. I'm like, look, like she has very feminine features.
00:30:24
Speaker
Yeah. Unlike the littlest girl who I thought was a boy. And they try to church her up later on like, oh, she's all that her. And it's like, we just put a dress on her.
00:30:36
Speaker
They gave her extensions. Extensions. In the movie, they say they gave her extensions. I think that's real hair. I think that's a wig. That's the wig. Or it's just tucked up under. I could be wrong. You've got to buries in Dream. Or they just shot him out of order, maybe. They cut her hair. Yeah.
00:30:52
Speaker
Yeah. um you But yeah, her big thing. So i the only thing I recognized her from was a movie that I have ah called Divinity. That's a really fucking crazy ass movie with ah ah Stefan Dorf.
00:31:06
Speaker
Okay. um It's not Steppenwolf. It's Steven Dorf. stan do It's It's Steven. It's Stefan. It's Steven. It's Divinity. It's Stefan. Listeners, write in. Writers, listen in.
00:31:22
Speaker
um But either way, it's a fun movie and she's in that. Hey, guys, I don't want to sound needy here. i'm needy. But we have a Patreon at patreon.com. And I know times are hard right now. Real hard for me.
00:31:35
Speaker
Inflation's up. no You can't afford your groceries. Can't eat. we're not We're not begging. I'm begging. We're not pleading. I'm pleading. We're not down on our knees. Oh, boy. mean my My knees hurt. They've been on the o but on so long.
00:31:47
Speaker
But we do kind of need the money. I need the money bad. We need new equipment. any new equipment we need to do remote podcasts for all of you wouldn't mind eating we need to have video wouldn't mind eating uh we need more drinks food sounds good so please check out patreon.com slash worst people please check us out you get a bonus episode every month and we're gonna have more content coming for you i'll send you pictures ah thank you guys thank you so much please give me patreon.com i'm being held hostage here slash worst people don't pay my way out of here they're gonna kill me
00:32:20
Speaker
ah We kind of just established with her and with the other with ah Drew Barrymore's family.
Vacation Setup and Family Blending
00:32:26
Speaker
The kids want to go on some kind of vacation for spring break. But Adam Sandler's big plan for a trip is to go camping in the backyard. It's what they've been doing, which also, by the way,
00:32:36
Speaker
dope I'm talking about like a parent just trying because he even says not that he doesn't want to do it he's like you go to school rich kids we can't do that I'm just gonna have to make you adventure because she's like well some kids are going to Greece and they're going to whatever and he's like cool you go to school with rich kids neat I like yeah sorry that sucks I work at Dick's Sporting Goods yep yeah um we have a cameo from Adam Sandler's real life son Jared he's the one that comes in and calls her fugly oh okay i yeah That was the other big thing in the trivia was like, this person is Adam Sandler's son, daughter, whatever. remnants Yeah. but she's She's mostly plastic at this point, dude.
00:33:20
Speaker
I mean, if you put her in the recycling bin, they wouldn't question it. like You're not going to get a letter about you can't put garbage in here. They're like, cool, we'll put this into somebody. They're like, no organic material. Oh, all right, never mind.
00:33:32
Speaker
It's just under the threshold. If we scoop the heart out, there's no more organic material here. so I think that heart was scooped out with that Netflix money. um then we we meet is Do we meet ah kid's dad, boy's dad now?
00:33:47
Speaker
Yeah, yeah. That's where we were just going. Yeah, back at the house. It's Mark, played by Joel McHale. A juicy Joel McHale. He's been working out. I don't know. People, I hear a lot of people, you know, different podcasts and, like, different media formats that just don't like him. I i think he's delightful.
00:34:04
Speaker
Okay. yeah He plays a douchebag and a tool, but it's always a good ah Community, yeah. He's like one of the best. He might be the best part of Ted.
00:34:15
Speaker
Yeah. um I think that he is the best talk soup we had. Yes. Yes. that's That's where I first fell in love with him. Chicks, man. Chicks, man. Because he does have that quippy, sarcastic, very dry, I'm an asshole. I think he just plays it too well where people that don't have the things that we just said to call back on the good parts that he can do. He's like ah hes just a fucking asshole and everything.
00:34:40
Speaker
They don't believe in acting. they They're the ones that you have to have somebody in a wheelchair play a person in a wheelchair. Well, and also, I mean, he can't actually be. I mean, if you're that good at playing smarmy and douchebaggy,
00:34:52
Speaker
I can see people believing that's how you are in real life, but you couldn't have as much work as he does if you were actually smarmy and douchebaggy. People wouldn't hire you. Exactly. I mean, he was on that one show, which came out out shortly after this. That's probably why he's super beefed up. Stargirl.
00:35:07
Speaker
Because he was in that. Oh, yeah. He was on that. Yeah. I forgot about it. didn't see Stargirl. But yeah, he's pretty he's one of them Arrow shows. He's pretty well fit right here. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, well like when she comes in later and he's leaning on the counter and like trying to flex and she's like, is there a GQ photo shoot going on? Oh, no. I'm just just just leaning here. You can hear him like holding his fucking flex. Like, no, I'm just standing here.
00:35:28
Speaker
It's like it's like previous episode undefeatable when those two dudes are fighting and they can't move their arms because they're too busy flexing. Why is this going so slow? They will not break a flex.
00:35:40
Speaker
But of course, he's the ex-husband because that's what he plays. Or either that or the guy trying to steal a girl. Oh my God. but The world's going to end. This is a bomb. If I don't get it in, it's going to be in three, two, one.
00:35:52
Speaker
That was a close call. Why being an asshole? Because she's she's organized. Yeah. but I love it. He's like, I'm a good guy. I'm a good dad. i you know The kids know they can count on me. And then from the other room, you hear Tyler like, Dad, help me with my homework. he's like, I have a thing. This doesn't relate to what I just said.
00:36:10
Speaker
Yeah, this is not a reflection of my behavior as he storms out the door. Asshole dad. The next one is a stupid moment that did get a small chuckle out of me. You've got ah Bella Thorne Hillary trying to stuff her bra with like Dr. Scholl's insoles, which is a good you know what?
00:36:27
Speaker
Good way to get product placement. Yeah. Like you're going to get some money from Dr. Scholl's because it's got the logo right there, but you make it into a funny thing. not And it's not super egregious. It's not just her holding him it out and Adam saying like, did you get did you bring your Dr. Scholl's on the African trip because your feet are going to hurt without Dr. Scholl's. Exactly. ya but do with that she but yeah wait did the Big Dr. and But she's stuffing them in there and Adam Sandler walks in and she like freaks out and they flip out and just stick to the mirror. She flips them out. Yeah.
00:36:57
Speaker
It's very funny, though, because they won the slapping goopy sound is what got me. A laugh that got me was he's like fist bump. And she's like, no, he's like, we both need this. We both need this. both need this And then just a little fist comes out. and I was like, all right, that's that's cutesy.
00:37:13
Speaker
but and And maybe his other daughters, Espen, played by Emma Furman. C-Span. Who she plays... a ah she Fucking, who is it? Lang.
00:37:26
Speaker
Yeah, she's Cassie Lang in Endgame. up Lang. Avengers Endgame. Cassie Lang would be Paul Rudd's daughter. After the time, after the blip.
00:37:39
Speaker
So she's like, because he's she's a ah child, obviously, like a young child in Ant-Man. Right. And then they do the blip. So it's five years later and then more years on top of that.
00:37:50
Speaker
Yeah. She plays her. I only saw Endgame. and I swear that Cassie Lang was in Quantumania. So yes, she is. But it's not her. It's a different actress. But I couldn't remember quantum mania if I tried because I believe that this chick is like a almost next to nothing role in Endgame.
00:38:07
Speaker
Yeah. Very big role. And the other one you just said quantum fucking failure. ah And ah she's her running thing through this is she talks to their dead mom, but not just talks to her. She's like an invisible. Save a seat. You got to save a seat. You got to give her food. That's where mom's sleeping.
00:38:23
Speaker
I'm not a parent. But you are doing some damage to this child because every day that you let her talk to her dead mom as if she's there is going to make it harder and harder to pull back.
00:38:35
Speaker
Well, until you replace her. It's unhealthy. it's ah Yeah, now now it's like, hey, your dead mom is just now she's just dead because I got that Drew Barrymore butt. And then we have Lou, the youngest daughter, played by Olivia Allen Lind. a I love Lou.
00:38:51
Speaker
I figured you would. The biggest thing she has is a show I have not watched, but I've heard nothing but good things, which surprised me. ah They did a ah series of the the movies, the Chucky movies. They did like a TV show. Oh, okay. And she's one of the main characters. She's in every episode. She plays a character named Lexi on there.
00:39:09
Speaker
But I've heard nothing but good things about that, so i have to that. She's fine in this. I mean, as far as like child acting going, I think that's something. Hey, Mamie.
00:39:18
Speaker
As soon as that scene happened, I was like, oh, I remember that from the trailer. That's all I remember from this trailer. I think Adam Sandler can at least get, like his way of filming, he can get reactions and actions out of kids.
00:39:31
Speaker
Yes. Because he is a kid. Did he have Spielberg there? No, because this little girl isn't doing cocaine yet. Oh. Drew Barrymore is like, no triggering, triggering. Drew Barrymore was there to stop it. She's like, you get away from that child right now.
00:39:46
Speaker
It's not powdered sugar. Don't do it. Don't do it. Don't believe him. It's very bitter on the nostrils. um We have a scene at the Little League game for ah Tyler and the announcers in the Little League booth there. Well, the announcer and the old lady sitting behind her are more Sandler people. Yeah. It's ah Sadie Sandler, his daughter, and then Judith, his mom.
00:40:08
Speaker
Yeah. And then my favorite cameo of
Resort Antics and Terry Crews
00:40:11
Speaker
the movie, because Whitney first was like, Steve Buscemi. And I was like, that sure isn't. That's Michael Buscemi sitting in the stands. Steve Buscemi's brother. Yeah. I only saw him for like a split second. i was like, and there's the Buscemi. Because there's the the asshole guy sitting right behind her who's talking shit about his her kid. Yeah. And then Michael Buscemi is sitting next to him.
00:40:32
Speaker
And the kid like strikes out and has a freak out. And the the douchebag guy is like, maybe he should try badminton. And they're all yelling at him. I love she's like, maybe you should try mouthwash. yeah I love when they go off on him and ah simultaneously. Yeah, it's like, try mouthwash. Try fucking your asshole in the stadium of McDonald's. My favorite one is when ah Jen says, and Cialis, I'm assuming. Yeah.
00:40:58
Speaker
But then Michael Buscemi just joins in. He's like, and shave your neck. And everybody stops. Sorry, it had to be said. It just had to be said. He's like, well, while we're yelling at him, I got to let him know. You look ridiculous.
00:41:14
Speaker
ah There's like the sweet scene with Adam Sandler and Espen. Or no, it's Lou. Like, what do you miss about mommy? All that stuff. I miss telling her how much I love her. miss the way she used to tuck me in at night, if you know what I mean.
00:41:28
Speaker
who Tuck me into her. i I shouldn't be telling my daughter about that, but we did the hippity-bibity. At least three times. um That you know of.
00:41:39
Speaker
And I feel like this is a line that was written specifically about his wife because he was like, she actually thinks i was I'm awesome. Yeah. And I don't know why. Because nobody does.
00:41:49
Speaker
And Hillary comes in and she has to run a personal errand. Well, you don't have a license. Yeah. Yeah. It's it's bloody time. It's every single father's worst nightmare. man I imagine. Yeah.
00:42:02
Speaker
oh When I just said it's bloody time, I just had a flash in my head of the Power Rangers. Tampax! Always! ah Hysterectomy! MaxiPad!
00:42:14
Speaker
I can't think of any other brands. Hysterectomy. Kotex. Kotex. Gotcha. Kotex.
00:42:25
Speaker
Mojama. It gets says Kotex, man. God's sakes. Drew, and now we flash to Drew's side and ah her son is happily sleeping, but she finds A centerfold with the babysitter's face taped to it under his bed.
00:42:43
Speaker
you gotta You gotta hide your porn, kid. You gotta hide your porn. She has a bit of a freak out and tears it up and then she's like, oh fuck. Oh, because he got all pissed off at her earlier. She's like, you weren't on a date? I checked your emails and da-da-da-da. And she's like, privacy, bitch.
00:42:59
Speaker
Stop using my birthdates of password. um Oh, I do like, real quick, just because it was it's ah one of those little kid lines and this is shitbird month, when... ah they're talking about Hillary having her menstruation.
00:43:12
Speaker
Lou is like, she's monstrating. Yeah. Lou does that a couple of times where it's, it's cause she's like, isn't mom invincible? It's invisible. She's monstrating. Yeah. It's that dumb little cute little kid thing, but monstrating did make me laugh.
00:43:28
Speaker
Yeah. um So they meet up. They see each other at the store. He's trying to find tampons or pads. Doesn't know. Of course, it's the scene where he's very the man is very confused about what a tampon or a maxi pad is.
00:43:39
Speaker
And it's very uncomfortable for him to buy them. He asked little girls and they rightfully do not answer him. He's like, what do you girls use? They're like, nope. No, thank you. Creepy old man. Just look at him like, nah.
00:43:50
Speaker
wow Yeah. we You know, we can go get a cop right now. I mean, I should. The first time you bought it me. I just, I call Whitney. I'm like, I don't know. What ah do you need? a l r or S?
00:44:02
Speaker
Yeah. I mean, I would just take ah the girls I was dating. I just take a picture of what they use. Have that in my fucking phone. Yeah. There you go. you guys are just good boys.
00:44:14
Speaker
Well, because it's not a, we're not nineties comedians. Like it's an actual, it's not that hard. It means you're getting laid. ham shit Yeah. I mean, not in his case. wow She's on a period, though.
00:44:25
Speaker
No? No. No? No, it's pre-loop. It feels amazing. It's bloody time. It feels amazing. Yeah, call me the Megasaur, dude.
00:44:38
Speaker
High five. Call me Megasaur.
00:44:41
Speaker
Just put a towel down. That's fine. um She's there buying porn for her son.
00:44:48
Speaker
I do love. You don't have to go down. I'm never using a towel at your house ever again. i love No, we have a special period towel. Oh, God. It's just out there for the world to know now. That's why we use the red towel, dude. ah um I'm done with this podcast. Oh, God.
00:45:09
Speaker
a Okay, so... I'm back. I'm back. She's there buying porno for her kid, and ah Adam Sandler sees her. Yeah, progressive mom.
00:45:24
Speaker
Is there any other children or just the masturbator? She's like, yeah, I have a younger one. Maybe you'll do a better job with that one. Right? Candy. But of course, he's a porno expert.
00:45:37
Speaker
Yeah. Do you have a copy of that? All right. this ah smells like ah smells like a centerfold. I'm thinking June, early early July. Well, love that he's like, i can tell because of the staple placement and the feel of the paper. And also, i already have this one. but image yeah but Why don't you come take my copy?
00:46:00
Speaker
um We get the cameo from Alan Covert, who I always love, even though he barely gets any. He gets like one line cameos, but he was the ah he was the caddy, the homeless caddy. And he's a welcome more.
00:46:13
Speaker
He was yeah he was a no speaking role in airheads when Adam Sandler goes out and does like the little robot thing. He's the one that goes to pull his gun. Yeah, he's the welcome back out there. Yeah.
00:46:24
Speaker
And then, of course, he stars in Grandma's Boy, which is the best Happy Madison movie that's not Happy Gilmore or Billy Madison and is unfortunately like impossible to find from because of rights issues and whatnot. Bummer. That's a fucking banger. I have it on DVD, but that's about as good as we're going to get for the foreseeable future.
00:46:41
Speaker
That sucks. um Doing his Hi, I'm Tom character from 50 First Dates here. Yep. But I love when he's buying the tampons, he gets like the fucking super plus, like, I don't know, something.
00:46:55
Speaker
And he's she's like, um I think your daughter might be a little too young for these. is for somebody more. Larger. Problem. bedroom Oh, because he says her visitor came. She's like, this is a bigger room for a larger visitor. um And then the old lady who's working the desk, who I recognized, I i forgot to go get her name. and she's a and ah She's a character actor in a bunch of shit. is in a bunch of stuff. But she's like, I remember the slender fit days. You must be doing your kegels. Don't be talking to people about that stuff.
00:47:28
Speaker
Yeah, like if I ever went to buy you tampons and the lady at the counter was like, oh, good for you. Your wife must. I'd be like, please stop. That's like if you went and brought up toilet paper like, oh, the double roll to fly.
00:47:40
Speaker
Big shitter, huh? um remember my days when I was a big shitter. ah Don't talk to me. Oh, and the whole thing with the porn, when she starts saying something, he's like, oh, no, it's not for me. It's for her kid.
00:47:53
Speaker
And she gets all pissed off. And he's like, no, no, no, don't worry. I'll save you. She takes homeschooling real serious.
00:48:00
Speaker
I got a big chuckle out of me. Yeah, it did not. Shocker. This is one of my um a mental health movies. OK. And there is the moment where he's talking to about something and he's like, i guess, or she says, cause he's like, i don't want to see you and ever again or something. and she's like, I guess I'll have to get through my life without Hooters. And he's like, you've done a good job so far.
00:48:23
Speaker
She's like, that doesn't even make sense. He's like, yeah, I just looked at your boobs. It doesn't make any i didn't realize they were that big. so Those are quite large. Sorry.
00:48:32
Speaker
The next day he has to come back to her house because their credit cards got mixed up. That's impossible, though. I'm very well organized. I even have a slot right here. Yeah, but you didn't look, they have they drive the same car, they had the same Gold Max or Amex or whatever. Yeah. um It's like, how'd you find my house, though? He's like, I googled closet queens and ah this I didn't realize you were a lesbian, that's that's cool. Because of course the picture comes up.
00:48:59
Speaker
Is your girlfriend gonna get it mad at me? And then ah Jen comes in and she- I'm over with dick. Wait, you don't like dick? it's this is this is the stupid like it's you know it's a lesbian joke for all the guys watching adam sandler movies to laugh at but the way they play it and like the it's rapid fire so it does work pretty well yeah because the people doing it are funny like uh wendy mcclendon covey is funny and adam sandler just in the background just commentating and them ignoring him
00:49:32
Speaker
it just i i loved it i thought it worked great and then she's like he wants me to meet his five fucking kids and he's like said dick theofa theodore theodora thepalopoulos you don't know nobody knows because papadopoulos because uh it's not papadopoulos it's got a th in it no it's papadopoulos it's the guy that also uh is the worm guy from godzilla same family oh um I think it's Theodore. Tathopolis.
00:50:02
Speaker
No, his name's Dick. that's the whole That's the whole joke is is she's done with Dick. Yeah, I'm done with Dick. Oh. As in Dick Thopotopolis. Off the top of my potamus.
00:50:14
Speaker
I have my hypothesis. Theotopolis? Oh. Tappos. I tried to search IMDb, but i i wrote duck. Oh, it just says Dick. It doesn't say his last name on IMDb, so...
00:50:25
Speaker
No help there. um But yes, he is Adam Sandler's boss. He was going to take her to Africa with all of his kids. And so she's breaking up with them. And then, of course, you've got to set up the movie 40 minutes in.
00:50:36
Speaker
So I could use a vacation if I just lie about who I am. And she's fucking simultaneously like, well, I could just pretend that I'm, you know, whatever her name is. Jenny. Jen.
00:50:47
Speaker
Jen. Yeah. and And he he's calling he's calling Dick and offering to buy the the trip from him at a loss and all that stuff. So, of course, I do like the one line he has to her, though. He's like, hey, ah you know that vacation you were going to take Freddy Krueger's sister on?
00:51:03
Speaker
So they get there. And the first thing we see, besides an establishing shot of Africa, is Nickens. Yes. Played by Terry Crews. With that too. Yes, with Tattoo, his band.
00:51:15
Speaker
I mean, i wanted to like this bit. It just barely fucking works for me. i just The songs aren't funny enough, right but Terry Crews is. My favorite one is the working out one later, when he's got the weights and his shirt's off and he's doing little things. That's that's great. very good That's why I say it barely works for me, because like i I see him right now when he pops out in this point in the movie, I'm very happy.
00:51:38
Speaker
Because love Terry Crews, 9'9". 9'9". He's also a Sandler guy because he did that ah Longest Yard remake. yeah Yeah. Oh yeah, he always had McDoubles or McSandwiches in his pants. And surprise, surprise, he was dancing shirtless.
00:51:52
Speaker
I mean, that's his specialty. Most often, more often than not, it just fell flat for me because the jokes the songs aren't jokey enough. I think you needed us with you. I don't know if it would have helped. I mean, it would it would always help. don't if it would have like this movie.
00:52:07
Speaker
You guys, don't forget his most important role as President Comancho. What it? Taco Bell, Mountain Dew, Camacho something like Camacho, yeah. From Idiocracy. That's right.
00:52:17
Speaker
And we also meet Mufana. And I'm going to try to say this name. Please don't call me racist. Played by Abdullyeh Negam. Okay. He was in George of the Jungle. He's one of the guides. But he's also Grandma's boy. He's Dr. Shackaloo. And then that's my boy. He's Father Shackaloo.
00:52:36
Speaker
Uh-huh. Because he's showed up in a few Adam Sandler things. But that's that's the one I remember the most is Dr. Shackaloo. He's like, my beef's strong. Yeah.
00:52:48
Speaker
Oh, and he keeps bringing Alan Carras. animals uh dante i can't think of the actor's name he keeps bringing him fucking holy shit there was a fucking lion in that tree he a lot of his jokes that's right monkey play my head yeah i mean the best thing for him is the running thing of just you know papadopolis stop of populous yeah model palyooppoulos the hedopoos there was like two that got a chuckle out of me i was like those are funny versions of that joke because we know the joke When it finally gets to the end and he says lollipopolis and Adam Sandler's like, you really just said lollipopolis?
00:53:20
Speaker
Yeah. And like, I, he's like, I know who you are. She's like, Whitney was like, I think that was just, I don't know if those were scripted or if they were just like, say different stuff. So maybe when he said lollipopolis, Adam Sandler was like, okay, really? The last, the last senior in dude, you're running out of populaces.
00:53:37
Speaker
I'm all out of pops. I'm so lost without you. um the they Of course, the families the families see each other, and the oldest son is pissed off because he's like, I thought you said you weren't dating, whatever.
00:53:49
Speaker
No, I'm not. I can't stand your mom. Your mom can't stand me, whatever. You'd be lucky to wake up to my mom's face. My mom is freaking hot. It's a running joke, too. We'll get a bunch of. like The whole village is like, that's kind of weird.
00:54:05
Speaker
Oh, did we also talk about how McHale's character like failed the kids yet again? He was supposed to take them right river rafting. Oh, yeah. And for spring break. But now they're just going to go bowling in the mall.
00:54:17
Speaker
yeah I mean, now when they said bowling in the mall, is there a bowling alley at the mall are you taking a bowling ball to the mall and trying to knock over the old people who are power walking? I like that.
00:54:28
Speaker
Because if you get all those old people who are power walking around the mall and you just like bowling pins, that's fun. It's a good day. Been there. ah So they do have to share a room. And of course, it's like a big honeymoon suite kind of thing. There's a room for the kids. And then the other room has a big heart shaped bed.
00:54:44
Speaker
um The youngest kid starts eating cherry panties. Cherry panties? What do you mean cherry panties? Why is she freaking out? They haven't been worn yet. Yeah, like they're used. But it's, I don't know. She's like, I just see a fetish being born right now.
00:55:00
Speaker
And the kid's just like, these are delicious. It's like fruit roll-up. Exactly. i was like, it's fruit roll-ups in an odd shape. Yeah. Fruit roll up my butt. Fruit roll ups already did odd shapes.
00:55:11
Speaker
thats Fruit roll ups like thought about the panties like we can't. Right. And and at then there's a big dinner where we find out kind of what this whole trip is about. But we meet Kevin Nealon, who's playing Eddie and his new wife, Ginger. Do you recognize her?
00:55:28
Speaker
Yes, but I don't know what from. Gemstones? She's Lindy Listens on Righteous Gemstones. Eric Andre's. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So whenever you've you talk, this is one of the things, I always quote the little girl who talks like this.
00:55:42
Speaker
I do that a lot. But I also go, because of a scene coming up. It's so romantic. So romantic. I'm not wearing the proper shirt to do that in. We were leaving the movie theater last night and I started thinking about that scene because some girl was walking down the stairs very quickly and i just turned to Whitney and I was like, she's making me think of the girl that's doing the shaky, shaky thing. You just look at Whitney, it's so romantic.
00:56:13
Speaker
But yeah, that actress is Jessica Lowe. And then there's Kevin Nealon's son, Jake, played by Zach Henry, who wasn't anything I recognize. But I do like that Adam Sandler calls him a vampire because he kind of looks like ah the low-rent version of Robert Pattinson. Hey, what are you doing? when The sun's out.
00:56:28
Speaker
Shouldn't you be sleeping in a coffin? i don't I don't know if he was going for a Twilight joke or just a pale kid joke, but he looks like Robert Pattinson. Yeah. If Robert Pattinson sucks. It's thewish.com.
00:56:40
Speaker
Sorry, yeah Timu. wish i don't Does Wish.com still exist? ah Showing my age. Wish.com was acquired by Tmue for 42 cents. Yeah.
00:56:52
Speaker
But they only got a partial website. um So, of course, they all have to share a table. Oh, when he's introducing like he's talking about the kids, he's like, oh, this is Lauren. And those are her sons, the karate kids, you know, wax on, wax off.
00:57:06
Speaker
um And Espen totally has one of the seats for her mom. And that's where wax off is supposed to sit. Yeah, and they're all like, well, this is an inconvenient.
00:57:16
Speaker
And was like, well, don't sit in my mom's lap. don't know what tell you. I know what to tell you. Go get therapy. Get this little kid named ESPN Therapy. Get a jumpstart on it.
00:57:27
Speaker
But Lauren's like, we'll just get another chair. It's fine. You named your daughter after a fucking news sports news station. I hope you like that song because she's going to hear it the rest of her life.
00:57:39
Speaker
I, it reminds me of a joke. I don't remember the whole joke. Uh, the invisible mom thing that is, um, about somebody talking about their wife being a ghost and being in the house, whatever. And someone's like, Oh, is this is your, your, your, where's your wife right now? She's sitting right next to me.
00:57:53
Speaker
And the guy like sticks a cucumber there. And he's like, well, if your wife's really there, we'll find out. And then a couple days later, the daughter comes in and she's like, dad, is this your pickle on the couch? Yep. Anyway.
00:58:05
Speaker
I remember the punchline. i don't know that whole joke, though. Me neither. I just always remember, is this your pickle on the couch? It's disgusting.
00:58:13
Speaker
It's like how you would start, like, you know how movies cut into somebody telling a punchline of a joke? Very much like Men in Black, where, and this one's eating my popcorn. You're supposed to laugh. Just that, as it pans away. Like, hey, Dad, is this your pickle? Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha.
00:58:28
Speaker
um i So Terry Crews goes up, gives his little speech and his song. But I love he takes off his jacket. He's like, finally, my huge African arms are free. And he's definitely doing like a Jamaican accent. He's not even trying. I kept waiting for it to be a joke at the end where like he's actually American.
00:58:45
Speaker
Oh, yeah. agreeing and Affectation like he's like, oh, I'm doing an African thing. And it's like, well, it's Jamaican, but it would have been great if like the very end. He's like, I will see you guys around. like What?
00:58:55
Speaker
What happened to your accent? Oh, no, I was just doing performance.
Basketball Scene and Family Bonding
00:58:58
Speaker
I'm actually from ah Boston.
00:59:02
Speaker
I'm actually from Wyoming. i don't know if Terry Crews ever be from Wyoming. Where is Terry Crews from? Probably California. Yeah, California. New York.
00:59:13
Speaker
You think he's New Yorker? But the whole conceit of this vacation is that it's a blended family vacation, so it's all people who are stepmoms, stepdads, booty calls gone wrong. Stepdaddies.
00:59:25
Speaker
I love that one when it says booty calls gone wrong and it cuts to like this old dude and this younger girl and they just kind of look at each other uncomfortably that's his other daughter right no no that i that ends up being the mom of the other step mom of the other daughter because the other daughter is too young I thought that was her no but but that's i that's what I meant that's his other daughter yeah I don't know if see her do you see the kid I don't know. see her in the k crafts arts and crafts room later. That's Sonny Sandler, the other one.
00:59:50
Speaker
She's credited as Wall Street stepdaughter. She's the one who draws the picture of her stepmom being trampled by an elephant. That's good shit. That's good shit right there. Drew Barrymore carrying Tyler back to his room, and and Adam Sandler's carrying Lou back to the room. He's from Flint, Michigan.
01:00:05
Speaker
Oh, okay. Good thing he got out of there. That water wouldn't be good for bodybuilding. Did you know he was an NFL player? Mm-hmm. I did not. It wasn't a long career. But she's just walking down this hallway and just repeatedly slapping this kid's head on the wall. Slapping his head on the wall is a different thing. she is mailing She is hammering nails into a wall using his skull.
01:00:27
Speaker
And I know that this is like fully work for the sound, but I don't know if this is... Like if she's carrying the kid, if this is a little person, if this is ah if it's a dummy, it's a really good dummy because she is just walking down. And this thing is repeatedly smacking into these walls. And it looks very convincing. Yeah, it does. I think they just did it.
01:00:46
Speaker
Like based on what we skipped over where the kid is like spinning around on the ostrich sculpture or whatever it was. yeah. That terrible CG. I thought maybe this would be a CG thing. Oh, yeah.
01:00:57
Speaker
She's just barking this kid's head off a wall. and It's something that works. I can watch people hit theirs kid their kids' heads on the wall. I don't give shit about your kids. He tries to wake up the girls in the morning. I think this is the first time we get the double voice.
01:01:13
Speaker
Yeah. Because Lou is like, in the name of Lucifer, let us sleep. what What? I like it. but If you have a little girl saying so like saying demonic things with that voice, I'm probably going to be having a good time.
01:01:25
Speaker
Teach Charlie. And when they meet for coffee and he's like, oh, the girls are probably going to sleep the whole time. Maybe an exorcism for the youngest one. I don't know. We'll see. She would do. We take our coffee the same way. By the way, black. with No cream, some sugar. Yeah.
01:01:40
Speaker
Yeah, get that sugar out my coffee. Get all it, yeah. Dude, you know that fucking resort seems pretty high end? Like, they probably got some good fucking beans. Yeah. I bet. Also, though, that dude just scoops some sugar in there and they walk away.
01:01:53
Speaker
Mm-hmm. Like, if you're going to put sugar in it, you got to stir it. Yeah. That's how you just end up with a thing of sugar at the bottom of your cup. Yeah, that's what they wait for. They don't plan on drinking this. This just for holding. So we have a scene with ah Hillary playing basketball with Adam Sandler. Kicking some ass.
01:02:09
Speaker
Gotta bulk up. Use your weight. She's fucking rocking this other kid. And then Kevin Nealon's son walks by. and So she starts like trying to dance while playing. Are you voguing right now?
01:02:21
Speaker
Is it the bra? Take it off. You don't need it anyway. Why is your son wearing a bra? She's my daughter. baba duba Looks over at his own side. He's like, you fucking suck. and that This was my favorite Terry Crews song because they just come in out of nowhere and he's like, you suck.
01:02:37
Speaker
You suck. You got your ass kicked by a girl. like whatever and It's better. it's better Because the other ones are all like scripted for the like the what's going on at the at the resort.
01:02:48
Speaker
This one is like they just happen to be coming out to play a game of tennis or something. yeah it shows that they're all They're always together. They're always there. ah You guys work out together? Shouldn't be surprised.
01:03:00
Speaker
I'm not. I feel like a scene was missing from this one. No, because I would have made it longer. Yeah, it's pretty long. That's my biggest complaint is that this movie is like just shy of two hours. Yeah. That's long for a comedy.
Arts and Crafts Humor
01:03:15
Speaker
i I remember something with a hippopotamuses.
01:03:19
Speaker
I don't know. whether There was a scene where we saw rhinos fucking. Yeah, no, it was supposed to be. That's true. I swear there was another scene. It could be another movie. Maybe. There was another scene with hippopotamus because they were also You're thinking of Ace Ventura 2 when it comes out of the rhino's butt. ah No. Yeah, I think you are. I'm always thinking of that. Kind of hot in these rhinos.
01:03:40
Speaker
um Adam Sandler takes ah the youngest one to like the arts and crafts thing. That's where we see Sonny Sandler and they're doing face painting. It only matters because they come out and Drew Barrymore sees them and she's like, what happened to your face? And she's like, I'm a kitty cat.
01:03:55
Speaker
And that's when they go to your day, the dead kitty cat. Yeah. She takes her to the bathroom and she's like, yeah, he's a good daddy. And then looks in the mirror. He's a bad daddy. He made me the walking dead. A laugh I did get when she was like, cause Drew Bear was helper in the bathroom. It's like, sometimes my dad wipes too hard.
01:04:12
Speaker
he's He's not, he doesn't mean to, he just doesn't have a vagina. yeah A vagina for the rest of my life. Yeah. like she her little Her so close to being corrects are pretty funny.
01:04:24
Speaker
Meanwhile, Adam Sandler takes Tyler to ride ostriches.
Ostrich Riding Comedy
01:04:28
Speaker
Yep. And even though this is this is the best of the bad CG, like it mostly looks okay. Yeah. They're riding something. I would actually like to see behind the scenes what's going on because they're on stuff.
01:04:40
Speaker
Yeah. I do like, though, when he flips off of it, like because the Drew Barrymore is there. and She's freaking out and he gets bucked off this ah ostrich and he just lands on his feet and she's like, oh shit. All right.
01:04:51
Speaker
Should put that kid in some fucking gymnastics. yeah I'm surprised they didn't have Kevin Nealon there watching this, though, because then they start doing the ball dance, riding the ball, feeling it. And I was now even been a perfect line for Kevin Nealon right there. he reprises that that character a little bit coming up with the the big dance montage.
01:05:11
Speaker
Oh, yeah. Or not even montage. It's the scene. it's So it's the people at the resort dancing and then they start bringing people you know up. I think at this point, Larry's more girly now. So i'm jumping way ahead. Yeah, it's later. Yeah. But I just want to bring it up because then he's doing like the feeling it growing emotional.
01:05:27
Speaker
do yeah so Carousel. Circular. He does it at the table also when they're eating. That's the way that Kevin Nealon is in most Adam Sandler movies. He'll be different versions of that, but he kind of always ends up being... My favorite Kevin Nealon. Mr. Cheezle, yeah, from Grandma's Boy.
01:05:44
Speaker
ah The best part of Little Nicky. Kevin with boobs on his head. keep it. I like Hitler getting a pineapple shoved up his ass, but that's for other reasons. Yeah. Yeah.
01:05:58
Speaker
ah Mostly it could be a short major field is doing it, but just fucking shorten that movie to just that clip.
01:06:06
Speaker
um we We're going to go swim with the seabirds or whatever you said, Chisel. Where do you get your shit? From you, Dante. That's right.
01:06:16
Speaker
Mr. Chisel. The middle kids are bonding. I was surprised they didn't try to do a romance thing there. oh God, no. That's gross. Well, I mean, that not like but like the older kids who also are too young for that.
01:06:29
Speaker
I want to say Bella Thorne was like 16 or something. You know, you'd be watching 16-year-olds kiss, but... um I'll give him credit for that. um I just was surprised because they obviously have like a connection.
01:06:41
Speaker
Like they're walking around talking at this point and they do it later on in the movie when they're all and they're all paired off at the table later on. Okay, so when Espen and Waxoff are walking, it looks like she half a loaf of bread scooped out so it's just the crust with chili and sour cream dollop on top of it.
01:07:03
Speaker
Sign me the fuck up. what yeah What's your question? Is that what it is? I don't know. I wasn't paying attention. if it If it wasn't, it should have been. And it will be. That's what I'm going to Minus the sour cream for you, right? i Yeah. But I'm going to make like a big old, instead of a meatball sandwich, it's going to chili fucking bread bowl sub.
01:07:19
Speaker
When's dinner and when am I eating? Ooh, a canoe. It's chili canoe. That sounds like you have diarrhea. You might. I mean, you eat a whole fucking loaf of bread stuffed with my chili?
01:07:32
Speaker
Oh, I'll get... I'll have Jessica make us little bread bowls, sourdough bread bowls, and then you make the chili, and um I'll bring my own sour cream.
01:07:43
Speaker
You and we got it. um This is when Drew Barrymore sees Hillary ogling Jake, the stepson there.
Self-Image and Encouragement
01:07:51
Speaker
And so she's like, hey, you know, you're she like does this thing where she like brushes her hair back. She's like, yeah, you're actually very pretty. And it's like, well, didn't have to brush her hair back. She's very clearly a pretty young woman. It's right there. Just get rid of the berries and cream.
01:08:03
Speaker
That's it. Like they're acting like she looks like a dude. But again, I'll pull up that picture. She's wearing makeup. I mean, she's even doing like that kind of dumbfounded face a little bit. Like keep your keep your mouth agape so you don't look like a feminine girl.
01:08:16
Speaker
and she slumps her shoulders a little bit. She's doing her best Adam Sandler. Look at them right next to each other. The middle daughter has the best berries and cream hair.
01:08:28
Speaker
That's because that's real hair. That's ah that's ah that's a look. You've made a choice. Our barber only knows one haircut. like What? Your barber, like with the fucking spinning pole? Yeah, he cut my hair, my dad's hair, his grandpa's hair, his grandpa's grandpa's hair. Yeah. He installed my grandma's wooden teeth.
01:08:48
Speaker
He fought in the Civil War. I don't know. I don't want to say which side. I don't know what city or state they're from, so we'll just leave it. Did you ever see, there was, oh, fuck, it was like New Jersey, probably. Dateline or something where they were tracing back people's lineage, like famous people's, and there's one where it was Larry David, and they're like turns out that your family fought for the South during the Civil War. he was He took it so well. he's like, you gotta be kidding me. Oh, you gotta hit me with that one, don't you? And then he keeps He's like, there's more. He's like, we owned slaves, didn't we?
01:09:18
Speaker
You're gonna hit me twice, aren't you? We owned slaves? He's like, you guys owned slaves? I knew you were going to do it to me. He just takes it the best ever because he's like, yeah, that sucks. I didn't do it, but yeah.
01:09:30
Speaker
I always think positively about my heritage because I know that we were broke as fuck yeah all the way back to when we first came to America. So there's no way we owned people. Another clip I'll talk about, but there's a fucking guy, the big fucking fat white guy, the Confederate flag trying to like keep monuments up. you know And he's like, my family fought for these farms.
01:09:49
Speaker
And it's just really fucking well-dressed black. He was like, who do you think was working those farms, though? And the guy fucking looks at him he goes, my family, because do you know how much black people cost back then? Yeah.
01:09:59
Speaker
You shouldn't ask a black person that question in your argument because you just lost. Yeah, yeah that's not that's not a great argument. goal No, should laugh because that fucking person's an idiot.
01:10:11
Speaker
Is it the same guy from the meme right after Trump was elected the first time where he's wearing like the the German helmet with the spike and he has literally a negative chin? And it's like, how do these people think they're genetic genetically superior to anyone? yeah They look like they're from the same bloodline. I'll give them that. Yeah, so very similar.
01:10:28
Speaker
If it was my seventh great-grandfather, would make me the ninth generation here, right? No way of knowing. i't yeah so hey sha mc I It I Smith. It was, he racing William Penn.
01:10:45
Speaker
it was i want to say on my i don't remember what side but it was smith smith yeah smith go game by smith and was he was racing william penn But yeah, Drew Barrymore is liking these kids more and more because she takes ah Larry to the the salon. She comes back that to dinner and she gets she brings some passion fruit over for Espen. And she's like, I got some for your mom, too.
01:11:09
Speaker
So it's all sweet. I do like ah what's her name, Ginger, when she's like finds out they met on a blind date. She's like, I've been on 10 blind dates, all fatties, 100 percent, all of them fatties. No offense, Jim.
01:11:21
Speaker
why Like he's schlubby. it's not fat. So Bella Thorne shows up all sexed up for Jake.
01:11:31
Speaker
Yeah. Like they're like, look, she's a girl. and I'm like, yeah, the whole fucking like restaurant is like a resort. It's like, oh, oh my God. a girl. i do like the joke of the music playing. I don't remember what the first song is I'll make love to you. The very first one plays in someone someone else's head. I think it might be Drew Barrymore. It's like, oh, beautiful woman, something.
01:11:53
Speaker
And then when it shows the middle son, that's when it plays the... Or no, it shows Jake. It's the I'll make love to you, whatever song. And then it's the end of the world for Adam Sandler. And I'm like, I get it, dude.
01:12:04
Speaker
it should have It should have gone to the kid with the the wax off wax on guy and just been dancing with myself. Uh-oh.
01:12:14
Speaker
Oh, that is so fucking good. You should get a job for Happy Madison. How dare
Happy Madison Work Culture
01:12:20
Speaker
you? That's like when Bleep told me the chicken that I made one day. He's like, it's really good. I like it. It's like if Wienerschnitzel made tacos and I died.
01:12:32
Speaker
I just say for Happy Madison because like you know you're getting work. Yeah, that's true. You got to write 18 movies a year. yeah but You don't have to write them. You can just make them. I think they just AI generate them at this point. but And type in shibidoo shabba da shibidoo.
01:12:48
Speaker
ah Just upload all the scripts from my past movies and tell it to make another one. che but This time you're a firefighter. Ooh. ah That was when Larry met Chuck or married Chuck or Chuck and Larry got married. Chuck and Larry real scary. I now pronounce you Chuck and Larry. Got it. There we go.
01:13:07
Speaker
But I like the reprisal of this joke at the end when Drew Barrymore comes out because it's the same progression of songs except for it's the middle son that has the it's the end of the world as we know it. And then that random lady sitting there. I can't girl and liked it. That moment got me. At that point though I've i've been conditioned. I've been stockholmed. I'm like alright well I'm in. This is the last 25 minutes of this movie. I think you got lamest.
01:13:32
Speaker
You're like this joke is great. No it's just better than the crap it's been giving you. well it's not Also he's got me just laughing audibly. Well the thing is I don't think it's great. don't any of the jokes are great. I think some of them are just serviceable enough. This is not yeah trying to change anything.
01:13:46
Speaker
This is a standard Adam Sandler romcom yeah Insert Adam Sandler jokes into somewhat romance-less romantic comedy. Yeah. Yeah.
01:13:57
Speaker
I mean, that's that's what they are. But I do like the the the kid. Jake is like asking Larry if she wants to go get sushi. Adam Sandler still stick it. He's like she's got a bulk up. It's a try out. Sir, in 364 days, pork chops.
01:14:11
Speaker
Let's get her. Try tips. Yeah. Lamb chops, lamb pork chops, lamb chops, try tips. So let's go get our beef on is is a great way to pick up a woman if she responds correctly. Yeah. Yeah. I i mean, I respond correctly. it's a bold It's a bold question to ask in front of the the father. ah You want to go get your beef on? What was that last thing you said to me?
01:14:35
Speaker
So everybody leaves the table. Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore have a moment. Terry Crews shows up and starts singing a song about how they're blending. And then Adam Sandler is like, let's go get our beef on. Let's go get our beef.
01:14:47
Speaker
um there's They go on a little safari trip um Jake invites Hillary into the car And he does let her go Because Drew Barrymore told him like You need to let go a little bit She's growing up like yeah It's going to get worse if you yeah You're going to fuck some shit up on on in a big way But yeah, Kevin Nealon does his happy Gilmore thing But I love the way it ends Because Adam Sandler's like, yeah yeah, we're fucked And he's like, oh no, I'm fine I have a son, you're fucked This is the end of the world for you I'm okay
01:15:16
Speaker
ah So we get Drew Barrymore paragliding or whatever she's doing. Because because Tyler wanted to do Yeah, she has to let go, just like she told him. She has to she starts to enjoy it, though. Yeah, she's having a great time. It does look like fun.
01:15:28
Speaker
Yeah, until... And the the truck runs out of gas because this guy who's like their event coordinator... No, he's the safety guide. Yeah, the safety... Instructor.
01:15:38
Speaker
He fucking... ah We're out of gas. Well, what do we do? Go to a gas station? You're the worst. You're terrible. And yeah, she almost gets a rhino's horn up her vagina. Oh, sorry. Her vagina. Thank you.
01:15:52
Speaker
Her vagina. Bounces off the back of the rhino. And then you a you get a genuine laugh from me, even though it's some CG mixed stuff, because Adam Sandler gets taken the fuck out. And that's always funny. I like to imagine he didn't CGI. He actually got really hurt.
01:16:10
Speaker
And then they go to massages. Yeah, couples massage, but it turns out it's couples massaging each other. And I'm like, you signed up for this, but did you pay extra? I know Dick paid for the trip, but if you're paying extra to do your own massages. Yeah, get fucked.
01:16:24
Speaker
It's supposed to be sensual. you ah yeah you can sensual in your own fucking tent. Would you want somebody else to massage you or me massage you? Would you I wouldn't sign up for it either way. We could sit we could sit in a room and rub each other's shoulders like weirdos while making eye contact. You don't want to have an orgy.
01:16:41
Speaker
No, but here's the bad example, though, because Whitney actually knows what she's doing when it comes to massaging. ah Imagine that you didn't, though. Imagine a normal person and Derek just got taken out by a parachute. He's hurting. And here comes your fucking partner flicking your fucking shoulder blades. Like, is that helping? Is that helping?
01:17:00
Speaker
When he starts flicking her throat, it's a chuckle. It's stupid, but it's the whole, I'm a man and I don't understand how things work. I mean, rub your earlobes. So yeah, he's like. You've touched a woman before though, at least three times. You're telling me you never rubbed your wife's back?
01:17:15
Speaker
Right. Or her front. Much like Kevin Nealon. um bus You got to go for it. You got to go like ah he's like Kevin Nealon's like, well, let's do a massage train. I'll be the caboose. And the lady's like unacceptable. he's I know. to He's trying angling for an. I wish you had the old soundbite of Ben just queued up. I'm always the caboose.
01:17:38
Speaker
I'm taking it home. I'm the caboose. ah No, I don't. I was like, I could probably find it real quick. It's on a hard drive. It's on a computer. Yeah, it's not worth the work. Then we have to pay him for it. um to Pay him if we ever make any money. um So ah Lou asks Drew Barrymore to put her to bed.
01:17:58
Speaker
So Adam Sandler goes out to take a piss. want her to do it. I want her to get me to bed. I'm flattered. And she starts singing over the rainbow, which is what their mom always used to sing.
Heartfelt Moments
01:18:10
Speaker
ah Whitney starts crying. i Thought so. Thought so. Because it is like a beautiful rendition. It's just Drew Barrymore doing it in a really like, if this was Hook, the pirates would have been falling asleep to it.
01:18:24
Speaker
Yes. A thousand percent. Good night, Neverland. i But Adam Sandler has to do what I would do because she's leaving and they're having a moment and there's all these emotions. And so he's just like,
01:18:35
Speaker
Oh, my God, there's a gorilla behind you. sorry Sorry. I couldn't handle the emotions. That moment was getting very real. I had to do something. That's i that and what Derek would do. I get that. um He teaches Tyler how to play baseball because as we saw taylor Tyler doesn't know. is This is real cricket player. i had OK, he was great.
01:18:56
Speaker
This is the best moment of the movie. I didn't get his name, but I did see that he was ah he's a professional, like a very famous cricket player. Because he keeps correcting him. He's like, it's called Bowling. He's like, but how much am I paying you? He's like, five t-shirts? He's like, all right, correct me one more time, and it's four.
01:19:12
Speaker
And he goes like say something. He's like, it's a yep, that's a bat. That's fine. Sure. And then when he's like, I mean, is actually that might be that might be the one that's because he's like, whatever this thing's called, whatever the bat, whatever it's called. And the guy goes, a bat. That's a bat. It's still a bat.
01:19:28
Speaker
But he tells the kid, he's like, you got to own this guy, man. You got look him in the eyes. Give stink eye. Give him the stink And he's like, whoa, whoa. What's he doing? I like this doing the weird little, like, the pitch that they do. bowling, whatever they do.
01:19:41
Speaker
Because the way they do it is weird. They, like, swing their arm all the way around and throw. to bounce. Because you're trying to hit the dirt. It's reverse doing it when he starts doing it as like an actual pitch, trying to aim it higher. He's still doing that. And it just it's very silly looking. And it kind of made me laugh just because I was like, I would love to see fucking Randy Johnson come out and just fucking throw a pitch like that.
01:20:02
Speaker
The big unit. Indeed. could think of two pitchers right now. And I went with Randy Johnson because I don't think anybody knows who the other one is. It's from my days of actually watching baseball. but So Jack Matt Manti.
01:20:15
Speaker
Oh, okay. He was that much lesser known, especially in ah Arizona. He was our closer on the Diamondbacks back when I used to go. he'd The Iceman. There's somebody named cal Ripken Cal Ripken was he a pitcher yeah no he did yeah Nolan Ryan was a pitcher right Cal had the he did um a perfect pitch on his i think it was his last game Ironman he would know more about baseball than me that's that's before or after the three years that I watched baseball yeah we'll get there I'll look it up but I do like when one of the kids says like that pitcher wasn't shit and he the guy like drops he's like what
01:20:54
Speaker
no yeah He's about to go beat up a little kid. adam said It's easy big fella. It's a fun, like this guy's getting laughs out of me. I don't know much about rugby other than it takes, or not rugby. What they playing?
01:21:06
Speaker
Cricket. Other than takes like week You gotta know what a crump it is to know how to play cricket. I know that the games take like a week and a half. Yeah, it's the world's longest. Is there fighting in cricket? Because I might start watching it.
01:21:18
Speaker
Because the good this guy reacts like there is. America hasn't gotten a hold of cricket yet. We will add the fighting. Well, isn't rugby just like football with more violence? Yes, but it's a different... like they take they it's It's brutal, but they don't just sit there and collide every play. That's the difference.
01:21:35
Speaker
That's why everyone's like, how's rugby not have as many concussions? Because they're going out there and hitting each other, but it's not like that. Because they're hoisting each other's asses up. Yeah. You gotta hoist that ass. Rugby hoisting asses.
01:21:47
Speaker
I follow a rugby team on TikTok. You follow them from behind. Quite educational. I'm sure it is Educational wax off over here. um you want You want to see a fucking terrifying rugby team. I think it's the New Zealand All Blacks.
01:22:01
Speaker
do they do They do the haka before they fucking play their game. And it's just like, i don't want to. I don't want fucking play. Brendan does show up. that Oh, yeah. He's the one that calls the guy a D-bag. or No, he calls Adam Sandler a D-bag.
01:22:14
Speaker
And Adam Sandler is like, oh yeah. So he goes off to teach him boxing. oh and again we get the this is my favorite Terry Crews dance he just said about being man not being violent it's accepting when you fucked up and making sure the other person yeah cause he hits him in the gut really hard and he apologizes and Adam Sandler's like that was the closest you've gotten to being a man so it's adorable and sweet and whatever yeah sure but Terry Crews is shirtless with the little little hand weights and he's like they're blending and bonding and he's doing his little thing and it's fucking it's wonderful
01:22:47
Speaker
Terry Crews with his shirt off is always wonderful. Underutilized. Yeah. ah Not enough of him here. And not in the right way. Yeah. like Whoever wrote the songs, it wasn't him because I feel like he could on the spot done better.
01:23:00
Speaker
Yeah. ah The kids are laying on the bed, which is a vibrating bed, and they're like recalling the entire day to their mom. got like got He taught me how to box.
01:23:12
Speaker
And so she's like, well, I'm going to get pretty. Yeah, because she finds the dress that they had Jen stole from that lady. By buying it. By buying, I mean stealing.
01:23:25
Speaker
And we get that scene I talked about where she comes out in the dress, the same song progression earlier, except for the I Kissed the Girl one. And in this tonight, there's a special kids' safari buffet with a 10-foot chocolate fountain.
01:23:38
Speaker
And I was like, uh-oh, this room is about to turn into the gangbang room. yeah Also, who else wouldn't want to go check out the walkthrough chocolate fountain? A walkthrough? don't think it's walkthrough. It's not supposed be. It's walkthrough. It's to be.
01:23:51
Speaker
That's what the stepmom, Ginger, says. She's like, don't let him get near it. He's a chocoholic. He'll come out as a Hershey bar or whatever. And the kid chuckles. And she's like, oh, my God, we're bonding. And blending. I definitely, I was like.
01:24:05
Speaker
Jesus Christ, woman. Oh, God. Menopause. Okay? Fuck you. Well, I thought she was just telling us to pause. Yeah. It's adults only night in the dining room, but there's a special stargazing experience for Adam Sandler. We're going to serve all of our food shaped like dicks tonight. that the kids are out of here, we're going to dicked everything.
01:24:25
Speaker
Look at the size of the bratwurst. You get kielbasa's and pies all night. That's all we got. Roasted eggplants, whole. Jello molds. ah She thinks that this is something that Theodopolis set up. Yeah, because she comes out and she's like, oh my God. Open-faced roast beef sandwiches. Which is a very funny thing to say. oh
01:24:46
Speaker
ah Can I get a kielbasa on my open-faced roast beef? Certainly. Extra mayonnaise. Let me add the creme. How going to add that? But it is very funny when they're going out to the thing because she's like, Dick is so romantic. And that's just a funny thing to have written in a movie.
01:25:03
Speaker
Yeah. um But it turns out that Adam Sandler actually set it up because he wants to make up for their bad first date. We got everything you wanted except for those the heart Parmesan mozzarella heart.
01:25:16
Speaker
I do like in the background you can hear and it's stupid and it was in the trivia, but it it'll always get me because I love Happy Gilmore, the original. But the background, you hear Terry Crews singing Endless Love. hmm.
01:25:27
Speaker
So I just turned to Whitney and I was like, what friends can watch. Friends can dance to endless love in the dark. my in this it There was one night we were night swimming. Whitney and I were night swimming and Derek comes out and he's like, what the fuck is going on? Boy Whitney. She's not talking about swimming with herself. Boy Whitney is like where man with yeah holding me in the pool like we're just swimming in circles. And he's like, what is going on? I was like, friends can slow dance in the dark to endless love.
01:25:54
Speaker
Friends do that. Chefs do it. Chefs do that. Chefs do do that in the water. So they bond over how you should show up for your kids 99% of the time, 1% of the time you get yourself.
01:26:08
Speaker
They almost kiss. I can't do this. I can't shabba do this. I can't shabba do it anymore. I do like the baboon band. I shabba doo do my pants.
01:26:20
Speaker
The ba baboon band playing Careless Whisper like a fucking elementary band. You're call them band boons? and We're so close to ah the band boons.
01:26:31
Speaker
God. um got do Have you heard of the red Elvis's? These are the red anus's. All right. I have heard of them and I do like them.
01:26:43
Speaker
um So they go back home. Jen and Drew Barrymore are talking and she's like, it sucks that we both found these great guys we're not
Relationship Revelations and Humor
01:26:50
Speaker
going to end up with them. And she gets the phone call and she's like, I'm going to L word you for an hour and a half or whatever.
01:26:55
Speaker
And then she turns around. She's like, that was my mom. She says hi. yeah She's like, I get to meet his kids. Yay. ah Try not to contort your face. Don't make that face when you say I get to meet his kids.
01:27:11
Speaker
Yay. Yay. And her thing from this like through the end of this when she's like not excited about it, but she knows Dick's a good guy. So she's gonna try it. But every time you see her, she's progressively covered in more shit because of the kids. Like by the end of it, she's literally got like, hopefully it's putting something and this is the shittiest shepherds of the whole shepherd fucking month is like yes you have to be patient and yada yada you don't have to let a kid use his dirt bike toy on your head while the other one smears what I can only hope is chocolate upon your face and yeah you can you can do things about that
01:27:46
Speaker
um It's everybody trying to get them back together because Shaq is talking to to Jim. can't believe you didn't kiss her. And he just starts crying. Shaq's back. ah This is where um Jim brings flowers to Drew. To Joel McHale.
01:28:03
Speaker
But Joel McHale is there. Because he has that line when he's talking because Hillary's on the phone with Jake. They're dating long distance, which will definitely work out because they're 16. Oh, yeah. He's only in Vancouver. And he's got that thing. he's like, what am I supposed to do? Just change our whole lives because I'm in love with her.
01:28:18
Speaker
And everybody. Daddy. my You love her. I love her, too. I want to eat her soul. What was that? Yeah. So he goes to the house with flowers. Joel McHale. McHale is there.
01:28:34
Speaker
ah ah Lauren and I are trying to make things work again. and i immediately i was from this moment on. I mean, you know how these movies are going to go. I'll put these flowers next to our bed where we fuck. Yeah. The second he said that I was like, OK, so she comes home.
01:28:48
Speaker
And she doesn't. She's like, what the fuck you talking about? We're not going to try to make this work. I hate you. And then I told Whitney, I was like, I broke down the entire end of the movie right before this scene. And she was like, no.
01:28:59
Speaker
And I was like, I'm right, owe me a dollar. Shut up. No, you. I was like, yeah, there's going to be the big game. He goes to the game. They guess he's not going to be there. on ah Yeah. Dad's not there.
01:29:11
Speaker
And then they kiss and then everybody lives happily ever after. And she's like, no, how old is that? know How old is that pitcher? It looks like he's in NASCAR. Okay. i I do like Dick's thing. He's like, the mustache is rattled. The mustache is rattled. As he has a ridiculous mustache going. He's got his prepubescent or his early pubescent mustache.
01:29:31
Speaker
I guess you can't have a prepubescent mustache. That's not how they work. Yeah, you can. But yeah, Joel McHale tries to flirt with Drew Barrymore when she comes home. She's not having it. He gets rejected. Yeah.
01:29:43
Speaker
Espen tells Adam Sandler about how like mom's not going to be around as much lately and I'm going to miss her, but I hope I don't have to lose Drew Barrymore too or whatever. Yeah.
01:29:54
Speaker
Do I have to say goodbye to her too? Cry scene. Yeah. I didn't cry. No, everybody else does. Okay. Everybody involved. We have the big game. Dan Patrick is there. Dan Patrick, that's his name. i knew it was a Dan. Basketball he's in. that's I was like, what movie is he in that's not Adam Sandler? He has a thing in Basketball. There's a bunch of you know ESPN sports type people in that, of course. He he gets one strike because he's all rattled because his dad's not there.
01:30:21
Speaker
And then Adam Sandler and all of his girls show up and start cheering him on. He's like, you get a big, what's he call him? a big Big time. Big game. Big time. Big time. yeah Big time. Big time.
01:30:33
Speaker
And he gets all excited. and i Yeah, he hits a, he well, he doesn't hit a home run, but this is Little League. This is inside the park home run. I mean, it ends being. still home earn Because these kids are, you're just watching the kids in the back fumble the ball and shit, and he's like, just keep fucking running. I guess he'd be chalked up to errors.
01:30:52
Speaker
Yeah. Yeah. But he gets the home run. Come to Run this way. Run home, Jack. And of course, this is where Adam Sandler finds out Joel McHale was lying. They're talking as they go along the fence. I thought they were going to kiss through the fence. i was like, that's weird.
01:31:06
Speaker
Delightful. No, but you get my favorite part. what she's like I can't do this yeah are you serious wait what what are you serious wait can do it but I can't yeah she's like nah had to get back at you that was from before in the Africa with the gorilla and the girls say your mom is hot and then the little boy is like your dad is pretty hot too oh wait I mean that's out of context was it And then Tattoo is in a hot air balloon above them singing. Yeah. yeah And I mean, this is like this is entirely like don't forget you were watching a movie because one, why are they there? And then two, he's literally singing about how the movie is ending.
01:31:50
Speaker
yeah They are blending and the movie is ending. I know Whitney referenced it, but when the babysitter's there, he's like, that little wax on kid. What's your face doing here? Or what's your head doing here? Awkward. But ah yeah, that's the end of the movie. The movie is ending. And we are blended. We'll start with...
01:32:11
Speaker
I'm going to do because you all know that I give it a hundred percent recommend. I love this movie. It's a feel good movie when you need to feel good and you are in a blended family.
01:32:26
Speaker
It's like you're bedazzled. Yeah. Jack. Couldn't be further from the truth. Everything she said is wrong. this is not a feel good movie. This is ah heartless and it's trying to make you feel things about a blended family when it's just not good.
01:32:43
Speaker
There's five laughs. They weren't that hard. I cannot think of a the way I'd like to watch this ever again in my life. Okay. It's the heartless Sandler that we don't like, you know,
01:32:56
Speaker
yeah i mean for me i have to go with like just a like it's a soft recommend if this is what you're feeling like watching i probably won't watch it again but like it's entirely serviceable like just late stage adam sandler rom-com is is what it is you know it's got the some of the jokes you want it's got some of the inappropriate humor that gets old um Terry Crews is cool, but there's not enough of him and he's not not utilized the right way.
01:33:23
Speaker
But I still I laughed more than I thought I would. At one point I laughed at something and I just heard Whitney go good. I was like, I'm married to the emperor over here.
01:33:35
Speaker
but So, I mean, it's it's it would be a soft recommend if this is your kind of thing. and thought it was fine. It was way but much like the opening review. It's the Adam Sandler movie that's not as bad as you thought it was going to be.
01:33:48
Speaker
What a glowing recommendation.
01:33:52
Speaker
And that is it for Shitbird Month. Thanks for playing. No more dumb little kids, even though I'm sure we'll watch some shit with dumb little kids. Get to school, you dumb kids. Yeah. Next month, now I'm excited, because next month we dive into... Timber! That's right.
01:34:10
Speaker
Oh, you could added an eagle right there. Sky Timber! Come ah Perfect. Yeah. I'll, I'll, uh, I'll send a message over to our friends at B action and send me their sound effect for eagerly.
01:34:23
Speaker
Oh yeah. Yeah. He's, they've got a small budget every season for eagerly, but
01:34:31
Speaker
we can see if they want to cut us a quick little fucking sky timber teaser. Yeah. Yeah. We will be talking all month about skydiving movies or skydiving adjacent movies because it turns out there aren't enough for all of September.
01:34:44
Speaker
um There are three real skydiving movies that I could find. I found one that's like a we're not going talk about, but it's like a science fiction thing where people skydive into an alternate dimension.
01:34:56
Speaker
I like that. Next week. We kick it off with Drop Zone from 1994. four Sounds right. And we have a guest on that one.
01:35:07
Speaker
Mr. Classy Alcoholic is coming back because we're talking about the Snipes. Got to talk the He's to every Snipes. If we don't have him on for a Snipes, he probably won't be my friend anymore.
01:35:17
Speaker
yeah as and That's a very normal choice to make.
01:35:23
Speaker
Oh, he's got it on 4K. yeah yes Let me just reach over here. and go with give bit I do, in fact, have it
Patreon Promotion
01:35:30
Speaker
on 4K. It looks like a snazzy one, too. It is. Look, it's got this like book that slides out. We got dismount this episode. Your wife's trying to kill herself with a fucking rubber rope.
01:35:40
Speaker
It's that Stephen Wright joke. I tried to hang myself with a bungee cord today. i kept almost dying. But yeah, so we'll be talking about Drop Zone next week with the classy alcoholic. And don't forget to check out our Patreon where you can get all of these episodes ad free. So if you're tired of listening to ads, you can go to patreon.com slash worst people.
01:36:02
Speaker
And at the $5 level, you can get all of our episodes ad free. Plus you get our latch key vids sideshow where we discuss shows from the nineties that are forgotten or were never known.
01:36:14
Speaker
And we are still talking about copra cop rock, cop rock, ah This one we just did. Pots Don't Fail Me Now. Yes. I had to remember that. I was trying to remember the name of the episode.
01:36:28
Speaker
It's episode eight. Pots Don't Fail Me Now. I got confused thinking I was doing Sky Timber already. um And then at the $3 level, you get all of our other content. you get a newsletter. You get archived episodes. You get Han Took Shots First early and ad free.
01:36:43
Speaker
And you get your monthly mental health episode. And for Shipburn Month, we discussed Steven Spielberg's hook. Where's hook? look Where's the hook? Show me the hook.
01:36:55
Speaker
Shmi? Shmi is me. I've just said an apostrophe. Lightning has struck my head. Must have been painful. Check it out. Patreon.com slash worstpeople.
01:37:07
Speaker
Three or five dollars. That's less than a cup of coffee. i We just got a new Patreon, didn't we? ah Yes, we just got a new patron. He will be our guest next week.
01:37:18
Speaker
Mr. Classy Alcoholic just joined our Patreon. Excellent. And that's the kind of things that you can do when you're a patron member. Just join us.
01:37:28
Speaker
Hang out with us. And of course, we have to thank Evasion for providing our opening and closing music because those guys kick ass and they never ask for anything in return. And one day if we make money, I'm going to give them some.
01:37:39
Speaker
Yes. So until next week, when we take the plunge into Sky Timber, I've been Derek. I'm married to him. I'm blended. Hey, Jack, shave your neck.
01:37:51
Speaker
It's hairy. Woo!
01:38:22
Speaker
Hey, since you're recording already, I give this podcast permission to reuse my voice and likeness and the chance of my untimely death. Same-sies. I don't.
01:38:33
Speaker
but if i'm If I die, who's who going to do it? I'll still do the podcast. It isn't going to be fucking edited. So I went to Denny's because I wanted something quick and I haven't had diarrhea in a while.
01:38:46
Speaker
So looking forward to that.